11:00 and I'm trying to go a bit longer.

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While I am stretching, I wouldn't say that I am to the point of overextending.  It's always a little rough trying to push the schedule around.  Strong as I can be, I live in a delicate state just the same.  I'll make it.  This time I am able to focus on not just getting to a day schedule, but how to do it.  And I am feeling well enough to try to do it.  At least for the moment.  I sometimes get tired while I am working at it.  But if I keep my mind on it, even when I seem to have failed, or be failing, I often make it on over.  It's a beautiful thing.

I've been doing anything I can to stay awake.  While I am not over extended yet, as I suggested, I am sleepy.  Two different things.  I reset the dishes, if I have nothing to put into that effort.  I painted the barrel again, and put a coat on the inside of the foregrip, and a textured coat on the outside.  Some of the meat set out had thawed, so I fixed a bit of it.  Bacon wrapped turkey tenderloin is not my thing.  But it is a spot to eat.  I would love to try and make it to 13:00.  I don't know.  I don't think so.

Oh, yes, one of my aunts died yesterday.  It's hitting my mother particularly hard.  Hmm, no.  I think, at this point in her life, every one hits her hard.  She is one of the two aunts I knew the most growing up.  It is odd, at least in our family, more of the young have died than my parent's generation.  Fast living, suicide, poor health.  Which is strange, actually.  Their generation lived faster lives, by far, to be honest.  I've said a prayer, for those closest, the reposition of her soul, and for my mother.  Yeah, death has become a problem for her.

Oh, I best call my neighbor.  I think I best opt out of dinner for at least this week, as I try to kick my days back around.  If awaken, it will make my job much more difficult.  I'll do that for two weeks if I absolutely must.  I need my days back.  I'll just have to make do with food.  I can eat every other day, as I am pushing, and come out all right.  Heck, as rough as this gets, I can go days without eating.  I feel so stretched when doing this, food doesn't even sound good.  I just ate, this morning, because.  And that was the sum of it.  Well, actually it was using cooking as a means of having something to do.

Good night, Desert Cat.

Shortly after 19:00.

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While my days are off, the schedule is slowly ticking forward.  I have been trying to use the alarm clock, but that doesn't always help.  When I am pushing, trying to control sleep is often simply counterproductive.  However, if I give myself plenty of time to sleep, so as to hopefully wake up naturally, it can help.  Not always, but often.  I need to push, and right now I can, even with everything being a bit off.  In a few days, or a week, if I tire, perhaps not.  But then, as things are going, I may be just about on schedule in a week.

MS wasn't supposed to turn off their security suite for another week.  Now, considering that my machine is probably hacked, given the quality of MS and their own intentional security weaknesses, I went ahead and set up another security system.  There are free ones, but they lack some things that do come in handy.  I think the system I am considering, for a year, is about $20.  Normally it's $50, if you believe sales?  I am running the first sweep now, and when I finish computing for the day will run it again.  It already shows two problems.  Not sure what they are yet.  I'll dig in when done.

I am, again, stuck in the game.  Only this area isn't supposed to be this bad.  I'm never sure, with this game, when a problem is my playing, or if there is something else going on.  I keep it unplugged from the internet, which often helps.  Updates aren't always good for play, but can be used if all else fails.  Often, when connected to the internet, the console has odd, inconsistent, control from the pad.  But this game... has flaws that way, seemingly built in.  It's poor programming, or just a glitch.  Why a glitch is on some machines, and some versions of the software, when they are all supposed to be the same, I don't know.  So much for digital being a system of exactitude.  I'm working on it.

I have been hitting sudoku pretty hard lately.  On the lower levels, I generally get between 65 and 85 percent faster, without hints or autopencil (autopencil fills in all the little numbers in blank boxes).  from mid to high mid level, my skills become closer to 85-95% better than average.  The last few days, however, I wanted to see if I could get to 100%, on the lower tiers.  And, I have been able to get that, up to the mid-level ranges.  The thing is, now I realize that most people, who are doing better, only do so by memorizing and repeating the games.  In a raw game, me against almost anyone, I kick some serious butt in this game.  Right up to the point where patterns can't be seen through looking.  And, I would guess, many players can't even spot the more complex patterns.  The more difficult games offered, it would be my guess, honestly take several hours, perhaps several days, for even serious geek players to complete.  The methods and patterns are too complex for a simple play.  I can do the easiest games in 32 seconds, the most difficult games that I can do, without help, I can do in slightly over four minutes, if I haven't been working on doing those at speed, yet.  It's good to know that, raw, out of the box, I truly am a beast at this game.  And, with some practice, can beat 100% of other players in those lower tiers.  Yum.

Hmm... I ought to get some meat thawing.  Nothing tonight, so I might take a trip to town.  I did set the dishes up to be washed yesterday, but never got to them.  I will probably reset them, to a fresh soapy soak, and try to get those kicked out tonight.  And, maybe, a bit more laundry.  Most of the loads are small off type loads.  I don't, for example, wear whites very often, so a very small load of that.  Still, by materials and color, I probably have three or four more loads.  Little is good.  But there might be two pretty big ones.  Though towels are easier.  I have a couple of massive bath sheets.  Well, massive to you.  They are like normal towels to me.  I just wish they made stuff for big people. 

Later.

Recall.

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Why does life lead where it does?  To what I have seen and done, to where I have gone, or to begin searching for music that reminds me of some part of my past, I seem lead by whim, or fate, or providence, or perhaps for divine reason.  I simply don't know.  Tonight?  Ah, well, a few chuckles, a bit of sadness, some good times, some bad, all culminated in a search.  A seeking that was rewarded.

18:00 and awake.

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Okay, closer to 19:00 before I woke.  I did stay awake long enough to change the appointment.  Then almost got stuck awake.  I have windows in which I can try to sleep.  But my capacity to focus in those times is limited.  So if I try to stay awake to do something, I may neither do the action nor get to sleep in a timely manner.  I meant to stay awake until 8:00, then call in.  Due to lack of focus, it was nearly 10:00 before I could collect my stuff into the correct sock, find the phone, and dial in.  Luckily my sleep window had not fully been passed.  Yeah, I reset the calendar alarm in my phone before then crashing and hard.

I am trying to use the alarm clock to adjust my sleep.  I am also beginning the push back to a day schedule.  I feel like crap at the edges of my awake time.  Mornings and bedtime, and with a two to four hour margin, are horrid little spits of time.  Misery, bodily discomfort, aches and pains.  I think I pushed it, the other day, with the laundry.  Yeah, that just adds to it.  And, as foam suggests, I am probably fighting something dodgy.  Or my body fights itself or ghosts of dead viruses.  My body is at war, sometimes cold, sometimes hot, for whatever reason.  Toss in a bad heart, and I think that explains much of what is wrong.  Yeah, I think that about sums it up.  Imagine having the flu, at very low levels, for most of your adult life.

Still, I do have a number of hours where I actually feel pretty good.  Medicine really helps, now that I am at level.  But I am a bit fragile as to weather and the seasons.  Sometimes more than other times.  Nothing is purely static.  I am getting better though.  The worst of my times, currently, are better than the best of most of my time prior to getting a handle on the heart and blood pressure.  Even if I go through hell getting to level on medication, when there it works quite well.  All relative, mind you.  You wouldn't want even the best of my health.  Most people would commit suicide if my peak was as good as it got.  I've simply learned to take things as they are.

Today?  I would like to crack into the last of the laundry and the few dishes that need washed.  Three loads of laundry, one minor load of dishes, and I will be caught up.  Then on to figuring out my bedroom, perhaps.  We'll see, time will tell, and all... that... jazz.  Later.

Feeling a bit better.

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I'm not sure why, exactly.  The feverishness seems to have passed.  Some body grump seems to have lightened.  I'm still not able to get to anything.  But I'll take what I can get.  I have an appointment coming up, but I don't think there is a chance that I can make it.  I will stay up long enough to call in and reschedule.  Hopefully this shift of day to night can be turned around in the next week or so.  Honestly, though, I do quite well when I get on days, and for longer periods of time.  I just go through short shifts, mostly, and then back.  A couple of weeks, if memory is serving.

I am just not sleeping right, lately.  I don't know what the problem is, exactly.  I don't think I am oversleeping, save when I push it.  Then again, I have been pushing it a bit lately, but mostly because I can't fall asleep.  Then I sleep too hard.  My sleep isn't good, either.  It's an empty sleep.  And it reminds me of when I would sleep in the heat, before I got the ac in.  It's not too warm, but it might just be warmer than I am used to sleeping in.  Remember, I keep a window open in the winter.  That might be enough to throw things off.  I'll keep working on things.

I know, in a day or three, I am going to have to start pushing, to get my day back in order.  I'm not looking forward to that.  If I can just keep my health, otherwise, stable, I can do it.  I will do it.  It's just tough to do when I feel like I have been the last few days.  I still do it, it's just more difficult and takes longer.  Ugh... I'm not even sure if I will be able to make it up long enough to call during office hours, to rearrange the appointment.  Lord knows I try.  Some days are just tough.  Later or good night.

I'm not sure what to do.

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While I haven't been doing great, I was doing well enough to not be thinking about it.  That doesn't sound all that good, but it's about what most people aim to achieve.  Something has gone wrong.  The last two days have been a struggle.  I can't sleep.  When I sleep I sleep so hard it is awful.  I have a perpetual feverishness going that isn't really physical, though there is an aspect to it.  A spiritual flu?  Something.  I still have moments where I can enjoy a few hours at a time.  But my body is grumpy, as if I had too much, or too little, sleep.  A crap sandwich, wrapped in unsoftened shoe leather, with rotten tomatoes as a relish.  Never mind.  I will keep working at it.

I haven't been able to play my game, get on to laundry, or... do many of the things on my list.  Oh, I go to do it, then get lost and settle back to nothing.  Medicine continues, on track, and actually seems to be a positive, at this point.  Remind, however, to never fall off this stuff again.  Not for a while anyway.  At some point, if progress ends as to my heart, I will stop taking medication.  If this is as good as it gets, I'll just live until I don't.  Only a wife and children might convince me otherwise.  Of course, they would be changing the dynamic anyway.  As they say, even if married men don't live longer (which they do), it would feel like it.  :)  I have to laugh, as it is evidence that life is hard.  So... do you want to live, and longer, or not.  *grins*

With the kitchen just a tad off, and most laundry done, I keep wanting to really dig in around here.  I have some cards to send.  I have a friend I promised to help.  I have a gun to finish painting.  But for right now, I have little choice but to hunker down, sweat out whatever is wrong, and grumble.  I've had much worse.  And this is probably a short term thing.  But it still irks.  I'll keep my goals on the menu and push when I can.  It is that focus that saw me through getting back onto medicines, it'll be that focus that gets me through most problems, now.  But that very focus, that it exists, is something I have only had, on my own personal command, for this last year.  At least since becoming ill.  You don't qualify on a submarine, on your first run, in three months, by being a slacker.  That is how I lived, how I did things, and how I worked, back then.  Hardcore, all the way, press it until dead then beat that horse over the finish line... still coming in FIRST.  Business, boys and girls, and it's back.  It just isn't quite as successful, or... I don't have as much to offer.  But the idea is back, and alive.

Not bad, really.

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I ended up pushing five loads of laundry through, not counting what had been left in the dryer and washing machines.  What was in the dryer was good to go.  I am still... figuring out what to do with the mold-smelling stuff.  At least it doesn't look terrible, just... has a serious odor.  Before the week is out I hope to finish the laundry.  Hmm, but I have an appointment coming up later in the week.  That might bust my mackerels...  No, it's later in the day.  That makes it much easier.

I will probably tinker with the game, just a bit, before heading to bed.  I'm at a new stopping point, a block.  But I have, in the first hour of tinkering, figured out how to get to the end stage.  And that fight is much shorter than the one I showcased before.  But I don't want to be up much more than a few hours.  The goal is to get up earlier tomorrow.  If I can be up and going by 10:00, and get a shower right away, perhaps I can make it back to town around noon.  Today that was not possible.  But I did get a lot done.  Finding the clothing in there, then worrying about the washing machine, sort of enervated me.

Medicine has been going down very well.  All of it.  And it is helping.  It might just be that it is a bit too cool.  And I have cut the furnace, perhaps a bit too much.  But when you can survive without the furnace, at least for me, it is enjoyable to do so.  It sort of allows me to adjust to the weather, as it is... to enjoy spring, and to not feel so dependent upon environmental controls.  I'm not even worried about the money.  Still, there is a price.  Might have to turn the furnace up, to try to get going first thing when I wake up.  I'm tryin'.

Later, maybe good night.

I can smell her.

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She has returned.  I took a bit of time off, for... a number of reasons.  None of them having to do with her.  Busy, busy, busy.  I had things to do, things to tend, and life just happens.  She is back.  She was always there, but on a back burner, to my mind.  What caused the switch, one way, then the other, is not for me to say.  Haunting me, she is.  I see her eyes in the night.

One last load.

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I haven't done all the laundry, but I did get a good 70% done... perhaps a bit more.  Further, this time around I either folded or hung up everything, and put the towels where they belong.  The last few times I left the laundry in baskets, unfolded.  Bachelors can get away with that.  Still, I don't like wrinkled clothes.  Mostly shirts, though jeans can look pretty crappy when not done right.  I have one last load in the dryer.  It should, actually be done.  Now it's a matter of relaxing enough that I can get to sleep.

Yeah, today is off.  I won't be doing much, other than sleeping.  I've given the girls an extra meal, since I ran so very long into the night.  It got them off my back for a bit.  They don't know the time, but they do know that if I am up and it has been a long time since their last meal, that I should feed them.  Cat logic.  Don't mess with that anymore than you should try to tinker with women logic.  Fuzzy math is nowhere near so... oddly precise.  And... it actually can make some sort of sense.

I don't understand why the clothes smell so bad and yet the washer smells just fine, and runs other laundry through without adding odor.  I won't question it, or worry about it too much.  As to the mold-smelling laundry?  Really, I am thinking, tomorrow or maybe when I wake up... giver or take an hour or four, of putting it out on the line.  Sun works, and fresh air can't hurt.  Did I just guarantee rain or snow?  Probably.  A day or two on the line, then I'll... try washing it again.  Sun, really, mostly.  But if the mold is dead, from the vinegar, then... perhaps airing out is all that is needed?  Don't know, rarely do.  Even when I know I realize... what was true may not be true.  Variations, variables not fully accountable, reality.

I did look at the rifle and foregrip pieces.  Looks good, actually.  I thought there were going to be runs, but not so much.  If I wake early enough, I may try add a second coat to the barrel and inside of the foregrip, using the heat paint.  And then also put on the first layer of textured paint on the foregrip.  I think that is the only place...  Hmm, no... the rear pistol grip could use some texture as well...  Yeah, those are the two places I will add texture.  I'm not sure how rough this stuff is, but that is why gloves are worn, innit.

I best get that last load tended, then hit the sack.  I wish I could stay up late enough to call my friend, and let him know I won't be in today.  Hmm... that is possible.  And I could try to kick out some more of the game.  I'm burning through it, sort of.  But when really tired, playing on murder mode is a bit of a pita.  Still, it would just buy me time, and maybe ingrain some new skill or other.  This game is truly murder on hard mode.

Later, though most likely good night, Desert Cat.

Oh youch!

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I did a serious dingleberry.  I don't know when I went to last do a load of laundry.  All I know is a load was in the wash, wet, and smelly.  I went ahead and washed it again, then dried it.  Nope.  The laundry smells of mold.  I just set it aside for now.  I ran another load through, then into the dryer.  And I put another load through.  Lets just say... the discovery animated me.  I will find out shortly if the washer is ooc, or if I can go ahead and run things through.  If ooc, I'll have to figure that out.  As well, I'll be doing a bit of research on what to do with otherwise clean, but moldy smelling clothing.  Oh, sure, I have been adding vinegar, heavily, to the laundry, as I have been doing it.  Hmm...  Might just have to let them air out for a while?  Dunno, I'll do some research.  It has been... half a decade, more really, since I forgot laundry in a washer.  And for a reason.

I have been gaming between loads.  We will see how things turn out just about... now.  That's the timer, suggesting the wash is done.  The dryer is usually faster, even though I don't use heat.  I just tumble everything dry.  Works for me.

Ah, that's good.  The washing machine does put out clean smelling clothes.  So I will continue with the laundry.  I just have to figure out the clothes that smell musty.  I'm surprised, for as rough as I live, I really can smell bad odors.  Never mind, just understand that batching it has it's drawbacks.  I can't take care of all the odors, but I do know when they exist.  That is much better than many single men.  My mother just called, she thinks washing them with baking soda is the trick, but doing it over and over.  Probably anything I use will have to be used over and over.  I'm still going to do a bit o' research, to see if there is a mix of stuff that might work better.  Say... soap, backing soda, and vinegar?  I dunno. 

Later.

Oh yeah, made it through.

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The game, that is.  I made it up to the part that was such a bear.  Well?  It's still a bear.  But instead of a half a day, as I suspected, it only took a quarter of a day to get through!  Bleh.  That is just a mean part.  No breaks, and requiring near perfection, and a heavy dose of luck.  I am hoping to get up to where I left off before the day is done, then I will be... pleased.  Oh, and I am quite a bit more proficient at the game.  I have saved one save, prior to advancing my skills, so that if that doesn't work with my game style, I can come back and start from the point before I started buffing up what might be the wrong skill sets.  It saves a bit o' time, anyway.

I am hoping, in a few more hours, to have the game done.  Yeah, no laundry.  Hmm... I bet I could run a load or two through.  That would at least give me some breathing space.  Yeah, it's late, but...  I'm going to be up anyway.  Later.  Or good night.

Oh, right... the game.

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Yeah, okay, so I worked my way through this, that, and the final major challenge.  Problem?  Yeah.  On that level of difficulty, since some things are very difficult to obtain you must obtain all of them.  My problem?  I didn't obtain all of the things I need.  What does that mean?  It means I have to go back through the game, playing the whole thing over.  Why?  Because if I don't I won't have what it takes to complete the game and will hit an impossible position where I simply cannot get past a certain point.  On the good side, I have learned how to defeat these areas.  It's still tricky, but not catastrophically tricky.  Instead of playing through the difficult battle for three days, to learn it, and research how others have done it, taking various parts from various other players, I now have a method.  It will just be depending on that little bit that is relegated to luck.  Yeah, this fight, again.  Well, and even getting to it is not what I could call simple.  Still... it's either that or quit.


Hmm, I'm having some trouble waking up.  So... a bit of gaming, then maybe onto laundry when I can get a pulse going.  :p  I am trying to get out more often, and have plans to get out tomorrow again.  As such, well... I need clean clothes.  Oh, I'll get to it, sooner or later. 

Later.

YOUCH!

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No pain, just sleep bafflement.  I went to bed at 2:00.  While later than I had hoped it was earlier than I have been able to get to sleep for a week, give or take.  I set the alarm for 11:00, and hoped to rise by 10:00.  I couldn't get out of bed for love or money until 15:00, give or take.  I wrestled getting up before the alarm and lost hard.  When the alarm when off I tried a couple of snoozes but that just didn't work.  I reset the alarm twice before... surrendering to the fact that I was down for the count, and just let sleep take it's course.  I have no idea why I am so tired.  The little bit I did yesterday did not weary me.  At all.  Gah!  Never mind.  I just keep plugging away.

Medicines have been taken perfectly, give or take a bit on when I take them.  Sometimes I don't remember the night medicine until bedtime, or even have to get up because I realize I would otherwise miss them.  But I do that, even when at the end of my rope and then some.  The girls are getting fed, their litter is being... harvested, Sam gets to go out pretty much on demand, and other than when I am in a gaming snit, they are given tons of attention.  I am even, if roughly, keeping up on dishes and doing a few little... target chores elsewhile around the home and for my personal wishes.  So, I can't truly complain if I am still not really happy.

Today?  Laundry!  I need laundry, hard.  If I can squeeze out the few dirty dishes on the side, I will.  Well, and perhaps another coat of paint.  I'm not doing a great job on the paint, not as I had hoped.  But I am learning.  The barrel will, mostly, be under the foregrip... if that isn't the whole of the point.  Hmm...  Dinner will be arriving soon, and I have another tenderloin for later, so I am good that way.  But first I must wake up.  Slept so hard.  The sleep of the dead.  Waking, even now that I am up, is... harsh.  Later.

Haiku Monday - Altitude

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Fleur is up with the contest this week.  She is rather... bossy.  :p  Still, the rules, her rules, are here.  Go play.  Yeah, I have three up.  Just waiting to click the entry after creating a post, so as to add pictorals, or... something.

Icarus's wings

lifted to great height

borne on spring wings of want

drifting, then? - undone

For a Moment

escaping the norm

summer's sky filling my eyes-

BEEP - damn alarm clock

Blue

winter mountain tramp

snow, peaks, wind, white, beautiful

what a world ~  so -cold-

the latitude of 

attitude for altitude -

give or take a whim

so high, so mighty

how far the great have to fall

knees weak - nausea

I did these last two in a daze-trance.  I was so tired but my mind wandered into the wastelands of thought and the notion of haiku linked with the theme, then these popped.  I forgot the rules...  Oh well.  I still like them, if I haven't read them to see if they make any sense since waking, yet.  But I'm not actually awake yet, even now...  I'll tinker and wake and read them later.

Ah, there it goes.

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I didn't get to bed until 6:00, 7:00, perhaps a bit later.  Still, wanting to try, I set my alarm for 11:00.  It went off.  There was no way I could make it.  I hit one spot where I was sure I had made it awake, but... no.  My friend decided to give me an hour extra before calling today.  He called... around... noon, noon thirty?  Something.  I wasn't sure I was going to actually wake, even then.  But I told him I would.  And I ended up doing so, barely.  A shower, then dressing and driving.  A blur, mostly.  I've been sleeping too little, staying up too late, and "working" too hard.

He set up our haircuts, on the phone, while I was on the way.  So we got right in.  I got the same haircut I did for BMan.  Being cautious.  While this haircut is incautious, in a general sense, it is familiar.  So... relatively safe, personally.  I am still considering whether to cut it in closer or leave it.  And I'll get some hair junk to mess with it a bit.  But for now it is as daring as I was willing to go.  He got his usual... relaxed businessman "do".  All good.  Then to dinner.  Both of us got exactly what we got the last half dozen times we were there.  Bleh.  But... I like my meal, he his.  I grabbed cream for my coffee on the way to restoring him to his cage and me to mine. 

Zapped.  It isn't that hard, it is more the time of day.  I wanted to start the paint job, and still may.  I just needed to sit a bit, gather my thoughts, rest, and... consider.  I will be going back in Monday.  A bit more computer stuff and perhaps we can get out shooting... If I can wake in any kind of a reasonable time.  Zapped, I say.  On the good side, there is a chance I might get to bed earlier tonight, if I can. 

Later.

Finally!

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I beat the guy, finally.  At the end you can choose to beat his head in or not.  While I mark myself on stated emotional detachment, in real life, regardless of what you might think from reading my mind...  I took the opportunity.  Then again, I would have anyway, just in case failing to do so nullified the win.  Not doing that over again.  Well... probably.  That is supposed to be the most difficult part of the game.  And, to some, it probably is.  I think, for what it is, that is probably the hardest part.  But there are other, equally, difficult but in different ways, parts.  So... I'm stopping playing here, until I get haircuts handled, a rifle painted, and maybe some shooting done.  Gah!

It's right at 23:00.  I think I am going to listen to some music, play sudoku, and just chill until midnight.  Maybe I can sleep right, and get some of the kinks from playing so intently and sleeping so wrong.  Well, that's the hope.  I'll be setting the alarm for 8:00.  If I can get up, then I'd like to start on the rifle.  During the day I can close off the back porch with a window too small for people to get in open, and let the parts air dry there.  If it seems dry enough when I return I will put on another coat.  I will just be painting the barrel and the foregrip, inside and out on the latter.  Inside will be heat paint, outside will be textured paint, neither will be even close to the final colors.  But... that's how I want it.  And it is a start.  If I can get up!  Ugh...

Well...  Good night, then, foam.

I am stuck on this game!

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Yeah, I know.  Like a vampire before mustard seed, stuck counting the damnable minutia, I am stuck on this game.  I am getting better at this one area, but not good enough to pass.  It is tearing up my sleep, causing some grump, and almost getting me to twitch.  I did a bit of research.  There are hard games out there.  There aren't many that are more difficult.  There probably aren't many equals.  *twitch*  Yeah, but...  I gotta do it.  That's all.  Everything else is sort of on hold until I get through.  There is little I can do about it.

Oh well.

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I simply couldn't sleep.  Which means I couldn't wake.  I think I heard the phone.  I know I fumbled for it, but there was no there, there.  I don't think I ever found it, then it stopped ringing, then I lost any ability to keep looking for it.  It was sitting right beside my bed.  It's a simple matter of reaching over and picking it up.  In certain stages of sleep, though, that isn't... possible.  Especially when pushing sleep to a minimum and wakefulness too much.  I did answer the phone, after the third ring, at about 14:30.  My friend was not happy.  Something about "If I have other things to do...", and not at all happily.  No, I understand.  I just can't sleep.  Tomorrow, he suggested.  Gah!  I'll try, I just don't know.

I'm still not awake or well.  But!  I have been taking all of medication pretty well since I realized I was slipping.  Falling from the heavens to earth, trying to figure out buttons on a phone, while half asleep, in the dark, then hit by blinding light, with wind and no solid ground to be had for money or love.  Bah.  I'll make it around, soon enough.

And, no, I didn't get to the spray painting.  I'm not that awake.  Take away the headache and nausea, and it feels like a hangover.  Nope, didn't touch a drop.  I just can't get to sleep, then I can't wake up, and it is all stretching in the wrong direction.  Bleh.

Later.

Out and about.

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My friend, it ends up, wants to get his hair cut.  Fair enough.  I need mine cut.  It's been... a while.  It was too late today, being nearly 17:00 when I arrived in town.  Still, he had a few other stops.  And of course a meal.  While he was looking at ammo and some other things, I spoke with a bowman at the sports store.  They do have a compound bow that works for my needs, probably $600 out of the store with everything needed and some wants.  That and a target is my next major purchase item.  Though I have to admit, I am seriously thinking about true blackpowder firearms.  Just from materials locally, and perhaps a lead reserve and bullet press, would allow a hunting and minor self defense firearm for as long as the weapons last. 

A trim, it seems, is finally in the cards.  I'll be getting a haircut similar to what I had last time, though making the potential hawk material a bit thinner.  As well, I am not more than evening the length on top.  I am going to look for materials by which to make a stacked mohawk.  I won't be wearing it like that all the time.  But I have to admit, a raised hawk would look just about right with a right kilt and kit, biker boots, and perhaps a pirate's shirt.  Just... a thought.  A little face camo and, well...  Never mind.  A niche burner thing, among other places.  Not exactly what to wear to the doctors.  :)

Yeah, I'm using my friend to help get me off my duff.  Even then it took two days!  Bleh.  Oh, but he says the weather is supposed to get into the 60's early next week.  No hints, shooting time he suggested.  And I suggested that sounds about right.  Not quite a date, not even a promise with a raincheck, merely the plans.  He has a pistol or two he hasn't even shot, and I have some magazines to check out.  I doubt if my rifle will be dry by then, but who knows.  If I get up early enough -laughs go here- I'll get to it.  Hmm...  I might could do a bit tonight?  Yeah, maybe.  But... where to dry things?  Gah!  Always some detail.  I could open some windows in the back "porch", and close the door so they don't (somehow) get meat squirrel fur all over them.  Damned but they are curious little beastesses.  I don't need a whole lot of light for this part.  It's the detail work that I want to do in the sun.  Though temp might be a problem.  Then again, while outside is too cool, where... nah... with the windows open it would be too cool.  Oh well.  Perhaps tomorrow evening if I get back in time.

I told him to start calling at 11:00, then call until I am up and going.  I'll try to hit it by midnight, if I can, and set the alarm for 8:00, if I do make it by midnight.  After the haircut I am going to trim his computer a bit more, and teach him a bit more beyond that.  He hasn't been tinkering with it much.  His sister is showing him some things, but...  He is struggling.  I really need to spend some time with him, showing him just exactly what that little tool can mean for him.  He is an information hoarder, and has many hobbies and interests.  The computer simply offers a gateway to much, new and old.  We'll see.

Ah, I did and didn't forget the card.  When I go in tomorrow I will stop at JC Penney, and get a card from them.  There is no Target in town.  I swear, I have seen the Bullseye sign, but... nope.  I meant to buy the card tonight, but then... forgot.  I didn't have the birthday cards with, as those will need to be taken into the post office.  The one with the card will be registered mail, so as to ensure it.  So...  Late, on the cards, but they will be sent, this time, finally.  Ugh...  Later, or maybe good night.

Well?

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Going to bed, eventually, at 6:00, meant that I am just waking.  Yeah, I heard the phone.  Little I could do about it.  Same with the alarm.  I'm about to shower then call my friend back.  Gah!  I hope he wouldn't mind an afternoon run.  Thursday, right?  Yeah, okay.  Ugh... to just... get going!  Hmm...  I better do laundry soon.  Clean clothes are become nearly as scarce as hen's teeth, not counting abominations. 
Medicine has been taken.  I keep forgetting night meds, of the pill form.  Odd, I don't forget it all.  Never mind.  Though that might be why mornings are so rough and why I have trouble sleeping.  While that stuff is good, once I am too level... as I am essentially... it does knock the speed tick down a bit.  Yeah, I'll... get on that.  But, first, today.  I need to get a shower before calling.  Otherwise he'll want me to go in as is.  Which, technically, is fine.  But... fine for other folk.  A shower, especially in day hours, but certainly since this would be the second day since a shower and this isn't an emergency.  Though it might cut into his nap time.  :p

Up too late.

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I lost track, trying to get past the difficult spot in the game.  Bleh.  Between it and staying up too late, I'm am bordering between getting a headache and getting a migraine.  At least I tolerate migraines better than most.  If I can keep the lights dim and the sound level down... I could continue to play!  :p  Seriously, Marge, there is something wrong with the boy... or... some such.  Never mind.  I'm headed to bed.  I'll set the alarm for noon.  I'll keep the phone near so that if my friend calls I might hear it, and I'll try to get in to town to... see what he might want to do.  I'd like to finish off his machine, though, too.  Snappy.

It ain't pretty, but it isn't too bad, either.  It's just, still, a bit... confusing.  I am just bordering on being perpetually a bit too tired, even without the game.  Focus is just a wee off, but can be had for moments.  It's the middling ground.  Not good enough but not hell or purgatory or void, either.

Now that I have all the paints I want, and the ideas rolling in my head, I am hoping to get to that... hmm, Friday would it be?  Tomorrow?  Sleeping over makes deciding what day it really is a messy thing.  Too tired to think for it to all make sense.  First, just painting the barrel and the inside of the foregrip with the heat paint... It is a primer as well as a top coat, I guess.  They suggest baking the parts, but... beside the fact that I don't think so... at all... the rifle wouldn't fit in the oven without removing the barrel, and that's just not going to happen.  No, after that coat, I'll have to wait.  The can suggest 48 hours, but I don't think so there, either.  I am going with 24 hours between coats.  Yeah... it's going to be a pain.  I do believe I have figured out how to get a tan outline.  I will be painting the whole thing tan, first.  Then I will cut out general, large, shapes, from the tape.  I will cut designs in the tape, but place the tape, hole but cut, then paint it black.  Then I will removed the inner designs, in parts, though putting the pieces back on wax paper, so as to be able to put them over the dried parts.  So that I can get the multiple colors inside the designs.  Yeah, it's... going to be rather technical, and may end up being a lot of work.  And, really, it isn't the right camo for hereabouts, so is really just a style thing.  And yet...  It's going home.  I've never had a home, proper.  But I have had some places I called home.  It's... something to do, as well.

Sassy is laying on my arm.  She's telling me it's bedtime.  She never does this, save when she knows poppo should go to bed.  Little nag.  Meh, I need teh nagging(tm).  So... Good night.

Sort of stuck.

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My friend called today, but before I woke.  I didn't notice it until later in the afternoon.  Too late.  I am going to try to be up earlier tomorrow, and give him a call.  I'll also keep the phone where I can hear it, in case he calls earlier.  Now, I did, finally, make it out tonight, but very late.  I couldn't have showered and gone to town.  I took a shower yesterday though, and there is such a thing as a baseball cap.  I hate doing that, even at midnight.  Why go in today when I will, hopefully, be going in tomorrow?  Because I wanted to get my shopping out of the way so that if he needs or wants transport, I can just focus on that.  I'm not doing the best, so... splitting tasks up seems to be the best way for me to approach problems, when I can.

I'm stuck, again, in the game, too.  That has been chewing up an inordinate amount of my time and energy.  Actually, that means about three or four hours a day.  Hey, that's about all of the time I have to bring to focus on a problem.  And, then, the rest of the time is spent sitting, listening to music, lightly reading blogs and news.  The girls hate when I get stuck in the game.  They get ignored, and shooed off.  I actually feel bad about that.  So I try to take breaks and... well... cuddle.  :)  Have you ever hurt a cat's feelings?  Yeah, they have them.  As a bonus, I've been letting them sleep in with me for the last few days.  And, yeah, that makes up for it.  Why they like sleeping with me, I have no idea.  Sam, though?  I think she plots how to kill me.  She is just a weirdo when she thinks I am sleeping.  I have exceptional night vision, and watch her just watching me... looking for a weakness, I think.  Creepy, but funny.  She reminds me a lot of the women I have... known.  It's definitely a love hate hate thing.  Fear stays their claws.  Mostly.

Oh, I did get some birthday cards.  They will be late, but...  I still need to pick up a gift certificate tomorrow, but that is the only thing on my list.  I bought the heat resistant paint, and the tan/khaki I needed.  Milk, butter, and whole whipping cream as well.  Since I am drinking whole whipping cream in my coffee now, I have cut back to two gallons of whole milk a week.  Yes, I love me some dairy and some fat.  Well...  An hour or two more of playing, as I am too sprung from the trip to sleep.

Good night Jean.

Not off to a great start.

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Beside waking late, and sleeping very hard... I know it because my throat is sore from snoring, I simply could not get going earlier on.  I still have a trace of a headache.  It's not enough of a thing to try to treat, and at this point may have been from sleeping too hard.  I am not giving up though.  I just got a shower, and partially dressed.  I'm just waiting on dinner to decide what to do next.  Perhaps a quick trip to town, for milk, cream, and that certain spray paint.  If I do go to town, and do get that, I might lay a primer down, and spray the foregrip inside with the heat resistant paint yet tonight.  Hmm, come to think of it, I could prime the whole gun, either way.  I'm a little nervous about what to tape off, and how, on the gun.  Though I did see a video that offered a better solution.  Filling the innards with toilet paper, then taping over it.  And putting a toilet paper plug in the barrel.  Yeah... that would work.

Not feeling the best, as I said.  But as the day drags on, I seem to feel better.  Being on medicine, I think, is actually, at this point, helping.  It's just that the morning dose takes a bit to kick in.  Sleeping too hard, for whatever reason, really adds a lot of drag to the first few hours as well.  I'll keep working, pushing, when I can.  Funny thing?  If hell does come?  I am actually more ready for that than most.  It's my area.  It won't kill me like some.  The change in diet and forced exercise will... heal me.  It's this fluff that is killing me?  Maybe.  If I could just get down to some mean camping trips, I think... that would begin to solve some problems.  Just enough bacon and beans, with long distances between refills, and more humble surrounds.  The heat, cold, bugs, hassle with water, and the rest are restorative.  We, most of us, live quite coddled lives, even if we think we have it bad.  Trust me.

Hmm?  I don't know.  I'll... start thinking about some other things to add to my list.  Later.

Rough, people...

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I have no idea why things are so locked up.  I'm doing pretty good with medicine.  And I am doing some things.  But a lot of my time is spent hunkered down.  I've been researching, tinkering, reading, and such.  But I am just on the edge of things.  At least when I do get to things, I do them well.  My memory is good, what of memory there is to recall, albeit.  I have the sense of having a minor, ongoing, fever.  Just off to the side.  It's not that I do have a fever, it's just that feeling you get as you are going into a fever.  I've had that for weeks.  Think back to the last fever you had.  Remember that off feeling, sensation, that made concentration a bit difficult?  I keep expecting other symptoms, but I have gone through this, off and on, since I first became sick.  I'm not sure what it is.  Flashbacks from the viral infection that zapped my heart?  Or my body going through something where it tries to fight the long dead attack, realizes the fight was one to relents, but gets stuck in a ready state?  Dunno.  Mushy... that's how it feels.

The sun comes and goes, lately, too.  It's warm enough for me, easily.  I ought to be out, even just on my own.  But I can't quite get to it.  Just a drive, a little target practice, maybe a minor hike.  Some fresh air, a little sunshine.  But even now, with clouds for curtains, the daylight is a bit bright.  With the fever, there is a feeling that a headache could pop at any moment, perhaps even a migraine.  Perhaps I do fight some sickness, from time to time, a carrier of something more than an actual sufferer.  Then again, the stuff they popped into us, before sending us overseas... I didn't think about it back then, but in the last decade I researched it.  Some people have bad reactions to those huge doses of stuff.  Dunno, as I said.

I'll keep trying.  I had hoped the beer night would break me out of it.  It does, usually.  Not this time.  Then again, I wasn't quite feeling it, the call to beer.  I just did it anyway.  That might be it.  Yes, Doom has various home remedies, that is one of them.  And, quite often, it does work.  It, if nothing else, by the volume of flow, cleans and clears every organ.  The alcohol probably kills some of that which ails me.  Not so much this time, but... Medicine doesn't always work.

I may still try to get to town later.  Milk and cream, and the heat treatment spray paint are on the list, and depending on the time, perhaps a visit with my friend.  Who knows, but it's the goal.  Later.

Tools, tools, tools.

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Always on my mind.  Always.  You honestly, almost can't have enough of them.  Screwdrivers and sockets disappear, nails and screws get used or rust, they break, and there is always a size, shape, or variety that could be added to make that one odd little task a little easier.  Bent screwdrivers have been a recent find that ended up being a lifesaver when putting together my smoker.  But what about bent, small or large, star drives?  The thing is, tools are expensive.  Go buy a shovel, a rake, a hammer, and a good pair of pliers and you will see at least a 100 bill go away.  And... it bugs me.  Food, of course, is somewhat tended, and really prepped for a greater tending.  I have a lot of tools, but many rely on electricity.

Haiku Monday - Brave

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Oh, fie.  Rafael has put up a contest, again.  He dares request an audience from the saved damned.  So be it.  Challenge the gods as you wish!  Just twitching your twitch, Raf.  I have sympathy for your predicament.  Being the lord of the dance, only to be spurned, and then be gracious enough to... abide the command?  And then to beg a devil of light his-self?  Balls, lad.  So be it.

walking with death, sweet!

seen it, done it, shit!  not proud

just the facts, madame

walked into the

dirt - saw the rhythm of death

enjoyed the butthurt

embracing woman

she bends, she bows, she powned

I still win, always

Beer has been good.

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It lead me to many things.  First and last.

Yeah, that might be it.

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I was trying to figure out why I have been so lame lately.  Actually, it is probably because I am peaking out on adrenaline... with the game.  Yeah, it can do that.  This game, in particular, is especially adrenalin driven.  Some games I can play through, on the hardest settings, and not have too much trouble.  Some games not so much.  It is actually rare for a game to... cause this much overflow.  Still, that is probably what is making things foggy.  Cool weather still, even with the sun, sort of drives some capacity down as well.  It's a combo.  On the flip side, the game is... exciting molecules that might lead to a breakthrough.  Not the big one I am almost seeing ahead, more of a... oh... local maximum.  Potentially. 

I have been tinkering, on several and varied projects, each requiring their own sets of my abilities.  I have been doing a bit of cooking.  I have been keeping up on the girls, trash, recycling.  But laundry is... woefully in need of attention.  Dishes are pretty much up to speed, if the kitchen needs some minor attention.  I just don't feel like I'm getting as much done as I would like, or able to aim my capacity.  It just sort of goes off and I push in one are or another.  Now, the areas I am hitting, save for gaming, are areas I want to hit.  But they aren't necessarily first on my list.  The rifle, for example, could have waited a month or three.  Then again, the parts were in.  And hitting while the iron is hot is always a decent plan. 

I need to start pulling things together for the Arizona burn.  It won't be as heavy, but I want to be more organized this time.  The tent and sleeping gear are still "airing out" upstairs.  Water jugs are ready, if empty.  I might be able to bring some chairs and a table this time, if that might not be as necessary, or wanted, as it was last time.  I best start emailing Desert Cat about this and that.  I hate the idea of missing the burn this summer, but...  We'll see. 

I'll keep trying.  I'll see what I can get done.  For now?  While it is late, I am thirsty.  I might have enough beer left to quench that thirst.  Cold, that is.  I still have another container to go in when I finish this one off.  Goals, people.  Good night, actually, in any case.

One more thing with the rifle.

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While tinkering with various things, I noticed that the rear sight flat spring plate seemed to have a bit of rust.  Because of the way it was sitting under the front sight, I could not tell if it was severely rusted or just had a touch.  I noticed this some time ago, but... well... it wasn't the top of the list, just a little nag in the back of my mind.  I happened to be reviewing various sight options, specifically peep sites, when I found a video about removing the front sight!  Of course, that would be optimal for checking the rust, and dealing with it.  Blah.

After reviewing the video, I was able to easily pop the sight off and look at the spring.  Thankfully, the rust was very minor and very much just on the very top of the top layer of the surface metal.  I simply cleaned it with the dremel.  Easily removing the tiny spot, then removing paint further around to make sure it was as isolated as it seemed.  Bare metal isn't optimal, but it beats letting rust set in.  Further, I will be painting soon enough, with a rust preventing primer and then layers of rust resisting paint.  That should fix that quite well.

As far as the game goes, I had really thought I would just stop.  If I couldn't get a specific trophy to pop, I wasn't going to mess too much further.  As it turns out, the trophy popped.  Which means I can, possibly, go on to get the platinum trophy.  The thing is, there is a set of challenges that have to be completed for the platinum.  They are a beast.  I have decided to run the game on the hardest difficulty, attempting to use methods required, or advised, for the challenges.  It's a pain, but it also opens some other things in the game.  New outfits or such, and perhaps a few other things. 

I haven't been tinkering with the HP-48g lately.  Only so much can be done.  The next step with it is to figure out how to use the graphing capabilities, just simple graphs to begin with, and figure out how to find specific parts of the graphs, like intercepts and such.  I truly hate HP for making such a lousy manual.  It seems no one has chosen to write a decent manual for it.  I have looked at others, but most that I have found seem to have been written by goobers like the original authors.  They all seem to have some stick stuck somewhere it shouldn't, and choose not to deign to speak to people who don't use only higher level math parlance.  And while I am good at math, or have been, I'm not an idocrat mathnerd.  Grh!

Tomorrow?  Hmm...  Probably to town.  I need to buy a couple of cards, get a gift certificate, and check on my friend.  Oh, and buy heat resistant spray paint.  Always something else, innit?  But... I sort of like that.  Good night.

Haiku Monday - Corner (late, but upon request)

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I didn't play last week, and probably not this week.  Just... not quite up to it.  Still, a glad request gets a glad response.  :)

it seems like a turn

at 90 degrees, no-go?

with the right help - easy

I can see it.  Just

over there.  My time arrives.

Believe it or else, life.

Oh, these aren't finger pointing, boys and girls.  These are just my stories, one past, one possibly future.  I thought about the topic.  I just couldn't figure out how to... get it all down.  Yeah, that might make one question the last.  Just... trust me.  Life is returning.  While speaking with a gentleman who knows me, he mentioned something I had forgotten.  In spite of even my mid-range troubles... he can't remember the last time I haven't been awake when he called.  The phone was dead one day, but other than that...  When he first knew me, he never knew when I would be awake, or in what kind of shape I might be found.

I may be heading for a corner, in my health.  Of course, even with bright eyes and bushy tail about it?  I'm still just a wee... doubtful.  Death?  *grins*  I don't think so, but that WOULD be a turn in my health.  *laughs*  Oh, just teasing.  I really do think things are preparing to improve.  Time will tell.

Those tools I purchased for no apparent use are quite handy.

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From mother to sister to girlfriends, I have always been question about my interest in buying tools.  In my mind, I always saw the uses, applications, even if I wasn't buying them for a specific task at hand.  And, when I had a specific job, and need a tool, I will often pick up a few other tools.  Simply getting the foregrip on the rifle, another non-necessary item if you ask most women albeit, was not possible without a dremel.  No, it doesn't look perfect.  While I did make it functional, mistakes went along with the task.  I am guessing, that is how it is with most work.  Fabrication, mechanics, plumbing, welding... these are arts.  Aesthetics are second, for real work applications, if they do have their place.  For beginners, such as me, that place is rather far down the line.

Oh, I didn't ding up the job terribly.  There are limits.  And I did clean up my mistakes fairly well.  But in the process, the work is very messy.  You sort of have to ignore that, to a degree, and hope cleanup shakes out anything too rough.  There are guys who have learned a steady hand, absolute proper tools, and perhaps additional gear by which to perfect the art.  Of course, that may well go downhill with age, too.  We just aren't meant to attain perfection... yet.  I sure our second earth will have a place for guns, at least until we get bored with 40 mile target practice, figuring out the perfect caliber for this or that, and tiring of it all, save for shoots on Saturday or something.

After fitting the foregrip, still snug as I wanted it, and assembling the forepart of the rifle, I see that there is not looseness between the grip top and bottom.  With the gas tube in place and tightened, and some other things as they should be, the grip is perfect.  I did remove the side picatiny rails.  No use for them, in my book, as I see things... at this time.  However I am saving those, along with the other extra, old, and parts under consideration.  Who knows, maybe a flashlight on the side might be nice.  I just don't think so.  Too much prep and tactical is, essentially, junk.  Rechargeable batteries?  Lasers?  My idea of extra might be a night sight.  To two hundred yards, the iron sights are just fine.

I have one other manual piece of work to do with the rifle.  AK iron sights are fine, for what they are, simple additions to an inexpensive, cheap really, rifle.  The sight picture on the rear sights is barely a slat, just enough to barely be able to put the forward blade in the slat, but not really great at evening the blade in the slat.  A piece of advice I heard, and approved, was that opening up the window would greatly improve the capacity of the sight system.  To that ends, I plan to do a bit of filing... using one of those extra tool sets I happened to purchase while getting a circular saw, or the blades for it, I do believe.

Then?  Painting.  I did forget something else I wanted though.  I would like to get black, heat tolerant, spray paint.  Basically what you would use for a grill or such.  I want to paint the barrel with that.  I'm going to do some research to decide if primer should go on before even that or not.  Probably primer first, but this is a new type of project for me.  As well, I plan on painting the inside of the foregrip with that stuff, and the gas tube.  Then put it all together and finish with a camo job.  Further, I do believe I have figured out how to keep a tan/khaki outline.  It'll be a little trickier to work the tape, as what I need to do is paint a base tan, cut a general outline in the tape, cut out a lesser outline keeping the trim I want... Hmm... well.  Not quite.  I'll continue pondering.  Gah!

Why such minor details, why this paint and that, why, why, why!?!  Because... if I have to, or want to, do a job, I want to do it right, from the start, through the process, and to the end.  While it might be a cheap way of throwing lead, it is an item I both enjoy and appreciate.  It is mine.  And it will be done correctly, or at least as correctly as I can.  It started with the purchase, went on to the first degreasing and cleaning,  then on to sanding the surfaces and oiling and soon to be greasing, and now to finish the thing off just right.  Some things I can't do well, housekeeping.  I love the notion, but it doesn't make sense to me on many levels.  But a rifle?  That makes sense.  My guess is there are other areas that make sense.  Mostly in the mechanical field, though perhaps there is room for other things, such as minor electrical.  So... I do what I do and I do it as right as I know how.  Learning, always, in any case.  Yum!

Welding.

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I have been thinking about putting together more of a shop.  I still don't have my area in the garage worked, but then I'm still not quite on my feet, and I have a few things coming up and in the works as is.  I do have real limits.  Still, welding has been on my mind for quite some time.  Beyond being a neat toy, there is some serious function to it.  I will need to redo the electrical in my garage, and push 240 to it.  Might as well add in a number of other solid, higher amp, outlets while I am at it, for other tools.  So, yeah, a whole pack of projects just to get to the point where welding could even take place.  Still, Desert Cat is just figuring out his electrical works in order to begin opening his welding shop.

What a dream.

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In the dream, the government and citizens were at war.  Beyond battle gear, which had pretty much been standardized, environment suits were required.  Not that the whole nation had been contaminated, nor was what was contaminated long term, but the use of chemicals and bios was in play.  Returning home from a scouting mission, one of the women came out to great us.  Some of the guys were talking trash, but I can't remember what it was about.  The woman became offended about some of the language.  As one of the elders on the council for running affairs, she believed she had a duty.

She let it be known that these men would not be allowed their environment suits, an area she was managing... the repair and replacement was one of her areas.  I called a meeting, held on a cliff.  In the meeting, where all who could make it were present, as well as the council, I let it be known that no longer was thought policing in effect.  I told the woman that she was threatening the lives of the soldiers who made her, and everyone else's lives possible, and that this would no longer, ever again, be tolerated.  I called her up to the bench, grabbed her, and whirled her off the cliff.  I then suggested that if any others had any complaints, sort them out personally.  But any threat against men for speaking, officially or unofficially, would never be tolerated.  That is what we are fighting against. 

Things will reset back to the way they were.  It is the way it will go.  Those who have forced this government monstrosity to were it is will also have to be taught.  It's just the way of it.  Nag?  Fine.  Though police?  Not tolerable.  Men will speak their minds, even if they are wrong, again.  Other men will handle that.  If a man proves unworthy of civil living, he will be dealt with, but by his actions not words will he be judged.  Women, in politics, is the problem.  This too will be dealt with.  Even if my side loses, the other side merely completely invalidates the vote, or North Korea's dictator would not have gotten 100% of the vote.  Either women lose their emancipation, or we all do.  Simple choices.

Out and about.

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I did get out today.  I made it to the event.  I've been locked away in the cave for so long, I almost forgot there are people out there.  It was a smaller crowd, and the focus was on the events.  Still, I am pleased to have made it, and that I was in the condition to get ready and go.  All prep, as with dinner last night, was pretty spur of the moment on my part.  Since first becoming ill, that is usually the way of it.  No major fuss, mind you.  My guess is, that may have been the way of it my whole life.  I am lousy at time management.

After the event, I made it to the store.  There is one thing I forgot, that might make painting the gun a bit easier.  Wax paper.  Put the tape on that, then cut the tape on it.  It makes it far easier to work with the tape.  I am still thinking about how to get the khaki trim.  I've been looking at videos, and how they do some of the various camo patterns.  None are really as complicated.  Often there are only a few uses of tape, over the base layer.  I have seen some really neat patterns.  And I have seen less complex tiger stripe designs.  I simply having seen anything quite as involved as the design I want seem to be.  It was too windy to mess with trying to paint today.  I could have emptied the garage, and tried in there, but...  Beyond the wind, I am a bit tired.  I almost want to go to bed now.  Nope...  Not until 20:00 to 22:00.  I have kept on days and would like to keep that going.

I have a new problem, in the game.  It's not something on my side, however.  It's not a skill or knowledge issue.  A trophy, something given in the game for doing specific things, is not dropping.  So... I've tried several methods others have used, to no good effect so far.  There are two other options.  Each requires a complete playthrough though.  I'm not sure, if this first method doesn't work, if I have the patients for another, other, again, playthrough.  I haven't been working on the HP, though my next project for that is to figure out how to use it's graphing capabilities.  Yesterday I was busy with the game.  Tomorrow, perhaps, I will begin looking for the goods on that.  Why?  Why not.  Further, it will help me get back into math.  I would like to get that all heavy again.  I'm almost thinking, in spite of the tough last six months, that a corner may be on the horizon.  We'll see.

Hmm...  How about a deep fried hamburger?   I may have some potatoes that were baked but not used as well.  I've never tried a deep fried burger.  It just sounds... interesting.  Later.

Forgot!

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No worries.  The people I invited to dinner know me well enough.  My phone was dead, so they came over and... I had to get out of my skivvies and into something proper.  Answering the door, finally.  Wasn't sure what it was about.  Remember, I said I forgot.  No problem.  After the reminder, I jumped into the shower, then dressed, and was on the road quite quickly.  Uhm!  A 36 inch pizza pie.  It is pi day, and many non-tech types convert that to sweet pies.  Savory pies are just fine.  Excellent.  These are truly homemade pies.  The sauce is awesome.  The toppings really are great.  It's just good pie.  And, they not only split it, they are willing to put four different topping regions on the thing.  Perfect.  There was enough mix for everyone.  And there was enough that we each took some decent amount home.

While out, I decided to do a little shopping.  I have been reviewing color schemes, and textures, for my rifle(s).  Definitely the ak.  I looked online for ideas, looked at Amazon for prices, and have an idea in my mind.  While at Walmart, I decided to look at their prices.  Half of what Amazon was charging!  It doesn't always work out that way.  So...  I bought everything I need for probably several rifles.  Primer, if the stuff I am using suggests it doesn't need it.  I always prime.  Always.  Then I bought several colors I had been looking for, as well as some textured colors!  I had seen clear texture, but not camo colored textures.  I also bought the tape I want to use. 

After that, and some other shopping...  bought some things for a little girl.  An event coming up, mind you, I headed back home.  I did remember to check the post office.  Most of the stuff that was supposed to be there was in, but one thing was not.  Gah!  I don't know why, but the USPS, about a fifth of the time, sends my packages to some weird other town.  Oh, it always ends up going back to the sender, who then asks if I want it sent back and where.  Something is just wrong with USPS.  It's not the locals, it's probably some gov contracted routing software that works only slightly better than Zerocare.  I'll... figure out the little flashlight sooner or later.

I did tinker with the foregrip.  I will need to sand it so that it fits snug, and perhaps work an area in the hind part, that fits to the body proper.  But it looks good.  It has removal picatiny rail mounts on each side, which I will probably remove.  There is one on top and one underneath.  The one on top won't bother me, the one under the device has a cover.  I could get covers for the side rails but I'm looking for lightening the system, and have no earthly intention of adding a light or laser.  Silly.  If I need something for night I'll buy a topmount device.  A thought, but just gear to have, and maybe practice with a tine bit, but not depend upon.  I have something going on tomorrow midday so I won't be painting, first thing.  But it would be nice to get the foregrip fit and the gun painted before the weekend is through.  Then to figure out a single point strap for the rifle.  Then I can go shooting in style, when the weather is warm enough to kidnap my pal.  I think he'll like what I've done with the rifle.

Well...  A bit more gaming as I end the day.  I finished the second run through, but am having problems getting a trophy to pop.  I'll work on that.  Good night.

My two projects are finished.

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After having figured out the problem with assigning 'pi' to a numerical value (and back, should I prefer to see a longer equation in a certain form, first), I got to work on the game.  Beastly, it was.  I did figure out how to do it, but knowing and doing, in this particular game, is not that simple.  Basically you have to train your muscle movements to be fast enough, and you have to have a bit o' luck.  Finally got it all together.  Three days working on that area.  Although, I do believe, if I decide to play the last level of difficulty, it won't be as difficult.  Still, with luck playing a factor, it will never be automatic. 

Now I am just finishing the game in a second play through, but with... the extras you earn from a first playthrough, in order to sort of figure some things out and stick them in memory... for an even harder run, potentially.  I also would like to get into town before too long.  Today.  I need to do a few things, before businesses close.  A couple of hours of gaming, then a shower, then on to town, I hope. 

The sun is up.  And it feels somewhat warmer.  All help.  Medicines are pretty much on track.  I did miss a day, several days ago, but that is going to happen.  I don't even mind that.  It seems to help, so long as it is very limited.  A breather, I think, is what that is called.  While gaming and a calculator don't help me in real life, as things stand, they do give me something upon which to focus, challenges to be figured out, and in there time, within my capacities to function.  I'll take that.  The struggle sets me up for a better start when I can finally get to doing more functional care around and about.  A hike will be a challenge, in these mountains.  I will need some spit and push, if I do end up hitting those.  These little things prepare me for that.

Yeah, well, on to getting things done.  Later.

Bits at a time.

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I'm working on two problems, currently.  One I just solved, actually earlier in the day.  I figured out how to take the symbol for pi and turn it into a functional number on my calculator.  Now?  Now I will begin figuring out how to do algebra, geometry, trigonometry, matrices, and calculus on the thing.  It's been a while since I messed in those fields.  But... as deeply as I put those in, it will just require a bit of rust removal and some dusting.  The other problem?  The game.  An area that has been a devil to get through.  The guides on YouTube are dysfunctional.  After trying a number of those methods, I finally just started crafting my own method.  I don't think I got one good idea out of the various guides I reviewed.  Most were replays, with special attributes only available after beating the game the first time through.  Useless and a lie.

A shower, in a bit, and maybe a later run to town.  Hmm, or not.  I think I will scrub some potatoes and bake them.  After letting them cool, I will chunk them.  Last time I made french fries, this time I am going to make steak fries.  That will go perfect with the fish fillets I have thawed.  I think I even have some malted vinegar.  I'm telling you know lie, I can make some serious eats when I can be kept on track.  This meal is something people pay small fortunes to eat.  When it is all done just right...  Oh yeah.  While I am baking the potatoes I will continue trying to make it through the game.

I keep thinking about that first song in that last post.  I remember, my last for sure though there were others... who I worked to get them to say they hated me.  Eventually they... figured some things out and would resist my... humble efforts.  She, as I was changing to what I am now but still deeply in the process, was of the other side, the side I was leaving.   "For the man that I hate?  I'm going to hell."  Oh, and she did hate me.  I feel like... I played a cameo in the vid.  Yeah, and the skirt thing?  Listen closely.  Knew that well with her.  Uhm... the things I have done, seen, and known...  Yeah.  Immune, now, to those ways.  But I do remember them as I lived them.  Quite a road.  The reason I became Catholic?  Only the Eucharist claims to be the holy Blood and Body.  From what I could tell, from my research and understandings and faith?  I believe, absolutely.  It was the only way to know if...  I was... human... possessed.  Yeah... it was... that bad.

It's a wonderful day, but still rather cool.  Just a bit cool to get out shooting.  I can do it, if I can get to it, but my friend really can't.  He is always low on iron, but more importantly, he is often low on actual blood.  I think the last time he got a fill, which he gets every two to three months, they pump three units of blood into him.  Yeah, so cool just isn't something he can tolerate well.  No problems, it is getting closer to being warm, faster and faster.  Ah, but soon, I need to get in to town and figure out his machine.  Bleh.  Late, slow, not doing as much as I would like, but alive against all bets.  And... I'll be alive for a very long time, barring... mishaps.  Later.

Judgmental? Hell yea.

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It simply isn't people I judge.  Sin.  Nothing more.

Nothing about life is guaranteed.

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Between the vagaries of age and health, the uncertainties of mind and will, the humbling that comes with understanding that even if we are correct and do the hard things required, our consciences should be plagued.  We don't own this world, even if we have the title to parts of it.  We don't even own our own bodies, which will do things to survive we might not think we would approve.  And, yet, here we are.  Once you learn these things, and then get over them, perhaps even enjoying life in spite of it's price, and even a great deal as I do, you can move on to other notions.  Most of our struggle in life, assuming the basics are covered, is dealing with ourselves.  Most people never have to look themselves in the eyes, honestly, unfortunately.  Many will never become an honest friend of themselves.  The first step is to realize... you, and others, do wrongs, so that you can exist as you do.  Then you have to sort that.  Not much you can do about it, but you need to come to some... understanding with that.  I'm not sure women and children count in this area.  Whether the state says they are equal, super equal, and independent, that isn't true, never has been, and never will be.  They are wards, of business, of government, of men.  They have different rules.

In any case, I am satisfied to have faced most of what I am, what I have been, what I have done, and what others have done for me.  While not always completely happy with the exact methods, the wisdom involved, the intellect brought to bear, or the outcomes, the general truth is, until very recently, I am satisfied with the general gist.  Some corruptions of politics in the earlier part of the last century, however, has led inextricably to the decline and fall of this nation.  I am not certain if that was inevitable or a form of social suicide.

I was looking things over in my sleep last night.  Why is most of the world socialist or worse?  Ah, look, my mind said and then showed me.  There is no nation, save America, that has not butchered their leaders, thinkers, doers, shapers, and makers within the last two hundred years, nearly to a man.  Russia, China, Europe, much of the rest of Asia, and islam is set, like a locust swarm when it hits critical mass, to send it's extras, often the brightest and strongest, out to butcher and be butchered.  America is the only nation that has not enacted genocide upon it's best and brightest.  Yet.  The pictures in my mind, that remain from the dream exercises, are stark.  The first iteration of the rule of law was to kill any many above or below some average.  Too short, too tall, too bright, too aggressive, too lazy, and they were put to death.  As it was so shall it be, unless men resist with their lives and our enemies deaths.  We, in America, have the means... so far.

To bed, at what I first thought was midnight thirty.  Then I remembered the time change.  I truly despise daylight savings, and would eradicate that if I had the power.  It's a headache and a half, and of very questionable use.  With electricity, there is no longer a need to worry about the dark.  Even then, if locals want to change something, how about changing when school starts, rather than changing the rest of the function of life?  Businesses want to open an hour, or two, later?  That's on them.  Mandates, that is the issue.  End them.  Anyway, before I slept, I checked the real new time, and set the alarm clock to the correct time, then set the alarm for 9:00.  I couldn't do it.  When the alarm went off, I had little to offer.  I simply turned the alarm off and rolled back to sleep.  I woke right at 10:00, however, and simply got up.  Good enough.

Hmm... what about today?  I don't know, not yet.  With dishes done, I thawed fish fillets and hamburger.  I'll... figure something out that way.  The lady who cooks my meals several times a weak makes meatballs.  I had never really been a fan of those, partly due to the rarity with which I had consumed them.  I must admit to be changing so that I am a fan of them.  I am considering tinkering with the notion.  She usually goes sweet, but with a housefull of young, that is probably much more favored.  And that is fine even here.  However, to change things up, I am looking more toward savory.  It would add balance to a new food fascination.  Spaghetti and meatballs, with sauce?  I'm sure thinking on it.  Other than that?  I don't know.

Later.

I am younger than I thought!

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Stolen from a fellow blogger.

h/t Sig94

Yeah, I see my problem.  I didn't understand honesty as a weakness.  It's a matter of putting things in the right perspective.

More tinkering.

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I did, finally, take care of the dishes.  Ugh!  Such an easy thing, but... life just isn't easy for me.  Why?  Who knows.  Who even cares?  Well, I do.  But that is me and makes sense.

I've been goofing on the game, trying to get through a particularly difficult spot.  When I run out of steam for that, I pick up the HP and begin tinkering with it.  Stacks, they say.  Fine.  The problem with stacks, regarding the HP, is that once used they go away.  The TI 89, if I recall correctly and I do, allows one to go back into the history of the stacks, to look fore errors, edit, whatever.  Perhaps the newer HPs don't do that, but it looks like they do.

The good thing about the calculator, to a degree, is that older and newer ones seem to perform similarly.  HP wasn't trying to reinvent the wheel with each new device, merely adding memory, or crafting minor improvements.  So the videos of some of the oldest models and some of the newest models share enough of the forms and functions that I can pretty much figure things out.  A good thing too, as I can find no video guides for the 48G, specifically.  I keep hitting roadblocks in learning though.  Right now I am trying to figure out how to get the 'pi' symbol, easily accessible on the keyboard, to actually equate to 'pi'.  Right now, it is just a symbol, no different than any other algebraic symbol letter.  It took a little bit of hunting and pecking in the manual to find the instructions for how to make the 'pi' symbol (as well as e and four others) equal their typical values.  I did find the instructions, but they are pretty much useless.  I can find some of the buttons and menus, but some of what they describe is not plainly visible, so I suspect they are in hidden menus.  The instructions are pretty much useless.  Back to gaming, I suppose.  Though I might work on understanding the rPn just a bit more.  I have been able to work out some minor equations.  I haven't started on algebra, geometry, matrices, or calculus yet.  I'm just doing very simple things.  Then again, until I can get certain values set up so that I don't have to jump through several menus, I think I best keep it simple.

Yeah, no.  I'm done with the calculator for tonight.  Gaming...  In the next few days, I may have to look for instructions, non HP instructions, regarding the programming language on this calculator, and maybe the TI, to see if one of those might be... conducive to my understanding of the craft.  Dunno...  If I can... remember.  It just isn't going all that well right at the moment.  The sun was nice.  It just didn't help as much as I had hoped.  Kept those curtains open until people might too easily see in.  I like to be... invisible, mostly.  Later.

A little bit of something.

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Digging further into the HP 48G, the calculator I bought long ago and never really had time to learn, is an experience.  I have already found one of the first problems I had with the calculator.  I figured it out back when, but couldn't remember how I had done it.  Yes, I tinkered with it just a bit.  Changing the menu system on the calculator is sort of a trick.  You don't actually change menus, or back out of one.  You simply hit a menu button.  Of course, getting into the menu, but without a clear way out, I didn't want to just go pushing other buttons.  The manuals I downloaded, from HP, aren't searchable.  So... I had to hunt and peck.  Even then, the menu system isn't explained.  The buttons are not listed as to what they do.  It is simply that I understand what some of these tech nerds are talking about and figured the rest out on my own.

And, following along in the guide, I was trapped several times.  They suggested that pushing this and that button would get to this or that, then didn't describe how to get out of this or that.  I actually think the thing was set up as a trap to either shoo people away who were just curious or make those who were reading with intent dig.  Nerds are passive-aggressive, mind you.  I did figure out several things.  First, how to get out of several operation types, second, not to trust passive-aggressive nerds.  They sort of lead me to follow what they were doing, then up and stopped guiding how to undo things.

In my search for answers, I did some side research on the device.  Honestly?  It is a full blown computer, with alpha-numerics, many forms of mathematics easily arranged, tables for constants with room to easily add others.  This thing, for mathematics, along with the graphing capabilita, is truly a serious little device.  Time will tell how it compares with the TI-89.  My guess is that they are quite similar.  The thing is, if you are used to one form of data input, the other will always be sort of out of reach.  Which is another part of the reason I didn't dig into, while in engineering school.  It could have ended up being more confusing than helpful, throwing off my better function.  Now I can play.  Oh, it is even quite programmable.  As is the TI 89.  They might be the right tools for me to experiment in that area.  I have wanted to learn, but... classes weren't really all that good at teaching, either too fast or too slow, and I simply never had the time.  I don't know if I will, but the option to tear into things on my own, at least a bit, is now available.

I opened the windows, pulled the curtains, opened the doors, and turned off the furnace.  It is a bit chill.  But the light is amazing.  I was having a great deal of difficulty reading the buttons on the calculator.  I guess, with light, my eyes aren't as bad as I had thought.  :p  Hmm...  On to something or other else.  The calculator, and manual, were as frustrating as my computer game!  Bleh.  Later. 

Not the best idea.

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I started playing my game on hard mode.  It's the next to the hardest mode, two levels of difficulty above my first play through.  On the good side, I know half of the game, the puzzles.  And more, I know what sort of things I will be facing in the way of opponents.  However, now each battle is essentially a mini-puzzle as well.  What worked on easy doesn't, usually, come close to working in hard mode.  Some of the tactics, as to bosses, is similar, or even the same.  But it takes a number more repetitions, failure is much more possible in doing those moves, and death can be had in a second.

The thing is, I started playing and... well... got stuck playing.  I made it through most of the game, playing until about 3:30?  Still amped, however, I couldn't quite get to sleep.  So I went looking for a manual for the HP 48G.  It's reverse Polish logic, but also a definite scientific and graphing calculator.  I have browsed YouTube, but was surprised to find no help there.  HP did have the manual and a quick start guide for download, which I did.  I am pretty sure I have the guide in a box somewhere.  I used to have it with the calculator but... things happen?  They must or the manual would be there.  Still, the manual is typed in very small letters.  What I downloaded I can fill the screen with.  Much less messy to try to read, even before my eyes began to get old.  Blah!  Oh, and I put batteries in the machine and started tinkering with it.  The time and date are set, I figured out how to change the various modes, and did a very short introduction, so far, just adding data.

Right now, in the game, I have hit a spot that... well... is burning me out.  Though, with what I went through yesterday, and this morning already, a break might be good.  I didn't set the alarm, but woke at 10:30 or so.  When I first woke, I looked at my watch, and somehow I thought it suggested it was 15:00 and change.  That was depressing, so... I rolled back into the covers and, eventually, woke and realized it was still, actually, morning.  It's almost 14:00.  But I think I will set gaming aside for a while, tinker with the HP, maybe try to arrange a few other more practical tasks...  But who knows.  I don't have a lot going on lately.

The sun is out.  But it still seems really cool.  I think opening the curtains might help... somehow.  As I am feeling, it may take a couple of days of shine to get back on some sort of track.  Crap.  But I'll just keep at it.  Later.