.
.
I must admit to being sad the last few days. It is not surprise. Between pushing myself as hard as I can, the move becoming immanent, and leaving friends and family by moving so far away, the reaction is only human. I am trying to deal with it, to figure out how to react to such a real, natural, and strong feeling. To be honest, I have no idea what to do with feelings. I never have known what to do with those things. I am surprised I know I AM feeling anything, let alone what it is. I do not know if this is a difficult thing for most men, I know it is odd for me. With friends and family, I talk around the issue because I do not really see how talking will help. I see my Mom do talk, I have seen girlfriends do that, but I have not seen where that seems to help them. They just end up bawling or shouting or something. I do not want to do that. I do not know how to successfully vent emotions. Urhm, is there a sadness pacifier?
I will be fine. I think once the move is completed, and I find that a call can still be placed, it will be good. And, further, as I start settling in to a new life and making friends, things will settle down. Who likes change, even if it is what they want? Who wants to give up what they have for more of what they want? Can I not have my cake and eat it, might be the fundamental question with a simple but firm answer. The big and small picture answer is a resounding NO. I have shed a tear or two, but that is silly. And I have rebuked that. That just invites more. So, I am bucking up and trying to figure some real plan. And, as I have mentioned, it may just need to be suffered until I begin planting roots in the new soil. Oh, I had best watch my sarcasm in these times. It could explode as an unintended consequence (you think?).
Neither my passenger for this morning nor I were awake to leave at 7:30. I had thought I had really messed up when I woke at 7:30 and knocked on her door at about 8:00, to find her in her not ready either and looking a little tired. Luckily, she had also been running a bit late. She asked if she could have a half hour to hour to get herself together. Apparently the baby had awaken her 3 times last night. Very good sort of, and no, that is definitely not a problem. I am not sure why the alarm did not wake me. I set it for an hour early, 6:30. And though I stayed up until maybe as late as 1:00 or 1:30, that should not have been a problem.
When I get back, I really need to dig in and get some cleaning and straightening accomplished. Though the cave does look a little rough, it is mostly surface clutter. I have laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, and standard vacuuming to do. The vacuum machine I have is a total bust. I am running tighter on money than I wish to be and that is not improving, so I am not sure what to do about the vacuum in the mean time. I may ask my mother to bring hers, if it is easy enough to transport for her and if she would. Friday supper is still in the air, but I need to check my supplies and see that I have the items for my minor menu dedicated to my Mom’s visit, plus a few things for her to work with. She can tornado a seemingly bare pantry into a feast, but it is good to have some easy things for her to fix. If I take care of her food curiosity and creativity, we both do well.
Last night, while taking the rug doctor back, I was listening to a great program on the Catholic radio. The radio station is back on the air. Maybe there was something wrong with my radio (in a new vehicle?), the station had stopped transmitting, or it was being jammed for a while, but I had not been able to receive it for quite some time after the election. In any case, the broadcast was regarding how men and women think (quite differently, no surprise there), but more, how men need to deal with women and some pointers on how women could improve their relationships and why things might not work. There are many things I do not understand about women. The first is that emotional reaction, especially when it gets to the point of her saying “I do not want to talk about it.” You see, I thought that was a good thing. Because, I know I did not want to talk about it. But that seems to be the wrong reaction, or at least, not the best one. Apparently from the show, and I think it is correct in hindsight, we should pursue without chasing her. We need to poke into the bees nest gently. There were many other things in the program which really caught my attention as sounding correct. But I was driving, I was stopping here, returning this, and ordering that, so it was a bit broken.
Later, when I was in my cooling down stage, I turned to the Catholic tv station. And, the program was on there! So, I watched from start to stop, this time without interruption. I am amazed at the content. This fellow, the guest, does pre-marriage and marriage counseling. But more, he is involved with some of the research in this department. What he brought forth was the proper role for men and women, not based on just on tradition, but on what we have gathered from science to date. They may now, to some extent, watch the brain in action! Men and women, are indeed, very different beings. How we think and live is so vastly different that it is silly to try and say we are only different in our genitalia. That is no surprise, as I have said, but what is surprising is how well that is pegged now, in science and truth, and how little that information is presented. But more, those differences allow for male and females roles which can complement and interact so well in a partnership of marriage. We were made to do so, and it is plain to see. Women do not need men like fish need bicycles, they need men like fish need water. And, yes, men need women. For both sexes, it is about fulfilling selflessly, I think. It is about being two bodies and one being. It is one of the predominant ways of being holy, healthy, and right. I see now, the power in that, and why the evil of the world wishes to sunder that.
In any case, I came away with a new awe at the whole thing. I was able to see why I can be considered “impossible”, and why I have thought women were simply crazy (though, I do hold judgment for further evidence :P ). I am really thinking about this. I am exploring the issue personally, looking at the past, and considering the future. This one program, first by ear then with video, has created a paradigm shift for me. I cannot quite wrap my bean around all of it all at once, but the gears are moving. I think I am going to do some more reading. I am going to look at things I have missed and things I am weak with.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Some of it, only some of it.
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.
The rug doctor was a mess to empty, as it turns out. Even with some care and forethought, my ignorance won. That is fine, I needed to mop the bathroom anyway. I got it back in plenty of time and grabbed a bite to eat. I had considered eating out and having better food at the same price. My weariness won that battle so I took home Mcfood. When I arrived home, I had to push to start work and it was difficult to stay on task. I was getting some things done however, if rather slowly, when I received a knock on the door. I was pretty sure who it was. The mother of the neighbor lady had asked for my phone number as my lady friend and I returned for our mutual final time. She asked if I would be available later and then said that she would call. My lady friend, quite out loud, snipped “What does she want!”. Fortunately, the woman did not hear. I know because I asked if she had heard that. She smiled and said she had not, and quipped about my friend being a bit of a firecracker. I assured her she was right on, but not to worry too much. My friend is like this evenly to all, much more so when she is tired. Perhaps my move has created some jealousy of friendship too.
It seems the lady from next door, for the moment, needs some things. She would like to use my printer when I get it set up, but more, needs a driver tomorrow for some business and a medical appointment. The appointment is far away, relatively. I agreed to the thing. So, at 7:30, I need to be ready to take her out and about. Her appointment is not until 10:00, so it will be a bit of a day of driving. She kept trying to explain why she needed to ride, and to suggest we might talk on the way. I assured her, again, there is no need to explain. And, yes, I would do this for most people, should I have the time. And, though it will interfere in my plans, what is new. I will simply have to redouble my work when I return.
After that was settled, I finished setting up the bedroom. The floor was bone dry, beyond a doubt, so I was able to set almost all of it up. The bed was more difficult to set up then it was to take down. But it is done, clean sheets and all. I did not put the mirror back on the dresser, I am simply too tired. I have run out of energy for the day. I do not want to push and break something. The cave feels a lot better. Not so much that it is cleaner, but as I have unpacked two rooms to put things back into the bedroom, there is again solid air flow. It is not so stuffy, humid, and tight feeling. Yes, it is good. I will be ready for bed when I can rid myself of the juice I needed to create internally in order to finish what of my tasks I could.
I will enjoy serving again, though. I think my lady friend needed a friend more than anything else today. She is feeling old, she is feeling weak, and she is feeling a bit abandoned, already, by my move. I know those feelings. As a fact, I share them. I am attempting to fix my feelings by moving to a place where I have a better chance at finding a life if I will miss her greatly. I cannot help her in this. I cannot take her with me. She is an unresolved problem, in some sense. I will try to stay in contact, I will try to be a friend, but with such distance, I am not sure that will work. She is someone I bring to God in prayer. I fear for her, as her life slows down and changes. The lady I will be driving tomorrow I do not know at all, really. I had asked her to dinner, as a friend, but that never happened. I think we are too different for her to wish to be friends, I think. Perhaps she is looking for more and from others. Still, helping is just that. Too, I love to drive.
A little more ice water, a little more thinking, and some relaxation, and I think I will be ready to rest. I am very tired. I have already set my alarm clock just in case. Tomorrow might be a rough day, and waking up might be difficult. But after doing so well the last few weeks, I think I can do it.
Goodnight people. I will send a prayer your way, some of you by name, all of you in general. Sleep well.
.
The rug doctor was a mess to empty, as it turns out. Even with some care and forethought, my ignorance won. That is fine, I needed to mop the bathroom anyway. I got it back in plenty of time and grabbed a bite to eat. I had considered eating out and having better food at the same price. My weariness won that battle so I took home Mcfood. When I arrived home, I had to push to start work and it was difficult to stay on task. I was getting some things done however, if rather slowly, when I received a knock on the door. I was pretty sure who it was. The mother of the neighbor lady had asked for my phone number as my lady friend and I returned for our mutual final time. She asked if I would be available later and then said that she would call. My lady friend, quite out loud, snipped “What does she want!”. Fortunately, the woman did not hear. I know because I asked if she had heard that. She smiled and said she had not, and quipped about my friend being a bit of a firecracker. I assured her she was right on, but not to worry too much. My friend is like this evenly to all, much more so when she is tired. Perhaps my move has created some jealousy of friendship too.
It seems the lady from next door, for the moment, needs some things. She would like to use my printer when I get it set up, but more, needs a driver tomorrow for some business and a medical appointment. The appointment is far away, relatively. I agreed to the thing. So, at 7:30, I need to be ready to take her out and about. Her appointment is not until 10:00, so it will be a bit of a day of driving. She kept trying to explain why she needed to ride, and to suggest we might talk on the way. I assured her, again, there is no need to explain. And, yes, I would do this for most people, should I have the time. And, though it will interfere in my plans, what is new. I will simply have to redouble my work when I return.
After that was settled, I finished setting up the bedroom. The floor was bone dry, beyond a doubt, so I was able to set almost all of it up. The bed was more difficult to set up then it was to take down. But it is done, clean sheets and all. I did not put the mirror back on the dresser, I am simply too tired. I have run out of energy for the day. I do not want to push and break something. The cave feels a lot better. Not so much that it is cleaner, but as I have unpacked two rooms to put things back into the bedroom, there is again solid air flow. It is not so stuffy, humid, and tight feeling. Yes, it is good. I will be ready for bed when I can rid myself of the juice I needed to create internally in order to finish what of my tasks I could.
I will enjoy serving again, though. I think my lady friend needed a friend more than anything else today. She is feeling old, she is feeling weak, and she is feeling a bit abandoned, already, by my move. I know those feelings. As a fact, I share them. I am attempting to fix my feelings by moving to a place where I have a better chance at finding a life if I will miss her greatly. I cannot help her in this. I cannot take her with me. She is an unresolved problem, in some sense. I will try to stay in contact, I will try to be a friend, but with such distance, I am not sure that will work. She is someone I bring to God in prayer. I fear for her, as her life slows down and changes. The lady I will be driving tomorrow I do not know at all, really. I had asked her to dinner, as a friend, but that never happened. I think we are too different for her to wish to be friends, I think. Perhaps she is looking for more and from others. Still, helping is just that. Too, I love to drive.
A little more ice water, a little more thinking, and some relaxation, and I think I will be ready to rest. I am very tired. I have already set my alarm clock just in case. Tomorrow might be a rough day, and waking up might be difficult. But after doing so well the last few weeks, I think I can do it.
Goodnight people. I will send a prayer your way, some of you by name, all of you in general. Sleep well.
I took the day off, or part of it, from my tasks.
.
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I did sleep in this morning, until 10:30 or so. As I was waking and deciding what to do first, my lady friend arrived and asked if I would go with her to look for a tiller. She had asked this of me Monday then never showed. I thought this might be coming but I had not been sure when. Though I had some other things I wanted to do today, I agreed. We visited a number of hardware stores, I think, then went to lunch… or did we go to lunch first? Lunch was good. I tried something I almost never consider, just to be different. Actually, I tried two things I almost never order at a restaurant. I order a chicken (grilled) salad, which was the special of the day. I usually do not like the notion of specials, and most restaurants use chicken breast which I generally abhor. It was indeed chicken breast, it was very good, and it was new. We also shared two tapas, grilled asparagus and a mushroom dish. I think I did well, if it is not something I will do again soon. Then, whatever order that happened, we continued on to other stores. She is looking for a petite industrial tiller, an impossibility I think. I was just along for the ride. I remained quiet unless she asked something or made a comment which opened a door, though without brooding or judging. Even then though, I kept my conversations brief and polite. Finally, we stopped for a spot of tea. I cannot be certain, perhaps she will not buy a machine at all, though I would guess she will end up buying what I had suggested initially, if a larger sized one. Sears has a fairly good reputation, and for the price, I do not think they can be beat.
I just arrived home after a long slog through stores, traffic, eateries, and such. I am fairly tired, which is why my memory seems to be lacking. Still, I need to get the rug doctor back by 20:30. I would like to set up some of the bedroom, save for wooden components, And I am about ready for food again. I had hoped to have these done by now, but I have all of this evening, Thursday, and most of Friday to put the place into reasonable repair. It was a pleasant day, one I had fully intended to be less demanding. I was merely the driver and a conferee. I can see that she worries about life when I am gone, as do I a bit. But there is nothing to be done for it. She will be the millionth and one friend lost to time and space. Sad but that is how life goes. This place is not for me, and I am not for it. She belongs here, she is a part of this place.
When speaking with my neighbor recently, I think I said too much. I spoke of aspects of my life and some of the complexities therein, during a discussion about related matters. I think there may be great problems about what I said. Some things should not be shared, it seems, and I am a slow learner. I have a difficult time with that, wishing to let people know all. I have heard nothing about the plans for Friday or Saturday. It may be something else, other plans which they did not know about, their financial situation, or such, but I am pretty sure it was the disclosure. I went through this with my brother and his wife, though that was a different set of circumstances the outcome may be the same. I can never be sure until told, however, whether things have changed.
Well, back to work. I did not, of course, clean the carpet again. I hope I can empty the tank simply enough. Cleaning it, otherwise, should be simple. The bed will be easy to restore, along with the nightstand and probably the dresser since it is both on wheels and those wheels are on sliders. I think I will keep the rest of the floor bare until I am more sure that it is dry. I might even, finally, dig into the dishes. Yes, I know… I know, I know. But first, the vac back and something to eat. This was a good day away from the cave, a good day to reflect, and a great food day. I had best get up and get going or I am going to fall asleep.
Have a good afternoon.
.
I did sleep in this morning, until 10:30 or so. As I was waking and deciding what to do first, my lady friend arrived and asked if I would go with her to look for a tiller. She had asked this of me Monday then never showed. I thought this might be coming but I had not been sure when. Though I had some other things I wanted to do today, I agreed. We visited a number of hardware stores, I think, then went to lunch… or did we go to lunch first? Lunch was good. I tried something I almost never consider, just to be different. Actually, I tried two things I almost never order at a restaurant. I order a chicken (grilled) salad, which was the special of the day. I usually do not like the notion of specials, and most restaurants use chicken breast which I generally abhor. It was indeed chicken breast, it was very good, and it was new. We also shared two tapas, grilled asparagus and a mushroom dish. I think I did well, if it is not something I will do again soon. Then, whatever order that happened, we continued on to other stores. She is looking for a petite industrial tiller, an impossibility I think. I was just along for the ride. I remained quiet unless she asked something or made a comment which opened a door, though without brooding or judging. Even then though, I kept my conversations brief and polite. Finally, we stopped for a spot of tea. I cannot be certain, perhaps she will not buy a machine at all, though I would guess she will end up buying what I had suggested initially, if a larger sized one. Sears has a fairly good reputation, and for the price, I do not think they can be beat.
I just arrived home after a long slog through stores, traffic, eateries, and such. I am fairly tired, which is why my memory seems to be lacking. Still, I need to get the rug doctor back by 20:30. I would like to set up some of the bedroom, save for wooden components, And I am about ready for food again. I had hoped to have these done by now, but I have all of this evening, Thursday, and most of Friday to put the place into reasonable repair. It was a pleasant day, one I had fully intended to be less demanding. I was merely the driver and a conferee. I can see that she worries about life when I am gone, as do I a bit. But there is nothing to be done for it. She will be the millionth and one friend lost to time and space. Sad but that is how life goes. This place is not for me, and I am not for it. She belongs here, she is a part of this place.
When speaking with my neighbor recently, I think I said too much. I spoke of aspects of my life and some of the complexities therein, during a discussion about related matters. I think there may be great problems about what I said. Some things should not be shared, it seems, and I am a slow learner. I have a difficult time with that, wishing to let people know all. I have heard nothing about the plans for Friday or Saturday. It may be something else, other plans which they did not know about, their financial situation, or such, but I am pretty sure it was the disclosure. I went through this with my brother and his wife, though that was a different set of circumstances the outcome may be the same. I can never be sure until told, however, whether things have changed.
Well, back to work. I did not, of course, clean the carpet again. I hope I can empty the tank simply enough. Cleaning it, otherwise, should be simple. The bed will be easy to restore, along with the nightstand and probably the dresser since it is both on wheels and those wheels are on sliders. I think I will keep the rest of the floor bare until I am more sure that it is dry. I might even, finally, dig into the dishes. Yes, I know… I know, I know. But first, the vac back and something to eat. This was a good day away from the cave, a good day to reflect, and a great food day. I had best get up and get going or I am going to fall asleep.
Have a good afternoon.
A few beers later, oddly.
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.
The meal and the beer was very good! I have not taken to writing odd and embarrassing things on other people’s blogs. No, my friends, I have been a good boy. Or, urhm, as far as anyone knows. *a belly laugh for me here* But I do remember something I had wanted to say, for the last few weeks.
I keep hearing, through song, common media, and personal discussions, how people want to see their Maker, when their time is done. They have questions as to why their lives have been so harsh. They want to ask about their wife, whether she was faithful, their parents and whether they were honest, and other such things. I have spoken of these things before. But, I wish to be more specific. I have been dreaming that this needs to be said and heard. The truth is, when you meet Christ, you will lose all of that. You will know YOU are the only one who matters. If your spouse cheats on you, it is best to forgive now and every time. If your parents lied to you, your boss cheated you, or your children hated you, let it go. The problem is not them, it is YOU. When you are before Him, the questions you have held in your heart will make you less before Him. Let them go now, for you will find no voice for them when you meet Him. Meet Him now, and let them go. Let that bitterness and hardening of your heart go now. For when you see Love, this impurity will only hurt you.
I think I have finally said what I have been called to say, as clearly as I may, and without any ambiguity. And yes, I have been internalizing this. When I see Jesus, I will simply do so with open arms to let him remake me. My only question will be, have I let go of enough? Show me what I must lose. I have tried to let go of hate, bigotry, unrighteous racism, and all such things. If the sty in my eye is a log, will You show me how to remove it? I merely wish to serve, make me as You would, so that it pleases you and makes me upright. Yes, that is the only answer and question I have. However, I am full of thanks, awe, and righteous fear. I am open to You and welcoming of You.
Yes, it is that simple. Imperfect I am, seeking perfection I am more so. Finally, I feel free of this call. I have done my simple task, finally, today. It was more important to me than all my other tasks. I just could not get it out rightly, until now. Now, I can sleep. One personal, and one holy task, completed. The latter the vastly more important. It is so odd to live in flesh though already beyond it. But, that is the way of those who pray to be holy. And, it is beautiful. As Christ’s murder was a vital sin, so too are our personal sins vital for us to learn what is less so that me might strive for and find what is greater and true. Thought I cry and find shame for my life, my sins, and the sins of the world, these things teach me so that I might be strong and worthy. If the time is tomorrow or beyond my life, in time, time itself will not be remembered as a phenomena. But what came of it, good or ill for any individual, will become potent beyond words.
Now I may rest. I will rest well this night, I think. Good night.
.
The meal and the beer was very good! I have not taken to writing odd and embarrassing things on other people’s blogs. No, my friends, I have been a good boy. Or, urhm, as far as anyone knows. *a belly laugh for me here* But I do remember something I had wanted to say, for the last few weeks.
I keep hearing, through song, common media, and personal discussions, how people want to see their Maker, when their time is done. They have questions as to why their lives have been so harsh. They want to ask about their wife, whether she was faithful, their parents and whether they were honest, and other such things. I have spoken of these things before. But, I wish to be more specific. I have been dreaming that this needs to be said and heard. The truth is, when you meet Christ, you will lose all of that. You will know YOU are the only one who matters. If your spouse cheats on you, it is best to forgive now and every time. If your parents lied to you, your boss cheated you, or your children hated you, let it go. The problem is not them, it is YOU. When you are before Him, the questions you have held in your heart will make you less before Him. Let them go now, for you will find no voice for them when you meet Him. Meet Him now, and let them go. Let that bitterness and hardening of your heart go now. For when you see Love, this impurity will only hurt you.
I think I have finally said what I have been called to say, as clearly as I may, and without any ambiguity. And yes, I have been internalizing this. When I see Jesus, I will simply do so with open arms to let him remake me. My only question will be, have I let go of enough? Show me what I must lose. I have tried to let go of hate, bigotry, unrighteous racism, and all such things. If the sty in my eye is a log, will You show me how to remove it? I merely wish to serve, make me as You would, so that it pleases you and makes me upright. Yes, that is the only answer and question I have. However, I am full of thanks, awe, and righteous fear. I am open to You and welcoming of You.
Yes, it is that simple. Imperfect I am, seeking perfection I am more so. Finally, I feel free of this call. I have done my simple task, finally, today. It was more important to me than all my other tasks. I just could not get it out rightly, until now. Now, I can sleep. One personal, and one holy task, completed. The latter the vastly more important. It is so odd to live in flesh though already beyond it. But, that is the way of those who pray to be holy. And, it is beautiful. As Christ’s murder was a vital sin, so too are our personal sins vital for us to learn what is less so that me might strive for and find what is greater and true. Thought I cry and find shame for my life, my sins, and the sins of the world, these things teach me so that I might be strong and worthy. If the time is tomorrow or beyond my life, in time, time itself will not be remembered as a phenomena. But what came of it, good or ill for any individual, will become potent beyond words.
Now I may rest. I will rest well this night, I think. Good night.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Done!
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.
The actual task took less than 15 minutes. The prep took more than a week. I also did most of the hallway. Wow. Now, I must admit something. I did not think the job was necessary. There was dirt, but not really that much. I would guess it was simply dust. What I did need, however, was a purpose with real earthly and practical goals and visible progress. I needed a test, I needed something to allow me to push. It worked. And, though I am not happy with my pace, I did a lot of work of many different types. I had to think, plan, lift, load boxes, move furniture, clean furniture, and such. I mixed work with pleasure, with common chores in there, and became more sociable. As well, I really did get a lot of the work I needed to do for my longer term goal of moving. I thought about doing it again, but I do not think I will need to do that (if I do want to figure out how to do the front room, which does need it). I will see how fast it dries though, and if it dries as fast as my mother suggested, I may hit it again before I take the machine back. I only need to wash the walls, decide whether to vacuum it again, then set the room back up. As well, I can use the far side of the bed for storage now, so that my spare room will be more accessible.
I was totally wrong. Beer sounds quite good right now. I think I will go out for another meal, Burger King if they are still open, or some other such. Drive through is the thing, with ice tea. Oh, and maybe some ice. I ended up not doing any grocery shopping. Before I left, I tried to call my Mother. She had company (and I would guess was getting some juicy information). She asked if I could call in a bit. So, I was trying to economize my time. Oh, bother, I do not think I will stop for ice this time either. I am really starting to become tired. I figure a burger, some fries, tea, and then beer, then I will crash so very pleasantly.
Is seems that my Mom will be here in time for steak Friday, and has no difficulty with me going to the gun show (and no interest in going herself). She thinks she will sleep in a bit, then take a peek around the place at her pace. She has not had the chance to sleep in for a long time. That all works out well. Hmm, I might have to bring her a treat back. I wonder if she would like a rose patterned pistol? I had better stick to some kind of food, a treat, or something like that... She would not shoot me, but I might have to dodge a fancy piece of metal whizzing toward me.
So nice, so very nice. It is done, minus the reconstruction. Maybe there is a world for me to explore a bit more. Maybe I can do something from time to time, something special, neat, unique, stressing, and physically demanding. It seems I just have to trick myself into preparing. Though I think I will, then, need to rest for a bit. Oh, and perhaps, in time, I will learn to be more practical with my goals. Yeah, it could happen. Woot!
.
The actual task took less than 15 minutes. The prep took more than a week. I also did most of the hallway. Wow. Now, I must admit something. I did not think the job was necessary. There was dirt, but not really that much. I would guess it was simply dust. What I did need, however, was a purpose with real earthly and practical goals and visible progress. I needed a test, I needed something to allow me to push. It worked. And, though I am not happy with my pace, I did a lot of work of many different types. I had to think, plan, lift, load boxes, move furniture, clean furniture, and such. I mixed work with pleasure, with common chores in there, and became more sociable. As well, I really did get a lot of the work I needed to do for my longer term goal of moving. I thought about doing it again, but I do not think I will need to do that (if I do want to figure out how to do the front room, which does need it). I will see how fast it dries though, and if it dries as fast as my mother suggested, I may hit it again before I take the machine back. I only need to wash the walls, decide whether to vacuum it again, then set the room back up. As well, I can use the far side of the bed for storage now, so that my spare room will be more accessible.
I was totally wrong. Beer sounds quite good right now. I think I will go out for another meal, Burger King if they are still open, or some other such. Drive through is the thing, with ice tea. Oh, and maybe some ice. I ended up not doing any grocery shopping. Before I left, I tried to call my Mother. She had company (and I would guess was getting some juicy information). She asked if I could call in a bit. So, I was trying to economize my time. Oh, bother, I do not think I will stop for ice this time either. I am really starting to become tired. I figure a burger, some fries, tea, and then beer, then I will crash so very pleasantly.
Is seems that my Mom will be here in time for steak Friday, and has no difficulty with me going to the gun show (and no interest in going herself). She thinks she will sleep in a bit, then take a peek around the place at her pace. She has not had the chance to sleep in for a long time. That all works out well. Hmm, I might have to bring her a treat back. I wonder if she would like a rose patterned pistol? I had better stick to some kind of food, a treat, or something like that... She would not shoot me, but I might have to dodge a fancy piece of metal whizzing toward me.
So nice, so very nice. It is done, minus the reconstruction. Maybe there is a world for me to explore a bit more. Maybe I can do something from time to time, something special, neat, unique, stressing, and physically demanding. It seems I just have to trick myself into preparing. Though I think I will, then, need to rest for a bit. Oh, and perhaps, in time, I will learn to be more practical with my goals. Yeah, it could happen. Woot!
It will be done.
.
.
I made a few calls. Having learned that the rental shop is open until 22:00 allowed me the confidence to stick with the task rather than split off and perhaps lose my focus. The room is clear, except for the headboard, which I have no room for. Thankfully, it is metal. I can simply move it as needed. I was a little surprised that I could manage to get the mattress off the bed by myself. It is 16” or 18” thick, and extra heavy duty beyond that. It has no handles, so this was compression lifting. I decided to see if I could carry it to my assigned storage area by myself. Sure enough, I have it, and the rest of the bed, safely stowed. Actually the bed frame was the most painful item to move but that had nothing to do with weight. I am barefoot, and was when moving it. Darn but that is extremely unforgiving metal! Having stubbed my toe several times, dinged my shins a time or two, and cut my fingers and hand a few times, I think I deserve a beer or three! But, not until the carpet is cleaned. Drats, beer might not sound good by then.
I found a place for everything except that headboard, if everything is definitely not in it’s place. I ended up putting the computer and (I think) speakers under the table, everything is mostly out of danger of being tripped over, dropped, or otherwise damaged. It is not pretty, but it is done. I hope I can get the rest of the place in order and that the carpet dries in time for my mother's visit, so she may have a comfy clean place to stay. I have plans to bring steaks for my neighbor family, myself, and my mother if she is coming by then, this Friday. As well, I have plans to go to a gun show Saturday, if only in the morning. I have not received confirmation yet, so I simply cannot be certain. I think I will go to the gun show either way, if my Mom lets me. Ha! Back to that, I guess, but she is my Mom, a guest, and such. Oh, and she is a woman too. Those dratted women keep telling me what to do, and mostly, I listen (if I do not always obey, urhm, once they are out of sight). If I do not fear men, I do fear women. Gnarly critters, with teeth, and the EYE, and things like that. And the roar that hurts my ears, and... and... and stuff like that! I know why a bear might back away from wolverines and badgers... oh, and the claws... Yikes!
Well, I think it is about time to make myself presentable, go find a place which allows grumbling stomachs, and smack down some solid food fuel, pick up some groceries, the vacuum and supplies, dominate the carpet, and then decide about a beer or four. And remember, never drink alone. I drink two beers in a big glass so I am not drinking alone and because my doctor wanted me to cut back to one beer (it is all in how you slice the pizza, pie, or cake?). No, my doctor never told me to cut down. Though, pretty much, they recommend, what, 2 ounces of meat (if you must), a couple bushels of grain (BEER!), and a basket of fruit. No, I do not think so. If I wanted to stupidify myself, I would become a doctor! Bother… They cannot even be believing what they are suggesting, because they could not possibly follow their own orders.
Do not worry, doing a bit of work gets me a little excited. Hmm, sort of like drinking. Oh well. I am just being goofy today. You need not follow my wisdom to the letter this day, we will see about tomorrow. *grins* It is a gas, all of it, even the tail end for supper part. Well, maybe not that last. Then again?
I am quite excited, not just with the work nearing completion, but with the prospects of buying a home, settling into a quiet and respectable state, and figuring out what to do from then on. Some of the places I am looking at, strongly, have outhouses, for horses (most have plumbing:p) I have always wanted a horse, something small like a Clydesdale, Belgian, and the like. Something which would be like me, and fit me better. Although with mountain riding in mind, I might need to be careful in choosing the right horse. Just think, a midget on a tiny pony! Oh, and though it would be interesting to have armor, do no expect that. It is not quite my thing, anymore, unless I happen upon some top of the line modern body armor. But I cannot quite see using that on a Belgian. Nice camo armor to deflect the light of the sun as I seek seclusion? No, no, no… it does not quite fit the fairy tale scene, does it.
Enough day doodling, I best get cleaned up and on my way. I had best pick up the vacuum first, meals have a way of talking me out of work. Being halfway through by picking up the vacuum though, yeah, I can then finish. Good evening.
.
I made a few calls. Having learned that the rental shop is open until 22:00 allowed me the confidence to stick with the task rather than split off and perhaps lose my focus. The room is clear, except for the headboard, which I have no room for. Thankfully, it is metal. I can simply move it as needed. I was a little surprised that I could manage to get the mattress off the bed by myself. It is 16” or 18” thick, and extra heavy duty beyond that. It has no handles, so this was compression lifting. I decided to see if I could carry it to my assigned storage area by myself. Sure enough, I have it, and the rest of the bed, safely stowed. Actually the bed frame was the most painful item to move but that had nothing to do with weight. I am barefoot, and was when moving it. Darn but that is extremely unforgiving metal! Having stubbed my toe several times, dinged my shins a time or two, and cut my fingers and hand a few times, I think I deserve a beer or three! But, not until the carpet is cleaned. Drats, beer might not sound good by then.
I found a place for everything except that headboard, if everything is definitely not in it’s place. I ended up putting the computer and (I think) speakers under the table, everything is mostly out of danger of being tripped over, dropped, or otherwise damaged. It is not pretty, but it is done. I hope I can get the rest of the place in order and that the carpet dries in time for my mother's visit, so she may have a comfy clean place to stay. I have plans to bring steaks for my neighbor family, myself, and my mother if she is coming by then, this Friday. As well, I have plans to go to a gun show Saturday, if only in the morning. I have not received confirmation yet, so I simply cannot be certain. I think I will go to the gun show either way, if my Mom lets me. Ha! Back to that, I guess, but she is my Mom, a guest, and such. Oh, and she is a woman too. Those dratted women keep telling me what to do, and mostly, I listen (if I do not always obey, urhm, once they are out of sight). If I do not fear men, I do fear women. Gnarly critters, with teeth, and the EYE, and things like that. And the roar that hurts my ears, and... and... and stuff like that! I know why a bear might back away from wolverines and badgers... oh, and the claws... Yikes!
Well, I think it is about time to make myself presentable, go find a place which allows grumbling stomachs, and smack down some solid food fuel, pick up some groceries, the vacuum and supplies, dominate the carpet, and then decide about a beer or four. And remember, never drink alone. I drink two beers in a big glass so I am not drinking alone and because my doctor wanted me to cut back to one beer (it is all in how you slice the pizza, pie, or cake?). No, my doctor never told me to cut down. Though, pretty much, they recommend, what, 2 ounces of meat (if you must), a couple bushels of grain (BEER!), and a basket of fruit. No, I do not think so. If I wanted to stupidify myself, I would become a doctor! Bother… They cannot even be believing what they are suggesting, because they could not possibly follow their own orders.
Do not worry, doing a bit of work gets me a little excited. Hmm, sort of like drinking. Oh well. I am just being goofy today. You need not follow my wisdom to the letter this day, we will see about tomorrow. *grins* It is a gas, all of it, even the tail end for supper part. Well, maybe not that last. Then again?
I am quite excited, not just with the work nearing completion, but with the prospects of buying a home, settling into a quiet and respectable state, and figuring out what to do from then on. Some of the places I am looking at, strongly, have outhouses, for horses (most have plumbing:p) I have always wanted a horse, something small like a Clydesdale, Belgian, and the like. Something which would be like me, and fit me better. Although with mountain riding in mind, I might need to be careful in choosing the right horse. Just think, a midget on a tiny pony! Oh, and though it would be interesting to have armor, do no expect that. It is not quite my thing, anymore, unless I happen upon some top of the line modern body armor. But I cannot quite see using that on a Belgian. Nice camo armor to deflect the light of the sun as I seek seclusion? No, no, no… it does not quite fit the fairy tale scene, does it.
Enough day doodling, I best get cleaned up and on my way. I had best pick up the vacuum first, meals have a way of talking me out of work. Being halfway through by picking up the vacuum though, yeah, I can then finish. Good evening.
Very close. If becoming more complicated.
.
.
I was able to really dig into the bedroom. Almost everything is out, but I am trying to figure out where to put the mirror, safely, and a few other items. I am about as out of room everywhere as I can be. Then again, I am not the best packer in the world, not even close. To further add to the frustration, my new computer is here, and the rest of the last of the order in yet another relatively big box. However, I am quite pleased about the computer! It was not necessarily due until Friday, and I have the whole rig, parts pieces and peripherals here on Tuesday… amazing really.
I heard nothing back from neighbor, lady friend, mother, or the realtor. I wanted to keep on top of the apartment, and it is a good thing I did. She had neither emailed or called, and apparently there are three people set to look at the place tomorrow. She indicated that a $25 fee would be required, along with an application. I suggested she scan and email the application. She also had two other apartments coming available, but those seem to be more long term and cost a good deal more. From talking to her, and the interruptions and confusion on her end, it sounds like there is a great deal of activity there now. In any case, I will have to stay on top of things as I do not believe she has the time to tend my case. It would be nice to hear from other people, but I think I will let most of them off the hook, save my Mom. I need to know when she is coming, for sure.
I believe I will clean up just a bit, then head out to look for a rug doctor (or such) rental. Perhaps I should call around first. I still need to vacuum, clear out the bed itself, and tend a few smaller items, but it is close enough. I need to make sure I get everything I need for the device too, like cleaning fluids, filters, whatever. I hope they have someone working the rental who knows what they are talking about, because I certainly do not. I am going to try and force it through and finish by the time I lay my weary head on the couch. A week late, or more, but not a dollar short.
Tomorrow, I may see if the new computer can be set up. If so, I will begin securing my online world, one password section at a time. Whoever is messing with it, so far, only seems to complicate my life. Money and credit and such, to date, to my knowledge, has not been stolen or abused if it has been opened. Perhaps they only have a partial hold on my system, perhaps they are using it for other things, whatever the case, I think this will be at an end. Since I can do little else until the carpet dries, the project will offer me something to keep me occupied. What I will do with this machine, for the moment, I will just have to figure out on the fly. Perhaps it should just be packed and stored immediately. In truth though, I have no real idea how to safely pack a computer, nor do I have boxes which will fit rightly.
I am still a bit confused and overwhelmed. I am just getting it done and hoping for the best, as it turns out. I suppose all of life is a bit of a wing and a prayer. Since I will be in a temporary place for a bit, until I can find a proper house, I thought again of Pods. I found their link, I put my vitals in to check costs on their calculator and… was told I need to call. I hate that. I suspect if I was moving from anywhere to anywhere else, they would force me to call. It is a gimmick. They know it is more difficult saying no to a real live person then just seeing the bloated cost and clicking the link away, well, think again. And, they got information I did not really wish to share. I really hate that. Still, if reasonably comparable in costs and effort after considering storage costs, the hassle of unpacking and packing two more times, and the cost of a rental truck for a long and relatively short haul, they may be the best bet. Leaving 90% of my items in storage will hurt my not a bit, for a medium term of time. Still, it is irritating. Yeah, just like me?
Back to it. Good day. Oh, someone is messing with my machine while I write this. They are online with me. I suppose they did not realize I could tell. I have known about that for a while. Live or ghost program, I am not alone.
.
I was able to really dig into the bedroom. Almost everything is out, but I am trying to figure out where to put the mirror, safely, and a few other items. I am about as out of room everywhere as I can be. Then again, I am not the best packer in the world, not even close. To further add to the frustration, my new computer is here, and the rest of the last of the order in yet another relatively big box. However, I am quite pleased about the computer! It was not necessarily due until Friday, and I have the whole rig, parts pieces and peripherals here on Tuesday… amazing really.
I heard nothing back from neighbor, lady friend, mother, or the realtor. I wanted to keep on top of the apartment, and it is a good thing I did. She had neither emailed or called, and apparently there are three people set to look at the place tomorrow. She indicated that a $25 fee would be required, along with an application. I suggested she scan and email the application. She also had two other apartments coming available, but those seem to be more long term and cost a good deal more. From talking to her, and the interruptions and confusion on her end, it sounds like there is a great deal of activity there now. In any case, I will have to stay on top of things as I do not believe she has the time to tend my case. It would be nice to hear from other people, but I think I will let most of them off the hook, save my Mom. I need to know when she is coming, for sure.
I believe I will clean up just a bit, then head out to look for a rug doctor (or such) rental. Perhaps I should call around first. I still need to vacuum, clear out the bed itself, and tend a few smaller items, but it is close enough. I need to make sure I get everything I need for the device too, like cleaning fluids, filters, whatever. I hope they have someone working the rental who knows what they are talking about, because I certainly do not. I am going to try and force it through and finish by the time I lay my weary head on the couch. A week late, or more, but not a dollar short.
Tomorrow, I may see if the new computer can be set up. If so, I will begin securing my online world, one password section at a time. Whoever is messing with it, so far, only seems to complicate my life. Money and credit and such, to date, to my knowledge, has not been stolen or abused if it has been opened. Perhaps they only have a partial hold on my system, perhaps they are using it for other things, whatever the case, I think this will be at an end. Since I can do little else until the carpet dries, the project will offer me something to keep me occupied. What I will do with this machine, for the moment, I will just have to figure out on the fly. Perhaps it should just be packed and stored immediately. In truth though, I have no real idea how to safely pack a computer, nor do I have boxes which will fit rightly.
I am still a bit confused and overwhelmed. I am just getting it done and hoping for the best, as it turns out. I suppose all of life is a bit of a wing and a prayer. Since I will be in a temporary place for a bit, until I can find a proper house, I thought again of Pods. I found their link, I put my vitals in to check costs on their calculator and… was told I need to call. I hate that. I suspect if I was moving from anywhere to anywhere else, they would force me to call. It is a gimmick. They know it is more difficult saying no to a real live person then just seeing the bloated cost and clicking the link away, well, think again. And, they got information I did not really wish to share. I really hate that. Still, if reasonably comparable in costs and effort after considering storage costs, the hassle of unpacking and packing two more times, and the cost of a rental truck for a long and relatively short haul, they may be the best bet. Leaving 90% of my items in storage will hurt my not a bit, for a medium term of time. Still, it is irritating. Yeah, just like me?
Back to it. Good day. Oh, someone is messing with my machine while I write this. They are online with me. I suppose they did not realize I could tell. I have known about that for a while. Live or ghost program, I am not alone.
Late and lazy.
.
.
Waking up late, I am getting my feet under me finally, just now. I think I can get to it this morning. I ate first thing, cold cereal will work to take the edge of the hunger for now. And, I have heard nothing back from my Mom, lady friend, neighbor, or realtor. Did I just drop into a black hole? I think I will push hard today and just get it done! Then I can begin doing simpler housekeeping for my Mom’s stay. There is a lot to do in the house, but it is all basic work, once I get past the bedroom. Once the house is cleaned, I think I will take a complete day off. I do not want to just sleep, so I think I will grab the .22s and head for the target range, go check out my hiking path if very slowly and just a simple easy lookabout, and I might even get a license to fish and get some bait wet. Then again, I might just find some quiet park and count leaves, who knows.
Oh, the financial term the realtors were using was escrow. They wanted me to create an escrow account. Not only do I not remember what details I discussed about it, it did not make sense to me then, when looking into buying a house. Why they wanted an escrow account was never fully or rightly explained to me. It had something, I think, to do with bundling taxes, insurance, and other things, and showing an assurance to being able to pay those and maybe other things. I was pretty on the ball at the time, so I think I was simply not being told what the thing was, regardless of how many times I asked. As I said, I am wondering if they were not refusing the VA loan and trying to put me into some other loan program from which they would earn more. I did not like the deals, I did not like the houses offered, and I trusted no one. It turns out to be a good thing, in any case, as my health deteriorated with the help of my medical practitioners.
I have to find a few larger boxes for a few loads of clothes today. I need to sort out some special items and find a place to store them. I need to reconfigured the spare room, so that everything that needs to go in there will fit, then I need to move a few pieces of furniture out of there. The bed will have to go into the front room. It will be a temporary oddity, forcing me to fit it where it really will be a bit in the way but as good as it gets for the room I do have. Then I need to get the floor cleaning machine rented and get to work. It is a lot of work, but if I focus just on that, I think I can be done by bedtime. Eating out seems to be the plan, though, as it cuts down on other difficulties. No, I did not do the dishes last night. *sigh*
My ribs and back are a bit sore today, but that has nothing to do with anything. It will just have to be endured. And the only other thing I wish to do is to call the realtor again. I really would like to have that situation tended before too much time passes, if it is not already too late. Gackh! Also, I need to slow down (my thoughts), and focus. I need to settle my fears and steal my nerves, then pick up my pace, and scoot. So… scooting I am.
I had to reset my blog password again today. It had been changed overnight.
Good day.
.
Waking up late, I am getting my feet under me finally, just now. I think I can get to it this morning. I ate first thing, cold cereal will work to take the edge of the hunger for now. And, I have heard nothing back from my Mom, lady friend, neighbor, or realtor. Did I just drop into a black hole? I think I will push hard today and just get it done! Then I can begin doing simpler housekeeping for my Mom’s stay. There is a lot to do in the house, but it is all basic work, once I get past the bedroom. Once the house is cleaned, I think I will take a complete day off. I do not want to just sleep, so I think I will grab the .22s and head for the target range, go check out my hiking path if very slowly and just a simple easy lookabout, and I might even get a license to fish and get some bait wet. Then again, I might just find some quiet park and count leaves, who knows.
Oh, the financial term the realtors were using was escrow. They wanted me to create an escrow account. Not only do I not remember what details I discussed about it, it did not make sense to me then, when looking into buying a house. Why they wanted an escrow account was never fully or rightly explained to me. It had something, I think, to do with bundling taxes, insurance, and other things, and showing an assurance to being able to pay those and maybe other things. I was pretty on the ball at the time, so I think I was simply not being told what the thing was, regardless of how many times I asked. As I said, I am wondering if they were not refusing the VA loan and trying to put me into some other loan program from which they would earn more. I did not like the deals, I did not like the houses offered, and I trusted no one. It turns out to be a good thing, in any case, as my health deteriorated with the help of my medical practitioners.
I have to find a few larger boxes for a few loads of clothes today. I need to sort out some special items and find a place to store them. I need to reconfigured the spare room, so that everything that needs to go in there will fit, then I need to move a few pieces of furniture out of there. The bed will have to go into the front room. It will be a temporary oddity, forcing me to fit it where it really will be a bit in the way but as good as it gets for the room I do have. Then I need to get the floor cleaning machine rented and get to work. It is a lot of work, but if I focus just on that, I think I can be done by bedtime. Eating out seems to be the plan, though, as it cuts down on other difficulties. No, I did not do the dishes last night. *sigh*
My ribs and back are a bit sore today, but that has nothing to do with anything. It will just have to be endured. And the only other thing I wish to do is to call the realtor again. I really would like to have that situation tended before too much time passes, if it is not already too late. Gackh! Also, I need to slow down (my thoughts), and focus. I need to settle my fears and steal my nerves, then pick up my pace, and scoot. So… scooting I am.
I had to reset my blog password again today. It had been changed overnight.
Good day.
Monday, April 20, 2009
No answers.
.
.
I placed four calls today and I have received no return calls. I did not get much else done. I am bottlenecked and unsure, restless in my mind, and needing a little help. I did go out and eat a simple lunch today but that did not help. I needed a nap after it, as well. That is the first time I have needed a nap in the last few weeks. I think it was frustration exhaustion. I have not cleaned the kitchen, but I went ahead and made supper. A mac and cheese dinner can be quite good, too. It does not need to be the same every time. Last time, the spices I used were light and I added freshly chopped onions. This time, I added thyme, ginger, garlic, and cayenne (a very hot variety, though only a healthy touch not a flaming mouth inducing amount). I start with boxed pastas, either shell or elbow, preferably of the medium to large size. After cooking that and draining it, I put a quarter of a stick of butter in the pan, add the pasta back, add the drained tuna, and mix in whatever shredded cheese I have on hand. Once that gets melted and mixed a bit, I add about a quarter cup of whole milk. Then I add whatever spices. I keep the pot on medium heat while that combines. I have that about every two weeks, but it is never the same. Last time I think I added tarragon, fresh onions, and really thought about adding dill while using cheddar cheese. This really was a different meal. Still, I am in a bind. I will finish the dishes tonight and see if that helps, with what I have done this day, to get me oriented again.
I have seen a few recent court decisions that have been problematic. I have also seen, today, that a liberal court may have acted correctly. Perhaps I am quite pessimistic, but I keep looking for the trick. One out of ten is not that good, in any case. But when the potential “one” comes up, it needs to be looked at closely. I am not quite in the proper mind to review the thing. On the topic of gun ownership, I keep seeing that it is not the gun that kills people. Of course that is true. Not a single of my firearms has gone out and killed someone, with a purpose or willy-nilly. No, really. When I set them somewhere, they stay there, loaded or not. And more, I have not taken up a single gun and gone out hunting for people targets. Not once, in years, decades in total, of ownership. It reminds me of sex and bad relationships. No bad woman has ever snuck up on me and forced me to love her wrongly, mostly. In this case, I have made poor choices. I have loved women who could not and would not fulfill my interest in fatherhood, nor could they be proper wives. Then again, I was not a good man. I lived as an animal does, if for the most part being true within the relationship.
I suppose, if you know you are a bad human, perhaps you should not be trusted with gun ownership or your own sexuality and reproduction. Men have zero control over this, it is all in women’s hands today. Perhaps there should be a list people can sign which ends their right to gun ownership, if they know themselves to be unstable, or animal, really. And, for those men who know they should not be fathers (or woman who know they should not be mothers), there should be a way to freely get fixed. Then they could more freely be animals, without worry. Perhaps they could even store a few lots of sperm or eggs should they want one child at some time. I wonder what that would do, beside give man as animal much more control over reproduction? How would this feminized world react to women having no control mechanism? I do not know, but it would be interesting. Mind you, I believe in none of this foolishness. I just have to think that there must be some manner, for a secular world, to change the paradigm of over-powered by state mandate women, and of course the general sex-independent animal nature of modern ‘people’.
As for me, I am hoping for children. Many of them if that is God’s will. I have always wanted them I was just not ready. My interest in women did not match up with the function of fatherhood. I was not stable enough to deal with children. And I never have trusted women, the law, and I did not have the Church. Things have changed. I have decided not only what kind of man I am, but what I really want. As I have been called to the Church, as I feel pulled to Utah, I also seem assured that to seek a wife and begin a family is my truest calling. I am between five and six years celibate now. I try to keep that as absolute as possible, including thought. I am hoping to find a woman who I may marry and find out about that form of love as innocently as possible. As with Thomas, I have great doubts. I will need to sense and hear her say she loves. I will need to know she will be interested in going beyond a simple marriage and hear of her interest in being a mother as well as a wife. I need to know that she will leave pregnancy in God’s hands, not meddling with ways or methods of prevention. Yes, and to be able to be married in the Church. Grave doubts, to be sure. Women have been partners and helpers for a long time. I am almost sure there is one out there. I remember the dreams, the certainty that one is out there, the snow and mountains and fresh air, and hope. Even if I never meet that woman, I think I will always choose to live a clean life and be a good man from here on.
Doh! How to get going on the here and now though. I am so close to burn out. I pushed as much as I could for as long as I can. I am down to tasks which confuse me, baffle me, batter me. I need help, or think I do. I am tired, sore, and weak. Now is the time I will find if I can figure out how to work through the tough spot. I have little time to do this, so the room will be dry and restored for my Mother’s visit. Arghhhhh! I… must… continue…
Good night.
.
I placed four calls today and I have received no return calls. I did not get much else done. I am bottlenecked and unsure, restless in my mind, and needing a little help. I did go out and eat a simple lunch today but that did not help. I needed a nap after it, as well. That is the first time I have needed a nap in the last few weeks. I think it was frustration exhaustion. I have not cleaned the kitchen, but I went ahead and made supper. A mac and cheese dinner can be quite good, too. It does not need to be the same every time. Last time, the spices I used were light and I added freshly chopped onions. This time, I added thyme, ginger, garlic, and cayenne (a very hot variety, though only a healthy touch not a flaming mouth inducing amount). I start with boxed pastas, either shell or elbow, preferably of the medium to large size. After cooking that and draining it, I put a quarter of a stick of butter in the pan, add the pasta back, add the drained tuna, and mix in whatever shredded cheese I have on hand. Once that gets melted and mixed a bit, I add about a quarter cup of whole milk. Then I add whatever spices. I keep the pot on medium heat while that combines. I have that about every two weeks, but it is never the same. Last time I think I added tarragon, fresh onions, and really thought about adding dill while using cheddar cheese. This really was a different meal. Still, I am in a bind. I will finish the dishes tonight and see if that helps, with what I have done this day, to get me oriented again.
I have seen a few recent court decisions that have been problematic. I have also seen, today, that a liberal court may have acted correctly. Perhaps I am quite pessimistic, but I keep looking for the trick. One out of ten is not that good, in any case. But when the potential “one” comes up, it needs to be looked at closely. I am not quite in the proper mind to review the thing. On the topic of gun ownership, I keep seeing that it is not the gun that kills people. Of course that is true. Not a single of my firearms has gone out and killed someone, with a purpose or willy-nilly. No, really. When I set them somewhere, they stay there, loaded or not. And more, I have not taken up a single gun and gone out hunting for people targets. Not once, in years, decades in total, of ownership. It reminds me of sex and bad relationships. No bad woman has ever snuck up on me and forced me to love her wrongly, mostly. In this case, I have made poor choices. I have loved women who could not and would not fulfill my interest in fatherhood, nor could they be proper wives. Then again, I was not a good man. I lived as an animal does, if for the most part being true within the relationship.
I suppose, if you know you are a bad human, perhaps you should not be trusted with gun ownership or your own sexuality and reproduction. Men have zero control over this, it is all in women’s hands today. Perhaps there should be a list people can sign which ends their right to gun ownership, if they know themselves to be unstable, or animal, really. And, for those men who know they should not be fathers (or woman who know they should not be mothers), there should be a way to freely get fixed. Then they could more freely be animals, without worry. Perhaps they could even store a few lots of sperm or eggs should they want one child at some time. I wonder what that would do, beside give man as animal much more control over reproduction? How would this feminized world react to women having no control mechanism? I do not know, but it would be interesting. Mind you, I believe in none of this foolishness. I just have to think that there must be some manner, for a secular world, to change the paradigm of over-powered by state mandate women, and of course the general sex-independent animal nature of modern ‘people’.
As for me, I am hoping for children. Many of them if that is God’s will. I have always wanted them I was just not ready. My interest in women did not match up with the function of fatherhood. I was not stable enough to deal with children. And I never have trusted women, the law, and I did not have the Church. Things have changed. I have decided not only what kind of man I am, but what I really want. As I have been called to the Church, as I feel pulled to Utah, I also seem assured that to seek a wife and begin a family is my truest calling. I am between five and six years celibate now. I try to keep that as absolute as possible, including thought. I am hoping to find a woman who I may marry and find out about that form of love as innocently as possible. As with Thomas, I have great doubts. I will need to sense and hear her say she loves. I will need to know she will be interested in going beyond a simple marriage and hear of her interest in being a mother as well as a wife. I need to know that she will leave pregnancy in God’s hands, not meddling with ways or methods of prevention. Yes, and to be able to be married in the Church. Grave doubts, to be sure. Women have been partners and helpers for a long time. I am almost sure there is one out there. I remember the dreams, the certainty that one is out there, the snow and mountains and fresh air, and hope. Even if I never meet that woman, I think I will always choose to live a clean life and be a good man from here on.
Doh! How to get going on the here and now though. I am so close to burn out. I pushed as much as I could for as long as I can. I am down to tasks which confuse me, baffle me, batter me. I need help, or think I do. I am tired, sore, and weak. Now is the time I will find if I can figure out how to work through the tough spot. I have little time to do this, so the room will be dry and restored for my Mother’s visit. Arghhhhh! I… must… continue…
Good night.
I am in a bit of a bind.
.
.
I am hungry, I want to finish the room, I need to place some calls, and everything seems to be working against everything else. I seem to be in over my head a bit. I did take the mirror off the dresser, moved the dresser into a spare room, placed a call to the realtor to check on the rental, started straightening the kitchen, and reviewed what I have left to do. Did I say I was hungry? Right, about that though. The kitchen has been a neglected place. So much so, that simply cooking a meal is complicated. It is not that there are many dirty dishes, but what there is spreads across my workspace and needs to be separated, washed, and put away in a lengthy procedure due to odd sizes and shapes. I will call my neighbor and see about next weekend, then get sorted to go get something proper to eat. I have been at a bit of a dead end in knowing what to do next, being hungry, and waiting for a reply from the message I left with the realtor, while also wondering if my lady friend will be stopping in today. I cannot think!
Actually, writing this out has helped. Even if I am still grumbling and confused and hungry… HUNGRY… I think I have a place to start. I think I will call my neighbor, call my lady friend, and then go eat, taking my phone with me and keeping it on, for a change. The rest of it will have to be configured as I tend my more basic need. Oh, do not worry, I just had to grumble on my blog since I have no witnesses available here… It will all get done sooner or later. *grumble* While I am out, I should stop at the store too. There are always a few things I need. *more grumbles*
.
I am hungry, I want to finish the room, I need to place some calls, and everything seems to be working against everything else. I seem to be in over my head a bit. I did take the mirror off the dresser, moved the dresser into a spare room, placed a call to the realtor to check on the rental, started straightening the kitchen, and reviewed what I have left to do. Did I say I was hungry? Right, about that though. The kitchen has been a neglected place. So much so, that simply cooking a meal is complicated. It is not that there are many dirty dishes, but what there is spreads across my workspace and needs to be separated, washed, and put away in a lengthy procedure due to odd sizes and shapes. I will call my neighbor and see about next weekend, then get sorted to go get something proper to eat. I have been at a bit of a dead end in knowing what to do next, being hungry, and waiting for a reply from the message I left with the realtor, while also wondering if my lady friend will be stopping in today. I cannot think!
Actually, writing this out has helped. Even if I am still grumbling and confused and hungry… HUNGRY… I think I have a place to start. I think I will call my neighbor, call my lady friend, and then go eat, taking my phone with me and keeping it on, for a change. The rest of it will have to be configured as I tend my more basic need. Oh, do not worry, I just had to grumble on my blog since I have no witnesses available here… It will all get done sooner or later. *grumble* While I am out, I should stop at the store too. There are always a few things I need. *more grumbles*
Does anyone know anything about housing costs?
.
.
Desert Cat has been offering information, but I keep coming up empty when trying to figure the actual costs involved with buying a home. I looked in this area, back when I was doing better and thought I would be able to finish college and thought that I would be staying here a bit to do so. The three houses I gave consideration were in the $100,000 to $120,000 range. When we worked up the financing, the monthly bill came right between $550 and $750 (all roughly). Which made me really think I could buy a place. Then I was told, wait, that is just the financing, here is the real bill, which ranged from $900 to $1,200 or so. Now, I knew it would be higher due to taxes, insurance, and all else, but double the cost of financing, give or take? How in the world can that be? It makes me excessively nervous about any prospects. I suppose I could afford $900 to $1,000, but I really do not want to give the government that much money just to buy a house and it seems excessive in many ways regardless of how it gets that far over financing. As I said, maybe they just did not want me here (which is mutual, as it ends up, so that is fine).
Could insurance, taxes, and fees really build that high, even in a more expensive housing market? Is there a way to realistically check the costs associated with a buy so that I could get an idea of percentage over finance? I have looked online, talked to people, and gotten some feed back, but I keep drawing a blank. The reason for the jump in costs when dealing with the local realtors was given as taxes, fees, insurance, but not outlined or explained to my satisfaction. It was seen as a non-issue, just ignored, or put as the cost of business. Is there some sort of online information that allows one to calculate these things before putting ones head in a guillotine? I just want to figure what real costs should be before I speak more directly to a realtor. I will keep doing my homework, but if anyone knows anything, I would love to hear it.
Not working on Sunday feels right, if it may be frustrating. I can see why God asked us to do this though, and I see that it is not just for His benefit. He had us in mind as well. It is not that all work and no fun will make Jack a dull boy, it is that we need a rhythm to life and work for our health as well. Worshiping is a vital thing, as is work and rest. Control, increments, and smaller bites all come to mind with the notion. And, for the better part of things, I try to obey. I have not always followed these things, but as I move through life, gather momentum in the right direction, and begin taking in more as I internalize what I have encountered, I begin to see a pattern that makes more and more sense. It is amazing to see wisdom, living and working truth, becoming more apparent in my own life. A wisdom I had lived counter to prior to recently. Though I am no saint, I certainly mean to become one as I may. My past may make it so that I live in a hovel right at the outskirts of heaven and sit at the far end of the table, that will be enough. I would happily tend the gardens of those who justly receive the mansions, I will gladly even tend to the feast before I partake, and living humbly sounds good, truth be told.
But today is Monday. It is a work day, and I intend to work. The dresser is nearly ready to move and the last few boxes are ready to be packed. I did not even take the mirror off the dresser, look for or prepare boxes, or move things a bit in readiness yesterday, if that did seem quite tempting. I tried not to even think about it. Still, if I can finish things up quickly, I will be renting a rug machine today. About time YOU say? So I am a fool and a slog, I do what I am able, and smile my foolish smile all the while, a hopeful smirk or a humble way, it is difficult to tell about smiles.
I woke up right and ready around 8:30. I had work on my mind, but I had to spend some time waking up. I am also quite hungry. While blogging a bit last night, I saw someone who showed the picture of one fine pizza, and some ideas about making them well. Ackh! It made me hungry then, and twice as hungry this morning. The bowl of ice cream and milk curved the hunger slightly last night but hunger is back with a vengeance. So, I had best get something down my gullet, to, first.
Today is a busy day. The room to be finished and maybe vacuumed, a call to be placed to try and get that apartment, maybe some help with my lady friend’s shopping, taking coin in to be banked, and figuring out the rest of the week. With this done, I can concentrate on cleaning the rest of the cave for my Mom’s arrival. Oh, I also need to speak with my neighbor to see if he is interested in the gun show next weekend. I would like to take my Mom, though I suspect she would rather use the time to look around and prep without me under foot. That bothers me a little, as I can be handy, but I know I am just a man, sometimes, too… underfoot and useless to some of the ways of women. Hey, what works for the goose, works for gander too I suspect. Bothersome as that can be, I respect it as well. Anyway, as I said, much to do and only a day in which to do it. HUNGRY… Women! It’s all so confusing. :P
Have a great day.
.
Desert Cat has been offering information, but I keep coming up empty when trying to figure the actual costs involved with buying a home. I looked in this area, back when I was doing better and thought I would be able to finish college and thought that I would be staying here a bit to do so. The three houses I gave consideration were in the $100,000 to $120,000 range. When we worked up the financing, the monthly bill came right between $550 and $750 (all roughly). Which made me really think I could buy a place. Then I was told, wait, that is just the financing, here is the real bill, which ranged from $900 to $1,200 or so. Now, I knew it would be higher due to taxes, insurance, and all else, but double the cost of financing, give or take? How in the world can that be? It makes me excessively nervous about any prospects. I suppose I could afford $900 to $1,000, but I really do not want to give the government that much money just to buy a house and it seems excessive in many ways regardless of how it gets that far over financing. As I said, maybe they just did not want me here (which is mutual, as it ends up, so that is fine).
Could insurance, taxes, and fees really build that high, even in a more expensive housing market? Is there a way to realistically check the costs associated with a buy so that I could get an idea of percentage over finance? I have looked online, talked to people, and gotten some feed back, but I keep drawing a blank. The reason for the jump in costs when dealing with the local realtors was given as taxes, fees, insurance, but not outlined or explained to my satisfaction. It was seen as a non-issue, just ignored, or put as the cost of business. Is there some sort of online information that allows one to calculate these things before putting ones head in a guillotine? I just want to figure what real costs should be before I speak more directly to a realtor. I will keep doing my homework, but if anyone knows anything, I would love to hear it.
Not working on Sunday feels right, if it may be frustrating. I can see why God asked us to do this though, and I see that it is not just for His benefit. He had us in mind as well. It is not that all work and no fun will make Jack a dull boy, it is that we need a rhythm to life and work for our health as well. Worshiping is a vital thing, as is work and rest. Control, increments, and smaller bites all come to mind with the notion. And, for the better part of things, I try to obey. I have not always followed these things, but as I move through life, gather momentum in the right direction, and begin taking in more as I internalize what I have encountered, I begin to see a pattern that makes more and more sense. It is amazing to see wisdom, living and working truth, becoming more apparent in my own life. A wisdom I had lived counter to prior to recently. Though I am no saint, I certainly mean to become one as I may. My past may make it so that I live in a hovel right at the outskirts of heaven and sit at the far end of the table, that will be enough. I would happily tend the gardens of those who justly receive the mansions, I will gladly even tend to the feast before I partake, and living humbly sounds good, truth be told.
But today is Monday. It is a work day, and I intend to work. The dresser is nearly ready to move and the last few boxes are ready to be packed. I did not even take the mirror off the dresser, look for or prepare boxes, or move things a bit in readiness yesterday, if that did seem quite tempting. I tried not to even think about it. Still, if I can finish things up quickly, I will be renting a rug machine today. About time YOU say? So I am a fool and a slog, I do what I am able, and smile my foolish smile all the while, a hopeful smirk or a humble way, it is difficult to tell about smiles.
I woke up right and ready around 8:30. I had work on my mind, but I had to spend some time waking up. I am also quite hungry. While blogging a bit last night, I saw someone who showed the picture of one fine pizza, and some ideas about making them well. Ackh! It made me hungry then, and twice as hungry this morning. The bowl of ice cream and milk curved the hunger slightly last night but hunger is back with a vengeance. So, I had best get something down my gullet, to, first.
Today is a busy day. The room to be finished and maybe vacuumed, a call to be placed to try and get that apartment, maybe some help with my lady friend’s shopping, taking coin in to be banked, and figuring out the rest of the week. With this done, I can concentrate on cleaning the rest of the cave for my Mom’s arrival. Oh, I also need to speak with my neighbor to see if he is interested in the gun show next weekend. I would like to take my Mom, though I suspect she would rather use the time to look around and prep without me under foot. That bothers me a little, as I can be handy, but I know I am just a man, sometimes, too… underfoot and useless to some of the ways of women. Hey, what works for the goose, works for gander too I suspect. Bothersome as that can be, I respect it as well. Anyway, as I said, much to do and only a day in which to do it. HUNGRY… Women! It’s all so confusing. :P
Have a great day.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
A good day.
.
.
My lady friend showed up. I was awake, having set my alarm, if with one snooze button use, at 7:05. I had not yet showered, as I believed she would want to set up her laundry and I was not sure when or if she would indeed arrive. I think it was about 9:30 when she showed up, without having placed a call to let me know she was on the way. She was a little surprised I had not showered, and a bit dismayed. She has, for reason unknown to me, come to think it takes me 45 minutes or some other long time to shower and be ready. In truth, I can shower and dress in 10 to 15 minutes without rushing, 5 minutes if rushed. I prefer a good 15 to 20 minute shower, but I only do that a few times week for practical reasons. So she was surprised when I finished my shower and dressing before she had fully unloaded her laundry and started her first load. I think she is confusing her habits with mine.
She brought three movies to watch. She was hungrier than she was interested in a show. She wanted to brunch at a place we have both thought about visiting since back when we were together. The food was very good. It was not overpriced, or even expensive, for the city anyway. She did not prefer the layout of the place as it created a babble chamber. Though you really could not hear all being said, you could hear all conversations merged into linguistic mush. And, it was rather loud despite there only being 20 to 25 people in the place. I found that to be a nice trait. The only difficulty I had with it was that in such situations, my lady friend seems to talk quieter. I do not know if she is playing with me, reacting to the noise, or what. But she does get testy when I do not hear her (or more, that I do not simply know what she is thinking). It is water off my back, I have told her thrice I will not play the game. She either speak up or expect me not to hear her. And, I cannot read her mind, or at least, I will not depend on that. Either she makes herself heard or she can expect to not be understood at all. It is a regular situation for us. I really suspect she becomes distressed in certain situations, and it makes her act funny. So, I go easy on this.
I consider myself more of a carnivore or even an obligate carnivore or hyper-carnivore than an omnivore, eating vegetables more by accident or habit than by any real design or interest. I saw something on their menu I wished to try for a later brunch, as I called it. Oddly, it was a vegetarian sandwich, with the main part being hummus. It was quite a nice meal just a bit a go, and I was correct, they did it to perfection. I am not sure what dressing they used, but it was hand made and well made. In any case, should I get the chance before I leave, I would like to visit again and try another sandwich I saw on the menu. On the way back, my friend asked if I would purchase Lambic. Lambic being a fruity beer type of drink. Of course, I had no difficulty with that. She thought two bottles would be enough. I overrode her and bought four. The alcohol content is quite mild, less than beer or so I think. As it turned out, my choice was wise. The two of us went through thee of the bottles with no outrageous dancing on tables, swinging from chandeliers, or fist fights (actually, kissing, she is a girl). While we were watching the movies, she asked if I happened to have cheese and crackers. I did happen to have some fresh baker bread I purchased yesterday and gouda (if not the boutique stuff). I asked if she wanted the bread toasted. Sure enough. And, she quite enjoyed the cheese that cost less than half the amount she spends. By the way, it surprised me that the “cheap” gouda was made of the same things the boutique cheese was made from. And, yes, it does taste about as good, the difference probably just being the difference, neither cheese truly being better.
When I suggested I would be renting an apartment for a few months to locate a place to buy, she seemed satisfied. When I told her I would be wet vacuuming the bedroom, she about had a fit. She let me know that I had to remove all wood furniture. I told her I was removing all furniture, but that in any case, the dresser did not sit wood to floor, having wheels. Then she went through a spoken thought process, at first against the notion, then I added it was part of cleaning up before the move, she finally just suggested that doing it now is probably a good idea. It is fun to watch some people think. Usually I do not need to hear her talk her thoughts through, not any more. But it is fun to see it, too, sometimes. She is a complicated woman, definitely different from most anybody I have ever known, and she can be helpful, useful, and pleasant if she has the bite of a good blue cheese too, sometimes. She left right after that, having finished her show, my cheese and bread, and three quarters of the Lambic (with a little help), and her laundry (bandit!). As you must know by now, I do enjoy her company a great deal. She will be missed.
I, finally, had a chance so went online to find information about the rosary. She does not want the computer on when she is here. I found many links, many of which were very problematic. One covered the home page with a plea for donations, with no way to just see the information. I am pretty sure the plea was a personal one. I do not do that, for the most part. I have helped others out due to pleas from others, such as sending a few dollars to a medic and his wife at Bane’s request, and three or four other donations starting from him and others. But this irritated me. In any case, I finally found four links and bookmarked them. I then chose one to begin printing. I printed one of six sets of data, a few pages, and… out of paper. Worse, all of my paper has been packed. As much as I use the computer, for some things, I really prefer to have a paper copy of certain information, not wishing to reading online. More so if it involves something I wish to actually learn. Though a bit frustrated, I will look over the material and see what I can make of it.
Though I am uncomfortable worshipping here and now in the traditional method, I see how breaking bread with friends, family, or both may be a prayer. Relaxing and enjoying time with someone you like, or not (always), is a method of sharing in God’s will. And, serving another (whether they are easy to please or not, perhaps more so if they can be demanding) can be a form of worship. I have no doubt that these are not as good as the traditional means of prayer and worship. However, when one feels as if they have no choice, one must do what one can. I may be way off here. I may be wrong. But I have to follow my conscience. If I need to learn, I would like to learn where I trust to do so. All I see here is support of socialism (over the church), feminism, pro-abortion sentiments, weak sexual morals, homosexuality as a norm, and other things I do not concede. And that is not just the city, but it is potently seen within the church. I just cannot go there regularly. This is not my place or my ways. In some ways, I am the one who is wrong her, and I understand that too. So, as I said, I will do what I may with what I have. But, I do miss confession and the Eucharist. I may have to deal with that, anyway, and soon. I do trust my priest. I would like to thank him, participate in a last confession here, and maybe go to Eucharist here one more time, and to say goodbye. There are a few others from the church I would like to give personal goodbyes (some of them among those who voted for O, as we are friends if not religiously in sync). I trust their hearts if not their ways, if you know what I mean.
I know I seem to be at war with seemingly everyone, and sometimes all at once. The war is not without, it is within. What I reject, I reject for myself, in part in union with the authority of the Church. I do not harbor hate, I will not abandon people if I reject their sins or their support of those sins, and I am not the one to offer forgiveness nor do I feel the need to be so. I seek peace, and a place I feel is right to encounter, grow, and nourish my belief in that authority and my sentiments. I seek to be with those who are more like me. I choose to follow what I believe God is calling me to, first to the church, then to where I should be. I hope to find a place where I do not have to wonder about my neighbors, I have warred, in many ways… too many ways for too long. I have feared enough, too much. And I am not getting younger. It is time. I need to find a place to lay my sword aside, or at least to be able to rest it from time to time, along with my shield and armor. Now that I have found my home in the church, I must find a home for my flesh, and rest just a little bit. Perhaps I will find my way to live there, or the peace to die.
.
My lady friend showed up. I was awake, having set my alarm, if with one snooze button use, at 7:05. I had not yet showered, as I believed she would want to set up her laundry and I was not sure when or if she would indeed arrive. I think it was about 9:30 when she showed up, without having placed a call to let me know she was on the way. She was a little surprised I had not showered, and a bit dismayed. She has, for reason unknown to me, come to think it takes me 45 minutes or some other long time to shower and be ready. In truth, I can shower and dress in 10 to 15 minutes without rushing, 5 minutes if rushed. I prefer a good 15 to 20 minute shower, but I only do that a few times week for practical reasons. So she was surprised when I finished my shower and dressing before she had fully unloaded her laundry and started her first load. I think she is confusing her habits with mine.
She brought three movies to watch. She was hungrier than she was interested in a show. She wanted to brunch at a place we have both thought about visiting since back when we were together. The food was very good. It was not overpriced, or even expensive, for the city anyway. She did not prefer the layout of the place as it created a babble chamber. Though you really could not hear all being said, you could hear all conversations merged into linguistic mush. And, it was rather loud despite there only being 20 to 25 people in the place. I found that to be a nice trait. The only difficulty I had with it was that in such situations, my lady friend seems to talk quieter. I do not know if she is playing with me, reacting to the noise, or what. But she does get testy when I do not hear her (or more, that I do not simply know what she is thinking). It is water off my back, I have told her thrice I will not play the game. She either speak up or expect me not to hear her. And, I cannot read her mind, or at least, I will not depend on that. Either she makes herself heard or she can expect to not be understood at all. It is a regular situation for us. I really suspect she becomes distressed in certain situations, and it makes her act funny. So, I go easy on this.
I consider myself more of a carnivore or even an obligate carnivore or hyper-carnivore than an omnivore, eating vegetables more by accident or habit than by any real design or interest. I saw something on their menu I wished to try for a later brunch, as I called it. Oddly, it was a vegetarian sandwich, with the main part being hummus. It was quite a nice meal just a bit a go, and I was correct, they did it to perfection. I am not sure what dressing they used, but it was hand made and well made. In any case, should I get the chance before I leave, I would like to visit again and try another sandwich I saw on the menu. On the way back, my friend asked if I would purchase Lambic. Lambic being a fruity beer type of drink. Of course, I had no difficulty with that. She thought two bottles would be enough. I overrode her and bought four. The alcohol content is quite mild, less than beer or so I think. As it turned out, my choice was wise. The two of us went through thee of the bottles with no outrageous dancing on tables, swinging from chandeliers, or fist fights (actually, kissing, she is a girl). While we were watching the movies, she asked if I happened to have cheese and crackers. I did happen to have some fresh baker bread I purchased yesterday and gouda (if not the boutique stuff). I asked if she wanted the bread toasted. Sure enough. And, she quite enjoyed the cheese that cost less than half the amount she spends. By the way, it surprised me that the “cheap” gouda was made of the same things the boutique cheese was made from. And, yes, it does taste about as good, the difference probably just being the difference, neither cheese truly being better.
When I suggested I would be renting an apartment for a few months to locate a place to buy, she seemed satisfied. When I told her I would be wet vacuuming the bedroom, she about had a fit. She let me know that I had to remove all wood furniture. I told her I was removing all furniture, but that in any case, the dresser did not sit wood to floor, having wheels. Then she went through a spoken thought process, at first against the notion, then I added it was part of cleaning up before the move, she finally just suggested that doing it now is probably a good idea. It is fun to watch some people think. Usually I do not need to hear her talk her thoughts through, not any more. But it is fun to see it, too, sometimes. She is a complicated woman, definitely different from most anybody I have ever known, and she can be helpful, useful, and pleasant if she has the bite of a good blue cheese too, sometimes. She left right after that, having finished her show, my cheese and bread, and three quarters of the Lambic (with a little help), and her laundry (bandit!). As you must know by now, I do enjoy her company a great deal. She will be missed.
I, finally, had a chance so went online to find information about the rosary. She does not want the computer on when she is here. I found many links, many of which were very problematic. One covered the home page with a plea for donations, with no way to just see the information. I am pretty sure the plea was a personal one. I do not do that, for the most part. I have helped others out due to pleas from others, such as sending a few dollars to a medic and his wife at Bane’s request, and three or four other donations starting from him and others. But this irritated me. In any case, I finally found four links and bookmarked them. I then chose one to begin printing. I printed one of six sets of data, a few pages, and… out of paper. Worse, all of my paper has been packed. As much as I use the computer, for some things, I really prefer to have a paper copy of certain information, not wishing to reading online. More so if it involves something I wish to actually learn. Though a bit frustrated, I will look over the material and see what I can make of it.
Though I am uncomfortable worshipping here and now in the traditional method, I see how breaking bread with friends, family, or both may be a prayer. Relaxing and enjoying time with someone you like, or not (always), is a method of sharing in God’s will. And, serving another (whether they are easy to please or not, perhaps more so if they can be demanding) can be a form of worship. I have no doubt that these are not as good as the traditional means of prayer and worship. However, when one feels as if they have no choice, one must do what one can. I may be way off here. I may be wrong. But I have to follow my conscience. If I need to learn, I would like to learn where I trust to do so. All I see here is support of socialism (over the church), feminism, pro-abortion sentiments, weak sexual morals, homosexuality as a norm, and other things I do not concede. And that is not just the city, but it is potently seen within the church. I just cannot go there regularly. This is not my place or my ways. In some ways, I am the one who is wrong her, and I understand that too. So, as I said, I will do what I may with what I have. But, I do miss confession and the Eucharist. I may have to deal with that, anyway, and soon. I do trust my priest. I would like to thank him, participate in a last confession here, and maybe go to Eucharist here one more time, and to say goodbye. There are a few others from the church I would like to give personal goodbyes (some of them among those who voted for O, as we are friends if not religiously in sync). I trust their hearts if not their ways, if you know what I mean.
I know I seem to be at war with seemingly everyone, and sometimes all at once. The war is not without, it is within. What I reject, I reject for myself, in part in union with the authority of the Church. I do not harbor hate, I will not abandon people if I reject their sins or their support of those sins, and I am not the one to offer forgiveness nor do I feel the need to be so. I seek peace, and a place I feel is right to encounter, grow, and nourish my belief in that authority and my sentiments. I seek to be with those who are more like me. I choose to follow what I believe God is calling me to, first to the church, then to where I should be. I hope to find a place where I do not have to wonder about my neighbors, I have warred, in many ways… too many ways for too long. I have feared enough, too much. And I am not getting younger. It is time. I need to find a place to lay my sword aside, or at least to be able to rest it from time to time, along with my shield and armor. Now that I have found my home in the church, I must find a home for my flesh, and rest just a little bit. Perhaps I will find my way to live there, or the peace to die.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Some thoughts about Church.
And a minor update regarding my work.
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.
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I realize that some things I have been saying may make it seem like I am “church shopping”. That could not be farther from the truth. When I look at a church, it is rejected or accepted not by my designs, but by whether it abides the Pope and the Magisterium. That may end up being slightly subjective, but it is greatly objective. A church will be found acceptable or not depending on what the parishioners and priests accept and discuss regarding abortion, gay marriage, political correctness, and many other issues. I do not care what other churches believe, what individuals who are not Catholic believe, or how they live (to a degree), but I must care about where I lay my religious head. My soul depends upon it. I do not believe in God, worship Christ, and try my best to listen to the Holy Spirit merely to then ignore all of that with who I pray, worship, and to some extent live with. As with Heaven, the Church, my Church, is not a democracy, and certainly not negotiable. So, when I seek, I seek the authority and truth, not my wants. I do bow to the Church, the real one. I cannot, however, receive blessings from a priest who condones birth control, let alone abortion.
If you are gay, and married, I can be your friend. If you have killed someone, I can love you, trust me. Whatever sin you have committed, are committing, or are considering committing, we can probably work together. My sins are plenty bad, and continue today. I can love you, even if you are my enemy. As a fact, I think more highly of some mortal enemies that I do of the false faced friends I have had. At least the enemy was honest. He knew what I was doing because he was (trying) to do the same. But that does not extend to religion. I can go to your church with you, and I would if I thought that would at least bring you back to some form of worship. But I will attend the service as a Catholic. God has asked me, put roughly, to speak all tongues to all men, not to become like all men. And, he has asked me to love all men, rightly that is. And I try. My tongue does bite. And, it should. A child who is hungry will cry. A pet in pain will yelp. And one who has chosen faith, when shown sin, will be angry.
One of my failings, to this date, is not learning the rosary. I had downloaded the method, then school heated up and life became more difficult. I keep meaning to find or reprint the material, but it has not yet been done. As a newcomer to Catholicism, this is one of my holdouts, so far. My anti-feminist ways have been part of the problem. I have heard rumblings of an attempt to make Mary a co-savior or something. This has not helped. Though I have come to see that the flawed thinking of some should not dissuade me, as the rosary is fine and more if done with the proper faith. It is a prayer method that works outside of our wishes, wants, pains, and such. It is a purely offering of our time in private (or even group) worship. It merely praises God, asks for Mary the Mother of Christ to intercede for us (and who better to ask for an intercession) for our failings, and it requires some time and thought. Beyond, it is not a merely repetitive action. Doing it asks that we actively participate by reliving the various mysteries (important points of Jesus’ life). It is, as I am coming to see, an amazingly efficient and proper prayer. In any case, that is my next religious task.
I also wanted to speak about suffering and my complaints. First, I do accept my various sufferings. They allow a humility, in real life, that I could find no other way. They have allowed me, through my situation, to contemplate God a great deal more. Though as I have said before, I do not believe my illness brought me to God. It might actually have slowed the process, as I could use my inabilities (by leaning on them) to keep me from doing what I was called to do. I am thankful for them, in odd ways. While they keep me, most likely, from piling gold on the platter, they do allow me to offer my suffering into that same platter. Suffering can easily be seen as a prayer or sacrifice. Some prefer to keep their pains and relish in them, or use them as a “reason” to inflict pain on those around them. And, though I may at times be guilty of this too, my preference is to speak them occasionally to let them go or to give them to God. It is a poor monetary gift, but it is richer than gold in some ways.
As for my grumpy and political views, these cannot be untied to my faith. They are, in fact, based upon my religion. If at times I go too far, if at times I speak out of line, if at times I make mistakes, it is my attempt to do so righteously. Did not an apostle cut an ear? Did not some consider war? Did not Christ himself cast out moneychangers? That does not excuse that I may be wrong. The Church teaches that to do a good dead, three things are needed. Intent, proper action, and end result, all of these must be right or the good deed is a Hollywood, not Godly, thing. I know I must learn to use more care with my bite, I must remember humility in my arguments, and I must hold my rage. Add this to my need to learn the rosary, and a thousand other things, I know I will never quite make it to the goal line. That I am on the road, however, and I try to know and accept into my very life, Christ, and that I drink the blood and eat the flesh, He will let me dine with him in the end. Yes, I am saying I fail. I am saying I know it, and I suspect you do as well. I guess, too, I am asking for a little leniency.
…………….
I am so close in the bedroom. In the last hour or so, I decided to count up my saved coin. I thought I might have $100, maybe $125, and just maybe $150. I was not even close. I had well over $332. I will be able to afford the cart I had looked at, and the going away gifts I had been considering without so much hand wringing as I had thought. I think I am fine, money wise, but I cannot really know how much all will cost until I have finished it. I have spent more than I wanted to spend on things that were becoming more and more urgently problematic. I could have gone with a cheap computer, of course. But that means I would very likely have needed to replace it much more quickly. Which is wise use of money, a $3000 computer that lasts 6 years (as the last one did), or a $1500 dollar machine I have to replace in two years because I cannot upgrade it and it no longer functions for the things I need it to do? And, the rifle I bought, I bought in faith. These times are bad and they are not getting better. Christ did indicate that if a man has a cloak but no sword, sell the cloak and buy a sword. Today, one sword will not do one man, and the modern sword is a gun. Too many men live on the sacrifices of other men. If I do in some ways, I do not need to do so in all things. Anyway, it is nice to have an extra few bucks.
I may be able to move the dresser myself, with sliders. I am not positive, if I am confident. The bed is another matter. I am so very close, maybe 3 or 4 easy boxes and figuring out how to pack some odd pieces and parts. It is all coming together. It has been a good week of work, if I have not been working as hard as I would have liked. I do have to understand that I am not 20, I am disabled, and the job was much more complex and involved that I had first thought. I have been sleeping well, going to bed at the right time, and rising early (though this morning I did not to rise until 10:30 or something crazy). Oh, and I have been waking without the use of an alarm clock or any other system.
I had best get on to bed. My lady friend indicated she wished to visit tomorrow. She has laundry to do. Maybe she can help figure out the little items that I am not sure how to deal with. If nothing else, it will be good to have some company. I had offered to take her to lunch a few days before she became ill. She was too tired that day, so she asked if I would take her to brunch tomorrow. I agreed. So, there is that too. Good night. May you sleep soundly and dream pleasantly, should that be your lot for the night.
.
.
.
I realize that some things I have been saying may make it seem like I am “church shopping”. That could not be farther from the truth. When I look at a church, it is rejected or accepted not by my designs, but by whether it abides the Pope and the Magisterium. That may end up being slightly subjective, but it is greatly objective. A church will be found acceptable or not depending on what the parishioners and priests accept and discuss regarding abortion, gay marriage, political correctness, and many other issues. I do not care what other churches believe, what individuals who are not Catholic believe, or how they live (to a degree), but I must care about where I lay my religious head. My soul depends upon it. I do not believe in God, worship Christ, and try my best to listen to the Holy Spirit merely to then ignore all of that with who I pray, worship, and to some extent live with. As with Heaven, the Church, my Church, is not a democracy, and certainly not negotiable. So, when I seek, I seek the authority and truth, not my wants. I do bow to the Church, the real one. I cannot, however, receive blessings from a priest who condones birth control, let alone abortion.
If you are gay, and married, I can be your friend. If you have killed someone, I can love you, trust me. Whatever sin you have committed, are committing, or are considering committing, we can probably work together. My sins are plenty bad, and continue today. I can love you, even if you are my enemy. As a fact, I think more highly of some mortal enemies that I do of the false faced friends I have had. At least the enemy was honest. He knew what I was doing because he was (trying) to do the same. But that does not extend to religion. I can go to your church with you, and I would if I thought that would at least bring you back to some form of worship. But I will attend the service as a Catholic. God has asked me, put roughly, to speak all tongues to all men, not to become like all men. And, he has asked me to love all men, rightly that is. And I try. My tongue does bite. And, it should. A child who is hungry will cry. A pet in pain will yelp. And one who has chosen faith, when shown sin, will be angry.
One of my failings, to this date, is not learning the rosary. I had downloaded the method, then school heated up and life became more difficult. I keep meaning to find or reprint the material, but it has not yet been done. As a newcomer to Catholicism, this is one of my holdouts, so far. My anti-feminist ways have been part of the problem. I have heard rumblings of an attempt to make Mary a co-savior or something. This has not helped. Though I have come to see that the flawed thinking of some should not dissuade me, as the rosary is fine and more if done with the proper faith. It is a prayer method that works outside of our wishes, wants, pains, and such. It is a purely offering of our time in private (or even group) worship. It merely praises God, asks for Mary the Mother of Christ to intercede for us (and who better to ask for an intercession) for our failings, and it requires some time and thought. Beyond, it is not a merely repetitive action. Doing it asks that we actively participate by reliving the various mysteries (important points of Jesus’ life). It is, as I am coming to see, an amazingly efficient and proper prayer. In any case, that is my next religious task.
I also wanted to speak about suffering and my complaints. First, I do accept my various sufferings. They allow a humility, in real life, that I could find no other way. They have allowed me, through my situation, to contemplate God a great deal more. Though as I have said before, I do not believe my illness brought me to God. It might actually have slowed the process, as I could use my inabilities (by leaning on them) to keep me from doing what I was called to do. I am thankful for them, in odd ways. While they keep me, most likely, from piling gold on the platter, they do allow me to offer my suffering into that same platter. Suffering can easily be seen as a prayer or sacrifice. Some prefer to keep their pains and relish in them, or use them as a “reason” to inflict pain on those around them. And, though I may at times be guilty of this too, my preference is to speak them occasionally to let them go or to give them to God. It is a poor monetary gift, but it is richer than gold in some ways.
As for my grumpy and political views, these cannot be untied to my faith. They are, in fact, based upon my religion. If at times I go too far, if at times I speak out of line, if at times I make mistakes, it is my attempt to do so righteously. Did not an apostle cut an ear? Did not some consider war? Did not Christ himself cast out moneychangers? That does not excuse that I may be wrong. The Church teaches that to do a good dead, three things are needed. Intent, proper action, and end result, all of these must be right or the good deed is a Hollywood, not Godly, thing. I know I must learn to use more care with my bite, I must remember humility in my arguments, and I must hold my rage. Add this to my need to learn the rosary, and a thousand other things, I know I will never quite make it to the goal line. That I am on the road, however, and I try to know and accept into my very life, Christ, and that I drink the blood and eat the flesh, He will let me dine with him in the end. Yes, I am saying I fail. I am saying I know it, and I suspect you do as well. I guess, too, I am asking for a little leniency.
…………….
I am so close in the bedroom. In the last hour or so, I decided to count up my saved coin. I thought I might have $100, maybe $125, and just maybe $150. I was not even close. I had well over $332. I will be able to afford the cart I had looked at, and the going away gifts I had been considering without so much hand wringing as I had thought. I think I am fine, money wise, but I cannot really know how much all will cost until I have finished it. I have spent more than I wanted to spend on things that were becoming more and more urgently problematic. I could have gone with a cheap computer, of course. But that means I would very likely have needed to replace it much more quickly. Which is wise use of money, a $3000 computer that lasts 6 years (as the last one did), or a $1500 dollar machine I have to replace in two years because I cannot upgrade it and it no longer functions for the things I need it to do? And, the rifle I bought, I bought in faith. These times are bad and they are not getting better. Christ did indicate that if a man has a cloak but no sword, sell the cloak and buy a sword. Today, one sword will not do one man, and the modern sword is a gun. Too many men live on the sacrifices of other men. If I do in some ways, I do not need to do so in all things. Anyway, it is nice to have an extra few bucks.
I may be able to move the dresser myself, with sliders. I am not positive, if I am confident. The bed is another matter. I am so very close, maybe 3 or 4 easy boxes and figuring out how to pack some odd pieces and parts. It is all coming together. It has been a good week of work, if I have not been working as hard as I would have liked. I do have to understand that I am not 20, I am disabled, and the job was much more complex and involved that I had first thought. I have been sleeping well, going to bed at the right time, and rising early (though this morning I did not to rise until 10:30 or something crazy). Oh, and I have been waking without the use of an alarm clock or any other system.
I had best get on to bed. My lady friend indicated she wished to visit tomorrow. She has laundry to do. Maybe she can help figure out the little items that I am not sure how to deal with. If nothing else, it will be good to have some company. I had offered to take her to lunch a few days before she became ill. She was too tired that day, so she asked if I would take her to brunch tomorrow. I agreed. So, there is that too. Good night. May you sleep soundly and dream pleasantly, should that be your lot for the night.
Today is to be an easy day.
.
.
Though I will do some work, I am running out of steam. It happens. I got many things done the last few days. I will just organize for moving the furniture out of the bedroom Monday. I will see if I can find a friend to help Monday. The shopping I did yesterday was quite successful. I found the forearm forklifts at the same price advertised online but without the shipping cost or the wait. I also found some sliders, bubble rap, and another dolly cart convertible, if I did not buy that yet. I have one such device, but to make the task quick and easy, I think I will buy another. My leather couches are tricky to move due to bulk, but they are light enough to make that rather manageable. If I am going to ask people to help, then I am going to make the task as easy for them as possible. It seems only right.
I keep reading more about the tea parties held around the nation. There are various takes on the event. Some did not go for various reasons. Others speak more of the spirit of the thing. I see hope in this. I hear that some of the ‘other side’ are even having pause to think. People are realizing that what they thought would be a strong stand against the rich has been expanded to threaten their way of life, and beyond, to undercut their way of life more broadly. I do not think that middle class secretary realized that by “voting against the rich” that her company might fold up and leave or go under. That CEO who wanted to do what has been legalized for his company as “the right thing” realized how bad that is and why so many people have been against a marriage with government and corporate. They are just now having an awakening, if far too late. Many are people with no grasp who have just lived. When threatened to be thrown into the water, they thought simply jumping into the waves was the best bet. Now they see the ship is still floating and they are drowning rats. More, that they dug a hole in the planks to get out, they may not be able to hope for help from the ship because it is sinking, and fast.
Oh, sure, the ship is and was in bad shape. My group suggested that unnecessary items (companies who could not remain liquid on their own) be jettisoned. We suggested that more termites (government spending in all ways , but more specifically sharing the wealth) was a definite recipe for disaster. Creating planks for everyone at the cost of the ship was more unwise than definable. My group suggested that rights were being threatened and immoral issues were being foisted in order to take those rights. I do not want a “right” to sodomy, give me my guns (and religion) and I will be fine. Now that the ship is dissolving, and the government friendly rich are sailing away in the life raft, people are starting to realize they have been had. Now, what to do about it. If I had something to suggest, it would be to go to church, with your family, and pray. The rest is as it is. If you pray honestly, and love truly, the rest will take care of itself to a much greater extent than imaginable. If you cannot do one and do not have the other, then I will pray for you.
If we can survive this flirt with communism, this might end up being a good thing. If we choose to right ourselves as a people, the government having obviously shown it’s inability and disinterest, we have a chance. We will either go forward in the vein of George Washington or we will go backward into the way of the world and animal/machine man. We will either continue on into radicalism or fall back to, despite what the left is labeled here, reactionarianism. A dark age, or a hiccup backstep and a continuation forward. I cannot see for sure if blood, or lots of it, will be necessary. My carnivore side hopes so, my spiritual side hopes not, but only God knows. He will show the way, for me, in any case.
I cannot wait to move and get finally settled. Though a stay in a rental for a bit will stretch my settling process, it will too allow for a more sane settling. I will be much more secure in buying a place given the time to look over many properties, have my prime choices evaluated, and negotiating a suitable deal. I hope to have friends and family look over the top three places. Some of my friends have family in the area. If those family members of my friends have the time and interest, I would like to get their input as well. On 30 year deals, I like as much input as possible. I like to take my time. This is a very long term financial marriage. But when I am moved in, I think I will begin become more politically active. If I have abandoned the Republican party, I have not abandoned moral, ethical, Christian, or conservative ideals. I am hoping, as well, to begin finding my spot in a long term Christian community, both within and without my church. This thing looks better and better every day, if it is frightening and very large too. It is my final step away from my Godless, nomadic, and footloose ways. I am, finally, becoming a man, a right man. Late bloomers, fie! My mother, if saddened by my greater distance, must too be pleased. Her baby is about grown, finally.
Oh, it was a good day to read the wind. A man must remember these things too, and friends.
I am so glad I ordered that new computer. This account has been hacked. I fixed it, several times. Just today, again, my password did not work and needed to be corrected. I wonder how much "editing" has been done, words misspelled, grammar damaged, and even, and more importantly, meanings corrupted? When I have looked at past posts, I saw many errors. Errors I usually see with no problem and edit. Yes, the left is evil. When they cannot argue because of their weak notions and inexcusable "truths", they steal, lie, cheat, vandalizes, and murder. The ends justifies the means to them, just ask them. They have no way to claim, even, that their "end" is a good one as they have never produced a good one unless mass murder is what they believe is a good end. For them and theirs, death may be a good end though. What is more, as I have said, their hands are not their own.
.
Though I will do some work, I am running out of steam. It happens. I got many things done the last few days. I will just organize for moving the furniture out of the bedroom Monday. I will see if I can find a friend to help Monday. The shopping I did yesterday was quite successful. I found the forearm forklifts at the same price advertised online but without the shipping cost or the wait. I also found some sliders, bubble rap, and another dolly cart convertible, if I did not buy that yet. I have one such device, but to make the task quick and easy, I think I will buy another. My leather couches are tricky to move due to bulk, but they are light enough to make that rather manageable. If I am going to ask people to help, then I am going to make the task as easy for them as possible. It seems only right.
I keep reading more about the tea parties held around the nation. There are various takes on the event. Some did not go for various reasons. Others speak more of the spirit of the thing. I see hope in this. I hear that some of the ‘other side’ are even having pause to think. People are realizing that what they thought would be a strong stand against the rich has been expanded to threaten their way of life, and beyond, to undercut their way of life more broadly. I do not think that middle class secretary realized that by “voting against the rich” that her company might fold up and leave or go under. That CEO who wanted to do what has been legalized for his company as “the right thing” realized how bad that is and why so many people have been against a marriage with government and corporate. They are just now having an awakening, if far too late. Many are people with no grasp who have just lived. When threatened to be thrown into the water, they thought simply jumping into the waves was the best bet. Now they see the ship is still floating and they are drowning rats. More, that they dug a hole in the planks to get out, they may not be able to hope for help from the ship because it is sinking, and fast.
Oh, sure, the ship is and was in bad shape. My group suggested that unnecessary items (companies who could not remain liquid on their own) be jettisoned. We suggested that more termites (government spending in all ways , but more specifically sharing the wealth) was a definite recipe for disaster. Creating planks for everyone at the cost of the ship was more unwise than definable. My group suggested that rights were being threatened and immoral issues were being foisted in order to take those rights. I do not want a “right” to sodomy, give me my guns (and religion) and I will be fine. Now that the ship is dissolving, and the government friendly rich are sailing away in the life raft, people are starting to realize they have been had. Now, what to do about it. If I had something to suggest, it would be to go to church, with your family, and pray. The rest is as it is. If you pray honestly, and love truly, the rest will take care of itself to a much greater extent than imaginable. If you cannot do one and do not have the other, then I will pray for you.
If we can survive this flirt with communism, this might end up being a good thing. If we choose to right ourselves as a people, the government having obviously shown it’s inability and disinterest, we have a chance. We will either go forward in the vein of George Washington or we will go backward into the way of the world and animal/machine man. We will either continue on into radicalism or fall back to, despite what the left is labeled here, reactionarianism. A dark age, or a hiccup backstep and a continuation forward. I cannot see for sure if blood, or lots of it, will be necessary. My carnivore side hopes so, my spiritual side hopes not, but only God knows. He will show the way, for me, in any case.
I cannot wait to move and get finally settled. Though a stay in a rental for a bit will stretch my settling process, it will too allow for a more sane settling. I will be much more secure in buying a place given the time to look over many properties, have my prime choices evaluated, and negotiating a suitable deal. I hope to have friends and family look over the top three places. Some of my friends have family in the area. If those family members of my friends have the time and interest, I would like to get their input as well. On 30 year deals, I like as much input as possible. I like to take my time. This is a very long term financial marriage. But when I am moved in, I think I will begin become more politically active. If I have abandoned the Republican party, I have not abandoned moral, ethical, Christian, or conservative ideals. I am hoping, as well, to begin finding my spot in a long term Christian community, both within and without my church. This thing looks better and better every day, if it is frightening and very large too. It is my final step away from my Godless, nomadic, and footloose ways. I am, finally, becoming a man, a right man. Late bloomers, fie! My mother, if saddened by my greater distance, must too be pleased. Her baby is about grown, finally.
Oh, it was a good day to read the wind. A man must remember these things too, and friends.
I am so glad I ordered that new computer. This account has been hacked. I fixed it, several times. Just today, again, my password did not work and needed to be corrected. I wonder how much "editing" has been done, words misspelled, grammar damaged, and even, and more importantly, meanings corrupted? When I have looked at past posts, I saw many errors. Errors I usually see with no problem and edit. Yes, the left is evil. When they cannot argue because of their weak notions and inexcusable "truths", they steal, lie, cheat, vandalizes, and murder. The ends justifies the means to them, just ask them. They have no way to claim, even, that their "end" is a good one as they have never produced a good one unless mass murder is what they believe is a good end. For them and theirs, death may be a good end though. What is more, as I have said, their hands are not their own.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Roadblock.
.
.
I am about ready to empty the bedroom completely. I might even have a place to put the bed. But actually moving it, and the dresser, is another matter. Have no doubt, I could yank the things out, if they were merely mass. But I have a tendency, when using brute force, at overkill. I may have to see if my neighbor is available in the next few days. I hate to bother him right now, he has the in-laws visiting. But I do not wish to delay too long. So, I think, in the morning, I will check his availability. Which means tonight I should see if I am able to locate and purchase some sliders and a pair or two of forearm forklifts. I might as well check on a number of other moving supplies. Which means, now that I am thinking about it, a few measurements for the mirror to see if they have a specialty box and bubble warp for that. I am glad I blogged this, even if your eyes are crossing with boredom. Hmm, I had not thought about where to put the dresser until now. That might take some thought.
I visited my lady friend earlier, with soup and well wishes. I decided on a neat flower for her. It had two huge leaves, like floppy rabbit ears, smallish and quite delicate white flowers, some just breaking out of their buds, and the green of it was a deep rich green. She smiled! She looked a little ill, but the smile helped. I also let her know if she needs anything else I am happy to help. Sometimes, if it is just a favor, I ask for reimbursement. This was a care package and I do not require reimbursement for that. Beyond, I know she is having some serious financial difficulties. I think she is trying to buy her own tiller for her work. If it was just work for free food, I would not be so happy. But working in that garden is like computing for me. And, she likes to do a good job and to have the tools, her own tools, tools she can rely upon, to do that job. I cannot knock that.
As must be assumed, I made it to the store. I remembered all the material for the chicken stock, the spices I wanted minus fresh garlic If I did get garlic granules, I forgot two things. The list, as usual, was left at home right where I put it. I remembered right where it was when I was at the store. I also forgot the main ingredient in the creation of some stock… the chicken. I have to go out in any case, so I will stop at the store again. It is not out of the way if it is another stop. Some times, I just have to laugh. In some things I am absolutely predictable.
I have spent some of my day searching for Catholic churches in the area I will most likely be moving. It was surprisingly difficult. I have some doubts about Ask.com. They kept trying to be the main page, and side linking to the links they provided. And more, I think they either limited the pages or partially hindered the pages (some sort of censorship?). Perhaps it was Firefox though too. I have come to doubt that browser. Something odd was going on. In any case, I ended up linking directly to Yellow pages, Google map pages, and letting my fingers do the walking. I think I will have some choice of where to lay my religious head should choice be required. I also found a few monasteries to visit when I become a more settled man.
I will explore that state well I do believe. There is so much to do, there is a major city, or three, nearby, lots of little towns, plenty of open country, and the state has quite a history. There are mountains, rivers, lakes, plains, valleys, and desert. They seem to have all seasons, from winter to fire days. Where I will be moving, there is probably quite a bit of activity as well. There is a college nearby (agricultural, so, hopefully, a bit more conservative in nature). Though I am no youngling, I certainly have interests in many of the things younglings are more prone to do. From climbing to diving, fishing and camping, and I would guess shooting and hunting. Perhaps I might try parachuting or hang-gliding, who knows? I will have to get in some kind of shape though. I will have to get back to swimming and working out. I may not be able to do it as I had been, but if I can get in some kind of regularity when I can, I think in time I will do fine.
Yes, there is some hope. It is a lesser hope. Then again, can a hope be lesser? One never knows, I might find a way to experience my wants, find a way to capitalize on what I can do, and expand my life in a different direction. If nothing else, I will enjoy being in a place I find peaceful and good. Now, to call my Mom, talk to my lady friend, call about the rental, do a little shopping, and then rest my head and let it all congeal. It will work out, well, I think.
.
I am about ready to empty the bedroom completely. I might even have a place to put the bed. But actually moving it, and the dresser, is another matter. Have no doubt, I could yank the things out, if they were merely mass. But I have a tendency, when using brute force, at overkill. I may have to see if my neighbor is available in the next few days. I hate to bother him right now, he has the in-laws visiting. But I do not wish to delay too long. So, I think, in the morning, I will check his availability. Which means tonight I should see if I am able to locate and purchase some sliders and a pair or two of forearm forklifts. I might as well check on a number of other moving supplies. Which means, now that I am thinking about it, a few measurements for the mirror to see if they have a specialty box and bubble warp for that. I am glad I blogged this, even if your eyes are crossing with boredom. Hmm, I had not thought about where to put the dresser until now. That might take some thought.
I visited my lady friend earlier, with soup and well wishes. I decided on a neat flower for her. It had two huge leaves, like floppy rabbit ears, smallish and quite delicate white flowers, some just breaking out of their buds, and the green of it was a deep rich green. She smiled! She looked a little ill, but the smile helped. I also let her know if she needs anything else I am happy to help. Sometimes, if it is just a favor, I ask for reimbursement. This was a care package and I do not require reimbursement for that. Beyond, I know she is having some serious financial difficulties. I think she is trying to buy her own tiller for her work. If it was just work for free food, I would not be so happy. But working in that garden is like computing for me. And, she likes to do a good job and to have the tools, her own tools, tools she can rely upon, to do that job. I cannot knock that.
As must be assumed, I made it to the store. I remembered all the material for the chicken stock, the spices I wanted minus fresh garlic If I did get garlic granules, I forgot two things. The list, as usual, was left at home right where I put it. I remembered right where it was when I was at the store. I also forgot the main ingredient in the creation of some stock… the chicken. I have to go out in any case, so I will stop at the store again. It is not out of the way if it is another stop. Some times, I just have to laugh. In some things I am absolutely predictable.
I have spent some of my day searching for Catholic churches in the area I will most likely be moving. It was surprisingly difficult. I have some doubts about Ask.com. They kept trying to be the main page, and side linking to the links they provided. And more, I think they either limited the pages or partially hindered the pages (some sort of censorship?). Perhaps it was Firefox though too. I have come to doubt that browser. Something odd was going on. In any case, I ended up linking directly to Yellow pages, Google map pages, and letting my fingers do the walking. I think I will have some choice of where to lay my religious head should choice be required. I also found a few monasteries to visit when I become a more settled man.
I will explore that state well I do believe. There is so much to do, there is a major city, or three, nearby, lots of little towns, plenty of open country, and the state has quite a history. There are mountains, rivers, lakes, plains, valleys, and desert. They seem to have all seasons, from winter to fire days. Where I will be moving, there is probably quite a bit of activity as well. There is a college nearby (agricultural, so, hopefully, a bit more conservative in nature). Though I am no youngling, I certainly have interests in many of the things younglings are more prone to do. From climbing to diving, fishing and camping, and I would guess shooting and hunting. Perhaps I might try parachuting or hang-gliding, who knows? I will have to get in some kind of shape though. I will have to get back to swimming and working out. I may not be able to do it as I had been, but if I can get in some kind of regularity when I can, I think in time I will do fine.
Yes, there is some hope. It is a lesser hope. Then again, can a hope be lesser? One never knows, I might find a way to experience my wants, find a way to capitalize on what I can do, and expand my life in a different direction. If nothing else, I will enjoy being in a place I find peaceful and good. Now, to call my Mom, talk to my lady friend, call about the rental, do a little shopping, and then rest my head and let it all congeal. It will work out, well, I think.
My lady friend is ill.
.
.
It seems she has come down with a cold. The changing temperatures of spring, her belief that she did not need to dry her hair fully when leaving for work or whatnot and her eating habits (I think) made her vulnerable. I believe more meat and milk or cheese would do her a world of good. Even when I slog through horrid winter storms, get sweaty shoveling or even snow-blowing tons of the white stuff, and whether I am in an exhausted state or doing well, I only get sick a few times a decade. Vegetarians and near vegetarians, those who eschew solid foods and fats, and people who eat less in some strange hope of becoming thin (only, often, to sneak really fattening sugary treats on the side... I see this too), are asking for it. The census shows that these people die about 10 years before their contemporaries who eat good food. Anyway, I promised to pick up soup for her. So, I best get on my way. Oh bother, I suppose I must admit, she has not been sick that much this year. Though, too, it has been a mild winter. *Global cooling, warming, change!* bwhahahahaha
I needed to get to the store for a few other items anyway. And, I like being helpful and useful to someone else. Plus, she has been selflessly helping me. I might have to pick something else up for her. I am not sure what, but I think I can find a little taste treat she might enjoy. I do not usually do 'get well', or other cards, maybe that? Hrm, or maybe a small flower or floral arrangement. If I am a bit grumpy this morning, in certain ways, I also feel a surge of life and the joy of it. I would like to share that too. Oh, and fine, I will not let a negative peep sound from my tongue. If I am going to bother to treat her well, than I will go the whole way. It is what friends do, some days.
I best make a small list for my own goods too. Paper plates, about 6 spices or herbs I am low on, whole garlic, and maybe some chicken. Hey, chicken might help her out, if she can handle hindquarters. I should then add celery, carrots, and perhaps fennel bulbs to use with the stock. Yeah, she would eat that. On my way...
.
It seems she has come down with a cold. The changing temperatures of spring, her belief that she did not need to dry her hair fully when leaving for work or whatnot and her eating habits (I think) made her vulnerable. I believe more meat and milk or cheese would do her a world of good. Even when I slog through horrid winter storms, get sweaty shoveling or even snow-blowing tons of the white stuff, and whether I am in an exhausted state or doing well, I only get sick a few times a decade. Vegetarians and near vegetarians, those who eschew solid foods and fats, and people who eat less in some strange hope of becoming thin (only, often, to sneak really fattening sugary treats on the side... I see this too), are asking for it. The census shows that these people die about 10 years before their contemporaries who eat good food. Anyway, I promised to pick up soup for her. So, I best get on my way. Oh bother, I suppose I must admit, she has not been sick that much this year. Though, too, it has been a mild winter. *Global cooling, warming, change!* bwhahahahaha
I needed to get to the store for a few other items anyway. And, I like being helpful and useful to someone else. Plus, she has been selflessly helping me. I might have to pick something else up for her. I am not sure what, but I think I can find a little taste treat she might enjoy. I do not usually do 'get well', or other cards, maybe that? Hrm, or maybe a small flower or floral arrangement. If I am a bit grumpy this morning, in certain ways, I also feel a surge of life and the joy of it. I would like to share that too. Oh, and fine, I will not let a negative peep sound from my tongue. If I am going to bother to treat her well, than I will go the whole way. It is what friends do, some days.
I best make a small list for my own goods too. Paper plates, about 6 spices or herbs I am low on, whole garlic, and maybe some chicken. Hey, chicken might help her out, if she can handle hindquarters. I should then add celery, carrots, and perhaps fennel bulbs to use with the stock. Yeah, she would eat that. On my way...
Good morning.
.
.
I must admit, I have not been watching the news. The information I receive is from bloggers and a few other people and sources. As a matter of fact, and beyond that, I generally ignore anything to do with the news from those places, even so. I did hear about the Tea Parties held around the nation, and the notion that that and people like me are considered terrorist threats by the DHS, now. I do think, if they came in large groups in the dead of night, they could round a lot of us up (killing a good portion of us at the same time, just by the nature of that work, while losing some fair numbers of people as well), I think that any other attack on us will be easily rebuffed. Though they are poisoning the judiciary more than it is, though they are legislating or attempting to legislate our rights away, and though they work to undercut the Constitution from articles or amendments, they have not quite gotten there. I believe there goal is the ‘long haul’ approach. Over time, and a law, judicial action, or such at a time, they will have their way. So, whether they try to use the python or venom option, the snakes in the grass mean to have their way. I think the short run method is out of the question, functionally. Though, this group of reactionaries may be stupid enough to try it, it will not work. The real threat is the long haul method. Remember, they have many of your children in their schools. Powers of past have indicated, give us their children and the outcome is secure.
Then again, they had me. Because of what they have tried to do, I have ended up completely rejecting every aspect of their teachings. I was a self learner, to some extent, however. Maybe many are, maybe only a few, I do not really have a way to gauge that. I do note that a large percentage of people are fairly comfortable going along for the ride. A fair number have actually become cheerleaders for their own destruction, though I think many of them would have more than a small regret when they realized, while losing friends and family or themselves being executed, that they did not pay a little closer attention to what “Change and Hope” really meant. I do not have a great faith in a nation that offered Obama and McCain as the choices for president, and in which only 53% believe capitalism is better than socialism. As I have said before, without that hope there is little reason to engage in politics or debate. I have not left the country because this was it. This was the last sane nation. Europe is busy rebuilding Hitler’s dream of a pan-Europe fascist state, Asia is pretty much fixed in various evil governances modeling after or affected by China (sorry, but Japan is just another socialism about to fail, one of our other Euro style failed socialist government reconstructions, which, in any case, would fall to China without our support), and the rest of the world is feudal, socialist, or communist third world economies, not likely to ever improve.
No, this is it. This was as close as we got to being free men rather than serfs or outright slaves of the state. I only stay somewhat curious to see if the state fails completely or the few that can will try to lead us away from that precipice the populace seems so interested in teetering over. There is a chance. The American Iron Curtain has not yet quite fallen, or at least, has not quite slammed shut. Some of this is reflected in the blogs I read. And, occasionally, methods and possibilities are outlined in those blogs. Something missing is anything about organizing. That, of course, is risky. If we are considered terrorists for disagreeing with Obama, the federal governments pull, and such, we would be doubly so condemned for organizing. Which means, to me, that it is required to organize. What was it one of the revolutionaries (ours, the real ones) said? Something about hanging together or hanging separately?
Even in the church, I do not think there is a clear understanding. People do not understand that supporting a despot does not get ones name cleared from the church roster. If your name is on that list, you will be put to the sword no less. The church is one organization which, as of the early part of the last century, communists and socialists have learned to target absolutely first. Hitler was busy with the Jews, but had Catholics next. The Russian and the Mexican revolution, the French revolution, and most others directly, and often firstly, strip the church of land and wealth, then attack the clergy and participants. The Russians killed at least 200,000 Catholics in a few weeks after taking power, not bothering with paperwork, trials, anything other than mass graves, or even whether any of them had been helping the revolution. Darkness from the past does not remain there, sometimes even if it is remembered, but much less so if it is not. How hard is it to find even a modified history book, and then begin digging a bit more to the non-politically correct truths? If 52% of the church is for Obama, a lot of people are in trouble. Thank you, Kennedys, for your leadership (straight to hell). Anyway…
That is what I am seeing, and saying. Back to the regular programming.
Sleep was good last night. Even with the furniture remaining in the room, it is starting to feel empty somehow. A piece, box, shirt, and trinket at a time, I am devolving the room into sorted reason. I think what adds to the time is that I am walking through my own history. Each piece has a memory, maybe even people I knew, attached to it. Though I try to focus on the task, and do so for the most part, some memories are too strong to completely set aside. They are all from a time before I decided to heed God’s call and come to him, so in some ways it feels alien. Sometimes I sort out in my mind my past from my present. Sometimes it brings up regrets, but also, it can bring up times when I was at my best and did the right things for the right reasons. Such is any life, I think. Even in my new path I will someday look back and see my mistakes more clearly. I suppose that we can look at ourselves and see our faults means that we believe there is a difference between good and bad. And, in God, we have some means of giving our faults up, humbly, to Christ who died for them. Father picked an interesting way of allowing the wheat to separate itself from the chaff though. If Christ, somehow, will advise, it is we who will choose which we are by how we live and what we accomplish in works. I wonder what wheat would do? Would it all want to be fruitful and nourishing, or would some of it prefer to be waste as well?
I think I want to talk to my people before deciding on the apartment. I spoke with my neighbor yesterday, a bit. Though he is “only” a neighbor, I seek his advice when able. He has a solid head on his shoulders, follows his faith well, and is a family man. His wife offers good thoughts as well. She is not just a wife and mother, she IS a wife and mother, a thing I find far superior to any professional woman. She has a future that extends far beyond her life, and with a little work, beyond life itself. Her ‘career’ does not end when she can no longer ‘work’. I would also like to speak with my mother and my lady friend. Now, understand, no one has direct control. Each offers something, like those old computer input punch cards. When I stack them, look for commonality and difference, and look at what I want and need as I see things, I can play with the numbers and come to several different sets of conclusion which offer a better overall design than what I could produce singularly. The more punch cards, though used my way, the broader the consideration.
Something I have noticed. I seem to make people angry, all the time. I do not necessarily try to do so, but there are toes everywhere I step. I seem to speak rather freely, and write no less but the same. First, if the shoe fits and you put it in the isle, expect a toe to get stepped on. Second, if I am considered wrong, fine, no need to get upset there. But if what I say hurts because you believe it to be true, is that not your problem? I cannot help there, and I will not. If you are in pain from your mistakes, I can offer some comfort. I shoot myself in the foot often enough that I know that pain. Poor choices in the past have lead me to where I am now. I am not sure they were the wrong way, in that they have lead me to a place where I can, in honesty, look for a good home, seek a woman rightly, and find peace with the skeletons in my closet which ended up in me being in a place where I can start fresh and rightly. When I seem to poke a stick in your eye, understand, quite often, it is actually my eye that I am poking. If your eye is like mine, and your sentiment allows you to feel my pain, then think about it before you get too sore at your nerves’ sympathy pains with my nerves. It is not my fault that we both hurt, look to yourself for answers, not to me for resolution or an apology. Anyway, I wanted to clear that air.
Back to work I think. I still need to wake up a bit more. But this day looks to be another fruitful one. No pains at all this morning. The sleep was restful, as restful as it gets, and the job is looking more done. I still cannot believe I initially thought I could clear that place (rightly) in a few days. I so overshoot practicality sometimes, especially since I work like a really really fast slow turtle.
Have a great day!
.
I must admit, I have not been watching the news. The information I receive is from bloggers and a few other people and sources. As a matter of fact, and beyond that, I generally ignore anything to do with the news from those places, even so. I did hear about the Tea Parties held around the nation, and the notion that that and people like me are considered terrorist threats by the DHS, now. I do think, if they came in large groups in the dead of night, they could round a lot of us up (killing a good portion of us at the same time, just by the nature of that work, while losing some fair numbers of people as well), I think that any other attack on us will be easily rebuffed. Though they are poisoning the judiciary more than it is, though they are legislating or attempting to legislate our rights away, and though they work to undercut the Constitution from articles or amendments, they have not quite gotten there. I believe there goal is the ‘long haul’ approach. Over time, and a law, judicial action, or such at a time, they will have their way. So, whether they try to use the python or venom option, the snakes in the grass mean to have their way. I think the short run method is out of the question, functionally. Though, this group of reactionaries may be stupid enough to try it, it will not work. The real threat is the long haul method. Remember, they have many of your children in their schools. Powers of past have indicated, give us their children and the outcome is secure.
Then again, they had me. Because of what they have tried to do, I have ended up completely rejecting every aspect of their teachings. I was a self learner, to some extent, however. Maybe many are, maybe only a few, I do not really have a way to gauge that. I do note that a large percentage of people are fairly comfortable going along for the ride. A fair number have actually become cheerleaders for their own destruction, though I think many of them would have more than a small regret when they realized, while losing friends and family or themselves being executed, that they did not pay a little closer attention to what “Change and Hope” really meant. I do not have a great faith in a nation that offered Obama and McCain as the choices for president, and in which only 53% believe capitalism is better than socialism. As I have said before, without that hope there is little reason to engage in politics or debate. I have not left the country because this was it. This was the last sane nation. Europe is busy rebuilding Hitler’s dream of a pan-Europe fascist state, Asia is pretty much fixed in various evil governances modeling after or affected by China (sorry, but Japan is just another socialism about to fail, one of our other Euro style failed socialist government reconstructions, which, in any case, would fall to China without our support), and the rest of the world is feudal, socialist, or communist third world economies, not likely to ever improve.
No, this is it. This was as close as we got to being free men rather than serfs or outright slaves of the state. I only stay somewhat curious to see if the state fails completely or the few that can will try to lead us away from that precipice the populace seems so interested in teetering over. There is a chance. The American Iron Curtain has not yet quite fallen, or at least, has not quite slammed shut. Some of this is reflected in the blogs I read. And, occasionally, methods and possibilities are outlined in those blogs. Something missing is anything about organizing. That, of course, is risky. If we are considered terrorists for disagreeing with Obama, the federal governments pull, and such, we would be doubly so condemned for organizing. Which means, to me, that it is required to organize. What was it one of the revolutionaries (ours, the real ones) said? Something about hanging together or hanging separately?
Even in the church, I do not think there is a clear understanding. People do not understand that supporting a despot does not get ones name cleared from the church roster. If your name is on that list, you will be put to the sword no less. The church is one organization which, as of the early part of the last century, communists and socialists have learned to target absolutely first. Hitler was busy with the Jews, but had Catholics next. The Russian and the Mexican revolution, the French revolution, and most others directly, and often firstly, strip the church of land and wealth, then attack the clergy and participants. The Russians killed at least 200,000 Catholics in a few weeks after taking power, not bothering with paperwork, trials, anything other than mass graves, or even whether any of them had been helping the revolution. Darkness from the past does not remain there, sometimes even if it is remembered, but much less so if it is not. How hard is it to find even a modified history book, and then begin digging a bit more to the non-politically correct truths? If 52% of the church is for Obama, a lot of people are in trouble. Thank you, Kennedys, for your leadership (straight to hell). Anyway…
That is what I am seeing, and saying. Back to the regular programming.
Sleep was good last night. Even with the furniture remaining in the room, it is starting to feel empty somehow. A piece, box, shirt, and trinket at a time, I am devolving the room into sorted reason. I think what adds to the time is that I am walking through my own history. Each piece has a memory, maybe even people I knew, attached to it. Though I try to focus on the task, and do so for the most part, some memories are too strong to completely set aside. They are all from a time before I decided to heed God’s call and come to him, so in some ways it feels alien. Sometimes I sort out in my mind my past from my present. Sometimes it brings up regrets, but also, it can bring up times when I was at my best and did the right things for the right reasons. Such is any life, I think. Even in my new path I will someday look back and see my mistakes more clearly. I suppose that we can look at ourselves and see our faults means that we believe there is a difference between good and bad. And, in God, we have some means of giving our faults up, humbly, to Christ who died for them. Father picked an interesting way of allowing the wheat to separate itself from the chaff though. If Christ, somehow, will advise, it is we who will choose which we are by how we live and what we accomplish in works. I wonder what wheat would do? Would it all want to be fruitful and nourishing, or would some of it prefer to be waste as well?
I think I want to talk to my people before deciding on the apartment. I spoke with my neighbor yesterday, a bit. Though he is “only” a neighbor, I seek his advice when able. He has a solid head on his shoulders, follows his faith well, and is a family man. His wife offers good thoughts as well. She is not just a wife and mother, she IS a wife and mother, a thing I find far superior to any professional woman. She has a future that extends far beyond her life, and with a little work, beyond life itself. Her ‘career’ does not end when she can no longer ‘work’. I would also like to speak with my mother and my lady friend. Now, understand, no one has direct control. Each offers something, like those old computer input punch cards. When I stack them, look for commonality and difference, and look at what I want and need as I see things, I can play with the numbers and come to several different sets of conclusion which offer a better overall design than what I could produce singularly. The more punch cards, though used my way, the broader the consideration.
Something I have noticed. I seem to make people angry, all the time. I do not necessarily try to do so, but there are toes everywhere I step. I seem to speak rather freely, and write no less but the same. First, if the shoe fits and you put it in the isle, expect a toe to get stepped on. Second, if I am considered wrong, fine, no need to get upset there. But if what I say hurts because you believe it to be true, is that not your problem? I cannot help there, and I will not. If you are in pain from your mistakes, I can offer some comfort. I shoot myself in the foot often enough that I know that pain. Poor choices in the past have lead me to where I am now. I am not sure they were the wrong way, in that they have lead me to a place where I can, in honesty, look for a good home, seek a woman rightly, and find peace with the skeletons in my closet which ended up in me being in a place where I can start fresh and rightly. When I seem to poke a stick in your eye, understand, quite often, it is actually my eye that I am poking. If your eye is like mine, and your sentiment allows you to feel my pain, then think about it before you get too sore at your nerves’ sympathy pains with my nerves. It is not my fault that we both hurt, look to yourself for answers, not to me for resolution or an apology. Anyway, I wanted to clear that air.
Back to work I think. I still need to wake up a bit more. But this day looks to be another fruitful one. No pains at all this morning. The sleep was restful, as restful as it gets, and the job is looking more done. I still cannot believe I initially thought I could clear that place (rightly) in a few days. I so overshoot practicality sometimes, especially since I work like a really really fast slow turtle.
Have a great day!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Work is going well.
.
.
I got a pretty good start, and there is more to come. However, I finally took care of another problem. I called a realtor in Logan. She was quite pleased to work with me and we covered a number of options, including renting a place until August, an apartment at $330 (utilities included). Which, I think, I am going to call back tomorrow and accept! As well, she sent me a list of properties for sale. The prices range from $79,000 to $139,000. My word, the houses I am seeing there would start at about $100,000 to $150,000 here, with their higher end houses more likely being priced well over $250,000 here. I am nervous and excited. Of the 40 houses she included for my viewing, 20 might work if I have questions about 7 of them (one is near a river, I am curious about flooding and insurance for some odd reason, ones with fireplaces concern me regarding insurance as well, and other such things). I looked over all. If they do not have garages, I only accepted them if they fit within my budget in such a way that I could afford (or negotiate with the owner) adding a garage. I want a basement, a second floor (or floor and a half if it is a reasonable use upper half floor). I am looking for a roomy functional kitchen with good storage. And, I am hoping to find one with a good porch, deck, or both, with one of them being four-season or able to be worked up to that. I would also prefer gas cooking options. In time, I would enjoy having a high quality gas oven and range, or two. Very exciting. I believe the interest rate, at this time, for me, is about 4.63 percent!
I have looked at the calculators.(amortization type) online. The price range I am seeing the most positive hits is between $100,000 and $119,000 range. The calculator says the price would be between $514 and $612 per month. With insurance, tax(es), and whatnot, I am not sure what that would really end up being, though I can guess that the real price is more like $700 to $900, or more. I wish there was a way to be more sure. I will keep looking for how to sort out those extra costs. Though I have noticed the taxes per year are far less there. Sometimes as low as $400 to $500 a year in property taxes. Here, taxes are $1,200 on even modest homes. Yes, Iowa will not be missed. Iowa City less so.
Well, back to it. I think a few more boxes, the sorting of a large number of small items, and then I will take a break and go to the store. I keep forgetting paper plates. I like the good quality ones. I keep forgetting them. I might, as well, get to one of the super-duper hardware stores. This has been a really good day. It makes me a bit more confident. It is so frightening to think I might fall again, or at least, right now. When I was speaking with the realtor, she asked me a number of questions. When I indicated that I was a disabled vet, I think a lot of things went through her mind, especially when I indicated that I would have not physical difficulties with a third floor apartment and the steps included. She outright asked what my difficulty was. So, I added a little humor to it. I asked her if she had heard of the goats that pass out when you scare them. She had, and has a friend who actually owns one (too cool, maybe she will show me? BOO! *flop* I love that!) Well, I said, when I get stressed, I fall asleep, and stay that way for a while, sometimes a long while. I do not actually pass out, I just become absolutely exhausted. She got a good chuckle, but assured me she was not laughing at me. Of course, I knew that, mostly (though even I think it’s sort of funny even without the example). I had meant to add a measure of humor, I meant for her to chuckle. It is better to explain spoiled milk with a short but humorous story. And that I can tell the story in such a fashion, I show that I am not closed about it nor that I am limited in it.
My lady friend called. She wanted me to do a little research for her. I think she was driving to the farm she works at in exchange for organic crops and sometimes meats. She wanted to know when the (general) last day of frost is, in this part of Iowa. After a light search, I found that it ranges between April 14th and 28th (50% and 10% surety, respectively). I think her mind was distracted, because she thought that was a month away instead of in that range. I could have said the wrong month, but I was looking right at the data, so I think she was distracted while driving. I could not figure out why she thought it was next month, so I let it go, thinking somehow I might be wrong. Am I? In spite of what she believed, she decided to plant the peas anyway. I guess being really wrong can still work? I will jazz her about it later.
Well, I best get back to burrowing through that stupid room! I almost wish I was messier. Maybe I would find something interesting to nibble on while ferreting through the clutter. Fie on my weird sort of cleanliness.
Later.
.
I got a pretty good start, and there is more to come. However, I finally took care of another problem. I called a realtor in Logan. She was quite pleased to work with me and we covered a number of options, including renting a place until August, an apartment at $330 (utilities included). Which, I think, I am going to call back tomorrow and accept! As well, she sent me a list of properties for sale. The prices range from $79,000 to $139,000. My word, the houses I am seeing there would start at about $100,000 to $150,000 here, with their higher end houses more likely being priced well over $250,000 here. I am nervous and excited. Of the 40 houses she included for my viewing, 20 might work if I have questions about 7 of them (one is near a river, I am curious about flooding and insurance for some odd reason, ones with fireplaces concern me regarding insurance as well, and other such things). I looked over all. If they do not have garages, I only accepted them if they fit within my budget in such a way that I could afford (or negotiate with the owner) adding a garage. I want a basement, a second floor (or floor and a half if it is a reasonable use upper half floor). I am looking for a roomy functional kitchen with good storage. And, I am hoping to find one with a good porch, deck, or both, with one of them being four-season or able to be worked up to that. I would also prefer gas cooking options. In time, I would enjoy having a high quality gas oven and range, or two. Very exciting. I believe the interest rate, at this time, for me, is about 4.63 percent!
I have looked at the calculators.(amortization type) online. The price range I am seeing the most positive hits is between $100,000 and $119,000 range. The calculator says the price would be between $514 and $612 per month. With insurance, tax(es), and whatnot, I am not sure what that would really end up being, though I can guess that the real price is more like $700 to $900, or more. I wish there was a way to be more sure. I will keep looking for how to sort out those extra costs. Though I have noticed the taxes per year are far less there. Sometimes as low as $400 to $500 a year in property taxes. Here, taxes are $1,200 on even modest homes. Yes, Iowa will not be missed. Iowa City less so.
Well, back to it. I think a few more boxes, the sorting of a large number of small items, and then I will take a break and go to the store. I keep forgetting paper plates. I like the good quality ones. I keep forgetting them. I might, as well, get to one of the super-duper hardware stores. This has been a really good day. It makes me a bit more confident. It is so frightening to think I might fall again, or at least, right now. When I was speaking with the realtor, she asked me a number of questions. When I indicated that I was a disabled vet, I think a lot of things went through her mind, especially when I indicated that I would have not physical difficulties with a third floor apartment and the steps included. She outright asked what my difficulty was. So, I added a little humor to it. I asked her if she had heard of the goats that pass out when you scare them. She had, and has a friend who actually owns one (too cool, maybe she will show me? BOO! *flop* I love that!) Well, I said, when I get stressed, I fall asleep, and stay that way for a while, sometimes a long while. I do not actually pass out, I just become absolutely exhausted. She got a good chuckle, but assured me she was not laughing at me. Of course, I knew that, mostly (though even I think it’s sort of funny even without the example). I had meant to add a measure of humor, I meant for her to chuckle. It is better to explain spoiled milk with a short but humorous story. And that I can tell the story in such a fashion, I show that I am not closed about it nor that I am limited in it.
My lady friend called. She wanted me to do a little research for her. I think she was driving to the farm she works at in exchange for organic crops and sometimes meats. She wanted to know when the (general) last day of frost is, in this part of Iowa. After a light search, I found that it ranges between April 14th and 28th (50% and 10% surety, respectively). I think her mind was distracted, because she thought that was a month away instead of in that range. I could have said the wrong month, but I was looking right at the data, so I think she was distracted while driving. I could not figure out why she thought it was next month, so I let it go, thinking somehow I might be wrong. Am I? In spite of what she believed, she decided to plant the peas anyway. I guess being really wrong can still work? I will jazz her about it later.
Well, I best get back to burrowing through that stupid room! I almost wish I was messier. Maybe I would find something interesting to nibble on while ferreting through the clutter. Fie on my weird sort of cleanliness.
Later.
Waking up is so hard to do.
.
.
Based on the song, with breaking up where waking up is. And, this is sometimes quite true. Not lately, for me. I have been waking at about 7:00 every morning. I get out of bed and spend a little time coming to full consciousness. An hour or three later, I am able to get to it. This morning is no different. I will be digging into the room again today, and digging in hard. My fear of backsliding still exists, but not for today. In my breaks, I will spiffy the kitchen, finally get to sweeping and mopping perhaps, and I might be able to give the bathroom a lick and spit touch. No promises, but I feel that energy reserve availability that I like. If the cave begins to feel a bit cramped and the outside looks right, I might take a trip to the uber-super-hardware store and see if they have moving and packing equipment on hand. I like the internet, but it is like Hy-Vee (a major grocery store here in the Mid-West at least) in that it offers whatever you want, if sometimes at elevated cost to allow such a large selection. I have actually heard that the internet offers different prices to different people. Over time, they figure out your income and what you are willing to pay, and then it locks you in. Whether that is true or not, I do not see why it could not be true. Back to it. I am warming the house, then to the shower, and finally back to work. I do not feel that ‘ugh’ moment at the prospect either. Prayers and friends, along with focus, really help.
My mother is looking forward to the trip. I am so hoping to make her stay here as simple and comfortable as possible. She deserves to have at least one son who offers her his hospitality at least as a proper guest but really more, as an esteemed family member. Right, wrong, confused, direct, she has always offered her level best. And, she has always loved us. She deserves some returns, if they may sometimes be bitter mixed with sweet as is all life. A little more sweet is what she craves as time passes. This is a dual purpose visit as well. She is coming to help with the moving and to see a specialist or three. Good news or bad news, I will be with her through it. She will even be able to tinker on my new machine. Not that she really will notice the difference, as electronic card games and board games are her main use of the things. Though I have been staying away a bit, I may see if she wishes to go to church. She leaves during the Eucharist though. I may take the Eucharist and leave with her this time to make up for my having a fit about it in the past. Yes, I can be rather… staunch about some things. I have some understanding of her feelings, but those feelings are what I am trying to get her past so that she might one day, again, enjoy the Feast, break the Bread, and know the Wine. I want her to not have to fear death, not in a particular manner, anyway. She does the works, she has the faith, she is just a step away from eternity, the good one. But I must be patient and careful with her on this. She fears more suffering, perhaps she cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel in rejoining the church and asking for forgiveness.
It has been a fantastic week or two now. Even with the doubts, fears, interruptions, and difficulties, I am going strong. I am confident, as long as this holds, I am able to do a tremendous amount of work without stress or strain. If I do not work conventionally, if I ask for a helping hand here or there, or if I am simply able to bulldoze through, it all is getting done in the end. I like that. Some have questioned my enjoyment of manual labor. They are mistaken. My dislike is in inefficient manual labor. Work made laborious for labor’s sake. With my energy and will, weak as it is, I must think then act, not just jump in and expend a rare and precious commodity I call energy, and really will, focus, drive. Well, off to start my morning drinking (non-alcoholic of course), then to an invigorating shower, then to work. I might have to do something special with the extra thick cut (Iowa) pork chop tonight as the main course of a three or four course meal if I am a dull Jack today, maybe a mint, pesto, and pine nut stuffing? Yes, that might do. Good day.
.
Based on the song, with breaking up where waking up is. And, this is sometimes quite true. Not lately, for me. I have been waking at about 7:00 every morning. I get out of bed and spend a little time coming to full consciousness. An hour or three later, I am able to get to it. This morning is no different. I will be digging into the room again today, and digging in hard. My fear of backsliding still exists, but not for today. In my breaks, I will spiffy the kitchen, finally get to sweeping and mopping perhaps, and I might be able to give the bathroom a lick and spit touch. No promises, but I feel that energy reserve availability that I like. If the cave begins to feel a bit cramped and the outside looks right, I might take a trip to the uber-super-hardware store and see if they have moving and packing equipment on hand. I like the internet, but it is like Hy-Vee (a major grocery store here in the Mid-West at least) in that it offers whatever you want, if sometimes at elevated cost to allow such a large selection. I have actually heard that the internet offers different prices to different people. Over time, they figure out your income and what you are willing to pay, and then it locks you in. Whether that is true or not, I do not see why it could not be true. Back to it. I am warming the house, then to the shower, and finally back to work. I do not feel that ‘ugh’ moment at the prospect either. Prayers and friends, along with focus, really help.
My mother is looking forward to the trip. I am so hoping to make her stay here as simple and comfortable as possible. She deserves to have at least one son who offers her his hospitality at least as a proper guest but really more, as an esteemed family member. Right, wrong, confused, direct, she has always offered her level best. And, she has always loved us. She deserves some returns, if they may sometimes be bitter mixed with sweet as is all life. A little more sweet is what she craves as time passes. This is a dual purpose visit as well. She is coming to help with the moving and to see a specialist or three. Good news or bad news, I will be with her through it. She will even be able to tinker on my new machine. Not that she really will notice the difference, as electronic card games and board games are her main use of the things. Though I have been staying away a bit, I may see if she wishes to go to church. She leaves during the Eucharist though. I may take the Eucharist and leave with her this time to make up for my having a fit about it in the past. Yes, I can be rather… staunch about some things. I have some understanding of her feelings, but those feelings are what I am trying to get her past so that she might one day, again, enjoy the Feast, break the Bread, and know the Wine. I want her to not have to fear death, not in a particular manner, anyway. She does the works, she has the faith, she is just a step away from eternity, the good one. But I must be patient and careful with her on this. She fears more suffering, perhaps she cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel in rejoining the church and asking for forgiveness.
It has been a fantastic week or two now. Even with the doubts, fears, interruptions, and difficulties, I am going strong. I am confident, as long as this holds, I am able to do a tremendous amount of work without stress or strain. If I do not work conventionally, if I ask for a helping hand here or there, or if I am simply able to bulldoze through, it all is getting done in the end. I like that. Some have questioned my enjoyment of manual labor. They are mistaken. My dislike is in inefficient manual labor. Work made laborious for labor’s sake. With my energy and will, weak as it is, I must think then act, not just jump in and expend a rare and precious commodity I call energy, and really will, focus, drive. Well, off to start my morning drinking (non-alcoholic of course), then to an invigorating shower, then to work. I might have to do something special with the extra thick cut (Iowa) pork chop tonight as the main course of a three or four course meal if I am a dull Jack today, maybe a mint, pesto, and pine nut stuffing? Yes, that might do. Good day.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A strange day.
.
.
My lady friend came over today. She was not hungry though. She wanted two things, sleep and money. I had neither to offer, but I told her I could take a nap for her (not really, but I did think about saying it). She looked pretty miserable. I do have some sympathy for how she feels, if not as much for how she came to feel that way. I suggested long ago that she find alternative methods of dealing with her debt. It was way over her income. Heck it was beyond both of our incomes. I had set a limit, while we were engaged, that we combine our incomes, pay our debts off quickly, then have a single $2,000 limit card each, which could only be used until it was full, then only used once it was paid off or down enough to use. I think, in all honesty, that is why she backed out of the engagement. It turns out that it worked out better for me, so I cannot complain. As I have, more or less, left debt behind (having no more debt than what I can actually cash pay out unless I have an emergency, which I have not experienced in four years, and my automobile debt which is outside that). She has continued and perhaps expanded her debt. You cannot have 3 or 4 times your yearly income in credit card debt, an old vehicle, and be nearing the far edge of middle-age, with a job that is not likely to allow large jumps in income (especially if you are afraid to ask for serious raises), and hope to pay it off. Her pride, and spending habits, are completely off the wall. Liberalism is weird. Still, when she really feels bad about it, I do have some sympathy. I just assume she cannot think straight, or she would be a conservative, out of debt, and married. Doh!
Anyway, she was here till past 13:00. I offered to make chicken in the next day or two, good chicken, but she wanted breast meat, and she wanted it skinless, though she was kind enough to not demand it be boneless if I remember right. First, I was offering to share my food, not make her food. Second, I do not know how to cook chicken breast my way. I do not like white meat. As well, it dries so easily without skin, even the ways I know how to cook it. She suggested oiling it, but first, is that not adding the fat the skin would have provided, and, would it work as well as the skin (which is more natural (or organic), anyway). So, I may still make some hindquarters. She will either have to accept that or do without. I hate this whole “war on fat”, well, actually, the whole war on tasty food. Let them eat tofu!
The visit threw me off. I did repack the clothes inside of trash bags. Though I am not sure I like that much as they will all have to be washed when unpacked, to try and get that stinky plastic smell out. I suppose it is better than ending up with mildewed clothes, or worse, stained clothes. I will take notes for any future move after I end this move, to see what worked and what was a bust. I did little else today. Oh, I did call the bank I had been working with on my previous car. They had called a month ago or so, but had not left a message as to why they were calling, only that they wanted to talk to me. As it turns out, they wanted to offer me a refinancing on my auto. As it is now, they offer about 5% with no transfer cost. I think I have a 3% rate as is, though I will check on that. So, it was not important, probably.
I did go out for dinner today. I had wanted to do some grocery shopping too, but the stores were so full of people I passed on that. I had a crab stuffed shrimp dish as a starter, then a ribeye with a mushroom and lobster topping, baked potato, and blue cheese dressing salad. I usually prefer my meat unadulterated, but I was feeling adventurous. I ordered two large beers as well. I had really thought I would only order one beer then go to tea, but the beer really tasted good. At least I stuck to two, sometimes I do have a third (when I have a driver and should I be in the mood). The large meal and the beer created some decent lethargy. I wanted to go to bed at about 19:00, but I decided to stay up until at least 21:30, maybe as late as 23:30. I find that I sleep better and wake better if I stay up just that little bit longer. Now that I have recovered a bit, I might have to go out and see if the stores are a bit less occupied.
I am a little bummed that I got so little done. I have a little time to pack a few boxes this evening. But not having done but two things, or even with 3 boxes, is disappointing. I may be backsliding, and I do not like it. I know I am becoming exhausted again. If I thought pain would keep me from falling, I would honestly put a needle, or even a nail, right through my hand. I know, though, that it does not work. It just darkens my dreams beyond their normal level of horror. I can hope it is a small slip. I am able to stay up, I bet I can wake up, it is only to see if I can get back on track and begin working again. I am so close to finishing this project… Just a few more days, then I can rest if needed… Just a few more days… Please…
.
My lady friend came over today. She was not hungry though. She wanted two things, sleep and money. I had neither to offer, but I told her I could take a nap for her (not really, but I did think about saying it). She looked pretty miserable. I do have some sympathy for how she feels, if not as much for how she came to feel that way. I suggested long ago that she find alternative methods of dealing with her debt. It was way over her income. Heck it was beyond both of our incomes. I had set a limit, while we were engaged, that we combine our incomes, pay our debts off quickly, then have a single $2,000 limit card each, which could only be used until it was full, then only used once it was paid off or down enough to use. I think, in all honesty, that is why she backed out of the engagement. It turns out that it worked out better for me, so I cannot complain. As I have, more or less, left debt behind (having no more debt than what I can actually cash pay out unless I have an emergency, which I have not experienced in four years, and my automobile debt which is outside that). She has continued and perhaps expanded her debt. You cannot have 3 or 4 times your yearly income in credit card debt, an old vehicle, and be nearing the far edge of middle-age, with a job that is not likely to allow large jumps in income (especially if you are afraid to ask for serious raises), and hope to pay it off. Her pride, and spending habits, are completely off the wall. Liberalism is weird. Still, when she really feels bad about it, I do have some sympathy. I just assume she cannot think straight, or she would be a conservative, out of debt, and married. Doh!
Anyway, she was here till past 13:00. I offered to make chicken in the next day or two, good chicken, but she wanted breast meat, and she wanted it skinless, though she was kind enough to not demand it be boneless if I remember right. First, I was offering to share my food, not make her food. Second, I do not know how to cook chicken breast my way. I do not like white meat. As well, it dries so easily without skin, even the ways I know how to cook it. She suggested oiling it, but first, is that not adding the fat the skin would have provided, and, would it work as well as the skin (which is more natural (or organic), anyway). So, I may still make some hindquarters. She will either have to accept that or do without. I hate this whole “war on fat”, well, actually, the whole war on tasty food. Let them eat tofu!
The visit threw me off. I did repack the clothes inside of trash bags. Though I am not sure I like that much as they will all have to be washed when unpacked, to try and get that stinky plastic smell out. I suppose it is better than ending up with mildewed clothes, or worse, stained clothes. I will take notes for any future move after I end this move, to see what worked and what was a bust. I did little else today. Oh, I did call the bank I had been working with on my previous car. They had called a month ago or so, but had not left a message as to why they were calling, only that they wanted to talk to me. As it turns out, they wanted to offer me a refinancing on my auto. As it is now, they offer about 5% with no transfer cost. I think I have a 3% rate as is, though I will check on that. So, it was not important, probably.
I did go out for dinner today. I had wanted to do some grocery shopping too, but the stores were so full of people I passed on that. I had a crab stuffed shrimp dish as a starter, then a ribeye with a mushroom and lobster topping, baked potato, and blue cheese dressing salad. I usually prefer my meat unadulterated, but I was feeling adventurous. I ordered two large beers as well. I had really thought I would only order one beer then go to tea, but the beer really tasted good. At least I stuck to two, sometimes I do have a third (when I have a driver and should I be in the mood). The large meal and the beer created some decent lethargy. I wanted to go to bed at about 19:00, but I decided to stay up until at least 21:30, maybe as late as 23:30. I find that I sleep better and wake better if I stay up just that little bit longer. Now that I have recovered a bit, I might have to go out and see if the stores are a bit less occupied.
I am a little bummed that I got so little done. I have a little time to pack a few boxes this evening. But not having done but two things, or even with 3 boxes, is disappointing. I may be backsliding, and I do not like it. I know I am becoming exhausted again. If I thought pain would keep me from falling, I would honestly put a needle, or even a nail, right through my hand. I know, though, that it does not work. It just darkens my dreams beyond their normal level of horror. I can hope it is a small slip. I am able to stay up, I bet I can wake up, it is only to see if I can get back on track and begin working again. I am so close to finishing this project… Just a few more days, then I can rest if needed… Just a few more days… Please…
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