.
.
The alarm didn't do it. I did set it and... I think I just turned it off. Not ready to wake, not able to wake, I went back to sleep. A call from my lady friend an hour later did the trick. I've called her twice. I knew why she hadn't answered. A task she has been avoiding. I'm not the only one who hides, for various reasons. She is doing well, and is planning to get to biking soon. Come to think of it, if I can, that would be good for me too. At least, for the most part, I know I can keep my balance. Gaining stamina on the dratted thing is a whole other issue. Biking would compliment my swimming and be something to do on days I can't otherwise get to town.
I just realized something. My tires are going to need to be replaced before too long. They are at least $400 per, and more like $500 or $550 anymore, and that is just for standard all weather. You can shoot the moon on some of the, I dunno-seven belt tires, or mud slingers. I stick with normal tires, though I would love to get a few more ply in there if the opportunity arises. I best start saving or that will eat two thirds of my nestegg. Which... might mean no chainsaw. But how to deal with the chunks of tree out back otherwise? Ugh...
Life does seem to come at you pretty fast, doesn't it? Just when you have things squared, the world becomes globular. When you get that arranged, time is added to the equation, when you figure that, you are back to squaring things. You never get ahead, it is only a matter of how far behind you are. All good, mostly. It would definitely be boring without something to bother us to wakefulness.
The wind is blowing, gusting pretty good from time to time. But I can certainly feel spring, even summer a bit, on these winds and this day. With the wind comes a dust haze, so the mountains aren't quite as clear. That just adds to their mystique though. I really hope, this summer, to find myself treading up in those passes and paths. Like biking and swimming, I am going to have to start small and work my way to longer treks. I do have my rucksack ready. My boots are solidly broken in. I have the write socks, and other clothing, a couple of jackets, and even rain gear of various easily packed sorts. I would like to get a box or two of MRE's, so as to take a few with me, just in case. The goal is not to eat all that much but time and direction can escape a stranger in a strange land, and quickly. Four of those, and an emergency food bar, along with my water filter, could see me through a week without much distress. Some grumbling, of course, but nothing much worse. Out here, there are enough other outdoorsmen and people living here and there that being lost for a week in my chosen mountains would take some serious circle walking. :)
I ought to get a shower, and see if my friend wants to get out. Nothing fancy today, just taking him where he wants to go, then a meal somewhere. With the weather doing so well and me stirring from my winter slumbering, perhaps we could plan to go shooting soon. He has a brand new pistol and a new barrel on another pistol. He has be be chomping at the bit to walk them through their paces. I'm hoping the new barrel on his .45 will chamber and eject better. I think he may have sanded the receiver section the last barrel a bit much. But then, what do I really know. Reading gun mags does not a gunsmith make. I feel the need to fill my hand and speed some lead downrange myself.
Hmm, best cook the beans before I go. I can then let them cool while in town, brown the hamburger and mix the tomatoes and beans in when I get home, calling it good. Oh, I need fresh onions anyway. I have sour cream, shredded cheddar, and crackers should I want them. Usually my chili is more like a stew than a soup though, so crackers aren't exactly my thing. I love crackers for the soupy chili, and other runny soups, but not for stews of beef or bean type. Yeah, yeah, blathering. Let me get to it. I may, if it all works out, get to a bit of yard work tomorrow. Just raking a section, picking up some of the smaller limbs, and... being outside in fresh air.
Good day.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Starting to feel like a vampire.
.
.
No, no hunger for blood. Not of the vampire sort anyway. A little combat would be nice, sort of. It is just that as the sun begins to lighten the air just a tadge I find myself ready for bed. I don't like sleeping during the day, either. Because of the higher temps and light I don't sleep as well so I end up sleeping longer or not as well.
I'm not sure how my plans for getting to swimming and Mass Monday will work out. The alarm clock hasn't been helping, nor have my other efforts. I'll get there, soon enough, if not Monday.
How good is your sense of smell? This evening I noticed something wafting in from... somewhere. Sweet, grainy, earthy... It turned out to be the beans I am soaking. They had been soaking, in cold water, for several hours. In a pot with a lid on it. Simply put, that doesn't make sense. I shouldn't have been able to smell that. I can even smell when meats, rapped in plastic, I have out are thawed. Is that... natural? Normal? Remember, I chew tobacco. I sort of thought that would throw off my sense of smell. It doesn't, not for me. All of my senses, when I am able to focus at a normal level, are rather acute. I even have outstanding night vision. Not bad for someone who has not eaten properly for most of my adult life. It's not due to carrots.
I would like to stay up and cook the beans but a rinse and back to soaking is as good as I can do. The hamburger should be thawed by the time I wake up to begin working on the meal, though. I had forgotten that little detail. Chili sure sounds good. While it is spring, it is still rather chill usually. I'll have to give the neighbors a call, see if chili sounds good for them tonight or tomorrow. Oh, I have been keeping up on the dishes too. It's odd with just one person. It isn't worth doing one or two plates or dishes, but it accumulates quickly. It's like cooking for one, a bit of a trick.
Good night-morning.
.
No, no hunger for blood. Not of the vampire sort anyway. A little combat would be nice, sort of. It is just that as the sun begins to lighten the air just a tadge I find myself ready for bed. I don't like sleeping during the day, either. Because of the higher temps and light I don't sleep as well so I end up sleeping longer or not as well.
I'm not sure how my plans for getting to swimming and Mass Monday will work out. The alarm clock hasn't been helping, nor have my other efforts. I'll get there, soon enough, if not Monday.
How good is your sense of smell? This evening I noticed something wafting in from... somewhere. Sweet, grainy, earthy... It turned out to be the beans I am soaking. They had been soaking, in cold water, for several hours. In a pot with a lid on it. Simply put, that doesn't make sense. I shouldn't have been able to smell that. I can even smell when meats, rapped in plastic, I have out are thawed. Is that... natural? Normal? Remember, I chew tobacco. I sort of thought that would throw off my sense of smell. It doesn't, not for me. All of my senses, when I am able to focus at a normal level, are rather acute. I even have outstanding night vision. Not bad for someone who has not eaten properly for most of my adult life. It's not due to carrots.
I would like to stay up and cook the beans but a rinse and back to soaking is as good as I can do. The hamburger should be thawed by the time I wake up to begin working on the meal, though. I had forgotten that little detail. Chili sure sounds good. While it is spring, it is still rather chill usually. I'll have to give the neighbors a call, see if chili sounds good for them tonight or tomorrow. Oh, I have been keeping up on the dishes too. It's odd with just one person. It isn't worth doing one or two plates or dishes, but it accumulates quickly. It's like cooking for one, a bit of a trick.
Good night-morning.
Friday, March 30, 2012
The great escape.
.
.
I did, finally, get out last tonight. It was later than I had hoped and I couldn't sleep afterward. I purchased several new dishpans, a couple of smaller storage boxes for specific purposes, a smaller rug for near my computer (the old one is... ratty), and bagels and cream cheese. Nothing fancy. Though I needed most of those things, nothing was vital. Counting coup. The large storage box is actually going to be a bathtub based dishpan for my bigger pots, pans, and the roaster. Those things hang up my efforts to clean because they don't fit any of the sinks and I just have to talk myself into getting messy by cleaning those a corner at a time. I often end up soaked, too. Now I can cook to my heart's delight. To that end I have started soaking three pounds of beans for chili. I may offer my neighbors some, though it might be on the hotter side (even though I make it somewhat mild to my tastes). We will see.
I am also thawing that corned beef. I would like to make that. I couldn't eat all of that, either. But I know someone who might be interested. Pass a meal back once in a while, when I can. I love to cook, if I can't do it... on demand.
I may try to get out again tonight. I really need milk. As the seasons change, milk is coming back into fashion. In the winter I really don't drink, nor want to drink, as much. A gallon of whole milk a week at times, though often I can get two down. In the summer, three gallons is minimal. I don't feed the cats milk much anymore, since I learned it really isn't good for them. Sometimes only one or the other cat is interested anyway. Just a dab once in a while and they are happy. Sometimes I just share out of my cup.
While my days and nights seem to be getting confused, I am hoping to go ahead and get cracking on some of the heavier cleaning. Sweeping and mopping, picking up and vacuuming, and the bathrooms. I really need to figure my main bathroom out, it seems to be getting plugged far too often. I have a lousy plunger, but it does seem to do the trick, after great effort, for now. So I don't think it is roots. Still, a good 20' snake, or longer, might be needed. A professional plunger would be nice too. I've looked for the good plungers both locally and a bit in Ogden, to no good ends. For whatever reason I just can't seem to find one. I may have to order online.
I also need to get in for a haircut. I sort of like this, as I have said.
.
I did, finally, get out last tonight. It was later than I had hoped and I couldn't sleep afterward. I purchased several new dishpans, a couple of smaller storage boxes for specific purposes, a smaller rug for near my computer (the old one is... ratty), and bagels and cream cheese. Nothing fancy. Though I needed most of those things, nothing was vital. Counting coup. The large storage box is actually going to be a bathtub based dishpan for my bigger pots, pans, and the roaster. Those things hang up my efforts to clean because they don't fit any of the sinks and I just have to talk myself into getting messy by cleaning those a corner at a time. I often end up soaked, too. Now I can cook to my heart's delight. To that end I have started soaking three pounds of beans for chili. I may offer my neighbors some, though it might be on the hotter side (even though I make it somewhat mild to my tastes). We will see.
I am also thawing that corned beef. I would like to make that. I couldn't eat all of that, either. But I know someone who might be interested. Pass a meal back once in a while, when I can. I love to cook, if I can't do it... on demand.
I may try to get out again tonight. I really need milk. As the seasons change, milk is coming back into fashion. In the winter I really don't drink, nor want to drink, as much. A gallon of whole milk a week at times, though often I can get two down. In the summer, three gallons is minimal. I don't feed the cats milk much anymore, since I learned it really isn't good for them. Sometimes only one or the other cat is interested anyway. Just a dab once in a while and they are happy. Sometimes I just share out of my cup.
While my days and nights seem to be getting confused, I am hoping to go ahead and get cracking on some of the heavier cleaning. Sweeping and mopping, picking up and vacuuming, and the bathrooms. I really need to figure my main bathroom out, it seems to be getting plugged far too often. I have a lousy plunger, but it does seem to do the trick, after great effort, for now. So I don't think it is roots. Still, a good 20' snake, or longer, might be needed. A professional plunger would be nice too. I've looked for the good plungers both locally and a bit in Ogden, to no good ends. For whatever reason I just can't seem to find one. I may have to order online.
I also need to get in for a haircut. I sort of like this, as I have said.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Of course, I didn't sleep early last night.
.
.
No, whatever else, sleep was not in the cards until even later in the morning than usual. Not until after 8:00 did I finally slow down enough to try to sleep, after a call to my mother even then. And it was still a task getting to sleep. Title wave? I wish I could channel that source of power. I could probably electrify a small city with it. Getting to bed so late meant I slept long. Ah well, the goals are still set and the plans are intended and will be implemented soon or late. I have my mind and my eyes fixed on the goals.
I did look over chainsaw information. It seems the main danger is kickback, with other dangers including keeping your feet, paying attention to the physics of the cut, and standard gas engine and power tool considerations. I won't tell you why I fear chainsaws, only that I think with a little practice I can overcome it. They make wonderful tools, or weapons of terror. I knew someone one, back when I was a kid, who kept his chainsaw sharp and in good repair himself. I am not certain that is advisable for most. Much like most auto repair work. At this point it is beyond most people, especially with the added risk of destroying the warranty (if one exists).
I also dropped by the Apple store. It seems that I can add my own CDs to the playlist. That should help bunches. I have between three and four hundred CDs. Though it will be nice to get some songs in singles, from groups I generally have zero interest in otherwise. Of course, it will take a ton of time to upload three hundred fifty CDs, give or take. Ugh. A few a week, I suppose. That is, when the store will let me join. Last night they indicated there was some kind of problem. I hope it was just late night maintenance.
I may get into town tonight. Just... to get out. I am itching to get going with life again, but like usual, for health and other reasons, I am having to paw around the edges until I can get the whole thing working well and rightly. I need to find out if Walmart accepts coupons from all other stores. If so, I should have a much easier time keeping in caffeine. Soda is so expensive anymore, without a coupon.
.
No, whatever else, sleep was not in the cards until even later in the morning than usual. Not until after 8:00 did I finally slow down enough to try to sleep, after a call to my mother even then. And it was still a task getting to sleep. Title wave? I wish I could channel that source of power. I could probably electrify a small city with it. Getting to bed so late meant I slept long. Ah well, the goals are still set and the plans are intended and will be implemented soon or late. I have my mind and my eyes fixed on the goals.
I did look over chainsaw information. It seems the main danger is kickback, with other dangers including keeping your feet, paying attention to the physics of the cut, and standard gas engine and power tool considerations. I won't tell you why I fear chainsaws, only that I think with a little practice I can overcome it. They make wonderful tools, or weapons of terror. I knew someone one, back when I was a kid, who kept his chainsaw sharp and in good repair himself. I am not certain that is advisable for most. Much like most auto repair work. At this point it is beyond most people, especially with the added risk of destroying the warranty (if one exists).
I also dropped by the Apple store. It seems that I can add my own CDs to the playlist. That should help bunches. I have between three and four hundred CDs. Though it will be nice to get some songs in singles, from groups I generally have zero interest in otherwise. Of course, it will take a ton of time to upload three hundred fifty CDs, give or take. Ugh. A few a week, I suppose. That is, when the store will let me join. Last night they indicated there was some kind of problem. I hope it was just late night maintenance.
I may get into town tonight. Just... to get out. I am itching to get going with life again, but like usual, for health and other reasons, I am having to paw around the edges until I can get the whole thing working well and rightly. I need to find out if Walmart accepts coupons from all other stores. If so, I should have a much easier time keeping in caffeine. Soda is so expensive anymore, without a coupon.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
No, not tonight.
.
.
I think I will just stay home tonight. I am even going to try and get to sleep at a more normal hour. For whatever reason I do believe sleep should be easy tonight. I'll set my alarm as well. A shower, hopefully first thing tomorrow, then maybe into town. A bit of shopping for a chainsaw, lots of questions about them, and some other shopping. Getting my friend out, if he doesn't have an appointment, is also on the list. Nothing fancy, but maybe gaining a bit of traction to begin attending Mass and beginning swimming. Having my clocks and watch set up correctly should help me do what I want greatly though too. No wonder my friend has seemed a bit grumpier than usual lately. I was always way later then even my usual tardiness.
I may do a few bits of investigation before I sleep though. Chainsaws aren't toys, mostly, so a bit of looking around online for general, and specific, safety and use videos (since I still can't quite focus enough to read well). Thank God for Youtube, currently. I can learn, I just can't get words to make all that much sense. Visual and oral communications, however, go straight through without issue, and are processed into understanding quickly and efficiently. I feel a bit like Charlie Brown, when he was listening to adults, only as pertaining to reading. *buzz* It's difficult to listen to women, vocally, though too. I don't understand it, though it does remind me of when I was about ten or eleven years old (and then on through... to my twenties?). Something. There was something else I was going to check out... but I've already forgotten. Bah!
Good night.
Oh, right. I mean to investigate getting my waterproof I-pod loaded. Just sniff around the perimeter of all that for now. I probably need to get a flash memory card, as I don't trust this computer. My smart phone might also work, and be better at sorting and transferring. I'll... begin sniffing around the topic tonight. To bed by 23:00 though, I hope. Yes, good night. Ser-us-ly.
.
I think I will just stay home tonight. I am even going to try and get to sleep at a more normal hour. For whatever reason I do believe sleep should be easy tonight. I'll set my alarm as well. A shower, hopefully first thing tomorrow, then maybe into town. A bit of shopping for a chainsaw, lots of questions about them, and some other shopping. Getting my friend out, if he doesn't have an appointment, is also on the list. Nothing fancy, but maybe gaining a bit of traction to begin attending Mass and beginning swimming. Having my clocks and watch set up correctly should help me do what I want greatly though too. No wonder my friend has seemed a bit grumpier than usual lately. I was always way later then even my usual tardiness.
I may do a few bits of investigation before I sleep though. Chainsaws aren't toys, mostly, so a bit of looking around online for general, and specific, safety and use videos (since I still can't quite focus enough to read well). Thank God for Youtube, currently. I can learn, I just can't get words to make all that much sense. Visual and oral communications, however, go straight through without issue, and are processed into understanding quickly and efficiently. I feel a bit like Charlie Brown, when he was listening to adults, only as pertaining to reading. *buzz* It's difficult to listen to women, vocally, though too. I don't understand it, though it does remind me of when I was about ten or eleven years old (and then on through... to my twenties?). Something. There was something else I was going to check out... but I've already forgotten. Bah!
Good night.
Oh, right. I mean to investigate getting my waterproof I-pod loaded. Just sniff around the perimeter of all that for now. I probably need to get a flash memory card, as I don't trust this computer. My smart phone might also work, and be better at sorting and transferring. I'll... begin sniffing around the topic tonight. To bed by 23:00 though, I hope. Yes, good night. Ser-us-ly.
It's still a bit rough.
.
.
Doing what little I do is taking standing on the accelerator and grinding the gears. I guess I don't mind, if it feels like I am saddled riding a 40's era tractor in the Indy 500. So long as I don't compare, I suppose I am doing better than when simply strapped to the anchor of a carrier.
It has been cloudy and raining lately, so getting to yard work has not been the thing to do. And I seem to be waking much later than usual, my sleep patterns are shifting again. I am hoping to go to town tonight or tomorrow. Just to escape. I will call my friend if the time is reasonable. I did find the chainsaw shop I want to visit, and their hours. They are closed by now, so tomorrow might be the better time to go. I could try to set the alarm, to get me up by... 12:00, or even 14:00.
I've got to say, with the pounds coming off and with the muscle I do have under those pounds, I am starting to look... better. I'll never have a 31" waist, bench 550, or swim three miles in one session again. But I could get to 240 and maybe a 36" waist. I might even get to swimming a mile and a half and benching 400. But that will be a gimmick, since it will be hit and miss. Then again, isn't life mostly a gimmick? Do something grand and it is always about "what have you done lately"? And just doing something grand takes... more energy and concentration and resources than what it is really worth. Whether academic, athletic, or whatever, it's about doing something then selling yourself as the one who did what... really... no one else was interested in investing their own time and resources to do. No, not being cynical, just... dealing with the reals.
Still waking cranky, body wise. It might just be the spring weather. The weather and feel of this time of year allows wonderful sleep. Too wonderful, perhaps. Maybe I am just not rolling like I should. The sleep itself is wondrous. I best set up my medicines again. I am trying to stay on them, for whatever good they might do, mostly since they aren't doing any damage. The next time a doctor or nurse tries to get me to do something that is against my understanding of what is good for me in the real here and now I am simply going to ask them what the fundamental principle behind medicine is. Do you know it? "First, do no harm." So... there! I will not allow them to do harm, that is all. Long term be damned if I can't put food in my face, and I already have trouble with that.
While my neighbors usually bring over the meals, about once a week another family will feed me. I am slowly meeting more of the townfolk. It is brief, but... good. And, of course, my meals vary as such. I am grateful, very much so. I can't, even now, cook or eat well otherwise. A few squares a week and my meager efforts makes for a bit more function. And, when the time is right, perhaps even heroic, considering my situation, forays into more of life. Hiking, swimming, weight lifting, travel, and whatever else.
Later.
.
Doing what little I do is taking standing on the accelerator and grinding the gears. I guess I don't mind, if it feels like I am saddled riding a 40's era tractor in the Indy 500. So long as I don't compare, I suppose I am doing better than when simply strapped to the anchor of a carrier.
It has been cloudy and raining lately, so getting to yard work has not been the thing to do. And I seem to be waking much later than usual, my sleep patterns are shifting again. I am hoping to go to town tonight or tomorrow. Just to escape. I will call my friend if the time is reasonable. I did find the chainsaw shop I want to visit, and their hours. They are closed by now, so tomorrow might be the better time to go. I could try to set the alarm, to get me up by... 12:00, or even 14:00.
I've got to say, with the pounds coming off and with the muscle I do have under those pounds, I am starting to look... better. I'll never have a 31" waist, bench 550, or swim three miles in one session again. But I could get to 240 and maybe a 36" waist. I might even get to swimming a mile and a half and benching 400. But that will be a gimmick, since it will be hit and miss. Then again, isn't life mostly a gimmick? Do something grand and it is always about "what have you done lately"? And just doing something grand takes... more energy and concentration and resources than what it is really worth. Whether academic, athletic, or whatever, it's about doing something then selling yourself as the one who did what... really... no one else was interested in investing their own time and resources to do. No, not being cynical, just... dealing with the reals.
Still waking cranky, body wise. It might just be the spring weather. The weather and feel of this time of year allows wonderful sleep. Too wonderful, perhaps. Maybe I am just not rolling like I should. The sleep itself is wondrous. I best set up my medicines again. I am trying to stay on them, for whatever good they might do, mostly since they aren't doing any damage. The next time a doctor or nurse tries to get me to do something that is against my understanding of what is good for me in the real here and now I am simply going to ask them what the fundamental principle behind medicine is. Do you know it? "First, do no harm." So... there! I will not allow them to do harm, that is all. Long term be damned if I can't put food in my face, and I already have trouble with that.
While my neighbors usually bring over the meals, about once a week another family will feed me. I am slowly meeting more of the townfolk. It is brief, but... good. And, of course, my meals vary as such. I am grateful, very much so. I can't, even now, cook or eat well otherwise. A few squares a week and my meager efforts makes for a bit more function. And, when the time is right, perhaps even heroic, considering my situation, forays into more of life. Hiking, swimming, weight lifting, travel, and whatever else.
Later.
Getting ready.
.
.
I keep looking around the house for more things to do. Oh, there are more things. The kitchen floor needs a better sweeping and then a mopping or two. The living room needs a serious run through. My bedroom could use a little bit of neatening. And the bathroom, as usual, could take a serious bit of elbow grease. None of those, however, seem all that interesting at the moment. I'm looking for something easy, or... different. I dunno. Still, I am back in the game a bit. Now to get out. I know my friend could use getting out too.
I fried a batch of chicken tonight, as practice for doing so for the neighbors. I need to practice a few more times. At this altitude, and aridity, I believe I have the timing down, and the crust. First, I soak the chicken in salt water for about an hour, then drain it and coat it in flour (not patting it dry). I then bake it for about 45 minutes. Then I coat it in flour a second time and deep fry it. It's the only way to make sure the chicken is completely done, something I am a stickler about. I like it, but I am not sure it will be up to their notion of KFC chicken. I need, next, to figure out how to spice it. The crust is fantastic. The chicken is done. But it tastes rather... bland. I'm thinking on it. And I need to practice potato salad a time or three as well. I might end up quite tired of the stuff, but I want it right before I offer it up in thanks.
I'm still taking medicine, fairly well. And I am sleeping the right amount at between seven and eight hours. Further, I am staying up about the right number of hours, sixteen to eighteen. But I am still waking with a sore neck, getting minor headaches, and that stiff neck and upper torso thing continues. I've tried several different arrangements of various pillows but nothing seems to be helping. I'll figure it out or get over it.
I finally did, tonight, what Sassy had been messing up, in my game. There is a hack I wanted to do. The thing is it is an extremely boring, repetitive, long process. It takes between five and six hours, each step taking about a minute (mostly game reload time). It seems like she (Sassy) knew when to arrive, and would mess me up. She did it three different times, twice after I had been working the thing for over four hours! Tonight, when she arrived, I had about an hour left of "work". But instead of just trying to shoo her away I simply put her outside until I was done. Sam tried to do something similar but I can shoo her away and she gets the idea. But I have to really work at it with her, more than most times. It's like they want to trip me up. Women! And, yes, as odd as it is, I was quite pleased with my accomplishment. It's the type of task I hate, often I can't do it because I don't have the focus, and yet I got it done. I still wish I could afford a decent computer for gaming, consoles stink when it comes to cheats, which often make the third or fourth playthrough much more entertaining. Cheats also help break down problem areas so a regular run through makes more sense.
Oh, I got my clock set back up, along with all of the other clocks in the house. I set my watch up too, but will redo it before going to bed. For whatever reason, I set it ahead an hour. But the rest of the clocks are all good. Yeah, I feel better about that, too.
Good night, or morning.
.
I keep looking around the house for more things to do. Oh, there are more things. The kitchen floor needs a better sweeping and then a mopping or two. The living room needs a serious run through. My bedroom could use a little bit of neatening. And the bathroom, as usual, could take a serious bit of elbow grease. None of those, however, seem all that interesting at the moment. I'm looking for something easy, or... different. I dunno. Still, I am back in the game a bit. Now to get out. I know my friend could use getting out too.
I fried a batch of chicken tonight, as practice for doing so for the neighbors. I need to practice a few more times. At this altitude, and aridity, I believe I have the timing down, and the crust. First, I soak the chicken in salt water for about an hour, then drain it and coat it in flour (not patting it dry). I then bake it for about 45 minutes. Then I coat it in flour a second time and deep fry it. It's the only way to make sure the chicken is completely done, something I am a stickler about. I like it, but I am not sure it will be up to their notion of KFC chicken. I need, next, to figure out how to spice it. The crust is fantastic. The chicken is done. But it tastes rather... bland. I'm thinking on it. And I need to practice potato salad a time or three as well. I might end up quite tired of the stuff, but I want it right before I offer it up in thanks.
I'm still taking medicine, fairly well. And I am sleeping the right amount at between seven and eight hours. Further, I am staying up about the right number of hours, sixteen to eighteen. But I am still waking with a sore neck, getting minor headaches, and that stiff neck and upper torso thing continues. I've tried several different arrangements of various pillows but nothing seems to be helping. I'll figure it out or get over it.
I finally did, tonight, what Sassy had been messing up, in my game. There is a hack I wanted to do. The thing is it is an extremely boring, repetitive, long process. It takes between five and six hours, each step taking about a minute (mostly game reload time). It seems like she (Sassy) knew when to arrive, and would mess me up. She did it three different times, twice after I had been working the thing for over four hours! Tonight, when she arrived, I had about an hour left of "work". But instead of just trying to shoo her away I simply put her outside until I was done. Sam tried to do something similar but I can shoo her away and she gets the idea. But I have to really work at it with her, more than most times. It's like they want to trip me up. Women! And, yes, as odd as it is, I was quite pleased with my accomplishment. It's the type of task I hate, often I can't do it because I don't have the focus, and yet I got it done. I still wish I could afford a decent computer for gaming, consoles stink when it comes to cheats, which often make the third or fourth playthrough much more entertaining. Cheats also help break down problem areas so a regular run through makes more sense.
Oh, I got my clock set back up, along with all of the other clocks in the house. I set my watch up too, but will redo it before going to bed. For whatever reason, I set it ahead an hour. But the rest of the clocks are all good. Yeah, I feel better about that, too.
Good night, or morning.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Oh, about blogging.
.
.
I apologize for not commenting much. It has been a great effort to even read, so commenting at other blogs has been... unlikely. Perhaps I will get back into the swing of things. There is something good about leaving a nice note at the e-door of some total stranger, from time to time. Odd how total strangers can turn out to be quite decent friends.
Oh, and Sassy is out of the dog house. She is way to cute, curious, and creative to stay in there long. But she knows when she is in it and, until she forgets, acts just as apologetic as any child could. Way too funny.
That is all.
.
I apologize for not commenting much. It has been a great effort to even read, so commenting at other blogs has been... unlikely. Perhaps I will get back into the swing of things. There is something good about leaving a nice note at the e-door of some total stranger, from time to time. Odd how total strangers can turn out to be quite decent friends.
Oh, and Sassy is out of the dog house. She is way to cute, curious, and creative to stay in there long. But she knows when she is in it and, until she forgets, acts just as apologetic as any child could. Way too funny.
That is all.
A rough one.
.
.
Sleep has been weird lately. Spring, I suspect, is turning things upside down. Whether for that reason or some other I have been unable to sleep rightly. No matter how I adjust the pillows I wake with a cranky neck and stiff upper torso. A little massaging and stretching finds me in a reasonable humor with more flexibility but without complete relief. And my body is being weird. My feet and lower legs feel like they are on fire while my upper body is cold. Attempting to go without shoes and socks merely causes the whole of me to feel like I'm in an ice machine while wearing an extra layer causes my legs to cook at a higher degree. Probably some oddity dealing with my illnesses.
Never to worry though. With the kitchen nearly cleaned, just a bit more to go, and the rest of my home on notice that it will be getting at least a lick-and-spit treatment (think back to when your mother would, with zero time remaining, groom you, specifically your hair... argh!), but probably even more. With laundry caught up and food production back into potential swing again and all the rest, I am hoping to begin attending Mass and swimming at the first of the month. My goggles are in, I have a proper kick-board, I have two pair of swim trunks that fit rightly, if I haven't yet set up my I-pod. The I-pod can wait though, it is really for when I begin swimming more serious laps, which... won't be for a month or two after I even get to the pool, and if I can stick with it. Ugh.
I opened the windows, again today, for another airing out. With the dishes washed, trash and recycling out, and kitty litter sorted out, the fresh air should begin making a real difference. A bit more straitening would bring my home back up to specs. The truth is, though, nobody lives in a perfect home, clean and kempt at all times. I just have this weird notion of how "it should be". My mother actually ran a pretty tight ship, even when there were many of us kids. So did my foster parents. My mother though, was driven... by the ghost of her mother. By a concept that is as flawed as mine. My foster mother hated doing the work. Toward the end she simply quit doing work. One of my foster brothers first hired a maid, but when even that wasn't enough, he moved her in with his family. She had quit cooking and cleaning, as soon as us kids were gone and my father died actually. I think, though, she only ever became a wife and mother because b.c. didn't really exist well in her time, and... it was more socially expected. Had she been born in the 60's or 70's she never would have been a wife.
Anyway, I need to try to get back to... something... anything. This grudgingly meek life is an absolute bullocks buster. I am, regardless of how it might seem, a man of action. Inaction is a curse, a bane, a thorn in my side. I have to try to look for a way out whenever I am able even in the slightest.
When it warms enough, and is dry, I am hoping to begin crawling under my home and figuring things out. I want to look at the electrical and plumbing, just to figure how things work. There is an outlet that isn't working, and I want it to work. Watching D.C. pull some electrical together has been making the notion seem more real. For the moment, just doing some AC work is on the agenda. But if I can rework that one outlet I would have much greater confidence considering some DC work. While electrical isn't rocket science, it is a combination of grunt-work and actual functional design. You don't blindly do something. And it can easily be lethal. It's big boy stuff. And a chainsaw. I really do need one. Perhaps, this week some day, I will be able to be up early enough to get to town, track down the saw store, and compare the Stihl and Husqvarna. Both would run at least $500, and more with a case and kit, topping out even a goodly bit more should I choose to have two chains, or even three chains and two lengths of bar. An 18" to 20" bar is probably all I need to start, but a 24" bar could come in quite handy when the big trees are taken out in whole. As well, a cutting and a limbing chain might be quite useful, though only for the shorter bar.
I don't know. I just know sitting around has been pure "suckage", as kids might say. I best get to it. Nothing today, save maybe practice with fried chicken tonight. But the plans have begun. I am planning my escape, figuring when the "guards" will be most at ease, and thinking about where to go and what to do when I make it out.
Later.
.
Sleep has been weird lately. Spring, I suspect, is turning things upside down. Whether for that reason or some other I have been unable to sleep rightly. No matter how I adjust the pillows I wake with a cranky neck and stiff upper torso. A little massaging and stretching finds me in a reasonable humor with more flexibility but without complete relief. And my body is being weird. My feet and lower legs feel like they are on fire while my upper body is cold. Attempting to go without shoes and socks merely causes the whole of me to feel like I'm in an ice machine while wearing an extra layer causes my legs to cook at a higher degree. Probably some oddity dealing with my illnesses.
Never to worry though. With the kitchen nearly cleaned, just a bit more to go, and the rest of my home on notice that it will be getting at least a lick-and-spit treatment (think back to when your mother would, with zero time remaining, groom you, specifically your hair... argh!), but probably even more. With laundry caught up and food production back into potential swing again and all the rest, I am hoping to begin attending Mass and swimming at the first of the month. My goggles are in, I have a proper kick-board, I have two pair of swim trunks that fit rightly, if I haven't yet set up my I-pod. The I-pod can wait though, it is really for when I begin swimming more serious laps, which... won't be for a month or two after I even get to the pool, and if I can stick with it. Ugh.
I opened the windows, again today, for another airing out. With the dishes washed, trash and recycling out, and kitty litter sorted out, the fresh air should begin making a real difference. A bit more straitening would bring my home back up to specs. The truth is, though, nobody lives in a perfect home, clean and kempt at all times. I just have this weird notion of how "it should be". My mother actually ran a pretty tight ship, even when there were many of us kids. So did my foster parents. My mother though, was driven... by the ghost of her mother. By a concept that is as flawed as mine. My foster mother hated doing the work. Toward the end she simply quit doing work. One of my foster brothers first hired a maid, but when even that wasn't enough, he moved her in with his family. She had quit cooking and cleaning, as soon as us kids were gone and my father died actually. I think, though, she only ever became a wife and mother because b.c. didn't really exist well in her time, and... it was more socially expected. Had she been born in the 60's or 70's she never would have been a wife.
Anyway, I need to try to get back to... something... anything. This grudgingly meek life is an absolute bullocks buster. I am, regardless of how it might seem, a man of action. Inaction is a curse, a bane, a thorn in my side. I have to try to look for a way out whenever I am able even in the slightest.
When it warms enough, and is dry, I am hoping to begin crawling under my home and figuring things out. I want to look at the electrical and plumbing, just to figure how things work. There is an outlet that isn't working, and I want it to work. Watching D.C. pull some electrical together has been making the notion seem more real. For the moment, just doing some AC work is on the agenda. But if I can rework that one outlet I would have much greater confidence considering some DC work. While electrical isn't rocket science, it is a combination of grunt-work and actual functional design. You don't blindly do something. And it can easily be lethal. It's big boy stuff. And a chainsaw. I really do need one. Perhaps, this week some day, I will be able to be up early enough to get to town, track down the saw store, and compare the Stihl and Husqvarna. Both would run at least $500, and more with a case and kit, topping out even a goodly bit more should I choose to have two chains, or even three chains and two lengths of bar. An 18" to 20" bar is probably all I need to start, but a 24" bar could come in quite handy when the big trees are taken out in whole. As well, a cutting and a limbing chain might be quite useful, though only for the shorter bar.
I don't know. I just know sitting around has been pure "suckage", as kids might say. I best get to it. Nothing today, save maybe practice with fried chicken tonight. But the plans have begun. I am planning my escape, figuring when the "guards" will be most at ease, and thinking about where to go and what to do when I make it out.
Later.
Dinner with the neighbors.
.
.
They have six children, from six to sixteen or seventeen. I can't remember how old the eldest daughter is, but something like that. I can only imagine how things are as such, from the little glimpse I got. Though having a visitor does stir the pot a bit I think. I remembered having that many siblings, but from the prospective of a child, and the youngest at that. For the adults, at times, it must be chilling. Still, that is exactly what I wish for. While you can never be alone, as a downside, that is also a very solid upside. You can never get so into yourself that you forget what is happening. I honestly am jealous, in the best of ways.
It was also good to speak with adults. Bleary eyed from the work of raising children, cooking, gardening, teaching, and life, they were still quite pleasant hosts. I still am not quite sure how they do it, then again I don't think they always know. And it isn't like six children just appeared on their door step. It was one at a time until someone noticed the bathroom needed a schedule! :)
I hope I wasn't a poor guest. I seem to just say things. I might get labeled as a heretic, probably even by some Catholics, and not just religiously. I tend, as you know, to take an actionable and positive (as in active) conservative position. And women, conservative or not, tend to be rather of the liberal bent. Women, I think, don't tend to trust action because they aren't as capable of it as men. Diplomacy and trust are what they depend upon. Never worry, I think I was decent.
I will admit, while I enjoyed the children, they did wear me out. Something about the way they shed more energy just... moving, or talking, or anything, than I seem to have in my whole body. It absolutely wore me out. I needed a nap when I got home. The more I see of children, the more I would like a half dozen or more. Oh, I am of no misunderstanding. You don't have children to extend your life, if that does tend to happen. You share your life with some random creature who will eventually become their own person. I remember a comedian who suggested children where bums you create for your own home. Too funny. But they are blood. They are the future. They are to hope, trust, faith. And they are every bit a natural part of the bitter-sweet relationship between men and women. A truce to a war that can never be won.
Dinner was very good too. It was amazing watching the final touches of cooking. She feeds an army! I can only imagine how much food they go through in a week, month. Cooking must almost be a non-stop effort.
Anyway, that was my night, with a nap thrown in afterwards.
.
They have six children, from six to sixteen or seventeen. I can't remember how old the eldest daughter is, but something like that. I can only imagine how things are as such, from the little glimpse I got. Though having a visitor does stir the pot a bit I think. I remembered having that many siblings, but from the prospective of a child, and the youngest at that. For the adults, at times, it must be chilling. Still, that is exactly what I wish for. While you can never be alone, as a downside, that is also a very solid upside. You can never get so into yourself that you forget what is happening. I honestly am jealous, in the best of ways.
It was also good to speak with adults. Bleary eyed from the work of raising children, cooking, gardening, teaching, and life, they were still quite pleasant hosts. I still am not quite sure how they do it, then again I don't think they always know. And it isn't like six children just appeared on their door step. It was one at a time until someone noticed the bathroom needed a schedule! :)
I hope I wasn't a poor guest. I seem to just say things. I might get labeled as a heretic, probably even by some Catholics, and not just religiously. I tend, as you know, to take an actionable and positive (as in active) conservative position. And women, conservative or not, tend to be rather of the liberal bent. Women, I think, don't tend to trust action because they aren't as capable of it as men. Diplomacy and trust are what they depend upon. Never worry, I think I was decent.
I will admit, while I enjoyed the children, they did wear me out. Something about the way they shed more energy just... moving, or talking, or anything, than I seem to have in my whole body. It absolutely wore me out. I needed a nap when I got home. The more I see of children, the more I would like a half dozen or more. Oh, I am of no misunderstanding. You don't have children to extend your life, if that does tend to happen. You share your life with some random creature who will eventually become their own person. I remember a comedian who suggested children where bums you create for your own home. Too funny. But they are blood. They are the future. They are to hope, trust, faith. And they are every bit a natural part of the bitter-sweet relationship between men and women. A truce to a war that can never be won.
Dinner was very good too. It was amazing watching the final touches of cooking. She feeds an army! I can only imagine how much food they go through in a week, month. Cooking must almost be a non-stop effort.
Anyway, that was my night, with a nap thrown in afterwards.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Well... ^2
.
.
(that is, "well..." squared)
I didn't get out last night again. But I did do two loads of laundry (about all I reasonably could put together for even a partial load) and three loads of dishes, plus everything else has been sorted and is soaking in hot sudsy as I write. I suppose a few items will pop up, as I go further along. But for the most part all of the silverware and dishes have been washed. I don't just wash them, either. If anything is out of order, they went back into soaking and were washed again. Actually, all of them got at least two washings. Yeah, it was that bad. I suspect the pans will get a couple of soaks and scrubbings too. But, by the end of the week, the kitchen should be fully operational. And more, I got all of the trash and recycling out to the bins and the bins out to the street.
I had hoped to get a shower and shave in, but it is just not going to happen. Done, I tell you. Pleased as punch, mostly. Why do cats have to be so jealous of gaming? Just like women, perhaps children, they can't leave you alone, more so the more intent you are on something. Bah! Never mind on that, just so you know though, Sassy is in the dog house for now. This is the second time she has deliberately screwed something up. Brat.
On to bed. I have been asked over to dinner tonight! I need some sleep, then a shower and shave. My stubble just will not pass for a beard currently so off it goes. Odd, but as winter is setting in my beard grows like mad. But when spring begins to show, I can't get the thing to sprout for the life of me. I really think there is more of a connection to the earth than most realize. While the earth isn't a god, we were created from it. And I think that attachment is more profound than just ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I dunno the whole of it, doubt anyone ever will, some things are so steep of a curve as to be beyond our reckoning.
Bed time though. Good night.
.
(that is, "well..." squared)
I didn't get out last night again. But I did do two loads of laundry (about all I reasonably could put together for even a partial load) and three loads of dishes, plus everything else has been sorted and is soaking in hot sudsy as I write. I suppose a few items will pop up, as I go further along. But for the most part all of the silverware and dishes have been washed. I don't just wash them, either. If anything is out of order, they went back into soaking and were washed again. Actually, all of them got at least two washings. Yeah, it was that bad. I suspect the pans will get a couple of soaks and scrubbings too. But, by the end of the week, the kitchen should be fully operational. And more, I got all of the trash and recycling out to the bins and the bins out to the street.
I had hoped to get a shower and shave in, but it is just not going to happen. Done, I tell you. Pleased as punch, mostly. Why do cats have to be so jealous of gaming? Just like women, perhaps children, they can't leave you alone, more so the more intent you are on something. Bah! Never mind on that, just so you know though, Sassy is in the dog house for now. This is the second time she has deliberately screwed something up. Brat.
On to bed. I have been asked over to dinner tonight! I need some sleep, then a shower and shave. My stubble just will not pass for a beard currently so off it goes. Odd, but as winter is setting in my beard grows like mad. But when spring begins to show, I can't get the thing to sprout for the life of me. I really think there is more of a connection to the earth than most realize. While the earth isn't a god, we were created from it. And I think that attachment is more profound than just ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I dunno the whole of it, doubt anyone ever will, some things are so steep of a curve as to be beyond our reckoning.
Bed time though. Good night.
Well...
.
.
I didn't make it out last night. I did get the cat litter cleaned, washed a jacket, swept, soaked the dishes again (might actually finish that group tonight yet), and got the trash and recycling ready to go. I hope, tonight, to get out. While I go I will put the trash and recycling out. Today I aired the house out. Laundry and the dishes are high on the priority list after that, and of course, escaping a bit more often. Even just to do yard work but hopefully more than that.
I won't complain. Though it wasn't what I had hoped to do, it was more than I have been doing and probably more work, and more vital work, than what I had planned. After the dishes I do believe I will take a shower, dress, and head to town. Like I said, nothing of great need is pulling me. I just need to get used to escaping again.
I really have to consider a chain saw. It would make some work much easier, doable at all actually. The thing is, would I ever actually get to the point where I can use it? And, should I get an axe for the limbs, or just use the chainsaw for all of it? I don't know what I am doing, at all, in this field. How wise is it to guess-and-bygolly a chainsaw? Then again, what do I do that would pass for wise, at least according to the medical community? Then again, to that, they haven't exactly been a proven reliable resource to me so I don't think doing what they want IS wise. Nevermind. I'm certainly wanting a chainsaw, in any case. And a dishwasher. I'd prefer one you can "load" with beer, but that may not be possible. Still working on that, too.
Well, just thought I'd put something up. A minor update, and proof that the ol' boy is still kicking around, trying to figure things out. Later.
.
I didn't make it out last night. I did get the cat litter cleaned, washed a jacket, swept, soaked the dishes again (might actually finish that group tonight yet), and got the trash and recycling ready to go. I hope, tonight, to get out. While I go I will put the trash and recycling out. Today I aired the house out. Laundry and the dishes are high on the priority list after that, and of course, escaping a bit more often. Even just to do yard work but hopefully more than that.
I won't complain. Though it wasn't what I had hoped to do, it was more than I have been doing and probably more work, and more vital work, than what I had planned. After the dishes I do believe I will take a shower, dress, and head to town. Like I said, nothing of great need is pulling me. I just need to get used to escaping again.
I really have to consider a chain saw. It would make some work much easier, doable at all actually. The thing is, would I ever actually get to the point where I can use it? And, should I get an axe for the limbs, or just use the chainsaw for all of it? I don't know what I am doing, at all, in this field. How wise is it to guess-and-bygolly a chainsaw? Then again, what do I do that would pass for wise, at least according to the medical community? Then again, to that, they haven't exactly been a proven reliable resource to me so I don't think doing what they want IS wise. Nevermind. I'm certainly wanting a chainsaw, in any case. And a dishwasher. I'd prefer one you can "load" with beer, but that may not be possible. Still working on that, too.
Well, just thought I'd put something up. A minor update, and proof that the ol' boy is still kicking around, trying to figure things out. Later.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Tweaky but perhaps on track again.
.
.
Maybe spring has sprung for me. The weather has been quite pleasant. I escaped the dungeon last night and went shopping. A few food items of food were bought but more a cat food run. I have a two month's supply built up, more if I feed them as I feel I should. Then again, even feeding them as I have Sassy has slimmed down just a bit. And the way I do things now, they no longer beg (mostly). When they actually do beg it really is feeding time or they need water.
I am hoping to get another shower in this evening, then make another run to town. I have nothing of interest to buy, though I might get something or other. Counting coup, in a way, and since scalps are sort of out of fashion these days, a canister of a specific flavor of Gatorade will just have to do? Yes. :)
I keep looking outdoors. I want to get on raking and limb/wood work. I don't want to have to have people come over and do my yard this year. I am also working the dishes, sort of. I want to begin cooking, mostly so I can begin eating a bit more. The dishes stand in the way of that. Yes, a dishwasher might really be a need, D.C. Plans are, once again, underway. I lost track of everything there for a while.
My guess is my heart is sending blood to whichever part of my body is screaming for it. If my brain, or parts of it, are good, my internal organs get it. If those are good, my muscles receive a dose. I have a rolling blackout, or brownout more like. It seems my brain hasn't "needed" much attention. Now it is getting it and I can plan. But that doesn't mean my muscles are up to it. You see the fix I am in? At least I can put words, and sense, to it now. Yes, I think that is how it works.
I need to help my friend escape from his dungeon soon too. Perhaps tomorrow, or the day after. It depends a bit on how tonight goes. I need to familiarize myself with the outside world again before I can help someone else get out into it. I sorely want to go shooting again. It has been a very long time, and no, games don't count. Just letting some lead fly, putting it on target, the feel, feedback, and noise... It is an enjoyable pursuit.
I best get going. Just... leaving a positive note for any who might be reading. And... for myself. There is something about writing things out that helps make sense of the world. It makes hope more real, increases the chances that those hopes translate into reality. Plus, it uses some of the rarified by illness brainpower. You do realize how much it takes to write a coherent sentence, let alone paragraph, don't you? On the fly, without script, based on observed or understood realities? Speaking is easier, with the exception perhaps of actual speeches but those are only more difficult because of the social aspects involved. Nervous much.
Bah, blathering. I best get a bit more gaming done, than a shower, dressing, and grooming, then hit the road. It'll be late when I get out but I will take what I can get. Good night.
.
Maybe spring has sprung for me. The weather has been quite pleasant. I escaped the dungeon last night and went shopping. A few food items of food were bought but more a cat food run. I have a two month's supply built up, more if I feed them as I feel I should. Then again, even feeding them as I have Sassy has slimmed down just a bit. And the way I do things now, they no longer beg (mostly). When they actually do beg it really is feeding time or they need water.
I am hoping to get another shower in this evening, then make another run to town. I have nothing of interest to buy, though I might get something or other. Counting coup, in a way, and since scalps are sort of out of fashion these days, a canister of a specific flavor of Gatorade will just have to do? Yes. :)
I keep looking outdoors. I want to get on raking and limb/wood work. I don't want to have to have people come over and do my yard this year. I am also working the dishes, sort of. I want to begin cooking, mostly so I can begin eating a bit more. The dishes stand in the way of that. Yes, a dishwasher might really be a need, D.C. Plans are, once again, underway. I lost track of everything there for a while.
My guess is my heart is sending blood to whichever part of my body is screaming for it. If my brain, or parts of it, are good, my internal organs get it. If those are good, my muscles receive a dose. I have a rolling blackout, or brownout more like. It seems my brain hasn't "needed" much attention. Now it is getting it and I can plan. But that doesn't mean my muscles are up to it. You see the fix I am in? At least I can put words, and sense, to it now. Yes, I think that is how it works.
I need to help my friend escape from his dungeon soon too. Perhaps tomorrow, or the day after. It depends a bit on how tonight goes. I need to familiarize myself with the outside world again before I can help someone else get out into it. I sorely want to go shooting again. It has been a very long time, and no, games don't count. Just letting some lead fly, putting it on target, the feel, feedback, and noise... It is an enjoyable pursuit.
I best get going. Just... leaving a positive note for any who might be reading. And... for myself. There is something about writing things out that helps make sense of the world. It makes hope more real, increases the chances that those hopes translate into reality. Plus, it uses some of the rarified by illness brainpower. You do realize how much it takes to write a coherent sentence, let alone paragraph, don't you? On the fly, without script, based on observed or understood realities? Speaking is easier, with the exception perhaps of actual speeches but those are only more difficult because of the social aspects involved. Nervous much.
Bah, blathering. I best get a bit more gaming done, than a shower, dressing, and grooming, then hit the road. It'll be late when I get out but I will take what I can get. Good night.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Not much, but...
.
.
I have taken four showers this week. Other than opening the windows and doors a couple of times to air things out that has been about all I have done. I almost feel like something will be happening soon. Medicines don't really help or hurt, short term, so I don't mind taking them. When I can remember to take them and keep the medi-set filled.
I used to wonder whether what was wrong was physical or mental. Yes, I do realize the cause is physical. But the cause, my heart, creates both physical exhaustion and mental confusion, disorientation. It might seem like this would be obvious, and to a degree it is. But it's not obvious in some ways. Knowing doesn't help, I can't manually just switch something, or think "happy thoughts", or... massage the issue. Medicine doesn't really always do much. Nor, in truth, would a new heart (with all of the complications and added vulnerabilities). Not that I am complaining. Few men would survive having a defunct heart for so long. The risk of a heart attack is 35% or higher, just with my ejection refraction, per year. The chance of a stroke is similar. I've had a bad heart for 25 years. You crack the numbers. Add in that both of my ventricles are enlarged, and probably have been for ten years or more (correlating with the high blood pressure is my guess), the odds were truly stacked against me.
In spite of that I moved 2,000 miles, give or take. I've skied up a mountain, and back, with flat country skis! I've taken a trip white water rafting and fell into wall-to-wall class four rapids and survived in that for a half mile! I still enjoy life, in my little way, even aside from the occasional excitement. So, I'm not complaining, just noting. Heck, I still think I have enough life in me to find a wife and have some kids... I'm sort of working on that. Nothing like being adrift at sea, far away from the shipping lanes, and teasing the sharks, innit? :)
I might sneak out a bit tonight. I don't really have anything to do. I could always do some shopping. No need to grocery shop though, until I get dishes done. Argh! I truly hate dishes. I might have to pull a D.C. (ol' we-need-to-go-back-to-the-stone-age himself), and get a dishwasher. HAH! Drats, if it was earlier I could look through the box home stores. I've been hearing lots of complains about dishwashers lately though (actually all appliances). I see why people try to milk old machines by spending more on repairs than what they are technically worth. An old half broken machine is often much better than a new problematic one. Especially since most modern warranties are worth, literally, less than the paper they are printed on (and never even consider buying an extended warranty from the store, they really don't cover anything). Which, by the way, is why I decided to hold onto my old dryer until she dies a natural death. And this coming from a techy!
I really am hoping to get my butt going and begin raking. Picking up sticks, dealing with the chunks of tree from the recent help, and just... even if I end up doing little, getting outside, getting some fresh air, might help me begin doing more. It is almost like I have forgotten how to live, leave my home. It is so strange out there. I remember seeing an old woman, when I was a child, who jumped and skittered away because a car was backing up... but about four spots away from her. I'm not that bad, but for the first time, I understand her reaction.
I am enjoying my gaming. Caffeine has been helping. My sleep schedule is radically variable though. I usually sleep seven to eight hours, but I might be awake twelve or twenty hours. I just never know. I need to get dishes done so that I may begin cooking a bit again. The meals coming in are super, but I need a bit more. Those meals are a life-line. My guess is I would be even further pressed if not for them. I just need to supplement those with more than just salami and cheese (though I love that, it's just not enough). Plus, the idea of cooking and keeping things clean... it's a beautiful thing to have a home running like a clock, even a rusty one which needs a little more attention. Maybe as spring, then summer, roll in... Maybe.
Be well.
.
I have taken four showers this week. Other than opening the windows and doors a couple of times to air things out that has been about all I have done. I almost feel like something will be happening soon. Medicines don't really help or hurt, short term, so I don't mind taking them. When I can remember to take them and keep the medi-set filled.
I used to wonder whether what was wrong was physical or mental. Yes, I do realize the cause is physical. But the cause, my heart, creates both physical exhaustion and mental confusion, disorientation. It might seem like this would be obvious, and to a degree it is. But it's not obvious in some ways. Knowing doesn't help, I can't manually just switch something, or think "happy thoughts", or... massage the issue. Medicine doesn't really always do much. Nor, in truth, would a new heart (with all of the complications and added vulnerabilities). Not that I am complaining. Few men would survive having a defunct heart for so long. The risk of a heart attack is 35% or higher, just with my ejection refraction, per year. The chance of a stroke is similar. I've had a bad heart for 25 years. You crack the numbers. Add in that both of my ventricles are enlarged, and probably have been for ten years or more (correlating with the high blood pressure is my guess), the odds were truly stacked against me.
In spite of that I moved 2,000 miles, give or take. I've skied up a mountain, and back, with flat country skis! I've taken a trip white water rafting and fell into wall-to-wall class four rapids and survived in that for a half mile! I still enjoy life, in my little way, even aside from the occasional excitement. So, I'm not complaining, just noting. Heck, I still think I have enough life in me to find a wife and have some kids... I'm sort of working on that. Nothing like being adrift at sea, far away from the shipping lanes, and teasing the sharks, innit? :)
I might sneak out a bit tonight. I don't really have anything to do. I could always do some shopping. No need to grocery shop though, until I get dishes done. Argh! I truly hate dishes. I might have to pull a D.C. (ol' we-need-to-go-back-to-the-stone-age himself), and get a dishwasher. HAH! Drats, if it was earlier I could look through the box home stores. I've been hearing lots of complains about dishwashers lately though (actually all appliances). I see why people try to milk old machines by spending more on repairs than what they are technically worth. An old half broken machine is often much better than a new problematic one. Especially since most modern warranties are worth, literally, less than the paper they are printed on (and never even consider buying an extended warranty from the store, they really don't cover anything). Which, by the way, is why I decided to hold onto my old dryer until she dies a natural death. And this coming from a techy!
I really am hoping to get my butt going and begin raking. Picking up sticks, dealing with the chunks of tree from the recent help, and just... even if I end up doing little, getting outside, getting some fresh air, might help me begin doing more. It is almost like I have forgotten how to live, leave my home. It is so strange out there. I remember seeing an old woman, when I was a child, who jumped and skittered away because a car was backing up... but about four spots away from her. I'm not that bad, but for the first time, I understand her reaction.
I am enjoying my gaming. Caffeine has been helping. My sleep schedule is radically variable though. I usually sleep seven to eight hours, but I might be awake twelve or twenty hours. I just never know. I need to get dishes done so that I may begin cooking a bit again. The meals coming in are super, but I need a bit more. Those meals are a life-line. My guess is I would be even further pressed if not for them. I just need to supplement those with more than just salami and cheese (though I love that, it's just not enough). Plus, the idea of cooking and keeping things clean... it's a beautiful thing to have a home running like a clock, even a rusty one which needs a little more attention. Maybe as spring, then summer, roll in... Maybe.
Be well.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
I want to.
.
.
I keep looking outside. Just to rake the yard, or a small patch of it... I would give, well, your left arm! I was almost up to it the other day, then it snowed. Just enough snow to make it so I couldn't do the work. I am building back up to it. I am hoping to get to doing an hour of work out there a day, five days a week. Just to be outside, mostly. As if raking is that hard of work. Then again, my mother always said I had a way of making easy work hard. I don't do things lightly. I don't know how. Still, an hour of hardified raking should be doable.
I showered and dressed today. I doubt if I will leave but I might. Confusion and exhaustion persist. I live a nice little secluded life, for now. But I need to get some things going, or try. Checking the water heaters would be a very good thing. Backflushing the reverse osmosis machine and the water softener would be good. Those things require reading, something I can't even really do in my games. Yeah, it's been that rough. It also can make learning what to do in the games a bit more trial and error. Ah well.
Not much else to report. Have a good life.
.
I keep looking outside. Just to rake the yard, or a small patch of it... I would give, well, your left arm! I was almost up to it the other day, then it snowed. Just enough snow to make it so I couldn't do the work. I am building back up to it. I am hoping to get to doing an hour of work out there a day, five days a week. Just to be outside, mostly. As if raking is that hard of work. Then again, my mother always said I had a way of making easy work hard. I don't do things lightly. I don't know how. Still, an hour of hardified raking should be doable.
I showered and dressed today. I doubt if I will leave but I might. Confusion and exhaustion persist. I live a nice little secluded life, for now. But I need to get some things going, or try. Checking the water heaters would be a very good thing. Backflushing the reverse osmosis machine and the water softener would be good. Those things require reading, something I can't even really do in my games. Yeah, it's been that rough. It also can make learning what to do in the games a bit more trial and error. Ah well.
Not much else to report. Have a good life.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
A good day.
.
.
A shower, first thing. I noticed my heels were a bit rough and my toe callus was back, so I used the Dremel to smooth things off a bit. I took between and eighth and a quarter of an inch off my heels. I still didn't get down to real skin so I may do that again soon. I may not have horns like Hellboy, but I certainly am a bit different. I could tell when I was on normal skin. Youch! Then I got dressed, not just back into pajamas. The hope was to get out.
Out I got. Nothing fancy. A bit of grocery shopping at one store and a stop for fast food. Odd, all of the fast food places are closing down early, especially for a Saturday night. McDonalds, Wendy's, and Burger King closed their doors at 22:00 (10:00 pm)! So I had to eat in the X. I wanted something hot and would have preferred eating in the restaurant. I did get my caffeine fix back on track and a few other items. I had to throw a lot of stuff away, I just haven't been eating much other than what is being brought over and an occasional something. Usually a fried meat. I did pick up a head of cabbage and the fixings for corned beef. It's been a while. I could make that and freeze some of it too.
Have you ever wondered what the problem with politicians is? It's right under your nose, actually. The best (most popular) politicians are populists. Populists make for the worst sort of politicians (and scientists). But the fix is in. A politician can't make it without being popular. Socialism (and communism) tried to fix this by containing power in an organization or small group, sometimes a single man. The problem there, of course, is populism created the power shift and there are people involved. People who seek power, even if, in their minds, with good intentions. No, the world can't be perfect. Not this one. Not until there is a time and place and reality where each man truly is his own government and is justified and capable of being such. Still, all in all, America, at least up until recently (and even then honestly) is the best type of governance there can be.
While we can't go back to the America of several decades ago, perhaps we can hold the line a little longer. I am not sure, but I think foreign nations have gone so rogue as governments, even much or all of Europe, because of population spikes with no place to go. People become congregated, stacked upon each other, lost in numbers. It becomes easy to make life, human life, seem meaningless. Power, sex, money, and fame even infamy become the measure of a man lost in a sea of people with no way out. Murder, mass murder, even genocide are quietly indulged. Academics even now, even in America, and as a general rule, would condone the 'depopulation' of the world by as much as 90%. Scary, but they do have the ear of politicians, who blithely deny any such thing and yet, I think, often do work toward those ends.
I think many American politicians fear overpopulation more than foreign intrigue, terrorist attacks, or just about anything. That is why abortions continue. And it does mostly affect the poor and minorities. An overpopulation is one thing, an overpopulation of minorities is a whole other thing. As much as I disparage some minorities, I would rather see them win through life than lose without a chance, something that abortion does. It steals even a chance.
Actually, playing the games I play, I do note that the liberalism inherent in other medias is as blindly adhered to in these games. At least, in the current game, there are some serious jabs at the command and control involved. It doesn't hide it, but exposes it. If it still keeps with the liberal lines within the game.
A bit more uptime then to bed. I hope to shower a couple more times in the next three days, to soften the heels better. Then another grinding session. Swimming, I think, would help with this a great deal too. I just... have to be on top to begin doing that. At least I do have access now. I just have to get there. It would be perfect to swim right after Mass, then see my friend a few of those times per week. I just can't, right now. It's coming. I'm building up to it, I think. I see it, and am reaching for that bar once again.
Good night.
.
A shower, first thing. I noticed my heels were a bit rough and my toe callus was back, so I used the Dremel to smooth things off a bit. I took between and eighth and a quarter of an inch off my heels. I still didn't get down to real skin so I may do that again soon. I may not have horns like Hellboy, but I certainly am a bit different. I could tell when I was on normal skin. Youch! Then I got dressed, not just back into pajamas. The hope was to get out.
Out I got. Nothing fancy. A bit of grocery shopping at one store and a stop for fast food. Odd, all of the fast food places are closing down early, especially for a Saturday night. McDonalds, Wendy's, and Burger King closed their doors at 22:00 (10:00 pm)! So I had to eat in the X. I wanted something hot and would have preferred eating in the restaurant. I did get my caffeine fix back on track and a few other items. I had to throw a lot of stuff away, I just haven't been eating much other than what is being brought over and an occasional something. Usually a fried meat. I did pick up a head of cabbage and the fixings for corned beef. It's been a while. I could make that and freeze some of it too.
Have you ever wondered what the problem with politicians is? It's right under your nose, actually. The best (most popular) politicians are populists. Populists make for the worst sort of politicians (and scientists). But the fix is in. A politician can't make it without being popular. Socialism (and communism) tried to fix this by containing power in an organization or small group, sometimes a single man. The problem there, of course, is populism created the power shift and there are people involved. People who seek power, even if, in their minds, with good intentions. No, the world can't be perfect. Not this one. Not until there is a time and place and reality where each man truly is his own government and is justified and capable of being such. Still, all in all, America, at least up until recently (and even then honestly) is the best type of governance there can be.
While we can't go back to the America of several decades ago, perhaps we can hold the line a little longer. I am not sure, but I think foreign nations have gone so rogue as governments, even much or all of Europe, because of population spikes with no place to go. People become congregated, stacked upon each other, lost in numbers. It becomes easy to make life, human life, seem meaningless. Power, sex, money, and fame even infamy become the measure of a man lost in a sea of people with no way out. Murder, mass murder, even genocide are quietly indulged. Academics even now, even in America, and as a general rule, would condone the 'depopulation' of the world by as much as 90%. Scary, but they do have the ear of politicians, who blithely deny any such thing and yet, I think, often do work toward those ends.
I think many American politicians fear overpopulation more than foreign intrigue, terrorist attacks, or just about anything. That is why abortions continue. And it does mostly affect the poor and minorities. An overpopulation is one thing, an overpopulation of minorities is a whole other thing. As much as I disparage some minorities, I would rather see them win through life than lose without a chance, something that abortion does. It steals even a chance.
Actually, playing the games I play, I do note that the liberalism inherent in other medias is as blindly adhered to in these games. At least, in the current game, there are some serious jabs at the command and control involved. It doesn't hide it, but exposes it. If it still keeps with the liberal lines within the game.
A bit more uptime then to bed. I hope to shower a couple more times in the next three days, to soften the heels better. Then another grinding session. Swimming, I think, would help with this a great deal too. I just... have to be on top to begin doing that. At least I do have access now. I just have to get there. It would be perfect to swim right after Mass, then see my friend a few of those times per week. I just can't, right now. It's coming. I'm building up to it, I think. I see it, and am reaching for that bar once again.
Good night.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Yeah, well...
.
.
No one promised a rose garden. Well, there was that one lady, but... she was a bit batty. And yet I am pleased with life. At least now that I understand. I'm not lazy, mostly. And I am not insane, or even really a touch shy of a full load, mostly as well. I wish I could do more, I make promises, I offer speeches, I profess, and promise. And I fail. Mostly a hurt to my pride, or something.
Even with the medication, taken as well as I can, I am not feeling well that way. Minor chest pains, mostly. Though I think there are other problems. Our bodies die a bit at a time, to be replaced, as a natural thing. Every seven years, give or take, our cells are completely replaced. The problems I am discussing, beside the pains, are probably due to the fact that, sometimes more than others, my body dies a little faster then it is replaced. Little things go wrong. More and more I see flesh as no more than hardware. I am the software, sort of. I hope when I die the upload is short?
Oh, I think I will be fine. It is just little bothers, and only minor chest tightness and slight pains. I will complain about these until 2050 for all I know. But I am down and can't seem to get back up in general. Caffeine doesn't do it. I haven't tried that stuff D.C. recommended yet though. But if a pot of the strongest coffee won't help me lift a bit, I'm not sure much less than illegal stuff would work. And I doubt if that would work for long, setting aside my notions on such junk in the first place.
I honestly get the feeling, since I don't know what is up, where is when, or who is there... it could only be imagined by configuring a clothes dryer large enough to ride a bull within (without dying instantly as well, work with me). Then riding that bull and turning the machine on. I have no idea what is happening. I am holding on. Not really for dear life anymore, I surrendered the notion that such a thing is in my hands. No, I am holding on for the fun of it. There is always some hope that next time I will do it better.
Three days without caffeine and the headaches are migraine level. I thought I would be able to get out tonight but... no. A week or two of being stuck in here, and longer before that. I just... can't... get... up. Not to worry, it will happen before long. I think, since I am not taking my lady friend on a $5k tour of a national part in the winter that I will be having my mother here this spring and my lady friend here this fall or early winter. If nothing else, perhaps we can figure out something to do a bit more locally. My lady friend that is. She is a little treasure. My mother is not going to be allowed to just work this next time. Yes, the house may need it. But I want her to have some down time too.
The neighbors have been bringing meals by regularly. Turns out, he is the sole breadwinner. Of course, the misses tends to home, children, and garden like a pro. In any case, and to keep the meals coming, I have offered a small gift. It would probably be no more than a week or two of groceries (and that considering she cans and uses that often). However, I think it would be mutually beneficial. A whole real meal, at a restaurant, would cost 1.5 to 2 times what I am offering. But what I am offering is quite nice for them, I think. I didn't want to sound like I was trapping them into offering it, nor did I wish to make it seem that I was ungrateful or... some other things. The mister, who usually delivers, took my offer the right way. At the first of the month onward I will begin giving them that little bit. With six kids and one income, a little more money couldn't go to a better place.
I have shut the games off, for periods of time. I end up just sleeping, as I had thought. Oh, I am addicted. And I mean to be, if not always to the degree I am. But they do keep me awake and they do give me something to strive against in a way that is physically and intellectually within my grasp and when I am able. It isn't much. But I do offer up my zombie slayings to the Lord. :) I HOPE He has a sense of both the serious and humorous in that.
Have a good day, life. If you can't do one other thing, love. Doesn't matter who, or even what. Trust me, it won't hurt you or them. Even when it fails. Even when it isn't returned. Even when they die. You are far richer for it, as is the world and who or what ever you love. Good night, sort of.
.
No one promised a rose garden. Well, there was that one lady, but... she was a bit batty. And yet I am pleased with life. At least now that I understand. I'm not lazy, mostly. And I am not insane, or even really a touch shy of a full load, mostly as well. I wish I could do more, I make promises, I offer speeches, I profess, and promise. And I fail. Mostly a hurt to my pride, or something.
Even with the medication, taken as well as I can, I am not feeling well that way. Minor chest pains, mostly. Though I think there are other problems. Our bodies die a bit at a time, to be replaced, as a natural thing. Every seven years, give or take, our cells are completely replaced. The problems I am discussing, beside the pains, are probably due to the fact that, sometimes more than others, my body dies a little faster then it is replaced. Little things go wrong. More and more I see flesh as no more than hardware. I am the software, sort of. I hope when I die the upload is short?
Oh, I think I will be fine. It is just little bothers, and only minor chest tightness and slight pains. I will complain about these until 2050 for all I know. But I am down and can't seem to get back up in general. Caffeine doesn't do it. I haven't tried that stuff D.C. recommended yet though. But if a pot of the strongest coffee won't help me lift a bit, I'm not sure much less than illegal stuff would work. And I doubt if that would work for long, setting aside my notions on such junk in the first place.
I honestly get the feeling, since I don't know what is up, where is when, or who is there... it could only be imagined by configuring a clothes dryer large enough to ride a bull within (without dying instantly as well, work with me). Then riding that bull and turning the machine on. I have no idea what is happening. I am holding on. Not really for dear life anymore, I surrendered the notion that such a thing is in my hands. No, I am holding on for the fun of it. There is always some hope that next time I will do it better.
Three days without caffeine and the headaches are migraine level. I thought I would be able to get out tonight but... no. A week or two of being stuck in here, and longer before that. I just... can't... get... up. Not to worry, it will happen before long. I think, since I am not taking my lady friend on a $5k tour of a national part in the winter that I will be having my mother here this spring and my lady friend here this fall or early winter. If nothing else, perhaps we can figure out something to do a bit more locally. My lady friend that is. She is a little treasure. My mother is not going to be allowed to just work this next time. Yes, the house may need it. But I want her to have some down time too.
The neighbors have been bringing meals by regularly. Turns out, he is the sole breadwinner. Of course, the misses tends to home, children, and garden like a pro. In any case, and to keep the meals coming, I have offered a small gift. It would probably be no more than a week or two of groceries (and that considering she cans and uses that often). However, I think it would be mutually beneficial. A whole real meal, at a restaurant, would cost 1.5 to 2 times what I am offering. But what I am offering is quite nice for them, I think. I didn't want to sound like I was trapping them into offering it, nor did I wish to make it seem that I was ungrateful or... some other things. The mister, who usually delivers, took my offer the right way. At the first of the month onward I will begin giving them that little bit. With six kids and one income, a little more money couldn't go to a better place.
I have shut the games off, for periods of time. I end up just sleeping, as I had thought. Oh, I am addicted. And I mean to be, if not always to the degree I am. But they do keep me awake and they do give me something to strive against in a way that is physically and intellectually within my grasp and when I am able. It isn't much. But I do offer up my zombie slayings to the Lord. :) I HOPE He has a sense of both the serious and humorous in that.
Have a good day, life. If you can't do one other thing, love. Doesn't matter who, or even what. Trust me, it won't hurt you or them. Even when it fails. Even when it isn't returned. Even when they die. You are far richer for it, as is the world and who or what ever you love. Good night, sort of.
Friday, March 9, 2012
I've just got to get going.
.
.
Not that life ever really took off. But for seven months or so I thought it was about to. My home was kept well, dishes were (mostly) kept up, laundry was maintained, Church was attended, and I was getting out several times a week. No exercise, there were still things I had trouble with, sleep would occasionally flip-flop, so it wasn't perfect. But these last two or three months have been brutal again. Talk about a tease. I suppose if I can eke out a good seven months and lose on two or three, then get back to it... That is much better than the last 25 years where it was the opposite, in the best of times.
Though this might be an odd gauge, I do believe I am improving slightly. The game I am playing was kicking my teeth in on the beginner levels. I made it through those, twice on the lowest level, then went on to the next the hardest game style. I am now on the next to the hardest level. I am absolutely crushing through it. Then again, it may be that the way I play is literally discouraged in the lesser games. I don't just mean "geared toward" another play style but actually harmfully disfavored by direct design. I play rather cautiously. My reflexes truly are still good, at least in gaming parlance, if I prefer to not have to depend on them. Reflexes are a resource that cost a certain something... call it 'nerve' if you will. You spend nerve like you do stamina. The more you use it the less you have for the situations that only allow for success with the use of that resource. At least I am finally enjoying the game. The "easier" settings are actually much harder, unless as I suggested and I am improving.
Having the windows open for a few chilly hours today was wonderful. I still haven't quite gotten over the chill but my nose loves me for the favor. Any day I think it is over 50, perhaps in the high 40's, and the windows will be opened for various lengths of time from here on in. That clean odor gives me a push to do more cleaning and maintain that. I need incentive.
Tomorrow I hope to make it to town. A bit of shooting, if it is warm enough. Otherwise, shopping and a meal with company. More cat food and I want to see about swimming trunks. Maybe the surfer trunks with compression underwear, failing trunks I like. I prefer longer legged trunks anyway, I just don't like buying two sets of items instead of one.
Bed time, and past it, actually. Good night.
.
Not that life ever really took off. But for seven months or so I thought it was about to. My home was kept well, dishes were (mostly) kept up, laundry was maintained, Church was attended, and I was getting out several times a week. No exercise, there were still things I had trouble with, sleep would occasionally flip-flop, so it wasn't perfect. But these last two or three months have been brutal again. Talk about a tease. I suppose if I can eke out a good seven months and lose on two or three, then get back to it... That is much better than the last 25 years where it was the opposite, in the best of times.
Though this might be an odd gauge, I do believe I am improving slightly. The game I am playing was kicking my teeth in on the beginner levels. I made it through those, twice on the lowest level, then went on to the next the hardest game style. I am now on the next to the hardest level. I am absolutely crushing through it. Then again, it may be that the way I play is literally discouraged in the lesser games. I don't just mean "geared toward" another play style but actually harmfully disfavored by direct design. I play rather cautiously. My reflexes truly are still good, at least in gaming parlance, if I prefer to not have to depend on them. Reflexes are a resource that cost a certain something... call it 'nerve' if you will. You spend nerve like you do stamina. The more you use it the less you have for the situations that only allow for success with the use of that resource. At least I am finally enjoying the game. The "easier" settings are actually much harder, unless as I suggested and I am improving.
Having the windows open for a few chilly hours today was wonderful. I still haven't quite gotten over the chill but my nose loves me for the favor. Any day I think it is over 50, perhaps in the high 40's, and the windows will be opened for various lengths of time from here on in. That clean odor gives me a push to do more cleaning and maintain that. I need incentive.
Tomorrow I hope to make it to town. A bit of shooting, if it is warm enough. Otherwise, shopping and a meal with company. More cat food and I want to see about swimming trunks. Maybe the surfer trunks with compression underwear, failing trunks I like. I prefer longer legged trunks anyway, I just don't like buying two sets of items instead of one.
Bed time, and past it, actually. Good night.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Ups and downs.
.
.
Without putting effort into it, it seems my days and nights have straightened out. It's just been a few days of it, from just before I started medications. I am no more functional now than then, it is just that I am staying up until 22:00 and getting up around 8:00, if the times are a bit variable hopefully smoothing out if I can keep on that track. I'm a little sore from the change, when I sleep different hours, until I get used to it, I sleep wrong and wake up with aches.
While I didn't make a raspberry gravy I did eat some of those on the side with fried pork steaks. Fantastic, all around. A little variety to add to my meats. The berries were canned quite well. They are just sweat enough to be tasty, not cloying. They retain their fresh sour notes that make once wince just a bit. And they go quite well with rich meats, like pork or lamb. Sure, you can eat them with anything but they pair up better with richer or fatter meats. They cut each other's edge or something.
I am hoping to get out shooting tomorrow. I plan on taking my friend along. The sky is clear today but it is a bit chilly. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I also need to talk to the hospital about that bill and do some research regarding my suit. I just have to get things going somehow. Maybe the medicines will kick in before long. Though I am suspecting that they don't do well in the winter, nothing ever has and as I get older it seems to be getting worse in the winter.
I had been thinking that if I do buy something, and soon, it might have been an automatic cat litter device. After reading some reviews, however, I see that I would be getting out of the pan and into the fire. When, while, it works, after the cats adjust, it is great. When it fails, and it does and often, the results are somewhat overwhelming. Well, and when it works, as it dries the container after a cleaning cycle, it seems to stink as left over bits of cat poop are cooked. No, I suppose I just have to figure out how to be more attentive. At least with, say, a chainsaw, it works as advertised.
After finally getting the kitty litter cleaned out and all that taken out, and with today being moderately warm, I may turn off the furnace and open the windows for a couple of hours. Oh it will get chilly but it would be nice to get some fresh air in and stale old cat litter smells out. Besides, when you get chilled, then get warm, life is good all over again in a new and wonderful way.
Later.
.
Without putting effort into it, it seems my days and nights have straightened out. It's just been a few days of it, from just before I started medications. I am no more functional now than then, it is just that I am staying up until 22:00 and getting up around 8:00, if the times are a bit variable hopefully smoothing out if I can keep on that track. I'm a little sore from the change, when I sleep different hours, until I get used to it, I sleep wrong and wake up with aches.
While I didn't make a raspberry gravy I did eat some of those on the side with fried pork steaks. Fantastic, all around. A little variety to add to my meats. The berries were canned quite well. They are just sweat enough to be tasty, not cloying. They retain their fresh sour notes that make once wince just a bit. And they go quite well with rich meats, like pork or lamb. Sure, you can eat them with anything but they pair up better with richer or fatter meats. They cut each other's edge or something.
I am hoping to get out shooting tomorrow. I plan on taking my friend along. The sky is clear today but it is a bit chilly. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I also need to talk to the hospital about that bill and do some research regarding my suit. I just have to get things going somehow. Maybe the medicines will kick in before long. Though I am suspecting that they don't do well in the winter, nothing ever has and as I get older it seems to be getting worse in the winter.
I had been thinking that if I do buy something, and soon, it might have been an automatic cat litter device. After reading some reviews, however, I see that I would be getting out of the pan and into the fire. When, while, it works, after the cats adjust, it is great. When it fails, and it does and often, the results are somewhat overwhelming. Well, and when it works, as it dries the container after a cleaning cycle, it seems to stink as left over bits of cat poop are cooked. No, I suppose I just have to figure out how to be more attentive. At least with, say, a chainsaw, it works as advertised.
After finally getting the kitty litter cleaned out and all that taken out, and with today being moderately warm, I may turn off the furnace and open the windows for a couple of hours. Oh it will get chilly but it would be nice to get some fresh air in and stale old cat litter smells out. Besides, when you get chilled, then get warm, life is good all over again in a new and wonderful way.
Later.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Another fine day, mess?
.
.
No, life is pretty good. My neighbor has been bringing food by rather regularly. And fine food it is. Last night it was sloppy joes and a jar of home canned... raspberries if I remember rightly. I will eat some of those as is, but I am going to try to make a raspberry gravy for breaded deep fried pork cutlets too, if I can get my motor running. I really need to get cracking and get my home in order. While a wife might help, I don't have one and wouldn't want to completely depend on one for all of it. Then again, women are less patient about... clutter... dirt... than I could even contemplate so a woman has usually gotten to those things before I ever get the chance. By the time I even notice a thing needs clean, well, she cleans it. Even that feminist gal I recently dated. Ha! No, I don't mean to not notice, I just... don't. Men! :p
It is snowing today, and maybe tomorrow from what I heard. I didn't think it would actually stick, being as warm as it has been lately. Mother nature can and did fool me though. I am still thinking about showering again and going back into town. Why? One more very quick, short, shopping session. I really do need swimming trunks. More cat food would be good too. I ought to keep enough cat food around, like tobacco, for several months. It expires rather quickly though, so no long term supplies of the canned cat food are possible, unfortunately. While cats can live on human meats, along with hunting, they won't live as well or as long I suspect. And cooked food is really bad for them.
I have heard it suggested, in survival circles, that the military may be more of a threat than gangs in a post SHTF-EOTWAWKI scenario. And, that may be true. But all militias will be a threat. That includes the deep preppers who are in a clan. They will begin looting themselves, taking from those who have but can't defend what they have, as parts wear out, as needs or wants arise, or just because. The history of men will not change. Christianity can be a mitigating factor, but if history holds true you will find that this denomination will, for example, believe they can take that other denominations stuff because that other denomination 'aren't true believers'. Christianity is only as good as the Christian in question, perhaps as a very mild cultural or social device. But when people are starving or threatened beyond reason, even this often fails. Many Christians are Christian right up until they are not and few have been tested to know which is which. It will get messy, everywhere and always.
The various groups and powers that be, however, seem to keep thinning the nickle in order to keep the illusion alive though. The rich really aren't getting richer, they are simply collecting more of monetary devices which are becoming worthless faster than they can be collected. Those who have stores of food, means of defense (and thus offense), means of food production to supplement then take over for the food stores, communications, tools... those are who will be the next elite. Land is only valuable if you can stay alive to use it. Like I said though, they are keeping the game going.
I had a dream last night that I was totally randomly picked to have a dinner with Obama, and went. He was less than an empty suit, as there was no suit. An empty, void, being, confused with being a man at all. I was amazed at what little he was. Or how wretched the Dem Party had become, knowingly choosing this being to represent them. They voted for "black". The leadership knew it was a horrible choice, but that is what they are now. Evil. Obama left during to meal to try and speak with the Dem congress leadership, who pretty much told him to get lost. They neither need nor want him, either. He is just a placeholder, less than a coffeeboy to one of the few straight Dems. Weird dream. Don't know how much of it is true but I suspect a great deal of it is rather true. To be honest, I pity the "man". An empty shell with no meaning and purpose now that he has done what he was created to do. And that is coming from my weak position, not a general sympathy.
I need to get my life back online, somehow. I simply don't know how to work it. My efforts, while decent at times, are hollow, unsustainable, empty. I just can't get something to work. I keep thinking maybe it is more than my heart, or maybe there is a better way to fix things. But no, I know. When you are, medically, a candidate for a heart transplant (putting that your "disobedience to medical oversight" drops you from the list aside), you are in bad shape. That I do, somehow, manage to live on my own, and do what I do... That's a minor miracle. Still, I want more. I'll keep digging, maybe I'll find it. How much dirt must be sifted for a gem worthy top grade one carat diamond? And I have a half a carat, just need to find the rest. *grins*
Later.
.
No, life is pretty good. My neighbor has been bringing food by rather regularly. And fine food it is. Last night it was sloppy joes and a jar of home canned... raspberries if I remember rightly. I will eat some of those as is, but I am going to try to make a raspberry gravy for breaded deep fried pork cutlets too, if I can get my motor running. I really need to get cracking and get my home in order. While a wife might help, I don't have one and wouldn't want to completely depend on one for all of it. Then again, women are less patient about... clutter... dirt... than I could even contemplate so a woman has usually gotten to those things before I ever get the chance. By the time I even notice a thing needs clean, well, she cleans it. Even that feminist gal I recently dated. Ha! No, I don't mean to not notice, I just... don't. Men! :p
It is snowing today, and maybe tomorrow from what I heard. I didn't think it would actually stick, being as warm as it has been lately. Mother nature can and did fool me though. I am still thinking about showering again and going back into town. Why? One more very quick, short, shopping session. I really do need swimming trunks. More cat food would be good too. I ought to keep enough cat food around, like tobacco, for several months. It expires rather quickly though, so no long term supplies of the canned cat food are possible, unfortunately. While cats can live on human meats, along with hunting, they won't live as well or as long I suspect. And cooked food is really bad for them.
I have heard it suggested, in survival circles, that the military may be more of a threat than gangs in a post SHTF-EOTWAWKI scenario. And, that may be true. But all militias will be a threat. That includes the deep preppers who are in a clan. They will begin looting themselves, taking from those who have but can't defend what they have, as parts wear out, as needs or wants arise, or just because. The history of men will not change. Christianity can be a mitigating factor, but if history holds true you will find that this denomination will, for example, believe they can take that other denominations stuff because that other denomination 'aren't true believers'. Christianity is only as good as the Christian in question, perhaps as a very mild cultural or social device. But when people are starving or threatened beyond reason, even this often fails. Many Christians are Christian right up until they are not and few have been tested to know which is which. It will get messy, everywhere and always.
The various groups and powers that be, however, seem to keep thinning the nickle in order to keep the illusion alive though. The rich really aren't getting richer, they are simply collecting more of monetary devices which are becoming worthless faster than they can be collected. Those who have stores of food, means of defense (and thus offense), means of food production to supplement then take over for the food stores, communications, tools... those are who will be the next elite. Land is only valuable if you can stay alive to use it. Like I said though, they are keeping the game going.
I had a dream last night that I was totally randomly picked to have a dinner with Obama, and went. He was less than an empty suit, as there was no suit. An empty, void, being, confused with being a man at all. I was amazed at what little he was. Or how wretched the Dem Party had become, knowingly choosing this being to represent them. They voted for "black". The leadership knew it was a horrible choice, but that is what they are now. Evil. Obama left during to meal to try and speak with the Dem congress leadership, who pretty much told him to get lost. They neither need nor want him, either. He is just a placeholder, less than a coffeeboy to one of the few straight Dems. Weird dream. Don't know how much of it is true but I suspect a great deal of it is rather true. To be honest, I pity the "man". An empty shell with no meaning and purpose now that he has done what he was created to do. And that is coming from my weak position, not a general sympathy.
I need to get my life back online, somehow. I simply don't know how to work it. My efforts, while decent at times, are hollow, unsustainable, empty. I just can't get something to work. I keep thinking maybe it is more than my heart, or maybe there is a better way to fix things. But no, I know. When you are, medically, a candidate for a heart transplant (putting that your "disobedience to medical oversight" drops you from the list aside), you are in bad shape. That I do, somehow, manage to live on my own, and do what I do... That's a minor miracle. Still, I want more. I'll keep digging, maybe I'll find it. How much dirt must be sifted for a gem worthy top grade one carat diamond? And I have a half a carat, just need to find the rest. *grins*
Later.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Hungry as a bear!
.
.
I'm not sure what is going on with that, but my snacks are turning into six course meals. Rather than a quarter of a salami and 12 smaller chunks of cheese, I end up eating half the salami and a quarter of the cheese before realizing how much I NEED, then putting that up, going for the Cheetos but knowing I shouldn't eat too much of those, so going on to something else. *munch!* It's been like that more and more the last few days. Has spring sprung? Is my body just ready and feeding up to go? Not sure. As long as I use it rather than just gain back weight.
I did sneak out again last night. I couldn't make it beyond the grocery store, where I simply bought a few more vittles. I still need cat food and to peruse swimming trunks. I still have severe limits. I become exhausted like rarely before and must return home. At least I am going out in spite of the exhaustion. Knowing that the problem isn't mental makes a huge difference. Being a physical thing makes the problem more... of a hurdle than a threat, or something. Still, it's a quite real and serious hurdle. No worries, I am getting out. I would like to go shooting soon, perhaps Friday or Saturday. I know my friend would like to go. He has reloaded all he has and keeps buying little bits and pieces more to reload even more. No, we have to get him out.
While I ponder what I could buy, of the things I would like to purchase, I am simply holding my breath and saving at the moment. A chainsaw? A chronograph for reloading? A new dryer? Even perhaps a dishwasher (along with my soaking, the dishes would be much easier to maintain, if they would always look shittier, which I hate). No, for now, I'll just sit on things, hold my breath, store more cash, and see where I am when I get my feet back under me. I may simply, when I get a bit more saved, pay off the last credit card. Not sure where that is, and I am already paying on it pretty well. Heck, there might not be anything to pay on it by the time I get around to thinking about it.
For now I am absolutely making sure I keep $5k in savings. That would cover four new tires, a water heater and install, and some other disaster, if they all happen at once. It is a tiny nestegg but it is the best I have ever had. If I can grow it to three times that I have some other things on my mind. Some of which I can do, some I will have to have done. I simply hated living hand to mouth in constant fear of a real crisis. Even that won't cover anything truly major. It looks like I am doing well though, clearing in the black, easily, with a little bit of care and thought through the month. But it is so very easy to just say, "Well, I have the money, why not just...", fill in the blank. I could spend that in a day, a minute, on one item. I could use it to as a down on something that could end me up further in debt! The hassles of reality, money.
Hmm, on to a few other things.
.
I'm not sure what is going on with that, but my snacks are turning into six course meals. Rather than a quarter of a salami and 12 smaller chunks of cheese, I end up eating half the salami and a quarter of the cheese before realizing how much I NEED, then putting that up, going for the Cheetos but knowing I shouldn't eat too much of those, so going on to something else. *munch!* It's been like that more and more the last few days. Has spring sprung? Is my body just ready and feeding up to go? Not sure. As long as I use it rather than just gain back weight.
I did sneak out again last night. I couldn't make it beyond the grocery store, where I simply bought a few more vittles. I still need cat food and to peruse swimming trunks. I still have severe limits. I become exhausted like rarely before and must return home. At least I am going out in spite of the exhaustion. Knowing that the problem isn't mental makes a huge difference. Being a physical thing makes the problem more... of a hurdle than a threat, or something. Still, it's a quite real and serious hurdle. No worries, I am getting out. I would like to go shooting soon, perhaps Friday or Saturday. I know my friend would like to go. He has reloaded all he has and keeps buying little bits and pieces more to reload even more. No, we have to get him out.
While I ponder what I could buy, of the things I would like to purchase, I am simply holding my breath and saving at the moment. A chainsaw? A chronograph for reloading? A new dryer? Even perhaps a dishwasher (along with my soaking, the dishes would be much easier to maintain, if they would always look shittier, which I hate). No, for now, I'll just sit on things, hold my breath, store more cash, and see where I am when I get my feet back under me. I may simply, when I get a bit more saved, pay off the last credit card. Not sure where that is, and I am already paying on it pretty well. Heck, there might not be anything to pay on it by the time I get around to thinking about it.
For now I am absolutely making sure I keep $5k in savings. That would cover four new tires, a water heater and install, and some other disaster, if they all happen at once. It is a tiny nestegg but it is the best I have ever had. If I can grow it to three times that I have some other things on my mind. Some of which I can do, some I will have to have done. I simply hated living hand to mouth in constant fear of a real crisis. Even that won't cover anything truly major. It looks like I am doing well though, clearing in the black, easily, with a little bit of care and thought through the month. But it is so very easy to just say, "Well, I have the money, why not just...", fill in the blank. I could spend that in a day, a minute, on one item. I could use it to as a down on something that could end me up further in debt! The hassles of reality, money.
Hmm, on to a few other things.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Out.
.
.
For just a bit, this afternoon, I made it out of the house. I took my friend shopping a bit and looked for swimming trunks. I couldn't stay and do more shopping though. I... just didn't have it in me. I hope to get out again soon though. Friday, perhaps for shooting. Actually, I may sneak back out yet tonight. I need some groceries, cat food, and to look for trunks at Walmart perhaps. I'm simply not into those spandex type "trunks". Just can't go there. Though the guy at the store I shopped had an idea (since I like longer trunks). Long beach type shorts and compression underwear. An interesting idea. I no longer fit extra large. Even large is a bit loose, if medium is just too tight. But my legs themselves are huge. I have very muscular legs, which makes finding underwear difficult. *blathering*
I'm into a new game, one that hasn't glitched at the end, so far. Dead Space 2 is a decent game, if extreme on the intensity side of things. Don't play this if you have a bad heart! Uhrm, unless you are cocksure and rough around the mentals. Definitely don't play it if you are female. I would not let any child play this one. I wouldn't even let some twitchy adults play it. I'm not sure I should be playing it, either, to be honest. It's not just game play. There are scenes that are extreme in that, no matter the difficulty the game is difficult. I played on casual the first time and it ripped me up as if I was a five year old game virgin. Some things are extremely difficult to figure out.
I didn't read up on it first, and I didn't seek a guide before or during the first playthrough. I used my own raw gaming abilities. Well, there was a cheat, near the end of the game, that I had heard about. I did use that. Doesn't help with the first game since it is pretty much at the end. It does help set up the next game if you use alternative weapons (which I don't, save for trophies). I just wanted to see if it actually worked. It does. But intensity? I have to remember to breath, which does put a bit of a strain on my heart at times, literally. I honestly think they need to dial it down a little. Then again, you are starting with bad weapons and little or no armor. But you are on the run, outnumbered, with little or no lighting, and sometimes being shot at from things you can't even find. It's too intense. Even when I improved my primary weapons and armor (before the cheat), it was difficult. I am playing through on a difficulty two levels higher than the "casual" setting this time. And it is still a kick between the quads. I think it's making me poop dark matter of the physics sort though.
Hmm, on to town again. I don't want to go. It is late. But I do need some things and want some others. And I have just enough juice to get me back into town and back. I compete with the Volt for incompetence, I just don't start fires, mostly. Later.
.
For just a bit, this afternoon, I made it out of the house. I took my friend shopping a bit and looked for swimming trunks. I couldn't stay and do more shopping though. I... just didn't have it in me. I hope to get out again soon though. Friday, perhaps for shooting. Actually, I may sneak back out yet tonight. I need some groceries, cat food, and to look for trunks at Walmart perhaps. I'm simply not into those spandex type "trunks". Just can't go there. Though the guy at the store I shopped had an idea (since I like longer trunks). Long beach type shorts and compression underwear. An interesting idea. I no longer fit extra large. Even large is a bit loose, if medium is just too tight. But my legs themselves are huge. I have very muscular legs, which makes finding underwear difficult. *blathering*
I'm into a new game, one that hasn't glitched at the end, so far. Dead Space 2 is a decent game, if extreme on the intensity side of things. Don't play this if you have a bad heart! Uhrm, unless you are cocksure and rough around the mentals. Definitely don't play it if you are female. I would not let any child play this one. I wouldn't even let some twitchy adults play it. I'm not sure I should be playing it, either, to be honest. It's not just game play. There are scenes that are extreme in that, no matter the difficulty the game is difficult. I played on casual the first time and it ripped me up as if I was a five year old game virgin. Some things are extremely difficult to figure out.
I didn't read up on it first, and I didn't seek a guide before or during the first playthrough. I used my own raw gaming abilities. Well, there was a cheat, near the end of the game, that I had heard about. I did use that. Doesn't help with the first game since it is pretty much at the end. It does help set up the next game if you use alternative weapons (which I don't, save for trophies). I just wanted to see if it actually worked. It does. But intensity? I have to remember to breath, which does put a bit of a strain on my heart at times, literally. I honestly think they need to dial it down a little. Then again, you are starting with bad weapons and little or no armor. But you are on the run, outnumbered, with little or no lighting, and sometimes being shot at from things you can't even find. It's too intense. Even when I improved my primary weapons and armor (before the cheat), it was difficult. I am playing through on a difficulty two levels higher than the "casual" setting this time. And it is still a kick between the quads. I think it's making me poop dark matter of the physics sort though.
Hmm, on to town again. I don't want to go. It is late. But I do need some things and want some others. And I have just enough juice to get me back into town and back. I compete with the Volt for incompetence, I just don't start fires, mostly. Later.
A window.
.
.
Okay, looks like something might be opening up. I did a goodly bit back when without a window, hopefully I can do more with one. Perhaps even get back on track with a few things. I took a shower this morning. Long overdo and well deserved for no other reason than that humans deserve cleanliness. I was able to sleep until just before 6:00 too. Usually I put a timer on, then feed the girls after two hours (it cuts down on their begging, almost have that licked). Being that they usually eat at 2:00 or 3:00, and have for weeks/months now, and that it was almost 6:00, I fed them right away this morning, and then fed myself a bit of cheese and summer sausage (nummm!). I brushed my teeth before that. Before getting into the shower I looked myself over. I am looking... thinner. Not thin, not by a long shot. But I noticed I am losing fat/size. So, before jumping in the shower I weighed myself. I came in right at 262.2! That's twelve pounds down from my last weighing in, and forty pounds off my entrance (to Utah) weight, a nearly 20% sale! :)
What am I going to do today? I need to get to Mass. I need to find swimming trunks that fit, preferably with pockets. I need to do some shopping. I need to see my friend. I want a meal out of my home, but a good restaurant type not fast food. What will get done today I can't be certain. A couple more hours to get my brain working, then maybe a bit more food down the tube, a little home cleaning, and I'll be thinking about it. Oh, and I think I will restart my medicines again today, minus the diabetes stuff. It gives me a severe fever for about two hours after taking it, and the shakes like I just chugged a pot of fresh, hot, top-notch, high-powered coffee. Can't do that.
A local man brought by some of his wife's cooking last night. Do you like elk, he asked? As my friend might reply... Do I! Absolutely delicious. He's a lucky man. I am pretty sure the carrots with it were home-canned! At least he appreciates his wife's special nature. And she can cook quite well. She even has a job of some sort. On top of being mother, wife, cook, gardener, canner, and all that jazz. And she's a pretty woman. That type of woman actually scares me. Men can compete with "high-powered", "intellectual", "rich" women with ease, one way or another. Same with your average celphone gossip do-little woman, your typical self-absorbed woman. But a good woman can't be denied, or topped. The best a man can do with such a woman is try to compliment her on the guy side, and that is a tough racket. Just saying. Delicious food though. I'll have to cook them a chicken dinner, my way. That and send them out on a date somewhere nice. If I can't have romance, I at least like to see someone else enjoying the sport.
Well, on to a few other things. Later, maybe, if an update is needed.
.
Okay, looks like something might be opening up. I did a goodly bit back when without a window, hopefully I can do more with one. Perhaps even get back on track with a few things. I took a shower this morning. Long overdo and well deserved for no other reason than that humans deserve cleanliness. I was able to sleep until just before 6:00 too. Usually I put a timer on, then feed the girls after two hours (it cuts down on their begging, almost have that licked). Being that they usually eat at 2:00 or 3:00, and have for weeks/months now, and that it was almost 6:00, I fed them right away this morning, and then fed myself a bit of cheese and summer sausage (nummm!). I brushed my teeth before that. Before getting into the shower I looked myself over. I am looking... thinner. Not thin, not by a long shot. But I noticed I am losing fat/size. So, before jumping in the shower I weighed myself. I came in right at 262.2! That's twelve pounds down from my last weighing in, and forty pounds off my entrance (to Utah) weight, a nearly 20% sale! :)
What am I going to do today? I need to get to Mass. I need to find swimming trunks that fit, preferably with pockets. I need to do some shopping. I need to see my friend. I want a meal out of my home, but a good restaurant type not fast food. What will get done today I can't be certain. A couple more hours to get my brain working, then maybe a bit more food down the tube, a little home cleaning, and I'll be thinking about it. Oh, and I think I will restart my medicines again today, minus the diabetes stuff. It gives me a severe fever for about two hours after taking it, and the shakes like I just chugged a pot of fresh, hot, top-notch, high-powered coffee. Can't do that.
A local man brought by some of his wife's cooking last night. Do you like elk, he asked? As my friend might reply... Do I! Absolutely delicious. He's a lucky man. I am pretty sure the carrots with it were home-canned! At least he appreciates his wife's special nature. And she can cook quite well. She even has a job of some sort. On top of being mother, wife, cook, gardener, canner, and all that jazz. And she's a pretty woman. That type of woman actually scares me. Men can compete with "high-powered", "intellectual", "rich" women with ease, one way or another. Same with your average celphone gossip do-little woman, your typical self-absorbed woman. But a good woman can't be denied, or topped. The best a man can do with such a woman is try to compliment her on the guy side, and that is a tough racket. Just saying. Delicious food though. I'll have to cook them a chicken dinner, my way. That and send them out on a date somewhere nice. If I can't have romance, I at least like to see someone else enjoying the sport.
Well, on to a few other things. Later, maybe, if an update is needed.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Gaming.
.
.
It's a junky thing. I know if I have kids they won't touch games. I only do it because, at this point, it is either that or lots of sleep. I need significant neural activity along with little physical exertion in order to stay conscious. And while it doesn't lead to productivity it does give me some sense of accomplishment. Further, it requires me to do things I don't want to do, it does stimulate some of my core capacity such as reflexes and hand-to-eye coordination, some logic, and requires some creativity. Most people shouldn't play games, just like most people shouldn't take Oxycontin. For those who need it there is a price. Now, if you can truly limit your game play to a few hours a day, it is better than television. Then again, television is as bad, perhaps worse as an anesthesia... a painkiller for the stupid/lazy. Games are at least interactive. Hey, if I am going to toss a bomb that bites me in the ass, I might as well make it nuclear. :)
Medicines are reset. Dishes are soaking. A new game is getting DLC added.
By the way, don't buy or play Mass Effect 2 on PS3! I have had two "insanity mode" games go belly up at the last mission. Something about playing more than a few hours can cause the save file (for that whole game, even the old saves, to become corrupted. Each of those games cost me 50-60 hours of 'heavy lifting'. Don't waste your time. I have heard that they are coming out with a patch. Haven't seen it. Trust me, it isn't worth it. The game is a fantastic game. The level of difficulty can be extreme, but the payoff is there mostly. But to get to the final mission only to find your game, all the saves, are destroyed? Not worth it. Oh, their work-around is to quit the game every few hours, backup your saves, then play on, hoping you know when your saved files are corrupted (though how you will know I can't be sure) so that you can do a restore (hopefully from before the corruption, if you caught it). DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2 ON PLAYSTATION 3!!! 'Nough said.
The new game is Dead Space 2. I bought and played the first one, for context. I think I played the first one on the computer. Way back when. It must have been one of the last games I could play on the computer before age ate the machine's capacity to play. Still, it was like playing it for the first time with four or five years over the bridge since. I'm adding DLC (download content) to it now. With PS3 there are few or no cheats. Glitches once in a while, but usually time intense ones not worth the effort. Playstation makes some of it's money 'selling you cheats'. Better weapons, armor, more content for added money, additional "glitches". And glitches? Those are created. Do you think people actually "accidentally" find a glitch? Those were created for the programmers/gamers by themselves. Some get leaked. Free money accidental glitch my butt. Never mind. I rarely use those, there is a chance they will bug the game/saves, too. Didn't use them in Mass Effect 2 and it didn't matter. DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2!!!
Heh. Never mind, I best get to some other things.
Later.
.
It's a junky thing. I know if I have kids they won't touch games. I only do it because, at this point, it is either that or lots of sleep. I need significant neural activity along with little physical exertion in order to stay conscious. And while it doesn't lead to productivity it does give me some sense of accomplishment. Further, it requires me to do things I don't want to do, it does stimulate some of my core capacity such as reflexes and hand-to-eye coordination, some logic, and requires some creativity. Most people shouldn't play games, just like most people shouldn't take Oxycontin. For those who need it there is a price. Now, if you can truly limit your game play to a few hours a day, it is better than television. Then again, television is as bad, perhaps worse as an anesthesia... a painkiller for the stupid/lazy. Games are at least interactive. Hey, if I am going to toss a bomb that bites me in the ass, I might as well make it nuclear. :)
Medicines are reset. Dishes are soaking. A new game is getting DLC added.
By the way, don't buy or play Mass Effect 2 on PS3! I have had two "insanity mode" games go belly up at the last mission. Something about playing more than a few hours can cause the save file (for that whole game, even the old saves, to become corrupted. Each of those games cost me 50-60 hours of 'heavy lifting'. Don't waste your time. I have heard that they are coming out with a patch. Haven't seen it. Trust me, it isn't worth it. The game is a fantastic game. The level of difficulty can be extreme, but the payoff is there mostly. But to get to the final mission only to find your game, all the saves, are destroyed? Not worth it. Oh, their work-around is to quit the game every few hours, backup your saves, then play on, hoping you know when your saved files are corrupted (though how you will know I can't be sure) so that you can do a restore (hopefully from before the corruption, if you caught it). DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2 ON PLAYSTATION 3!!! 'Nough said.
The new game is Dead Space 2. I bought and played the first one, for context. I think I played the first one on the computer. Way back when. It must have been one of the last games I could play on the computer before age ate the machine's capacity to play. Still, it was like playing it for the first time with four or five years over the bridge since. I'm adding DLC (download content) to it now. With PS3 there are few or no cheats. Glitches once in a while, but usually time intense ones not worth the effort. Playstation makes some of it's money 'selling you cheats'. Better weapons, armor, more content for added money, additional "glitches". And glitches? Those are created. Do you think people actually "accidentally" find a glitch? Those were created for the programmers/gamers by themselves. Some get leaked. Free money accidental glitch my butt. Never mind. I rarely use those, there is a chance they will bug the game/saves, too. Didn't use them in Mass Effect 2 and it didn't matter. DON'T BUY OR PLAY MASS EFFECT 2!!!
Heh. Never mind, I best get to some other things.
Later.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Back in the rut.
.
.
I do okay for a day or two, or get some projects completed, then I have to cut and run. Run being entirely figurative. My plans for Monday failed miserably. I didn't even realize it until Wednesday I believe. Never mind all that jazz, I'm still pointing in the right direction and waiting for traction. At least I know I can do some things even without a window of opportunity. That is a seriously good and new thing. I have and can do amazing things, but usually it requires the silky whip of a woman's tongue. Can't hurt my ego, I'm actually too strong for that. But if a woman is all sweet, or better vulnerable like, she can get me to hoist my bullocks and sprint. :)
I just made a fried hamburger. Deep fried. Well, I fried the outside to get that crisp outer then baked it. Not bad at all. Next time I think I will do it the other way around though. Delicious. I made fried potatoes yesterday. I'm seriously loving these fried foods. Oh, no worries. It's a fad. Though, while I experiment, I am learning a technique that will last me the rest of my cooking career. Fried fish, chicken, giblets, chops, and even cheaper cuts of beef, add variety. Further, it is one of the fastest methods of cooking out there. If you go to try it, remember... HOT! You want a drop of water to bring the oil to a boil. Just a drop though, even that can be slightly to very dangerous so USE CAUTION. Now that I have the oil right, I bet I can make fried chicken like my mother used to make it. The batter is my next trick to make it truly correct to memory. She used to make it with a thick crunchy exterior a quarter inch thick it seems. Yeah, that is the plan.
It snowed, that went away. Did it again. Snowed again just recently. That will be gone before long too. Very little snow this year, and the mountains only had 40% snow pack last I heard. But the rain has actually filled the reservoirs so it's all good. As I was telling a local man, though I'm not a farmer, living in farm country makes me 'pull for the team'. Who do city people pull for? Themselves, mostly.
The girls are doing well. Sassy is getting closer to being a lap cat. She is amazing and just over a year and a half or so (is it). Sam stays so slim and Sassy is such a chunk-0-catbunny. Same amount of food. I don't mind, and Sassy isn't rotund or anything, just chipmunk chubby. Sam must think she is going to try out for Cat Style Mag cover girl or something. Heh.
I have called my mom a time or two, tried to call my gal-pal, and tried to do a few things. I just can't keep anything on target for very long. I have much to do and no capacity to get to it. I am waking at midnight and staying up until somewhere between noon and 17:00. I am trying to stay up later, to adjust my day, it just isn't happening. I'm not yet back on medication, but it's... a goal.
That's that for that. Plus I got to use three "that"'s in a sentence, so hush. Later.
.
I do okay for a day or two, or get some projects completed, then I have to cut and run. Run being entirely figurative. My plans for Monday failed miserably. I didn't even realize it until Wednesday I believe. Never mind all that jazz, I'm still pointing in the right direction and waiting for traction. At least I know I can do some things even without a window of opportunity. That is a seriously good and new thing. I have and can do amazing things, but usually it requires the silky whip of a woman's tongue. Can't hurt my ego, I'm actually too strong for that. But if a woman is all sweet, or better vulnerable like, she can get me to hoist my bullocks and sprint. :)
I just made a fried hamburger. Deep fried. Well, I fried the outside to get that crisp outer then baked it. Not bad at all. Next time I think I will do it the other way around though. Delicious. I made fried potatoes yesterday. I'm seriously loving these fried foods. Oh, no worries. It's a fad. Though, while I experiment, I am learning a technique that will last me the rest of my cooking career. Fried fish, chicken, giblets, chops, and even cheaper cuts of beef, add variety. Further, it is one of the fastest methods of cooking out there. If you go to try it, remember... HOT! You want a drop of water to bring the oil to a boil. Just a drop though, even that can be slightly to very dangerous so USE CAUTION. Now that I have the oil right, I bet I can make fried chicken like my mother used to make it. The batter is my next trick to make it truly correct to memory. She used to make it with a thick crunchy exterior a quarter inch thick it seems. Yeah, that is the plan.
It snowed, that went away. Did it again. Snowed again just recently. That will be gone before long too. Very little snow this year, and the mountains only had 40% snow pack last I heard. But the rain has actually filled the reservoirs so it's all good. As I was telling a local man, though I'm not a farmer, living in farm country makes me 'pull for the team'. Who do city people pull for? Themselves, mostly.
The girls are doing well. Sassy is getting closer to being a lap cat. She is amazing and just over a year and a half or so (is it). Sam stays so slim and Sassy is such a chunk-0-catbunny. Same amount of food. I don't mind, and Sassy isn't rotund or anything, just chipmunk chubby. Sam must think she is going to try out for Cat Style Mag cover girl or something. Heh.
I have called my mom a time or two, tried to call my gal-pal, and tried to do a few things. I just can't keep anything on target for very long. I have much to do and no capacity to get to it. I am waking at midnight and staying up until somewhere between noon and 17:00. I am trying to stay up later, to adjust my day, it just isn't happening. I'm not yet back on medication, but it's... a goal.
That's that for that. Plus I got to use three "that"'s in a sentence, so hush. Later.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Ha-ha!
.
.
Hell's yeah. I got out tonight. Don't know why not last night or any day in the last week. At this point I don't care. I purchased enough food to last a week or two, and tobacco to last nearly two months. Since I didn't know when I would be in again I decided, after doing my major grocery shopping, to call my friend. While late I thought he might like the chance to get out. He did and so out we went. Nothing fancy. He picked up some bullets for reloading, I bought the one thing my usual store doesn't stock... the type of wet cat food I feed the girls. Then I grabbed a meal and ate it at his place while we watched some tube. Every time I see television again I am reminded why I dropped it. Commercials and all around shitty product between the aforementioned.
Really nice. I also sort of promised-suggested I would try to make it in again Monday. I am not sure I can, but... it's a goal. I let him know that too. I hope to go to Mass Monday, and maybe swim. Hmm, I need trunks that fit though. Everything I have is now too big, way too big. I'll have to figure that out. This weekend I hope to get my act together and finish my place. With the clothes and the bedding and most of the dishes sorted out, I need to do the sweeping, mopping, bathroom, picking up here and there.
What is the final goal? Well, I suppose all of those things ARE the final goal. Dreams of more are fading. Keeping myself and my home up, then doing what else is necessary, that will be as good as it gets and probably only something I will be able to do once in a while. I'm driving on three flat tires, I'll never get up to even highway speed, forget about 200 like I used to go. Not really complaining, we were only ever meant to go fast for so long anyway. Beyond that it becomes false bravado. If only I may truly know what has happened, I know I have nothing left to prove to men, or even women. To God? Well, that's an everyday thing now. I will always have to prove myself to Him. Personally, if not completely on the moral side just on the living side, I would guess I impress Him. The man with both no heart and all heart? Yeah, perhaps.
Well, on to things. Hmm, breaded fried chops and a salad are in the offing later, I believe. Yeah, I got some salad makings. I also bought spinach for some fresh steamed goop. Love that stuff, once an occasional. Mostly meats though, that's just what I do.
Good night.
.
Hell's yeah. I got out tonight. Don't know why not last night or any day in the last week. At this point I don't care. I purchased enough food to last a week or two, and tobacco to last nearly two months. Since I didn't know when I would be in again I decided, after doing my major grocery shopping, to call my friend. While late I thought he might like the chance to get out. He did and so out we went. Nothing fancy. He picked up some bullets for reloading, I bought the one thing my usual store doesn't stock... the type of wet cat food I feed the girls. Then I grabbed a meal and ate it at his place while we watched some tube. Every time I see television again I am reminded why I dropped it. Commercials and all around shitty product between the aforementioned.
Really nice. I also sort of promised-suggested I would try to make it in again Monday. I am not sure I can, but... it's a goal. I let him know that too. I hope to go to Mass Monday, and maybe swim. Hmm, I need trunks that fit though. Everything I have is now too big, way too big. I'll have to figure that out. This weekend I hope to get my act together and finish my place. With the clothes and the bedding and most of the dishes sorted out, I need to do the sweeping, mopping, bathroom, picking up here and there.
What is the final goal? Well, I suppose all of those things ARE the final goal. Dreams of more are fading. Keeping myself and my home up, then doing what else is necessary, that will be as good as it gets and probably only something I will be able to do once in a while. I'm driving on three flat tires, I'll never get up to even highway speed, forget about 200 like I used to go. Not really complaining, we were only ever meant to go fast for so long anyway. Beyond that it becomes false bravado. If only I may truly know what has happened, I know I have nothing left to prove to men, or even women. To God? Well, that's an everyday thing now. I will always have to prove myself to Him. Personally, if not completely on the moral side just on the living side, I would guess I impress Him. The man with both no heart and all heart? Yeah, perhaps.
Well, on to things. Hmm, breaded fried chops and a salad are in the offing later, I believe. Yeah, I got some salad makings. I also bought spinach for some fresh steamed goop. Love that stuff, once an occasional. Mostly meats though, that's just what I do.
Good night.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Bah!
.
.
Still haven't been able to get out. Not sure what the deal is. I did, however, change my bedding, leaving my bed to air out overnight. I have been eating, cooking, and tending the dishes rather well as well. I just can't get things arranged to get out. Everything is ready. I've taken care of my list. I honestly don't know what else to do. Then again, there was no 'window of opportunity'. Perhaps there are limits to what I can simply create out of thin air. It sounds impossibly stupid, when looked at directly. And yet it is the truth. I am stuck. At least I am stuck with clean clothes, mostly clean dishes, and a clean bed now. Oh, and I am clean too. All of that is an improvement, some are needed for when I finally am able to get out.
I simply don't know how to shake free. Eating well isn't doing it. I tried the Anacin to see if it would work twice. I think it only gave me a jolt because it was combined with relieving pain. There must not be enough of a hit of caffeine in them to otherwise give me the boost the first dose gave me recently. I would use a prybar if I knew where to apply it. Hah!
Well, later.
.
Still haven't been able to get out. Not sure what the deal is. I did, however, change my bedding, leaving my bed to air out overnight. I have been eating, cooking, and tending the dishes rather well as well. I just can't get things arranged to get out. Everything is ready. I've taken care of my list. I honestly don't know what else to do. Then again, there was no 'window of opportunity'. Perhaps there are limits to what I can simply create out of thin air. It sounds impossibly stupid, when looked at directly. And yet it is the truth. I am stuck. At least I am stuck with clean clothes, mostly clean dishes, and a clean bed now. Oh, and I am clean too. All of that is an improvement, some are needed for when I finally am able to get out.
I simply don't know how to shake free. Eating well isn't doing it. I tried the Anacin to see if it would work twice. I think it only gave me a jolt because it was combined with relieving pain. There must not be enough of a hit of caffeine in them to otherwise give me the boost the first dose gave me recently. I would use a prybar if I knew where to apply it. Hah!
Well, later.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Could be?
.
.
Tonight might really be the night that I escape my digs for the first time in... I don't even know when the last time I left was. It's not important to the task, to know. I've definitely had worse. And while I did sink into the morass a bit deeper than usual for out here, last winter was worse if for it's own particular reason. I am surprised I am climbing out on my own. That truly is a first, if an inconsequential thing if viewed from the outside. It must be like watching a fast slug compared to a slow slug. While relativism as a human notion is bunk, there are applications where it does apply. *grins*
I showered last night in prep to shower again tonight. Sounds silly but, just go with it. I fixed a more real meal tonight, spaghetti and meat sauce. This time I had a small collection of extra spices to add my own real touch to it. More garlic, of course. But also more oregano, a touch of my gnarly cayenne, a bit of cumin, and a few other things. My sauce does not taste like it was store-bought. It brings a twinge to the jowls like those bitter-sweet candies, only without the regret and not quite so sour. Loverly.
I see it is February 22nd already. Time flies when you are unaware. Oh, and I have been keeping up on dishes. I won't plan anything else beside going to the store tonight. I think that was my undoing last time. Too many things on my list and I bog down like a computer with bloatware! At least at this point. I also collected some of the trash, and all of the recycling, and that will be the one thing to do beside shopping, but it is as simple as going out with me as I leave. Bit by bit I am getting my feet back under me and my wind back. I'm just faking it at the moment but I can live with that.
Later.
.
Tonight might really be the night that I escape my digs for the first time in... I don't even know when the last time I left was. It's not important to the task, to know. I've definitely had worse. And while I did sink into the morass a bit deeper than usual for out here, last winter was worse if for it's own particular reason. I am surprised I am climbing out on my own. That truly is a first, if an inconsequential thing if viewed from the outside. It must be like watching a fast slug compared to a slow slug. While relativism as a human notion is bunk, there are applications where it does apply. *grins*
I showered last night in prep to shower again tonight. Sounds silly but, just go with it. I fixed a more real meal tonight, spaghetti and meat sauce. This time I had a small collection of extra spices to add my own real touch to it. More garlic, of course. But also more oregano, a touch of my gnarly cayenne, a bit of cumin, and a few other things. My sauce does not taste like it was store-bought. It brings a twinge to the jowls like those bitter-sweet candies, only without the regret and not quite so sour. Loverly.
I see it is February 22nd already. Time flies when you are unaware. Oh, and I have been keeping up on dishes. I won't plan anything else beside going to the store tonight. I think that was my undoing last time. Too many things on my list and I bog down like a computer with bloatware! At least at this point. I also collected some of the trash, and all of the recycling, and that will be the one thing to do beside shopping, but it is as simple as going out with me as I leave. Bit by bit I am getting my feet back under me and my wind back. I'm just faking it at the moment but I can live with that.
Later.
Moving on.
.
.
But not going very fast or very far. More dishes were done, including the cleanup for the last few meals. I redid the stove going over the whole thing this time. Just trying to keep up. Then a major headache hit and that was that. I haven't had a migraine in months, perhaps a year or more? I really ought to get back on my medicine. You would think I could just do... whatever. But I can't. I did play the game, it took my mind off the headache, mostly. I finally gave in and took aspirin, the type with caffeine, 1200 mg.
In other words, I didn't get out, I didn't change and wash my bedding, and I didn't finish the last of the dishes. So be it. I have today, or really tomorrow. I am doing what I can. For the moment I am stuck. I'll get there. Like I said, this is new territory. I am making a window, not simply going through one or trying to go through something presented to me. And, actually, I am pleased that I have come so far while blind. Blind you ask? Yes, when I am without... mind, body, something... I am blind in a way you can't quite know. Most of you have had times where you didn't know what what the moral, correct, right thing to do was. Just imagine if everything from eating to dressing to checking the mail, and definitely anything more complicated became just as... unsure to you. It is a type of blindness, though I am not sure what it is I don't see, only that I can't figure things out. If you have watched (or better read) The Lord of the Rings series, the Nazgûl might be a type of similar irregularity. They don't have normal spacial reasoning among other things. They 'understood' differently. Just... a sort of example. Never mind, just trying to explain. To you and me.
The medicine worked, the headache is mostly gone, but it is nearing bedtime. I try to stay up between 15 and 18 hours a day, sleeping between six and eight hours. I am not using my alarm clock though. When I am in this sort of haze, an alarm clock will irritate me to sleep longer, to try and escape it or... ignore it... or beat it... or surrender... or something. I haven't figured out how things work in the fog, I just know that a few things do function differently and know some of them. Not all of them. Footdragging seems to be a method of sanity for me, in these times. I suppose that is how I have survived so long with such a bad heart? Probably.
Well, on to a bit more gaming before I crash. This is becoming quite annoying, even with my modest but appreciable and real successes. Later.
.
But not going very fast or very far. More dishes were done, including the cleanup for the last few meals. I redid the stove going over the whole thing this time. Just trying to keep up. Then a major headache hit and that was that. I haven't had a migraine in months, perhaps a year or more? I really ought to get back on my medicine. You would think I could just do... whatever. But I can't. I did play the game, it took my mind off the headache, mostly. I finally gave in and took aspirin, the type with caffeine, 1200 mg.
In other words, I didn't get out, I didn't change and wash my bedding, and I didn't finish the last of the dishes. So be it. I have today, or really tomorrow. I am doing what I can. For the moment I am stuck. I'll get there. Like I said, this is new territory. I am making a window, not simply going through one or trying to go through something presented to me. And, actually, I am pleased that I have come so far while blind. Blind you ask? Yes, when I am without... mind, body, something... I am blind in a way you can't quite know. Most of you have had times where you didn't know what what the moral, correct, right thing to do was. Just imagine if everything from eating to dressing to checking the mail, and definitely anything more complicated became just as... unsure to you. It is a type of blindness, though I am not sure what it is I don't see, only that I can't figure things out. If you have watched (or better read) The Lord of the Rings series, the Nazgûl might be a type of similar irregularity. They don't have normal spacial reasoning among other things. They 'understood' differently. Just... a sort of example. Never mind, just trying to explain. To you and me.
The medicine worked, the headache is mostly gone, but it is nearing bedtime. I try to stay up between 15 and 18 hours a day, sleeping between six and eight hours. I am not using my alarm clock though. When I am in this sort of haze, an alarm clock will irritate me to sleep longer, to try and escape it or... ignore it... or beat it... or surrender... or something. I haven't figured out how things work in the fog, I just know that a few things do function differently and know some of them. Not all of them. Footdragging seems to be a method of sanity for me, in these times. I suppose that is how I have survived so long with such a bad heart? Probably.
Well, on to a bit more gaming before I crash. This is becoming quite annoying, even with my modest but appreciable and real successes. Later.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Deep fried chicken gizzards.
.
.
In lard. Like I said, my arteries are clean as a whistle, I don't have gout, and I doubt if it would matter anyway. I have a strong suspicion that most "food science" is about as politically motivated as "global warming"(tm). The more they have gotten people to eat less meat and fat, the fatter people have gotten. Then again, with an aging, dying, population, that is just what happens. Only a few genetically special people remain svelte their whole lives. Well, those and the moderately poor and those too foolish to use their slim moneys for food.
I am hoping tonight is the night to sneak out. I just haven't been up to it so far. It's not, always, that I have an order by which to do things that cannot be altered, save for having clean clothes but that is fair. It has to do with having enough stored energy, or the sense that I do, to risk leaving my home. Like a very long drive with no gas stations, if you aren't sure your vehicle will make it don't take the risk. While I am almost certain, and have never failed, to go out and come back, I realize this is just a sensory thing. Then again, I have seen the devistation to my life when I push too hard too fast. Eventually it will be fatal, one way or another.
The fried gizzards where splendid. I kept trying to figure out how my mother made them so crispy. When we were kids, she made them ever so often. And her regular fried chicken was the stuff of county fair blue ribbon material. I figured it out, hot. Not just a little, not mostly. HOT. And you really have to keep an eye on those things while they are in. But crispy? If I can make this and fried chicken like this every time, if it wasn't unconstitutional, I'd marry myself! Sex wouldn't suffer (can't). *shrug* And, no, I'm not a narcissist. But who marries for love anyway. But excellent fried foods? You bet!
And, yeah, all of my meal dishes are soaking. I need to redo the sudsy water and try and kick out more of the remnants of the other dishes that remain. Something about a clean, tidy, decent to live in home that makes one happier to be alive. My mother had here faults. She had here qualities too. Beside letting us know, very often, that she loved us she instilled in us manners, propriety, and certain ethics, including work ethic. I had thought the work ethic failed on me but I think I was a bit ill even back then. Not at disability levels, just... a nagging lack of energy at times. And she did it mostly on her own. Two boys who would otherwise have been orphanage rats. I like to think she did the world, and us, a great favor. She did what she could with what she had, and like most country girls, that ain't bad.
Yeah, yeah, I know. A soaking of some dishes, stripping of the bed to air out, a bit of laundry, and a few hours of gaming in between, and maybe to town tonight. The cats are getting very long in the face about hard cat food. And I really have to keep an eye on water for them now too. Still, it's good for them to learn to live lean from tine to time. In summer I ought to go solely to hard cat food to induce mousing. And I am thinking about having weekends be hard cat food only days... call it 'chef's holiday'.
Later.
.
In lard. Like I said, my arteries are clean as a whistle, I don't have gout, and I doubt if it would matter anyway. I have a strong suspicion that most "food science" is about as politically motivated as "global warming"(tm). The more they have gotten people to eat less meat and fat, the fatter people have gotten. Then again, with an aging, dying, population, that is just what happens. Only a few genetically special people remain svelte their whole lives. Well, those and the moderately poor and those too foolish to use their slim moneys for food.
I am hoping tonight is the night to sneak out. I just haven't been up to it so far. It's not, always, that I have an order by which to do things that cannot be altered, save for having clean clothes but that is fair. It has to do with having enough stored energy, or the sense that I do, to risk leaving my home. Like a very long drive with no gas stations, if you aren't sure your vehicle will make it don't take the risk. While I am almost certain, and have never failed, to go out and come back, I realize this is just a sensory thing. Then again, I have seen the devistation to my life when I push too hard too fast. Eventually it will be fatal, one way or another.
The fried gizzards where splendid. I kept trying to figure out how my mother made them so crispy. When we were kids, she made them ever so often. And her regular fried chicken was the stuff of county fair blue ribbon material. I figured it out, hot. Not just a little, not mostly. HOT. And you really have to keep an eye on those things while they are in. But crispy? If I can make this and fried chicken like this every time, if it wasn't unconstitutional, I'd marry myself! Sex wouldn't suffer (can't). *shrug* And, no, I'm not a narcissist. But who marries for love anyway. But excellent fried foods? You bet!
And, yeah, all of my meal dishes are soaking. I need to redo the sudsy water and try and kick out more of the remnants of the other dishes that remain. Something about a clean, tidy, decent to live in home that makes one happier to be alive. My mother had here faults. She had here qualities too. Beside letting us know, very often, that she loved us she instilled in us manners, propriety, and certain ethics, including work ethic. I had thought the work ethic failed on me but I think I was a bit ill even back then. Not at disability levels, just... a nagging lack of energy at times. And she did it mostly on her own. Two boys who would otherwise have been orphanage rats. I like to think she did the world, and us, a great favor. She did what she could with what she had, and like most country girls, that ain't bad.
Yeah, yeah, I know. A soaking of some dishes, stripping of the bed to air out, a bit of laundry, and a few hours of gaming in between, and maybe to town tonight. The cats are getting very long in the face about hard cat food. And I really have to keep an eye on water for them now too. Still, it's good for them to learn to live lean from tine to time. In summer I ought to go solely to hard cat food to induce mousing. And I am thinking about having weekends be hard cat food only days... call it 'chef's holiday'.
Later.
Dishes.
.
.
After days of monkeying around with the drain plug I just went back to the trusty old dishpan. Well, that and the other-other sink. Two loads and two pots done, plus the stove top receiving a proper scrubbing. While there are some things I don't like about glass top stoves, their fragility spooks me, there is much to like. Cleanup is an absolute breeze.
With laundry done, save bedding, and dishes well over half way completed, I simply need to police the place up a bit, take out the trash and recycling, redo my bed, and life will be back to some sort of sanity. I hope, yet tonight, to sneak out. I need to check my mail, get more canned cat food, milk, and a few other things. I am thawing chicken gizzards, hamburger, and a couple of t-bones currently. I need to keep the food supply up or this will all fail. It may anyway, but food is vital.
Oh, yeah, I ought to grab some more salami and cheese. It makes for a perfect meal. And while expensive, even the $10 chunk lasts for four meals or so. Too rich to just down, especially with some cheese and crackers on the side. Cheese can be pricey too, but as with the sausages, it goes a long way. Let me see, $20 over 5 meals is $4. I think I can do that. I am not sure I have much choice. Only beans and rice are cheaper but I need meat in there which shoots the cost way up. You just can't get away without spending, and spending, and spending. Even when you think you don't have it.
I was trying to figure out what day today was. Then I realized I didn't know which week in the month it is. I finally realized I have no idea what month it is. I still haven't checked. I would guess it's February but I simply don't know. I would actually say I think it is January I just don't want to sound dated. :p
Well, I will need a shower before going to town. I am not sure I am up to it. If not, I am getting much closer. Later.
.
After days of monkeying around with the drain plug I just went back to the trusty old dishpan. Well, that and the other-other sink. Two loads and two pots done, plus the stove top receiving a proper scrubbing. While there are some things I don't like about glass top stoves, their fragility spooks me, there is much to like. Cleanup is an absolute breeze.
With laundry done, save bedding, and dishes well over half way completed, I simply need to police the place up a bit, take out the trash and recycling, redo my bed, and life will be back to some sort of sanity. I hope, yet tonight, to sneak out. I need to check my mail, get more canned cat food, milk, and a few other things. I am thawing chicken gizzards, hamburger, and a couple of t-bones currently. I need to keep the food supply up or this will all fail. It may anyway, but food is vital.
Oh, yeah, I ought to grab some more salami and cheese. It makes for a perfect meal. And while expensive, even the $10 chunk lasts for four meals or so. Too rich to just down, especially with some cheese and crackers on the side. Cheese can be pricey too, but as with the sausages, it goes a long way. Let me see, $20 over 5 meals is $4. I think I can do that. I am not sure I have much choice. Only beans and rice are cheaper but I need meat in there which shoots the cost way up. You just can't get away without spending, and spending, and spending. Even when you think you don't have it.
I was trying to figure out what day today was. Then I realized I didn't know which week in the month it is. I finally realized I have no idea what month it is. I still haven't checked. I would guess it's February but I simply don't know. I would actually say I think it is January I just don't want to sound dated. :p
Well, I will need a shower before going to town. I am not sure I am up to it. If not, I am getting much closer. Later.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Hmm, well, let's try that again.
.
.
Was all geared to go out last night. No clothes, no clean clothes anyway. So, through the night, I have done about six loads of laundry. I folded, hung, and put away all as appropriate save a large basket of socks that need sorted. I would have done dishes along with it but for some reason my sink simply won't hold water. Damn plugs. Never you mind, I'll figure it out. With clean clothes I am more sure to get to town tonight or tomorrow. I am still... grinding my way through this. Stupid heart just isn't there. And it's not just the gaming keeping me occupied. My wounds aren't healing. A sign that what is ailing me is quite real and very physical.
Not much else to report. It was good to get the laundry done though. Next, the bedding and dishes, if I can get the sink to plug up properly. I may look around online, see if anyone has advice about that. Whatever.
Later.
.
Was all geared to go out last night. No clothes, no clean clothes anyway. So, through the night, I have done about six loads of laundry. I folded, hung, and put away all as appropriate save a large basket of socks that need sorted. I would have done dishes along with it but for some reason my sink simply won't hold water. Damn plugs. Never you mind, I'll figure it out. With clean clothes I am more sure to get to town tonight or tomorrow. I am still... grinding my way through this. Stupid heart just isn't there. And it's not just the gaming keeping me occupied. My wounds aren't healing. A sign that what is ailing me is quite real and very physical.
Not much else to report. It was good to get the laundry done though. Next, the bedding and dishes, if I can get the sink to plug up properly. I may look around online, see if anyone has advice about that. Whatever.
Later.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
No window.
.
.
I'm not seeing a way through. So, for the first time in memory, I am going to try to make my own path. To that end, I roasted a chuck roast the other day to feed up, then roasted enough chicken to see me through a few days of good solid eating. I got a shower in today, and the phone is charged. I plan on another shower, then a trip to town tonight to tend shopping needs. Perhaps tomorrow afternoon, or the day after as I can't make promises yet, I will go in and get my friend out of his place. I don't know if it will work, but there it is. Oh, and I need to get back on medicine. Tonight or tomorrow I will be resetting my medi-set.
I just don't have what it takes. Everything I do is a major effort. While I enjoy the games, they actually become more like work as I go to the higher levels and try to carve out specific plans. I tend to think games do enhance intelligence, if they are played at the harder levels and without cheats. No pain no gain works for the mind as much as it works for the body, and hard game modes are painful at times. The games don't add to my life in some ways, and yet that create something I can do in my time, at my pace, and at the level of difficulty I am prepared to participate with.
I best get going. A bit more gaming, then a shower and to town. I don't know how well it will work just forcing things. But at this point it is as much as I can do and the only option I have. I am absolutely tired of being sick and tired! :P Life is still good, it just has no meaning currently. I'd like to fix that.
Later.
.
I'm not seeing a way through. So, for the first time in memory, I am going to try to make my own path. To that end, I roasted a chuck roast the other day to feed up, then roasted enough chicken to see me through a few days of good solid eating. I got a shower in today, and the phone is charged. I plan on another shower, then a trip to town tonight to tend shopping needs. Perhaps tomorrow afternoon, or the day after as I can't make promises yet, I will go in and get my friend out of his place. I don't know if it will work, but there it is. Oh, and I need to get back on medicine. Tonight or tomorrow I will be resetting my medi-set.
I just don't have what it takes. Everything I do is a major effort. While I enjoy the games, they actually become more like work as I go to the higher levels and try to carve out specific plans. I tend to think games do enhance intelligence, if they are played at the harder levels and without cheats. No pain no gain works for the mind as much as it works for the body, and hard game modes are painful at times. The games don't add to my life in some ways, and yet that create something I can do in my time, at my pace, and at the level of difficulty I am prepared to participate with.
I best get going. A bit more gaming, then a shower and to town. I don't know how well it will work just forcing things. But at this point it is as much as I can do and the only option I have. I am absolutely tired of being sick and tired! :P Life is still good, it just has no meaning currently. I'd like to fix that.
Later.
Oh, right. I am still in here, are you still out there?
.
.
Time flies when you aren't aware. Last I knew it was... the 25th? Yeah. Now it's already the 17th or 18th or something. I think I've been out of the house once in that time, maybe twice. I've been out of soda for days, that always gives me huge headaches. I'm almost out of tobacco. I buy tobacco for two months at a time now, when I can. Running out of that and not being able to get out is really harsh, especially when added to the effects of caffeine withdrawal. Never mind.
My friend has called a number of times. My lady friend called too. Lots of email. I couldn't have answered or read, my phone has been dead for... a week, two? Just not on things right now. The phone still isn't charged enough to use yet but I am not ready to get out in any case. I hope to sneak out in the next day or night or two to take care of my own stuff first, as I don't have what it takes, atm, to shop for myself and help my friend browse at the same time. If I take care of my needs first, then I can go in and just let him go where he wants and get what he needs or wants.
Gaming is going well. The game I am playing is non-linear and a bit buggy. It's a fantastic game but it has it's drawbacks. What I mean when I say non-linear is that missions can be done in a large number of orders which makes going back to replay something very difficult unless you save after every mission and catalog the saves somehow, as you don't get to name the saves. It's not perfectly designed, either, in that if you do the missions one way, you may not get something. And more, the way to "win" doesn't always work. The gameplay is fun, and varied though.
I took a shower today. Absolutely wonderful things, showers that is. I am sure a bath would be even better but you have to draw it, then figure out how to keep it hot, and... all that stuff. I'm not sure why women love baths as much as they seem to do? It seems like a lot of work to my mind. Or at least a lot of fuss. Hmm, they don't have to stand? I dunno. Then again, like I have any real clue about the human female mind. Though I have come to suspect that they rarely have a grasp of their own mind, wants, and needs either. How did I get on the subject of women? Bah!
Later.
.
Time flies when you aren't aware. Last I knew it was... the 25th? Yeah. Now it's already the 17th or 18th or something. I think I've been out of the house once in that time, maybe twice. I've been out of soda for days, that always gives me huge headaches. I'm almost out of tobacco. I buy tobacco for two months at a time now, when I can. Running out of that and not being able to get out is really harsh, especially when added to the effects of caffeine withdrawal. Never mind.
My friend has called a number of times. My lady friend called too. Lots of email. I couldn't have answered or read, my phone has been dead for... a week, two? Just not on things right now. The phone still isn't charged enough to use yet but I am not ready to get out in any case. I hope to sneak out in the next day or night or two to take care of my own stuff first, as I don't have what it takes, atm, to shop for myself and help my friend browse at the same time. If I take care of my needs first, then I can go in and just let him go where he wants and get what he needs or wants.
Gaming is going well. The game I am playing is non-linear and a bit buggy. It's a fantastic game but it has it's drawbacks. What I mean when I say non-linear is that missions can be done in a large number of orders which makes going back to replay something very difficult unless you save after every mission and catalog the saves somehow, as you don't get to name the saves. It's not perfectly designed, either, in that if you do the missions one way, you may not get something. And more, the way to "win" doesn't always work. The gameplay is fun, and varied though.
I took a shower today. Absolutely wonderful things, showers that is. I am sure a bath would be even better but you have to draw it, then figure out how to keep it hot, and... all that stuff. I'm not sure why women love baths as much as they seem to do? It seems like a lot of work to my mind. Or at least a lot of fuss. Hmm, they don't have to stand? I dunno. Then again, like I have any real clue about the human female mind. Though I have come to suspect that they rarely have a grasp of their own mind, wants, and needs either. How did I get on the subject of women? Bah!
Later.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Weird.
.
.
Despite not knowing the day of the week, or... much else regarding the outside world, I have been eating fairly well. And, somehow, losing significant belly size. I'm slimming down. I haven't been this "slim" since I first became ill. Though, to be fair, much of the medicine I have been asked to take caused weight gain, and further the real cause of my illness caused me to gain water weight excessively. Still, it is fantastic to be slimming down, if my clothes, even the newer smaller clothes, are beginning to seem more like gunny sacks than clothes. I still weigh 270, so it doesn't make sense. I guess it is all a matter of were you lose and what you lose.
I haven't been able to get to anything, pretty much. Gaming, still, continues. And I play incredibly long spells. I quit the gaming and I just end up sleeping and even more confused, so I will keep it. Medicines... I keep dropping off that. I just don't understand. It used to be easy to take. I need to reset the medicine container and begin trying it again. As I said, I have been eating. Two meals a "day", and decent meals. They are neither too big, mostly, nor too small. I can't keep up with the six meal a day thing, but when I can I will get back to that. Just a bite, now and again. Never hungry, never full. But it is a high maintenance operation when you add in shopping, prep, cooking, and cleaning. Fruits just don't do it for me, even when paired with peanut butter or something.
I absolutely destroy games. Now, I don't get every last detail known, and how it functions. But for using (mostly) unscientific methods, I learn how to crack a game open, rip it apart, and assemble the play to my liking within (and sometimes outside a bit) of the design. While it is not profitable, I learn nothing functionally useful for the world in general in real terms, and some other problems, it does give me problems I can solve given the energy I have. It gives me something nearly real to do. And it keeps me out of that FUCKING bed. Sorry. I just hate being bed-bound. I hate being even more down and out, confused, in pain.
I'm thinking about life. I just don't have a way back to it. But it is good. I'm not in bed and I don't think my health is deteriorating. I think diabetes is on the retreat as well. Later.
.
Despite not knowing the day of the week, or... much else regarding the outside world, I have been eating fairly well. And, somehow, losing significant belly size. I'm slimming down. I haven't been this "slim" since I first became ill. Though, to be fair, much of the medicine I have been asked to take caused weight gain, and further the real cause of my illness caused me to gain water weight excessively. Still, it is fantastic to be slimming down, if my clothes, even the newer smaller clothes, are beginning to seem more like gunny sacks than clothes. I still weigh 270, so it doesn't make sense. I guess it is all a matter of were you lose and what you lose.
I haven't been able to get to anything, pretty much. Gaming, still, continues. And I play incredibly long spells. I quit the gaming and I just end up sleeping and even more confused, so I will keep it. Medicines... I keep dropping off that. I just don't understand. It used to be easy to take. I need to reset the medicine container and begin trying it again. As I said, I have been eating. Two meals a "day", and decent meals. They are neither too big, mostly, nor too small. I can't keep up with the six meal a day thing, but when I can I will get back to that. Just a bite, now and again. Never hungry, never full. But it is a high maintenance operation when you add in shopping, prep, cooking, and cleaning. Fruits just don't do it for me, even when paired with peanut butter or something.
I absolutely destroy games. Now, I don't get every last detail known, and how it functions. But for using (mostly) unscientific methods, I learn how to crack a game open, rip it apart, and assemble the play to my liking within (and sometimes outside a bit) of the design. While it is not profitable, I learn nothing functionally useful for the world in general in real terms, and some other problems, it does give me problems I can solve given the energy I have. It gives me something nearly real to do. And it keeps me out of that FUCKING bed. Sorry. I just hate being bed-bound. I hate being even more down and out, confused, in pain.
I'm thinking about life. I just don't have a way back to it. But it is good. I'm not in bed and I don't think my health is deteriorating. I think diabetes is on the retreat as well. Later.
Friday, February 10, 2012
A fluke. Bah!
.
.
The few good days I had seem to have been more of a kind accident than a path forward. My days and nights are all messed up again. I've fallen and hard. At least the game keeps me occupied, so that I am not sleeping all of the time. And, yes, that is a nice thing. When you sleep for many hours a day, or even days on end, the world seriously gets out of control.
I am continuing medicines and food, mostly. Dishes are, of course, becoming a problem again. Well, and laundry, neatness, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, KoC work, other efforts. It's all conspiring to... not get done. I have been feeding the cats, too. Though I really need to change the litter boxes. I simply can't quite think myself to action. I don't have that vital something. I had hoped getting out would do it. I hoped too that the tree work (little of it that I did) would shake me up. Nope. I really just want to sleep. I don't even want to play the stupid game. How odd, having to force yourself to play video games? As a gamer?
I never said it would make sense. I try to make sense, but my world, my reality, they don't work out no matter how well designed the equation. My heart should have given out long ago. And my sanity, from being falsely accused of being mentally ill, should have collapsed. I shouldn't be able to do the things I can do. I shouldn't be able to even scrape by on my own. Should, could, would, all have meanings. In my world though those meanings are suspended.
Still trying to angle toward recovery. I just don't have anything to grasp at that might get me there at this time. There is no window. I am just here. Never mind, this will pass. Good night or day or something like that.
.
The few good days I had seem to have been more of a kind accident than a path forward. My days and nights are all messed up again. I've fallen and hard. At least the game keeps me occupied, so that I am not sleeping all of the time. And, yes, that is a nice thing. When you sleep for many hours a day, or even days on end, the world seriously gets out of control.
I am continuing medicines and food, mostly. Dishes are, of course, becoming a problem again. Well, and laundry, neatness, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, KoC work, other efforts. It's all conspiring to... not get done. I have been feeding the cats, too. Though I really need to change the litter boxes. I simply can't quite think myself to action. I don't have that vital something. I had hoped getting out would do it. I hoped too that the tree work (little of it that I did) would shake me up. Nope. I really just want to sleep. I don't even want to play the stupid game. How odd, having to force yourself to play video games? As a gamer?
I never said it would make sense. I try to make sense, but my world, my reality, they don't work out no matter how well designed the equation. My heart should have given out long ago. And my sanity, from being falsely accused of being mentally ill, should have collapsed. I shouldn't be able to do the things I can do. I shouldn't be able to even scrape by on my own. Should, could, would, all have meanings. In my world though those meanings are suspended.
Still trying to angle toward recovery. I just don't have anything to grasp at that might get me there at this time. There is no window. I am just here. Never mind, this will pass. Good night or day or something like that.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Getting back on my feet.
.
.
Two days, two goals. Done. I didn't get to Church again today, but I wasn't sure that was possible anyway. I seem to be doing a bit better, a lot better. Tomorrow the goal is to make it to Mass, go swimming for the first time, and then visit my friend. I have checked for a price for another pistol he wants to buy. I might be able to get him a slightly better price through my contacts. New, all else same-same, it is just that the seller is pretty much simply not looking for profit and has no overhead.
Not much else in the news here. Good night.
.
Two days, two goals. Done. I didn't get to Church again today, but I wasn't sure that was possible anyway. I seem to be doing a bit better, a lot better. Tomorrow the goal is to make it to Mass, go swimming for the first time, and then visit my friend. I have checked for a price for another pistol he wants to buy. I might be able to get him a slightly better price through my contacts. New, all else same-same, it is just that the seller is pretty much simply not looking for profit and has no overhead.
Not much else in the news here. Good night.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Awake and in time?
.
.
I am awake and considering Mass. It is just a matter of watching the clock closely enough that a shower and getting dressed in time. It's a minor trick for most of you, a major one for me at times. Alarms don't really work, not when I am like this. It's more a matter of having the strength of mind to remain focused. It's a goal. No more than that. I can't allow myself to become too upset about missing a goal, it then just comes to focusing on the next goal should I succeed or fail.
For the next three days, today included, I have timed events. Oh, and I just received an appointment card for the 7th to top those things off. As well, I hope my goggles arrive in time to begin swimming on the 5th. Every other day with swimming, along with Mass mostly. Thankfully gas prices have dropped just a bit.
I have been keeping up on eating, but the kitchen needs some... work. So that goes though. Between food and medicine I have been able to keep from simply not being for a while. An empty husk I may be, but aware enough and with some memory. I at least know I have missed something. Crazy from lame, I suppose. Still it's better to coast than free-fall.
I really want to get that automatic cat litter box. That would make me and the cats very happy. Automation, it's your friend. Gaming is going well. You really don't learn much from them, not even how to play the next game. What I would love is a game that actually requires you to learn math and science facts in a functional manner. I think people would be surprised how well that went over. Seriously, calc and physics based games where you have to use the basics to launch attacks, or figure out puzzles. I'd buy it, I just can't write it. No fudging though. Engineering students (gamers) would eat it up.
Best get going. Later.
.
I am awake and considering Mass. It is just a matter of watching the clock closely enough that a shower and getting dressed in time. It's a minor trick for most of you, a major one for me at times. Alarms don't really work, not when I am like this. It's more a matter of having the strength of mind to remain focused. It's a goal. No more than that. I can't allow myself to become too upset about missing a goal, it then just comes to focusing on the next goal should I succeed or fail.
For the next three days, today included, I have timed events. Oh, and I just received an appointment card for the 7th to top those things off. As well, I hope my goggles arrive in time to begin swimming on the 5th. Every other day with swimming, along with Mass mostly. Thankfully gas prices have dropped just a bit.
I have been keeping up on eating, but the kitchen needs some... work. So that goes though. Between food and medicine I have been able to keep from simply not being for a while. An empty husk I may be, but aware enough and with some memory. I at least know I have missed something. Crazy from lame, I suppose. Still it's better to coast than free-fall.
I really want to get that automatic cat litter box. That would make me and the cats very happy. Automation, it's your friend. Gaming is going well. You really don't learn much from them, not even how to play the next game. What I would love is a game that actually requires you to learn math and science facts in a functional manner. I think people would be surprised how well that went over. Seriously, calc and physics based games where you have to use the basics to launch attacks, or figure out puzzles. I'd buy it, I just can't write it. No fudging though. Engineering students (gamers) would eat it up.
Best get going. Later.
Perfect, perhaps not.
.
.
But I am off my butt. At least for today. My friend called, but he has been calling for a few days, off and on, I think. Yeah, yeah, I heard the calls. No one was home. Just because I hear it doesn't mean I can do a thing about it. It busts me up too. It reminds me of those times when I was truly torn up in a hospital somewhere, lying on my back, and the phone would ring. I really am no better at answering the damned thing now than then. At least it gives me a goal. It is real, somehow. Oh, and I finally got in and joined the gym. Just for the pool at the moment. But that could change.
I keep looking at the chainsaws. The man that came and cut the tree had the exact one I am considering, a Husqvarna 455 Rancher. He takes about eight trees a year, he would guess. And he likes it quite well. He said that or a Stihl. After a bit of research, it was suggested that either would be fine, if there was a local dealership and repair shop. So, a bit of digging and? I find a repair shop for each, locally. More than that, I find a shop that sells and services both brands. A good place to visit, don't you think? I have a lot of wood to dice up and more branches to bring down. And I might know a way to it.
More than that, plans are in the works. I have a Mass to attend tomorrow. Don't know how, I just know I have to get there. It's making it on time, I have no... measure or rhythm that allows me to... gauge time? I don't see it coming or going. It would be like you, while drifting at sea after a few weeks, to be able to see a wave and then touch it, or... something crazy like that. Anyway, Mass tomorrow. Then catching a football game, the game, with my friend in Logan on Sunday, and maybe another Mass. No, I just like to go to Mass. I really do, I am simply fettered.
As well, I have an appointment for a haircut next Thursday and a meal two Wednesdays from now, so about two and a half weeks away. I invited the man who cut the limb, and his wife. I hope to have the wood cut up for him by then, and my home cleaned. Ugh! And, swimming Monday, along with Mass and taking my friend out to shoot one of his pistols. He is getting 'shooting cranky'. It's almost as bad as a young man not getting any female attention. As well, I need to get going on some KoC affairs and making appointments with the V.A. I clean missed two of those. I saw them coming, sort of. And I saw that I had passed them. Like the wave to the sea-blind man, I could not touch them, couldn't even see them as real. Yeah, yeah. Believe me, I try.
So, plans and more plans. Some things done, more to do. So be it. I will do what I can. This crazy lameness has gone on far too long. Hup! Go, go, go! *shhhh* Just... do it while they aren't watching.
.
But I am off my butt. At least for today. My friend called, but he has been calling for a few days, off and on, I think. Yeah, yeah, I heard the calls. No one was home. Just because I hear it doesn't mean I can do a thing about it. It busts me up too. It reminds me of those times when I was truly torn up in a hospital somewhere, lying on my back, and the phone would ring. I really am no better at answering the damned thing now than then. At least it gives me a goal. It is real, somehow. Oh, and I finally got in and joined the gym. Just for the pool at the moment. But that could change.
I keep looking at the chainsaws. The man that came and cut the tree had the exact one I am considering, a Husqvarna 455 Rancher. He takes about eight trees a year, he would guess. And he likes it quite well. He said that or a Stihl. After a bit of research, it was suggested that either would be fine, if there was a local dealership and repair shop. So, a bit of digging and? I find a repair shop for each, locally. More than that, I find a shop that sells and services both brands. A good place to visit, don't you think? I have a lot of wood to dice up and more branches to bring down. And I might know a way to it.
More than that, plans are in the works. I have a Mass to attend tomorrow. Don't know how, I just know I have to get there. It's making it on time, I have no... measure or rhythm that allows me to... gauge time? I don't see it coming or going. It would be like you, while drifting at sea after a few weeks, to be able to see a wave and then touch it, or... something crazy like that. Anyway, Mass tomorrow. Then catching a football game, the game, with my friend in Logan on Sunday, and maybe another Mass. No, I just like to go to Mass. I really do, I am simply fettered.
As well, I have an appointment for a haircut next Thursday and a meal two Wednesdays from now, so about two and a half weeks away. I invited the man who cut the limb, and his wife. I hope to have the wood cut up for him by then, and my home cleaned. Ugh! And, swimming Monday, along with Mass and taking my friend out to shoot one of his pistols. He is getting 'shooting cranky'. It's almost as bad as a young man not getting any female attention. As well, I need to get going on some KoC affairs and making appointments with the V.A. I clean missed two of those. I saw them coming, sort of. And I saw that I had passed them. Like the wave to the sea-blind man, I could not touch them, couldn't even see them as real. Yeah, yeah. Believe me, I try.
So, plans and more plans. Some things done, more to do. So be it. I will do what I can. This crazy lameness has gone on far too long. Hup! Go, go, go! *shhhh* Just... do it while they aren't watching.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Alive and... something.
.
.
Life is simply moving forward, pretty much without me. No serious problems, mostly. The things that exist are beyond my ability to manage at the moment, little and big things. I am, for the most part, back on a day schedule, for what it matters. I am pretty much just alive, not quite living. I wish I could say it was the gaming. The gaming is helping me to regulate my days and stay awake. When I don't play I simply end up sleeping long cycles, running into days.
I would still like to figure out how to set up the 'day lamp'. It is not that it takes a great deal of effort, but it means making choices, creating space, figuring out how to plug it in, minor things that attack my fragile consciousness like mosquitoes attacking my body in heavily wooded swampy areas.
I'm working on working on things. I am back on my medicines, after many tries. The last week has seen to regular taking of medicine. I don't take it perfectly, sometimes remembering later in the day to take my "morning" dose, and then taking my evening dose shortly following. That is as good as I have been able to do in quite some time. The medicine, at times, will help me take it simply through whatever it does for me. Not now. It is a struggle.
I may need to buy a chain saw. A very large limb came down out back. Further, I may need to learn a bit about electricity and risk turning off electricity. The branch snagged one of the power lines to one of the outbuildings. This whole process will be somewhat risky. The missionaries plan to help. Just having someone around in case I... do something else exciting and interesting will be good. At least they could call 911 for an evac.
Enough for now. Just letting you know that I am alive. Later.
.
Life is simply moving forward, pretty much without me. No serious problems, mostly. The things that exist are beyond my ability to manage at the moment, little and big things. I am, for the most part, back on a day schedule, for what it matters. I am pretty much just alive, not quite living. I wish I could say it was the gaming. The gaming is helping me to regulate my days and stay awake. When I don't play I simply end up sleeping long cycles, running into days.
I would still like to figure out how to set up the 'day lamp'. It is not that it takes a great deal of effort, but it means making choices, creating space, figuring out how to plug it in, minor things that attack my fragile consciousness like mosquitoes attacking my body in heavily wooded swampy areas.
I'm working on working on things. I am back on my medicines, after many tries. The last week has seen to regular taking of medicine. I don't take it perfectly, sometimes remembering later in the day to take my "morning" dose, and then taking my evening dose shortly following. That is as good as I have been able to do in quite some time. The medicine, at times, will help me take it simply through whatever it does for me. Not now. It is a struggle.
I may need to buy a chain saw. A very large limb came down out back. Further, I may need to learn a bit about electricity and risk turning off electricity. The branch snagged one of the power lines to one of the outbuildings. This whole process will be somewhat risky. The missionaries plan to help. Just having someone around in case I... do something else exciting and interesting will be good. At least they could call 911 for an evac.
Enough for now. Just letting you know that I am alive. Later.
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