I think she is tuckered.

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No worries.  She has been driven since she got here.  Oh, sure, getting the place up to specs, the unpacking process, daily living, getting medicine and other business and .gov things applied for, changed, and else?

Yes, all that.  But more.  Years of living in a nursing home, where her allowance for cleaning, cooking, shopping, and just being a free woman were all infringed.  It's a soul crushing place, if you still have some good in you.  She has been letting her joy of these things out.

Yes, I worry.  So I check on her.  Encourage her to nap, take it easy, even call me for heavier chores.  And... she has been taking advantage of that option more, as she winds down.  As with food, I might offer recommendations, offer new things, but I wouldn't deign to attempt command.  She is eighty two years young.

If her food, or work, kills her tomorrow?  She already beat the life lottery.  I'm hoping she gets a few, a dozen, even a score more.  But, as with me, at this point, it is well out of our hands.  If, really, life and death are God things.  Still, I will encourage an easier path this week.  I don't want to see her fall.

I finally rested and slept enough to catch up a bit today.  Enough to begin opening up my upstairs room.  Two large baskets of clothes were sorted into drawers.  Some is arranged to be hung.  I opened the space, mostly, that was wanted cleared.

I may yet turn one of the covered hanging clothes racks, so the both face each other, open toward each other.  With the recently cleared area, and unmentionables drawers, and these, all facing into the cleared area.  Then I'll bring up a dressing bench to make a mini dressing area.

Then more laundry down.  A table possibly cleared.  Boxes sorted, some to go, others to be put... somewhere else, eventually.  Boxes to be broken down, a few new and old empties.  But only a few more things tonight.  Then I'll have something to eat and drink then go to bed.

Meds were taken.  Should feed Sassy a last time, and do a quick quiet check on mom.  If she is awake I'll see if she needs any last thing, some water or tea... iced.  I set up her coffee earlier.  Might put the grinds and allulose in my french press too, for an easier start.

We have done bundles of work since returning.  She has memory issues, but so do I.  We are... learning to... take a breath.  And just ask, not shout or accuse.  It's working.  We, neither of us, gets our way, when or as we always want it.  But with a little patience, we get through communal and personal needs and wants as possible 

Well... on to getting laundry down, checking the dryer... if I think it is all clear.  Then some food?  Definitely some water.  Feeding Sassy.  Checking on mom.  Then up for a few more chores before crashing.  Would love a shower but have had nearly two a day since returnig.  A day off, or two, would be good.

Good night.  Or later.

Let's ask Hayden.

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She is going to be sorely dissapointed.

When I paint her room (not on my shortlist in any case), she wants me to use a roller.  Well, and move everything to one side of the room, paint, and reverse the process, plus tape and cover.  No.  NO!

Everything will be pulled, everything will be taped, drop cloth will be taped in, curtains will be removed, and I will use the machine.  Further, the plan, for me, is to hit two rooms, minimum, at a time.

Rolling would take all day, or two, especially with brush crevice and trim work.  No.  NO!  The sprayer will do two rooms in three to four hours.  Using good paint, no need for a second coat.  She may end up in a hotel room for a night, but I'm good with that.  Uhrm, she'll go before I start.

But that won't be a thing until weather begins cooling this fall.  I don't do dirty deeds in the summer heat.  Period.

She pouted that we should just ask Hayden.  I looked deliriously at her, and said "LET'S"!  With a bit of a cruel chuckle and grin.  A, I am pretty sure which way that will go, without any pre-pressuring, maybe with it.  B, I don't care if he agrees, I'll be doing it my way, either way.  *grins*

Achy, sore, weary, mildly sleepy, with a headache.  Didn't sleep well or much.  Did start carvedilol this morning.  Couldn't find, or focus to find, it yesterday.  Furosemide, potassium, minerals, daily chewable, and B super complex in the rotation, again, all.  Losarten in five days, scheduled in my calendar.

Some plans for today.  I don't think I can.  Monday.  Until then I am, proverbally, gone fishing.  She doesn't know it yet.  Will be told shortly.  Sleeping, resting, light sorting in my room.  To get clothes arranged in drawers, open floor space, open table space to begin taking one or two of those down, but none of it in an even slight hurry.

If I can open a specific dressing area, and get my underwear and socks sorted into the drawers and by type, cotton boxer-briefs in this or those drawers, close together, tech/synthetic boxer-briefs in a sister drawer, wool, synthetic, and compression socks in their own drawer(s), I'll be happy.  Sleeping or resting as needed.

I'll pop down, time to time, to move baskets of laundry, find something she needs or wants, answer a few questions about the house as she learns things, and such.  And just to make sure she hasn't fallen or gotten stuck somewhere, somehow.  ;p  Otherwise... gone fishing.

Later.

I don't need to teach.

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Not how to cook.  How to cook keto/carnivore?  Not truly that either.  It is more showing her a few metods, introducing her to a few new food items, explaining what the exchanges replace in recipes, if the biggest thing is just getting her to stick to it.

She suggested making chocolate chip cookies.  Keto, I asked.  Of course!  She retorted.  Victoria's keto flour, this, that else.  All low carb.  But then??  She planned to use regular chocolate chips?  I just told her, if she wanted some, even with regular flour, to make her own, with regular chocolate chips.

But she said she doesn't eat them.  Dubious.  But I had to laugh.  Why would you go through the bother of making otherwise cookies only to add tegular chocolate chips?  No answer.

I looked up Choc Zero low/no carb chips.  Then regular chocolate chips... milk chocolate, my preferred.  Amazed that there wasn't much difference, or as much as expected.  And the better regular chips cost more?  So price isn't as much of an issue.  Oh, but I will want walnuts.  At least in some of them.

Anyway, crazy tired.  Trying to come down so I can sleep.  Went down a bit ago, helped with a few things, brewed tea to be refrigerated later, filled the water, and set up her coffee for the morning.

Ugh.  Good night.

She was right.

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The windows in her bedroom can be removed.  After the sills were cleared, cleaned, anyway.  So cleared and cleaned.  I have tooth brushes, which I don't use now that I have electric ones.  I brought those to the party, and let her know there are more for fiddly cleaning.

We got her windows taken out, and in the en suite, cleaned, and replaced.  But there is a lot of mineral buildup on them that window cleaner just won't touch.  So I looked for a solution...  CLR, it turns out.  True?  Will find out sooner or later.  All the windows will get touched up, if it works.

I've helped her put up new drapes in there, remove, clean, and replace the windows, and a few other minor things for most of the afternoon.  Wasn't the plan, but the drapes arrived early, and we had started on the windows yesterday, so it was tending old business.

Then I got her bed where she wanted it, after a few days of various trials, seeing what she wanted and liked.  No, fair.  I generally have to muss, in a new room, to find my place and make it work.

Supper, in a bit.  Pork steak with tomatillo sauce.

Tomorrow, I am hoping to get in for a u.a., finally.  As well, a liver panel.  They haven't done one of those since the bike accident.  Then my foot doc can decide what we can do, use, for the foot fungus.

But, too, I need to do some work up here... going forward.  I have too much up here, it is too unorganized, it is becoming claustrophobic.  NO!

I have places, hanging spaces, and such.  It's a matter of opening space to get to storage, then organizing what to put were.  I have enough space, spaces.  Currently, however, it is like a unfinished puzzle.  I just need to fit the pieces.  And, I can.  I just need time, when I have the energy.

Didn't shower this morning, will tonight.  Sleep, rest, work, as I can, must.  Hoping to have my room pretty much straighrened, organized, by next weekend.  Though then I need to begin cleaning.  One thing at a time.

Oh, mother had a few good ideas.  With curtains up, I really want sheers too.  Some light without losing all privacy.  But the walls don't accept mounts well, nearly stucco, or cement, for walls.  I do have curtains up.  The mounta.  So... Just use a light metal spring at the base of the curtain rod brackets.  Really might work.

Oh, and I need to figure how people are getting into my house, and fix that.  Definitely still breaking in, while we are sleeping.  Had to flee once, if mother didn't open the back doors and forget?  Not using the doors, those have security plates, security hook and eye (with plates which need to be slid before than can be lifted, and several of those).  Must be a loose window, or some odd way into the basement?

Mother tries to deny, but I know... clearly now.  I've set a few traps, I know.  An odd thing they do is take some of the water out of the reverse osmosis carafe.  Watering Sassy, or just getting some water to go?  Seriously, as strange as it sounds.

I know it is true.  That was happening before my mother arrived.  I thought it might be the machine clocking off, or an electrical disruption, shorting producion.  The problem with that is that there isn't enough water remaining in the reservoir and the carafe to account for the difference.  I fill to a specific level, consistently.  Nope, between a half and full quart goes missing every few days.  Sure  I think I really do have ghosts.  But I have never had a ghost drink or eat food before.  No, this is a contemporary two legged rat.

Might be putting a smaller kid in, who unlocks for someone else.  Not quite absolutely sure, but will be trying to prevent that.

Later.

Not everything.

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Three things on my list were failed.  Two of them for the same reason... public access was too busy.  One, because I just couldn't pee, for the doctor requested ua.  Too late for the appointment anyway.

Several extras though... things she wanted or needed not on my official list.  A newspaper, shoes ( even got her size correct).  She has more shoes... somewhere.  Been wearing the same pair out here, and on the way.  Mary jane flats, strapless, and a cool mesh almost boating shoe.  A few other things.  My treat today, if that is that for the month.

Pediatry went very well.  It looks and sounds, from an experiment, as if we can reduce or eliminate the echo, or phantom, feedback... causing burning and pins and needles.  He also thinks the barely closed wound might fully heal?  That would be awesome.  I live in the shadow of that opening up at any time.

Several items arrived for help getting her in and out of the vehicle, or possibly the mower.  As well as things so her bed wouldn't slip from under her.  A new battery for the mower, too.  We got the leg strap set up.  The stirrup one is good to go.  She is fussing, so we can get her bed set up.  She cleaned like a madwoman in there, but she really spiffed her a.o.  we'll see, adjusting, or getting other things as needed.

Told you we would set her up.

Then, she ordered new drapes,an area rug, and something else...  a bedspread to my chagrin.  But I won't fuss, just shake my head.  She is doing well, I won't bother on small details, oor her spaces.  No private pics in shared areas, I had to remind her.  Her room, and the spare room, if she takes that for a sewing, sitting, or other sort of room.  Not in shared/public spaces or my spaces.  The living room is mine, start and stop.

Making ice, in the machine.  Her coffee is set up.  Dinner, supper will be easy, mine.  Cheese slices and turkey cold cuts.  I can't remember what she is having.  

One last hard day.

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Kidney clinic.  The main project.  But to, a stop at the hardware store, solo... bug spray and weed whip line.  To the bank, a deposit and checking logs... account books.  A stop at fast food, mother was getting ill... medicines on an empty stomach.  Difficulty getting going this morning... She was sore, I was tired, so no food.  All good.

My doc put me back on carvedilol.  Slowly, low dosage to start.  Then reset some other things.  Good.  Mom went in.  Won't always.

On to a grocery store to pick up what of her meds might be available and do some shopping.  A good load of shopping was done.  I got the bulk of it, but she did a bit.  Then on to Idaho, to see if they had her vape mats cheaper.  One town over and it was.  I'll bet a bit deeper in, it would be much cheaper.  

Then to the dairy.  Picked up that since the people who grace me by picking that up were on vaca, so it would have been delayed... and because we were right there.  Then back to town for the car wash.  She didn't want to, but had fussed about just going on, probably thinking I would get tired and relent on that goal.  Nope.

Oh, but they did fund all of her scripts.  We had thought they only did a few (if the most expensive ones).  I was getting ready to scrape together whatever coin was needed otherwise.

She was pretty grumpy by the end of the day, as was I.  Not to nasty, just snippy, both of us.  She thought the day had been bad.  But I recounted the highlights... me back on high blood pressure meds that work.  She got a ninety day supply of all her meds.  The fridge is well stocked.  Dairy is tended.

Oh, and a really nice step ladder arrived, sheets that fit ( she had been using queen size on her full, it's what I had), lots of things arriving shortly to get her room to her liking... new curtains, an area rug, more storage, a beadspread she wanted...  

Oh, and the items I bought her, to help her in and out of the car seemed to have really helped.  Today was our first chance to test things.  Had to argue about bringing the item that ended working the best, overrid her objections.

A very good if slightly grumpy day.

I told her that I am taking a week or two off.  I'll come down an hour or two, off and on.  Check if she has heavy work, even carrying laundry.  But mostly resting, sleeping, and organizing my bedroom.  No choice anyway, between exhaustion and starting meds.

Things are improving.  We are getting much done.  Her room is nearly set up.  My room should be much better sorted shortly.  It's going better than it was at first headed.  Rwe were both just road weary.  But that really helped us sort some things quickly, so wasn't all bad.  All good.

Later.

To town.

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A list of things to do, get.  I did until I couldn't.  No worries, I have to be out the next two days.  Supper was ready, chicken vegetable soup.  Was great, until I found potato.  Didn't say anything.  Just waited until she was gone then dumped it.  Back to cooking for myself.  If she wanted potato, she could have baked or microwaved one.  Oh well.

It's warmer, but now looks like a storm is coming in.  And I don't think it warmed as they suggested it would.  Maybe to the high, then cooling off?  Otherwise I think it would have gotten hotter than they suggested.  Wrong about everything or partly wrong and dishonest.  Or, of course, merely offering whatever propaganda the state and corpos see fit to shove out.  Only optiosns.  Probably a mix.

The gals from her nursing home called.  I think she enjoyed that.

We have been working with people in Utah and Iowa to keep her medicine on tap.  Her Iowa part D is still active, but no pharmacy in Utah works with them.  Should have ordered in Iowa, but no one told us.  Hmm, I wonder if we can get med orders through in Iowa?  Time is running out quickly for even that.

Will figure something out.  I'll tell you though, no one is much interested.  Squeaky wheel?

Time to rest.  I have to go to town, do more, the next two days.  And while not seasonally hot, getting there.

To the doctor.

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Her doctor, first appointment.  Wasn't sure about how... anything would work.  From payment to discussions to doctor.  Smooth sailing, honestly.  They had her part A&B, and D.  If the latter expires at the end of the month.  If they will accept her part D, here?  Oops, it expired this month.

One thing at a time.

We were in early enough to get most of the paperwork finished.  Seems like a good doc.  Went through her meds.  Between the two, they pulled four meds.  Some on a trial basis.  Though the doc seemed good with the culls.

The pharmacy called, for information.  We didn't have it.  Then I thought I had found it, but no.  At least the pharmacist said she would call the doctor's office, see if they might have what they need.  Weren't going to do that without my call, so cash and carry?  -  Nope.  May see about a 30, rather than 90, day scrip... if it's self pay.  And pray it is affordable.  Or ask price first.  Low enough just... take the hit.

When we arrived home, the front door was open.  As with the backdoor being unlocked and wide open yesterday... or the day before.  At least this time I know it wasn't her.  The back door?  She does have memory problems.  Not sure.  Front door?  Slightly possible I didn't shut it, or completely?  But those events have me concerned.

She asked about possible deliveries.  I got a bit short with her on that.  I don't allow such.  But I shouldn't have.  Been doing good with... being nice, even when I don't want to, but I am not perfect.  Just a short quick snap. 

I have a few things to do in town.  Calendars, a u.a. I couldn't finish with the blood tests, trying to get her an email address and check on her SSI information...  Some or all of that.  Will see.  But the world is warming back up, so windows upstairs need to be shut.  Ugh.

An appointment tomorrow, and the next day.  Then I can rest a bit.  Good thing to, it's going to be in the 80's or higher going forward.  Ugh.  I am already feeling it.  A few more days then I go down for a week as needed.

Later.

A busy day.

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Up early.  Was supposed to be awake at seven but it we both were half an hour late.  It worked out.

Paperwork, for public assistance... and blood work for me for an upcoming appointment.

No public assistance.  Their definitions collided with our situation.  Over the limits.  Wasn't willing to lie for a few extra dollars.  Not worth that kind of trouble, though more to it than just potential trouble.

A stop at the store, for my waters.  She doesn't like them.  They help me in numerous ways.

She has been doing laundry.  I help from time to time.  Mostly carrying the loads, sometimes switching them.  Getting the back room slowly sorted.

Then she was thinking chicken and dumplings.  I feared, even without eating regular flour dumplings that the flour would taint the chicken.  Asked if I had a reciipe book.  Do I?  The 25th edition of The Joy of Cooking.  Pretty much the culinary encyclopedia.

She found it.  Looked a bit.  Cake flour?  No, no flour.  Corn starch?  No, and couldn't eat it.  That has 25 carbs a dose!  However... I had the makings for keto flour, untried true (by me), and an alternative for corn starch... xanthan gum.  She wasn't a happy camper, but... wanted dumplings, so was willing to give it a go.

Also called for milk, which we have for her cereal.  I asked if we could use cream instead.  She didn't fuss about that one at all.

So I whipped up a batch of the keto flour.  There was enough room in the chosen container for a second, and maybe two more batches.  I kept it at two for now.

We put together a keto dumpling batter.  She added it when she thought right, to the simmering chicken breast.  Had asked for bullion, but I had bone broth.  Alternatives that I can eat.  An experiment.

It really worked well!  It's been so long since I've had anything like that.  Even she was surprised.  Dumplings, flour?  No.  But honestly good enough.  Can't wait to try that 'flour' for bread, or keto cinammon rolls.  I really might win her over.  For a meal, from time to time anyway.  I'll tell you, that was delicious.  And the whole  meal only had, maybe, four to six carbs!  Better than I anticipaed, or honestly hoped.

Another early start tomorrow.  Her first local doctor visit, then one  for me.  A few days off, then another for me.  Plus some efforts to get her set up with social security, so she knows what is happening.  And other business... a local driver license and... other things.  Oh and a replacement for my social security card.  Stupid "lost" wallet.

Getting there.  I've ordered a step ladder, some assisting items for her, a bar for the shower, slip resist items for the mattress and box springs, and a few other items.  Slowly setting her up for an easier go of things.  I think we can get her pretty comfy.  Will never be able to make her completely steady of foot.  But can build in as much help as possible.

I am really looking forward to trying the bread recipe, to start.  Victoria's keto kitchen, I think, is her youtube channel.  She has an even newer recipe I will try, using some einkorn... a real, but ancient, wheat, in with some of these ingredients I used tonight.

Good night.

Smoothing out.

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In spite of all, as some things get sorted, things are improving.  I can help, just within limits, and not at constant start stop.  Have a list.  I can work for half an hour at a time, as I recover from the last few months and drives.  That's about it, but I can do almost anything.  Especially with it being cool.  Three or four sessions a day.

The weather says it is 37 out there.  Not.  Probably more like, say, low 50s, high 40s.  If that low.  I promise it isn't that close to freezing.  Currently.  They have it listed as the low and current temp.  Down to that, through the night?  Possible.  If I think unlikely?  But maybe.  Just, it isn't that now.

The cold spell happened two days ago and continues.  Crazy cold for this time of year.  No rain with it either.  Looks like it will be warming to more normal over the next few days.  Found a better site, 44 out now, 37 as a low, 60 was the high today.  71 tomorrow.

Mom is a worker though.  Mostly laundry today.  Wasn't sore from the fall, but is feeling it tonight.  Might need a few days off.  Had me do shopping tonight.  I went solo, much easier, if I missed a few things, and got some extras.  I even called to ask what cereals she wanted.  Got those and milk, plus chia for myself.  She had wanted that a bit ago, but lists of lists, and this and that, things fall through the cracks.

I've helped, in sessions, and slept a lot too.  It's what I can do.

Getting along better.  Still trying to get to painting, and wanting a dog.  She can't handle either, and I'm not ready.  I told her, after some rooms are cleared, and we have her more fully set up, then I'll paint.  She said I wasn't going to let her have any fun.  Not at great expense or pains, no, I thought.  But left it at a firm look.

Not being mean.  Just won't allow an animal I would end up with, making messes, needing walked... or having paint all over a new bathroom.  Might get her a finger paint kit.  Tell her if she makes a Michaelangelo, or even a Picaso, she might be let loose.  :p

Well, on to bed.  Have to go in for bloodwork and her paperwork tomorrow.  Good night.

She stays busy.

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But, puts everyone anywhere near her to work.  We are going to have to change things.  Make a few rules.  If she can't follow those rules...  

She didn't care for habiscis tea, will try others.  Have my doubts.  She has only had the rot-gut black or sweetened "blends".  Her taste buds are set for the standard American diet.  Subtlty is lost on her.  Still, perhaps something real might catch her fancy.

Staying cool.  Here at 14:31, upstairs as I write preparing to nap, it is 65.  Wild.  Never seen it cool this deeply, or for this long, this late in the year.

Blood sugar was still higher, fasting.  At 152.  Bleh.  Back on carnivore though.  Takes time.  

I opened up the back room.  Wasn't sure I wanted too.  Flak about some of my wardrobe.  But, no.  She did notice my pj bottoms are down to mediums.  She asked about those.  Aye.  I have some large and extra large, if they will fit her.  Legs will have to ne shortened, but...  I can't keep them up, even tied right tight.

Probably some t-shirts, for housewear.  While my chest is 48", it fits a 46" better.  Usually.  I need a lot less 'ease' than many.

I had to come up, to rest.  Probably sleep some more.  And so it is, will be.  Sleep almost certainly.  Crashing for the last two paragraphs.  Later, or good night.

Up rather late.

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Didn't go to bed until 22:00.  Couldn't relax into sleep until about midnight.  Then didn't wake until ten thirty.  Sassy was up, pushing.  I was trying from probably seven.  Just could not wake up!

Double bloody nose almost immediately, but it stopped within half an hour.  Rough, though.  Headache, mild.  Won't treat it.  If it persists for a week, I will get to it.  Body is sore.  Worked, stressed, overheated, pushed beyond limits for too long.

A cool front came through.  It got down to the low sixties, upstairs!  In the last weeks of June?  I can't remember that, but sure like it.  My mom is a bit cold, but I'm good.  I made her herbal tea, hibiscus and chamomile, to warm her hands.

I figured it would warm by this morning, but no.  I'm loving it.  Her, not so much.  She'll get her favored heat before too long.

She, surprisingly, is doing well this morning.  Was expecting her to be stiff and sore from the fall.  I hear it was a doozy.  But, no.  So all good.

Things are... improving.  We'll see.

Brother called.  Road her for me bothering him.  Couldn't deal with me about it, coward cunt.  He has health issues, you know.  Too busy with self and in-law to deal with us.  As I had already written, he has been dropped from the loop already.  Doubly so now.

I'll finish my fatted coffee and go on back to rest for a bit.  Thought about a shower, but dishes were started before I could get to it.  Later.

Better, if still iffy.

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Still with painting, still a no.  That is very low on priorities.  There are four rooms stacked with her stuff and mine.  At a minimum, the living room, front room, and my bedroom need to be cleared and set.  Until then, no.  Even then, painting is messy.  Would rather do that in the fall.

Ordered a new battery for the mower.  Could just keep it trickle charging, until it is dead-dead.  But the parts needed for that woun't arrive until the second week in July.  The battery will be here by the end of the week.

The neighbors mowed.  I didn't know that was going to happen.  Mother says they surprised her, but I wonder if she asked them.  Don't believe her, always, or fully, ever.  They also helped her up.  She took a serious spill, fall.  She seems to be okay, if she'll feel it tomorrow.  Will make sure she isn't broken, somehow, in the morning.  Try to talk her into cooling her jets.

I did get hoses and sprinklers set up.  Not running tonight.  Got to town to get gas for the mower, fill the tank, and for the gas weed whip.  It didn't start either.  Had hoped to use that where her weed whip wasn't enough.  No dice, for now.  New spark plug, reset kit, cleaning the air filter?  Will try things in the morning.

We did discuss things, if she is staying for even a bit, or longer.  I showed her some things that could help with mobility.  She had one of the items, but hadn't thought to use it to get out of the vehicle easier... just a foot sling.  She uses them for stretching, exercises.

I also suggested a bar, near her bed.  She actually liked that idea.  She told me of a problem, with her mattress and box springs slipping, so I suggested we get grip items, like for shower footing, or under rugs so those don't slip.  I've become more cautious as I age, so investigate and try things to make me safer.  I can take serious spills too.  Prefer not to.

A few days back on carnivore is good.  Blood sugar, fasting, Friday, was 149.  Not bad for a five day fast food binge.  But, today, right after supper?  114.  Weight is up to 251, last I checked.  But biceps have really gotten bigger.  Still almost anemic looking, but double the previous size?  Or in that neighborhood.  Muscle weight.  My waist dropped from the second or third from the last notch to the last one.  Barely holding there.

Good night.

Better than anticipated.

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My guess is he does read here, sometimes.  Or is connected with someone who does.  He didn't jump down my throat.  Did ask why I was calling him?  Other than it being about our mother?

He let me know he is busy with his father-in-law.  And... whatever else.  Wasn't interested.  I asked if he simply didn't want to know about mom or me?  He slightly changed his tack, but didn't answer directly.  So... I won't bother him from now on.  No, I get it.

I let him know that she may end up in a home locally.  I won't spend more of my own money, save on a year of storage.  For whatever good that might do.  Six months?  He had zero interest.  Though the phone theft got his attention.  I think he might lose it for such an act, more than I did.

He just said, if she ends up out here, I can visit.  At least until I can make improvements, sell, perhaps get the eyes inproved, and until I can make it to the Phillipines.  But that would be a few years?  If I, she, or either of us make it that long.

With doctors not treating high bp, can't be sure.

Still, surprised he wasn't jacking me about things.  Or more than saying I shouldn't have interferred with things.  But... he did too, getting her meds changed, so that she sounded healthier.  They had her trucked down for a reason.  I... get that now.  So happy to see her go they gave me no warning.

Still... he was informed.  I did my duty, unsavory as that can be.  I would have wanted to know in the other shoes.  Not sure he would have informed me.  Lots of things he hasn't told me, won't.  I'm not him.

The lawn mower was working.

.

.

My guess is the battery is dead.  It charged, took a charge, worked, but died quickly.  A new one on the way.  Plus a trickle charge adapter.  She then decided to weed whip.  Almost instantly breaking the string, without more feeding out.

My guess?  She didn't read the instructions, and used old methods for other trimmers.  Did she break the new one?  Maybe.  While trying to finish my fatted coffee, she had me doing a bunch of work... so she could work?  Help up on the mower, then off so I could try to start it.  Then to the trimmer.

I finally just told her to read the instructions.  Grabbed my coffee.  And went upstairs.  I have to completely avoid her.  All of her work becomes my work.  And much of it isn't needed.  She cleaned out my fridge.  It is, what, two months old?  No.

And what is needed, I do when I can.  Not when she wants.  That isn't how my health allows.

I'll be calling my brother shortly.  Not for discussion, permission, just to let him know this won't work.  He won't add anything useful.  But he will be informed.  I can't do this.

Well... on to a fantastic phone call.  Later.

She keeps checking.

.

.

I think she is realizing that I don't believe a word out of her mouth.  Perhaps my brother did?  I am sure her last friend didn't.  To be honest, even though my brother has an absolute average IQ, he didn't believe, or tolerate, either.  Pathalogical, I am saying.  Mother, not brother.

She asked if I had moved her vape.  And her phone.  Problem?  When I checked on her this morning, for certain, her phone was charging on her headboard.  I only opened the door to check on her, wake her.  She was faking sleeping, too.  Could tell.  She woke to easily, quickly, without a start.  Games.

She first said she didn't get up.  Last night, or this morning.  Then that she had, but had only... had some tea?  Then some food too.  Then she couldn't remember.  Does she remember doing things, then know she shouldn't have, so then "forget"?  Whatever is convenient.  Though she may have legit memory issues.  But, with a dedicated liar, it's impossible to know which, when.

She has tried to convince me that she came to the hospital the day after I attempted suicide.  She wasn't up for a month.  Besides, the day after, and several more days, I was in an induced coma.  My doctor told me that.  He told me I hadn't died, but a post doc nurse, studying near death, told me otherwise.

And, my last woman and I met a nurse who knew that nurse.  She told me the story of my experience.  The time I was out, else.  And I remembered things that made me believe her.  My mother was running a bar, and drunk most nights.  But wants to believe what makes her a great mother.  But she just wasn't, before or after.  

So angry.  And her belittling ways?  No.  She does that with everyone, in time.  Everybody who knows her knows this.  If nothing else, what she says about other people to you?  She tells other people about you, though with your particulars.

Just called.  I told her I am resting.  Done, for a bit.  Will be speaking with her doctor, with and after her.  If I have to go camping for a week, month, longer... after setting her up with food, and a prayer, so be it.  I can't do this.

Real troubles.

.

.

I think my mom got jealous of my cellphone.  She hid it.  I found it on the floor, in the washroom.  She can't easily get back there yet.  But I heard it sound below me, so in her room, last night.  Incoming text sound.  And there are new texts, so I am sure.  I had left it on the table when showering.  It would have been there or in my velcro closing cargo pocket.  No way to fall out.  It's a struggle to get to to answer, but I never lose it.

As well, it looks like she tried to drive the mower last night or this morning.  Or did something.  She knocked over one of the supports for the back porch stoop.  My God, this woman is a nightmare.

Well, and she closed the door to the downstairs.  I am leaving that open so my cat can come up.  To make up for my abscence.  She wants it shut so Sassy will sleep with her.  Sassy doesn't really trust her.  Either way, these behaviors are not going to be allowed.

Monday we begin looking for a place for her.  I won't spend any more.  I've put a $k into this.  No more.  If she can't afford, or get help with, costs for return, she'll have to go local.  The most I will do is put her sttuff in storage.  Pay a year.  And let it go there.

Way more than I can deal with.  She had practiced her denials for everything.  I must have lost the phone...  Neighbors were angry about my yard.  Liar, born and trained.  No, just no.  Won't bother including my brother.  He is on her side, no matter, unless she is staying with him.

Ugh.  Done.  She has to go somewhere.

Oh, and a bloody nose from 17:00 to 2:00.  Became a double around 22:00.  I had to change the packs every hour or two, sometimes more often.  Because they would pour through, or back up so I couldn't breath... or both.  I may not survive long, anyway.  BP is probably going to get me before I can get her out?  I'm feeling it.  My ears are ringing so loud they hurt.

I am starting to see why her first husband beat her.  Who knows what games and troubles she lobbed at him daily.  Constant trouble.  Leopards don't change their spots.

-----------

Ah, one more check.  I thought I heard a call last night.  Right below me.  Checked.  She called.  Must have forgotten she had my phone.  Just wanted to make sure more things fit, evidence.  Yes, she took the phone.

A nap.

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.

Would have slept the night, but she called.  Stuck in the house.  That's not going to work.  Foiled from going outside by a standard handle lock and deadbolt?  And couldn't figure out how to turn on a twist stem lamp?  Seriously?  If this is a daily issue, set of issues, and there are more, this just won't work.

Better to figure this out quickly, and get it sorted, rather than dragging it on until winter, where turning off the heat 'by accident', or stumbling out into the cold and forgetting how to get back in happens.

I almost hope she is just jockeying for attention.  Though, that too is too much.  I can't do that.  Think of me... as... a pet rock, with my main three organs near failure.  I simply can't do much.

A shower, shortly.  Then back to bed.  Leaky bowel syndrome?  A fiction, but with my bp so high, and kidneys at 15%, the fiction is presented.  Well, that and eating higher carbs on the road.  Just couldn't tend my diet well on the running fly.

A shower.  Shortly.  Then on to bed.  Dry to the bone, in spite of drinking a lot.  Can't take the waterpills or I would get in trouble.  Anyway.  Waiting on water to run, and ice to finish.  Another feeding for Sassy, the shower, then on to bed.

We will see.  Need to talk to some folk.  See if she can get help sometimes.  I simply can't be her every moment helper.  Though getting through the initial setup...  We'll see.

She bought a 10" Ryobi weed whip.  My gas one is too much, and she is in too much of a hurry to wait on when I can get to it.  I suggested an extra battery.  She ignored me.  Took all afternoon to charge half, to full.  I don't think she will like it.  It IS light.  She'll probably not be able to fill the cord.

Ah, but the box spring seems to be a great boon.  She thinks she can get up, on her own, now.  When we get her bed in it's final position, however, I still want to add a bent grab bar, for getting out, up, possibly help off the floor.  Fold away, or bolted in.  Things to help her be closer to self-sufficient.  Either that, or she has to go back to a care facility.

Then I will fix and sell up, and go.  Tick-tock.  Would still like to find a woman type, for marriage and a few rugrats, plus just life together.  Good night.

A bit of a start.

.

.

No, to paint.  I won't allow her to paint.  And I am not up to it.  Cleaning?  At her leisure.  Painting?  Not a chance.  She can't tape up, isn't steady of hand or foot, and I just spent two to three grand on the bathroom.  NO!

She said I might as well send her back.  Surprised her by concurring fully, adding a few of the other problems to that problem.  And, if need be, as possible, that will happen, or here.  If I can't get the rest I need, I have to go.  And she can't live on her own.

She asked if I was kicking her out.  I told her that was her choice.  I asked if she was going to try to paint, over my objections.  I could also have asked if she was going to try to get a dog, or a few other things I have forbidden.  If so, yes.

Choices.  Consequences.

For now we are going ahead as if she is staying, at least for a while.  But that can change quickly, with social services, family, friends, or even the law if required.  Ugh.  Hopefully she can back things down.  And we can sort.  Or not.

I bought her a box spring to raise her mattress.  Hopefully so she can more easily get up.  I can't be down to help her up every morning.  When I get rested, and cashflow returns, I'll look for a grab bar for the shower, and her bedside (at least, for the moment).

By the time those options are set for review, we should know if she is staying or not.  Though, a grab bar in the en suite would be good for me, or others.

She is in shopping.  No, I can't henpeck, at her pace, through a a massive Walmart.  If she had given me a patial list, and money, maybe.  Though, so tired today, maybe not even that?  We may stop at another furniture store.  I could probably do five to ten minutes there.  But no more.

When home, nap time.  Then some chuck, later.  Or is she making hotdogs and sauerkraut.  Will see what mood she is in, when.

Well, it is a learning experience.

Probably not.

.

.

Help opening her Listerine bottle?  An half hour looking for her medications, which she also accused me of moving?  Trouble using a simple blood sugar tester?  There is more.  She may truly require a full care facility.  I am not that, not even close.

And she wants to do more shoping today.  Where is she getting money?  She must not have told me half of the truth by less than half.  I just drove two days, then unpacked her.  She will get a drive cart and a "good luck".  I can't go, especially at her pace.  She rested on the drive.  I didn't.

As soon as she has a case worker, we will have to begin exploring options.  I'm pretty sure this can't work.  I was told her only problems were occasional falls.  Not dimentia, and the need for full time care.

Praying about it.  Thinking about it.  No use talking to my brother.  He has no good input, or help to offer.  He'll just get angry, yell, accuse, and try to lay a guilt trip.  Won't work.  Will see.  Though, if she can get help in here, and a bit else... maybe.  Solo?  I am way in over my head.

She even questioned payment for the u-haul, and other things.  Forgetting why she was paying, or what for?  I have to get everything in writing, get money up front for anything, and probably watch my own money.  She already reniged, partially, on one thing.  So... gotta watch everything.  No credit offered.

Checked the mail.  After a shower.  Opened the house for a few hours early, then closed it all back up.  It got down to 64, but was rising fast and quite early.  I am overheating.  I'm tired.  And she is trying to run me.  This isn't going to work at all as things stand.

Just holding my breath for a bit.  For now.

Want a shower.

.

.

The stupid dishwasher is taking forever.  There might be a pause on it?  The thing is, it has to be nearly done.

I made coffee, for my mom, for the morning.  I did find a regular coffee pot, but no filters.  And it has to be cleaned and rinsed.  New in the box, but still.  She wants it, she gets to do that.  But, for now, I can set out most of a quart, she can microwave what she wants of it.  Negotiated settlements until better or easier systems can be installed, implemented.

Better to negotiate than shout, when possible.

Laundry she wanted done went through after towels.  Until I can open the back area, I have to do it.  No problem.  I'll be helping with that either way.  So that isn't a problem.  I do want that open for her just so she feels more... free to get to things, do things, when and as she can.

As mentioned, I have a little life.  Won't get much better.  But, with a little help, she can have a biigger life, I think.  I want to see her to it, then mostly stay out of the way.  Only help when vital.  Negotiations are... difficult at times.  Gotta learn each other's limits.  Neither of which are always maleable, but what is a limit, need, want?

At 22:16 it was still 76 out there.  Ugh.  A shower would be really good, a cool to cold one.  Cool then cold?  Ac's and fans are mostly helping, but I am still overheated from all of today.  Should shower right after running, or when I catch my breath.  Will, going forward.

Aiming to get the rest of the paperwork done Monday.  Though getting a driver license may be required for some or all of the applications?  I tried to tell her.  But that wasn't high on her priorities.  Just hoping it is a simple swap.  Will find out.

Sassy is sure glad I am home.  Chattering much.  I assure her I missed her too.  She knows, she says.  But suggests she missed me more.  I suspect she's truthing.  I pet her when she eats, keep her litter boxes clean, talk to her like she's a grown up, and try to be fair and a friend.  She taught me to be kind.

Anyway...  I am not thinking I'll get a shower tonight.  Bedtime.  I don't have the legs left, even if the stupid machine finished.  Good night.

Very hot.

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.

Here at 20:47, with the sun nearly down, it is 78 outdoors.  I have an ac going upstairs and downstairs.  But it's 74, in the main.

Super, for me, was a bit of crockpot cooked chuck.  She had cheesy pasta.  I had another cream coffee.  Would have been much nicer iced.  Out of ice.  Doing too many things to get to ice.

Short term, setting things up, I am allowing.  Long term won't work, can't work.  She is trying to figure things out.  Short term, if she needs help out of bed?  Okay.  Long term, we have to set up pull bars, braces, or such.  Same with a number of things.

We got in for medicaid and other assistance today.  I got her a costco card.  We did some shopping, if I finished earlier.  Plus, I won't shop for some of her things.  No!  But she had a scooter, it wasn't too crowded, if she didn't get anything on her lists.  But we got food, even for tonight.

Back to carnivore, for me.  She'll eat whatever she wants and be perplexed why she doesn't lose weight.  I can't help.  Though, to be fair, most people can't even do carnivore as poorly as I do.  It's too hard.  Their habits and wants too ingrained, their belief that fat and good protein is bad has taken over their food thinking.

Only strong fish can fight the current.  The rest go worh the flow.  I can't change it.  And I will be hated for it.  So be it.

With the trailer back, medicaid or medicare application submitted, it's slowing.  I am still helping more than is sustainable, but that has to change after a few house revisions and hardware installations.

Them I take a week off.  No choice, especially in this heat.  Iay keep the ustairs ac on full run from now until mid to late August, possibly early September.  The downstairs ones from time to time, just to keep it in the mid 70's.  Ugh.

I can handle the temp, just not all the running and the temps.

A shower, then to bed.  I need to cool off.  Oh, I need to find the extra set of keys.  It had our post office keys.  As well, best make a set of house keys for my mother when doing certain shopping.

We are... doing better.  I am trying to tend certain needs and a few wants, while getting her to manage more things.  I'm not the house nigger.  But she has limits, real needs, and problems.  Will see.  If she can be mosyly a soloist, I can help sometimes.  We'll see.

Returned.

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.

With help from a few knights, the trailer was unloaded.  Thankfully in three sessions, so I could catch my breath.

Then a friend stopped.  Let me know a few things, saw my mom for the first time in a decade, and... offered mild... encouragements or said.

Then I got the trailer rental returned.  I had to have the gent running the gig undo the thing.  Too many hours driving, too many days, stretched days, and unloading?  Or am I just too weak anymore?

Good to have that back.  Have the Xterra free from the shackle, and not have to worry about an early run with it and for it.   Brutal.  My fellow knight followed me in, and saw me to the place... or close enough.  Had to look around just a bit, but made it.

Back home, cooling off.  Mom is napping.

I am about to shower, then nap for a bit.

Hot, outside.  But staying okay in here, for now.  Later.

I may be in way over my head.

.

.

I had it, that with light care, and help up a few times a month, my mother could otherwise function.  She seems to need help... with almost everything.  That not only won't work, it can't work.  I can't honestly keep myself up.  My home.  Else.

I muddle through.  Barely.

What does this mean?  I... am giving it a bit.  But I will speak  with her social worker, and others.  Keep people in the loop.  And sort it out.

We just got back.  I drove twenty seven hours in the last two days.  She has had to have help for everything from medicine, to getting in and out of the vehicle, to this, that, and more.  I can't do that.  If it doesn't improve...

I had told her no dogs.  She had a fit.  I have said no dogs from the start.  Other things have set her off.  A mild threat against my cat, at a distance.  But if she gets or threatens violence, with any intent, I'll involve the law after a warning.  Unless it is more than a threat.

Yeah.  Will have to see.  If this doesn't work, it is back to updating, upgrading, the place, for a sales.  Then a move overseas.  The Phillipines or such.

I am fried.  Need a shower, sleep, gaming time.  But have to unload the trailer, then get it returned tomorrow.  Plus, then, get her in to apply for medicare or such.  And other things.

I'll be able to shower after finishing unloading.  One of the KoC members helped with most.  I did a fifth this morniing to start.  And another is set to help with a bit of furniture shortly.  Then I can shower.  Then probably sleep.

I hinted to mother that if she kept up the all-court press, she would end up back in a nursing home, asylum, or jail.  That I wouldn't tolerate it.  She has stopped down the vitriol and pushing, for now.

If she settles, sorts, and finds a spot.  And can live a solo life, with some shared living, we might do okay.  If she needs or tries to demand me be a cna, nurse, med-aid, janitor, etc, at her whim, she will have to go.  Oh, and ear muffs, headsets.  She blares everything.  No!  I'll use them too.  But... NO!  Ugh.

We'll see.  But it's not looking good.

Hot!

.

.

And humid.  Grumpy making weather.  Still, what was needed doing was done.  Preperations for travel were made... final ones.  I took a shower this morning, but got another one this evening.  Hoping for another in the morning.  Nervousness causing the want?  Some need.  But some is just... because.

Can't wait until back to being able to eat correctly.  Sleep regularly, and else.  Soon.  

So much planning and work has gone into this.  Much more to be done yet.  But an easier pacing for the future it is hoped.  My body hasn't failed, or yet... fully.  I'm still going.  Will end up seeing this through.  Just hop8ng I don't die in the end zone.  Do need to finalize a will though, just in case.

Doing okay.  Keeping in touch, on top of events, plus keeping all of the correct circus toys, doctors, paperwork projects, people, places, and things in the loop.

So far, I am pleased.  More to do before I can rest, but my time of rest approaches.  Hoping rest, after this scramble, doesn't somehow end me.  Gotta have it though.  Just meed to make sure anout food, set up meds, and square a few other things.  

Truly pleased, so far.  But seeing failure if I can't rest soon.

Good night.

A bit of work.

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.

Couldn't get everything finished.  Needed help with even the last thing... putting the bed together?  Is it really help when someone else does the whole job.  You know who you are.  And I didn't finish the dishes.  But I did get the worst of them mostly sorted.  So hopefully it won't be awful until I can more fully manage.

I  forgot to tend litter.  It and the dishes are on the list.

I did get bedding set for the bed.  Oh, except for illow cases.  But I do know where a clean batch of those are.  I prefer to double case them, so will do that for mom too.  Yes, I have two new gooder pillows for her, still in the shipping container.  It's how I keep them unti I'm needed.  More, if two aren't enough.  I use four, need them.

The bathroom is coming along swimmingly!  I only ask for miracles, and my Michaelangelo's deliver.  Mom will have her own little sandbox, but the shower is mine.  I love that shower, not so much the big one.  Agraphobic a smidge.  People!  Looking!  ;p

Sore, tired, bruised, but okies.  Things yet to do, miles to drive, people to see.  All good in due time.

Pain.

.

.

Arms, from wrists through to the collar bones, bruised, pulled, torn muscles, and stretched.  Chest, back, and torso generally, all similar.  Well, and my back, though from use not abuse, I think.

The house is about as finished as it will be, save for finishing the bathroom.  Though it has gotten messy, as I have neen working and living.  Could not keep up and work and else.  Still far better by leaps and bounds than at the start, or than I honestly hoped.

I am not sure I am up.  It is various pains hauntinge awake.  So I may take a few painpills, let them work, and try to get a bit more sleep.

It has been a  brutal go.  An expensive one too.  Nearing the start of the finish line, if just to the blocks for the real contest.

When I wake, I'll get a few things sorted, but no real work today or for a while.  I need to call her doctor today.  I took care of a bit of KoC work.  Amd need to check a few things more.  Life is a roller coaster, ready or not.

Later.

So worn.

.

.

I didn't get to bed until after one, closet to one thirty.  I had to get the suv in for detailing between eight and nine.  I set the alarms for five and seven, then hoped I would hear one pr both, and wake.

I snoozed clean through the first one.  But woke half an hour before the seven alarm.  Didn't want to, able, so got up.

Couldn't get a shower.  Barely made coffee, and only got a sip of it.  Finishing the rest when I returned.  Not bad.

I got to the post, while being dropped off.  Let my friend know the deets, and roughly planned to pick it up while we look over bathroom supplies.  While at the post I did what I could to arrange delivery.  Then set things up.  Needed more data, so I dialed my mom up, got it.  Then filled out a form, got on the riding lawnmower, turned it in, and set it up.  Done.

I need to do more work in the bedroom.  Vacuuming, dusting, and some washing, then setting up her bed.  I left various types of hangers for her to try.  Not sure what she is arriving with.  Will get more if need be.

Quite a lot done.  The last bit is proving grueling.  Still, I think it will work out.  Should be mostly ready by the time she gets here... or I should say, by the tine I leave to get her.  A few days off, at least driving to and from, will be good.

So tired.  But things to do.  Later.

Wasn't sure.

.

.

If I could do more.  The last rack went up.  The clothes too.  Then the covers for the racks, plus those wrestled on.  It's a bit... busy up there, at this point.  Not sure I will do much about that before the trip, or soon after it.  Maybe a bit.  Either some organizing, or I'll need to learn the mamba, or some other salsa dance just to get through.

Absolutely exhausted.  I will brush my teeth, but no shower.  Nothing else.  If too, I must sit here, for a bit, before going on to bed.  And... water!  Not terribly thirsty, just... a want?  A bit of need, if more for the idea than reality, I think.  Cold.  I think I have some in the little fridge.

A very successful day.  But so very tiring.  At least my body doesn't hurt, other than from exhaustion.  I'll take that.  If this is killing me, I won't see it hit.  Though I have to admit, extremities, from the wrist and ankle on out, are numb, or feet burn.  Or both.  It comes and goes.  And, sometimes, at the ends of days, I see "stars", and can begin having tunnel vision.  I've had much worse.  Like that first time I did am extended fast without stopping meds.  That almost got me.

Yeah.  Teeth, cold water as I try to cool and rest.  Then bed time.  Good night.

I wasn't kidding.

.

.

Clearing the Xterra took moments, and less than half an hour.  Cargo areas, back seat area, console, glove compartments, and front seat areas.  I even spent ten minutes doing minor cleaning wit a small broom.  Mostly looking for coin.  Hey, money is money.

But it was hot.  Or I got hot.  It is 77 out there now.  If anything it would have cooled.  It is 73 inside, but I want some ac.  Probably the food.

Need a break.  An episode or two.  Then to the other rack, a whisker trim, shower, brushing teeth, then to bed.

I hear we will be looking over bathroom parts tomorrow.  Flooring, possible fittings (since what I bought has been stolen, though not the drains or sinks themselves).  Other bits?  Drain fittings if things need moved, a floor drain (bought two different of those, both were stolen), and a tankless water heater.

Will see.  Hoping the time works out so that I might not need (and to pay for) the later round trip.  Haven't heard back.  Will text after this.  Wasn't there something else?  Yes!  The cover for the clothes rack.  Ugh.  Soon.

A bite more.  Cooling off as possible, and a few more things.  Will sleep like the dead tonight.  Again.  Later, or goodnight.

Oh, that!

.

.

I got to work.  One of the clothes racks, clothes, and all save the cover (forgotten detail just remembered, not exhaustion, kept that from being done... will get that after this post).  It was break time, otherwise, though.

While on my break, I realized tomorrow the suv has to be dropped off for detailing.  Cool.  BUT it was full of cardboard needing taken to recycling, and needs further to be emptied.  A few umbrellas, jumper cables, and various sundry.  So...

I needed a shower, to go in.  Brushed my teeth twice, for the first times in a while.  So busy, and tired when I'm not exhausting myself, that things are being skipped, missed, forgotten.  The shower was devine.  Brushing was good too, to be honest 

I got the recycling done, took her through a wash, then for all my good deeds, got a calzone.  I went with their largest, crying and laughing when it arrived.  Think of a 15" pizza, rolled, then double or triple stuffed!  As a youngling I could have eaten most of it, all of it sometimes.  Now?  One of the five slices, mostly.  I howled with mirth.  The young woman tending me caught a good chuckle from it all, and my reaction.

Returning, I needed rest.  Gaming.  But I need to finish the suv.  A box to put everything in.  One should do since I recently cleared the vehicle.  It's mostly done, thankfully.

Still hoping to get the other clothing rack and clothes upstairs.  But no more.  Tomorrow, after returning from the dropoff, I'll try to finish clearing her room, then vacuuming and doing some cleaning.  I am also hoping to clear room upstairs for another clothing rack.  I have no functional closet space up there.  

Though, her bed needs to be constructed, then made up for her.  I want the room pretty much done, ready, and welcoming for her.  All but turned over with a mint on the pillow and water bottle for heating or cooling.  But those can be arranged.  If you don't care for evevn your own, something is wrong?

I'll have another portion of the calzone, then hit the suv.  Take a break.  Then get that last rack up.  Maybe shower again.  Then to bed.  Wow, but I am tired.  Later, or goodnight.

A nap.

.

.

Too tired to work with food.  Probably too sleepy to eat, even if it was available.  So on to bed.  Windows open a bit, trying to keep the place fresh.  As fresh as possible.  Fans going, until it got too cool.

As I woke, I shut the upstairs and turned on the ac.  It's the first zone to heat, doesn't cool like the downstairs, andI was and will be working up there.

I finished clearing a, hopefully, final table up there, and breaking it down.  It should be clear to get one clthes rack up.  Then adjust some boxes and more to get the other one up there.  Taking longer than hoped, less time and energy than feared.

I may, if I finish mom's room tomorrow, dig back in upstairs, in order to take down two more tables and get boxes ready to be put in a dumpster when that times comes around again.  And, perhaps, set up another clothes rack... for winter wear and coats.

It would seem that I have a lot of clothes.  It's more that, being large, my clothes take a lot of space.  As well, I don't have a chest of drawers that works well, so all but underwear and socks get hung.  May try to fold t-shirts, which would open half a rack?  Maybe polo's too?

Anyway.  To start, I'll game a bit, until I can work again.  I need to get back up there, shower, finish some laundry, sort some dishes, and else.  One thing at a time, though I try to do two tasks... pretty much to completion... per work session.  More if the tasks are light.  Say, open the upstairs, get one rack up... and clothes up, then put dishes to soak and turn a load of laundry, starting a fresh load.

Though, sometimes, my body gives out half way through just the rack effort, or I catch a third wind, and begin back in the master bedroom... clearing and cleaning.  The third wind is rare, but it does happen 

Well... on to a bit of gaming.  Yo be honest, I am surprised that hasn't killed me.  Seriously.  Something will do it, sooner or later.  For now, hoping it is...  Later.  Probably.  *rictus grins*

Odd shifts.

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For work, sleep, and breaks.  Too much to do with the time remaining, but that is always how it goes.  Everything hoped to be finished will never get done.  Enough, and the right things, as well as possible.

Sleeping as long as I can, and when I need it.  Night, morning, afternoon.  For a few to ten hours.  Yhen up.  But work or gaming, eating or relaxing, for how long?  I do my best to pace things.

Down around 18:00 to 19:00.  Up at 23:00.  Tonight.  I got started first thing upstairs.  Making room for the clothes racks.  Not sure, but I think they may fit nicely, without completely restructuring the whole of the upstairs.  Will see.

I worked until I couldn't.  Then I played a game.  Back to Elden Ring.  Started a new 'toon.  Not for pleasure, but to relearn the keys.  It may be time to switch to my main character and push to new game plus.  I have done most of the major lists.  All of them I found, of things to do before going to new game plus.

I had hoped to finish the dlc.  But currently that isn't possible.  If they don't have my account locked out, with pc's, noc's, or solo with or without summons, then that part of the game is currently to difficult to finish.  I did get platinum for the basd game, nearly purely solo.  So it's not as if I don't know how to play.  Bleh.

A kidney for breakfast.  Supper?  When doing a swinging swing shift, what to call any meal or sleep period becomes complicated.  To eat or sleep a bit more is the real question.

Only a few days left!  Strangely, it isn't flying by.  Mostly because I am using each portion of time for something.  Yes, even gaming, or watching an episode of the X Files, has a place and purpose.  Allowing a reset for more work after physically resting, mentally freewheeling, in that time.

My body is sore.  But functioning well enough.  Tired, but recovering enough, in this drive.  But, I will need to take a major break soon.  Though, then, get back to ripping and tearing on the house.  Just because my mom will be here doesn't mean I am stopping that.  Really, everything done is just a start.

After a nap, I am hoping to finish clearing the upstairs, getting the racks up, then putting the clothes back.  If I can  vacuum her room, finish clearing it, do some dishes, and get a shower, that would be great.  Or those things through into tomorrow.

I am hoping the trip will be much more pleasant, with lodging prearranged, money not a serious concern, and help packing, at least on that side.  The planning and scheduling is done.  Just the drive.  She wants to do some of the driving.  I will allow it, with close supervision... initially.  But, either way, this will be far easier than driving straight through, to amd back, solo.

The car will be clean.  The house is mostly clean.  Her room should be ready.  Bed set up, clear, vacuumed.  AC has neen set up, upstairs and down, and one will be in her room to, by the time I leave or return.  Ugh.  Murder lot of work.  But... Okay.  Ask, and you will receive?  I've heard it said, and received much that way, still do.  No complaints.

Well.  Maybe a bite, then some sleep.  If the kidneys are still good.  I left them out, thinking I would cook them earlier.  Oh, but if not, the steak was refrigerated after thawing, will be good.  Then a shower?  Before sleep?  And after, would be good.  Later 

The largest remaining worry.

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Cleared.  Managed.  Sorted.

Lodging.  Two different places, four nights.  I was holding off.  Fears.  Scheduling issues.  Just because.  Good thing, too.  As it turns out, after finagling between us, this, that, and else, we set it up.  And, at the last minute things were changed.  Nothing that couldn't have been adjusted concerning, on the fly.  But that can get tricky.

More cost than hoped, less than feared.  Hoping the numbers given hold.  But not required, or honestly expected.  They always add fees, hidden.  County, state, city, not upfront.  Will see.

Let my mother know.  She got to hold a joey, baby boy kangaroo.  A final treat there at the nursing home.  I'm a tad jealous, but she deserves such things more.  I'll admit that.

As well, I finished another load of laundry, worked more in her room, cooked sausage and beans.  Need to do dishes, or get them soaking, clear a place for the racks upstairs, get those and the clothes up there, finish clearing the master, then vacuum.  But no way today.

May shower, dry, and nap before much else.  But... the bigger things are done.  If nothing else, but setting up her bed gets done... IF... I will be mostly set.  Technically the detailing, but that is just me dropping that off.  They will even drive me home, and pick me up, after.

So, I can do some small final things that day.  Or rest.  Will have to see.  Crazy lot of work.  I... can't keep that up for long.  Don't have to.  Later.

I hurt.

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Can you disjoint your sternum?  The bone(y) plate holding ribs together, on the front of the chest?  That is what it feels like.  As well, the right collar bone... clavical?  Whatever.  It hurts, as if pulled out of place, or bruised?  Meh.  I have certainly had worse pains.

I did get a nice chunk of the master bedroom opened.  Tools moved, most boxes out, and some organization.  The new toilet, sinks, and fittings will remain.  But those will be installed while I am gone.  So they don't count.

Today, I am hoping to make room for the clothes racks upstairs.  Get them and the clothes up there.  And maybe finish clearing the bedroom.  All of it?  If I can hit it hard, maybe.  Vacuuming too, as a final flourish.

A kidney and steak have been thawed.  The kidney today.  The steak over the next few days.

Trash and recycling have been taken out.  A load of whites was put through.  Mostly towels.  Those need to be folded.  Then a load of cottons and linens were sent through.  Drying started on those last night, will get that going this morning.

A few calls to be placed today, as well.  So close to being about as ready as possible.  For the drive and move.  I am stretching.  I told my mother that I will need a week or two off.  Have to start paperwork for her medical, first thing.  Perhaps her license.  And a post box?  So she will be official.

Then I'll collapse in a chair, and bed, for a week or four.

Quite a stir.  Just a bit more, then I rest.  Not sure, but I think mom can do small cooking, and get settled in.  I'll just watch, while gaming... and sleeping.  Just what has happened has been a miracle.  Not even a minor one.  Just hoping it isn't my last one.  Ugh.  Later 

Back to it faster than anticipated.

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Yesterday.  It started.  Slowly.  Uhrm?  Actually Thursday.  Wow but time flies!

Mostly some work in the master bedroom.  Not a lot.  Not much on any day.  Bits and pieces, here and there.  Mostly prepping for a major hit Monday.  Getting little things collected, boxed, organized, ready to go.

Thankfully it has neen cool enough.  Though some days it is too cool.  With apreciated help, the big ac was put in the new spare bedroom window yesterday.  I may warm the house in the mornings, if the cold is an issue.  Now that I can cool it later if needed.  Seems inefficient.  May be.  But also required in order to work.

More work today.  Light work.  Have to.  Opening the closet, packing that out, some boxes into the spare bedroom.  More?  I have my clothing racks in there.  They need to go upstairs.  But, I have to make room up there.

I think making room shouldn't be too difficult.  Shouldn't be?  Either way, it will take time.  As will getting the clothes up there, and hung back up.  Ugh.  Two eight foot racks, full.

After clearing the room, dusting and vacuuming, I have some small hope of getting the carpet steam vacuumed as well.

If I can do that, then I start in on the spare bedroom.  Or sorting box contents and such.

The riding mower is back in fine running order.  As mentioned, the ac is in downstairs.  One has been installed upstairs.  Maybe another will go in, as needed.

The dishes have to be caught up.  I need to get showers more frequently.  And ongoing.  With blood sugars back into good trim, I just don't want to eat bad foods.  So will try to eat mostly meats, but in an easier way.  The oven, crockpot, or boiled... easy to eat, cook, and clean.  No pan frying, or microwave (the latter I don't use eith meats/fats anyway).

I have hurt myself working.  But things have to be done.  Trying to pace myself, until I can hit it hard again.  Will see how things work out.  Doing my best.

Murder hard.  But I have to keep at it.  Later.

Way too exhausted.

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To the point of confusion.

I thought, yesterday, that I had missed my oil change appointment.  Only "yesterday" was Tuesday?  You... begin to see the problem.  When yesterday actually rolled around to Wednesday, I did make it in, and on time.  Change and checked.  

Still, a bit too exhausted to do much else after that, the rest of the day, probably today.  And most likely through to Monday.  I will begin on Monday again, though.  I did pick up water, a lot of it, yesterday.  And I will get trash to the curb.  Perhaps catch up on dishes... just slightly behind on those.  Not much else.

On Monday, maybe Sunday if at all possiblble?  I will begin in on the master bedroom.  Clearing, vacuuming, with more plans.  Not sure if I can also clear the "spare bedroom" too.  I use quotes as what that room will ne will be up to my mother.  A sewing room, sare nedroom, her sitting room, or what she wants.  It's her extra private area.

Now, if I can clear both in time, and get them cleaned as well?  I am hoping.  I'd really like to get the carpets cleaned too.  Time, money, energy, all being stretched!  Still, hoping.

So absolutely exhausted.  Hoping forMonday as a return.  Not sure if it will be possible.

As well, just getting food, which has become vital because of my efforts, ready and eaten, is quite a trick too.  May go to storebought portions.  Shopping, prep, cooking, and cleanup is just a bit of a stretch, for me, with all else.  But I absolutely need food.  So... I'll do what I must.  Dibetes, to a degree, be damned.  

Absolutely need a few days of rest or I will pop like a firecracker once and for good.  Ugh.  Still, pleased with what I have done even if I didn't do one more thing.  But I will.

Okay, it does post.

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If posting may still be difficult.  As well, adding music videos seems impossible too.  So this, what I can do, will be more of a journal than else.  As well, since it is through the phone, typing and editing won't be easy or as good.  Though I had stopped editing, mostly anyway and already.

Much has been done, here at the house.  And more.

I spent a week packing, clearing, and cleaning, in prep for the real cleaners.  Wasn't sure what to expect from them.  Must admit, they did an impressive job.  The front room, living room, kitchen, and main bathroom are impressively cleaner.

Good enough so that a few more things can go forward.  I can begin in on the spare and master bedrooms.  Plus a few other things.  The en suite bathroom is being scheduled to be redone. 

I would like to get quotes for central air, a new furnace, and electrical work.  I have far too many things going on in too short of a time before going to pick my mother up to do those until I get back, or get quotes even.

If I have some suspicion that my mother is rethinking the move.  No worries.  Nothing I am doing or planning would not be done either way, except for the trip out there.  I... can tell.  I will be asking her, to be sure.  I don't want to go out there if she has other plans.

So far, I have plans for checking the vehicle over, cleaning her up, having Sassy housed, and a few other things.  I still need to plan for a place to stay on the way out and back.

What I have done in the last two weeks, three?  Is crushing.  What I have left to do?  About that much again.  Well, then driving to Iowa and back.  Something almost every day, between now and then, plus clearing and cleaning, and having the cleaners in.  And... other things... like clearing and cleaning the fridge, a cooler for the trip, and else.

I will do what I can.  *shrug*

Well, that's enough for now.  I need to roast the thawed chicken, maybe have a bite before.  Get some rest sooner or a bit later.  *sighing in exhaustion*

Later.

Maybe?

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It seems as if I may still have some access?  Though, posting this way may be a bit of a stretch.

Not sure this will post.

Checking, 1, 2, 3... checking.

Very peculiar.

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For some reason, I am feeling very good.  Too good to sleep.  So I have remained awake.  Videos from the past are flooding my feeds.  Some from this way, others from that.  And... very oddly, new ones that I have been enjoying.  May share some of each, later, tomorrow, or... not.

I had fallen behind on the litter boxes.  got those sorted in time for trash takeout.  If... I forgot to refill them.  Sassy just went right in the boxes, empty as they were.  Had to chuckle.  Then got fresh in, cleared out the bad, and it's all good again.  It happens, once every few months, I just... lost focus, forget, and the stuff goes too bad to refresh and I have to start over.  Otherwise I clear things twice a day, and refresh once ever few weeks to once a month (since there are two and I keep them very clean).  Not sure if that is good enough, but it's what I can do.  And... she seems okay with it?

A bit of a headache.

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And a bit too cool.  I keep heating water, for coffee.  The forget it.  I'll get to it this time.  I need the warmth.  I took painpills earlier, for a variety of gripes.  It worked on most things.  A headache wasn't among the then problems.  It is now.

The idea, I think, is to game a bit.  Take aspirin with coffee.  Enjoy life a short while.  Then go on to bed.  Hoping to be rested for tomorrow.  So that, perhaps, I can get to work on the kitchen.  Another day, or two, of, mostly, fasting.  Fatted coffee today, maybe the other days.  Not sure.  Or skip even that, the next waking period.  Don't know, will think on it.

Aches, pains, need for sleep.

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Rough.  And, yet, not?  Down at 8:30, up right at 20:00.  It got cooler, out there.  Still, very nice for spring, mostly.  A bit darker?  Cooler for certain.  As well, health issues just linger.  Will try to get things arranged, tonight.  Clean up the kitchen, or at least start.  Get a shower.  Figure out some food or other.

The hope is that sometime this week I will be ready to cook again.  Then, will get to the store.  I must admit, roasts, in the crockpot, really work well.  Though, rather than cooking during the day, now that I have an idea of how long it takes, and how to cut root veggies so that they don't turn to mush, I may set up the crockpot at night, put it on a timer to start a few hours into my sleep, so that by morning it is done, or a few hours after waking.

Took all night.

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It wasn't much.  I did heat up food, the last of the pork roast and veggies.  Blood sugar was really high, then I remembered I had a big slug of milk.  Might as well drink soda.  will probably have more?  I know, but, yes.

Trash and recycling, gathered, and out.  There is more I would like to gather, and get out.  But I can't.  Barely able to stand, sit even.

A few twists.

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Been up since 20:30?  Or so.  Fed Sassy, changed her water.  Will get her litter changed out next, and get trash and recycling out.

A bit rough, for various reasons.  But it's not terrible.  Just... sleepy, achy, slightly grumpy?  Not in the angry grumpy, in the sore and weak sort of grumpy.

Still awake.

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Not for long.  Had hoped to get things arranged so that I could be to church, maybe twice.  Health has just not been cooperating.  Weather sort of sent things into a spin as well.  Not dying, I don't think, just not able to control sleep.  Or get out.  I needed to get to confession.  And, even if late, I will, before long.  It is how we are supposed to do... preferably monthly, at least quarterly, though certainly yearly.  I... don't do it that often.  I don't do anything as often as I am supposed to... visiting doctors, of various sorts, taking medicine, eating.  Not... a choice.

If you are getting out to church, say a small little prayer for me.  Not... literally... for me... more, in my stead.  Just thank God for His patients, and sacrifice, for forgiveness, and many good things... including people who will speak for me, in my stead.  He knows why I am not there.  This isn't a mystery to Him.  He knows things you can't know.  I don't fear His anger, about this.  I just like to show Him I can still visit, if vicariously.  I think He likes that I still try, in my odd little ways.

Awake.

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Sleep was very good.  Long?  I don't know.  I can't remember when I went to bed.  I think I was asleep a good hour or two before actually laying down, if you know what I mean.  I don't remember some large chunk of the last bit... probably even three hours before sleeping.  Was I waiting for food to finish?  Or slogged down trying to digest the meal?

Food was good though.  Warming a dose for shortly.  Forgot to add the green beans last night, so am adding them this morning.   Some small bit of old veggies, a bid of new, meat, and sauce.  Hoping to make gravy.  Not quite this early, but later.

Very good.

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I was wrong, in my assumption.  The bone-in roast took less time to cook.  Odd, in the oven, if memory serves, it works just the opposite?  Or... did I just make a mistake in comparing via memory?  Who knows.  Then again, maybe I just lost track of time tonight?

It isn't mush, still pretty good.  But definitely done.  So I added everything back into the pool, and will eat in a half hour.  Well, the twenty minutes left of an half hour warming.  Uhm, hungry.  Quite looking forward to  a nice slab of pork roast, a potato or both, some rutabaga, carrots, and onion.  Well, and some of the juice.  I should make gravy but... I won't.  Or... maybe?  Do I have a small saucepan?  I do... a bit of cream, thickener, and butter would get that done well, quickly.  Maybe?  No... I'll do it for my next meal, though.  Just... a bit tired, from this long cook, and else, through the night.  Bleh.  Next time.  I'll even add sweet peas.  Yes I will, to the gravy.

A bit surprised.

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The potatoes finished rather quickly, after that last post.  I got to them before they became mushy.  I took three for dinner, put the other two in with the veggies on reserve, then set the crockpot to the warm setting.  I did refresh the roast, a bit ago.  The water was too cold to really do much for thawing, so I replaced it with fresh warm water, and set a timer for an hour.

It'll be a while before that is finished cooking.  Four hours, I can hope.  If more like five or six hours?  I'll start checking at three and a half hours, as with the roast beef.  This one is bone-in, so that usually takes longer.  Looking forward to something good to eat.

The broth is still good.

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Just out of meat.  Forgot to set the pork roast out yesterday though.  So... I started warming the liquid.  Added the last of the new potatoes.  Not good for diabetes, but it is food I can, will, eat.  Though, too, I put the pork roast into water, to help thaw it.  Slightly warm, not hot.

The idea is to have a few potatoes, with butter.  Then hope the roast is thawed by then.  If so, add it.  Let it cook for four hours?  Or so.  Then add the veggies that remain, and the last parcel of mushrooms, for half an hour as the roast just finishes.  Nothing fancy, but it really does work.

A bit of a headache.

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I did stay up excessively long, a few times in a row.  That right side of my body, falling asleep from time to time, pins and needles, really had me worried.  Though I found, after pushing through a bit later last night, that pushing things doesn't help either.  It was starting to twitch again.  So I pushed to close up shop, getting on to bed.

My mother called today.  Got through!  I wasn't sure I wanted to bother answering.  I have been answering, but she just sticks on the phone, doesn't talk.  It worries me so.  But, okay.  I... answered, anyway.  This time she talked.  She said she is using their (the nursing home's) phone.  But that can't be.  I have my phone on "do not disturb", which means a call from a phone number not in my list won't ring through.  She's just gaming, I think.  Or she is old and ill enough that... she... isn't always... aware.  I'd say it's a fifty fifty thing.  She's a gamer from her childhood... that kind of girl... no woman.

Some.

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Again, not bad.  Just... not good?  I was able to eat some of it.  The rest will be put out.  Oh well.  I did try.  I did get something in.  I'm not ill.  I'm just not full, or... satisfied.  Not terribly hungry either.  Though I'd really like something.

Hmm... I do have more of the bread, keto peanut butter, and keto strawberry jelly.  It's not the best for my blood sugar, but it's... edible.  Butter, too.  Adding butter might help balance the carbs?  And... keeping it to three slices?  Yes, maybe.

Not the best.

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The process?  I did very well.  The steak was cut just right, to what would be how I think I would like it.  The oil was brought to the right temp, so that the meat sizzled, without burning.  The spices were simple, but worked fairly well, for their part.

However, the steak was a bit old.  Not bad, just... old.  And the oil wasn't very good.  Not rancid, just... dated.  Those two things combined to make the meal... uninteresting.  But now I really am hungry.

A few things.

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The steak seems good.  So, I am leaving it to warm for an hour, then will dice and fry it.  I am hungry.  Might make italian dressing (vinegar, oil, and spices and herbs de jour).  Though... all together, or one as a side?  Maybe a bit of both, if hungry enough.

The other thing is a few vids about a tool.  Not one of the old standbys, a newer tool to me.  But not completely new.  I've used it several times, perhaps many times on the lower end of that pool.

Wow.

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I checked, after waking.  The snow was all gone.

I began tinkering, looking around online, reading what of the news I find to generally have some fact involved.  Bits and pieces, these days.  Most folk who offer some news wait for a while to make sure it's legit.  Or have it pretty much from the horse's mouth.  Not president Trump, so much.  He... says he is doing something, then often doesn't, or does some of it, or lets the courts eat it, or... whatever.

Can't be sure when.

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It wasn't too much later, after posting.  I didn't see it coming.  Thought I would have a sense of it, and do some things.  Then again, I did get Sassy fed, checked to phone... putting it into airplane mode, setting up do not disturb on top of that, shutting it off, and then plugging in to charge.  A few other things?  I don't know.

Now, as I was crawling into bed?  I wouldn't have even remembered, save that when I took a quick peep outside, I saw something somewhat shocking.  I had to get my glasses, to make sure.  Something seemed to be falling out of the sky, but it couldn't be?  Could it?

Noon?

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By when I woke, sure, or closing on it.

I keep heating the water, to brew tea.  Then forgetting.  This is the third time I have heated water.  Hoping it will be the charmed time.

When did I go down?

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Not too awfully long after the last post.  I got my shoes and socks off?  Shoes off.  Was going to take my socks off.  Got one of my shirts off.  Was trying to figure out how to get more off.  Though it would be easier upstairs, if I didn't think I could sleep.  Got up there, got my trousers off.

Then, sat, to get my socks off.  A group, both a compression sock under, and a knee high thick wool hunting sock over.  Added compression, and some warmth.  What a struggle.  Got those off, finally, after serious work.  My legs are swollen, badly, though just in the lower areas, not up above the knee.

Got to it.

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Thank God.  Thank friends.  Thank God for friends.  He arrived, and got me out.  I hadn't been able to sleep last night, at all.  Since... the last time I woke up.  My legs were getting fat, water retention.  Hurting.  Other... things wrong?  It was rough, but I stayed up, once it got beyond a certain point, or I wouldn't have awaken to go.

Three things, to start.  Drivers license... I have a temp, but that is good enough.  The new new one will be here within the month.  Probably.  It is what it is, I won't balk at it.

Dinner.

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Finally.  It just took much longer to cook than I had thought.  Having sliced the rutabaga, and broken the cauliflower down, I thought an half hour would do.  No?  An hour then, surely?  Nope.  Two hours.  And, really, closing on three, to get it edibly soft.  And I like a bit of bite in my veggies, so this wasn't taking them to even soft.  Just softened.

I won't complain.  The meal was very good.  I finished off the roast.  There is juice and veggies remaining.  I'll put that back in the bowl, cover it, and doing something with it tomorrow.  I am quite pleased with it.  I might grab another chuck roast, stick it in, add more cauliflower, tomorrow?  Maybe.  I was quite happy with that, and I'm not strictly a pot roast sort of guy.  It was the searing, and then watching the cooking closely.  Plus the right veggies.

A new brew?

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Not really a brew.  A bit more beef froth, half of one of the cauliflower heads broken down to somewhat larger bites, and the rutabaga sliced as apples... and sampled.  Turnips are good, fresh.  Rutabaga are just a bit sweeter.  One is closer to a neutral potato taste, without that dusty flavor.  The other is closer to an apple, just not quite as sweet.  Even with a bit of that crunch I miss.

Set to go, on high, in the crockpot, with the liquid from the previous 'brew' cooking poured in as well.  I'm giving it two hours.  Then will test. If things seem reasonable, I'll add the meat and any other veggies back into the pool.  I am hoping that the cauliflower will make a solid potato replacement.  Cauliflower can be a bit solid, in my gut.  But I have been mostly eating it raw, or just slightly cooked.... blanched really.  I'd like to see what a longer cook time will do.  Mash and butter, have with beef, or pork, or else.

Cycles are off.

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Everything is off.  Not feeling good.  Sick kid syndrome.  Nausea, my old friend, is back.  Hunger isn't really there.  If I could get food in, or when I do, it will be appreciated.  Probably.  Then again, a third of the time I have eaten, recently, food has been not only not helpful, but not good for my situation.  That is just how it goes.

I am hoping this is more temporary.  But it may not be.  This may be how it is from now on.  Still, I have, through time, gotten more or less ill... for brief or longer periods of time.  I'd hate to have thirty or forty years of just this though.  But, it's not been that much better, the last forty years.  Ugh.