A Week in the Life (give or take). Update

Wow, what a week. After studying like a maniac, then doing the homework several times, with extra problems for variety, we took our first test in engineering calculus III. I initially felt I had done well. Which is not usually a good sign. Still, it was nearly a week before I was able to look at the thing. So, I relaxed with the, perhaps mistaken, good feeling. Then, as the day was approaching, I started to have pangs of doubt. Worry crept in, ever so slightly, and those things increased until the Monday showing. Well, the results depend on how you consider things, I suppose. I must admit to being a bit disappointed. I must also admit to having high expectations. I received a raw 87.5%. My mistakes were all numerical (except one in which I did not complete the formula (though not from lack of knowing it! Arghhhh!)).

How do I feel though? First, do feelings matter regarding any matter? Maybe. Back to it though. I feel ok, but it means I have work to do. I really mean to crack this back into shape. Studying physics won’t help me integrate but it might assist in keeping numerical problems at bay. It might expand my capacity to review problems, problem solve, and it will certainly help me later. The trick to is stay on course, do a little more review, and keep balanced so I do not slip into lethargy and sloth (don’t look at my apartment!). The time I am spending on this material has cut everything else out of my life. Then again, before I started this up again, I didn’t have a life. That last makes me stop and think though, is this the way? I think my answer is, yes, temporarily. I think once I crack it back into full shape and maintain a functional ability, I should be able to back off a bit. Then it will just be homework, some study, and physics. Then I should be able to bring a few other things back on line.

Ah, but the church. I have lagged. I still haven’t been to confession (and yes, it is vital to me in my path). I am a part of a church group, and we started our group up again after a summer break. That has lit a fire, so I’m trying to figure out how to get that confession done. I have such a problem going Saturdays (our church’s usual time), but do well when I make an appointment. This bothers my conscience, as I feel I should go Saturdays. I suspect I will end up talking about this with the Father this next time. In any case, I feel the need to get in and get that going again. It has parallels with not eating right or doing something else that eventually wears one down. Now that I’m in the church, in my way, I miss it dearly when I lapse. Guilt, yes, but not in the traditional or often accepted or expected manner. My guilt is based upon disappointing perfection, not fearing retribution. And, for me, it’s a good thing within healthy bounds.

Hmmm, what else. Not much else going on. Though, I did order a trig/precalc study system to go back over some of that, when I have time. Is that a different thing though? And I am considering ordering Algebra II (and maybe I) to crack back into hardcore fundamentals again. But again, is that new?

I’ve been tossing out prayers for various of you, from time to time, randomly. Though I do not always attend church, the Lord and you are on my mind from time to time, and sometimes it’s at the same time is all.

Oh, one new possible topic has popped up. In my church group I became associated with a retreat. It’s a yearly gathering. Men have one gathering and women another. On the retreat we study in a directed manner. Up early, work all day in workshops and events through the evening, then a mid-evening bed-time. In the workshops, we discuss many topics. These topics are often based upon the witnesses of members of our group. I had been thinking about witnessing, not next, but the next next time. However, there may be a need to have me witness. I am very unsure about this, especially for a March timetable. There are things I could say that would blister the ears of a priest, psychologist, and other trained professional (trust me), so what I can do to normals is almost unnatural (just my life stories). I am going to have to be very careful. I put the price at having people help me filter. My filters are shot. Even if I am not profane, I have seen too much. Anyway, that is a new thing that isn’t college related, even if it is troubling to me.

Well, I must go. I need to kick down a bit in order to sleep and rise for a review of this last set of material, and ordering of my newer notes, a prep for the quiz Monday, and a call to my priest. Be well.

Update: I tried to get this out earlier this week, however, I was having some sort of difficulty with Blogger, account sign in, and such, and calculus has heated up. I have a handle on calculus again, and am digging into physics, so I thought I’d take some more time to figure this out. Not much has happened between then and now. No goose hunting, not much to life at the moment except math.

Yada, yada, and such.

Ok, here is the deal... First, I became a bit ill. I had a downturn and was just not doing a thing. Then my I found a trojan on my computer, tried to fix it, ended up having to wipe everything. I'm in the process of changing passwords, etc, now. Then, I did go ahead and begin engineering calculus III. After a four year lag, it's been tight. I've spent weeks doing 15 to 18 hour days of nothing but calculus review, meals, and homework. I took the first test today, over two chapters. I think I did well, but only Monday will tell. The rest of our tests will be over single chapters, so this one was heavy.

So, am I back? Perhaps not as prolifically as before, but yes. I will write what and when I can. I would like to get back to my story too, but... we will see. In real life, all of my classes are 4 years old. Which means if I wish to take physics for engineers II next term, then I will want to begin cracking my physics book a bit. These are books that bite, so I am not sure how much time I will have.

Now, I am at least caught up with the rest of the class at this point, in calculus. Yet, I do need to go over integrations another time or two and smooth that out just a bit more. And, as I said, begin looking at physics.

Oh, I have had one little bit of fun. I went duck hunting last Saturday. No, your intrepid Elmber Fudd did not get a duck (or a wabbit). But, I did get a couple of shots off and had fun with a couple of guys. Nothing like killing things to foment male bonding. Well, trying to kills things counts too, I think. Our guide did get a duck (which we grilled and ate, quickly... nummy!). I am hoping to go out again, soon. The weather was too good for the ducks to be active. Hoping for storms during the right times here, wish me luck if you will. I'll email you a "duck". lol

Well, there you go. In a nutshell, mostly.

On another note, the guy I study with is, essentially, an engineer at the moment. He is heavy into the programming component yet integrated enough into the electrical that he is an ee. He is going to school as his promotions have stopped and he believes (and rightly so) he should be able to go on. Anyway, from talking to him, I think I might actually be able to get into engineering. It is certainly possible. And, with some allowance to work at home 2 to 4 days of the week (a bit negotiable), I think I can honestly make it into that field. I'm a bit excited about that. Well, ok, from talking to him, his thoughts on the topic, and my understandings, this 'seems true' to me.

Well, I'm off. I am thinking about popping a top or two, but first I will need to get to the store. A proper store, as I'm going with Spaten tonight. I am taking a two day pseudo vacation, working on integrals for only 3 to 4 hours the next few days until I get back to it Saturday again. Have a good week/weekend.

Sometimes to get something right, one needs to do nothing but say it.

You Are 10% Feminist

You are definitely not a feminist. In fact, you are every feminist's worst nightmare. You believe that women belong in the kitchen.... barefoot and pregnant.

Are You a Feminist?

Oddly, I received 10% feminist. Odd, I say, because nothing I put in could be construed as popularly feminist. I must assume, as with the typical multi-cultural and anti-logic crowd, they are trying to be inclusive with even this. Apparently you may not opt out of their world view. Oh, are not the kittens cute though?

Is the world my oyster?

I contemplate, calculate, derive, and wonder. The answer to the question, or at least the questions arrived at through that question complicate my day on more than one day of each week. Certainly I am not poor. Yet, I am neither rich nor secure. I am rarely hungry, that an affect of short term poor choices or just a simple negligence of tending the matter. I am not sickly, my body is powerful, my mind is very good, my will is absolute. I live by my rules, acknowledging those other rules obtained through the filters of law and morality. Beyond, I live safely, comfortable, and easily within those and yet understand both that I may stray from either of those singly or in combine and there are means of doing so both purposefully and in moments of weakness. Yet the question remains.

As I have said, the question remains. It does not remain untended. The world is only my oyster should I decide to be a consumer. This, as I have written, leads to the next level of thought and to the questions which, by necessity, follow. The world is for my pleasurable consumption should my needs and hungers dictated, then and then only. The price for this is that I too am a consumable. As I feed so must I nourish. Therefore, I pick my hungers carefully, tend to their needs and then some, yet maintain my thirsts so as not to fall pray to an inordinate cost.

I do not know if that makes me a wise man. I do not believe this will enhance or detract from my longevity. I do know that, as when a child and desiring to color within the lines for my own purposes, I find a fullness of life I could find in no other manner. I know too, others see it. This last is of no importance, so long as the prior holds. For an example of this style of living, re-read this text.

A day in the ever.

In spite of schedule difficulties, my health is finally in check. Even without being on my medication exactly right and the sugar, my check-up yesterday was excellent. My blood pressure was 128/89. Some might still put that at slightly high, but that is as close to regular as I have had it in many years, except perhaps once. That time was unsustainable however. The medicines absolutely wiped me out, and sleep requirements alone made the medicinal regimen untenable. The medical staff and myself where quite pleased. I suggested to the nurse (my usual nurse) that I probably deserved something for this and she agreed. I let my doctor know that I had been treated properly, to a rootbeer lollipop. Well, I had been good, sort of, mostly…

I have some plans for today, but I am not sure I will be able to carry them through. Nothing big, just important. This is the beginning of a realization of a day schedule and I am still a bit slow in the mornings. It is early and I am trying to figure out what it takes to drop ship my bottom to action, as always anyway though.

I have started computer gaming again, after six months to a year of not playing almost at all (minus the word game, which I now have a 52.7 million high score). It is something to do that costs nothing, is less compulsive than continually checking news and (mostly empty of late) blogs. Plus, it keeps me busy enough that I do not remember about my pipe (which I have cut to three times a day, maybe less in time, maybe not). There is not much else going on in my life.

I know my mother is arriving in a week and a half, give or take, and papers for school should be arriving soon, but most real things are future episodes. Oh, foot doctor later this month, which will be nice. As I have tried to become more active (actually have, just in a much more or a good bit more way), my feet have started to absolutely kill me. One thing at a time, I suppose. Might as well get that taken care of as soon as possible. Feet are more important than one likes to know. Eyes, sure, ears, of course, etc… but few think of feet… until they are a torture. They must have been killing me for years, I was just too out of it to know. They probably helped keep me down too. What is it, something about fixing one leak only to have a dozen more pop up after too long a wait? Yeah, ok. But I did what and when I could, so it just is. All in all, though, things are sailing along as smoothly for this re-commissioned out-of-mothball ship as can be expected. Toot-toot Toot-tooooooooooooot

Holy shishkebab, now I know why I have been lame about leaving the cave!

I did finally get going. I showered, dressed, and rolled out like a champ. I planned my needs, packed, and partially loaded the X. I went to each store on my list, purchased each item needed and then a few extras. I came home and began making a few things and realized, there is no way I am camping out tonight. The temp says 87 F as of a few minutes ago, at 17:20. Not blazing, but just not comfy. So, I call up my friend and explain the deal. Well, how about a campfire and just pay the fee if required? Yeah, I suppose that is manageable. So, part of the gig is still on.

Yeah, ok, I guess I have been hard on myself. Getting out in 90+ F weather just for kicks is not my thing. Oh, I had also been drinking a bit (lot) more sugar, with my iced teas. Being sugar problematic, that probably was not the wisest thing. It started slowly and innocently enough, however, that I just let go of watching it. Life has been better the last few days, regular hours, more active, a cleaner cave, yet the heat does keep me down a bit. The funny thing is, for July in Iowa, this is cool weather. We should be in the 100’s. I have seen 111 F days, for sure, maybe hotter. Add high humidity and, well, that is Iowa in summer. Wow, global warming has won a friend here! (do not attempt to make that into a logical statement from the given data for debate, you cannot be that ignorant, foolish, stupid, or bored (unless you work for the government or colleges, then go ahead))

I suppose I should finish a few things up and pack it on out. Ah, the menu you ask? Why fresh buns, spinach pesto hummus, fresh sour cream cole slaw, iced mint tea, delmonico (eye of chuck) steaks (her favorite, or beef rib on the bone), and some dessert she is supposed to bring. Oh, I am packing in a couple of fine apples should the bread and hummus not be satisfactory as a refreshing or cooling hors d’œuvre as I had anticipated. Well, I best get to it. Oh, I was almost freaked when I finally made it home. I had women darn neared pawing me today. Some I might have liked, some not. What is going on their? Dang.

I have been talked into it.

I will be going camping tonight, solo. I had been talking to a friend about this and that, regarding camping and hiking, and I should have seen it coming. My friend found a place that would be exactly what I had wanted. No information about hiking was to be had, however, the trails exist, it would be up to me to figure that out. Then, I am given a suggested date. Oh, wonderful! All I have to do is get in gear to go in a day and a half and figure it all out myself. No, indeed, I am informed. Here is the registration form.

I am laughing, as this is exactly what my intent was. It is funny to me because the plans one makes are sometimes just that, in some ways. And, yet, I am going. I set a trap for myself some time ago, and it sprung on me quite well, better yet it sprang when I was unprepared and disinterested. Perfect!

And, to be honest, it is not exactly a huge effort. Now that my gear is, essentially, at the ready, this will never be a complicated task again. Well, so long as the Q.O.D. is not disturbing the water with her chaos, slowness, and weakness. She sometimes takes forever to decide, get ready, move her gear, or beg me to do those things. The worst is when she wants me to choose merely to disagree. It used to work for her, now, not so much. If she says go left after she asked me to decide and I planned on going forward, I go forward. I figure she can walk when we get where I am going. Besides, the walk back to where she wants to go would be good for her big butt, I add. No rules in warfare, I add, should she protest. Oddly, she seems quite happy with that. hehehe Me too. Well, ok, there are times when she gets babied.

Anyway, a couple of delmonico steaks, a few ears of corn if the seller is out today, cole slaw, and perhaps some mint tea. I have asked my friend to bring desert if she decides to show up for the meal. I am planning on a European type of milk-yogurt (cannot remember what it is called, exactly) and granola for breakfast. I might even stay two nights, but it depends on how much I am able to explore and find out about the trails, the weather, and maybe some other things. I should probably take a can of tuna, my last mre, a couple of fresh baked buns, and a couple of gallons of water to be sure. I would hate to have to come back into town. It sort of ruins the effect. Well, I am off… to a very slow start. Oh well, I have 5 hours before I actually want to be there. But I have some things to buy and make, so, again, I am sprinting to it like a turtle. Again, I am off.

God. God? God!

I have been thinking about what God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, or to me the trinity, means. It is not an easy concern to contemplate. Answers come to mind immediately, some need sorting out, some do not. Some of the things that have been sorted are finely nuanced, others are bold, true, fact, to my mind. This is not a topic that is ever far from my mind and heart, yet it is rarely put all together in a single moment, or in this case, essay. I had wanted this to be done Sunday, as it came together in a final collection that day, yet I could not write, so it happens today.

God, the father, the creator, the divine man-being, has been on my mind the longest. Before I understood about the Son, I looked to the Father. I suppose, not having had a father in my formative years, I wanted to know what a father is or should be. I have the vision of the kindliness of a Santa Clause face, the physique of Zeus, and the power of all things. That has not changed much, yet who He is to me has changed, as it should be. From the simpler idea of a father, He has morphed more into a lord, the Lord.

I do see him as all powerful, however, I see, too, wisdom, justice, grace, love, and other attributes within which He confines Himself. This confinement might also be called wisdom or maturity. As a human father can do much a child cannot, yet restrains that power, hopefully, to righteous actions, words, and thoughts, so too does the Father restrain His power. He watches and knows, He sees and allows. We need to grow and in order to do that, we must make mistakes and attempt to learn and change and finally grow. The hope or wish He has is that we grow toward Him, I believe. The Father does not judge us. This was never His, He decided His Son would take this action, in a way. He simply decided, it was so, and we are. In a way, it is as He IS.

The Holy Spirit has been the most elusive Nature for me to comprehend. What is something that seems to be nothing? Is He a riddle or an answer? Finally, I have come to see him as simply the Spirit of God, literally. At least in form. He is what God, should he have been a normal man, hopes for, dreams of, wishes, and wants. As God, however, He moves mountain and earth through us in faith, He lives in our bodies and minds, He compels and rejects through us and all things flesh. To some extent, we are His embodiment. Perhaps more accurately, we and all flesh are open to His will.

As for what He means to us, this is a trifling more complicated. In baptism, He graces us and inducts us to God. He cleanses us and prepares us for our growing here, with God, through God, by God, and with the chance that God may live in us. He seems to have a great deal to do with fire. In baptism, though our priest might perform the ceremony, it is He who baptizes by fire. When we are set to enter heaven, it will be he who, once again, cleanses us with fire. As well, when hell is discussed as a burning lake in which Satan, perhaps the other fallen angels, and certain others will be cast, I have a suspicion that it will be a containment by the Holy Spirit rather than a place, planet, or plane unto itself. Hell will be a separation from God maintained by the Holy Spirit. As well, the bible discusses Christ always being cloaked, essentially, by the Holy Spirit. I think this is what is necessary now that Christ has risen to perfection. He, as the Father, may no longer come into contact with sin. Beyond these things, the Holy Spirit is the giver of divine gifts. From Charity, faith, hope, to speaking in tongues, the Holy Spirit offers these. Finally, I believe the Holy Spirit is what links the Father, the Son, the world around us, and we ourselves to both the Trinity and each other. No small tasks, no minor aspect, God indeed.

The Holy Spirit is still and always will remain, should my breath continue, a mystery. It is interesting to note, the one sin which is unforgivable is to sin against the Holy Spirit. Considering what I believe about the Him, this is a complicated thought. I can only imagine what actions might be construed as unforgivable, yet I think if I saw them, and I believe I have, that I know. I think those who have murdered their own nature of love are the strongest candidates, when they share this or enforce this, they become true kings of fools.

Jesus Christ has been, for me, much more simply understood. I believe this was meant to be. He came because we did not understand the written word. The Father saw that we were blind to the Holy Spirit, moving among us, and saw that we could and often did choose to be blind. He sent His Son to be a brother and absolute guide. He left no doubt in any who saw. Many turned away, many refused to believe, but more accepted. Simply understanding is not enough, however. Following is much more difficult. Accepting his simple grant of forgiveness is what took me the longest to manage. It is still a test, it is a heavy cross.

What Jesus Christ brought to us was a final chance at redemption and life. The laws had not failed, we had failed to abide the spirit of them. Christ fulfilled those laws, and set them straight. He spoke to us as brothers, men, sisters, or more, his family. I still think we miss much of the point. Yet, those who choose to abide as best they can, to surrender to God as they are able, and follow his tenets will find themselves where they should be. Many, however, are on the staircase to heaven with pockets full of fools gold. He is Love, yet make no mistake, He is also our Judge. He will arbitrate our very long life with or without God. He is our savior, our defense lawyer, our judge, and our prosecutor. These last three, however, I think are slightly incorrect, if not in action then in the performance of those actions.

I feel the need for a clarification. Does a prosecutor or judge, if honest in their performance and true to law and the spirit of law, that being justice, ever actually condemn a man? Does an honest defense attorney truly attempt to thwart justice? Does a father who scolds a child do so for his own actualized benefit? Does anyone but the accused and if guilty, pronounce their verdict by their actions? My answer is no. As it is in the flesh, in this manner, so to is it in heaven. Should one choose sin and not have remorse, if one cannot ask or give forgiveness, how can one wonder that he cannot be in fullness with a perfect God in the trinity? I think those who do not enter heaven will know this, themselves, when selfishness, greed, and lies are no longer available in which to hide.

I see Jesus Christ as the perfect brother. He is strong, wise, healthy, hale, and giving to his life and more. He lived with us, in flesh, with our desires, wants, limitations, and understandings. He also lived with choices. He had to choose, and chose perfectly, consistently, perpetually. I, too, see him now as a lord, as the Lord.

This is some part of what I think, some of what I feel, yet I could never write in such a manner as to encompass all. I felt the need to write this out, it has been on my mind, and it seemed to want to be written. No, not prophetic, simple praise I believe. A simple public acknowledgment.

Time is an odd device, it plays me a fool of late.

I have not been busy, nor have I been doing a thing or groups of things at all. I just am. I have several things in my mind, thoughts which I would enjoy forming into essays. I have activities I would like to do. Yet nothing is happening. Sleep is still off, the wrong times, too little, occasionally too much. Life is not bad in spite of that, as when I am awake, I am fully conscious, memory is good, and I can still get things done, necessary things like appointments, food prep, enough dishes and cleaning that I am not naked or eating with my fingers. Still, there is something elementally absent from my existence. I am empty, hollow, shallow in the ways of the flesh. It is at these times that I suspect when I died, not everything came back. I am just renting this apartment of flesh, yet some times, no one is home. I, myself, am just in the area and know where the apartment is should I need to rest, use the facilities, or such, but I am not staying there. Well, at least I am at peace with this now. Accidental transcendentalism is not all it is cracked up to be.

Oh, on the plus side, I had my first fresh bacon lettuce and tomato sandwich. It was worthy of the wait, as always. Thick cut bacon, bakery bread (yea, I know, I wanted it to be my bread, but this did well), a fresh tomato from my neighbor’s plant (with approval), and a nice glass of iced water. This, indeed, is one of the simpler things. And, by it’s nature, only happens once a year.

Taxation without representation!

We have a winner folks. I am not seeing a hail of anti-tax cases, yet I can hope. I can hope they keep having this outcome too. The only thing that will right the current imbalance is a MASSIVE reduction in government, and the only way to that end will be through a reduction in it’s socialistically stolen filthy lucre. Oh, people, I want this to happen so hard! But, I will be quite honest, even if it happens, that will not make life perfect. There is no such thing as Utopia, but the Utopia these nut politicians have been steering us toward is actually Ethiopia. Go visit the place sometime. Then remember those jokes about chicken bones and necks, phone booths and the population, then realize they stopped because… they were true. But, should the government stop being big brother, guess what, you will have to be your own keepers. You will have to watch Sally’s back, while George watches yours, and so on. And yes, there will be tyranny. Tell me there is not and is not more the other way, the way it is? You will be able to choose your tyranny by choosing your company. You cannot do that currently, try it. And, should you fail, you had better be humble when asking for charity. Demand like you have with this government and you will be not only rejected, you will be thrown out and maybe arrested, or the real government will deal with you more appropriately.

The funniest thing ever is that the very people who despise our government want what…? To MAKE IT BIGGER. D’oh! They call themselves intellectuals, Gandalf. INTELLECTUALS! HAHAHAHAHA. Now, you and I know that the populists who captain those ships know damn straight where they are going, but do honestly think Ward Churchill, Rachel Carson, or Betty Friedan are on the inside? Now look around a typical college town, the students are not radical, most are not even leftist anymore. It is just the professors and the locals, who both and often get mistaken for each other and bums. No offense meant to the bums, honestly. Well, the train is winding down, I had my fun, poked a hot topic or two... Oh, and for those professors who dress well, good start. Now, think like you dress and you might do a bit better. I think the only people less trusted than academics is media and congress. Hmmm, perhaps a three way dive? Hmph!

Anyway, a little tickle of free air in my nostrils and I dream like I woke up in a free land.

Into the dawn without a clue.

I got out of bed at 4:00 after having actually awoken around 1:25 or 2:25. I laid in bed, half napping, until I realized it was no use. I mobilized, turned on the machine, and spoke with my guest. I then checked the news sites for the usual nothing, then the blogs for same. I then fed the fishes and crawdad, and am just goofing now until it is light enough to mow, late enough to make a call or two, or something to trigger something else. Oh, I sent an email to the college I am intending to take a course with this fall. They did not contact me within their stated 24 hours, and I want to get registered quickly.

At least I am not feeling tired. If it is not too wet, I may try to get some mowing done today. I want to do the other cross hatch, and see what it looks like. I also need to call and set up a confession. I just cannot get to the weekly morning time, regularly, and I feel the need to get back. Oh, the wall! Sheesh, I have tons of things stacking up. I suppose it might be possible to get in tonight, but I just cannot guarantee it. Freaky sleep patterns really have me frustrated! Two days up, and working on another, so maybe I can still get caught up.

Well, I am heating some water for French press coffee, my bread recipe (from k), and then I will think about something to eat. I might finish off the jar of pickled turkey gizzards as a snack in the meantime. I liked pickled pork hocks, but something seemed to change, or my tastes have. Maybe they finally just skinnied up the hogs so much that they were no longer hoof worthy? Oh, I am still looking for a butcher who might sell beef brains. I am thinking, fried in a little butter, salted and peppered to taste, and it will be a great as… fried peanut butter without the peanut taste. I guess I will just have to see.

Oh, hey, guess what day it is?!? It is the only day you have to actually work with, so do it! Or, urhm, give it a good thinking over. *smiles*

Bland is as bland does. Blah!

I am exhausted, but I have been up all day today. I did not get much done. I took my medicines, fixed breakfast and cleaned up, and… stayed awake. The email I was expecting from the college did not come through. I may just visit their site and see what is going on. I really need to get going on some things again, this being what is already active so I need to push it.

I keep thinking about how unimportant all I think is. God does not need my faith, though it is said to please him. My government does not need my vote. My friends do not need my encouragement or wisdom. Well, my crawdad, as things sit, needs me. That’s something. And, no, this is not a downer. It is not sad. It just is. As fact, it can be a bit freeing. Well, ok, perhaps too freeing. But I am considering getting tied up, so have no fear.

Not much to say, too tired to really think. I should just fix some supper, make it to 22:00, and then try and sleep. My mind is a bit numb, leftovers from yesterday’s extended wakefulness and from the attempt at switching my schedule around. Sorry, but that’s it.

Am I awake yet? Let me think a bit longer, okies?

I was correct. I awoke at 5:45, after four to four and a half hours sleep, depending on what time I actually fell asleep, as I did take a shower and did not fall immediately to sleep either. However, I decided not to become ambulatory. Yes, I stayed in bed, and must have eventually dozed. Shortly after 7:00, I heard some clinking and clanging, but I could not quite pull out of the pillow nose dive I was facing, and it was not until 7:20 when I finally arose to find the elf doing her whatever. Oh, I can always tell when it is her out there, making noise. I think I can sense her. As I have said, even on knowledge blind days, I know she will be arriving. Anyway, she was complaining that I did not have my lawn furnishings available for use. I explained yesterday’s doings, again, which explains why I will be putting them up during my sleep time, that I have indeed used the set every day it has not rained, and pointed out that, in any case, it is going to rain so I would not be getting them out today. Humph, she indicated. Yes, logic, that pain in the butt you just cannot deny or like, but that is that, I roughly indicated. Humph, she indicated again. Yea, ok, she got the last… word? Humph. I do not care, I was still right AND she did not try to counter it.

Oh, plus, I was able to show her my score on BookWorm Deluxe. I just love the jealousy, surprise, awe, and sad feeling she emits when showing her even such a trifling gem. One more thing I can do that she cannot. The battle of the sexes rages as hopelessly as ever. The best she can hope for when the wolf is howling is to throw the scent and scatter the ideas so they cannot be feasted upon in terms even she cannot deny. She is not even so good at that, but there are times when she is weak in a way that needs some tenderness and I let the thing pass. But, not without letting her know a favor has been done. This women needs to know, face, truth. Oh, after I described yesterdays doings last night, and she asked some questions this morning, she finally agreed that my actions were “correct”. Honestly, that almost surprised me. It is cool, though. Well, she has been right, do not get me wrong. And she has been both a harsh and gentle wolf herself, lest you feel too bad. She just does not get near the number of chances.

Anyway, we began discussing a mother I know who is having trouble breast feeding. Yes, an odd topic. But, I am the curious sort and I end up hearing all sorts of things. The Queen asked if I knew if this woman was involved with a women’s group which focuses on the topic of breastfeeding and offers support, with a large data base on issue troubleshooting, though she stated it a little differently. I asked if it was a political group, as well, or had strong affiliations outside it’s claim to fame. She became defensive, and said something about not everything having a political agenda. And I suggested many do and she seems to run in most of those circles. She said, something like, oh yea, what about the Catholic Church. I just laughed and said, there is no secret to our agenda, unlike ACORN, NOW, WWW, Sierra Club, and dozens of other shadow political parties which act as if they are single topic or single group organizations and all obey The One Ring (she is a HUGE Lord of the Rings junky too, so this was crystal clear). She decided it was time to go home, and did not help with the last few dishes. I waived goodbye, indicating the door might hit her in her logic circuit should she be as slow of foot as mind, or something of that nature. I laughed again. Well, she was not quite through, she came in and went back out several times, collecting her laundry, mind, and other items. She, on the final pass, thanked me for breakfast and a wonderful evening last night and good day, really, she thought (I think she is trying to be nice because someone is leading her that way, other than me who she believes in not at all, or so she says… ??? dunno). And, I said, genuinely, that she was welcome and should she have really enjoyed, it really was my pleasure. Actually, in any case, it was my pleasure.

So, really, what you see here, and in comments, really is what I am. Sadly, perhaps, it is all I am. As for my part, I will take it. It is not perfect, but it suffices, sometimes more. Plus, I really do not hate people, I hate ideas, actions, and inactions which are evil. I cannot judge people but you had better bet your bottom, dollar, that I do judge. And yes, sometimes even prosecute, and more. However, I note, what I am is self centered and of a limited dimension and depth too. Why lie?

It is crash time in Iowa the east south.

My lady showed up tonight, with corn, green beans, and asked what I had to add. I happened to have 3 ribs left, and some fine butter, kosher salt, and a cooks talent. So, I went to work. I have a nice double steamer, 12-16 quart, technically, somewhere in that range. Anyway, I decided to steam heat the ribs right in with it and it came out quite well. Then a game of Scrabble, luckily, she was as tired as I was, sort of. She was starting to fall asleep, so decided to head out. Good thing too.

It has been a long time since I slept. I want to shower first though. I am surprised I am not more dysfunctional. Still, it is that time. The great thing about staying up to 1:00 is that I was pretty sure I would not sleep all that long. I might get 4, maybe 6 hours in. She will be stopping by for the rest of her laundry, and breakfast if she will help with the dishes. Not much, as we did and will again use paper plates. But there are pans, silverware (stainless, actually), and such. She scoffed at the notion until I suggested it is my bacon, my eggs, and I will be cooking. Plus, I will hold off on the French press until she begs to help with dishes. HaHa! Whipassssh! Hehe

Oh, bother. Goodnight!

Up 27 hours, 2 to go, I wonder what I will think of the thougnts, typing, and overall editing in the morning?

Two things came together as I was reading through the headlines of the NYTs. A fellow blogger, of a conservative bent, had a link to an article at the NYT’s online site which did not link and I never could find it on my own. I think he may have had the title wrong and or they figured out who linked and cut the connect, maybe buried the article, changed the title, who knows but it would not surprise me whatever happened. The article headline that I saw that caught my attention, though about a different matter, and then melded with another left idealism floating around in my mind, provided an interesting notion.

The left seems to feel that equality of outcome, at any cost really, is what should be desired. It is what they work toward in spite of reality pushing dirt in their faces. Was it not a lefty who sang “… don’t spit into the wind…” and several other common sensical songs? Do they not listen to their own music, or do they just not or choose not to understand it? I listen and understand THEIR music, go figure. Ok, to the point. The article in question dealt with a “backlash” against President Bush for not doing enough for women’s health. Now, thinking about these two things, I realize that, even should this be true, he IS doing the right thing. As a fact, we will probably, according to leftist dogma, put a cap on women’s lives to even that thing out. I mean, it certainly is not “fair” that women get to live longer then men. I know, it’s not their fault, just like it’s not men’s fault for choosing and being successful at engineering, math, science (no, engineering is not science, it uses science, sort of), sports, and good sex. (Did you catch the little joke? Goody! Sort of, anyway…) Still, women are pushed into areas they quite often do not excel, at the expense of men who do excel and are not given the opportunity, ostensibly for the purposes of equality. I just think they should, as such and because of said, also be for the equality of the grave yard in equal times?

No, I do not support this. This is just one example of why I am not a “liberal”. Then again, I am thinking, maybe their ultimate plan IS a cutoff. That retirement age they keep lowering in European countries… guess what, that will be their equalizing age… and no retirement pay-out. Luscious, well, as luscious as feasting on new born babes anyway. Sadly, we all seem to be getting a taste of that. But, please, do not tell me even they do not see it coming. Saw it coming from the start when they, as a people, helped implement it. It was in their hearts. It is what they wanted to do to the elderly then, in the beginning.

Well, enough cheer and sunshine for one day. Sort of. I suppose I should go do something fun, like waive to my neighbors… so the cops know which ones shot at me… Well, not quite yet, but it is coming. If it is God’s will, their poor aim, and my quick reaction (yeah, ok, God’s will totally, no joking), I will live and they will pay. I love playing with vipers, really really.

I am not asking if you agree, I am just curious if this is coherent? My mind is a tad lopsided.

Too tired to think, so what do I do? Yea write.

Well, after playing “tag, your ticket” and having to deal with some more aftermath of today’s jungle excursion, I did get a few more things done. A few things were sorted, a little more laundry done, an application for the math course was sent, and I had the opportunity to speak with my new neighbors. The application was an online thing, it was quick an painless. I am supposed to hear back from them within 24 hours, at which time, since it is a class requiring prerequisites, I will need to offer proof. It does not need to be formal proof, however, so no need for a few nickels I might not have at the moment. When speaking with the neighbors, I explained what had occurred, and asked that they watch for trespassers. I had feared they might not be on-board with this, I was wrong. He clearly wants no unrequested visitors. I suggested if he or she sees one or more and they do not wish to deal with it, that letting me know would be all it would take. He thought there would be no need, but should assistance be warranted, he would keep my offer in mind.

I did not make an appointment for confession. I did not make bread. I did not go target shooting. There are probably some other things I did not do either. But, it is 18:00 and I am still awake! I am going to try and push on through to 22:00. I have gotten my score to over 26,500,000 on BookWorm Deluxe. I might have to see if I can get a really high score. My previous high was 17 plus million on this part of the game (my favored part), and 18.6 plus million on the other part (least favored). I had wanted to correct that, and I am doing it in spades. The thing that worries me is; whether there is a game score limit where I might lose everything and it not be recorded; and, if something should happen, a power outage, a machine error, or a program error which would wipe out my work. I’ve almost thought of just getting to 30 million and taking a dive. That would be 30 times what the Queen can do, and 75 times what our education masters ‘friend’ can do. I just love doing it, really. Hehehe But that snotty, “So!” is worth every nanosecond.

Oh, I finally got a call from my mum. She has been busy helping to prepare for RAGBRI (and intra-Iowa bicycling tour). At each place they are routed through, venders take care of the bikers every, or well, every legal need and want. Our town is quite small, so it was just a meal pass through mostly. I am quite sure they would be welcomed to stay, and offered places to camp, beer and food to their wallets’ depths, and good cheer should they decide to stay. Though I know most go on, there are more hip spots just a spit of a ride away. Though the town certainly does not hurt for the passing. Just being a blip on their rout is a big deal. She will be coming mid-August. Oh, I have a church function picnic she might be here to attend. I really have to get that confession done and get back in there! Ack.

Have a pleasant day all. Really, it is a good summer. I am enjoying the heat and fun for the first time in at least 15 years. Even my downs are better than all but a very few up periods from before. I just wish I could shake some of the harsh feelings about liberals, evil, and such. Yeah, I am not saying why can we not all get along, mind you… I am just saying, I have carried this weight a long time and for little good. It might be time to let some of it go, even if I become assertive on specific things which do directly impact me. Anyway, have a good one. Maybe a cool one. Maybe a cold one. Just do not forget to thank, in some way, those around you who make you who you are, the best part of who you are, even if they are no longer here. It is said the shades can pray for us. Catch em’ off guard, pray first. ha

Oh, one more thing on my list of things to do. Done.

I guess the police will show up, sometimes. I saw one of my “neighbors” urinating on a building at 12:30 in the afternoon, or so, today. Happily, I saw what vehicle he drove in and got out of, got a decent look at him, called it in, then waited fifteen minutes or so. Right as the “neighbor” got in his car and was headed out, the police showed up. I pointed to his vehicle and the squad car blocked him in and flashed his lights. My "neighbor", I do believe, ended up with a ticket. After the officer left, he started razzing me. I told him, use the bathroom. He asked why I did not just talk to him. For one thing, it was too late by the time I saw it. Gotta potty train these newbies, I guess. He seemed to know enough of the tenants, if he was not one, that he could just go in easily and use the facilities. And, do not do that with kids around. I suppose the little boys know about all that, but there were two little girls in the area. He says I have “screwed with the wrong nigger”. My question to him should have been, which one is the right one? But nah, I just said, if you think I called it in because you are black, have one of your white friends there with you do that. Oh, and they were giving me the nastiest looks too, hah, I was sitting. They have not messed with a slightly zealous 300 pounder would be my guess, further, I would guess they do not ever want too. There were three of them, ha, that just allows me to use lethal force, immediately. And make no bones about it, three is a crowd and I do not like crowds. I have been there many times. Let them think I am easy, I remained seated and calm. He was saying something about if this was Chicago, and I just thought, well, if you liked it so much, go back. And, this is not Chicago. He thinks I need a job. I told him I already have one and laughed. He has no sense of my humor. Hehehe

Yeah, come on over son. Well see if your 9 marksmanship is anything like my .45 marksmanship, let alone my ability to focus on you through walls. I do not need to see you, as a fact, I may prefer not too. I will give him 1 in 10, and I am just as sure even if he gets that one, he still will not win. I have been through too much for a 9 to do more than get my attention and I can shoot just as well with either hand. It don’t make me no nevermind, as long as I get my check next payday.

Fresh breezes are blowing my ship of fools, and this captain is ready to ride. Yeeea-haaaaw

It has taken some time to get my days and nights straightened. It still is not completely regular, this being the first day I have been able to be awake up to this point in some weeks, I think. I will most likely be able to stay up the rest of the day as well. I did not sleep last night, waking yesterday afternoon around 17:00, give or take.

Last night was productive. I straightened the kitchen, did some laundry, roasted beef ribs and baked potatoes along with it. Then, cleaned the kitchen again. A little sweeping and mopping went with that. I straightened up a few areas which desperately needed it, stored a few things in the garage, and went to the store. Not world class, but it is the most I have been able to get done in a while. I am hoping to add to that this day, plus find out what is needed to take the math course, perhaps set up an appointment if necessary. I will not go in today, I just am not ready for that. Even putting it off until tomorrow would help me get a better grip on this tentative stride. A twelve pack the other night seems to have hit the hammer right on the head. (yes, I wrote that right, trust me)

I would also like to get out to the range and sight in my .22 to 50 yards. I have it set at 30 yards, but after having ranged it initially at 15 yards, then to 30, I noticed there is a good bit of change. Once set to 50 yards, I will then practice. I would also like to see about where I hit at the 30 and 15 yard ranges with the setting. That will be about as far as I will practically shoot while hunting. Perhaps in time, I will test out to 75 and 100 yards. But one thing at a time. I was having some difficulty sighting in at 30 yards, so perhaps all I will be able to do today is the 50 yard sighting in. Who knows, but it will be good to get out of the house. As my nights and days switched, so too did I become housebound again. Last nights foray into the city at night and to the grocery store was my first personal outing in some time. The last was a hike some time ago, and I cannot remember the time before that, even if my two friends forced me out for movies or such (thankfully, mind you).

I do not know if I had mentioned it, but I have a temporary house guest. He is a furtive little creature, interesting to watch, and I to talk to him. My neighbors left for vacation and could not take him, so I volunteered to be his host. He is a rat. The neighbors son was allowed to save for a pet. We all thought he would buy a snake, and his mother was even, sort of, set for it. He surprised us all. In any case, I now host a fine member of that particular species. I have decided I like him enough that I have shared a piece of cheese or two. He was quite pleased, to no real surprise. Though, without ever knowing for sure, one just cannot tell how something might really work. At least this rat loves cheese, cheddar and an Italian blend of cheeses anyway. I am a bit nervous about taking him out of the cage, so I will hold off on that, if I even decide to do that. Perhaps if I really organize one of my rooms so that he could not escape or chew through electrical cords, etc. I might consider it. I just would not feel good having to say he died. Anyway, I enjoy having another little friend in the house.

I have been trying to contact my mother for over a week. I have left three messages, one about every other day. Not a word back, not even a missed call. My phone registers even hang-up calls. I am a little frustrated. I do not believe she is ill, someone would have called me. I am sure of that. And, I know she would not be at her guys house this long, on vacation to my brothers, and I know she knows I called her cellular as it has the same system mine does. So, she is avoiding for no reason I am aware. Not logical, feminine, but not logical. I know she is planning a visit this August. I hope to have the cave decent, at least to my skill level. She will no doubt do this and that, and there are a few tasks I have in mind which she knows of, but too perhaps we can enjoy a little fun time. Maybe a picnic and fishing if it is not too hot. Barring that, maybe a movie, ice cream, and a stop at my favorite international beer jazz place. Jazz is not my favored, and it is not hers, yet I think the beer more than makes up for the muzak. Plus, they serve very fine Italian pie, and several other entrees should one have interest. Oh, it is so nice and dark, lights dimmed, reminds me of the better (to my taste) pubs in Scotland, England and Ireland too, if I remember right. Anyway, nice and moody.

Oh, I had been off and on with my medications. I suppose I was playing with those, trying to get my world to agree with myself, tinkering in an attempt to make it right. It seems my corpse must just find it’s way to rightness. I suppose, also, I should not tinker. I also suppose, like the fool I can be, I will tinker when I do not like the results. Go figure. You know though, for a slide into rutsville, it was not bad. If that is as bad as it gets in my bad times, and these medicines even when taken on a tilt (lightly) keep me from dipping or staying down, I can deal with that. And I can deal with that happily. Hmm, oh yeah, I aught to place a call to my priest and set up a time for confession. I really need that right about now. A little Jesus juice, a little Christ skin, and yeah, life will be premier again. I miss it when I miss it, and, yeah, I miss it. Say that three times twice and mean what I meant. Urhm, or not.

Oh, I have been working on my story, but I am not happy. Let me think on a few things. Hang loose, tight, or upright, just do not hold your breath. Well, ok, go ahead, but do not blame me for black-outs or headaches. And, if you are doing that on my account, at least capture it and send it. Nothing like hostages to make me wait a little longer. I like righteous outcomes. Ha!

Mistrust well placed.

I see I am not the only one who believes those on the “other side of the aisle” cannot be trusted. Beautiful! However, I know this was just a little tug. I, personally, would like to be ensured that they do not get their hands on ANY classified information. Let alone, as it is now, not only get their hands on it, but pass it around to their staffers with the implicit goal of dissemination, perhaps to the level of open betrayal of our troops, their movements, technology, and blind spots. Well, it was good to see someone was awake and aware, even if they will be shut down and overridden quickly.

Doldrums .

Well, I had a sip last night. Actually, I was full into my cup. I suppose, and no fouls were performed, except against my brain cells. Life has been so slow lately, that at least it was something. No, slow life is not an ‘excuse’ nor a reason, it just happens to coincide with the incident. I do not even have a headache this morning.

I have not, been doing much lately. The neighbors seem to be moved in and settled. They are younger, but that should be fine. I started the lawn yesterday, and did it the way I had been thinking. I cut half of it, at an angle. Monday or Tuesday I will cut across that, then I will begin taking turns mowing the lawn with my neighbor. I see with bumps caused by this and that, the slight hills and valleys on the lawn, my angles are not great. There are some rows, too, which are wider and some that are narrower. I am hoping that over time, this will even out, both as the rest of the lawn eventually gets mowed and as I get better at doing this.

My Mom says she will be coming up in August. I will be glad to see her. I will not be able to go all out for her, yet she will not go away hungry, or have any unmet need. Food, too, should be good. Beyond that, not much is happening or going to happen in the near future. Summers seem just as bad as winters, no one wants to do a thing.

A time to remember.

Do you want to know. In a previous post, so hidden by the mundane, I let you have a taste. However, here, you should find the truth. Before you click, be sure you wish to know. Once again, take notice. Do not go here if you are afraid of the truth. I know what lives under my skin. Do you?

A time for silly notions, I suppose.

What is it with clothiers?

Land’s End had a neat new service. They have enough clothes that fit well enough, and occasionally I buy a shirt or two, chinos, or something else if their offering looks better and is priced better than, say, Eddie Bauer’s or that other one. I am looking at a pair of tendals (tennis shoe sandal mutt, $39, not too bad). The service allows one to create a virtual model, so as to virtually try on clothes, get the best fit recommendation, and see how things might look together. That last must be for women, because honestly, I just wear it if I like it and put it with whatever. If it looks too ridiculous, I either change or begin to enjoy that. Anyway, so I go to put in my numbers. There seems to be some difficulty. First, I tinker around to get my known size to work with the model. There are still some problems, but I think I am making progress. I do it this way and that. It ends up, they cannot do my size. I can wear their middling clothes, yet they cannot render me in their machine. At 6’4”, 300, with a 52” chest, 40” waste, and a 34” inseam, with a fatty muscular build, they cannot render my model. I even tried to handicap them 20 pounds. No go. Blarney, I say. And, I do not care, that is NOT that big. It is odd too, though I have never been able to squeeze my chest measurement below a 52”, I only wear an extra large tall, not double (or more) as most manufacturers recommend. There are a lot of tweaks with my size compared to my measurements along those lines, measurements seem to mean nothing practical regarding sizing. I thought I was doing the measurements wrong, so I had my mom, and my gal pal do them, they are right on or we are all wrong. I think they are just trying to play with my head. Once again, blarney!

No Doom rendering, urhm, other than the game and my cartoon. Ah well, the model just did not quite capture my nature anyway. I am a little, well, different would put it best. Ha!

Oh, I have been meaning to ask you bloggers: Have you all died or something? Get off it, or if you are off it, get back on it. Sheesh. Then again, maybe you all quit. Dunno. Just thought I would give you a boost if it is temporary.

Sleep deprivation is such a wonderful thing. Nap time I think you will agree.

I decided to mess around in the kitchen, though I did not get to doing another batch of bread. I did, however, concoct a version of garam masala that I can live with. I combined: black pepper, freshly ground; dried chiles, crushed; a mix of 1:1 cinnamon and allspice; cloves, crushed; the hottest cayenne pepper I can find; and cumin. Each of these were about equal in proportion, except the cayenne pepper, which was added at 1/3 comparative strength to allow a particular friend to have a chance to at least try it. I will tell her she should not try it, it is not for her delicate nature, and most likely she will. Otherwise, she would not, or, not while I am around and therefore not comment on it (since it would then be a theft and a moral thing). I then fried some ground chuck, added some of the remaining bean and rice mix, and heated the last into the fried ground chuck. I added half of the garam masala to the ground chuck as it was frying and half to the completed mix as it was being heated. I thought to go without salt, but this was far too bland for my taste, so I sprinkled, perhaps, a teaspoon of kosher salt into the final dish. I warmed up three (small) whole wheat tortillas. Along with a glass of milk, and this was just the thing.

The canoeing is off. It has rained, and a good bit, most recently. I do believe the whole camping thing is off. The Queen did indicate something was on the hoof, but neither of us, it is my sincerest belief, have a clue what is being herded into the chute. I thought about a hike, but almost anything outside is going to be muddy, probably quite wet, hot, humid, cold, and just a mess, all mixed and not at all foreseeable as to what is going to be when. So, I am thinking word games and barbed tongues. We usually enjoy jousting, so long as someone female is not having a bad day. Oh, fine, sometimes a guy gets to pouting, though I have no belief that this is a common thing. Not so common as that. A little French press coffee, hot or cold tea, some games, a video rental (King Kong, she says, is good, and there is a horror I want to see, urhm, Predictions is it?), and maybe a bite or two to eat. I went ahead and purchased bone in beef ribs, so we could try that later and have the Indian-Mexican-My food for lunch, with perhaps a salad from the Co-Op. I just do not yet know.

I should take a nap. I know the locust will be by as soon as work lets out, to feast upon my bones, so I should be prepared to repel, or at least greet, the pest. Then again, she might nap before showing, giving me even more time to nap. She will be a bit put out that I am going to the movie with my neighbor this eve, though I think she might be an extra guest if she pouts right. My neighbor knows not my woes with this woman, perhaps he should learn. He loves his wife dearly, but perhaps with such a learning experience, he might further cleave to his wife in absolute horror of the options. Ha! Anyway, and for the nonce, I bid thee ado and anon. Maybe anon and ado would be better. Get thee hie, English!

The Thought Traveler: A Tale of Mischief, Wonder, and Woe. Part XI

I ask if this loot is all hers, or if she has come by it since the events. “It is all mine, minus a few of the specialty food items.”, she states. You had a pistol? “Yes, I have only shot it a few times. My Dad wanted me to have it since I was living off campus”. I ask if I may, with my eyes, and she nods. I take the piece, drop the magazine, and empty a round from the chamber. She was ready, I am a little surprised she did not have it out when I entered. Perhaps she had it under her, what I now realize was a, woolen cape. It is a 9 millimeter semi-auto. It is a pretty one, actually. It seems clean and new. I am not familiar with the Browning Hi-Power, and ask if she has the manual. She has everything, she answers by showing me. Have you ever cleaned, or broken it down, I ask. “No”. Would you like to learn, I ask? We have nothing but time, sometimes, and it would allow you a little added usefulness. “Yes, that might not be a bad idea”, though she seems a bit hesitant. Look, I will teach you these things, but only if you would use this to defend yourself or me. If not, I will help you get in shape to run. Really, pulling a gun you will not use is not only less than helpful, it might aggravate an already bad situation. Again, she says “Yes”, but I just do not feel well about it. We will see.

She also has a set of two way radios, some survival gear, a length of real climbing rope, and some odds and ends. I ask if she was an adventuring type. It seems not, these are remnants of a boyfriend, he had stored them and just never returned to retrieve these things. I suggest that she will need to learn some things to survive and be helpful. Climbing is an essential trick, especially in the city oddly. The “civil” nature of the area all but leaves the locals unaware that a person can or would go around a corner, toss a rope, shimmy to a hidden height, and have the rope up before they could ever round the corner. Even if found, a pistol is amazingly accurate, and since you are shooting down and only one of them at a time can see you, it’s pretty good odds. Even a crowd of ten scatters when three of their numbers falls in a few seconds.

Well, come with me. I will show you around the cave. “Cave, the first time you said that, I actually thought it was a cave, or at least cave like!”, she laughs. I suggest I call it a cave because I am a troll or ogre or something, or that is how I see it. She just shakes her head a bit and smiles again. I show her the rest of the compartmentalized main room. It is a large round room in which I have placed room screens so as to produce stations or little rooms. There are five areas: the central are is for food consumption, relaxation, games, and such; the first outer area has my communication set up; the next area has my ammunition production, partial weapon storage and cleaning, and all associated tools; then is the general storage area where I keep all dry goods from rope to dry foods to seasonal clothing and bedding; the final area is unused. There is the front foyer, as I call it, for hanging coats, jackets, and dirty or wet clothes, leaving shoes, umbrellas, and hats, and I show her how to stow these things, and were I prefer them. I then take her to the closet in the storage area. In there I keep all functional bedding, towels, and toiletries.

I take her to a real room, through a door, off the supply area, and suggest this is where she may sleep. We enter and there is a decent bed, two dressers, a small closet, a nightstand and lamp, a clothes hamper, and a waste paper basket. We are underground, I tell her though I am sure she suspects. You may freely use the lights, though I prefer to use red lights at night. I show her how the switch is set to facilitate this. I let her know that the whole place is rigged similarly. “Security", she asks? "Or are the red lights tactical or something?”. Ah, no, though technically they preserve night vision. Really, it is just because it was fun to do. It is sort of neat. She chuckles. Do you want an alarm clock, I ask? She has one, so we move on to the other door in this room. Inside is a bathroom, with a bath, separate shower, and all the facilities she should need. I ask what toiletries she might require, including of the feminine varietal. She peels off a list, and I note them on my pad. As we leave these two rooms, I begin looking through the supplies. I find most of what she wishes, a clean extra set of bedding, a few extra blankets, and a teddy bear for her. I hand them over and suggest she stock these where she feels best. When she returns, I go on.

I take her back to the weapons locker. I point to the door behind it and tell her that is my area. I suggest she not go in there. I suggest she not try to do so, whether I am here or not. I do not indicate why this is so, I only indicate that it might not be in her best interest, and I am not lying. Who knows what she is thinking, I only hope she takes this part to heart. Her big doe eyes tell me nothing, though she listens well, and glances when I point.

Gloomy thoughts on a cheery stormy day.

I am not doing as well as I have been. I have been a bit home bound, again. My sleep schedule is off, which is not helping. But more, my ability to get going on things is really off. At least I am awake a good deal more, I am fully functional if I cannot seem to find motivation in that I remember things, I still have little goals and meet some of them, I do some chores, and I try to eat a bit more regularly. As well, I have been writing, on this blog, the story, plus odd comments left here and there.

I will be camping this Wednesday or Thursday overnight. And, if I can catch my neighbor, I should be able to get out to another movie sometime this week. Plus, I have been to several movies with the Ice Queen lately, though she initiated. But only once did I get out to the path. I know I need to find more paths, for variety. This has become a sticking point. I can see that I am having some difficulties making certain decisions, finding data, and a few other things. Money has been difficult for me to manage, which does not help. Not being sure about my neighbor and whether I will feel the need to move does not help. And there are a few other things which might be blocking up the works, as well. Not sleeping enough is a part of it too, I am quite sure.

I might get out to the garage and work on the thing a bit. I need to get the snow blower to the front of the garage, anyway. It had been being stored in the vacant neighbors garage, but as she filled it with boxes, she asked me to move it. She has not wanted any help with moving things, and has seemed distant, so I have been avoiding her. I am not sure what that is about, though it adds to my suspicions. This is not the Ritz, mind you, but it is priced well enough above a simple two or three bedroom apartment that it would keep most out. The garage, washer and drier, and central air were my draw, even if it is nearly the cost of buying (a junk old or lower end slap up house is about what you would get at this price, with probably a 30 to 60 mile drive to town, but).

It just stormed, and I enjoyed. If I could live in a place where the weather constantly changed, and powerful storms were frequent, while the temps stayed cool to cold, I would be happy. Still, I do not complain too much about Iowa. Our winters, in my part, are long and what others like to call harsh. Even in this “Florida of Iowa”, as I call it, it can get chilly. The heat is a temporary annoyance which allows for sweet corn, and a bit of summer fun. However, demographically, it is changing from the education state to the ghetto state, and fast. All of the largest, many of the larger, and some of the small cities have been consumed by multiculturally diverse manufacturing slums. Drugs dens invade even the tiniest of towns. The orcs, ogres, trolls, and such have moved in and squatted. The place is lost to Democrats because of it, so there is no real hope here. Still, I will do what I do for this area, while I remain. Just popping out ever so occasionally for “fresh air” has calmed a lot of the “action” down. I really doubt if the neighborhood is going to do anything, after speaking with several neighbors. Still, I now wait to see about my new neighbor before I will invest in this further. Neighborhood Watch is probably my best bet, but I do not see that going anywhere. I really would like to get that class out of the way before departing, if that is the case. Yes, a lot of conflicting options, timetables, thoughts, and plans. No, it is not fun.

What was the last thing the dwarves wrote in their book, found in the tomb chamber? Ah… “They come.”

The Thought Traveler: A Tale of Mischief, Wonder, and Woe. Part X

The trip back to the cave is uneventful. There was something going on several blocks away, but the sounds were odd, in that I just could not put them together into a cohesive guess. If I was not lugging a baby, I would have attempted to find out what was happening. As is, I thought it best to just keep going. I circle the cave, checking for signs of approach or entrance. My spider web is intact, no one is nearby, so I go in. I do not show Cindy any of this, not yet, maybe never. Some of these reset themselves, just adding to a counter quietly. I should be able to track her coming and going, party size, everything. In we go, to settle accounts.

When we get into the first room, I take off my jacket and hang it on a hook. I suggest she do likewise. Going on into the central area, I head for the central “room” and begin seeing to my gear. First I get everything out and off and set them on the table. Next, I check them off my list as present, stowing some things, putting my pistol and keys back, and moving my blade’s scabbard from my waste to my leg, instead of putting it up too, seeing that I now have unknown company. I look over the menu, and decide on a few things, grab the tea, and about to set up when I remember company. Cindy? She is just inside the main room, gazing around. Over here, are you hungry? “Well, yes, I suppose”. Well, come on over. I show her what is available and suggest she make herself at home. “Fresh tomatoes, apples, lots of vegetables actually! You do well for yourself. Do you mind?” Not at all, and, it’s summer. A little looking, a little care, a few seeds, and well, I make do. The jerky is all beef, but I will probably have to go to deer after this is out, in five years!” I laugh. She politely laughs, she just doesn’t understand how much jerky I have.

She really loads up on the fresh vegetables, taking only a sliver of jerky. She sets herself a place and is about to set when she remembers her goods and is about to go get them. NO! Eat, relax, it is safe and we will get to that. She is torn, but after considering, decides to enjoy her meal. It is pleasant to feed people. For some reason, it is a joy to me. Though I cooked none of this, I did tend, gather, and now provide it. That is enough for it to be enjoyed. I ask if she would wish some sugar or honey with her tea? “No, not this time. I really like the mint though.” I suggest every other pot of tea I make, or so, I add some mint.

After we finish our meal, I show her how I take care of disposable and non-disposable dining items. I suggest if she means to be here, she learn my ways. If she wishes to do more, fine, less is not so tolerated. As well, if I slack, it is my cave. I will not hear it. I also make it clear she is quite free to stay or go, temporarily or permanently. However, I would like to know her plans. Coming in while I am napping might not be a happy event, surprises do not suit me. She seems to understand, but one can never tell. “Oh, she says.”, and jumps up, clears her place as I have asked, and goes for her items.

The Thought Traveler: A Tale of Mischief, Wonder, and Woe. Part IX

I unlock and open the door and almost exit when I feel him. I draw my pistol and ask him to come around the wall and in the door, slowly. I guarantee the dry wall will not spare him, and neither will I. He begins his entrance. I point the gun at his forehead, alone I ask? “Yea”, and not happy about it. I give the workers a glance or two to let them know they are not forgotten. I back up a cautious step then two and suggest with the pistol that he drop whatever it is he is carrying. A pretty hefty security club, good choice, not necessarily lethal. I again command with the barrel, a seat for the gentleman. I then swing around and shut the door.

Do not tell me your party is getting off work and hordes of you will be entering the building, I ask. “No, not at all. I was just straggling back to see Mathew before going on to the compound. I forgot my… some stuff, and I had wanted to talk to him”. And, what is your name? “I am Phil Markum.” I see, why where you going to brain me then? “I did not know who you were, and I wanted to make sure these two were safe.” Ah, ahah. You see, that is not a good answer. Either you are a fool, a liar, or a lying fool. I am starting to think you all are real trouble. Now, are any of you considering interfering with my quiet exit? “No”, nearly in unison. I do not suppose you would mind if I borrowed your club, just for a bit, would you? “No” he says and nods. I really thought about hitting him on the head with it, then handing it back… control, friend, control I thought to myself. You should be able to find the club hereabouts tomorrow, should you really want it back. I go to the door again, listen, open it, a quick glance one way, then the other, a solid look up and down, and I leave the room. I shut the door, and decide to lock it. I head toward the guarded room. When I get to the corner, I turn around and head back down the hall, locking every door. I get to the worker room, and I hear muffled conversations but do not bother to attempt to eavesdrop. I complete the locking process and move toward the stairs. Isabelle appears, and begs attention. I feel rushed, but grab a few treats, offer one, scratch behind her ears as I squat and listen, then leave a few more treats and move on.

Down to the second level I go, and I make my way to Cindy’s room. Oh, yes, the code. I run through this, then check the door. Locked, so I get out the keys and unlock it. I enter and see no one, I look in the room I first saw her, then check the rest of the rooms. She is gone. Well, that makes my job easier. And, I had considered tricking her away too, so I cannot be too sore. I am too tired to mess with checking for food items, and being low, she most likely would have cleaned the place out when she left. I do, however, close and lock the door. Down the hall, down the steps, right on to the manager’s spaces. So far, so good. I unlock the door, grab the Legos, and head out. With my list, and the fact the group in the top floor is not foraging, I suspect that with a mild use of caution, I should be able to sort and cache the food and items at my leisure. Tonight is over, this boy is tired.

I head out, moving toward my now familiar wooded retreat. I take the path through the foliage, and am about to cut around my usual path home. “Jeff”. It was not loud, or harsh, or even said while someone was moving toward me, but it was just enough above the sounds of hush I needed and expected that I drew, kneeled, and aimed, at Cindy in a heartbeat. I glance around and see it is just us two. She is clean. I lower, then holster, as she recovers a bit and then wonders what to say. I move toward her, hello Cindy. “Hello. Hey, I heard some things upstairs and I became afraid. I decided to get out and believed this is the way you would go, so I waited here. Here is what food I had left, and some other things”. Bring them along, we will check them at my place. Oh, I cannot believe I am taking her to my place, my CAVE! Maybe we can find her a place of her own soon. Yeah, a girlfriend would not be bad, but uhm, she is a bit young and a bit pretty for me, and this is not exactly the time for romance. She does have a cute wiggle. Off we go. Hmm, how did she do that? I am just trying to remember just how that happened. She did not even ask, and as it seems, did not have to ask. Had I not been so side-tracked, back to her apartment since I consider it safe she would have gone. I had better watch this one, and myself around her. I do not like tricks.

As we are about to leave the sheltering wooded area, a pause, I take a good look around, and then motion her closer. I mention the need for caution, I suggest she walk softly, and I also suggest that she avoid contact, follow my lead unless I suggest otherwise, and get my attention quietly if she notices some one or something I have failed to notice, then whisper in my ear, perhaps point if that seems safe or it is vital. I tell her that if we are separated, to meet back here, or if absolutely not feasible, then go to her apartment and meet there. I check her understanding, and suggest that if she is a perpetual difficulty, I will abandon her. She seems to understand. A quick check and away I go. I do slow my pace to accommodate, at least at this point. In time, I will expect her to be able to keep up the pace while moving quietly, should we become allies.

Five questions, many answers, and perhaps none.

I received this from Cruel Virgin, and after some thought, a lot of thought, time, and finally a sip of tea in a shaded area, refreshed by breeze and light and shadow and a fine summer day, I produced. I write.

1. You are a wonderful writer. What do you hope to achieve as a writer?

Any good writer should attempt to leverage that skill toward the betterment of man, or so it is said. And should I indeed be a good writer, it would be presumed that this would be my goal. However, I have two difficulties with this. The first difficulty is one of faith. Simply, I do not believe I am a good writer. The remaining problem will haunt me all of my days. It is the belief that as powerful as any can be for the good, that potential goodness is exactly equaled by the potential for evil. There is no way around it. This is what is truly crippling me, and I am working on it, but it is slow work. I just am not sure I wish to be an influence. This too, has it’s perils. The litany continues into the forever.

2. Do you believe that we are on a spiritual journey or that life is a random coincidence? If you believe the former, do you have a sense of the journey? If you believe the latter, can you explain why? Elaborate at will.

I have seen both, or made great efforts toward their ends, at one point in life or another. Science and math, philosophy and real social order, nature and business have all lead back to the same door. Try as I may, to remain honest, I finally went through that entrance and stand firmly inside the Cathedral of the Divine. I sense the journey poignantly, desperately, if at times unhappily. I do not know all the places this road leads, though I know where it started, some of where it and I have been, and where it inexorably ends, but I do not know tomorrow because of this way. I only know that when tomorrow comes, should it come, I would rather be on it and dead for it then off it again and alive for a moment longer.


3. What do you think is terribly wrong with our society? What would you do to change it?

What is terribly wrong with our society is sin. This will not change here, now, as things are. Yet, there is a hope given to us. In this nation, tilting off to the left and nihilism as it is and has been, is the greatest chance at realizing that hope and spreading it. That hope is to enjoy freedom, real personal sincere and true freedom. But freedom is not a complete freedom. It is only the freedom to choose between good and bad and then enjoy the fruits or pay the price of or for our choice. What can be done, in this plane, is simple. A re-coupling of consequences to actions. This would require some large portion of prejudice, a choosing of what is and is not allowed, acceptable, permitted by the real government of this land, should this still be a truly free nation. That government is you, your neighbor, your cousins, your fellows, and me. If we choose to be free and define that freedom, in no uncertain terms, the government will respond, churches will respond, culture and society will mend, and there will be hope. Barring that, there is little that will happen and this nation, like the rest, will become a nation of peoples employed and owned by the state in the form of governance and corporations (that last just another entity of the state).

So, the question is, what will we do? I do my part, but there are few who truly join in this work. Most are cowed, confused, disheartened, dead. Time will tell.



4. Have you ever had an epiphany in which something suddenly became real and truthful, changing your entire life direction?

Yes, an odd one. Back in another life (figurative, this one), attending another church, living with my last lady, I was sure she was cheating on me. I stewed and fretted, cursed and moaned, and doubted her passively. Finally, I decided to bring this to God. “God”, I say, “God, please help me with this woeful woman and her lusting ways!”. Now, God did not speak back to me, but he did open the spill gates. The magic mystery eight-ball that is my mind answered back in no uncertain terms. “Care for the log in your eye before castigating the sty in her eye!”. Wow, and I do mean wow. What I saw in those moments was only everything. I could not write it all, there are no books or sets of books or paper enough, there are no words for some of it, and my mind will never be able to hold it all in any case. That was so clear, clean, crips, and true that I knew. And so I did. First thing, no more internet porn. I fell off that wagon exactly once. Now, I am free. But I am free from more than that. I became free of the worry of the woman. She is in God’s hands. And, one might say as well, that was the final nail in the coffin. I realized my life was forfeit and I wished for it to be redeemed, I finally wanted to live. I also realized where this could be done. The only place it could be done, as I knew and know it. It took two and a half more years to follow my marching orders past my fears and doubts, but follow them I have. So, yes, unequivocally yes.


5. Do you vote? Have you any hope for the upcoming election.


Yes, I do vote. It is an odd and dated social custom. I have come to believe it is not a party to my freedom. Did not Stalin win every election, did not Hussein win every election? No, it is impractically applied in order that it maintain my freedom. The original documents provide the way back to that, at least in as much as landowners and men be the voters. Without that, our leaders are the puppets of the unintended, unlearned, and incapable voter, to put it bluntly, to the socialist devil in the worst of our lot. They cannot maintain a freedom with their hands out and up. And yet, to not vote and attempt to have my word provide some balance, even if forced to vote for the socialist over the communist, it is what I have in that regard. And, so, I vote.

Hope, however, is it’s own thing. Hope, for me, is not derived from an election, even should it be held in the way I see things. That is a grace, and yes, I have it. I have lost that before, and without it, God surely seems dead, goodness holds no allure, and life is as meaningless as the money taken by the mugger. Hope lives here but is here of His will and my faith. In this way, I do not worry.

Update:

Per the interview rules:
1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with a post containing your the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Sunday, and all is good, mostly.

I have asked to be interviewed, and I see the questions before me. My echo chamber rings with answers, questions, doubts, and words, yet the writing will not begin. I must contemplate, though not too much longer I hope. I suppose I could glibly write a whatever, yet that is against my grain. Either do something right or do nothing. That is how I live, and perhaps why so little gets done? Well, that and being a bit of a procrastinator and sleeping for months to years at a time. As I am waking though, I must find that something that propels the others forward. So, I do work at this. I will do this, in reasonably time, and correctly.

I have completed one task which was unsure to be done. I purchased, through an associate for various and technical reasons, a wrought iron bistro table and chairs, with an umbrella. I enjoyed my first iced tea in the shade of said only a short time ago. I am satisfied. It only has two chairs, though if more company arrives, I may use my camp chair. It should be a splendid little place to enjoy parts of my day, entertain company when the cave is ooc, or send the fiery Vader Lady when she gets hyped on one of her liberal deliriums or other, including my air conditioning. Fie, get the hither, maybe tither, I can never be sure so long as it is a cardinal direction with me as the stationary center and her as the item with which to calculate increasing speed and distance, to attain a, hopefully, high velocity. Fie!

I also spoke with the neighbors this day. I had purchased a dozen ears of corn the other day, and thought provide a dozen for them. I was not sure they still had the added coterie remaining in residence or not, and yet, with a family of 6, such a small gift could do no harm. I was able to see AND hold the newest resident! Some things are exciting to me! This little one is only days old. He can barely make out my face, but he sure looked, when he was not considering sleeping or relieving himself as I suspect were both strong considerations. Neither occurred, to my knowledge, and back to Dad he went. I know I always say it is the little things folks, and in size perhaps this was, but in no way is holding a miracle a small thing. It was a blessing.

So, during the blessing, I spoke with the neighbors. I had, by an odd quirk, needed to see them this morning in any case. I had, it seems, locked myself out of my apartment, leaving my keys in my jacket. I rarely wear jackets this late of season, but when I went out last eve, it seemed right. I will have to change the habit of leaving the keys in the jacket. I had thought I was jacket trained, but this snuck up on me. So, while retrieving the keys, I was graciously welcomed in to speak with the family, happily on all accounts gladly. I had locked myself out at 6:30, yet I waited until 8:30 to pay a visit. I try to be polite, even in need. As well, the morning was a delight. I did enjoy the day’s blossoming.

I did forget, somewhat purposefully, to see about fishing tomorrow, as had been scheduled, and as a thing I had intended to discuss. One of the discussions concerned movies we had all recently watched. Some had watched Ratatouille, and I had seen Harry Potter, and they had seen Transformers. I indicated that I wanted to see Transformers, he said it was good enough that he wanted to see it again, and would I be interested in going. So, we set that for Wednesday, late, after wisely checking with the misses. Therefore, and at that time, I thought to let the Monday fishing expedition slide so as not to be too demanding of time in such a short space. I then explained what I thought of Harry Potter and Ratatouille. I think I detailed those here, previously, so will spare that. It seems they will be taking a vacation to their home area soon. Yet, they fear the fruits of their labor will go unused. They have three tomato plants, a zucchini plant, and a cucumber plant which they suggested I utilize. And so I shall! My first BLT of the year is in sight. Drats, update. The Queen and myself will be going camping that eve. I will have to adjust this with the neighbor and see what else will work. *blush* Well, there are advantages to diary blogging after all.

The Queen did make an appearance today. I however, had taken a nap shortly after regaining entry to my abode. I cannot say when she arrived, though I know she was still here at 14:00 or so. She was beginning my kitchen cleaning, which I have been quite remiss in resolving. That will help, and I should be able to get to the rest of it now and more easily with the bit she did and the order she brought to the eclectic and growing symphony of disarray. She, apparently, had no pants washed for work this evening. As well, she had decided to do the favor which I had asked. She, being the financier for the aforementioned purchase, thought today would be the right time, leaving tomorrow to her needs or wants. And, she had decided on the price. She required that I obtain a clothes drying umbrella, and place it. So easy, if a bit pricey, so the deal was struck. I had already made purchase of some items in thanks, yet I do not mind this. I left the drier in her truck, thinking she might have meant it for her place, but this was not the way of it. I can almost guarantee whichever way I had gone with the drier, it would have been the wrong one, trust me. She indeed wished it to be placed here, and indicated where it should go. I thought where it might better fit, at that particular moment, yet wisely withheld my sudden wisdom, with some effort or forethought(?). Then off she went, leaving me to my druthers. First thing, curtains are closed and ac goes down. Nice.

Since then, I have just been reading my favorites, praying for those who need or who I see may need, commenting like the fool I am, and just enjoying my day. I think it is time for a spot of tea, a pipe (do not ask, as yes with patch), and a little time obtaining “fresh air”. Life is not all bad, not even mostly bad, even if at times the bad seems to blot out the rest. Not a blot on the horizon this day. Be at peace.

The Thought Traveler: A Tale of Mischief, Wonder, and Woe. Part VIII

I take a great deal of time moving along the hall. At every third door, I stop, listen, unlock, then investigate the suites. The master key, so far, has not failed me. All of the apartments seem to be turned into open bedrooms, with only the kitchen and bathrooms serving their intended purposes. Most beds are made, some look unused, others used and made, while a few are used and unmade. Partially filled hampers are in some sleeping quarters, towels on racks to dry, more stored in cabinets. Occasionally, apartments are set up for occupancy, yet seem completely unused. These I keep unlocked, as emergency hideaways or safe rooms, locking all the others as I leave them, noting them on my pad. I find nothing of use in the rooms, no food though signs of recent cooking, limited toiletries, no tools, even the bedding items seem a bit worn.

I look at my map, and then look up. I am just around the corner from where I believe the man entered the room. I remember where the last safe room is and orientate myself this side of the hall corner so that should I need to move swiftly, I will know where to go. I settle into a squat, leaning into the wall as well, I slide my goggles back, then ease over to glance around the corner and down the hall. I take stock of what I am seeing for a moment, then I regain the safety of the corner. There are two small light sources, one this side and the other on the far side of the suspected door. The door itself is to my left, though it seems as though there might be an alcove on the right hand of the hallway, across from the door. Something tells me someone is in that alcove. There is not a better place to attempt a peak, as the opposite end of the lighted hall is a mirror image of this one. One more glance, and I realize my suspicions. I can see just enough of the peaked alcove roof descending to be sure it is not a door, and then I see a part of a shoe sticking out from the floor of it. Decisions, guesses.

I pull back to my last safe room, enter, close and lock the door, and think. These people do not seem aggressive, or of the worst or basest nature, and yet there is nothing indicating they are friendly. Still, this door down the hall seems to be guarded and the man who entered that door seems to be a man in charge, not someone who would necessarily negotiate or give out information. The rooms with the workers, on the other hand, seems a bit safer. Worst case scenario, at least I am closer to the stairwell should I need to attempt an escape. Facing a potentially hostile female and boy is less of a risk than facing at least two probably both adult males as well as having to potentially face the female and juvenile should I succeed here in a bad scene. Yes, a plan forms.

I listen at the door. It seems no one is the wiser. I unlock the door, and head back the way I had come. I close on the door in question, and as I am passing a door to my closest safe room, I check it. Unlocked and ready. I enter this one, shut and lock the door, and listen, again. The workers are no longer working. I can hear no sound at first. Then I hear some voices, quietly talking, perhaps a recording, I just cannot tell. I hear nothing else, save a slight hum from the heart of the building, the slight amount that reaches all this way, or perhaps is generated closer. Yet, I have a feeling my presence is known. I am sure I have either been spotted, heard, or found out in some other manner. I just know it. Decisions, guesses.

The obvious safest play would be to attempt to escape. Perhaps taking one of the other routs. The middle play would be to attempt to make contact with the workers. The last choice, one which has already been set aside, and more so now, is to attempt to make contact with the man, though more likely his guard first. To the workers, I decide. I am reaching for the door when I hear the door to the workers room being unlocked. I do so, as well, though quietly. I open my door and begin toward their door. Some voices, something about not yet, I have to, please, it will be trouble. I grab the handle, turn it gently, and open the door. The woman’s eyes widen in surprise and fear, she almost screams. Tim, it seems, spins and almost topples backwards into and onto the woman. They seem to catch each others stumble. She recovers the quickest, eyes calming though still wary, “Yes, what is it?”. I love the way women speak when they know the game just left their court. Not meaning to intrude, I suggest. I merely needed supplies and was searching buildings. I had arrived here and started looking around when I came upon you. Could we speak?

Her eyes are hard, unyielding, yet she agrees. I step forward to get out of the hallway, and she means to stand her ground but yields at the last moment. She leads Tim over and away, and corals him to their mutual safety. I close the door and lock it. As I have said, I begin, I am merely scavenging food, tools, supplies, and such. I mean you no harm. I must admit to being curious about what all is going on here. And I am a bit surprised you have not scavenged the rest of this building yourselves. Would you care to discuss any of this? “You will need to speak with Jim, James actually”. James is not here, and I would like to hear your version, or what you feel you can share, or I would have a difficult time trusting someone named James or you just because you suggest it would be best. Can you see my dilemma? “We are working here. The area and recent events are being researched. We are merely storage and housekeeping workers, so we do not know more”. What is your name, by the way? “I am Sarah and this”, she indicates to the young man, “is Tim”. What is your policy toward locals? Do you have a force with you, or are you also your own defense? “What do you mean, we.. they are scientists, nothing more. There might be a firearm or two, just in case mind you, but we expect no trouble”. What channel are you using? “What”? On your radio, what channel? “Oh, channel 9”. Ok, I will leave now. I will make a channel check at 20:00 tomorrow evening. I will do that for three days running. If he is interested in talking, he’ll find a way to be on that channel at that time.

A day past and thoughts.

So, I stayed up all day yesterday, awaking at 10:00 (I think), going back to bed at 19:30 with the aid of doc’s magic pills. I woke at 23:00 but was able to go back to sleep until 1:15 perhaps. Maybe it is the summer light and heat, maybe between the meds and my improvements, maybe whatever, I do not know, what I know is the end result has meant very little sleep lately. So far it has mostly been an inconvenience. I am sure that, stretched too long, I will be little better than when I slept too much. So, I am tracking it, perhaps even studying it to see if there is some specific or singular reason I can detect, or clues I could pass on to my doctor.

I would like to do the lawn today, though I do not think Sunday is the correct day to do that, so I will wait until Monday. I have not taken care of confession, college, or a number of other things either. Slogging through the morass, doing what I can when I can, and enjoying the moments and memories. It is not a bad thing.

I went with Q.O.D. to the newest Harry Potter movie yesterday. She had already watched it, but wanted to see it again. She finds great pleasure in it, almost akin to Trekies. I enjoy it like any other children’s story. They do not even attempt to make it adult compatible, so for me it is very much one dimensional or less. Imagine… throw a rock, it hits water, skips into wall, then falls to the ground and lays still. Ok. It is in color. I am not too worried about the “magical” aspect of it. I am too into Shakespeare, or am at points, from my earliest teens to a few years ago, to argue such a point. It just is not my cup of tea. Narnia was only ok, as an adult, though the message was good so even better. The Lord of the Rings, Shakespeare, and some of the classics I read as a child are about all that have followed me to this point. Now, the company was good, and we had lunch on the way, and visited a pet shop as well. It was a fun bit of a day.

I am still a bit off my game. Though some of it is this sleep oddity, some of it is more. There are a lot of changes, some new hopes, and a lot more work and play being done. The uncertainty about whether I will move or not has been playing on my mind strongly. I have not met the neighbor’s boyfriend, so I do not yet know how that will go. Her daughter is adorable, and better, my other neighbor’s daughter will now, finally, have a girl her age with which to play. All have been boys in the neighborhood, so far, in her age group. Moving would have to happen quickly and would sap my finances. Beyond, I probably could not find a place here in the area that quickly, so I would, by necessity, need to move out if temporarily. This would also stop my plans for taking courses, if temporarily.