A bit rough, doable.

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I woke sometime between 15:00 and 17:00?  I... think at the earlier edge... or half... of that.  I think.  I simply can't be sure.  Too tired.  Not sleepy tired, physically exhausted sort of tired, and the ribs... and hands.  I should have taken gloves.  I thought I had?  Though the ribs were hurting so bad yesterday, that... while I realized the hands were getting hurt, I didn't realize how badly.  Until this morning... well... until I woke.

I've got a dozen deeper puncture wounds, and a number of scrapes, on my hands.  Some are rather deep.  The ribs are sore.  Breathing, on the right side, hurts.  Deep breaths hurt a lot more.  Not... too bad.  No bleeding, nothing punctured.  I have... and idea of what to look for when that happens.  I've lived a... interesting life.  Still, I need to be gentle for a few days, and still be light duty for a month or two.  Good timing.  I will use it to heal.

I did, late last night, check the water.  It was frozen, so I brought it all in.  The containers were thawed and ready for more water this morning... "morning"... when I woke.  Fresh water right out.  Food looked good, save in one cage.  Those rabbits hadn't had much to drink, when I pulled the frozen waterers.  I don't think they found the nipple, or were a bit off due to the move.  They ate almost all of their food though.  When I watered them this "morning", I stayed to make sure they could, would, drink.  And, yes.  They drank with abandon.  Then the ducks were handled.

I checked just a bit ago.  The water is all still good.  I had to refill two waterers, one of which had been the group that hadn't found the water last night.  No worries, I refilled those.  The others seem well hydrated.  With no freezing yet, I just let those go.  Bit by bit, they will adjust, and I will learn needs and keep up.  I don't mind checking on them three times a day, if needed.  Especially when heat or cold are more extreme.

Later, I will take out their water bottles, replacing them with smaller ones for the night.  Probably having to thaw the other bottles through the night.  Just putting them in a dish pan, with lukewarm water, seems to get them to thaw rather easily and quickly.  As I use the bathroom through the evening, I will refill those for being put out in the morning.  Fresh water, cold, up to room temp when it goes out, will last longer.  I hope.

Satisfied, for now.  When I can handle standing and breathing a bit better, I would like to go out, and get one or two of the smaller cage sets set up in the outbuilding.  Plus maybe the last one we built.  Those will be for mammas and kits.  I WAY oversized the other cages I was trying to build.  Even the ones we did build are... almost excessive.  Luxury apartments, a kindness for mammas trying to do what they do best, perhaps.

I need to go shopping soon.  Groceries.  I have all the meat I will need, save brats, for a goodly time.  A month or two?  Maybe.  But I need some of the extras.  Cheese, veggies, a taste of fruit or three... Keto is good, but until you get into it, you have to have some sides.  Even when you are into it, you have to fill out the menu, add treats of the right sorts, and else.  Just meats will no longer do.  Hmmm... later.

Chilly out there.

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Getting to bed is difficult.  Had to allow knots and ribs and else to settle.  Painkillers helped.  Still, had to... set it off, and I really couldn't walk it off.  It was 15, last I looked, with some airflow.  Not a lot, not even a solid wind?  If I remember correctly, it was off and on, up to five to seven knots, from the north east?  It's as good a guess as I would make.  Not solid, as mentioned, but frequent.  Even so, for some odd reason, it seems so very cold out there!  Usually, 15 is... good with me.  Meh.

I wanted to check the critters.  Everyone seems okay.  The ducks are being... inspected.  But are alive and well.  Pecking orders and inspections suck, I am quite sure.  But, that is their way.  The rabbits are looking very at ease and comfortable.  I will check the waterers.  If they are frozen, I will pull those and hope they thaw by morning.  They can't use them, if they are frozen, anyway.

I just... like my critters.  These are the breeders, no eaters in these... probably.  But even if they were the eaters, perhaps even more so, tending them well is befitting.  Even these could be considered, if in a mundane way, as with Christ.  While they don't feed the soul, they do feed the flesh, which is a temple of the Holy Ghost.  To tend what feeds that temple, is only a good thing.  Something in that general idea.  I do not understand how one could abuse what gives it's very life to sustain.  Gratitude, even prayer, right to the slaying, and consumption.

I won't bother the birds.  Light in there hutch, at night, gets them all stirred.  They need their beauty sleep, like the rest of us.  The bunnies don't seem to care, one way or another.  They are used to goats, to geese, to ducks, to dogs, and perhaps people, coming out to check on them at whatever hours.  I think, would almost bet, they sleep and act more like cats.  Sleeping and active in spurts.  Still, I won't bother them all the time, just... water them twice, plus pull their waterers if I happen to be awake late, and they are frozen.

In, mostly.

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Done?  Is it ever done?  Finishing is just a beginning.  Still, most arranged.  The rabbits, more than suspected, are home, fed, watered, and caged.  The new ducks are in.  Oh, my, but such a day.  Work was done, to get the cages we built set up.  Perhaps more arrangement tomorrow.  But it will be lighter work, mostly.  As well, tarps over the rabbits.

As for cages?  I was thinking it would be four.  And, well, technically, it was.  But four groups of cages.  The least had two cages, the most had four.  I think, sum total, there were twelve actual spaces, plus more to come.  One of the arriving cages is toast, but has bits for repair of the other cages, and could do in a pinch.  I would guess there are three to seven cage spaces which could be used for kitting.  And, the three we built, can be used for kitting.  So... yea...  I have plenty of space.

Not all of the cages can fit the buildings, but the critters can be outside.  Actually, all of them are outside tonight.  If with tarps over them.  Some of them had been as such where they came from.  And the few in the outbuilding had open doors, so only the wind was kept from them.  So very good.  This... gives me plenty of space.

As well, I picked up eight more rabbits.  Mini rexes.  Four male, four female.  And they dress out to about five pounds, if I wish them for food.  Oh, and I have asked for another male, full size rex, in case something happens to the untried buck.  If you guys think human females are... difficult... if a female rabbit doesn't get ridden right, or is ignored by the male, she might have his balls for lunch.  If he is too timid, she might end up riding him to his infertility.  Yea...  You have it easy.  *grins*

Anyway... everything is set up and stationed for the night.  A few rearrangements tomorrow.  I think I will put Hazel, my experienced doe, in the outbuilding.  As well as, several others and at least one of the new cage decks, possible two if they will fit.  I would rather have all the breeding sets out in the outbuilding, saving the cages closer to the house for feeders.

On another front, yesterday, something... popped... in my chest.  I thought, initially, it was a pulled muscle.  A few pops and... so...  I couldn't tell exactly what happened.  It didn't feel too bad, if I suspected something would become better defined, as to the problem.  And, finally, it did.  Thinking back, it was like a plastic case on something, roughly attached.  And you squeeze it, and something pops?  Right.  That... was my rib cage.  The right side.  I... don't think it was quite ready for what I was putting it through.

I tried to ignore.  I tried to cover.  Not sure I did well, if I'm pretty sure they just thought I was extra tired.  My ribs aren't fully attached, or something.  Breathing can be difficult and painful.  No worries, I have had worse, even just in the rib area.  But, I do need, after tomorrow, to take some down time.  And I do mean downtime.  Perhaps a week, where all I do is feed these, those, and self, and no more than lighter domestics and business calls.  Nerves, muscle, and bone in there feel rather loose, disjointed, bad.  I'll just get through the last of it.

But, it is finally done!  Or... set up to be done shortly.  Then to begin feeding and else.  Ugh!  A bit more blogging, then on to bed.  Good night.

Later, but awake.

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A shower last night.  Painkillers to sleep.  Painkillers this morning, soon.  Cramps.  Tired.  Taking extra, to see the last bits done.  I'm about to get out and begin the tops of the last two cages... for now.  As well, getting out to the outbuildings.  First, to create shelving.  Should I... create them now?  Actually, yes.  Having enough for four cages, and possible a few more.  Enough for the hoppers to have a definite place to live, if temporarily, in cast the other cages won't go in yet, or need a base built, or... whatever.

I am burning to the nub, and beyond.  I can keep from wincing, I can't keep the cramping fully at bay.  I don't think anyone can tell when I am in pain.  I've gotten good at covering.  When you are all alone, to a degree, you have to be careful with who knows what.  Some will help, of course.  It is not these one must have caution regarding.  The world has become hungry.  Very, very hungry.  Show weakness, and they will come, at least to investigate.  Watch yourself out there.

The ducks are out.  Cats need their litter changed and fed.  Teeth brushed, hair brushed, and dressed save for shoes.  Working on it.  A bit of tea, and a little more time to wake.  So tired, sore, but... ready to finish... or at least this part.  Some rest, then work when I can be awake and not too crampy, at a time when it is okay to work.  After 22:00 is not okay.  Before 08:00 is not preferred.  Unless there is an emergency, those are pretty solid numbers.

Later.

I love this game.

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Almost certain.  I saw earlier, but was so tired.  I was trying to get to bed.  

Still awake, still tired.  And yet?

Who is watching?

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Welcome!

Several new.  One, a women.  Interesting, to me.  She has been testing, playing, biting, kicking.  Some of it playfully, some of it full court press.  *wink*

So tired.

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Before long, after that last post, I crashed hard.  Sometime between 06:00 and 08:00, I went back to bed.  I did leave the door unlocked.  I barely heard the request from downstairs, to wake.  But I did hear, replied, and got going.  So very tired.  It was about 10:00 when I woke again.  So very very tired.  Even so, to work.  Uhrm, work?  Yes.

Two more cages were constructed.  The lids are yet to do.  If part of the day ended up as a shopping spree.  Drill bits, wood screws of various sorts... I meant to get wood glue, a new breaker, if I think the old one is good.  Bits and pieces, here and there.  So very, very, very tired.  Oh, and cleaned and mostly cleared the work area, then dragged magnets to remove metal.  I will sweep, soon, and run a magnet again.  It will be nice to have the garage back.

I will probably be building a few more cages, and maybe an outdoor run, or two... for rabbits and chicks.  Ugh.  That construction won't happen until I... get rest, get back on keto, get back on meds, and... again... rest... for a month or two.  So... very tired.  Did I mention how tired I am?  Sore, achy, filthy, ugly, very, tired.  But I'll... get it done.

The rabbits will be here, at their new home, in their cages, tomorrow.  Cages will have to be set up.  Two more lids on, plus shelving, as well as possibly a repair on the roof... from the tree damage.  Since I have to cut one of the 'tin' roof parts, to be used for repairs on the roof, I will use some of that to create excrement diversion panels, so cages can be stacked.  Otherwise bottom cage dwellers would catch all the... flak.

As for larger cages?  Okay.  I may simply create tables for those, and buy tarps to use as outdoor systems for the large healthier kits when it is time to ween them.  I don't know, but... at this point, it'll have to be made to work out.  Ugh.  It's about time to get the ducks in, or shortly.  Then cool down for an hour or two.  Then on to bed.  Not sure I will say good night later.  Will probably just realize it is closing time, and dive for the exit.  So... good night.  Sleep well.  Work hard.  And, if you can, die only once.  I'm hoping the fourth... or seventh... or tenth... whatever number is truly next... is the lucky number.  :o  :p  Seriously.  Good night bunny hoppers and all.

Still a bit stiff, sore, and tired.

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Not bad though, as bad as yesterday.  I went to bed at 19:30.  With sleep changes as wild as mine can be, the 24 hour clock really helps me... pay attention.  I got so lost on the 12 hour clock that I never knew when it was.  Going along with waking in a strange land, with the mindset of decades ago, it was a bit discombobulating.  I rare wake, these days, not know where I am.  And with the 24 hour clock, when it really is, day or night.

So, 19:30 down.  I got the ducks in at 18:30, but couldn't go to bed, no matter that I was absolutely crushed.  What with two hours of sleep and some measure of mild work, plus being up off schedule, yea.  I just woke at about 01:45, but didn't get out of bed closer to 02:30.  It was a slow process.  I had the alarms set for 05:00 and 07:00.  I turned those off, so I didn't have some troubling background noise I couldn't figure out.  :p  Ugh.

The goal is to take a shower, shortly.  I had to turn up the heat, I had it to 66.  Set to 72, until after a shower, then back to 68 or 70.  After the shower, perhaps a load of laundry, and setting up the last of the dishes.  As well, perhaps putting any dishes away which remain out and setting up any small final bits and pieces of dirty dishes, here or there.  Resting, mostly though, as I wake.

At sunup, the ducks will go out.  I will feed the girls in a bit, snacked them already... and sorted their litter.  Fresh water after I shower.  Critters will be happy... happier.  As well, perhaps out to the garage, to get an early start on the cages.  Two more today.  With sizes sorted, it's more a matter of cutting the pieces, fitting them without the mesh, then cutting and adding that.  If I can get the wood cut, and at least one shell together, that would be an excellent start.  With four more cages coming... one needing minor repair... seven cages are enough to even start breeding.  A few more cages are going to be needed, but all good.

It's... beginning... again.  Ah.  I best take some painkiller again this morning.  The cramping has subsided, slight.  Aches and pains are a bit less too.  But... not close to gone.  I don't want to cramp while working.  A few painkillers helped yesterday.  So... more today.  I'll bet a hot shower will help as well.  On to my day... after a... rest.  Bleh.  Later.

A start.

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Out, this morning.  Just going shopping with my neighbor.  Hardware stores, looking for parts he needs for this and that.  My schedule has flopped... flipped?  I have been sleeping days, up nights.  Or afternoons.  Had to wake at 08:30, actually before, this morning.  I had gotten to bed at 06:16, so... it was a tough gig.  Still, I... wanted to try, just to get going again.

We were in town to nearly noon?  Eleven perhaps?  Then made it home by... noon or one?  Something.  I showed him the cage, out there.  He had no interest in tinkering with that one.  And, yea, it is off.  Really off.  He really didn't want to mess with that one.  And he seemed as sleepy as me!  So we got to work on a new cage.  This one is 3' x 2' but one feet deep.

All sides, bottom, and a hinged lid were put together.  We used some old... what I had thought would be scrap, to do some of it.  Was so glad to see it not go to waste.  The top was from leftovers from the tops for the bigger cages.  I think only the top needed to be created whole cloth... or... bottom, actually.  All that is needed for that is to create a shelf upon which it will set.

As well, with all going, I called the rabbit lady.  Checking on cages.  She suggested she had four?  We will see.  My offer seemed good, to her.  I think two buck cages and two doe cages... which should work until I start breeding the does.  I just have this feeling that breeding does need their own little world, their own cage.  So I will have to make more.  So, it has been roughly set, that the cages, rabbits, and last of the ducks, will be gathered Wednesday.

Tomorrow, it is hoped, a few more cages will be crafted.  Two would be about ideal.  With four coming in, one made, and two more, that is seven.  Plus, if I can get the bigger cages situated, that would be very good.  I may just pull those, get more wood for the back, cut and square those, then try to install them, in or out.  Perhaps just crafting a stand, and adding tarps for in the winter.  I would hate to waste them, but I just am not sure they will ever be easy enough to construct in the outbuilding, and won't square with the building, so... a bit more in, and some cutting and shaping, then constructing outside.

I am so very tired.  I am hoping to make it to dusk, so as to put the ducks up and finish my day.  My eyes are rolling back into my skull as I try to stay awake.  Oh well.  I'll, probably, make it.  Later.  Or good night.  Oh... one more visitor and I will have 5 k for the month.  

Not so much.

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Some things.  I did put dishes away, but haven't gotten to the reset dishes.  More laundry to the wash room, if I didn't start that up either.  The girls and ducks have been tended, if later than planned.  I did make contact with my neighbor for the compressor, and it is here, but I wasn't able to work.  Aches and pains were a part of it.  Deep, harsh.  but it was mostly cramping from standing.  I pushed a bit too hard yesterday.

All good.  I did, a few things.  As well, I made gravy, a keto gravy.  And it was quite good.  I filtered it, several times, through a chinois of very fine mesh.  It... went much better than I thought.  I had it over a few pieces of chicken, warmed, with corn.  It was quite good.  I may yet have some over a spot of pork roast.  As well, I whipped cream to have with some no-sugar-added mixed fruit.  Quite nice.

I hurt.  I really do.  It has been so long since I could work, that my push yesterday stretched, pulled, and worked things well beyond their capacity.  But I couldn't stop, once I got started.  Oh well.  Tomorrow I will begin in on the cages again.  I had hoped tonight, but between being late to ask for the compressor, and cramps...  Bleh.  I'll take a few painkillers tonight, and tomorrow.

It should be fun.  I really do like to work.  Later.  Good night, actually.  Just a bite of pork roast with gravy, then off to bed.  Sleep, or wake, well.  Ah, 03:08... a... perfect time.  Good night.

How could you do that!

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I heard that almost immediately after posting a certain post, recently.  It horrified some.  Others did laugh, but cautiously.  As if, maybe, I was going to yank a rug right as they were letting loose.  Was I secretly angry, and about to rip into anyone who dared?  Even now, there are... doubts.  Most people have such thin skin.  I... don't.  And, what is funny, is... well... funny.  Oh, and those who have been laughing behind my back?  Can't laugh.  Odd how hatred can be slaughtered by humility.

Up, around 16:30?

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Something like that.  Dressed, if just in pj's, with typical winter underclothing.  I checked the ducks.  It wasn't dark enough to get them in, their food and water is good.  And they were all there.  It's been about an hour and an half, as I have been trying to wake.  I reset the dishes set to rinse last night.  Gave the girls a few treats, to get them through to dinner in an hour or so.  Or they do... mean things.

A bit of looking around.  It's a Sunday, so news is... light, speculative, ongoing.

I am hoping to put the drying dishes away, start a load of laundry, shave, fry the ground meats, have a spot to eat as I feed the girls... roast pork?  No, I think a chicken thigh tonight, a bigger one.  They are getting smaller, but I don't mind that.  Drummies, on the other hand... there wasn't much to shave in downsizing.  I am heading back into keto, but getting there takes a bit.

Two fatted coffees, yesterday.  I am really hitting the fats, if still attempting a modicum of fashionable control.  I just... initially I always need a ton of fats to get going.  But can't quite remember the curves that allow for so high a percentage of fat, nor am I initially absolutely able to tolerate that much fat.  It's... a messy time in the keto process.  If things go a bit sideways, extra carbs really are needed.  I have muscled through, but it... really doesn't work well.  As with quitting tobacco, it took two or three levels of the patch, and a month or three.  Plus, I kept the lower levels of the patch for six months?  Just knowing they were there helped.  I had an alternative to cigarettes, pipe, cigar, and snuff.

At least keto doesn't take as long.  I am guessing, to get fully fat burning it takes about a month, perhaps two months if I slip a few times initially.  Too much protein is a slip.  I need to get to the grocery store, though.  To get lettuce, more cabbage, and a few other fresh vegetables and fruits.  I think avocado is a fruit?  While fruits, in volume, save avocado, aren't the best, a few raw fresh grapefruit, or such, a few times a week, is good.  But mostly, fresh veggies, some meat, and as much fat as I can pump in... on a curve from a split of fat to protein, to a 90% fat, and as much as I need, until that lack of hunger, or even taste, occurs.  That's the hump that needs to be reached and overcome.  Consider it the fasting equivalent of Wednesday.  Thankfully, if you do it right, it's not every week!

Yea.  It'll come around.  Oh, as well, if I can get the other things going, I'll hit the cages.  The first part is to fit the first cage together, as well, set up the second floor in the cage, and create a partition.  Next is to resize the remaining three sides.  If the construction of the first cage went rather well?  Then I may just put the second cage together, and then start on the smaller cages.  Ugh.  I have some hope I can do some of that tonight.  At least the first cage together, perhaps with partition, second story, and tops hinged in.

Maybe.  Maybe.  Later.

Oh, right, and... yes.

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Mostly.  The pork roast and chicken are done.  Cooling, probably cool enough, to then be ziplocked and put in the refrigerator.  A shower was taken.  Laundry was at least parked in the wash room.  The girls have been tended.  I... am so terribly done.  But it is so late!  I want to stay up until dawn, and some change, to let the ducks out.  I have been letting them out later in the day, recently, which just isn't fair.  Even with water and food in there... if they have to peck through some ice... it's not like getting a whole day to search, peck, hunt, and enjoy the wind.

Oh, I best put the last dishes in for a soak.  I won't be able to do those yet tonight... nothing left in me to do more than maybe the ducks.  But, I would like to rinse, then reset that tomorrow.  I am hoping for another shower as well.  Lord knows, I miss those something awful.  Wouldn't surprise me if the neighbors can smell me across the lot, sometimes.

While it is terrible, at least being a guy means it... doesn't wreck my systems and such.  That, and standing to pee... and a few other things... make life good this way.  No matter hallucinations, then or when, reality is what it is.  Besides, who would want different.  Even women, feminists, want to be men.  Denial is... funny.  Trust me.  Anyway...

Oh, I did have a bit of the roast.  Quite good.  I have the drippings from the chicken and roast, and hope to try to make a gravy with it, when I wake.  Hmm, was considering how to save that, in the pot, in the fridge.  Not that much room.  Then it hit me, like a pizza pie in the eye?  Well, maybe not that.  But like a bolt... that... that...  I can just pour the drippings off, into a smaller container, and make gravy tomorrow.  I love gravy, just don't know how to make it.  Keto gravy, at that.  I'm almost excited.  There is enough drippings that I could make a few mistakes, or use several recipes, and have enough for various tries.  I like it thick, meaty, maybe slightly smoky, and... good to eat!

I best put the meats and drippings up.  Then check on the sun.  I really, really, want to go to bed.  I just... want to do right by the ducks.  I do like the critters.  They are friends, for my part.  Like... some of you. 

Moving right along.

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It is getting late.  Dishes... everything that was soapy has been washed through to rinsing, drying, and set out to air dry.  With that done, the shower is open.  So, next, either cooking will go forward, or a shower first.  Hmm.  I forgot to set an alarm for this turn...  I'll set it for forty five minutes...  I think I'll try to get the dishes away, which are drying.  Then, after the shower, if that is the first or if cooking and showering happen at nearly the same time, put the mostly rinsed dishes in for one last fresh rinse.

As I am cooking... baking really... I will get that last batch of dishes out, towel dried, then put up.  I'm getting a kink in my neck and shoulders.  I think I have a few more tasks in me anyway.  Plus, I will sleep a lot better with these things out of the way.  There is still, actually, much that is hoped to be done.  I am not sure I will have the time or energy.

What?  Oh, dishes, baking the roast, brining then backing chicken in with the roast, frying meat crumble... getting a shower.  And, perhaps, either a load of laundry, or at least setting that up for tomorrow.  That would leave, mostly, trash and cages tomorrow.  I am sort of... digging my way out... doing what I can do, but pushing the boundaries.  As long as there is no collapse, I am thinking... with food cooked for the week... along with a bit of shopping... I should be able to focus just on cages, plus some business.

Getting a few things done.

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Dishes.  Not all of them.  Everything HAS been hit, washed at least once.  Plus, the cast iron pieces are cleaned and dried, ready to use.  Plus, meat that was thawing is finished.  I had wanted to grill, but... too smoky.  I'm just not in the mood for smoky food.  Actually, the chicken grilled the other day is too smoky for me to eat.  I just... can't.  It wasn't grilled all that long, if too long it seems.

All dishes not finished were reset, for a final wash.  I am, and am able to, use a timer to get things done.  I've tried it before, recently, often, it just hasn't worked.  Tonight is the night!  Anyway, there is another half hour before I will hit again, then rinse, and finally towel dry then put up the dishes for an air dry.  At that time, I am hoping to have enough energy to begin roasting the pork, setting up a new batch of chicken to be roasted with the pork roast... but after brining for an hour, and later perhaps doing more ground meat crumble for throughout the week.

Anything else tonight?  Doubtful.  Maybe.  I am not sure I will get to the burger.  Oh, but a shower.  I will get a shower if I have to pound my head into a door.  I... need a shower.  Badly needed.  I... it... hasn't happened in a while.  Ugh.  Being so close to death, sometimes, makes regular things nigh on impossible.  I'll keep at it, do, as I can.

Oh, a fear has been... allayed?  Sort of.  I had... begun balking at keto, and dieting altogether, after seeing that, with an app, I could be seriously successful.  Oh, there will be ups and downs.  Failures.  Frustration.  But!  Success is quite possible with said device and focus.  Calories have to be counted, after becoming fat acclimated... where my body begins consuming fat instead of carbs.

The trick, of course, is to become fat burning.  To that end I have to consume fairly heavy fats, initially.  Way over calorie deficit.  As well, carbs have to be cut.  While my particular situation allows for 25~30 carbs a day, the initial... and even typical... goal is to cut far below that.  For a week, two?  Until ketosis is entered and deeply enough to be functional.  The pee strips aren't great, once in ketosis, but are excellent for knowing when it is hit, and getting to the level I need.  After becoming fat burning, ketones are what is burned, so they will no longer show up on the strips.  But that also means adding electrolytes, at least occasionally.

Urhm?

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Such... strange things.  Enjoy, or else.

Dreams.

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Have you ever dreamed you were all the main characters, good and bad, in some extended movie-like dream?

At first I didn't quite catch the meaning, until it was impossible to miss.

Bits.

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So slow.  I did get the dishes put up, and a few pans and a dishpan... used to thaw meats... set to hot soapy water.  I just got the grill going.  A few more chops.  Those were quite good, wanted a few more.  It is 15 F out there, and I was... quite comfortable in my center strap house shoes, without socks.  A solid airflow, from north to south as well.  Meh, I was raised in Iowa.

After dinner, I still hope to get a shower.  So I may do the dishes, give the pans a first wash, while the grill is heating.  After a shower, I'll get everything back in for more.  I am also hoping to get the dishes to be rinsed, dried and put out on the freezer.  This time, hopefully, to be put away much sooner.  Tomorrow.  Hoped.  As to laundry?  I am waiting to take a shower, to put my current clothing in with whatever else.

Slow.  Maybe not all of it.  I will do what I can.  Later.  Perhaps.

So very stuck.

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Sleeping many hours each day.  Perhaps a bit more each day?  I can't be sure about the latter.  The former is certain.  Sixteen to eighteen hours of sleep a day?  Twelve?  Worse, when I wake, there is little I can do.  I sit.  I wander the web, just looking for information, perhaps research curiosities, listen to music, or watch videos.

I have gotten up, and started on things.  I find myself, almost inexplicably, back in my chair, looking through the internet.  I do eat, sometimes.  Whatever is easy enough to make.  Low hanging fruits are not the best fruits.  At some point, this point, food is food.  At least I haven't been tempted by cat food!  Or duck food, for that matter.

Tired, foggy, sometimes sore... bleeding noses, if not too terribly... and more.  I keep trying to figure a way through.  I did, finally, get the dishes and else removed from the freezer.  I am now hoping to get a shower, get the dishes reset for rinsing and wash a few dishes on the side.  Then clear out a majority of that tonight.  Laundry?  I... I keep thinking about that.  I am not sure I have enough for a load, but... I suspect so.

Not much else, probably.  But, that handled, and a shower early tomorrow... early as relative to my waking time... then perhaps back to the cages.  One cage installed, one cage at least set by parts, and perhaps a couple of smaller cages which could have shelves built and be set in, plus cages to be bought near the first, could work well.  That would give me four cages on my own, with a divider in the big one, plus one big and perhaps several smaller cages on the side, but definitely a bigger one.  That would provide room, and a start.  Three or four more cages would be superior though.  I... think I can, somehow.

Hey.  Want to help?  Prayers.  A single or several.  Just to get me going.  All good.  I have been praying for... weeks?  months?  Just on this matter.  It seems I may need a more prayers.  It beats swinging a hammer and elsewise working up a sweat in the cold... for your part.  I am happy to do so, if I just could!  Ugh.  Lend a prayer, and I'll... push a bit harder.  Meh, don't worry, death isn't a worry.  Even should it happen, it's... not bad.  I know where I am aiming to go.  Still, I'll do as I may, to the good and right, while I wait around for that time.

Later.

Nothing fancy.

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Certainly not a traditional Thanksgiving meal.  I wasn't sure there would be a meal.  Tired.  Too tired to cook, mostly.  But... there was the grill.  Brats, chicken thighs, and two pork chops were thawed.  The brats, however, smelled... bad?  But the chicken wasn't.  So I had to... smell, then taste.  Okay, it wasn't bad, as in no good.  But the flavor was... off.  Ah!  Beer.  I never get beer.  Must have made a mistake in ordering.  Yea, it tasted like stale beer.  Won't get that kind again.  Oh... I've had enough beer to know that taste.  Not that stale beer was ever the goal, it's... just... something that can, over decades of consumption, somehow or other become known... and hated.

I won't eat those brats.  Not that they will bring me back to drinking.  There was no alcohol left, from what I could tell... not even that near beer thing one can get.  Nope.  It... well... stale beer should be a despised flavor for any and all.  I can't even see an alcoholic going for that?  I wasn't, technically, an alcoholic.  Or... not the kind most would know, be familiar regarding.  My form was, once in a while, if I drank a little?  I couldn't stop.  And I could drink vast portions.  As mentioned, a fifth of Yukon Jack, a fifth of vodka, and a case of beer, in eight hours.  Waking to a slightly dry morning, sometimes a bit groggy, sometimes quite thirsty, sometimes with an headache...  but nothing, actually, unusual.  No to stale beer brats!

The chicken was good.  The chops I had first, with corn.  It was... something, anyway.  And it was plenty.  Two thinner but t-bone chops, a chicken thigh, and corn with butter.  Good enough.  Almost too much.  Ah... carbs will do that.  Oddly, carbs are almost my form of alcohol.  I get that flush, and a bit of a rush, then I begin to burn down.  Odd that.  But, now I know why heavy carb eaters are more susceptible to alcoholism.  Yea.

I mostly drink tea, lately.  Even fatted coffee is becoming rare.  It's... almost too much.  I do so little work, or even activity, that calories need to be cut.  Even so, I don't lose weight.  Two to four gallons a day, with a generally keto sweetener.  It's what I can do.  If I can go without sweetener, from time to time, I do.  But that dries my mouth out so terribly, usually, and throat, that I just don't push it.  One or two half gallon portions a day, at most.

I did call my mother, early enough.  It was a good call.  A good day.  She and her guy had a full traditional Thanksgiving meal, in spite of it just being those two.  I'm always glad to hear that.  A bit jealous, but in the best way... without begrudging.  I thought about calling my brother, but... will wait.  I sent an email to some I consider family.  Didn't want to interfere there, either.  I may call my brother tomorrow.  And the other.  Or... well... maybe.

Anyway... just a, possibly, final post.  As for gratitude?  You bet.  Even in failure, even with less, even while not being able to get going, I... a grateful for more than you can imagine.  I have been given the opportunity to find the path to heaven.  To begin to know God.  I may not be able to do much about it, be He knows who I see most of my time consciously able.  I stay connected even in my sleep, so much so that I can pray right in my dreams.  Often it's the only place I can pray well, these days.  Grateful.

I honestly suspect, excluding an assassination, I have thirty years or more left.  Odd that.  So be it.  I will enjoy, here or there, in little or big ways.  May you as well, and remember it.  It's a... good deal.  Amen.

Hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving.

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Early.  Still, it's better than being late.

Remember the cranberry sauce and stuffing.

Not doing well.

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No pain, oddly.  No general suffering.  Sometimes mild body aches, headaches, and such.  Aspirin or advil seem to fix that.  I can't use aspirin as often as I would like... every other time.  A few doses in a row and I begin to have nose bleeds.  So, I... mix and match.  It's what I've got.  Sleep is good.  And, while not exhausted... or without the sensation... my ability to function is broken.

Even cooking meals is mostly beyond me.  Oh, but... I do have charcoal and lighter fluid.  I really need to thaw the right meats!  Yes, that... would help.  Such a simple thing, but I keep... losing track?  So difficult to just... remember to work.  Something is simply off.  I have turned up the heat, I dress warmly, I eat... something... probably often enough?  Not keto, but... food.

I have been keeping up on the cats and ducks.  But that is about as much as I have been able to do.

Oh, it looks like the bleeding from my hands is... partially... returning.  I had asked to be relieved of that, and have been.  Taking extra care has helped.  The wounds had almost completely disappeared.  Usually it starts with what looks like flaking skin, then it punctures, then they just become a general wound area... sometimes more bloody, sometimes scabbed.  One of the wounds could have been from work, but the other two spots not so much.  Nothing on my legs, or anywhere else, for the moment.  *sigh*

The hope is for a shower today.  And to find my cell phone.  The darned thing keeps disappearing.  I had hoped to call my mother today.  Perhaps my brother?  And perhaps send a text to a busy friend.  I had it upstairs, on my bed, last night.  I tossed it on the made bed, but couldn't find it when I was about to tuck in.

I ripped the bed apart when I woke.  Nowhere to be found.  I checked the most likely other places it could be, to no avail.  So far.  I really don't know where it would have been put.  I set it right on top of the bed, and am pretty sure I didn't move it after that.  Maybe, but if so, there is no recall.  Yea, there is more than just me in here.  Sometimes human, and stealing... but sometimes other... with it's own plans... or just plain ornery notions.  Ghosts?  Demonic?  Devilish?  A mix?  Things do get moved.  Believe as you wish.

Anyway... the hope is to do one more search for the phone, then get a shower in, then work on cages.  I have three sides to refit.  As well, if I can, I would like to start figuring out how to install the cage that has all parts ready.  If nothing else, perhaps use wood screws for the short term?  I still think, for the most part, my original idea will work, if I can get to it.  

I have simply been so out of it, foggy of mind, lost...  I keep thinking about it, hoping.  Today, perhaps.  Later.

She got it.

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She had to think, count her fingers and toes, and... sort through this and that.  But she got it.

No, nothing.

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I don't get it.  I'm doing everything, on my end, that I can think to do.  I simply can't get going.  It was cool out there, but the sun was up, out.  I woke early enough.  I did get the cats and ducks taken care of, and ate a meal or two.  I just couldn't do much.  Anything?  No pain.  More... drifting, of mind.  I keep planning, intending, even starting.  Then find myself back at the start.

There is tomorrow.

It is about time to put the ducks up.  Then feed the girls.  Perhaps fix some food for myself.  A shower, I hope.  Then, most likely, on to bed.  Early tonight, if I... can remember to do so.  Not really hungry, but... I'd like to eat.  It's the cooking that is in the way.  Well, and I am not sure I have much food to fix, easily?  Hmm, tuna and mac?  Maybe.  It's not the best, but it's... food.  It's about what I could make.

I would like to get the dishes put away, and fresh meat out to thaw for the week.  Chicken, ribs or some sort, and a roast or several pounds of various ground meats.  I like the mix.  Yea.  It would be... something... some things... a start for the week.  Trash out, but just one bag, and it has started freezing, so I'm not going to hump it to the curb.  Bleh.  Later... or good night.

A good, if strange, sleep.

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Down late.  I had trouble making it to 18:30, then couldn't go down until 23:30 to 00:30?  Something.  If I miss one window, another might not arrive for a while.  Sleep has been wonderful, since I have bedding sorted, washed, set up better, and am dressing a bit more warmly on top of it.  Fewer creaky aches, from cold knees, and else from cold feet or arms.  Life is better that way.

I don't know if you remember the struggle, relearning to sleep on the floor?  Oh, that was brutal.  But, it has proven well worth it.  I suppose, as we get older, learning or relearning things is... difficult.  Especially when a bit of comfort seems to be being surrendered.  Now, it is so comfortable to sleep on the floor.  Plus, waking and getting up keeps strength of some sort a bit more accessible.

The ducks were let out first thing.  I had to break a plate of ice, perhaps three quarters of an inch thick, and remove it from the pool this morning.  Even so, Thor hopped in for a bath this morning.  Henry, after.  Herc and several of the ladies bathed last night, but it was a lot warmer last night.  Those ducks have... brass clankers... with heaters in them.  :)

Since the breeds are separating, and slightly territorial, I am putting out two pans of food in the morning.  And, to get them out of the hutch quicker, I combine the food into one, at night, then cover the pan with food with the pan without food, so they can't eat.  But put that in with them, to keep mice out.  It mostly works.  As the muscovys eat mice, if they can see and catch them.  Yum!  Okay, not quite my idea of gourmet, but I am happy to let them do them.

The girls have had a snack.  Next I'll do their litter, then feed them more righteously.  Sassy is sitting on the back of my chair, letting me know... it's time.  Like a girlcat vulture!  Sam has yeowled.  Though, that might be because it is too cool?  Right.  I will turn the heat up, get their litter cleaned... been doing very well with that lately, then feed them canned food.  Makes them quite happy, and sleepy.

Oh, right, the night... inside of the pleasant sleep.  In music, as usual.  If the first one is too scary for you, the next two... one... should be okay.  The last one is... prophetic?  If you know fear and not faith, avoid the first and last.  Maybe.  Hmm... perhaps skip the music altogether.  Yeah, without faith, fear will eat you, and these will too.

A bit disappointing.

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Disappointing?  Well, no major work today.  Still, I tried every trick I thought might work, including more pain pills.  Which... did work.  It just didn't matter.  Too tired.  Other than that, it was a wonderful day.

Take what is given, even as you lay dying or being given laurels even on high.  Gladly.

Oh, but as I was resetting water for the feathered ones, I... thought I had gone cross-eyed.  I had to... look, count, and think... several times.  Things weren't adding up.  But, in my favor.  An extra duck?  Ah!?!  Impossible!  But, no, it's true.  Thor is back!  What is it with my critters.  Sassy has run away, sort of, twice.  One time for months.  Now one of my drakes skipped town, or my yard town, for weeks, if more likely a month, two?  Back.

They are bathing, in the fresh water, so I am letting them at it.  I'll put them in, if most likely they will go in on their own by then, an hour... an half of which remains.  Then I'll go out and shut it all down.  On to bed after.  Dark and cool, if not quite freezing, out.  Freezing?  Well, actually, maybe.  I sure tried to get going today.  Tomorrow.  I can't take Sunday off.  If I can work, I must.  God knows, I... have to work when I can.

Good evening, and night.  Sleep and dream well.  Amen.

I did what was possible.

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I, eventually, pulled every trick I knew to try... except a shower.  But, at the point I was, that would have been an energy sink.  I knew it wouldn't work.  Food, dressing warmly, more food, hot tea, contemplative and functional mental applications, warming the house, there may have been a few other things?  I'm beginning to fail, memory can go with it.

Oh, I even cheated.  Sometimes some things I am not supposed to consume can help.  Worth a shot.

I have been working on this since I woke.  I did stay up.  A nap?  I... lost cohesion... couldn't think that through, get to it.  I... have doubts it would have just been a nap.  As well, even a nap at noon, which wouldn't have been possible... couldn't sleep... would have made putting the ducks away in a timely manner unlikely.  Actually, I will be trying to stay awake long enough to do just that.

I will go out, probably, and check their water.  It's been rather cool today.  The sun is up, out, but not doing much.  They say winter isn't here.  I say... yeah... it's here.  It's been here for a while.  Mild, so far, but here.  Thirty degree days, often enough.  And it seems so much darker, already, than usual.  Summer was, mostly, fall or spring.  Fall is already pretty much winter.  Hoping for a gentle winter, but that might not happen.  I can't see, but I have seen.  Hope might be just that.

Well, wish me luck making it to dusk.  Later.

A tough day.

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No idea why.  Getting going is murder.  It just isn't happening.  Hot coffee, warm clothes, a bit to eat, warmed house... what other trick(s) am I missing?  

I did get the girls and ducks managed.  I have taken care of myself as well as possible.  I have been engaging my brain, in order to waken more solidly.  I have been contemplative, and active, sometimes at the same time.  But it just isn't working!  I don't know what to do, how to push.  The sun is out.  Hmm... it was rather cool t his morning.  Perhaps that is seeping in.

I do feel extra cool.  I... have a plan.  If, too, it might crash my system.  Will know, soon.  Either later, or if I crash... which is looking more probably than not anyway... then much later!

A very good sleep and wake.

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Oh, a little rough.  I don't think it will, typically, get better.  This is as good of a morning as I will get for the rest of my life.  Perhaps a terribly exceptional day, once or twice a year?  One can hope.  Advil before bed, a shower, a freshly made bed, and with warm pj's and else.  It all lead to a very good sleep and a reasonable wake.  So much work for such a small reward, if the options can be far worse.

The ducks are out and fed.  The girls have gotten a snack, and their litter has been cleaned.  Teeth brushed, and a bite for breakfast, but just a bit.  Now to wake.  I am hoping to get out to it by noon.  The first objective is shortening the front and edges of the second cage, and what ever else adjustments are required.  then, maybe, creating a platform upon which that can be set.

Towels have been washed, and are just waiting to be dealt with.  I think that is it for laundry, if folding remains.  A lot of folding.  Dishes will be started as I am going out to work on the cages.  Ugh... I keep failing to get those done.  But I mostly keep them... ready.  Water isn't allowed to sit in with them, which fouls rather quickly, requiring a rewash.  I will put the other dishes away, finally, today... as I need to get meat out and thawing for the week.  Chicken, ribs, and various ground meats.

Who knows, but I think, even with a single short work period each day, I could have the cages together in just a few days.  Getting so close... with some successes behind me.  Keeping food available, and not clogging up food prep and cleaning needs is part of the trick.  I'll keep at it until it is done.  I am hoping in just a few days.  Two sessions today might well see the second cage all fitted, and the first cage actually installed.  Maybe.  Later.

It took a bit.

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Between digestion and exhaustion, my world came to a very fast slowing down.  I... kept thinking about a shower.  Finally got one.  Now to dry off.  While upstairs getting some things, I took up the blankets and made the bed.  I keep trying to make it so that it will last being slept in by a giant just a bit longer.  Will know if this new plan worked soon.  Hey, I am of an engineering sort.  It isn't so much that failure isn't an option.  It's... actually guaranteed.  The only real question is... when!  I like pushing that limit.

Pain is back.  Harsh.  Headache, neckache, and other stuff.  To the point of nausea.  Not a migraine.  A wall-to-wall deep, solid, pulse of pain.  With kinks in the neck and shoulders.  Sometimes moving will cause those to sparkled, though doing nothing... they still send piercing pains from time to time.  Hmm, must be a nerve thing?  All good, it'll go in the basket for those in purgatory.  Trust me, they'll appreciate it.  I try to focus on the ones who have no other.  Those who have prayers being said for them, even masses done for their needs, need nothing from me.  I was alone... in there.  No prayers would be said, no masses.  Stuck... as here, or quite like it.  It does make me wonder, from time to time.

I do need to dry off a bit.  The ducks are up, the girls are fed.  I cleaned their pans twice today.  Refreshed their water.  A thing every time I shower, or every few days... whichever comes first.  Oh, I am making another pot of tea, and will make a final one.  Keeping up on my cold tea consumption is a bear.  Drinking up to three gallons a day, if usually more like two, yea... it takes a lot of work.  Especially with my reverse osmossis filling to slowly.  I really need to arrange that better.

Tomorrow, it is on to the other cage.  I'll do that as long as I can.  I figure I can get the three pieces in one go, but... maybe only two.  If I have energy after that, I will go to the outbuilding and tinker with blocks of remnants, to see about fitting and arranging the first cage.  It is possible to get one in and the other finished if only by parts.  I'll... keep at it.

Full.

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Dinner was good, but again, too full.  I didn't eat more than usual.  I suppose not eating a bit too often means smaller to normal meals can fill me a bit overfull.  I'll have plenty of leftovers.  Oh well.

No, no more work.  Getting to dinner took... a while.  Then getting it and eating it...  It is late, again.  It is nearing bedtime.

I did get the blankets upstairs.  The bed has been stripped, so as to be reset.  Every other, or third, day.  I would like to take a shower before going to bed.  I just showered yesterday, but that isn't the point.  A night shower, with a freshly made bed, means I can just get to work... whenever possible.  That is the goal.  A few hours of waking time, after getting out of bed.  Dressing right away, warmly.  Then to work when able.

I think I can get the other parts, for the next cage, together in one session.  As well.  I won't dryfit where it will be placed.  I will merely create a platform upon which it can sit... wide and long enough that it can take the cage... with enough room to provide adjustments as well as to be able to be set plumb... or plumb enough.

The difficult part remaining is figuring out how to put the thing together strongly enough to handle small herds of rabbits, and be able to be taken down with little more than, say, a rubber mallet.  I think... I see it.  I think it is possible.  A few remnants, with screws, to act as hitches.  And a few remnants created, far enough out of the way for the rest to swing, to act as catches.  I just made it up, mostly, so don't hate me.  I'm doing my best.

I actually enjoy working on these things.  I wish I had more money, and more energy.  I'd do all sorts of things.  Hopefully improving as I go.  If I could keep a schedule, I would try to get out and do projects for others.  Let them pay for the parts and pieces, and just provide the labor.  I wouldn't do more than a few projects a week, or a single larger one.  But... if I could, I would... tinker, make, break sometimes, and fix.

It might not be what I would have done for employ.  But in retirement, I wish I could.  Later.  Or... good night more likely.  I am winding down, and about to hit it like a cannon ball.

A good start.

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Finding parts, bits, and such always takes more time than expected.  Still, it went quickly enough, quickly than anticipated.  Not done yet, of course.  I don't even have one cage fully assembled.  What I do have is all the parts assembled, and dry fit, for the first cage.  I will need shims, wood levers, and a few other things to hold the thing together.  The hinges went in fairly well.  Finding a better place to chisel would be good.  I think, for now, it... will just have to do as is.

The dryfit went rather well.  As well, I measured for the second story, and added wood pieces for the side cage parts.  I'll have to add front and back remnants so as to create a platform, and of course a ramp.  As well, I will need to figure out a separation piece.  Well, and the other cage needs partially refit, as well as everything I am doing with this first cage.

A break.  If I can get back to it tonight, no need to walk back and forth, dry fitting, or such.  All I really need to do is resize those parts... for tonight... assuming I can.  It is about time for food.  I am having another fatted coffee.  It's only about 40 out there, but I went with it.  It was plenty warm, even for my hands.  A hot fatted coffee before starting allows for working in even a lot cooler weather, even if I can't use gloves.

I sure hope to get more done tonight.  I am quite happy with two or three hours, but would like to do more.  I am almost certain it is possible.  No guarantees.  But... yeah.  I am excited.  I honestly would like to try to get it done in plenty of time, before the last deadline.  I might even be able to pick them up.  At least the animals...  Probably.  I'd have to count my coin first, but... yea.

Later.

Late.

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It takes a while, some days.  But!  Today, and now, is the date and time!  I'll be getting out as soon as I finish the fatted coffee.  To work, at it as hard as I can.  Oh yes.  To it.  I am excited.

Fears and doubts, along with else, have bound me.

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Will my plans work?  Can I do them?  Can I stand?  Some of mind, some of body, some of... something else.  They weigh heavily, keeping me from getting to it.  So... tired, too.  But no pain today.

It has taken several hours to wake.  Dressing warm doesn't even really help.  Turning the furnace up can be as bad as having it too low.  Is there a better temperatures?  I think so, but it's not the same, day to day.

Still, after two and an half hours of waking, I am... getting there.  The girls have been fed, litter managed, ducks have received their dues.  I haven't eaten, but eating seems to drag me down lately.  I'll eat after a couple two or four items have been managed.  The plan is to install one hinge, by chiseling out a place on the faces which will be paired via the device.  After that is done, then begin resizing the last two sides.  Perhaps, if I can continue, one more set of side and base will be hinged as well.

If I can get to, or through, the second hinging, then I can get food.  And take a break.

I am making fresh tea, then will make a warm fatted coffee.  That should be good to keep me warm, give me some energy, plus not overload my system.  For as many calories as a fatted coffee has, it really doesn't fill me much.  That is, sometimes... at the start, a problem with keto.  Or, at least what I can manage with keto.  I have fried burger, with which to make a taco salad later.  That, actually, is filling.  Not the burger, but the salad and cheese.

It's to it today.  Oh, I put the whites on a second drying spin.  It should be done by this evening.  And, maybe, will be done and put up.  I think I took the blankets upstairs earlier... or they are ready?  My bedding arrangement has been perfect the last two days.  Not too hot, not too cold, and comfortable in all other ways.  I seem to slowly be sorting out the... little things.  It's really about the little things, truth be told.  Attend these, then the big things become manageable.  And, finally, with God's hand, all things become possible.  Start, however, with the little, the humble, with kindness.  Amen.

Okay, it didn't work out.

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I had a meal, later last night.  That kicked my feet out from under me.  I... crashed, hard.  I did get in some of the other pain killers.  They seemed to work.  Hmm... I wonder if they played a role in the crash?  Doubtful, but...  dinner and those were within an half hour of each other.  I know the food played a part.  Overate just a tad.

I tried a few tricks, but nothing worked.  Down, around 20:00?  No, I think it was 22:00.  I resisted the crash, but couldn't... get out from under it's thumb.  I could have kept awake, for... a long time.  But was already up too late, as my schedule is preferred to go.  So, I steered it into the ditch, crawled upstairs, and tucked in for a good nights sleep.

Sleep was beautiful.  I have learned to stay warm without getting too hot.  The girls visit, when I leave the door open.  While they do wake me, it's... I'd wake anyway.  To roll, to void, after an intense dream.  I simply don't sleep solid nights, save on rare occasions.  Plus, I love the little ones.  It is good to have living bodies around.  And, often, they visit right after a dark dream.  It's like they know, and know when to visit.

Oh, an oddity.  Since I have begun using towels on my pillows, I haven't had a bloody nose.  I was getting them twice a week, commonly.  I had to change pillows, and found the new pillow cases.  Then put the towels over and... that has been that.  Very strange, but I'll take it.

Today?  I'm going to, when I can get going, get to work on the cages.  That is all that is planned, for now.  If I can do two sessions, then I'll consider other things.  It's about 40, outside, or pretty close.  I wasn't terribly awake when I went to let the ducks out.  The door was open.  I was sure I closed up last night, but... maybe not?  Maybe I crashed too hard, fast?  Bleh.  So, it should be easy enough to work in.  Though I am hoping it warms just a bit more.  While 40 is fine for the body, it's cold for the hands.

Later.

Late, and slow, but... getting there.

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I will eat again.  Something.  Then, to it.  Showered, dressed, dishes and laundry going... ducks will be put in shortly... the girls fed before I eat.  It's working.

I haven't yet taken those other pain pills.  On it, soon.  Nothing fancy, just haven't gotten it done.  Will.

I am feeling slightly better than the slightly better of before.  Not great, just not as wretched.  Every bit better is good.  As noted, I turn pain over to those suffering in purgatory, so it's... not a complete waste.  And... going slow with the pain pills doesn't really effect work.  I can either do it or not.  All good.  I'll take them, anyway.  I have some responsibility to manage pain... reasonably.  It just isn't always possible.

Well... yes...  I think it is about time to get the critters and then myself tended, and get to work.  I am excited!  I do love to work.  And, I am so curious to see if my plan will work.  It'll be a bit, as food will take a bit.  But... I think it will get going, and I should be able to get two to four hours in tonight... probably.  Later.

A beginning.

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It took a bit to start.  I set up laundry, but didn't run them until after a shower.  Then, on to a shower.  Dishes were loaded after, then laundry started.  I am partially dressed, while air drying.  I'll dress warmly, but not too heavy.  I would guess it is in the 40's or 50's out there, and I will keep pretty warm even with moderate work.  Still, I don't want to be too cool to start, when I go to start.

It is getting late, but so be it.  I have set the alarm for an hour and an half.  I will slowly dress as the timer ticks down.  Scrounging the web for... this and that.  Music has become static, nothing new in a while, or nothing which caught my eye... or... nothing which caught my eye that hasn't been patterned before.  And none of it fresh almost at all.  Still, from time to time, I look.

Oh, I forgot to take that other pain killer.  The aspirin has helped some, but it's still rough.  As I said, it's time to work, and I can.  Pain just can't be allowed to get in the way when I can finally work.  It isn't pain which keeps me from work, it is... a fog, or exhaustion, or such.  Still, to have the pain gone, or more gone, would be quite good.  It just helps a bit.

A bit of tea, with the pills... should be a good mix.  Unless it is fatal.  Oh, well, it wouldn't be the first time.  Have a great day, and later.

Brutal.

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Not noticed when waking, but slowly more apparent as I woke.  My neck is way out, to the point of a severe headache and nausea.  Well?  Well, so what.  I may take it a bit slower, but I will work today.  A shower in about ten minutes.  Blankets upstairs and whites into the laundry.  Dishes set up.  A bit of a rest.  Then out and to it.  It seems as if the sun is up and out, for what it is worth this time of year.

It is time to work.  Hurt or not.  I took aspirin around ten, to no good affect.  I bought a different painkiller, one that is good for swelling and fevers... I didn't have anything the last time I got severely sick.  Won't do that again.  They may not be the best with heart medicine, but they won't be used regularly.  Further, when aspirin fails, it is good to have something else to try... especially if I really need to get going.

The phone went off earlier, twice.  I just couldn't find it!  Then, a few hours later, I remembered where I might have put it.  I will... keep it there, as a regular night place, from now on.  It looks like V.A. or SSA called.  Or both.  Anyway...  I do plan to create a farraday cage, perhaps triple layered if I have enough material.  Definitely double layered.  There are some... tricks to it.  As well, eventually they will be trying to get through that, design a way to transmit through such systems.  Continuous testing is good, but other means of testing will be required.  Most likely, they will change frequencies, or create a scattered or focused transmitter which isn't constantly on, or easy to notice.  They want your data.  A recorder and transmitter is all that is needed.  Your software and hardware are owned.  Unless you control or contain... even then, understand, you are always heard.  If nothing else, God knows... and... you know.  Limits.  But them?  Fuck them.  If I can give them nothing, I will.

Unfortunately, I don't think a continuation for President Trump will change this, any more than it will build the rest of the wall.  Or... I would have voted for him.  Still, a Biden win would be slightly to much worse on this and that, and dozens of other scores.  Oh... so... why not vote Trump?  Well... because, if Trump is only going to slow the decline, but not stop the demographic invasion, then it becomes a death by a thousand cuts.  I'd druther just have the whole head chopped cleanly and neatly, or Civil war to ensue... maybe both?  Cheers.  As I said, I support Trump, but not enough to vote for him.  Only to defend his legal rightful win.  Let the people have their true say, and leave it at that.  His win, too, would be a sting to those who want to change America, making it a new USSR.  There is that.

Anyway... it's about time to begin beginning!  Yeah!  Later.

Very odd.

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I was awake until... 20:30?  20:00?  No later, I believe.  Only awake that late because I missed my nap, then decided to stay awake until dark to put the ducks up.  Then just could not sleep until even later.  I slept until 09:00.  I woke several times before, 07:00, then nearly or a bit after 08:00.  Waking wasn't possible.  The sun is out today, so that is helping.  Light!  Darkness, as with yesterday, made doing anything nearly impossible.  Or... it seemed dark yesterday.

Ducks have been let out, the cats have been fed, and I have had breakfast.  The goal is a shower, then what was planned yesterday.  I keep thinking I can, but can't.  I'll... keep at it.

I think the reason I slept so long was that it was so warm?  Yea, I think so.  It is rather warm.  Even yesterday, it was in the 50's, even with the overcast nature of the day, and quite early... when I was letting the ducks out, or maybe earlier?  I can't remember exactly.  Life is a bit... difficult lately.  Memory, waking, sleeping, it's all... mixed up.  Sleeping a great deal, not able to wake as fully as would be needed to work.  It'll... come around, soon enough.

I should set an alarm for a few hours, with the hopes of taking a shower right about then.  Then get to work on the cages.  I really think they could go together quickly, if the plan works.  But there will have to be some engineering on the fly, even now.  The plans are... reasonably sorted.  But there are always, and I mean always, problems.  Still, a few hours at a time.  I suspect I can get a side and the bottom hinged, and installed, in one run.

Getting the far end installed will be and engineering project.  I need to make it so that it can slide the length direction of the cage, to allow the hinge(s) to fold.  But it also has to be able to be pinned in, somehow, so it doesn't fall apart.  As well, I have to do something to deal with the gaps due to the lack of square of the building... and maybe the cage pieces being off.  Tricky, really is.  A solid piece of wood would work, but it might well make it so that the cage can't be taken down without tearing things down.  I don't want to have to rip wood and nails out every time I need to clean.  Many problems with that.

Still, I... have a notion in my mind.  A wooden extended open square, into which remnant pegs could be installed... just removing these as needed, then sliding the end into where the begs were.  Couldn't be a square, but could be an "L"?  Maybe.  I'll know more when I get to that point.  Installing it will take odd structural supports, on the unsupported corner.  But on the wall, it should be easy... easy enough.  Probably.

Those are the only two areas which will be more complicated.  The rest should be okay.  Later.

Quiet, I am told, is how I speak the best?

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Then they storm my castle?  Fine.  Mostly.  A... few points though.

Oh, right, it's... time to blog.

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I have been up since 06:30.  It is already 08:16.  I have just been reading, roughly, and watching vids.  Hmm, I think I forgot to turn the heat up, if that wouldn't have helped?  Nor hurt.  I'm... it takes a while to wake, some mornings longer than others.  I have enjoyed the waking time, if it hasn't been all that successful.  Still, I... think it is working, slowly.

Slow.

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Breakfast, just now.  I did put the blankets into the dryer.  The girls have been fed and watered.  Their litter?  Either last night as I was going to bed, or more likely this morning.  The ducks have been let out, a bit more food added to their container, and water checked... looks good.  Not frozen, and full enough in various places.  Oh, but I did refresh their small dishpan of water.  I quite enjoy the critters, of whichever species.

It was still pretty cool out there, just at or below 40.  Even indoors, it was a bit too chill, so I turned the heat up... especially after going out.  The goals haven't changed.  If... it will just have to happen when it happens.  I do believe I will nap, for as long as it takes, and hit it when I can.  It will happen, today.  I am just not sure when.  I plan on at least one session, maybe two, of an hour to two per.  Plus some work indoors.  A shower first, which should help me get going.

It'll happen.  I even espied the chisel I will be using.  It's the biggest bit I have, and inch, inch and an half?  Something like that.  Oh... for the hinges... so they will sit flush.

It's time for a nap.  Then a shower, a slight rest, and then to work.  After the shower, I will reset dishes.

Down early, and hard.

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It wasn't too much past that last post, at 19:00... not 17:00(?), when I went down.  Oh, I knew it was 19:00, if I wrote 17:00, but the mind and body... if I made that mistake... weren't fully cooperating at that point.  Not only did I do some things, but that is the longest I  have been awake in... weeks?  It was a double shot of the stuff of life.  Anyway, it was shortly thereafter, an half hour or less, most likely less and a lot less, that I was in bed and sleeping.  I remember my head hitting the pillow, and wondering how long it would...

The next thing I remember, it was 04:52, or :47, or :57.  I had waken to void a few times, but no recall of time.  I doubt if I even bothered looking.  I probably only looked that time because while doing, I got a charlie horse and had to stretch, stand, and walk it out.  Still, not time to wake.  I think I turned the fan off, and went back to bed.  The fan helps to sleep, and stay asleep, but it makes waking much more difficult.

Around 06:00 I started to begin waking, finally getting out of bed at about 06:30, give or take smaller change... ten minutes or less... probably.  Close enough.  I tore my bed down, adding in the clean blankets, while taking a few other blankets down to be washed, and actually already starting those as I wake.  I have one more blanket... bedspread really, to wash.  Then I'll be set for winter.

Today?  First... to wake.  I have a few grumps from yesterday.  Very slight lower back, leg cramps if I am not careful, and a serious weariness of flesh.  Not exhaustion, or tiredness, but literally a bit burned out.  No major problems.  But a few serious ones?  Something.  The hope is to do spots of domestic chores, mixed with spots of working on the cages, and resting when required.

I got the base removed from out in the outbuilding.  Plus wires trimmed where needed, and a few other things.  Plus, everything is back to the garage, where it can be hinges can be insalled.  I would really like to make a top and side and bottom and side hinged, but hinges are in too short of supply, and I need those for the tops.  I'm not absolutely sure they will fit, anyway.  Ugh...  One way or another, I will sort them out.  The goal is to be able to remove the bottom cage so as to scoop poop easier.  The method is immaterial.  Still, engineering on the fly is... questionable, at best.  Yet finding the method of the wheel... which has surely been done and documented before, would take more time than just figure it out.  Ach.

That is the plan.  If I can get an hour or two, just on cages, even four days a week, I may well have it done even this week.  Though, definitely, by the... hmm... she said Saturday the 4th.... either Friday the 4th or Saturday the 5th...  I'll... clarify...  Anyway...  I will be done by then, for sure.  Even if I have to do a few minor or even major rebuilds.

I... do have chisels... if need be, I can score and remove wood for better hinge fitting, if thickness is a problem.  Oh... just... thinking.  I have been wanting to chisel something out... just not on a clock?  Yeah, maybe.  Anyway... later.  I best get to waking.  Then a shower and breakfast.  Then digesting that.  Then on to work, by... sometime before... or after, thank you Loretta... lunch.  :p  Later.

Monday... Okay.

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I received a visitor.  On their way to do some things, wanting to know if I could go along.  Of course!  A bit rough, but mostly ready.  So, on to town.  Business.  As well, while in town, I was able to get hay and wood chips.  Plus, help with a few things.  I am a bit on the jealous side... he got a welder.  Ah, well, it is the better form of jealousy... the non-begrudging sort.

Then, back to do some works.  I did some minor work on the hutch, then helped him... lightly.  I was running out of steam.  So, I did what I could to help with his projects.  A slower pace.  It is what I could do.

A call, from the rabbit lady.  First to my friend.  He gave her my contact information and then she called me.  Last I thought, it was Sunday today... so...  But, I made her a deal she... probably... could have discounted.  But she was kind, and has allowed me two more weeks.  It WILL be done.  If I have to beg help, offer a soldering stations, promise the first batches of rabbits... whatever it takes.  Or I lose everything.  I want them, for many reasons.  A secondary, stable, food source is part of it.  There is potential for furs.  And... just... a bit of an added livestock hobby.

I ended up doing a bit of work on the hutches today, and helping out a bit.  I am... satisfied, if also quite tired.  I think things started at about 9:00?  Things just finished up, for me, around 18:30?  I... took breaks, wasn't working, even standing, most of the time.  Mostly just... in attendance, though quick with a wrench or socket, putting a light on this or that, and helping as possible.  Well, and talking his ear off, when I'd forget.  Most... humans... men anyway... tend to get earaches when they hear too many words per hour!  I can overspeak in about... 13.23343243208094 seconds... for the whole hour.

Actually, I can outchat most dames.  Which... is a bit embarrassing... until it's not.  I don't see people very often.  I have... a lot I have considered.  I am curious what people think and why.  And much else.  It's like a cloistered monk, who has taken a vow of silence... voluntarily or through isolation... and gets to speak for days... to anyone who will listen... at random periods of time for random periods of time.  I've only spoken to... four people... including cashiers... maybe five to ten people in the last few months... and for minutes rather than even hours.  I can do it, it just explains... some things.  Not an excuse, a reason.

Anyway.  When I realize they are going into shellshock, I button it for as long as I can remember... before the shelling begins anew.  Oh... I can talk through the universe, and back again.

It's about time for bed.  I am truly enjoying the new sheets.  I think, at least for a time, I will keep a top sheet as well as bottom.  Some nights I might tear the bed up, some nights not.  Worth the risk, I think.  Good night.

Up.

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It looks like the Trump presidency is turning up the heat, and going on the offensive.  They had to wait for this, and that, plus legal sparring takes time... things have to cook to a point where they can be argued, sued, handled, or announced.  It... just takes time.  I am not a patient man.  I wanted it, and now.  Belief is weak, especially in politicians.  Even president Trump.

Yes, I am on his side.  I didn't vote for him.  He didn't build the wall.  He won't build the wall.  Still, given the fraud I had zero doubts about from the start, and what that meant for the future, I have no choice but to support him.  He is right.  His claims are legal, binding, and etc.  However, that means nothing if you don't have physical and legal defense that can withstand what is being thrown his way, even attacking his legal teams... one already took the ticket and sold out.

Supporting president Trump is not a safe thing.  If he wins, decides to fight through, he will... possibly... go after those involved with the conspiracy.  The little fish?  Probably not.  The double voters, who live in two states, and others?  Doubtful.  Though he should strip them of their claim to a vote, ability to contribute to candidates, and their ability to participate in elections... but I don't see that... assuming he wins.

He won't be able to strip the bureaucracies of Trump-supporter haters.  We will still be facing their wrath and hate.  Remember, a large swath of government bureaucrats ARE antifa and/or blm.  So, supporting him has few upsides, and a lot of downsides... for those of us who depend on one system or another.  Heck, the medical field is filled with American and Trump haters.  Haters, not dislikers.  Believe it.  From x-ray techs, to accountants and front desk people, to the doctors and nurses.

So, yes, risks.  And... no matter how correct he may be, if a nation is corrupted, from courts to representatives, to the military... and there is some of that, probably a lot of that... to police forces... being right comes down to what you can defend.  The people, obviously, are with him.  But there is a limit in what we could do.  Coordination, etc.  He will have to depend on what is still American, and legal and moral, to defend his claims, and support his legitimacy.  That is more the catch, for me, than anything else.

Will he win?  Win lose or draw, he has my support until this has been sorted.  I still won't vote for him.  I will merely support the will of the people as legitimately voted.  Nothing more.  Until or unless he builds the wall, pretty much completely.  And raises it another ten... if it is failing.  Plus, keeping border patrol active and at similar levels, with even more lethal capacity.  Run?  Die.

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On another topic, it seems I have been shunned.  One of the catholic pages... I'm all but sure... decided a recent post was a bit too much.  Either that or they have been censored.  Being the only page to no longer be available, I am suspecting it is the former.  So be it.  I made no such claims, merely noted an anomaly which might indicate someone else did, or was jacking with me.  Still, you gotta do what you gotta do.

At first it stung.  But... stings are good.  They made me wake up and think about what I wrote.  If I indicated more that what I present here?  It is a miss-reading or miss-writing.  A, there are no living saints, b, I wouldn't count myself among such if they existed... too flawed, c, it actually frightened me to think someone else might have thought such a thing... made that connection.  But, as mentioned, you do you.

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Oh, today?  Well, to it if I can.  I have managed the cold.  I have slept a goodly bit.  It feels like days of sleep.  I'm not in good shape, but I'm not in great pain or exhaustion.  I'll.... I'll do what I can.  A shower shortly.  Dishes and laundry have been ongoing and nearly done, and will continue.  And, hopefully, out to the cages.  Tick-tock.  I seem out of time before I realize I am being timed!  Ugh.  Later.

Just enough.

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Awake time.  Just enough to get the ducks in.  They didn't want to go in.  I was able to get the indian runners and the muscovy drake in.  The muscovy ladies just would not go in.  Fine.  They can get in on their own, so I don't worry about them.  Herc has a heck of a time.  Between his week flying and that by the time he decides to try to get in, he can't see... it's too dark, he and the runners are the only ones which need put away.  Still, I would rather the hens go in too.  Refuse, they do.  So be it.

Wast it 17:00 or 18:00 when I went down?  After staying up to put them in, I lost track.  Something about... pushing too far past needing to sleep can make getting to be difficult.  I woke a bit before midnight.  I'm not sure I am awake for the day, I have no real control at the moment.  Sleeping six, twelve, eighteen, even longer, hours in a row, then being awake for just four to eight hours.  No control.  Nor do I have any idea when... it is.  Days are going by at a moment, or I seem to be awake for days.

I can sleep through a day whole, but when I am awake, even for short periods, it is as if that few hours lasts a week.  Odd how perception can be.  It's as if a record is put on the wrong setting, or a tape begins to stretch.  Time... the perception of it... alters.  The thing is, asleep or awake, I am so very tired all of the time.  I don't know when it is, or... was... will be?  Lost in some sort of ether time-space anomaly.

I have fixed, for the now, being too cold.  For now.  I'll get going on other things soon.  Soon?  Soon.

Later.

So very cold!

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I had been fine, lately.  Not today.  I am absolutely freezing.  It isn't even all that cold outside... or wasn't?  It's just above freezing, so... not really all that bad.  I don't know.  I added extra layers, missing one as a shower is still in the hoping.  Then again, replaced it with only a slightly less warm option, plus turned the heat up.  It doesn't compute.  Ah... probably the moisture.  No... it's reading 37% humidity... at least indoors.  But when it's wet outside, and above freezing, that moisture seems to get right into the bones... carries on every breeze, creeps through even layers of clothes.

Freezing.  Toe hurting type of cold.  Even have a warmer jacket on.  Finger are cold.  Blarmy.  A hot fatted tea or coffee, or two... would be good.  I'll get on that.

Oh... someone is trying to signal... something.  I had heard of this, just... hadn't... thought... things through.  Okay, yea, I hear you.  True?  I don't know.  I only write what I saw.  I don't even always consider... everything... all the way through.  I don't think any more about some of what I perceive, or do, or whatnot... than I think abut putting on my boots, or brushing my teeth, or such.  It just happens, and I seem to be roughly involved.

As I slip back to sleep...

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I remember someone who wondered about my guilt.  Questioned it.

Guilt?  Oh, yes.  They saw it as a weakness.  I see it as a gift.  Not the bearing of it, I hand it over as well and responsibly as possible.  But there is always... a bit of it around.  Confessing a sin, while that is good, there is often still a yearning for the sin confessed.  So, not always can the sin be fully surrendered.  Perhaps, over time.  With effort and will and work, it can eventually be rooted and burned entirely.  So, guilt will remain, to some degree.  For me, for now.

Aye, but that guilt is the blessing of the knowledge of salvation, the wanting of it, knowing what is wrong and rejecting it, if not quite fully yet, and more.  It is a mark that one is on the path.

Besides?  I could sense her guilt, and great shame.  She remembers things she has done to "prove" various things.  Things she didn't want to do.  Things she knew were wrong, on many levels.  Evil.  She knows it.  She could bury it from herself, but not from one such as me or that bit of her who knows God.  I even... saw some of her great guilts, even for just injuring herself... not just the injuries, but how they were done.  Though there were... others.  And, yes, she knows.  She just refuses to acknowledge what she knows.

Terrible things to see.  Be glad you can't see.  The most beautiful women can be the worst of monsters.  Know that.  I have seen it, plainly.  I'm not sure they have control anymore.  Some of them.  Though... this one... I did tell her there is a way back.  And, for her, there is.  If... she chose it.

So... guilt?  Well, it's as with slavery to God.  It is the least of the best, but on the way.  When I cannot do God's will, I attempt to be His slave.  When I cannot fully release the want of a sin performed, I can nurse guilt.  The lessor ways, the "easier" ways (so it seems, but truth is, letting go is far easier, when done rightly).  As with being a slave... better to become a servant, then even on to a child, than to remain a slave.  But that takes... training, learning, will, strengthened virtues... or surrendering to the darkness and going on to deaths of various sorts.

Such... thoughts.  It... must be Sunday?  Ha!  Who would have guessed.  Oh, and amen.

The phone...

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I finally figured some things out on it.  Calling my mother, yesterday, was the easy thing.  Adding a few contacts was next.  Not bad.  Then to texting.  Oh... what a horrible experience.  I can receive texts, but sending return texts... probably won't happen often.  No punctuation marks, not even a period... or not quickly, that I can see.  You have to go to another menu for those.  No... just... no.

I won't text often, but that is fine.  I have a number now, and can make a few calls.  And receive calls.  And receive texts.  A very good start.  Cost a lot, but that was plan and phone, so... all good.  With no sell-back value, I am going to tape over the camera.  It's not a good one anyway.  Just understand, your camera isn't really for you.  Even on these simple phones, it can be a viewer or a camera for... whoever.  Heck, they can probably take pictures with your phone and send them to themselves, or people on your list.

That fob, recently fired for masturbating in a virtual meeting?  I'd bet dollars to donuts he was jacked.  Not that I care about that one.  The ones who dumped him wanted the slot for a young, lesbian, zit of color?  Or, just didn't like that he looks like an old white guy.  He isn't, but close enough at this point.  Yea, believe as you wish.  Not your camera, phone, or mic.  You just carry it.

I did text my mother and a friend, to let them know.  I think, from now on, putting contacts into the phone?  I'll call, whoever, first.  Then add that call in as a contact.  It's not fun to create contacts on these phones.  They aren't well suited for much.  I can see why my mother hates these, for certain things.  They are simpler, but are they any more secure?  Won't be using them for as much though, so... it's more about getting your phone number jacked.  Even with my smart phone, when it was relatively new, that was done locally... if when living in Logan.

Ugh, not sure I'm ready to be awake quite yet.  So much sleep, still tired.  Can't quite wake.  I will reset the laundry and dishes, then crash for a bit longer.  Later. 

So tired.

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I stayed up long enough to get the birds away.  I can get them to go in earlier than sundown, but it takes a bit of patience.  A novelty I am not currently in possession.  I also put one more load of laundry through.  The woolens are dry, but I had a few other things to hang to air dry.  And the two blankets were put into the dryer.  I'll be checking those shortly.  Probably another run for them.

I did put the new sheets on.  Wonderful.  Quite nice.  I'm not sure a top sheet works for me.  I roll like a bear, often.  As well, I kick my feet out for cooling from time to time.  The top sheet ends up in a ball... somewhere.  I am going to keep trying it.  It has nice qualities.  Tucking doesn't work.  Anyway...  After this set of blankets is finished, I will wash a few more, until all of my blankets are clean for winter.  I am rethinking adding another set of pillow cases to the pillows.  Doubling up just... seems better.  I don't, technically, need it.  I just think it will allow the pillows to last a bit longer, and stay in better condition generally for their duration.

I have no idea when I went to bed.  Perhaps 19:00?  I woke several times through the night, but it didn't really catch, until about 04:00.  I sit, after fussing with a few things.  I'll get to laundry, then litter, and reset dishes?  Shortly?  Ah, and fresh tea.  Perhaps something for breakfast.  I think I missed slow acting insulin last night.  It's difficult when all I am is crushingly tired.  Can't see through it.  See some things, do what I see... or what I can of what I see... then crash so hard tomorrow and today merge into yesterday before I can wake!  Bleh.

I'll... see about things.  Later.