Not a day of fasting.

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Given my goals, fasting is not in the plan.  I want to work, work takes food.  It just does.  Sometimes I have worked without food.  It isn't the best, often it wasn't a choice.  I had to work through to food.  That's a dark place.  While I am out of eggs, have no meat easily at the ready, I do have milk, whole whipping cream, and various grains.  A grueling day?  In one, if the better sense.  Oatmeal this morning, and later a nine-grain, cracked, blend.  Oh, and I have a small portion of food left over from an experiment yesterday.  I used one of the cans of cheese.  I have tried that "raw", and found it quite satisfactory.  Beside being out of much, I have wanted to see how well it works cooked, how well it melts in.  I was satisfied with taste and texture, with some caveats.  It's just not, exactly, like any cheese I have eaten.  It is good, but different, a bit.  Sometimes different is good, sometimes it is bad, and sometimes... to my mind this case... it is neither.  Different, sometimes, is just that.

I think starting out with a shower is my best plan.  Being cool enough to still have snow remaining after several days means a little warmth in the body might help.  As well... past due.  When you retire, you will find that... sometimes... stretching things comes a bit more natural, especially during dog days.  I am currently in dog days, though attempting to work out of them.  So, yes, a shower.  Plus, it will be breaking in my new, clean, bathroom!  Yeah, it's exciting.  More as I have a path to keeping it clean much longer and more robustly.

I was thinking how to sweeten the oats.  Sugar?  No.  The artificial stuff just doesn't work.  Maybe maple syrup?  No, nearly out of that, saving the remnants for something else.  Honey?  Why, yes!  Mountain flower honey, actually.  Just a dab will do, but will do quite well.  This afternoon, for the multigrain gruel, I will probably go savory... a pat of butter, a touch of salt and pepper, perhaps thyme, basil, sage, or... whatever herb, spice, or mix draws me as I approach the meal.  Perhaps a bit of whole whipping cream with it as well, to add protein and a touch extra fat.

This month I really have to watch my spending.  No worries, just, this and that, you know.  I am so looking forward to what I am saving to get.  It is exciting to stock up and well.  Still, I have decided, of the things I want or need, cooking and food related items are taking the top of the list.  A true butcher board, a hanging basket for fruits and veggies, and other such items.  Cooking, I suppose, and perhaps baking, are looking to be back on the menu.  The few things I want and need for the kitchen, plus getting the kitchen back in shape... it's all coming together.

Breakfast is about ready.  A touch of sweet notion spices, have been added, just letting it all rest before digging in.  Well, I was.  Top of the morn to you.  Just remember, if you don't have proteins proper, you can still have a decent meal.  Go get em', and enjoy the work.

Update:  Well worth the minimal effort.  Sure, you have to hover and/or set the alarm for every few minutes between hovering... and it takes a bit... very much worth it.  I ended up making a bit too much.  Intended, though next time a little less too much would be better.  I just avoid making too little.  Worse, oddly, the smaller the amount it is short.  Being so close, or closer, to having hunger tended only to have it fall short... it's perturbing... among other things.  Two teaspoons of honey served a rather large bowl of the stuff quite well.  Quite a splendid little meal.  Still, since I had extra, I wanted to just sample it with maple syrup.  You know what?  Worth the dollars and effort either way.  I will not finish the maple syrup sample, but now I know.

Oh, and the pans and pots, utensils, and such?  I've been keeping up on those.  No, not washed, but rinsed of remnant goobers, set to soak in hot soapy water, and... keeping up as well as I can.  Cheesy and grain foods, if left to set, go bad and ugly very fast.  I've done that, you know.  Not this time.  Later.

Kicking through.

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Yeah, I really see, easily, where I have problems getting my days and nights square.  I can more easily push my waking hours than my sleep time.  I made it to 18:00 this evening.  I tried to push sleep until 4:00, it just would work.  As with last evening, I really only made it to 2:00.  I stayed in bed until 3:00 but was not asleep, I simply finally surrendered.  Sure, eight hours is good.  It just isn't always enough when pushing my days.  When it fails, it can fail through a need of too much sleep, and inability to wake in a timely fashion, or often both.  Oversleeping or underwaking, or both.  As I have mentioned, this has always been a struggle.  I was a night creature from the time my mother brought me home from the hospital.  Drove her to distraction.  She spent much effort, and as much will and strength as she could muster, to try to get me to switch that.  I was on her side.  Some things, however, seem to be baked into a cake and there is no changing.  The health issues simply exaggerate the issue.  No real complaints, it just gives me something to fuss with, I suppose.

I am trying to figure out what to make today, for food.  I have been eating quite well on odds and ends the last few days.  I am out of eggs, however.  Cheese is pretty much done.  I have milk, but nothing much to use it on.  I might have rice.  I don't have much meat, nothing thawed save canned tuna.  I do have lentils, and black beans but those would need a six hour soak, at least.  I am on my last food legs.  Hmm...  I'll have to think of something.  Necessity... mother... invention.  Then again, I might just fast.  I used to have to do that for days, weeks, without choice.  A day certainly won't kill me.  I actually learned to enjoy the hunger, or... did I just convince myself that I enjoyed what simply had to be endured?  Though, finding something in the desert, whether you come to it from plenty or from poverty, it can be just as inspiring.  Though inspiration, often, is best to be minimal or it can become... a bit too rich.  Just your Zen thought for the day?  Hmm...  I suppose, as always, it is up to you.

I am hoping to get back to some work today.  A shower, folding laundry, then tearing into boxes.  I don't know, but that is the hope.  With the bathroom looking so good, I really am hankering to get the kitchen into similar shape.  Then the computer room, living room, and bedroom.  Well, and then have a plumber in to check on some things, maybe fix them, get a quote for work on the floor (when they begin on the floor, that would be a good time to go camping), and maybe get a quote on a new heater and ac unit.  Yeah.  Carrot, stick, neither alone serves.  I need both, and a prayer.  While I have hope, that is not enough alone.

I am, actually, doing well.  When I get my larder meated out, the manual grain mill and the electric one working actually, begin canning and drying at least meats, I'll be a bit happier.  But it is coming together as well as I can make it happen.  I'm just not good at housekeeping.  Just not.  Later.

Oh well, might as well give it a shot... one last post.

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Not much today.  I simply didn't have it going.  I did do some things.  Cooking, a bit of cleaning, this and that.  Still, no where near what I had hoped.  I will be up until, I am thinking, at least 17:00, maybe 18:00.  All probable, if I am thinking likely.  It has stopped snowing, but earlier it looked like there was six inches on the ground.  That might have been an illusion, with grass holding the stuff higher than it really was.  As I said, though, the sidewalk and drive are clear.  It is a pretty last snow memory, so there is that.

My friend called.  He hadn't received my message.  Odd, but I don't always get messages.  Just a bit of talk, and plans.  Today, of course, was out for getting out.  I was thinking tomorrow.  He suggested Friday, as that will be payday.  And, yes, I think that is best.  I spent a bit much, again, this month.  I am really going to have to go shy on spending this coming month.  Buying a whole beef is a bit of an expense.  Just this once, probably.  A hog isn't too difficult, and a lamb might not be to hefty of coin, more so if I can find a non"organic" lamb.  Bleh.  So... I need to watch my coins a bit more closely.  I didn't spend it all.  And what I have purchased was, sort of, planned.  So, no major issue.  The fish and duck will serve for a good long time.  Oddly, even sharing things out and I find myself, even so, in much better stead.  Even if I didn't, it's just how to do things.

I was telling a friend, a girl friend if you must know, about some food ideas I wanted to post.  Both really look good, if for different reasons.  The first is a breakfast that can be made the night before.  Really good for pressing mornings or a bunch of folk.  As for me, I might alter the volume just a bit... or make an extra.  If you have growing boys, as well, or a big boy, well... just plan on extra.  The other is a dessert, one I have been wanting to try at home for a very long time.  Only slightly different.  Both in vid forms, though one requires another vid, and a visit to another blog for more exact directions.  Here you go.

Hashed browns, one way.

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I looked around online, searching the various recipes.  Some wanted egg whites, others suggested this or that.  I was looking for simple.  No flour, no egg whites, not excessive handling or care.  Time wasn't as much of an issue.  While I have flour, it is old.  More, I really don't want to use flour if I don't know how fresh it is.  While it won't go bad in three days, from grinding, as one woman suggested, it will in three months, quicker if handled.  Now, when I say bad, I mean it will become nutrient neutered.  One can still eat it, it's just that anything in it that would make eating it useful, will have leeched out.  My flour, even kept in the freezer, is simply too old.

The simplest idea, and easy enough to try, was quite simple.  Peel potatoes, the standard type if I can't pull the name out from the tip of my tongue.  Grate those, then pat them dry with paper towels.  In my case, as in the example given, it took two bunches of paper towels to remove enough moisture.  Then simply put in a pan on medium high, with a little oil, and let cook for about 15 minutes.  Flip and repeat.  I used clarified butter from the other day.  Now, in my opinion, that was a bit raw still.  However, since I had eggs to fry, and wondering about that from the start, plus wanting the browns to stay warm, I had set the oven to 200F, and used an oven able china plate as the medium for the browns.  In the time it took me to cook the eggs, the browns had finished to my liking.  Still just a bit raw, but perfectly crisped.  I still think, perhaps, parboiling or some such, then grating... maybe even soaking to leach some of the starch?  I'll begin experimenting.  Still, very simply, this worked well enough in a pinch.  Eggs, these, and a few of the remaining slices of bread but toasted and buttered, with tea on the side.  Should have had a glass of milk for a change.  I might just have one in a bit.

Next?  Boxes, I believe.  Then hitting the laundry.  It's all done, it just needs tended.  I really doubt I will get much beyond those.  Not even sure I will get to, or completely through, those.  Though, perhaps.  If so, I will begin in on the kitchen.  I'm getting excited to cook again.

Just a word on ingredients.  I was looking for ingredients, as the chef/cook suggested.  Some beans are not like other beans.  At $25 for a couple of pounds, I do believe I will find other beans.  A bit of research will find beans which hold up better under intense cooking but at a much more reasonable price.  If this were a yearly feast, a tradition, for a family... I could see it.  But not a daily driver.  Further, the sausage suggested was... at the cheapest... $33 for eight, plus double and more for shipping.  No, I think I'll source locally.  Not sure there are any sausage makers anymore, of the craft variety.  I'll take mass manufactured to that.  Something funny?  The French ate what they did because it was all they had, often, at least initially.  Eventually they became snobs about it.  Before that, however, it was just what was available.  As you notice, that dish actually, when you think about it, is a way of taking leftovers that would not serve many on their own and turning them into something better.  Cook with both the spirit, and at times if available for even peasant wallets the original or traditional ingredients, and enjoy.  Don't spend a fortune on a meal.  That is... for the pigs.

It's chilly out there.  The sidewalk and driveway seem to have cleared, unless it has snowed again.  Two, three, days of snowing?  Crazy.  It's pretty.  It's nearing the last of the snow.  I didn't have to shovel.  I just wish there was someone to go out and play in it.  The last snow fort, a snowball fight... do they do those things anymore, or has the tyrannical safety nannies of the world shut down all the fun boys used to have?  Anyway...  On with the show.  Later.

Little twitches, slow to work, but worth the effort.

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I did make it to 16:00 before crashing.  The last hours were like in a prize fight, when one of the opponents is still on his feet but not really at the top floor anymore.  I was bloating with fluid because I couldn't remember to use the facilities.  A third the way through the night, then another third on, I emptied over 32 ounces of fluid.  I didn't know a human bladder could hold that much, or drain that much twice in a row?  Well, then, maybe it can't.  Not absolutely sure I am human, not fully.  Still, waking was easy enough, if I would have liked to have slept until 4:00 perhaps, instead of not quite making it exactly to 2:00.  All good.  Actually I should begin slowing the pace of change.

The bathroom looks fantastic.  I put down a rounded toilet rug and small matching runner rug.  Good only for the toots while sitting, no good as a shower mat... too small.  I will probably change out the shower curtains, wash the recently used in a next general wash, then stow those.  Having things to change out from time to time adds interest and keeps favored items around longer.  Down goes Mona Lisa, up goes the Eiffel Tower.  I suppose, even if their new friends destroy the real one, I'll still have this as a reminder of the West is throwing to the dogs.

I'm thinking of doing just a bit of cooking as I wake.  Boiling eggs, then... what... parboiling potatoes?  Just enough so that they are easy to skin and slice... or shred... then, when they are cool enough, shredding and bagging that.  A serving per sandwich bag, then those bags into a larger gallon bag, all save one on into the freezer.  A LOT cheaper than buying storebought.  Hmm... might fry them up, actually, just a bit, before storing them?  So that they get browned, leaving only a final heating and inside finishing?  I'll be thinking about it as I go.  Might do a bit of looking online, see what others do.

Today?  A shower, folding and storing laundry, then on to boxes.  Well, that's the goal.  I think, probably, these things I can do.  Later.

Eh?

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Yeah, the bathroom is in very good shape.  I'm not putting everything in it's place just yet.  Some minor items are back, some I am saving for when a complete drying is more sure.  As I do things now, the bathroom should stay in very good order for a week or two at a time.  The bowl will need more often cleaning, twice a week at least.  I have the tub drain up to snuff.  I might attempt to figure out the sink drain.  If I can't do that, I may have to break down and buy a plumber.  I want the kitchen clean by then, too.  I want someone to look at why the water delivery in the sink keeps failing.  Three different faucets, only one has used a ceramic device.  The faucets should not fail like this.

As I said, I need to tear the kitchen apart, cleaning on the way down.  Sorting as I go, cleaning even what might be in cupboards.  I have, actually, been cleaning some of the cupboards and nooks over this late winter and early spring.  Something to do when I can do little else.  Impossible for one to stay atop.  And yet, a little here and a little there, from time to time, really helps.  Oh, and I have foods to go to the cellar.  They just last longer, much longer, down there.  No light and lower temps, pretty steady really.

I kept thinking of making something to eat.  I don't think I will get to it.  I started looking online, for this or that, hoping seeing something out there might induce me to make a meal.  I won't swear that I won't, either.  It's just... unlikely.  I ran into a meal that I ran into over there.  If not this, though I think it was, it was something very similar.  I have spoken, roughly, of it on my blog and to friends, trying to track it down.  I had it at least once over there, then a time when I was back in the states... probably on my way too or from one of the vampire club shindigs.  Something about those was good food, and anything you might wish, was available for participants.  I never did know how such things were arranged, only enjoyed when I was available, and seemed to be welcomed enough to be invited.

This and that.

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The bathroom will be done before long.  I am really hitting the floor.  Twice mopped so far.  When it is dry enough, I'll clean out the mop caddie, rinse the mop well, then rinse the floor.  I'll do another set of each of those.  Need it?  Well...  I am sure, when I am done, it won't need it.  I'll be working on laundry as well, finishing that off.  A shower after the floor is done and dry.  Then I'll set the dishes up.  Yeah, I think I can.

Hmm. Not much.

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Just couldn't get it going.  Temps have dropped.  It snowed again by the looks of things.

I did make a decent meal.  French toast.  Eggs mixed with whole cream, allspice and cinnamon, a bit of sugar, and the bread I had frozen.  As I said, that bread freezes well, at least in the short run.  That makes buying several loaves something I would be willing to do.  Sure, bake my own.  But everything has to be in place to work the dough and bake.  Currently it isn't, and I can't always promise that it will be.  This is the next best option.  It is, as noted, good to know that I can buy more than one loaf at a time.  I could see buying three or four, if I use it within the month.  No more though, though time will probably tell about that, too.  I really like real maple syrup.  I think I have more in the larder, but would like, say, four to six in storage and one or two in the fridge.  Honey?  Perhaps four quarts in the pantry, one in rotation.

I am hoping to kick out the bathroom and set up the dishes... perhaps do some of the laundry.  I'll know shortly.  Just getting going is a bear.  From start to stop, this day has simply been rough.  Not harsh, just flat?  Yes.  I still have some hope.  Later, maybe good night.

Work while waking.

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I thought it was midnight.  As I push my days and nights back into alignment I attempt to reach, perhaps exceed, certain goals.  Each night, for example, I attempt to sleep until an hour or two later than the night before.  Sleeping too much will usually destabilize my pattern.  Sleeping too little may, though is a softer mistake.  As it turned out, it was only 23:00 when I woke.  Couldn't do much about it.  Still, as with many things, including this, and as a usual not uncommon trait, a few steps forward to a few steps back, progress being a... slow thing.  The hope is more steps in the desired direction, fewer steps back, and in time the goal is reached... for a while anyway.

I finished the dishes.  The laundry is all dried, but needs to be tended.  The snow, to my surprise, actually seems to be totally melted from the driveway.  Snow remains, but not in places that are of concern at the moment.  I also did some cleaning in the bathroom.  The goal, tonight?  Finish the bathroom, floor to mirror to emptying trash to the last bit, then resetting the place for a fresh start.  A shower, perhaps a bit of a shave... I am keeping a goatee and mustache for the moment.  May or may not keep that much longer.  Then reloading all of the dishes I can find for a hot sudsy soak and finish the laundry.  If I can get those things, then begin in on boxes.

Some days I just hit it as a hammer to a nail.  Some days it is pure struggle.  Laying out the hopes, desires, goals, helps but is no guarantee.  Oh, best have a meal in there somewhere.  Nothing fancy.  I have bread from the recent purchase which is still good.  It seems to freeze well.  I might make french toast, with a side of something... fried potato chips, from one potato?  Maybe.  I might bake a small batch of potatoes and grind those into hash, then have some of that?  Boil or bake?  I ought to see what others tell, then show... see if I have a preference.

Oh, I have been looking at variants on roasting duck.  There are two that have my fancy.  While orange might be a bit sweet, it would be a rarer treat, so eminently doable.  The other, however, is favored.  As, most recently, I am having a fine fling with tea.  I won't use the tea advised, but I will investigate what sort of tea that is and procure a similar tea, or blend of teas, and work that up to my preference... first as a drink, then as an addition to this, and probably other, recipes.  I could see this doing quite well with, say, lamb.  Not so much beef, probably not pork.  Duck, lamb, chicken, pheasant...  Well, that is how I see it.  Ah, the vids.

Some of it.

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Dishes, at least what was soaking, have been done.  Washed if necessary, rinsed as required, dried and put away.  The clothes have gotten a tumble, and are dry.  That is that for that for now.  And, yes, I did some work in the bathroom.  Sweeping, roughly.  Mopping a bit.  More to do in there.  Once that is done, however, with new tricks it should stay in much better shape from now on.  I didn't fix anything to eat.  Sure though about it.  If I visit your place, and do not eat much, do not take it as an issue.  Sometimes I can't eat, even when seemingly hungry.  A chunky middle and I eat less than a teen girl, or those skinny ones.  Doesn't seem to matter.

It snowed.  I was about to go out, then I realized it isn't worth the effort.  Well, and more, I had no effort to offer by the time I saw the snow.  At a certain part of the day any potential go has gotten up and gone.  So it was.  Oh, and looking around, I see some huge branches have come down.  I'll have to figure those out before too long.  I am talking branches that might be considered trees by themselves in some parts, and pretty much on the house... or at least pretty much touching.  Yeah, work for another day.

I will call my friend before I go down.  Just to check on him.  Still planning on Wednesday, unless snow and freezing rain arrive and stay or some such.  I need to do shopping, sooner than later, but what happens happens.  Yeah, time to call then crash.  Good night, and day.

A slow start.

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I did reset the dishes and put the laundry through a tumble in the dryer.  I've fed the girls, though could do some work on the litter boxes.  I may fry eggs, or boil a few, before long.  I will need to check them, make sure the ones I use are good.  I do hope to finish the laundry and dishes, plus the bathroom, and then get trash out.  I've been keeping up on trash.  If you just do normal foods, changing out the trash bag isn't as demanding.  Start with fish and such and keeping up on trash becomes vital.  While everything goes bad at room temperature, nothing goes as bad or as quickly as fish.  Zounds.

If I can get these things done, boxes are next.  I have a bunch of them.  And, being that I plan to go in Wednesday, and my days and nights might be swinging enough, fast enough, to perhaps make it in to town, I will be able to deliver them to the recycling center.  Far too many to put in my bin.  As well, I'll be taking in styrofoam packing.  I'll keep some.  Those make excellent, temporary, hot/cold maintaining devices.  I just don't need that many.  The other thing is, if I have something hot or cold to offer, I don't need them back, or to remember them.  Fire and forget.  Hmm... might be good for fishing, too.  Yes, I'll keep some of those.  Sure, my coolers would work.  But they would begin to smell fishy, and I'm not sure that comes out all that well.

Ah, right... the other thing.  I'm finally in a position where I can begin treating my good clothes.  I may try to get my slacks and sport coat ready for the dry cleaners as well, Wednesday.  I need to shop for button down white, and maybe blue and brown/beige oxfords.  That's what I prefer.  I know I need new ties.  What I have, though nice at one time, have seen better days.  It's difficult to find ties I like, in my size.  I prefer silk.  The designs are difficult.  Roses, in darker colors, for example.  Though French designs, patterns, are well liked hereabouts.  Though all in darker themes and colors.  It's just how I do those things.  I have purchased actual dress socks, have my eye on some actual and better dress shoes, and am considering, in time, a couple of suits.  Yes, I know.  It'll probably take several years, maybe four, to finally complete a meager but functional dress wardrobe.  If I can just survive... and assuming I don't see no reason to stay and head out...  Yeah, it's still an option, though it may not stay an option if between the state and the V.A. I can't get medicine and thus can't keep the license.  I'm... flexible.

Hmm... on to... something or other.  Oh, I want to see if I should keep the duck bones, or if one duck is enough to create a stock.  If not, I'll freeze it, adding it to the next duck remnants.  It will be the first stock I have ever created.  I best get a grocery list for that as well.  I am thinking that will be a first of the month meal, so I have a bit of time.  The rough part is that Mirepoix requires fresh veggies.  Perhaps I can figure out to shop on the day I will be cooking?  Or actually the day after?  Bleh.

Later.

Just a bit more.

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I know what day it is.  I also know that if I stop going forward, I will fall back.  Back, in this case, is back into nowhere.

I didn't think I would be able to stay awake, even this long.  I didn't think another thing would be done.  As it turns out, the first doubt has obviously been overcome.  The other doubt too, if you will simply have to trust.  More dishes were done, though not all.  A load of laundry has gone through.  It is in the dryer.  A meal was warmed and eaten.  Not perfect, less than I had hoped going into the night, more than I supposed as things started to fall apart.

Today is a day when Jesus proved He wasn't just willing to die for us, but that He was worthy as a sacrifice, and more.  Today Jesus fulfilled the hope of a, and became the, Christ.  I hoped to have a duck thawed, and make that.  However I simply knew I wasn't in shape for it.  Perhaps in this next month I will find a way to a fine feast to honor Christ's culmination and our salvation.  I am quite sure He understands my dilemma, and yet solid faith.  Hmm, yes.  And perhaps a meal shared with my friend.  Sharing bread for the holy is better than the already great times of sharing it in normal times.

Well, on to bed I do believe.  May you have a wonderful day of feasting, a great day with family and friends, and a righteous day of faith in Truth.  I'm doing good, I'll pray for you all this day.  Happy Easter and... good night.

It's not working.

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Too tired.  I can't break out.  I did wash the dishes and set them to a rinse.  Even that was a push.  Well, and I made coffee.  A pot of that down, then back to tea.  I made tea, I simply haven't been able to wake to drink some.  I believe I will pull a mason jar of it, game a bit, perhaps have a bite to eat, in the hopes of getting something going.  So very tired.  I don't think it's the coffee.  And I turned the heat up.  If I can get just a few of those things I want done completed... or I should say a few more.  Finish the dishes that are soaking, a shower, a load of laundry (and maybe find the agitator for washing woolens  tomorrow).  And, if I get those things, setting up the last of the dishes in a sudsy soak just to end over end things to completion.  Not sure that can go forth.  There is some hope.  I may need a nap first.

Later.

Another day another shot at the ring.

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Dinner, yesterday, closed down the operation.  Not that it was a lot of work, simply, between what I had done, and what dinner did to me, I could not regain traction.  Still, not a bad start.  As well, I think I can start in again today.  After coffee is finished brewing, the first pot of coffee in a long while, I will reset the dishes that are soaking, and at least round up pants and any remaining cottons.  I might actually have wools, but I want to hand wash those.  Which, if I get through the bathroom, I might at least begin.  Hmm... could hand agitate, but I believe I bought an agitator.  It came without a handle, which I now have.  Problem is, while I know where the handle is, I don't know where the agitator head is.  Gah!  Mucking around in cold water is fine in the summer, or warmer months and days.  It simply isn't fun in the cooler months.  And it is staying cool lately, at night anyway.

My days are shifting, but so slowly.  I am able to stay awake until past noon, nearing 13:00 or 14:00.  But those last hours are rough.  Getting my wake time to shift is actually, seemingly, the sticking point.  It has taken four days to move it from 20:00 to 21:00.  Which also means I'm not, probably, even getting a full eight hours of sleep.  Which, now that I have a handle on what my health problems are, and found solutions (whether always available or not), I realize eight to even ten or twelve hours, depending on the level of recent efforts, and usually (as Burning Man and S. Man, showed that, for special occasions, in foreign territory, but with the potential for fun and games I can push... nearly miraculously).

I would love to make S. Man this year, but it's not possible.  Next year I hope to plan for it early and be there, even if none of my friends are there.  Though that is always hoped.  Camping without being completely alone and yet having some idea who might be there.  Open minded folk might not make for the best choosers of politics, but association with them can be easier up front in the short term.  Though, from what I am seeing, they aren't... there are changes in their arena as well.  Many are abandoning those who have ignored them just as many on my side are.

Hmm?  Oh, today.  Dishes that are ready, just a cycled hot rinse then drying.  A load of machine laundry, maybe wool socks by hand if that all comes together.  A field strip and clean of the bathroom.  Another shower, or bath.  Then all the remaining dishes.  And, if all that goes forward, perhaps I'll begin tearing down boxes in the computer room and kitchen, and actually wherever they might be.  In that process some things will be sorted, collected, then stored.  Tomorrow will be an off day, or just light work.  Then, if/when that all is done, I begin really working the kitchen.

I'm excited.  I really hope I can keep this tune playing for a while, get the cave in good enough shape that in a bit, I might be able to hire in some help to finish the detail cleaning, then begin having some professionals in to look at some plumbing issues, a new floor in the kitchen, and getting quotes for a new heater and air conditioning unit.  No, not all for the immediate, but maybe a year or two off, any of them.  I want plumbing fixed before all else, as it is problematic for anything else, or could be.  The kitchen floor would be next.  The cost of that would most likely depend on if the subflooring needs replaced or not.  Hey, I'd love to do it.  But... know your limits.  Finally, once that is done, I really ought to buy a new heater, while adding whole house AC.  It simply makes sense out here.  In the meantime, perhaps, on my own and probably with a little help from my friends on some of it, I could get the garage rewired and wired for heavy loads, then do the en suite bathroom.

I know, I know, I keep promising.  Sometimes I have reason to reconsider putting money in.  Sometimes I can't carry on.  My life gets messy in a hurry sometimes.  At this point, these are the plans.  Later.

Another little hobby.

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Since sudoku is not going to improve all that much I thought a new hobby might have to be undertaken.  I still hit 5 second solves in sudoku regularly enough that I know it's not a complete fluke.  Further, 7 seconds is my new second fastest time.  I get 7, 8, and 9 second solves often enough, beyond having hit 5 seconds at least five times, that...  Oh, I suppose, I might, somehow, hit 4 seconds.  Maybe, in some madness, even 3 seconds.  But, really, I think I am... mostly... at a limit with sudoku.  So?  So, rubik's cube.  Now, I am learning, a bit at a time.  I'm not in a race, yet.  Perhaps I won't be able to learn the rhymes to solving the thing, or I may.

As to the rest of my plans?  The dishes were cycled.  Those which were in a rinse, or where the washing was quick and easy, those have been dried and put up.  The rest were set aside for my shower, which I took.  They are, even so back in for a final effort.  Let them soak for a bit.  As well, dinner is cooking.  I already got it up to a boil, then turned it down to a simmer.  An hour more should do it.  While I did get the wash into the dryer, I haven't scared up a mess enough of clothes for a second wash.  I'll get to that before the night is through, I do believe.

Really, what I have left, is another load of laundry, pushed through to completion, drying the last of the dishes in soak, dinner and putting that up after I am done... oh, I need to remember to scrub and add a patch of red potatoes... the sauerkraut can be heated at the end, then, later, to scrub the bathroom... sweep, mop, pickup, rinse the floor, and perhaps hit the pot while I am at it.  Then, if I still have mojo, put in the last of the dishes which are free ranging my a.o.

Not bad.  I really wasn't sure if I was blowing smoke about my efforts.  Especially off medicine.  All good.  Now to game a bit, as things percolate their way to completion in their time and I recoup some of the energy cast off on my side of things.  Good good.  Later.

A start.

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A first load of laundry is going.  Simple cottons.  I don't have much in any category.  Still, I might be able to put a couple more loads together, and through, tonight.  If nothing, I will take laundry back and separate it for when I do have enough.  I reset dishes to a fresh soak, or rinse as the case demanded.  I set the alarm, after that.  When it goes off I will hit the dishes again.  Those in a soapy soak will be washed, the others will be dried and put up.  Then a shower.  After that, the dishes go back in for a fresh rinse, laundry will be rotated with a new load going in if there is enough, then back to gaming.  Hmm... might set dinner to cooking before I rest.

After that, a bit down.  Then dinner, and a bit more down.  Finally, perhaps, tending the dishes that were soaking.  As a last effort, cleaning the bathroom.  Though once that is clean, then I will set up the last of the 'wild' dishes, the ones remaining around the house.  Mostly all in the kitchen.  Still, it's wise to look here or there.  A fork might have been set aside, or even a glass from time to time.  You never know when dealing with an ogre.

If I get these things done, tomorrow I really hit the kitchen.  With the intent of completely cleaning and clearing it.  It's mostly empty boxes and packing material, with general clutter.  It, if I can get to it, and can stay with it, will take a couple of days to clear and clean down to something resembling a shine.  Then a day or two off, and then on to the computer room.  Yeah, I am going to really push to clean.  A couple of days in each room, a day off... two if needed, then back to another room.  If I finish, then a week break, while trying to maintain my gains, then back for finer detail work.  That's the idea anyway.

I am hoping to have my place cleaned well enough that I can have company visit without too much embarrassment.  A meal, here, where I have my favored pans and systems.  Well, and to cook, even for myself.  I really want to get back into cooking, do some baking, and not have to trip over too 'busy' of a kitchen.  We'll see.  Later.

Yes, I know the day.

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Not much I could do about it.  Sleep is very off, and strictly limited.  I AM pushing, for what it is worth.  I wake at about 20:00, then can't really do anything until about 22:00 or a bit later.  I am staying awake until 11:00 to noon, but those last four hours are pretty useless.  They merely mark a full day.  As I push those, in order to weave night into day, I suffer.  This time it is taking a great deal of effort to push days and night around.  It is taking longer.  I chalk that up to not being on any medicine.  Though, even on medicine, that can happen.  I have arranged to get out Wednesday.  So I am hoping to have things set up, or close enough, by then.  But it may be a week after that before I am back on days.  I just know, having a goal can help.  Especially with a ribeye tied to success.

I have been doing bits and pieces of this and that, workwise.  I hope to try to increase that.  A true push.  Tonight I hope to hit laundry, again, and in a major way; dishes, doing what is soaking, setting those aside, getting a shower, then doing what of those are still wanting and any other dishes I can find, cave wide; and, if that goes well, perhaps hit the bathroom hard tonight.  The tube/shower area is fine, it is the floor that needs hit, and the sink to a much more minor way.  The toilet itself, of course, could always use a bit of work.  I have found that doing just a bit, but often, with the toilet, is far better than hitting it really hard bur rarely.  Twice a week, three times maybe, just lightly... a bit of cleaner, a short soak and brush clean, then a final brushing out.  Very little elbow grease is needed this way.

Oh, and I might fix a corned beef roast through the night.  I have a small bag of red potatoes and plenty of sauerkraut.  I'll see if the sauerkraut is any good.  It's been in the frig the whole time, bottled up.  Not sure how long it really lasts.  Must be a year or two old though.  Always nervous about old food, even if it is supposed to 'last forever'.

Will I get to it all?  Who knows.  I have some doubt and some hope.  Both are good, for their own reasons, in the mortal plains.  If you know how to use them, they can help.  If you aren't watching them as if they were wild children, they may well trip you up.  It's not always a choice though.  Young ones are quick and we are only... well... human.  Or, that is how you would understand it!  Later.

With eating fish comes responsibility.

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What's that, again?  Oh, well, if you are going to eat fish, shrimp, or shellfish, or the like then you have to do some things.  First, buy as fresh as you can.  Better out some coin than out some coin and with bad fish.  A bit more for a bit less means care in use and a bit of humility in consumption.  If you aren't coastal, that is as good as it gets.  Still, I would like to do trout.  Even that is a bit of an expense to obtain, mind you.  I doubt if it is any cheaper, costs over price.  Though I think that taking a trip up, camping over several days, maybe a week, if care is given in foods and living arrangements, perhaps trout could be had at a better price, though time is money too... just less expensive for one such as myself than for most.

Okay, after freshness?  Ah, cleanliness.  I found this out quickly, last time.  If you cook fish or the like, you must clean up immediately.  Any waste needs to be tended, first in the kitchen, then out of the house.  Quickly.  Hie!  That stuff goes bad so fast your head will spin.  Cooking the food will put a bit of a stank in the dwelling, but that will pass.  Remnants will put a stink on the place that lives like a curse, one which can only be lifted first by removing the source, then allowing enough air in, then back out, to carry it off.  Clean, immediately.  Trash out, pots, pans, utensils, in a soak at least.  Any fluids best to flush, as if put in the trash I swear it always finds a way out of the "waterproof" trash bags.  Always.  Even this time.  Which means I double bagged (initially out of an abundance of caution, which happened to be right), and after I have hit the dishes once I will rinse out the trash container.  Bleh.

Love fish and etc.  Do not like the immediacy of cleanliness.  Still, gotta do that if I want to eat good food.  Once a week.  I can handle the expense and work.  Though, usually, with just fish, the hassle is much less.  Shrimp, lobster, even probably oysters, and the work load doubles and more.  Still, worth it.  Sacrifice for sacrifice?  Yeah.  The shrimp was fantastic though.  And I made clarified butter, enough for a bit, or ghee as some call it.  Mostly the same thing, good for lots of things, lasts well if prepped then put in the refrigerator.

Now for a settling gallon of tea, with lemon.  Later.

I did get out.

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Yesterday, anyway.  Shopping here and there, butter, ice, milk, the regulars.  Plus the bread I had my friend pick up, and treats.  It wasn't fancy.  Then a meal and some time visiting.  My friend has as much trouble with paperwork as I always have.  Thankfully, mostly, my time with paperwork is over.  There comes a time, from time to time.  I wish I could help him, but I can't honestly help myself on that issue.

Before heading back home, I suggested we arrange for something in the future.  I may have to push, but that is sometimes what it takes.  A trip somewhere west of a nearby city, just over the pass.  Then a meal at my favorite steak house after.  He isn't in to steak.  They should have something he might like.  I need a well made steak.  I haven't had a treat like it in a while.  The steaks I have bought have been sub par for some time now.  I really should try at the real butcher shops, but those are so out of the way, and might be a bit too expensive as well.

I continue to work with the pan I seasoned.  It'll take time, but it is much improved compared to when it was ripe from the manufacturer.  Tonight I cut two different types of potatoes into two different shapes each.  Mostly playing, but with an eye on learning.  The jury is still out.  And my process wasn't the best.  It was entertaining and informative, up to a point.  Science, even the science of cooking, isn't a one shot deal.  Time, effort, product, other expendables, plenty of success and mistakes, all go into turning out the best.  Though there is more to it.  Science, more surely than any wish to admit, is an art.  And most people, no matter how well trained, are not artists.  I don't even claim such, if I do claim to have an eye for art, some forms of it... mostly human art, or the art of humanity?  In any case, beyond the fun and games and perhaps art, was the added seasoning of the pan.

Oh, as well, I used peanut oil tonight.  I do believe I will filter that and put it into a jar.  Next time I will be using tallow.  Tallow is a solid at room temp.  Now, for me, I am hoping to work up an oil blend I enjoy for potatoes.  Fries, chips, any form really.  A mix of peanut, tallow, and maybe a touch of lard, to add a meaty taste.  So, for now, I am thinking, as I use various oils, I will blend them as I go.  Oils actually last a while for cooking, if you don't burn them beyond their ability to be used again.  Most people don't know that, and waste.  Through, true enough, fussing with oil between cooking is a delicate and messy matter.  There is that.

Hmm, off to... something or other.  Good day... night... whatever it is you are facing.

She comes.

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The Rishi, remember, sent a snake.  It was unsuccessful.  further, it was wrapped around the neck, as an adornment.  The serpent was not the same as in Christian lore, but of another.  Mind you, there are parallels.  Even though unsuccessful, sometimes the venom, while not fatal, has to be endured.  And in it times to come and gone are seen, and the ways of things are become known.

Working through things.

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A bit of laundry tonight.  Just the towels.  I had them all, all that had been used.  However there is something odd.  My towels, from time to time, seem to go rancid.  Is that even possible?  It smells as if oil, or something, got in them.  If I left the drawer open, and one of the girls, on a bad day, got in there and nested... or some such.  But that doesn't happen.  Could it be that the washing machine isn't removing soap properly, and that is what is going bad?  All I know is, I took extra precautions with this load, checked them after washing and drying, and then cleaned the drawer out before putting them away.  No, I really do try.  I just can't keep up on everything that can go wrong.  I keep checking with those who can smell, to make sure I don't smell off.  Seems to be okay.  And my nose is sensitive to things, like the off putting scent of the towels.  And usually I know there is something a bit off, or could be, here in the cave.  I thawed fish recently, but forgot to get that cooked or in the refrigerator in a timely fashion.  I knew that was... leaving a mark, on the nose.  Even when it was taken out, that lingers.

Never mind.  I did attempt egg fried rice.  I am either not doing something right or I don't like egg fried rice.  Perhaps brown rice just won't work for that dish, or I would have to accept it as less.  I have had egg fried rice, of various sorts, that I thought I liked.  And other dishes that taste like what I did produce.  Perhaps it's a mood thing, or as I suggested, the wrong technique(s) or basic building blocks.  The pan is great.  It is a wok, really, in the shape of a skillet.  There are some limits and some advantages to the skillet form.  Oh, and I looked up a bit on the wok/skillet of this sort.  I think it will do me well.  And, maybe, someday, or for outside cooking in the warmer months from time to time, with the open flame propane system, I might get a wok and figure that out.  I just don't want it for the flattop, or even without flame, really.  Oh, here is a video regarding these sorts of things, and cooking with them.  They aren't exactly alike, but close enough.

Oh, I should have called my friend last night, to remind him to shop for bread.  Well, and to also ask him to pick up some pastries.  It's not like I eat those daily, weekly, even monthly really.  A couple of sweet rolls every other month is... reasonable.  Ah well, I may find some other treat.  Or I could try to stay awake long enough to call him yet this morning.  We'll see.

Bits and pieces of other things have been happening.  I can't quite work at any speed or with any focus.  Medicines make a huge difference, or do when they do.  Off them and I am a flounder, out of the water.  I'll keep making jabs at this and that.  Shopping this evening, then perhaps more laundry.  I might finish off what of the dishes I have in the rinse now.  Bleh.

Good night.

Seasoning is not just for food.

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The pan actually worked quite well.  I didn't do egg fried rice, just a couple of fried eggs.  I was curious, dinner had just arrived and been eaten, so I went with a smaller portion.  I will, probably, do egg fried rice in an hour or two.  No problem with sticking.  I hope, however, that over time the seasoning improves.  For a first real shot at it, a beginning, the pan does well.  Searing meats and other cooking, even eggs, will go forward.  Sure, the non-stick pan is good for that.  I just don't... like... trust... non-stick, the modern stuff.  I have been looking for a way around that.  To be honest, cast iron, unless used daily, washed carefully (and it is messier), and such, simply won't work.  Even then I have some doubts.  Traditional, sure.  But I think it was simply the best they had, not the best we have now.  For non-stick without the chemicals, today, high carbon is probably the best.  I do suspect that it, too, will be messy to work with, and finicky, but better than cast.

I may go ahead and season the remaining pan tonight.  As well, maybe do some laundry.  Towels for sure.  Though more is needed.  I have a few dishes I might knock out, or not.  And of course egg fried rice.  I'm not sure I have any meat to add with that.  No real problem though.  Hmm, best check to see if I need to make more rice though.  I don't have oyster or fish sauce, though perhaps a dab of soy and worcestershire sauce will work.  No veggies on hand, either... Or, maybe?  I'll check the larder.  Peas in there wouldn't be bad.

Later.

The pan and life.

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I actually crashed while the pan was cooling.  I ran it as hot as my oven would go for two hours.  Then I was supposed to let it cool in the oven.  After I turned off the oven I had to go to bed.  I really wanted to look, but I didn't want to risk a chance.  When I woke, my head wasn't quite on straight.  I knew there was something or other.  I think the girls woke me.  When a delivery man arrives, they can get into a panic, begin chasing around and knocking into things.  Today they knocked over an empty kitchen sized trash can.  Nothing in it, as mentioned, still it made a bit of noise.  I think that is what woke me.  After I saw what had happened I checked the door.  The pants from Duluth Trader are in.  I haven't tried them for size yet.  I sure hope these fit, as there isn't a tweener size, and these would be too small if anything, the others were really too big.  Perhaps they were made on a pattern for jeans, but the material doesn't shrink when washed?  Dunno.  Love the pants, if they fit.

Ah, right.  Like I mentioned, my head was not on my shoulders right, first thing.  Between being half awakened by cat malfeasance, then with that drawing me to something else, and that all leading my mind in a whole other direction on a number of topics, I forgot about the pan.  But not for long.  Oh, the bladder was reminding me of something.  Go, go, go.  It would not shut up until I took it for a walk.  A pleasure, of course, but a nag is a nag.  Finally, head and bladder cleared, thought processes back to nil, a moment of quiet, and... I about jumped to go check on the pan.

It looks good.  The bottom inside of the pan might be a little tacky.  Though I wondered.  Even though I heated the pan and the tallow on it on the stovetop first, then wiped it as clear and clean as I could, I suspected there would be some puddling in the basin.  Hmm... when I do the other pan, I will probably put foil on the rack below and turn the pan upside down.  That'll fix that.  Still, all in all, it has a good look to it.  Before long I will be testing it on some egg concoction.  Actually, probably far on into the night, for lunch or dinner.  If all is well, I may begin with the other pan.  Yep, this is how it is done.  I hope.  Actually, I am thinking egg fried rice.  I'll need to make more rice if I am out, but that is no problem.

Today?  I don't know.  Mostly just killing time as I shift my days and nights.  I have plans for tomorrow, but that didn't make sense for today, since bread isn't available.  I do look over things financial, from time to time.  I recently used my credit card.  Then started paying it down.  However, I wanted it paid off quicker, so triple timed it.  Which means I have two months on that and then I will probably add to my house payment even more.  Oh, and I seem to have home depot on my pay list but have no debt to them.  I need to figure out which bank has them on auto and turn that off.  I should probably check bills, I think or or two always goes off the rails from time to time.  Best check things again... next time each bill comes in.  Putting the collection somewhere I will remember.  Bleh.

Not bad for a mostly dead guy, really.  Especially one off all medicines.  Though it is much easier to muddle through knowing that there is a path to a bit more function, or at least form.  I might not be able to reach it now, or ever, but I do know what the problem is and how to solve some of it.  Thus I can endure without... losing my grip completely.  Healer, heal thyself.  Later.

Blackening a pan.

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Yeah, it's how you do it.  High carbon steel pans can be made non-stick.  You season them.  There are a number of ways.  One of them is done on the stovetop.  I've been working on it for two of my 'days'.  I may have a problem.  The examples I viewed used a gas stove.  Which is great, except I have a flattop stove.  I can't seem to get the heat to go up the sides.  It looks like I may need to use the oven method.  I don't think what I have done, so far, is a problem.  It might end up shortening the oven process.  Or not.  It takes a goodly amount of time and effort to do it on the stove.  The oven is, from what I have gathered, quicker.  Being spring, and still cool, the oven won't be a problem.  If it works well, or even not, I should get the process down.  I have two pans to do, only one in the works at the moment.

I have been watching cooking videos.  There are a number of things I would really like to hit.  Among them, the five mother sauces, then secondary sauces to those.  I'm telling you, if you can make a good sauce and know how to soften shoe leather enough to chew you can get away with much.  Besides sauces, I would like to begin attempting stocks.  Those are required for secondary sauces anyway.  For these things, I need a number of items.  Among them, some well seasoned pans.  Cast iron pans are good, I just thought these pans would be interesting to try.  I was hoping they would be lighter and easier to season and keep seasoned.  Scratch both of those notions, but no problem.  Since I have them already, I might as well fit them into my systems.

Beside those foods, I really want to begin messing with crepes and pancakes.  What the neighbor lady served blew me away.  I don't think I can do that well, but I wouldn't mind trying.  These skillets might work with these, though the non-stick is probably better for crepes.  Crepes don't have be a treat, either.  I've seen mushroom filled, and others.  I could see them, made with a spice blend, turned into a really nice European tortilla, really.

Which all reminds me.  I still haven't ordered the hand crank grain mill.  I've done a lot.  I've stored more, here and there.  I've advanced in many ways.  I simply keep forgetting that.  I have great doubts if that will be used often, if at all.  It is merely an emergency item.  Though I would like to set it up and give it a whirl, at least a few times.  Who knows, it might just stay in place somewhere.  After the beef, after restoring savings a bit too.  It's back on the short list.  I may be ordering hard white wheat this next month.  A bucket to replace the one I will be opening.  Yeah, I have those special lids, to keep the grains as fresh as possible after opening.  It's a funny world.  Need this to do that, so this and that can go forward, but only if that and those are on hand.  It gets... tricky.

Later.

Uhrm. Hmm?

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Oh right, of course.  Time is slipping.  No major fuss.  As I attempt to get my days and nights to swing around to their right places while weather fiddles and temps increase, I realize that spring is always a bit of a challenge.  No need to hold my breath, push, or pull.  Best to let things happen at their pace, making small adjustments where and when possible.  Best not to become too fussy.  That never works.  Frustration is just that.  Oh, and I am not on medication, so there is that too.  I may call about the doctor appointment tomorrow... if I can be awake late enough.  I know I won't wake early enough in the afternoon.

I meant to call my friend.  I missed events Sunday, and didn't call.  I was ambushed into the twilight and not in line with keeping up on things Sunday.  Often the case, yet doubly so that day.  A call, I thought, sometime soon.  I was hoping he might make it to Crumb Brothers for a couple loaves of bread.  Yeah, worth it.  I don't eat bread often, but when I do...  As it turns out, he called me.  Good thing, I probably would have forgotten again.

I let him know that I have become a vampire again, or back on the night schedule at least.  I told him I was hoping to go in to town tomorrow.  Not until late, as my schedule is unscheduled... for day business.  I let him know what I wanted, and asked if he could pick up some bread.  He has been meaning to get there himself.  Though he didn't think it was open Monday and Tuesday.  After a bit of checking, nope.  So I rescheduled for a Wednesday night run to town, sometime later.  Oh, beside bread, it would be good to have a few pastries.  I'll call tomorrow, see if that would be doable.  Just a couple.  Weekly treat.

I was speaking with the neighbor tonight.  He asked what I thought of the pancakes from the other day.  I let him know to let the Mrs. know that those where the best pancakes I have ever eaten.  Seriously?  Seriously.  I was right.  At least a portion of the flour was home milled.  And, I agree with adding half white to the mix, or it is just too heavy.  Finally, now I know I like some things I used to believe were inedible.  Honey... just have to buy the real, raw, local stuff.  Maple syrup, if you can't buy local buy good.  It'll cost, just use less.  And pancakes, just have to use the right flour and mix of it really.  Still, making those is a bit of an art.  I really need to get going on grinding my own flower.  I have the machine, and flour.  I just want a replacement bucket of wheat so as to cycle through.  Easy enough, might even order a bucket tonight, come to think of it.  Or at the first, depending on finances.

Later.

Just to contrast with recent music.

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Contrast?  Enhance?  I can't quite get the word.  Hmm... paraphrase isn't it, as it's a quote used twice.  At the end of this song, the beginning of the other.  Never mind.  Too tired, too long awake, to early, to late, and all that jazz.  Still, here it is.  I knew there was something... connecting this to that song.

Wyoming.

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True enough.  Headed out today without a clue.  Honey, maybe shopping, a hike, and a meal... probably.  Late, of course, was the hour.  I was going as fast as I could which wasn't.  I should have taken a jacket.  Still chilly, especially when the sun sets.

The honey plant was the first stop.  I picked up two kinds... the multi-state clover honey and the mountain honey.  A premium on the later.  Easy to know why.  I plan on getting a couple of quarts more of the mountain honey, just to keep in the pantry, and use slowly through time.  I can't eat a lot of honey.  But I do need some sweets.  As I was saying when buying, until I found real honey, I thought I didn't even like honey at all.  A lot of the store bought stuff is... well... it almost might as well have been manufactured.  Same with maple syrup.  Life is a bit better with more local items, if too that isn't always possible or even always best.  It's a sound principal, if not truly survivable, not for me.  Do my best.

After that, a trip into the mountains.  A hike along the way.  A bit more travel, further on, and then to the border with Wyoming.  It's been years since I was through there.  Born but not raised there.  My friend, too, was born there.  Like me, he was a traveler.  And yet he has family there, as I do in Iowa and Colorado.  Quite a thing.

On the way we notice deer.  Lots of deer.  Lots and lots and lots of deer.  All along the last forty miles of highway.  Two larger herds, plus smatterings of singles and small groups.  Shortly before seeing the second larger herd, we spotted a hefty band of antelope.  I haven't seen wild antelope since I was a kid.  On the way back we then spotted a badger.  Quite an interesting drive.  Thankfully we weren't, mostly, on blind curves in odd places.  The two I remember seeing there, the deer did not seem interested in testing their mettle.  A hawk and raven were seen as well.  All in all it was a very good day to get out, and what was done while out was well worth the effort.  My friend had to push, a bit, to get me going.  And he himself wasn't sure he was ready.  As I said, once the foot is out the door, the opportunity begins making itself.

Hope to get out again, and this Sunday.  I'll try to be more timely, but my schedule is just... it's one way and in the wrong way.  I'll do my best.  Dang it, I think I can.  When life is going this well it's worth pushing a bit more.  This time birding, to my west I believe, and perhaps to the south a bit too, but in the valley.  If time and light hold, travel might take us further afield if necessary.  I need to find my bino's and get my camera ready.  Adventure awaits the... unwary?  That notion puts a grin on my face.

Oh, a tuna steak and rice for dinner.  I forgot to shop, so no lemon.  Not always needed, just a nice extra touch.  And for tea.  Ah well.

Later, perhaps good night.

It's on.

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My friend called.  Twice... twice before I woke.  Then again which did wake me.  But... I wasn't awake.  :p  I called him back about an hour later.  I think?  I thought he was going to call back, but might have... gotten lost in his world or we had a misunderstanding.  No real worries, just as it goes.  Two hours, I suggested, then napped for an half hour more, meaning to sleep a full hour more.  Woke and am coming to life a bit early.

A blog post, some music, a shower, then in to town.  A stop at the honey plant, maybe, then a short hike somewhere, perhaps.  Just getting out.  Late, but it'll do.  A meal somewhere, too.  A small one.  I have fish for tonight.  I need to get lemons from the store.  Now, what I don't use on fish I can add to tea from time to time.  I've become downright British, and then some, as to tea.  It's easier than coffee, can more easily be consumed hot or cold, and can be brewed several times (one load of leaves).  Second and third brewings are actually better, milder, not so acidic.  At some point it becomes more like slightly colored, brown or yellow/green, water.  But that isn't bad.  Plus, having been filtered, then essentially distilled, it's good water.  Now you know I see why people went to tea and coffee... that, too, will truly clean water (of much/some).

Want to go?  Well, yes!  And, no.  But this is why it is good to have friends.  I need to get out.  Might well not on my own.  And I do like getting out.  It's good.  At least once the foot is out the door.

Ah, on to just a touch of music, to rouse the bod.  Later.

Right.

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Ducks.  I was a bit nervous that the ones I prefer might be gone quickly.  They are seasonal.  It is past season and clocking fast.  Plenty on hand can go quickly.  Still, had to check my finances.  I thought my bank had sent an email suggesting my account was low, my main account.  Not good.  I thought they did that when it was sub $100, or even $50.  Nope.  Not a problem at all, from what I could see.  A little low, but... that was sort of expected with recent events.  After looking over both accounts, I believed I could order the birds.  I won't be ordering fish for several months, the ducks are eaten quarterly so won't be a soon expense, I am caught up on the house or that is on-tap, and I have enough, this month, to almost buy the cow and processing.  Still, I should hold off, for sure, next month.  I like having a good safety egg in there.  I'd like to, eventually, get to a small nest egg in the $10's of k's, but...

Anyway... ducks are, or will be, on the way.  Beef is coming in.  Then a hog, after the beef.  I'll probably need to order more fish the month after the beef arrives.  Just for Fridays, mostly.  It's nice to try, whatever, in it's freshest state of course.  I may not be homesteading, but I am learning to manage a larder.  I am hoping to get some of the beef cut so as to make jerky.  Bits and pieces of this and that.  I may never really get into canning, but I can and am doing some things.  It really isn't bad.

Oh, the other day I was lamenting not being able to get out and being out of butter.  I took half a pound to my friends, for the shrimp cook.  Wasn't needed, but forgot it.  Anyway, back to lamenting the fact of having no butter...  I remembered, then, that I had purchased canned butter.  I wasn't sure how good that would be.  It probably had to be better than nothing.  So I dug in, found and opened a can, and used it in several ways.  I used it with fish, I used it with popcorn, and I used it to make a butter pan sauce with a steak.  It smells really good.  To be honest, the taste was simply mild.  It wasn't too salty, or weird tasting at all.  I was... really trying to find a way to hate or dislike it.  Why?  To get over it if it was a failure of a purchase.  At this point, I happily recommend it.  It's Red Feather brand, from Australia.  I wouldn't recommend it for daily daily, simply too expensive.  And fresh butter cannot be beat if available.  However, having a can or dozen on hand, for any problem, would not be bad.  As I suggested, I prep as much for times where health doesn't allow a visit to the store as for emergencies of larger scales.

Oh, right.  The neighbors brought pancakes yesterday.  Not a usual dinner night, but it was sure welcome.  And those were some of the best pancakes I have ever eaten.  The canned butter did quite well on that, too.  Lucky, if I just remember to make myself so?  Half and half, and not what some put on their peaches.  :p

Later.

Play nice?

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Actually, yes, usually.  Not advice, though it is on offer.  When something is a problem, start out nice.  Only if it gets sticky should you begin with applying force.  Further, targeted, limited, force is best.  Just enough to get the bolt to loosen, then back to simple efforts.  Force is too rich, expensive I mean, to spend anywhere and everywhere.  I have learned this myself, for myself, especially as health fell.

A call to check on the return of the pants I had ordered, then returned.  The colors I wanted were gone, they had been the only ones of those on sale.  I knew there might be an issue with a higher price.  I did not demand an equal price, or cause any fuss.  I let her run her program and do her things.  I could barely hear her, though I let that pass.  In time she even let me know why.  Travel, getting back from vacation, and first day back after R&R.  After all was set, I asked if the price would be the same.  Nope, but she looked a bit.  Then asked about the price.  I didn't have the info, but she found it and... reset it all to my initial price, though with a bit for the shipping label.  Done deal.

Next I called about the ducks I ordered.  For whatever reason, they didn't get the order.  Odd, but okay.  I don't want to buy this month, but next.  Their stock seems good.  I am hoping they hold until I can order.  All good, now I know.  Those things have been bugging me, like fleas, for some time.  Now I know.  The world can move so fast this time, and so slowly that.

I am going to make another attempt to call about getting a local doc.  Third time the charm?  Wouldn't bet on it.  That system, along with the whole of the V.A., is meant to time people out to death.  A third, from what I am hearing, of applicants die before their cases are even reviewed.  It isn't from lack of money, they always get even more than they ask to receive.  Then again, perhaps that is why.  Fill the union coffers and they make sure to keep costs down, one way or the other.  Business.

Later.

Some success.

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Sleep is rolling day into night, again.  It grew overcast, then snowed, the last few days.  The snow is gone.  It is still dark, again.  Cold too.  That ruffles feathers regarding sleep regularity.

I did not make the call I was hoping to make.  I was not awake enough to attempt it.  Later on I called my mother.  She sounded rather chipper.  We did have a good talk.  Last week she was ill.  I told her to call me in that situation.  If nothing else, I can pray.  Yeah, it helps.  I then called my friend.  Just to check on him, mostly.  As well, I am hoping to get out Friday.  Weather is supposed to break by then.  He knows where to get good local honey.  I would like to get a quart or two and a pint.  They offer several types of honey, valley stuff, a mix of various states' clover honey, and mountain honey.  The valley stuff isn't quite as tasty, or so I hear.  If you have allergies, however, the valley honey offers a type of antidote to that through the processing of local pollen and such.  Or so the tale goes.  My friend is pretty sure it is helping him.  My deal is that I don't suffer from allergies, not even ones which used to be severe.  A wasp sting a year or two ago didn't even give me a minor fit.  He knows where to get it.  Plus, throw in a hike perhaps.  If weather continues to improve, perhaps another hike Sunday.  Yes, I am trying to figure things out.  I can't seem to hit appointments, or exact time windows, but I can, if time is flexible, make it somewhere, eventually.

I have been working on keeping a bit of food in my belly.  I am showering.  I have done minor house cleaning, if not quite enough to keep up really.  Still, slowing the slide has it's benefits.  If I can figure out how to get going I might... never mind.  I'll keep at it.  Just not a housekeeper.  I might hit the bathroom, soon.  The floor, really.  I keep the lou in pretty good shape, and the shower/tub.  And my new trick will help me keep up the rest easier as well.  Yeah, it's worth problem solving.  The thing is, sometimes, even when it is right in front of me, I don't always see there is a problem to solve.  Everyone has that problem though.

Dinner and a nap?  Maybe popcorn, a movie, then a nap?  Something like that.  I am crashing, at an odd time.  Though if I can use that to swing my days around, all the better.  Later.  Or, maybe, good night.  Hmm... perhaps with something to ponder, something(s) coming up, I can focus?  That will guide me to...  Nah.  I think the sudden onset of sleepiness is some sort of major or minor weather change seeping in.  Yeah, later or good night.

No, not yet.

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No, she said.  A whisper to a sense other than the ears.  Heard, well, though.  I knew what she meant.  I could not comfort her.  I will here.  I think it will find it's way to her.  No, I agree, not yet.  Not by far.  Only a place I visit on the border between here and there, from time to time.  Much as when family visit their kin, where they are buried.  Only, it is myself, of other times, with whom I tarry.  No worries.  I am... well built.

Dark. Hope too.

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Buried in life, flesh, time.  No pain, at the moment.  Forms of chaos, lost in a confusion of moments.  I've had worse, and it might yet be mended.  There is a way.

I don't I can't be sure.

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Off medication.  I remember what I couldn't remember on medication.  The life I lived for so long is back.

Up, down, off, on.

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I can't seem to get going, rest, get things done.  What happens happens.  It has little to do with will.  Luck, mostly.  My blog readings are odd.  First, for three days, I get many readers, or pageviews anyway.  Only some of that shows up, or seems to show up.  I mean, what is being viewed...  I have 6,000 plus posts.  The viewers seemed to favor certain ones, which changed over time.  But I never did get a good grip on what, if anything, they were seeking.  Other things didn't make sense about that.  The last few days have been odd in a new way.  Now I am, by the stats, getting four times as many visitors and pageviews.  Possible, just odd.  Something to consider.

Medicine?  Yeah... until I can figure out how to get regular resupplies of everything I'm not taking anything.  And... that is a bit of a problem.  I suspect that is why life is hit or miss.  I meant to call all week but keep losing... track... nerve... maybe a mix of things.  I won't keep going on medicine only to find out they won't resupply and I have to cut again.  From what I have seen, half doses don't do anything.  They don't help with bp or blood sugars.  Insulin is being sent, but that is the last of the supply until the V.A. decides to put me on a program for local doctors, who may then send scripts in, assuming the doctor will accept the program.  But I can't make the V.A. do it's job.  It was supposed to be done.  That is the call I haven't made.  Tomorrow, maybe.  Not a lot of confidence.  This was supposed to have been done.  They said they were doing it.  Nothing.  Again.

I'm thawing one of the tuna steaks for tomorrow.  Actually I ought to thaw two.  I'll try to thaw them in the fridge, though, if that doesn't work, I'll have to water bath thaw them tomorrow.  One will be for dinner.  The other I will cook, then tear into bits for a true tuna salad dressing.  Hmm...  I'll just thaw one.  I'll do the other the next time I'm pretty sure I'll be in town.  Tuna salad is only good on bread or a salad.  In my opinion, mind you.

Later.

Oh, right.

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I've been here, looking at things, and living, of course, the last few days.  But something happened that made me nervous.  Just a bit.  I've had over 10k hits in the last three days.  I am sure, to some bloggers, that means nothing.  Typical.  That is over 10% of the views, sum total, since I started this blog, the first post being January 20, 2007.  At first I thought it must be a connection gone haywire.  Some sort of attempt to read here that created echoes, or more... artificial independent page hits.  How would that happen?  How does lightning strike, how is a baby really conceived and born, how hot is it really on the surface of a given sun?  I don't know.  It wasn't that though, unless it is happening on many systems and browsers.  I doubt if I saw them all, but I saw at least a dozen of each of those, split evenly among the more common ones, with many from less common such as unix and using browsers I truly don't know... one even referring to the browser as "UNTRUSTED", if there were only 4 from that browser.  It only showed for a bit then disappeared.  But 10,000 page visits?  That's crazy, baby.

Oh, as to life.  The fish I ordered arrived.  All I can say, at this point, for sure, is that it looked, smelled, and felt, very good.  If you have been raised on fish, you learn to know the feel.  Any give in the flesh, any of that 'special' fish scent as it heads into poison, slime anywhere... then you do not eat it.  It is even more suspicious, in my eyes, than chicken.  Pork isn't as suspicious, if it is well done.  Only shellfish are more suspicious than fish.  Still, what I got seems to be absolutely tops.  I had to do the work of portioning and refreezing, actually cutting steaks from the tuna.  The shrimp came in two packages which will do.  One went right into the freezer.  I washed my hands before touching any of it, after unwrapping each package... which were unpackaged and process individually, then I washed my hands thoroughly between packages, and heavily washed again when done.  I really don't treat fish lightly.

As it turns out, my friend was not feeling the best, not up to cooking.  He wanted to get out though, shopping and an easier meal.  His treat.  At least I got out.  Tonight, shrimp and the rest.

Cloudy and dark lately.  Spring isn't quite here, if you go strictly by temps... or more it's spring but a hard, cold, one?  I keep trying to call it spring and it keeps resisting the title.  Still, it's nice, to my mind.  Dark but good.  The darkness is what kicks me back a step.  Cooler temps are fine.  When it's usually above freezing, and by twenty points or more, I'm easily fine.  But when it's dark, I hit the dirt and have to push to rise.  Good exercise!?!  Bah!  Later.

Days back to days?

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I never can tell if what seems to be happening is what is happening.  I am awake and it is nearly 19:00.  My days and nights could flip at a moments notice.  It's is a treacherous world, more than for most, in which I attempt to gain purchases or advantage, or even mild contracts of will.  Still, every time I can bring myself to focus to remember, I go that way.  It might be the way of pain.  It is the only way I know.  Screw the notion of it being bracing, or a challenge, or such.  It is, sometimes, simply a duty to which I have sworn myself.  I won't complain.  I have seen what happens when folk surrender.  I'll keep at it.  Even if I don't, can't, always know what the score is, or even what the game, or rules, or anything is.

I did complete the rice, and put it up.  The eggs where peeled and put up.  And the beans have been soaking for a goodly bit.  I may actually reset those to a fresh soak.  I ought to pull some hamburger from the freezer as well.  Hamburger is lambasted as poor man's food, but only in these times of luxury can we say that.  Take away electricity and you will see how valuable it is.  A luxury item, at one time, now a basic food item.  I may or may not do a pot of lentils tomorrow.  Those do well with the others and on their own.

I called my friend and let him know that, when the seafood arrives, if he does the other parts I would bring some buy to share out.  It is better to share, by far.  As I've told my friend, I have been well gifted by many, even the many.  I won't say I deserve it, only that when I have needed I have had what I needed, and sometimes what I wanted.  I am merely a student in the area, practicing what I was taught.  I remember my mother, today, suggesting her mother had taught her much.  She was talking about cooking, specifically.  Though I know more was taught.  And it's funny, as I was thinking, several times lately, of how much she has taught me.  More along the lines I am writing here, though cooking too.  I forgot to tell her.  I will.  She should know she is appreciated while I can tell her.

Tired, but not too tired.  Yesterday was quite good.  I won't be doing much tomorrow.  A bit of cleaning, cooking the beans, maybe some other cooking, and a shower.  Monday I might try to get out again.  Just a trip to the sand pit for some plinking.  A box of .45's, maybe a box of 9 mm.  I'd love to get the .22s out, but I just haven't reached the number of reserves I feel comfortable with, so as to shoot more.  Perhaps another few thousand?  I ought to check my reserves.  To be honest, if it all goes downhill and fast, .22 is the round I expect to be using the most.  At least over the long haul.  Assuming survival.  But when haven't I been so "lucky"?

Forgive if I am a bit forgetful.  I know there was something I was supposed to do here on the blog.  Well, and several things I meant to do in the cave too.  I'll keep at it.  Eventually I will be less far behind.

Good night.

Spring is so temperamental.

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Being temperamental isn't all bad.  Adds variety.  The high today, so far, has only been 40.  Or, from what I have seen.  That number is dropping.  It has been cloudy and is beginning to sprinkle, perhaps more a light rain given that everything is actually wet.  It was good that I got out yesterday.  I suppose I can handle cold and rain, but only just so much.  While I do well in winter, rain with that sort of cool can be a bit harsh.  Still, it is a good day, if nothing else to enjoy the indoors.  If I heal even more, I suspect days like today, at least on my own, will be doable.

I called my mother.  They were supposed to have a good day.  It is ending up more like what my weather is like.  Spring has, mostly, sprung for her as well.  It's just that spring is as I described.  She sounded good, even cheery.

I hope to begin getting things sorted.  As I may have mentioned, the beef won't be ready until May.  As I have tended all other money issues, and am doing just fine, I ordered ducks and fish.  Not daily items, too expensive.  Yet definitely not from China.  Don't tell me fish that are packaged from china were caught in US waters.  Just don't.  They wouldn't send them all that way, then back.  And, even if they did for some reason, who knows how much Chinese fishery fish would have been added in.  Trust me, you don't want to go there.  You can order fish from US fisheries, and fresh frozen or even fresh.  It will just cost.  I would like to go to fish, or more meatless in the traditional sense, Fridays.  It's not a requirement anymore.  Still, I like the reasons surrounding the notion.  Since I can't always get out and celebrate the Mass and all, I can still attempt to do what is more right and traditional here at home.

I'd like to work on a few more things.  Finish the dishes, clean the bathroom, begin more in depth on the kitchen... if it doesn't look like I have started, I have.  You just had to compare and contrast the present with the near past.  Better, if slightly, though much more needs to be done.  Oh, and to begin tearing down boxes while I am at it.  Those could go in Monday, maybe.  I am sort of stuck in my gaming.  The addition content for Dark Souls 2...  I've completed some of the bosses, others just have me hung up.  I have finished all of the bosses and content in the original game.  I'm trying to finish the add content first, before trying the game at game plus level, or more.  Bleh.  I may just leave it though, move on to the next game.  I am pretty sure the game just requires your character to die enough before allowing you to win.  Yeah, I think it is rigged.

Later.

Oh, I am back to doing this and that with food.  A dozen and an half eggs boiled.  They are cooling and about to be peeled.  As well, a couple of cups of rice have been set to cook.  I may do a batch of beans while I am at it.  Next month I will order a medium term supply of quinoa.  Sometime this summer I will order another batch, and see how long it stores.  I didn't like the Idaho seed, I never was able to get it to cook right.  Either it is much pickier, or just a lot different than any other type of quinoa I have tried.  I really wanted to make it work, it was a good deal less expensive.  Oh well.

There were times, there are notions, if no more.

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Most never set out to be what they become.  Most do not know what they are.  One can become trapped by one's nature.  Then one must do what is required.  If want, or even need, exists beyond what can be obtained freely, deals must be brokered.  I have sold almost everything I have, at one point or another.  To a woman, to the crowd, to the state.  These things are done, but remembered.  Lessons were learned.  Freedom?  I realized that is a choice, not a time, allowance, something that can be bought bartered or given.  Just... thinking.

A bit of a day yesterday.

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The package I needed to return was ready, so it went.  A number of items I meant to send along to my friend finally were bundled and taken as well.  Odd how such things work out.  His little nonstick frypan had stopped doing it's function, so the one I offered was welcome.  He asked if it was functionally nonstick.  I assured him it was.  Had to laugh, even if it was a fair question.  While the old saying suggests to not look into the mouth of a gift horse, I have always denied the saying as folly.  I grant that it is wise to do exactly so.  I honestly think either the saying was messed up in time, or the twist of humor it was spoken together with was lost.  Especially if it was based on Troy, the destruction of which came about from not looking into the mouth of a gift horse, or thereabouts if not exactly.

On to town.  I thought I'd be heading in and arriving by 11:00.  As is I was an hour late.  Sometimes I get a bit lost in the hereafter.  I go to do something, forget what I was here after, then go on to something else I forget.  Or remember, but too many hereafters!  I'm not a draft dodger, coach, I'm just not always able to focus on what I am doing and the world is a big target in summation.  Get there, however, I did.  After a bit of talk, a meal.  I keep having the spicy italian omelet, or something like that.  With rye toast.  I just found out they make sourdough.  So, next time, I told my friend I might have sourdough toast!  Not yesterday though, I need to be prepared for change.  :p  Yeah, I might become predictable at times, fall into a rut of long standing order.  Or I might just get up and walk into the future, or past.  You never know with my kind.  Don't necessarily believe, just don't disbelieve.  Let it be.

Then on up into the mountains.  A trip to see about finding a small hike.  The path, on the far side, is still rather snowy and icy, along the river.  This side, however, had a place for a minor walk.  And the day was as perfect as a spring day gets.  It was in the mid 50's to low 60's.  The sun was shining but not blazing.  There was just a touch of river breeze, as I would call it.  Maybe not of the river, but following it.  Light enough not to leave a mark or require a jacket.  A slow pace and a thousand yards, perhaps.  A good start for hiking season.  I always think I can just do lots.  And while I can, I might shoot my foot and disable myself.  Working up to it more slowly and humbly might be the way.  After that, a bit more of a drive, just for good measure on such a fine day.

A bit more talking, then it was getting time to go.  In the vehicle, before heading back, I saw that it wasn't too late.  I hope.  So I called about the beef.  It turns out that it won't be ready until, perhaps, May.  Cool.  And, probably, it shouldn't be too much of a price problem, even if it dropped today.  Good.  So... all I have to do is keep what I have in the account, and add bits to it until then, so as to have no issue with costs.  Finances are back in order.  Hmm, I may see about paying the mortgage for this month, on time.  Then again, I have it set for next month.  Messing with it might be a problem.  Yeah, I'll just leave it.  Ugh.  Now can I have some rest?  Well... after I figure out medicine.  Bleh.

Yes, I am just waking.  My day is shifting back to daylight, just in fits and starts.  Later.

Pans.

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A strange topic for the middle of the night by a second or third rate hack who uses other people's work to convey his ideas.  Still, it is what is on my mind.

I have experimented with various cook ware since I started learning to cook.  I only cook because I like to eat.  I am limited in cooking by cleaning.  If that weren't so much of an issue, I would cook much more often.  I suppose it is more than simply cleaning after cooking, but also other inconveniences.  If food burns on, that will slow the cleaning process, or hold up the process until a replacement may be found, if the burn was too serious.  One of the things that helps with getting to cooking is having cooking kit that works well, is less likely to become a mess, and has other features.

For skillets or frying pans, I have tried stainless of several types, with and without a nonstick coating, cast iron, and various small pots, saucier/sauce/saute pans/pots, of various quality and price ranges.  Looking for perfection?  Well... yes and no.  Curiosity as well as efficiency drive my exploration of this and many topics.  Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back.  *blink*  I should know.  The newest skillet to have arrested the attention of my curiosity is the carbon steel skillet.  It is said to be much as cast iron, but lighter.  Now I don't need lighter, but women prefer it.  Am I actually planning on a woman?  Well... much as with finding perfection in pans, yes and... well... no.  The idea is kept open, but that isn't the whole of the story.

In part, for me currently, a lighter pan isn't because of ease of use so much as having a glass cooktop.  While I, so far, have done quite well in not cracking that, it would be quite easy to do.  Much easier with such a heavy pan as a foot diameter cast iron skillet.  The tortilla placket is light enough, but the skillet, especially when filled with a meat sauce, is quite a load.  As well, simple curiosity.  I still have all the types I discussed.  Though I might be giving the littlest nonstick away.  A fine pan, just too small for my needs.  Now that I found the All-Clad nonstick in ten inch size, the eight inch can be sent to a good new home.  I may know where that can go.

I'll need to purchase flax-seed oil.  Several, otherwise conflicting, seasoning tips suggest this oil.  Tomorrow.  The pan should be in Monday.  I'll, eventually, do a review.  Probably.

No bad dreams.

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I am a bit surprised.  As with migraines, I often sense the onset of bad dreams.  That sense isn't 100%, so it's all fair.  Though, perhaps, prayer helped.  Of all the things I doubt, the potential in prayer is not one of them.

I did dream.  An argument with what seems to have been my wife.  Not a heated one, just... a settling of some points.  We never did settle.  Lightly intoned quips.  Not a shouting match but undeniably, if overheard, a lack of agreement.  Later, one of the ladies from town, who was visiting for some reason or other while the wife was out... probably waiting for her... had become privy to the debate.  While the wife was gone she decided to banter, in lieu of the wife and on her side.  I would not recant, take it up a notch, or let it go.  Circles.  Such things to not anger me.  I am usually laughing on the inside, and play the discussion to my humor side of things.  It's not really a smirk I wear, just half a grin since most of the laughter is on the inside.  I have heard "Oh, I hate you!" from more dames I knew did not hate me than you can imagine.  I do not recant.  I don't sell, I don't give in, I don't give out, peer pressure means nothing, if I do not believe.  They get over it.  They also learn not to drag things out.  Won't help.  Just gives me something to grin about for days or weeks.  "Oh!  I hate you!"  Yeah, and I love you too, Sweetpea.  *grins*  Those are good dreams.

I called the V.A.  While I was crashing hard, I really didn't want to sleep.  That is as close to fear as I have had in a while.  They don't have permission to use my local doctor as a source for prescriptions.  They, it seems, do have an old prescription they could use for insulin.  I ordered what else they could send.  I got the number, again, for getting my local doctor on the list.  I also called my friend, to see if he wanted to get out tomorrow.  Maybe a bit of shopping, perhaps something to eat, hopefully a short hike out somewhere.  Nothing fancy, just... getting out.  He has as much difficulty as I do.  It is supposed to be 55.  I'll take a jacket and a hat.  Don't plan on a 10 miler or anything.  Though, honestly, anything from a quarter to two mile might not be bad, if possible.  Hmm... I ought to fill canteens, just in case.

I will call the other V.A. number in the morning.  I will also be taking the pants in for return, or exchange really.  I've already filled the tag.  I'll keep that one larger pair, for around the house.  But they just don't work for long hikes or such, or even public appearances.  Comfortable and easy for around the cave, no more.  Well, and if something goes wrong, and I gain a lot through water retention or something, I have them for that as well.

Ugh...  Later.

Going under.

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I have things to do.  I don't think I will get to them.  I did do the dishes, then set them to a rinse.  Little else.  I am falling.  Hard.  Fast.  There are things I wanted to do.  More, there is something I don't want to do.  Sleep.  They are near.  I am sure they will find me in my sleep.  No choice.