Almost ready to get ready.

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I wasn't sure much would happen today.  As it turned out, I missed two days of medication, except insulin.  Why I remember part of it but not all, I don't get.  I keep it right there together and I honestly mean to take it all.  Back on it as of today, I think.  I know I have taken it all today.

I hit the dishes but late.  I wanted to get a shower before dinner arrived.  But dishes were in the way, at the least slowing my will to it.  The call came a goodly bit earlier, but I understand.  Schedules change and things work out as they do.  I often work like that, or even have to cancel.  Anyway, that prompted me to push through the first set of dishes.  They just needed a final wash and rinse.  But if I was going to do that, I was going to go ahead and dry and put them away.  It's the only way to be sure they won't just be left for later, often much later.

A shower after, life was good.  Then I put the last of the dishes, mostly, in for a soak.  I have since washed those once, then set them to a second soak.  Yeah, they need it.  Not as bad as the worst, just... if more for my satisfaction, really, than need.

I may yet hit those again, and put a load through the washer and into the dryer at least.  As well, I might get the last of the coffee out of the freezer.  I think it really did work.  I just need to wash under the freezer for the last of the scent of rotted duck.  If the stink isn't in the freezer, then it will fade with time.  That is, I do believe, the case.  Though the coffee has tamed both inside and out.  It didn't actually stink up the hole house, somehow.  Just a small area around the freezer.  That is tended.  If I finish up the freezer tonight, and restart it, assuming it passes muster in a few days, I should be set for the beef next month or the month after, and replacement ducks.  A duck on the quarter is good for the mind and stomach.

I will, after the beef arrives, order a pig after that.  I'm giving a pretty hefty bit of the beef out, and will probably be giving a bit of the pork out too.  Though the pork will be given in parts.  That friend's freezer won't hold too much.  Still, I'll probably end up giving him a quarter, or more.  Urhm... if everything works out.

Yeah, I'll get the trash and recycling out.  This all will make me much closer to really getting started, as I suggested.  Tomorrow I have business in town, if I can make it.  I hope to also hit more laundry and finish the dishes.  I have bigger jars that aren't really dishes, in that they aren't standard or regular, that need to be done next... soon.  The bathroom has to be hit, then the kitchen.  I keep digging in, not quite getting done, falling back, and then moving in a little more.  It really is three steps in, one or two back, and on.  I'm getting closer to actually hitting things really hard, and right.

Later, or good night if I don't return.

I do my best.

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Sometimes it just doesn't matter.  I missed medicine again.  Last night for sure, though probably all of yesterday.  The day before?  It just slides away.  One, even two days off, can be fixed pretty easily.  Four or more days of missed medicine means lots of pain when going back on it, or can.  Odd how sometimes it's easy, sometimes it is brutal.  I know heart medicine is rather potent.  Still, why the difference I can't say.  Hmm, actually... I suspect it is because sometimes my heart is much worse off, sometimes it is better.  Heart?  Perhaps my whole system.  It is rather, extremely, variable.  Back on it today.

I didn't finish the dishes yesterday.  I'll get started on that this morning.  I really hope to kick it out today, and do some or all laundry.  Maybe work in the kitchen.  I have been doing bits and pieces out there.  Even if I just do a few more bits and pieces that would be fine.

Alright, I did just a bit of looking today.  My electronic thermometer, for outside, was reading 36 F, which means thawing.  Just barely.  A few degrees, over time, is enough to cause little pools or damp areas from thaw.  No such thing, currently.  That tells me it is probably off by a goodly bit.  Even at what I suspect is just 32 and a fraction thawing happens.  I need to see about a thermometer for outside which I can be certain about.  I don't trust weather stations any more than my own instruments to date.

It's been a slow week.  I can't seem to get geared up or pushing on or out.  I'm doing good to be awake, and not all that awake.  I'll keep chiseling at it.  Perhaps with a full spring thaw?  Life is such a strange thing.  I just reviewed spring from this one through to when I must have been... what... seven or so?  Not every spring, can't remember them all, but a lot of them.  We really don't get life, or ourselves in it.  Easier to see our oddities, misconceptions, and such, from a distance.  Can't every, fully, see that in the current time.  But, with a bit of preview, top-down consideration, and a bit of luck, I can make the current oddities out to some degree of reliability... on the rare occasion I think to assess and spend the time.

Oh, have you been reading politi-blogs lately?  One of them, supposedly all about being anti-moonbat (moonbat = hard left) suggested that Cruz is the only way for non-moonbats (though maybe it is anybody but an actual American?).  Cruz and Rubio aren't even, in the truest sense, American.  Being open border, Rubio is for the destruction of America.  I am pretty sure Cruz has no intention of doing anything against "immigration".  At least I know where people stand.  I also know false advertising when I see it.  I'm not sure if they are shills or just wrong.  Though there is no complication with people being both, they do it daily.  Look, if you are going to support some people, do it squarely.  Admit they are shills for mega-corpa, admit they don't give a crap about America, sovereignty, our borders, or the middle and bottom parts, and call it what it is.  Heck, they don't even care about the American wealthy.  It's only international wealth that they serve.

Well, on with my day.  Later.

Reviewing a recent review.

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Sort of.  Over at Vox's, someone was saying something about something.  A movie.  I suggested the movie sucked.  That Alien, the series, was better.  They called me on that.  Since I really hadn't seen the movies in a while, I really wasn't prepared to back it up completely.  Still, I was sure, to my tastes, the Alien series was better.  Dated?  I just didn't know.

As I am replacing lost movies I am also filling some gaps.  One of those was the Alien series.  I refused to buy the movies until they were packaged together, and all in bluray.  It just so happens, that as I was selecting movies, I found the Alien series as I wished and on sale.  Okay.  I pulled the trigger on that without much fuss.

I was very surprised that the first movie was out in 1979.  Seriously?  As I remembered it, it was out in '85.  It might have been that in never came to where I lived.  Small towns had one movie house, which often only showed one or two movies, and showed those for a long time.  We just didn't get the newest, biggest, or those the owners considered controversial.  What may have happened was that I didn't see the movie until I was in the Navy.  I remember it was Orlando, Florida.  It was 1986, in late spring or early summer.  I was in nuke power school, and had my first real weekend without having to wear dress blues off base, and without serious restrictions regarding time, plus I had some money.  I could rent a car.

I am almost certain it was the first movie.  Perhaps they were bringing it out with, or in advance of, the second in the series?  I just can't be sure.  The thing is, now that I review them, the first movie isn't really too badly dated (as I see things).  Actually the second movie is more dated.  Too histrionic, among other things.  I have seen the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd so far.  The first and third are still okay, the second was just a bit too silly.  I am betting the fourth is, as I remember it, my favorite.

It isn't the best sci-fi/horror out there, by far.  It just isn't too bad.  There are huge secular and feminist type flaws in it.  And yet, it's about what you can expect.  In these times I would reject such, out of hand.  This series, as with much of the pop-culture of my youth which I have an attachment, is grandfathered in to a degree.  Very little of it would be acceptable if new.  Some of it just went away anyway.  Some of it stayed.  Well, now I know.  I'll go to bat for it, at least compared to some of the worse stuff, one way or another.  A Space Odyssey, for example.  Bleh.

Good night.

Yes, awake.

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Not until 13:00 or so.  Up.  I fed the girls first thing.  Not something I usually do.  An extremely rare action.  Still, once or twice a year and they feel special.

I set some dishes to soak last night.  I hit them first thing this morning.  They need another wash according to how I see things.  Mostly flatware, serving and cookware, pots, and a few bigger bowls.  The detail oriented items.  After I finish those, I'll take a shower then set up the bulky but easier to wash items in the bin.  I'm using the pots to contain what I am washing.  It's easier to manage.

I have started considering an electric dish washer.  Utah, a few years back, changed what is allowed in dishwasher soap, so it might not be worth it.  I'd rather have to slog through hand washing dishes, for myself, than mess with scale on everything.  And I'm not interested in attempting to become a chemist in order to attempt to get something like clean dishes.  I haven't done much research on the topic since I heard they had nerfed dish washing powder here.  Lots of complaints, never saw a solution to it, then lost track.  Of course, buying a dish waster is the first part, then getting it installed, and well, is the next part.  Don't even think you can or should do such.  I've learned my lesson several times over.  Limits.

Today?  I don't know.  I've been running rough lately.  It's a great day, in the 50's.  I'd love to get out but it just isn't going to happen, or at least not as I would like it.  Hiking, or even a drive, would be fantastic.  If I get out, it will be a run for food, or to the grocery store, not anything of a non-utilitarian nature.  I would, however, like to do more work in the cave.  I really am thinking I am nearing the possibility of getting the cave cleaned.  It could happen.  Sooner or later I think it will.  Dishes, a shower, soaking the rest of the dishes, and a couple of loads of laundry... start to stop... would be good.  Later.

True?

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No, not me.  Advertising.  I suspect this vid has some truth to it.  I've cut ads drastically.  I use various browsers, cut cable, am still considering getting away from the "smart" phone altogether (but don't use it for anything by calls at this point anyway), use ad blocker on all of my various browsers, and... do everything else I can to shut down, turn off, erase, remove, and destroy access to advertisers.  And, no, he isn't really selling anything.  Just crying in his beer.  If he pretends to be advertising all sorts of things.  Though one does wonder how much, or if, he was paid by various companies.  The gig might have been a trial balloon for an extra revenue stream.  Or just humor.  Or fact.

Okay, and resting.

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It's not a bad day, just not a busy one.  The temp got up to, according to one of my thermometers, 64 or maybe a bit higher.  I opened up the place just for some fresh air.  Nice.  Really.  Then the temps plunged to 54 in no time.  Something, weather or atmospheric, must have happened.  The sun was the same, so that wasn't it.  All good.  A bit of fresh air was nice, has to help with mood and maybe health.

I've been meaning to order pants for hiking.  The thing is, I hadn't been getting out.  Jeans are my favored pant for common day to day, and some cargo pants.  The jeans aren't the best for hiking, and the cargo pants are showing their age.  New was needed.  I looked far and wide, compared what companies were offering.  I'm not going to pay $100-$300 for "hiking" pants.  I don't care how "high tech" or groovy they are.  Duluth Trader makes excellent seeming pants, cargo, light weight, nylon, sturdy, and on sale a good enough deal.  I ordered three regular and one pair of lined.  Unless I hike for months at a time, and probably even so, these will last a goodly number of years just for that.  My only problem, which I wouldn't mind, is if I really hike a good deal I might lose enough weight to have to size down.  Wouldn't mind at all.  I'll review them when I receive them, and after using them a few times.  I picked these out long ago, just haven't been out enough to spend the money on them.

It is a really good day.  I think my sleep is going off the rails as the world warms up.  It seems to have warmed so much and so quickly that I've been taken a bit by surprise and storm.  Loving it though.  It means hiking is much more likely.  Even just a short foray or dozen, as the thaw sets, would be good.  Oh, and fishing.  I might have a fishing partner.  Yeah, when you are this ill, it's difficult to get out on your own.  A partner in crime helps.

Later.

No, no, yeah, no?

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Medicine is going down like clockwork.  My internals seem to be repairing, feeling better.  Sleep is sliding into the afternoon.  Not much work is going forward.  Yeah.

I seem to be in rest and repair mode.  I can't really push beyond it, quite yet.  I suspect I will improve quickly if all goes well.  Then I just have to attempt to keep on track.

Life isn't bad.  It is improving.  I am frustrated with a lack of ability to work, but I think that is coming.  I might be able to get a good run in.  If I can layer an occasional hike, perhaps even a bit of camping, in with work, I might be able to build up better than even my best to date.  I am honestly hoping to line things up for a full year of not just being awake and aware (which has become commonplace) but active.  How active?  A clean cave, regular food, and weekly, perhaps bi-weekly, hikes plus monthly camping trips.  Yeah.  We will see.

Spring is in the air and it is super.  I didn't mind the sub-freezing temps.  It really wasn't awful.  Spring, in a way, is often colder.  While the temps are higher, rain and wind really change the perspective, or reality even.  Still, I am healthy that way.  I should start getting my gear back together.  It's mostly all ready, just needs to be rearranged.  Later.

Finally did make it back to sleep.

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I think it was 3:00.  The wind has been gusting.  Though it is warming.  My thermometers are in disagreement, by a lot, and online sites... when I check... seem to split the difference.  And yet I trust my mechanical thermometer more than the others.  It's a bit frustrating.  However, I suspect that beside choosing poor places to measure ground temps, weather "scientists" are just as well choosing instruments that do not measure accurately.  No, I don't trust them.  Often I believe they mean to get it wrong, and arrange it to fail.  Even so they are failing.  Which means, if anything, global cooling.  Since that would be contrary to man-made affairs, they have lost the battle.

I set the alarm, changing it to go off a bit later.  I couldn't wake though.  Sleep was just too off.  I am pretty sure the phone rang a number of times, which I haven't checked yet.  Though I might have just dreamed that.  Yeah, that happens, about fifty fifty.  Or I will get one call then echo that in dreams.  I really should turn my phone off when sleeping, or trying to sleep.  Nah, tried that.  I then have a solid chance to forget to turn it back on.

Today?  Hmm... a bit of waking.  Then I'd like to dig into the bathroom and kitchen.  A shower, then setting up dishes, putting a load of laundry to go, and then seeing where I can go after that.  In the upper 40's F, outside, it would be nice to clear and clean enough to open the windows for a spot in the afternoon, if it stays this warm.  I did vacuum most of the stuff out of the freezer.  I left what was in pie pans in there.  And I need to wash the inside surfaces.  It seems that the freezer had fluids inside of it, which came out.  That caked what had been dry coffee and baking soda.  It doesn't really make sense.  In any case, I need to wash the interior again.  It still seems like there is a minor odor.  Though, perhaps, I just need to move the freezer and wash under it.  Bleh.

Spring seems to be arriving early.  If this is just a moment, all good.  If it is for real, that is all good too.  Just having a break, either way, is good.  I had finally gotten used to it being locked in.  Not terribly cold, just solidly below zero.  Hmm, perhaps there is a chance to get out more often, maybe get to hiking a little earlier.  Nothing fancy, no massive hikes, just little spots out in the fresh air.  I think my friend is hoping he can get out too.  Between the two of us, I might end up out a bit more often.  Sometimes solo, sometimes as a crew.  My ability to carry gear, like a bite to eat, extra water and water purifying, and even a couple of hammocks and shade cover, could make for fairly reasonable outings.  Danged kids anyway!  *grins*

Well, on to waking.  Yeah, I still feel bruised to the middle.  I can't be sure what is causing this.  I've had it before, but only when off medicine, or going back on after a poorly stretch off, or if I had been in a fight a few days ago, maybe a week ago.  If my opponent was any good at fistwork and reasonably sized to put that in play against me.  I almost felt bad for the idiots who decided to check a known false with me.  Effort won't earn an A here, just a clobbering you won't forget if you survive.  I'm not sure what is up with it.  It's not bad enough to keep me down, I don't think.  Just annoying.

An odd cycle.

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Usually when I go to bed I stay asleep.  There are things that can cause problems.  If medication isn't regular, if I push too hard or too long, if I ate something bad or as my friend calls it a gut bomb, if temps are too high, though there are others.  Dreams can pop a can of no-sleep on me, the worst of them.  If dreams have been bad enough I will avoid sleep.  The thing is, none of that was the problem.  I went in at 20:30, then fell asleep easily and well.  At 23:00 my eyes were open and that was that.  Here at 1:36, I am wide awake.  I have avoided anything that might keep me awake.  I had a bite to eat and milk, I think I had milk anyway.  Tea, even caffeinated, usually puts me to rest, as does coffee.  I might try that.  No dreams, no problems, medicine has been regular, food has been more regular, I just don't quite get it.

I'd sure like to rest, to keep my schedule going.  The cave is sweeter smelling with the work I have been doing.  I'd like to keep up on some things, and get ahead on a few others.  I don't need a regular day schedule for all of it, but some of it might be much easier to do with a day schedule.  Which I have been keeping for a goodly while.  Whatever.  Something to drink, then I'll try to hit it again.  The only thing off is that my innards feel as if I have been in a fight recently.  They have felt that way for the last week or so, off and on.  Everything else seems good.

Good night, again, I hope.

Ah, wind and... something else.  Weather is being funny.  I think that's why I can't sleep.  Gusts blow my sleep mojo away.

Feeling better today, this morning.

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It's not terrible, the way things have been going.  More like being a bit grumpy of body and the systems within.  Enough things off that it hurt and I couldn't get comfortable.  Today that is gone.  Perhaps getting out more often is a good thing.  If I can just focus and do that.  We'll see.

I am going to rest a bit today.  I have been doing a lot for the last four days, or five?  Something.  Getting out when I didn't feel like it.  Doing chores when it was a stretch.  No complaints, I think it does me good.  And yet I do need to keep from overdoing.

A rest no longer means a stop.  Sometime today I would like to vacuum the baking soda and coffee out of the freezer, then let it set for a day, closed.  Then check it.  If it's good to go, which I suspect it might be, then I am ready to order ducks and will be ready for beef.  If not, another go at the powdering of the absorption concoction and some more time.  I do have some time.  Enough time really.  But I need to stay on that.

As well, I might want to hit laundry and dishes.  At least put a load of laundry through and have the rest ready, then soak and give a first wash to a large load of dishes.  With the freezer cleaned and being deodorized,  cat litter managed, dishes at least being somewhat maintained, and some other things, the cave is becoming a bit more pleasant day over day it seems.  Oh, I might hit the bathroom while I am at it.  I want to prepare for the next warm day, so as to be able to open up and get fresh air on top of the clean.  Delicious.  Even an ogre enjoys such.

Hmm?  But first, some gaming just to get me going.  Go on, enjoy your day, do your work as you may, even whistle through it if you can.  Work won't free you, that is false, secular, dead.  Works with, perhaps more in faith, will help you along the way.  Just don't claim the glory.  Hand it over as with all else to where such belongs.  Odd thing, He doesn't claim it, just, if things are right, receives it.  I suppose He lays it in as larder for those who reach glory.  He too, as a true King, is the greatest of Servants.  Later.

I really didn't think so.

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Out, again, today.  I was feeling so rough this morning.  I almost called things off.  I was up late.  I kept thinking to call and cancel.  I procrastinated about doing that.  The sun was out and it looked like a really nice day.  In the end, I went ahead and showered, then called, and went in.  I wanted xylitol too.  I bought some tea, though may look for more elsewhere.  Then on to the visit.

This time a trip into the mountains seemed a part of the plan.  I didn't even have to drive.  I'm not used to having a driver.  Often I feel a bit queasy about someone else driving.  I generally give people a chance.  If they aren't up to my standards, I won't complain, it just won't happen again.  He seems to drive really well.  If I don't notice their driving, then it is really good.  Then discussions through the day, a bite to eat ordered in, then a movie.  Fight Club.  I consider that a story, or at least movie, that captures of lot of my age-group's angst.  At least for men.  He, I think, mostly caught it.  Not sure it was exactly his thing.

It was pretty late when I returned.  I am tired, but not too bad.  Life smoothed out, a bit.  And yet I keep stretching things.  A bit of rest on through the week.  Only one piece of business to manage in the next day or two.  Two, no three, pieces of business actually.  But they can be done at a snails pace so long as they are done by Thursday, I think.  Bleh.  I can get a lot of it done tomorrow.  Probably.

Good night.

An off day.

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Like a bad olive, something is just off.  Can't quite tell what.  The internals feel rough.  Muscles are a bit achy.  Sleep didn't quite do it.  You know those days.  Not quite terrible, but not great, not even good.

I have plans for today.  I don't know if they will work out.  I'm going to give it a shot.  Then I could take the week off.  Otherwise I will have to attempt to get out some other day this week.

The sun seems to be out.  And it seems rather warm out there, compared to recently.  I'm good with where it has been, still a sunny warm day would be a bit of a treat, even for me.  Plus I would like to get some of that 'near-sugar"... xylitol?  Something like that.  Though I am mixing and matching my sweeteners... I mean, using various types at various times.  Each sweetener functions better for certain things, plus not depending on just one opens up some options and keeps the bad parts of any from becoming an issue itself.  Is sugar bad for you?  Probably no worse than any of these things.  And, yes, they are all bad at some higher level.  So... a bit of this, a touch of that, and so on.  I have four sweeteners now, and would like to add a few more if I can find a few more of the ones I want the way I want them.

Hmm?  Oh, I suppose.  I'll just get ready and head out.  Buying xylitol on my way.  I'll take a few movies and order lunch when I get there.  Later.

Out and a bit.

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Pizza on the town with a friendly family.  I really like the huge pizza pie you can order.  Just getting out is fun.  Sharing a meal is super.  No one has to cook or do dishes, well on our side of the event.

I had thought to return home after.  Traffic forced me to head toward home.  That last is probably why I didn't return to my home.  I hate being pushed, one way or the other.  Back into town, for a bit of shopping.  I decided to go ahead and buy baking soda, to add with the coffee, to deodorize the freezer.  As well as some for cleaning the drain, along with vinegar.  The tub drain is off and on.  A lot of plunging will bring it back.  Still, I'd like to do a chemical treatment, to see if that might help.  It's just the tub.  Everywhere else drains fine.

I had to buy gas.  That is sure decreasing in cost slowly.  If oil bounces up a nickle, they tack on a dime before the news can travel on the radio.  Criminal, in a true world.  Not much else though.  Ah, but I did put in platters of coffee mixed with baking soda in the freezer.  Initially just that way, though later I sprinkled some of the dust around the base and in the baskets.  I'm hoping that pulls the stink out.  I initially left it closed, but have since opened it up.  I can smell the coffee, even out here.  I have to be closer to smell the odor I am trying to remove.  I'll keep at it until I run out of patience, powders, or the odor seems to be defeated.  Opening it sometimes, closing it other times.  I'm not really sure what I am doing.

Another day to town tomorrow.  A few movies will go with.  I'm not sure what the game plan is, or if there is one.  Hmm... it would be fun to make a meal while I am over there, I just don't know what to make.  I'm not quite up to thinking on that.  Oh, but I could order duck... or as soon as the freezer is back in operation.  That is truly a good food.  Roasted with the big three or variants, perhaps with sauerkraut, or perhaps a few other ways.  Gravy is easy enough too.  Oh, and maybe mashed potatoes.  I'd like to get set up to do a bird quarterly, a special meat roast quarterly, and... well... I can't find definitively non-foreign seafood, so I won't buy that until I do.  But fish/seafoods, if I can find American, I would like to do on Fridays.  It's a Catholic thing.  An old one, but one I'd like to begin.  I might see where such fish/seafood might be had, or what else I might use... or... go fishing?  Maybe.

Good night.

I am beginning to wear thin.

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I have a few more days of events planned.  Some of them are happenstance, some were roughly planned and are coming due.  Tired.  I'll plug along anyway.

This and that today.  I even did research about how to deodorize the freezer.  I have seen several pieces of advice suggesting ground coffee.  Not my good stuff, mind you.  So, while in town, I bought preground canned coffee.  I'm not up to messing with it yet tonight, but I have the stuff.  It might just be residuals in my nose, if I don't think so.  It's not the whole house though either, just when the freezer is opened.  I put two bags of ice in there, I think I am going to write those off.  There was room in the other freezer for two other bags, so I am not out of ice.  And, right now, I need ice.

Ah, right, cat litter too.  I changed that out right when I got home, along with unloading and sorting then storing groceries.  As well, I took what remained of the trash out, then got the bin to the curbside.  Yeah, I'm getting things done.  I don't always feel like it.  I definitely didn't want to shovel.  I didn't want to go to town.  I was sure I was done, but got the litter changed, trash out, and then to the curb.  Good, really.  But it is a major push.

I am falling behind on other things.  I would like to get in on helping with Lenten meals, and go to a few that the others are putting on.  Support back and forth makes it all work better.  And I do like to work.  Work won't save me, but they are necessary, in my belief.  Scrappy or half dead, you gotta at least try.  So... I'll try to get that sorted out this week.  And get clothes ready for confession, Mass, and the next meeting.  I feel like roadkill, but I'll keep at it.  I think I'm digging out, in more ways than one.  Not sure that is truly possible, so it might just be all pain until I fall down again.  Though there is only one way to find out.

Good night.

I did get out last night.

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Just to buy ice and stop to visit with my friend.  I offered him food but he had already feasted and was quite satisfied.  So we just chattered.  It was getting pretty late so I headed on home.  That meant that a shower and some other things had to take place first.  I had hoped to squeeze a cleaning of the bathroom first.  No such luck, just didn't have it in me.  I may yet do that today.  I have a few more things on my short list in an attempt to make the cave a bit more livable.  Cat litter is the next major... issue realignment.  Today?  Not sure.  Maybe though.

So, I busted out and pushed and pulled every gear and lever to get some things done and break the impasse.  Fair enough.  It was truly needed.  I went to bed late, but read for sleep.  I slept well.  I woke, used the facilities, and while doing so realized something was... different.  The dark ribbon of a driveway I can generally easily see through the frosted bathroom windows wasn't dark, or there in a way.  No, maybe not?  After doing my biological, I investigated a bit more.  Yep, snow.  Oh well.  After that terrible spat winter relaxed it's harshness.  I really can't complain, all in all.  My wonder was how much was really there and how heavy it was.

I checked the time.  The people who might have snuck over and purloined my snow were probably just getting ready for church.  So I had time.  Oh, I appreciate it, I do.  It's just nice to surprise people once in a while, if I can.  Wasn't sure today, busted out yesterday as I said.  After dressing and getting out, I did a quick check.  The snow was only an inch, inch and an half maybe, and rather dry.  I was able to pump it, and some of the frontage.  I lost some of the frontage due to road salt slush and constant freezing.  No complaint, mind you, just the facts.  Still, I have a good twenty to thirty feet on each side of the drive.  Shorter runway, in Navy parlance.  It works.

If I get the cat litter situation amended, and the bathroom cleaned, I am going to dig into laundry.  I have some small fear of smelling like a cat lady, or something.  I am also going to do some research about sweetening the freezer.  If I can't get the odor out, I may junk it and buy a new one.  Yeah... it might be that bad.  Or the stink from the cleaning is simply stuck in my nose.  That can happen.  I'll give it several efforts, this way and that, before making up my mind.  Well, and clean the kitchen around it too.  That's a large charge.  I'd rather figure out a way around replacement, if I can.  But I won't live with that scent, if that is an actual fact.

Later.

Not perfect.

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I think perfection is saved for one here and others in another time.  Even though I am here to stay forever but not today.  Work, I mean.  Done.  And more to go.  I cleared off the light but varied items from the freezertop, no small chore that.  While I was at it I sorted trash and recycling from the top and other places.  Not all of it, just a sort of clearing while I was at it.  Then into the depths of that wretched freezer.  Nasty nasty.  Though not as bad as it first was.  Bleach and dish soap... helped.  As it sat, they vied with the rot and neutralized each other, mostly.

I scrubbed, got fresh water and towels, scrubbed more.  Again and again.  The hard part was the lean over the edge.  Thankfully, for me, I can do that flatfooted.  Still, it's like doing setups.  Only with added angles to the exercise.  Over and over, I washed until the water and freezer smelled like a over-chlorinated pool.  Then I did it one more time, with soap and bleach.  I really ought to wear gloves.  Then I rinsed with clean water and a clean towel.  It actually isn't befouling the cave, might be helping after all that actually.  If you like the scent of ode de swimming pool?

With that done, I may attempt to get a shower in.  Since the drain is still flowing well.  I decided to shower after.  While a shower before and after would have been nice, I just couldn't count on it.  Too much is just too much.  I am already doing more than I thought, certainly from this morning, though even after my first gallon of coffee.  Half way into my second gallon and I have done well, though I need some down time, to cool off.  Yes, a shower.  And if I can keep it going, a trip to town.  A bite to eat, a bit of shopping, and... I don't know!  Not bad for being mostly dead, I will continue with that.  I actually do think I am just warming up.  A woman would... open things up, I think.  Later.

Perhaps.

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*grins*

That definitely helped.

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I started feeling good, then very good.  Still can't do much, but at least I don't feel beat up, dragged through mud and water, stretched like a hide to dry, and all dried out.  Yeah, plus the migraine.  There are still complaints.  I can live with those easily.  No nap needed, as it turned out.  I haven't gotten to any work, but I have more hope for that than before.  I might have gotten to work, and yet I still may not.  That's just how it goes.  As to which helped?  I'd place it at about 70% coffee, 30% anacin.  I'm making another pot, but that should do it.  I might not even drink all, or even much, of the second pot.

Yeah, everything has to be sort of right.  If I miss one thing, which for me is quite easy, I can fall.  Food, medicine, enough fluid and sometimes the right kind of fluid, sleep, and environmental and personal temps... one thing off and the rest and go off-kilter.  I no longer fall all the way, rarely even down to a middling level, and almost never for all that long.  A few months, not a year or two.  A mid-level fall, not a total blackout.  A bit of haze, not a total fog.  And I do think the improvement is ongoing, if it has tapered off.  If I can get medical locally, and change until I trust them and know them, I might be able to take a few more steps up.  Mostly likely I blew something in there really bad.  Like driving on a flat for too long.  If there are no spare parts, you will never have that tire quite right again.  You, then, just have to drive a little slower, a little more carefully, plus keep what will help when the tire fails again.  For me, that can be quite a bit over what was expected.  Shoveling snow was well beyond what is recommended... by a lot.  It did beat me up, but not enough to make me quit.

Anyway... coffee.  Yeah, gotta keep that going.  Not every day, though most days.  Just can't quit or forget that for three days to a week.  Bleh.  I think I caught it just in time so as to not start becoming terribly light and/or sound sensitive.  Such a silly thing.  I'd quit the stuff, have before... caffeine.  It just doesn't work for me.  If you can live without it, go for it.  I can get beyond the headaches, I cannot get beyond the exhaustion.  Later.

Still not good.

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A migraine has slipped in.  A milder one.  Medicine is on track, and has been, mostly, for a bit now again.  Food is okay.  Ah, coffee.  If you are going to be a coffee drinker, don't just stop.  Although I think that I can miss coffee goes to my innocence.  I don't miss things on purpose.  Any coffee drinker knows that you don't just stop drinking that.  It can happen, but it isn't a logic or choice thing.  If, what I am suggesting, you can fall of an addiction, then you have little chance of staying on stuff that beyond not being an addiction is a pain to use.

I've got a pot going.  I'll take anacin with it.  I may end up needing to attempt to nap through it.  Which is fine, so long as the nap isn't too long and that it actually works.  In this condition, I can usually sleep right through a bright dose of caffeine and pain.  Probably.  Not bad, I've had worse, but far from optimal.  Later.

Rough, but a better type of it.

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A minor headache, just a bit off elsewise, a bit sleepy even after a truly good sleep if with no capacity to sleep more, with cranky joints for no reason I know.  All of it minor singularly, even collectively more annoying than damaging.  Focus is off.  Still, I got a bunch of business done this week, I did some housework, and I got to town for social and larder.  There is more that needs to be done, of course, always.  Still, I can't complain, if I have no idea what is happening for the moment.  Hopefully, as the day goes along, I can figure things out a bit better and maybe hit a few targets even yet this weekend.

The tub drain seems to be, finally, after days of plunging, getting it to run, and having to start over every other day on it, running several days in a row.  Given that it happens when it gets cold, I'm almost suspecting that some part of the pipe might be in a draft down under there, and freezes up?  Maybe not though.  I really ought to have a plumber in to look around.  The sink water pressure and the tub and bathroom drains can go slow.  You would think if the tub was slow or stopped, the sink would be two.  Nope.  Where they block up has to be different, and along their own lines.  It may be a plumbing problem, or something to do with the hardware.  I don't want to use the harsh stuff to open the drains, especially when I don't think that would really help.  I believe I have tried that, to no good ends.

Anyway, a shower is in the running.  There is a good chance at it.  Then the freezer, I think, hope.  Maybe some of the kitchen after that.  Then another shower.  Oh, and probably trash out after that.  Assuming I can even kick things off.  I'll know by noon if an early work day will be had, and by 16:00 if anything is likely to happen.  I'll... try to focus.  Later.

Hmm?

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Oh?  Not doing the best, but doing some things.  An email here, a call there.  I keep making jabs at getting things done.  The beans have taken flavor from the ham, at this time, so that is much better.  I rushed the cooking, and soaking really, in an attempt to get it done in a single day.  Initially a bit bland.  Now it is tasting good.

It seems I may have found a way through to the V.A. program for local medical care.  I don't know if it will all work out.  I am on hold after an initial set of paperwork.  It's 14:30, no guarantee I will get this finished today.  There is no guarantee this will work or be accepted, even though I fit the profile.  It's just the way it is.  -  Okay?  Well, it looks like it is going through.  My doctor has to accept, of course.  The program sets up the first visit, then it is ours to manage.  A card will be arriving soon.  And, once this gets going, I may see about local cardiology.  Or not.  Depends on if my doc wants to work with that part or not.

Fine.  Odd that the two areas the phone-tree leads didn't know anything about the other side.  I felt like I was speaking a foreign language.  The last woman I spoke with knew nothing, and was simply confused about... everything.  I am not sure what the other branch even exists to do, only that it had nothing to do with me.  I must admit, I had delayed calling because I was... more confusion would have been a terrible problem.

Well, we will see.  I am pretty sure if this all starts working out, I might be able to lift my head a bit out of the water and not be dragging bottom so harshly.  If things seem to be working out, and continue to for a while, I won't have to fear being forced out and then having to live under a bridge somewhere until I die.  Yeah, I'd do it, rather than have no choice and no option.  We'll see.  Glad I decided to end my nap and make a call.

Later.

Normalizing.

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For now, anyway.  Woke at 6:00 today.  I think it was around then yesterday.  Medicine is normalizing.  I do have to find out if the V.A. has finally, for sure, crapped out on insulin.  I'll keep doing what I am doing until that is for sure, then figure things out from there.  I got lost in yesterday and didn't call them.  I made some other calls, but not that one.  Lots of things going on.  I'm not really up to a gauntlet.  What gets done isn't ordered.

Another foggy day.  I am hoping, as the sun comes up it stays as is.  I would like to do macro (micro?) photography on the tiny icicles, really, on the icicles.  I don't know if it will pan out that there is all that much design, or photographic interest, but it might be there... or it might take just a bit of tinkering to bring it out.  Lots of photos, if I can get to it, then a bit of work in editing, perhaps.  Or, maybe, it'll be right there.  Not sure I can push through, even for that.

I did end up finishing the ham and beans.  The beans are a little dull.  The ham helps.  Hopefully the ham will infuse the beans before long.  At least I have food for a bit.  I'll probably need more beans in a few days.  Yeah, just run it until it's out of meat or goes bad.  Works for me.  Later.

Some things happening.

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Not fast, not heavy, a bit troubling.

I received a business email today.  Instructions for going forward.  I read it several times.  The links were to instructions.  Fine, but there wasn't a link to the site through which I was supposed to use the instructions.  It took reading and clicking several times, trying various different ways of doing things, to realize there was nothing actionable involved.  I checked spam, not there.  I had no choice but to email back.  I can't do what I can't do, literally for literally.

Earlier I set beans to soak.  Ham has been thawed, along with some other meats.  Ham is for the beans, so was primary.  The rest may be grilled at a slow pace.

I also noted someone is looking over a number of related posts and music from the past.  They seem, mostly, to be hitting gold.  They know what they are looking for and where to find it.  It always amazes me when someone does that.  They must have notes, as if my blog were a study.  They go back to see if what was matches with what is, or to remind me what I already suggested.  Interesting.

I also worked on the tub drain.  Something just isn't right.  It has been blocking off.  Plunging helped a bit, now and again.  Today I spent a good deal of energy on it and it looks like it helped.  For how long is anybody's guess.  A blocked tub means showering and dishes are delayed.  Not that there was a high probability, just that the odds went from slim to none.  Though back on track, if it remains open.  Bleh.

I am a bit too tired to stir more than I am.  The icicles have frost fuzz on them!  They are wonderful to examine.  I have a proper micro lens, a fine camera body, and a super mono/tripod.  I just can't get it together.  So very frustrating.  I see how plainly beautiful this is, yet just can't get to it.  Gah!

Later.

Someone remembered.

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Mother, of another sort.  Cheeky bitch, true.  I used to know her better.  No love there, though... it's good to know one's roots.  And, as far as such creatures go, there was a form of deadly love involved, and better and worse from time to time.  Oh, but never trust her fully.  Then again, trust not well the mother of flesh from the daughters of Eve or Mary and from the sons of Adam.  She did not mingle angle and demon, merely angle and man... or... woman, daughter actually.  Starting, truly, with her.

The pull of flesh.

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Still strong despite all else.  I keep the dreams generic, for it is not wise to dream specifically.  Prayers aren't optional when the attack happens within dreams, as this one.  I can only guess that others who have vowed celibacy must know these things.  More so, they must know why when all else fails, that keeping them generic is the only way to avoid worse things.  I could not take such an oath without hope of reprieve, but I learn much from it.  Whether the hope is ever fulfilled is another thing, that it exists in theory is enough.

Another thing from the list.

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I finally called the woman from my childhood.  She had kept my bacon out of the fire, in a serious way, back when.  More, she was my one source of non-judgmental conversation about things few even now understand or tolerate.  Right or wrong, sometimes, what is, is.  And so it was.  I do believe she prevented some serious beatings.  Not all of them, she wasn't always there.  And, sometimes, she was simply a delay.  I won't say that they were wrong.  Only, sometimes, a break from them might be best.  I don't approve myself, for myself, but that is another thing.

We spoke a bit.  She is 93, and... memory is weak.  Still, I hope she remembers why I think of her as fondly as I do.  A big sister, to my child's mind.  Though more, too.  As much as a child may have an adult as a friend, so it was.  Without any sorts of abuses or wrongness.  I know, at times in the past, she has been curious how things ended up.  I'm just not sure she now remembers why, or what it was all about.

In any case, I let her know some things.  She might have hinged a bit, as she did ask if I had been married.  Four engagements and even more girlfriends, I told her, and by far more girlfriends.  Plus a remaining hope for marriage.  I think that satisfied her curiosity as far as she could take it or remember.  I think that is, to a lessor degree, what she wanted to hear.  No matter her neutrality, I think she always wanted to see me with a good woman.  And, really, if flawed by the works of darkness, how better to undo their harm then to end up being rightly fruitful?  If something makes Satan lose sleep, it is the undoing of his designs.

I let her know she was in my prayers and would remain so.  She was pleased with that.  I probably won't call again.  While she hasn't left the world, she is on her way.  Her past is on the way out and her life is simplifying.  I will, however, and just as I suggested, keep her in my prayers.  She is a good woman, a kind woman.  I suspect she will be until she meets God.

A dream.

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Nothing fancy.  I don't know if I was teaching or being taught, or just listened.  This is what was presented.

Someone had questioned God.  An answer was given.  The speaker and listener were both men.

The one who offered the answer offered the choice between these two statements.

The government loves you, personally.  It wishes to help you in your life, to succeed, to enjoy life, and to do the right things regarding morality and ethics.  It is there for you, not itself.  (As for women, since women seek a man or power to deal with them, the question could be stated that women are better off with the government tending them than God or a man.)

God loves you, personally.  He wishes to help you in your life, to succeed, to enjoy life, and to do the right things regarding morality and ethics.  He is there for you, not for Himself.  (In this case, God has recommended that men and women depend upon each other, though has an allowance for women to be 'wed' to Him as servants of men in nunneries or other mission work.)

Which, he asked the man who had asked the question, but from a group of men and women, is more likely to be true?  That was pretty much it.

It is simple.  As well, you could change government for corporations/businesses, or a host of other fleshly, mundane, non-faith based organizations, to include science, feminism, academia in general.  God is not replaceable.  He is the only thing we consider to be outside of space and time.  Everything else which might attempt to fill our lives is within those constraints.

What does it mean?  It's plain to me.  I was thinking it made perfect sense.  It is a simple comparison.  And, either you believe one, or the other, is true.  Some thing both can be true.  I do not.  It is why, for good family men, God is before even the family.  The family is variable, God is not.  Governments are variable.  God is not.  While the bible suggests doing some things angered God, I suggest that is merely a way to express being outside of God's allowances in a way that makes sense to people.  Being away from God is simply not a good place to be, and most understand an angry father idea.

Yes... a simple dream, really.  I think most know the government isn't on their side.  More, it will run right over people for it's own purposes, and knowingly wrongly.  It isn't sacrificing anything for anyone.  It, at this point, steals from high income earners (which are even truly the wealthy) and hands that over to people who now expect they deserve what isn't theirs.  The government isn't and won't ever by your friend.  If it is stealing from the rich in your behalf, it isn't because it likes you.  It's because the process gives them power.  If you become too expensive, they will drop you in a hole or exile you.

Odd dream though.  I bartered, on both sides, to obtain clarity.  Listened to others.  Later.

Way off.

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I figured Iowa was rigged.  NH too?  Maybe.  While Trump may have gotten a blowout, I suspect he has been shorted even so.  Though NH is, well, it's like Iowa.  Politically not much and not very astute.  That Kasich did so well is what causes me suspicion.  Is the GOPe trying to punt to anyone who might do well in a region, hoping they will be good little troopers and surrender all of their numbers to the politician of their choosing?  I mean, really, if all else fails, and they apply enough pressure, !Heb! might pull it off without actually getting more than a few percentage points.  Though I think grey men would begin swinging from the trees and !Heb! would have a hell of a time.  He might have to move the WH south (of the border).

Crazy and creepy.  As for Hillary?  Who cares.  Neither of the leftist monsters have a chance.  Something has gone wrong.  The DNC is as out of phase with it's base as the RNC is with it's.  Their attempts at pushing, pulling, and threatening aren't going anywhere.  I don't think they quite realize it yet, like slave owners who don't quite understand that the slaves aren't playing along at all now.  They are hiding behind bullet-proof glass, hoping the "authorities" will save them, even if at the cost of the neighbors.  They don't realize the "authorities" have bunkered in, just like them, and for very similar reasons.  If they haven't, they will be shortly.  Funny thing is, it's the criminals doing us a solid, thinking they are helping themselves.  Business is business in these parts, as any other parts.

We'll see how this goes.  I think it'll go bad for the elites, or worse.  They created the monster, they lost control of it, now nobody is on their side.  Wait until they turn on each other... right before the riot reaches them.  That'll see a long rerun season.

Not really my deal.  I just see what has happened, what is happening, do a bit of math and logic, and realize what will happen.  A billion dollars won't save you from the hate of the world.  Not even a trillion.  Less so when currencies are crashing faster than people can swim.  They will notice you.  They are hungry.  Good luck.

Mostly a day of rest.

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The tub is being cleaned, I hope to do a few other things.  No whole rooms, or large projects, simple tasks... as much as tasks can be simple.  I went to bed a little later, nearly midnight, but woke early and well.  Sleep was good.  Life is alright.  If not everything I hope to do is going forward.  Like the KoC meeting I will be missing.  I can't do it.  I thought I would be able to go, and last month.  I've... I'm... I'll get there.  And then try to hit it several times, perhaps even make it a regular event.  I like to go.  I like to be involved, even if it is just listening.  Adult Boy Scouts, or at least when the Boy Scouts were worth being involved with, or at least not dangerous.  They have had their first boy rape cases going forward, because of allowing homosexuals in that program.

I did do a few bits of business.  I am attempting, and looking to be successfully, to get my home loan changed from adjustable (if that was better than what I had before it) back to static interest for the life of the loan.  No cost, so I am told.  Yeah, just for peace of mind.  They get a point and change up front for the removal of the risk of a five point rise over the live of the loan... which I do expect would happen.  How much will that save?  Enough.  Further, it means the monthly won't ever rise.  I don't have to worry.  Risk assessment and management, nothing more or less.  Is there better?  Maybe, though with a company I haven't worked with the added risks accumulate.

I also finally was able to get through to a number given to me via a woman at my doctor office to the V.A.  It was supposed to connect me to someone, with a file needed a bit more data, to ensure medicine was delivered.  There are several trees in the automated system, I tried one today, perhaps one tomorrow.  The one I followed today ended badly.  Something about that being a call center, with no "So-and-Whositz", no file on me or even opening for that sort of thing, no knowledge of me, and not functional as to what I was seeking.  The woman seemed truly perplexed as to everything I asked.  No, I kept it clean and neat, just business.  She wasn't all that nasty, just... she obviously had no clue what I was discussing.  I'll try one more branch, as there really are just two for me (the other branches are for providers).  Then I'll call the woman in the office of my doctor, see if she can find out more or... something.  Garbage and jokes, I guess.

I finally get back, get back, on medicines and I am coming to realize that they are going to cut them again, again, again.  Oh, yeah, I really can live without them.  Have for ages.  Not as well, probably not as long, and definitely not here.  I'll work on it until it proves unfixable, then figure out where and how to get on with my life.  That, my friends, is the government helping those it promised to help.  Can't even help itself.  Doesn't even seem to know what it's doing, or care.  It just hires who no one else can hire and lets them do whatever they are capable of doing, doesn't worry about, you know, doing what it is supposed to do or says it will do?  I guess.

Later.

A new week.

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Enough better, from re-re-starting medicine that perhaps some things will be done.  Recycling and trash need to go out before long, if a shower before that.  Then waking.  I have needed a lot of sleep.  My waking time has been short and mild.  Forgettable, if not forgotten, of late, life goes on.  It's not horrible, mostly.  It's just winter with too many demands and a horde of ankle biters confusing the mess.  I will be working on some of the ankle biters today.  Perhaps clarity and direction can be arranged going into the future.

Yeah, the meds can help, a bit, when I can take them.  This time the failure to take medicine wasn't... a logic or will failure.  It just happens.  I suppose I pushed so far over that line that everything fell.  No biggy, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  And this time it hasn't hurt, one way or the other.  Plus, I did keep up on the snow, mostly.  And that wasn't all.

You know, I might purchase a smaller choice of deli meats and cheeses today, then some specialty bread, again.  It's an easy meal.  My tastebuds seem to be getting fussy or going lame.  I can't seem to eat easily.  Not even sure the deli goodies will work, but worth a shot.  I just can't do it, sometimes.  Have to find some odds or ends food that I can consume.

I can't just fix one thing, when it has all unraveled.  Food, medicine, sleep, cleanliness, this, and that.  It all has to be sorted out or it will stay in a mess.  So... I'll begin.  I do think it can begin to be arranged.  Hmm... I may even take two pair of slacks in for dry cleaning, in hopes of making it to confession and Mass this Saturday.  If I can figure out laundry, I might make it to the KoC meeting tomorrow.  I'd like to help with the Lenten meal this year, and the hog roast later in the summer.  It is good to work and serve.

Later.

Figuring things out.

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Medicines, again, are back on track.  Sleep has been pretty heavy, six to eight hours up then down.  I don't have a lot of energy, so I have been targeting it.  Snow removal gets first dibs.  If that works, then I make an attempt at cleaning and getting out.  Monday will be a day of calls, then a day out if I can.  Then a few days of rest as medicine, hopefully, stays on track.  The sun is out, that helps.  Hmm, yeah, should open the curtains.  Dark is why I fell a bit more than should have been required.

I thawed a few ribeye, then grilled those.  These are from my favorite store.  Not good.  They taste like dense meat with fat only on the very edges, and not much even there.  You really have to have marbling.  Now, they looked okay in the package.  Perhaps they are rushing these animals to market.  Pushing them through the line without any real care for quality.  I know, as much as they cost, I will be eyeballing the packages extremely carefully from now on.  The meat has the textured of worked muscle, not fattened beef.  Cardboard.  Then again, you can't tell if it's Mexican or Canadian, or even other, beef now.  And, yes, there is a difference.  I know, with the drought recently, culling of herds because of feed costs, and other things, quality was bound to dip.  But opening the borders to foreign meat won't help either.  I expect a fair deal for good money.  Not getting it.

Today?  I'm just barely getting by.  My mother called.  She is visiting my brother.  She was sick the first few days but is doing better.  I am extremely pleased that she is there.  I had worried.  She was sounding like travel was no longer in the picture for her.  Her surgery really did help things out, gall stones.  They were minor, but enough to really be tearing her up.  Her shoulder is better.  It seems gall stones can mess up your shoulder.  Odd, the body, and how everything fits and works, or doesn't, together.

Well, on to something, or a nap.  Later.

Yeah, bed beckoned a second time.

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I was up until 4:00 or 5:00, then crashed again.  All good, given the givens, that works.  I was down for another three or four hours.  Hmm, technically that was something like a long nap, in the scheme of things.  Today is a day of rest, as will tomorrow be most likely.  I'd still like to do a few things.  We'll see.

Coffee helped, the second time awake.  I need to do some other things, like thaw meat.  Barring that, a trip to town for takeout might work... if I can get up and going to do that.  If I can just begin seeing housework as snow, I might be able to get to it.  The thing is, the cave being cluttered doesn't prevent me from getting out.  Then again, snow doesn't either, unless it is really deep.

Later.

Sleep was good, if a bit long.

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I am feeling much better for it.  I can't swear I will do much now that I am awake, though I have a small list.  First, though, coffee.  Oh, and I now check the driveway first thing.  Thankfully it was clear.

My friend asked, as we were talking before I left, if the temps had just dropped.  I answered him honestly, I didn't think so.  When I returned home, however, I noticed that some ice here and there on the drive and sidewalks, and icicles, had been thawing but were now in the process of freezing again.  A minor but noticeable thaw, so yes, he was actually right.  Not a huge shift, just a few degrees above to a few degrees below freezing.  I'll let him know next time I see him.

I plan to go in Monday.  I have business to do that day as well.  Some on the phone, some in person.  After that, I'll take a few movies over, and my popcorn maker.  I asked if he had the stomach for more intense shows.  He said he could handle Saving Private Ryan.  I suppose that makes him, generally... fairly hardy that way.  Still...  Well, I'll take a few, allow him to pick and choose.  I have a select grouping that suits my nature.  Some of it is much more... ideal than functional, but it's in there.  Some of it is much more literal.

I do feel fairly good.  A bit tired, not quite perfectly medicated quite yet, just off if not terribly.  I'll keep at it.  I still love that I have been able to, mostly, keep up on shoveling.  When I miss, don't think I'm picking or choosing.  Probably just not able to even be aware that the sky has left a little white poop on my stoop.  :p  I know the shoveling has gotten me fitter, tightened up some muscle areas, and just been a pleasure.  Nothing like plugging away as one can.  I'm not dead yet, not fully.

On with my day.  Later.

A bit of a push.

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I thought I could just sweep the drive.  There was too much snow.  Mostly fluff again, between and inch and two, closer to the second mark, maybe over.  Shoveling wasn't too bad.  I hit the frontage area a bit again.  I really am enjoying, if I am not always aware enough to keep right on top of it.  Though is it awareness or function that is missing?  I run until I run down, then I zone out and off.

I wasn't finished with the shoveling.  I called my friend to see about this or that.  I needed to do shopping, buy a shovel, stop and the post office, and just get out.  He needed shopping.  Lunch was just a part of the deal.  I'm stocked up on milk and cream, plus a few extras.  I overate by eating twice in town.  Since I was in so long I figured it would be good to stack in some calories for the recovery.  Yeah, I haven't ever quite recovered from the heavy snow time.  I keep adding to the deficit.  Then again, that might just get me where I want to be, over the hump.  I still think if I can suffer past being out of shape, and work a bit further yet, I might have a chance at... some kind of life.  Doctors think I should do something, but not too much.  And, if I were normal, I think they would be right.

Anyway, it was a good day.  I got everything I intended, and more.  A few prayers of gratitude these last few days, and weeks.  Oh, and a lot of people on my prayer lists, near and far, family, friends, and associates.  Plus the rest of the usual suspects, of good and even ill.  Who needs prayer more than those who don't even seem to know?  That doesn't mean I won't do what I have to do if needed.  Just... I'd rather do so in a clean nature.  Oh... well... a quart of milk then a nap?  Yeah, maybe.  Later.

Food, medicine, all else.

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Hit and miss.  Yeah, I know, I know, I do.  It doesn't matter.  Want, wish, push, try, arrange...  Either it works or it doesn't.  Thankfully, to point, it isn't fatal.  It will be, or something will be, eventually.  But then, for a thousand and one reasons, I'm already here on and impossible lend-lease program.

I've been thinking about secular notions of God, heaven, hell, and else lately.  Movies, such as Constantine, and shows such as Supernatural, give very short shrift to the writings and teachings out there.  Definitely of Judaeo-Christian understandings.  Then again, in a world of female Christian ministers, politically correct sins, and all else, it's difficult to take anything seriously.  No church hasn't been infected, if that has always been the case.  The depth of the infection is quite serious these days.  It even seems to be that the church is trying to play kingmaker among the worldly, and join in worldliness.  The church keeps forgetting, the world will not suffer it no matter what it does.  Putting it's head in a noose will not win it any favors, only death for those who do and some who don't go along.

Sins aren't something that can be ignored or simply gotten past.  You really need to know what your sins are and learn how to release them both from your life, and their stain from your soul.  You will not enter heaven with the taint of sin.  While Christ can release that, you have to let Him, and have to know what they are.  It amazes me how many people think one thing is a sin while another thing that is not a sin is hate-worthy.  There is the notion of causing a scandal.  The only thing you can do in that situation is to turn your back on someone.  If you are a right Christian, you have a good reason to turn your back on most of the world, including many who claim to be Christians.  Do it too much and you will find yourself alone, on a hill, praying for the end.  I don't think that is quite where to go either.  So, where is the medium, the right place between total involvement and total isolation?  I don't know that.  I just slog through, doing my best.  Heaven knows, I'm definitely facing a lot of backs, some from the Christian world, many from the non-Christian world.  I'm good with that, too.  I am, and live, as I find to be right.  I fail, I fall, and I get back up, with God's and his children's help.  Always amazes me what a kind or right (even corrective) word can do.

Anyway... I'll keep at it.  Perhaps the cold, or serious lack of sun lately, has me a bit off.  Or maybe it's meds, or food, or... a mix of it all.  No worries.  I'm not in pain, I seem to get just enough, I smile and laugh, feel and pray.  It's not bad, it's just not optimal.  If I could get to some cleaning I'd be really happy.  Though, on that, I... think it's a man thing.  We have no clean- sort- straighten- foos.  Shovel?  Sure.  Dig?  Perhaps.  Move things about?  Okay.  Figure out domestic neatness and cleanliness?  At least I become more like a cat a little too close to a vacuum cleaner.  Then I start looking for a dark place to hide and nap.  Even in the Navy, it was slop mop as fast as possible, pour on the other goop, go hide until it dries, then try to forget it ever happened.  Well, and hope one of your "friends" or enemies doesn't decided to strip the wax by wedging your door so you can't stop them, then sliding a paper bag full of shaving cream under your door and stomping on it... the shaving cream destroying the wax coating.  Yeah.  I liked some parts of the Navy.  And payback.

Later.

Nothing but fluff.

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It was as it seemed.  Still, I was a bit afraid.  That wasn't what kept me from going out.  I simply couldn't get out until I did.  It was on my mind the whole time though.  I have done well.  Still, I fear next time there is a real challenge I might not be up for it.  This one took merely a broom.  I need to get a new shop broom, and some bolts.  The one I have has lost the bolts on both sides, so only the handle sort of holds it all together.  Yeah, another one and two more bolts to fix this one, and it should be good again.  It worked though.  Much of it had blown off, or perhaps some of it melted/dehydtrated off?  Not sure.  Only about two thirds of the drive and half of the sidewalk needed sweeping.

Now for some food!  I am hungry.  Hunger comes and goes.  Some days I could and do eat anything and everything, if usually, or often enough anyway, I can't bring myself to eat.  Today is an eat day.  Oh, and it is cooler out there.  It is just above 0 F.  There is a bit of a breeze too, or it seemed like it.  All good by me, I like it a bit cooler.

Later.

Hungry.

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I've been thinking about flying for takeout.  I have to do the driveway first.  If I don't do takeout, then I need to shower.  All I know is that I am very hungry.  Later.

Cold, a bit more snow, changing schedules.

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Nothing major.  It has been below freezing for some number of days now, to the best of my ability to notice.  How can I tell since I haven't been checking the readings?  Icicles have collected and stayed, lots of them.  The furnace and how the attics work creates just enough heat to cause some flow.  If it stays cold, those icicles simply collect and grow.  As well, just the feel of it.  Oh, I don't mind the cold.  It's as good for me as the heat is for some older folks.

More snow has fallen.  I think I can get to it, probably later today.  It isn't too much.  And, if I am right and it has been cold, it won't be too much fuss to remove.  I can't be sure when it arrived, I lost track a bit.  All good though.  Seriously, looking forward to it.  I think.

And, while I'm at it, I am trying to work my schedule back around to days.  When it is cold, consistently... when it is dark, if the last few days have been brighter, and when this and that?  My schedule can spin like a prop on an old plain.  No worries, I just keep at it, keep trying, keep going, or rest until I can do those things.  All good.  Later... or actually good night.  I'll try to hit noon, then crash.  Hmm, don't think I'll make noon, but 10:30 isn't too bad, I guess.  Yeah, good "night".

Sort of sad.

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So many politi-blogs are proving they are exactly what they have been saying they were fighting.  They are bought and paid political hacks.  They choose their side based on who is paying the best or who will support those who support them, not on what is right.  It is absolutely obvious.

The hate poured on Trump is often nothing more than the fact that he won't promise to handcuff himself to politics as usual, status quo.  He won't give typical Republican "friends" the friends discount.  Nor will he agree to work with Dems on the big ticket items that we (the elite) know we need, such as an immigration invasion, the spending of tax money for everything and anything, though the more useless the expenditure the seeming better (again, according to elites).  The elites discussed aren't even American.  American fat-cats are given no more credence than we are.  No, the ones who own the parties are the multi-national mega-corporations.  They aren't our friends, they aren't anybodies friends.  They are out to take every nickle and dime even if it murders nations, morality, etc.  Actually, I think that is part of their game.  One church, but a dead one.  One nation, but one that simply operates for the good of the elites.  One currency, but in an economy that is a zombie.

It is plain to see.  Any "conservative" site that is pro-amnesty, pro-open border, is not pro-American.  Any group that uses zombie "pro-life" groups who have not succeeded in anything, except sucking money from suckers, and using other religious groups to lead as a pied piper... not good.  It's plain.  Easy to spot.

While you can't put much stock in politics, if you can't put any in it, you are in trouble.  We will see how this works out.  But it's not looking good.  You hear Americans barking about the immigration war in Europe.  Most don't seem to realize we have more here.  Further, our government refuses to even examine how many are actually even here.  More than Europe, how many more is anybody's guess.  Pointing fingers while blindfolded, with earplugs, and an attitude when anyone points out the truth.  Yeah, we will see how this works.

Why Trump?  He is the only one who even offers to shut the border.  His two closest competitors are from the demographic that would be targeted.  And you wonder why we have problems?  Imagine if Europeans were voting for muslims.  Yeah, that is what we have here.  And still they point and rant about Europe?

Later.

Well, some of it.

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Trash out, and recycling if I am not sure that goes today.  Still, just in case, and because I may be crashing shortly.  A shower last evening, then dishes to soak.  The laundry is about to pass through, though I had to break it up into two loads for the dryer.  Some clothes were still in the dryer from... who knows.  They were dry, though, so all good.  It's having wet clothes anywhere that can be a problem.  Bits and pieces, but my days and nights are still off.  Oh, and yeah... I get some of my medicine down and lose track of the other.  I'm... right on that.  I think I am just one shift off, so I might be able to get that righted before it gets too wrong.

It's as good as it gets for now.  I'll keep at it.  Later, or more likely good "night".

Interesting song.

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False, in it's final analysis, but interesting.

It won't be by holding hands.  Each, on our own.  Some have not been allowed to go, others who have not wished to go have gone.  On our own, alone, each of us.  The only place you can go as a group, the only place you can help others find, is the one place you don't want to find yourself.

Pretty rough still.

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It can't just be the medicines, can it?  Maybe.  I'm thinking probably not though.  My diet might have something to do with it, though that can't be all of it, or even a large portion.  Achy, headaches, temp fluctuation, flu-like but definitely not the flu.  Just not the right collection of extra symptoms.  Never mind.  I'll keep resting as I must, eating as I can, taking medicine, and praying.  Oh, right, and dark thoughts and dreams seem to be making their presence known.  I won't tell you there is any truth in there.  I will only tell you that I believe there is.

Having the devil want you in his club is a seriously bad thing.  What he seems to have on offer, however, is... well... anything worldly or of flesh.  Empty, dead, no matter how sexy seeming, addictive, or seeming wanted by the many.  Oh, trust me.  The grandest heaven he can offer truly is smaller than my pride, and I believe I will skip.  If I were to go that way I would eliminate the middle man, and don't think I'm not up to it.  At least an attempt.  Yeah.  I could and I will skip, just not in his direction.  I used to have it, anyway.  I'd rather be a gardener in heaven, or even a statue outside the gates if my kind aren't fully welcome.

Dark things in those dreams, visions, daydreams, and such.  And light too.  God is always there, if I ask.  And I do.  I hide nothing from Him, not even my worst.  I just show and ask.  Trust me, He knows what I don't dare tell you, and I tell you much.  Cool with it?  Nah.  But He does love me, and is patient.  More so than I, though that's not saying much.  Hmm... Not sure... something or other or good night... or day.  I just can't figure things out.

Better, a bit weak, and thoughts.

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Oh, I know.  I'm going to push tomorrow or Monday.  I am going to do some work this weekend yet, and get cleaned up.

Stretching and checking.

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Better?  I think so.  I've been awake for an hour or so, can't be absolutely sure, though I think I am going to be okay.  I probably need to take it slowly and not push for a few days, keep on medicine, and eat as properly as possible.  Other than that, I think I'll do it.  If this isn't a simple case of not being awake enough to know.

As I was waking, I remember what a lot of the problem has become.  Now, economic turmoil was caused by government and private malfeasance.  Have no doubt.  People and governments began betting on losers and rolling up the costs of their gambling into the cost of business.  To help paper over unsustainable losses, they began also stealing from the middle and lower classes through all sorts of government and private schemes, often working together against us, covering each other at our cost, and continuing to gamble.

However, they weren't the only ones.  Every government and large corporation, at this point, in every nation who could bandy coin to toss in the fires of gambling loss have played.  Shouldn't their be a "house", one that doesn't lose?  Well, yes, except they became just as hooked on gambling.  You can see how corruptions magnified at that point, can't you?

As resources, and real wealth, dwindled, shifted, and fought to escape those who tried to maintain it, an economic war broke out.  Allies and enemies switched as fast as a micro-current in a hurricane catches a leave and alters it's heading.  China was on our side, until they thought they would build a bank and market their currency, a currency unwisely allowed to be marked to our currency and for too long protected by that.  The oil states were making a killing on China undercutting our currency to produce as slaves.  When China decided to go their own way, they were shown that there is no other way, and the oil states were left with glut and are now choking on their alliances.

Now, no one is really on the side of the American middle class, not even itself.  It was, it seems allied with a bruiser of a mix of government and big business that has gambled and warred too much to leave them much of a cut and is continuing to rob them blind.  No amount of capitulation will help, those actors don't believe they need it.  And, if Americans keep voting as they have, those actors are right.  Yeah...  What a wake up call.  That is what I saw as I bumbled out of bed.

Still, don't really care.  No headache, no body aches, only slight oddities in body temp.  I'll work on working inside the cave, if I can, tonight.  A shower, in time.  Laundry, a load or three.  And dishes, if I can get on it.  Later.

Hopefully soon.

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Nothing I am doing is helping all that much.  Fever comes and goes, though no chills so it's just medicine.  Headache to migraine, if I did have more anacin and it does help, some.  Nausea, sleepiness, aches and pains.  While off medicine, I seemed to void liquid quite well anyway, however, without medicine there were no vitamins, and those are what keep my body from cramping when I void a great deal.  So, yes, cramping.  Mostly legs and arms, but tickles of that everywhere from time to time.

Sleep and waking has been... off kilter.  Three to eighteen hours, now and then, this and that.  It'll straighten out soon enough.  I am trying to use blogging, gaming, even watching movies, to attempt to straighten that out.  I simply don't have control.  Back to bed.  No real choice.  I'll be back up before too long, probably.  I'll keep on things as well as I may.  For now it's recovery mode.  Good day, and night.

Oh, and hey?  I'm about 200 to 250 pageviews from my all time high.  This will, in any case, be my second best month ever, at 2,446 pageviews so far.  Not bad for a mostly dead old ghost.  *grins*

I went back down pretty fast.

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I've been dodging the migraine.  Sleep, food, drink, whatever I think will work.  Too much, or little, food or drink, though sometimes right through sleep too, the pain finds me.  Usually it isn't so much of a problem, but this time it's really bugging me.  And, yeah, it's a migraine, not just a headache.  Light sensitivity, nausea, several types of pain, it's an ugly thing.  I am not beating it or escaping it, boys and girls.  That's just medicine start up pangs, I am pretty sure.  I'll make it through.  And, yes, I am continuing with medicine like clockwork.  I am having to switch the water pill around, but that is a minor thing and causes no real problems.  I'll take naps, eat, occasionally dose with anacin, whatever it takes... plus keep on the regimen.

Three calls today.  Which is odd.  I should have been awake for some, if not all, of them.  The phone was right near me.  Even when I am otherwise focused, or as some accuse lost in thought, the vibrate function usually causes enough stir that I sense it.  I really think my phone, out here, doesn't always connect through.  Perhaps later, after the call, it quietly slips in that someone called.  It's not even that I am that far out of town.  Perhaps plane comms interfere?  Perhaps towers are lowering their send, as they have found the waves are causing radiation poisoning, or something else?  I just know something isn't quite right, and I don't think it is a personal problem.  Maybe they are just going broke, having gambled the government largess they received for creating the networks, and overcharges to customers on top of it?  Economic problems are really showing up.  I feel, often, as if I am not getting what the service or product I believed I was paying to receive.  It's getting ugly out there and the state is on the .corp side.  Too big to fail, or jail, and to keep the trains running on time, and not hang anyone, they change the schedules on the fly.  Not just lies, damned lies and statistics.

Yeah, a bit grumpy.  For good reason on top of good reason.  If I could just get this migraine to back off for a bit things would smooth out.  If I will still note the failures around me.

Well...  Let me find if I have more anacin, take a smattering if so or something else, then get on with the evening... morning... as I may.  Later.

Up!

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Just trying to avoid the death cart.

I slept pretty well and must have been fairly deep and hard.  No major pains as I wake, just a few hinges that seem a little rusty, feeding a minor notion that a headache might get me.  Medicine in back on track, but with days and nights upended again, I am saving my water pills until the evening set with evenings being my mornings.  Otherwise I am up all "night".

As I was checking and using the defueling station this morning, I saw something strange.  While the windows in that area are frosted, it seemed as if the drive was clear.  I didn't think it was warm enough to have melted, and that wouldn't have happened.  For that to work it has to either be really warm, or that and have enough snow off for the blacktop to help the sun.  When I finished I investigated.  Nope.  The snow thieves were at it again!  Oh, I was quite grateful.  Bushed and a bit beaten, seeing no snow out there revitalized morale.  It is snowing again but I will be ready tonight or tomorrow to hit it... as soon as it seems to have stopped and when that and my function seem to coincide... or if it just keeps going, to get out ahead of it.  An amazing year this year.

I'll keep going.  And, maybe, if I can figure a few things out this summer, I'll get on track with mowing.  I really might try to figure out a riding mower with a plow attachment.  I'd love to add a deep tiller too, but...  I'll definitely look at a unit that has various options, from bagger to tiller to snow blade, bargaining what I want and need first, then making sure if I ever want the other things that they are available.  I just can't, otherwise, do heat.  Not that well.  So many things yet to do, I'm not sure.  I just know, sometimes, I might be able to pull it off.  And, if I am careful, the other things I might through time be able to afford to have done.

Later.

Not going to make it.

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I think I'm about to bank into bed.  I just can't stay up longer.  I did get a good day in.  Shopping, shoveling, more shoveling, more shoveling...  It does look like it stopped.  It does look like I took the vast majority off the top, or bottom actually.  I am amazed at what I did just today.  Somewhat surprised I didn't pop.  What with starting up meds, going through all that, going shopping (which was a bit of a big deal as I was doing it), then shoveling the driveway at least twice over?  Yeah, I sometimes wonder why I don't pop.  Meh.  I really have gotten away with much, in one sense.  All things are possible with God.

I am sort of feeling a bit on the rougher side.  Not as bad as this "morning", or even all "night".  More like just a really slim slice on the worse side of life.  Given all I suspect I earned it.  I'll take a shower, then leisurely dry, before getting on to the shoveling later today.  Maybe I'll get a load of laundry going after the shower.  We'll see.  I need to keep pushing.  I'm just not good at some things.  Good "night".

It looks like it has stopped.

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The snow that is.  What I shoveled puts me well ahead of the work.  And since I scooped the bit which had tracked over, I'm probably in a pretty good position to finish tomorrow.  I am not sure if I will be able to stay up until it is to be done, or will sleep before I can get to it again.  I am pretty sure I will get to it though.  I actually thanked God for the challenge.  The work, as the pain, is to His glory.

As I have slowly begun replacing my movie stock I am adding a few movies that either caught my eye, or I felt belonged in my collection.  Some I simply wasn't sure about.  Then again, any movie, foreign or domestic, really has to be reviewed.  I had been curious about Red Riding Hood.  Other than them sticking blacks into a German fairy tale, it wasn't too bad.  I've only seen the stock ending, there is an alt.  I'll see that next time I am wanting some down time of that sort.  There are a number of Catholic themed movies... though... coming from H-wood, that isn't always good.  Some seem to be indies, such as There Be Dragons, I think it was named.  I'm not sure about the movie, I think there were some serious flaws.  Though if it be true...  Well...  I suppose, in those times, when the only civil choice was socialism (fascism) or outright communism, foolishness abounded, even in the church and among priests.  Which seems to be returning.  When will they learn that populism and earth socialism/communism will only murder them and promote sin?

Anyway... I am slowly rebuilding my library, adding a few as well.  I simply can't remember what all I had given him to see.  As one can probably tell, my viewing habits have nothing to do with porn.  At worst, silly action.  At best, life stories of faith... though even those have to be closely scrutinized.  If they fail they will be removed or outright destroyed.

Pain remains.  It's not as bad as it was.  It ebbs and flows, heightens and diminishes.  I'm not sure pushing helps, but it doesn't seem to be causing extra intensity.  Meh.  I did say I dig through pain.  I just never quite thought shoveling snow literally was a way to do so.  *grins*  I might say the devil made me do it, but that isn't the Man's name at all.  The devil would have me rest on false laurels to my death, then chide me for it.  :p  Later.

Feeling better, so... Dig?

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Yep.

I was feeling just enough topped off by 21:00 or so that I decided to do a stealth shop and eat raid.  I need more to drink.  Milk, beer, soda.  I know, but my thirst is... well... when it's on it's on and water is not enough.  Tea, coffee, milk, water, beer, soda, drink mix, and etc.  I drink as if oceans were my floor.  Any one thing is not enough, it becomes annoying, cloying, harsh.  Water becomes painful, in the amounts my body demands.  Resistance is futile.  So it has been long before diabetes was diagnosed... or more properly misdiagnosed.  The Can't-Shoot-Straight gang is at it as usual.  Pick the lowest hanging peg and put your hat on it, then go fucking golfing.  Idiots.  Anyway...

So, I got out, and to town.  I got my fluid, got some food, and headed back.  As I started back it started to snow.  The closer I got to home, only a 23ish mile drive, the heavier the snowfall became.  By the time I got home, if all isn't always exactly as it seems, I ended up with two to three inches in the drive.  I did NOT want to drive on that, then have to scoop the tracks.  So I parked in the frontage area, but far enough in no one would (probably) sideswipe me.  Then I got to shoveling.  Dig, lad, dig.

And so, as I said, feeling better lead to me digging.  I have decided to fill in the blanks, as it seems some aren't very awake when they read here.  You are welcome.  I decided, at first, to just dig out the area I would need to drive on.  However, as I got going, I went ahead and hit the other area.  Then I realized the problem.  If I was to open up the drive area, I would have to let the other area go.  I hit it all twice before I realize I could not win.  So I finished the drive area, backed her in, unloaded groceries, then packed her into her berth.  Then I finished by clearing an area near the garage doors for the third time, then scooped the tracks from the Xterra... yes, by the time I scooped just the drive area there was already about an half inch or more that had fallen on the area I began.  I called it quits, for the night, after that.  Migraine, oh... it was better.  It's threatening again, but I think I shut down just in time.  Night meds might restart it anyway.

Heck of a thing.  Still, it's my lot, I'll stick with it until I am out of the game.  I'm not sure if bedtime is looming or has been pushed off by the double double time this night... shopping and shoveling in one go is a hell of a go boys and girls... especially for a man who is supposed to be dead.  *grins*  Later or good night.

Oh, but first...  I got a lot of negative psychic feedback about the last song of the last bunch.  How do you think Satan meant to muddy the bloodlines?  One way, several, many?  Legion, I tell you.  My way was but one, if probably a more powerful one as can be seen today.  Imagine if my kind was the singer, speaking to her spiritual grandfather and corrupter, not a man.  As with the assassination of Christ, Satan's attempt to corrupt the bloodlines has failed, and his legion, at least the strongest among them, have abandoned him.  There is a better way, a truth.  In the horror of the crucifixion of God and attempt at murdering the bloodline, there are beautiful things.  Just say no, boys and girls.  It's that easy, even for one born to, from, and in darkness.  So... there.  Though I think some of the rejection is that people don't want to think of the first song, and why sin is wrong and always goes wrong to worse.  Hate will not protect them when they cannot lie, this I know.  I have seen it, and believe.  The video is through his eyes, as he sees, or wishes, things.  Not as I see things.  Ask and yea shall receive, innit?

Dark days done.

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There was a time when darkness was what I knew.  It is what I shared for it was all I had.  Murder was on the minds of many of those around me.  A child of darkness, have no doubt.  And yet, even in those days, I had yet to choose.  My darkness was from my nature, not choice.  It was all I had to share, it was all I knew.

Back on medicine.

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There is a cost.  Migraine.  I should, I think, still be asleep.  Half way through, however, the pain came.  Then it got worse.  I can't sleep under this one.  Usually I can out-sleep it, especially if I take some pain killers.  Though usually it won't wake me.  I can outsleep it if it happens when I am awake.  This one is a bad one.  Not so much in intensity as in... something.  There is no break from it.

A shower, first thing.  That helped the headache for a bit.  I almost thought I had beaten it.  Nope.  Nausea and rising body temp are hitting.  No, not the flu.  Part of it is starting up medicine, part of it was sleeping too sound... not moving.  That last, of course, was caused by medicine but can't quite be called the same thing.  This thing is going to pound me into the dirt.  I just took some painkillers.  After my hair dries, I may go on back to bed.  Nasty painful thing.

Well, at least I am back on medicine.  I must have been off it longer than I thought.  As I said, I sort of lost track there for a bit, like I lived in the old days.  You have no idea how much better life is, even as bad as it might still seem.  The difference is that I can remember the good and bad times now.  Back then?  Not a clue, not for long anyway.  Sometimes having no real memory is a good thing.  But, really, it only seems that way.  Living in a fog is horrid.  Later.

I've lost track.

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No major event.  Finding my watch would help a bit.  Probably.  Or not.  Days and nights are a swirl for the last few days.  The long sleep upset everything else.  I think I took the watch off because it was bruising my wrist for some reason.  I think I tried loosening it to no avail.  Internal thermostat (in my body) is wicked off.  Hot, cold, cool, with the temp having no real impact.  Yes, medicine indeed.  I'll keep at it.

I'll do just a bit more then attempt sleep.  I'll set the alarm, but won't push that.  I have simply done far too much, then lost track of medicine.  I'll have some down time.  I'll get medicines going again.  And I'll actually try to keep at work.  The goal is to push, but then to keep up on everything else, not get lost.  That is what survival will take.  It would be easier to give up.  As I have mentioned, God said that wasn't my way.  And so it isn't.  It's sort of humorous.  For so long I could and did ignore God.  Now I follow what I perceive to be His will as well as I am able.  Life is usually better for it, when I can keep up.  Though keeping up is a new thing.  There was a time I moved faster than His words.  I was always just out of earshot.  In some ways I miss that, though I wouldn't trade.  Should I find health, I would find a way to stay within earshot, if my kind can.