Pork and mashed cauliflower.

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Good enough.  The cauliflower was a bit old.  The pork was only so-so.  But... it... was food.  And the use of the oven and the stove heated the area, to help with fermenting things.  They do okay at 68, but a booster of warmth, from time to time, makes like even easier for them.

Keeping up on what Sassy needs, and wants.  Litter, food, attention.  Keeping water jugs shuffled, and full.  Four jars of water, half gallon jars, might seem excessive.  Especially when I also try to keep the collecting carafe full, and the reservoir full.  But, I usually cook with that water, drink it straight, and use it for coffee and tea.  Plus, I drink... two gallons a day?  It sure seems like it.  Well, and cook with, probably on average, an half gallon every other day?  

All I know is it takes a bit of effort to just keep in water.  I wouldn't want to try to do that for a family.  I'd either go whole house (which would probably be cheaper, and better, as fluoride in the water leeches through the skin).  Though most people use fluoride, so it isn't an issue for them.  I would do a whole house system if I could afford it, anyway, too.  But, as is, this is as good as I can do.  I tried the under-the-sink unit.  My problem is remembering to shut it off, while filling larger containers.  To be honest, I am surprised those haven't been outlawed, more for the water waste than anything.  Especially in California.  Though I suppose only the filthy rich do it there, and they run the programs, so...

I'm thinking of having a bit of kefir.  It looks like the quart jars of the stuff are fermenting quickly enough, now.  It takes the grains a while to wake and get to work.  But, when they do, they hit it pretty hard.  With the fruited kefir, I am waiting for the fruit to rise.  Or is it fall.  I'll have to recheck.  But I think, when they rise, it means the sugars have been used out of them.  Or was that only with vinegar?  I'll... look around.  The problem is, a lot of people talk without knowing.  Easy to get data, hard to get reliable data.  And, on y.t., I think they try to disseminate misinformation and malinformation as often as possible.  If it is being presented by one of the protected classes, they push it hard.

Oh, the creme fraiche doesn't seem to be doing much, not quickly.  I keep checking it though.  I am terribly curious about that.  I am hoping for a perfect dairy condiment for most of my former sour cream needs.  Plus, no chemicals, no salt, no... nothing.  I know exactly what is in this, and don't have to worry about soy, or sugars (of any sort), or else "slipping" into my food supply under the blind eyes of the FDA or other agencies.  They are just there to protect big money, and help China poison us... for a fee... at this point.

On to... gaming?  Sure.  Vehicle controls, and else, are still horrible.  That is just meant to make the game take longer, not for any other reason.  Hmm, some kefir, and gaming.  I think I have coffee already.  And some water.  I mix and match, sipping on each through the day.  Good morning, day, and else.  Be well.

Awake?

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Well, duh!  :p  And a bit feisty.  Staying up a bit later for the dairy helped me trip over the hour tickers.  I was able to stay up until 18:00, plus up to half an hour?  Or a few minutes.  When I push, I... forget, or am more prone to forget.  Then, I slept until 03:00, pretty much exactly.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  I checked the kefir and creme fraiche productions.  Not much going.  But, it got is 68 indoors, and 30 outside.  The snow, by the way, pretty much stopped where I described it.  If more came, some melted.  Which may have been the case.  That first snow is always so pretty, especially when it is just a dab on top of other fall colors and shapes.

Dreaming of Jeanie.  Oh, not the show girl, just a woman, who was interested.  We... explored, rightly.  It just wasn't to be.  Some women would love to be a housewife.  But that is so... expensive.  It's not really a thing these days.  Even in my days, despite all the push for it, it was a dead endeavor.  Oh, some still do it.  But it's... only if the husband can afford it, or they are willing to go without a lot of things.  It's mostly women who don't want to go there.  And, that... is... probably a form of wisdom.  Frugality will only get you just so far.  It is why feminism exists.  Nunneries aren't common, or well considered, anymore.  Academia is too filled with useless fillies these days already.  Even sex work rejects... some women.  There is no place for them.  It's low level employment, sex how and when they can get it, with whoever might offer it, and independence.

What do they call the guys who are involuntarily celibate?  Incels.  Well, a lot of feminists are just another form of incels.  They can't get, or keep, a man.  The high earners, performers, aren't interested in trading down.  Beauty is a start.  Though, even high earners are becoming incels, at least on the marriage scene.  Women aren't worth the risk, unless they come more loaded than they are.  With money.  And, those women are only looking for men with even MORE money, not some lower high status man.  The power dynamics don't work for either of them.

Then again, with everything crushing the family, personal wealth, and fertility, this will fix itself right out of existence.  When there are fifty thousand people, living mostly a tribal, hunter-gatherer existence, none of this will matter.  Those who can, will, breed, produce, be useful, or die.  The elites think they can cull a majority.  If they succeed, they will not be able to control the implosion.

I... have been praying for things.  I see the prayers doing something.  Then I see those things stopped.  I pray, further, that God deal with some things.  I... get the impression that God is letting men do what they will.  He isn't intervening.  He has handed men the keys of this kingdom, and is allowing them to explore the controls.  This won't end well.  On a worldly note.  In the final analysis, it is what must be done.  Can men back away from the brink?  Or... is the end finally nearing?

Oh, and some people seem to question why I add cream and sweetener too?

Thanks, Mike!

I still think this is more just the end of an era, an end of the Neo Rome... the fall of the Neo Jewish churches... a change of... season.  But, with nukes in the equations, difficult to say.  Some men would rather believe they are going to rule in hell, so abandon heaven.  They didn't gain power by being righteous, they aren't going to keep it by doing good.  So... you never can be sure.

Ah, but do not worry.  Until Christ returns, wars and rumors of me.  Later.

Up a bit later.

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The dairy products arrived.  I had already handled the kefir, today.  The jars were empty, save for the grains.  So I got to those quickly.  They aren't... delicate.  But, why take risks.  Kefir is really stacking in.  Should be quite good, shortly.

As well, I set up cream, in pint jars, with cultured buttermilk, and another with kefir.  These are potential versions of creme fraiche.  While I was straining kefir earlier, I set up a third quart, with kefir and fruit, hoping for a double ferment?  Not sure what I will get out of that, though possibly a double ferment, in a day, or three?  I just... am not sure.  Bubbly fruity kefir?  Or... not?  Will see.

As for milk, whole, raw, mixed with kefir, and buttermilk, in separate batches?  I'll do that tomorrow.  I want to do it in the milk jug.  But, there is a bit much in that.  I want to use two more two third quarts of kefir tomorrow.  Though one will have to go in a jar.  But... that's fine.  

I found a way to mark them, without permanently marking the jar or lids.  A napkin, a corner of which twisted under the lid as it is tightened, then printed on.  Works well.  Easier with the milk jug, I'll just write on it.

I am excited to see how things work.  And, I think I have lemon juice.  In a jar.  But that will do, for now.  To try homemade mascarpone cheese, probably tomorrow.  Life is exciting.  Food is fun, not just delicious, but... interesting.  I can't wait to get these sorted, and decide which I prefer.  Though, if they are close enough?  I'll go with the cheaper.  Just... how much better, how much cheaper?  I'll see.

 I... am dying to find out.  Though it may be cooling.  I... had a sense, something was different?  I rushed to the window, and.  I was right!  It is snowing.  The ground is covered, but the grass is still spiking through.  It isn't laying over everything, or yet.  Still, very large flakes yet fall.  Could be a short, sweet, pretty.  Or it... may be this way until spring.  Wouldn't be all bad, could certainly use the snow.  I'm afraid, with all they are doing, and this and that?  We may end up with a record fall.  It... will happen, soon or late.  But, it is what it is.

It's about bedtime.  I will have just a touch of kefir, again.  And, maybe a fatted coffee, as I look around the web and prepare to dine in dreamland.  Good afternoon, day, and goodnight.

Things... on my mind.

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Not sure I will be able to force myself into action, but... I have placed some orders, things are set to arrive, I will try.

Remember when I suggested pumpkin desert?  Well... yes.  Now, the thing about one of them, is... I might be able to craft the specialty items by hand.  I... can't afford them.  Not... storebought.  But, I could, possibly, make them.  Besides, storebought wouldn't, as usual, be as good.

It was rain.

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It is raining.  Very strange.  But... rain is good.  Today sure looks and feels like deep fall.  The season is finally feeling like it.  Actually looking like it.  It is a bit warm.  No complaining, just noting.

I did send a text.  Haven't heard back.  Doing double, or triple, duty?  Busy around the house, getting ready for winter?  Avoiding the ogre?  Who knows.  I may or may not hear back soon.  Or... he'll just... do it, and tell me after it is done.  Never... can quite be sure.  But, that is his life too, so... I sort of get it.

The chicken was good.  But it was just too much.  I only really ate two thirds of it, or less.  I'll save the rest.  The meat is perfect, finished in this the second time in the oven.  That meat is superior, actually.  I just wish I knew something pulled hindquarter meat would go into well, a casserole, or...  Hmm... could make a chicken and egg casserole.  I've been meaning to make a casserole, just haven't gotten to it.  One of these would provide enough meat for a casserole.

I am getting so tired.  Not sure I'll make it much longer.  I may play the game a bit longer.  It is so very frustrating.  Having to learn everything, from scratch.  And, really, no game type lasts for long.  Sometimes you are figuring things out, or fighting, or driving, or fighting and driving... if there are two ways for the latter.  It's a more frustrating, than fun, game so far.

Still, it... is something.  And far better than The Outer Worlds.  That game was so... very... slow... and... boring!  Ugh.  This is almost too far in the opposite direction.  Still, would rather have to fight my way through than to have to fight my eyes to stay open.  I just wish it would do better tutorials, give more time to get better at different aspects... perhaps provide practice, from time to time... on my own.  But, really, it's balls to the wall, fast paced, and confusing most of the time.

I'll play a bit more, then get a shower.  Play more to dry off.  Then, most likely, crash.  I did make room in the fridge for the incoming dairy.  I think I have enough jars to get most things started.  Well, and some of it will be done in the containers they arrive in.  I am excited to see how things work out, which items I like the best, and such.  I am hoping, next week, that I can cut dairy again.  Just getting the cream weekly, milk every other week?  Will find out shortly.  Well, and some combination of and extra cream, extra milk, and/or cultured butter milk (two of those three) once per month... to create a few things.  Next month I may try homemade cottage cheese.  That might be a bit expensive, but might be worth it once a month?  Will find out.

Often, when they arrive, even if I remember to have the door open, I forget to make room for the goods.  I... feel quite guilty when I do that.  But I really am barely alive.  I... can't remember.  Or act even if I do, always.  Anyway...  On to a bit more gaming.  I have an alarm set, to let me know when the machine should be done.  Then I'll put it in the dryer, since it is raining.  Give that an half hour, then take a shower.  In case the water heater was drained a bit.  Later.

A storm.

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Settling in for a bit or moving quickly through, only time will tell.  It almost look like snow out there, in the distance. I don't even think it is rain.  Dust?  Can't be sure, odd.  it is down to 56, last I looked, but that is rather warm given the givens... time of year, bluster of weather, recent history.

Laundry is started.  As well, I heated up a piece of chicken.  I added just a touch more cayenne.  I don't want it hot, just... spiced.  Just enough to tickle the palate, lips, and tongue.  While I am only using cayenne, it is the 100k cayenne.  I... have to hunt my peculiar taste mosquitoes, in certain directions, with what others would consider a shotgun.  For me, that is a scalpel.  Just scratching the surface.  

After heating, or in this case finishing, I like to give the meat a fifteen minute rest time.  The beeping is telling me it is ready, but there is no terrible hurry.  Veggies on the side would be good, I just don't have... the energy.  Though, to be honest, these are rather large hanks of hindquarters.  I think this will do quite well.  That and a big glass of water.

When laundry is over, I am hoping to get a shower in.  I have some clothes ready, in there.  I meant to do it first, but... got confused.  I'll enjoy the chicken while watching a flick, or trying to find one I can watch.  Clean up a bit.  Then game until the laundry is done.  A shower after that.

Oh, I should check on a suggestion, or offer.  A neighbor was wondering about putting a pig on the land.  I thought that would be find, if he kept on top of it, should it get out.  I'd be willing to try to help put up the fencing.  And, could, from time to time, handle feeding and watering... but not all the time or regularly... unless I added a pig too.  Not sure if there would be a smell problem over time.  But, would... put up with it, for a short trial.  Though, would like to add a pig of my own.  For company with the other pig, and for food.  Haven't heard anything.  Probably not going to happen, but you never know.  Though, in either case, would be good to get the hydrant fixed.  He had sort of said he would do that, before it freezes.  Ugh.

Well... on to things.  Later.

I don't know about this game.

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Everything in the game seems to be something different.  There are so many different aspects to the game, it's... sort of ruinous to the ego.  Driving, fighting, fighting while driving, puzzles that seem to have no clue.  It really is a difficult game.  Not... to play, usually.  But to figure out how to play.  There aren't two, or four, or six methods to anything.  Only one method is offered.  It is easy... when you finally, somehow, figure out what buttons to press, or in which order.

Though that isn't honestly true.  Right as soon as you think you have it figured out, it then puts the keys on a timer.  You have to either hit the keys at the right time, in the right sequence, or you have to move quickly.  And, yet, I haven't found a way to run yet.  

I am not sure if the first part of this game is a horrible, long, training session, or if it just sucks completely starting out.  It throws me into things, but doesn't tell me how to solve things.  Shooting doesn't work in this one, but a different type of shooting?  It doesn't tell you how to do things, at all.  Sometimes it offers tips, sometimes not.  If the tips are useless unless you know which keys do what.

I would say this is a wreck of a game.  I'll keep going with it.  But the learning curve is exasperating.

I had another dose of kefir.  With it not being as sour as I prefer, I added a few drops of sweetener.  I could have made a fruit smoothie, and will, in time.  But, this time, I just went with a few drops.  And, yes, it did taste a bit better.  As it gets more sour, I will enjoy it more again.  I only want to make a smoothie, or sweeten it, every third or fourth dose in a week.  

Oh, but it is starting to work.  It does help get rid of anything in you.  Initially it just expands and pushes other foods out.  But, then, over time, I just moves things along much more quickly.  The biome in there becomes... ocd about managing and moving anything I put in.  As mentioned, it ripped through corn, without leaving a whole kernel, save for a backup near the end.  Magic stuff.  Actually, corn is magic.  The combination is... magic-er.

It is gusting, out there.  I was almost afraid to check, but stepped out to see.  Very strange, but it is 60 F!  A very warm day for this time of night.  For the last week, or three, it has been getting down to between 30 and 40.  My mother did mention they are supposed to get up to 80 soon, over the weakened perhaps?  Perhaps we are getting some of that.  Very strange.  It sounded so cold.  But the gusts have been just that, occasional blows, that pass and aren't sure to be by again soon.

Hmm... one fatted coffee.  Help wake me a bit.  Playing helped a bit.  But that may be it.  I have lost track of medicine.  Not sure what I can do about it, save keep trying.  Life has gotten messy, and there isn't a lot I can do about it.  Still... I'll keep at it.  Good morning, day, and maybe goodnight again, or shortly?  I'm... not sure.  Goodnight or later.

So strange.

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Again, in spite of my intentions, I didn't get to bed until 16:00 and change... small or larger I can't remember.  I looked at the time, down here, up there, it just didn't stick, other that it was after 16:00.  And I woke around 23:00, and change.  That just isn't much sleep.  And I am so very tired.  Or was when I went to bed.  And still am, a bit.  Just not enough to stay down.

Too warm?  Today, this "morning", to a degree... no pun intended.  With the door open, it was 66 up there, near me... 64 out in the main, 70 near the computer.  After it has been running for an half hour, with me here.  So, I shouldn't be too warm.  It's a sensation, not a physical fact?

I did have a cup of kefir.  Milder than I like it.  I'll work on getting it to ferment a bit stronger.  Still, it was good.  I have missed it a lot.  They have suggested adding a bit of fruit, to double ferment.  And I do have frozen berries.  I may try that.  And, it is thinner.  But that is fine, for now.  I'll begin tinkering with the stuff, again, in time.

This week I will be working on developing creme fraiche.  Study it for the next week or two.  Then I will begin working with kefir the rest of the month.  I should look up recipes which use creme fraiche.  Try it in soups, use it as a sour cream replacement on potatoes, and on taco salads, and such.

So tired.  I'll give it a shot, staying awake, but I may end up back in bed before long.  Such an oddly difficult day... morning... night.  Later.

Wow.

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That chicken was good.  The pork roast was only so-so.  But that chicken?  Out of this world.  I didn't completely cook the rest of the chicken.  Hopefully that will make it better, when I go to use it.  But the piece I finished was absolutely fantastic.

I have been looking over videos, to see about ways to improve, and the fastest ways to upgrade.  I'm really not seeing any great tips.  Or... perhaps I just am not fully understanding what I am seeing?  Will find out, in time.

I can't stay awake much longer though.  Sleep calls, commands.  I need to put the meats up.  That will be easy, and quick.

I did turn over the kefir.  It was just starting to split, the whey from the grains.  Still, it got it in plenty of time.  I now have two fuller half gallons, and another half full.  I burp the fuller ones, when filling the less full one.  I can probably start consuming kefir again tomorrow.  I want to see how quickly the kefir goes, as things are lately.  I am guessing, if it goes like the last batch, between two and three days.  Which is... probably... perfect.  

Actually, I might have a small cup.  It helps things digest so much better.  And, while I didn't have huge meals, compared to what I have been eating lately, I ate treble what I have been eating.  Two good meals though was sort of a gift.  And, keto, mostly.  But, a bit of kefir, even on a slightly overfull stomach, would do some good.

Meat up, kefir down, then me down.  I'll add you to my prayers.  It... doesn't do much for age, some illnesses, this, or that.  But if you grab it, and use it, it... may do more than you think.  The task isn't to get out of this alive.  I am guessing that living forever, in a world of sin, would end up worse than any hell.  So, it's... a matter of going along with what is coming.  Facing it, embracing it, in it's time.  And... living to suffer until it is time.  Thankfully we can complain, and do?  I do.  :)   Age and terrible illness, for me, has developed into a fine whine.

Well... it's been a good day.  Maybe the new game will help me stay awake a bit better.  If I can get over the learning curve.  Have a great day.  God speed.  God's blessings.  Goodnight.

More looking.

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I went with Batman Arkham Knight, and a lot of free dlc content.  I like that.  Enough that I bought a few, precursory, for pay content.  Look, tit for tat.  Not sure... I will like the game.  I had started it before.  But was not up to the immediate fast pace and steep learning curve.

In the game, to start, combat is easy enough.  But you have to learn to glide, use devices for travel and combat, learn to drive, and more.  It's... a bit much.  Especially since I hate driving games and driving aspects of games (when they are made artificially difficult... which this game is, at the start).  Usually, as you gain skills, earn points to spend on those, and experience, it can get easier.  As well, I think the game... simplifies over time.

The first time I tried to play it, I just wasn't in shape to learn, didn't have the patience for the challenge, and else.  I'm playing on easy, and... well... that doesn't really affect driving, or other aspects of the game.

This time?  Maybe.  After learning a bit in Spiderman, while it doesn't carry over, the capacity to learn does, to a degree.  So... I have a game to play.  I just couldn't tinker along at a snails pace on the other game.  That was just so dry!  This might be too much.  Will see.  May tinker with the dlc.  Though I am finding that dlc is often made insanely difficult, and terribly annoying, of late.  We'll see about this game.

Ah, and the chicken.  I dried it.  Set it for a bit, then forgot it.  I just got it spiced, herbed, and wrapped.  I never did turn on the oven, so that is now on.  I'll give it an half hour, then put the package in.  Give the whole an half hour.  Then, pull it.  Let most of it cool, and go from there.  Though I may pull one out, and put it back in, to finish.  Having a chicken meal as well today.  Loverly.

The order for dairy has been confirmed.  I'm excited to see what can be done tomorrow.  Whole raw mild kefir is for a few days out, but will be happening soon enough.  But with an half gallon of kefir, one gallon of milk, a quart of cream, and a quart of cultured buttermilk?  I'm going to make a wonderful mess this next week.  Creme fraiche of several sorts.  I'll be grading them, as they cure.  See which really turns out the best, which lasts the longest.  Which is better on, or in, what.

Why creme fraiche?  It holds up in stews and soups, and other heated applications.  Plus, it has a slightly higher fat content.  More, when fermented, the low lactose becomes even lower, down to nothing really.  Now, it isn't quite as tangy as sour cream.  But... that I can, mostly, handle.  And, I might, over time, be able to age it to a stronger sour taste?  That is why.  Well, and the sheer joy of turning real food into other real, and haute cuisine elements.  It's... not being fancy, more artistic, and scientific.  Or... that's my story.

Oh... I think the oven just let me know it is up to heat.  No reason to wait longer.  I'll get the chicken in, and go from there.  It's... not a bad day.  Later.

Some seriously tasty roast.

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The onion offered most of the flavor.  Two small onions, halved, and put on top as it roast.  As they cook, they water the roast.  I had two small slices, but am absolutely stuffed.  And satisfied.

Next, I need to drain, then dry, the chicken.  Then get it in there. As mentioned, just an half hour, at 350.  It won't be done, so I won't (and won't be tempted to) have a piece.

Oh, and it was time... so I called my mother.  She sounds good.  Went through a rough one, mid week.  It happens.  Slept it off.  It's... what we can do.  Sometimes it's all we can do.

Not bad.  I'll drain the chicken, pat it dry.  Let it air dry for an hour, then get it going.  I may turn the oven on, and just enjoy a little extra warmth.  Otherwise I would forget to turn it on, anyway.

Oh, I promised a little prayer.  That it be dry enough that they can finish getting crop in this year.  It's been too wet.  Just one field, they have, yet to harvest.  A prayer can't hurt.

Oh, and... I want to compare making creme fraiche using buttermilk and whole milk versus kefir and whole milk.  So, I'm ordering a bit extra tomorrow.  As well, I want to try making it with cream, instead of whole milk.  So... a lot of trial balloons will be floated this weekend.  We'll see.  Yes, it'll set me back, a bit, on kefir.  But I do have to jars full, and another being worked on.  Though the quarts won't be ready until this evening or tomorrow.  Still...

I'm telling you, I am having more fun with fermented dairy than I thought possible!  I would like to try cottage cheese, but that is really expensive to make it from raw milk.  If I had a cow, and she was outproducing my usage, I'd consider it.  But I just don't have the extra.  Still, maybe next month, I may try it.  I remember mother discussing doing that as a girl, and... I've... always been fascinated.  Back then they had all the food they could possibly eat, to some degree.  But not a dime to their name, almost collectively.  The good ol' bad good times?  :)

Then, maybe, a bit more gaming, between this and that.  Good morning and day.

Gaming along.

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The game is slightly better, with fast travel sorted.  But it is still... dull.  To be honest, if I had kids?  I would keep them to the dull games, like this.  Where they have to think their way through, choose to use combat or conversational skills, or being sneaky even, to get around a problem.  You can't fight your way through everything.  And, while there are options, sometimes those cost too much morally to allow.  Life is like that.  Though, sometimes, if the option is there, perhaps skipping certain encounters altogether might be the wisest.

The thing is, I have a moral code, ethical system, religious affiliation, and such.  And... a game of this sort is not going to offer me choices I have not only encountered, but had to negotiate in realer terms.  Besides, my systems are... barely able to stay awake.  I need adrenalin and such, action, to help me stay awake, in real time.  But... for now, it will do.

The pork roast is... roasting.  It'll need much longer.  So, I turned the heat up.  At 350, it would take another couple hours.  No!  So, I turned it to 450, opened the foil, and set the timer.  I'll put the potato in for the last fifteen minutes.  Plenty of onion on the roast, and a few other herbs and spices.  I can make a truly pleasant, mild, meat roast... with just a touch of herbs, aromatics, and such, right in the meat.  Not too strong, just... an addition of a little something... like the scent of flowers, or else, just... off to the side, in the ether around one, not so direct or potent as to even be sure it is in the slice of meat.  Just... there.  I have worked on that, and still do.  Adding more variety, or just one stronger near flavor, taste, scent.

As for the chicken?  It is brining, with a bit of sage as well.  I will probably just cook that for half an hour, then refrigerate it.  Drying it very well, then just open cooking it to dry it further.  But, not cooking it fully.  These are hanks of chicken, not pieces.  These hindquarters must have been off those fifteen pound lesbian KFC chickens.  :p  I'm telling you.  I am hoping, doing them this way, will allow the skin to dry this first time, then crisp when being warmed in the oven for a meal.

I just don't have the energy to make a custard.  But it is on my mind.  And, the next chance I can stand, and work, and think, I will make a custard.

When the roast is finished, I'll get the chicken in.  But it will cook at 350, and as mentioned for just half an hour.  Then allowed to cool, get bagged, and put up.  I'd best keep an eye on the roast.  While I have it set to an alarm, I will probably check it every ten minutes or so.  At that temp.  There is the alarm?  Time flies.  Anyway... on to check it.

I am hoping to call my mom today?  No, I just called her?  That was Sunday.  I suppose I can call her again.  I try to avoid her meals.  So... in an hour or two.  Later.

Just some gaming.

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Feeling cold.  But it's not cold.  Tired, sleepy.  Joints are achy.  I don't know.

I would like to figure some things out.  I'd really like to have a meal.  Nothing fancy, just... something to eat.  To that end, I think I'll set the chicken and roast up, to be baked.  The pork roast can go in, right now.  The chicken, I do believe, I want to brine.  It's not good for the skin, but sure makes the meat better.  Salt, and a touch of sage?  Something like that, for the brine.  For the pork, just salt, pepper, and an onion, halved, or two, on top.

I want to do the custard, I just don't have it going.  It isn't... difficult.  It's... just... new?  Until I have done something a number of times, regulated the process, it takes a lot more effort to do.  I am out of the gooder eggs, but have some of the storebought.  As well as milk.  Plus, the kefir is not turning over very quickly.  The quart jars are taking much longer, even if only two thirds full.  Which... is a good thing.  I want the quarts to take two, even three days... in the cooler kitchen.

It is staying 68/69 in here, even in the front room, for now.  But this room will be chilling soon.  I need to figure out how to get the computer, and desk, and all, into the other room, set up, and ready.  It is just too cold in here.  I could handle it, of body, but not of digits.  My fingers become painful to use, and clumsier than even usually.

Hmm...  Well?  I don't know.  I will try to get those things going.  And really might try to get a smaller dose of custard going.  Eating some warmed, with a side of pork roast, would be... quite nice.  So tired though.  So sleepy.  I'm... going to try.  And, when I get the pork in, and the chicken brining, I will try to hit the dishes too.

Maybe a fatted coffee, to get things going?  Yes, that might help.  A little caffeine, some heat, some fat.  All good, maybe.  Later.

Hmm, troubles.

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I made it to 16:00.  And a bit?  I know I made it over that hour, else I can't remember.  I wasn't trying to make it that late, I just... couldn't get to bed until I did get to bed.  Sleep was so very tight, but good.  What is odd is, sleeping on the floor?  Beside my back almost never hurting (unless I use if while working), I also don't end up with parts going to sleep.  I don't sleep on an arm or leg or else wrong.

I think it is because the arrangement isn't comfortable.  Or so comfortable that laying in the same spot, for very long, is possible.  Odd how that works out.  Now, the price is that shoulder joints get a bit abused, always seem to have a crick in them.  But... a minor one, definitely compared to even having limbs be asleep a few times a week.

As for the cramps I was so used to?  Legs, usually.  Keeping my legs warmer has fixed that.  If my body is cold, putting on heavier pj bottoms while I sleep works.  Though, usually, just setting the blankets correctly works most of the time.

Now, getting used to sleeping on the floor, this time, took many months of agony.  I was just about to give up, after six to eight months of suffering through, when it finally clicked.  I think what helped was when I was able to work again, and I worked hard for a few weeks or month.  Going to bed tired, so that my body just sorted it out.

Anyway... up.  For what good that is doing me lately.  Not very able.  Tired to the point of crashing most nights as I go to bed.  And, yet, not sleeping all that long?  I am only sleeping around six hours a night.  And, crashing into bed when I do finally get there.  Irritating, annoying, bothersome.  But... I have had worse.

Today?  The last of the dishes...  A shower sometime or other...  Roasting the pork butt roast and chicken?  I hope.  Oh, though I may make a custard for breakfast.  I have enough milk and eggs, I think.  And I have enough artificial sweetener.  I think I even have nutmeg, whole, with a scraper.  I am hoping to get to the wood pile today.  If it is warm enough, I may water the lawn one last time, if I can get the wood pile out of the way, clean up that area, and mow it with the rider.  Today, or tomorrow.  Then put the sprinkler and hoses up.

Sassy has been fed.  Her litter box was empty from clearing it at bedtime.  I should get her some water, fresh.  But, other than that, the old girl is having a good life.  I sure enjoy her company.  Am still thinking about getting another cat.  For... both of us.  I had thought about a dog, but that just won't work.  Too needy.  Later.

No, nothing extra.

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I have been hanging on.  Barely.  It is 14:34, and bedtime.  I have pushed as far, hard, and well as I may.  No extra meal, no more gaming, very little of anything.  All good.  I don't hurt, I am just so very tired.  I have been since... eight or nine this morning.  A good haul, if you look at it right.

You know you are tired when your mind is numb.  When writing is a conscious effort, in the mind as well as of flesh.  I have to think it all through, it isn't just happening, as it mostly does.  A very strange phenomena.  Imagine if everything you went to ponder, in your mind, you had to work out.  There is no flow.  The imagination isn't working.  So, if you want to imagine, closing a door, it is more like reading about it.  The mind just doesn't create pictures, moving or otherwise.  That is how it is.

Of course, being that tired is... not a bad thing.  I suspect rest will be... indulgent, deep, quiet.  Not that I am dying, but it will be a bit like death.  Ah, but you probably don't know what that means.  You have never had it so quiet, so dark, that nothing touches you?  At least it isn't cold, that is the difference.  I am sleeping well, comfortably, lately.  If deeply, darkly.

Something is off, but that is okay.  Something has been off for the last thirty... it started in '87... so... thirty five years now, is it?  Wow.  I was 21, when that happened.  That's a lot of time in a shadow, of sorts.  Anyway, I've had worse.

I keep thinking about custard.

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Not for daily consumption.  But, from time to time, just... a different, softer, meal.

My mother used to make it for my father, fosters.  When he would get ill, or down, this was the thing.  I got a sample of it a few rare times.  Something about it.  Maybe it was because it was a special, or rare thing?  Perhaps because it was reserved almost exclusively for my father?  All I know, is... I would like it.

Cleared the freezertop.

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Now to clean it.  But why?  Well, actually, just to try to keep it open, for when I have more dishes to do... to get some bread out... to get it, then, cleaned off... and maybe to do a bit of prep work on it.  Sometime today, in order to do a bit more cooking, of something good.  I still have to wash it, but with two pans of dishes going, that won't be a problem.

Though, next, I am going to make breakfast.  I have heard that potatoes, cooked, then allowed to cool, then heated or eaten cool, will provide carbs that aren't as bad.  I am going to test this.  I have three bigger baking potatoes.  I washed them, and stuck them into the oven.  I will eat one, without letting it cool.  Then, in a few days, test one of the others.  Reheated.  And, another, a few days after that.  Checking how much blood sugar jumps with each... in with a full keto meal elsewise.  As well, keeping the keto meals balanced.  I mean, eating about the same portions.  Curious.  It would be good, if second baked potatoes were more allowable on the diet.  Even if it's a small advantage, take it where you can get it.

Sleepy, in odd ways.  I suppose I could take a nap now, though I'm not sure it would end up being an actual nap.  It might well end up being another night down, so I don't want to do it.  Odd though.  It's only 02:51 and I feel like I really could go back to bed for a day, or day and night.   

I have only been awake since 23:30, give or take?  It feels like I have been awake for many hours.  Odd.  It is dark, but... it's... fall.  It's dark much of the day, these days.  I almost suspect that a larger breakfast will send me to bed.  It has been eating that has seen me to sleeping in the chair.  Though, larger meals, and higher carb meals.  So... yeah.  That's not all of it, the fall dark and cool, of course, are adding up as well.  Even in the mornings, with the sun up and out, it feels cool, and dark.  The angle of the sun, and how much heat it puts out, and light?

No worries.  I would like to do a few more things today.  Probably change out the kefir, wash the freezertop, do a those few dishes, have breakfast, brunch, or... whatever, and do a few more things.  A shower, brush my teeth, clean and clear another area or two?  Who knows.

Mostly just writing in the hopes of creating plans, and carrying through with them.  I sure hope to get to a few things.  But may not.  Later.

The funny things?

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Funny?  Fresh?  Generously.

Awake.

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Sometimes getting up off the floor is tough.  Sometimes it just flows.  Sleeping on the floor is... good, if a bit tight, especially for an old, ill, one.  But, that is half the reason I do it.  As a challenge.  The other half is because my back feels a thousand times better, all the time.  When I slept on a bed, no matter how hard or soft, my back hurt.  It hurt every day.  Why?  I have no idea.  All I know is, sleeping on the floor has made life about a third as painful as it had been, in that department.

That was the start of edging pain out of my life.  The right medicine has tended another third to half of the remaining pains.  The other portions have... eased for no reason I can say.  Now, there is still pain in there.  But it is what I call quiet pain.  My body is so used to terrible pains, that is quiets them with internal chems.  To a degree, at times, I am biologically bombed.  Can't feel much.  If I feel pain over that, I know it's... gotta be bad that day.  Though, even that is becoming a bit less common.  Not exactly rare, just not every day, of every week, of every month.  Half?  Maybe.  Between a third and two thirds of the time, depending on the month.

Well, save for minor aches.  Joints, muscles, especially if I do almost anything.  Which I still try to do.  I'm more talking about pains that don't have a connection with activity.  If I work an hour, I will hurt.  My body isn't in good shape, and can't seem to be gotten in shape.  Even when I was swimming, regularly, and got to a plateau amount and stayed there for a while, I always hurt.  I never got... used to it.

Hmm, by the way, I might have to think about getting in to swim again.  The problem is, they steal gas from bigger vehicles, or such.  I may see if I can figure something safer out.  Though it might be vet tags, too.  Violence has become organized, these days.  Even if you don't know who they are, they know who you are, and pass it around.  Evil pretty much owns the campuses.  They are being might, even backstabbing might, makes right.  And anything that disagrees, should be stabbed.  It doesn't matter if it's a public or private pool, either.  Especially, it seems, when you reject a woman for being too old.  Ha!  Still, I'll... think about it.  Getting there is expensive, though, too.  A couple of runs to town a week is pricy.

Well?  I don't know.  A bit of waking, then gaming, as I have meat sticks and fatted coffee.  Then some gaming.  Hoping to get to the wood pile, and cleaning that area up, then maybe mowing... if just in that zone.  Then, maybe, some cooking today.  I did put chicken hindquarters, pork chops, and a pork roast out.  The chops are thawed, the rest is on the way.  Could roast the other two, and fry the chops... a few for breakfast later on.

I'll... try to get to work today.  As fall hits, and it gets darker, cooler, staying on top of things becomes very difficult.  Just staying awake is a trick.  Well, and staying awake in the day hours, is seemingly impossible.  I'll... keep at it.  Later.

A bit later into the day.

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To 12:22, so far.  I might make it a little longer, or not.

I did get the dishes finished.  Well, out to dry.  I checked the litter, but she hasn't used those.  I have been keeping her fed, small bites.

A lot of views.  Someone must... be having a nostalgic attack.  The things they are reviewing are... both the more beautiful, to my eyes, and the more terrible.  All good.  It is interesting, to look back, through the eyes of another.  Or, maybe, they are just randomly viewing?  No, the hits are... specific.  One person?  A few?  I can't be certain.  Though I suspect several.  Hard to ever know.  Even the accounting, from blogger, and other reporting sites, are... very poor.

People have learned how to hide who they are, what they are looking at, where they are coming from, or going.  Good.  I am sure some people, out there, could spend time to track some down.  But not all.  For good or ill, some of the people who look here are more invisible than one would imagine.  Well, there is the government too, but that isn't who I am speaking of.  You know who you are.

I would like to shower, but probably won't.  I will get my teeth cleaned.  Maybe have something more to eat?  No... not... interested.  A bit hungry, for something.  Just not really interested in digging in too far.  I will finish the fatted coffee.  Maybe have some water.  Then, game a bit more?  Maybe.  Then go on to bed.  Well, more water, then to bed, actually.  I just... can't game more.

The game?  Dull.  Simply not engaging.  Distant, slow paced, difficult to navigate.  More like real life, which... isn't... a good thing.  To go to the store, you have to know where it is, transport to there, have the right amount to buy, have something to sell, and it all takes a lot of time.  Even "bad guys" are... rare occasional finds.  As are "good guys", and neutrals.  Fallout 4 is a bit better, but can also suffer from similar problems, though I think it has fast travel, at some point.  Which helps, to a degree.  Still, it is something, for now.

Ugh.  Good afternoon and goodnight.

A few small tasks.

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And breakfast.  Eggs and corned beef hash.  Not sure what I did, this time, but it was... tasty.  Tastier.  Ah, fresh onions added to the hash, while it cooked.  Fresh onions, and garlic, and else, elevates flavor.

I did get the kefir out of the pint jars and into the quarts.  Finished the half gallon jars, and those are air drying with what remains of the quart jars and lids.  Then I put the pint jars into the wash, with a few last items needing washed.  I clean the stovetop a few times a week.  Not daily, that's a bit much.  But have started keeping up on it, better.  Or... since the serious cleaning.

I should add the flatware I used for breakfast.  With disposable plates, dishes are a bit easier to maintain too.  Not always perfectly easy, but easier.

On to a bit of gaming.  Not sure I will be able to stay awake much longer.  I... thought I'd be up all day.  Not sure that is possible.  I will try to stay awake a bit longer though.

I may do a pumpkin pie, with special homemade ingredients, for a possible Halloween write up, sooner or later.  I was looking for some things, then found another.  And, there was a connection that seemed interesting.  It might be beyond me, but... if I used a can of pumpkin mix, and went from there, it might be possible.  I keep those spices, on hand, in slight bulk.  I use them heavily.  I keep most of that on hand, save for the pumpkin.  Though... I ought to... consider adding a few cans to my pantry.  Pumpkin, and the typical spice, is fine.  Just... don't... add it to weird things?  Something like that.  Anyway... I'll... try to get that all together.

Not sure, but pumpkin might be a bit high carb, even without a crust.  But... once or twice a year?  Sure, especially with sugar alts which are keto okay.  As well, pumpkin doesn't always have to be sweet.  I have had it as a side, just like any other squash type food, with butter, salt, and pepper.  It's... quite nice.  So, if I look for canned pumpkin, I will look for just the plain stuff.

Well, on to some gaming.  To try to stay awake.  Maybe some coffee, too.  Fatted is delicious.  And solidly keto.  Good morning, day, or else.  Be well.

A start to a new day?

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Mostly.  I found jars, with old kefir in them, which needed cleaning.  Two half gallons and two quart, plus two other quart jars which had been used, abused, set aside, and needed washed desperately.  Wasn't sure if they would clean up.  But, yes, they have cleaned up wonderfully.

I need the quarts, for curing the kefir, as I call it.  The pint jars, at this point in the kefir grain processes, is finished in a day, at 68... quicker if I cook a few things during the day.  Nothing major, frying eggs, or baking this or that, works well as to providing enough of a heat bump to help the kefir right along, without cooking it, killing it.

I have two half gallon jars, in the fridge, with it.  One is full, the other is about a third full?  But filling quickly.  As soon as I have a third jar half full, and two quarts producing fresh kefir... and turning over every two to three days, I can begin consumption.  I am very much looking forward to consumption.  It is tricky to keep up on production, rotation, and such.

Though, I have to admit.  I don't think I need to restart every time I lapse.  The kefir seems about the same, even if it sits for a month, even without feeding.  And, it... seems to come back, even after several months, with just some fresh milk.  Of course, keeping the right amount of milk, and kefir production, is always a bit of a trick.  But I enjoy the proceeds.  Who can imagine that from me?  I used to hate yogurt, and things like it.  This, really, is yogurt on steroids?  Not... literally, but you know what I mean, if you know what I mean.

Sassy is being fed and kept up.  I am falling a bit behind on eating myself, but... will... sort that out.  I am thinking the gooder eggs and corned beef hash, today.  Or... shortly.  Maybe something else?  A fatted coffee, already.  Maybe another, later in the day.  Do what I can.

It is 6:36, about 35 out there, and dark still.  Fall is falling, winter is coming.  But, it is rather pleasant.  Even this front room, currently, is staying around 70.  Comfortable.  Pleasant.  The upstairs was 66 this morning.  Very good.  Most of the house is right between 68 and 70.  I can't believe how comfortable that is.  Is it the beard?  The way I am dressing?  Acclimation?  All of it?  I don't know, but I sure am enjoying this fall, and the cool weather, truly and deeply.

Well, we will see.  A bite to eat.  Some work when it warms a bit out there.  Some gaming between.  A shower and teeth before long, after breakfast and a bit, I think.

Oh, about the game.  While it is terribly Babylonian, it looks like I did finish the game.  Last time I played it.  Sure, it has 'em.  But I can, mostly, exclude them.  Still annoying, but...  not to the point of having to not play, or... we will see.  It's not my favorite game.  I would rather find the Fallout 4 disk.  Would like to buy it, for download.  But they are charging too much for it still, at ~$40.  No.  I do have all the dlc for it.  I suppose, if I find the cd/dvd, and get it going, I could go after trophies?  Same with this game?  If the trophies can be had offline, and I like the game, I might, may, could.  Bleh.

Yes, eggs and corned beef hash.  Spiced a goodly bit.  Yes, I think so.  I might have bread, in the freezer.  A few slices, toasted, for a rare add.  I'll have to open the frozen loaf, pull a few out, and thaw them a bit.  I suppose I can do that while playing, and letting the last jars finish rinsing.  I have the quarts washed, rinsed, and dried.  The bigger ones took a lot more work, but are rinsing.

And, I may put the pint jar contents into the quarts, and just go from there.  Washing the pints out.  If I can find more pints, and find a sale on butter, I may attempt to make ghee, and jar them in the pint jars.  I'd like a dozen or so of those.  Might have more of those downstairs.  Yea.  It's coming.  I want to be more ready.  Same with burger, this coming month, if possible.  Later.

I was so certain...

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While I was planning a short sleep, I had only been awake a while?  Or, something.  I went in right at 14:00, and it was pretty much lights out, instantly.  I set the alarms for 16:00 and 17:00.  I was... pretty sure they would work, the first was a kill alarm, just setting me up.  And the 17:00 alarm, I could work with, through snooze bar hits.  I really didn't think there would be an issue.

I was planning on getting to the Knights of Columbus meeting.  I had taken a shower, so if it got too late, I could dress and scramble.  Perhaps a bit unkempt, but not too unfashionably out of sorts.  And I have been brushing my teeth, and using my functional mouth wash to kill the nasties.  Though I was hoping to do a quick body wash and brush my teeth before going.

I don't remember hearing the 16:00, or 17:00 alarms.  I did hear one at 17:10, but then didn't hear another thing until I woke at... 23:38, or so.  And, I wouldn't say I heard anything, that is just when I next woke... for whatever reason.  I couldn't even get out of bed then.  And I hurt.  Was cold.  Blankets were a mess.  I didn't redo blankets, recently, or turn the mattresses.  I will do that today.  Ugh.

So, yes, I missed the meeting.  I do my best, my best just isn't good enough.  I have missed two meetings... one was canceled, one... I was just there on the wrong night in every way.  Bleh.  This one was planned, but missed.  I'll... keep at it.  This... is... part of why I am not a joiner.  I will disappoint, little I can do about it.

I woke around 01:30.  Fed Sassy right away.  Smaller bites.  She wants more, but, this works... better.  Much less left to waste.  I cleared her litter box.  Coffee water is heating.  I'll brush my teeth shortly, or after coffee.  Hair is brushed and in a tail.

I would like to get a shower going, see what food is available, probably pull a roast and some burger out... I think I have used the thawed food.  Can't cook today, no food.  Or properly cook.  Maybe a can of soup?  And perhaps sardines?  Sure.  That and fatted coffee.

I ought to see about getting the last of the wood worked up and piled, clean up that area, try to rake, in hopes of mowing this week, or next, as a last run.  Perhaps watering the lawn, a bit earlier, if just in parts, here and there, through the week, as a last watering.  But, before it gets to freezing by far.  Ugh.  Oh, and then putting the hoses and sprinklers up.

What a month.  Started on a push, ended on a sit-down.  Trying to... get a few last things finished before winter closes in.  And, maybe, figuring out how to get that work ethic redeployed, and aimed at the inside of my home.  Ugh.  Later.

A shower!

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Oh, I do love those.  Sometimes I am simply too tired.  Not today.  Too tired to do any cooking, but... a shower was gotten.

Medicine in.  A fatted coffee.  More water.  Keeping up on water production.

It isn't much.  It is something.  Hitting noon.  Hoping for a nap, just... a nap.  Then, another shower.  Clean.  I enjoy being clean.

Dreamed of a woman, while I was sleeping in my chair, again.  I do like them.  Mostly.  Except when they talk, or don't, agree, disagree, agree to disagree, or not.  They are people, but they aren't men.  Thank God.  But... it can be difficult.  Just working through to understand the misunderstanding is a mess.  It... can be worth the effort, though even if both parties are legitimately trying, and pouring our hearts into it, it doesn't always work.

Still, it... is a good thing.  Whether we deserve, in either way, one another, we are gifts from God to each other.  Heck of a deal.

Yes, I dreamed.  It was one I knew.  Enjoyed her company for many years.  We were often alone, together.  But... that wasn't a terrible thing.  And it wasn't all the time.  I like the little critters, unless... as mentioned above.  :p  It was a pleasant disaster.

Oh, I may have found a game I'll play?  I already purchased it, some time ago.  All I had to do was download it.  I quit it, if I'm not sure why.  Boring, politics?  I just can't remember.  I'll find out soon enough.  It is along the lines of Fallout series games, made by one of the guys (?) who made that series.  Not sure I really cared for it, but... will see.  Willing to give it a second look.

I had heard that there was free dlc content.  Nope.  It's all priced.  I won't be buying that, most likely.  I don't mind some pay dlc, but when it is all pay, nah.  It is downloading as I write.  I may get in, see if my games are still saved.  Either start over, or... might start over in either case, but may check out my last few saves, if there were some... see if I can sort out why I quit it.

The funny thing?  The sjw's who are creating this crap aren't making anybody happy.  Whites don't like it, blacks don't like it, and the others who are completely ignored don't like it.  Make white games, make black games, or else.  Or allow us to choose what race we are playing, and playing with.  Don't shove stupid shit at us, at any of us.  Would work for me.  

Anyway... on to other things.

Getting ready.

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I did pull the barrels in.  And, nope, it wasn't recycling.  No worries, there is room.  A little extra work, for my... good deeds.  Still, all good.  Sassy is being kept fed and her litter cleared.  So easy, with just one, healthy, cat.  And, yet, I miss Sam.  She kept me on my toes, and loved me dearly.  Both my girls love me, just in different ways.  And I love them to death, and beyond.

I got things ready, for after the shower.  I keep looking for games.  Some are still way too expensive, for their age.  Such as Fallout 4.  I have the game, somewhere.  Haven't been able to find it for a while, though, now.  Might have been clipped, pinched, borrowed, stolen?  Maybe.  I could look at what else I have.

There are a few I might be able, willing, to play now.  Though, political correctness has been diseasing games for a long time now.  Just because I might now play the type, doesn't mean I would sit through glamorizing stupid thugs, either directly or through wigger emulations of their lifestyles.  Bleh.

I brushed my teeth, again.  Not sure it will work, but am hoping so.  I cleaned out the pee jugs, which were lining up again.  A bite to eat, say eggs and... something... would be good.  Without toast, or usually potatoes, eggs are a hard sell.  Have to have something with them.  Well, I do have corned beef hash, but that... has potato in it.  And I have been hitting carbs hard this month.  Just... I... well... it happened.  I needed carbs.  I needed food, really.  I went a bit long and low, on any food, but definitely good food.  And, when I do that, my body craves carbs.  Plus, I wasn't in shape to deny it, or cook better foods, even when I first got them.  Or even now.  I am doing some cooking, but not much.

A bit more time, then a shower, some more game reviewing... including maybe searching hereabouts.  Ugh.  Later.  Or goodnight?  Or... a bit of a nap.  But after I dry, which can only happen after I get showered.  Ugh!  Later.

New games?

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Looking.  Aeterna Noctus?  Carrion?  One is extremely long, and quite difficult... like sixty to seventy hours, the former.  The other is, or becomes, challenging.  But is short, and finding your way is quite difficult, if you step off the path.  They both cost a bit much, for as old as they are.  Not sure I will go with them.  If the price comes down, in time, I may try them.

I do have games I didn't finish, though not for political correct reasons.  But, I didn't finish them for a reason.  Boring?  Too difficult?  Too easy?  Just not my style.  And, I do have games I never started.  Being a part of certain clubs allows access to free games.  I do get them, but some of them, for one reason or another, I never try.  I'm not into racing games, 2-d platformers (which is another problem with A.N., above).  Actually both of those are 2-d, if only one is a platformer.  Platforming, in some adventure games, is more of a challenge for me.  If too, I believe the platforming is made artificially difficult.  Which... annoys to no end.

I just can't see paying ~$30 for either of those games.  While sixty to seventy hours is a lot of gameplay, as a 2-d platformer, it's just not my gig.  The other is six to eight hours, if even much of that is getting lost and trying to find your way back to the path.  The guy suggested six hours his first play through.  But only two hours on a next playthrough.  Not much for a lot of money.

I like the idea of horror games, just usually not the execution.  When controls are dumbed down, to make the experience more psychological (think running from a monster, in your dreams, through sand).  Oh, I get it, I just don't like that sort of play.  Nor do I like hiding games.  Or anything multicultural.  Not... interested.  I guess I'll keep looking.

I did get my teeth brushed.  And would like to shower, and get some more sleep in.  But, I would like to find a game before I sleep.  Not much chance it will keep me up, playing.  But it will help me wake in a bit.  Though it... might eat my day and world for a bit, if it is any good.  Bleh.

Or... maybe... I could look through my old ps3 or even ps4 games I have, but haven't played for a long time.  Oh... there... was someone who was suggesting games, ranking them.  The few games I recognized, she rated very highly.  Perhaps the other games she ranked highly might be worth a review?  A girl gamer, who knew.  There are so few of those, in real life.  But, okay.

Hmm... forgot I was writing this, thought I'd be able to find a game quickly.  The problem with the game ranker?  The games she ranks highly, beside the one I knew, were either not for ps4, or not even available.  Oh well.  I did look at Final Fantasy 7 Remake, but they did the Spider-Man thing.  Not interested.  Requiring me to play with blacks, let alone requiring me to play one, or making them the hero?  No.  Just... no.  That is dead in the water.  Spider-Man was free.  I see why now.  Worse, they gave a black a Mexican name.  I'm surprised Mexicans, and others, didn't burn down that game.  Then again, it is free now, so... yea.

Oh well.  A shower, looking on the console itself, then on to bed for a bit.  

So much for Spider-Man.

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I thought I could enjoy the dlc content.  But it is pretty much over-done trash.  All the same thing.  While they have others listed as the main battles, they require, in the game, that I compete for challenges I don't like to play.  So, not only am I not finishing the main game, I am dumping the dlc content.  I just purged the machine of the game.  Not worth my time.

I'll see what other games might be back there.  This wouldn't have been a bad game, but they were shoveling multicultural worship, and other crap.  Plus, making the gameplay too fast-paced and uninteresting.  It's how they do, when they want you to eat up whatever they are selling.  They do it in college too, or try.

I did have breakfast, earlier.  But went with beans and beef, again.  It hit me.  I ended up sleeping, right in my computer chair.  I have never done that before.  Seriously, I never sleep while sitting.  Didn't even know I could do it.

I'm thinking of taking a shower, tinkering just long enough to let my hair dry, then going on to sleep for a while again.  I may pull the trash and recycling bins back, too.  Or... later.  Not sure.  It was down to 35 a while ago, so, yes, it is cooling a lot at night these days.  All good, I suppose.  It is that time of year.

I missed medicine yesterday, somehow, or the day before?  Somewhere, in there, I... missed medicine.  I was sure I was taking it rightly.  Guess not.  Later, or goodnight, again, for a while.

Yes, right, up.

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I was starting to wake around midnight.  I made it awake until 16:00, or very nearly.  I called it that, for easy of remembering.  Again, though, a shorter sleep.  Not sure why.  I feel good.  I didn't dream.  I didn't even wake to pee.  If I had hoped to sleep later, longer.  Okay, though.  This will work.

I fed Sassy first thing.  Smaller meals.  A third of a can at a time, every three to four hours.  Trying to add to her meals, while cutting her portions.  If I feed her half a can, she won't eat it all.  I don't feed her the first time she begs, but the second, or third.  Or... when she stops and I realize enough time has passed.  It's as good as I can do.

I pulled the ac out of the window, last night.  Won't be needed.  And, yes, it warmed up up there for it.  By three to five degrees.  Though it is warmer outside, at 45 F rather than 35.  Though it may well chill much deeper through the night.  Will try to remember to check from time to time.

A few gherkin pickles to start off the day.  Not from the new order, from some I did find in the pantry.  Two jars.  This one had been in the fridge, unopened, for... a rather longish time.  But they were quite good, refreshing really.  I just have to look on every ingredients list, for even with dill pickles, now, they are adding sugar.  They mean to give people diabetes.  It's profitable, now that they are making pseudo insulin from a chemi-soup, in China, with slave labor, the profits are out the roof.

Plus, with sick people, there is a measure of control.  I think the vax thing blew their medical industrial complex control mechanism though.  I don't think they will ever get that back, and as the sheep realize the doctor is worse than the butcher, that won't come back.  Not sure the sheep will go that far, might just be a temporary disturbance in the force, though.  We'll see.  Then again, a flood of woke "doctors", more concerned with skin color and else, won't help their lot.  It looks like they are purposefully destroying the medical field, and all the good it once brought... on purpose.  Then again, they are destroying the military, police, even corporate.  I guess it fits.

Today?  A  shower shortly.  Brushing teeth.  Maybe an egg casserole.  A nap later, and another shower after.  Not praying as much as I would like, that comes and goes.  But, still, I pray between an half an hour and an hour on most days.  It's more remember to do so.  Hmm...  I have found my bible.  I should read, say, the readings of the day, and study or contemplate them as well?  Yes, that would be a good thing.  Take notes, check things... say quotes listed in the various verses.  I... never go back and read notes, but writing them does... put something in mind.  And, for a while, my mind pings other things off it, connects things to it, and such.  Actually, just like when I was in college.  Though, there were times, when I would read them, if I thought there might be help on a solution issue.

But, first, to wake.  Later.

It's finally about bedtime.

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I made it a bit longer.  To 15:07, so far.  Nothing fancy, a bit more gaming.  I had hoped to get something else ready to eat, and eaten.  But first, I couldn't.  This is when kefir would be really nice.  It fills in those blank spots, where I can't cook, am a bit hunger (either of the mind as today, or of the belly as some other days, or a mix), and even can't handle heavier food.

I did check the kefir.  It is purring right along.  It will be ready to transfer out when I wake.  I just love that smell.  It'll be another few weeks before I am running back on that rocket fuel.  But I am enjoying the slow build.  I have one more gallon of better storebought, which should last well, as I think I have another pint to quart left even in the original bottle.  I started, I think, with just one pint?  No, I started with two.  But was doing partial jars, at first.

Breakfast was just okay.

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I suppose not every meal can be tops.  Eggs and chops.  Sort of just... bland.  But, filling, and keto.  Plus, it heated up the area near the stove, and that kickstarts the kefir.  I... love opening that up, and smelling it.  It has umami, of another sort.  Not as potent as some, but... if you ever get a taste for it?  Yea, and I have a tooth for it.  Not a sweet tooth, but it's... I think it can only be described as umami.  Yogurt has it, but to a much lessor degree.

I have been thinking of how else to use kefir.  I am pretty sure you can make creme fraiche, ice cream (keto, with alternate sweeteners), you can even use it on rough skin.  Though, I'll skip the latter?  Or... might try it on my feet, heels?  Maybe.  As well, I'd like to soak meat bits in it, the slow cook.  In the Middle East, Mediterranean areas, they put sheep and other meats into it.  Though... I am as suspicious of Chinese restaurants as M.E. restaurants.  The meat cuts are... odd.  Could be rabbit.  Could be rat, cat, else.  I could see using this to cover that.

I may be skipping the game.  It looks like the ending is "going there", regarding political bull*&ittery.  So, I think I'll dump the game.  There was some dlc conent, though, that looks playable.  Oh well.

I am a bit hungry?  Or feel like eating more?  Yes, but not sure what to eat.  A few carrots, celery, and more peanut butter?  Maybe.  Not much though.  Just... a few bites.

It got down to 30 this morning, right before/at sunrise.  Yea, it got to freezing.  Just not long enough to actually freeze.  That morning dip, the coldest part of the day, down for 35 around five?  Four?  Six?  Something.  It... surprised me, though shouldn't have.  I suppose the drop was more than usual.  The morning drop is usually in the two degree F range, not five.  Still, all good.  It was up to 64 an hour or so ago.  Too tired to check again.

It is nearly bedtime again.  Good morning, perhaps afternoon where you are, and day in general.  I'll put a prayer if for you.  Be well, and goodnight as well.

Okay.

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I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get trash and/or recycling collected and out.  But, just a bit ago, I got it going, and done.  Even to the curb.  It isn't that much work, and yet it is.  But, all good.  I am not sure if today is recycling.  There are three small bags in there, but they don't seem full.  Taking up about a third of the bin.  So, if not, all is fine.  Trash... there really was only one bag, but it is a very big bag, and very full.

I did the litter box, one last shot, and took the little catcher bag out.  I keep a doubled grocery bag over there, so I don't have to fuss with getting it to the trash proper every time.  Twice a week, or when taking out the trash, I take that over to the real garbage container.

I have been keeping up on water, through the countertop r.o. system.  I have been keeping up on Sassy, feeding or treating her.  I haven't cooked anything yet today, but am sure ready for it?  Hungry, but not in a physical way.  I just... feel like eating, want to eat.  I am thinking eggs and blade chops, and just that.  I'll put the chops in the oven, wrapped, and 350, for half an hour.  At this altitude, that most just warms it, if well.  Then I'll do a few eggs on the side.  I'll use the gooder eggs, saving the storebought for casseroles and boiling.

Doing well enough in the game.  Though, it looks like there might be a few challenges I might not be able to do.  Though, possible, with practice, and a few other things, perhaps I could at least get the minimum scores to say they are done?  Oh, and there seems something that just isn't available... or currently in the game.  I am hoping, when the game is finished, I will be allowed free roaming.  Or I'll have to pick that up in a new game plus.

I am not very happy with the game.  For political correctness.  It is typical Hollywood sort of drivel, in that regard.  Either the world will go that way, to it's final, catastrophic, and unmistakable ruin, or it will turn back to civilization.  Civilization is limiting, and limited, but... it is far better than the options... if it is properly kept for those who can BE civil, excluding those who aren't or can't be, by choice, nature, or else.  It's just the way of it.

Well... it is 35 out there.  Didn't feel too cold, or else.  But sure was dark, at a quarter after six?  Well, okay.  It is getting to that part of the year.  And, I really don't mind.  I'll get meds in, put the pork in the oven, play a bit more of the game, then have breakfast shortly.  I may or may not take a nap after that.  I keep checking the kefir, which is processing.  I... love the smell.  I so want a cup, but know, if I start consuming it, at this slower, smaller, pace of production, I will... eat it all gone before I can get it going, and will have to do without for a while.  I... want to have two half gallon jugs ready, and two quart jars making full process kefir in a day or two, before digging in.  Then I can start back with whole, raw, milk.  I would guess not this week, for that, but next... the 29th.  I am excited to be back on it, soon.  I can use it for... a third to half of my food?  Yea.

On to... things.  Good morning and day.  And a quick prayer for you all.  Later.

Just Sunday, still?

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Thankfully.  I woke, several times, in total darkness.  I didn't know if I had gone back to sleeping day over day.  There are times when I would sleep for weeks.  I suppose I would wake, from time to time, for something to drink, maybe eat, but wouldn't remember.  Would almost crawl out of bed, then back, never remembering having awaken.

That wasn't... the worst of things.  But while I was trying to get through engineering school, it was terrifying.  I might have a midterm or the finals coming up, and if I missed a month of school, catching up was absolutely brutal.  Though, being lost in time was a difficult thing.  I couldn't call anybody regularly.  I was so isolated.  So tired.  

I am still tired, every day, usually to exhaustion before I even wake.  But, I DO wake up.  I DO get up.  The hours might be wonky, but I do have a day, and a night, if they don't always corelate with actual day and night cycles.  I either sleep too long, or short lately.  Or am awake too long or short, or both.  But I do have more normal day and night cycles.  My heart is the clock of my home, and it's beat is warped, even on medicine.  Well, and it doesn't offer quite enough oxygen.  My blood is said to be oxygen rich, mostly.  But that... doesn't pan out in reality.

I... was afraid, when I finally woke enough to check the time.  The fear of sleeping even double days is real, for me.  Not... a terror, like getting ticks, lice, or maggots in a wound.  But the idea of failing, again.  It is more like having had a problem with peeing the bed, as a child.  And being hazed by parents something awful.  Jane even hung my sheets out, once.  It terrified me that someone might ask, find out, why.  As a teen, in school, with enough trouble with fights and teasing, I... it... was a horror.  No one ever, to me, asked or joked.  And it passed.  But it is still back there.  Now I can talk about it, now that I know I was just growing way too fast for my organs to keep up.  My bladder simply hadn't learned to hold the quart or two it can now.  Yes, upon waking, after sleeping so hard since going to sleep... I don't think I used the jug through the night, I put out two quarts just this 'morning'.  So, yes, I can.  But then I couldn't.  Now it isn't a shame, just the roll of the dice, and the cost of being... different.  There is a cost to being different in every way.  Not a luxury, or blessing.  Just... more costs.

Sleep was wonderful.  I think I was to bed between 13:30 and 14:30?  Oh, no!  After checking, it looks like I was up to more like 15:30, perhaps as late as 16:00, 16:30?  It was just 22:30, when I woke for the final time.  So only six hours down?  See?  That is just weird.  But, I am... good, no pain... on the surface.  Exhausted, but not eye watering tired, just... drowsy.  Ready to game, write, read, a bit.  Weird.  It felt like I slept a week, and deep.

Kefir.... I almost have a full half gallon jug.  I have two pints working.  At first, I thought I had lost milk.  But, then, I realized, the first two batches were tossed.  That is two quarts.  Actually one quart, as they were only half full to start.  But, there may have been another batch or two, full.  Before I decided to begin keeping it.  So, with definitely a good solid two quarts down the drain, two quarts (nearly) of kefir stored (half another batch will fill that jar, then I start on another), two pints full, and still some milk left in that gallon?  Kefir definitely adds volume to the milk.  I would guess a straight up gallon, when the kefir grains are chugging along at right speed, will convert into a gallon and half of kefir.  A good way to make milk last better.  And, yes, I can handled consuming a couple of gallons of kefir a week.  Rather good for keto, and just about everything else.  The trick is staying on top of if.

Well?  A bit of coffee, gaming, and then maybe an egg and beef casserole.  I have enough gruyere that I can try that, with cheddar, or the last of the parmesan reggiano or asiago?  Or all three, or four?  Whatever...  I have make a really nicely cheesy casserole.  The trick, with cheese, is... not too much.  So tempting to absolutely pile it in.  But that can really ruin a dish.  It just doesn't work like that.  Even mixes of cheeses.  I have found, and believe, that four cheeses may only be added in a quarter volume of a single cheese, maybe less.  Though mixes aren't always the best.  But, they can help get rid of stubs left over.  Oh, and keep the rinds of good cheeses.  Put them in with soups or other wet cooking meals.  Oh, yes.  Do that.

Anyway... time to look around, get the water heating, think more about breakfast, do some gaming, and such.  I fed Sassy, first thing.  And cleared her sandbox.  She has three, only mostly uses one.  But, the others are there in case I fail.  I could add some more fill to those, just to... top them off.  She likes deep litter.  I like making her happy.  God... designed that into us.  Even if all we have is a cat or dog, but even with people, we... try to please.  I think it was to be aimed at God, but when He left us to our devices and choices, He attenuated our services to others in hope that we would follow.  It... isn't just as a service to Him, but it is a part of His nature too.  He serves, like no other, to His life's blood.

Later.

This game is taking quite a bit longer than anticipated.

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Not a bad thing.  And, I am a finisher.  Mostly.  So I am doing every little part and collection and... getting it done.  I only have two skills remaining, if a number of suits (with their own powers) and gadget upgrades, and such.  I still haven't figured out how to do several parts of the game which seem required.  And certain challenges are probably beyond me.

It may be easier to get more things, through new game plus, than to attempt to get the highest rewards in some of the challenges.  Not my favorite, anyway.  Dry, rusty, overdone part of the game.  But with decent rewards.  Ugh.

But, I think the day is done.  It is 63 to 64 out there, but is up to 75 in this front room, with the computer going and me having spent the last fifteen to thirty minutes browsing and window shopping a few things.  No matter, it is bedtime, I think.  Just hitting 15:17.  Still, that is very good.  It's a leg up, and into the day.

Rough?  Yes, and no.  Trying to push through this last hour has been a bit harsh.  All good though.  Still don't hurt terribly.  And I have enjoyed gaming, mostly.  But I am at an end.  Had a daydream, in which my liver was shot, and also... or separately (can't quite make sense of it) cut out with a stiletto sort of dagger, or near to it.  Such strange day dreams.  At least they aren't boring.  No, didn't bother me.  Plus, I knew it wouldn't kill me, and didn't.  Sort of... dull.  Yes, it hurt.  It just... didn't kill me.  *yawn*

Well.  On to bed.  Goodnight, good after noon, good day, and all that jazz.

A birthday call.

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I waited, until it was time.  Late enough, but not too late.  And, really, just in time.  A good conversation.  But, then, the wife woke, and... that was that.

Then I called my mom.  She answered too?  Weird.  All good.  They are combining, her guy friend and crew.  So, she is cooking them a meal.  I can't remember what she said, but it did sound good.  Oh, meatballs, and something?  And a salad.  I guess I was just so shocked, to speak to both of them on the same day?  All good.

Gaming.  Off and on, through, the morning.  It is 09:39.  Feeling okay, doing okay.  Will make another meal, before long.  I may boil more mushrooms, and add them to an egg casserole.  Maybe.  The idea is... interesting.  Maybe not for today, but for throughout the week.  A square or two of those is good for a meal.

Sunday meds have been started.  Sassy is being fed, her litter managed.  I might be redoing the kefir shortly.  I leave it near the stove/oven, so that when I use it the heat helps that cure a bit faster.  I haven't had a drop, but I lick my fingers when messing with it, and get some on my hands.  So... delicious.  I absolutely love that goo.  I have missed it.  The patience it takes to not just dig in, and devour, what little I have, takes every ounce of effort I can put into it.  I... like denying myself.

Even if it all got ruined, the effort failed, and I had to start over?  I would... be grateful for another opportunity.  For a bit of lessor suffering.  God takes these things, and brings us comfort.  And a tomorrow, or a chance to be with Him.  I... can easily live, or die, with that.  Though, usually, sacrifice for the day usually leads to better results for tomorrow.  I've got nearly half a bottle of kefir in fridge.  I'll be a bit before I have two, a bigger starter jar going, and a spare in the fridge.  But... I am getting there.  In it's time.

Later.

Pleasant.

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I didn't think boiled mushrooms would work out.  These were a bit dated to.  Not quite... done.  But not as fresh as I would prefer.  Still, I went with it, deciding they were still good.  And, they were.  I diced them, not very thin, sort of chunky really.  Then boiled them for 25 minutes.  I suppose one could save the broth, but I didn't, this time.

I did strain the mushrooms, then fried them in half butter, half coconut oil.  A touch of italian spice mix, a touch of garlic and onion powder (say a teaspoon, maybe more like half that), plus salt and pepper.  I... suspect boiling is better.  But, it requires twenty five minutes, just for boiling, and maybe two cooking containers.  I suppose you could fry them in the base of the boiling pot.  I didn't, but you could.  Then again, it isn't any work to clean out the boiling pot.  Just a rinse, if you are particular.  Very good.  I do think it is better than just frying them.

After, I diced half a leftover onion, and added that to hashed browns, with salt and pepper, and cheese as it waited in the cool oven for the eggs to be fried.  Then I fried four little eggs.  Grand.  Food, today, was quite good.  I have one more pack of mushrooms.  I may boil those, and make an egg, cheese, and hamburger casserole.  For the week.  Perhaps adding some of the remaining pork blade chop.  Either yet 'today', or when I wake up.  Sure sounds good.

Ah, and it's a birthday.  I will have to send out a call.  Even if I just leave a message.  Sliding into the morning at an odd angle, though.  May have to call later?  Don't want to... bother.  Hmm.  Well, all good.  Do what I can.

Back to a bit of gaming.  Coffee, first, for while gaming.  I am, by the way, getting really good with those high carbon pans.  They just require a dose of fat, or two.  And just a bit of care.  They are far more non-stick, when done correctly, than cast iron.  Not much lighter though.  I can really put out eggs, and I do flip them toward the end.  The right scraper (I prefer a fish flipper), the right fat(s) and the right amounts of those, and attention to heat and flipping.  My last... four or five fried egg meals have been very good, and easy to clean up after.

Oh, and I am getting back into keto.  Well, hashed browns, maybe not.  But, closer.  And closer.  I'll be back to mostly meat by next month.  And, being careful with which veggies and other sides, a bit more.  Still, I don't mind some potatoes, from time to time.  But, the start of this month has been atrocious as far as diet goes.  Even a dozen donuts, eaten over the first few days.  Bleh.  But, it had been a while since I had gone off the food rez.  So be it.

Later.

Doing well enough in the game.

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Struggling, no doubts.  The challenges are the most difficult.  Though getting the 'toon to swing kick, and a few other things, isn't working.  The button key suggests this, then that.  But it doesn't work.  Though, too, I am finding that combat in some areas, like little arenas, is different from open world combat situations.

Now, at first, I wondered if the things that don't seem possible wouldn't be necessary.  But, nope, I was wrong.  Some of them are required.  I am not sure if a gadget, or skill, or level, is needed for some things to work.  The frustrating thing about the game is that, in certain areas, or doing certain things, the keys don't work as they do in normal situations, beyond combat.  Very frustrating.  Imagine if you walked into a house, and doorknobs no longer worked normally.  Instead of turning, you had to pull and lift, to open doors.  But... no one tells you.  And, it's a number of things that change.  It's just how they make challenges, and some combat scenarios, more difficult.  They are just dragging out the game, creating roadblocks, or more bottlenecks... time killers.

Now, I was surprised I was able to crush the puzzle challenges.  Without help.  There were a few, near the end, which took some time to do.  But... yes... I do puzzles very very well.  There have been four different kinds?  And I just trounced.  For an old, ill, mostly dead guy, I do alright.  If I had a healthy body, there isn't a thing I couldn't do.  Though there are some things I have no interest in doing... brain surgery, or medicine in general.  Programming, as a rule, in general, and specific.  Though I would like to do minor programming, for computer simplification, if I was using it professionally.  A few other things, like cleaning my cellphone, clearing, and running it my way.  If using the efforts of others.  There are some things I wouldn't have a bit of interest in doing.  But, I would do many, many things.  From mechanics, to engineering, to math studies, to plumbing and house electrical.  Perfect?  Not likely possible, ask the guy installing your xyx.  He can... do well, with what is available, in the time allotted, for the right price.  But perfection became impossible as soon as other systems and mechanics became involved.  Even a singular system has limits regarding perfection, due to reality being what it is.

Well... time to go back to gaming?  Or fixing some food, eating, then going back to gaming?  Probably the latter.  It is 03:43, 40 F outdoors, and getting cooler in here.  Ugh.  I have water tested the storeboughts.  Really ought to save those for boiling, and use the gooder ones for frying.  But, for today, this is how it goes.  As well, I am going to try to boil mushrooms, see if that actually works.  Eggs have been tested, mushrooms are out and ready to be managed.

Oh, but pans have to be cleaned.  Cheese, and burned things, make it impossible to cook eggs correctly.  Onion is ready to be diced.  I do have potatoes to be browned, or maybe corned beef as a side.  And a bit of cheddar for either.  Just frying the eggs, actual over easy.  It works.  I may take a shower.  So I can warm up, then dress more warmly still.  It is getting cool.  Later.

Tissue paper.

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Kleenex, as it is often called.  I have been out of it, down here, for a week or two.  I finally went through my storage and grabbed a few boxes.  For near the computer, and in the living room, near the console.  I'm a firm believer in blowing it all out, at least once a day.  Three times, four times, even five if needed, or I can, should.  It's not quite as disgusting as some of the other methods and reasons for voiding, if it's... pretty ugly and gross.  And, yet, it's a beautiful thing, the process.  Your own personal air filtration system.  God gave us very interesting biological forms in which to inhabit.  No machine, or other organism, even comes close.

It is wonderful to have a clean air intake system, after a quick but detailed voiding.  I have missed that.  Very good.  I am thinking that someone "borrows" bits and pieces of all that I have, which really cuts into my income.  I am sure of it.  Too ill to do much more than I have about it.  But I have... limited... how much is taken.  I live amongst thieves.  The lessor I have limited.  The better, more motivated, I can't keep out.

Still gaming.  The game, in some parts, is too difficult.  For a beginner.  Which I am.  The question is, will I make it beyond being a beginner?  I don't know, not sure I want to work that diligently.  But, maybe.  It is helping me stay awake.  Not getting me to labor, physical work, but one thing at a time.

And, again, pain seems gone.  Oh, there is always a bit to a lot of it, just under the surface.  But out of sight, mostly, out of mind.

Back on to gaming... with a cleared ability to breath.  I much prefer to breath through my nose, and at a certain pace.  I have to, often, consciously breath as such.  It... is part of why I am still alive.  Being buried in dying flesh takes... discipline.  Most people don't have the... patience? resolution? something... for it.  Not that I did.  I certainly tried to shirk that duty.  I was graced with the ability to handle the pain, and called beyond that all.  Don't look at me, the gifts and will were initially a God thing.  Then I took the helm, once certitude about some things had set in.  A gift?  From a command.  Start as a slave, to His will, if you must.  Then, as the prodigal son?  Then become a servant, then a child... again.  I am the prodigal son, in ways only He may know.  All good.

Well... on to gaming.  Maybe something to eat in a bit.  Eggs, corned beef has, fresh onion, and a glass of water?  Perhaps.  Later.