Dishes, and a few starts.

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Nothing big.  Dishes, and a second chore time, were the biggest.  So far.  Hoping, yet, for a shower, a load of laundry after, then maybe more dishes set up.  I had to wash the dishes, again, then rinse them.  Plus I had to clear and cleand the freezertop, just a bit.  It was mostly ready.

Meat is out thawing, but won't help tonight.  I could run a package through a hot water bath, but that isn't the best.  So, a can of beans, peas, and corn... a mash... with butter.  Well, salted just a bit, with garlic, pepper, and some standard hot pepper flecks.  I just want a slight taste, not a burn, not tonight.

I still need to get trash and recycling together and out.  A shower is on the way, I think.  Laundry started, perhaps more dishes, and maybe a shave.  Hmm, I should trim my whiskers first.  Makes shaving easier.  Whether I shave tonight or tomorrow.

Waterers were completely caught back up tonight.  I did them twice, but the second batch was small and fast.  Bits and pieces, here and there, but I am getting to things, keeping enough ahead of what I did before.  Now to advance, and keep that up.  I keep thinking I will, eventually, get there.  And, while unlikely, with prayer, in humility, I may.  God seems to help those who help themselves.  The question is, can I help myself?  I'm trying.

Well.  On to... whatever is next.  Probably that odd mix of food to eat.  Later, or more likely good night?  Maybe.

Time killer?

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Want to bet?  Here.  Not to... prove a point.  Just to... do my job?  *grins*

Oh, right.

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I didn't go down until... after I called my mother.  I meant to call yesterday.  I was in recovery, and just... it didn't happen.  I was up until 08:23, and through the call.  I did chores first.  It helps sleep with a clear conscience when the animals are tended, cats too.  They aren't animal animals, but... like me, at times, it's... what, if not who, we are?  Somewhere in there.

I woke around 13:30?  I think so.  In good shape, not too tired, exhausted, and pain seems to have passed, so I got up.  Not getting to a lot, yet, but... trending that way?  Maybe.  It is 78 outside?  I never thought I would be glad to see it that warm.  Then again, even with the machine on, and all, it is only 74 here near the machine, and probably cooler in the main of the room, definitely cooler in the rest of the house... more like 70 out that way.

A fatted coffee.  And, while I reset waterers, I didn't put them up.  I will get that done, then do dishes.  I should be able to wash and rinse those, then get them out to air dry.  As well, get trash bagged, collected, and out.  As with recycling.  I think I will, almost certainly.

I would like something to eat, but don't have anything thawed.  Could go to town, but want a shower first, and maybe a shave.  Though... I really don't want to go to town.  Tomorrow, or sometime early this week.  For shopping, and taxes.  I will have to push to get out, but being showered, shaven, and ready otherwise will help.  Clean clothes adds confidence.  It's a brutal world out there.

I am a bit worried about my mother.  She was really pushing, to get out.  But she seems... confused, tired, inactive.  They did push her, toward the end.  But that was necessary, to make sure she was, possibly, capable to being released.  I hope she understands, one more fail, fall, illness, or else, and in such a short order, they won't let her go next time.  At least, if it happens in the next year or two.  And her guy can't care for her.  It has been the other way around for a long time.  He needs care at least as much as she does.

All I can do is check in, pray, and have some hope and faith.  I don't have much say, either way.  And, while I could take her in, I can't take an invalid in.  She has to at least handle her own affairs.  I could drive her.  I can help her with things, to a degree.  But, really, I'm in probably worse shape than her friend.  What was it?  It's never sad until it ends, then everything is sad?  Well, closing shops is sad, the process.  Everyone I know is beyond our seeming end.  I don't think anyone really cares.  I get it, things to do, places to go, money to make, loves and lovers to find.  I... was there, myself, once.  I... understand.  It works until it doesn't.  Amen.

Still, I am hoping to dig in today.  Sweep the bathroom first, then begin on dishes.  Oh, and putting waterers in their packs.  It really should be easy.  I have been trying to sit to work, but may try kneepads and see if that is easier, quicker.  So much to do, but I am so ahead in the bathroom.  I have cleaned it before, but never to the quick.  This is really clean.  Grout, near the tub faucet, could use an update.  It looks ugly.  But it is clean.  The tub?  A bit ugly, but again, clean... clean as I know how to get it.  *sigh*

I will need food before long, and sardines or kippers won't do it.  Not sure what I have in there, will have to look.  Hmm, might pull meats, as suggested, to thaw.  Though that will take a while.  Bleh.  I'll get to something after a quick roust around the internet.  Good afternoon and day.

Chores, and cats, at least.

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Not more, yet.  Hopefully more.  I think so.  Feeling better, just numb.  A bit shaken, from the level of pain felt earlier.  Literally, like palsey.  But minor, it will pass.  I haven't had the shakes from pain severity in a while now.  But I remember it well.

The animals were quite pleased to be fed and watered a second time.  It has been hit and miss lately, something is just off.  The girls, cats, get pretty well taken care of.  Even if I don't eat, they get fed and treated at least twice a day, and their litter is usually hit twice, once at least.  Usually.

I had brats, and sauerkraut.  I will probably have the last two from the package.  I also need to thaw more meat.  That was it.  Burger, a roast, more brats, and chicken?  Something like that.  I am still hungry.  A few more of those sausages should finish that though.

I have been looking for equipment to help with processing the ducks.  A cone would do, if I went the bleeding way.  Or, just cord for the feet, to let them hang, if I more snap their necks, then cut them to bleed.  I am not sure what size pot to get.  I am thinking 84 or 100 quarts, probably going with the 84 quart, with a basket.  Makes getting them in and out a lot easier, possibly doing two or three at a time.

I am thinking, two or three at a time is as much as I would want to do.  Even that will be a couple of hours of work, mostly plucking.  I may purchase plastic paint drop clothes, to tape to my folding table.  Hopefully strong enough to wash, dry, and store afterward... to last a few seasons anyway?  One can hope.  Plucking devices are being viewed.

To be honest, I am not sure there is a plucking machine or device which will work well with ducks.  Though, what I am seeing too, is people try to pluck ducks without scalding properly.  The water needs to be between 150 and 160, perhaps as high as 170 but not preferred.  And the ducks have to be soaked in that to get through to the skin.  Their feathers act as both water, and temperature, proofing.  It takes a while, and some testing, to get through those layers.  If it doesn't get to the skin, then scald that for a while, the feathers will not come out easily.  There are a few other tricks, but it is a lot of work, no matter the tricks involved.  It is more work than chickens.  Probably more than turkeys, pheasant, or other.  They are waterfowl, the others really aren't.

I have wondered about saving the feathers.  Not sure how practical or useful those are, how much even two dozen birds would provide, how easy it is to clean and then use those?  I hate to waste, but feather processing might be beyond me.  Heck, duck processing might be a bit advanced, or simply too much work, for me.  Will find out.

Initially, all I will have is a scalder, waterproof gloves, a rubber bib, and elbow grease.  I have, about, twenty ducks to process.  A few might be ready, but certainly not all.  Most are a couple weeks to a month away, still.  I will keep the mule hens, just for... less competition among the drakes.  And, perhaps they will still lay eggs?  I haven't been collecting eggs, but may get back to that, in time.

As well, decisions.  I want to keep the biggest animals, for breeding.  I don't care about color, I don't care about shape.  I want size.  So... the drakes will be checked, and probably weighed.  As will the hens.  While the smaller ones, initially, will provide less meat this year, culling with size in mind will lead to larger stock in the future.  I would hate to have to butcher a named drake, but... if he doesn't weigh in well, he'll have to go.  If it's close enough, I'll... give him, and me, a break.

Well, waterers were done.  And I am hoping to finish the dishes.  Perhaps restart some of the kefir.  Just two half gallon jugs, if I do.  Then, perhaps, in time, expand back out to four again.  Four seems to be a good source of keto food for me, if I can keep them in rotation.  It's... a bit of a trick.  If I can, I can cut a lot of other food expenses.  With cream coming in, for adding to coffee, and if I could get rabbits and ducks for a dozen meals a month, I'd be beginning to be much freer from the grocery store.  Will still need veggies of various sorts, since I can't keep up on a garden.  And will always want extra meats, for here and there.  But... a bit less reliant on the store is good.

Yea, I'll really try to hit dishes, start a load of laundry, get the trash and recycling out, get a shower, and maybe shave yet tonight.  Maybe.  Even being shaky, I am feeling enough better to try.  So try I will.  Later, or good night if I don't make it far.  Sleep well.

Strangely better.

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I can't say why.  The painkiller?  Just because?  Oh, a bit numb.  Whatever helped is continuing to help, but at a level beyond need?  Or... the need was excessive beyond my understanding.  You do realize that your body is a chemistry plant, don't you?  How do you think you survive terrible wounds, even lethal illnesses in my case?  My body is still pumping out something, something which makes even my skin numb.

For now, I'll gladly take it.  I wouldn't take any man-made stuff.  I'd rather suffer.  I just don't like the feelings, sensations, confusion.  Remember when my cousin cracked my ribs?  I took their painkiller a few times, three I think.  Then I stopped taking it.  I... just... couldn't, wouldn't, so didn't.  Hurt to breath, but better pain than that stuff.  If you have ever cracked a rib, let alone half a dozen of them, you... know... what pain is.  I did, and chose pain to that.

I haven't gotten to work yet.  I need food.  Not sure what I have.  I do have sardines, not quite up to that... or kipper snacks.  Yes, they are different, it's the type of fish.  Sardines are sardines, kipper snacks are made from mackerel.  Not holy mackerel, just mackerel.  I will look around for something.  Oh... perhaps bratwurts and sauerkraut.  That... might do.  The sauerkraut cuts the greasy excess of the brat and the brat fats sweeten the 'kraut.  It's a good call.

Oh, best feed the girls again.  Hmm, seems to be darkening out there?  No, it isn't.  And it is 74, but a warm 74?  Must be acclimating to the cooler weather.  Warm enough I opened up.  The house is, mostly, around 70.  I'll try to get some of that warmth in.  As well, I lit the grill while out checking.  It isn't darkening, it is just later in the day cycle, so seems like it.  Well, and there is a haze... part of the beginning or end of an inversion, plus the wildfires, who knows what else.  But, yeah... just a fall day.  A pleasant one, albeit.

Hopefully I will be able to get a few of the things on the list.  If terribly lucky, all of them.  Who knows.  Good afternoon and day.

I haven't hurt like this in a year or two?

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I kept trying to wake up, only to break through into a world of pain.  Mostly neck, shoulders, headache... migraine?  Yes, migraine.  The light hurt, sound hurt, vibrations from the fan hurt.  I wasn't nauseous, but that is only usually the case, not always.  Hurt, as if my bones had outgrown my skin.  Other things hurt, too, but they went mostly under the radar.

Why?  I can't say.  I did keep trying to adjust pillows, hoping that might help.  I had slept with the fan off, initially.  Turned it on later, when it seemed a bit warm.  It really wasn't, by temperature.  But I really like moving air while I sleep.  I am used to it.  To be honest, after a dozen wakes into shocking pain, I think I did find a more comfortable position.  And, would lose it.  I was rolling a lot?  That might have been it, but why?  

I eventually found a spot, which was the least painful, and kept it.  So was able to get some good sleep... better sleep.  I still woke in misery.  Beautiful, as painful as it gets.  Strange to call it beautiful, but... there you go.  I had hoped, as I got up and going, it would fade.

So far, not so much.  Still, I got to chores first thing, and was nice to all the critters.  Why be mean to them if your own body is the problem?  Logic doesn't always fit the bill, and it wasn't a part of my reasoning.  I just like the little critters.  They even, sort of, sometimes, like me back.  I understand their trepidation.  We all know the score, and any of them could be moments from dinner.  Even the seniors, if I think they... it is their time.

Cats next, feed, litter, some attention.  Sam kept visiting, Sassy visited once.  It wasn't nazels being blocked.  I don't know why.  Yesterday was bad, today is far worse.  The neck is out enough that it is causing a minor fever.  So very odd.  Still, I am not throwing in the towel.

A few acetaminophen just now.  It's been long enough that I forget they are there.  And with animals tended, I can begin work for the day.  I did hit the dishes, once, yesterday.  But that was it.  Not as bad as today, but rough.  I am hoping to finish those dishes, begin clearing counters (at least, maybe finish), and get trash and recycling gathered and out.  A shower, and maybe shave, in there.

If I can do those things, I am good.  Oh, maybe a load of laundry?  Just one, a small one, through.  Should be okay.  If I can.  Well, there is the nausea.  Sardines will fix that.  :p  Yeah, I... may have sardines.  Don't have much else to eat.  For the moment.  Anyway...  I'll try to do a few things.  Good afternoon and day, and for my part, morning.  Later.

Not quite thirteen hundred.

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Yes, late.  I tried to wake earlier.  Going as far as crawling out of bed at a quarter to ten.  I sat, where I dress for the day, but couldn't even sit well.  More sleep.  No choice.  So it went.  Sam arrived, at least once.  I didn't see Sassy, not sure why.  Didn't set the alarms, because they, currently, only complicate matters.

Even now, I am just on this side of awake.  It isn't even cold.  I think it was 68 or 69 upstairs, 70 in the main downstairs, though 66 in this front room.  But it doesn't feel cool, today.  Odd.  I have been eating.  A few smaller meals, cheese sandwiches of which there is enough for one more.  I need to shop.  As well, usually a larger meal in the evening.  I wonder how many calories are in a slice of cheese, a deli cut?  I'll have to look.  My usual meal is two of said sandwiches for one meal, and a single one for another.  The sandwich is comprised of two slices of cheese and three slices of deli meat.  Sometimes I have half a cup of raw baby carrots or broccoli and/or cauliflower.  But even that last is a one in four thing.  Rarely.  Still, it's... something.  Oh, and a fatted coffee, when I have it.  If even that is more like one in three meals.  Mostly just water, with my meals, these days.  Perrier, usually, plain.  Though, sometimes, tea.  Haven't lost an ounce.  Oh well.

I need to get going.  Chores, but actually dishes and a shower first.  Maybe a shave?  Yes, if I can.  The girls have had a morning treat, to buy me some time of solitude.  But they will begin begging, first one at a time, then in a tag team procession, then with both in here, at once, one at my feet, the other at my shoulder.  They should have gone into used auto sales.

Something was tic-tic-ticking.  I... couldn't think what it was.  I no longer have an analog clock.  Pretty sure it wasn't a bomb.  Ah... yesterday I remembered to stop the ceiling fan, and get it to spin in the other direction.  One way, it helps the place stay cool, the other, it helps it stay warm.  Or so they say.  Doest it work?  I don't know.  But... I like to think so.  My sensation of heat and cold is excessively finicky.  Yesterday, and/or the day before, these exact temps seemed frigid.  Today they seem just fine.  Is it the fan?  Have I, am I, adjusting?  Is it what I am wearing?  Taking?  Eating?  I... I just don't know.  But... I think so.  It would have no affect in this room, so... probably, possibly, a bit of several of those things?  Yes.

Before dishes and washing, a bit of looking around the web.  Good morning... urhm... make that afternoon, and day.

Out, all night.

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Wasn't sure we would be going.  It seemed cool.  And it is.  Just not that cool.  It was around 70 when we started.  It dropped to 55, then back to 56, down to 55, and so on.  It never dropped below 55, that I saw.  Strange how that works.  I can't say it was the land, perhaps higher ground.  Or, maybe, just a weather condition which held the temperature nearly static... clouds or a high... or low?  I... don't even think scientists actually know.

Can't really sleep yet, either.  Want to.  It just isn't happening.  I didn't do anything else earlier, so, maybe, dishes before bedtime... a shower... and a load of laundry to start?  I don't know.  It's the idea.  Not sure I can do it.  Still tired.  Not exhausted, just... blissfully restful.  Difficult to escapte this feeling.  Want to... will try.

I'd like to have everything set up for a shower in the morning, even if I take one tonight.  Clean clothes, and else, ready to go.  In case I can wake early enough to get out.  Even just grocery shopping.  And stopping at the health food store.  I am out of ground corriander, and I have so come to enjoy that simple spice.  It, along with a good salt, freshly ground pepper, sometimes with onion and or garlic powder, and occasionally ghost pepper, regular pepper flecks, and chipotle.  I like mixing the heat, for a variety of flavors and heat... more rounded.  Prettier.  *cat call whistle*  I love me some proper spicing.  Oh, I need onion powder too.  I don't trust those from general grocery stores.  They do have organic, but it is both overpriced, and still probably from China.  Bleh.  No!

It was a pleasant day.  I got the chores done twice.  The girls have been well fed, their water recharged fresh again two days in a row now, and their litter cleared and refreshed.  Treats and pets, lap time and else.  I... do my best.  They put up with me.  It's... as good as I can do, and I think they, of all "people", know.  I wish more did.  Truly.  Though, for many, trying doesn't matter.  Only results.  And, I get that too.

On to... something.  Good night.

Something is just wrong.

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Moving slowly.  Not responding.  I set alarms, to get going, and don't even hear... remember hearing... them.  I've set the alarm three times and can't remember one going off.  That... isn't lazy.  Something is just not working.  I think it is the cool.  It was 66 in this room this morning, 70 in the rest of the house, because the furnace is there to catch it.

I did dress warm.  Warmer.  Long sleeves would help.  Hmm, I have a pleasant fleece jacket around here somewhere.  Technically, part of my layering systems.  A midweight.  It isn't waterproof or windproof, but good under one, the other, or a double duty shell, or heavier coat if it all goes hard cold.

Still, I... feel warm enough.  But as summer fades, so too do I.  I don't think it is quite seasonal, in the way psychopathogens try to introduce it.  It is merely a fading of capacity.  It has nothing to do with mood, it is biological.  Which is why extra lighting really won't help.  I do understand hibernation.  Would, if I could.  Turtles, bears, fish, reptiles of other sorts... is a turtle a reptile?  I... think so.  I used to go down.  Based a bit on weather, a bit on the strenght of the sun.  Both are goind cold, and fast.

Just because I am failing doesn't mean I have to quit.  I may, for a bit, quit, before long.  It becomes painful to even try.  I have some things I really need to get done, though.  And there are things I really have to do.  Hollow inside, dead feeling, lost, weak, tired, sore, pained... I have... things to do.  The animals must be fed.  And, sometimes, even I have to eat.  And eat enough to... cycle the system.  Or I get all stoved up.

I best get on to something.  Maybe.  I hope.  Later.

Up, if late.

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Right to it, if not what I had hoped as a first thing.  Chorese, and cats.  Fed and watered.  Litter remains to be cleared.  But there is always something.  The animals are hungry.  Always.  Terribly.  I think the teen hungers of a lot of them drive the adults to famine.  Out of competition, literal or virtual?  Or just herd instinct?

I had hoped to do dishes first, then take a shower, maybe shave.  Take a break, then hit chores.  But being that it was after noon, I decided chores first was best.  I am hoping to conclude, or begin concluding, my final bits of business today.  Or... not.  The hope is there.  So tired.  Nothing hurts this morning.  Not sure what happened to the pain.  But, for now, mostly, it is gone.  I feel the edges of a headache.  There are other possible problems.  Like clouds on the horizon, so far, they are just... possibilities.  Maybe probabilities?  Difficult to say which of those, as my seasons are intractable.

Dishes, too, need to be hit, probably finished.  Then a shower and shave.  Hopefully more, nearing the end, dishes into the cleaning process.  Maybe laundry too.  I'll keep at it.  I am getting ahead, again, finally.  If very slowly.  So it goes.  It is just 70 out there, maybe 72?  Something in there.  I have the front door open, because it was 66 in here, to start.

Dressed slightly more warmly this morning.  That will probably be the way forward.  Though I need to find a few more long sleeve t's or hoodies.  Just cotton, or cotton-poly, not anything weird or fancy.  Anything to use less fuel for heating, I guess.  Later.

Nah, not much more.

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I do know I need to, possibly, get to town soon.  The problem is the last time I was out my tires were low.  My vehicle was one of the first with a stupidwarning.  It doesn't say which tire, or all, or how much.  It only puts on a dumblight if one, or all, are below pressure.  Best to take a look, but I was pretty much to town when it came on.  And they looked good enough.  So I just finished and returend.

I have a cordless air compressor.  It worked as advertised.  One tire, the rear left, driver side, was down by 8.  At 27, it didn't really look low.  I keep them at 35, am considering pumping them just a bit higher in the winters.  Not sure, yet, but... a notion of a possibility I must research.  The other tires were all either 33 or 33.5.  The device was easy to use, and the process was quick and painless.

I looked all over the tires for the marking of the highest pressure, the max.  It was never, explicitly, given.  It was passively suggested, as I see things.  It can go to 50psi, but 35 (which wasn't give at all) is what the vehicle recommends (if that was for stock tires, which these aren't).  Still, I do believe they were set at 35psi, recommended, as well.  Why don't they write that on the tires, in easy to see formats?  Still, I got the tires aired up.

I couldn't find my pressure gauge, any of them.  The device has one built in.  Even so, I prefer to test.  If nothing else, a double check.  I... prefer to check tire pressures manually.  I don't trust digital things all that much.  Still, it is good, in a pinch, to not need one.  Need has little to do with things, always.  Tradition?  Or... just... a double check, front and back?  Something.

I also checked in on my friend.  It seems he did quit early.  It dipped below 50, to 46 I think he said.  There are spots where it does get colder.  All valleys, even on the plains, depending on weather patterns, wind channels, and else... there are spots which are colder, sometimes static, sometimes changing.  It was still 52 here, but we are a bit higher?  Well, we aren't a low spot, near water?  I think that is more it.  And where we are situated is warmer in the winter, and cooler in the summer, than on either wall of the valley.

I would have thought, being out in the middle of it, we would be colder.  But the winds are much less of a factor in a major cauldron like valley, of, say, 50 to 70 miles by 30 miles?  Roughly, and mostly.  We have mini-titty mountains inside of the valley itself.  It's... a strange place.  But, with no real wind, the snow likes to pile along the mountain sides, while the sun burns those in a strange way.  Or... that is what I believe to be the cause.  Who... really knows.

Oh, on to... something.  I'd like to hit the dishes, once, anyway.  And refill waterers while at it.  I won't finish the dishes.  That'll have to wait until tomorrow.  Hopefully first thing.  Then a shower, and maybe shave.  Chores, and counters?  Something.  Ugh...  Good night.

She is home.

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My mother is home.  I called earlier, to check.  No answer.  So I gave her a call just a bit ago.  It sounds like she is doing well.  She is home.

She overdid today, getting things reset, sorted, and all today.  I expected she would.  There are always so many things to do when one returns from an extended stay.  She had a little helper.  Little?  A young lady, I don't know her age anymore.  She skipped school, or they didn't have school, and showed up to help.  One day a week, she suggested, to help with anything she might need.  Very good.

She is a fighter too.  She fights differently, but well.  I suspect she will do well this time.  Her fellow is helping her set up medicine, and that will help her keep on it.  Her appetite is good.  And her wanting to be home is strong.  Set up, for the day.  And for a while.  She will be going out to stay with her friend again soon, as well.  After she has her house arranged.  Which, actually, is his house.  Yea.  His other house.

I haven't done much.  It is so cool.  It is taking the legs out from under me.  I am hoping, yet, to do more.  And, think I may.  I may have to begin dressing much warmer.  It went from being in the 80s just a bit ago, to just barely making it to 70, or not quite, recently... as highs.  This really is cool.

As well, I will stop opening the upstairs window, except at bedtime.  Closing that up during the day might help keep the house warmer, and gather what of the sun is possible up there, and in the attics.  Tricks, and processes, attempts at this and that.  Nothing is ever sure.

Yeah, hitting the dishes at least once... doing at least some clearing of the counters... starting in on some laundry...  Nothing fancy, just starts and continuations.  So tired, though, and cold.  I have the furnace up to 74.  I... am going to try to just dress warmer.  Hmm, I need some long sleeve tees.  Desert Cat got roughly talked me into buying a few.  And, honestly, they are amazing.  I just need a few more.  Hooded are really good.

I did contact the driver.  He is going, still, but had a friend ask to go tonight.  All good.  So he is still going out.  How long he will run is a different story.  Still, perhaps another night, tomorrow night.  Maybe through the week.  As mentioned, nothing is for sure.

Hmm... yes.  Those things, perhaps, and a shower too.  I'll have to hit the dishes to begin a shower.  At least clean them a shot, then set them aside.  Later.  Possibly good night.  Not sure I'll be back on.  

Up, and at it!

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I thought it was earlier.  But, I got right to it.  Chores are done, litter was cleared, cats fed.  That was about all I had it in me to do.  But, I did it quickly, this morning.  Oh, something is still wrong, it hurts... pretty much everywhere.  But I have gotten used to this particular cross again.  Nothing to do about it anyway, so... best just get on with things as possible.

And, yesterday, I cleared off the stovetop, finished all dishes which had been set up, and have another group of dishes waiting to be done this morning, or today anyway.  Plus, the freezertop is completely cleaned and cleared, and remains so, waiting for whatever groups of dishes may arrive to air dry.  I air dry dishes as much to let them truly finish drying as to give me a soft break before putting them away.  

Oh, I even found a place for my au gratin boats... they are, say, nine and an half by four and three quaters, and probably an inch and an half to two and an half deep?  something like that.  Perfect for three eggs, a dozen or two tiny flourets of broccoli, cheese(s), and a few shredded deli meats, and such.  You could load up or go lean, and this will have you covered.  Still, a home had to to be made for them.  So it was needed, so it got done.

Today?  More dishes.  Restart packing.  Counters in the kitchen.  A start back on laundry.  Chores later.  And maybe begin hitting boxes?  I nearly cleared the bathroom hallway... at least of smaller boxes.  I suppose I could try to finish clearing that, too.  Who knows.  But, work.  More work.  Things to do.

I have all but one business arrangement managed... taxes... on autos and house?  I'll try to do it online, if possible.  Today, or... this week anyway.  But I think the cars have been changed, to different months.  But I need a tax exemption paper, both to deal with property taxes and the autos, when they come up.  Not sure how to do this all online.  Will be sorting it.

I had been eating bread with cold cuts, because I thought I was out of cheese, not quite.  So, back to cheese.  Bread actually... isn't as tasty as cheese.  It does add a lot of bulk, but a flat bulk.  It's like adding cardboard to the rest, really.  I do need, also, to do grocery shopping, and pick up more feed.  Gah!  But they eat so much!

Some of it.

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A very slow day.  But, spots of work, here and there.  The first load which was drying, of dishes, was put away.  The second load was washed, again, rinsed, and set to dry.  It, too, now, is away.  A shower was taken.  Then more dishes were set to go.  I did have to clean the freezer top again.  As well, feeding the girls, and tending their litter.

Chores haven't been completed yet.  Next.  Just hopped out of the shower, want to dry off a bit first, before dressing.  Then I'll get to chores.  Yea, late, slow, etc.  It's... what I can do.  Haven't even been up to playing my game.  I have been completely focused on doing my list of things.

I called, to check if mosquito treatments would happen tonight.  Not sure, was the reply.  As cool as it was last night?  Still, I haven't, yet, been out to even check the temperature today.  I have no more clue than the man on the moon.  Can't spray for them below 50 F.  They go to ground, so the insecticide doesn't affect them.  Only critters in the air will be killed.  Which is why, also, they wait until sundown to spray, so as not to kill bees.  I had no idea bees were daytime only creatures.  Some could say it makes sense, but... no.  It... just is.  I doubt if most of what we think makes sense has anything to do with what we propose.  Some?  Maybe, or partly.  But... much more rarely than we think.  As too often they think with their heart... or other parts.  Not reliable, assuming they haven't been bribed, corrupted, blackmailed, etc.  Which... I don't.  Actually, I assume every single study has been given a conclussion before a single theory was tested.  By the Chinese, US, or EU governments, for or even against their own interests.  The right and left hands really don't know what they other is doing, and neither are doing the right things.

Although, it seems the king's new clothes are just as shiny and bright as the king's old clothes.  Some suspect the king won't bail out his tailor, and he may well not.  But I tell you, the difference is nil.  It was baked into the cake, and nothing to be done about it at this point.  Trying to blame the type of capitalism, crony, that he and the US Lehman Brothers created is simply not applicable.  They were allowed to run, by the prospective governments.  Even enhanced and given get out of prison free chits.  At this point, corrections aren't going to work.  Bail them, don't, imprison the elites or don't, hell... kill those responsible... if don't forget about the bureaucrats if you are going to go that way...  It just simply doesn't matter when they were always just puppets of the state.  Like it or not, suffering, probably global, is on the way.

It seems the US just exported a fraudulent business practice.  China thought they were so sneaky, in breaking into the US cookie jar and grabbing the easy way to money.  There isn't a real estate, manufacturer, or economic influencer/trader which is legitimate in China.  Can't print gold, can't copy success.  Funny how things work out.  Now all they need is for Three Gorges Dam to fold, and they... will be back to scrubs.  Not sure if that will happen, but it certainly is a possibility.  Of course, the US has become a snake's den of economic ruinousness.  We make nothing, break everthing.  We are destructive, economically.  Our business model is making money out of money, in a way that is impossible and unsustainable.  It's a fiction.  I can't wait for the falling bankers.  And it is coming.  Here, there, everywhere.  Hopefully bureaucrats go with them.

Hmm?  Oh, right.  Not really grumpy, just noticing.  Later.

Awake, again.

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A bit better this morning.  I had a few things to do, which had backed up.  I hit the dishes, finally.  They are clean, just getting a rinse as I try to wake and get on to a shower.  Oh, I should put the clean dishes away, the ones out on the freezer... create space for the newly washed dishes.  As well, more dishes will go in after a shower.

It got down to 66 upstairs, with a single window open and a single fan on low.  At some point it went up to 68, but hen, by the time I woke, was down to 66 again.  Odd.  The furnace kept the downstairs at 70, but the front room was rather chilly.  It is even now just at 67.  I haven't checked outside, but I'd guess it is really cool.  This is more like October.  Almost more like November.  It's looking to be a cold winter, if this is any indication.  My mother suggests it is really cooling down out there, too.

Chores... but before or after a shower?  Am I staying awake, or going back for more sleep?  No, I am trying to stay awake.  Dry dishes, rinsing dishes, a shower... cat litter and feeding... a bit of time down, as I am still a bit weary, and those things will tire me.  Then on to chores.  As well, a few other things today.  Always something about something.

Oh, if I could get to the store, that would be good.  Nothing fancy.  Just cheese slices, perhaps packages of deli cuts, eggs for now, gruyere cheese... maybe a small bit of gorgonzola... for a rare stronger bite.  Both of those to be bubbled on top, under the broiler...  I think that would be best for them.  Oh, and more salad fixings.  That's a fairly good way to go about it, the family pack.  Sure, it is iceburg lettuce, but... after extensive reconsideration, and in all honesty?  There just isn't enough difference between romaine and iceburg lettuce to bother.  One is greener, perhaps prettier.  But both are pretty much water, with only mass... bulk, not roughage, to push through the system.  So be it.  This costs less, far less, is already prepped, has carrots, red cabbage bits, cucumber slices, and tomatoes in with it.  The packaging makes it last a week, if one closes it and returns it to the first quickly.  Can't beat it.  Goes good with leftover meats, hamburger crumble, or even a simple can of tuna.  Check.

Well... I best get going.  I was late to feed the critters yesterday, and fed them only once.  Not today.  I do my best, some days... once will be all, and late at that.  Hoping to figure out culling, before long.  Just one, to see how it goes, first.  Getting the feathers off will be the trick.  A hen, to start.  If the drakes don't get much bigger soon, one of those before long.  If I can get the process down, I may do three or four a day, or as many as reasonable for a one-man band.  I should end up with, say, twelve to fifteen birds.  Some of the hens will be kept.  I'd still like to find a good home for a few, but I don't think most want anything to do with... anything.  They just want to buy at the store.  Many would rather eat at McDonalds, or anywhere else.  I get it.  But that... whole edifice is about to come down.  I realize I won't be able to keep my animals.  Thieves, the hungry, even here.  People who, now, despise someone for eating small cute animals will ravage these cute little things and kill anyone who tries to get in their way.  The world is never what it seems, and the sheep are often, truly, not just not sheep... for none are... but are not even just wolves, eating of the fruits of vegetation and meats, but ravenous animals who know not themselves.  Pray for them, and yourself that you shouldn't become such.  I do.  I do.  Amen.

Well... on to dishes... then a shower and drying time.  Good morning and day.

I hurt, and wanted to sleep.

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So it went all day.  The shower didn't help.  I wonder if having Sassy up there disturbed my rolling, which then caused my neck to be out, and back, which caused the headache?  Probably.

I just got to chores.  I kept hoping the pain would ease, that I would wake a bit.  Had to refresh duck feed, which is a 150 pound task.  I didn't want to do it.  I was also almost certain the kits would be dead.  I expected them to be dead yesterday.  Finally, I got out and got the feed put in, then fed the ducks and started in on the rabbits.

Sure enough, the little ones were dead.  Probably cold, she just didn't want anything to do with them.  Wouldn't go in with them.  Oh well.  Makes me wonder if any of them will do well.  There are two more, potentially, pregnant.  And I may breed two of the big does.  Just little ones, so far.  So far, to no good ends.  And timers and watching the calendar does no good, when they can be so late, and further leave no clue they are about to deliver.  Even checking twice a day doesn't necessarily mean it will work out.  They die so quickly out in a bare cage.  Ugh.

The pork, with sauerkraut, wasn't bad.  I wouldn't call it splendid, but it was okay.  A shower earlier was nice.  I had hoped it would relax the muscles, ease the aches and pains.  No such luck, but I did get clean.  It is 48 out there, or was at about 20:00, give or take a bit.  The warmest I saw it today was 58.  Very cool, even for this time of year.

I did call, and connect, with my brother.  He isn't really insterested in talking.  He talked a bit.  Still, he does have a lot on his plate.  Little of it, at the moment, anything his actions led into.  Gums are still sore.  Life is still a bit overwhelming.  And, while everyone expects them to go his way, they leave it in his hands.  As... is often the case.

I'll try to get ready.  But I have limits too, especially with this recent fall.  Meh.  I'll do what I can.  It'll get done, what can, and has to be done.  Later, or more likely good night.

Awake.

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Early, or well, later but early enough.  I think around 09:00.  Had a tough time waking before that.  Woke around 6:45, then every half hour to hour after.  Simply couldn't wake until nine or a bit after.  Someone rang the bell, twice.  I wasn't showered, dressed, ready, so I didn't answer.

I looked out, as they were leaving, but couldn't tell who it was.  A nice truck, white, newer(?I believe), with tools in the bed... shovels, and other such.  I called the two who it might have been, that I know.  But, nope.  So, no clue.  No message left.  I wish I had been up to answering the door.  If nothing else, I like to know.

Showered, finally.  Dishes back in for another soak.  I need to do waterers, and then chores.  I want to see how the baby bunnies are doing.  I keep fearing I will find them dead.  It got really cold last night, down to 37 or 38, but that was at midnight.  It might have gotten even colder.

I have the furnace set to 70, and it kept the back rooms that temp.  But this front room was down to 65, without any way to heat it.  It is up to 70 at around nearing 14:00.  The upstairs, with the door open, and a window open, plus fans, was at 70, 71 near me.  Sassy slept with me most of the night, crawling under the blankets, down by my knees.

I miss when I can't let the girls up, for this or that reason.  Sam visited a time or two, but didn't stay.  Her choice.

A trim, the beard, mostly, is gone.  I need to shave eventually.  May grow it out this winter.  It was actually comfortable this time, not so dang itchy.  And, more full.

Hmm... now to make something to eat.  Perhaps heat some of the pulled pork.  Not sure what to eat with it.  I have some sauerkraut from the jar I have been using remaining.  That might not be bad.  And it is very keto friendly.  Eat, then do waterers, then hit chores.  Oh... I need to bring more grain, for the birds.  They sure can eat.  Later.

So far, so good.

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The kits are still alive.  I have never seen mom in with them, but if she wasn't, they would be dead from the cold.  It is already down to 50 outside.  And it has been a day, and more, since they were born on top of it.  If she wasn't tending them, they would all be dead.  They just don't live long without serious care and some warmth.  I just wish she would stay in with them.  I have extra food and water for her, I don't know what else to do.

As well, my mother called.  As release date arrives, she is starting to get a little nervous.  She did say, if she needs me, she will call.  Though, at best, it will take two days for me to get there.  So I will begin, again, setting up my gear to go on short nortice.  I had ordered a few things for the trip, and was partly into packing.  So it should be easy.  Of course, that means, I need to pick up the pace on cleaning the house, too.

I made chicken, again.  I really hit it right.  So juicy, with skin just perfectly crisped.  Done through and through.  Amazing chicken.  I do have three pieces left, so will warm those shortly.  As well, I am warming the grill, again, in order to slow cook a pork roast for the week.

I will tamp the heat down to somewhere in the 280 to 320 range, about as accurate as my grill gets, then let it cook for... probably... three hours, then spike the heat for the last half hour to hour.  Then wrap it in foil and let it rest for half an hour, or until it is cool enough to pick apart.  Pork is one meat which holds smoke well, over time.  Beef can, say a brisket.  But a grilled/smoked steak, in my opinion, has to be eaten immediately after a three to five minute rest.  Chicken as well, has to be eaten as soon as it is cool enough to eat.  I'll see if reheating, from room temp, after smoking a bit earlier, is okay for chicken.

The ducks keep believing I will feed them again.  They have been fed twice, so... no.  I will check on momma one more time, before bedtime... in an hour or two.  She still looks rather traumatized.  Poor thing.  I suppose there is a reason for neurosis.  :p  Hopefully, as she improves, regains strength and else, life will get easier.  I have been doing extra interaction with her, lately.  So as, hopefully, to make any handling of her babies necessary not be a shock or trauma.  She has my scent on her, so them having it, hopefully, won't be an issue.  So far it seems to have worked out.  She hasn't killed them, or seeming abandoned them.  Yet.  Ugh.

Later, or good night.

Oh noes!

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While watching yt vids, I realized my friend is...

Better, if still slightly rough.

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The neck is still out, a slight headache remains, exhaustion and a weariness which remain... if becoming boringly familiar these last weeks... months really.  Internals don't feel bad, if they are still a bit off?  Something.  Still, considering how bad it gets, this is... a more pleasant form of suffering.

I went to bed at about 00:30, waking a quarter to eight?  Up earlier today, for no good reason.  May need a nap before long.  I am leaving the door open, so the girls are visiting.  And, around sunup until I get up, they... make sure I don't sleep tight.  *grins*  Oh, it... can get my ire up.  When it does, they know how far they have to be for me not to grab them and irritate them for a while.  Oh, no hurting, just hugging.  Oh no!  The great ape caught me!  Although, once in a while, they think I am more asleep than they thought, or have to come a little too close.  Doesn't every poppa grab a daughter, give her whisker burns, and enjoy the capture?  Aye.

They did help, but it still took an hour or two.  Sometimes I appreciate their efforts, sometimes not so much.  This morning I was mixed about it.  Still, we actually had a pretty good morning.  I didn't have to kidnap, catnap?, them.  They came over for itches, petting, and such, and meowed in great joy.  Sassy was especially happy to get some attention, Sam was more jealous than anything.  All good.

I don't know what the temp is out there.  It was 73 upstairs, at least near me, with the windows open and fans going.  I am hoping to hit chores soon, I just don't want to walk out into a harshly cool morning.  As well, I fear all the kits will be dead.  Mother seemed to want nothing to do with them.  I did what I could, including putting her in with them.  She wouldn't stay.  I don't want to deal with it, but will have to before long.

I am hoping to do more today.  But that has been the hope for a while.  If I can do something today, it will be tearing down boxes in this front room.  That... is all I am going to plan.  If anything else happens, great.  If not, if I can just do this one thing.  Oh, well, getting trash out.  But I think I have it mostly out already.  I just need to get the bin to the curb.  A trim, shower, and shave would be nice too.

Good morning and day.

Fifty three days?

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From the day my bunny got pregnant, to delivery?  Her first litter, but still?  She gave absolutely no clues.  I had removed the kit box, but it was still out there.  Thankfully, for once, I was late doing chores.  It happens.  In this case, it was a very good thing.  She just started having them.  There were three, out in the cage.  All were, at that point, still alive.

I put the box in, put the kits in the box, and only hope she will deliver the rest in the box.  And, that she will care for the litter.  Everything is unknown, at this point.  I will check every half hour.  In case she delivers outside the box.  Or every fifteen minutes?  Yes, that.  I can only hope it all works out.

But how on earth does it take so very long to deliver?  The woman I purchased these from suggested they usually take 34 days.  But, for whatever reason, they seem to take a very lot longer than that, here.  I have two more does, hopefully, pregnant.  But, I am not sure how long they will take.  Both are new mothers.  I thought I had the senior doe pregnant, but no.  Bleh.  Tricky, right up until it isn't.

All I have done, so far, is chores.  So tired, hurt, uncomfortable.  A storm is coming through, as well.  The winds before it have become heavy, with serious gusts.  I suppose I did get the cages better protected, putting heavier logs on top to hold down the tarp... and adjusting that a bit, as well.

I still hope to get some work done today.  And, I think I will.  Brats and sauerkraut earlier.  A cheese sandwich or two later.  I'd better check to see if I have more lunch mean in the freezer.  I try to stock up when it's on sale, and either way, try to keep extra on hand.  In case I can't make it to the store.  My apocalypse was thirty four years ago.  I am... living through what you, your children, or somewhere along your line, will live through.  I have to... gather what I can, when I can.  Store, save, ferret things away.  If it were more orderly, I think people would be amazed at what is hereabouts.  Nothing fancy, but from leatherworking kit to, darning needles, to...  I can't have it all, but I can have... some of the little things.

Anyway... I'll check on that, and pull meats out to thaw while at it.  Since I won't be traveling, I don't need to worry about meat going bad.  Or how much to pull.  Later.  Or... not.

Slept like a baby.

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Woke like a truck drove over me in the process.  A major headache, some organ hurting like it had been bruised, several actually, and other problems.  Stuffed up, but can't seem to blow it out.  Ugh.  Neck is out, might or might not be the cause of the headach.  As well, I had cramps once last night, if I sorted out how not to get them again.

All good, it's... been... a while since anything hurt.  And, while extensive, each pain is yet mild.  I... really can't complain.  It not only could and can be worse, it will get worse.  But, that is okay as well.  Seriously, when you honestly love God, and know that He loves you too, these things are just... moments.  Reminders that we are not yet in conjunction.  I won't say I always suffer gladly, if there is a notion that way.  But I generally suffer wisely.  I understand it is the state of affairs men have chosen which has led to this, and God simply allowed us that choice.  As with the suffering and death of Christ, we can each become more through this process.  And, should it become excessive, I do contemplate His torture, cruxifiction, taking the price of our sins, and death.  This is... a walk in the park comparatively, at it's worst.  Amen.

Even feeling rough, I am hoping to try to get to that list presented yesterday.  I usually end up doing something, if not much.  Gotta get to it.  If nothing else, a little food, water, and tending the litter.  Not always guaranteed, but... mostly, at least those things.  I haven't had a tylenol batch in... months?  I guess today is the day.

It is 73 out there, with a hefty breeze... wind really, from the south.  Gusting?  No, pretty solid.  I have opened up the house, left the upstairs windows open.  Fresh air, can't beat it.  Reminds me of when we would go topside, on my sub.  We would, if we thought we had time, pop the ol' can and try to take in fresh air.  We had three or four atmospheres of stored, compressed, air, onboard.  But those would go through co and co2 scrubbers/burners, then we would create fresh oxygen to add to it.  But... it wasn't as good as fresh air.  Pop the can, ol' boy.  Get fresh.  As they say, as above, so below?

Good morning and day.

Nothing.

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It sure cooled off.  I don't want to turn on the furnace yet, and almost don't have to, quite.  But it is getting cool enough that I am dragging a bit.  There may still be warm days.  Or not.  Crazy weather of late, these last few years.  Or it will warm up and be more like a long late fall.  Difficult to know, if I suspect it will be slowly dropping, then plunging into winter.  If I were a betting man, that would be my bet.  Still, dragging.  It was 70, upstairs, with the windows open, in spite of hitting 77 a bit ago.  If I bet it has cooled a good deal since.  I closed the windows down here before it chilled.  Getting heat, and keeping it, is the deal now.

I did get the au gratin dishes cleaned, and used one for the shirred eggs.  It's a lot more convenient to make three eggs in one container, than have to use three small ramekins.  They are even able to be used under the broiler.  I used the last of the eggs.  I need gruyere anyway.  Wonderful.  I have more than I need, but this was the best price per even set, without being dubious looking.  I had planned to take a few to my mother.  I'm telling you, this is an excellent way to do eggs.  And eggs are very good for you.

That was it for the day.  Wait, no.  I did get a few smaller boxes broken down and out with a bag of trash.  They weren't recyclable, as I understand things.  If... that's... really still anything other than another fake thing.  With most of the plastic ending up in the ocean, and who knows what really happens to the rest of it, I... don't believe.

As well, a few cheese and deli beef sandwiches.  I may grill more chicken tonight... or tomorrow.  Hmm, I cooked bratwersts last night.  I could reheat those, and add sauerkraut.  I do love that.  It's not greatly filling, but... it does pretty good.  I was hoping to get a few more things done today, but the cool is throwing me.  Every time it dips, I move a little slower, or just become sedated?  Something.  If it stays cool, I may begin turning up the heat in the mornings, anyway.

The girls and critters are being fed well enough.  I am eatig well too, finally.  Mostly good food, too.  As well, smaller amounts of it.  I am trying, and usually, eating three times a day, if of no more than, say, 800 to 1,200 calories.  Not losing an ounce, if I'm not doing much to burn calories.  Though I would have thought just body systems would use more than that?

I'll keep trying.  Actually, I may push dishes through, tonight, so as to get a shower.  Then set up more dishes.  And, before that, perhaps trim my whiskers for a shave either after the shower or tomorrow.  Oh, I need to set up medicine, and get to it.  I keep stumbling.

An old friend, going back to school if very timidly, taking just one course, and as an audit not a full enrollment...  He is about the age I was, when I tried to go back.  It's... a tough gig, when you are over 30 and change.  Doable.  I even got a near perfect calculus II score, on a midterm.  Most of the class got about a 50%, the next guy got an 84%, I think I hit 97% but the grader made a mistake and gave me a 100%.  I even ended up with A 96% to 97% on all tests, quizzes, and homework.  But, I was only taking three engineering classes at a time, wasn't working, didn't have a family... if I did have a woman.  Ugh.  She was jealous of my schooling, turned off my alarm, on test days, and such.  I loved her, but she could be a pain in butt.

Oh, right.  Anyway.  I am encouraging him.  But, I have told him, if he is going to choose to go in, go all in or don't do it.  Which will mean sacrificing time and effort, perhaps coin.  A tutor really helps.  As well, there are video tutorials which can be purchased, basically for whole classes, or lines within classes.  I sent him an example.  I found them late, but they did help when I had to re-return after a two year hiatus.  Ugh.

So much for that.  It's about time to do chores.  Feed the girls again.   Get something going for my own dinner.  Clear and refill waterers and do the dishes while at it.  Get a trim, then shower, and?  Who knows.  I'll... do a few things, anyway.  Good evening, day, and night most likely.

Awake.

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Down very shortly after 22:00, up a bit after 04:00.  I need more sleep, feel it.  I just wasn't possible to stay down.  So very odd.  Windows open, but just upstairs.  It gets too cold if I leave the downstairs windows open.  It was a nice 71 near me, 68 generally, up there when I woke.

The bad news wasn't what I feared?  I still haven't heard.  Perhaps what broke, inside, was... just something breaking then?  It happens.  Don't know.  But it doesn't seem so.  The drive happened, just, he wasn't able to get back to town to pick me up.  Work, late, and perhaps trouble there?  Don't know.

I have continued to write, as usual.  I simply don't publish my writings.  I probably shouldn't publish this one, but there is a reason to put this out.  Several.  I am attempting to remove the... simpler... oh... journaling posts?  I think that is it.  Well, and the more negative ones.

One part, from the earlier post, I will add... a dream.  A man told me I was a terrible man, for saying, or thinking, the things I say, or write, or think.  I asked him if he thought I deserved punishment.  He thought so.  I asked him if living for 34 years, in such agony that I wanted to die most of the time would be enough?  Or having died three times, at least, but not being able to stay dead was good enough?  Or, maybe, being unable to survive on my own for that period.  Only living due to others?  And how terrible that really is?  I suppose you could bury me alive.  And, while, the death would be uncomfortable to the nth, there would at least be a definite finality to it.  I... don't think he cared.  Mean, he said.  Okay.

I am hoping to finish the dishes which were started, get more in, begin clearing counters, and getting boxes broken down and the last ones moved out to be broken down, over the next few days.  It'll happen.  I am keeping the bathroom up.  Trying other things.  Later, good morning, and good day.

A tale of a time.

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I am not sure I should present this.  It has been, pretty much, ready to go for days however.  So, I am letting it go.  Besides, perhaps the bad news isn't...  If it is, I... know that tale.  I live it.

Some good news.

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My mother is planned to be released to go home next Wednesday.  They are allowing her to be more mobile, on her own, so she is doing so.  She was always good about getting back up, after surgeries.  She has had many.  And, usually, she gets right back up.  The concern, this time, was that she wasn't getting back up.  I think the covid shots had something to do with both her slower recovery, as well as getting her in there, or back there, and causing problems all around.  No proof, but you don't get palsey, and have it go away, for no reason, at any age.

Still, she seems to be improving.  And it looks like she will be going home.

She seems to have erased my phone number.  And she says she doesn't want or need me to come stay with her.  I don't know what is going on there.  I can guess.  She did want my phone number back.  She has it.  It's her decision.  So be it.

Now I can get back to just dealing with the world hereabouts.  Though my brother may have... something to say.  I will have to make my own choices, beyond that.  Still, at this point, I am not planning on returning.  So, I can... try to push back into more house cleaning, without the distraction, probably, of being called away in the middle of something.

I do need to get property taxes dealt with, it seems, and one or two more bills paid.  But... it looks like this month is fairly settled.  I need more feed, as well.  Ugh.  Always something.  Still, it looks like things are almost in a good place, if I could just keep thieves out.  I'm not sure that is possible, at this point.  One forgotten door, or window... a moment, here or away.  They seem to be very good at knowing when I am vulnerable.  And, yes... I have been literally tracking items.  Things are simply going missing.  Cat litter, feed, clothing items, currently, are the main targets.  Though, to a lessor degree, anything could be taken, in larger or smaller quantities.  It was paranoia, until I started marking things and taking counts, with dates and such.  Now it's just the reality of living in a bad world.

I'll keep doing my best.  The thieving has abated, a bit.  I suspect more because I sleep nights more often, than that I lock up better.  But both help just a touch.

A hazy, smoky, cloudy, strange day out there.  Cool, too.  But good.  A milder, still fairer weathered, fall day.  The start to a new season.  Fall, winter, and spring are my favored, the cooler parts, if not always the most frigid parts, anymore.  Have a blessed day.  Work hard.  Enjoy what fruits you have, even the bitter ones... something to complain about?  *smile*  Good afternoon and day.

What dreams.

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Some visitors... I think they picked me up to take me to a meeting.  Discussing some things, mortgage, else.  They meant to give off a dire feel.  It... really didn't matter.  Further, I turned the event into a festive thing, much to their chagrin.  And, despite themselves, and myself being a stick in the mud often, we ended up having a good time.  Their moody warnings were completely undone.

It started, I think, with the purchase or sale of a car of some sort, with someone else entirely.  While in the discussions, I told him a bit about myself.  As it ended up, he invited me to dine with himself, his wife, and some friends of a... questionable nature.  Elites who believed they truly were better than most of us.

I may not have fixed that, but I certainly gave them pause.  For people who couldn't sort calculus from logic, economics from government influences, or a few other things, they... really didn't know anything.  They had become filthy rich doing at best amoral things, abiding the government and knowing rule changes and such ahead of time, in order to change their cash flows to be ahead of regulations.  Government allowed, created, insider traders.  Horrible, little, petty, people, who thought only those even richer than themselves were better, or... for now.  I don't think they had met a real people, who was aware and not a climber, in a long time.  Even my new friends was more of a climber than a real.  He... only invited me to, potentially, do exactly what I did.

While it might seem a good dream, that last one, it wasn't.  It is like having a nightmare that the world is a horrible, murderous, jealous, pedophilic, people-hating place, from the top to the middle ranks, and always have been.  Then, to realize, it really is.  On top of everything else, that makes one want to die, more even than poor health might.  It is easier to live, believing people wish to be good, do the right things, know what those are, and try... only fail sometimes.  Realizing the whole elite sector is made of, essentially, vampires of one sort or another, the walking dead of soul, is terrible.  Wealth makes right, right?  Ugh.  So easy to slip into that... with enought income and access, and friends in the right places.  Friends?  Mutual blind eye followers into the darkness...  But don't think they aren't looking for a way to profit from you, blackmail you, eat you alive.  You have no friends in hell, on earth or else.  Nor are you a friend.

In the last dream, I was invited to a neighbor's home for dinner.  And, in spite of, again, being a stick in the mud, or an oddball, I, again, elevated the event to a more festive thing.  I wasn't trying to be the center of attention, avoided politics and religion, as we aren't in agreement on those, and just stuck to a few things which were positive.  Did well.  People walked away a little... happier?

I woke in quite a positive mood.  A little later, 07:34, I think.  I had gone to bed around 00:43 or such.  So, it was okay.  I left the windows open.  Got to 68 up there, which was fine.  Left the door to the downstairs open.  Sam came up and visited several times.  Sassy didn't visit, that I know of.  Slept well, woke even better.

Got the litter, then  the girls fed.  Decided to actually get dressed, even if a shower is in the works.  Then fed and watered the ducks, and at least changed the waterers for rabbits.  I have to get another bag, the last bag I think, of their feed in.  I think a bag of that feed has been stolen.  I was three bags up, last time I ordered.  Should have been enough for another month and an half.  All gone in a month, from having those three, and one nearly full one on the porch in use.  Cat litter, also, is going missing by the box full.  I try to keep it locked up, and I don't leave, but I sleep so heavily, and the thieves seem to know when to hit.

Anyway...  I will get on to waking a bit, then a few chores and tasks.  Then... Well, food first, actually.  A few cheese sandwiches.  The trick to those not getting boring?  Just a bit at any time.  At most four or five slices of a cheese, making it different each time, if often just two or three slices... cheddar this time, colby or jack or swiss the next.  And, changing the meat from package to package, if I generally don't open two at once.  Perhaps two of those snacks/meals a day.  It's almost a treat more than food.  But not too much, at three pieces of thin deli, of salt or else at once or in total.  And it is so easy.

Yes, a meal.  Of sorts.  Though, this morning, I may have shirred eggs, with broccoli and/or cauliflower, deli meats... two slices will do three to four dishes, and a bit of cream or milk.  Whole raw milk works as well, just adding more carbs, less fat.  I have a flew au gratin platters, set to arrive today.  Smaller, should do three eggs at once, maybe four, with the fixings.  Could only find a four to six pack, but that will do.  Later.

Oh, hey...

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I may go on a bit of a break for a bit.  Or not.  Who knows.  But I really... I am stepping away from the machine for a while?  Or blogging?  Not that I am saying much, or have much to offer.  Everything that could or should be said is being said.  If nothing is being done about it, or seemingly likely to be.

Those who like how things are turning out are going to get more of it.  Those who don't will too.  So be it.  Know what to do, and what not to do.  If going with the herd is all you have in you, then enjoy.  And God speed.  If you know better?  Probably best just be quiet and walk were required, when required, and how required.  Not sure it matters, either way, for a thousand reasons.

I'll be praying.  Praying for me.  For you.  For us.  Even, maybe especially, for them.  Though I don't think it will help them, if that isn't always the point.  To be honest, I am not sure if they believe, or if they believe absolutely but have chosen the dark side.  I'm... thinking a bit of both.  If I am not sure which is worse.  Still... et. al. and etc.  Amen.

Some of it.

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Cats, chores, shower... done.  Late, it is 09:21, if I finished those a bit ago.  Five minutes ago?  At least, five or ten.  Oh, and even refreshed cat water.  The thought pregnant bunny, finally... started using the kit box as a toilet.  So, it is gone.  If I see fur, I'll refill and replace.  I know what to look for, now.  If... they even show signs.  Not always.

It may have been too warm for the male to be furtile?  I'll give it another go shortly.  With three of the does.  Two small does and one large doe.  Chinese emperors, it seems, and rabbits... and otehr livestock... attempts at pregnancy are noted, with some care.  Odd, that.  Most of us are just taken in and spit out, when and where it happens.  Although, to be honest, I think I prefer it that way.

Now for some breakfast.  I don't think this morning is going to happen.  I may get to it, when I can, on my own.  If I seem to have hit some sort of limit with this effort.  Still, I'll... give it a go.  Later.  After breakfast and a rest.  It is a good day to do some work, if I can.  May rake between shoveling, if that wears me out too.  A twigapocalypse from the last storm.

Oh, I did sweep the bathroom, and did a bit of tidying up.  I'll mop it, again, this Friday?  Hopefully.  And, maybe, have the little hall leading to it clear, and ready to sweep and mop as well.  Perhaps the kitchen will be ready by then, too?  I'm not pushing it, but one can hope.  I am still surprised the bathroom is that clean and nice, and is being kept up.  Now for the rest of the house.

Well, on to breakfast... what... a cheese for bread and coldcut sandwich, fatted coffee, and... something else, but what?  A few carrots and celery sticks?  Sure.  Later.

Awake, if not quite at it yet.

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While home well before midnight, it was twenty after the dark hour when I went down.  I set the alarms for seven and nine, but... I don't think it is working.  I woke seconds after seven, but don't think the alarm sounded.  I will have to test them.  Perhaps the batteries need changed?  Still, awake.

I had waken, several times in the night.  As with the other night.  At 03:30, again, and 05:17 or some such.  A few other times, just drifting in and out.  Not sure if I am hearing something, or... what.  I was able to stay in bed, go back to sleep, well.  If something hadn't been told to me to be planned, and my want of day, I might well have gone back to sleep even then.

An hour later, nothing done.  I am about the sweep the bathroom, then shower.  Brush my teeth, have some coffee, and a cheese sandwich and extra slice on the side, perhaps cottage cheese, if there is any left.  A mild breakfast, but it works.  Then cats and chores.  Hmm, cats first, probably.  I already cleared their litter.  Just need to feed them.  Perhaps change their water in a short bit.

Hmm, nine, I was told.  Though, who knows.  I'll... get to things as quickly as possible.  See what is done by then.  Later.

Not much.

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Chores were finished, finally.  I'll check the rabbits later.  Still no kits.  She really feels pregnant, but maybe not?  He fell once, that I saw, then they were left for what was to be an hour, but ended up being more like two.  Further, he had gotten into her side of the cage, and had been... at it... for who knows how long.  Maybe overnight for all I know.  But it has been, actually, more like 48 days?  That's way too long, isn't it?

If it was really hot, or very cold, I could see her trying to slow it down, or being required to do that.  Maybe she can do that if there are problems, or objections?  But she is quite happy, comfortable, well fed, well watered and has room digs, plus a place to nest.  I don't know.

With the hutches facing each other, chores are very quick.  It only shave, perhaps, five to ten minutes off, but that about halves that part of it.  The ducks were fed and watered again...

---------

It was early, but about that time.  The ride, out.  Back before 23:00 by a decade of moments.  Minutes, really.  Waxing nearly poetic?  Or just tired and silly?  Anyway... done for the night.  I would like to check the critters, but I don't think I will.  It was late when I did chores, and they were very good then.  Not much would have changed.

This guy, still, amazes me.  Three jobs, plus he helps family and friends.  He... doesn't have a personal life.  And, I think, until he gets a few things sorted, he won't.  Driven?  Or just able, and free... for the moment... to sort things clear.  What I wouldn't do to have such ability back.

The girls were fed.  I think it is time for bed.  Again, I left the window, upstairs, open.  And it got warm.  So I turned the ac's on while I was out.  I am hoping it is cool enough to turn those off, open a window or two, and sleep comfortably.  Though, if it's only down to 73, I will leave one ac on and the windows shut.  Warmer is still uncomfortable.  Even 73 is pushing it.  Strangely warm evenings, and in the house, lately.

On to... sleep.  A shower first?  I would have to stay up for another hour, but it might well be worth it.  Good night, though.  I'm done here.  As dry and empty in my blog as in my life.  I... don't have much to offer these days.  Good night anyway.  May you enjoy even the dry, of your own life.  Find some sweetness, even if in the end, in pain, or doing well.  Amen.  Oh, and for friends and enemies.  Not even that you see things my way.  I may well deserve your hatred.  But that you see with wisdom.  Amen.

Finally...

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I heard the squeaking breaks of a big truck.  Ah!  Trash, recycling?  I hurried to see which.  At 11:50, it was recycling.  They had already done the other side of t he street.  All good, no complaining.  My only complaint about that, is if I miss getting it out early enough.  Not something for which they bear any real or perceived guilt.

Anyway, I decided to grab that barrel in, and check the trash.  It, too, has been taken.  So I pulled the barrels to where they god.  Between being late and off, it has been a few weeks.  Recycling doesn't gather that fast, neither does trash while I'm not cooking often.  But, over a few weeks, there was enough, and it... gets old.  Good to see it go.

I need to make a list of things I really have to get done.  Vehicle tags, though I thought those had been moved... property tax easement... or some such... mortgage needs to be paid.  Oh, a few other things?  I don't know.  It hasn't warmed too much, out there, yet.  I could get pretty warm.  I had the front door open, to let in morning air.  It is 72 near the machine here, probably 70 most other places.  About perfect, if it would stay this way for a while.  But, no... fall, then winter.  And for good reason.

I best get to a few things...  Or... not.  Later.

A slow start.

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Trash is out, as is recycling.  A few things from the fridge and a pot emptied.  Ugh, but that stuff can go fast.  Oh... one more... two more... things... Three, four... Oh... and yet one more thing!  Ugh...  Very nice.  Not perfect.  A few more things which have been naggingly in the way.  Gone.

Ducks fed and being watered.  I'll do the rabbits later.  Trash and recycling picked up, things cleared, and out to the curb.  Not even eight, so I don't think they have been to town yet.  Though... who knows.  I need to refill waterers, which is part of why I am waiting on the rabbits.  I probably have enough waterers, to change all of them, maybe.  But... I... need a break, too.

The goal is the hit the waterers, sweep the bathroom, get a shower, and do chores... by ten... noon at the latest.  Checking them later.  Usually haven't needed more water or food, at least for the rabbits.  But, I check anyway.  Plus, I want to keep an eye on the potential new mother.  Sometimes they don't do well with kits.  Sometimes they are naturals.  Nothing to do about it, but... to know is good.  If she keeps messing with the wood chips, I may have to take more out.  I don't mind that, if she feels she needs or wants it, I'll provide.

Today, and lately, has been oddly rough.  No pain, mostly.  A bit today and yesterday.  But that sense that life is so thin.  Unable to do much, just keeping awake has been a chore.  Gaming helps, if it... I just wish there could be more.  It's not the games fault, even my addiction to gaming is rather weak.  Just as with my joy of food... still there, but not practicably applicable?  Something like that.  I have to eat, and, currently, I have to play games... or I will sleep.  And sleep long and hard.  I may end up sleeping roughly soon, no matter what.

I keep wondering why I haven't died.  Why I am still alive, how I am still alive.  Clarity of thought is occasional, mostly from a want of sleep.  Trying to stay awake for the day.  I so dread those three a day sleep cycles.  Or worse, those twice a week cycles, where I am mostly asleep.

At least there is no pain, or not much.  Not sure how this thing works out.  Maybe tomorrow, or as I have suggested, in thirty years.  It'll be a rough row, rougher than now.  But that is the price of choosing God.  Some things get left in His hands.  Some want to push it.  But they'll have to push harder.  Some days, I'm hoping they will.  Though I am not sure it will work out as they propose.  It just... doesn't.

On to a cheese sandwich.  Good morning and day.

Down very early.

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I memorized  the time, to spit it out this morning.  But it is partially gone.  I think it was 18:38?  But the last two digits could, actually, be anything.  I am sure it was within the 18:00 to 18:59 mark, though if it had been in the :50 or higher mark I would have been thinking to round it up.  Since that wasn't in my mind, I would say more like 18:00 to 18:49?  And I would say it was definitely at least a quarter after, maybe half.  but the more precise I try to be, the fuzzier it gets.  I kept waking... at 23:00, midnight thirty, then 03:33... an odd number so I remember it.  I avoided waking until around 04:44.  I know.  What was with the last times?  But, so be it.

Dragging, moving slow, doing a few morning chores, finally sitting here.  It is 05:21, but I have been here, setting up, thinking, and beginning writing since a quarter after.  Not, definitely, moving quickly.  A good sleep.  Had to use both ac's.  But I had forgotten the windows open and it had gotten pretty warm.  I left the downstairs door open, which in the end didn't help, and the girls didn't bother visiting.  Not sure why.

Oh, I did chores before bedtime.  I'll wait until it warms before hitting them this morning again.  With the rabbit hutches facing each other, they will be easier to service at once, and quickly.  Oh, I refreshed the kit box for the momma rabbit to be.  With fresh soft wood shavings.  She is doing something with it... making a bridge, or ramp, with some of it.  But she hasn't popped yet.  It's been forty eight days!

There are no males out there, anymore.  She has a bigger cage, a double cage really.  She has the smallest kit box.  She doesn't seem to be stressed.  She is eating lightly, oddly, and drinking less.  I think having it become just a ladies hutch area means they are far more at ease.  I keep looking for fur pulling, which also isn't happening.  And, oh, she is... quite full.  She hasn't lost them.  She is really big.  She is even rather docile.  I pet the critters as often as I have a bit extra energy... usually once or twice a day.  And she doesn't try to hide, mostly.  Not sure what is happening with her.  All I can do is offer her what I think she could use and let her be.

A few beers, yesterday.  Just, mostly, for flavor.  I do miss beer, if I don't miss getting drunk.  I'll let that part go.  But, a few beers, once or twice a week?  I could do that.  Can't really afford it though.  So, after I finish these, that will be that... for another three to five years.  And, no, not the "fancy" brands.  Just, old, used to be American, names.  Bud is now a French concern, who knows about the others.  Though even industrial elites were never really pro-American.  They have always favored fascism, even knowing what comes next, always and ever.  Which is why so many of them are pro-Chinese.  China didn't climb out of communism to fascism, it stumbled backward into it, but now that it has been enriched, it is heading right back into the slaughterhouse.  Hopefully it will take the wealth and lives of some American and European fanboys, who seem to love what they think is the new new world order from there, and Russia.  Clueless bastards, and heartless.  Soon to be impoverished, already on their knees... but loving it?  Crazy, people, I'm telling you.

Anyway... I'll get trash gathered and out, and recycling.  Hopefully a shower. Then... who knows.  I keep wondering if I should shave my beard?  I can finally grow one.  It doesn't even look all that bad.  If it is white.  It definitely shows more my genetic variances and illness, though is an odd aspect to age.  Really old men can't grow beards well.  This thing is... solid.  If it wasn't white, you might well admire it.  Shorter, but it's curly.  Won't ever get very long.  Nested, thick, but never long.  Think Greek?  I think it would along those lines.

Best get litter and then the cats fed.  They... become little terrorists if hungry and ready.  Later.

A devil, they say?

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A visitor.  So I asked for a bit of help.  I couldn't move the rabbit hutches solo.  Not as... much work as I had worried.  Even for me.  One end was cake.  They are pretty heavy, too.  Moved, to face each other, one facing north(ish), the other south(ish).  About three feet apart, give or take.  Four?

Tried to move the grower hutch.  It was too much for the two of us.  My visitor had an idea, but that is for another time.  Cool.  I showed him a recent purchase as well.  He needed extension cords he had loaned.  I helped him get them out and rolled up.  All good.

Heck of a wind and rain storm the other day.  When it squalled, it really shook dead branches and twigs down.  My visitor suggested they and their neighbor both lost tree parts, or maybe trees?  Some such.  Yea, it was... a dark thing.  Not totally unheard of, in the fall.  But... a bit stronger?  Nah, maybe not even that.  It's just been a while.

I picked a few of the larger branches up.  Nothing too big.  These weren't even limbs.  Moved them to a pile I have been hoping to get removed for some time now.

Oh, for breakfast, earlier, another swiss cheese and turkey breast sandwich... using the cheese as bread.  I really, really, didn't think I would like that.  Calories, easy, cheesy.  But like?  Very odd, I am loving it.  I may try a batch of shirred eggs later.  Now I have cauliflower to try, and broccoli in some.  That, eggs, some cheese, or two types of cheese, fresh diced onion, and a meat of some sort... it's almost magic.  Cooking doesn't have to be difficult, complicated, take a lot of time, fuss, or... anything.

Shirred eggs, I'm telling you, it's where it's at for a simple and truly delicious meal.  You can cook it for probably around twelve and up to twenty five minutes.  It'll... taste good.  The texture won't be off.  I'm just never quite sure if, at the lower end, it is done.  I'm... a bit chicken about eating uncooked whites.  Yokes, I'll take those runny all day, any day, every day.  But whites?  I... I'm squeamish.  A gift, from my mother.  A shared paranoia.  

And I haven't found a cheese that doesn't do well.  Though, if you go bold, say... gorgonzola or (other?) blues?  Be prepared.  I couldnt' do it every day, but... one in a while.  Hmm... granny apple bits, gorgonzola, eggs, cinnamon, a teaspoon of cream, a few others... oh... yes... I think so.  One near sweet, with the rest savory?  Aye.

Anyway?  What else?  I... just can't quite get to things.  I keep them on my mind.  I keep praying.  And... I keep sitting.  I'll... get to something, when I can.  Good morning, yet, for a short bit, afternoon to some of you, and day.  Amen.

Chores and... a few odds and ends.

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Nothing done, recently.  I'm trying to solve that.  I want things done.  Besides having things removed from the checklist, however temporary, work is it's own pleasure.  It really is.  I suppose if you are working like the devil, for right or wrong, you don't have time to smell those particular roses.  But, someday, if the ability to work eludes you for whatever reason, you will... rue the day.

It doesn't even matter if you no longer have a financial need to work.  Not being able to work is seriously painful to the mind and body.  These were tools, made to... do... something... anything.  Perhaps it was after the fall of men.  Perhaps it was true before that?  Though, I would guess, while it is suggested that man must hereafter the consumption of the forbidden fruit live by the sweat of his brow... he may have done that before, but it wasn't a chore.  Much as women may have suffered birthing, before, but did not suffer it in the same way.  It wasn't a pain to know pain?  Or... pain simply wasn't the same.  Didn't know, would forget?  Dunno, I think there is more... to it?  Right.

Anyway, I... prefer to work.  It is bad enough that I am down to attempting domestic work.  But, that I fail in this as well?  It is... humbling.  I suppose God has sensed a need for that?  Offered an opportunity to know it?  Or maybe just the fall has led to these things?  Struggle with whichever cross(es) offered, in all the ways you may, but carry them as best you are able.

I... am not always pleased with these things.   And, yet, I was just thinking, the other day, how grateful I am to have been shown the mercy of humility through suffering, a lowly status, and such.  As... difficult as these things can be, they offer opportunity my pride, in my station, would not have allowed before.  Took a long time to see it, appreciate.  But, once that was done, I have true gratitude for this suffering.

Still... would like to work.  If, perhaps, today, God, you would... lift the curse, just for a few moments at a time?  Though, if I must suffer even not this, so be it.  Amen.

Oh, do not think I jest.  Do not think I merely say this as an excuse to do nothing.  You have no idea how much I would love to work, hard.  How much I do, when I can.  It is in my bones to work hard, get things done, which is why it cuts so.  It is too late, but I did everything I could in order to attempt to escape the poverty of disability.  Almost killing myself in the process.  No joke, I'd gladly have lost my disability if only I could have been able to make it back to work.

Awake.

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Down around 23:00, a short bit after, last night.  Awake at about 05:45, give or take a few minutes.  I woke an hour before.  I was able to stay down, but kept waking every fifteen to twenty minutes, until I surrendered to the facts.  Sleep just wasn't going to return.

No ac last night, two fans and a window open.  Perhaps I should have opened both windows.  It was 50 out there, when I checked.  But it seems to warm!  It is 71 near the machine, though it has been running for an half hour.  Why do I feel so warm, at these temps?  Ah... I am trying warmer long john bottoms.  Because, yea, I was getting cold in the low 70s.  These are almost too warm.  But they will do as winter approaches.  Now to find more like them.  Ugh.  Always that.

The girls have been fed, litter cleared.  Trash will be collected and taken out, as a next move.  Then chores, followed by whatever else ends up following.  I have sort of quit making plans.  Though I will start back with the alarm, set it every few hours.  To roust me, get me to at least go, look, see, maybe do?  There is hope.  I have been very tired lately.  Darker, and cooler, yet still getting hot in the afternoons.

The strange thing is, for as cool as the summer could be, it was also hotter than usual.  I think we had the longest hot spell, days over a hundred, either for some time, or since recording began.  So, a strange one.  Not... actually colder, or hotter, both?  That... as I have mentioned... is evidence of global cooling... assuming that tracks around the globe.  While weather isn't global temperature, there are things, with enough data, which can be gleaned from weather.  That is one of those things.

Such dreams.  Several of them.  Nothing... erotic.  But, everything that lead up to it.  So much flirtation, so much eye contact.  So few of them knew what was really looking back at them.  A few did.  None really cared.  Smoldering.  I remembered some of my favored moments with various of my favored women.

While women can be cold, frigid, so could I.  I'm not, to be honest, certain which was worse.  A shared trait.  Had to laugh when they would be insensitive about their frigidity, only to be mocked when they couldn't handle mine.  Oh, all... part of the game.  It really wasn't petty payback, it was just that, as much of a mood a woman could be, so could I.  Something I despise in myself.  If they seem to as well, in themselves.  Oddly, I think they appreciated it in me, helped them understand themselves a bit?

I do miss having a woman around, mind you.  Wouldn't mind changing it.  Not sure, at this point, it is even possible to find someone.  For good or ill.  Still, I can enjoy the memories, the heat, the cold, glances... in various moods, either way.  Mean creatures, but I liked one, at a time.  Mostly.  Still smoking, in the brain and else.  Chastity maintains, if prayers were required.  Had to sort out "Hail Mary" prayer, while deep in... thought... and barely awake.  Three seem to, usually, help.  If they can help.  They helped, this time.

Later.