A slow day.

.
.
It is darker, it is cool.  I am tired.  And I filled medicine and started that back up.  Before that, I finished off the chicken.  I best get some bills paid next.  Hopefully I will then at least finish dishes and hit the laundry.  I am struggling to get going.  Doesn't mean I won't get to things, just means there is some doubt.

I have been doing just a bit of tinkering on the various circuit simulators.  They have their limits.  In real world applications, nothing is that cut and dried.  Resistors aren't exact, voltage can vary, interference can occur, the list of possible offsets is usually greater than even the number of components involved.  That isn't going to show up in these programs.  Could you create that in a program?  Some of it, yes.  For example, randomizing a capacitor to within it's tolerances... the tolerances being programmable.  It would be a lot more work, not something you would get for free or even for cheap.  But it is doable.  Even randomizing various other inputs, or making it so that, from time to time, the variance on a random component might not be within specs.  Anyway...

Still, these are things to work with for minor lab projects.  Some of them are more easily altered... say changing the voltage, or impedance, or such.  Others are a lot more work... more clicks, pulling down menus or calling up pop-ups.  Still, I'd like to use each for the first several projects to see if there is one that stands out for certain things, or one that is just hands down better or worse.  Something to do when my body just isn't in the game.  Yeah, well... summer and winter are teasing me.  I love the cold tit, but know that hot is coming and wouldn't mind just getting to it, and over it.

I've got to admit, I am checking the news a bit more often.  No, not looking for necessarily what they give, but for what they might be trying to hide... or the beginning of a big one... or something.  It might just pass right along or France or Germany might get a facelift of the worst kind... as a start.  It might well start over there, or even in Syria.  I think a lot of assets are being arranged both to prevent that, as well as to deal with the after-affects.  Just... something in the air.  Hopefully it's just a thought on the minds of men in power which will pass without fruit.  *blink blink*

I'll... do a few things then see what else can be done.  The goal is to sleep earlier tonight.  I don't mind being up to 21:00, but I'd like to start pushing or pulling for between 19:30 and 21:00, as a bedtime.  Later.

Down late up early.

.
.
I am trying to fight rolling my day back into night, at least as fast as it is happening.  It took a long time to get around to staying awake until 17:00.  Then I had it to that, and stably, for about a week.  Now the body is not being able to sleep until 23:00(ish).  I'm not sure if it is extra sun or what.  I'll be attempting to do a few tricks in order to sleep earlier.  With the weather being cool for the next week, perhaps even snow coming, along with a hard frost, perhaps I can keep to days for a bit longer.

I kicked the girls out, and they will stay out for a while.  They have been fighting and fussing and even bothering me lately.  I'm not sure what they are doing.  I have a sore that... I think they are bothering.  I can't swear to it, but I think so.  Perhaps that is how they operated, on themselves and each other.  Perhaps they push these things in order to help heal, or kill off, the wounded in their ranks?  Healing can be an issue as is, so out they go.

Dishes, laundry, the kitchen, and the bedroom...  Some bills to pay...  If I can get outside, and it isn't snowing, I could begin working on the gutters and moving that pile of branches.  I might look for sources regarding...  Gah...  Got distracted, then lost my train of thought.  Oh well.

Oh, but something else?  While I can't afford more than books, for now, regarding electronics, there is another way.  While examining reviews of various books involving electronics, somewhere in there I gathered that there are simulators, perhaps even for smartphones.  Though perhaps only for smartphones?  Anyway, I went looking.  I found two free ones, and a chip pin dataset.  Not that chips are first on my list, and yet... while I learn, it would be good to have something I can do a more in-depth review regarding.  And it was free.  I might still have a manual on chips, if it would be dated from the 90's... perhaps older.  Still, some things never change... until they are replaced.  I might have a few other resources along those lines, though I wouldn't swear to it.

The thing is, with two different circuit simulators, and others out there if these aren't up to snuff... a pay one perhaps... I can at least get an idea of what the labs are about.  Some suggest they don't need breadboards, components, and even soldering setups so long as they have the simulators.  I know, first hand, the folly of that.  Even if you understand a circuit, on paper (or simulation), back and forth, up and down?  Until you have wired it, you really don't know it.  It can get really messy in there.  I would say it is the difference between knowing that the basketball goes in the net and fitting it then, around opponents, beyond gravity, and all else.  So, while the simulator will help me keep up, it will be no substitute.  However, on some projects or labs... if I don't want to spend the money are parts (if that happens to be an issue), or there isn't something new in there other than mechanical practicum, and/or I don't want or need the project for my own use or interest, the simulation would make for a fine skip.

Now I have to figure out how these work.  While I found them before, for some reason my smartphone was refusing to download.  A few days ago, it just ignored my request.  Odd.  So I spent specific time last night.  The downloads kept timing out.  Are the data services overloaded, is something going on locally?  At some point in the day, then on through the night, my g4 dies, then g3 follows, to no data service.  I'll be dumping this before long anyway, so it doesn't really matter, still...  Oh... I wonder if these programs, and ebooks, still work on "dead" smartphones?  I'll find out, if no one knows or says between now and then.

Later.

A few more things.

.
.
I seem to be facing a stiff headwind.  Just can't keep it up.  At least I did a bit of work, took a trip, did a few more things, and... well... had a good day.

Why enjoy life, and plan for the future, even with the sense of a potential end right on the tip of my tongue?  Well... lots of reasons.  One, of course, I have learned to plan on a future right through death.  I am living it.  Long after I was not supposed to be living it.  Another, even if I died tomorrow, or we all did, I'd still plan for the day after tomorrow.  Actually, I am planning for then.  There is more.  You might have to take it on faith, I don't.  *cheater*  Heck yeah.  More?  I just don't quit.  Even if there was no after, I'd still plan.  Which is why I eventually had to find my way to faith.  Living in such a way is a very Christian thing.

Oh, while I handed out suggestions to Christians in my last post, I failed to mention you others.  If, in the conflagration and true horror, if it comes to pass... if you don't believe?  Still do what you are sure to be right.  Don't give in, it'll pay.  Further, if revelation arrives to you, even if just in time before you die?  Have heart.  It is enough.  Consecrate your new faith, bless it, give up your sins and forgive those who have sinned against you.  Pray, and open your heart.  It's never too late.

Just thought to add that last part.  An obverse devil's advocate, finally.  Good night.

Is it?

.
.
Not quite yet, mostly.  Everyone is taking their places.  Stopwatches are going, timers are set, schedules are being made, sides are being fleshed out, borders created.  By standing still I am able to move so very fast.  I see it, everywhere.  What always amazes me is how so few who are doing what they are doing know why they are doing what they are doing.  Blind through distance in mechanical vision, mostly dead, not knowing any of the actors from native experience, not even knowing command structures, imperatives, objectives, or resources, and I see it all.  Funny thing?  Even if I told them, convinced them, knew better?  Even if I had the information to get their plan to work, without cost?  They would still pick their ways, most of them, even if it meant catastrophic loss and price.  Then again, I wouldn't advise.  Many are simply wrong.  Even the ones who aren't wrongheaded are off track through method.

A rolling start.

.
.
I just didn't think much would happen.  Then I did a few things, a few more, and ended up doing a nice tidy small little group of tasks, chores, and such.  Of course, I messed up a bit.  I made it to town, but without my wallet.  Even so, since I returned two pair of shoes, I ended up with cash for a few project items.  Oh, it's been a long time since I've been in a bigger public store, in a womens' section, buying their stuff.  I can't remember the last time, probably with my last fiancee.  I can't remember what it was.  This time, it was just nail polish for the tile floor.  Oh, and looking for something else.  Anyway, just saying.  I think, if I go that way in the future, I'll... do it online.  Still, I should be able to fix the chips in the tile, or give it a shot.  I got white, light beige, and a darker beige.  I just couldn't be sure about the colors.  Hmm... even if the dark doesn't work on that, I think I have some holes in a wall it might, for a touch up, work on.

I stopped at the post office.  I now have two books on wiring.  Each is just a bit different, aimed at a slightly different audience, written for slightly different levels, etc.  I just wanted a couple of different views.  The other home electric book I have was a glossy photo, very limited, thing that just did not go into any depth.  If you weren't working with the amps and volts they had, there really wasn't a way to figure out how to change that.  Good more for ideas than practical, as I saw it.  Or of guys who know electrical, but might not have thought to do something, or a certain way.

I'm not sure what else will happen today.  I did spray around the foundation for bugs.  I'll probably need to do that again in later August, early September.  Winter handles the rest.  Bugs were just starting to peak out and beginning to become a nuisance.  This stuff usually takes very good care of that.  Though, if I can get things better arranged, I would like to shoo the girls out and spray in here, around the periphery.  It just helps.  I forgot to look at the weeds in the driveway, since trying vinegar, salt, and soap.  I don't think it did a bit of good.  So... so, soon, I'll need to get a real week killer and get that going.  Or check my stocks.  I might still have some.  I could try it, at least.  It would be old.  Then again, so am I.  :p

Well, a bit of this and that, then on to some other chores.  Good day.

Looking back.

.
.
Every once in a while, someone goes back to look at a post from before the heart diagnosis.  It was apparent then that I was on the edge of death.  It just wasn't realized that is what biological.  I can tell, from responses, that others thought I would be dead soon.  As did I, really.  It was almost a foregone conclusion.  Just... waiting.  Many timed out.  At some point, when death doesn't happen, people who were there as spectators or support simply run out of time and energy.  Or, even, become ill or die themselves.

Funny thing is, when I realized it was the heart?  I then knew I had a long life ahead of me.  Something about it... knowing what the problem was... I was pretty sure my body would beat it.  My doctors still think I should be dead, by now.  Every new doctor I get is sure I will be dead in... what time is it?  Right.  They all try to stuff me with pills that would kill me or cripple me fully, or put me under the knife.  I have to... teach them.  Still, meds help, at the right level, if I can stay on them.

No, I was just amazed.  Reading back, a number of times this last month, following tracks of someone who was curious... an old reader, or new, on any particular track, I could not tell.  Sometimes there is a tie from then to a recent post... or potential tie.  Or something I wrote then that makes sense now more than then.  I wonder if someone(s) have put the blog into a format for word and phrase searches.  I think at least one, though perhaps several, and just maybe many... study my blog.  Probably just messing with logic theory, or psychology, or even a bit more arcane involvements.  I suggest it is in there, I just won't try to explain what it all means.  I might be the game, maybe, at times.  But it still isn't my game.  Riding the lightning doesn't make you electricity, merely electrified.  There is a world of difference.

Oh... just... strange.  Back to waking.

Down late.

.
.
So up late.  I don't know what the gig was.  I just could not get in to bed at a normal time.  I got my eight hours of sleep, but I also have a minor headache.  You have no idea how good a regular night of sleep, and then day, is.  I have always had trouble with that.  Though, sometimes, I have been able to iron it out, do better.  Actually, I have been doing a lot better, if far from perfect, in these last three to five years.  Headache.  I'll take something for that.  I have things I want to do and I don't want to mess with that.

Another round of those dishes.  I am hoping to actually finish those today, and early.  Then another shower.  I sure like those.  Maybe on to some laundry?  Not sure if I have much, could round up what I do have.  I'm just not hungry, though a few eggs would work.  Over-easy, sunny-side up, whatever.  No toast or bacon thawed, but I... hmm... I might have a bit of corned beef.  I'll check that.  Oh, and I bought a few cans of potted meat.  I've been meaning to see if I can tolerate it, so might put a case of several types back... for emergencies where even a fire might not be available... or some travel would be required...  I am hoping to be able to make do, so as to store some really easy food, other than mre's.

The trash is out, and yet I would like to sort through a few things, and perhaps find more.  I need to rip into the house again, rip and tear and toss and sort and store, like a tornado.  The various tool boxes need to be sorted and restored... one for plumbing, one for general, one for electrical, etc.  If you don't have a home, you probably wouldn't see a reason.  If you do have a home, and you don't want to pay professionals every time something happens, you would be amazed at how many specialized tools for various tasks you accumulate.  Trying to keep them altogether is not possible, nor advised.  You'll never know where anything is, as is, half the time.  Gah!  Still, if you aren't into tinkering, don't buy a home.  Rent, and have the landlord fix the problem, or bring in a pro.

So... a trash hunt and peck, dishes, breakfast, a shower, and...  And?  I don't know that.  Oh, I want to check the outside temp... one second...  It's just below 30 F.  But that is after warming, a bit, I think.  The sun is sort of brightening things.  Weird, this far into May?  Then again, I think the usual last frost is toward the middle of this month.  Even so, it seems a long spring this year?  Later.

Oh, some tech and math.

.
.
While I sort out life, floating between life and death, perhaps edging closer to the latter, I... still like to keep busy.  I have been involved with math, science, and electronics for much of my life.  I have never delved in as I would have liked.  I even sense that I was not welcome in those fields.  Academia itself is what it is, rejecting of anything not like it.  This will fix itself, is fixing itself.  Not through academic means, but it is getting there.

Still, none can stop me from tinkering, reading, or doing math or the rest on my own.  I'll leave some of it alone, like installing a new mains.  Though I would like to try my hand at a sub panel, rewiring a few breakers, and tinkering with smaller electronic devices... perhaps even making a few, such as a power supply for the bench.  It is something that can be done when I can't do heavier work, or even physical work.  Though, I think you will find, if you truly apply your mind?  You will wear out just the same.  Perhaps even faster... at least until, or unless, you can expand your psychic endurance.  I am not sure about that.  Though I seem to be, if slightly, expanding my physical endurance.

Ah, but here is a beginning intro to electrical components.  Just some notes I found... worthy.  Sure, it's a bit sleepy... if you aren't interested even more so.  Though, if you were ever curious about such, there you go.

Next is a course regarding number theory.  It is at a level that seems very approachable.  I have viewed the first three vids, and yeah.  He is starting out slow, and not shooting through, which is fine by me.  If you have ever been curious about math, this might be something... to open your mind on the topic.  If you are a bit of a math hobbyist, as myself (if more in theory lately), this might be a way to this topic or back into math.  Hey, I am what I am.

And, you know, if you get into one, it will help with the other.  If you dig enough, you will find that there is much overlap in much.  While these aren't overlapping areas, they would open for a solid base in other areas which do overlap.  It's... a trick, but a neat one.  I haven't gotten it, but then I have trouble just staying awake.  I may only be dream learning, but it'll do... for now.  I'd sure like to tinker, and may get to it before too awful long... at least in these areas.

Just thought I'd share out some e-loot on these matters.  Enjoy, don't, but don't say I didn't give you anything.  Good night.

Some of it.

.
.
I am simply dragging.  I cooked lunch, and have a bit left over for tomorrow.  I couldn't get going for the longest time.  I finally did the dishes, first time around, then took a shower.  When the water has heated back up I will put the dishes in for another run.  Finish them tonight?  Not likely.  I'm not even sure about laundry.  Though I will push to get the trash out.

I had thought to water things, but with the temps plunging, watering would not be good.  Even things meant to be planted before the frost can't tolerate being wetted then frosted.  Just asking too much.  Hmm, looks like fresh powder up on the mountains, too.  Yeah, this spring is just going to take a while to settle and warm.  Unfortunately, that probably means it is going to get, then just stay, hot.  I'll have to work through that.

Oh, I best get medicines together.  Then trash out.  Other than that, I just don't have anything else even possibly on the schedule.  I have a feeling as if I am a bit ill.  Not that I'll let that get in the way, if I have a choice.  The flu?  If so, a very mild case... and maybe more like a weak case of stomach flu?  That's the feeling, if it could be something else.

Later.  Or more likely good night.

It is Mother's Day.

.

.

Just in case some of you are as bad as I am.  Yes, I did call.  She was surprised.  Though... something else.  I have done fairly well at calling the last few years, four, five?  She says a call is good enough, not to worry about a card.  That, I don't think, is true.  What is true is a call is better than avoiding her for a month because I didn't send a card.  Reality is what it is.

I can't tell if she was just busy, or not feeling well, or in a jam at the store and my call was causing problems.  Though I thought there was more to it.  She either really didn't expect a call, and it got to her, or... she is disappointed about something.  I just don't know.  Or, maybe, something has gone wrong in her life, something she doesn't want to talk to me regarding.  Sometimes, when people she used to like or love get in trouble, people I did not care for, she sort of gets stuck... and has some anger at me for not liking them.  I just don't like certain people, especially some people who do some things, at least if they haven't changed, can't see why, refuse to know the difference.  I never can tell, but something strange in there.  Mother has learned to hide from me, if that isn't always possible.

Still, I called.  I hope it was just a bitter sweet thing, with no other issues.  I called a day or two ago.  I can see why she might have thought I had lost track of mother's day, or I would have waited on my call.  And... she was right.  But someone else reminded me.

If she were closer, I would have planned for her to be here for dinner.  She is shopping for where she is going.  I might have had her shop as well, for dinner here.  I am roasting chicken.  I am heating the oven as I write.  The chicken has been washed, rinsed well, and is now soaking in a mild brine.  It just works better.  In a bit I will drain, pat dry, salt, and begin the baking.  All good.

Later.

It really is cold.

.
.
It was well in the low 20's when I looked a bit ago.  No wonder the asparagus hasn't been doing much.  I am surprised the rest looks as good as it does.  I don't know how they gauge these things, but for my mind I would call that a hard frost.  No wonder I have fallen.  It's not that the 20's are too cold.  It is more that when it hit's the 70's, and is warm for a while to the point of hot, then cools like this, I... can't handle the fast changes well at all.  No worries.  I'll keep trying.

I changed the water for the dishes.  Breakfast was next.  All good.  I do hope to completely finish dishes, and pretty much, laundry today.  Trash and recycling as well.  A shower in there too.  Nothing more.  In part because it is Sunday, but just as much because I realize I can't do much more.  Oh... one other thing, reset medicines.  I'll go this first week on half of the main medicine dose, then put it back up to the max dose from then on.  Yeah.  That'll be tough but I gotta do it.  I can tell.  Fighting weather changes, medicine, and heavy work has been a bit tight, but I think I'll do alright.

I need to make it to the grocery store in the next few days.  Low on too many things.  I've learned to buy, and eat, in such a way as to be able to coast a fairly long time.  I might run out of some things, like milk and cream sooner than later... and live without them for a while.  But so be it.  As long as I have something to eat, and can make do, life is easier.  I am learning to make do without simply starving.  Which I can also do.  To be honest, that might actually be healthier, if it prevents me from working and being active.  Choices, I guess.

It'll take a bit before I can get to things.  It was a heavy breakfast.  I think I'll wander the internet, review some of the devices I have and how best to use them, drool over some of the tools on my short list, imagine projects I would like to do and review paths to success others have taken.  I saw a video earlier, about how learning (pretty much anything) is more about learning to accept failure.  I've heard that before.  And... there is some truth to it.  Success, actually, can be just as daunting.  Or so I say.  Pure success can lead to avoidance as well.  Why?  I suppose you would have to figure that out for yourself.  But part of it is that I don't want to get stuck doing just what I can do successfully.  To be forced into that.  The world wants scalable one-trick ponies, and will trick, cajole, snare, blackmail, and in any way it can, try to corner you into being it's breadmaker.  Though there is more to it than that.

Anyway...  I suppose I should turn up the heat while I am at it.  It really is chilly.  For the last four or five days, or more(?), it had become almost intolerably warm, so this... is a bit of a system shock.  Yeah, some heat.  Later.

I know, but I have to try.

.
.
Crippled and down, I have to try to break through the blockade.  I want to at least do the dishes and figure out laundry today.  I am not sure I can do anything.  But there it is.  Well, dishes, laundry, and a shower.  Oh, and I need to get trash out.  Maybe recycling?  I won't even plan anything else because this will be... a minor miracle.  These things are needed because they are in the way of other things... they are the choke points.

With dishes, it isn't these dishes, but dishes in general which have been lagging, blocking use of the shower, and just being a nuisance of nerve and mind.  With laundry it isn't this load, but that adds to it.  It's clean laundry languishing around, keeping all my baskets filled.  Trash has been going out fairly regularly, mostly.  It did have a minor buildup for a bit, but that was broken last week and I'd like to keep it clear.  And I'd just like to shower daily to every other day for a while.  Sometimes it just... it's a wonderful thing.  Then I feel more like doing other things.  Nothing is an action, chore, or duty unto itself.

Sleep was good.  I think part of my problem, lately, is that I have been waking often, far too often, to use the facilities.  While it is keeping water off me, it is also messing up my sleep.  Why I can't take care of this in the day?  Maybe I drink too much as I near bedtime.  I'll think about it.  With a shifting bedtime, and staying awake until exhaustion, concentration in the last hours isn't super.  I'll... keep working on the system arrangements.  I think I really have improved.  Not just to a point, but year over year, a bit at a time, I have opened up more and more.

I have an impossibly long way to go.  On that score, I think I am absolutely not alone.  Look around.  Every one of you.  I have heard some think wealthy men have it done.  They don't.  They are handled like equipment by everyone and everything that lives on them.  If that ever stopped they would be lost.  They are, personally, further behind than I.  They have been turned into wealth taps, doing and able to do, little else.  Never alone, always expected to answer to or for this or that... but on matters that have very little to do with them, other than opening paths of revenue.  The very thought makes me claustrophobic.

The trick?  Having, or seeming, to have lots of money, never spending your own money (even on that), and staying just ahead of the collapses you generate to create the movements upon which you will eventually feed (well, keeping other people's money ahead of that... at least what isn't required to be spent to make the collapse in a previous system).  War of many sorts, nerve, being willing to destroy the old ways to develop the new.  Read about how America prospered because of WWI and WWII, then back it down a notch but keep the ideals in mind.  There you go.  Of course, once you are on top?  Then you have to get the government(s) to keep competition out, when your threats and hostile takeovers don't work.  Big capitalism has to turn to socialism, try to keep that in freefall so it never hits into communism, on a social and political plane.  A nasty business.  I wouldn't want to do it.

Hmm?  Oh... just thinking out loud.  Despicable, I suppose.  But... they are required.  A necessary evil, only slightly different from government itself.  Don't have to like it, should get used to it.  At least if civilization, and some norms, traditions, and such, are a goal.  Man was born dying, is it any wonder he is surrounded by poisons?  Often, the most potent of which, are of his own making?  Curiosity killed the cat.  While you can't pay the debt, if you understand your humble state, and accept the bounty, another has paid.  Satisfaction can bring you back.

Good day.

The lack of sun and cool got me.

.
.
Checking when the sun rose, the temp was on the thawed side of 32 F.  The sun was up for a bit then crashed.  I was never able to wake well.  I turned the heat up to no good.  It's just that time of year.  I'm going back to bed, not much I can do about anything right now.  Might as well sleep.  On the good side, for what it is worth, I have my days back.  Well, a large part of them.

I can't even think of anything clever I might have heard someone say once.  I can't remember anything clever I might have thought.  Nope.  All I can do is go on to bed.  Good night.

I went looking.

.
.
Curiosity, you know.  Kills many a cat.  Nine lives, more for some, fewer for others.  Always a price.  The search?  For what an electronics lab would take, cost.  Not counting a room, a shop really, on it's own.  Not that it is a thing for tomorrow.  In a couple of years, if all else comes together... or just a dream, another dream.

I found a video, and did a few price checks.  Yeah, I knew that wouldn't happen, not quickly.  Not quickly enough.  If it takes ten years to get a kit together, you'd... end up running your own tail over.  Just don't go there.  So I looked around for something... more affordable, in a shorter time span.  Here is a video.  It is slightly dated but not too bad.

If I was going to do this, some things I wouldn't skimp on.  Then again, I have some of these things so I wouldn't be buying from scratch.  I wouldn't skimp on the oscilloscope or wave generator.  Between now and the start, while reading and doing labs, who knows... I might even end up putting a power supply together.  Some of this is pretty useless of anything else, but much of it has a lot of crossover potential.  My guess is more of it than not has some potential for other applications, or simple electronic repairs.  Though, as I said, this is a lower priority than woodworking, electrical to the garage, and probably less than a multi-platform welder... though... that might be debatable.

One bad thing?  I checked my electrical supply?  It's 125 amp.  Which means, as I see things, I would have to upgrade that panel.  On the downside, that puts things way back... along all those lines.  On the good side, it might mean that I can get the panel indoors.  I just don't like it outside.  Though that simply might not be possible.  Code, and the structure of my home, may not leave the option of bringing it in open.  Gah!

I may, next month, make a few calls so as to collect three or four quotes, from licensed, bonded, electricians who will get the permits, have the inspections, and provide some sort of guarantee of price.  A 10% up or down is understandable.  Much more up and it can be a bit too much to bite.  And 30% to 50% more and it looks a lot like fraud.  Though not going with the cheapest or most expensive seems to be better.  As much luck as anything?  Hmm... right.

I best get to some things.  Later.

Oh, right, another book.

.
.
Sure, I'm making my way through the fields of poetry, and am digging into gardening tombs, but there is always room for more.  What next, you might ask?  Electronics.  While I didn't make it through engineering, I still had hoped to learn on my own.  I just never have seen the time, or found a resource I was sure about, so as to begin again.  Well, thanks to this guy, at AvE, on this vid, I found my resource.  Yeah... I could have looked.  The thing you find is that everybody says their resource is "the best".  No... it's gotta surface on it's own... and it just did.

So, I ordered it.  I am, next month, going to order the lab manual, so as to produce projects, slowly acquire equipment needed, and begin tinkering.  Woodworking, gardening, household, metal working?  What next, space travel?  Nope, I'm already here.  :)  Oh... it'll take years to get everything together.  But it'll... get there or not.  My focus is on other things.  But for obtaining knowledge, some practical, and such... I can do this.  My first goal, when I receive this, is to memorize the parts that can be memorized, and learn what must be learned at the start.  What IS a capacitor, how does it work?  Same with many such items.  Then there are constants to memorize.  I used to know... a hundred constants?  Probably, or more.  Some are more for engineering, some more for math, some for physics or other fields.  Thing is, there is a LOT of crossover if you apply it, or can see it to apply it.  Which makes it easier to learn new fields if you first inventory what you know.  I just couldn't stay awake to do that, was always playing catch up.  On my own time, perhaps, or to some degree.

I might oughta do some math work as I begin in this book.  Which is fine.  I can do that.  I had hoped to anyway.

Just... saying.  Play your own way or prepare for a drubbing.  Make it yours or not even you are your own.  Just... know your limits?  Probably.  Later.

Awake, if not quite at it.

.
.
I wrote a post earlier.  I decided not all that was written was important.  So... a redo.

The anacin did help.  I slept well, for the eight hours rather than longer to avoid pain or shorter due to pain.  I still have just a tetch of sun poison going on.  It is very manageable though.  As soon as the sun rises, I will probably go out and put a bit more water on the asparagus.  Not a true soak, as last night... just a quick water.  While at it, before it heats up, I'll grab the wheelbarrow, pull the chokeweeds near the blueberryish bushes, then work on that pile of branches.

Between now and then?  I would like to hit the dishes, reset them, probably dry the laundry a second shot, and fiddle in the kitchen, clearing, cleaning, sorting, tossing, stowing.  If I can get to things.  There is a decent chance.  Oh, and a bite to eat.  Probably beef and beans again, though a couple of eggs on top wouldn't be bad.  Not too much, if I am still terribly hungry.  Something, down, inside, needs food.  Some foods work, some don't.

I would like to dig in a bit more today than yesterday, set up medicines too, take tomorrow off, then hit it hard Monday.  With some advances, morale rises, it become easier to really hit it.  I have been going through food like a fool, which has meant cooking.  I really should buy food in town soon.  It's just more complicated when I am trying to cook, clean up from that, and work.  I haven't been a good steward of my money, though, and have things on my list.  I keep... stumbling.  We'll see.  That is why I haven't been buying.  Hmm... maybe, if I can focus, I might start... during times I wish to work more heavily, figure out how to satisfy my hungers without having to cook.  If I can get it down to an inexpensive art, that may... become a more normal part of things.  Keto?  Well...  Life is life.  I'm not sure I can afford to choose what I eat.  Though intermittent fasting, and some care to right(er) foods, might do well enough?  I'll find out.

I did call my mother.  It sounds like they just got some sun there, too... for the last few days.  Dark and hard, this spring, everywhere.  I don't know if she will be gardening this year, they hadn't decided.  Though it isn't sounding like it, from the mood sort of side of things.  Then again, really, I am not gardening either.  I am growing, essentially, perenials... or such.  This year.  Other than, maybe, a few fruit tress this fall, maybe a very few other things, I am sort of spent out on putting things in the ground this year.  Next year?  A few raised beds in the back yard, this side of the fence.  Perhaps a trim planter as well, for around part of the perimeter.  Just tinkering, as much as anything.  Well, some of what I have, however, has not been started.  It just hasn't seemed warm enough.  I still have a goal to put some herbs seed to dirt, perhaps planting in planters, later, as I thin some?  More tinkering with green growy things, really... though fresh herb might be nice.

I will add a bit of the other posts.  The ghosts are still with me.  Some seem to know me, and tease... are friendly, playful.  Others are quite unaware that they are not alive.  Some aren't aware of anything.  Some, too, are cold, vicious, hateful.  Those mean to startle me, or unnerve me, and sometimes get it done.  Not the majority of times, but... hatred is such a foul thing.  Not sure they are all human ghosts.  Nephilim decay to spirits.  I don't think fallen angels can be here without a human host.  When in wild animals, either the animals reject them to death (as in the swine Jesus cast the spirits into) or the spirits themselves dislike it so much they choose to kill the animal host... I'm not clear on that.  Anyway... they are still here.  It's settled to a dull roar though.  I'm not sure if I am nearing the nexus of the veil or if the whole world is.  They don't have micrometers, multimeters, or such for these things.  Yeah, believe as you wish.  Take it as a story and begone.  I'll soon enough deny, and would deny in a court of law on the premise of the possibility of error.  Deal?

Interesting, how it used to seem.  Nothing has changed but everything is different.  I... can't win.  As much because I can't lose as because it isn't my game?  Maybe.  And yet?  The more things change the more they stay the same.  *wink*

Well... on to some breakfast.  Then some work, and more.  Good day.

I think I baked.

.
.
Can't cool off.  The sting of the sun, even just that bit, was a bit much.  I'll keep pushing, and get out more often.  Even if I burn a bit, I need to get used to it.  It'll take a few weeks but I think I can get back used to the sun.  It has been down, so often, when I have happened to be out.  It seems like a new thing rather than an old friend.  I know I could use the vitamin d, too.  I'll just keep my sessions to an half hour or so, not that I'll be out in the sun every day.  Hmm... though, you know?  I should push to go out, sit at the little table I have out there, and read for an hour or two a day... in the shade anyway.  It would do the body some good.

I will take anacin before going to bed.  I can tell, if I don't, I will toss and turn from the burn.  It's more like it got under my skin, and has... turned some things on that won't easily be mollified by simple sleep.  The painpills will... adjust that a bit, tune me for sleep, or give me a chance.  Otherwise I will not sleep well, and will wake bodily cranky, with a headache.  I know this thing.

I'm about to call my mother, then put up the beef and beans, then go on to bed.  Good night.  Oh, but, you know... sometimes I might get it all wrong.  Then I turn around and...  Yeah.  That's what the wind is saying.  Good night indeed.

Yeah, well, and some of it.

.
.
Always more, never fast enough, even so the day isn't finished and there is tomorrow.

I think what got me was spraying the weeds.  It wasn't even full sun, there seemed to be a minor haze.  I wasn't out long.  Even so I am guessing I got a sunburn.  Not enough of one... well... we'll see if it needs treatment.  Aloe vera.  I have the store stuff.  And, now, I also have the actual plant.  Did you know it could get a sunburn?  And, while only 72 F, that... to me... for now... is warm.  Actually that is hot.

The dishes were set up.  The laundry is going.  Every time I checked it wasn't ready.  I am absolutely certain it should be ready now.  I have cleared the dryer, but not yet folded those clothes.  I cooked, and ate some of it for lunch, more food.  The chicken will be make next, tomorrow most likely.

Bits of this and that, but not as much as I had hoped.  The sunburn and heat sort of slowed me down.  A bit of a break after the morning and then lunch.  I finally got out and watered all.  Everything seems to be doing good.  I'll have to watch the blueberry type bushes, some sort of choke weed is trying to move in.  Actually, I'll get out there, probably tomorrow, and truly clear that stuff out.  Then keep up on it from there.  The raspberry bushes, save one which seems to have been covered by some plastic, are doing well.  I think, think I say, that the weak one might still make it.  I'll just have to be more diligent.  But it does look like small leaves were coming in from lower on the line, from below the dirt really, but the leaves look like the other bushes, just tiny.  We'll see.

The asparagus?  I'm not seeing anything.  I may have fumbled that, but I won't give up until I see nothing for four to six weeks.  I will water them more often.  To that end I have unhooked the hose and have it back near that bed.  It's the only bed that might need water every few days.  I then watered the jerusalem artichokes, horseradish, and the rhubarb.  This time I dug down a bit to find the horseradish roots.  I did find them.  Perhaps I buried them too deep?  They all seemed to be send forth, but for how long as they have been in there, I'm not sure.  I covered them over, more loosely... a bit with soil, a bit with mulch.  The rhubarb plants were all, save one, doing really well.  I think cardboard and plastic had gotten plastered down on that one.  It also looks salvageable, but time will tell.

The only thing I might do differently is making an effort to water earlier or later, so the sun isn't on things.  I had to break through, and get things some water today, now, rather than wait another day.  So I just did it.  With a hefty wind going, I am hoping that will do.  With the hose ready, perhaps I'll be more inclined to just go, do.  Though, really, the only thing I really need to water more regularly is the asparagus, at least for now.  The rest could do with watering two to three times a week, or less.  Actually once or twice a week, depending how they are looking.  Asparagus, I would guess, could take two to three waterings a week, on the heavier side... twice a day if I'm not seeing any improvement.  Bleh.

I'm back at it, at least for today.  I'll... keep at it, I hope.  Good afternoon.  Later?

A start.

.
.
With a shower out of the way, dishes set up, a breakfast on the start, laundry ready to go once the water heats back up... yeah... marvy shower, with the dish soap in with the vinegar and salt since the sun seems to be out, I... think some things will be done.  No, no, that isn't even all of it, not even the majority.  I will do these things within the next two hours... or how about by 11:00.  Then a break for lunch, if I won't be eating.

After lunch, to the weeds, and watering outside, then some moving of a pile of branches.  Oh, and while some compost goes to the worms, not all can.  I can't give them all my tea leaves, for example.  And some things just don't work.  So that will go out to the pile.  Just a pile, so far, haven't quite gotten the system up and running yet.  Really, it's just nice to get out.  And to see things growing is a simple plus.  After that?  Perhaps a break and then a run at the kitchen and then main bedroom.  I think I can.  Even just an hour or two in each and I will be happy.  I believe I can.

To town for foods?  Maybe.  Or I'll see how the meats I thawed do.  The ribeye is for breakfast, with a few eggs.  The chicken will be a meal, in two parts.  It's not that big, and even if it were, half their weight is in bone.  Bah!  The hamburger?  I still have several cans of beans.  Only one, maybe, is refried, but regular beans and burger is good too.  And that batch would last me... for days.  Two pounds of hamburger and four to six cans of beans.  Yeah.  I... sure like it.  I am out of any sort of bread.  What I had was a remnant of rye in the freezer.  I don't generally keep it on hand.  I do have tortillas, but those were... supposed to be for else.  Oh well, they will do.  I still have onion and cheese, too.  No sour cream.  Hmm... a minor run to town, just to the grocery store, might be good.  Oh, and a new printer.  Not worth trying to find which printer ink for which system, in which size.  Just toss.  I... gave up.

If you can't handle a vegetable?

.
.
Some have suggested that many folk, perhaps the majority, are truly dim... of mind.  That figuring out how to get through a grocery store, let along which portion of the bus is forward, which is aft, might be pushing things.  I agreed, to a degree.  I think most people have some serious capacity to do many things, if some are so focused their abilities beyond their focus is limited.

No, perhaps people have become too focused... or too distracted... to mind simple things.  Is the flood of annoyance from cell phones, the constant noise of automobiles, planes, trains, buzzers, whistles, alarms, and just the sounds of other people... like the buzz in a hive... throwing people off?  Is access to, and use of, information gathering and even creativity at such a peak, that on top of earning a living, people simply cannot understand how to do simple things safely?

You know, I don't know.  If anything, I am actually suspecting drug use in there at least as much as the other things.  What has me wondering?  Ah.  Avocados.  It seems huge swathes of folk are not only slightly hurting themselves, but damaging their hands so terribly that doctors, world-wide if the article is to be believed, are setting up a methodology just for them.  WHAT?  Oh my dear lord.  How do these people get across streets alive?  Will toilets have to be made with cages and restraints?  Will labels have to be added so toilet paper isn't reused wrongly?  Really?  REALLY?

You know, I have problems.  But... even in my worst... other than grabbing pans out of the oven while hot... if that doesn't damage me... I'm... pretty good.  Where have all the bumble bees gone indeed.  Although... you know... I almost wonder if there is more too it than even what I suggested.  Really, perhaps people and bees and everything is being affected by something... something more than the obvious or known.  I doubt it, not even sure bees are really disappearing.  Still... I wonder.

Not much done, in a while.

.
.
I feel good.  No terrible hurts, no aches or pains, not a headache this week.  I haven't been too hot or too cold.  Though, truth told, I'm not sure I would notice.  There is a certain condition that just seems to be outside of these things and more.  A disconnection to all, with all, external and even many internal affairs and events. {pic stolen from AoSHQ}

There are times when that is so potent I can't see, remember, feel, or know... or even not know.  Accidental transcendentalism, as I have called it.  It hasn't been around for a while, or to this depth and length for even longer.  And, yet, it isn't all consuming this time.  I suspect, with the heart in better condition, I don't just disappear down that particular rabbit hole.  I get to stay near the exit... entrance?  I can see out, I am in, I can almost pay attention... or really I do, if and when I do.  Ever watched a cat, sitting there looking at you, yet really not there?  You touch the animal and she jumps?  Not always, but sometimes.  That is how it is, or can be.

Ghosts are still here.  I don't think the girls can see them.  I've never seen them look.  They can sense them though, in different ways.  And they avoid me, even staying out of the room when the activity is heaviest.  They don't seem terribly perturbed, mostly.  It seems more as if they just don't like whatever is present.  Ghosts?  Spirits?  A mix I would say.  It is much off from the heavier times.  The activity fell to a... recent midlevel, then became a bit more sporadic, and has become those as a usual.  There is always the possibility that health has failed more than it seems, and these are just problems with low oxygen.  So I have been checking blood oxygen level, at least with the tools I can afford at home.  When I check it, it seems to be in the 95%~97%.  That... shouldn't be a problem.  Hmm, I'll check when activity is up.  Yeah... even for my own things?  I am a doubting Thomas.  What can I say.

Oh, about kreg pocket jigs?  Rather than just like, or not, I decided to do more thinking.  As if by chance, I stumbled upon a video that compares various connections.  Now, in absolute measures, the pocket jig is less, and far less, powerful of a connection than the others.  Is that much strength always needed?  No.  But when it is, it definitely needs to be considered.  There are reasons for the kreg.  Namely speed.  Now, you can make a jig yourself.  One that is just as fast or faster.  But it would require some decent shop chops itself, and would probably be limited to one width of wood.  Still, just... thinking.  I know if I decide to make cabinetry for the shop and kitchen, I will probably go with a kreg.  Just the number, the speed, the ease.  It is expensive, but comparing buying even cheap store-bought, plus installation (though even without), and the tool covers itself.  More so when time is money.  Oh, and the woodworker in this vid?  He does some crazy stuff.  Well, like his force scale.  He is a serious wood and mechanics nerd.  Yeah, I'm a bit jealous.  I just... I might end up trying some of what he does, but... yeah... no way I could do a lot of that.

Oh, I'll... try to figure out how to get out of the transcended state.  Meanwhile, the list hasn't changed.  Nothing has been done, mostly, and I am still technically functional.  I'll... see about things.  Later.

Just not moving fast.

.
.
I thought the sun was up.  I am almost sure it was.  Then it wasn't.  I have eaten, which should help.  It isn't seeming to help though.  I realized the cave was a bit chill.  So I closed windows and turned the furnace up.  I thought that might help.  Not so much, although I feel better.  Whatever.  A shower, shortly, then dishes to soak, then laundry in and some folded?  I think so.

I have the bug spray ready.  I have the vinegar and salt together, I'll wait to add the dish soap for when the sun is actually out and going to be out for a while.  Preferably on a warm day.  Spring is just dragging on.  I am enjoying it, in one sense.  Even though I did better that last two summers, mostly, heat still frightens me.  I can put my hand in boiling water... if I can't pluck eggs out anymore at least I don't get scalded, I can grab a cast or steel pan from a 350~450 oven and not get burned, but I don't like environmental heat.  Even if I am doing better, it's... something about it.

Oh, the series I have been watching is about World War I.  Most of it... I studied history well when in my early teens.  Which is why I quit being a socialist.  If I hadn't read on into history, just going with the rhetoric from school indoctrination by relatively low IQ bot stampers, mother's emotional notions, and the foolishness of the classics and philosophy, I would still be an idiot.  But, no, history will teach you, quickly.  Especially if you really look at it.  Not in an academic, distant, manner... but you see all the lives lost.  Funny thing is, you will note how similar socialism, communism, royalty/nobility, and imperialism really are.  The only thing that shows some serious difference is capitalism.  It has it's flaws, but it's never in one man's hand to send a nation to disastrous warfare, genocide, or other such.

If capitalism was so bad, as many enemies as it has, it would not be supported by so many.  The ones who want it gone are the rich who don't wish to compete and every politician they can buy.  At this time, most politicians are terribly bought and by the wrong side.  Not sure how this will work out.  Not sure the election system can fix it, given that so many who vote risk nothing for voting for ruinous actions by the government.  Yeah, we are in worse shape than Europe.  Some suggest that we are inundated, but not by muslims.  I just suggest they look right south of our border and tell me what the difference is, exactly.  None.

Well, I should get a shower in.  Then a few other things.  Later.

Time flies.

.
.
Dinner is being prepared.  I thawed corned beef a bit back.  I wasn't sure it would be good.  Surprisingly it was.  I wasn't going to fool with it if it wasn't, not an inch.  To be truth, if it wasn't good, I would have gone to town.  I didn't really want to cook.  Some of it will go for sandwiches, some, I hope, will go toward corned beef hash.  I'd like to try my hand at it.

Another day.

.
.
A shower, first thing... after I wake.  Then setting up dishes to be washed, doing a load of laundry, and then handling some already washed laundry.  A break, then to the kitchen.  While sorting and clearing, I would also like to begin clearing the back hallway.  When I need a break from that, I'll take it then switch to clearing the bedroom.  I don't know where I'll get, or if I'll even start.  For now, that is the plan.

Dreaming, but not holding onto much.  The faces of people I should know.  Living, but in the cast of ghosts.  My sight isn't always correct with the time outside my sleep, something that took a while to get fully.  Sometimes I look back at these times from the future.  Though, that might not be it.  Sometimes I see from the immortal side of the veil.  As such, all are ghosts... just spending their time, which on my side, in a way, even if synced up, is... already gone.  Don't worry your little head about it.  You will understand in your time, those of you with souls.

Just a wee cranky, of body, this 'morning'.  Not enough to even consider painkillers.  I figure a bit of setting, then working, will get it going well enough.  Even though, without the drywall which was damaged in places, the bathroom eastern floor is a bit wrecked, being both clean, and having that project finally started, pleases me every time I go in.  Something about it all, and the potential for more... both there and elsewhere.  I even found a tool which might help me map my electrical, then tabs for labeling.

With the back hallway beginning to be cleared, finding the chalk line marker will be happening sooner rather than later.  And, yes, I already have the drywall to replace the old.  I will need to cut it, paste and tape it, probably put screws here and there, then... oh right... I suspect I will just paint that whole bathroom.  Next month I'll see about plastic to cover, and tape, then by July I will be ready to buy paint.  If I do both bathrooms in the same color, that wouldn't be bad... I could get enough for both, and aim to have the en suit cleared and ready for painting by then?  YES!  I think I can.  Having targets makes hitting them much easier?  :p  Well, it DO!

Later.

Time is slipping, weather changing.

.
.
It did not stay lit, the sun either never quite rising forth or going back to hiding rather quickly.  I cannot say for sure.  I was unable to muster beyond that last plan.  Though other things are on my mind.  Daydreams of dread deeds, whispers of war and intrigue.  Dark things on the horizon.  Dark things indeed.

Well, and it seems some one is musically asking or accusing me of being damned.  Of the damned, no doubt.  Other than saying with certainty that I worship the God of Abraham and Isaac and so on, the Father of the Christ, the Christ, and the Holy Spirit which are one in three, I can say no more.  If this makes me heretic or worse, in your eyes, then certainly... go with it.  Do as you must.  I have a post, prepared earlier, almost ready.  Today?  A week?  A month?  Ever?  It is.  Whether it will be shared, finished and shared, or not...  Oddly, it doesn't matter.  Naughty children seem to find things behind my blind.  I can tell.  Not a tech, mostly, but that isn't how I see in the dark.  And, yes, I saw.

A bit more tinkering with one of the new toys.  It indicates there is work to do, electrically.  I am also learning how to solve issues, how to check for possible solutions when faces with a lot of work otherwise, and what to do when it... really must be done... the hard work.  Nothing, to a degree, that I didn't know.  Just... trying to find other ways when the work is daunting.

The darkness has taken my legs out from under me.  Bedtime, again, shortly... very shortly.  Oh, but I finished a poem, only a part... and bastardized part... of which I had heard, then read.  The name?  I knew not, until this reading.  It is "America: A Prophecy", I believe... by William Blake.  There is much I do not fully understand.  What I can say is... I understand some large portion of it... perhaps too large of a portion.  But not from having read it before.  To be honest, though, it is everywhere.  It is in far more than most think.  Even so, that is not where I learned these things.  Are they sure, the truth?  If what I suspect is true... maybe.  I will have to study.  Certain terms he uses may not be as I suppose them.  And... it is old form English.

Oh, but for now, for today, bedtime.  Good... day, night, morning?  Nah, but good afternoon too.  Time isn't relative, but it... sure is.  *wink*

Oh, yeah, didn't see that either.

.
.
Mostly.

Someone added the derivative of earth to the rain raised to e, multiplied that by a fraction of the cosmos, then extrapolated fire and green in order to combine that into a fractal, all that to be divided into zero and still come up with a useful function.  (No worries, physics relies on that to be true... or it to be wrong).  The notion that was spit out could be true, if it were.

Didn't see that coming.

.
.
(He is lying through his teeth.)

Well, we'll see.  *blink blink*

Bits at a time.

.
.
Nothing fancy.  Some tools have been pooled, dishes have been collected and are ready to be washed.  A few of them have... oil? in them?  Something.  A couple of carafes were so gunky that I am soaking them separately.  One of them might have egg whites in it?  I just... don't know.  It got put out of sight, in something else, under more.  The other one I just... anyway.  Two out of fifty is not bad.  More since they are small items, easy to soak on their own.

A shower, shortly.  Then I'll set the main dishes to soak.  Then I'll start laundry.  I've actually been doing quite a few, if little, small, short, bits of work.  I think I will get this list of things going rather quickly too.  Further, I believe I will get the house plants in to be watered and given some hot steam to please their vegetal souls, while doing the rest.  Then?  Then I'll get outside for a bit this morning.

I would like to water everything, spray for bugs, along the outside perimeter, then put the weed spray together to see how well it works.  Salt, dish soap, and vinegar.  I'll have to find the ratios... or one set of them.  I thought it was a gallon of vinegar, an half cup of salt, and a tea- or table- spoon of dish soap?  I'd probably go with more dish soap and more salt.  I'm thinking more like two cups of salt and an half to whole cup of dish soap.  I'll then put that on the weeds growing in the cracks of my driveway.

After that?  As I suggested, more in the kitchen, then on the to main bedroom.  Perhaps a call to whoever handles disposal, to see about the costs involved with a large metal bin for a month.  I won't be ordering that, as I suggested.  Not this month.  I won't be buying the lawnmower this month either.  I can do that next month, but it's... just a bit much right now.  Too many things going on.  Should be well ready by next month.  Well, the mower.  Not sure about the larger trash bin.  I'll need time to get things ready to go anyway.  *shrug*

More and more.  I'll keep at it.  The bathroom is back in prime shape... at least until I can find the chalk line, or replace it.  Not that expensive, I just hate doing that, when I know I have one somewhere.  Time is money, and peace of mind, though, so...  Of course, what I have left to cut is easy, up and away, and only, at most, an inch of drywall.  It will clean back up just fine.  So I will probably mop sometime in the next day or two.  It would be nice to have the kitchen ready to mop as well, with the bathroom and little 'L' hall between the two ready now.

Sometime this week I would like to clear the back entrance hall, sweep, mop, and sort tools and expendables there as well.  I have various oils and varnishes, specialized bug sprays, and various things like that out there which need to be cleared.  I don't like putting that stuff in the garage, not where it might freeze.  I should go through it, though, and toss what was deemed a failure or what I no longer use, need, or want.  Then I can get my tools and bits more suitably sorted out.  Work, work, work, and more work.  But I am loving it.  Later.

Dinner and a series.

.
.
I actually used all of the first batch of beans and beef.  So, yesterday, since I didn't pick up other foods and I still had some hamburger and several cans of beans, I made another, smaller, batch.  That, too, is now gone.  While my hunger comes and goes now, the main part of it, the starvation edge of the thing, is mended.  Now, once or twice every few days, I get a regular hunger.  It isn't "for" anything, like bread or beans or potatoes or meat... it is just raw hunger.  I need some serious volume.  I was neglecting it.  Tea won't do.

I looked through something else that arrived in the last packet of orders... a drill set with countersinks.  I have wanted a set of these for a long time.  There have been times when I wanted them, had to do without.  Yes, you can do without.  But do you really like to do without?  Especially when it really is called for?  My problem was deciding which type to get.  I ended up ordering two sets.  One, this one, with drills attached, then another which are just cutter knobs on the end of bits.  I was looking the kind that arrived, the ones with attached bits, and was a bit surprised, and pleased.

Waking into minor chaos.

.
.
When I first woke, I felt a bit bad, then worse, then really much better, than a few pegs down from that.  There was not efforts involved.  I wondered if I was still half dreaming, and falling down a slope, hurting when I hit, feeling better when airborne, never quite enough awake to figure out what was happening.  Now, more fully awake, I am positive that isn't the case.  So... I guess my body was just figuring things out.

I almost forgot.

.
.
I finally got to some of the last paperwork (that I knowingly remember).  Something about digital secure messaging, which ended up not being too messy.  I still had the files I had downloaded, then sent, recently.  So I sent them again, in this way.  Bleh.  I explained that planting and other work had sort of gotten the better of me.  Not that they really care, just saying.

It is about time to crash.  The tub is ready for a shower when I get out, or a bath then a... no... too much work.  Just a short nap, or long, I don't know, then... some other things when I wake.  I was hungry, again.  Supper was good, but I... made more beans and beef.  I ate the last of the bread.  I still have more of the mixture left, I'll have to use tortillas from now on.  It is fixing the hunger, but probably jacking blood sugar.  I'll... figure that out, in time, too.  While I am buying cooked meats, I might pick up greens and other veggies, try to kick back to keto... that and if I can eat enough in short periods (actually as I have been... one meal a day... but not keto or even low carb so no go) I might get back into intermittent fasting.  First for the days, then for multiple days.  I think I can, I think I can, I...  I really do.

Nap time.  Good morning and day.  Hope to see you before noon.

Well, I am getting there.

.
.
After a little geo engineering,  a bit of practice, and some crawling around, I was able to get the tool in there to both my, and the task's, satisfaction.  I was not able to find my chalk line, but that is on the way.  When I do I will have a simple task of creating a line and removing, perhaps, an inch off the top.  Right, but I got the bulk of it done.  I simply need to fine tune the job.

I found a face mask, but it was terrible.  It had two elastic bands, one of which broke while initially donning the thing.  Then the thing would not truly fit on my nose and over my chin both at the same time.  After only a minute or two of fussing with it while trying to work, the other band broke.  *cough, cough cough, cough*  I simply could not work without something.  Hmm... maybe some low-tech?  A bandanna?  Would IT fit.  I bought the biggest ones I could find, and I can't remember if I tried them.  Oh, but it would have to be wet, or that dry dust would get through.

Perfect!  Mostly.  I was just able to tie the very tips of the square.  Good enough though.  And, wetted, it kept the dust better than the shot mask ever had.  Back to it.  After cutting what I could, as straight as I could, I did the clean up.  Dry dust, parts of drywall, bits of wood and plaster from the old wall behind it.  I removed the screws I found, dug down into the basin around the wall, swept and plucked and got it cleaned.  Nice.

Then I finally finished that load of dishes.  All is dry, most of it is put up.  Next, after I rest a bit, a shower.  That wore me out more than I thought it would.  Stooping, don't you know?  Both for the dishes and for cutting the base drywall, and getting the oscillating saw in amongst the pipes and toilet and all.  I put a replacement pot of tea on when I finished... just...  I keep four in the fridge.  I try to keep them full.  Rotate.  This will be an extra pot of tea, for when I finish the next half gallon jug.  I like to be ahead.

Yeah, rest, then paperwork.  I don't know after that.  I wanted a nap.  Maybe after the paperwork?  Maybe.  Later.

I am getting to it.

.
.
I have refilled the dish rinse twice.  Why?  I keep timing out.  If the water is too cold the dishes won't dry well.  This time, though, I pulled out the oscillating saw, set it up, and began cutting out the baseboard drywall.  I was right, the walls are slat and mud... or such... behind the drywall.  There is no vapor barrier.  Though this is a dryer area.  Not sure that actually, truly, matters.  Anyway, I went to it.

I had thought, or hoped, the oscillating saw would get in behind the toilet, but it doesn't look like it will.  Maybe, if I angle it in and back?  I am nervous about chipping the toilet or causing some other very unhappy damage with the tool back in there.  I will tinker with it, unplugged, for a while.  If all else fails, perhaps a chisel, sharpy, hammer, large and small flathead screwdrivers, and a lot of patience?  I don't mind, I'd just rather... be done with it now.

I like the little tool.  I can see where it can come in handy, especially for work that won't be visible or rough choring something so that all that might remain is sanding.  It weighs more than I thought it would, but that is generally, to my ways and nature, a good thing.  I hate when I go to grab a tool and feel as if I am holding a feather.  That is for... other men.  I like to know I have a tool in my hand.

Oh, next time I go to work in a smaller area, and see that it is kicking up dust, I will wear a mask.  I have several around, somewhere.  Before I do more tinkering I do believe I will find some... even those simple formed paper looking things.  I should get better masks though, due to the age of this house and all else.  Live and learn... it is hoped.

I'll look for the whatever mask I can find right quick, finish the cuts however I must, sweep in there again, hit the dishes, take a shower, than relax for a bit.  Then check out that paperwork.  I'm... getting going.  Later.

A bite and a headache.

.
.
I did get the dishes ready.  A hot rinse, so they can be dried easily.  Then I ate supper, which was brought and in the fridge.  A headache is forming.  Some sort of muscle tension thing.  I don't know the cause, I do have a probably cure... a few anacin.  I keep promising to take some, then not doing so.  This time I will.  It works well, when I don't forget to take them.

After the dishes, I do believe I will get the oscillating tool out and check it over, get the right blade, and then get to it.  Then I'll sweep before showering.  Oh, and after my shower I will put the houseplants in for their wetting and sauna.  The jade pothos is doing well, the gold one has issue.  Gah!  Very minor issues though.  Hmm, I may actually do research regarding that.  It's just a few leaves on one side.  Though, to be honest, it looks like too much water.  Weird.  They are in different types of pots though, which might be it.  One is a solid pot, the other... for the golden pothos... is one of those "self-watering" pots... if the name and function don't make sense to me.  Hmm... yeah, I'll research.

I think I might get to some things tonight.  Though, too, in a bit, I will take a nap, then, later, when I wake, take another shower and maybe get in to town for several buckets o' food.  While I took care of the hard starvation problem with five or six 2 to 3 pound meals in the last three days (?has it been?), I am still on some edge of famine.  I want food here, and ready, so I can work, and if need be feast.  Something is... different.  A good thing, so long as I feed it, I think.

Later.

Curiosity.

.
.
While waking, and thinking about the bathroom, I had... a notion.  I could, while making this, build the counter, sink, and all, to my height.  Why?  Because I hate living in a miniature world made for smaller beings.  If I am going to do this, why not make it sized for myself.  Oh the joy!  As with the kitchen, if I redo counters.  They will be elevated.

Now, I was thinking, however, that while this would be good for me, it might not be perfect for a woman, or the next owners.  So?  Well, not in this job, directly, but what about another sink?  I wondered if there would be special plumbing, or a system to make sure the two would work together.  I went looking.

It seems not.  When merging drain pipes, there are better ways... more of an angle and a longer arc (for code, but also for practical reasons, such as being able to get a drain snake through).  Other than that, there really isn't an issue.  Now, as I wrote, I won't install two sinks.  I will make one adjustment, however.  I will raise the area for half of the top floating shelf run, to accommodate my comfort.  The other side will be lower, for easy installation of another sink.  I might even run pipes of various sorts in that direction, then simply cap them, for ease of future work.  It wouldn't cost much, and would become plainly understandable to anyone poking their nose in there, if the notion struck them.

Hmm...  I best set up the dishes to a refreshed rinse, get something to eat, and then really get going with my day.  After dishes I will take a closer look at that digital paperwork.  Later.

A better start than the last stop.

.
.
When I hit the wall yesterday, I hit it hard.  Even then I couldn't just drop.  Things. to. do.  I did get some things done.  It doesn't look like that was enough.  No response.  Working with me isn't fun, but working with most businesses isn't fun either.  They seem, mostly, just to want to hassle.  Or they don't know what they are doing.  Many seem to be quota hire companies where as many people try to be involved as possible.  Not to do the work, but to be able to say they were involved with something, so continued to deserve a paycheck.  Few if any of them seem competent.  First, don't get in pissing contests with clients.  That's not how it works.  I may find another company.  For now, however, I need to check on something else.  After I finished the information transfer, which was a brutal task to enact for the first time... especially in my state... I realized there was some sort of paperwork they wanted me to read or fill out.  I wasn't willing or able to do one more new and stupid dog and/or pony trick.  I'll try to figure that out now... or this evening, when I wake.

I do hope to get the dishes and laundry going.  As well, I think I can cut the drywall and finish cleaning the bathroom.  Having taken out the trash and begun collecting some of the dishes, the kitchen is starting to take better shape.  If not today, soon I will rip and tear and get things back in order.  Shoveling and planting chewed into my biomechanical heart.  Hopefully I can get it all back on track before long.  Long past my inception date yet here I am.

My no. 5 plane arrived today.  For all the turd U.S. union workers complaints, I can easily see that it will work.  It may need some tlc.  But for the price, compared to high end units, it will end up working just as good.  Further, I suspect that even the high end planes may need tuning right out of the box.  I have learned not to believe anything from certain groups.  Look.  If they want Americans to work, they have to end feminism and unions.  Both of which support each other and helped break wages for husbands, while STILL raising the costs for the goods to a point that... while having broken wages... most Americans can't afford.  Choices.  Consequences.  I would like at least one more plane, a block plane, for sure.  I may, in time, end up buying new, used, high and low grade, to... experiment.  Or not.  Depends more on time than much else.

With this plane, after it's cleaned up, and with practice, I can do a number of things.  Even boards for a true fit, flatten wood with even rather aggressive material removal as scrub plane, and a few other things.  This, from a number of woodworkers, would be the one if they could only have one.  While many would prefer a low plane, that was outside of my range right at the start.  I just wanted one with which to... begin tinkering.  The next one will be a little higher quality, but not much.  If I end up using and liking them, perhaps next year, or over winter, I might purchase some used ones to tune and sharpen, then use.

Well... I should get on to waking.  I was down right at eight hours again.  It's what I prefer.  Later.

I hate it when I hit this wall.

.
.
Collecting, removing, and getting the trash to the road simply wore me out.  Well, there was cat littler and a few other things.  As well, it is late, as my day might be considered.  My ability to push through is limited right now, and failing fast.  I just can't "do".  I see what is needed, but focus and energy... I'll be pushing.  Still, I'll see what I can do.  I thought about a nap, but I am all but sure that if I took a nap I wouldn't wake until... much later... well into the evening.  Frustrating.

Yeah, I'll give it a shot.  If I can do just the one, sending in paperwork, I may crash.  All else can wait, I think.  Yeah.  I haven't quite blown a rod, perhaps a number of gaskets?  I don't know, something.  I can still go, just not far or fast, and only probably.  Good night.
------------
Done, the banking information figured out, collected, and sent anyway.  I am skewing sideways and down at a terrible pace.  Nothing else will be done.  Green about the gills, sore, tired.  Sleep will happen or I will get ill.

Still not doing much or fast.

.
.
I did get the water reset for the dishes.  Then got the trash collected, cat little changed while at that, then got it all out and the the big bin to the roadside.  I think I did it in time.  I need to attempt some paperwork for business, and get my mortgage paid.  Ugh, and more.

I am still hoping, after the paperwork and payment, to finish the load of dishes out there, get a shower in, do a load of laundry while I dry, then put fold and put away laundry while at it all.  Who knows though.  Tired, drained, and off... I stayed up too long yesterday.  I realize I have been getting calls.  But either the phone wasn't ringing through or I was so focused I didn't realize it.  Oh, and someone put up the bird house.  I have a guess who, and a bit perhaps why.  Still, that's... good.  If, at some point, I would like to get it down and tinker with it... but later, when I have the right tools, time to sand, prime, and paint.  Yeah.  All good.

I'd better get back to things, before I time out.  The paperwork and payment are primary.  I'll see if I can get them to work.  Perhaps send some stuff from my bank to my email, then pass that on?  Ackh.  I usually can do things, I just hate learning certain sorts of things on the fly.  Later.  Or good nig... well... good morning and day.

Well?

.
.
I'm not moving fast or well.  On the other hand, I am not in pain, drained, stretched, pushed, or fried.  Mostly.  I think I might get to some things even yet.

While I have been thinking on things, for the bathroom, the plank floating vanity has been the real stickler.  I haven't been able to find a good example.  Finally, this evening, I found something that... is as close as I have seen... other than in pictures.  This is a diy video.  Now, it isn't exact.  I am thinking along the lines of two planks, unconnected.  As well, at least in theory, I would love to have the planks double that thickness, or more.  As I might have mentioned, however, that may not be practical or affordable.  More, I would like them to be a glossy black.  I don't think I could afford that thick of planks of ebony woods, and am not sure there is any type of black wood which would actually polish up.  I suppose their are coatings.  Still, probably out of my price range... without serious scrimping.

The idea, really, is to have two planks, parallel, of equal length and thickness, one below for towels and sundry, the top for general use plus the sink and faucet.  I suppose I could create a box, with miter cuts.  I can't swear my circular saw, or me using it, can provide the 45 degree cuts needed to make a hidden faux think plank from better grades of plywood.  It is possible, if I go slow, practice, and am willing to lose until I win/learn.  I... wouldn't mind so much.

The planning is coming closer.  What needs to come out, what needs to go in, techniques, materials, and most other things.  Still, I need a few more tools (to my mind).  I need to make the purchases for several of these things.  I will, in that very small room, go with an exceedingly bright white.  It truly needs it, being a pocket room with one small window that, at the best, only gets dim light even on the brightest days.  Something about a bright bathroom... to me... more so since I wish to use such a dark flooring and woodwork... though I may end up moderating everything?  I have time... I'll be thinking on it.  I wish I could see a mock up, even digital...  Perhaps I can run colors off and set them in places to get some notion... rather inexpensively, or even nearly freely, if I beg, borrow, and... well... I'll not steal.  Not in a literal way.

Oh, I best get the trash together, and cat litter going.  Then reset the dishes if needed.  Plus get some business ready and going.  Later.

The bathroom.

.
.
No, the one that has been out of commission for a long time.  Part of the problem was deciding what, exactly, to do.  Some of the little things were vexing.  If you have never worked in construction before, or even done smaller projects, a whole room, especially a bathroom, can be daunting.

I have the water heater for in there, a new toilet, but I still need to remove a large mirror glued to the wall, a vanity, the old toilet, plus add a floor drain or two, remove the old flooring and perhaps work on the subfloor, install new flooring, the toilet, add or create something to replace the vanity, install a sink and faucet, add a medicine cabinent... one that goes into the wall, and perhaps install lighting.  Okay, fair enough, that is quite a lot.  More so for a noob.

Being that I have chosen and purchased a toilet and water heater, have a sink and faucet selected if not yet purchased, having practiced soldering copper piping, and with some ideas and now tools to create shelving or mock plank shelving, I am getting closer.  I am looking at the options for various other parts.

For the flooring, I must admit, despite my want of marble or other real stone, and that it is affordable given the size of the bathroom, there are reasons not to purchase such.  The complexity isn't so much of an issue, nor price.  It is more that the floors would be cold.  There is a way to install heated floors, which would add to the cost, and complexity, but are still doable.  It is just that... all in all... that really isn't worth it.

Vinyl plank flooring is easy enough.  And, to help with the cold, felt subfloor topping would help.  And the whole system is so much easier to install, doesn't require treatments once or twice a year, and can be replaced wholesale or by parts in a snap, make it the best choice.  Even more, it stands up to water fart better.  While I am working on that I will also do a bit for a creak or two in there.

More?  I think that is how I will go in the kitchen too.  This will be practice, and an idea about how much the price will be.  The real question is, in the kitchen, do I want to redo the cabinetry first?  To be honest, I actually do.  I think there might be water damage.  I would like to get in and fix some of that.  As well, I would like to raise the height of the counters... perhaps even building in a false raised floor for shorter people to still be able to use the counters.  Do short... uhrm... people feel uncomfortable working on slightly elevated counters?  I just don't know.  I definitely fee it when working on too short... standard... counters.  Lower back.

Oh, I suspect, through the next year or so, I can begin purchasing bits as I can.  Say, next month, purchasing enough planks for the room, plus an extra 20% for mistakes, various irregular cuts, and replacements for future damage.  The month after that, perhaps, the underlayment, and so on.  An hundred to two a month, every other month, and I should have almost everything laid in for the work.  Then, when I go to do it, even if I am missing something, it won't be a problem.  It is so much easier to hit a job when you can do it all at once.  Oh, and, perhaps, during the hot summer months, when I can run the ac in there and enjoy it, do the destruction.  The next time I am in town, when the big boxes are open, I will get longer slats... to begin removing the mirror.  Hmm, I will check my stocks, see if I have something that would work before buying even small amounts of anything.  I hate wasting money.

Nap?  Yeah.  Later.

Right at eight hours..

.
.
On the dot as memory serves, and it is serving well.  I woke with a minor achy notation to life, one I have decided to attempt to banish with anacin.  It's not nearly as bad as it can be, has been recently.  Because of this, however, I really think that getting of rid of it might open today to a Herculean effort.  If life is stacked against me, death is my kin.  An uncle and brother are various components of said.  Still not sure if their grants through their license are a kindness or cruelty.  But that is for their part.  For my part, I'll take it.  If anacin furthers my reach, at certain points, then so be it.

Instead of tossing the laundry soap, I simply added water to it so it wouldn't dry out too much.  I'll change clothes again, after I finish dishes and take a shower.  Adding those worn clothes to the wash.  Not towels.  I am using towels twice, two times to dry my body, but on the second dry it becomes the new floor drop.  When it dries, it then goes to the wash.  I have tried to make them last longer.  And they will.  But sometimes they can get musty and need to be heavily worked with a double or triple wash with baking soda, then vinegar, and then maybe a clean wash.

If I get these things going, then I need to get the trash and cat litter changed, cut the drywall, clean the bathroom, set another load of dishes, hit the kitchen, and get some paperwork going before tomorrow dawns.  The paperwork is primary, but should be easy enough.  Should be.  Gah!  I may need a nap somewhere in there.

Either "today" or "tomorrow" (life in the third lane is confusing at times) I would like to get in and purchase larger food options.  A big bucket of chicken, a large portion of "barbecued" brisket (minus the sauce), perhaps some of the better sides there, and... something else... perhaps a pale of beans and rice from somewhere.  Nothing fancy.  Just... stuff so that I can work heavy, eat heavy, and not mess up like I did.  I am still eating two to three pound meals a couple times a day.  HUNGRY.  I just weighed in, and I am weighing what I should (not being on keto or intermittent fasting).  Right at 280.  Odd how I can eat like that and not gain a ton.  I am truly curious what I can do eating as my body says to eat for a while... at least until I tickle out the hunger.  Until I get ahead of that devastating hunger, I have to eat or my body will hurt and I won't be able to work.

Anywhile... that's the plan.  Good day... night... morning.

I think I have been awake for far too long.

.
.
I think.  Actually, after looking back, the time stamp on the last first of the morning post was at 11:57 yesterday.  That isn't the right time, it's two hours one way or the other... often.  Even so, that means I have been awake for twenty five or twenty seven hours.  I'm really not in shape to be awake that long.  Food, though, helps.  As well, more sun and warmer temps.  It certainly wasn't something I was trying to do.  It just happened.

I only did some work.  A bit of this and that, washing dishes, setting them to a soak, and I have a load of laundry ready to go.  I had hoped to shower, so as to change clothes and put the dirty clothes in.  That just didn't quite get done.  Even without a shower, I might as well change clothes and put the worn stuff in with the rest, and let it go.  Yeah...  I would, but I have already poured the soap.  I don't want it to get tacky in there.  Hmm... actually I won't.  I can easily remove the tray, but dealing with mold and mildew, should I forget, is a much more negative issue.  I will change clothes and get the worn in though.  Might as well wash out the soap now, while it is, probably still easy to get out.  Bleh.

I am definitely between waking and sleeping.  Stuck.  I'll keep at it though.  Perhaps this will help me kick night and day back around, which will allow me to sleep in the real dark, and cool of night.  I'll... keep working on it.  Though whether I can stay up this late again tomorrow is improbable.  It's a kick-start, but there will be a few steps back I think.  Or, that's how it usually happens.  Good night.

The dreamer awakens?

.
.
Seeing isn't always believing.  But faith cannot demand sight.  Take your pick or let what is be, allowing for what is as you already surely know.

Rough getting going.

.
.
I did reset the dishes to a fresh soak, ate a meal quite a bit earlier, fed and gave treats to the girls, but that's been it... so far.  I am hoping to do more.  I would like to wash the dishes, get a shower, round up the trash and get it out, rinse then dry the dishes and then set up as many of the remaining dishes, pots, and pans for a clean, then go to bed?  Whatever.  Oh, and if I can, I would like to cut the drywall out.

I also cleaned the toilet and surrounds, just a bit.  I'll still have to sweep and mop the floor, so that doesn't affect cutting drywall.  I will be cautious, in case there is vapor barrier behind.  If it's there, and I do cut it... depending on some things, repairing or replacing isn't too much of an issue.  There is a tape for that.  I think those walls are new enough that if they went by code there will be vapor barrier backing.  Now, mind you, no judgements.  The reality is, code, while it can be a good thing, is just as often a means of pricing things out of the hands of normal people AND jacking up the costs of construction... for government and big biz manipulations (which are why we have gone over a financial cliff).  Hitting bottom will, in time, fix this.  But that hit will hurt.

Is vapor barrier a real health thing?  People have lived without it for all of history.  Paint me skeptical.  Most code, at this point, seems to be about white collar unions and government bureaucracy.  Both of which, in the conflagration, will be hung or run off into the sea... often without boats.  Unless it is a public space, the government really needs to back off.  Or become much more approachable... working with homeowners and such as assistance not as weaponized bureaucrats.  Including helping to lower costs even if the wire isn't the exact right color, so long as it is somehow labeled and arranged correctly.

Is Trump doing some of this?  I would say yes.  From what I can tell he is probably doing as much as he can.  With the judiciary weaponized against the people, and their will, plus with the Republican party being more Democrat than anything else, at the federal level at least, draining the swamp... is difficult.  Just getting them to fulfill their (congressional) promises is unlikely.  They haven't been keeping any of their promises since Reagan, before Reagan really.  I am actually rather surprised that Trump is, or is attempting, to keep his promises or insinuations.  Some of that was spewed in a forked tongue manner.  That IS politics.  That not all of it was?  We'll see.  The trick, the hard part, is getting any support from congress.  That and dealing with a rogue judiciary.  He, Trump, still has my vote to do what is necessary.  If the judiciary has to be stripped and rebuilt, so be it.  As for congress, that is elected.  That, like the presidency, is up to us.  Some of them have to go to prove some points... even if it hurts.

Oh, right... to get to work.  Later.

Woodworking?

.
.
I am definitely headed that way.  For many and varied reasons.  If needed, new cabinetry in the house.  Though certainly shop tables and devices, even if I simply do hobby work.  I am slowly filling out my electrical and mechanical tool inventory.  The bigger ticket items will just have to wait, such as the table saw and crosscut saw.  This month I purchased an oscillating saw and a jigsaw, plus what is needed for those.  Next on my list, probably, is a plunge/static router kit... one with enough power to do anything I might need in a home shop.  Then, hopefully, a a table saw.  Though, that isn't necessarily going to be the next few pay checks.  I could, but I burn out on buying tools, and need this or that for other projects, wants, and needs.

There are ways to work around a lack.  Jigs.  There are jigs for, probably, any tool.  Sometimes the jigs simply enhance or expand on typical uses for a given tool.  Sometimes they help one tool replace another, say a jig that might help replace a table saw.  There will always be holes in what any given jig can do in the way of filling in for another tool.  A bit of creativity helps, but it isn't always enough.  And, yet, one way or another, even without a prime tool, a job can be figured out.  It just might take more time, more effort, and their might end up more mistakes.  If, too, that is how skill is acquired.  You can make your jig, or buy a pre-made one.

Not better, not worse.

.
.
I found a place between here and there and it's as good as it gets for now.  I've been watching videos, ate another portion, and... just... hoping to do a bit more.

Some of the videos I like to watch, when nothing is moving, is a fellow who... is doing what I would like to be doing.  I don't know if he is an engineer, or what exactly he does.  Scratch that.  He definitely isn't a technical engineer.  He might be R&D, a field tech, a few other things, but engineers don't, or rarely, urhm... know what they are doing.  Don't hate the truth, or me for telling it.