Though I am not quite done, I am doing good.

I did my work out, but it was later than I had hoped. It was past noon when I finally hit the iron. It was a tough workout. It took the wind out of me. Still, I did my lifts as well as I was able, doing them all and as scheduled. It did take a little longer than usual today. I realized something, though, today. As the morning worked toward afternoon, I had hoped energy would grow. What I realized is that it will not grow. I have to just hit what needs to be done if I can, and not worry about trying to energize. Simply put, and again, energy will not percolate up from my feet or something, as a fact, as I sit I begin losing both energy and momentum.

Ok, lets rap it up. I took the library book back and extended the loan. I walked there and back. I am so good, I did it while the library was closed. All the doors were open, and there were signs up near the parking lot, yet not a single sign near the back door I entered through. The college kid at the desk was not too upset, though he went back and forth about whether he should be. I decided not to laugh at him. I am sure he will grow a pair, or they will drop, some day.

I then returned home and collected the trash I had meant to take to the dump Saturday. I unloaded the lot of it for $3.50 and gas. It would have been cheaper to just buy bag tags, as it turns out. But the fish heads were really starting to stink. I had forgotten about those. As well, the material is out from under my feet when trying to enter the garage.

I wrote an email to solidify my plans, then I made an attempt to contact another man regarding my plans. I have called about the pots and pans for my mother, then ordered them, since they are in stock. After which, I attempted to call her to let her know when they should be there and to give her a phone number if they do not show up on time. Dang, I better check my account to make sure I was not charged for the pots and pans that did not show up. The great thing is I think I got a better price for better gear.

I did not call concerning the gear about which I am unsure. I actually considered doing so, however, I have something on a front burner that has required me to put the gear questions and order on a back burner, but just for a day or two I believe. Hopefully I can care for this tomorrow. I also did not call in about college. I just ran out of time, and was otherwise fairly busy with other things.

I have also stayed awake all day, so far. I am afraid of staying awake tomorrow. I have little to do and a lot of day. Fishing might take some of it, bowling which I did not do today could use up some time, and I might see if I can make it in to a mass. Of course, I have the V.A. Voc. Rehab to deal with, and I need to check about that which put the gear on a back burner, and then depending on that I need to decide about the gear and then order whatever portion I will need. As well, I might be getting emails back. Of course, I also did not make it to AAA for trip planning. Then again, I am not sure I will need them. Well, maybe I could use them. Ackh!

Goodnight. I am about to have a ribeye, broccoli, and brussel sprouts.

*poof*

Up and at it!

Good, good, I see a little push, some pre-emptive actions, a little forethought, and some gumption have combined to get me up at 8:14 this morning. I have spent a little more than an hour going through a wake-up routine, though I am not quite functional yet. And, I have plans for the day. Some you may have heard about, some which are just scheduled in, and some which I devised as I was going to sleep or waking up this morning.

On the list for today: working out shortly as a way to kick off the day, I believe I am going to try to start working out early (and earlier still if and when I can regularly arise around 6:00); getting a book back to the library and hoping that I can extend the loan period; walking to the library this time, and seeing how that goes as my feet are still a bit of a weak point until (perhaps) some corrective surgery is performed; investigating whether I have been charged for the pans I ordered for my mother, pans she has not received, then depending on that dealing with the charges with my bank and seeing if I can order her pot and pan sets I am sure will get to her, I already new sets picked out; calling about some gear to see if it is what I need, I want to actually talk to someone first, and regardless of that I will place an order of some sort with or without the questionable gear either today or tomorrow; bowling, I did not do that last week; several emails regarding my plans, now that I have firmed up my schedule I may start filling one of those people on my list as to when I will be where and I have another person with whom I need to confirm dates and such; and I may try to go fishing sometime today.

There may be a few things added to the list, some of these plans depend on others so regardless of what I do, their completion is not completely in my hands, but that is life. I am learning to know when to just hang out, when to push, pull, complain, question, or just inform others as to my needs and wants. Life is very tangled, problems can be complicated or simple, nothing is quite what it seems, and yet when I give myself and others a clear cut direction or directive, I get very solid feedback, quite often decent honest assistance, and I usually get where I am going or pretty darn close. This is a whole new world and ballgame for me people. I have been so sidelined for so long… it is not like I was on the sidelines, I do not think I was even in the highest bleachers the furthest from the game, I had actually left the game, field, stands, and had gone to a different continent where no one had even heard of the game. I cannot say I am quite back in the game, but I am planning for my first and second season, practicing, working out, making contacts, scheduling minor competitions to obtain a handicap for my game, to know my weaknesses, and to find my strengths.

I will not tell you I am not afraid. I was good in those early days, perhaps very good, some might say pro. I had a lot of things going for me. I turned powerful heads, caused tongues to produce echoes in chambers of power, moved little worlds, and began to have high hopes and expectations built around me. Then I broke and it all drained away while I was mothballed and given no hope. In those circles I will never walk again. I fear that in this new circle of existence I am attempting to rise within, shadows from the past or new shadows will come and obscure my way and hope, those two quite often being synonymous in my lexicon. It is something I will have to deal with, this inner jelly. I used to handle it, but I think that was when I was bulletproof or immortal or something. No, come to think of it, that was never true for me. I dealt with real, gun-metal mouthed, reach-into-my-guts and yank, standing cackle, trauma causing fear. This, actually, should be easier. I suppose I note it so clearly now because I, perhaps for the first time, notice that my chances of a new life are real, that the new life whispered in the wind is a powerful life, and that it is in large part going to be largely up to me staying on target, pushing every day, and demanding and commanding those who were sent to aid me, many of whom have great doubts, a stated political disinterest, or are out-right antagonistic toward my plans.

Enough, it is time to get busy. Oh, I had best contact the V.A. Vocational Rehabilitation officer. I received a letter Thursday or Friday indicating I have 30 days to contact him because his attempts to contact me have not been successful (though my contact information has not changed in 3 going on 4 years and I have received zero attempts by him to contact me, other than this letter). I understand he is trying to get rid of me, and no matter what I do, he will try to either just avoid me until it is too late or find some other way to say no without literally saying it, especially now that he is on my medical records having said yes to my doctor. He is going to be a serious pain in the ass, I may have to collude with other forces to bring down this beast's intent.

So far so good.

While I was planning my day, I decided to cook a bite to eat. I had some brats thawed. I usually boil, then fry or grill brats. However, I wanted to see if I could do without the boiling this time. Boiling brats really adds to the cooking time and the clean-up while not really adding anything to the taste from what I can tell. Instead of just heating the cast iron skillet, this time I added ¼ inch of oil (peanut) to the base of the pan. I heated that up a bit, then added the brats. I cooked them for about five minutes on a little more than medium heat, then turned them over for five minutes. I did this about 5 times, turned the heat to a low medium, and turned them about 3 more times (5 minutes per side as well). They came out well, and the ones I have tasted were good and done.

The movies went back, in two parts. When I turned them in (and glad I went in), two of the DVDs were absent their cases. So, a quick drive home would have solved the problem, but I had some other things on my mind. I asked what time the place closed. It stays open until midnight, every night. Good to know, I would have been able to take them in yesterday it seems. In any case, I paid for the two which were there then went to a few places to check on a few of my final items. I have been looking at camping, hiking, food, and first aid books online. Though I can get an idea of how well a book is written, I really need to see the item, thumb through the pages, see the appendices, index, table of content, and some of the specifics to feel comfortable laying out some cash. As well, a compass is a requirement, if not for this year then certainly for next year. Getting used to using it and becoming a decent navigator will take time. Best to start now, in a familiar and relatively safe environment.

First, a trip to the local outfitters. As I drove up, they were just about to lock the door. The owner or manager hesitantly asked if I knew exactly what I wanted. I did, so he let me through the door. As we walked into the stores interior, he explained that usually they close at 17:00, yet they also like to be flexible for shoppers, especially if it is quick. Redundant chitter-chatter, but that is fine. I appreciate a business which does this and the weather was too good to complain about. He suggested there were others in the store who could help, yet when I saw no worker who was not occupied, I asked if he knew where the compasses where, and if he had a manual or topographical maps. Yes, sort of, No, and No. They only carried two compasses (useful with maps, anyway), however neither a manual or topographical maps were to be had. He did know of a place to purchase local topographical maps, and suggested the USGS as a place to purchase (or source a supplier) for Colorado and Nevada maps. Good information, another piece of gear, and out the door I went in an attempt to not be the last customer irritating the staff.

Barnes & Nobles was my next destination (or were my destinations the other way around?, who knows?). This particular shop is not a massive book store, yet it is not tiny either. A quick look around and I found an area I thought might hold at least some of the material I was seeking. I found a field guide section for nature, including birds and bees (not getting busy or anything, just noting them) and all other things nature. I began a search for edible wild plants. I doubted that I would find anything for Colorado, but I might find something rather broad and general. No such luck. So, I went seeking first aid, backpacking, and hiking books while hoping to hit upon what I had been trying to find. After an half hour of looking, I finally went up and asked for assistance (avoiding the little guy with the petite nature and the “too trimmed” mustache, I asked a woman for some assistance. Simply enough, she lead me to the nature section, and around the corner (which I had failed to follow, though I doubt if it would have mattered), she produced a book covering wild foods. Then she lead me to an area which held many outdoor and first aid type books. I picked up three books, “Edible Wild Plants”, “Hiking and Backpacking”, and “First-Aid Field Guide”. The books appear to have been titled according to one of my favorite principles, that being KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid). I had looked over many books, and with my basic knowledge, felt satisfied that the proper material was covered in each tome I ended up taking to the register. I now have more reading, but I do have an strong incentive to read this material.

After returning home, I picked up the absentee DVDs and returned them. It is good to have those in and to have the late fees paid.

It nearly 22:00, I have been up all day and I should be able to sleep well tonight. I will even get another minor task or two completed by bed time. I know I really need to either start walking locally or hitting the trails to add to my work outs. I would like to begin doing set-ups too. But those things are for another day. This day is a success. Perhaps I could have done more, gotten up earlier, or whatever. I will not complain, not with this day. It is a keeper.

Better?

The alarms went off at 7:30 and 8:00 as usual. And, I went back to sleep as usual. However, rather than just rolling back into the sack, I took my morning medicines and checked the temp first. The temperature was 65, a little chilly for me to be active, let alone to allow me to wake up. So, I turned on the heat, setting it at 68 or 70. Then, promptly went to bed and fell back to sleep instantly. I do not know if it was the medicine or the warmth, perhaps both, but my sleep was light and short lived. I was up and out of bed by right at 10:00. A mere 3 hours later, and I feel exhausted again. I hope the main of this feeling is just rearranging my sleep schedule. It is difficult to know. Thankfully it is Sunday and therefore I do not have anything vital to do today. Hmm, I could begin my lists though.

Oh, and I had best take the movies back. I realized after blogging last night that it was probably too late to take the movies back. Since they are late, I do not like leaving them in the drop-off, preferring instead to pay for the late fees and bring them in personally. That will give me a reason to freshen up and leave the house though, so it is not all bad.

I must admit, I am perplexed as to how people stay up all day, working 8 or hours or more, commuting, grooming in the morning, grooming after work (to various degrees depending on if whoever is staying home or going out), having a family or social life, figuring out how to shop and cook or otherwise provide themselves with food (even a “quick” restraint takes time, up to a half hour with windshield time), buy up-to date personal and work clothes, and everything else. Perhaps in time I might work up to this, though I must be honest, I am a bit dubious about the proposition. At least, that is, without some help.

Then again, I know a lot of men and women who are quite dependent upon each other to lead a successful life. I think that is the way it is supposed to be. It also means single parent families and double income families have a less likelihood of being capable of offering the type of lifestyle I am hoping for. I must admit, realizing my weaknesses and honestly assessing my hopes for life, I see many shortcomings. So, I work hard and then try to work even harder. But, damn, I am so very tired right now. *gasp* My goal today, staying up to 22:00, getting the movies back, and doing a little research on a few final items.

Ok, a better than average day, for the week anyway.

I made it to church. Good. I decided against attempting to take the refuse to the landfill, realizing that being late Saturday afternoon, the landfill was probably not open. It ended up being a wise decision, as I had forgotten my wallet so that between driving back to get my wallet, realizing I needed to stop and pick up some money for the offering (and a bit just for the wallet and life), time became much tighter than it at first seemed. Had I successfully or not detoured more I would not have made it to church on time. As is, I was inside the church and seated a very healthy 10 minutes early (my usual target time).

I saw several of the gents I saw last week, a few I had not seen but know, and I also met the fellow who had asked me to contact him. I had made efforts to obtain his email address, but the sister I emailed for information did not seem to know him, or he was not coming up in her searches. This time I ensured I got his email address and I plan to write and set up a coffee hour. Come to think of it, there is another friend or two in the church I need to check up on. It has been a while since I have seen some of them, perhaps it is time.

After leaving church, and then speaking with some friends, I decided a drive was in order. I had initially thought I might go fishing, but it seemed too late, and I would have needed to change as well. I wanted to do something to help me stay awake and stretch my day out a bit. A drive it was. I drove out to see if the county firing range was above water yet. I doubted it would be, but then maybe the water had been lowered in that particular reservoir to open that shooting area. Even if the water had been lowered, I supposed it would still be too muddy to drive in. The worst case scenario was the truth, water was still very high, not having gone down or been lowered since last I checked. It was a fun drive and a nice day, so no real loss.

Returning home, I try to think up some things to do. I decided to try and call my mother. She did not answer her home phone, so I called her cell phone. No answer to that either. Hungry, I decide, I really have a want for food. Then I remember the fish! Can I cook them well? I try to recall how my mother does them, and then I consider how I prefer things, then I combine the ideas and start cooking. Very good, if I do say so myself! I am not so pleased with my cooking skills as I am with the taste of fine tasting fresh fish and a satisfied stomach. Though knowing that I can cook these fine fresh (hopefully soon to be) easy to catch foods is good news.

Well, I should go back a bit. Half-way through the cooking my mother calls me. Her phone tracks who called. She had been in the shower, a long day for her so she was enjoying it as more a want than just a need. Then, she had food cooking, so she finished her meal. She has been very busy, though life will begin slowing down for her. She has been helping a friend out, but she is becoming tired. I finished my cooking while talking with her. We got caught up on all of our doings, ensured we each knew the other understood we were loved, and just jabbered for a bit. I could tell she was very tired. So, finally, we bid each other goodnight with a final “I love you”.

Perfect. The fish cooled off just right while we talked. I realize I have stayed up all day, I have completed some new and old tasks, of course I have missed out on doing some things I had hoped to do. All in all, life is becoming successful. I am really going to try and push to get up in the morning and stay up all day, while still staying somewhat busy.

Oh, movies have to go back. They are late. The movies, all good within their genres and perhaps more, some better than others, are “Stardust” (fantasy) , “Gabriel”(religious concept, angelic “mythology”), “Live Free or Die Hard” (action), and “War” (action, with Jet Li and Jason Statham). I may or may not get to full reviews, but “Stardust” received a B/B+ all around, “Gabriel” received a B-/B but only within it’s niche, “Live Free or Die Harder” was a solid B+/A- definitely in it’s genre and I would debate on into general cinema mostly, and “War” was a good B-/B if mostly just within it’s style. I best get these back. Goodnight.

Not bad, how to keep it going?

My lady friend stopped in this morning. A little company was helpful in waking up and staying awake. And, she brought breakfast makings, so I made breakfast. I had thought she would be by, but one cannot always tell with her. I prepared by sorting out the kitchen last evening, so I was ready. She prefers her “organic” eggs, “heritage” pork bacon, and such. Since I will not spend twice the price of already too high grocery prices for what I have no evidence is any more nutritious, she has learned to care for her preferences. I will eat the stuff, I just will not pay for it. As well, if she has no money, she is more than welcome to eat here, and whatever I have. So, it is not like I am stingy about food, or will not share.

In any case, we had a nice breakfast. She even brought a loaf of either artisan whole wheat or mixed grain. I cut half the florets from a broccoli stalk to be sautéed in butter, then have the scrambled eggs mixed with them. I cooked a large portion of the bacon, though not purely by my choosing. She had two types of bacon, one cured and smoked, and one merely cured. She had wished that I cook some of each, as she wished to sample both. However, she did not tell me this until I was nearly finished cooking nearly all of one of the packages. As is my general pattern, I do not prefer to open two packages at one time. Oh well. Still, it was pleasant. We ended up with scrambled eggs with broccoli florets, plenty of good thick old school bacon, toasted whole grain bread, an half avocado each, and she with coffee where I preferred chilled tea.

After that, a few games of backgammon to instill the fear of Man-flesh into her mind. After that, a Scrabble shakedown. Well, she did win a few of the backgammon games, so I do not feel too bad. By this time she was finished with her laundry, my kitchen was back in order (and better than it had been, happily), and she was ready to go home and sleep. So, that was that. Now, how to stay awake. I am just frazzled. I took my morning medicine, and I took my afternoon pills. Still, I feel like I could just collapse into a pile of goo. That would be Mr. (Mc)goo to you.

I might have to push things even more. I have to check a few things, but I think it is time I do more than try. Is that last famous last words, or is that me becoming a Jedi? *laughs* It is a Saturday, so I really want to go to church. I would also like to get some refuse out to the dump. This last clean up day left me with more than I could fit into the barrel on top of the trash being taken far earlier in the day than usual. It was the Mayor’s Pick-up or Clean-up day, so I think the garbage detail was trying to get a hustle on, starting early and moving fast. So, I need to get rid of some stuff.

But first, I need a shower. If I was not going to church, it would be no problem. And, I am not so concerned about the refuse messing up my situation, as most of it is dry goods (papers, newspapers, magazines, catalogues, and such). I wonder if I will be out of church in time to try to go fishing? Hmmm, maybe. I had hoped to go yesterday, but it just did not work out. Oh, yeah, I am starting to notice some physical differences due to working out. They are small, perhaps some might not notice at all. But the veins in my hands are much more pronounced, and the veins in my arms are beginning to make themselves know. My muscles do not feel bigger, or even tighter, however. Then again, what does two weeks earn me, the strength of a paper-boy or something? *grins*

Two weeks of exercising.

After a lot of years of nothing, two weeks almost seems like an accomplishment. The work out is becoming more challenging, and again I find that I am becoming nervous. It is not as bad as the first two sessions, both of which I feared greatly. This is more of a feeling that I could just stop working out. It would be easy to do, there are excuses (if poor ones). I do not think I will quit, and if I mess up, I will get back into it. Between feeling stretched after the work outs and yet not feeling like I have made gains, I think those two thoughts are what cause me doubt. I am just grumbling or, more, voicing my concern and identifying the sources of my concern. Perhaps that will help, perhaps it is irrelevant.

I did a number of things I had hoped to get done this week, yet there are many things that are slipping through my fingers. I need to place a call to check on some needed gear, a weekday thing you know. I have not further investigated my birth mother’s contact information, probably, again, a weekday thing. There are several other tasks, as well. Not being able to wake in the morning has made becoming alert fast enough when I do awake in the afternoon a bit of a trick. Still, I think I will need to begin keeping a list, or three. One list for things I can actually do. A list for those things I am trying to do. And a final list for things I need, contact information once I obtain it, and perhaps intermediate tracking of the other lists. Yes, it might get a bit confusing, but using several separate stapled together sheets should help, and I think I need to keep several lists or it could become unmanageable.

Oh, right, a few more things to do. I need to begin hitting the trails, bowling, and doing push -ups. Monday? Maybe, yeah, or tomorrow. I will just have to see.

I have received some very good news. It sounds as if the off-road club would easily be able to plan a “stock” trip for the days indicated. Apparently it is early enough that this should be easy, and it sounds like there are willing participants! From what I have heard, the higher passes should be snow free (or free enough) for a good go at them. I am not yet sure how this will work out, or where we might go, but I am excited. Since I will not be able to access a computer… wait, my cell phone does email, and internet actually. Hmmm, still, I ought to figure out who would be willing to exchange phone numbers as the trip is finalizing.

Argh! Bah, it is good. I am nervous about money, I am nervous about timing, I am anxious about the whereabouts of a mom gone missing, and I am tired. Good, it gives me something to complain about, get fired up about, and push to solve. So, so, just… leave me alone! :p

A tough week, I am not sure how to break the cycle.

This week has been brutal. I will also say that in spite of it being a week of exhaustion, I did more this week than I have at times during peak times prior to this new regimen. I suppose that is good, but it shows me how hard digging out from 20 years is going to be. I have lifestyle issues, I have health issues from my disabling conditions (I believe there are two problems, trauma and that odd super need for sleep) to being out of shape, as well as not having enough education or experience to just pick something up and begin being professional, or even earning money or providing services, etc. I looked into charity work, but much of it is very light weight work offering only a few hours a day. Now, I understand that it needs to be, but for someone who can move hundreds of pounds physically and has some mathematical skills up to engineering calculus III, it is difficult to connect with very light simple tasks. I am a people person, but not in as heavy a way as might be needed in some of the other tasks.

So, what I am left with is finding things I like to do, and then doing them. Most frequently, I need to do them alone. This is complicated, it can be expensive, and I can usually only go so far in any skill, interest, or hobby before I come up against too many unknowns to feasibly learn more independently. Fishing is a skill, some of it may be understood through reading, some of it can be gained by experience, but much of it almost requires a guide. Hunting is similar. And, almost anything is better with some company. Yes, I am grumbling. But never worry, I am still working on these things.

I am just a bit frustrated. I cannot seem to get out of bed on time in the mornings. I set my alarm, and I try to get to bed as early as I can. I try to push, and I have been taking at least my morning medicines regularly and well. Even when I am awake and doing things, I am quite often very tired. Then again, if this is an actual low, it is miles above the “best” low I have ever had. I am doing my weights, doing laundry, cleaning up, reading (about pi right now), maintaining my blog, and still finding other reasons and ways to get out of the house, on top of planning for my trip. Yeah, ok, perhaps I should be tired given I do have an issue with exhaustion and I have been busy. But darn it, I am Super Man, right?

Not the best starting day, again.

A late rise. I did not wake until 14:00 or so. And, it has been a struggle waking up. Thankfully a friend needed my drill and some muscle. I think I got that arranged as required, and then since I happened to have some buckets, and they needed them, I drove home and then delivered them to the friend. Now, I am waiting for my neighbor to return home so that we might get out fishing. This week’s fishing report is out, but I am not sure where to find that. I may have to take a peek around the web and see if I can locate it.

I did have a bit of a party last night. I started out with two beers, and then had more, so simple yet not. At least I did not (I do not think), blog anything odd or offensive, send any emails, or any other such rubbish. And, the beer was quite good. For some reason, it just went down the tube like the fantasy of beer drinking might indicate.

I have already started receiving some of what I ordered. This is great, especially since I did not order fast delivery. I now have a fleece pullover, water shoes (though I already have scuba boots, I thought the shoes are better for this type of thing), 5 big cans of dehydrated foods (beef based, plus an extra just beef can, in case they were beef stingy), several over-the-fire cook items (a couple of stainless still handled grill baskets and a couple of handled cast iron “pie” (or sandwich) cookers), a few more camp pillows, several lengths of rope, and four ratcheting cargo straps. Bit by bit, this is coming together. I know I will probably want a water reservoir as well, 5 to 10 gallons, preferably steel, with several options in how to fill and then access the water in the container.

I suspect, however, that as I begin camping and checking out the equipment, I will always think of something else. Much of it is not necessary, so at this point, I really have to start looking at whether the items are actually useful for actual survival, real and functional utility, and as a last possibility whether the item has real and functional comfort properties. Roughing it is exactly that, yet dying does not sound fun while a chauffeured outing is just as out. Only experience, gained in successes and failures, will lead me to this knowledge.

If, in my fishing today, I find some significant success, I may begin going more, on my own. I am also hoping to find campfire rings where we fish. I would really like to catch a few fish and try out the stainless steel grill baskets, cooking a fish or two in them. I suspect some salt and perhaps a spray bottle filled with olive oil might lend themselves nicely to the deal (oh, and a pepper grinder). I just want to see how well it actually works. Of course, I am starting to become unsure if we will be fishing tonight, it is getting late. It happens, or does not, at times and as the case may be.

I just cannot keep things going.

I was awake late last night finishing all but a few of the remaining dishes (a pot and a utensil had been overlooked) and finalizing the kitchen to within a reasonable standard. I went to bed, setting my alarms. I heard them, and turned the first off, while resetting the second one. I either did not hear the second (reset) alarm go off, or I reset it incorrectly. Thankfully, I heard the doorbell, and was up and out of bed, dressed and at the door, quickly enough so that there was no incident. We did get to the area I had hoped to have dug into last week. It is much neater, the old and unwanted papers, magazines, and catalogues have been tossed or shredded and the necessary material has been collected and will be sorted shortly. Work was easier this time, but it was just as necessary.

After she exited my abode, the home health assistant that is, I realized I was still quite tired. I struggled to stay awake as long as possible, hoping to get my work-out completed before then reconsidering a nap. I just could not make the cut. After a goodly but, in finality, futile effort, I ended up napping. I would guess I napped for several hours. My landlord knocked on the door and introduced me to my new neighbor. She seems to be a younger woman, perhaps in her early to mid twenties. She has a daughter in third grade, and a baby on the way. What other particulars she posses and which surround her, I do not know. She seems like a decent enough person. I will just have to see how this all works out. At least I do not feel she is a threat, I only hope any love interests of hers are as feasible regarding civility.

I wanted to go back to bed, but I refused. I stayed up, just tinkering for a bit. I ate a bowl of cold cereal, and contemplated my day. I had wanted to go bowling, but that just is not in the cards. I received some email back, some of which is being considered, some of which is a negative which will have to be handled in it’s own way. I just stumbled through a few more hours of barely hanging on to consciousness. I knew that if I did not push, and hard, I would not get to my workout today. So, push I did. I first found some clean workout wear, dressed, found my timer (for my rests) and placed it appropriately, then I warmed up with a few very light exercises. I got in and did it, though it took me nearly a full 45 minutes this time. I can push it, and have it done in less than 30 minutes, but that does not feel right. Though a full 45 minutes indicates I was dogging it, too. Given the deal, I was happy to get the lifting done, so I really will not complain.

I am not sure what this evening will bring. However, I am hoping to watch a movie or two, take back some movies, fix some dinner, buy some groceries, and do some final cleaning. Either that, or just take another nap. I am so very tired. Perhaps I will split the difference, take the movies back, grab some salad makings, and just tinker. Yeah, I think so. If nothing else, it will get me out of the house, even if it for nothing more than groceries. I do have tomorrow evening to look forward too, my neighbor has asked me to go fishing. I am not sure if he and his family are to go, which parts of it, or if it’s an adult fishing expedition. I am happy in any case. When the kids throw rocks in the water, it is a short lived attention getting thing, and I remember the days when I did the same thing. I would also like to do something else tomorrow. Perhaps I can go bowling earlier in the day.

Why am I trying to push? Well, I suppose having two to three weeks on the road looking me in the face is leading me to push a bit. That is, indeed, the short term specter. The long term ghost that haunts me is my long past of inability and exhaustion. I really need to push past this. Even with Ritalin, I am barely able to walk some days (though, in comparison to my past, I AM able to get out of bed now). The psychotropics never did work, so I lost faith in the initial diagnosis (plural, the diagnosis flipped like doctor pathogen fashions or something). I guess, only in working with a single doctor over a long period of time has a reasonable diagnosis been proffered, and treated. If the treatment is not perfect, it is a better fit than what I have had to date. As well, some syndromes are not well indicated for treatment. Perhaps this is as good as it gets. But wait, let me push, and with the bit the medicine is helping, as I do get fit, let me re-evaluate. Perhaps I am too hopeful, perhaps my faith is ill advised, perhaps I am a fool. I tell you this, I would rather live with hope than give up and die. As I have said, even if I ultimately fail, how can I lose by continuing on?

Oh, thinly sliced roast beef, heated then having slices of cheddar cheese melted on top, set in a kaiser bun, with a bowl of buttered vegetables, a glass of milk, and who knows what (freshly brewed, then iced, ginger peach tea is what!), I believe, sounds like supper to me. I am so hungry! See ya.

A day of uncertainty.

I went to bed at 3:00 last night, perhaps 3:30. Today is an off day, no exercises, though I had hoped to go bowling, and I probably intended to sleep in. No such luck, as life would have it. At precisely 5:59, my lady friend called to make sure I was awake. Oddly, my phone only rang through twice (or did I just hear the last two rings, drats, I had not considered that until now). Of course, in two real or heard rings, in the dark, finding my phone is good, answering it is asking a bit much. So, I listened to her stupid message indicating that she wishes my driving services at 8:00, and I then went back to sleep, promptly I might add. *ring, ring* An hour later, two more rings. I again, of course, miss the phone. Being both tired And bothered now, my chances at even finding the phone in two rings have dwindled to nil. Arghhh! This woman hates me (and, she does)! This time, as I lay my head to rest again, the phone goes off again. Another stupid message. I think I just erased it, waiting for her to call me at a more respectable hour. The next thing I know, the phone is ringing again. Wait, that is not the phone, that is the doorbell.

So, I jump out of bed, yell an “I am coming”, only to hear a hail of extra doorbell buzzes or rings or whatever sound the stupid device delivers to my frayed nerves and sleep deprived neurons, which feel like they are being shocked and assaulted from the minute fuzz in my ear canal, sticking out from my inner-ear skin all the way to my sleep achy brain, then through out my body. She has to be female. Anyway, after I let her know I am coming, and she acknowledges this by assaulting me, I rush back to my room and oddly dress. Arms and arm holes do not work out right. My shirt somehow gets half inside out and half right side out, and then backwards I think. Another hail of attacks on my neuro-net, while I am finding my pants and trying to get them on. Feeling like I must have made the poor dear wait in the pouring rain or the drastic cold, I rush to the door to find a little contented woman looking at me as if she had just so softly tapped on the door, standing in the beautiful warm and dry morning. I honestly do not think that woman gets it. Anyway, I throw the bolt and then turn the lock, I open the door and back in to allow her entrance and she says “I was just making sure you were up, I need to change clothes and get breakfast.”! No, she does not get it. I think she notes a small bit of disturbance in my force, so she amends her words. “No, indeed, I will not go for breakfast, we will eat together later. Still, I will go home and change my clothes. I will be back in a bit, be ready.”. *slam* The woman needs a broom! (I did infer that tonight, to which she gained some small joy)

So, she returns and I realize what I have been roped into. She desires a driver, one more time, to pick up her glasses. Fine, fine, so off we go. She asks, however, and right before we leave, for a blanket and pillow. That done, she climbs into the back seating area and promptly falls asleep. We get down there, and pick up her glasses (and I buy a pair of sunglasses which will sit atop my glasses, both for the rafting and for the general road trip). We then head back to our town. On the way, she has me look for a breakfast place. Eggs, hashbrowns, and coffee would be enough for her, so long as it is not fast food (she is a socialist and libtard, McDonalds is eeewwwilll). So be it, I pick my battles, and this is not one of them. Fast food breakfast are not my favorite, so no real loss. There is not a single place on the way back, so we stop at her favored spot in town and commence to consume. After that, I drive home, she hops in her vehicle and heads home from here, and that is that.

Still being quite tired, I think about sleeping. No, there are things I need to do. And, to help stay awake and do a few things, I head out of the house and to a local outdoors rigging store. I have looked online for some things, so I want to give the locals a shot. With shipping, but less tax, the locals come out the favored, so I buy a few things I have been eyeballing for years now. An MSR multi-fuel stove, a few minor cooking items, a Katadyn pocket water filter, a camp pillow, some plastic silverware, a couple of stainless bottles for water, and a few other odds and ends. When I arrive home, and fondle my goodies, I decide to try and make some contacts.

One contact is local, so I write an email to an mutual acquaintance who might have the contact or who might know someone who does have the information. I still await results there. After that, I attempt to find the Off-Road club I had been in contact with over a number of months last year. Unfortunately they are gone. However, another group, more broadly based on all Nissan offroad vehicles, has sort of taken over the role the Xterra club had been filling. So, I joined their forums, left a post in their noob category letting them know a bit about me, asking about their schedule and letting them know of my interest and possible dates for meeting or driving with one or many of them, and now I am awaiting something there.

After that, I decided to begin tracking down a farmer john. After much looking, and looking at the capacity (temperature wise, and in sizing), turning down this as too cheap, that as too small, this as too thin, that as… Well, I did get lucky, I think. I found the item I needed, added a multi hanger for the extra gear (diving gloves, cape (if I get one), and diving boots), diving suit shampoo, a hanger for the suit itself, and a rash guard, all for a price I consider reasonable after several hours of searching (actually, I have been looking at farmer john wetsuits since last years white-water considerations). I think I will order 5 various cans of freeze-dried food, some sleeping bag gear, and perhaps another ice chest, and I will be pretty much ready (other than, of course, some fresh foods on my way out of town, or on road on the way, lodging, gas, rafting expenses, and a few other odd holes to be put in my head). *laughs* Oh, I have probably spent a bit more than I had initially thought I would need to spend, but it is within my limits, and easily. As well, next year will be easier. I suspect climbing rope, some other climbing gear, and a hammock tent will be next year’s big expenses, along with gas, lodging, and rafting costs, oh and most likely a adventurer’s canoe. *sigh* Perhaps, one expensive summer at a time, eh?

I still was unable to locate mother number three. I am a bit worried, though if she put her phone on the unlisted side, moved, married, or some other things, well, she is probably fine. I may have a trick to finding her. I thought of this today, knowing her maiden name (which she had been using until recently), and where some of our name-sake relatives live, I might try calling around in that city (a whole other state). It came to me too late to attempt it, politely, this evening. Tomorrow I will try again.

Oh, for some reason my lady friend stopped by this evening. She said she was avoiding her landlady who was arriving as my friend was about to go home after her (free) work in some organic garden (while she is deeply in debt, having to pay her own gas to that farm, not getting paid except for receiving vegetables in season, while she complains about being in debt and could be working for actual cash money, socialists!). Anywho, I invited her in and offered to share a pizza. Beside her buying me several fine meals lately (if I have spent gas, it has been a smaller thing then her generosity by far), she just looked to need to be treated kindly. So, I thought of food and said nothing about my usual topics (communism, socialism, feminism, or her foolish counter-productive ill conceived work ethic). She had been hungry, so it was settled. A prayer over the meal together, as is my usual which she usually shares, sometimes does not participate in, and then we enjoyed the thing. She thought it was bedtime, so out the door she went, at my insistence. She will be glad, later, when she realizes she got a little sleep instead of goofing on my computer for three hours, or four, or five. (No, her interest in staying longer was not an indication she is “interested”. We are good friends, but that is not in either of our ways these days. Still, it was cute of you to imagine it.)

I am very tired, and it is rather late, yet I wish to do dishes so that, for the first time, the lady that arrives tomorrow may focus on other areas for cleaning. I wish to be up early, but this is going to be tough. I have been doing well, if my schedule is becoming lopsided to later day rather then banker's hours days. As well, if not up as long and strong as I wish, I have been pushing forward, not letting go, and doing all that I can plus stretching my capacity a good deal. We will just have to see. This could turn around and hit me hard. It is sort of like the idea of a rocket, can the thing reach critical velocity to leave the gravitational pull with enough thrust yet remaining to exit the Earth’s gravitational pull and angle away, or stay in a stable orbit? Well, can I… punk? I do not know.

A great meal, a good day, if not the best of days.

I was not able to get up and running well today. I did not wake until after 13:00. It took a great deal of time to fully awaken and shake the cold and lethargy of sleep. I had hoped to get some cleaning done, work out, play the piano, go bowling, then be ready for our cook-out tonight. Though I did work out, play piano, and have a great dinner with the neighbors, I missed the rest. I can bowl tomorrow and I can clean either after this or tomorrow. I did finish a few emails which I needed to send off. Though I failed to make contact (or even find contact information) with my 3rd Mother. As well, I have yet to contact the Xterra club.

The meal was quite pleasant. They have a number of children, so there is always sound and movement. One of the children is in a cast, they all want attention, and they are all curious yet short of attention span. This, far from being a negative, is part of what I enjoy about sharing meals with the family. It, when I think of a family, is the organic social contact which I seek. I know it is not perfect, it can be over-whelming, it is not going to be easy, but it is priceless and good. The steaks were good, though perhaps a little under-done. No one wanted their steak cooked longer, though that might have been from exhaustion. Honestly though, I did not get the sense of dissatisfaction. Along with this, potatoes, salad, shrimp with cocktail dip, and dessert filled out the meal wonderfully. I so rarely do a complete meal, that this was a real treat.

Between them corralling kids, setting places, talking, and all of us cooking, the evening flowed pleasantly. Eventually, after the meal was complete, dishes and such were tended, and a bit more talk, several of the children hit bedtime. The house started to noticeably cool and slow down. Those of us remaining watched a (divo) recorder version of “The Office” (or something like that). Though I rarely watch tv, they had introduced this show to me some time back. Then, not long ago, I had been watching one of the shows, then it was interrupted by a call (I think it is an oddly funny show). Since they had it, and they enjoyed that one, we watched it, this time all the way through. Midway through, their neighbors dropped in, first just one of the parents, then the other, then the other, finally both of them dropped in and watched the last half of the show with us.

It was a good evening. There was more, but that is mine, for now. I will let you know if something of a lead begins to bear fruit. I will not be too mysterious, but just saying there is something, perhaps, in the works. Now I leave you. Have a good night and be well.

Socialism, coolaid for the masses.

It has come to my attention that I may no longer post at a particular site. This is fine, and it was, in finality, what I had asked long ago. Yet, when offering thoughts or opinions that I thought were not appreciated, I either received no comment or snide yet weak seeming attacks which when questioned, where never explained. This time, however, I decided it was time to know if what I suspected was true, or if the previous threads just became uninteresting and the hostess went on, just teasing or playing through disinterest in whatever thread was ending.

This is the response to, mostly, genuine query. I will honestly discuss each complaint here (since, as I mentioned, I am no longer welcome to post, rightly or wrongly, it is her site, I will neither apologize nor ignore her decision).

“Doom, you are being Extremely Rude. I will not accept any more of your comments until such time as you choose to apologize.”
I find no reason to apologize.

“In case you are still at sea regarding exactly what it is you have to apologize for:

1) You called me an anti-American.”
I indicated that socialism is anti-American if it is sought. Since this is not the type of government we (officially) have, supporting it means supporting the overthrow of our current government. I suspect that is rather anti-American. If you are so involved with the socialist movement that you cannot be separated from the movement on a personal basis, then you are indeed anti-American. Either face up to it, honestly, or leave the traitorous political affiliation.

“2) You have implied that I am a thief.”
Same as above.

“3) You have essentially told me, 'If you don't like America, you can leave.'”
In essence, yes. I believe there is a group which will help you, paying one way travel and offering you a small payoff, for a guarantee of termination of citizenship. Let me know if our “criminal” (as you put it) president is too much for you and you feel the need to leave.

“4) You have compared Senator Obama to Hitler and Stalin, and offensively misspelled his name.”
Actually, the misspelling was accidental, in this case. I have done it on purpose before, but I spelled it Obomber, see the difference? I am unfamiliar with muslim names. I am so happy that you seem to grasp them so well. Perhaps a burqua is your style. As far as comparing him to Hitler and Stalin, that is a bit much. He is half the man, if every bit as evil. As I have told others, I will now tell you. I hope you get your way, the governance you would die or kill for, if you had the power, but I hope it happens for you elsewhere or after I am dead.

“5) You have so ridiculously misrepresented the subject matter in your last post that it is impossible even to address the points you make. They are not coming from any basis in reality at all. 'Socialism has afflicted our medical schools?' What are you smoking? Indifference, negligence to fertility? When the in-vitro fertility industry is so enormous, and when our live birth rate takes into account all the premature and low-birth-rate infants that never would have had a chance of survival in the past?”
I do not smoke, inject, or otherwise consume drugs as a means of recreation or whatever. Perhaps you should be speaking to Obomber about that. I would guess I am even being removed from the rolls of the “ill”, actually. My life is rather good, and there is potential for it becoming much better still. Personal attacks to create an excuse to not listen to truth or reason is quite common among liberals. How nice, to kick a gimp because he won't hail your new dear leader. I would say it is all there is, emotion, for socialists, liberals, communists, and feminists politically. Looking at the three Democratic candidates, this last thought becomes obvious.
As far as the infestation of socialism, among other ism’s, in medical schools, and all schools, of both higher and lower levels of education, denying it simply shows your ignorance or worse? I have a brother who is a doctor. He was liberal in high school, far left by my accounting. For him to be allowed into the school (Brown’s, I believe), he was not liberal enough so he had to have some social contact indoctrination. He was required to do a year or more of charity work (so called HFH, Carter’s thing). The gall of that, and his simplistic obedience and subsequent indoctrination left me quite suspect, as time has passed the suspicion has been clarified into certainty. I have seen what the ethics boards at hospitals are doing, leaving doctors to decide whether even to treat, then having that one doctor be able to pretty much lock the patient out of treatment anywhere else, among many other things. How many are they not going to treat because we do not believe the socialist mantra? That is just some of it, but you asked.

“In short, you have derailed an honest discussion into insane, inflammatory hyperbole while denying that is what you intend to do. I will not tolerate this on my blog.”
There was never an honest discussion. I did ask some things, but every time I did, I had a bunch of emotional oddity sent my way. There were a few who tried to answer. Some who tried to understand where I was coming from. And, perhaps, a few who honestly understand it was not an attack. None of which would I be able to say you wished to be a party to. I was asking, purely, what your stance was. Whether my interpretations were correct as you saw things, and whether there was room for any commonality. I felt attacked at every step. Finally, I wanted to see if your idealism was more important then a person. I wanted to see if ideas could be overlooked for other ideals which are held in common. I found that your idealism trumps all. It is what I feared, suspected. It is why I will never bite into the socialist or communist apple. It is poison, and anyone not sucking down that poison is out. So be it.

Mom, the Second.

I was able to contact my foster Mother! The conversation was wonderful. She had so many questions and some interesting news. And, she was welcoming. I do believe we will be able to see each other for a bit when I am in the area! I am excited. Perhaps I may get the chance to see some of my foster siblings as well. I, of course, wished her a happy Mother’s Day. She was a good woman, and she certainly did her best. I think she was happy to hear that I had quit tobacco. She tried her best to keep me from that, but some things could not be done.

I suppose we spoke for a half an hour or so, and just re-familiarized each other with voice, our recent histories, and just happy tidings. I certainly hope I may stay there several days, rest up, and learn more. It was a relief to not be spurned, or to have missed her death, or something. I really need to begin caring for the connections with those I love. Even a quarterly call, even if the news is never good from me, but only hopeful, I need to just man up to my humble nature.

I attempted to find my final Mother through the telephone listings. However, I could not find her. I am a bit worried. Though, she may have moved or married, both are not likely. I will try a few other methods tomorrow, methods which tend to be more weekday friendly. I hope I have not missed her life as she died and without my attendance. I am hopeful. What else is there?

I still need to contact the Xterra Club, discuss with AAA what AAA Plus membership offers in trip planning and savings on lodging, food, and things, figure out some costs, starting paring the timing down to narrow windows of probability, if not quite yet outright static plans. There, as well, are a few more items I need to purchase, some food planning, and just continuing forward with my exercises, bowling tomorrow, my other schedules, appointments, and interests. Oh, and I need to begin corralling college plans. If I am going to cancel a surgery for college, then I am going to college.

So much to do, I suppose I have a lot to make up until I can both claim a life, then find a more stable life. If, that is, I can make it out of the old life and into a new life. So many doubts and questions, time will tell. I think I will watch a show, then head off to bed. I will try to get a review of the movies tomorrow, or soon. Though, this is at the lower end of priorities so no real promises. I liked this set of movies for the most part, and will have something positive to say in the main (that should be a nice change of pace, compared to my most recent movie reviews, right?).

Sleep well, dream sweetly (though I myself honestly do prefer my scary dreams), stay warm to your toes (or cool), and believe that someone out here is like your brother. Perhaps better? Perhaps, sometimes, in a way. Goodnight.

Another new day, a real Sunday. And, it is Mother's Day!

It is amazing, to me, that this day is truly going to become my day of rest. As Saturday is becoming a personal and lighter day, the newness continues. It must be difficult for you to imagine having no days different from any other day. Days becoming confused with each other, then lost in weeks, months, and years. Oddly, that loss of a need, ability, or external push to separate times, days, and dates has counter-intuitively caused my time here, for the last few decades, to seem like an eternity. It is only in these times when I start trying to set up schedules, be at specific places at certain times, and perform pre-planned time-sensitive actions when I am finally able to see how little time there is. Time evaporates, like rubbing alcohol evaporates on the skin, leaving a cool realization of the finite and swift nature of life.

This feeling of time slipping through my hands, far from being a bad part of life as I try to re-enter a new life, is something of a major blessing. At times, in the exhausted haunts of my mind, with time become a distant memory with no meaning to my mind or in my life, the fear that I am in Purgatory becomes pervasive. I cannot help but strangle and choke on the notion that I will be left here for some huge span of time for my misdeeds. Perhaps this is less Purgatory than hell, I even think, in which case, there is no escape. Having time pass, hopefully becoming a party to my aging and being able to watch it more closely, I will find comfort in knowing with certainty that my days are numbered. Because of this, I have to learn to deal with my aging in more than a nativistic or animal way, though a complication, it is one I gladly accept for the freedom from the burden of existential fret otherwise in evidence.

My lady friend finally made her visit this morning. I had gone to bed very late (5:00 or 6:00), so had only slept a few hours when she called at about 7:30 and then dropped in a bit later. She brought the whole of her debt repayment, and breakfast. She had already eaten, so she brought me a slice of quiche, which I did enjoy. She had intended another set of chores this day, but the weather did not support her plans. So, it was a laundry (and Scrabble) today. Plus, I was able to offer her the first cup of cappuccino any guest in my house has received. She appreciated it, but suggested it was no more than a small cup of her organic coffee. I had to concur for the most part. Using only truly purified water and organic coffee that she cannot do without, the device offers no better coffee than any other system (and personally I think worse, as there is more grit in the coffee from the coffee beans from this process). I suppose it is European, in both the device’s style, and the notion of small fine cups of coffee (though, regardless of their pretend sophistry and grandiose delusions of cultural splendor (long dead, only the shell of architecture, artistic antiques, and a faded dead history remain of any of that, since they set out to kill God) I can and do choose probably better coffee and more of it than most Europeans could even contemplate, socialism suck if kings are little better).

We played three games of Scrabble. She just could not win, until finally, she owned me in the last game (well, she eked out with a 6 point lead). I teased, and played, but I was so tired, I am not sure how I did it. Usually, when practiced and rested, I can beat her most of the time. But being this tired, I usually do not stand much of a chance unless she is dragging around as well. But she seemed chipper and awake, so, I cannot account for her losses. I can however *do a snoopy dance* She gets so mad when she cannot win her game (I prefer monopoly, backgammon, poking my eyes out with red hot pokers even, almost). It is fun, though, if only mostly for the company and winning. hehehehe *boop*

We generally do not discuss politics (currently). Though occasionally she or I will ask something, carefully. We do not, then, debate it. All we seemingly do is find out what the other thinks and then back off and disseminate the possibilities on our own. We asked to see if there was a way of thinking we had not considered or simply to hear what the "other side" (one of them) is thinking. If we hear something new (for my part anyway), I honestly check it out. Usually it is propaganda, from what I have researched (though on occasion she is quite right, give or take, if still not always a priority within my basic principles). Organic foods are bunk, and probably a net social and grocer negative, to the problems of socialized medicine, or even socialism versus capitalism. I think if she actually looked up half of what I suggest to her, she would at worst be a simple republican, at best, a real citizen and conservative. And, occasional, the subject will come up again and we might discuss it with our newfound research and any twists from that. Oh, yes, she can be legitimately correct, and I do give it up when she is and when I then concur. Plus, I usually try to sweeten the pot for learnin' me. :) She just cannot handle being criticized, debated, or having her beliefs examined intensely at all. Yes, I can. And, I do seek out those who disagree (or who I suspect disagree), and try to understand, from time to time. Actually, I know no other conservative with whom I speak regularly, save perhaps and sort of Bane (with any certainty, given my understanding of the term conservative, end of legal notice :P ) Even if we may never find agreement, I do seek some understanding. My difficulty is knowing when to cut off the debate as either pointless or becoming too negative (hot). Oddly, I just do not get all that hot.

Oh, happy Mother’s Day to all you ladies who have and ladies who are looking to have little ones! I called one of my Mums so far. I am thinking I should try to call the others. If I wish to visit them, perhaps today would be a good time to, if not see about that, to open up communications again. As I have said before, this is a part of my tasks which I find uncomfortable. Yet, I think I do want to do this. I am pondering the issue. Talking to a Mom, one you have not spoken with in a long time, is not so dissimilar from entering a confessional booth after a long period. The awkward silence, the power structures becoming set again, the acknowledgment of a (if mortal in this case) higher power, and self doubts and a childhood let go so long ago opening up again in order that the relationship may become substantial again, or more, be solidified back into the flesh rather than in memories and thoughts where the relationship had been safely and statically maintained for so long. Open soul surgery? Yeah, ok. As with capitalism, though, there is no pay-off without risk. And the greater the pay-off, the greater the risk. *ouch* I can see why people try to delude themselves with the simple (lies) that are socialism, feminism, and communism. Risks are real, in whatever form they take. It is easier not to take them, even if those types never see the rich pay-offs (most of them cannot and would not have seen those anyway, so they gamble happily, with nothing to lose (seemingly)). Anyway...

One of my Moms is sobbing and such. But sobbing happily, so I guess. When you say you love someone, explain how much you love them, and are sincere and kind in your manners, I guess you should expect that. Well, if it is a woman to whom you are speaking anyway. Still, it is weird. I hope the others do not tear up right away. It makes it difficult to understand them. Though, it often shortens the call, which saves a nickel or two. (I hope my Mom’s do not read this, but… They probably wonder from time to time, that whole black sheep thing and all) Bahhh. I think they know I do care, if I do not always listen, obey, or necessarily share their sentiments.

I made it to Church.

At first I thought I was barely going to make it. I dove into the shower (though cleaned well, I pay extra attention when going to church), then dressed, and just scooted. It was somewhere between 15:45 and 15:52 when I left (I thought church services began at 16:10). Though I am close, this time of day on a Saturday can be a bit busy traffic-wise. Well, I actually made it to a parking spot and then to the front doors in plenty of time. However, right there on the big church bulletin-board out front, it indicated services start at 17:10. Fine, I had not been down-town in a while, so a little stroll would be pleasant.

The first of two stores I visited was a Euro and hand-made pottery interior and kitchen tool and décor shop. It is a little place, but I really enjoy it. Unless, like today, some guy thinks I am gay because I am there and makes his presence known. Well, it is there city, but I am not interested. My bright red face, and direct absenceing of the area should have given it away. He seemed to take the hint for a while, but then again, approached. I had seen pretty much all I was interested in, so I departed.

I went another block over and down (going the long way to ensure the hint had been understood, yes, I always look around anyway, so, I would have seen him). I entered the place and found something I had been looking to purchase for quite some time. I had wanted to see it in person, but I just had never found it to date. The price was a little higher than what I had hoped, and I could not find one in a box. So, I spoke with a salesman (would have preferred the saleswoman, in this town I trust no “man”). In any case, and in spite of my suspicions about this salesman, his demeanor was professional and aloof enough that I could tolerate the situation. I asked about the item in question. It seems the store had brought these in last fall, but they had not sold well. This was the last of their stock, a stock which would not be replenished. As a fact, they did not have the box or instructions for the device (an Italian stove-top cappuccino pot, stainless steel). That being the case, would 25% off be enough of an incentive to take the pot as is? Of course, so I now own a neat little cappuccino device, two cappuccino cups and saucers, and another old purchase order tended.

I was able to make it back to church in plenty of time, get in early and choose my seating (which I take all the way in the back, so that when I need to kneel, I can do so without having to oddly place my legs in such a way that I (almost always otherwise) cramp up). I would prefer to sit right near the front, but it just is not practical. As well, I was able to pray quietly and for a good bit as I contemplated life, in God’s house, in the company of a few other believers. The service was grand! I do miss this. As well, I happened to meet several of the gents who have attended the CEW weekends (this year and last), and at least saw the gentleman who had been my admittance advisor (though I did not get to speak with him (this time)). One of the gents I did speak with indicated that I should give him a call and go have a coffee with him, so that is now on my agenda. I will need to find or locate through outside sources his email address again, but that should not be a problem. There is nothing like coming home. Oh, should you think I am anti-gay, you are about half right. I know gay men who I like, but the difference is, I am not a target and they understand my disbelief in the morality of their choice. And, they understand I see it as a choice. Anyway, just letting you know. Good God, good day, I think I will test my new little cappuccino device.

After church, I went to the Mormon church (temple?) right away. I had much less time to make it there since my services where an hour later and this place is across town. I hurried and arrived to... nothing. No one was there, not a single other car in the lot, and the lights were all off. I did not wait, as the event was supposed to be at 19:00, and it was 18:55. Even if it was a small affair, at least one person or group would have already been there to open the church. Instead, I went out to dinner. A local sports bar, with great burgers and nachos I really enjoy. That, along with a few tall microbrew draws, and I was ready to go home.

As I was pulling in, I noticed the neighbor lady out toodling around doing this or that. So, being curious (since it was supposed to be her husband performing the baptism), I sidled over to see if now would be a good time to talk. She seemed welcoming, so... I began. Apparently the man who was to be baptized developed cold feet. He had only been involved for a short time, so perhaps this was the situation. We actually ended up talking for almost a half an hour, which I think we both enjoyed. We each had little new things, or continuations to report upon and then we said our good evenings and parted. We will be having a steak cook-out this coming Monday, so we will get a chance to talk more then.

It has been a good day. I think I still have two movies yet to watch. The other two were fairly good. I will have to report when I finish these. Goodnight!

I am having my first real Saturday in a long time.

What do I mean, you ask? My first real Saturday, what is that about? It is simple folks. After a week of working out, being active, setting up and keeping appointments, running to and from this and that, making plans, contacting people, practicing piano, and taking my medicine, grooming, and eating more properly, I am tired. I needed this Saturday. I understand, just a very little bit, and again because I once did know this, what Saturday can really mean to people who work every day (and often then some). Do I deserve this? Maybe not yet, maybe more so than most.

In one sense, I did very little compared to what an average (let alone a hard working) person does in a week. I had no boss(es) rain(ing) down terror and tasks on top of my expected tasks and meetings. I was not called in to do over-time. I did not have to be anywhere for hours at a time, given snippets to snack or have lunch or coffee. And yet, compared to what I am used to doing or have been able to do at times, I have gone from almost complete inactivity to planning a mountain climbing trip, then started setting up my base camp, on Mount Everest. So, deserve Saturday? Yes and no, as I suggested.

I will be going to church today. I am rather excited! Really, I do love going to church. It is not just the homily, it is not just the people, it is not just our priests, nuns, and laity, or even just God’s presence. It is all of that and more. The time I (nearly?) died, and yet ‘remember’ from between the living and the death and back, I remember being ushered in with others (I do not remember the bright light, or at least going into it, just sort of stepping out of it). What we did there, other than mill around, introduce and meet loved ones, and, oddly, sing to communicate and rejoice, we waited. We waited for Him. And, I tell you, we would have been happy to be waiting for longer than the Earth has existed, longer than the stars have shone, because He is that much and more. Church reminds me of that, in no small amount. It is like the waiting room. It is a joy, even if my flesh and mind cannot always be pushed, shoved, yanked, or prodded to function to get there in time. My heart and parts of the rest of me are always there.

Oh, I should, then, also be able to make it to my friend’s important work. It is no small feat, helping to bring another man from outside of God’s light to inside it. Though he speaks a different tongue with God, I do think he follows my God as he understands. It is by his fruit that you will know him. He has been wonderful in this world, and I do know him.

I might or might not write about the experience. Some things are just mine. I like having a few special memories or thoughts. Meet me for coffee, I will spill the beans then, if not here. Love and blessings.

My first week of exercises.

I actually did it! I found a system, figured out how it worked, set it up according to my needs, then completed every exercise I scheduled. There were times when I was not sure I would complete it. There was a time or two when I had to slow down, take a short pause, and then get back to it. I did my best to push through in the time, adding deep breaths about half way through the week, and obeying the weights and rests recommended. Two days off, and it could not be a better time for it.

After lifting, I again practiced at the piano. There is much to do, and I am already hitting things that are challenging. There are many things I have forgotten, but other things seem well remembered, most things remain I should think. I have not contacted the piano instructor yet, and I am wavering on whether to do so or not. There is too little time to really start with her, money is being directed toward my trip, and yet it is long enough of a time between now and when I will return from my trip that trying to break into something now might not be wise. It would be too easy to lose track and mess up that whole thing. Still, if I do not make contact, again, I could lose track. Hmm, perhaps I will contact her a week or two before I head out. I will just have to see.

Two Mormon elders dropped by this afternoon (right after I had just finished my work-out). We spoke about our understandings of religion, politics, and various other topics. I am not sure they have made their minds up regarding many things. Perhaps the public school taint is still haunting them. However, I have a great hope that they will, as they read their books, find wisdom. In any case, I certainly offer them conversation. I cannot read the Book of Mormon, I have been admonished about the point from my religious leadership, and I accept that plainly. As well, I am honest with them about this. They may read from it and discuss it, but I cannot read it.

After that, I took a shower, then headed out to the place I hiked last year. I might start trying to do that again this year, as an additional means of getting in shape for the trip. I think it would help work out my wounded butt dimple as well. Bowling is taking a toll, but I think this option might help cure that and add to my overall fitness. However, there may be too much water out there currently to take that particular trail. It had gotten a bit late for me to get out and go down some of the possible trailheads. I might do that tomorrow.

Well, maybe I will do that tomorrow. Since my lady friend was too tired to do her laundry this morning, she has indicated tomorrow will be the day. As well, I plan on attending church tomorrow. I was done in and running a bit long in the day last week, but this week should be good. As well, my neighbor will be baptizing a man he has brought into his church. I think the timing works well enough for me to attend my service, grab a bite to eat, then watch him perform this ceremony. I missed his son’s baptism (I was away, helping my mother after her back surgery). So, this would be a secondary acknowledgement to him and his. As well, it will be a surprise. I am curious about the look on his face.

Hmm, I am hungry. I think I am going to pick a few things up, fruits, canned tuna (I prefer buying raw tuna and cooking it and eating some and turning the remainder into tuna salad, but it takes time, energy, and generates dishes), and a few other things. I really have to eat as rightly as I may in order to both regain health and strength as well as specifically to battle diabetes.

I am happy with my progress. I have a lot still to do, plans still to complete, even information yet to gather, both for the trip, for school, and for the rest of my life. Bit by bit, I am really digging in and digging out. Oh, I think I am going to try and get my lady friend to help me straighten up tomorrow. If she is going to eat her, play here, and do her chores here, she can help here. Then, maybe a movie and popcorn to offer an added treat to the mix (stick and carrot). Hmm, maybe a movie tonight? Yeah, but a rental.

Oh, wait. I never did offer a review of Queen Elizabeth. First of all, I considered the movie a liberalized protestant propaganda hit job on the Catholic Church, a mischaracterization of actual history, and a lie in many if not most factual ways. Given that, the movie is interesting fiction. The plot was well played. The characters were sometimes rich, deep, and believable, though some where far too much and were not believable (the vast minority were unbelievable). The outcome was decided by the first few scenes, and is exactly what I would expect from people who despise all religion, yet would choose to support a religion hijacked by a king wanting a divorce beyond what the generally forgiving real church would allow (as well as beheadings of those wives, on false charges of having cheated on the lecher). Yes, they would support the Church of England over the Catholic church, the same as the Communists slaughtered every Catholic in Russia within two weeks of taking over. Hollywood, the USSR, and CNN, what is the difference. Like I said, other than that, it is a decent movie. Know your history!

Doh!

Reservations! Ok, I was all hot and heavy. I was making plans here, calling there, doing this and preparing that. But to what use without reservations for the primary event? I swallowed a big lump, humbled by my lack of oversight, and I then thought how to fix the my deficiency. I decided to look over the blog, again. I saw some of the details, but I could not get my mind to slow down well enough to focus on fine details or I was simply missing the details. I reconsidered how to alleviate this problem, and considered what all it would take. After a few moments, I emailed our fearless leader with a set of possibilities, a request for what actions I needed to take and which actions will be taken for me by the group (or group leader). Of course, and in spite of being and perhaps(?) sounding bright enough to understand some things, I am struggling to not sound neurotic (not that that is all bad *grins*). Now, I wait. Nothing like waking up with some spit and vinegar, if nowhere to really go. Ha!

My mother called this morning. She asked me to guess who had visited her this morning, so, being the good son, I told her. I almost feel bad, I ruined her surprise. I was pretty sure who it was, in spite of them being from California and never having been out this way to my knowledge to date. I just knew. My mother forgets about me, from time to time. Or, at least, she tries to forget that aspect. She enjoys it as a parlor trick, or a fascinating story, but when I remind her how connected we are, it… scares her. Oh well, I got a good chuckle out of it. I have this connection with two of my mothers, I have had it with other family members, a few guys in the service, a lady love or two, and a few pets. It is not perfect, or even always on, it just happens when it does. It does bring me calm, even when things are bad for one of us, we are not alone as I see it now.

Oh, my lady friend was too tired to arrive for laundry this morning. That was ok, I am rather sluggish too. Plus, I need to put my apartment and self back together, I need to work out, play the piano, order some auto travel parts (a sun tamer or three, and weather/sun vents for the side windows of the Xterra (preferably not glued vent/shades though, as they might interfere with vision off-roading, so being removable and re-replaceable is a strongly desired quality, but I will just have to see what is available).

It may be a rainy day, so, getting up, going, and out is proving difficult. I will have to go over my list of things to do, and begin getting on it in spite of the day. I know I am lazy though, I finally realized I think it is either too hot or too gloomy 99% of the time. *grins* I suppose I am just going to have to dig down and push that back to at least only 98% of the time? Yep. *laughs* Ok… getting to it.

It has been a long day.

Aside from the trickiness of the weather, leaving me unsure whether to have the furnace or air conditioning on, these last few days have been sluggish. The good news about the deal, however, is that I have still been able to get some things done. I can offer no promises, I can only keep pushing while the tide is with me, and up to a point even when it begins to go against me. I think the trick is, if the tide goes against me strongly and persistently, I then need to be dynamic enough to capitalize on the new direction as I may. If I end up doing things other than those which I had scheduled, so long as it is a positive gain and in the direction of my goals, it cannot be counted as a loss. And more, if all my energy is spent simply not going too far off course in one of life’s many serious storms or redirects, I think I will be better off than when I was splashing around in the sea of life with nothing but doubts and dread, having no hope or direction or goal.

I was able to help my lady friend today. I had to pick her up at the mechanic’s shop, do a little shopping, then return to my place for a little bite to eat and to watch the movie, Queen Elizabeth. For lunch, we finished off the spaghetti sauce, though she requested a batch of spinach linguini (or some pasta like that, more like a spinach egg noodle, but) rather than the proper Italian wheat (Durim?) spaghetti. Though not delicatessen, it sufficed and was fun. I had a bit of shredded asiago cheese and made her a pot of fresh coffee. Afterwards, she helped me out by showing me where and how to recycle certain items locally. It is a good thing to know, as boxes and soda containers are trash fillers. Perfect things to load off onto a foolish with money (our money) government. Though I understand the social and economic folly of that spending indiscretion and ecological foolishness prescribed by the absurdity, and the real dangers therein all of it, I guess I cannot fight every battle, nor can I afford to ignore the fact that in spite of over-charging for trash pick-up the government (or one of the ruler’s cronies), there is the offer of pretty much free disposal. At this point, my pocket is starting to talk to me.

After that, she continued with the laundry she had started as soon as she arrived. After a few loads, she needed a nap. Even being late in the afternoon, with little time to nap before the service department might call, and needing to work tonight, an hour nap was better than nothing. So, I set up her a place on my couch. A flat sheet halved and tucked, a fuzzy blanket on top of that (fleece?), then a folding back of the top part of the sheet and blanket, plus two pillows, and she was set. Initially I thought to compute, but she did not seem happy with that, and then I remembered I had a small list of things myself, things I could still get to today and alone easier anyway. So, out the door I went. I first drove to the library, with my locally addressed utilities bills. I received my library card on the spot and then went exploring. I could not find the old card catalogues, very sadly, so I just went to one of the computer catalogues they offer today. I found several books regarding pi, but could actually locate only one of the books, I borrowed it, then left. On to the University office. I needed to pay a minor, if late, bill. I asked at the office in which I incurred the bill, fearing I would have to go a block and a half away to actually pay, and it being later in the afternoon, that I might not be able to make it to the other office. Half right, or wrong depending on how one views the answer, I did indeed need to visit another office. But rather than being a block and a half away, it was only a few steps and around a corner away. Two tasks completed.

After that, I considered buying us a dinner, then decided not to do so. My money is getting scarce, so I had better stick to home-made. I had fresh baked thick crust bread I could cut, hummus (jalapeño and lime hummus) to use on each of the slices of sandwich bread, a little lettuce to sprinkle in the thing, and some roasted beef to heat, thinly slice, and stack into the sandwich. It sounded good to me, and it worked out well. I think next time, however, I will slice the beef a bit thinner and in more manageable bite sizes. Like We both liked it, but it was a bit messy to consume. She called, shortly after leaving, to thank me for my assistance and the day. Yes, I enjoyed it too, and you are welcome, sincerely as always.

Ok, so maybe there was much I did not get done. But there was much I did get done, and some of that was giving. It was not perfect giving, and I had a grumpy moment or two, but I did help someone. It is a trade I am more than willing to make when I am able to offer it. I am quite tired, I am not sure why. Well, three trips out, a sometimes demanding friend over an extended period of time, being a bit warm in spite of the fall-like nature of the day (though it warmed up by early afternoon, at 10:00 or so, it was still indicating the day to be at 60 F degrees). Still, before a nap, this blog. Well, no, a nap first. I tried to get this out before the nap, but I could not edit this. And it did not make sense without that, I thought.

One more task completed, if it took me past my bedtime.

The DVD did not function correctly the last time I tried to use it. I was not terribly upset, I assumed it would be a quick fix and I did not have enough time to watch the complete movie anyway. After talking with my lady friend, it became apparent that tomorrow morning would be the day to watch that show. Fine, fine, I thought, it should be an easy thing. After running down the cords and wires, checking this, that, and the other thing, attempting to alter one variable (out of way too many), and coming up with nothing, I began to check the remotes to see if something had been disturbed. In a short time, I discovered how to get the image from the DVD player to appear on the screen, but I could hear nothing. I struggled with the remote, again. Then checked the cords, again. Then I went online to see if I could find information at Onkyo’s homepage. Nada, a year and a half after purchase, and their site cannot even find the number of the system so that an owners manual or connection diagram could be found, downloaded, or printed.

Finally, I decided I would just relax with a little television and then go on to bed and would just have to figure it out in the morning. But, no, I just could not let go. A few more adjustments with the remote, the flicking of a few switches, and I got it. I feel like I just wrestled an alligator (moving the pieces (VCR, DVD, Tuner, 32 inch tube HDTV, and cabinet) is a bit of a trick to do alone), but the intellectual aspect (if slight to the experienced) was a larger part of the feeling. Anyway, done. And, the cable TV sound and video still works.

Oh, though I am a bit stiff and sore, I really am not impaired by my exercises. I will use the massager again tonight, in order to help break up the acid (or whatever) in the muscles. My butt is feeling better, thanks for asking. Between massaging and getting up and out a bit, I have worked that kink out (until next Monday, anyway). I am not sure if I should start sit-ups and or push-ups on top of what I am doing. I am tending to think set-ups might be good, but push-ups might be overlapping my weight training. And, I do not want to actually over do, or even over do it according to my little ability to handle this new physical stress. Advice is welcome.

I wanted to hit the piano again tonight, but I do not think it is reasonable. I am not sure when my gal pal will be calling, so I should just hit the hay. I will be able to sleep a bit more securely at least. No worries about having to figure out the bird’s nest of wires and seeming (ill-)logic of the system. Sweet dreams to all, or good morning, day, or evening.

Not much done, but I helped where I could.

I am not sure where my time goes. I did wake up late, but that does not quite explain things. I then worked out and played piano. That was about an hour. Then a shower and a run to the store, I decided to buy a reciprocating saw (needed for several tasks currently in the queue). Then I received a call that a friend was sick, and could I pick up some food. I took care of that. I just do not know, but time seemed to fly. I moved at a normal pace, but I feel as if I got very little done.

Oh, a few more emails, both for the trip and aside from the trip, were sent. I did call my podiatrist to try and reschedule my foot surgery. I had to leave a message, but at least it is done. I will have to keep on that, calling again by next Wednesday if I hear nothing from them by then.

I still have a fairly long list of things to do. Among them, get in to the library and obtain a library card; start trying to contact my mothers (I am a little nervous about this, it has been some time, things are not always pleasant, and etc.), I have a few things to shop for (a pullover and river shoes, mostly for the trip but they have been on my ‘rolling’ to get list for some time anyway); begin figuring my drive plan and lodging schedule (I have been an AAA Plus member for a decade, I might have to see if they still offer free over-the-road trip planning); a few home care tasks, some cleaning, contacting my vocational administrator (or trying to, I think he will avoid me like the plague, especially since he said yes to my doctor, but meant “NO”); and about a dozen hundred other things.

I am starting to bog down, seemingly. In truth, I keep chugging along, one thing at a time. As well, there are both little and big things that interfere and sidetrack me. Still, I seem to get back into it when I can, I do what I am able, I feel good and neither rushed, overwhelmed, or like it is all slipping. It is amazing, and I am doing quite well. I will not say this is the turning point in my life. I will say it could be the beginning of it. I still need to handle the high sugar reading in order to concentrate down to the minute details and number of details required for engineering school. I still need to get in shape, for many reasons. I still have a long row ahead of me. In spite of that, I am no longer so nervous about it all. I see it happening, coming, going, and doing. And, I see my hands doing their part, and slowly learning to take over more and more of my load, readjusting from being managed, to becoming a manager, of self first, with hope for more.

I just thought I would throw a bit of subdued cheer out there. Eat it up, it could be you next. Maybe you are already there? Enjoy.

Okay, so it was not so bad.

I did every last exercise, again. The pain is still there, if admittedly a slight pain, yet it did not hamper the lifting. Actually, as I lifted the weights, the pain subsided! Oh, the exercises did elicit a burn, but the burn was different from the achy soreness which it replaced. As well, my joints hurt a bit as I lift. It is mostly my elbow and shoulder (over the head exercises for the shoulder) joints which are stressed. I am now more confident in my ability to carry on with the exercise regime. Yet, I know it would be easy to slack off, to not want to do them, or to succumb to fear regarding the pain. I know too, now, these would be an emotional reaction. If it happens, it is up to me to take things in hand and get back into it rather than to just give up. Dang, I hate being my own parent, but it is the way it is.

After I completed the workout, I hit the piano. I doubt if that will be the best time to sharpen my manual dexterity but it is a fine time to cool down, rest up, and actually push my strength and dexterity closer together. Though I think I will also play a little later, again, to get some more practical piano work going.

It seems another friend is in need. Their vehicle is acting up and it has been requested that I give them a lift to work. Not a problem at all. And my lady friend would like to watch that movie, but needs to do her laundry. As you might suspect, of course she can do her laundry here while we watch Queen Elizabeth tomorrow morning. Plus, I have a place to hang up her clothes in the sun if she so desires. It is actually hers, but it is here at my place and… I bought it. Oh, did I ever say I was a sucker, but a pretty squared away one, in my own rights? Yeah, well, ask about that story sometime. I enjoyed just reviewing the whole thing in my mind.

A quick shower, however, then I need to pull my trash barrel from the curb, get to the library, and think about lunch. I still have some fine roast, a few potatoes, and some frozen veggies or romaine and other mixed lettuces. I might have to eat first, I cannot be sure until I take a shower.

One more thing… Woot! I did my second most doubtful day of exercises (to date)! I really was afraid. I am so surprised that the pain that caused me the fear dissipated as I lifted. I did a little warm up, which might have helped. And, I chose carefully the amount to lift, in accordance with a guide that seemed on target. Still, this is counter-intuitive, a blessing, and not something I have memory about (and yes, I really did get fairly serious into weight lifting about two decades ago). I feel blessed, warm, fuzzy, and excited to see what is next. I still have some fear to go through, but then it will come down to the boredom of the slow pace, seeming disinterest, schedule difficulties, and things like that. But, one thing and one day at a time. This day is mine, so far.

Oh, I need to find a place where I may shoot. My regular place is flooded. The only other place I know of costs money (not usually a problem, but with the trip coming up, I am fretting money). Please Lord, bring me the peace and calm I will need to kick off the first vacation I have had in twenty years, to be wise with my money, to be kind even in my hurried nature, and to be a kind and loving, righteous and judicial, and wise as you would have me be. Thank you Father, for all. Your dark child, Doom! In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy spirit.

Fear?

Yes, fear. I can smell it on me even before I can sense it or see it, sometimes. It is not as though I lock away my emotions or am insensitive to them, though I do and I am. It is just the way of man beasts, I believe. If my emotional foot were on fire, someone almost has to point it out or I need to see the soot coming up, smell the cooked meat, or something before I take notice and decide something ought to be done, sooner or later. Today, though, I am aware of the fear. I knew it would be here this morning, because it was teasing me already last night. I am afraid of the weight room. Okay, not the weight room, but I am afraid of the weights. Well, that is not quite it either, I am afraid of not being able to lift the weights. I am also afraid of the pain, as I am still a bit sore.

I will probably be able to get to the library today, and hopefully pick up my library card. I am also hoping to write an email to the piano instructor. There are several other items I would care to tend. Oh, I need to contact the VA and get the surgery rearranged, I need to take some recycling in to the center (saves me a couple of bag tags, though I know recycling to be a waste of resources, though in truth, it matters not a whit either way, except for the tag costs versus fuel costs to me). Oh, and if I did not add it, I plan to play some piano. I am trying to make that a daily daily. So, yeah, lots to do. And probably more than that, but there is only so much time.

I hear them now. The thrum of steel and iron. They are in the apartment. They come. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *cough* hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Iron Man, the Movie.

I did get a few more things done today. I sent an email or two, shoring up my plans. I contacted an old friend, via email and unassociated with my trip west. I made a batch of spaghetti, and it was tasty. Then, I decided to take in a movie. It was either that or the conservative movie (which I will get too soon, to be sure… Ben Stiller, or some such).

About the movie… I was under-whelmed. It was not the Iron Man of my comic books, and yeah, that is important to me. It is a typical Hollywood slut-fest remake. It trashed the thing, as I remember it. Again, it did have underpinnings of the good ol’ Hollywood anti-Americanism through anti-corporatism. Who is it, Boeing that is giving Iran our top weapons? This typical left-liberal crap is just boring, old, passé, and past it’s prime. The story was weak, as was the hero and heroine (do they still imbibe?). The special effects were decent, there was some play time, and muslims died (though it did try to indicate there is a difference between good and bad muslims… for shame). Other than that, a great movie. Next…

Oh, right. I spoke with the case worker the VA assigned to me today. Then my doctor called. They were both more interested in my methylphenidate script then my blood sugar. That is both interesting and irritating. I understand they needed to decide whether I had enough, and it is primary to me taking the rest of my medicine (as otherwise I sleep too much to be in compliance, regardless of my consideration, interest, or focused will). Still, the blood sugar is my most intractable health issue, and I want to see that come down. So, I indicated this, after describing my current methylphenidate usage, and was advised to increase the medicine I am taking for diabetes. Fine, but I am a little put out. It is a little thing, it is probably nothing, and it will pass, but… Oh, that reminds me, I need to reschedule my foot surgery. I just will not be put out of college on purpose or by accident.