Lots of questions.

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To bed after 6:00 and not out of bed until 16:00. I have been pushing though. I am backing off a bit today. Dishes will get cleaned in batches throughout the day and I will be trying to get to bed early tonight. Midnight or 2:00 might not sound early, simply compared to 6:00 might it be considered early. I just checked my stats, 129/90 with a pulse of 79. If I had let the doctors work, they would have had me trucked down and off my medicines by now. I am truly feeling like a new man. But I will still have to take my time getting back to truly full function.

I don't know if this can, or will, last. But I see that the doctors, after twenty some years, have stumbled upon the problem and with me as a guide, have treated it. Honestly though, now I have to figure out if all those would have, could have, should have, and will statements were just bluster or if there is anything of truth to the notions of who I believe I am. So much time is gone, I am so old now, how much is left in any case? And too, do I still have some serious limits? Treating an illness, as many know, is not a cure. Nothing but questions, actually.

Tomorrow I will mow. Today I am simply done for heavier work. Dishes and straightening, goofing and planning. Putting the roof on the coop is next weeks big project. As well, now that I am feeling better, if I can get going and begin visiting my neighbors, I might see if I can use that spit of land beside the drive for a long wide garden (it may actually be mine, but asking the neighbors would be polite anyway). I would like to find someone to plow it, deep, like a regular field, and mix in manure. It might be a bit late for a real garden, but I might look at D.C.'s ideas and see if a cover crop for this year might be worth the effort.

I don't want to push things too far or too fast. Money is and always will be a bit of an issue. My stamina is still very weak. I am not yet organized, everything around me is a blur as I come up to fuller mental function in the midst of domestic, business, and health chaos. It will take time to find my feet. Now is when a wife would come in handy. The only thing I know about life is if you aren't running you are falling behind. If I don't find a wife to tend many of the domestic duties, for me to get ahead I will have to find other means of tending that care or it will be most of what I do. But for now, domesticity will be a tool to rise, a goal to maintain, and a simple pleasure if done successfully until I can get other plans established and rolling.

I checked on my mother today. She was out of it yesterday because she had her eye surgery first thing yesterday. Between the stuff they gave her, this, and that, she was pretty groggy by the time I called. I had been a bit worried, she never sounds that rough. She is getting older, and sickness can strike at any time in any case. I was quite relieved to hear there was a specific and short term reason for her to be in such a state. A major relief, to be sure.

I gave her the good news. I told her that her son is back, and maybe like she has never known. Though I think I was doing good in the Navy. I was moving up, working hard, going places, making a name for myself. I really believe that. Then... I couldn't. I don't know what she thinks, or believes, or understands. Perhaps the next time we visit in real life, with evidence of more solid footing on my part, she will say more. Not that revisiting the past is the deal, I just want to... reboot and understand what happened and has been happening from her perspective. It may help with moving forward.

New man, indeed. Maybe, as things go forward, I won't even be talking about me. Projects, climbing techniques, fishing catches (stretched a bit perhaps), pictures of places that catch my eye, and other things around me... And people I meet. A new blog for a new man about real things. Time... given some time. I don't know about you, but I am tired of me.