Almost a new day.

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For what it counts, every waking cycle is a new day.  I just have to go with that, for now.  There is definitely some truth to it, especially as I begin working each cycle.  That makes it real.  Not a lot of work, just bits here, parts there, and pieces in between the parts and bits... to facilitate those or just as little extras... luxury or not.  And from food, to feeding critters, to cleaning, clearing, sorting.  A nice batch of work has been done.

To completion?  Not as I would like, if that may never quite be possible.  A one man band cannot play too many parts of a band, and do vocals.  I, everyone, has limits.  But I can do... better... more.

Today?  A few phone calls, sometime midmorning to early afternoon.  Another shower, and a shave, fairly early this morning.  Setting dishes to wash, and probably washing the one piece that needs it for the instapot.  If that gets done, and the pint and quart containers arrive, I may set that up for broth.  Or, thaw the bones for a run tomorrow.  And, last but not least, getting the tools set up for work on the hutches as well and maybe starting work on the table for the lower hutch.

Well, actually, I think I'll set the soup to going first thing.  Mushrooms should be ready.  I may add more fresh veggies.  I'll want to taste test it, as I added a lot more water.  It had boiled down some.  I replaced that and then some.  Mushroom, pork, and chicken, plus veggies of many sorts.  Hot as the sun, with a good set of spices which have been found to work well.  Salt is the only odd variable which might be out.  Love that stuff.

The nice thing is, if I can get back to making stock, and it is easy enough with the instapot, I will start drinking it every other or few days.  As I attempt to get back to keto, and intermittent fasting, as and when possible, this will be good.  Some say it breaks the fast, others say it doesn't.  The volume consumed may be part of it.  Then again, consuming it to end the daily intermittent fasting may be the way?  I'll review the topic a bit more.  Either way, stock will be consumed more regularly.  It truly is tasty.

Oh, down at around 17:30... I think nearly exactly.  Awake at 3:06 exactly.  A sevenish hour sleep?  Yea, sounds good, until I realize I slept at least two different cycles in yesterday.  But I am working more, with much less waking time.  It's an odd tradeoff.  I do believe I would rather sleep most of the day, if I can work when awake, as little as that may be.  If I could just keep it up, I really could get ahead, eventually.  And... a month, two, three at most?  At this sort of rate my house would become a home quickly.  Later.

A rather successful day.

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I got the shower, no shave yet but the trim is quite good.  I then found the eight quart instapot, unboxed it, and removed the tags.  It will need to be washed, but that will be very easy.  Then to town.  A shopping list, for two different stores, plus plans to stop at the cell store... to figure out what the problem was.  Yes, I got to it.  And made it.

Shopping.  Just a few items.  Mushrooms, for the last of the soup stock.  Absolutely delicious stuff.  A few types of sausage, for pickling with eggs.  Though, too, sauerkraut and kielbasa to make a sauerkraut soup.  Just... saw it online, and thought it looked good.  Bits and pieces, veggies, to various other items.  Just a few things.  Should work out.

Then I stopped at the store I picked up pork hocks and else yesterday, to see if they carried chicken bones.  Nope.  I would guess nobody does.  You buy your own chicken, then save the bones from it, or bone the meat precooked, for better broth.  Or... you cook the whole thing, part way, pull it to save the meat... or leave it and lose the meat...  It's... tricky.  Decisions and outcomes.  Anyway, I tried.

The cell store got it sorted.  What they told the people in the store was that what I paid was a minimum.  But corporate said it wasn't enough.  They really need to sort these things out.  If, perhaps, as suggested, they just mess with people who aren't doing well with the social scoring.  China has come to America, through corporations.  It isn't just the government that has betrayed us.  Which is actually in charge is anyone's guess though.  Government or corporate.  China controls those both though, at this point.

Well, mushrooms and soup have just finished heating.  I usually heat it, cover it, let it cool with the lid on for a bit, then with the lid off for a bit, then eat.  It'll be a while still.  Assuming I don't crash, which might happen.  Just because I do well doesn't mean I will do so for long.  I think I have been awake longer than usual, of late, already.  I am crashing.  We'll see.  I'd like to stretch it, but don't think I can.

Good... afternoon, day, and maybe night. 

A few hours down.

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I had to work to get that last hour down.  And, not really a few, just almost two hours down.  Sleep was good?  Yea, but I wanted more, my body just didn't need or couldn't handle more.  Up, quickly.  Dressed, and rightly.  Teeth brushed.  Now I wait to get my mind and body all together and moving in one direction or another.  Hmm, I might even get the actual shave in.  A shower and trim already finished before bed.

I did a few other things before bed, as well.  I didn't put up all the towels, just grabbed one.  I did a small spot of dishes, which I had used to process the veggies... a cutting board and knife... and a thaw box which always gets bloody.  I did a few more actual jobs, smaller ones.  I just can't remember, at this point, what they were.

Before much else, the first thing I want to do is to find the instapots.  They will be cleaned with any dishes I do.  Whichever one I can find, if I can't find both, that is.  As well, I'll set up a couple of batches of dishes, and fold and put towels away.  A bit of a headache, but I'll fix that shortly.  I'm getting ahead, even if I am stumbling over sleep and else to get there.

I am going to order a new drinking container, maybe two.  The one I have is back to a really bad smell.  I am wondering if that isn't what is causing bad breath.  Then, when I get those, I will clean them out every week.  Having two means one can be down for a while.  It's a frustrating thing.  I could go back to drinking them out of jars, but that was always a bit unsafe.  Then again, I did buy a few big mouth jar toppers, which would prevent spills, and has a finger loop on top for easier carrying and handling.  I bought some with handles, but that won't do with an half gallon jar.  Works well with quart jars though.  Anyway...  If I go back to jars, I'll still need more jars.  Bleh.

Later.

Hot soup.

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I had planned to add some spice to the soup.  Using ghost peppers, instead of carolina reapers, as I didn't want it as hot.  As well, first I added chipotle... for the smoky flavor as well as a bilevel heat source.  Trilevel, actually, with fresh cracked black pepper.  I had everything else in, then added the ghost pepper.  Oops!  I must have added between two teaspoons and a tablespoon... or more.

I thought it would be fine, or I might have tried to pull some out.  Okay.  It was as hot as I can take it AND like it.  Any hotter, I can still eat it.  I just don't like it.  It takes on a chemical sort of taste which just... like cilantro, is something I don't prefer.  Even so, I wasn't in the mood for a hot soup.  So it was a bit of a push.  Normally, for just a touch of spice, I add half a teaspoon, perhaps a quarter teaspoon.

Even so, it was pretty good.  The last few sips and spoonful's were a test.  I did finish.

The ducks have been let out, quite a bit ago.  Now it is time to feed and water the rabbits.  As well, I will grab another bucket of water with which to refresh the girls' water.  I may add a bit more fresh water for the ducks while at it.  They are happy critters, with fresh water and good food.  I mix the various feeds, at this point.  And they really enjoy.  As do the lbb's and bbb's (little and big brown and/or black birds).  Oh well.  I don't begrudge, to a point.

After the final bits of chores, a shower and to bed.  I'm... done.  I'm pushing it to finish this.  Still, I am hoping I can.  Perhaps to be up earlier this afternoon?  One can hope.  The soup will set out.  The last of the last big batch.  I'll need to make more... actually, I can still use the beef stock.  I've got... four to twelve 16 ouncers left.  So, I suppose, no hurry on the chicken stock, or new beef stock.  But why not get it done.

The prep and dish drying area had to be cleaned one more time.  You wouldn't think slicing and dicing veggies would require a cleanup, but it definitely did.  As well, when I wake, I will begin searching for the instapots.  I will use the eight quart, preferably.  But if only the six quart can be found, it will do in the short run.  I will clean whichever, or both out.  Heck, might use them both, just varying the amount of pork hocks and chickens feet per?  Something.

Yes, I best get going.  I still have to dry off after the shower.  A wet head to bed is annoying.

Good morning and day.

Soup is on.

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A bratwurst remained.  I quartered and diced it, adding it in.  Then I pulled the pork out of the bag.  I only took a quarter of it, and a smaller bone that was with the meat taken.  I shredded the meat, adding the bone and meat to the pot.  Quite a lot of meat, to be honest, between the remaining chicken, brat, and pork roast.  Then I cleaned up the counter... so back to being ready for dishes!

I set the whites, mainly towels, to drying.  They will be quite nice for when I take my shower.  I cleaned the toilet a bit.  Will work on the rest of the bathroom through the next few days.  A lot of clutter needs being dealt with.  And some washing, if not all that much.  Mostly getting clutter managed, and sweeping.  Though the floor could use a mopping.

I think I'll do alright.  If not this waking cycle, next.  And the next after that, and so on.  It isn't perfect but it will go well.  Especially if I can get medicine back on track.  Mostly.  Ugh.  I will soon make meat crumble, as well as making an egg casserole soon... perhaps Sunday, for the rest of the week.  Food means a big difference in getting ahead.  Or, at least, with food easily available... good food... work is possible.  Without food, work isn't possible.

Sam is acting up.  Just fed her, not sure what her gig is.  She is acting like she is hungry, but... doesn't eat anything offered.  Her water is fresh.  I just cleaned her litter box.  I just don't know.  Sassy is fine.  Usually it would be her begging, at off times.  I don't know.  I can't help her, but I can let her up and give her scritches and scratches, pets, and attention.  Though she isn't all that interested.  I think she just likes her moments of misery?  Misses her kittens which were probably stolen away from her for death or else?  I just can't say.

Well, a bit of a break, then on to a meal, and another break, then back to work.  I am hoping to be up well into dawn, to do chores, then crash shortly after?  If so, there is some hope the sleep will be short enough so that I can do some business yet today.  Or tomorrow if all else fails.  I am quite happy with how things have progressed.  And a shower coming soon is always a blessing.  Be well.  Later.

Surprises!

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Yes, I... got to some of it.  First, I hit the waterers.  Cleaned, each and every, nipples to bottles, inside and out, twice over.  I don't use soap, as dish soap is hard on animals.  Which means I really need to keep up.  And, basically, I do.  I was running this last load long.  So tired, sleeping so often and so long.  But, looking them over closely, one wash should have been enough.  I just prefer a bit more caution.  It's been four or five days since their last cleaning.  Even hopskipping bottles, that's a bit long.  They look and feel clean.

Then on to a trim.  If nothing else, it makes the face a bit more visible.  I am hoping to yet get a shower, and then an actual shave.  I like shaves, as long as they aren't required daily.  It's a start.

Next, I cleared and cleaned the drying area, for dishes.  Clean, right to the bone, then dried off.  That is it, for now.  I am hoping to get a shower in an hour or two.  Putting up the towels beforehand, and shaving right after?  The former is required, or would make easy and absolute sense.  Shaving?  Maybe, if I am not too tired.  Then to start dishes.  Or... that is a goal.

I will probably have the last of the soup tonight.  The pork is warming, for pulling.  I may add some of that to the soup.  As mentioned, meat is slim in the remainder of the soup.  And, since I am using beef stock, and chicken meat to date, pork meat will fit in just as well.  The final hope is to begin a chicken stock, using chicken feet, mostly, and pork hocks as an add.  Next time I will make beef stock.

I, earlier, ordered stock containers.  Those deli containers, only a bit more (it is hoped) for freezing.  I would love to recycle those, but handing washing is... not good.  If I had a dish washer... of one sort or another *wink* I might try to be extra frugal.  Oh, and to my surprise?  I am told the containers will be in tomorrow.  Though, given my odd sleep, I'm not sure if they mean today tomorrow or tomorrow tomorrow?  It depends on when I saw their notice... was it before or after midnight, and my or their time?  Gah!  I hate sleeping in fits and starts.  Days and nights and things make absolutely no sense.  At least, when using the 24 hour clocks everywhere in my house possible, I... know the difference between night and day.  That... was harsh... back before that was a common option.  Especially in the winter, where most of the day is just as dark as any other part, 06:00 to 18:00, even 07:00 to 16:00 at times?  I can't... remember.

I am sure enjoying stocks, soups, and else.  I do believe I will pull the eight quart instapot out, and begin hitting that for stock.  Smaller batches, but so much faster!  A few hours versus one to several days.  I just need apple cider vinegar.  I could use regular vinegar, this time?  I... honestly... can't see how there would be a difference.  The mother would be killed in the heat, even at a rolling simmer, definitely in the pressure cooker.  So... I... think I have everything, save the containers.  As soon as those show, I'll get to it.  I'll push to get the dishes out of the way.  And, after chicken stock, I'll probably immediately make beef stock.  This is excellent stuff.  I can keep the 16 ounce containers for sipping through the week, and the 32 ouncers for soups and stews, mostly.

All right.  Yes.  I'll... keep at it, as possible.  Tonight, and then after I wake.  I'm in a fighting mood.  I am dying, hard, and I don't want to be.  Oh, next wake cycle, I will set up medicine.  I know, I know, but I have been so absolutely beat and off kilter I haven't been able to think my way through setting up medicine.  I'm ghosting myself, if not by will.  Be well, work hard, don't die until it's your time, and later.

I can't remember when?

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Although I think it was shortly after the last post, I went back to sleep.  I did some of the list, certainly not all of it.  I crashed so hard I... I fell, really.  I would guess it was around 17:30?  I had hoped I would wake earlier, after all the sleep I have been getting.  Not a choice, but still, it's a lot of sleep.  Nope.  A bit before 02:00 before I could wake.  And it took Sassy getting particular about food.

She nutted me once, if... I don't think that was actually her intent.  I usually sleep with my back to her approach.  Though even that didn't wake me.  Initially made me a bit angry, but I got over that.  And, as I lay, going back to sleep, thinking on it, I realized both the mistake on her part and why.  But waking has slipped my grasp as understanding had flooded my mind.  Though, this time, I slept on the correct side.

And, right on cue, two hours later give or take, she came back and did the same thing.  She did a little hippy shake claw dance on my right rump.  The clawing didn't get through, and it wasn't her intention.  The little jig she did was just to wake me up.  This time I grabber her, brought her close, and hugged and petted her, asking if she was hungry.

She didn't fight or fuss, and just came in.  I petted and itched her favorite spots around the head, back, and shoulders...  Grooming the girls helps me wake... a tactile feel, their fur, and purring, helps me to wake.  It was a slow wake, but I did make it up, down, and fed them in rather short order.  I think ensured the ducks were in, closed them up, checked the waterers (all frozen... so much for warmer weather).  So I collected those and a bucket of water.  I am soaking the frozen and will clean and refresh all the waterers later tonight.

A kefir and blueberry breakfast.  Yea, but I like the stuff.  And, with more solid food on hand, I think I will do well.  The next time I get out there, I will pull the pork so it can warm for pulling even later.  As well, I will hit the counter, in prep for dishes... after a trim and shower, then shave?  I'll keep trying.  I am almost getting there.  If I do a third of that, but the right third, I am okay.  If I do all of it, and then some, which could happen, I'll be really set.  Ugh.

For now, waking up with a walk through the internet world.  Good... night, day, and/or morning.

Seriously good pork.

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Not overdone.  Not underdone, especially for the desired function... as pulled pork.  Tacky, from fat rendering and running through the meat.  Cooked, then cooled, properly.  A bite, just now, to see.  I'd love to make a meal of it.  I am just too tired to be hungry enough to think through a meal.  The rest of the meat has been put up.  I'll pull it out next time I am awake, warm it to room temp, then pull the meat right off.  Might have a touch then, perhaps in a salad after being heated.

A shower is still planned.  Nothing else.  I keep hoping.  I keep crashing.  I do bits and parts, this time, then that.  I am getting places.  If I could just keep it up, I might actually get ahead.  My problem is, from time to time I fall for weeks or months at a time.  Weather changes, falling off medicine, going back on medicine, general health problems returning... it doesn't take much for me to crash, and hard.

Technically I am crashing hard currently.  It is just that I am able to do some work between crashes.  Not a lot, not the heavy stuff, and not fast.  But I am doing little bits.  My lungs burn, I suspect blood in them.  It's been that way for weeks, worse and better.  It is better of late, save right now, but it isn't the worst... just a little bit worse than the last few days.  Comes and goes.  Breathing is good, for the moment, but lungs hurt.  Odd how sometimes that doesn't match up.

I'll keep at it, if possible, when possible.  A trim, a shower, a bit of time to let hair dry, then on to bed.  Good afternoon, day, and night.  Again, again, again.  

Brats done and pork roast finishing.

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If it weren't for the pork roast, I'd be in bed.  I will check on it, after this post.  Other than chores and food, not much.  I would like to do more, but... won't happen.  Not until after another nap, or longer sleep.

I had hoped the bratwursts would... shake things up.  Not so much.  They were good, but... that was it.  I might have a few bites of pork, when it is finished and after it rests a bit.  I don't think it will help all that much, I just want a taste.  I'll let it cool while I sleep, then warm it back to room temp before shredding it.  I could add some of it to the remnants of the chicken soup.  I am running out of meat.  The rest?  to be added to salads, or eaten in small portions.  I ought to think of what else may be done.

I am still hoping to get tools out to the further outbuilding, and some work done in there.  I don't think it will take long, or much.  A few channels created, for panels, to split the cages.  As well, getting those panels cut and in.  Then getting rabbits out there.  As well, I hope to get a table built for the other cage set.  And, eventually, shovel their poo into old feed bags, to be offered to those who garden.  Not sure how much they need, or will take.  Though I suspect there will be others who might take any extra.  It's garden gold.

Back up at it.

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An hour and good change down.  Back up and about to get at it.  The house is warming, and water with it.  I'll at least get to chores.  Then to a shower, hopefully a shave... which means a trim first.  Still feeling a bit off.  Not the best.  But I am awake and feeling a bit better.  Grilling will hopefully go forward too.  I need some solid food.  Ugh.

Oh, well, I'll get to it in a bit.  The water needs about an half hour.  Then to feed cats, do litter, trim then shower.  A break, then to shave and set dishes up.  Ugh...  I think I can.  Maybe more, hopefully a lot more, after that.  Napping as needed.  Working hard when I can.  I am sure I can.  Today is the startup day.  I am getting ahead, and staying ahead, but have so very much to do.

Later.

Nothing.

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And back to bed.  It's right at 7:11.  I am sure there are things I need and want to do.  I just can't keep with things.  To bed, to sleep.  I will... work when I wake?  I've been asleep for hours, just in my chair.

Good morning, day, and night.

Who is there?

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What are you suggesting?  Loud?  A bit... mean?  Aye.  But not all suggested here, or now.

Wow.

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I have been sleeping the last few days away.  I've been awake for bits and parts, down for most of it though.  Down at 17:30, or so, woke at about 01:30?  It's just going on 02:00 after a bit of internet surfing.  I am trying to drink less, and cut kefir.  I may cut kefir way down.  While it is good, there are limits... to any good.  Or... everything is poison, at some dose.  I haven't quite hit the poison mark, if I may have hit the excess mark.  Too much of a good thing isn't poison, yet, but it certainly marks the way to it.

I left the door open.  Sam came up once, for a bit.  Sassy was up about every two hours.  Sometimes I gave her a bit of attention, sometimes I couldn't.  Sometimes I let her in, sometimes not.  It was a very good sleep.  I seem to be voiding my way back to health.  And, while sleeping, I am not drinking in great volumes.  I do have water up there, just in case.  But they are smaller, and I just take a sip and can close them back up.

I am still not sure I am actually awake.  I may be just feeding the girls, tending their litter, and checking on critters... well, and blogging and web surfing just a bit.  I would like to get a shower in though, maybe a shave.  If so, I may clean the counter, and put dishes to go?  The towels should be ready, though I may give them an half hour run, so as to be warm when I get out of the shower.

I have the house set at 66.  With the fan going upstairs, and the door open, it got to 66 even up there!  Very strange.  Usually it is 57 or less up there.  Then again, it was 40 outside (which is quite warm for those of you not too familiar with the recent and hereabouts temps).  While that seems cold outside, it acts warm inside, somehow?  That is almost too warm to sleep, for me, usually... until I acclimate.  Even so, sleep I did... and mostly like a rock.

I best... get to something.  Even if it is back to bed.  Still, I can tinker just a bit, see if a bit of clearing, cleaning, a shower, and such might be yet in the cards.  Or... next time I am awake.  I try.  I... well... being mostly dead really is a bear.  And, sometimes, you eat the bear, sometimes... some particular... bear eats you.  Until it's the last bear, such is life.  Later, or good night again.

Yea, it's breath.

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I'm not getting enough air.  It doesn't matter how it seems, or what the tests might indicate.  Air.  Not enough.  Which is why I am so very tired.  Rales.  Watery breathing.  Call it what you will.

I finally got to the rabbits.  They all still had water, and it is still flowing.  Less worried about food, if I would still rather have them receive it in the morning.  No work today, or yet.  I... need sleep.  I think I have had two sleep cycles last night, and will have a few more.  Still, if I can get enough sleep I might be able to wake enough to get tools sorted to where I need them, and supplies, then do work on my next working wake cycle.

Dishes too.  I might be able to get those arranged, if after a shower, then go set up tools.  Or with a break between the two.  And do bits of work, here or there, as possible.  I think so.  IF I can get some restful sleep.  Not been possible the last few sleep cycles.  But, I am sleeping when I hit a dead end, rather than trying to push through.

The part of the phone payment I wasn't sure about, which I checked earlier, turned out right.  So, it has something to do with the phone company or it's payment systems.  I was told this would be enough.  Apparently not, or it's just another corporate scam.  Though, if you complain about companies like Verizon, they take it personally and beat on you every chance they can get.  Our companies hate us almost as much as our government, at this point.  And they are definitely working together against us.

Anyway... I... can't do much today.  As soon as I can, I'll get it together and get in for a review of the matter.

So tired.  I'll turn the fan on.  It helps get more air in.  Something is terribly wrong with those masked air devices.  But a simple fan works quite well.  Low to high, depending on needs and the day.  On back to bed for a while or longer.  I will let the cats up though.  I'm near enough to rested that their company is a good thing.  And I miss them when I have to be alone.  Furry sharks!  Eating attention and food as much as possible.

Later, or much later.  Who can tell.  I'll... include you in my prayers.  Though... whether for your sake or mine is a difficult to know proposition.  *wink*

So absolutely tired.

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I think it is from fluid and else backing up.  Yesterday helped, in a few ways.  But I am in really bad shape even so.  Doing anything is difficult.  I let the ducks out, then set up the waterers, finally.  I'll get those out in a bit.  I am almost wondering if the flora and fauna in my gut sort of exploded.  A bit too much, unless you are eating and working out like crazy.  Just too much in there?  Maybe.

I'll make sure to eat solid foods, at least daily.  Brats today, if I can get to grilling.  And, perhaps, smoking the pork but, shredding that, and having it in the fridge for various things.  Warmed, over lettuce, is quite nice.  And lettuce is a solid food too.  There are times when I wasn't sure, but... it is.  I have no doubts after a bit of experimenting.

For some reason, the payment to the phone company wasn't enough or didn't go through.  I'm checking on possible vector.  I can't quite get out today.  Too tired, worn, maybe sick from pushing and else.  I am planning to go tomorrow.  I have calls to make.  Went to make one, it failed.  It was just do, is pay as you go, and received $26.  Or was supposed to receive that amount.

Oh, it's so cold outside.  In spite of being forty!  Yes, + 40 F, and it is cold as the dickens out there.  Something odd.  Wind, for one thing.  And, yes, moisture from melting and up out of the ground.  Still, so very strange that 40 F feels colder than 20 F.  Even so, I would like to get the equipment set up in order to begin working in the outbuilding, to create more rabbit cages... so I can get them breeding.  I'd like a batch from each before summer.  Then they won't be set to it until either late August or September... early October at the earliest.  Weather has been strange.

No pain, oddly.  A bit of bloat, which does make me suspicious of excess flora and fauna in the gut.  Just tired, sometimes slightly dizzy.  A few odd symptoms, though they go with extreme exhaustion.  I'm not even sure how to figure out what to do.  I'll just do what I can, when and how I can.  Later.

Did not stay awake long enough.

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Crashed, and hard, right after righting that.  Back to bed, just waking at 05:03.  Not sure I'll be awake long even this time.  Maybe?  No dreams remembered, if I think I keep dreaming of flying.  That strange type of flying, which both is and isn't a sort of flight, moving at exceptional speeds, and is more something between flight and teleportation.  Once you have everything dialed into, to within a block... which takes a while... a month or several?  Once all dialed in, for the earth, movement takes a moment.

Whether going shopping at my usual grocery store, having a luncheon in Paris (if I wouldn't these days), a late snack in Jordan, a tea in Japan, or such, the travel time duration difference is not measured even in seconds.  Still, whether going to the refrigerator, clothes dryer, or Timbuktu, one generally needs a reason.  Usually, finding a reason is... not a good thing.

Oh, the temptation to go into any cash or precious metal depository... taking as I wish?  Besides the various risks of flesh, there is always the risk of the soul.  Nothing, as I told my friend earlier, is free.  Is it worth risking the soul for something not paid?  And... God is always watching.  No, not to me.  Still, to see a few sights... from The peaks of the highest mountains to, certain shore views at dawn or dusk?  To watch some of the most spectacular wildlife, and events in their lives unfold?  To see miracles of life, for people, unfold.  Maybe to even play some small part in a success that might not have happened?

The thing is, such a power does not make one God.  Saving the world from reality, or itself, or even a few men... and women?  As tempting evil?  More so perceived good.  The most difficult thing is to let people choose and face consequences... to follow in the real God's footsteps, or try.  Hard?  Unimaginably... or... nearly.  But, yes, I.... foreswore playing God shortly after my initial foray into miracles.

Not all of this was from the dreams, just things from the dreams, coupled with thoughts from the dreams... while awake.  The thing, beyond, is there is no way to save everyone.  Choosing who to save becomes quite the thing.  Then the temptation to end those who are evil creeps in.  Also, not... to be done.  People must choose.  Prices must be paid.  And even the innocent must die, and the guilty must live.  It was terrible, realizing some things.

There is a place to... affect change.  Self-defense is a requirement... a universal law.  Protecting and helping one's own, and community up to a certain point.  Oh, and keeping one's abilities from being know, too, is required.  They would hound you night at day for everything from lost keys to petty or right vendettas, to lost cattle, or a structurally unsound home.  You would become a false god, and loved by those you helped, hated by those you didn't, wouldn't, or couldn't.

Anyway... for whatever reason, the last week I have been flying around, looking the world over.  Most nights, and some shorter sleeps, dreams of flying.  Mostly touring.  Or just the enjoyment of the... flights.  I got the feeling I wasn't the only one out there.  Though the others kept out of my ability to see.  Angels, I suspect.  Perhaps demons?  Too, I suspect if I started "helping" the world, life would have become difficult.

Oh, there were ways to... biome wealthy doing this.  And I did, to a degree, profit.  But gold, wealth, and such, has to be tempered... as with the other things.  And getting rich has never been a great calling, for me.  Just a... rare item here, or there, otherwise lost to men.  Or noticing where certain minerals or other commodities might be... a thing unnoticed to point by others.  It... doesn't take much.  What dreams.

Later.

Five hours of sleep.

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I suspected as much, when going down.  No matter how hard I was hitting, it just wasn't going to be a long, let alone all night, sleep.  I thought it would probably end up more like three hours.  Something about pushing far too hard ends in little sleep.  So five hours is fairly... nice.  As well, I worried that I would wake absolutely bushed.  Nope.  I mean... a little groggy, but typical of any morning.  No pain from the pushing and extra hours up.  Just... a typical, or typically better, "morning".

I got out and got the ducks in first thing.  I also checked the rabbits' waterers.  They are still flowing so I am leaving them in place.  I won't replace the mini does' waterer because they won't drink later at night.  Oh, I still have to get the second set of waterers going... reset... for the morning.  Their food is ready.  Just need to finish up with the waterers.  I am hoping to get another set next month, and perhaps one more before spring?  Or during spring.  Then keep those cool.  It takes a lot more time to cool them than it does to warm them, so having four sets gives me time to refill and chill, without pushing so hard for instant turnover.

It is good to have my hair look even.  It's old, gray, stringy, and long in a messy way until it grows long enough to put up.  But at least the sides and ends are even.  I showered.  But I haven't brushed in a bit.  I am getting a... negative reaction from women.  I... am worried about how I smell.  And, whether it is breath, or clothes, or... what.  I get a good reaction, from a distance, but up close not so much.  I... am going to have to work on it.  I really am going to try to dig down to the matter, though it may just be too much at this point in my life.  Old bachelors become... funky.  It's just the way of it.

Oh, eating that burger today?  Right.  I have been eating far too much liquid lately.  I need to make sure I am eating something solid each day.  That burger hit like a bulldozer, pushing everything from the stomach on down out.  And there was much.  I had to visit two different restrooms and spend a long time in each.  Well, three, if the first was a liquid unload.  Oh my word, I... have to eat solids more often... daily.  Soup and stew might be absolutely fantastic, but they... do very strange things.

I had wondered why liquid wasn't going, was collecting.  I had lowered by consumption, and was taking a water pill.  It was the liquid food.  They say water and more liquid food go to the same place.  And, while they might, they are treated vastly different.  I won't even debate that.  Both kefir and soup act very differently than tea.  There are solids, so it doesn't, can't, just be pulled out and sent to the bladder.  It becomes... softserve.  Ugh.  Clear as a whistle, now.

Tonight?  I am staying ahead of where I was.  The goal tonight is to stretch that lead.  Perhaps another shower, or later after a load of dishes.  But, actually, a couple of loads of dishes and cleaning off the counter.  A wash and another, perhaps with a shower in there somewhere.  The last load of laundry was put over, as a last thing?  Or reset?  I can't quite remember.  Finishing the towels and putting them up would be good.  That will be it for dishes.

I'd also like to get the vacuum cleaner upstairs.  For use tonight, tomorrow, or sometime this week.  Hmm, later this week for sure.  I'll put some baking powder down, let it absorb some odors, before vacuuming.  As well, later this week, I'll reset linens, wash the old and blankets, and be reset for a while.  Perhaps running the steam vacuum up there later this, or next, week.  I think I have one pot of chicken soup.  As well, brats, meat crumble, and a pork roast.  I'm not sure about putting the brats only, or the brats and roast out on the grill?  It works in the oven and the grill.  Yea... I may just grill both.  The ground meats need to be cooked on the stovetop.

Well, the idea is there.  I may only be able to get a bit more done before ending up back in bed, so I ought to push to get dishes in and the counter cleaned.  Still waking though, not quite ready to work yet.  But... getting there.  And in good shape.  Edema went the way of chicken soup and kefir.  Who'd of thunk half a burger would do what the water pill was failing to do!  :p  Later.

So very tired.

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Ah, why the trash man arrived today, not yesterday?  Today is Monday.  Ugh. It's been rough.

A shower, and the visitor and myself went to town.  He worked on the big cage.  It is now sound.  Shopping, and I found chicken and pigs feet, and tripe.  Plus to a regular grocery store for a few more typical items.  I checked my account first.  It... should all work out.  As well, I paid on my phone, so it should work again, for a while.  I am hoping to reset it between the 7th and 10th, and then put it on automatic pay.

He had a few places to go as well.  And we went to the barbers... well... a lady barbershop.  I still look messy, being between this and that.  But cleaned, cleared, and leveled.  He seemed happy with his cut, and while it was still short, it actually has some styling to it.  One step at a time.  All in all, it was a very good day.  But I am absolutely crushed... ready for bed.

Oh, and I have the tools sought, so as to possibly do work on the various cages, including building a table for one of the grouping of boxes.  Ugh.  I'll do what I can, as I am able.  Now, though, absolutely for sure, it is bedtime.  I think I'll shut the girls out tonight.  I need sleep, unbothered, heavy, hard, sleep.  Quite a day.  Hmm, I'll check the towels, in the dryer.  I'm sure they will need another short run, which I will set them to.  Good afternoon, day, and night.

Strange days.

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Some days I crash early, others later.  Some days I am awake until afternoon and go to bed well.  Ah.  Spring weather is closing in?  Sunny this day, dark today, colder at 30, warmer at 22, frigid at 18.  Very odd how quick and disparate changes to all the various aspects of weather can absolutely devastate my system.  Try as I might, I am lucky to hold on to chores alone.

Now, I am doing bits and pieces of this and that.  The last few days have been relatively good.  But I have so much more to do and seemingly no way to do those things.  Exhausted in very strange ways though.  So very tired.  Even when I can work, it... I need rest, lots of rest between tasks.  And I lose track very easily.

Chores finished.  Socks needed another run.  Crashing though.  Not sure more will be done.

Oh, for some reason, trash was picked up today.  I hadn't gotten it pulled from the curb.  Good thing.  Losing track sometimes works to my advantage.  Yea.  But it is about bedtime.  It isn't after noon, only 10:30 or so.  At least it isn't 05:00 or 06:00.  I'll try to make it just a wee longer, if there really isn't much else I can do.

It's good night.  Sooner or later, but that is that.

Not a lot.

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Laundry is moving through.  I am about to put the last load to dry, assuming the woolens are dry enough to hang out.  I don't use heat with those.  Whites, lots of t hem, and big towels included.  I would like to hang them out, just not sure.  Hmm... I could hang one or two of them out, see how it works?  Soup for food.  As well, though, kefir.  I am trying to cut how much kefir I consume, down to twelve ounces for a solo meal, or four to six ounces as a pre-meal... if I don't use it before every meal.

Ducks were put in much earlier.  As to waterers, I checked those fairly late.  Since they were still flowing, I left them out.  I did change out a larger one for the mini does, as they drink a lot.  All good.  I just checked.  It is about 29 F out there this morning.  So it still might be good.  I'll collect those shortly, though while putting new ones out.

While it is much warmer, ten degrees warmer than it has been (mostly) for months, it feels cold.  Not sure why.  It isn't just me.  This front room is down to 60.  Usually it is 65~66, especially with the furnace up a bit.  I turned it up because I have been so cold.  I do think the world is melting, and that is putting moisture in the air, and that makes it much colder.  I have been cutting the furnace, but even I have limits.

I need to get a shower, and get dishes going.  Plus, to clean off the counter would be good.  I think I can.  Oh, and take care of the phone.  I ran out of pre-pay.  Bleh.  I need to check my balance before messing with that though.  I did receive a notice, from the irs, that I am receiving $600 stimulus.  That will take care of the arears on utilities.  Not much more.  It is what it is.

I... best get going on a few things.  I have soup warming.  That might help me get going.  Later.

Bits, and moving onward.

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Ducks in, a load of laundry turned over and a fresh one put in.  One more load of those, whites... after three small loads before, regular, synthetics, and woolens as the last load now washing.  The girls were fed, not sure I hit their litter yet, but will shortly if not.  A breakfast of kefir.  Some slight toodling here and there, if very slight.  Still, a small thing opens up bigger things later.  It adds up, if you can keep going.

I try to work strategically.  Have to do so.  If I can't do dishes, open up the area, take a shower, or a few other things, I look for the bottleneck.  I hit that.  It might or might not lead directly to a bigger chore, but it might lead to hitting the next bottleneck.  Bottlenecks aren't the whole problem, but if dealt with, life is smoother when I can work.  Terrifying, to have so many bottlenecks.  What to most is just a little thing, for me can be a work stoppage.

Without, always, focus, memory, concentration, a bottleneck will fully stop everything... or a few of them will.  Like a plug in a sink, a stoppage might well cause an overflow.  Some number of overflows become overwhelming.  And it can happen very quickly.  Whether it is fear, fog, poverty, or else, I get hit hard, and often.  To be honest, having a woman helps.  What I can't do, she can.  As well, what she can't do, I can... and easily.  Move the dresser?  Okay.  But... figure out workflow?  Not so much.  And, what neither of us can do alone, sometimes we can cooperate.

Of course, that is when you can get hitched to the same load, and agree to pull at the same time in the same direction.  Hell of a thing to accomplish, but amazing when it works.  Yea, a woman... a good one... a patient one... could get a heck of a lot of work out of me.  Not a full time thing.  But, a good twenty hours of solid a week.  Not on her schedule, patience would absolutely be required.  But, yea.  And, twenty hours, if the household is the whole of it, it quite a lot.

Anyway...  I'll get a shower before long.  Then start dishes.  Cleaning the counters, resetting trash by bagging, pulling the barrel back, litter, and some minor clearing of spaces while taking down boxes.  Ugh.  It's a new week.  I'll get to things.  Later.

When?

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I am not sure when I went to bed.  Waking at... after 20:00, probably.  Right at 21:00, with no real idea of what all happened or when.  I know I got the trash out, did chores, fed the girls and myself.  I am pretty sure I worked litter, thought maybe earlier?  Of course, earlier for me, as my days are going, is probably later for you... so... between 23:00 and 04:00?  Anyway...  I think I was to bed around 10:00 or 11:00... a bit after the latter?  If I had to bet.

Soup has been a joy.  Meat is thawed.  Bratwursts tonight, and smoking a pork butt while at it.  I may fry more crumble... various minced meats or burger if you prefer.  I need to get more salad.  Taco salads do very well.  Add cheese this time, salsa that, a bit of guacamole in there whenever.  I don't even use dressings.  Spiced hotter this time, or plainer that, italian seasoning or just basil?  Mix and match.  Well, and other fruits or veggies, a squeeze of lemon or lime juice, who knows.  Be creative.  Sometimes it'll work, sometimes not, though what didn't work a week ago, tried today, is perfect?  Food... really isn't a science.

Even if I am not human, and you are, tastes are just as buggered for us both.  Something... strange... about flesh.  I don't think it is at all what we think it is.  We are surrounded by what is not flesh.  Is that what makes our senses quirky?  Or is that the truth of sin?  Or... just a gift... the wonder of God's creation... controlled chaos, to keep the world from being too boring?  Imagine if digital was a truth as advertised, and the world really was digital.  You could make things exactly the same, every time, without huge fudging?  Remember the line about not looking behind the curtain?  Everything that seems to be exactly the same has some serious gimmickry going on.  You don't have to truth me, just... pay the hell attention.  Best start doing that, if you aren't already.  Time is almost here... for a change or end.

I'll try to get to dishes again.  I best put the birds in, if I'll leave the waterers out a while longer.  Oh, and cleaning the counters... I... yeah.  I am... doing bits, getting ahead, more than ever... or for months...  It seems to be compounding, too, finally.  Laundry, more laundry.  A shower.  Maybe a shave.  More trash, and the barrel brought back from the curb.  I... I think I will.  I think I can.  Bits and parts.  It's a start, again.  Later.

All night to do so little.

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Finally, just now, trash out.  Collected and out.  The vast majority, and all the icky.  There are a few dry pails with some still in.  Out of energy, mostly out of room.  But... Yes, done.  Oh, and to the curb.  I knew if I waited, for later, I would forget or... just not have energy then.

A load of laundry through.  No dishes, waiting on a shower.  Moving slow.  It... may happen.  I did make more soup, this time with root veggies, and kale.  I didn't do kale last time, I don't think.  Fantastic stuff, warming and filling.  I have fed the girls, gotten the waterers in, filled a pail to fill those and refresh the girls' water.  As well, I ought to check on their litter.  I got that shortly after waking this morning, but... they are busy beavers.  Argh.

Still hoping for a shower, another load of laundry through, dishes at least put in, and the counter cleared and cleaned.  Getting trash out took care of a good portion of the clutter.  But a bit more clearing and washing is required.  No real problem.  Oh, and kefir was... ready enough.  At least for one big glass.  I miss that when it isn't in stock.

The kefir, while cool... that first jar I put in... was probably higher in carbs... lactose... than I would have preferred, but it wasn't nearly as high as regular whole milk.  So, it was... something.  And I am only having one cup today.  The rest I am putting away has been put in.  I am leaving one jar out in order to produce more whey.  I am thinking of finding a drink recipe for that.  You don't eat your way to health, exactly, but you can eat some of your medicine?  Maybe.  Or... maybe more.

One thing I am going to start adding to my diet is liver.  It truly is one of the most nutritious foods you can eat.  There are limits, but a few times a week, with the right fats, onions, and else, and it is exceptional.  It doesn't taste good?  Done right, I like it.  Maybe love it.  It can't be overdone, or it's leather.  Even a little underdone is actually better.  It's the gravy, that has to be right, and that is tricky.  Liver and onions, though that is a start.  I'd like to find other ways to eat it, say in with scrambled eggs, or in some other sort of keto casserole?  If I could find butcher fresh, unfrozen, I might even slip some into a smoothie.  *wink*  Aye, with spinach (though, actually, you want your spinach cooked, oddly inversely).

Well... now that I have bent your taste buds out of contortion... good day, morning probably... or night for some of you foreigners.  You know who you are.  Later.

A good start.

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Okay, chicken soup will take what beef soup won't.  The spices were fantastic in this, and some heat too.  A bit of scotch bonnet and chipotle, along with ground coriander, as well as what was already in.  Stuffed, as if I ate half a turkey, and trimmings.  Warm as well.  That was some fine vittles.  No bread this time, though I may make keto bread next time.  Still looking for a coconut flower one.  They aren't exactly interchangeable, coconut flour takes a lot more moisture so you use about a third and add more moisture to boot... plus, often, let it rest so as to absorb all that moisture.

Oh... someone thinks they are funny.  Rolling a 300, I see.  *wink*  Wow, I... never knew.  Are they calling me this, that, or the Coyote?  Or... is there a difference?  *grins*

A bit rough going down.

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A bit rough getting up.  But... just.  An edge, not a full blown body, head, and organ ache.  Just... enough to know I am alive.  Legs are slightly swollen in spite of drinking much less.  It may be that I drink a lot all at once, then don't drink for hours.  A strange habit of late, usually filled with kefir.  But I have been out of kefir, or down to the 'seed stock', which I wasn't willing to consume.  It takes a long time to get those cultures going!

I checked the kefir bottles tonight.  One was ready to top off and put in the fridge.  That bit of milk keeps the whey (watery stuff) from separating, and give the kefir food while in the fridge... as I wait to put it up until it is at peak kefir'ing.  It, without a bit more milk, has nowhere to go.  Even so, with the milk in, fresh, it needs a few days to be ready.

With five bottles, I am going to be cautious.  And I am going to try a different sort of rotation.  Rather than drinking it down to a third, I will drink it to half, fill it to two thirds while letting it sit out and kefir (which should take much less time), then top it and put it back in the queue.  It makes the kefiring process much faster, keeps more in the lineup (for those heavy days, when two or three cups simply isn't enough), and... some other things.  It's a matter of keeping up on milk.  I am trying to cut my kefiraholism, but... for now... I'll consume nearly at will.

I never did make another even small pan of soup.  That is going as I speak.  Actually, finished, just cooling.  When I put in fresh vegetables, I simmer for fifteen, then let cool for another fifteen.  This time I added... questionable spices.  Spices and herbs which didn't work so well with the beef stew.  This, being chicken, there is some hope.  It sure smells good.

Oh, and the salsa to which was added a tablespoon of whey?  Oh, wow.  That was sort of dry.  there was juice, but... dryish.  It is out of season, and they use what they have, etc.  But now?  That is absolutely the juiciest, spit developing, stuff I have had since last I had it fresh.  Oh, my, word.  That is excellent.  I will be making scrambled eggs, or an egg casserole, later... almost just for that.  Now, I burp it twice or three times a day, letting it breath.  And I am adding another tablespoon of live stuff per day.  I will, in the future, transfer it out of the plastic tub and into a glass canning jar, a pint one, without an airtight lid.  Oh, yes, that was absolutely superior.

Ducks are in.  The rabbits are still drinking so I left them to it.  Laundry to be washed has been collected from upstairs and down, and is ready for another load or two.  A shower shortly, again, and dishes at least set up and the counter cleared again.  Hopefully another load of dishes or two. to that counter.  Food, as discussed.  Litter was handled before bed.  Hmm, best feed the girls and then... take a bit of a break to finish waking and catch my breath.  It actually has already been a busy "morning".  Oh, and trash.  That... has to be collected, and more, and to the curb.  I don't think it is recycling, yet, but... that is coming.

Later.

Still up.

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I just got to chores.  Plus feeding the girls and tending their litter.  Moving so slow.  Haven't had soup, and I am really hungry.  Mostly of mind.  Blood sugar has dropped.  For the first time it is below 250, at 129 say four or five hours after my last nibble.  Ah, but no tea.  I have been sweetening it a lot lately.  Right, but I think it was eating bread that was causing the problem.  Someone reminded me of a fix for that.

Nearly noon?

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I don't get it.  Yesterday I crashed so hard, five hours ago, that I couldn't remember... almost anything.  It was only a few tips that allowed me to figure out the time.  Today I'm going to hit noon and keep on going.  More because I can't sleep than a will or odd requirement to be awake.  I just doesn't make sense.  Blood sugar was similar.  All else is about exactly the same.

A shower, since I am going to be awake.  Or for at least another half hour.  If I can get to sleep after that, I will.  I will give it a shot.  Hair has to be dry enough first.  Though, if I feel then like I do now, maybe not.  It has warmed up out there.  The only dip in temps around here, that I saw, was a night or two ago it dipped to 15 F.  It has been back to 24 to a somehow thawing 30.  No complaint, just noting.  I think it has been warmer than usual.  I think so.

Oh, I do want a bit of soup before bed.  Just a touch though, not a whole pot.  Oh, and I best pull a few other meats out for the week... a pack of bratwursts, a pork roast, and... actually that might be quite enough, the way I do things lately.  Brats would be two to three meals, and the roast?  I would have a few meals of chunks of meat, but much would be shredded and used even in with the soup, but with other things as well... warmed and put on a salad... perhaps some sort of keto taco?  That would be good.

The sun is in and out, or... so it seems from where I am sitting and from being out.  It's a good day.  Feels more like spring than winter, if I hope we have a good, long, wet even if that makes it colder spring.  Need water?  Almost always, I suspect.  It sure couldn't hurt... until it does.  :p  That is the damnable part of the need for farming and farmers.  Water, wind, sun, too much, too little, or at the wrong times.  If the fact that we aren't all starving isn't proof of God...

Oh, I best deal with the rabbits.  Had to warm there water, was moving slow, kept forgetting.  I'll... get to it.  Then I'll need an half hour to hour to dry my hair.  I just don't do hairdryers.  Women shouldn't either.  But you just can't tell them.  I know, they need their hair to be just so... competing with Sue neighbor lady, Ann the mail woman, Eve the... you get the point.  They do it for points, mostly against other women, some small part for their ego, and a tiny bit for men... especially after married.  Though... that's boring, so... almost more for other men... for drama, jealousy, or that hope for the monogamous nice alpha provider doctor.  *grins*

Anyway... the water will be ready in about ten.  Then on to that, drying my hair, and hopefully getting to bed in an hour or three.  Good morning, day, and night.

Strange.

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Okay, first?  The ducks.  They must be hiding?  Yesterday night, I counted two.  Last night?  It looked like only one (of the indian runners) was in the hutch.  They can't fly in, as the muscovys may.  So, if they aren't in, they are out.  If they are out and alive, they might show up later but not in the hutch.  It's... not possible for them to get in.  Yet, yesterday, and this morning, they were all three in the outbuilding.  I haven't lost one, or two...  Bleh... silly birds are trying to depress me!

The other thing is this morning I am up well past yesterday morning.  I have been awake all night.  I haven't done a great deal.  Even supper was remnants from the night before, right down to it being leftovers from the pot, not just the main base.  I mean, I had pulled some off the main stocks, and made a soup with that.  But had only had one draw off it.  There were two draws remaining... were.  Very good.

I am just not doing well.  Tired, beyond belief.  And, yet, not sleepy tired.  Blood sugar, strangely, isn't going below 250.  Ah... I... think I might know the problem.  I'll... try to fix that.  Sometimes, when I am really tired, I can't think my way around keto, or much else.  I... think I know what the problem is.  Well, and I haven't had kefir in a bit.  Today, hopefully, milk... or soon.  And extra.  I just wasn't able to get out for more milk myself.  And I really wanted to get out for it.

I used up the last pot.  Still, might set out a small amount and make one last bit of soup, or stew, for before bedtime.  That truly is delicious, and warming.  My feet have been like icicles lately.  Soup before bed might help.  I have been taking insulin, slow acting now... sheesh, regularly.  I may begin adding in fast acting, but just at the 8 cc's.  At least for a while.  I've been stuck at 250 for several days now.  Though... if I change the problem?  But... I need the problem food, for now?  Bleh.  If I could make a keto bread, I'd be good.  Just... can't focus.  I'll... work on things.

Later, or good night... day... morning... all the above, if I go to bed.  Or you do.

I keep being amazed.

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It isn't just the soup, as it ended up tonight.  The flavors, textures, simple spices, but how absolutely filling it is.  Two medium to large bowls of the stuff absolutely stuff me.  But... it's... mostly water.  This wasn't even thick tonight.  but it had enough veggies to keep something, besides water, in two thirds of the spoons.  Might be a small bit, but... excellent.  I didn't even add chicken meat to this, or very very little.  I used the remainder of the mushrooms... all that was good of what I had purchased.  Less than a single package, perhaps half, served for a full day pot of soup.

I crashed this morning, shortly after the last post.  I thought I might be able to make it.  I did chores, but didn't remember doing them.  Then I crashed so hard it almost hurt.  I would guess between 06:30 and 08:00?  I... just don't know.  I didn't wake until 18:36?  I think so... a text.  It had been sent earlier, but phones don't log when sent, but when received.  Bleh.

The youngling... a man, just a younger one... visited.  Trying to figure out some tools and toys.  He has been working on a cutting board... a family heirloom which broke.  Tools for it, some mine, some his, got it going.  He... did a pretty good job.  I got to see the work.  I thought the whole epoxy thing, in woodworking, was probably bogus.  I... guess not.  He seems confident in how to do it.  I... might... if some things happen, get into woodworking?  In any case, I see something is real that I thought was fiction.

But, I also purchased staples, which probably don't fit the tool of mine for which I purchased them.  He might be able to use them.  I have replaced some of the nails he allowed me to use, but not the staples.  If it works with his, but not mine... I'll give them to him.  Otherwise I need to take them back.  I'll pick up some I can use, and probably a pack for him as well.  Business is paying back, plus a bit if possible.

A shower was never taken.  I was lucky to do chores.  As I said, I fell so hard I wasn't sure if I had done chores.  Ducks are in, earlier, when I woke.  I've been letting the rabbits enjoy their water.  I'll collect and refill those in a bit.  Then to shower, shave, and perhaps do dishes through the night?  So tired.  Maybe make it to the post, never did that either.  Ugh.

Oh, I passed a few extra dollars, for extra milk.  I have been going through kefir like crazy, but haven't been able to get out and pick up more milk.  Everything is down to starter cultures.  Tomorrow is new milk, so should be okay.  Oh, and I filtered out a quart of whey from the last, overdone, kefir jar.  All good, I had wanted to get whey.  I put a bit of it in a container of fresh salsa from the store.  I'll turn it, and burp it, from time to time.  It is is the store, airtight, container, so needs air occasionally anyway.  I'd also like to get cabbage, and try probiotic homemade sauerkraut, and make a jar... a pint or two or quart... of fermented red onion.

The life of a foodie?  Who knew?  It isn't... easy.  But it isn't hard.  It's a matter of getting into a pattern.  My problem is my pattern is all over hell, back, and on up.  I travel long, hard, and wide, if with attention to God.  I do His will.  Hey, don't think I'm the only one He sent to hell... even the one that He loves more than... anything we here understand.  And, still... He never asks of us what He wouldn't, hasn't, done Himself.  *wink*

Later.

Just some... random vids...

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They seemed to tie together.  I had to chuckle, and post.  They were, actually, the first responses to the dream music vid response... both from out there, somewhere.  I wasn't sure I'd print, but... it's... now seeming tamer than other things I printed.  So... here it goes.  Oh, what does it mean?  Who knows.  I just saw a sequence which... caught my eye.  After some choosing and carving, this is... what remained.

Still awake.

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Not a bad thing.  The heart is a bit tired, the body seems to be pushing rather than me... or my will.  I'm not sure why, or how it can, but it does from time to time.  No work yet, not even the shower.  But that is going to happen soon, then a trip to the post office.  At least, if something is back being held, it will be easy to get.  I know, but running so hard, slow, and off the day cycle, it's been difficult to get in.

How long will I stay awake into the day?  I just don't know.  My heart, literally, is a bit sore from the recent stretches.  Is that dangerous?  Maybe, off meds.  It isn't a terrible pain, just... a soft, gently and softly frequent throbs of minor... soreness.  Like if you used your biceps a bit much, or to a greater than usual load, but not to the point of shredding... just... extended use, and you are feeling it.  Only, in my case, of the heart.

I put most of the soup up, but left enough out to make a day pot full.  To this I added cauliflower, broccoli, the few mushrooms which were good, and a lot of kale... cut into tinier bits.  I'll go larger on the kale, next time.  If I end up sleeping, and there are remnants for later, I will add one of the root veggies, diced and possibly quartered for parts.  It's a wonderful bite.  

Might try one or two raw.  It gives... an idea of when and how to use it in other ways... perhaps ogroten?  Tasting things in raw and cooked form adds to the culinary... dictionary?  Something as such.  Even if you don't like it, one way, the other, or all ways... it's worth it to know.  Perhaps even to try, or figure out from the taste, to like the food item.  Tasting is initially, sometimes, a test.  But it should become a joy, as your tastes mature, and you do.  Amen.

Yes, more videos.  These should, mostly... be manageable.  Squirrels, girls... women, and cats... girl cats... seem to share problems.  Not... exactly.  But you will get the idea.

Seriously good stew.

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From salt level to garlic, fat to thickness, meat amount to mirepoix balance, it is perfect.  To... my tastebuds.  I can't make it better.  Now, each time I pull some out and revive it, with additional veggies and water, I'll need to be cautious.  It could thin out too much.  Still, if the flavor is there, I don't terribly mind?  It's... just... I really like it thick... stewy.

I didn't add any extra veggies, but I do have a fairly big bag of mixed carrots, celery, broccoli, and cauliflower.  I had mushrooms, but those are gone.  More would be nice.  Oh, I have some root veggies as well... look like white carrots.  Very tasty, if you don't let them go to moosh.  One per day pot, over the next few days.

Next, to get a shower, do some dishes, set up waterers for tomorrow... and rabbit food if needed.  I'll skip laundry for tonight.  Other than getting to the post office, I am not going to do much else.  A few portions of dishes, a shower, a shave, the post office, and to bed as early as possible.  Oh, I best get slow acting insulin in.  Yeah.  I'm working on things, and it is getting better, mostly.

Mocking?

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Something.  I... didn't take it personally.  Or... did, but with understanding.  Yes, I was that guy.  Often.  I... get it.  I have definitely been on the wrong side of things.  For most of my life.

Still, I had to laugh.  All vids popped, pretty much at once.  Oh, yes, I get it.

Stew is in the making.

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Everything passed the test.  Onion has been diced, carrots and celery diced.  A big pot, going by the ingredients.  It will be a strong base, from which I will make the rest.  It should be thick and gelatinous, natively, if I will add thickener.  As the base will be cut, in time.  I am quite hungry.  Not of flesh, can tell I am going into ketosis.  The hunger is of the mind.  Real none the less.

The ducks have been put up.  An Indian runner is missing.  This is not a good thing.  These three have been inseparable since they first arrived.  It means one is dead.  If a female, either predation or on the road somewhere, if the Henry the drake, Herc probably killed him.  Though those are only likelihoods.  He might have been predated, if it was the drake.  With the hen, it would only be predation or traffic.  I may just let that breed go.

I've pulled all waterers.  Those with any volume, save two outliers, were frozen.  Hazel seems to keep just enough flow, and oddly some of the small males did the same.  The small ladies, as usual, drank it all gone, and probably and hour or two ago.  I am caught back up on watering early.  And will do my best.  If I can get to sleep earlier tonight, I may be able to rise around 08:00?  One can hope.

The onions were cooking down.  I just added the carrots and celery.  At low, five, maybe ten minutes, and I'll add stock, water, and thickener.  When I have what I want with that, as I am turning off the heat, I will add the chicken.  It doesn't need to cook.  After an half hour of cooling from there, I'll have a bowl to start off the evening.  After that, when I can, a shower, then setting up dishes.  Other work as able, between breaks.

I'll hit the girls' litter after the next mussing with soup.  I've been keeping up on them, that, the critters, and even myself, a bit better lately.  I only stumbled, didn't fall... this time.  And, just for a bit, if I am still moving slowly and with great effort.  All good.  No pain no gain?  Not... really, I'm not looking for gain.  If I thought enough pain would work though, I'd try it... manufactured pain.  It seems my body collapses long before I can get to that sort of thing, no matter what the outcome might be.  I keep trying, even so.

Later.

Slightly cranky, at waking.

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A bit of it is from recovery from extreme dehydration.  Though some of it is from lack of sleep.  Milder than yesterday, by far.  But it is still slightly rough.  A spike through the left, rear, part of my skull, on up to the upper mid fore area, causing a milder sort of migraine.  Light hurts, sound is a bit much, but I am distant from the pain.  Since I never got to the anacin, I am hitting ibuprofen immediately tonight.

Lack of sleep?  Yes.  I had to check, the last text before bedtime.  Actually, I almost never text.  This time, right as I was going down, I called my mother and texted a kintype.  It was right before 16:00, six minutes before so I am calling it 16:00... bedtime.  If I suffer for it, I... am pleased I was able to stay awake so late.  I woke right at 20:00, after fighting to stay down since 18:00.  Crazy.

A few things tonight.  A shower, another load of laundry, some dishes loaded in and maybe finished.  Well, and of course chores.  Food, if I can find something to cook.  Or thawing meats for a new try soon.  I am sure I have something, even if it is raw vegetables, a fatted coffee, and a handful of nuts or two.  Pretty much what I have been eating anyway, the last few days.

Blood sugar is being weird.  Eating pure keto for the last few days, and calorie deficient beyond, it has reversed course, going up fifty points.  I am pretty sure this is a fasting test, though days and nights are mixed up, and continuing to spin.  I... think I remember that happening.  So tired, in one way, and hurting enough, I can't recall well.

Yea, a bit of work tonight.  Cleaning and a shower, plus a bit more if possible.  Then, hopefully, to bed as early as possible.  I am trying to spin days and nights back around, to maybe get to the V.A. early next week.  It's all I can do with what I have.  So tired, but smoothing out?  Yeah.  Hmm, might set up medicines as well.  I have one other thing to do with lawyers and ssa and then I can just wait.  I should check mail tonight, as well.  Ugh.  If it's in, then seeking a lawyer.  Bleh.

Later.

Staying awake is becoming shaky.

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Still, It is nearing 13:00.  It took me that long to get to chores.  Those done, as well as cats fed, plus their litter earlier, regardless of what else might be good, this is probably it for the day... other than staying awake a while longer if possible.  Just a few more hours is the goal, four at most, an hour more at least?  One can try, hope, work at something.

It was bright, first thing.  It has since clouded over, mostly.  I sure enjoyed the sparkle of the sun.  It seems like the world is smiling, more so if the sun has mostly been under clouds recently.  In spite of the sun shine, it was a bit cooler out there.  At 15 degrees, there was a bite to it.  It could be much colder, and reasonably given the date.  Yet, it was 32 to 38 a lot of the last few days... week?  I knew that spring-like weather wouldn't last, but it can throw you.

Beside it being cooler, it is crisp out there.  I suspect all the moisture, from melting, which had risen a bit above the ground, just froze again... or is in the process.  Nippy indeed.

Not... bad.  I'll take more anacin as I am still managing the trailing end of, probably, dehydration sickness.  I am hoping to sleep very soundly through the day.  Since I just fed the girls, and I have removed the ac's, which were being used as perches for birds and driving Sassy to vomitous excitement, I will allow them up, see how they do.  I do like their company, when they aren't upsetting me so.

Still, not a bad run... given the starting gate situation.  While most of that is gone, I still have the shakes from that initial condition.  It was hard on me.  It was hard on my heart.  Odd how that can work.  I am so ready for bed.  Anacin and to bed?  Yea, might as well.  I made it to a point were regaining daytime might be feasible.  Good afternoon and day.

Feeling much better.

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I don't quite understand.  I woke so broken feeling that I wasn't sure about some things.  Sure, I wasn't able to work.  But I have been awake... from 16:00 to 10:00, so far.  I am just about to hit chores.  I probably won't do much more, but I will probably be awake for a while longer.  Noon?  14:00?  18:00?  Who knows.  I would guess between the last two.

I tried tylenol first?  That simply didn't work.  Later I took anacin, which did work.  Oddly, those two usually work on the same types of pain.  Why I went with anacin anyway?  I try to, mostly, use aspirin.  The others aren't as good with a bad ticker.  I attempt to follow manufacturers recommendations.  Well, third party, hopefully, indentured servants to the Manufacturer anyway.

Though, possibly, the pain was in small, if probably large or nearly totally due to dehydration.  I was getting swelling, so I took a few waterpills.  I... don't think the swelling was from excessive hydration.  It was inflammation, of some sort.  So, I drained, drained more, and didn't have enough to cover that.  I... am pretty sure.  I know how that feels, and it felt like it... on steroids.

Oh, beside women and war, something else I am dreaming of is...

The things suggested... remembered.

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I think the dream... it... caused some to visit, present, remember.  Yes, I... see.  I love to see.  I see well, deeply.  Especially when that is the intent of the other.

A grant, gift, or curse?  The case isn't my concern.  I am... satisfied.

As for my part.

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Bumped into this a day or two ago.  I hadn't watched it.  Until after the dream.  Yea.

A very long sleep.

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I woke so sore, stiff, rough.  I tried to wake earlier, several times.  No doing.  Wow!  It's 16:00?  Wow.  I... thought it was a bit after noon... given the last time I looked at the clock and that I thought I woke right after?  Wow.  Still tired.  Had to get up.  Things to do.  So sore, stiff, though it is possibly fading already.  Will see in a short bit.

Oh, it wasn't a four percent rise in blood sugar, it was a one percent rise.  My mistake.  I missed an inverse multiplier.  About the kefir...  And blood sugar dropped over a hundred, with just one dose of slow acting, last night as I went to bed.  I wonder if that is part of the problem?  Some sort of adjustment period?  I've never tried it alone.  Oh... not a bad thing, just something... to know.  I have never tried it, starting it up all on it's own.  So, yea, maybe.

So odd how fast insulin will bring diabetes under control.  If I could just stay on meds, on top of them, life would be easier.  I think, at times, the docs think I am just being recalcitrant.  Trust me or not, that isn't a part of my gig.  Especially now that I trust the meds, and believe they are better than the disease.  They help me function, from modestly to a lot.  My problem is being able to take them, on my own.  And, then, getting back on them when I have fallen off them.  These meds?  If there was an automatic injection method?  I would use it.  In... theory.

Three dreams.

--------------

The first one was very simple.  I had a friend, a biker type who either hadn't entered the darker aspects of that notion, or who had extracted himself from it, mostly, by the time I met him.  A good friend, I think for both our parts.  We both had horrors back there, whether for good or ill is of no concern for anyone at this point.  You can tell another, and a former, when you meet one.

Well, he... came to a difficulty.  Someone had wronged him, or to his mind, and I would agree.  But, the wronging and his solution did not match.  He was planning to do an evil to cover a minor slight.  I... spoke with him.  I cannot make choices for a man.  I can only tell him my thoughts, and react to his actions.  And, so it went.  I let him know what I thought.

I also let him know, if he went through with this, we were quits.  I told him he was heading back to where he came, and that the road from hell was a long and difficult one.  A path he had taken once.  The chance of making it out again was... even more unlikely than the first.  I implored him to let go and leave justice to reality, or God, or whoever does these things.  Humility is superior, but has a cost.  Amen.

--------------

The next one was rather long and involved.  Far too many details for me to include fully.  I'll... try to hit the major points.

I was out in the hinterlands, shooting a pneumatic rifle, driving my suv.  I ran out of air, then realized my tires were flat.  Just as I realized that, a couple drove up.  The man stepped out, and asked if he could look at the rifle.  Sure, I suggested, but it is out of air, as are my tires, I said with a bit of pepper.  He approached, and took the rifle.  As he was fiddling with it, he suggested that he could help with both.

It was an m-16 look-alike.  It had single to full automatic fire, three settings in total.  The weight was right.  Even the power of the bb's or pellets was rather significant.  And it was accurate and fun to shoot.  Of course, not all the parts were needed, and some were just molded on.  Even so, I enjoyed it and he was quite keen on it.  His wife had no interest at all.

After tinkering, I put the rifle away and we piled into his smaller vehicle.  I sat in the back, thankfully, so I could stretch a bit.  Then on to the next town with a gas station.  We spoke on the way.  He was a vet, too.  I can't remember if he said what branch, or time, as we mostly spoke of the V.A.  He must have been disabled, to some degree, as well.  We agreed, sometimes it was good, sometimes it was bad.  It depended on if the panel of doctors decided to work with you or not, or some such.  If they decided not to help you, pretty much none of the doctors there would help.

We discussed various other topics as we drove, nothing worth noting, but... yea... I remember.

We got to the station.  He had a five gallon tank in the trunk, filled it.  Should have brought the gun, though I don't think that takes much.  More worried the tank would be enough to top off the tires and the gun?  I don't know.  While filling it, I ordered something to eat, as did they.  I offered but they were good.  We returned and filled what of the tires we could.  Looks like another trip was required, this time I grabbed the rifle too.

We returned to the place, filled up, but the drives were long and it was getting late.  He suggested we call it a night, there was a hotel next door.  They got a room, and I got one next door.  Sometime in the night I woke.  As it turns out, he was an assassin, but here to do a job for his own purposes.  When in assassination mode, he wore silver paint on his skin.  To some, that would mean they couldn't recognize him.

For me, it made two things absolutely clear.  Who the assassin was... and that, in fact, he was a woman.  She recognized that I recognized who... and what... she was.  And, she was thinking through exactly how best to handle this.  I raised my right hand, palm out, and nodded.  She... understood.  Being right near my door, I hailed her enter and went in first.  She followed.

She explained her intention, and why.  It was an evil for an evil.  I still suggested she not, but this was not my call.  We ended up speaking about other things.  She... wasn't a lesbian.  Her friend was just part of the cover, without fee since she agreed with the assassination... had her own part in the reasoning.  A prop.  We spoke of other things.  She suggested I must have had some... involvement in her... profession... to have been able to spot her, and in how I was dealing with it all.

I merely suggested that my involvement was... a bit different, if striking similarities might be found, at times.  I wasn't actually highly paid, or "wild", but more... digital to her analog.  And, not always was her ends and mine the same.  Actually, she caught on immediately.  More so when earlier conversation pieces added up.  I suggested her business was hers, and I would not choose either way.

She went about her business, if I think she was more cautious and... precise... than she had at first intended.  I like to think our conversation prevented an all out slaughter.  Just those who were to die, died.  Clean, precise, probably for her cold.  I don't understand, at this point, why assassinations must be associated with negative emotions.  If they are a right act, they should be... thought of... warmly.

I slept the night, waking unsure how events would unfold.  I didn't think she would attempt to kill me.  Though I wasn't sure they would drive me back to my vehicle.  A knock.  I answered.  She, now back in he form, suggested we would be heading out, to my vehicle, in an half an hour... if I wanted a shower.  We would have breakfast first though, on the way.

I showered, and was well ready.  We headed out, a local greasy spoon actually served good food.  Then on to the suv.  We spoke, this time with everybody knowing everything... give or take.  She had... backtracked, somehow, to my blog.  And they had... consumed... me in a night.  I am always... unsure... what people will take from these pages.  Women have a very different take from men, if both can be excessively negative, or positive.  I... just never know.  I suppose it depends on what they see, or first, and how they interpret.  The horror, the... horror?  Well, rage to sorrow to laughs to tears.  Despising my thoughts, to understand, even agreeing, despite holding contrary thoughts.

Well, it... went well.  In the end, we... left as friends.  Oh, and she got to shoot my m-16 pneumatic, and quite enjoyed.  I am almost guessing, if she is in a dream again, she will be... a galpal.

update:

A shower.

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I had actually gone on to bed.  My inability to focus meant it was twenty after midnight.  I was just settling in, when a second wind came upon me and I was able to... think.  I really wanted a shower, it was making it past the exhaustion, then staying up to let the hair dry.  I started thinking it was possible, but sleep was right there!  I so wanted to sleep!

But, no.  Not with the ability to function.  I wanted a shower more.  And was willing to try to suffer through the hour or two to dry off.  And, so it goes.  The shower was fantastic.  And, I have decided, going commando doesn't work as well as it initially seemed.  Under shorts to be warn, changed as often as I can think of it, and... just suffer.  Acidity should be in decline as well.

If I can, while letting my hair dry, I will set up dishes.  I still want another shower tomorrow.  Showering daily doesn't even help with the acidity, at least when I was drinking the most, not even two showers a day... which is a bit much for it's own purposes.  Yes, dishes, just two smaller loads.  If I am not ready to wash them again, first thing, I'll just dump them and shower.

A bit of internet surfing, then maybe some gaming, perhaps with dishes in there somewhere... or not.  Then to bed.  It is still an earlier bedtime, after a shorter day?  I think so.  I may be able to be up around dawn, give a few hours possibly.  To the post office, it is hoped.  Then just some dishes, another load of laundry, and perhaps some work in the bathroom.  Oh, and food... cooking... if it works out.  I think so.  Things are looking, and going, up.

Later, or good night.

Nothing more.

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I am crashing so hard, have been for a while.  I can't stay awake, or do much.  Thirsty.  Another dose of kefir, if only 6 to 8 ounces.  A supper earlier, the last of the meat pies.  Waterers were brought in, as well as fresh water to change those out.  I left one waterer out, oddly with the bigger bucks.  They drank very little today, but were hitting the waterer furious while I was pulling them.  All the others had consumes much to most of of their water.

The girls have been fed a final time as well.  I will probably treat Sassy before I head on to bed.  I won't let them up tonight.  I need sleep too desperately.  They, or Sassy for sure, will be up every few hours.  Usually willing to settle for some scratching and massages around the head and shoulders, though hoping for a snack.  I... I just need to sleep.

I did start the slow acting insulin.  That is all I will take for, say, a week.  Then, if blood sugar sorts, I will start on the fast acting.  I will take just the recommended doses, and see if it all settles on it's own.  If, after a few weeks, it is still high, I will then add more.  Regularity, same dose, no fast changes (unless I start getting serious drops from time to time, then I'll cut a bit more.  I am afraid of this stuff sometimes.  Though, obviously, it seems, for now, that I need it... even if just to restart.

Insulin first.  I will try to get my medicine set arranged, possibly several of them.  Insulin will help the most, though the heart medicine, once I get back on it and stable, helps too.  Insulin is much easier to start, and helps faster.  It's not a perfect help, none of it, but... it's... better than not, usually.  And it does help, a little to a lot depending on the day.

I'll try to get a shower first thing, then chores, then on to dishes again.  The freezer is clear, ready for a lot more dishes.  And there really aren't that many left.  If I can do half of what has been done, perhaps a third, I will be completely caught up.  Then I can get back to cooking correctly, if the insulin and better eating works out.  Ugh.

Good evening and night.

Quite good.

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The rabbits are all still in food and water aplenty.  I refreshed the duck pond.  The girls have been fed and their water refreshed.  I am not even going to have tea, which I generally dose with liquid sucrose... which, on occasion, will spike insulin.  I have cut that back to three fourths what  used to use... and then some at times.  I have tried less.  And I have tried none.  I just can't quite do that, usually.  Sometimes I can drink plain tea with a meal.

I am down to between one and two gallons a day.  Yea, I have been up to as much as five gallons.  Heat or higher blood sugar, worse?  Both.  But most of this winter I was at four gallons.  A few times I dropped lower, and am dropping lower again.  Medicine helped last time, this time it is just kefir.  It acts as a diuretic, at least to me.  Otherwise my ankles would be huge.  They do swell, from time to time, but nothing like in the worst or even usual cases.

Okay, one odd thing about kefir?  It has been creating a crotch itch I can barely stand.  I think it makes the urine acidic.  Which, with even just a tiny bit getting into unders (impossible not to have that happen, no matter how long you shake that damned thing, trust me).  So?  I... tried an adult baby powder, and an actual talc powder.  Those, slightly, helped.  Not enough.  So?  I went commando!  And, yes, that actually works.  Zippers are my new fear.  :p  Hmm, perhaps my long johns will work?  No, I change underwear twice a day, whether I shower or not.  So... I tried three changes a day, but it just didn't help.

Then again, I am drinking... was drinking... three, four, perhaps even five glasses a day, probably averaging 12 ounces per.  I have cut back to three to four, and am trying to drink it only when I eat something else, save morning, and sometimes at night if I am hungry before bedtime.  But, too, smaller doses... from 14 for breakfast to 6 to 8 ounces before a meal and at night.  I might even be cutting those.  Difficult to keep up on kefir production.  I might try to get two more gallons of milk this week, maybe next too?  Then start backing it all down.  I have enjoyed, will continue to enjoy, just not at that level.

A shower, after I catch my breath.  A shave too, sooner or later.  Then setting pretty much the rest of the dishes up, and hitting those a few times.  Soup, too, if the meat still smells good.  I am so hungry for soup.  But, if not, a quick trip to the store soon, for fresh veggies and meats.  Plus maybe milk and... a few other things?  We will see.  Later.

-------------

Better still.  I checked blood sugar after a bit more than an hour.  Any rise should have been seen, and at it's highest, at that point.  There was about a 4% rise in blood sugar, after sixteen ounces of kefir.  So... I'm calling that good.  I won't worry about kefir.  If... I would like to check it a few more times.  In the various ways I serve it, and as I did tonight... plain.  As well, I would like to see if it alters other foods.  Since I eat soup for a week at a time, that would be a good thing to use as a study.  I'd place a small wager that four to six ounces of kefir, before a meal, makes even a keto meal more keto.  A theory is made to be proven or disproven, or conditionally either way.

I am pleased with the kefir.  I had... some worries.  Just, something, in the back of my mind.  And, others have voiced some wonder... concern?  At least preliminarily it seems kefir is good.  Everything has limits.  Well, and there is the commando thing.  But... Geronimo!  :p  Just watch that zipper, or whatever else.  And... shake that thing and wipe really well.  It's... all good.  Later.