.
.
I got to sleep until I was rested. I didn't get much done, but I did get into town. My friend wanted to go to the store, so I brought a bit of food with, ate, then we headed out. His normal foot size is a 9 to a 9 1/2. The foot that has been 'trimmed' didn't seem to fit. No wonder it hurt. Trying sizes from 10, 10 1/2, and finally 11, it was only that last that fit with any comfort. He went ahead and got that. I was going to buy him a matching pair for his normal size, as I knew he would not, but they didn't have it in that size. I will be checking the next few times we are out and about and happen to find ourselves in Wal-Mart.
I grabbed what I needed. Shampoo and extra litter boxes, some cat food, and a pair of cheap shoes for the house. I have mules but I just don't like them. This pair I bought are rubber "clogs" or something. I also picked up a few socks just for these and some extra cotton boxer briefs. I need to go through my underwear as, unlike my socks, underwear... don't age at all well. And, as I am losing weight, some of them are starting to need safety pins or something.
I am starting to live a bit hand to mouth. And, I don't mind for now. After I get up to speed on things I want to do, I can begin conserving a bit. Maybe by fall I can start saving up for bigger purchases and future home upgrades. Summer is not the time to be holding back, not when I need some things to get out and to get going. I don't want to cripple my efforts in trying to spare a nickle. Not while the going is good.
Mowing. Tomorrow. In the morning if I can. I have some leftover roast, cheeses, other cold cuts, plenty of Gatorade, milk, and a will to get back into it. Perhaps this time I will be able to push three weeks or a month before I need to rest a week or two again. I have done well, I am pleased, but laurels are not for sitting upon. Hey! I'm not that kinda guy in any event.
Good night. Sleep well. Hurry up, go, go, go! Well, in the morning, afternoon, or early evening... or maybe even not until Monday but you know what I mean.
Friday, June 24, 2011
THE Cure.
.
.
Is there such a thing? For almost anything? I don't know, for certain. Death, of course, cures what ails you. Or, like many medications, treatments, and such, does it really cure or just shut you up about it. Yes, a little tongue in cheek helps and is healthy too. I can't really say if man or body can cure, but I have seen some various illness and some strange results.
Since about 2005, give or take a year or three, I have been diagnosed with diabetes. Initially my blood sugar was seen to be about 250 to 350 (healthy is below 100). Initially they dosed me with metformin, since I wasn't sure I could do the shots. Then, after that proved unsuccessful at even denting the numbers, I went ahead and tried the shots. That worked, got me down, then I... just lost track. The rest of my health was not so good. I got it to about 120 to 220 by cutting regular soda and sort of watching what I ate (no pure sugars, at that phase). I stopped taking medicine but stopped using sugar and sort of drifted for a number of years. Then I decided to quit chewing. While successful (until I was around my mother, a chain smoker, which undid everything being only 3 months after quitting), I started using hard candies. Just regular ones. My blood sugars shot up to 650 or 700, with an A1C (a three month averaged (I believe) of blood "sugar" (serum?) level) of between 11 and 12 (they like the A1C below 6, where it is considered healthy). Doctors freaked, talked me into going back on the shots (which actually aren't all that bad). After a month of that, my sugars started to drop below 60. I freaked out and just tossed the junk. One too many near death experiences on that stuff. High sugar was, too me, like being drunk. Low was like nearing death.
So, I drifted, for years, on nothing. That last dose of shots got me back into the 120 to 220 range. Not good but better then 650+ and much better than 60 or below, 56 was my record I think. When I moved, the diabetes moved with me. But as I changed my diet to beans, rice, and meat and milk, my diabetes... is gone. The last time I had it checked was the second time into the ER. I had a double quarter large size meal with (regular) Coca~Cola (and a half) before going in as I knew they wouldn't feed me when I got there. My blood sugar was 160. My two latest A1Cs were 5.8 then 5.6 I believe. And, I am off the 'all beans, rice, and meat' diet (though I am eating smaller, more frequent, 'whatever' meals). My last two doctors who discussed it said, regardless of what other doctors have said, they can't diagnose me with diabetes. So... is that a cure?
I have... other things. I actually think that what has caused disability for me for the last two decades is being cured by lowering my blood pressure, easing the pulse and heart, or the mix. Which, shouldn't be the case. Further, technically, I am not on high blood pressure medicine. I would only allow them to give me the lightest of doses of stuff to treat pulmonary edema. Those medicines were merely to get rid of water and relax the heart while also relaxing the veins and arteries (give or take, I am neither a doctor or pharmacist... work with me). Those medicines are used to treat high blood pressure, but only at much higher levels, six times as much and perhaps more. I can't take double the amounts though, they have always tried and it failed.
So, in treating pulmonary edema, they seem to have fixed my problem dating more than two decades AND my high blood pressure dating over a decade? No, I don't think that is the cure, either. But if I can squeeze through, finally get up and off my butt, I think I I I can cure it. That is all I have ever asked, it is why I used to push for Ritalin. I think I can cure these things, given half a chance. I am not sure if everyone can, but I think the goal of medicine isn't to cure, but to allow people enough relief from what ails them that they can get up and get going, if change a few things in their life on the way, and that will fix the problem. Urhm, with the caveat that we are all going to die some day. Oddly, I think Christ meant to show us that too. I think he was the only true doctor. He didn't heal, though He seemed to heal. He was trying to show us how to do it ourselves. Perhaps in an imperfect world not all can do so. I have needed help and I am not out of the woods just yet. But with a little help, I know I can and I think most can.
Which means, to my mind, we need to rethink medicine, the price being paid for it both by government and perhaps individuals (though individuals have to compare cost and need at least). I know I am hard on doctors, and the V.A. Sometimes rightly, sometimes not so much. I am grateful to both, at least they continued to try. I do think they try their best. I also think they honestly, often, don't... can't... know. So they rely on what has worked for most. I am simply not most. And, actually, I don't blame doctors for the problem of rising costs. I blame people who just want a poorly lead life to be fixable by a pill. Sometimes they see me in that area, but they are wrong. I blame people who don't want to suffer a moment in their life and will happily trade slavery to drugs in order to escape. I hate the notion that I have to take a pill. Well, and people like me who don't believe a damn thing out of their lips, sometimes rightly and just as often not. I want some proof and we will do it my way, slow, low, and less.
Anyway, thanks docs. I may still have to use you like a tool, but between us, I think I'll be just... ARRHEGGHEHEHHWA!
.
Is there such a thing? For almost anything? I don't know, for certain. Death, of course, cures what ails you. Or, like many medications, treatments, and such, does it really cure or just shut you up about it. Yes, a little tongue in cheek helps and is healthy too. I can't really say if man or body can cure, but I have seen some various illness and some strange results.
Since about 2005, give or take a year or three, I have been diagnosed with diabetes. Initially my blood sugar was seen to be about 250 to 350 (healthy is below 100). Initially they dosed me with metformin, since I wasn't sure I could do the shots. Then, after that proved unsuccessful at even denting the numbers, I went ahead and tried the shots. That worked, got me down, then I... just lost track. The rest of my health was not so good. I got it to about 120 to 220 by cutting regular soda and sort of watching what I ate (no pure sugars, at that phase). I stopped taking medicine but stopped using sugar and sort of drifted for a number of years. Then I decided to quit chewing. While successful (until I was around my mother, a chain smoker, which undid everything being only 3 months after quitting), I started using hard candies. Just regular ones. My blood sugars shot up to 650 or 700, with an A1C (a three month averaged (I believe) of blood "sugar" (serum?) level) of between 11 and 12 (they like the A1C below 6, where it is considered healthy). Doctors freaked, talked me into going back on the shots (which actually aren't all that bad). After a month of that, my sugars started to drop below 60. I freaked out and just tossed the junk. One too many near death experiences on that stuff. High sugar was, too me, like being drunk. Low was like nearing death.
So, I drifted, for years, on nothing. That last dose of shots got me back into the 120 to 220 range. Not good but better then 650+ and much better than 60 or below, 56 was my record I think. When I moved, the diabetes moved with me. But as I changed my diet to beans, rice, and meat and milk, my diabetes... is gone. The last time I had it checked was the second time into the ER. I had a double quarter large size meal with (regular) Coca~Cola (and a half) before going in as I knew they wouldn't feed me when I got there. My blood sugar was 160. My two latest A1Cs were 5.8 then 5.6 I believe. And, I am off the 'all beans, rice, and meat' diet (though I am eating smaller, more frequent, 'whatever' meals). My last two doctors who discussed it said, regardless of what other doctors have said, they can't diagnose me with diabetes. So... is that a cure?
I have... other things. I actually think that what has caused disability for me for the last two decades is being cured by lowering my blood pressure, easing the pulse and heart, or the mix. Which, shouldn't be the case. Further, technically, I am not on high blood pressure medicine. I would only allow them to give me the lightest of doses of stuff to treat pulmonary edema. Those medicines were merely to get rid of water and relax the heart while also relaxing the veins and arteries (give or take, I am neither a doctor or pharmacist... work with me). Those medicines are used to treat high blood pressure, but only at much higher levels, six times as much and perhaps more. I can't take double the amounts though, they have always tried and it failed.
So, in treating pulmonary edema, they seem to have fixed my problem dating more than two decades AND my high blood pressure dating over a decade? No, I don't think that is the cure, either. But if I can squeeze through, finally get up and off my butt, I think I I I can cure it. That is all I have ever asked, it is why I used to push for Ritalin. I think I can cure these things, given half a chance. I am not sure if everyone can, but I think the goal of medicine isn't to cure, but to allow people enough relief from what ails them that they can get up and get going, if change a few things in their life on the way, and that will fix the problem. Urhm, with the caveat that we are all going to die some day. Oddly, I think Christ meant to show us that too. I think he was the only true doctor. He didn't heal, though He seemed to heal. He was trying to show us how to do it ourselves. Perhaps in an imperfect world not all can do so. I have needed help and I am not out of the woods just yet. But with a little help, I know I can and I think most can.
Which means, to my mind, we need to rethink medicine, the price being paid for it both by government and perhaps individuals (though individuals have to compare cost and need at least). I know I am hard on doctors, and the V.A. Sometimes rightly, sometimes not so much. I am grateful to both, at least they continued to try. I do think they try their best. I also think they honestly, often, don't... can't... know. So they rely on what has worked for most. I am simply not most. And, actually, I don't blame doctors for the problem of rising costs. I blame people who just want a poorly lead life to be fixable by a pill. Sometimes they see me in that area, but they are wrong. I blame people who don't want to suffer a moment in their life and will happily trade slavery to drugs in order to escape. I hate the notion that I have to take a pill. Well, and people like me who don't believe a damn thing out of their lips, sometimes rightly and just as often not. I want some proof and we will do it my way, slow, low, and less.
Anyway, thanks docs. I may still have to use you like a tool, but between us, I think I'll be just... ARRHEGGHEHEHHWA!
I slept until I didn't.
.
.
No choice. I wanted to be up and going earlier but that simply wasn't going to happen. The alarm was nice, it messed up sleep for a bit. I reset the stupid thing only to merely be annoyed again later. Too out of it to pull something of wakefulness out of my heap of freaked by the alarm flesh, I just turned the dratted thing off and went back to bed... or something. Frag if I know. Waking sometime in the afternoon, I do feel rested. Medicines have gone down the tube and I am thinking about the rest of the day.
I told my friend I would be in to see him. And I will. Which means a shower, grooming, and... other things I suppose. Still not actually awake, merely on my way. He stays up late so I don't mind going in mid-afternoon. It should be cooler by then anyway. I had hoped to deposit a check but that will just have to wait until Monday. I have enough cash to grab us a bite and will just be staying home over the weekend.
I am going through money a bit more quickly, being more active. I simply can't worry too much about it. What I am buying are things I need for projects and long term goals, things I had been too nervous to buy when ill. No one likes taking their accounts to nub, but sometimes it's the only way. And besides, I was ending up spending the money anyway. At least now I will have some of the things I want or need to get going on real things.
No mowing today. I had hoped to get up and do that today. Either mornings or late afternoons are going to be the only time to reasonably do that with our weather as it is. Morning is gone and afternoon is taken. I will do that tomorrow. Hopefully in the morning, and then if I can again in the afternoon, but I will take what I can get. I might have to just shove to get on it, and that is fine too. I am ready for more. If I do something today, it will be to get more or the rest of the dishes done when I return. Hmm, it seems something is back. Or maybe it just seems like it. Either way, it's time to push.
Good day! Get some, do some, figure it out, damnit! Don't... just... sit there! Life will not wait for you. Plus, it could be fun or trouble or... a fine combination. Go! Go! Go! (or... well... something like that, ugh?)
.
No choice. I wanted to be up and going earlier but that simply wasn't going to happen. The alarm was nice, it messed up sleep for a bit. I reset the stupid thing only to merely be annoyed again later. Too out of it to pull something of wakefulness out of my heap of freaked by the alarm flesh, I just turned the dratted thing off and went back to bed... or something. Frag if I know. Waking sometime in the afternoon, I do feel rested. Medicines have gone down the tube and I am thinking about the rest of the day.
I told my friend I would be in to see him. And I will. Which means a shower, grooming, and... other things I suppose. Still not actually awake, merely on my way. He stays up late so I don't mind going in mid-afternoon. It should be cooler by then anyway. I had hoped to deposit a check but that will just have to wait until Monday. I have enough cash to grab us a bite and will just be staying home over the weekend.
I am going through money a bit more quickly, being more active. I simply can't worry too much about it. What I am buying are things I need for projects and long term goals, things I had been too nervous to buy when ill. No one likes taking their accounts to nub, but sometimes it's the only way. And besides, I was ending up spending the money anyway. At least now I will have some of the things I want or need to get going on real things.
No mowing today. I had hoped to get up and do that today. Either mornings or late afternoons are going to be the only time to reasonably do that with our weather as it is. Morning is gone and afternoon is taken. I will do that tomorrow. Hopefully in the morning, and then if I can again in the afternoon, but I will take what I can get. I might have to just shove to get on it, and that is fine too. I am ready for more. If I do something today, it will be to get more or the rest of the dishes done when I return. Hmm, it seems something is back. Or maybe it just seems like it. Either way, it's time to push.
Good day! Get some, do some, figure it out, damnit! Don't... just... sit there! Life will not wait for you. Plus, it could be fun or trouble or... a fine combination. Go! Go! Go! (or... well... something like that, ugh?)
Planning regardless.
.
.
In spite of the recent difficulties, I am planning to move forward with hiking, biking, and camping this summer. To that end, I just ordered hiking boots, wicking boxer briefs (I previously ordered a few types to find the size and type I liked), a multi-tool kit, and a few other items. These things will make hiking, camping, and even biking a little easier. Right now, I need easy. With some learning, perhaps I can do with much less.
Thanks to Matt, I have some information I have been thinking about for a while regarding particular pieces for a medical kit, namely blood-clot material and a link to possible full medical kits. After two serious bleeding accidents in a year and my penchant for turning a humble rain into a flood with electrical and chemical dangers somehow, a serious medical kit is on the shorter list (after a bike, rocket stove, and maybe a thing or two I can't recall, so maybe for Christmas?). I have a few small kits, and might be ordering several blood-clot bits next month for necessary fill in my anemic kits.
One thing I have noticed, now that my mind is clearing, regarding prepping is that there is a serious issue. No matter what equipment, knowledge, and expendables one could have on hand, and assuming one could either stash or secure all said items, keeping those items up-to-date and functional up to a global melt-down is a whole other can of worms. Okay, so you have every hand tool for working wood and bending iron into useful function, you have enough food to eat on that alone for five years, you have non-electric equipment to navigate, you have horses for travel, you have equipment for cleaning water, you have well shielded tube short wave transceivers transmitters receivers with backup parts in excess of a lifetime, etc., etc., etc. (Or even some small part of that). How are you possibly going to keep up on all that, make sure it all works all the time especially considering use means possible damage, and keep it all together? Basically, I need to consider what I can really do, what I would like to do, and start finding out what my neighbors are doing in this regard.
We live in such an easy world. It might be failing. It might be crumbling. My guess is that it is. None of us has ever had to live on little food, had to work for our water, had to wash our clothes by hand and wait for them to dry, or even had to worry about getting a vital, let alone trivial, item at a moments notice. This is the first place I have lived that doesn't have air conditioning in... decades? If you have the cash there is almost nothing you can't get. Heck, I can go to Wal-Mart right now and get almost anything to at least tide me over until I could get better if necessary (especially with a little imagination and some degree of mechanical or electrical knowledge). Heck, you can build a bomb for $50 or (far) less! (Not that I recommend that, mind you.)
That will all change if things keep going as they are. When Democrats counter Republicans demands to cut spending in order to raise the debt limit with... demands for more spending... and Republicans are seriously listening... I don't think there is anything but trouble in the future. Well, and that is just one of the problems, one of very many problems. There will be no Wal-Mart. Or, more, all there will be is Wal-Mart. At which time we will be at their mercy.
So planning for a world even I have never seen is... difficult. Part of the reason I am thinking of hiking and camping and such is not just to increase my physical condition, but also to learn how life will be. Even when hiking, I may simply begin taking my water filtration device and an empty canteen or two. I probably will take a bit of food camping, but I would like to practice getting campfires going if that is a bit limited in a mountain desert sometimes. I need to begin practicing with the gear I have. It won't be for fun, for views, for other things. Those will simply be bonuses when they happen and when I can appreciate them. The only way to know what life will be like, what is necessary and what is not, how long I can go on what food and water, and how to make better due without easy access commercialism, is to get in there and live it now, with the safety nets that still exist. That should help me shake out my lists. But... to even get to that point I still have needs/wants on my list! With the boots, however, if they work, I have a very large piece of that list. I have been looking for a pair of leather boots with a real replaceable sole, that looks right. Most hikers are disposable these days.
On top of all that, and while I plan and work to store, gain, learn, I still have to live in the modern world. Having two masters is not difficult, it is actually impossible. I realized this not from looking at the current and future demands but, when frustrated, having the notion the bible imparted. You really can't have two masters. I guess, what I am saying is, I first have to part with the easy master of modern convenience before I can truly choose to live in a time that (technically) may never happen in my lifetime. Easy or hard, gas or sickle, technical or manual. And even that trip won't be easy or fast. But... I have decided. I have chosen the path of pain! Oh, that was Saruman channeling through my blog... Anyway.
I had to check several accounts to make sure I could afford these items, which ended up with me pushing my sleep time. I can only focus for just so long, then... I lose track. But the sale was tonight only, and all of those things were reduced to 50% off, so... I managed, right at midnight, to finally place the order.
Tomorrow I will be going in to see my friend. He has been given nutritional, and other stuff, from his doctor. He is having difficulty understanding it all. So I offered to come in and help him figure it out. I will probably get something for us to munch on my way in. I think with better food and some ongoing work the doctor is doing with his legs and feet, he might come back to health a bit. He has been a bit worrying lately, ailing, falling. I might have to get in to see him a bit more often in the next weeks. Even just stopping in, or giving him a ride to the store so he can stock up a bit more or even get to the store more frequently. I might be failing just a bit, but I am still doing good enough to check on him I believe.
Good night.
.
In spite of the recent difficulties, I am planning to move forward with hiking, biking, and camping this summer. To that end, I just ordered hiking boots, wicking boxer briefs (I previously ordered a few types to find the size and type I liked), a multi-tool kit, and a few other items. These things will make hiking, camping, and even biking a little easier. Right now, I need easy. With some learning, perhaps I can do with much less.
Thanks to Matt, I have some information I have been thinking about for a while regarding particular pieces for a medical kit, namely blood-clot material and a link to possible full medical kits. After two serious bleeding accidents in a year and my penchant for turning a humble rain into a flood with electrical and chemical dangers somehow, a serious medical kit is on the shorter list (after a bike, rocket stove, and maybe a thing or two I can't recall, so maybe for Christmas?). I have a few small kits, and might be ordering several blood-clot bits next month for necessary fill in my anemic kits.
One thing I have noticed, now that my mind is clearing, regarding prepping is that there is a serious issue. No matter what equipment, knowledge, and expendables one could have on hand, and assuming one could either stash or secure all said items, keeping those items up-to-date and functional up to a global melt-down is a whole other can of worms. Okay, so you have every hand tool for working wood and bending iron into useful function, you have enough food to eat on that alone for five years, you have non-electric equipment to navigate, you have horses for travel, you have equipment for cleaning water, you have well shielded tube short wave transceivers transmitters receivers with backup parts in excess of a lifetime, etc., etc., etc. (Or even some small part of that). How are you possibly going to keep up on all that, make sure it all works all the time especially considering use means possible damage, and keep it all together? Basically, I need to consider what I can really do, what I would like to do, and start finding out what my neighbors are doing in this regard.
We live in such an easy world. It might be failing. It might be crumbling. My guess is that it is. None of us has ever had to live on little food, had to work for our water, had to wash our clothes by hand and wait for them to dry, or even had to worry about getting a vital, let alone trivial, item at a moments notice. This is the first place I have lived that doesn't have air conditioning in... decades? If you have the cash there is almost nothing you can't get. Heck, I can go to Wal-Mart right now and get almost anything to at least tide me over until I could get better if necessary (especially with a little imagination and some degree of mechanical or electrical knowledge). Heck, you can build a bomb for $50 or (far) less! (Not that I recommend that, mind you.)
That will all change if things keep going as they are. When Democrats counter Republicans demands to cut spending in order to raise the debt limit with... demands for more spending... and Republicans are seriously listening... I don't think there is anything but trouble in the future. Well, and that is just one of the problems, one of very many problems. There will be no Wal-Mart. Or, more, all there will be is Wal-Mart. At which time we will be at their mercy.
So planning for a world even I have never seen is... difficult. Part of the reason I am thinking of hiking and camping and such is not just to increase my physical condition, but also to learn how life will be. Even when hiking, I may simply begin taking my water filtration device and an empty canteen or two. I probably will take a bit of food camping, but I would like to practice getting campfires going if that is a bit limited in a mountain desert sometimes. I need to begin practicing with the gear I have. It won't be for fun, for views, for other things. Those will simply be bonuses when they happen and when I can appreciate them. The only way to know what life will be like, what is necessary and what is not, how long I can go on what food and water, and how to make better due without easy access commercialism, is to get in there and live it now, with the safety nets that still exist. That should help me shake out my lists. But... to even get to that point I still have needs/wants on my list! With the boots, however, if they work, I have a very large piece of that list. I have been looking for a pair of leather boots with a real replaceable sole, that looks right. Most hikers are disposable these days.
On top of all that, and while I plan and work to store, gain, learn, I still have to live in the modern world. Having two masters is not difficult, it is actually impossible. I realized this not from looking at the current and future demands but, when frustrated, having the notion the bible imparted. You really can't have two masters. I guess, what I am saying is, I first have to part with the easy master of modern convenience before I can truly choose to live in a time that (technically) may never happen in my lifetime. Easy or hard, gas or sickle, technical or manual. And even that trip won't be easy or fast. But... I have decided. I have chosen the path of pain! Oh, that was Saruman channeling through my blog... Anyway.
I had to check several accounts to make sure I could afford these items, which ended up with me pushing my sleep time. I can only focus for just so long, then... I lose track. But the sale was tonight only, and all of those things were reduced to 50% off, so... I managed, right at midnight, to finally place the order.
Tomorrow I will be going in to see my friend. He has been given nutritional, and other stuff, from his doctor. He is having difficulty understanding it all. So I offered to come in and help him figure it out. I will probably get something for us to munch on my way in. I think with better food and some ongoing work the doctor is doing with his legs and feet, he might come back to health a bit. He has been a bit worrying lately, ailing, falling. I might have to get in to see him a bit more often in the next weeks. Even just stopping in, or giving him a ride to the store so he can stock up a bit more or even get to the store more frequently. I might be failing just a bit, but I am still doing good enough to check on him I believe.
Good night.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Ah, that's better.
.
.
Slipping into shorts and a sleeveless shirt, taking my socks off, and sitting for a bit, have allowed some of life to return. If heat isn't the sole problem with my recent downturn, it doesn't help. I may have to pull the fans out before too long as well. The curtains, again, are open. It is such a... novel thing. For whatever reason I am truly enjoying having them open. Then again, having mountains to look out from every window doesn't hurt.
I finished the laundry. As I use clothes and towels though, there will be a pile soon enough. And Sam snuck into my bedroom and deposited extra food in the form of vomit. *sigh* Still, I have plenty of clean sheets and I removed the sheets before it soaked in and it wasn't on the blankets. Rather than being mad, I was actually slightly grateful, if not fully happily so. This gave me a reason to change the sheets again. New fresh sheets and maybe a habit forming thing, again. I finished, perhaps, half of the dishes. But I have run into a... problem. I simply am not able to push past this little dip, not right now. I was happy to make it to the appointment today and take care of the other things with a return trip. I realize, now more than ever, that my heart probably is a part of why I sometimes can't push. That would be the invisible something that I simply could not figure out before, the thing that would allow function and then not. They don't make an appointment with you at the Advanced Heart Failure Clinic, then bump that up a week, merely because you are handsome (though there is that too). :p
So, I will go a bit slower and do what I can when I can, again. If it never happens again, it was wonderful to lead a normal life for a few weeks again, in any case. I will not begrudge that. After twenty some years of living like a zombie, just to see normalcy for a few moments was enough to refresh. Of course, because of what happened, I have hope that healing may now occur and I might get some part of a normal life back. It just absolutely amazes me what the possibilities are. If you literally can lead a normal life, with grumps and all, enjoy it. Get out, find your friends and family and go pick on them, make friends, dig holes just to see what is down there, ride a horse, go for a ride, get married, have kids. Don't wait. Hurry up.
I am still dissatisfied with the Republican field for president. Between moderates and slightly more moderate moderates, picking a horse for that race is like expecting to see gray hounds sprinting after the gate only to find one has shown up on turtle race day. Watching lips move and knowing these jerks have no more a notion of what they should do, how it should be done, or for whom exactly they want to be working (which is whoever will just let them do whatever they want and leave them alone to it). None of them want to do a darned thing about illegal immigration, none of them really have a plan for the Middle-East, none of them are keen on cutting entitlements let alone general spending or even taxation. They talk big, in a little way. Generalities, but the truth is none of them will more than give a token nod to those who elect them. Democrat lite seems to be all I am seeing, with a few out-of-touch characters, and some not so lite candidates (Huntsman, Romney, and some of the sharia favoring multi-culties and "greens"). Bah!
I think I am liking this new monitor though. I didn't think I would and it might fail yet. You know how these things go. But it is cooler, it is quieter (the other had almost as many fans as my computer). And I think it has some kind of curve in it that helps with glare. On to a bit of gaming. I found a game from long ago that will play on the loaner, which is more of an antique than even my machine. Hmm, I ought to call and check on that. If he broke it, I will just take it back. I suppose I should wait until the first, to make sure I have money in case he managed to fix what he tried to repair in spite of that not being the problem. Doh!
.
Slipping into shorts and a sleeveless shirt, taking my socks off, and sitting for a bit, have allowed some of life to return. If heat isn't the sole problem with my recent downturn, it doesn't help. I may have to pull the fans out before too long as well. The curtains, again, are open. It is such a... novel thing. For whatever reason I am truly enjoying having them open. Then again, having mountains to look out from every window doesn't hurt.
I finished the laundry. As I use clothes and towels though, there will be a pile soon enough. And Sam snuck into my bedroom and deposited extra food in the form of vomit. *sigh* Still, I have plenty of clean sheets and I removed the sheets before it soaked in and it wasn't on the blankets. Rather than being mad, I was actually slightly grateful, if not fully happily so. This gave me a reason to change the sheets again. New fresh sheets and maybe a habit forming thing, again. I finished, perhaps, half of the dishes. But I have run into a... problem. I simply am not able to push past this little dip, not right now. I was happy to make it to the appointment today and take care of the other things with a return trip. I realize, now more than ever, that my heart probably is a part of why I sometimes can't push. That would be the invisible something that I simply could not figure out before, the thing that would allow function and then not. They don't make an appointment with you at the Advanced Heart Failure Clinic, then bump that up a week, merely because you are handsome (though there is that too). :p
So, I will go a bit slower and do what I can when I can, again. If it never happens again, it was wonderful to lead a normal life for a few weeks again, in any case. I will not begrudge that. After twenty some years of living like a zombie, just to see normalcy for a few moments was enough to refresh. Of course, because of what happened, I have hope that healing may now occur and I might get some part of a normal life back. It just absolutely amazes me what the possibilities are. If you literally can lead a normal life, with grumps and all, enjoy it. Get out, find your friends and family and go pick on them, make friends, dig holes just to see what is down there, ride a horse, go for a ride, get married, have kids. Don't wait. Hurry up.
I am still dissatisfied with the Republican field for president. Between moderates and slightly more moderate moderates, picking a horse for that race is like expecting to see gray hounds sprinting after the gate only to find one has shown up on turtle race day. Watching lips move and knowing these jerks have no more a notion of what they should do, how it should be done, or for whom exactly they want to be working (which is whoever will just let them do whatever they want and leave them alone to it). None of them want to do a darned thing about illegal immigration, none of them really have a plan for the Middle-East, none of them are keen on cutting entitlements let alone general spending or even taxation. They talk big, in a little way. Generalities, but the truth is none of them will more than give a token nod to those who elect them. Democrat lite seems to be all I am seeing, with a few out-of-touch characters, and some not so lite candidates (Huntsman, Romney, and some of the sharia favoring multi-culties and "greens"). Bah!
I think I am liking this new monitor though. I didn't think I would and it might fail yet. You know how these things go. But it is cooler, it is quieter (the other had almost as many fans as my computer). And I think it has some kind of curve in it that helps with glare. On to a bit of gaming. I found a game from long ago that will play on the loaner, which is more of an antique than even my machine. Hmm, I ought to call and check on that. If he broke it, I will just take it back. I suppose I should wait until the first, to make sure I have money in case he managed to fix what he tried to repair in spite of that not being the problem. Doh!
Hmmm, well...
.
.
Sleep has been elusive. I was able to get a few hours of sleep before taking Sam in. I was a bit late for the appointment as between little sleep and being a slow starter at times as well, I just couldn't push hard enough to be fast enough. Two shots with one left for Sam. And, this time, the doctor suggested a treatment for tapeworms. I said I was holding off because of the expense. She said they had stuff for $16, and highly recommended since Sam hunts. It lasts six months and I can buy the stuff and just apply it here at home. Done. It is too hot to do shopping and leave Sam in the vehicle, so I brought her home and went back to town.
There were just a few items that were very needed. A few items I bought to have more on hand. And, it turns out, I purchased the first part of my new computer. The switch in my old CRT monitor would not turn the device on. It is a good monitor, otherwise. Though square, that CRT was better than most monitors I have compared. I think it was 22" (again, square, not this new funky envelope shape). Set up was easier than I might have anticipated, the only reason I had for the instructions was when putting on the base plate... I wasn't sure if I was doing it right and being plastic, I didn't want to break it. A spendy little device, monitors. But less than online stores often sell them, when I do mockups to compare prices. At 26", it is about the height of my old machine, but with more screen near the bottom (my old one was on a very substantial base), and much wider. Actually, in it's day, I think I paid a hundred more for the old monitor (not in adjusted, but actual dollar, price). If it lasts half of the nine years of the old monitor I will be pleased. Of course that does put a ding in my account. Sam was another $130. But I don't have any other expenses for the rest of the month... I hope... I think? The one thing about this new monitor is that I can't adjust it via the stand. I am sure I could... figure something out, maybe?
I tried to call my priest today. His line was busy and I haven't heard back from him. This slow motion phone tag is annoying. I know, it happens. It is no one's fault. It will be done, eventually. I also called the Advanced Heart Failure Clinic back. They left a message Monday but I saw neither the call nor the message. I only accidentally found the message checking another message I was sure was on the phone. They had set me up for the 6th but wanted to push that up a week. All good in my book. It is an early rise though, the clinic is first come, first served, starts at 9:00 and they want blood work done an hour earlier. With a two hour drive, that means a 6:00 start, which means a 4:00 wake. Ugh, and double ugh. I will do my best to be in like they want, at least the first time. I will ask more questions though, when I get there. In any case, I am pleased to be having my condition and blood monitored much more frequently. Once every three to six months on medicines that are tricky and potentially fatal at the turn of a trick is... spooky.
I think something is a bit off. The heat has started up, it is 87 F today (30.56 C). While that isn't exactly blistering, considering we have had such a cool spring, this is like going from the refrigerator into the oven without a notion regarding sentiment. Harsh. At least for me. I am having trouble sleeping, waking, working, and keeping on track. I doubt if it is the heat, come to think of it, I have been sliding for several days. I know I will have to ease into the heat. But ease in I must. It looks like this is the way of the weather here for the next week. If I can keep it together I may mow when it cools a bit. Or not. I had best get to it though, that front part of the lawn is growing like crazy already.
Hmmm, a bite to eat, a little goofing now that I have my machine back, and... who knows. I cooked a roast last night, on the grill. I must have used a quarter of the tank cleaning the grill before and after. It did help, but that's an uncomfortable means of cleaning. Hmm, if I fill the extra tank soon, though, at least I will have less worry about running out in the middle of cleaning or cooking. Later or maybe good night.
.
Sleep has been elusive. I was able to get a few hours of sleep before taking Sam in. I was a bit late for the appointment as between little sleep and being a slow starter at times as well, I just couldn't push hard enough to be fast enough. Two shots with one left for Sam. And, this time, the doctor suggested a treatment for tapeworms. I said I was holding off because of the expense. She said they had stuff for $16, and highly recommended since Sam hunts. It lasts six months and I can buy the stuff and just apply it here at home. Done. It is too hot to do shopping and leave Sam in the vehicle, so I brought her home and went back to town.
There were just a few items that were very needed. A few items I bought to have more on hand. And, it turns out, I purchased the first part of my new computer. The switch in my old CRT monitor would not turn the device on. It is a good monitor, otherwise. Though square, that CRT was better than most monitors I have compared. I think it was 22" (again, square, not this new funky envelope shape). Set up was easier than I might have anticipated, the only reason I had for the instructions was when putting on the base plate... I wasn't sure if I was doing it right and being plastic, I didn't want to break it. A spendy little device, monitors. But less than online stores often sell them, when I do mockups to compare prices. At 26", it is about the height of my old machine, but with more screen near the bottom (my old one was on a very substantial base), and much wider. Actually, in it's day, I think I paid a hundred more for the old monitor (not in adjusted, but actual dollar, price). If it lasts half of the nine years of the old monitor I will be pleased. Of course that does put a ding in my account. Sam was another $130. But I don't have any other expenses for the rest of the month... I hope... I think? The one thing about this new monitor is that I can't adjust it via the stand. I am sure I could... figure something out, maybe?
I tried to call my priest today. His line was busy and I haven't heard back from him. This slow motion phone tag is annoying. I know, it happens. It is no one's fault. It will be done, eventually. I also called the Advanced Heart Failure Clinic back. They left a message Monday but I saw neither the call nor the message. I only accidentally found the message checking another message I was sure was on the phone. They had set me up for the 6th but wanted to push that up a week. All good in my book. It is an early rise though, the clinic is first come, first served, starts at 9:00 and they want blood work done an hour earlier. With a two hour drive, that means a 6:00 start, which means a 4:00 wake. Ugh, and double ugh. I will do my best to be in like they want, at least the first time. I will ask more questions though, when I get there. In any case, I am pleased to be having my condition and blood monitored much more frequently. Once every three to six months on medicines that are tricky and potentially fatal at the turn of a trick is... spooky.
I think something is a bit off. The heat has started up, it is 87 F today (30.56 C). While that isn't exactly blistering, considering we have had such a cool spring, this is like going from the refrigerator into the oven without a notion regarding sentiment. Harsh. At least for me. I am having trouble sleeping, waking, working, and keeping on track. I doubt if it is the heat, come to think of it, I have been sliding for several days. I know I will have to ease into the heat. But ease in I must. It looks like this is the way of the weather here for the next week. If I can keep it together I may mow when it cools a bit. Or not. I had best get to it though, that front part of the lawn is growing like crazy already.
Hmmm, a bite to eat, a little goofing now that I have my machine back, and... who knows. I cooked a roast last night, on the grill. I must have used a quarter of the tank cleaning the grill before and after. It did help, but that's an uncomfortable means of cleaning. Hmm, if I fill the extra tank soon, though, at least I will have less worry about running out in the middle of cleaning or cooking. Later or maybe good night.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Restful sleep is a beautiful thing.
.
.
I have been pushing just a wee too much I do believe. I simply need to take a day or two and, proverbially, catch my breath. Fine, fine, I can do the mowing tomorrow or the day after. I did get sleep in, finally. And it was such a good thing. I don't remember a thing about it. But waking up refreshed, with my mind and will back in some order, and a better understanding of my limits, for now, made the non-sleep a learning experience rather than a wasted suffering. Slow down, regroup, rethink, then begin back with baby steps. All good. That sleep has meaning is new to me, I wasn't going to let that pass.
I will continue to get back on my feet, continue with the dishes and sorting and straightening. Light duty for a few days is the deal. Anything that moves me forward just a bit. A bit every day. But I really pushed things and my body and mind rejected the push. With life truly becoming great again, I am not going to let that slip. Not for my want of a possibly fictional better life. Not to get everything to some level of perfect. Even so, my life is coming together. Clear thoughts, solid work, good health stats, a healing body, a cleaner home, a lot of good things. Even God rested, if only for a day in seven. I am neither God nor, really, a whole man yet.
I have realized that I am a doubting St. Thomas. Some things I believe, but not without working myself through lots of doubts, and not without some remaining nibbling doubts. I will, in absolute truth, be absolutely sure about very little so long as I draw breath. I am rather dogmatic (if ignorantly at times, in that regardless of what I think or believe, I easily and willfully defer to the Church on such issues). But if you understand dogma, the roots of the term, you realize that to be dogmatic is only falsely declared uncompromising or some such. To be dogmatic merely means, in it's origins, to... seem to think, or perceive to be right. Nothing is absolute. Some things are absolute within a faith, for example the sacrifice of Christ for our sins is absolutely necessary to believe in order to honestly claim to be Christian. Further, it isn't a side issue. It is the only issue. From there we discover what we must do in order to utilize that sacrifice to both God and our benefit, right ends, or however you wish to term it. So, I have no problem with doubts. Neither, in fact, did God. Christ quite easily allowed St. Thomas both his doubts, and proof. Christ did not in any words, but in action, anoint doubt, to a degree.
Of course, there has to be faith, trust, and such, or even getting out of bed would be impossible. I have to redefine my world by finding what I can trust, how I can trust it, and then go forth. I find the exercise much akin to climbing out of a well. Not all stones can be trusted equally, they must be tested and tested at the angle of particular purchase or use. Once found safe, more height may be accessed and the process continues. I am just waking up, in a way, to a world that has changed much. I have been trying to climb out of a mud sided well and and made it up to more stone walled part somehow. But it is all new ground, new understandings in my environment, and... a bit scarier because I don't want to fall back into the muck part. Careful, easy does it. I also know... there is no getting out of the well, not in life. We will climb until we ultimately fall... fall for the last time... at least on earth. Ah, but I'm ready for the climb even with the surety of fleshly failure. I just need to go slower while my 'boots' dry a bit and as I get used to the cutting and solidity of the rock face after being used to soft but insecure mud walls.
I blather. Hushutup already. Me or you? Definitely blather. Good day!
.
I have been pushing just a wee too much I do believe. I simply need to take a day or two and, proverbially, catch my breath. Fine, fine, I can do the mowing tomorrow or the day after. I did get sleep in, finally. And it was such a good thing. I don't remember a thing about it. But waking up refreshed, with my mind and will back in some order, and a better understanding of my limits, for now, made the non-sleep a learning experience rather than a wasted suffering. Slow down, regroup, rethink, then begin back with baby steps. All good. That sleep has meaning is new to me, I wasn't going to let that pass.
I will continue to get back on my feet, continue with the dishes and sorting and straightening. Light duty for a few days is the deal. Anything that moves me forward just a bit. A bit every day. But I really pushed things and my body and mind rejected the push. With life truly becoming great again, I am not going to let that slip. Not for my want of a possibly fictional better life. Not to get everything to some level of perfect. Even so, my life is coming together. Clear thoughts, solid work, good health stats, a healing body, a cleaner home, a lot of good things. Even God rested, if only for a day in seven. I am neither God nor, really, a whole man yet.
I have realized that I am a doubting St. Thomas. Some things I believe, but not without working myself through lots of doubts, and not without some remaining nibbling doubts. I will, in absolute truth, be absolutely sure about very little so long as I draw breath. I am rather dogmatic (if ignorantly at times, in that regardless of what I think or believe, I easily and willfully defer to the Church on such issues). But if you understand dogma, the roots of the term, you realize that to be dogmatic is only falsely declared uncompromising or some such. To be dogmatic merely means, in it's origins, to... seem to think, or perceive to be right. Nothing is absolute. Some things are absolute within a faith, for example the sacrifice of Christ for our sins is absolutely necessary to believe in order to honestly claim to be Christian. Further, it isn't a side issue. It is the only issue. From there we discover what we must do in order to utilize that sacrifice to both God and our benefit, right ends, or however you wish to term it. So, I have no problem with doubts. Neither, in fact, did God. Christ quite easily allowed St. Thomas both his doubts, and proof. Christ did not in any words, but in action, anoint doubt, to a degree.
Of course, there has to be faith, trust, and such, or even getting out of bed would be impossible. I have to redefine my world by finding what I can trust, how I can trust it, and then go forth. I find the exercise much akin to climbing out of a well. Not all stones can be trusted equally, they must be tested and tested at the angle of particular purchase or use. Once found safe, more height may be accessed and the process continues. I am just waking up, in a way, to a world that has changed much. I have been trying to climb out of a mud sided well and and made it up to more stone walled part somehow. But it is all new ground, new understandings in my environment, and... a bit scarier because I don't want to fall back into the muck part. Careful, easy does it. I also know... there is no getting out of the well, not in life. We will climb until we ultimately fall... fall for the last time... at least on earth. Ah, but I'm ready for the climb even with the surety of fleshly failure. I just need to go slower while my 'boots' dry a bit and as I get used to the cutting and solidity of the rock face after being used to soft but insecure mud walls.
I blather. Hushutup already. Me or you? Definitely blather. Good day!
Grumbles, but mostly good ones... Mostly.
.
.
I have been trying to get some sleep but it just isn't happening. Not yet anyway. At least my internals have found peace for the last hour. I did call my nurse and got right through. I asked about the bowel issues with her and she didn't seem to think I needed to worry. And probably rightly. If it continued for three days, then an over the counter would be the recommendation. I don't think I would wait more than a day and a half though. I also asked about work, if I might be doing too much. She suggested that I go by feel. If it feels too much, take a break or back off for a day or two. That is pretty much what I am doing. I also reported my bp and pulse for the last two days. All good, very good actually.
I don't think I'm going to let them tinker with medicines for at least three more months. If they have to change the water pills, due to something being far too low, I worry. As I said, I think those pills are simply keeping a flooded basement (lungs) dry, they aren't fixing the heart. That will take time. If I can keep these stats as they are for six months the healing will begin. I can see where, on my skin, my healing properties are back in action. I had stopped healing for a number of months when edema was going from bad to worse. Cat scratches literally stopped mending. Now I heal from even a serious scratch in days, not weeks. A cut in my palm from when Sassy was cuddled in my lap, a tom hollered out, and she got all wicked (and thankfully I got my hand between her and more sensitive places just in time as I... just saw it coming), which went in past all skin and into meat, less than a week ago, is now nearly gone. I think my internals will heal too, with the lower bp and pulse. No, I don't want them to touch anything. And then make very minor changes, one at a time with a month between to see if it's a problem, and then only after checking to see if anything has improved to make additions possibly unnecessary. Grumpy, fussy, stubborn, call it what you will. But they have proved themselves too wrong too often and they won't pay the price of being wrong.
I doubt if I will get to much today. Until I can kick out and sleep a bit, I am simply shot. I honestly don't know how I did what I did for as long as I did being as sleepy as I was. After two or three weeks of good living, just this little bit of sleep deprived exhaustion is... unnerving. No, I will sleep again before I get to anything else. I must sleep. And, thankfully, sleep now means rest and rejuvenation. If you have that, drop to your knees and give thanks. Trust me, whatever else is wrong with you, not being able to ever rest is worse.
Well, on to a bit more goofing, then another try at sleep. Good morning and good night, I hope.
.
I have been trying to get some sleep but it just isn't happening. Not yet anyway. At least my internals have found peace for the last hour. I did call my nurse and got right through. I asked about the bowel issues with her and she didn't seem to think I needed to worry. And probably rightly. If it continued for three days, then an over the counter would be the recommendation. I don't think I would wait more than a day and a half though. I also asked about work, if I might be doing too much. She suggested that I go by feel. If it feels too much, take a break or back off for a day or two. That is pretty much what I am doing. I also reported my bp and pulse for the last two days. All good, very good actually.
I don't think I'm going to let them tinker with medicines for at least three more months. If they have to change the water pills, due to something being far too low, I worry. As I said, I think those pills are simply keeping a flooded basement (lungs) dry, they aren't fixing the heart. That will take time. If I can keep these stats as they are for six months the healing will begin. I can see where, on my skin, my healing properties are back in action. I had stopped healing for a number of months when edema was going from bad to worse. Cat scratches literally stopped mending. Now I heal from even a serious scratch in days, not weeks. A cut in my palm from when Sassy was cuddled in my lap, a tom hollered out, and she got all wicked (and thankfully I got my hand between her and more sensitive places just in time as I... just saw it coming), which went in past all skin and into meat, less than a week ago, is now nearly gone. I think my internals will heal too, with the lower bp and pulse. No, I don't want them to touch anything. And then make very minor changes, one at a time with a month between to see if it's a problem, and then only after checking to see if anything has improved to make additions possibly unnecessary. Grumpy, fussy, stubborn, call it what you will. But they have proved themselves too wrong too often and they won't pay the price of being wrong.
I doubt if I will get to much today. Until I can kick out and sleep a bit, I am simply shot. I honestly don't know how I did what I did for as long as I did being as sleepy as I was. After two or three weeks of good living, just this little bit of sleep deprived exhaustion is... unnerving. No, I will sleep again before I get to anything else. I must sleep. And, thankfully, sleep now means rest and rejuvenation. If you have that, drop to your knees and give thanks. Trust me, whatever else is wrong with you, not being able to ever rest is worse.
Well, on to a bit more goofing, then another try at sleep. Good morning and good night, I hope.
No sleep tonight.
.
.
I did, by the way, get a couple of loads of dishes done, soaked another set of dishes, and cooked some of what I brought home from the store. I need to figure out how to keep the grill cleaner though. I know you can "cook it off", but that eats a lot of fuel and doesn't do all that good of a job. Another thing to figure out. I have time, I suppose. My back isn't killing me nearly so much now. Dishes are no more a joyful chore, but it is much easier without having to fight pain. I seem to have gotten back in recent "normal" shape rather quickly. Getting into actual shape may take a bit longer.
I could not sleep. I tried to go to bed early. I just could not get to sleep. After several hours of fake it till you make it, I gave up. It may be that I did so little my body does not feel the need. Because in spite of not sleeping I am not actually tired. My bowels are giving me fits, possibly why I couldn't sleep too. Beside growling and complaints, and several 'productive' trips into the lou, it looks like diarrhea. Not a real issue in general terms but it could mess up my fluid intake system. I'm a bit nervous about it. Hopefully it's just a very short term issue. More fluid, for sure, will be allotted.
I hope I can either just stay up for the day or get by with a nap a little later, then on to mowing. I am so close to having the yard done that I just don't want to miss the opportunity to get ahead there. I actually think Sam likes the grass being cut. She goes out much more than she had been and begs like she used to, last summer, when things were trim. I doubt if the cool spring would have had her wanting to stay in. She still has long grasses and weeds in the lot next to me, so she gets the best of both worlds.
Fresh air is pouring in and has been these last few days. With lows in the 60's, I have just kept four windows which allow for the most total flow open. I could open more, but then it is easier to forget what all is open. And, when the sun is at the right level, I will be opening the curtains again today. What a novel concept. Am I out of mourning, is life starting, or... what? I still am not sure what happened with that. Just that it struck me as the right time to open them and... so it is? I do think it means something, it is significant, as if another part of my brain lit up again, something that has been dormant, if I doubt I or anyone else really knows what happened.
Have a great morning. No quotes around morning needed this time!
.
I did, by the way, get a couple of loads of dishes done, soaked another set of dishes, and cooked some of what I brought home from the store. I need to figure out how to keep the grill cleaner though. I know you can "cook it off", but that eats a lot of fuel and doesn't do all that good of a job. Another thing to figure out. I have time, I suppose. My back isn't killing me nearly so much now. Dishes are no more a joyful chore, but it is much easier without having to fight pain. I seem to have gotten back in recent "normal" shape rather quickly. Getting into actual shape may take a bit longer.
I could not sleep. I tried to go to bed early. I just could not get to sleep. After several hours of fake it till you make it, I gave up. It may be that I did so little my body does not feel the need. Because in spite of not sleeping I am not actually tired. My bowels are giving me fits, possibly why I couldn't sleep too. Beside growling and complaints, and several 'productive' trips into the lou, it looks like diarrhea. Not a real issue in general terms but it could mess up my fluid intake system. I'm a bit nervous about it. Hopefully it's just a very short term issue. More fluid, for sure, will be allotted.
I hope I can either just stay up for the day or get by with a nap a little later, then on to mowing. I am so close to having the yard done that I just don't want to miss the opportunity to get ahead there. I actually think Sam likes the grass being cut. She goes out much more than she had been and begs like she used to, last summer, when things were trim. I doubt if the cool spring would have had her wanting to stay in. She still has long grasses and weeds in the lot next to me, so she gets the best of both worlds.
Fresh air is pouring in and has been these last few days. With lows in the 60's, I have just kept four windows which allow for the most total flow open. I could open more, but then it is easier to forget what all is open. And, when the sun is at the right level, I will be opening the curtains again today. What a novel concept. Am I out of mourning, is life starting, or... what? I still am not sure what happened with that. Just that it struck me as the right time to open them and... so it is? I do think it means something, it is significant, as if another part of my brain lit up again, something that has been dormant, if I doubt I or anyone else really knows what happened.
Have a great morning. No quotes around morning needed this time!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I haven't gotten to even a load of dishes.
.
.
But I think I will before I sleep. I believe I will be going into town, again. Milk, looking for another litter box, Gatorade is low, and perhaps looking for a few things to tide over my little meals, perhaps cold cuts, salami, or... something. I simply don't dare run out of drink. But having cut back, the next containers of gatorade will last more like a month each rather than two weeks for two containers. Milk, however, is always a struggle to keep on tap. Yeah, a goat would be nice. Feeling better, I might even begin considering making my own cheese. Making it once in a while only though, there is only so much goat cheese one can eat. I might wash a load from each sink, reset, head to town, and see how I feel about another load when I get back though.
I was a bit more exhausted today than I at first would admit. I can tell my body was feeling it. At least this time there is a reason. I've been pushing pretty hard for a guy who was on his death bed less than a month ago. But I also think that is how most people live. You do what you can, which actually is quite a lot but never enough, then you rest. A natural order. I just need to make sense of my new natural order, and find out what the real limits are, make sure healing is happening and being allowed to happen, and such.
Perhaps, after mowing tomorrow, I will try to spend my energies on more academic pursuits. Getting back into calculus and some of the other math fields, would be a welcome thing. Perhaps, now, physics won't quite be so daunting. Being fully awake, mentally, much of the time, is... almost frightening. I bet I... actually, I do remember my neighbors names. That... is new. Hmm, I even remember the name of the neighbor who I have allowed access to my lot for the alfalfa. Absolutely amazing. But, such a change, so fast, it is frightening. The world just became somewhat more accessible, real, alive. In any case, I have been pushing and I need to take it down a notch. A major work project a week and typical care in the home should be enough until I know how well I am doing in real terms.
I still can't believe 129/90 with a pulse of 79, or close to those. Those medicines at those doses shouldn't even be showing much if any of a drop in blood pressure. Sensitive to medicines indeed. Well, onto a bit more work, a drive, and either a bit more work or not and an earlier bed time. Good night!
.
But I think I will before I sleep. I believe I will be going into town, again. Milk, looking for another litter box, Gatorade is low, and perhaps looking for a few things to tide over my little meals, perhaps cold cuts, salami, or... something. I simply don't dare run out of drink. But having cut back, the next containers of gatorade will last more like a month each rather than two weeks for two containers. Milk, however, is always a struggle to keep on tap. Yeah, a goat would be nice. Feeling better, I might even begin considering making my own cheese. Making it once in a while only though, there is only so much goat cheese one can eat. I might wash a load from each sink, reset, head to town, and see how I feel about another load when I get back though.
I was a bit more exhausted today than I at first would admit. I can tell my body was feeling it. At least this time there is a reason. I've been pushing pretty hard for a guy who was on his death bed less than a month ago. But I also think that is how most people live. You do what you can, which actually is quite a lot but never enough, then you rest. A natural order. I just need to make sense of my new natural order, and find out what the real limits are, make sure healing is happening and being allowed to happen, and such.
Perhaps, after mowing tomorrow, I will try to spend my energies on more academic pursuits. Getting back into calculus and some of the other math fields, would be a welcome thing. Perhaps, now, physics won't quite be so daunting. Being fully awake, mentally, much of the time, is... almost frightening. I bet I... actually, I do remember my neighbors names. That... is new. Hmm, I even remember the name of the neighbor who I have allowed access to my lot for the alfalfa. Absolutely amazing. But, such a change, so fast, it is frightening. The world just became somewhat more accessible, real, alive. In any case, I have been pushing and I need to take it down a notch. A major work project a week and typical care in the home should be enough until I know how well I am doing in real terms.
I still can't believe 129/90 with a pulse of 79, or close to those. Those medicines at those doses shouldn't even be showing much if any of a drop in blood pressure. Sensitive to medicines indeed. Well, onto a bit more work, a drive, and either a bit more work or not and an earlier bed time. Good night!
First visit done.
.
.
I was able to get the shower, dressed, and shaved in time to visit one of my neighbors. It was a good conversation. The husband showed me how the land is divided, and I learned they do not own the lot beside me. Thankfully they knew who did, or at least they have a contact for someone in the family. I think they will be good people to get to know a bit. I may have someone to offer a hand putting the roof up next week. Neither of us knows what we are doing, strictly speaking, but neither of us is a complete dunce either. I can tell if another guy has some native mechanical intuit with which to work. He seems to have it. Information and contact, that I initiated. Another first as an adult, for the most part. But it was 20:30 by the time we concluded. So that is it for visits. Hmm, maybe a stroll to the post office though. My new glasses might be in.
I am going to have to watch the fluid. I have been a bit dry for several days. I have been lax on getting enough to drink. I think staying busy means I am not noticing and, the definition of being busy is that you aren't doing what you might normally do... sort of... just go with me. Too dry on what I am taking could be a serious problem. I have decided to cut the Gatorade to half strength as well. I don't think I need that much of what it offers, but water is simply not palatable. I need to get milk back on tap too. Despite it technically being a diuretic, I think I actually have a net gain of fluid from drinking it. And it adds variety and solid nutrients. Soda is an occasional treat now, too. I doubt if I drink more than a can or two a day and I don't always finish it.
Oh, one thing I am very pleased with... I am wearing the 38 waste jeans. I was pushing 44's into 46's when I moved here. What a change. They are a bit tight. I think that will change too. Simply being active will take care of much of the problem, after the water has been removed. What an amazing thing. My stubbornness might have it's problems, but I think this time, holding the doctors to bare minimum AND continuing to go, it might be paying off big time. Still, I needed a slow day today. Pushing it too hard too fast while my heart is still enlarged and other organs are still healing would be very unwise. If I can pass up a first heart attack I have an excellent chance at a real and long life.
Well, on to... something. Good night, for sure, I do believe.
.
I was able to get the shower, dressed, and shaved in time to visit one of my neighbors. It was a good conversation. The husband showed me how the land is divided, and I learned they do not own the lot beside me. Thankfully they knew who did, or at least they have a contact for someone in the family. I think they will be good people to get to know a bit. I may have someone to offer a hand putting the roof up next week. Neither of us knows what we are doing, strictly speaking, but neither of us is a complete dunce either. I can tell if another guy has some native mechanical intuit with which to work. He seems to have it. Information and contact, that I initiated. Another first as an adult, for the most part. But it was 20:30 by the time we concluded. So that is it for visits. Hmm, maybe a stroll to the post office though. My new glasses might be in.
I am going to have to watch the fluid. I have been a bit dry for several days. I have been lax on getting enough to drink. I think staying busy means I am not noticing and, the definition of being busy is that you aren't doing what you might normally do... sort of... just go with me. Too dry on what I am taking could be a serious problem. I have decided to cut the Gatorade to half strength as well. I don't think I need that much of what it offers, but water is simply not palatable. I need to get milk back on tap too. Despite it technically being a diuretic, I think I actually have a net gain of fluid from drinking it. And it adds variety and solid nutrients. Soda is an occasional treat now, too. I doubt if I drink more than a can or two a day and I don't always finish it.
Oh, one thing I am very pleased with... I am wearing the 38 waste jeans. I was pushing 44's into 46's when I moved here. What a change. They are a bit tight. I think that will change too. Simply being active will take care of much of the problem, after the water has been removed. What an amazing thing. My stubbornness might have it's problems, but I think this time, holding the doctors to bare minimum AND continuing to go, it might be paying off big time. Still, I needed a slow day today. Pushing it too hard too fast while my heart is still enlarged and other organs are still healing would be very unwise. If I can pass up a first heart attack I have an excellent chance at a real and long life.
Well, on to... something. Good night, for sure, I do believe.
Cover crops and open windows.
.
.
A quick scan of cover crops, while I contemplate local involvement, has lead to the opening of a huge can of worms. I suspect the whole notion of actually putting in a cover crop, if I get to that point, will come down to a fairly quick easy solution. Of course, first I have to gain allowance from my neighbors, though it is a reasonable method of finally getting over to meet them. And then I would have to figure out how to get the area plowed, which means I will need to do some work in the area, which itself might end up being a whole other can of worms, since if I want to use the full length I will need to do some stump removal. Of course, for now, I could use 2/3rds of the length, assuming allowance or land checking makes that even possible.
Further, to do any of this, I am going to need to speak with at least one and as many as three of my neighbors. I am about to take a shower and go for a walk, to begin speaking with my neighbors. At least regarding three different issues. I have been seeing children in with the horses. In another sort of world I probably wouldn't mind, so long as there were no specific issues. But in this world, lawsuits make having unattended children a financial hazard at the very least. But too, the horses and llama should be heading back to their own land now. I had told a man he could take the crop there. With five large grazers beside taking up space and eating alfalfa to the nub, that can't go forward. And, the man who to my knowledge so far may be able to bring in manure and do the plowing is the man who I have given access to the alfalfa. So... visits begin. But a shower first.
Tomorrow is back to mowing, making some phone calls concerning business and Church, and probably little else. Thursday is busy taking Sam in for her next to last visit with the vet for the year and maybe housework. Friday may be a day to do shopping and shooting. I am hoping Saturday or Sunday to try my hand at climbing. If nothing else, I would like to work out a climbing solution regarding the ropes. I probably won't go higher than ten feet off the ground. But I might try to set the thing up, test it, take it down. Rest a bit. Then do it all over a time or two.
Throughout this week I am also going to be working on getting my schedule back to a daytime schedule. What I just did is a first though. I opened the curtains on my windows. I haven't done that for... decades. I don't know why I did it now or why I used to not do it, only that it is now both tolerable and... for some reason... wanted. Of course, when I need light in here to see, I will close them. Something, indeed, is different.
On to a shower, maybe a shave, and out into the world. I have... things to do. Good day.
.
A quick scan of cover crops, while I contemplate local involvement, has lead to the opening of a huge can of worms. I suspect the whole notion of actually putting in a cover crop, if I get to that point, will come down to a fairly quick easy solution. Of course, first I have to gain allowance from my neighbors, though it is a reasonable method of finally getting over to meet them. And then I would have to figure out how to get the area plowed, which means I will need to do some work in the area, which itself might end up being a whole other can of worms, since if I want to use the full length I will need to do some stump removal. Of course, for now, I could use 2/3rds of the length, assuming allowance or land checking makes that even possible.
Further, to do any of this, I am going to need to speak with at least one and as many as three of my neighbors. I am about to take a shower and go for a walk, to begin speaking with my neighbors. At least regarding three different issues. I have been seeing children in with the horses. In another sort of world I probably wouldn't mind, so long as there were no specific issues. But in this world, lawsuits make having unattended children a financial hazard at the very least. But too, the horses and llama should be heading back to their own land now. I had told a man he could take the crop there. With five large grazers beside taking up space and eating alfalfa to the nub, that can't go forward. And, the man who to my knowledge so far may be able to bring in manure and do the plowing is the man who I have given access to the alfalfa. So... visits begin. But a shower first.
Tomorrow is back to mowing, making some phone calls concerning business and Church, and probably little else. Thursday is busy taking Sam in for her next to last visit with the vet for the year and maybe housework. Friday may be a day to do shopping and shooting. I am hoping Saturday or Sunday to try my hand at climbing. If nothing else, I would like to work out a climbing solution regarding the ropes. I probably won't go higher than ten feet off the ground. But I might try to set the thing up, test it, take it down. Rest a bit. Then do it all over a time or two.
Throughout this week I am also going to be working on getting my schedule back to a daytime schedule. What I just did is a first though. I opened the curtains on my windows. I haven't done that for... decades. I don't know why I did it now or why I used to not do it, only that it is now both tolerable and... for some reason... wanted. Of course, when I need light in here to see, I will close them. Something, indeed, is different.
On to a shower, maybe a shave, and out into the world. I have... things to do. Good day.
Lots of questions.
.
.
To bed after 6:00 and not out of bed until 16:00. I have been pushing though. I am backing off a bit today. Dishes will get cleaned in batches throughout the day and I will be trying to get to bed early tonight. Midnight or 2:00 might not sound early, simply compared to 6:00 might it be considered early. I just checked my stats, 129/90 with a pulse of 79. If I had let the doctors work, they would have had me trucked down and off my medicines by now. I am truly feeling like a new man. But I will still have to take my time getting back to truly full function.
I don't know if this can, or will, last. But I see that the doctors, after twenty some years, have stumbled upon the problem and with me as a guide, have treated it. Honestly though, now I have to figure out if all those would have, could have, should have, and will statements were just bluster or if there is anything of truth to the notions of who I believe I am. So much time is gone, I am so old now, how much is left in any case? And too, do I still have some serious limits? Treating an illness, as many know, is not a cure. Nothing but questions, actually.
Tomorrow I will mow. Today I am simply done for heavier work. Dishes and straightening, goofing and planning. Putting the roof on the coop is next weeks big project. As well, now that I am feeling better, if I can get going and begin visiting my neighbors, I might see if I can use that spit of land beside the drive for a long wide garden (it may actually be mine, but asking the neighbors would be polite anyway). I would like to find someone to plow it, deep, like a regular field, and mix in manure. It might be a bit late for a real garden, but I might look at D.C.'s ideas and see if a cover crop for this year might be worth the effort.
I don't want to push things too far or too fast. Money is and always will be a bit of an issue. My stamina is still very weak. I am not yet organized, everything around me is a blur as I come up to fuller mental function in the midst of domestic, business, and health chaos. It will take time to find my feet. Now is when a wife would come in handy. The only thing I know about life is if you aren't running you are falling behind. If I don't find a wife to tend many of the domestic duties, for me to get ahead I will have to find other means of tending that care or it will be most of what I do. But for now, domesticity will be a tool to rise, a goal to maintain, and a simple pleasure if done successfully until I can get other plans established and rolling.
I checked on my mother today. She was out of it yesterday because she had her eye surgery first thing yesterday. Between the stuff they gave her, this, and that, she was pretty groggy by the time I called. I had been a bit worried, she never sounds that rough. She is getting older, and sickness can strike at any time in any case. I was quite relieved to hear there was a specific and short term reason for her to be in such a state. A major relief, to be sure.
I gave her the good news. I told her that her son is back, and maybe like she has never known. Though I think I was doing good in the Navy. I was moving up, working hard, going places, making a name for myself. I really believe that. Then... I couldn't. I don't know what she thinks, or believes, or understands. Perhaps the next time we visit in real life, with evidence of more solid footing on my part, she will say more. Not that revisiting the past is the deal, I just want to... reboot and understand what happened and has been happening from her perspective. It may help with moving forward.
New man, indeed. Maybe, as things go forward, I won't even be talking about me. Projects, climbing techniques, fishing catches (stretched a bit perhaps), pictures of places that catch my eye, and other things around me... And people I meet. A new blog for a new man about real things. Time... given some time. I don't know about you, but I am tired of me.
.
To bed after 6:00 and not out of bed until 16:00. I have been pushing though. I am backing off a bit today. Dishes will get cleaned in batches throughout the day and I will be trying to get to bed early tonight. Midnight or 2:00 might not sound early, simply compared to 6:00 might it be considered early. I just checked my stats, 129/90 with a pulse of 79. If I had let the doctors work, they would have had me trucked down and off my medicines by now. I am truly feeling like a new man. But I will still have to take my time getting back to truly full function.
I don't know if this can, or will, last. But I see that the doctors, after twenty some years, have stumbled upon the problem and with me as a guide, have treated it. Honestly though, now I have to figure out if all those would have, could have, should have, and will statements were just bluster or if there is anything of truth to the notions of who I believe I am. So much time is gone, I am so old now, how much is left in any case? And too, do I still have some serious limits? Treating an illness, as many know, is not a cure. Nothing but questions, actually.
Tomorrow I will mow. Today I am simply done for heavier work. Dishes and straightening, goofing and planning. Putting the roof on the coop is next weeks big project. As well, now that I am feeling better, if I can get going and begin visiting my neighbors, I might see if I can use that spit of land beside the drive for a long wide garden (it may actually be mine, but asking the neighbors would be polite anyway). I would like to find someone to plow it, deep, like a regular field, and mix in manure. It might be a bit late for a real garden, but I might look at D.C.'s ideas and see if a cover crop for this year might be worth the effort.
I don't want to push things too far or too fast. Money is and always will be a bit of an issue. My stamina is still very weak. I am not yet organized, everything around me is a blur as I come up to fuller mental function in the midst of domestic, business, and health chaos. It will take time to find my feet. Now is when a wife would come in handy. The only thing I know about life is if you aren't running you are falling behind. If I don't find a wife to tend many of the domestic duties, for me to get ahead I will have to find other means of tending that care or it will be most of what I do. But for now, domesticity will be a tool to rise, a goal to maintain, and a simple pleasure if done successfully until I can get other plans established and rolling.
I checked on my mother today. She was out of it yesterday because she had her eye surgery first thing yesterday. Between the stuff they gave her, this, and that, she was pretty groggy by the time I called. I had been a bit worried, she never sounds that rough. She is getting older, and sickness can strike at any time in any case. I was quite relieved to hear there was a specific and short term reason for her to be in such a state. A major relief, to be sure.
I gave her the good news. I told her that her son is back, and maybe like she has never known. Though I think I was doing good in the Navy. I was moving up, working hard, going places, making a name for myself. I really believe that. Then... I couldn't. I don't know what she thinks, or believes, or understands. Perhaps the next time we visit in real life, with evidence of more solid footing on my part, she will say more. Not that revisiting the past is the deal, I just want to... reboot and understand what happened and has been happening from her perspective. It may help with moving forward.
New man, indeed. Maybe, as things go forward, I won't even be talking about me. Projects, climbing techniques, fishing catches (stretched a bit perhaps), pictures of places that catch my eye, and other things around me... And people I meet. A new blog for a new man about real things. Time... given some time. I don't know about you, but I am tired of me.
More and more.
.
.
I just can't quit. I have the last load of two loads of laundry in the dryer, I think the last of what I found in my search for things to wash and keeping up on my clothes. I have done two more loads of dishes and have two more soaking. One of those loads of dishes needs to be dried and put up. Some of the remaining dishes, yet to be soaked, are... pretty gnarly to put it nicely. Still, a few hours or an overnight soak will see to them. I have other tricks as well, should that not work. It is a lot of work. A week or two a bit at a time and many things are coming together. After the fundamentals are tended, I will clean the bathrooms again from a week or two ago, straighten and clean my bedroom, then begin ordering the rest of the living spaces. Next comes unpacking. Some things will have to remain in boxes until I get more furniture, so... estate sales, yard sales, and browsing here and there. I don't mind buying good used, even if I need to make minor repairs to hinges or drawer runs. I won't buy particle board furniture or other junk.
Next month I think the two things highest on my list for new purchases are a bike and the rocket stove. Other than that I hope to remain flush and just save for a month or two. I would like to, eventually, begin cutting the branches to foot lengths and storing those, to be used over the summer in the rocket stove. I really would like to get a feel for what I am dealing with in that stove. Eventually I would also like to get a solar oven or two. I might even take the rocket stove camping, if I can get to camping. Experiment with cleaning water by boiling, cooking, and perhaps other things. Of course nothing beats a standard fire at a camp site. But those are notoriously bad cooking instruments. Then again, you don't have to carry much in order to utilize a campfire either.
What a wonderful little bit of life I have finally started carving out here. There is real hope that I won't just be a cripple for the rest of my life. Even if I can't get on to a profession, I might honestly at least get into a simple, fun, working retirement. At my age I have doubts about working, simply being hired might be a bit tricky. Finishing college, as I slow down, would be a trick even if I regain mental and physical condition. Who knows though. But... there is truly hope for much more than what I have known. Yes, excited we are, as some short green lightsaber wielding menace to the dark side might have said. Although I think I am more excited than he would be.
Good night.
.
I just can't quit. I have the last load of two loads of laundry in the dryer, I think the last of what I found in my search for things to wash and keeping up on my clothes. I have done two more loads of dishes and have two more soaking. One of those loads of dishes needs to be dried and put up. Some of the remaining dishes, yet to be soaked, are... pretty gnarly to put it nicely. Still, a few hours or an overnight soak will see to them. I have other tricks as well, should that not work. It is a lot of work. A week or two a bit at a time and many things are coming together. After the fundamentals are tended, I will clean the bathrooms again from a week or two ago, straighten and clean my bedroom, then begin ordering the rest of the living spaces. Next comes unpacking. Some things will have to remain in boxes until I get more furniture, so... estate sales, yard sales, and browsing here and there. I don't mind buying good used, even if I need to make minor repairs to hinges or drawer runs. I won't buy particle board furniture or other junk.
Next month I think the two things highest on my list for new purchases are a bike and the rocket stove. Other than that I hope to remain flush and just save for a month or two. I would like to, eventually, begin cutting the branches to foot lengths and storing those, to be used over the summer in the rocket stove. I really would like to get a feel for what I am dealing with in that stove. Eventually I would also like to get a solar oven or two. I might even take the rocket stove camping, if I can get to camping. Experiment with cleaning water by boiling, cooking, and perhaps other things. Of course nothing beats a standard fire at a camp site. But those are notoriously bad cooking instruments. Then again, you don't have to carry much in order to utilize a campfire either.
What a wonderful little bit of life I have finally started carving out here. There is real hope that I won't just be a cripple for the rest of my life. Even if I can't get on to a profession, I might honestly at least get into a simple, fun, working retirement. At my age I have doubts about working, simply being hired might be a bit tricky. Finishing college, as I slow down, would be a trick even if I regain mental and physical condition. Who knows though. But... there is truly hope for much more than what I have known. Yes, excited we are, as some short green lightsaber wielding menace to the dark side might have said. Although I think I am more excited than he would be.
Good night.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Hmm, there is always tomorrow.
.
.
No kitty litter box, or none of the type I was looking for (the highest walled litter boxes I can find, thank you). But I did refill tobacco and then ordered a pizza. To be honest, Dominoes (assuming it is a well run branch) is a very good pizza. They even have some of the things girls seem to be demanding (like chicken). What they don't have is as much variety as some boutique pizzerias. But what they do have is good enough for me. Stock good quality ingredients, a regular and large menu wherever they serve, and very good prices. For me it is enough, and more. A half of a large pizza is seeing me into carb fatigue! But I enjoyed every bite. And, I have two meals in the leftovers.
What is odd is that, 50 pounds ago, I ate up to two of those at a time. No, I actually don't think that had much to do with my weight, odd as it might seem. I do think most of my weight issue has been an issue involving water retention, which as it is turning out provably, has nothing to do with salt, fat, or other consumption. Simply put, my heart was struggling and losing, water was being tucked away. Hmm, maybe that means I could go back to eating more! Yeah, but no. It's less expensive to eat less.
I am needing to figure out more things to eat other than simply what I have been eating. Cheese was fun for a while. Brots were tasty for a bit. Perhaps as the kitchen is ordered, I might again bring fresh fruits and raw vegetables back. Peanut butter works with those as well as ranch dressing and some others... a little dab will do you. What cold cuts wrap fruit well? Genoa salami, some better ham types... Eating more often and much smaller portions is an interesting way to go. It was by necessity more than choice, it just happens to work out after life improved. With everything doing so well I simply fear changing anything, definitely not quick changes. Any small portion meals that pack a big flavor taste for you all? Actually, with smaller meals, fancier things can be had since like a half pound of even $20 cheese will last two to three meals. Try that with yourself, your wife, and a handful of teens. But hey, if you have a handful of socialists (of your own making) living with you, and you can catch me (literally, though I won't run), I will buy you a couple of pounds of several good cheeses (once a year). Though I would advise you to hide the cheeses. What is yours is, well, theirs... you know?
I am not sure I will do another thing today. The ribs and back are a bit sore from standing for so many things. Then again, who knows. Just because I am complaining doesn't mean I can't function. With my mind working, sometimes overcoming the grumps of the body is easier. Oh, and Tylenol. I had... sort of forgotten to take that the last few days. The pain simply isn't even usually that bad. Hmm, didn't even see that stop happening. Maybe some Tylenol, a little stupid tube, then another couple of loads of dishes and laundry. It turns out it is the dryer that matches my washer which has the steam cycle for pillows. The washer has an allergenic cycle which isn't for this and a steam cycle but that is for getting wrinkles out. Bah! The washer might be had before summer is out though. Oh well, that saves me a bit of work in the short term. And clean pillows is good enough for now. I am absolutely amazed at how well I am doing and how easy it is to make use of myself in real ways. As much as I am doing, I actually now feel lazy, if that is because I am so out of shape from a two decade downtime that my body now can't keep up with my mind. Though my mind tries to push the time on even the washing machine, so... it isn't completely in sync with the realities of the space-time continuum sometimes either. Anywho... Ciao.
.
No kitty litter box, or none of the type I was looking for (the highest walled litter boxes I can find, thank you). But I did refill tobacco and then ordered a pizza. To be honest, Dominoes (assuming it is a well run branch) is a very good pizza. They even have some of the things girls seem to be demanding (like chicken). What they don't have is as much variety as some boutique pizzerias. But what they do have is good enough for me. Stock good quality ingredients, a regular and large menu wherever they serve, and very good prices. For me it is enough, and more. A half of a large pizza is seeing me into carb fatigue! But I enjoyed every bite. And, I have two meals in the leftovers.
What is odd is that, 50 pounds ago, I ate up to two of those at a time. No, I actually don't think that had much to do with my weight, odd as it might seem. I do think most of my weight issue has been an issue involving water retention, which as it is turning out provably, has nothing to do with salt, fat, or other consumption. Simply put, my heart was struggling and losing, water was being tucked away. Hmm, maybe that means I could go back to eating more! Yeah, but no. It's less expensive to eat less.
I am needing to figure out more things to eat other than simply what I have been eating. Cheese was fun for a while. Brots were tasty for a bit. Perhaps as the kitchen is ordered, I might again bring fresh fruits and raw vegetables back. Peanut butter works with those as well as ranch dressing and some others... a little dab will do you. What cold cuts wrap fruit well? Genoa salami, some better ham types... Eating more often and much smaller portions is an interesting way to go. It was by necessity more than choice, it just happens to work out after life improved. With everything doing so well I simply fear changing anything, definitely not quick changes. Any small portion meals that pack a big flavor taste for you all? Actually, with smaller meals, fancier things can be had since like a half pound of even $20 cheese will last two to three meals. Try that with yourself, your wife, and a handful of teens. But hey, if you have a handful of socialists (of your own making) living with you, and you can catch me (literally, though I won't run), I will buy you a couple of pounds of several good cheeses (once a year). Though I would advise you to hide the cheeses. What is yours is, well, theirs... you know?
I am not sure I will do another thing today. The ribs and back are a bit sore from standing for so many things. Then again, who knows. Just because I am complaining doesn't mean I can't function. With my mind working, sometimes overcoming the grumps of the body is easier. Oh, and Tylenol. I had... sort of forgotten to take that the last few days. The pain simply isn't even usually that bad. Hmm, didn't even see that stop happening. Maybe some Tylenol, a little stupid tube, then another couple of loads of dishes and laundry. It turns out it is the dryer that matches my washer which has the steam cycle for pillows. The washer has an allergenic cycle which isn't for this and a steam cycle but that is for getting wrinkles out. Bah! The washer might be had before summer is out though. Oh well, that saves me a bit of work in the short term. And clean pillows is good enough for now. I am absolutely amazed at how well I am doing and how easy it is to make use of myself in real ways. As much as I am doing, I actually now feel lazy, if that is because I am so out of shape from a two decade downtime that my body now can't keep up with my mind. Though my mind tries to push the time on even the washing machine, so... it isn't completely in sync with the realities of the space-time continuum sometimes either. Anywho... Ciao.
Had to go to town.
.
.
I figured out why the gas shut off before filling my tank. I was down to a dollar and change in my local account. I figured I had best get some money transferred in, so I did. I made it just in time, I think. Banks are closing earlier and Saturday has been cut. Oh, I understand and it is no worry, as long as I know. I put a large chunk in, but I am hoping to not spend more than what is absolutely necessary. Another hundred in food, whatever the shots for Sam cost, and a bit of fuel. I have not been being reimbursed for travel to the V.A. Clinic in Ogden. It sounds like a lot of people are not being reimbursed. If I didn't plan on it, that would be one thing. But when I am told I will get it and then don't, it becomes more of an issue. I may have to contact my congressman. Hey, if they don't have it, fine. But if they are just lousy employees, they need the office cleaned up.
I did a bit of weed whipping when I got back. I needed money in the account for a number of reasons, and by Thursday, so that was a priority. After one shot of weed whipping, I checked on the bed spread, put it in for a bit longer, and then took a break. I'm still officially on a break and will probably take a bit more time on my break. I am already a bit tuckered. I guess even the little chores do add up and I have been very busy. One more run at weed whipping, at least or at most. More dishes this evening throughout the evening, another load or two of laundry which should just about be the end of that. I have a basket of clean and folded for which I need to find a more settled place. I really haven't been "together" enough, since moving in, to have everything arranged yet. Normally, as an adult so far, I never got to the point where things started having their set places. Wool socks, just wherever? No, I want to find a particular drawer for them. Same with all my items. Of course, once I have a place, I then need to put them there like clockwork. Anyway, bits and pieces, but definitely moving forward and not just slowing how fast I fall behind.
Not feeding wet food actually has the kittens being really nice. They are SO transparent. Hey, they don't intend to be tricky. But little do they know, I like having them around more. Nothing ever quite works as planned. I forgot to get the trash out, but it is quite a small amount. However, I also forgot the complete change of kitty litter. That has to be done every week. Sassy is less nasty, though that still comes and goes. Even without that, those boxes simply stink. I have heard that one cat box per cat plus an extra box is the way to go. The next time I am in town I may get another box. It's a lot more work but if it pays off in odor control, until I can afford an automatic box, I may go with it.
Drats! I was going to thaw a chuck roast for my good behavior and work ethic of late. Ah well, I will thaw it overnight for tomorrow. Cheese, brots, or sardines tonight, I guess. Hmm, maybe if I go in for the extra litter box I might grab something a little tastier. While my account is drawn down, I usually keep a few coin in my pocket. Enough to last me a few days just on wallet living if need be. Later.
Update: Despite not being sure, I did finish the weed whipping. It took three work periods and some hefty rest periods. Tomorrow, if I am able, I will get the mowing started. First High, then low, so that may take a few days. After that, raking. Actually, I think once I get to low cutting, I will mow and rake in smaller sections and all at once, mostly. I do believe I will make a trip to town yet tonight. An extra litter box might be worth it, but food I don't have to cook and something warm and different will definitely make the trip worth the hassle. Plus, I can get out and enjoy it. Driving is a pleasure, a leisure activity, now, again. I managed to call my lady friend and my mother. My mom was done for the day so she offered a rain check and I took it. I hope she is okay. My lady friend was a bit smarmy, in her typical way while she wakes for work. But it sounds like she is doing well. It's always nice to do a bit of catching up. I'm thinking of sending her a bit of money for a dinner somewhere. She is terrible with money, so even a little bit is a great gift. Well, on to dinner.
.
I figured out why the gas shut off before filling my tank. I was down to a dollar and change in my local account. I figured I had best get some money transferred in, so I did. I made it just in time, I think. Banks are closing earlier and Saturday has been cut. Oh, I understand and it is no worry, as long as I know. I put a large chunk in, but I am hoping to not spend more than what is absolutely necessary. Another hundred in food, whatever the shots for Sam cost, and a bit of fuel. I have not been being reimbursed for travel to the V.A. Clinic in Ogden. It sounds like a lot of people are not being reimbursed. If I didn't plan on it, that would be one thing. But when I am told I will get it and then don't, it becomes more of an issue. I may have to contact my congressman. Hey, if they don't have it, fine. But if they are just lousy employees, they need the office cleaned up.
I did a bit of weed whipping when I got back. I needed money in the account for a number of reasons, and by Thursday, so that was a priority. After one shot of weed whipping, I checked on the bed spread, put it in for a bit longer, and then took a break. I'm still officially on a break and will probably take a bit more time on my break. I am already a bit tuckered. I guess even the little chores do add up and I have been very busy. One more run at weed whipping, at least or at most. More dishes this evening throughout the evening, another load or two of laundry which should just about be the end of that. I have a basket of clean and folded for which I need to find a more settled place. I really haven't been "together" enough, since moving in, to have everything arranged yet. Normally, as an adult so far, I never got to the point where things started having their set places. Wool socks, just wherever? No, I want to find a particular drawer for them. Same with all my items. Of course, once I have a place, I then need to put them there like clockwork. Anyway, bits and pieces, but definitely moving forward and not just slowing how fast I fall behind.
Not feeding wet food actually has the kittens being really nice. They are SO transparent. Hey, they don't intend to be tricky. But little do they know, I like having them around more. Nothing ever quite works as planned. I forgot to get the trash out, but it is quite a small amount. However, I also forgot the complete change of kitty litter. That has to be done every week. Sassy is less nasty, though that still comes and goes. Even without that, those boxes simply stink. I have heard that one cat box per cat plus an extra box is the way to go. The next time I am in town I may get another box. It's a lot more work but if it pays off in odor control, until I can afford an automatic box, I may go with it.
Drats! I was going to thaw a chuck roast for my good behavior and work ethic of late. Ah well, I will thaw it overnight for tomorrow. Cheese, brots, or sardines tonight, I guess. Hmm, maybe if I go in for the extra litter box I might grab something a little tastier. While my account is drawn down, I usually keep a few coin in my pocket. Enough to last me a few days just on wallet living if need be. Later.
Update: Despite not being sure, I did finish the weed whipping. It took three work periods and some hefty rest periods. Tomorrow, if I am able, I will get the mowing started. First High, then low, so that may take a few days. After that, raking. Actually, I think once I get to low cutting, I will mow and rake in smaller sections and all at once, mostly. I do believe I will make a trip to town yet tonight. An extra litter box might be worth it, but food I don't have to cook and something warm and different will definitely make the trip worth the hassle. Plus, I can get out and enjoy it. Driving is a pleasure, a leisure activity, now, again. I managed to call my lady friend and my mother. My mom was done for the day so she offered a rain check and I took it. I hope she is okay. My lady friend was a bit smarmy, in her typical way while she wakes for work. But it sounds like she is doing well. It's always nice to do a bit of catching up. I'm thinking of sending her a bit of money for a dinner somewhere. She is terrible with money, so even a little bit is a great gift. Well, on to dinner.
Up, earlier than suspected.
.
.
It is taking a bit to wake up more fully. But then I was up until past 6:00... I am pretty sure. So a 13:00 waking and two hours to more fully wake, get my medicine down, and have a bite to eat isn't all bad. I even checked the comforter in the dryer and set it to dry a bit more and am considering another load for the wash. I will be steaming the pillows I am not currently using. They have all been washed, but steaming should kill dust mites on top of that. I just need to look at the manual to see which setting works for that, precisely. A shower, dressing, and then to get to the yard. I think I will weed whip what remains, then mow. Rather than doing this, then that, in parts. Since the yard looks so nice, I will also rake the parts I do. Today or tomorrow I need to get a gift certificate for some large pizzas. Yes, indeed. I need to find out who was clearing my driveway too. Dang it, gratitude has solid place in history, life, and personal relationships. And pizza is good gratitude.
I have put the girls on solid food for a bit. Sassy was begging too much on wet food. Her begging was getting too good, she perfected her whine amazingly. But while the squeaky wheel idea works, it also brings lots of attention, not all of it good. Let them eat cat biscuits for a bit. Sam won't mind, Sassy might need some 'time out's, all good in papa's book.
I am not sure how much of the dishes I can get through today. Or the laundry. It depends on how beat up I become doing the lawn. But I might be able to stretch my rest times, doing bits of it all, resting in stages. While I don't lose breath, or even sweat all that much, while working even hard, I do slowly drift into incoherence. Not the typical sort that work usually gives, but the damnably harsh type that sees me blind and confused. Actually, that I can work as I do at all is actually good. That I am stretching further into it is great. I sometimes wonder about it all. It is odd to feel better, after being down four months unable to catch my breath while even sitting and talking, and being truly dysfunctional for decades, to be finally doing better than I have in twenty years. My mom isn't here to push, I'm not taking a medication which pushes, and I am badly out of shape... and yet I am doing fantastic. I have to wonder where I will be in a month, or a year, at this pace. My life has started, again, after a twenty some year... emptiness. But the trick may now be to not kill myself living. Still, in some weird way, that would be funny. Don't laugh, damn you. (that's my job)
Well, on to a shower and dressing. Ah, clean work clothes. I have been keeping up on laundry. Smaller loads after a few days is seeing me without more than a basket of daily use laundry. Everything smells... good. Even my bathroom smells more like a pool than, well, a men's room. All very good. Later!
.
It is taking a bit to wake up more fully. But then I was up until past 6:00... I am pretty sure. So a 13:00 waking and two hours to more fully wake, get my medicine down, and have a bite to eat isn't all bad. I even checked the comforter in the dryer and set it to dry a bit more and am considering another load for the wash. I will be steaming the pillows I am not currently using. They have all been washed, but steaming should kill dust mites on top of that. I just need to look at the manual to see which setting works for that, precisely. A shower, dressing, and then to get to the yard. I think I will weed whip what remains, then mow. Rather than doing this, then that, in parts. Since the yard looks so nice, I will also rake the parts I do. Today or tomorrow I need to get a gift certificate for some large pizzas. Yes, indeed. I need to find out who was clearing my driveway too. Dang it, gratitude has solid place in history, life, and personal relationships. And pizza is good gratitude.
I have put the girls on solid food for a bit. Sassy was begging too much on wet food. Her begging was getting too good, she perfected her whine amazingly. But while the squeaky wheel idea works, it also brings lots of attention, not all of it good. Let them eat cat biscuits for a bit. Sam won't mind, Sassy might need some 'time out's, all good in papa's book.
I am not sure how much of the dishes I can get through today. Or the laundry. It depends on how beat up I become doing the lawn. But I might be able to stretch my rest times, doing bits of it all, resting in stages. While I don't lose breath, or even sweat all that much, while working even hard, I do slowly drift into incoherence. Not the typical sort that work usually gives, but the damnably harsh type that sees me blind and confused. Actually, that I can work as I do at all is actually good. That I am stretching further into it is great. I sometimes wonder about it all. It is odd to feel better, after being down four months unable to catch my breath while even sitting and talking, and being truly dysfunctional for decades, to be finally doing better than I have in twenty years. My mom isn't here to push, I'm not taking a medication which pushes, and I am badly out of shape... and yet I am doing fantastic. I have to wonder where I will be in a month, or a year, at this pace. My life has started, again, after a twenty some year... emptiness. But the trick may now be to not kill myself living. Still, in some weird way, that would be funny. Don't laugh, damn you. (that's my job)
Well, on to a shower and dressing. Ah, clean work clothes. I have been keeping up on laundry. Smaller loads after a few days is seeing me without more than a basket of daily use laundry. Everything smells... good. Even my bathroom smells more like a pool than, well, a men's room. All very good. Later!
It is going to take some time.
.
.
Wow, the more I do the more I see. And, comparatively, I am doing tons more work, and easily. Fitting in washing then drying, getting dishes to soak, on to folding, and picking up little bits here and there, putting things in dressers or hanging them both clothes and other items. There are literally thousands of things to get to. And, if all holds, I will. It is amazing to have enough clarity of thought that a few decisions don't shut me down. Is this trash, or want/need? If a keeper, where does it go? All of that is almost automatic and not a concern.
My home is, in the worst places, merely a bit messy. You can't quite call it hording, not by a long shot. Merely softly handled. It is a bit more so, as I begin going through rooms, laundry, and various other sorting. The difference is the mess is actually being sorted well and finally. Items come into the sorting area, are found permanent places, tossed, or being set to be given away, and new things come in. I don't know how long this will take. Given that I still have items in boxes from my move, upstairs, I suspect it will take up to six months to have a home with flow, regularity, and everything in it's place. This will not just be my first home, it will be the only home that I have truly known. And it is becoming a real home.
Simply and truly amazed at how easy it is. I must note, though, that doing dishes is a bit of a back breaker. I have not been standing for nearly the whole time of the illness. I will figure it out though. My plan, now that weather is at least reasonable, is to do almost all of my cooking on the grill for the foreseeable future. While that won't end all dishes use, it will cut down on the big cook items. And, with bread around, and napkins, and the ability to functionally make use of those, most dishes will become clean and stay that way. If I ever get to the point of considering fixing up the kitchen, I probably will consider a dishwasher.
Well, a load in the dryer and one finished in the wash, a couple of stacks of dishes, and then it will be lights out. If I don't wake until afternoon tomorrow, I am fine with that. We are getting long days again, so an afternoon start on the lawn will be just fine. If I wake and am ready early, I will get to it then. I really don't know how any day will be, only that things will move forward, one way or another.
Good night.
Update: A few loads turned into four loads and three loads of dishes were washed with two more loads soaking. I have an hour or so before the last load should be finished in the dryer, but I am done with dishes for the night. Standing is killing my back. But as with the other pains, I think I can work through that as I get back in shape. Not only has laundry been going forward, and dishes, but I am folding and hanging the laundry and drying the dishes, and doing odds and ends in the world of sorting as well. Oh, and of course, I take breaks and just goof. I would say it is getting to the point were work and play are hitting 50/50. While there is room for improvement, I am satisfied with this for now. I still have no real great control over my schedule, and my days and nights are twisting. But I think I have a much broader range of options when it comes to being someplace on time. All good.
.
Wow, the more I do the more I see. And, comparatively, I am doing tons more work, and easily. Fitting in washing then drying, getting dishes to soak, on to folding, and picking up little bits here and there, putting things in dressers or hanging them both clothes and other items. There are literally thousands of things to get to. And, if all holds, I will. It is amazing to have enough clarity of thought that a few decisions don't shut me down. Is this trash, or want/need? If a keeper, where does it go? All of that is almost automatic and not a concern.
My home is, in the worst places, merely a bit messy. You can't quite call it hording, not by a long shot. Merely softly handled. It is a bit more so, as I begin going through rooms, laundry, and various other sorting. The difference is the mess is actually being sorted well and finally. Items come into the sorting area, are found permanent places, tossed, or being set to be given away, and new things come in. I don't know how long this will take. Given that I still have items in boxes from my move, upstairs, I suspect it will take up to six months to have a home with flow, regularity, and everything in it's place. This will not just be my first home, it will be the only home that I have truly known. And it is becoming a real home.
Simply and truly amazed at how easy it is. I must note, though, that doing dishes is a bit of a back breaker. I have not been standing for nearly the whole time of the illness. I will figure it out though. My plan, now that weather is at least reasonable, is to do almost all of my cooking on the grill for the foreseeable future. While that won't end all dishes use, it will cut down on the big cook items. And, with bread around, and napkins, and the ability to functionally make use of those, most dishes will become clean and stay that way. If I ever get to the point of considering fixing up the kitchen, I probably will consider a dishwasher.
Well, a load in the dryer and one finished in the wash, a couple of stacks of dishes, and then it will be lights out. If I don't wake until afternoon tomorrow, I am fine with that. We are getting long days again, so an afternoon start on the lawn will be just fine. If I wake and am ready early, I will get to it then. I really don't know how any day will be, only that things will move forward, one way or another.
Good night.
Update: A few loads turned into four loads and three loads of dishes were washed with two more loads soaking. I have an hour or so before the last load should be finished in the dryer, but I am done with dishes for the night. Standing is killing my back. But as with the other pains, I think I can work through that as I get back in shape. Not only has laundry been going forward, and dishes, but I am folding and hanging the laundry and drying the dishes, and doing odds and ends in the world of sorting as well. Oh, and of course, I take breaks and just goof. I would say it is getting to the point were work and play are hitting 50/50. While there is room for improvement, I am satisfied with this for now. I still have no real great control over my schedule, and my days and nights are twisting. But I think I have a much broader range of options when it comes to being someplace on time. All good.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Well, okay, that is different.
.
.
Having energy, will, and whatever else goes into the mix, I decided to do a bit of laundry. Usually when I decide to do something, I mean I only plan on doing a very little bit. Not this time, and I think something significant has changed. I didn't just grab the little bit that was left of the main part of the laundry. I looked around for other things that needed to be washed, during a much wider sweep, to include blankets, the comforter, and sheets from the spare bed. I also looked around to find clothes that had been washed but never properly tended. Wrinkled, in piles, I put those in for the wash. I then gathered it all, and in several loads, have it waiting in the wash room with one load going. To top that off, I grabbed a couple of boxes and started a collection to be given to charity. Some clothes are fine but are either too big or simply never were my style. Some are rather worn, though might still make decent work clothes. I will let them decide. Further, the first load of dishes is soaking. I suspect I will get two loads soaking, and when they become temperate enough to deal with, I will begin filtering through the dirty dishes.
Oh, not to worry, it is all light work. I really will not push again until tomorrow. And, honestly, my pushing is not hard work in a quantitative or qualitative way, it is simply far in excess of what I even could do at any time for the last three to four months. But I do need to ease back into anything like function. I guess I am amazed at how easy work can be, even this lighter work took so much concentration just to see me through the very minimum. I have been falling behind for... most of my adult life. I could not keep up, catch up, I merely... slowly decayed until or unless I received help. When I tell you that most of the day I just sit there, and that I honestly hate it, I don't think you understand.
My activity, at times, has been as limited as getting up to use the facilities, to get something to drink or eat when I could remember, or to go to bed. Otherwise I was chained to the computer to have some form of contact with living people, to play games through which I tried to keep my mind active and awake, or through blogging from inside the bubble. These last weeks have been unlike anything I have known. While Ritalin does allow more function, it pushes, hard. It was like taking a "mom" pill. It rode me to function. I was still always tired on the inside, my body just wouldn't sit still. This has been more natural. I have no idea why it is happening, unless I have been suffering from heart related issues as the underlying cause of my problems for most of my adult life. And, just maybe, I have been. All I know is things have changed, for the moment, for the better.
I am still crippled. What has changed is that when I have a number of factors come together, I can focus and do like I have never been able to do. My limitations are at least in part due to the recent bed rest requirement. But years of being close to that have not helped. It will take time to get more real function back. Simply keeping up, if that remains viable, hiking or biking if I can get to those, and swimming and weight lifting too, I might actually regain something of health. I actually think, if this continues for a year and I honestly regain serious stamina and health, I will have to reconsider college. I almost hate to have to do that, but it is what I would truly love to be doing. While retirement is cushy, I couldn't just take it if I could work at a reasonable level. This is new, it is fresh, it is unproven, so I won't really say... anything with certainty. Only that two weeks being clean of most symptoms and life is really looking solid. Extrapolated over time and an engineering degree and career are actually possible, a wife would be definitely doable assuming a family life as the goal. Once married, I might seriously consider the diaconate. Running before I can actually crawl, but this is looking... possible.
Well, back to tinkering between spits of work. Good night.
.
Having energy, will, and whatever else goes into the mix, I decided to do a bit of laundry. Usually when I decide to do something, I mean I only plan on doing a very little bit. Not this time, and I think something significant has changed. I didn't just grab the little bit that was left of the main part of the laundry. I looked around for other things that needed to be washed, during a much wider sweep, to include blankets, the comforter, and sheets from the spare bed. I also looked around to find clothes that had been washed but never properly tended. Wrinkled, in piles, I put those in for the wash. I then gathered it all, and in several loads, have it waiting in the wash room with one load going. To top that off, I grabbed a couple of boxes and started a collection to be given to charity. Some clothes are fine but are either too big or simply never were my style. Some are rather worn, though might still make decent work clothes. I will let them decide. Further, the first load of dishes is soaking. I suspect I will get two loads soaking, and when they become temperate enough to deal with, I will begin filtering through the dirty dishes.
Oh, not to worry, it is all light work. I really will not push again until tomorrow. And, honestly, my pushing is not hard work in a quantitative or qualitative way, it is simply far in excess of what I even could do at any time for the last three to four months. But I do need to ease back into anything like function. I guess I am amazed at how easy work can be, even this lighter work took so much concentration just to see me through the very minimum. I have been falling behind for... most of my adult life. I could not keep up, catch up, I merely... slowly decayed until or unless I received help. When I tell you that most of the day I just sit there, and that I honestly hate it, I don't think you understand.
My activity, at times, has been as limited as getting up to use the facilities, to get something to drink or eat when I could remember, or to go to bed. Otherwise I was chained to the computer to have some form of contact with living people, to play games through which I tried to keep my mind active and awake, or through blogging from inside the bubble. These last weeks have been unlike anything I have known. While Ritalin does allow more function, it pushes, hard. It was like taking a "mom" pill. It rode me to function. I was still always tired on the inside, my body just wouldn't sit still. This has been more natural. I have no idea why it is happening, unless I have been suffering from heart related issues as the underlying cause of my problems for most of my adult life. And, just maybe, I have been. All I know is things have changed, for the moment, for the better.
I am still crippled. What has changed is that when I have a number of factors come together, I can focus and do like I have never been able to do. My limitations are at least in part due to the recent bed rest requirement. But years of being close to that have not helped. It will take time to get more real function back. Simply keeping up, if that remains viable, hiking or biking if I can get to those, and swimming and weight lifting too, I might actually regain something of health. I actually think, if this continues for a year and I honestly regain serious stamina and health, I will have to reconsider college. I almost hate to have to do that, but it is what I would truly love to be doing. While retirement is cushy, I couldn't just take it if I could work at a reasonable level. This is new, it is fresh, it is unproven, so I won't really say... anything with certainty. Only that two weeks being clean of most symptoms and life is really looking solid. Extrapolated over time and an engineering degree and career are actually possible, a wife would be definitely doable assuming a family life as the goal. Once married, I might seriously consider the diaconate. Running before I can actually crawl, but this is looking... possible.
Well, back to tinkering between spits of work. Good night.
Lots of sleep!
.
.
And I needed it. The cats were fussing, it was way past their usual feeding time before I got up this morning. I quieted them several times. And I can see that Sassy raised hell around the house for not being fed. I didn't care. I figured they would at least have some hard food left when I got up. Nope, not a bit. Too bad. I don't worry about them going without food for even a day, so long as they have water. Life in the wild would do that and worse. A few hours elicits zero sympathy. In spite of the occasional sound trouble from the natives, I managed a very good sleep. The pains are disappearing, even the pain in my side that has troubled me, off and mostly on, for months. Sleep, lower activity, eating and drinking a bit better, vitamins, and the pills are all coming together. Though I wonder, as I have eliminated as much extra water as I am going to void and just keeping it level (it seems to me at this point) and that probably being the case for a week or two now, perhaps my body has... realigned the innards to the new dimensions and that realignment was a large part of the pain? Maybe.
Another day of very light duty, rest as I need it, and simple things should lead to an earlier rise tomorrow and a beginning of the end for lawn care for a bit. As well, on days I am not actually working this week, I am going to begin wearing my weight vest, starting with 20 pounds. I am not sure how long I can wear it, and I won't be using it to beat myself up, merely to increase general stamina as I go about life for as long as I can. I will work on wearing it longer before I add weight. Trust me, from experience, just sitting around with 100 extra pounds on the body is... serious. That is my goal.
Sure, I work and wiggle my way out of pain... merely to look forward to recreating the pain! Yeah, well, that is the way of it. If you want to get ahead. And despite what doctors may think, my only goal since falling ill was becoming well enough to tax myself beyond comprehension mentally and physically again. I might be peevish about how, I might require some things they don't think is necessary, but they probably know neither the problem nor the solution, in truth. I see them as tools, they see themselves as the answer (in spite of constant failure when followed strictly). Oh, yes, life is getting better.
Off to do a bit of laundry, resoak the resoaked (ad nauseam) dishes and maybe get a load through, and loading another box or two of bullets. Or... actually... whatever happens. Good day. God be with you.
.
And I needed it. The cats were fussing, it was way past their usual feeding time before I got up this morning. I quieted them several times. And I can see that Sassy raised hell around the house for not being fed. I didn't care. I figured they would at least have some hard food left when I got up. Nope, not a bit. Too bad. I don't worry about them going without food for even a day, so long as they have water. Life in the wild would do that and worse. A few hours elicits zero sympathy. In spite of the occasional sound trouble from the natives, I managed a very good sleep. The pains are disappearing, even the pain in my side that has troubled me, off and mostly on, for months. Sleep, lower activity, eating and drinking a bit better, vitamins, and the pills are all coming together. Though I wonder, as I have eliminated as much extra water as I am going to void and just keeping it level (it seems to me at this point) and that probably being the case for a week or two now, perhaps my body has... realigned the innards to the new dimensions and that realignment was a large part of the pain? Maybe.
Another day of very light duty, rest as I need it, and simple things should lead to an earlier rise tomorrow and a beginning of the end for lawn care for a bit. As well, on days I am not actually working this week, I am going to begin wearing my weight vest, starting with 20 pounds. I am not sure how long I can wear it, and I won't be using it to beat myself up, merely to increase general stamina as I go about life for as long as I can. I will work on wearing it longer before I add weight. Trust me, from experience, just sitting around with 100 extra pounds on the body is... serious. That is my goal.
Sure, I work and wiggle my way out of pain... merely to look forward to recreating the pain! Yeah, well, that is the way of it. If you want to get ahead. And despite what doctors may think, my only goal since falling ill was becoming well enough to tax myself beyond comprehension mentally and physically again. I might be peevish about how, I might require some things they don't think is necessary, but they probably know neither the problem nor the solution, in truth. I see them as tools, they see themselves as the answer (in spite of constant failure when followed strictly). Oh, yes, life is getting better.
Off to do a bit of laundry, resoak the resoaked (ad nauseam) dishes and maybe get a load through, and loading another box or two of bullets. Or... actually... whatever happens. Good day. God be with you.
Something finally clicked.
.
.
Discussing the Church and man, women and men, and considering sometimes true and sometimes false notions of Christianity, I have started to realize some things. Many people, solid Christians, in committed relationship, often have a great deal to overcome to actually become conservative. Strictly speaking, being any one of those to any depth, is quite the challenge. Husbands are constantly negotiating with their wife and to some extent their children. People are lead in a direction by their faith leaders and their own perceptions, with regards to faith, that are sometimes quite contrary to their natural instincts which can be for good or ill. And being conservative means understanding tough love. I don't bother with calling it love, per se. I don't suggest ending food stamps is loving, for example. I see it as simply morally correct to not take money from a worker to pay a woman to have children outside of the bounds of a relationship which supports a child. No love involved. Wisdom, perhaps. Truth, of course. And many things mixed in like the paints on a palette, but love is not but a very small part of it and usually coming from other things like justice.
Marriage, as I have suggested, is a means of modifying man. With the balance of power having shifted, not away from man so much as away from marriage itself, men are further unbalanced by marriage. What is it socialists and communists announce? Ah, from within and from without, from bottom and from top. That is why so many married men are... frozen into being less than forthright and they are pulled into weakness. Their houses are built upon sand. Some believe they ride the alpha train, or even the omega, which might be true in their own little part of some part of their shared world, but the truth is they are merely given an allowance for that. Both in the good way of old and the real way of the new.
The Church continues to bath in femininity. That is an aspect of it's nature, as the Bride of Christ. But that many churches allow for a female actor to play Christ in Flesh, that even those which don't continue to make women more and more an integral part of their leadership and participation, the reality, here too, has been broken. Between men backing off and women stepping up the issue becomes rather extreme.
Yes, reading blogs and news and other information, I was disturbed at how liberal married, Christian, self ascribed conservative men were seeming. It all seems to fit, though, now. Of course, too, the internet is swimming with post-menopausal liberals. Educated people who, having realized liberalism was wrong, a decadence, and immoral or amoral, are attempting to change sides. Much of what they think, how they react, and what they even think is possible in the way of change, is tainted by their past. Many are still quite liberal, they just don't like it. Using the powers of the dark side they have always known, they shield themselves by saying they are conservative out of a demand in their lives for logic, truth, and such, but they can't quite make it to functional conservativism so they lie to themselves and to others.
Ah, okay. I am... much more comfortable understanding why people where saying 2 + 2 = 19 now. I still don't like it, but at least it is making more sense. Oh, and by the way, punch me in the face, as a solid Christian, and the only cheek I will turn is yours. And it will hurt. Just... saying. Don't even try any of that crap sandwich bologna here.
.
Discussing the Church and man, women and men, and considering sometimes true and sometimes false notions of Christianity, I have started to realize some things. Many people, solid Christians, in committed relationship, often have a great deal to overcome to actually become conservative. Strictly speaking, being any one of those to any depth, is quite the challenge. Husbands are constantly negotiating with their wife and to some extent their children. People are lead in a direction by their faith leaders and their own perceptions, with regards to faith, that are sometimes quite contrary to their natural instincts which can be for good or ill. And being conservative means understanding tough love. I don't bother with calling it love, per se. I don't suggest ending food stamps is loving, for example. I see it as simply morally correct to not take money from a worker to pay a woman to have children outside of the bounds of a relationship which supports a child. No love involved. Wisdom, perhaps. Truth, of course. And many things mixed in like the paints on a palette, but love is not but a very small part of it and usually coming from other things like justice.
Marriage, as I have suggested, is a means of modifying man. With the balance of power having shifted, not away from man so much as away from marriage itself, men are further unbalanced by marriage. What is it socialists and communists announce? Ah, from within and from without, from bottom and from top. That is why so many married men are... frozen into being less than forthright and they are pulled into weakness. Their houses are built upon sand. Some believe they ride the alpha train, or even the omega, which might be true in their own little part of some part of their shared world, but the truth is they are merely given an allowance for that. Both in the good way of old and the real way of the new.
The Church continues to bath in femininity. That is an aspect of it's nature, as the Bride of Christ. But that many churches allow for a female actor to play Christ in Flesh, that even those which don't continue to make women more and more an integral part of their leadership and participation, the reality, here too, has been broken. Between men backing off and women stepping up the issue becomes rather extreme.
Yes, reading blogs and news and other information, I was disturbed at how liberal married, Christian, self ascribed conservative men were seeming. It all seems to fit, though, now. Of course, too, the internet is swimming with post-menopausal liberals. Educated people who, having realized liberalism was wrong, a decadence, and immoral or amoral, are attempting to change sides. Much of what they think, how they react, and what they even think is possible in the way of change, is tainted by their past. Many are still quite liberal, they just don't like it. Using the powers of the dark side they have always known, they shield themselves by saying they are conservative out of a demand in their lives for logic, truth, and such, but they can't quite make it to functional conservativism so they lie to themselves and to others.
Ah, okay. I am... much more comfortable understanding why people where saying 2 + 2 = 19 now. I still don't like it, but at least it is making more sense. Oh, and by the way, punch me in the face, as a solid Christian, and the only cheek I will turn is yours. And it will hurt. Just... saying. Don't even try any of that crap sandwich bologna here.
Utah splitting hairs.
.
.
Illegal immigration is the topic, as well organized through the liberal msm as possible here. In spite of the larger Republican base in the state, the msm is extremely liberal here, by the way. But that may be changing as long standing Republicans are being ousted. Bennett last time, perhaps Hutch this time. I think this will begin changing other things, including the allowance of such a liberal media. The GOP convention has issued, albeit, a non-binding resolution (for whatever that truly means or will come of it) to repeal the Utah's guest worker program. The program, in essence, allows illegal immigrants to register, pay a fine, and continue to stay as employees. There are several sides both for and against the issue.
I don't really care about the argument indicated, that this merely allows forced labor among illegal immigrants. I also don't care that they stay, unbothered by law either. A better guest worker program, where people apply over the border and are pre-selected, screened for criminal backgrounds and health, then allowed to visit to work in certain industries but only if there are jobs available. The whole notion of a free pass for criminal behavior be given because a fine is paid is not acceptable. Further, family members have to be excluded. And beyond, we need to fix this unconstitutional understanding that wrongfully allows anchor babies.
Why allow workers in? Simply put, unless native Americans begin giving birth in sufficient numbers to account for all levels of work, the prices of produce will rise too quickly without cheap labor here. Either that or we will be getting our "fresh" fruits and vegetables from foreign nations rather than California, Florida, and wherever else we currently get some large portion of our produce and fruits. There are other low level manufacturing and other low skill work which simply makes some sense, given our birth rate problem.
Vox seems to think that, for free-trade to go forward, borders must be erradicated between the free-trade partners. I think a strict guest worker program would... stretch the notion. One of the possible real problems, of course, is the abuse of said workers. Then again, living in the US, earning real money, is better than squatting in Mexico with zero prospect of any kind of a wage. I actually think we should allow the wages for these workers to drop to a level where they can't send as much money home as they do. All industrialized nations have earned some things by paying with hard labor, usually for a very long time (though as industrialization progresses, the length of time to buy out of servitude has shortened dramatically).
Since Mexicans can't or won't do so in Mexico, they should continue to suffer the consequences and be force back to Mexico. Only when they rid themselves of socialism can they begin to do that. Further, this would keep their failed system within their failed state, rather than exporting that part of it along with tens of millions of soon (by both parties sadly) new US citizens (who can't and don't want to speak English, don't have a grounding in civil law or common social understanding and are only interested in getting whatever they can for free while demanding more, on top of wages they are sending home (if they happen to work)).
So, I am all for the repeal of the law as it stands, I would like to see something else come forward to replace it. Now, in truth, much of this is fiction as I don't believe the law can function as it is being held up by the federal government, who denies it using federal control over immigration issues. What a weird mess. I suppose the thing was actually just a bogus bunt to appease as many as possible, from big business, farming, to liberal city types. There is, actually, no law there to repeal! Politics! *sigh*
.
Illegal immigration is the topic, as well organized through the liberal msm as possible here. In spite of the larger Republican base in the state, the msm is extremely liberal here, by the way. But that may be changing as long standing Republicans are being ousted. Bennett last time, perhaps Hutch this time. I think this will begin changing other things, including the allowance of such a liberal media. The GOP convention has issued, albeit, a non-binding resolution (for whatever that truly means or will come of it) to repeal the Utah's guest worker program. The program, in essence, allows illegal immigrants to register, pay a fine, and continue to stay as employees. There are several sides both for and against the issue.
I don't really care about the argument indicated, that this merely allows forced labor among illegal immigrants. I also don't care that they stay, unbothered by law either. A better guest worker program, where people apply over the border and are pre-selected, screened for criminal backgrounds and health, then allowed to visit to work in certain industries but only if there are jobs available. The whole notion of a free pass for criminal behavior be given because a fine is paid is not acceptable. Further, family members have to be excluded. And beyond, we need to fix this unconstitutional understanding that wrongfully allows anchor babies.
Why allow workers in? Simply put, unless native Americans begin giving birth in sufficient numbers to account for all levels of work, the prices of produce will rise too quickly without cheap labor here. Either that or we will be getting our "fresh" fruits and vegetables from foreign nations rather than California, Florida, and wherever else we currently get some large portion of our produce and fruits. There are other low level manufacturing and other low skill work which simply makes some sense, given our birth rate problem.
Vox seems to think that, for free-trade to go forward, borders must be erradicated between the free-trade partners. I think a strict guest worker program would... stretch the notion. One of the possible real problems, of course, is the abuse of said workers. Then again, living in the US, earning real money, is better than squatting in Mexico with zero prospect of any kind of a wage. I actually think we should allow the wages for these workers to drop to a level where they can't send as much money home as they do. All industrialized nations have earned some things by paying with hard labor, usually for a very long time (though as industrialization progresses, the length of time to buy out of servitude has shortened dramatically).
Since Mexicans can't or won't do so in Mexico, they should continue to suffer the consequences and be force back to Mexico. Only when they rid themselves of socialism can they begin to do that. Further, this would keep their failed system within their failed state, rather than exporting that part of it along with tens of millions of soon (by both parties sadly) new US citizens (who can't and don't want to speak English, don't have a grounding in civil law or common social understanding and are only interested in getting whatever they can for free while demanding more, on top of wages they are sending home (if they happen to work)).
So, I am all for the repeal of the law as it stands, I would like to see something else come forward to replace it. Now, in truth, much of this is fiction as I don't believe the law can function as it is being held up by the federal government, who denies it using federal control over immigration issues. What a weird mess. I suppose the thing was actually just a bogus bunt to appease as many as possible, from big business, farming, to liberal city types. There is, actually, no law there to repeal! Politics! *sigh*
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The great escape.
.
.
I had just laid down for a nap. I didn't really need a nap in a terrible way but I wasn't interested in pushing it until I was completely exhausted. The phone rang. I knew who it was and I was correct. My friend was on the line and interested in shooting. He said he simply lost yesterday in the nether, something he never does. I suggested that that is something I have done frequently, that perhaps now he might understand. I've been better about it, since getting over whatever. Anyway, I suggested it was all good. I had slept until 15:00 yesterday so would not have been awake to go.
I made it into town relatively quickly. We stopped and grabbed a few sandwiches to go. I stopped for some ammunition, just in case. This time we went up the canyon. The first place we went was still closed. The next place we considered was busy. I was a bit nervous, being Saturday and Father's Day Weekend, that there would be too many people anywhere we might wish to shoot. The last place was open. While we were shooting, a man who has moved here from South Dakota looking for work, nervously approached. He seemed a bit on the nervous side. My friend wouldn't really talk to him, but I did. He had purchased a .357 recently, but only bought a few rounds. He was wondering if we could shoot right there. Well, yeah. So, I sort of invited him in despite my friend.
He hadn't shot in years, he suggested. I suggested it was a good thing he bought the gun before he came because Utah can be really freaky about letting people moving into state buy even long arms. I had purchased a few .357 rounds, had some reloads, and even loaned him my overhead ear sets. I used a set of in-ear plugs (terrible trade). It's the one thing he forgot to buy and shooting without any protection was a bit much for him. It jangled his nerves and hurt his ears. Anyway, he at least found out his pistol was reasonably sighted in and he could hit a dollar sized target at 25 feet. I went ahead and let him sound my .45 off. I think it shook him a bit. He has only ever shot wheelguns, so the auto was a new thing. But that my .45 kicked and twisted less than his pistol was a real surprise. And 13 rounds through the gun also seemed to throw him a bit. He kept peeking to see if it was done yet. Way too funny. He bought the whole box of .357 125 grain I had, as he liked the few he shot. I just sold them for the same price I paid. Plus I tossed in a dozen and a half reloads for free. He asked for my phone number, since he was a newcomer... and a shooter. We will see if he calls.
After that, back into town. My friend's foot was hurting him pretty badly. He took a few painkillers while we were up there, and by the time we got back, his foot was a bit better. I told him on the phone about how much I thought my vitamins were helping, I think they have allowed better eating, drinking, and perhaps thinking. His doctor is so concerned about him that he is setting him up for the dietician. While that may help, what doctors don't seem to understand is that until you get some grip on life, telling us to eat right and even showing us what to eat, is a lot like freeing turkeys from the 20th floor. Turkeys don't fly and ill people don't eat. Vitamins might be helping me. So, feeling slightly better and hoping to do much better, we stopped in and he bought an electric shaver and Flinstone's vitamins.
I did fuel up the vehicle on my way home. I usually fill it all the way. For whatever reason, the pump stopped before reaching full. I didn't really think about how much would be needed, a bit tired from the day and recent events, I simply assumed it was full. I washed the car as well, then noticed the pump had only put in three quarters of a tank. Irritating but whatever. This time, finally, I think she is clean, as clean as she gets, too. The last few washes simply didn't quite get it, then didn't get all of it, but finally... clean.
Medicine, a few brots, and perhaps to bed early tonight. I might set the alarm for 7:00 or something. Who knows what napping as needed will do to my schedule, but it is so much easier on my old bones, regarding getting things done when I am awake, and such, that naps are truly worth their weight in gold and sleeping when needed is much easier than fighting it out as I stretch for nothing. I never get a thing done when I stay up for it's own sake, though in the past the difference was negligible. At this point, sleeping enough really allows some serious work to go forward, at least of the lighter variety such as laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
Good night.
.
I had just laid down for a nap. I didn't really need a nap in a terrible way but I wasn't interested in pushing it until I was completely exhausted. The phone rang. I knew who it was and I was correct. My friend was on the line and interested in shooting. He said he simply lost yesterday in the nether, something he never does. I suggested that that is something I have done frequently, that perhaps now he might understand. I've been better about it, since getting over whatever. Anyway, I suggested it was all good. I had slept until 15:00 yesterday so would not have been awake to go.
I made it into town relatively quickly. We stopped and grabbed a few sandwiches to go. I stopped for some ammunition, just in case. This time we went up the canyon. The first place we went was still closed. The next place we considered was busy. I was a bit nervous, being Saturday and Father's Day Weekend, that there would be too many people anywhere we might wish to shoot. The last place was open. While we were shooting, a man who has moved here from South Dakota looking for work, nervously approached. He seemed a bit on the nervous side. My friend wouldn't really talk to him, but I did. He had purchased a .357 recently, but only bought a few rounds. He was wondering if we could shoot right there. Well, yeah. So, I sort of invited him in despite my friend.
He hadn't shot in years, he suggested. I suggested it was a good thing he bought the gun before he came because Utah can be really freaky about letting people moving into state buy even long arms. I had purchased a few .357 rounds, had some reloads, and even loaned him my overhead ear sets. I used a set of in-ear plugs (terrible trade). It's the one thing he forgot to buy and shooting without any protection was a bit much for him. It jangled his nerves and hurt his ears. Anyway, he at least found out his pistol was reasonably sighted in and he could hit a dollar sized target at 25 feet. I went ahead and let him sound my .45 off. I think it shook him a bit. He has only ever shot wheelguns, so the auto was a new thing. But that my .45 kicked and twisted less than his pistol was a real surprise. And 13 rounds through the gun also seemed to throw him a bit. He kept peeking to see if it was done yet. Way too funny. He bought the whole box of .357 125 grain I had, as he liked the few he shot. I just sold them for the same price I paid. Plus I tossed in a dozen and a half reloads for free. He asked for my phone number, since he was a newcomer... and a shooter. We will see if he calls.
After that, back into town. My friend's foot was hurting him pretty badly. He took a few painkillers while we were up there, and by the time we got back, his foot was a bit better. I told him on the phone about how much I thought my vitamins were helping, I think they have allowed better eating, drinking, and perhaps thinking. His doctor is so concerned about him that he is setting him up for the dietician. While that may help, what doctors don't seem to understand is that until you get some grip on life, telling us to eat right and even showing us what to eat, is a lot like freeing turkeys from the 20th floor. Turkeys don't fly and ill people don't eat. Vitamins might be helping me. So, feeling slightly better and hoping to do much better, we stopped in and he bought an electric shaver and Flinstone's vitamins.
I did fuel up the vehicle on my way home. I usually fill it all the way. For whatever reason, the pump stopped before reaching full. I didn't really think about how much would be needed, a bit tired from the day and recent events, I simply assumed it was full. I washed the car as well, then noticed the pump had only put in three quarters of a tank. Irritating but whatever. This time, finally, I think she is clean, as clean as she gets, too. The last few washes simply didn't quite get it, then didn't get all of it, but finally... clean.
Medicine, a few brots, and perhaps to bed early tonight. I might set the alarm for 7:00 or something. Who knows what napping as needed will do to my schedule, but it is so much easier on my old bones, regarding getting things done when I am awake, and such, that naps are truly worth their weight in gold and sleeping when needed is much easier than fighting it out as I stretch for nothing. I never get a thing done when I stay up for it's own sake, though in the past the difference was negligible. At this point, sleeping enough really allows some serious work to go forward, at least of the lighter variety such as laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
Good night.
More sleep.
.
.
Fine, a long nap yesterday and more sleep last night. I have no idea how long I slept either time, only that I slept until I could wake with some ability to think and function in a more fluid manner. It really helps. I have been having to use a little forethought in order to take my medicines, but it seems to be working. By the way, that I have been able to concentrate and take my medicine regularly... is an unusual thing. I am trying no harder and yet taking the medicine like clockwork. I have not been able to do that up to this point. It has as much to do with being in the right place, a place I mostly feel secure living in, as much as it has to do with the correct medication.
I am not sure how short or long term this medication is. I had hoped we would review medication at cardiology. No such thing occurred. I am going to run out of one of the water pills shortly and I believe that would be a mistake. As is, from past experience, hydrochlorothiazide is not sufficient by itself to get rid of enough fluid. I need to check, if it looks like I will be running short, I need to make sure that is reissued. The problem with my medicine, as is, is if one part slips, the whole thing will most likely fail. I've been there, done that. And yet I can't honestly count on my doctors to maintain. They merely change and experiment or follow some preconceived notion of how things "should work" despite realities on the ground. They almost never explain things, either. Which simply doesn't work here.
It's still a painful life. My ribs (and most of my body) are feeling it from the lawn, my side (though improved) is feeling it (from water loss?). More Tylenol, for now, and keeping activity light and sweet, should see me through a resting weekend. After that, I will simply have to push again, if necessary. The rest of the lawn will get hit this coming week, continued cleaning of my abode, as well as as much business as I can get done. Once the home is in order and business is tended, I can get to figuring out exercise, perhaps weight lifting, hiking, and maybe on into biking. Swimming would be great if the water would slow and warm. The last time I looked I don't believe swimming out at the local reservoir would be... wise.
Well, onto... resting. Though a few loads might go into the washer and dryer today, so be it either way. I am still just waking up, kicking the machine over, testing the waters. Until I go through my booting up I have no real idea about what to expect from my day. I did cook brots yesterday, so with the cheeses, I have some fine little meals in the offing. I might be a pauper prince, but I AM a prince. Now, scoot. I have important unimportant things to do...
.
Fine, a long nap yesterday and more sleep last night. I have no idea how long I slept either time, only that I slept until I could wake with some ability to think and function in a more fluid manner. It really helps. I have been having to use a little forethought in order to take my medicines, but it seems to be working. By the way, that I have been able to concentrate and take my medicine regularly... is an unusual thing. I am trying no harder and yet taking the medicine like clockwork. I have not been able to do that up to this point. It has as much to do with being in the right place, a place I mostly feel secure living in, as much as it has to do with the correct medication.
I am not sure how short or long term this medication is. I had hoped we would review medication at cardiology. No such thing occurred. I am going to run out of one of the water pills shortly and I believe that would be a mistake. As is, from past experience, hydrochlorothiazide is not sufficient by itself to get rid of enough fluid. I need to check, if it looks like I will be running short, I need to make sure that is reissued. The problem with my medicine, as is, is if one part slips, the whole thing will most likely fail. I've been there, done that. And yet I can't honestly count on my doctors to maintain. They merely change and experiment or follow some preconceived notion of how things "should work" despite realities on the ground. They almost never explain things, either. Which simply doesn't work here.
It's still a painful life. My ribs (and most of my body) are feeling it from the lawn, my side (though improved) is feeling it (from water loss?). More Tylenol, for now, and keeping activity light and sweet, should see me through a resting weekend. After that, I will simply have to push again, if necessary. The rest of the lawn will get hit this coming week, continued cleaning of my abode, as well as as much business as I can get done. Once the home is in order and business is tended, I can get to figuring out exercise, perhaps weight lifting, hiking, and maybe on into biking. Swimming would be great if the water would slow and warm. The last time I looked I don't believe swimming out at the local reservoir would be... wise.
Well, onto... resting. Though a few loads might go into the washer and dryer today, so be it either way. I am still just waking up, kicking the machine over, testing the waters. Until I go through my booting up I have no real idea about what to expect from my day. I did cook brots yesterday, so with the cheeses, I have some fine little meals in the offing. I might be a pauper prince, but I AM a prince. Now, scoot. I have important unimportant things to do...
Women.
.
.
This time it was Dr. Helen who brought the topic up. Something about something and women only rating 20% of men well. I could have left a comment, but I didn't want to pollute her pool. I usually only leave comments, rarely going back and rarely reading other comments. I think I have been hearing that my method is indicative of a candidate for the short bus. *bang* Anyway, I wrote a comment, but decided to paste it here.
Well, that's my story. I know from dating enough of these lovely creatures that they are insane when it comes to sex, marriage, time, and they are fickle bunnies. Don't go there. Have them come to you. Pretend they are in quicksand, you don't go to them, you bring them out, or you both get stuck and it becomes untenable quickly. That is how I will work it if I decide to mess around with my birthright 'birds and bees' kit again. Oh... that's gonna hurt. :p
.
This time it was Dr. Helen who brought the topic up. Something about something and women only rating 20% of men well. I could have left a comment, but I didn't want to pollute her pool. I usually only leave comments, rarely going back and rarely reading other comments. I think I have been hearing that my method is indicative of a candidate for the short bus. *bang* Anyway, I wrote a comment, but decided to paste it here.
I wouldn't worry about how much a woman rates me any more than I would take advice from her about how to unlock her inner lovey dovey side. While women downrate men virtually, publicly, and privately, to our face, and behind our back... most women are with a guy. I am absolutely positive that there aren't five women per alpha. Just... do the analysis and you easily find that women are either as clueless, schizophrenic, or lost in space on this issue as they are on most other issues involving love, romance, family, etc. No, I am sure it has a purpose. But don't let it fool you. And that is a different topic.
I would guess, in real encounters, what a woman rates as subpar today she may well rank highly tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. She will eventually give some large porting of the boys team a good rating. It just seems more static at online places. Further, haven't you ever seen Groundhog Day? Even the more dense of males gets more than one chance and does learn. The movie actually shows an idiot being an idiot and methods of romance that don't work, IIRC, but that is beside the point. Though consistency of rating will never really be there. Which is why even the vaunted alpha will get tired of the screaming and whining implacable she-beast and look for that one woman who just "is". She doesn't exist, btw. Or settle into an alpha-beta mix in order to drag a relationship out for the rest of his miserable life. *grins*
Worry about how women rate you the way you worry about a particular pet you might be considering likes you. Don't look for what they like, look for a consistent reaction to you from them that you like. This is why I believe dating for a full year, half of that exclusive, and then engagement for six months to a year with marriage counseling (preferably religious, as secular counseling is very dubious). Find out where she rates you poorly and make sure she can get over it. The rare times a man decides to divorce it is related to sex, finding a partner who can and will, and occasionally finding a partner who bothers to play the part and takes care enough to... excite. Most divorces are women who settled and were unhappy, got bored because they really weren't ready, or such. If she clearly sees what she is facing, then decides, the chances of success are much better.
Well, that's my story. I know from dating enough of these lovely creatures that they are insane when it comes to sex, marriage, time, and they are fickle bunnies. Don't go there. Have them come to you. Pretend they are in quicksand, you don't go to them, you bring them out, or you both get stuck and it becomes untenable quickly. That is how I will work it if I decide to mess around with my birthright 'birds and bees' kit again. Oh... that's gonna hurt. :p
Nice and short.
.
.
Short but deep, I think. There wasn't much muss or fuss, it a was crawl in, a bit of wonder at how long it would take, then I was asleep before I could really think about it. My mind is rested but I am physically tired too. I might need extra sleep times throughout the weekend. All good, just fine. I still think I can do some laundry, maybe even getting the pillows steamed and dried again.
I keep thinking about finding a wife. Oh, I know, ignore women's advice on dating. Duh! I remember my mother telling me what women like and realizing if I acted like that I wouldn't even get a kiss. I had some early insights into things so I was never fooled by women's wants. Besides, I had watched her, who she picked. She certainly didn't go after nice guys. When it comes to love, romance, attraction, and such, women have no head for it. Much like drinking, some pursuits are better left to men. A woman can't chase or she will lose hard. She doesn't understand, she will simply have to hope a suitor will approach and will do the thinking for them while she considers things in her own odd way. Her way is often more social acceptance and her wants than anything reasoned, and those as afterthoughts more often than not. That is why society used to have the wisdom to protect women. They have no head for ensuring an equitable relationship.
I realize, from a number of recent incidents, that I shouldn't have a great deal of difficulty at least meeting a number of prospective women. I don't know what women see in me, but to cause an older woman to flirt, a middle aged women to blush, a younger woman (legal mind you) to give personal data I had neither asked for nor even intimated I might be interested in, and some other events, they must see something. Not that I have been trying, either. And I won't try, merely making my presence known will be enough. Getting out and about is the trick. I could let those things go to my head but it simply isn't worth it. Those might be flukes in any case. All I know is there are five to seven women I could easily have negotiated something something with in the last month, all while I've been living under a moon of suffering.
The thing is, where to meet women? While Church seems like a good place, I am not sure the women there are any better than bar flies these days. Women seem to have decided, if a guy isn't sexing them after the third date, it isn't going to work. Sure, there are some better situations, but those are usually young first loves. Once a woman has been on the market, she presumes sex in the relationship before marriage. Of course, that can be... worked. Nothing like leaving a woman hot and alone to drive her into the relationship. Found that out by accident. Changed my mind. Then again, she almost became a stalker. Careful with that one. What I need to do is find a place where some commonality of culture can be found. I really am looking for a solid Catholic woman, if there is such a thing. One who can do pole dancing.
I'll figure it out. If I decide to do so.
.
Short but deep, I think. There wasn't much muss or fuss, it a was crawl in, a bit of wonder at how long it would take, then I was asleep before I could really think about it. My mind is rested but I am physically tired too. I might need extra sleep times throughout the weekend. All good, just fine. I still think I can do some laundry, maybe even getting the pillows steamed and dried again.
I keep thinking about finding a wife. Oh, I know, ignore women's advice on dating. Duh! I remember my mother telling me what women like and realizing if I acted like that I wouldn't even get a kiss. I had some early insights into things so I was never fooled by women's wants. Besides, I had watched her, who she picked. She certainly didn't go after nice guys. When it comes to love, romance, attraction, and such, women have no head for it. Much like drinking, some pursuits are better left to men. A woman can't chase or she will lose hard. She doesn't understand, she will simply have to hope a suitor will approach and will do the thinking for them while she considers things in her own odd way. Her way is often more social acceptance and her wants than anything reasoned, and those as afterthoughts more often than not. That is why society used to have the wisdom to protect women. They have no head for ensuring an equitable relationship.
I realize, from a number of recent incidents, that I shouldn't have a great deal of difficulty at least meeting a number of prospective women. I don't know what women see in me, but to cause an older woman to flirt, a middle aged women to blush, a younger woman (legal mind you) to give personal data I had neither asked for nor even intimated I might be interested in, and some other events, they must see something. Not that I have been trying, either. And I won't try, merely making my presence known will be enough. Getting out and about is the trick. I could let those things go to my head but it simply isn't worth it. Those might be flukes in any case. All I know is there are five to seven women I could easily have negotiated something something with in the last month, all while I've been living under a moon of suffering.
The thing is, where to meet women? While Church seems like a good place, I am not sure the women there are any better than bar flies these days. Women seem to have decided, if a guy isn't sexing them after the third date, it isn't going to work. Sure, there are some better situations, but those are usually young first loves. Once a woman has been on the market, she presumes sex in the relationship before marriage. Of course, that can be... worked. Nothing like leaving a woman hot and alone to drive her into the relationship. Found that out by accident. Changed my mind. Then again, she almost became a stalker. Careful with that one. What I need to do is find a place where some commonality of culture can be found. I really am looking for a solid Catholic woman, if there is such a thing. One who can do pole dancing.
I'll figure it out. If I decide to do so.
Friday, June 17, 2011
BAM!
.
.
Fair enough. I have hit a brick wall. Nothing is going to move forward for a while. Actually, I believe I am about to crash hard. I sort of felt it coming so I took Anacin this time. While it is doing just fine with the pain, even taking it with soda didn't help fight off the exhaustion. I've seen exhaustion creeping in and tried to figure out how to... get by it, ignore it, dose it. That isn't going to happen. No, a nap, or even a longer bedtime, is what is going to happen. Fine, fine, I made it through a serious four or five days and rather successfully. I just hope it isn't here to stay.
Sam has been all lovey dovey today. Sassy has been hiding her frisky self. She isn't even making noise outside of my viewing as is her usual. I let them sleep with me last night, again. Though I think that will be a rarity. Sassy would be fine but Sam vomits too often. I just cleaned up two of her messes in other places. She goes through phases with that. She has been helping me stay awake today though. There is always good, bad, and ugly.
Good night, or... something. *BAM!*
.
Fair enough. I have hit a brick wall. Nothing is going to move forward for a while. Actually, I believe I am about to crash hard. I sort of felt it coming so I took Anacin this time. While it is doing just fine with the pain, even taking it with soda didn't help fight off the exhaustion. I've seen exhaustion creeping in and tried to figure out how to... get by it, ignore it, dose it. That isn't going to happen. No, a nap, or even a longer bedtime, is what is going to happen. Fine, fine, I made it through a serious four or five days and rather successfully. I just hope it isn't here to stay.
Sam has been all lovey dovey today. Sassy has been hiding her frisky self. She isn't even making noise outside of my viewing as is her usual. I let them sleep with me last night, again. Though I think that will be a rarity. Sassy would be fine but Sam vomits too often. I just cleaned up two of her messes in other places. She goes through phases with that. She has been helping me stay awake today though. There is always good, bad, and ugly.
Good night, or... something. *BAM!*
The weather?
.
.
It is still moody here. We receive a few warm and sunny days and then fall back into overcast with occasional rain. Since we still have serious snowpack in some parts of the state, this is possibly best. Too much rain, of course, only adds to the flooding. But too quick of a warmup will lead to a sudden deluge of melt water. Not that we can really pick or choose. It is more that we are just dodging bullets right now. My area is fine, more or less. The only problems we might face is having access to the closest shopping areas restricted and be required to drive longer for groceries, appointments, and such. At least, from what I can tell. And I don't see that happening. Other areas are simply being hit, spillways are being used, levies are sometimes failing sometimes being inundated. On the good side, for the first time in a long time wells are full and the Great Salt Lake is picking up water.
There are several flood zones throughout the U.S. From Iowa to one or both of the Dakotas, and of course in the South. Other areas are continuing to suffer from drought, and the fires that go with them. Actually the southern part of Utah is among those areas. Arizona, Florida, Texas, New Mexico, and many others continue to burn or suffer drought. I am not sure about the rest of the world though. And, no, this isn't man-made. Some of the academics and Russians understand this to be a solar event. We have just gone through a very long drought of solar flares, among other cycles. Not only did that affect temperatures, it affected many things. It was actually affecting short-wave radio, decreasing it's effectiveness and causing some to quit the hobby altogether. This is ending. Now we are facing global cooling. By the way, global warming (small as it actually was) most likely creates weather stability. Global cooling does the opposite. If you thought the weatherman was an idiot before, wait. You haven't seen anything yet.
This whole AGW, or whatever they are calling it now, simply reminds me of the pagan belief that bad weather meant people needed to be sacrificed. It was mere superstition regarding natural events which lead to a decrease in the population through sacrifice. While modern pagans abuse science to their means, the results are going to be similar. Degrading the economies of free states, building up barbarians, spreading industrialization to nations who are not yet prepared to deal with it, all will lead to social, military, civil, and other disasters. Worse, it won't change the natural events which will unfold, it might accelerate them. For some of them, that is the plan. For others, it is merely (another) unintended consequence. Much like banning DDT, trying to not allow chlorine to clean water in 3rd world nations, and other such. Why, they don't even allow US grain to be given to starving people because it has been genetically modified and there is concern that this will get into the starving people's exports, then be sent to Europe. Oh, shiver at the thought. Amazing. Unintended? I have to think that word may not mean what they think it means.
Ah well, get ready for the cold, and the unstable weather patterns that will form from that. Understand the economy is caving. Figure out how to live much more humbly. And learn to tune out "scientists" who make more money and receive more grants when people are afraid. I haven't seen a good figure on how much of the economy has been dumped into bad science, money that could have much more wisely been spent in the private economy for real needs and wants, and the chasing away of business through their "work", but my guess is it has been a huge bite. Don't have a job? Thank a scientist. If the rules and regulations they push haven't killed your job, or the politics they have supported haven't killed your job, then the imposition of those things which have forced your job overseas has. Big bite indeed.
.
It is still moody here. We receive a few warm and sunny days and then fall back into overcast with occasional rain. Since we still have serious snowpack in some parts of the state, this is possibly best. Too much rain, of course, only adds to the flooding. But too quick of a warmup will lead to a sudden deluge of melt water. Not that we can really pick or choose. It is more that we are just dodging bullets right now. My area is fine, more or less. The only problems we might face is having access to the closest shopping areas restricted and be required to drive longer for groceries, appointments, and such. At least, from what I can tell. And I don't see that happening. Other areas are simply being hit, spillways are being used, levies are sometimes failing sometimes being inundated. On the good side, for the first time in a long time wells are full and the Great Salt Lake is picking up water.
There are several flood zones throughout the U.S. From Iowa to one or both of the Dakotas, and of course in the South. Other areas are continuing to suffer from drought, and the fires that go with them. Actually the southern part of Utah is among those areas. Arizona, Florida, Texas, New Mexico, and many others continue to burn or suffer drought. I am not sure about the rest of the world though. And, no, this isn't man-made. Some of the academics and Russians understand this to be a solar event. We have just gone through a very long drought of solar flares, among other cycles. Not only did that affect temperatures, it affected many things. It was actually affecting short-wave radio, decreasing it's effectiveness and causing some to quit the hobby altogether. This is ending. Now we are facing global cooling. By the way, global warming (small as it actually was) most likely creates weather stability. Global cooling does the opposite. If you thought the weatherman was an idiot before, wait. You haven't seen anything yet.
This whole AGW, or whatever they are calling it now, simply reminds me of the pagan belief that bad weather meant people needed to be sacrificed. It was mere superstition regarding natural events which lead to a decrease in the population through sacrifice. While modern pagans abuse science to their means, the results are going to be similar. Degrading the economies of free states, building up barbarians, spreading industrialization to nations who are not yet prepared to deal with it, all will lead to social, military, civil, and other disasters. Worse, it won't change the natural events which will unfold, it might accelerate them. For some of them, that is the plan. For others, it is merely (another) unintended consequence. Much like banning DDT, trying to not allow chlorine to clean water in 3rd world nations, and other such. Why, they don't even allow US grain to be given to starving people because it has been genetically modified and there is concern that this will get into the starving people's exports, then be sent to Europe. Oh, shiver at the thought. Amazing. Unintended? I have to think that word may not mean what they think it means.
Ah well, get ready for the cold, and the unstable weather patterns that will form from that. Understand the economy is caving. Figure out how to live much more humbly. And learn to tune out "scientists" who make more money and receive more grants when people are afraid. I haven't seen a good figure on how much of the economy has been dumped into bad science, money that could have much more wisely been spent in the private economy for real needs and wants, and the chasing away of business through their "work", but my guess is it has been a huge bite. Don't have a job? Thank a scientist. If the rules and regulations they push haven't killed your job, or the politics they have supported haven't killed your job, then the imposition of those things which have forced your job overseas has. Big bite indeed.
Rest.
.
.
I was up way to late finishing the last of the laundry. Oh, whatever. I did the best I could as fast as I could. I still have several loads left to do, of which I am aware. More may become known to me and I might decide to do some clean but wrinkled clothes. Getting going takes a few to several hours though, it just does. Hopefully, though, I will get on laundry before I start pushing my sleep time further back or even as far back as what happened last night. But I wanted to finish that laundry, pushed just because I could and was fixated, and just took the hit last night.
Sleep was fantastic. I don't remember the alarm going off and it seems my friend didn't call. Waking at 15:00 was not great, but there it is. That is fine, there is tomorrow. I will call him shortly and see what is happening. His foot may be bugging him too much today, or my phone is being funny. I just cooked beef ribs, on the bone! I will be cooking brots shortly. I pretty much ate the beef, immediately. It's been a bit since I have had beef, solid, stock, on the bone, hot, fresh, beef. Yeah, I needed that. Perhaps I will get to working on the kitchen this weekend, since being on my feet is more manageable. I won't be pushing it, just doing bits and pieces, sort of what I have been doing this week minus the lawn care. I do need a little down time. Thankfully, downtime now includes housework. Some housework.
I will load another box of bullets too. Perhaps after putting in the first load of laundry. Yeah, none of it is fancy, heavy, or taxing. But continual activity, even at a slow pace, is a huge upgrade. Especially since it can still be classified as downtime. The yard looks fantastic. They not only knocked down the weeds and mowed, they raked. I had no plans on raking, there was no way I could have added that in. To be honest, what I had done those two days was already pushing things a bit too far. I never would have gotten done before having to start over, and that without raking. This is my chance to get on top of it. Gratitude is serious on this.
Well, another blog post, then some laundry, and on to bullet making.
.
I was up way to late finishing the last of the laundry. Oh, whatever. I did the best I could as fast as I could. I still have several loads left to do, of which I am aware. More may become known to me and I might decide to do some clean but wrinkled clothes. Getting going takes a few to several hours though, it just does. Hopefully, though, I will get on laundry before I start pushing my sleep time further back or even as far back as what happened last night. But I wanted to finish that laundry, pushed just because I could and was fixated, and just took the hit last night.
Sleep was fantastic. I don't remember the alarm going off and it seems my friend didn't call. Waking at 15:00 was not great, but there it is. That is fine, there is tomorrow. I will call him shortly and see what is happening. His foot may be bugging him too much today, or my phone is being funny. I just cooked beef ribs, on the bone! I will be cooking brots shortly. I pretty much ate the beef, immediately. It's been a bit since I have had beef, solid, stock, on the bone, hot, fresh, beef. Yeah, I needed that. Perhaps I will get to working on the kitchen this weekend, since being on my feet is more manageable. I won't be pushing it, just doing bits and pieces, sort of what I have been doing this week minus the lawn care. I do need a little down time. Thankfully, downtime now includes housework. Some housework.
I will load another box of bullets too. Perhaps after putting in the first load of laundry. Yeah, none of it is fancy, heavy, or taxing. But continual activity, even at a slow pace, is a huge upgrade. Especially since it can still be classified as downtime. The yard looks fantastic. They not only knocked down the weeds and mowed, they raked. I had no plans on raking, there was no way I could have added that in. To be honest, what I had done those two days was already pushing things a bit too far. I never would have gotten done before having to start over, and that without raking. This is my chance to get on top of it. Gratitude is serious on this.
Well, another blog post, then some laundry, and on to bullet making.
Hmm, still going.
.
.
Both firearms have been cleaned and are ready for action tomorrow. Laundry is taking forever though. Even with small loads, since I am asking for specific things, it is just taking a long time. The last two loads should be easy though. I decided to wash my chest weight vest. I have been looking over wrist and ankle weights but I keep reading advice which recommends vest weights over extremity weights. The vest can handle up to a hundred pounds. It might be a decent thing to start with and I can start with as little as 2.5 pounds though I will probably start with about 20 pounds.
The Tylenol is working, mostly. I think what woke me during the test was a return of the side pain and maybe the beginning of the other pains. The pain pills give me between two and three hours of pretty solid pain relief and a few hours of slightly more comfort than without. I had thought I could only take them once every 8 hours. After reading the instructions (go figure), it says I can take them every four to six hours. Nice! I was needlessly suffering. I don't mind dosing up, in the short term. Really, no problem there. I figure, before long, I won't need them nearly as often. A heating pad might help, and I suppose ice, water, towel, and bag might work when it is too hot for a heating pad, if still needed.
Really, this has been an excellent week! I still have way too much to do, no time to get it all done, and, and, and. Prioritize, organize, and move. I really can do it. While I can, I will. It simply amazes me how easy it is when... well... it is easy. I want to work and play and tend things. I like to keep up and work and play.
I can do these things. Some little switch either says yes or no, though. It's not a conscious choice. Actually, when I can do things I almost HAVE to do them, just like when I can't I simply really can't. Whatever, I'll take it for now. Good night.
.
Both firearms have been cleaned and are ready for action tomorrow. Laundry is taking forever though. Even with small loads, since I am asking for specific things, it is just taking a long time. The last two loads should be easy though. I decided to wash my chest weight vest. I have been looking over wrist and ankle weights but I keep reading advice which recommends vest weights over extremity weights. The vest can handle up to a hundred pounds. It might be a decent thing to start with and I can start with as little as 2.5 pounds though I will probably start with about 20 pounds.
The Tylenol is working, mostly. I think what woke me during the test was a return of the side pain and maybe the beginning of the other pains. The pain pills give me between two and three hours of pretty solid pain relief and a few hours of slightly more comfort than without. I had thought I could only take them once every 8 hours. After reading the instructions (go figure), it says I can take them every four to six hours. Nice! I was needlessly suffering. I don't mind dosing up, in the short term. Really, no problem there. I figure, before long, I won't need them nearly as often. A heating pad might help, and I suppose ice, water, towel, and bag might work when it is too hot for a heating pad, if still needed.
Really, this has been an excellent week! I still have way too much to do, no time to get it all done, and, and, and. Prioritize, organize, and move. I really can do it. While I can, I will. It simply amazes me how easy it is when... well... it is easy. I want to work and play and tend things. I like to keep up and work and play.
I can do these things. Some little switch either says yes or no, though. It's not a conscious choice. Actually, when I can do things I almost HAVE to do them, just like when I can't I simply really can't. Whatever, I'll take it for now. Good night.
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