Perhaps back to bed, for just a nap?

.

.

I've made it about four hours?  Something like that.  But I'm... not going to last much longer.  I did get insulin, if it... didn't seem to help?  Okay, well, I probably tested too soon.  I has, blood sugar, come down.  But initially it went up.  A very odd thing, given that I only ate chia seed, and took... significant doses of both types.  Still, I... abused food yesterday rather significantly.

A very little bit of gaming.  Just so tired, can't concentrate.  I did get a few more items, on my list of things to do before new game plus.  I haven't beaten the last boss, or even the second to the last boss.  Nor, to be honest, am I sure how many bosses there are left!  I have tried searches, but come up nubs.

Hey peoples!

.

.

Not feeling the best.  But, awake at a reasonable hour.  Not sure it will last.  I am awake, in part, due to a sour stomach.  Too much yesterday.  Beside the cake, micky-d's.  Horrible stuff.  Then a frozen pizza when I got home.  Trying to find a brand I could have, once in a while.  That... wasn't it.  Between it all?  Bleh.  Well, and I forgot slow and fast acting insulin.  Slow acting just went in.  Waiting for breakfast to finish brewing, to test right before, and choose how much fast acting to take with it.  Probably a bit, to get it back into trim.  Though who knows.  Sometimes that stuff is tricky.  If you, generally, have been eating really good, your body sometimes... sometimes... lets you be a stupid kid for a day.  Not that all kids are stupid, just... well, in youth there is always hope, in spite of knowledge or wisdom.  Amen.  :p

Still, I am awake.  If I can, after spending experience points on learning the waking maneuver, I'll put a few points into housekeeping, and get dishes and laundry a step further in the processes.  I did get the rest of the laundry down from upstairs.  I keep thinking I really should be dead.  And I keep not being dead.  So, there is that.  But as one suggested, old age doesn't add up to wisdom, it just adds up to... old age.  Sometimes there is a bone in there, somewhere.  But with what else comes with it?  I'm not sure it is worth the price of admittance... I mean for others seeking the wisdom.  Association with an old grump is... a generosity, not a benefit.  Though, there is something to that beyond what it seems.  Amen.

Imagine, though, sleeping yourself into old age.  It doesn't seem... fair.  But, as I and others have said, and know.  Life is not fair.  It is more as if I were in my thirties, by time lived.  Sleeping the extra twenty and change of this life.  Not fair, but... life isn't fair.  And, while they didn't tend me, and knew to do so, at least they didn't... or successfully, kill me off.  Though, whether that is a boon, certainly not intentional, is another question.  If you are going to condemn someone to death, kick the can... would you?  But, what is done is done.  And, I wouldn't recommend them to finish what they started, at this point.  Now, it would be a hellbound decision.  There is a difference between letting nature take it's course, and shoving the dying into a grave.  Amen.

So, today?  Though it is God's day, and a gift, I will do some light work.  Ass... hole.  If it is in one, you are obligated to get it out.  So, cleaning is... required... when and how I may.  If I can, on any day, I must.  God knows this.  I am only doing chores every other day, so that isn't on my list.  Though I need more feed, Monday at the earliest, but sometime this week.  The food is lasting longer.  Not sure why.  A lot longer.  Though I think it was being stolen.  And I have made that a more difficult prospect.  They still get in, from time to time.  But it's a bit more work to get in, and out, with much.

Later.

On back to bed already?

.

.

Absolutely zapped.  Just... getting a few things done, then getting to town, absolutely crushed me.  All good.  Worth getting out.  Even put the groceries away.  I think I can live with this.

I really had hoped to do a list of things, in the game.  But, you know what?  If I can sleep a night, and wake sometime in the late night to late morning, and have some or more of the actual day?  I'll take that.  I have things I want, and things I more need.  Daytime is a need.  That is when people are alive and able to help, or might need help.  Both are great graces.  I... need, and want, graces.

I thought the coffee might help, but really, the way things are working... to the good... sleep is too needed, and wanted, to be ignored.  I should sleep quite well.  I have taken meds.  Only insulin needs to get taken.  Hmm... actually, I want to take one, give it some time to work, then take the other.  But... I won't.  I'll take the slow acting, and go on to bed.  I just realized it is already 02:39.  So, it is already late, if still much earlier than my, of late, typical bedtime.  Goodnight.

To the store, and back again.

.

.

Fresh veggies, more salad, milk for kefir... if not exactly what was wanted... it will do, bits and pieces.  For the good deed, a bad.  Strawberry angelfood cake.  Amen.  Hey, even a devil gets a treat for pushing the, majority, right line... now and again.  I... can't remember how long it has been since I have actually had something sweet.  It's been a while.

A strange world out there, it seems.  So secular.  Dark.  When they convince them to kill themselves, and each other, the path to the end is nigh.  Not sure that has happened, but there are signs and portents even the blind can see.  Only those who choose not to see don't.  And, even they do.  They just don't care.  They are busy shopping for their preferred poison, for the short trip to hell.  It may seem long, but even a thousand years, with your head stuck in a bottle, or on pills or smokes or shots... will seem like... but a flash, in hell.  Where you will know eternity like not even those in heaven can know it.

Time, which will be mooted, will fly in heaven.  In hell, it will drag on, and on, and on, and on, and on.  Strange how that works.

It was good to actually be clean, dressed, and out.  It has been so very long.  I put a little gas in the tank, just enough for a trip or two to town and back.  Try writing THAT three times fast, and I don't mean "that".  No, I won't fill up.  If prices come down, I'll begin filling again.  Until then, I'll just add a quarter to half tank at a time, and drive even less.  Let them choke on it.  We all know the prices are fictions, created to rob those who can't avoid it, and deny those who can avoid it.  Our government is officially evil.  It means to do everything that is happening, from price gouging to inflation, to the destruction of the dollar, to the destruction of the family, etc.  Every bit of it was intentional.  The "elites" think that is the best path forward.  But they are all owned, so actually know better, but can do nothing about it.  Nor would they.  Evil is as evil does.

Hmm?  Right.  I'll... try to wake up now.  I did get groceries put up.  And got cream.  It isn't the good stuff, but it will do.  It seems, the dairy wanted to automate their cream production.  Planned it, with a company, a year ago.  The company failed utterly.  Two batches of cream were destroyed in the process.  Oh, I get automation.  Even on a family dairy, the work is murder.  It would be good to get some of it automated.  But if you are going to do such a thing, be a little more sure?  I suppose, there are conmen around every corner.  But, shouldn't you look a little deeper?  Then again, the young, and overworked, are easy to trick.  I'll just pray they can get back on their feet, and sort this out.  Perhaps find a legit engineering firm which has, and can, automate on a reasonable budget.

Still, I have something for now.  I forgot to check... bleh!  Distracted for a second, and it's gone...  I forgot what I forgot to check!  But, I have COFFEE!  With CREAM!  Oh, loverly.  Not saying sour cream isn't as good.  Wait, yes I am.  It is... interesting?  Different?  Not bad for a rare change?  But definitely won't ever be my desired daily driver.  Cream!  Whole, whipping, nice.

Well, on to some gaming.  And, I think I will take a painpill, even if I said I wouldn't.  Doing what I did beat me up rather soundly.  Oh, but I did set up dishes, for a run later.  And I plan to do a load or two of laundry.  I cleared Sassy's litter, and fed her.  Doing well for going between blissful to wretched in the blink of a red dry tired sore eye.  *wink*  *grins*  Still, I'll... give it all I've got.  Amen.

Awake.

.

.

I was almost sure it was still 18:00 woke?  Well, maybe late into that hour, like 18:48 or such?  It is already 20:27, so... I'm not sure.  Though I did rip and tear, to start things off.  Cat litter, pee jugs (which actually takes a goodly little time to dump, rinse several times, and clean... then set to a bleaching), and burshe my teeth, brough laundry down and put that back, brought t.p. to the bathroom and set that up, and... other things.  

Well, maybe.  I guess I have been burning through tasks.  It's a bit early to be up, but I am hoping to jump on some things.  I wanted to just take a shower, but there are dishes in there.  Not many, but.  However, I think I will skip rather than do those.  Time just isn't on my side.  A shower, right first thing.  After getting a shirt and... brought fresh shorts down, so... Just need a shirt.

And, I think I'll begin wearing the gooder sandals around the house, instead of the wallyworld plastics.  Those burn my feet, but when I am in limbo, it... doesn't... matter.  I can't understand clasps or latches or else.  Ghost shoes for a ghost, it's as good as I can do, and at least puts something between my foot and these floors.

I must say, this is one of the fastest turn-arounds I have seen.  I... might even be able to get to a few things in short change rather than the long haul.  If, two, as I shift up on meds, I may well fall down, again, for a bit.  Then again, I thought the medicine would do that now.  So, who knows.

Inside, lost somewhere, is the tiger who really did prowl this earth, alone.  If not king, king of myself.  It's all a man, most men, could, or should, hope for.  The fools on thrones should all know they are mere puppets for the most wretched and foully hungry deviants this planet knows.  They aren't lead by wisemen, but by vermin.  And, that, one day, will be corrected for good.  Amen.

Hmm?  Oh, did I say something unsettling?  Amen.  Again, I say to thee, brother, amen and amen again.  Amen.

I actually got a few things done, before bed.  Chores and setting out t.p. for placement in them morning... or whatever passes for it.  It seems like small things, but when exhaustion has one seeing tunnel vision, trust me, that... was impressive.

Well, I best do a little look around, then get that shower and maybe shave.  Later.

I had alternative plans.

.

.

They didn't work out.  I couldn't get out of my chair.  I had hoped to push through, and start laundry and dishes.  Or... do some vacuuming.  Or... almost anything.  Like a cat bringing it's owner a mouse, I... wanted to bring you good deeds.  I simply couldn't.

I haven't been gaming.  Couldn't really do that either.  Just... looking around the web as I have slowly been falling.  A gentle, slow, comfortable fall, eventually, very shortly, into bed.  Actually, that is all that is left.  I have merely been trying to hold on a little longer.  I made it to 14:00.  Bedtime.  Goodnight.

Well, doing better?

.

.

Not doing more, just... better.  I took another hit of painpills, as it was going sideways.  I was probably in pain this last week, just so bombed I didn't realize it.  Since the painpills actually worked, it was... like heaven, a little slice of it, to be painfree for a bit.  I merely took a dose, this time, to try to sleep without pain.  I won't take a dose, again, for about a week, or two.  It's how I do.  It's only good once in a rare while, anyway.  That it worked not once, but seems to be working twice, is a rare thing indeed.

I didn't get to dishes, or laundry.  Or... anything but making a roast, keeping Sassy fed, taking medicine including insulin.  And?  Gaming.  Mostly lightly, though I am... doing more challenging things.  Just, in the right mindset, not stressing.  Mostly successfully.  Not all cheese.  I get one cheese per five hardcases, as well as a lot of hard play against potent yardtrash.  So...  Yes.  I am currently trying to crack the hardest nut in the game.  But, doing side things, not singularly focusing on it.  Someone spent sixteen hours trying to beat that boss.  I won't.  If I can't figure an easier way, in a shorter time, really only three or four more different builds/ways, maybe four times each.  If nothing is promising, I am assuming the cheat is in.  You probably just have to die enough, then you can win.  I don't mess with such bosses.  It's not legit gaming.  They fixed one boss, because it was too difficult, and too much after it was needed.  But this is a non-necessary boss, so they let it cheese us.  Incorrectly, I think.  But, so be it.

Oh, brought blood sugar from 300 yesterday night, raw, before I started insulin... if I had potatoes, two per day, for the last two days, so... down to 130 today.  No, I don't eat potatoes regularly.  It was just... a recent hankering.  And my willpower is non-existent.  Fubar, sometimes.  But, as I said, it is down to 130... last I checked.  That is with two doses of insulin.  The fast acting was on the larger side, but the other was what had become my normal.  Well, I suppose taking heart medicine might be helping, though it can hurt blood sugar reads... until it helps again.  It's hit or miss at the beginning.

Well?  It's past noon.  I was having trouble making it to between six and eight.  I might as well push just a bit longer.  I want to get back to, and keep, days.  Medicine will help, though this first flip might flop quickly, as medicine and my body struggle one with the other, for a while.  Life for the barely living is a lot more exciting than it might seem.  Just as people not quite thinking the life of a turtle is all that exciting.  But, to the turtle, it is boring until it is terrifying, or exciting, or thrilling even.  Actually, just like everybody else.  Innit.

I'll be awake a bit longer.  Doing a few last chores, in the game.  Small things.  Getting ready to push on through.  Need to level a bit more, if leveling has become one heck of a chore.  And, a few other small bosses.  Trying to clean them up, but there are so many.  Some very well hidden.  I keep finding new ones.  There are only fifteen for the trophies (or so I have heard), but maybe sixty... not including sub-mini bosses.  Those latter are not quite bosses, but still are one-time enemies which offer unique items or such.

This game is crazy deep, long, and difficult.  But, if you need to kill time, or try to stay awake, and be (if only virtually) active, and have the nerves to deal with failure (time after time after time), and like to tinker to get around failure?  This... might be for you.  It... seems pretty good for me.  If, at least off medicine, it is a bit rough on my heart.  Still... I've gotta die someday.  Trying to outlive mother, and Sassy.  For their sakes, not mine.  But... a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.  It's... all I have.

Later, or more likely, goodnight.  Blessings, prayers, and kind thoughts in your general direction.  Don't squander it.  It's a gift, if not from me as the source.  Passing on what was gifted to me.  Graces and love.  Amen.

A roast beef and cheese.

.

.

The first time I tried the cheese, it failed.  I reviewed the vid, process, and... okay.  Too close, kept shooting once proc'ed, and maybe putting other types of arrows in... though perhaps that would have worked if I had stopped shooting once something proc'ed.  Proc'ed means gets set, a damage over time condition.  Once that is going, stopping shooting, or risk waking the beast.  Check.

So, finally, I got it.  Oh, I tried fairly.  It just doesn't fight fair.

I cooked a chuck roast while at it.  Other than the final one to three bosses... can't be sure what is beyond where I have gotten, on the main track, I think there is only one boss I know of, though perhaps a few dragons, I need to get.  I'll be able to find the dragons by what is missing from the named dragon incantations available, or not, at the place where you get them.  They become available when you kill that particular dragon, otherwise a generic power is in it's place.  With the internet, what isn't known can be the key to finding what is sought.  No matter where it might be.

The roast was quite good.  I browned it, this time.  Oddly, that didn't add as much flavor as expected.  I will... try a different method, next time.  I have three or four different ways of cooking a roast in an oven.  I'll go the dryer route, that might well be the best to enhance browning.  This method used was one of the two wetter methods.  Still, not bad.  It's been a while since I could afford beef roast, even chuck has been six to seven dollars a pound.  I... won't go there.  At $4.99 it was still a bit much, but... I... did it anyway.

Oh, I did call my mom today.  She was in pretty good spirits.  They went out last night.  A new shop, there in town, barbequed hamburger, or what they had.  And, it sounds like it was done correctly.  I'm just glad the kids have each other, the time and energy to get out, and places to go.  Nothing pleases us old people better, than to see the young ones enjoying each other's company and... frolicking.  Be they my mother, the neighbor young man and his newfound foundling, or his sister and her guy... pick one.  All good.  I may only be able to watch, but I enjoy what of it I may.  *wink*

I may try to get to a few things yet tonight.  Though, if I can go to bed soon, I will.

Be well, sleep well, wake well, do well.  As you may.  Amen.

Better.

.

.

A lot better.  Pain has lifted.  I was aware of the pain the whole time I slept, especially when waking to add to the five liters of pee.  But, even when sleeping, my eyelids were sweating from the pain.  Yea, it... was rough.  I... didn't think there was a way out.  Painkillers help, not... against the roaring raging suffering I was facing, I was thinking it would be as a cup of water on a bonfire.

Well, I am having coffee.  So, there is that.  I have had two bottles of water, which help with hydration.  The painpills, too.  So, it hasn't just been, I suppose, an attack on just the pain, but the causes, and possibly symptoms.  Still, it's as if a major fever has broken.  Still weak, legs to arms, to core... shaky.  But... the pain has eased to a mild background noise sort of thing.  As opposed to being in the center of a massive storm, deafened by the pain.  Agony, sweet, beautiful, terrible.  About on par with love, both good and bad.  Aye.  *wink*

Enough better that I am filling two more jars of r.o. water, from the countertop unit, rebagged the bins, and put them where they belong.  Little things, but I was thinking I'd be going back to bed shortly.  I was feeling like I was being torn apart, internally, and my head being bashed in.  I.... wasn't going to be able to do much as was.  So... little things are good things.

What next?  Whatever I think I can do.  I am sweating, just a bit, from the breaking of the cursed state of affairs.  Have you ever eaten too much chocolate, and broken out in a sweat from the richness?  Oddly, that is the sort of sweat I am in.  The furnace is still at 72, so it isn't that.  An odd thing.  Anyway...

Ouch.

.

.

Everything hurts.  Worst is the headache.  Not a migraine, as such, but about equal in that it is every other sort of headache rolled into one painbomb, centered upon the head and shoulders.  A portion is from being off medicine, a portion is from just starting medicine, a portion is from losing five liters of pee last night, a portion is from no coffee yesterday.

I ran out of cream, and can't get to town, showered, or dressed.  A bad time to run out, I wasn't considering the potential end costs.  I did drink more water yesterday, but not that much more, just enough to replace coffee, I think.  My torso must have been storing the water, which is why it was hurting.  Why weren't the feet and ankles swelling though?

As well, the interior, which I think was hurting because of excess water, is now hurting because lots of that are gone.  Well, and other things hurt for reasons I can't say.  Painpills, first thing, just so that I don't crawl immediately back into bed.  Though I may if they don't help.  It well and truly feels as if I was in a fight with a small horde of malcontents.  Oh, I won, but there was... always a price.

Seven, was the largest pack I took.  But they, by then, were not allowed to surround me.  So, they ended up doing very little damage, while I hurt them, especially their pack leader.  I think it was groups of five and six which taught me to be... more careful.  Head on a fucking swivel, especially if you don't go with the pecking order system.  So, yes, I do know what that feels like.

Sassy has been fed, then her litter cleared.  Then trash and recycling collected and bagged, ready to go.  I still need to bag a few of the bins, but... I've only been awake five minutes, and I hurt like the wounded.  I'm going to make coffee.  I just won't have any dairy for it.  I could put in sour cream?  It is an odd thing, but... it would melt in, and do okay?  It would be something, anyway.  Thick, but just add a little extra hot water.

OUCH!  As I wake, the pains are approaching in waves, with steady pain up front, and then with pounding action for some of them.  I have every sort of suffering I know, volume turned up, and not even on a rhythm that could be used to... transcend the misery.  I am literally twitching from the pain.  Amen.

Later.

Yes!

.

.

Finally.  Medicines put into the dispensers.  Though I hadn't been absent from medicines as long as it seemed.  I was only able to scrape up a little over a month... about a month and an half if I remember correctly.  Though I did add a bit extra in that first week, which is actually going to be used for two weeks.  Anything I would take morning, or night, that wasn't too difficult to take, I added.  Only things that are hard to take... though even those I found a bit of an add, and things that required two doses, were kept to a minimum.

And, I took the first dose.  I will order medicines soon, too.  As soon I can be awake at the right time to do it.  Of, if I have to, I'll push it along somehow.

I really can't think of anything to eat?  Oh... maybe a salad.  That might be really nice.  I bought sliced cheese, and deli meats, but can't eat it.  How I was able to eat it before, I just can't fathom.  But, for now, no way.  Oh, well, I could sprinkle some cheddar on as well.  If I had boiled eggs, that would do well.  But I scarfed those in less than a week... if you really should.  They'd be really bad by now, anyway.

Oh, and I... made it through one of the bosses which was giving me difficulty.  Sometimes the bosses are just in the way, other times they have something I want, or are in front of it.  Though, sometimes, I just go back over areas I was encouraged to run through.  Like the following.

Trying to take it easy.

.

.

I simply can't do too much.  I kept trying to do other things.  I kept the furry lass in food, and fed myself.  But that was about all I could do.  Even gaming, I was on light duty.  Even so, my heart hurts.  Stressed.  Focus... I need to... focus.

Medicine.  I will get that set up, and taken, tonight.  It will be about all I can do.  But, it is what I will do.  Hmm, better add water pills to each half day, since they will be being taken as a whole day.  Not having a lot of fluid backup.  But, just the same.  Well, and if health doesn't cause fluid buildup, medicine will.

I'd still like another meal.  Not sure what I have to eat though.  Later, or goodnight.

A bit of something.

.

.

Breakfast.  Didn't have sweet cream, so I went with sour cream and kefir.  A bit odd, definitely a twist in the flavor profile, but... it worked.  Then I filled the remaining waterers, so far.  After chores, there will be more.  Actually, I won't do chores tonight.  Already dark, the waterers will just freeze.  And, they were given enough for until tomorrow.  It thawed through the day, so they had water.

Dishes and laundry are moving forward.  A shower, but no shave.  Trying to give my face a few days... week... to repair.  Two shaves, in close proximity, and I cut it up fairly significantly.  It will heal, in time.  But a shower will be welcome.  It's only going on the second day, but I sure enjoy those.

I called my mother, but no reply.  It might be a day off, or possibly she is out and about, and enjoying whatever company she has.  Sometimes she will pass on a call, if for any number of reasons.  It might just be a sleepy day.  Or she got bad news, she isn't willing to share quite yet.  I only worry if three or four days to a week goes by, at least if I am trying to contact her.

Now it is time for something else.  Sassy should be fed about now too.  She is getting used to her collar.  And her new way of eating.  I suppose I changed a lot of things on her.  Clipped her nails, the collar, feeding times changed... and amounts, even keeping her litter boxes in really good shape is a change.  Cats aren't... change people.  They don't like surprises, unless they are FOOD!  Or good in some such way.  Though, I think even their bodies have problems with surprise food of any portion beyond a light snack.

I am hungry too, already.  Time to sort some things out, get fed, maybe do dishes so as to get a shower before long.  Then, see what laundry could be done.  I also need to begin cleaning up in the kitchen, bathroom, and my bedroom.  I've been letting it go for too long.  Probably have to get back on meds before doing too much else, so... if I can get some food, dishes, and a shower, then I'll set up meds.  If I can't do those things, I'll get meds and skip what I can't do.  Later.

Well???

.

.

I didn't actually go down until after eight.  How much after?  More than small change, though a quarter to minutes before nine I can't say.  I... wanted to go to bed at midnight.  It just... wouldn't happen.  A bit cranky for it, bodily.  But mildly.  I will take pain pills, but... just in hopes of getting to things.

I remembered the laundry late last night, and put it in the dryer.  I'll give it a spin yet today.  Then I'll try to get a shower in, and finish filling the last of the waterers.  And the waterers I bring in from chores sometime this evening.  Sassy has been fed.  I did her litter last night, but will hit it again sometime this "morning".  I am used to having to, for Sam and her.  So, keeping really up, by doing it just twice a day for her, is really... easy.  I still forget, from time to time, for a day.  But it isn't ever a problem.  

And, she has gone back to using the pans pretty much exclusively.  Now that it is just her poo and pee, and there is very little of it even at my worst, it's become a hobby... to check the old, see if there is anything she ought to know?  *grins*  Cats do like that.  Dogs are worse, so don't even go there.  Dogs might well think there is still some gold in them hills... and a tasty gold!  Cats are just... nosy.  Curious?  Such.

I have to get meds together and started again.  I have to.  And I am going to focus on that.  Sure, it frightens me.  Starting medicines back up is hard to do.  But, like I said, I'll take morning pills one day, night pills the next, for two weeks.  That should get me through one week of the medicine dispenser, but also get me ready without breaking my bullocks.  Oh, and insulin.  I've... missed a month of that, too.  Damn but I fall off the perch wholesale.  Surprised it hasn't killed me, or going back on it.

Then again, I sometimes wonder if the breaks from medicine give me a relief my body needs.  In those times, even if fed medicine, I wouldn't... be any more aware or well.  Something happens, and I just drop out.  Nothing to do for it.  It is a part of my condition.  I think they used to call it the dropping disease?  If so, I understand fully why it got that nickname.

Still, I will... try to get back to things.  Amen.

As to the game?  I have been, slowly, gently, trying to take on more... severe bosses.  One trick is to not have anything one can lose.  Another thing, is to try to find an easy path to the boss.  The one I am trying to get, currently, is difficult to get through... have to pass through mobs which can, have even now, killed me.  And, he is quite difficult on top of that, having killed me twice.  Plus, the simple pathing to him can be, has been, lethal.  He is a very stressful boss.  Not required.  But... required.

There is a second, and more, playthrough offered.  But the bosses and mobs take less damage, and deal out more, with each iteration.  If I can't figure out how to get to him, and kill him, now?  The likelihood of doing it on another run is... reduced.  So... But, I won't bang my head.  Each time I fail, I go do little things for a while, and some leveling.

I have only respec'ed twice, I think.  I may do it again?  Or just level even more.  Grinding for levels is boring, at this point.  Terribly boring.  And it takes forever to get a level.  I thought 30k 'runes' (points, experience points, call it what you will) was difficult.  At this point, my 'toon needs over 200k.  And nowhere I have found is that easy to get.  There are places where that might be readily available, but survivability... the outcome... both become less... likely to be favorable.  So, slow and guaranteed, or fast and likely to mess up... even possibly losing all gains.  Choices.  At this point, I'm taking the easy way.  I... just don't need the stress.

Well... on to my day.  Breakfast water should be hot enough.  Then gaming a bit to wake.  Then a shower, chores, laundry, and dishes.  Oh... I may stick with three litter boxes, as before.  But move them to different spots.  So she has one up front her, in the kitchen, then in the back laundry room.  It makes cleaning them a bit more work, but... all good.  I think I can, I think I can, said the massive ogre, who listens to a song with tinkertrain in it?  :p  Later.

Just couldn't sleep.

.

.

Tired, a bit chilly, sleepy even, but... not enough.  Almost six, and...  Oh, I suppose I will get to bed now.  But so late!  Then again, I... knew this too.

I did a few things.  It wasn't an completely unsuccessful day.  It's, just, that I have... other things I wanted to do.  I am really sort of stuck.  I'll keep trying.

Oh, the trampoline was mostly good.  A few springs missing.  And the top sheet will need to be replaced.  I had thought he was going to just put it in the scrap pile.  He decided to keep it, and use it, mostly for his nephews.  Mostly.  Still, I wanted steel prices out of it.  I could easily have asked for, expected, more.  But, I'm not... that worried.

I did, however, ask for steel prices for it.  He thought that seemed fair.  But wasn't sure how to price it.  I suggested cash was less what I need, more work.  If he finishes clearing the outhouses, we'll call it done.  It's... probably a bit more than steel prices, depending on how fast it can be done.  But it's a fair cheaper than a whole trampoline.  Even with a few extra portions to be purchased.  And, I think he sounded much happier than having to lose steel money.  I think he had plans for it.

Got to get him back in the will.  Though, that is incumbent on helping out, from time to time.  He couldn't do enough to earn what I am considering, but it could be enough to simply help me out.  He has been helping me, on the cheap, though, for some time.  And, he is a hard worker, and planning on being a family man.  The type which is not hard to offer something.  Even if I end up folding up and blowing away, he'll stay in the will.

As to my nieces, it depends on if they marry up and have children.  I am not going to support cat food for cat ladies.  That's just not how it goes.  Some things will depend on what people choose to, or not to, do.  And how they do it.  Go all silly, you'll go that way alone.  And without money from my estate.  By the time a woman reaches 30, if she isn't married, she has pretty much decided not to have a family.  She would be stricken from inheritance.  Then again, if she has three kids, from different fathers?  That... isn't a family.  Anything else is even less.  So...  Choices, consequences.  I'll add my money in for real families.

Hmm?  Oh, mumbling, something about something again.  I really need to get meds set back up, and going.  It will crash me worse, for a while.  Though I may take only half my doses for a while.  A week, two.  Then go back to full time.  Ugh.  It'll still give me a worse black eye.  But, so be it.

Sassy is a littler... quiet... lately.  I think she is deciding if the collar is a bad thing.  Well, that and the nail trimming seems to... have her worried about things.  While the trimming has benefits, she also can't really itch, or tear into her hide.  A curse, with benefits, even she can see.  But the collar?  She is worried.  It is loose enough that she could get out of it, if she really wanted.  Only staying in it because I sort of said so, by putting it on.  Still, not sure about... things.  Oh well.

On to bed.  Or... to try.  Again.  Goodnight.

A few things.

.

.

I did get two jugs of water stored, after running three clearing runs, with the reverse osmosis system.  It goes quickly.  The only reason I didn't get another jug or two put up was that I don't have another jug as ready as I would like it, and because I was simply moving slowly.  

Still, usually, I only have one jug ready at a time.  The under-the-sink unit takes anywhere from twelve to fifteen minutes to fill a jug, and it is easy to lose track.  I haven't tasted this water, but will, soon.  It looks good, tests well.  So, yea, not bad.  And, it is fast and doesn't spill.

As well, I grilled a few really skinny chops and a steak.  I had parts of each.  Nothing fancy, but... good enough.  And, I got a collar on Sassy.  She isn't terribly happy with it, but too, isn't raising all heck.  I took the bell off.  I want her to catch mice, and I don't mind her sneaking up on me, if she can.  They are break away collars.  I purchased a pack of four, just in case.  I'm still not sure about flea collars, whether they work, whether they are actually safe.  But, if I go that way, I think she will handle it well.

It is about bedtime.  I had hoped to do a few things today, more than what was done.  But it just didn't happen.  Tomorrow, I hope.  Oh, I did try the kefir, that is being made with storebought milk.  It actually isn't too bad.  And, if it isn't as thick as I like, I believe pectin is what manufacturers put in to add thickness.  I'm not sure if pectin is okay for diabetes, or else.  But I do believe there is a pectin replacement which might work.  Not all pectin replacements would necessarily work for all side pectin uses.  But, could find out.  Then again, maybe pectin is just fine.  I do like it thicker, and creamy.  There are other thickeners, which are definitely keto, I could just go to as a start.  Everything from clear gel to some sort of husk, and a few others I can think of right off hand, if I can't remember the names.  I have them in my cupboard, though, already.

Well.  I think I'll try to hit it.  Far earlier than lately.  And so try to be up earlier.  It doesn't always work that way, but you never can tell until you try.  Goodnight.

Decided to attempt recovery.

.

.

Shut the windows, turned on the furnace, and am about to have a sandwich.  Nothing fancy, but, so far... maybe.  I did get the reverse osmosis set up and running.  The first three tanks through are dump water.  Just... have to let it go.  Will have charcoal residue, mainly.  Has a front and back filter.  Which, when flushed, works very well.

Not sure how long it will take.  Should have timed it.  If it is fast enough, may be able to clear it yet tonight, and get a tank or two of fresh reserved.  I am not sure how long it has been running... fifteen? twenty? ten minutes?  Somewhere in that range, maximum.  Maybe it was only five minutes.  Was tinkering with it for a while, unboxing, minor connections, untaping, filling the reserve, before starting it up.

Actually, that then right to this, so probably less than five?  I'll time it next time, the next few times.  If I can get three tanks in an hour or less, I'll be happy.  If I can get three tanks in an half hour or less, I'll be happier than a pig in... mud.  Dirty minds.  Think alike?  :p

Oh, about the dream.  While I really don't like killing people, even in my dreams?  The main problem?  I almost feel guilty about it, but then, I know, he is the type who needs killing.  He is what is wrong with the world.  I was just lucky to have the skills and knowledge to get ahead of his evil.  The other guy I did feel a bit bad about.  If it hadn't been for the bad seed, he wouldn't have gone that way.

Sure, it's difficult to be with other people, in stressful situations.  But... it is not okay to plan murder, for hurt feelings or feelings of inferiority.  I am still sure it was not only the right call, but a right thing, start to stop.  Some people really do need killing.  I think the problem is that too few people are willing to do what is right.  That is why pedophiles run the program, and why our elections are stolen, and else.  They know they have nothing to worry about.

Now for a sandwich and some water.  Maybe a fatted coffee.  And, maybe, for supper, grilled chops, or a steak?  I'll... figure it out.  Later.

Cold. Tired.

.

.

I may just go on back to bed.  I probably shouldn't have turned the furnace off, and opened windows.  But, initially, it really was too hot.  Rest, sleep.  I... can't stay awake.  I'll have to set up the r.o. system when I wake next.  Just too tired to mess with things at the moment.  Goodnight.

Oh, right, a dream.

.

.

For some reason, I was on an extended hike.  There were six others, two women and four men.  I started having problems with one of the men, then two.  Eventually all four became... suspect.  A danger.  Not one, or two, of them would have been an issue.  But I realized, with all four of them being a problem, choices had to be made.

I sorted the most aggressive or dangerous, ordering the men as such.  And, then, since there were times were we would be separated, I took out the most aggressive, and the most dangerous.  Quietly, separately.  There was no evidence.  Their bodies, on the foggy mountain climb, simply were sent over edges, down slopes no one in the group would ever be.  Gone, for all intents and purposes.

There... was suspicion.  But the two remaining men were much less... actively... aggressive, much less dangerous.  They would have added to an all out four on one attack, but they wouldn't have led the attack, initiated it, nor would they have been the deadly part of it.

Oddly, it was the academic who was the most aggressive, if the farmer he got on his side who was the most dangerous.  The office workers weren't all that interested, other than living, one way or the other.  Probably glad they hadn't been, finally, able to be egged into doing something they weren't even sure was right.  But, sometimes, majority wins.  Many people will just go with the herd, even if they know it is wrong.

The women?  Didn't care.  They like winners.  Even if they don't like the particular winner.  Unless it costs them something, they just... don't care.  They might have a weaker justice system, but that can be subverted easily.  The more aggressive of the potential attackers was trying to get them on his side.  And, did, while he seemed to be winning.  When he disappeared, and the other went away, all aggressiveness from them ceased.

I would have gone my own way, but that was neither possible, nor functionally an option.  All of us had to go the same way.  There wasn't really a way to go separately.  And, there were reasons to stay together... from sharing pack weights, to sleep defense as there were wild animals, to simply company... along with there being no other path.

How did I kill them?  I simply squeezed their throats until they were dead, with one hand, keeping their hands busy with my other.  Odd how weak most even fully grown men really are.  They think they have more going on, more ability, than most of them really do.  He had a perm, and a mustache, I... the main aggressor... really didn't like him.  Still, wouldn't have killed him if I had been given a choice.  Still?  Done!  In a heartbeat... or... more like ten heartbeats.  That's all it takes for a lion, when he stalks his prey.

Up?

.

.

Down around six.  Would still be asleep, but received a text.  "Are you awake?"  -reply... "Am now.".  No, not a problem.  I have worked to clear problem calls, and finally can keep my phone awake.  I only receive calls from people on my list, and not all of them for the moment.  I put my mortgage company on block.  They wouldn't take no for an answer, so they aren't allowed contact for the moment.

They know my address.

The couch.  The one I wanted to toss?  Seems someone can use it.  I just had to clear it.  And, while at it, I'm doing a bit of cleaning.  I'd rather someone use it, even in their man-cave, actually especially in their man-cave, than to toss it.  It's not terribly comfortable.  But it isn't terribly uncomfortable.  It's right in the middle, leather, black.  Age doesn't really matter, it isn't torn, or too rough.  Just perfect for a younger man's man-cave.

Oh, and it looks like we got Sassy's claws trimmed enough she can't hurt herself.  Next, I'll be adding a collar.  I had one when she was younger, but since Sam went without, I couldn't train her, I let Sassy off the hook.  But, I want to get her used to a collar, as I may begin using a flea and tick collar.  Or not?  But, with her claws trimmed, if there is a time to try to get her used to a collar, it would be now.

My reverse osmosis system is in.  Now to set it up and get it going.  If it works as advertised, I'll shortly pull the under-the-sink unit, and replace the area of the pipe with the drain for that.  Oh what a mess that made.  Never, ever, go with an under-the-sink unit.  The counter ones simply can't run so long as to cause water spills.  And they are similar in cost.  Well, there are some which can, but this isn't one of those.  Oh, and figure out how to soften your water.  That makes the filters last triple, or really four times longer.  And, even then, I only changed them because... it seemed I should.  The water both still tasted good and listed as 9ppm of suspended particles... or such.

It's cool out there, 45.  Still, I shut the furnace off and am letting the house air out a bit.  -  Looks like the couch getter is here... later.

Supper.

.

.

Late.  He was rather tired.  Still, supper.  Nothing fancy, and some changes scheduled for next time.  But it was a reasonable little meal.  I am having him as a guest, in part to push me to do it, in part to get a third and fourth opinion... we all have at least one.  To have company for a meal, from time to time.  And, finally, as a gratuity for when he helps.  Food is... a good partial payment.

Showered and shaved, dishes partly done, some reset.  Laundry set to go.  Not a bad evening.  Not a lot.  Well, with chores... oh, and I refilled most waterers, and I think the last batch is in, filled, waiting to be finished?  The last, or next to the last batch is, anyway.

So, actually, given that I woke at 18:00 and it is just now 00:48?  Not a bad day.  Oh, and while he was here, we clipped Sassy's front nails.  And, I will try to keep those trimmed, until her wounds heal.  Oh, it will drive her to distraction.  But, in time, when the wounds heal, she should do just fine.  She doesn't have fleas or ticks.  It's just wounds from when Sam would groom her, taking a little blood for her... services, I think.  And, Sassy just became used to it.  I'd like to try to break that habit.  I don't know, this, merely suspect it.

A fatted coffee tonight, yet.  And, maybe, a couple of open faced canned beef sandwiches.  An odd thing, protein bread and potted beef.  But, it works.  And, with the fatted coffee, actually makes a reasonable little meal.  I'll put the veggie beef soup up for tomorrow.

I'll try to get to bed early.  I finished the collection of a few items for two final quest lines, in the game.  A few minor bosses had to be taken out, but at my level, they weren't as much of a problem as in the beginning.  One almost killed me, though, even so.  I'll finish those up, then park my 'toon somewhere safe.  Maybe look around the internet a bit.  Then try to be to bed early.  Having showered, life is... easier.

Have a good night, a restful sleep, or a peaceful night... or day.  I'll send a little bit of my prayer out to bless your tired or busy or worried mind.  Goodnight.

Up.

.

.

Roughly, but right at it.  Even though it all hurts.

Chores, immediately.  And, fresh water, from the hydrant which is now flowing, in.  Ah, and I figured out the water thing.  It wasn't Sam, it was Sassy.  But because Sam was really messing the water up, almost as soon as I would change it.  So, Sassy would get into the water bucket.

Pretty little ballerina, for a little heifer.  :)  Yea.  This time, though, it's because I moved her water pan, but forgot to replace it.  Alright, fine.  At least there was water for her.  But... also?  Yuck!  I will try to get fresh waterers ready, and change them tomorrow, instead of every other day as I have been.  It's... sort of gross, but what I had, and could do, today.

With fresh water from the hydrant, which I also changed her water pan to, I think the water will be much better.  I have someone set to work on that, when they have time.  I just need it set before next winter, though would like it done yet this spring... or it will be forgotten.  I know this, I did this, I do that.  No... this is too important.  I don't want to end up with a broken pipe deep in winter, so no water to the house, or such.  No.

I have things in the wash, dishes.  I will put a load of laundry in, and try to get a shower before that.  But dishes will have to be done first.  On the good side, I have been well keeping up on dishes, so these will take one wash and one rinse, being rinsed right as I am taking them out to dry... for use with supper and some to be put up.  Dishes first, but those need to soak, and cool enough that I don't burn my hands working with them.  So, I have a timer set for that.  After that, a shower and shave, and putting them back in for a rinse.  While I could dry them immediately after, technically, I probably can't.  Between having just washed them, showered, and shaved, I'll need a little time down before drying them.  So... there is that.

But, when I get breakfast which should be done, I'll set up a load of laundry, too.  And, after that hubbub, but before drying the rinsing dishes, I'll get the laundry going.  Trying to sort how and what can be done, as efficiently, and quickly, as possible, while hurting and tired and else?  It's a trick.  But I'll... I'll do my best.  Amen.

Oh, and I have a special timer, to get the stew going for tonight.  It needs to be warm, but not too hot.  And, I have a trick around that.  I pull the veggies, and meat, put them in a smaller colander that fits in a smaller pot, and put the lid on it.  Leaving the stew open to cool as well.  Then, in about fifteen minutes, it can all be reassembled and eaten immediately, without melting the top of the mouth, gums, or tongue.  Tricks, but it works.

Well, on to breakfast, setting up laundry, and... waking a bit.  A bit of internetting and maybe some gaming.  Good afternoon, day, and evening.  Maybe even good morning to some of you furrin freaks.  :p  Be well.

Sure sounds cold out there.

.

.

The wind is blowing, gusts coming and going.  It feels cool, cold.  Something strange?  Or... just spring, at it again.  Down into the mid 30's, about 36 or 37.  If feels like winter, though.  It really has the sound, and feel, of a mild winter storm.  Strange, but so bit it.  Though, the chirping gives it away.  The song birds are at it, disregarding some mild weather... to them?

I have been trying a few bosses.  I don't go too far.  If two runs can't see it done, I just... put it on the back burner... in the game.  I just won't, can't, handle much stress.  Life has gotten easier.  Now, if my mortgage company would leave me alone.  They blew it, not my problem.  But, for my part, taking it easier in the game helps.

There is still much to do.  Little bosses to try, if more rarely.  Just... a few a day.  Mostly looking for quest threads to try to pick up, little off tasks to do, items or spells which might be good for my 'toon to collect.  Or just items for other builds.  Eventually, I may switch this 'toon to, say, a dex or other based build.  I sold things on my original 'toon without knowing that a respec, complete, was possible.  Down to nubs, or nearly.  Well, and there is leveling.

My new 'toon can do quite a bit, and go to most places, most of the time.  There are still a few places, and bosses, that are beyond my character, or with the skills and traits I am aware of.  In some ways, I enjoy going around, finding little things I had missed, or bosses too strong at one time, exploring and finding hidden spots and dungeons even now.  It amazes me how much content is in this game.  If you are in a hurry, you... won't see much of the game, and will become quite frustrated.  The game isn't meant to be consumed in a day, a week, even a month.  I would guess you could spend a year on this game, if playing several 'toons, and trying to get every quest.  I can think of several quests, at least if done with certain timing, which can end other quests.  Though, not just other quests as enders... getting to certain places in the game can end quests... without resolution for those.

So, yea.  It is complicated, deep, rather dark, and can be quite stressful, especially if you try to push through, as I had been.  As well, there may be a legit, or illegitimate, method of cheesing a boss.  Yes, I have cheesed.  And, as a fact, I look for sideways means of clearing areas and bosses... technically legit, but definitely not honorably.  It isn't always about that, it's about getting the job done.  If you wish to bang your head against a wall, in order to "play fair"?  Be my guest.  But if I can get an unfair advantage, and clear a spot which is too tight, close quarter, for my long range character to work in with any hope of making it, I will.

What was it?  Ah.  I told a friend I could walk through walls.  He didn't believe.  I asked him to bet what he could afford to lose.  He was going to bet a dollar.  I asked if he could really afford it.  He could, so I did.  I opened the door, and... walked through the wall.  Hey, it's... about advertising.  Logic.  Laws.  Just because you think I am talking about going through an actual wall?  Well, a door way is just exactly the means to that exact end.  It just isn't included in the write-up.  Aye.  Windows work too, better if they open, though.  But... not necessary.  Aye.

It seems time to put the soup up.  It should be cool.  Mostly just fluids.  Supper, tonight, with that.  Then, get on to bed.  Sleep as long as I need.  And wake when I can.  I am sure I can wake in time for supper, but I will set an alarm and an emergency get-up-fast alarm, just in case.  Life has been screwy.  Oh, and I'll close the windows up there.  The high 50's are too cool for me to sleep, or wake, well.  The low 60s are just about right.  I've gotten spoiled by that, so this recent cold is just too difficult.  Fresh air has been good, but... I can't handle the cold again.

Goodnight.

I can't believe how good that soup is.

.

.

If I do say so myself.  The meatballs loosen up, but do not fall apart.  The heat brings the spice out, but not as salty as I thought.  Though there might be salt bombs in there... natural sea salt has... issues... sometimes.  And the veggies, especially with the addition of mushrooms?  But that stock?  Every bit of it comes together.  If it doesn't blend, it kisses.  Nice.

Tomorrow, supper is planned.  I'll put the remained up for the night.  I have another portion of veggies, more meatballs than I had tonight, a fresh pack of mushrooms, and time.  Oh, it... should be quite good.

I also set it up for back to the raw dairy.  The new kefir grains are in.  Could get them tonight, but will just wait until tomorrow.  I have other reasons to go to the post, anyway, so...  Post?  Something like that.

I still have another bowl I am going to have.  The veggies and such are cooling.  I hope they haven't gotten cold.  And filling?  Wow.  It really doesn't take much, and much of it is soup... liquid.  But... so very filling, and warming.  I had been cold, a bit too cold.  This fixed that.  Nicely.

On another topic, I am trying to begin cutting back on how much Sassy eats.  I am cutting the amount, per meal, to a third of a can.  For now, I will feed her two cans, per day, until she is used to it.  She... isn't happy about it.  But she is too fat.  While I can't lose weight myself, it seems, perhaps I can help her lose some weight?

So, intially, six smaller meals a day.  But, over time, I'll probably cut it to five, or even four, meals a day.  Tossing a third to two thirds of a can per day.  Or, to keep it fresher, a third of each can, if I can get her to four meals a day.  She really shouldn't be thirteen to fourteen pounds.  She is a tiny cat, as small as females get by dimensions.  But she... is big.  Oh, I have seen much bigger cats, but that isn't my problem.  This is for her own good, if she really won't like it.

Now, to figure out how to get her to play more.  I need to do some of it, but I also need to figure out what she would play with on her own.  I have also cut her treats in half, if offered four times a day.  That will do down to three.  I do it because I love her.  I want her healthier, and more active.  I have limits, to what I can do, but I can do some things.  Hmm... maybe create a mouse maze?  Where, at points, she has access?  Oh... that would keep the little doll at it all day.  If the idea is much simpler than the practicum?  Aye.

On to the last bowl of soup, and gaming.  Later.

Soup is going.

.

.

Veggies, mushrooms, and the smaller sack of meatballs.  The meatballs were put in earlier, and it warmed, but I realized it was too early to eat.  Didn't want the veggies in too early, so just let that cool a bit.  Now that it is time, the mushrooms and veggies went into the pool.  Even now, it is smelling good.  Now is when the stock shines, as the liquid has diminished through use and evaporation, and several heatings, and other veggies, have added their flavors.

I have it on medium, and a timer set for 30 and 32 minutes, incase I... shut one off, or don't hear it.  Can happen.  But, with two of them on, and they way this one can go off until it is managed, which I can also forget, but not usually with two, I... should hear it.

Right now, life is... difficult.  I could easily turn off a singular alarm and forgot I even did it.  Or, just not here it, focusing on something so intently.  I am not in good shape.  So, I... try to make things work out a bit better, by weighing the odds in my favor, if it can be annoying.  My heart literally hurts, it is tired.  And the rest of my body with it.  Tired in ways most of you cannot understand.  Deathly tired.  Pushing, anyway.  Living beyond my means, in ways you cannot know.  But... all good.  I'll keep at it until He takes me home.  Amen.

Still gaming.  Mostly avoiding bosses which I think might be too much.  There are still some.  There are even areas I won't go, far too stressful.  Can't survive the yardtrash well.  Yardtrash?  If I haven't explained, that is typical monsters in a zone.  In this game, some of the yardtrash is tougher than bosses.  Further, they respawn, while bosses don't.  Anyway... I am playing, but more gently.  Because my heart literally hurts.  I am trying not to test that, push that, but... gaming is about all I can do, atm.

Oh, I may end up wasting some veggies.  Celery.  I get a quarter of the package of veggies as celery.  I wish they had packs without that, but that isn't how they do it.  These are made for soups, stews, and such.  Plus side veggies.  About a quarter baby carrots, celery, broccoli, and cauliflower.  And, for the most part, I am pleased.  Just, once in a while, I'd grab a similar pack, but with thirds, and no celery.

Now, I eat celery.  I add it to soups/stews.  I also eat it raw, with peanut butter.  I like it.  It's just I don't use it as much as I use the others.  So, some will probably go to waste, but a lot less than if I bought whole celery bunches, and the rest, in groups.  Too much for even a (if of the smaller variety) giant.  Just a quibble.  And, comparably, the waste is miniscule.  I am grateful for the processing and packaging.  It really does help.

As to gaming?  There are so many little, annoying, things to do.  Annoying, mostly, because they are small little things which still require a decent amount of travel, sometimes bosses are yardtrash of lessor (usually) types, and attention to detail.  But, just for a minor item, or access to a merchant or else.  But, it doesn't stress the heart.

And, something else I figured out.  Breathing.  That is a bigger part of my problem, and what has been stressing my heart.  More, the lack of breathing.  I catch myself holding my breath for longer periods of time, in this game.  And that is what stresses my heart... of the physical sort.  There are other things that add to it, but it really is, mostly, holding my breath in anticipation.  I am working on breathing better, more regularly, and consciously if required... or backing out and doing something else if breathing remains a problem, doing all my tricks.

Supper should be ready shortly.  A salad later.  Celery and peanut butter for snacks, and a fatted coffee here shortly too.  Later.

A rather rough day.

.

.

First, they are still calling to let me know that a deal I won't consider is available to me.  Six messages today.  So, I blocked their phones.  And, will block any other phone number they use to annoy me in the future.  Man, fool me once?  Heck, I won't give you the chance.  Mostly.  I think I took some hits on refinances, but... the value was there, in the long run.  Even if it was a bit of rip-off, and they knew it.  Not on this.  There was no value to this.

Anyway.  I have shut them off.  And will continue to do so.  I would see about a new mortgage company, but they are all, pretty much, the same.  At this point, they are predatory, and allowed to be by the government, probably encouraged to be.  Much as most bureaucracies.  Public, and private, has been weaponized against us.  I feel for those who trust, but... can't help them.  Hell, can't tell them.  It's actually dangerous to tell them.  They will simply hate, and consider turning you in, on some statist charge or other.

I dreamed, last night, of finding a second home somewhere.  I was exploring, more fully, upon taking it over.  Buying?  Renting?  If felt more as if I was buying it.  Anyway, so I was exploring, and more fully imagining how I would try to use the spaces, and just... looking around.

Some... thing... or somebody... was there.  I could sense them.  Familiar.  A normal wouldn't have more than noticed, but then, usually, shut down senses so as not to worry.  Because they can't, or won't, see.  But I am not afraid, good or bad.  And I must know what I am dealing with, before deciding what to do about it.

So, I went looking.  With eyes of flesh, and eyes of spirit.  Tricky little creature.  Did not want to be found, but didn't want to leave, either.  Using all it's focused ability to not be found, and that was considerable.  Even a normal abnormal would have given up, at this point, and just accepted.  But I am not standard issue, even among the terribly abnormal.

So, on I sought.  Then, just a peek, and... finally, more.  Sam!  She had been whisping about the place.  Not satisfied to rest in her... our... old/original home, she wanted to go see what I was doing.  Clever little sphinx.  She also didn't want to disturb me, for good or ill.  She... was just curious.  She did everything she could to stay unnoticed, but her abilities aren't comparable to my ability to see.

She was so healthy, and spry!  When she realized the gig was up, we played, like children, and just enjoyed our time.  What a wonderful dream.  I think she is still here.  Since I opened the door to heaven, she has found a way to follow me here.  It was definitely her, so young and healthy again!  Younger than I ever even knew her.

It still breaks my heart, a little bit.  But in a good way, too.  Not just in sadness.  Joy can be terribly heartbreaking.  That is what she didn't want.  Still, it is what it is.

Cold, windy, sprinkling, out there.  It made waking difficult.  Well, and I didn't end up in bed as early as hoped, if earlier than the last few days.  Chia breakfast is being eaten, and meatballs are in the stew... on the stove on a medium to medium-low, and in an hour and an half, I'll add veggies and muschrooms.  I have one more pack of meatballs for tomorrow.  I'll invite so-and-whositz over then.  With fresh veggies and a new pack of mushrooms.

A salad later.  Chores later.  I'll... keep trying.  It does hurt.  I am tired beyond tired.  Things ache beside the hurts.  Oh well.  I've had worse.  And, even if not, suffering is a grace only to be known here.  Get it while you can!  :p  Have a good day, blessings, and later.

Dinner was okay.

.

.

I still wasn't impressed with the addition of stock.  Still, I made it, I like it other things, I will continue to use it.  Actually, I wanted to check something.  I took just the broth, put it in one of my big soup/stew mugs, and am giving it a go.  Okay.  Yes, the broth... is there.  And, given that it was mostly cabbage stew elsewise?  It's okay.  Actually, it is a nice, mild... meat and veggie... tea?  Yes, something like that.

Now, remember, I don't add more than just the minimum salt to get by, and not other spices or herbs save maybe some pepper... light on that too, in order that I may use the broth for anything... without too strong of a flavor in any direction.  Both beef and chicken broths are made that way.  Anyway... still pretty mild, but when drinking the broth, yes, it... shows.

I'll have him over, again, for meatball soup.  I actually let him try one of those, with some of this broth.  Flavor is... there, or more so.  But they are a bit chewy.  Yes, that was using the 93% lean, and even the pork was a bit lean this time.  I'll... have to sort that out.  Still, I'll have him over for that when it is ready.

When over here, he drilled the post, and we set up the hammock, ridgeline, and put the tarp over.  It will do.  I will, soon, try to get not only that all up, but get the underquilt on, and spend a night out there.  The tarp offers plenty of coverage.  And, I'll probably put it up and take it down every night.  I suppose, if someone hates me enough to kill my ducks, and possibly be frightening my rabbits out of breeding... a hammock would be an easy thing to mess with, in a thousand and one ways.  It's not... completely... safe, secure, here.

Oh... a bit of salt, in the soup... tea.  I am going to try one more cuppa, this time adding a bit more salt.  It has enough pepper, as I peppered the stew well.  Though, I didn't crack the pepper before use.  Next time?  Maybe.  I need to get my cast iron back in action.  It's been neglected.  Anyway...

Oh, but a bit more gaming, that extra meat and veggie tea, then probably on to bed.  Trash out?  Maybe.  There isn't much, not sure it will go to the curb.  But I could at least get what is in, out.  Yea, I am hoping to be to bed much earlier tonight.  I'd like to do chicken, but I am just too tired.  Later, or most likely goodnight.

Late.

.

.

Up and down.  It was well after five, closer to six... or even after, when I finally went down.  In part because I kept adding things to the corned beef process.  First, I wanted to add stock, a mix of chicken and beef.  Then, this, then that.  Finally getting it all put together and in... but then it has to cook!  That only took an hour.  But, to eat, I had to cool some portions of it off.

Delicious.  Even if stock made absolutely no difference... to my taste buds.  But I was tired.  Should have been in bed at midnight.  Would have been, had I not invited my friend and his woman, if she was available, over.  Which, is good.  I needed a push.  Even if it delayed my sleep schedule, and jostled things.

Sometimes, I need to have a reason to push.  To keep going.  Mostly, these are contrived.  Artificial to any natural courses of life.  Without them, there is only sleep and then, eventually, a quiet, simple, humble, solitary, death.  So, yes, push.  Can't push for our own reasons, really, when everything is pretty much already settled.  So... contrived it was, is, will be.

It will be later, the visit.  Which... is fine.  I was pretty toasted.  I heard the call, which turns out to have been at noon, but didn't check, then respond, until 13:30.  With more time to sleep, I took it.  Another hour anyway.  Would like to sleep more, but... didn't.  I set the brined brisket back to it.  But at a very low, slow, warming.  On the lowest setting.  I'll check it in fifteen.  Then in another fifteen.  If it is doing well, I'll just stir it every half hour.

I would like to have shaven, again, today.  But the face is still a bit rough.  Will have to relearn to shave with this stuff.  It is so very slick.  But, I do like it much better, when I get, or am, used to it.  At least I got shaved rightly, right down to the skin.  Tight, inspection worthy.  Though, with demerits for such a bloody mess.

Breakfast water is started.  More cooking today.  The chicken drumsticks, fried, then baked.  And, maybe, something else.  For food, taco salad shortly, then more corned beef and cabbage for later.  I finally had to reorder protein.  Down to just the chocolate, but it is... actually, really good.

Oh, and, with the old kefir?  I thought were were no grains, so dumped it in the sink.  But there was a large  grain!  It, thankfully, got caught in the trap, and rinsed off.  I, carefully, delicately, saved it.  I only had a bit of milk, but some cream.  Went to the store to grab a bit of milk.  No lightly pasteurized, so I took what I could get, avoiding the ultra-pasteurized anyway.  And, then, got it in that.  If the cream was okay for short term, it really needs whole milk.  Not the fat of that alone.  So, we will see.  I did dump one jar, and that all went.  I was... mad, wrongly.  Just hard to find, I guess.  I'll clean it tonight, but in a plastic sieve, rinsing to find the grain, as the kefir produced from regular milk, to my mind, is no good... other than to grow the kefir.  Just want to see if it will work as well as fresh kefir.  Or, may add it in to have more kefir at once.  There IS a grain... finally, I am finding it.  Next to see, eventually, if it will be findable in an half gallon jug of the stuff...  but that is a bit off.

Yes, yes, some of it.

.

.

No chicken.  The corned beef wore me out.  But, it is done, and well.  Browning the corned beef really does add... something.  Not so much flavor, but a more solid bite.  I added spices, hoping to bolster what the packet offers.  To be honest?  It... just... doesn't do much.  The brining process, that they do at the plant, pretty much sets the flavor.  Unless you brined it yourself, you couldn't really change much.  Still, worth a shot.

I did invite the friend over, and his gal if he felt comfortable with that.  Letting him know, she is always welcome in my home, and at my table.  My place is a bit rough, still... I make good food, and am mostly polite company... if you... can handle that I will say it as I see it.  So... if you ask, or bring up a hot-button topic?  I may well hurt your feelings.  Not my intention, but most people are... weak... to these things, and things I say.  Can't... quite handle the truth.  Still, it's not my intent.  And... people need to bone up.  I can... help with that.  *rictus grins*

Oh, I did have a spot of the meat and veggies.  Quite nice.  This time I used half water, a quarter beef stock, and a quarter chicken stock.  To be honest?  I couldn't tell a lick of difference.  Healthier?  Maybe.  I honestly don't know that either.  I believe it to be, but... that's... just me.  A lot of extra work for not being able to tell the difference, even if it is healthier.  Then again, I am pretty shot.

Tomorrow afternoon, or this afternoon, in fact if not virtue of a sleep cycle between, I will share some of my favorite food.  Then, in a few days, after that has been eaten down, I will take the sauce, add meatballs and fresh veggies... the meatballs spiced this time... and have another go at impressing him.  He is a cookie too.

He likes to grill.  I like to think I... showed him some of the ropes on that, got him started, peaked his interest.  He, I would guess, is better at that now.  But I showed him how amazing food off the grill could be, with a little precise effort.  Even chicken, which he didn't really care for generally.  I got him to eat quite a bit of it, a time or two.  Well, and steak, pork roast, chops, and a few other things.  Oh, he is better, these days.  But... I like to think I taught, and encouraged, the behavior.  Hoping to teach him a bit about soups, broths, and stews.  The thing about a teacher, the pride of it, is not in the act, but in the student becoming superior.

Anyway... it is about time to go on to bed.  Clean, shaven, weary from efforts, even if smaller ones, and done for the day.  Life is good.  Goodnight.

A shower, shave, and shopping.

.

.

A lot of "sh" 'ing.  It... happens.  Cut myself all up, shaving.  Bleh.  But, so be it.  Shower was good, got dishes cleaned before.  Soaking, rinsing, probably need a refresher before drying them.  Got laundry down, and in the washroom, but didn't get it started.  A bit at a time.

Still so very tired.

I am hoping to get the corned beef and cabbage going, tonight.  And, maybe, fry the chicken, then bake it finished too.  I'll be browning the corned beef.  That... really makes a flavor difference.  More than spice, more than, salt, more than anything I know.  Don't... skip browning roasts, or probably any meat one might bake.

Oh, and I found chuck roast on sale, if not literally on sale, but at a price I could afford.  So I got some.  It has been so long since I have had a beef roast.  At $8 a pound, I wouldn't touch it.  Even at $5, I was a bit squeamish.  But, it has been a while.  I saw several things, at better prices, so picked up extra.  Some in the fridge freezer, some in the drop-in.  I said hello to Sam, while I was there.  She'll be getting buried this week, I think.  Oddly, it's... good to still be able to see her.  But it's time for her to go on home.  I can't believe how much that still hurts.

It is good to be clean, shaven, and getting food going.  It only got to 50 or so today, and is only down to about 40.  Though it could drop into freezing even yet.  It has been below sixty, upstairs, the last few days.  Okay by me, it's only when it goes below forty that I... start rethinking things.  I suppose, even now, I am a bit... different.  As long as temps don't change too fast, I can adjust.  It's those fast changes, or poor condition regarding the heart, when I can get too cold too fast, and can't break out.  Or too hot.

Well, on to gaming a bit.  I fed Sassy, again, when returning.  And had McDonalds on the way home.  Every once in a while, it's good to go bad?  To a degree.  I really do eat pretty well, mostly.  Save when I can't get cooking going.  I don't mind some poorly decided eats, from time to time.  Fast, easy, cheap.  You really only get three of four I guess, on this one.  Fast, cheap, easy, and quality.  I... used up my three with the first of these.  Still, good enough.

Yeah, gaming.  Then dishes and corned beef, and chicken maybe too.  Sure cut my face up tonight.  The shaving cream makes it really slick.  I'll... have to be more careful.  And, maybe, a fresh blade.  Odd how a fresh blade is less dangerous, but I really think it is.  Later.

My best April fools in... a long time.

.

.

Called my mom yesterday.  I asked what she was about.  Oh, getting ready to go visit her guy.  Not doing much, just getting out on weekend pass.  Maybe making something good to eat, but more just spending time, noodling from a distance.  Cats... and dogs... it's how they do in these times.  I am happy they have a friend, and a place to go.

She asked what I was doing.  Digging out from a foot of snow, I said, glumly.  Really?  No, not really.  April fools.  Oh, she enjoyed that.  I suggested that while it was late, I am always late.  So... all good.  Yea, she enjoyed being played.  Love it when they laugh.

Chores were done, rabbits are in good shape.  Still, I am adding extra water out in the outbuilding.  It is more water that worries me.  They can go two days, if I'd rather them not.  Three is pushing it, for any creature.  I have it set that they should have enough water for two to three days.  Still, the goal is daily, or every other day if I am really failing.  I do my best.

After that, I hit the dishes, and moved them, so as to be able to shower shortly.  And then reset them.  I hadn't fed Sassy!  So, she got fed.  I had my own breakfast.  And, I am doing a few things here and there.  The goal is to be clean, shaven, and at least looking and feeling human, then get another corned beef and cabbage meal going.

I did get the meatballs and fried crumble up and refrigerated last night.  So... life is good.  Still a bit iffy, odd, peculiar, and slightly achy and painful, but... waking.  Beginning to work.  It looks like the folks I wanted to offer my system to have decided on a different system.  So, they may not be trying it.  Still, thought to offer.  They picked one I rejected.  I said why, but left it there.  It's... all good.

The one they picked... I like the looks of it a lot better.  Just, not the nuts and bolts of it.  It uses three filter tubes, but calls it four, and was more expensive.  At least up front, if I think filters are usually all pretty pricey little deals.  They try to make it so it is just worth it to redo filters.  Still, three or four replacements is the cost of your system, give or take.  Still, I offered.  Can't do more.

I am excited to get it in.  I will then seal the sink drain more rightly, cutting out the part that the rejected water went.  Even that would overflow... as it was trying to reject ten times what it was keeping, so... just the volume of water, especially of forgotten on for a longer time.  Ugh.  Oh, and these countertops, if you can believe them, are much more efficient, wasting less water.  I really should figure out a way to use the reject water?  Plants don't mind fluoride?  Actually the rabbits probably wouldn't mind.  They have shorter lives.  I just don't know.

Anyway...  I'm on to things.  Just a bit of a rest, after doing some of those things, then back to it.  Later.

Up!

.

.

I realized it may have been... a while? since I did chores?  Not certain, but not yesterday.  The day before I hope.  But... longer?  Terrified, I got into a tear, filled some waterers as needed, took what else had already been prepared, and got out there.  All good.  I... feared.  Can't do that, but so tired.

I have set the timer, won't feed Sassy first thing.  Or she begs constantly.  She has always been that way, I guess.  But... I... have been sleep walking through life, and forgot, and just followed inputs without thought.  Zombie!  But, no, today, and as long as memory and will remain, I will keep her on a bit of a leash.  I am keeping her to two cans of food a day, and what kibbles she will eat.  She... doesn't like kibbles, which is a good thing, or she'd be twenty, not thirteen, pounds.  And, she is a tiny thing, other than her heft.  Have to bury her in a hefty duty box.  :p

I tried to open into my bank account, both online, and through the phone.  As it seems there is a way to do it on the phone, too.  However, I can't remember the password, they don't have anyone working on Saturdays (expected, just checked... just in case), and the phone system says I don't have authority.  So... I will figure this out.  I would much rather do this over the phone.  I was able to find my balance, if... I doubt that balance.  Still, it's... a quick and dirty for that.  I... like having access to my account.  Sometimes, when I can't get out, I'll sit and sweat for days, weeks, worrying about how much I have.  Just... sitting... worrying.  Ugh.

Oh, I did pull the trigger on the countertop reverse osmosis system.  No more overflows, by forgetting while filling a jug.  Plus, I will probably, as mentioned, get three or even four tanks going.  Half gallon jugs, some refrigerated, one or two not.  And, I will begin using this for even my cooking water, maybe for Sassy too.  With softened water, the filters last a LOT longer, like three to four times the length.  I have only ever changed them out of an abundance of caution.  I would guess I can get four years out of the... actually... I have gotten four years out of six month filters... without a degradation of taste or sediment levels (which I check, independently, from time to time).  A water softener may well pay for itself, if you go with reverse osmosis.

By the way, I no longer need a virtual swimming pool to get Sassy the water she needs.  I may try to figure something better out for her.  She simply doesn't drink anywhere near what Sam was drinking.  Sam could drink half of the dish pan, you know those plastic wash pans?  She could do have that in two days.  Poor dear was a thirsty devil.  That had to be nearly her weight in water?  Maybe more, definitely more near the end.  The pan holds about three gallons, I think, and half would be one and an half gallons, and a gallon weighs slightly more than eight pounds, so... twelve pounds of water, in two days?  Now you can see why the litter pans were hell.  I... couldn't keep up.

And, while I miss her, and feel guilty about this next?  I was so overwhelmed by her needs and wants.  I couldn't keep up.  She was hungry, all the time, and thirsty, when she wasn't pooping or throwing up.  I feel terrible for her, felt terrible for her, but too, was... backed into a corner, couldn't figure out what to do.  I do understand how things were for her.  I have been there.  When waking after a few months down, I would feel the want to eat the world.  And, thus, would... mess my bathroom something terrible.  Not quite this bad, but she was half out of her mind with both hunger, and probably pain.  The guilt, though, of wanting them to go... is something terrible.  That isn't why I put her down.  I did it for her.  To hold her, while she slept, comfortably, that last little bit... was golden.

Well... it's almost time to put her in the ground.  To... bring her home.  Although, from dreams, I see she is already home.  And, after the visit, she visited here, for a week or so.  Even Sassy saw her, which disturbed her... until she understood this wasn't the sick Sam, the mean one.  Then she just noticed, and was at ease.  I wasn't the only one who saw.

Anyway... now to wake.  I have the timer set, for feeding Sassy.  Her litter is cleared.  Breakfast, waking, and... some other stuff.  A shower, pretty quickly.  Which means dishes will get a hit, then be set out, and reset when I finish.  And a shave.  Some of the Shaving cream is in.  Fast, sometimes.

Meatballs.

.

.

This time, spiced.  A bit salty, or the one I tried was.  Though, in a vegetable stew, it might... work out.  Well herbed and spiced, otherwise.  A bit of onion, garlic, italian, ground caraway, white and black pepper, and a few others.  Nothing hot.  And, I used one of those ice cream type scoops.  Only about three tablespoons, or four the way I did it.  Just to try to have them a similar size, so they would cook more evenly.  Perfection, in these matters, doesn't exist.  However, close enough for hand grenades and... something else... will do.

As well, I fried some of it just as is, as a meat crumble, for taco salad or a keto pasta dish.  Or else something something.  Lots to be done with meat crumble.  Oh, it was a mix of beef and pork, ground of course.  All of it a bit long in the tooth, but the smell was okay.  I... check that.  Not that smell is a perfect test, but while cooking, if it is bad, it... will pretty much scream "Don't Eat Me!".  Nasty.  This was okay.

Well, and if it was a bit too close, or even fairly close, even eating one would have me running to the bathroom.  I'll store both of those tonight.  I forgot to thaw the corned beef.  Going to have another dose of that stuff.  I still have two more in the freezer.  If... I went through three already.  I... really like that.  And, the stew will be used with fresh veggies and the meatballs, to make a really nice veggie stew.

I had hoped to have that ready for tomorrow, but... not.  The corned beef simply won't be ready.  Hmm...  It was for the lad.  Young man I should say.  I may have him over for some of the corned beef, then for the veggie and meat stew.  I... need an objective opinion.  Plus... it's nice to share a meal, from time to time.  And, these, really, are my... feast day type meals.  I'd do fish, if I could find fish I could afford and trust.  Can't be from China, through China, off Chinese boats in our waters, none of it.  They really don't care if it was washed in mercury, or dowsed in arsenic.  They simply don't care about human life.  It's all business, and business for the party leaders.  Some pigs are more equal.  Absolutely.  We are going that way too, currently.  At their command, to be honest.

I am hoping to yet get a shower.  Shave.  And?  I did start dishes.  I could try to finish those.  Or... not.  Maybe not any of it.  Running out of steam, if I can't quite just pull it into the shed and shut it down.  Bleh.  I hate that.  Odd life I live.  Keep, from time to time, being surprised I am still alive.  Making through terrible spells, or just... losings days or weeks, even now.  But... when I wake, I get up and try.  

Yes, that means, sometimes... when I write?  I am no more writing than I am actually awake or aware.  Odd, to think about.  Makes me somewhat afraid to go read all I have written.  Not that I could anyway.  Way too much here.  Later, or goodnight.

Feeling better?

.

.

A bit.  Still a bit of a headache.  I think I have been failing to eat, or drink, enough.  Or... up to what I am accustomed.  The game is becoming... intense.  I will try to take some easier days, in the next few.  I have four major bosses I could fight, but... that... will take it out of me, stress me a bit much.  

I want to do some light, back, filler stuff... easier quest completions, collecting components for useful items, perhaps even more leveling.  I have leveled to a bit over meta.  May level a lot over meta.  However, I may need a faster leveling area.  I think there may be a place or two, pretty much since I am at end game, which are... reasonable.

Some of the areas are ridiculous, even at my level, and with end-game gear.  The yard trash are nigh on impossible to fully clear.  Even taking my time; knowing general pathing, numbers, and types; prepping well before certain fights... even with all that, the outcome, at best, is questionable.  Brutal game.  I woke with both nostrils bleeding.  First one, and not a trickle but an explosion.  Then, when I got on blocked, the other hit.  Not explosively, as the other, but more like a river.  Still hard and fast.

Electrolytes... the last few days.  I have fallen off everything, including that.  But, for two days, back on track.  I had been holding water, for the week prior.  I took extra water pills, a few days, then stopped altogether, with those, again.  And am still draining like a tapped swamp!  Going like a race-horse, every time I turn around it seems.  To the point of cramping legs and feet, thus making sure about electrolytes.  Ugh.

Two calls, from the mortgage offer company.  No message.  Also, no emails.  I didn't hear them, they called from numbers, from that company, that I don't allow through.  But it listed as having been called.  Eventually they will go away.  When you turn a company from a finance servicing center into a quota hiring machine, you lose the capacity to do reasonable business, and lose your customers.  So be it.

Hmm?  Well?  I'll try to get to a shower, dishes, work on the clothes line beams, chores, and... food.  Oh, and I'd like to shave.  Found my favored shaving cream, at amazon.  Three for less than I usually paid for two?  Okay.  I actually ordered my regular kind, the original, in a three pack.  Plus a three pack of manly smelling stuff, sandalwood and something something.  I do like options, and being sharp, from time to time.  Oh, those will last me... years.  But... they... will last me years.  And, they will be just fine.

Actually, when I ran out of my shaving cream, I was using what my brother bought when here.  Back when you couldn't take anything on a plane, so he left it.  It has been many years since he visited.  It was just fine.  I actually really liked it.  It's, just, I use what I use.  His is barbaslol or such?  Mine is edge.  I think I cut most major brands long ago, as they went multiqueeretc.  I may be a freak, but I don't support freakdom.  I may be a multi, but I don't think it is best.  So be it.  Amen.

Anyway... on to... things?  When I can.  First, to spend time trying to wake.  Then a shower and shave.  A break.  Food to be cooked, including meatballs, a mix of beef and pork, and... some other foods?  For the next few days to week.  I'll finish the pork roast.  No, it was still good.  Spiced, herbed, cooked, and stored correctly, it really does last well.  Then, if I can, work on the posts.

It is only 50 out there.  Only 50?  Just a week ago, and that was the highest temp of the whole month before!  Ha.  A few days of sun and warmth, and I got spoiled.  Still, I'm... actually enjoying the cool.  The last bits of it, before it gets hot again.  But, I do have to use the furnace.  For as much as I enjoy the cool, below 68 and I can't do crap.  I... slow to a... I must be a reptile!  You old son of a dragon, you?  Aye.  Not a snake, different thing, different times, amen.  Later.