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True? Not. Time tells all. Still, in the spirit of the moment, for those who want to believe, a little music.
Thursday, September 29, 2016
Oh, I get it.
.
.
I don't fully understand. Of the various sorts, just what constitutes belief, understanding, and rightness. Are lambs allowed to be totally ignorant, or is that a failure, and at what point does one become the other. Among wolves, former wolves, sheep-dog, and shepherds... are these also allotted differing levels of understanding, and, again, at what point does knowing but not doing, or choosing ignorance in spite of what should be easily seen, become an issue of soul damage or destruction? I tell you that I cannot know. I can tell you that I strongly suspect.
If you know something is a sin, and you choose to ignore it for your sins rather than deal with your sins, that is beyond the pale. Even a quid pro quo wink and nod is second death worthy. Not dealing with the sins of another, even to be falsely kind or non-judgmental, is wrong as well. Forgive, but at some point, if publicly sinful, you have to turn your back. If you don't, then you support the sin through the unrepentant sinner. But there are areas which are difficult to understand. How much does another know? Some are plainly ignorant. Other seem to know and not care. Thankfully, final judgment is not my job. I'll leave that, happily, to another. Although I will choose according to my understanding. I will not participate with those who live scandal. If that is a scandal in your book, I happily part ways. Though with warning. Choose wisely. Living with the reality of ticks and fleas, but fighting it, is not the same as embracing ticks and fleas. I know it can be tricky, but... it isn't.
.
I don't fully understand. Of the various sorts, just what constitutes belief, understanding, and rightness. Are lambs allowed to be totally ignorant, or is that a failure, and at what point does one become the other. Among wolves, former wolves, sheep-dog, and shepherds... are these also allotted differing levels of understanding, and, again, at what point does knowing but not doing, or choosing ignorance in spite of what should be easily seen, become an issue of soul damage or destruction? I tell you that I cannot know. I can tell you that I strongly suspect.
If you know something is a sin, and you choose to ignore it for your sins rather than deal with your sins, that is beyond the pale. Even a quid pro quo wink and nod is second death worthy. Not dealing with the sins of another, even to be falsely kind or non-judgmental, is wrong as well. Forgive, but at some point, if publicly sinful, you have to turn your back. If you don't, then you support the sin through the unrepentant sinner. But there are areas which are difficult to understand. How much does another know? Some are plainly ignorant. Other seem to know and not care. Thankfully, final judgment is not my job. I'll leave that, happily, to another. Although I will choose according to my understanding. I will not participate with those who live scandal. If that is a scandal in your book, I happily part ways. Though with warning. Choose wisely. Living with the reality of ticks and fleas, but fighting it, is not the same as embracing ticks and fleas. I know it can be tricky, but... it isn't.
Still feeling it.
.
.
Too much sleep. I woke from time to time I simply couldn't stay awake. I did make an effort several times. Too tired and still sore. I had hoped to sleep beyond the soreness. I don't think I can do much about the exhaustion. It simply has to be lived through. It's not terrible, just uncomfortable. I have definitely had worse. I am sure worse is coming, soon or late.
Before I start messing with the dishes, I want to get a shower in. Maybe a bath. I haven't had a good long soak in quite some time. With the water softener working again, I really think that might be even better than before. With my new dry shampoo method, I won't need a shower after to wash my hair. Yeah, I'm picky, up to a point. If I am going to do something, I need it to be done to completion, one way or another. Half-baked simply won't do.
Another project I would like to arrange this month is the production of a stand upon which to place pots for growing herbs and spices. Something I can set up for what light there, whichever season, then remove as needed due to excess heat or cold by the windows. Perhaps something with a bar or two, with which to attach lighting and which would be adjustable. It needs to be light enough to be mobile, but strong enough to handle being moved under load. No clue. I'm not going to start with a template. I will simply buy various wood portions, see what else I have around as to supplies, and then get to it... or not. Hmm... might want to consider a removable mesh device to keep the girls out. Between wanting to dig and chew on greens, or just some unnatural hate of some plants, the need for protection is real. Fresh herbs and spices are definitely worth it, IF you can get it all together and going and maintain it. It's a bit of a trick, but would definitely save coin in the long run. A bottle of thyme is, like, $5. Seriously? That is usury, in my opinion. Usury? Something like it.
Well, on to a movie or a show, perhaps a start of the X-files series. I could begin chopping the mushrooms. If I didn't mention it, after returning home I realized I didn't have some items, so I went back in to the store. I have all that I need for that. Plus I could make coleslaw... I have what I need for the dressing, some other dressings, and mayo too. I'd like to get several of those things set up to go with salad, and make some slaw as well. But, I can dice the mushrooms will comfortably watching something. I'll make lamb chops again this evening, which will go quite well with either the slaw or a salad. By which time I should have the mushrooms desiccating. With the dehydrator, I'll finish the mushroom bits tomorrow... or start that. Some things take a long time to dry.
Anything else that might get done will be incidental. The dishes will be started after a bath or shower, then the mushrooms, and some sauces and foods otherwise. That'll be it for several days to a week, I suspect. My innards are really messed up. I need time to heal. Later.
.
Too much sleep. I woke from time to time I simply couldn't stay awake. I did make an effort several times. Too tired and still sore. I had hoped to sleep beyond the soreness. I don't think I can do much about the exhaustion. It simply has to be lived through. It's not terrible, just uncomfortable. I have definitely had worse. I am sure worse is coming, soon or late.
Before I start messing with the dishes, I want to get a shower in. Maybe a bath. I haven't had a good long soak in quite some time. With the water softener working again, I really think that might be even better than before. With my new dry shampoo method, I won't need a shower after to wash my hair. Yeah, I'm picky, up to a point. If I am going to do something, I need it to be done to completion, one way or another. Half-baked simply won't do.
Another project I would like to arrange this month is the production of a stand upon which to place pots for growing herbs and spices. Something I can set up for what light there, whichever season, then remove as needed due to excess heat or cold by the windows. Perhaps something with a bar or two, with which to attach lighting and which would be adjustable. It needs to be light enough to be mobile, but strong enough to handle being moved under load. No clue. I'm not going to start with a template. I will simply buy various wood portions, see what else I have around as to supplies, and then get to it... or not. Hmm... might want to consider a removable mesh device to keep the girls out. Between wanting to dig and chew on greens, or just some unnatural hate of some plants, the need for protection is real. Fresh herbs and spices are definitely worth it, IF you can get it all together and going and maintain it. It's a bit of a trick, but would definitely save coin in the long run. A bottle of thyme is, like, $5. Seriously? That is usury, in my opinion. Usury? Something like it.
Well, on to a movie or a show, perhaps a start of the X-files series. I could begin chopping the mushrooms. If I didn't mention it, after returning home I realized I didn't have some items, so I went back in to the store. I have all that I need for that. Plus I could make coleslaw... I have what I need for the dressing, some other dressings, and mayo too. I'd like to get several of those things set up to go with salad, and make some slaw as well. But, I can dice the mushrooms will comfortably watching something. I'll make lamb chops again this evening, which will go quite well with either the slaw or a salad. By which time I should have the mushrooms desiccating. With the dehydrator, I'll finish the mushroom bits tomorrow... or start that. Some things take a long time to dry.
Anything else that might get done will be incidental. The dishes will be started after a bath or shower, then the mushrooms, and some sauces and foods otherwise. That'll be it for several days to a week, I suspect. My innards are really messed up. I need time to heal. Later.
A strange night.
.
.
Time doesn't make sense. Pushing through health and the season was required. It simply leaves perceived continuity of time in tatters. I could have sworn I slept a day. I was sure I was up a day. Mere hours in both cases. Dinner was had. Nothing fancy, mostly. A ribeye. It is fancy in one sense. I'd have them three times a week if I could. As is, a few times a month is probably pushing my stores. All good. I suppose, when I am out, I will simply buy another roast. I've thought about buying a roast, but having them cut it at three quarter inch, rather than an inch or inch and an half. It would last longer. They do cook faster. But there really isn't much to them. Just a thought.
I may, for my break, begin a X-files watching spree. I watched some of the shows, some of the seasons. I missed much. For some of the original, I was in engineering school. I simply couldn't do much else. When I was taking courses I was too busy. When I fell ill, I was too ill. There almost never seemed to be much between those two extremes. Amazing that didn't kill me. The stress of finals was brutal. Even mid-terms were pretty tight. The few regular courses I took were laughably easy. I learned not to study for those courses as there usually wasn't a reason. Micro or macro econ, for example... whichever it was. There were others. I couldn't believe how simple. Though I am pretty sure they made it harder in eng for me. They didn't want me. The few professors I had who didn't seem to know me... I did well in their courses. It was rigged.
Yeah, perhaps those shows. Yeah, I know they are extremely lefty based. Still, there were some notions I didn't quite grok, or missed the building up regarding, which I would like to sort out. It's a lot of viewing. I don't think I can do a straight shot. But I might be able to get a couple of seasons down, then take a break from it to work if I heal well, then back to shows when I bury myself with work again. It's not golden, it is something, and it's as good as I can do with my life. Nap, or sleep, time. Good night... or morning for some of you crazies. Blessings if it's work or other good effort, a pox on you if you are just goofing, and prayers if you, like me, are cursed with time and space incontinence.
.
Time doesn't make sense. Pushing through health and the season was required. It simply leaves perceived continuity of time in tatters. I could have sworn I slept a day. I was sure I was up a day. Mere hours in both cases. Dinner was had. Nothing fancy, mostly. A ribeye. It is fancy in one sense. I'd have them three times a week if I could. As is, a few times a month is probably pushing my stores. All good. I suppose, when I am out, I will simply buy another roast. I've thought about buying a roast, but having them cut it at three quarter inch, rather than an inch or inch and an half. It would last longer. They do cook faster. But there really isn't much to them. Just a thought.
I may, for my break, begin a X-files watching spree. I watched some of the shows, some of the seasons. I missed much. For some of the original, I was in engineering school. I simply couldn't do much else. When I was taking courses I was too busy. When I fell ill, I was too ill. There almost never seemed to be much between those two extremes. Amazing that didn't kill me. The stress of finals was brutal. Even mid-terms were pretty tight. The few regular courses I took were laughably easy. I learned not to study for those courses as there usually wasn't a reason. Micro or macro econ, for example... whichever it was. There were others. I couldn't believe how simple. Though I am pretty sure they made it harder in eng for me. They didn't want me. The few professors I had who didn't seem to know me... I did well in their courses. It was rigged.
Yeah, perhaps those shows. Yeah, I know they are extremely lefty based. Still, there were some notions I didn't quite grok, or missed the building up regarding, which I would like to sort out. It's a lot of viewing. I don't think I can do a straight shot. But I might be able to get a couple of seasons down, then take a break from it to work if I heal well, then back to shows when I bury myself with work again. It's not golden, it is something, and it's as good as I can do with my life. Nap, or sleep, time. Good night... or morning for some of you crazies. Blessings if it's work or other good effort, a pox on you if you are just goofing, and prayers if you, like me, are cursed with time and space incontinence.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Better, part try?
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.
I don't speak a trace of French or even other romantic languages anymore. At least it wasn't part doe. Never mind.
I am feeling better. Still a bit tight, all around, weary as well, if better in all ways, again. I will be awake until I am not. I will read, watch music or movie vids, or even do little tasks here and there, as things work out. I simply won't push this way or that. I won't dig, aim, or try. I just don't have it in me to do so. Batteries have to recharge before I can even begin thinking about thinking about things. Then, of course, I have to... well... think about things, formulate a plan, create order, provide direction, then wait for the window of opportunity to appear. Even then, a window of opportunity is not a guarantee of action.
Have you ever met someone of "the faith" who... pretty much didn't believe... pretty much anything? Ah, right, yeah... the flood? Oh, well, just a story. Virgin birth? Just an allusion. Allusion? Something. Sin? Well, yeah, but not really. Just take even literal things all as stories of morality, and then try to play nice. They seem to laugh off much. And, yet, when they find you do believe? They fear YOU? Really? How does that work? Don't fear God, or sin, or hell, but fear someone who believes in that?
Seems the pope is like that. You know... that doesn't work out. There is a dissonance there that absolutely doesn't make sense. I can't help. Free choice. I am pretty sure that if they say those things are false, and fear me or priests who also believe, that they know, deep down, but are hiding from it. For... any of a number of reasons. But they know. They just want to avoid knowing. At one time I would have pursued, a bit. Now? I just let them go there way. Just by being present in how I understand truth I have done all I may for them. I'll check. If I am no longer welcome I will find another place for that need. It isn't a problem for me, I think it is for some. So be it, if necessary.
Well... on to something or other. Wow... just 22:00? Weird. I am really out of sorts. Time and sleep and such just isn't... my internal clock is just not keeping up. Later or good night, definitely good evening.
.
I don't speak a trace of French or even other romantic languages anymore. At least it wasn't part doe. Never mind.
I am feeling better. Still a bit tight, all around, weary as well, if better in all ways, again. I will be awake until I am not. I will read, watch music or movie vids, or even do little tasks here and there, as things work out. I simply won't push this way or that. I won't dig, aim, or try. I just don't have it in me to do so. Batteries have to recharge before I can even begin thinking about thinking about things. Then, of course, I have to... well... think about things, formulate a plan, create order, provide direction, then wait for the window of opportunity to appear. Even then, a window of opportunity is not a guarantee of action.
Have you ever met someone of "the faith" who... pretty much didn't believe... pretty much anything? Ah, right, yeah... the flood? Oh, well, just a story. Virgin birth? Just an allusion. Allusion? Something. Sin? Well, yeah, but not really. Just take even literal things all as stories of morality, and then try to play nice. They seem to laugh off much. And, yet, when they find you do believe? They fear YOU? Really? How does that work? Don't fear God, or sin, or hell, but fear someone who believes in that?
Seems the pope is like that. You know... that doesn't work out. There is a dissonance there that absolutely doesn't make sense. I can't help. Free choice. I am pretty sure that if they say those things are false, and fear me or priests who also believe, that they know, deep down, but are hiding from it. For... any of a number of reasons. But they know. They just want to avoid knowing. At one time I would have pursued, a bit. Now? I just let them go there way. Just by being present in how I understand truth I have done all I may for them. I'll check. If I am no longer welcome I will find another place for that need. It isn't a problem for me, I think it is for some. So be it, if necessary.
Well... on to something or other. Wow... just 22:00? Weird. I am really out of sorts. Time and sleep and such just isn't... my internal clock is just not keeping up. Later or good night, definitely good evening.
Not as good as "better".
.
.
Instead of just a gentle removal and remittance of my innards, this time there is the sense that my offal was placed between to large cutting boards, which were then struck until right before anything burst. Then, all whole, my pluck was returned, if and again, akilter. Nothing is quite where it seems it should belong. I have had worse, even in this regard, just not recently. All good, I finished what was wanted and needed. Suffering can go in the bucket for those in purgatory. I am not sure if that is the least I can do or all I can do, but it is what I know to do.
A day or two of rest. Catching back up on dishes, no fancy cooking until that is done if only using a cast iron piece, which is in a permanent state of seasoning use and reuse... save for the mushroom ketchup. Which will probably go forward sometime this tonight. You say Wednesday, I say Thursday eve. Or so I heard some wisenheimer intimate recently. Ace? I can't remember. I resemble wiseguys. Not sure I truly am one, just not that good... or bad?
If I have been stepping on toes lately, don't take it too personally... mostly. When I push beyond a certain level I tend to get a bit... out of sorts. Not that I'll backtrack, necessarily, just that some things don't always need to be said, or written. When I am raw to bone, words may be loosed that I may have preferred to not loose. Though if you are sticking your nose in, or otherwise twerking in places you shouldn't, a little sting might be in order. All I am suggesting is that I am not absolutely sure my notations were wisely reasoned. Oh, I'm not worried. If you wish to throw stones for it, aim well. If also, expect absolutely no allowance for that so make it count, thus fatal, probably on the first toss. Do us both a favor or keep to your private pouting.
The goal, for now, is to limp back up to speed, then begin digging into the cave. I would like to order a full size dumpster, so as to begin clearing the cave of... much. I don't know if a regular one will work, for what I have in mind, or if they would prefer a construction based one. I'll attempt to make contact tomorrow. Then, through October, I'll begin stripping out boxes and furniture which I don't use and would not be taking with. The goal is to reduce my holdings to what could be compacted into a smaller moving pull-behind or truck (if it could pull the Xterra). Bleh. I won't be able to do that fully, but some things can stay... things which are currently useful.
Next month is about ripping into my possessions and house and sorting, storing properly, tossing, or putting into a pile for further consideration. I hope to have the kitchen and bathroom in shape to have a plumber in, perhaps even installing a outdoor faucet on the driveway side of the house. But definitely getting the sink working and the plumbing righted. If that goes well, and affordably, as I get to the rest of the cave, I may, over the winter, hit the en suite finally. Two bathrooms is nice, but an en suite is truly divine. I'd like to have that working for my last year or two here. Plus it adds value... if that means anything in this economy.
Oh, yes. But, first, I absolutely have to rest and heal. I have pushed and shoved trying to get this done. I still don't know if I was fighting phantoms of mind or body, if the ailments were real, or just what caused so much grief and why it was so difficult. I only know it has worn me down to nubs and turned me into a form of suffering. I am sure punching bags could commiserate. Bruised, battered, tired, and just way off the beaten track. I'll get better, always do. Later.
.
Instead of just a gentle removal and remittance of my innards, this time there is the sense that my offal was placed between to large cutting boards, which were then struck until right before anything burst. Then, all whole, my pluck was returned, if and again, akilter. Nothing is quite where it seems it should belong. I have had worse, even in this regard, just not recently. All good, I finished what was wanted and needed. Suffering can go in the bucket for those in purgatory. I am not sure if that is the least I can do or all I can do, but it is what I know to do.
A day or two of rest. Catching back up on dishes, no fancy cooking until that is done if only using a cast iron piece, which is in a permanent state of seasoning use and reuse... save for the mushroom ketchup. Which will probably go forward sometime this tonight. You say Wednesday, I say Thursday eve. Or so I heard some wisenheimer intimate recently. Ace? I can't remember. I resemble wiseguys. Not sure I truly am one, just not that good... or bad?
If I have been stepping on toes lately, don't take it too personally... mostly. When I push beyond a certain level I tend to get a bit... out of sorts. Not that I'll backtrack, necessarily, just that some things don't always need to be said, or written. When I am raw to bone, words may be loosed that I may have preferred to not loose. Though if you are sticking your nose in, or otherwise twerking in places you shouldn't, a little sting might be in order. All I am suggesting is that I am not absolutely sure my notations were wisely reasoned. Oh, I'm not worried. If you wish to throw stones for it, aim well. If also, expect absolutely no allowance for that so make it count, thus fatal, probably on the first toss. Do us both a favor or keep to your private pouting.
The goal, for now, is to limp back up to speed, then begin digging into the cave. I would like to order a full size dumpster, so as to begin clearing the cave of... much. I don't know if a regular one will work, for what I have in mind, or if they would prefer a construction based one. I'll attempt to make contact tomorrow. Then, through October, I'll begin stripping out boxes and furniture which I don't use and would not be taking with. The goal is to reduce my holdings to what could be compacted into a smaller moving pull-behind or truck (if it could pull the Xterra). Bleh. I won't be able to do that fully, but some things can stay... things which are currently useful.
Next month is about ripping into my possessions and house and sorting, storing properly, tossing, or putting into a pile for further consideration. I hope to have the kitchen and bathroom in shape to have a plumber in, perhaps even installing a outdoor faucet on the driveway side of the house. But definitely getting the sink working and the plumbing righted. If that goes well, and affordably, as I get to the rest of the cave, I may, over the winter, hit the en suite finally. Two bathrooms is nice, but an en suite is truly divine. I'd like to have that working for my last year or two here. Plus it adds value... if that means anything in this economy.
Oh, yes. But, first, I absolutely have to rest and heal. I have pushed and shoved trying to get this done. I still don't know if I was fighting phantoms of mind or body, if the ailments were real, or just what caused so much grief and why it was so difficult. I only know it has worn me down to nubs and turned me into a form of suffering. I am sure punching bags could commiserate. Bruised, battered, tired, and just way off the beaten track. I'll get better, always do. Later.
Yeah, but I think I broke something.
.
.
Me and my big fat tests. As late as I got back home, with what I had to do as well as trying too cool off, the only way I was going to make it back to town was to not sleep. So... I didn't sleep. And I made it back in to town. Not always do both happen even if the first is a success. I got right in at the shop. They are rather honest. I should get my oil changed more often, if it isn't as necessary as some suggest. I'm pretty heavy on the pedal too, so, I just don't get that. With the inspection done as well, the tax office was smooth. Mostly.
Yeah, I put the decal on. Right away. Wow was I pushing it. Some year I would like to have this done spot on. I think I did do that one year. Last year? Maybe. I was quitting tobacco. That can do it to a guy. But... done. Everything that was killing my nerves is done. For now.
If I have been feeling rough, now I feel a bit worse, though through the numbing effect of having been struck from on high. I didn't even know the Big Guy knew 'hammer time'. *Bam* When I can relax and cool I'll go lay down. Wonderful. Well, terribly wonderful.
After I catch back up on this and that, I need to get medicines going. I am definitely out of potassium. I never did get the change of dosage on the carvedilol. And I should set up an appointment next next month. Also, back to house cleaning. I really am getting some squaring away going, and mostly staying on top of it. It's a mountain that, if I climb, I mean to stay firmly atop, save for skiing the moguls. Bleh heh heh hehehehe hehehehehehehehehe *cliff* ARgh! I've had worse.
I almost stopped in for an eye exam. I will soon. Then to order at least two pair. I'll give the doc a shot, and that one place. Bifoculs, but the inviso ones. Yeah, it's... about that time. I'd love to have the surgery, then just go with readers, but... yeah. Maybe though, in time... or not. Alaska makes me want it, but might kill it, or not? Gah!
Good day and night.
.
Me and my big fat tests. As late as I got back home, with what I had to do as well as trying too cool off, the only way I was going to make it back to town was to not sleep. So... I didn't sleep. And I made it back in to town. Not always do both happen even if the first is a success. I got right in at the shop. They are rather honest. I should get my oil changed more often, if it isn't as necessary as some suggest. I'm pretty heavy on the pedal too, so, I just don't get that. With the inspection done as well, the tax office was smooth. Mostly.
Yeah, I put the decal on. Right away. Wow was I pushing it. Some year I would like to have this done spot on. I think I did do that one year. Last year? Maybe. I was quitting tobacco. That can do it to a guy. But... done. Everything that was killing my nerves is done. For now.
If I have been feeling rough, now I feel a bit worse, though through the numbing effect of having been struck from on high. I didn't even know the Big Guy knew 'hammer time'. *Bam* When I can relax and cool I'll go lay down. Wonderful. Well, terribly wonderful.
After I catch back up on this and that, I need to get medicines going. I am definitely out of potassium. I never did get the change of dosage on the carvedilol. And I should set up an appointment next next month. Also, back to house cleaning. I really am getting some squaring away going, and mostly staying on top of it. It's a mountain that, if I climb, I mean to stay firmly atop, save for skiing the moguls. Bleh heh heh hehehehe hehehehehehehehehe *cliff* ARgh! I've had worse.
I almost stopped in for an eye exam. I will soon. Then to order at least two pair. I'll give the doc a shot, and that one place. Bifoculs, but the inviso ones. Yeah, it's... about that time. I'd love to have the surgery, then just go with readers, but... yeah. Maybe though, in time... or not. Alaska makes me want it, but might kill it, or not? Gah!
Good day and night.
Note from the doc.
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.
Something about something. Blood work included. Oh, he seems upset. This doc, the last, the one before that, on to all but the first who thought there was nothing wrong at all, have been saying something about death, and dying, and on and on. I swear, they need to give these people something for their nerves. I outlived the one who couldn't find his a... my health issue, with both hands. I am grateful, as it means that particular quack isn't practicing anymore.
.
Something about something. Blood work included. Oh, he seems upset. This doc, the last, the one before that, on to all but the first who thought there was nothing wrong at all, have been saying something about death, and dying, and on and on. I swear, they need to give these people something for their nerves. I outlived the one who couldn't find his a... my health issue, with both hands. I am grateful, as it means that particular quack isn't practicing anymore.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Late but true.
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.
As an arrow. If late from the quiver not late for the target. As much was done as was possible by reason other than my will, ability, or stamina. First the shower, of course. Then unloading the vehicle, as much as possible. Then to loading every last bit of recycling to go. A good thing as more boxes had arrived as well as the ones which had not gotten broken down that first time. Along, of course, with the styrofoam. Quite a haul was taken in. Light as a feather, strong as... well... styrofoam anyway. Don't hide behind it in a gunfight, or even as protection from being flocked or stoned... no, not the new terms. Look yea back, in time, or such.
That was just to get out the door. Which didn't happen until... hmm... perhaps 15:30? I really wasn't sure what would happen. Oh, and on the way out, I called about another lamb. Not sure any are available, but it is being checked. Yeah, I really do like lamb. It is somewhat dear, if much better, less expensive, than store bought, and in my opinion in all ways. I haven't found such sweet lamb since a brand a store that has since changed hands twice used to carry. I can't find it anymore, so... But this will do quite well.
Then to recycling. I love driving, so that is never a thing. So long as I don't have a tight schedule. After that? Ah, right, since I was coming around by my service center, used to be Midas but is now independent... but same guys... all good. Right there. I figured they wouldn't have a spot for me, but no reason not to stop in and check. I was right, though set things up. Tomorrow, at 9:00, I am told. I could have asked for 14:00 but I like to test things. Yeah, I'm an idjit, sue me. We'll see. Then on to the cleaner. They have a program, free month, sign up for your favored wash, as much as you want, for about three times the cost of a single wash. Yeah? Heck yeah. I was thinking of asking them if they had some program. Funny how things work out. That was right next door to the tire shop, so after that I got them rotated.
Finally on to the store. Milk, cream, and butter... some fruits, pears and grapes... and two sorts of lettuce and two heads of cabbage. Yeah. A few other items to make dressings and mayo. I prefer light olive oil for those things and aioli. Ugh... Oh, and mushrooms for a archaic form of ketchup... as per the following vid. That was that. I did what I could, and more. I am toast. I chose white mushrooms instead of brown due to availability and more because white mushrooms are higher in potassium. Not sure if I will do this tonight or tomorrow.
.
As an arrow. If late from the quiver not late for the target. As much was done as was possible by reason other than my will, ability, or stamina. First the shower, of course. Then unloading the vehicle, as much as possible. Then to loading every last bit of recycling to go. A good thing as more boxes had arrived as well as the ones which had not gotten broken down that first time. Along, of course, with the styrofoam. Quite a haul was taken in. Light as a feather, strong as... well... styrofoam anyway. Don't hide behind it in a gunfight, or even as protection from being flocked or stoned... no, not the new terms. Look yea back, in time, or such.
That was just to get out the door. Which didn't happen until... hmm... perhaps 15:30? I really wasn't sure what would happen. Oh, and on the way out, I called about another lamb. Not sure any are available, but it is being checked. Yeah, I really do like lamb. It is somewhat dear, if much better, less expensive, than store bought, and in my opinion in all ways. I haven't found such sweet lamb since a brand a store that has since changed hands twice used to carry. I can't find it anymore, so... But this will do quite well.
Then to recycling. I love driving, so that is never a thing. So long as I don't have a tight schedule. After that? Ah, right, since I was coming around by my service center, used to be Midas but is now independent... but same guys... all good. Right there. I figured they wouldn't have a spot for me, but no reason not to stop in and check. I was right, though set things up. Tomorrow, at 9:00, I am told. I could have asked for 14:00 but I like to test things. Yeah, I'm an idjit, sue me. We'll see. Then on to the cleaner. They have a program, free month, sign up for your favored wash, as much as you want, for about three times the cost of a single wash. Yeah? Heck yeah. I was thinking of asking them if they had some program. Funny how things work out. That was right next door to the tire shop, so after that I got them rotated.
Finally on to the store. Milk, cream, and butter... some fruits, pears and grapes... and two sorts of lettuce and two heads of cabbage. Yeah. A few other items to make dressings and mayo. I prefer light olive oil for those things and aioli. Ugh... Oh, and mushrooms for a archaic form of ketchup... as per the following vid. That was that. I did what I could, and more. I am toast. I chose white mushrooms instead of brown due to availability and more because white mushrooms are higher in potassium. Not sure if I will do this tonight or tomorrow.
Not lazy.
.
.
Simply not well. Not at my worst, though it doesn't take that. All it takes is 20% off my game and I'm pretty much in dirt nap territory. Thing is, I don't die any better than I work or live. I don't feel horrible, or good. Better than even my "Better" post, for as little as that means. I really have to get to things today. Time is running out, tick-tock, and on this front, time is required to mean something. So... In I go. Urhm, if I can get up, if I can shower, if, if, if.
Yeah, I get it. I have written and said that it doesn't matter how I feel. And it doesn't. But this isn't about feelings. This is about not functioning. My job, should I choose it and I do, is to force an animal the size of a black bear to do a bunch of stupid pet tricks while it is in pain, hungry, and trying to hibernate. You may be more associated with your flesh. I am a junior partner. I pushed it beyond it's limits one... thousand... times too many. Now it jumps when it wants, not when I say. Heck, it can lock me away, for it's or what it thinks is my own good. Yeah. I had it on the cutting bleeding edge once. And, really, it still is, given all. It just isn't interested in playing the fool for other fools, knows it's limits given the new paradigm, and like a mule will stop when it must. Though perhaps if it simply isn't sure. So... I have to negotiate this. I have had a treat day in a while. I may... negotiate on that. Perhaps even an up-front, and pay when the job is done treat. Yeah.
It looks like a nice day. I just need to shower, unload and reload the vehicle, and get in. Get done, today, what I can. Then back in tomorrow and so on until it is all done. I think I can. I do. Plus I really do want it. Even my body wants it. Just stuck. I think I can get out. Later.
.
Simply not well. Not at my worst, though it doesn't take that. All it takes is 20% off my game and I'm pretty much in dirt nap territory. Thing is, I don't die any better than I work or live. I don't feel horrible, or good. Better than even my "Better" post, for as little as that means. I really have to get to things today. Time is running out, tick-tock, and on this front, time is required to mean something. So... In I go. Urhm, if I can get up, if I can shower, if, if, if.
Yeah, I get it. I have written and said that it doesn't matter how I feel. And it doesn't. But this isn't about feelings. This is about not functioning. My job, should I choose it and I do, is to force an animal the size of a black bear to do a bunch of stupid pet tricks while it is in pain, hungry, and trying to hibernate. You may be more associated with your flesh. I am a junior partner. I pushed it beyond it's limits one... thousand... times too many. Now it jumps when it wants, not when I say. Heck, it can lock me away, for it's or what it thinks is my own good. Yeah. I had it on the cutting bleeding edge once. And, really, it still is, given all. It just isn't interested in playing the fool for other fools, knows it's limits given the new paradigm, and like a mule will stop when it must. Though perhaps if it simply isn't sure. So... I have to negotiate this. I have had a treat day in a while. I may... negotiate on that. Perhaps even an up-front, and pay when the job is done treat. Yeah.
It looks like a nice day. I just need to shower, unload and reload the vehicle, and get in. Get done, today, what I can. Then back in tomorrow and so on until it is all done. I think I can. I do. Plus I really do want it. Even my body wants it. Just stuck. I think I can get out. Later.
Eating mistakes.
.
.
A mistake? A group of them.
First, I didn't have the correct seaweed. That should be easy enough to fix. I know a couple of places which might carry it, and I need to be in town, shopping among other things already. If not, I have found what I need at amazon. Next, I didn't do the right things, according to this or the last video. There is an order, a temp range for various things... I messed it up. As well, I did not add enough bonito. Too much would be a bit brutal, too little was simply weak. Beyond that, the beef, when I cooked it in the fat, I cooked it too long and/or too high. Confit is an experiment, mind you. Further, I am well above sea level, meaning all recipes have to be shaken out a bit more than usual.
Even so, to be honest, I wasn't terribly disappointing. I believe, with a bit of work, this will do well. I do not know that I will ever come to love this. I may always see it as eating my medicine. And, yet, even if that is the limit, I am good with it. However, if I can make it a pleasant meal, I would be pleased to have an enjoyable, low-carb, source of potassium... and actually a good source of a lot of good things, if at the price of fairly hefty hits of salt. Just a dab will do.
If nothing else, I really do enjoy tinkering with a new idea in the kitchen. I'd sure like to figure out a recipe that would fill this out, and do right. By the way, I have tried cooked daikon. I believe I will stick to raw. It's okay, just not my thing. Just an update on a recent notion I presented. Now, cooked daikon is not horrible. It just isn't a draw. I ought to check the nutritional content. Perhaps, it too, could be an eaten medicine, or simply a solid source of specific nutrients. I sure like it raw. I love regular red radishes, but there is so little. A daikon radish is like a giant red one. Sliced into sticks, I finally get enough of the radish taste I truly enjoy... just not cooked.
Later.
.
A mistake? A group of them.
First, I didn't have the correct seaweed. That should be easy enough to fix. I know a couple of places which might carry it, and I need to be in town, shopping among other things already. If not, I have found what I need at amazon. Next, I didn't do the right things, according to this or the last video. There is an order, a temp range for various things... I messed it up. As well, I did not add enough bonito. Too much would be a bit brutal, too little was simply weak. Beyond that, the beef, when I cooked it in the fat, I cooked it too long and/or too high. Confit is an experiment, mind you. Further, I am well above sea level, meaning all recipes have to be shaken out a bit more than usual.
Even so, to be honest, I wasn't terribly disappointing. I believe, with a bit of work, this will do well. I do not know that I will ever come to love this. I may always see it as eating my medicine. And, yet, even if that is the limit, I am good with it. However, if I can make it a pleasant meal, I would be pleased to have an enjoyable, low-carb, source of potassium... and actually a good source of a lot of good things, if at the price of fairly hefty hits of salt. Just a dab will do.
If nothing else, I really do enjoy tinkering with a new idea in the kitchen. I'd sure like to figure out a recipe that would fill this out, and do right. By the way, I have tried cooked daikon. I believe I will stick to raw. It's okay, just not my thing. Just an update on a recent notion I presented. Now, cooked daikon is not horrible. It just isn't a draw. I ought to check the nutritional content. Perhaps, it too, could be an eaten medicine, or simply a solid source of specific nutrients. I sure like it raw. I love regular red radishes, but there is so little. A daikon radish is like a giant red one. Sliced into sticks, I finally get enough of the radish taste I truly enjoy... just not cooked.
Later.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Miso hungry?
.
.
Not so much. The title gives it away though. Miso, a Japanese, Asian in general, soup. There are several ways to make it. From "scratch", with a specific sort of miso base, bonito (shaved dried fish chips, which my cats are starting to like), dashi kombu (a specific sort of dried seaweed), and for me this time dried shiitake mushrooms. Now, this doesn't actually make a soup, it makes a stock. As well, there is a form of this which is all incorporated into small granules or pellets which, all on it's own, will produce the stock.
What you add to the stock will depend in part on what you might like with it and what will go with it. I, personally, have no clue, currently. Another form of seaweed will go in, the shiitakes are an add, and I am going to try something different, some smaller dices of beef. That might fly like a lead balloon and yet that is how I do. I won't use tofu. I despise tofu. However, I might try milder fish, seafood, various vegetables, and... who knows. I may well end up not liking it. If that isn't the full point in this case. Why eat this? Potassium. Not just a hit, but a fist, or face, full of it. It can be high in salt, but that is probably less the issue than potassium, and can be mitigated a bit.
.
Not so much. The title gives it away though. Miso, a Japanese, Asian in general, soup. There are several ways to make it. From "scratch", with a specific sort of miso base, bonito (shaved dried fish chips, which my cats are starting to like), dashi kombu (a specific sort of dried seaweed), and for me this time dried shiitake mushrooms. Now, this doesn't actually make a soup, it makes a stock. As well, there is a form of this which is all incorporated into small granules or pellets which, all on it's own, will produce the stock.
What you add to the stock will depend in part on what you might like with it and what will go with it. I, personally, have no clue, currently. Another form of seaweed will go in, the shiitakes are an add, and I am going to try something different, some smaller dices of beef. That might fly like a lead balloon and yet that is how I do. I won't use tofu. I despise tofu. However, I might try milder fish, seafood, various vegetables, and... who knows. I may well end up not liking it. If that isn't the full point in this case. Why eat this? Potassium. Not just a hit, but a fist, or face, full of it. It can be high in salt, but that is probably less the issue than potassium, and can be mitigated a bit.
Better.
.
.
It still feels as if my innards were removed and put back in, but sideways, if at least by someone competent at the task. I have slept enough to feel better about that part of the problem if getting much beyond that might be a bit of a trick. I did get the trash collected and out. Just two bags, perhaps I should have just waited until next week. Still, it was together, and I got it out to the bin with intent, so I just carried on. Whether I got it out in time is to be known soon enough.
A shower, shortly. Dishes are completed, mostly. Dishes are almost only ever mostly done. Even when they are all done, if I plan to used a particular pot, pan, device, or object such as a gravy boat, I may need to wash it, or them. Never ever are dishes completely done. However, at this point, they are merely dirty in place if they are needing a wash. A shower, a trip to town. Once I unload then reload the vehicle. First task will be to drop off the recycling, then get a cleaning, and then check on an oil change and inspection, or get that lined up. Whichever way that goes, then on to tire rotation... or shopping. Too much to do to plan beyond a certain point. I can't do taxes until I get the inspection, so... today, tomorrow, whenever, but best be soon.
.
It still feels as if my innards were removed and put back in, but sideways, if at least by someone competent at the task. I have slept enough to feel better about that part of the problem if getting much beyond that might be a bit of a trick. I did get the trash collected and out. Just two bags, perhaps I should have just waited until next week. Still, it was together, and I got it out to the bin with intent, so I just carried on. Whether I got it out in time is to be known soon enough.
A shower, shortly. Dishes are completed, mostly. Dishes are almost only ever mostly done. Even when they are all done, if I plan to used a particular pot, pan, device, or object such as a gravy boat, I may need to wash it, or them. Never ever are dishes completely done. However, at this point, they are merely dirty in place if they are needing a wash. A shower, a trip to town. Once I unload then reload the vehicle. First task will be to drop off the recycling, then get a cleaning, and then check on an oil change and inspection, or get that lined up. Whichever way that goes, then on to tire rotation... or shopping. Too much to do to plan beyond a certain point. I can't do taxes until I get the inspection, so... today, tomorrow, whenever, but best be soon.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
The pain is soft.
.
.
There is that. I have rested well, often, long. Cool, dark mostly. Even with the sun out today, I think, it just... it was a soft sun. Having to fight through the cool of fall the sun simply seemed mild. No worries. I have, from time to time, broken on through even in the winter. Just not now. I do have to do things this week though. Have to, no choice, if it kills. And, so, I will.
I reset the dishes and have been doing batches of them, off and on. It wasn't, mostly, cooking, eating, used dirty dishes. A couple of them were pots which had simply been sitting for a long time, seriously needed cleaned. Another large batch were tins, round tins with lids. Those have rusted after a couple days of sitting. I am not sure they will work out.
I had hoped to use them for pemmican. If they rusted with just a bit of soaking and washing, they may rust shut fairly quickly. Even if I put wax paper around the pemmican, as planned, having to tear open the tins would make them rather useless. I'll see if there is a work around for that or if those are just shot. I'll also need to find 'tins' I can depend on. While I am hoping to get around a hundred pounds of jerky, I'd like fifty pounds of pemmican. Along with other foods, those things will carry me a long time.
I suspect, if I have a decent supply of some things, and can find a bush pilot I can trust to run me supplies from time to time and has access to my cache, or some of it, what I have currently could last me a good two years without any other foods. Though the goal is to get licenses so as to be able to hunt and fish typically the first year or two, as required, and then switch to sustenance licensing. Though, to be honest, even if I could get all the meat I need, I'd still need fats and I'd still want beef from time to time. Jerky isn't as good as fresh but it would do. And I'd always need supplies. Would rather have them flown out, even at a premium, a few times a year, than have to go to town. Yeah... I think so.
All theory, for the moment. And, yet, I think it's doable. If the world wants to go to hell, let it. I still wish I was further along in my plans. Hillary has a serious shot at the presidency, and then you'll regret it. Though you might well be glad the was wasn't built. Yes, she is that dangerous. And every idiot who thinks the different between the two is little is only fooling, or trying to fool, themselves. She will go after gun rights, she will go after the family, she will go after men, she will go after justice, she will endorse minorities right into their criminality, she will include islam to the harm of Christianity, Judaism, and secularism, and she will finish ending this nation as a nation of laws, reason, logic, and all such. Trump will most likely damage it, just not near to that level. And if he honestly resets immigration and builds the wall? That will cover some of his losses. Hillary has no way to cover the damage she will do. Nothing she offers is good for America or Americans. Yeah, I wish I was out of here already.
Later.
.
There is that. I have rested well, often, long. Cool, dark mostly. Even with the sun out today, I think, it just... it was a soft sun. Having to fight through the cool of fall the sun simply seemed mild. No worries. I have, from time to time, broken on through even in the winter. Just not now. I do have to do things this week though. Have to, no choice, if it kills. And, so, I will.
I reset the dishes and have been doing batches of them, off and on. It wasn't, mostly, cooking, eating, used dirty dishes. A couple of them were pots which had simply been sitting for a long time, seriously needed cleaned. Another large batch were tins, round tins with lids. Those have rusted after a couple days of sitting. I am not sure they will work out.
I had hoped to use them for pemmican. If they rusted with just a bit of soaking and washing, they may rust shut fairly quickly. Even if I put wax paper around the pemmican, as planned, having to tear open the tins would make them rather useless. I'll see if there is a work around for that or if those are just shot. I'll also need to find 'tins' I can depend on. While I am hoping to get around a hundred pounds of jerky, I'd like fifty pounds of pemmican. Along with other foods, those things will carry me a long time.
I suspect, if I have a decent supply of some things, and can find a bush pilot I can trust to run me supplies from time to time and has access to my cache, or some of it, what I have currently could last me a good two years without any other foods. Though the goal is to get licenses so as to be able to hunt and fish typically the first year or two, as required, and then switch to sustenance licensing. Though, to be honest, even if I could get all the meat I need, I'd still need fats and I'd still want beef from time to time. Jerky isn't as good as fresh but it would do. And I'd always need supplies. Would rather have them flown out, even at a premium, a few times a year, than have to go to town. Yeah... I think so.
All theory, for the moment. And, yet, I think it's doable. If the world wants to go to hell, let it. I still wish I was further along in my plans. Hillary has a serious shot at the presidency, and then you'll regret it. Though you might well be glad the was wasn't built. Yes, she is that dangerous. And every idiot who thinks the different between the two is little is only fooling, or trying to fool, themselves. She will go after gun rights, she will go after the family, she will go after men, she will go after justice, she will endorse minorities right into their criminality, she will include islam to the harm of Christianity, Judaism, and secularism, and she will finish ending this nation as a nation of laws, reason, logic, and all such. Trump will most likely damage it, just not near to that level. And if he honestly resets immigration and builds the wall? That will cover some of his losses. Hillary has no way to cover the damage she will do. Nothing she offers is good for America or Americans. Yeah, I wish I was out of here already.
Later.
A new read.
.
.
While I have many books I could read, I was... called. Dante's Inferno. Why? No clue. I even tried to avoid it. Not having the book, I had to find it, then add it to my basket. I may have tried to remove it, or actually removed it, a time or two even. And, yet... The compulsion was grand. Even though I thought it would be just another silly book. Perhaps it will be. I am only two chapters in. Got it late this week, had too much else happening, thought it might disappear into a pile somewhere. Yeah, while feeling a pull, almost a command, I can't say I was all that interested. Actually, I often fight such draws. Sometimes I win. Still might.
I read it long ago. I probably remember... things in, or of, it, rather than passages. I read it before I started with Shakespeare or even finished the whole of the New Testament. I am guessing somewhere between seven and eleven years old. I have had doubts about my readerships, and okay. I have no absolute evidence. The only thing, for myself, I am sure regarding is that my foster father tested my knowledge of the bible. That was, in his belief, because he wasn't sure I understood the King James version. That test wasn't the first year I was there, my eighth grade, but I believe my second year, as a Freshman. The fall of my freshman year, or early winter. I had finished the N.T. two years before, which would have been in the seventh grade, or ~12... right? Actually, make that 13, I was held back a year because my brother and myself were barely a year apart and didn't do well together. Yeah... I had not read all of Shakespeare, never did. But I probably read eight to ten of his plays, with some solid understanding. Remember, I had already had to fight for my life and had already had sex, choosing my first lover when I was five. Yeah, I... understood a bit better, if not, of course, fully. Marriage, a job, things like that, are well above where I was, but not so far above as most of my peers.
I should be honest. Even reading things now, I don't always fully understand. Though, too, I realize that if I don't understand, many others, regardless of what they say or write, also don't understand. Fair enough. I'll take that. I do my best but my best is not good enough. I read the notes in The Inferno. I hope they are more sure. I do not know that. I am guessing I could find very solid dissonance among the various experts, varied so deeply, radically, that I could if I so chose completely write the notes off, if then I might have to do a great deal of research, possibly to include learning the language it was written in from the period... which would also... be problematic, as there are just as great of debates regarding the meanings of words and phrases as there are about the interpretations of translated meanings of things in the book. So... you know... I'll just abide it, unless I disagree. Perhaps, then, maybe, I might seek elsewhere. Ugh.
The bible? I have read the N.T., I think, about six times (cover to cover). As to exposure otherwise, I have been in church through most of my youth and some of my adult life, so have had solid exposure to sermons and readings. And yet... it is a living book. It's truth is singular, I'll grant that. But neither man nor other can know that singular. As well, I think the bible can speak to a moment, even if it doesn't make sense always in context, or out of it, or when fully read... or partially read. It's an amazing book, one which I think the Holy Spirit can guide through. Not an ouji board sort of thing, but a true spiritual thing, from the God of Abraham, moving the reader through the seeking in the Word. But I won't always pretend to know. And those who do... I, at the very least, expect a very humble approach to sorting the meaning. Don't tell me what you were taught by men who were taught who were also taught, none knowing save the Source, for sure. Humility, not certainty.
Why this book. I don't know. I was very powerfully called to it, right over my sometimes bored indifference, ill health, and my want to do other things... real things. I have, to a degree, given up on most books. Bleh. Just... scribblings of mad men. I can do that with the best of them. Perhaps not poetry, if I think very little of poetry. An art for the lazy and indolent... and giants. I'll keep going, see if there are any peanuts ahead.
No real sense to the post. Just... couldn't sleep, read a bit, was pondering why this and that... trying to make sense of things that may have no rhyme or reason. Later or good night.
.
While I have many books I could read, I was... called. Dante's Inferno. Why? No clue. I even tried to avoid it. Not having the book, I had to find it, then add it to my basket. I may have tried to remove it, or actually removed it, a time or two even. And, yet... The compulsion was grand. Even though I thought it would be just another silly book. Perhaps it will be. I am only two chapters in. Got it late this week, had too much else happening, thought it might disappear into a pile somewhere. Yeah, while feeling a pull, almost a command, I can't say I was all that interested. Actually, I often fight such draws. Sometimes I win. Still might.
I read it long ago. I probably remember... things in, or of, it, rather than passages. I read it before I started with Shakespeare or even finished the whole of the New Testament. I am guessing somewhere between seven and eleven years old. I have had doubts about my readerships, and okay. I have no absolute evidence. The only thing, for myself, I am sure regarding is that my foster father tested my knowledge of the bible. That was, in his belief, because he wasn't sure I understood the King James version. That test wasn't the first year I was there, my eighth grade, but I believe my second year, as a Freshman. The fall of my freshman year, or early winter. I had finished the N.T. two years before, which would have been in the seventh grade, or ~12... right? Actually, make that 13, I was held back a year because my brother and myself were barely a year apart and didn't do well together. Yeah... I had not read all of Shakespeare, never did. But I probably read eight to ten of his plays, with some solid understanding. Remember, I had already had to fight for my life and had already had sex, choosing my first lover when I was five. Yeah, I... understood a bit better, if not, of course, fully. Marriage, a job, things like that, are well above where I was, but not so far above as most of my peers.
I should be honest. Even reading things now, I don't always fully understand. Though, too, I realize that if I don't understand, many others, regardless of what they say or write, also don't understand. Fair enough. I'll take that. I do my best but my best is not good enough. I read the notes in The Inferno. I hope they are more sure. I do not know that. I am guessing I could find very solid dissonance among the various experts, varied so deeply, radically, that I could if I so chose completely write the notes off, if then I might have to do a great deal of research, possibly to include learning the language it was written in from the period... which would also... be problematic, as there are just as great of debates regarding the meanings of words and phrases as there are about the interpretations of translated meanings of things in the book. So... you know... I'll just abide it, unless I disagree. Perhaps, then, maybe, I might seek elsewhere. Ugh.
The bible? I have read the N.T., I think, about six times (cover to cover). As to exposure otherwise, I have been in church through most of my youth and some of my adult life, so have had solid exposure to sermons and readings. And yet... it is a living book. It's truth is singular, I'll grant that. But neither man nor other can know that singular. As well, I think the bible can speak to a moment, even if it doesn't make sense always in context, or out of it, or when fully read... or partially read. It's an amazing book, one which I think the Holy Spirit can guide through. Not an ouji board sort of thing, but a true spiritual thing, from the God of Abraham, moving the reader through the seeking in the Word. But I won't always pretend to know. And those who do... I, at the very least, expect a very humble approach to sorting the meaning. Don't tell me what you were taught by men who were taught who were also taught, none knowing save the Source, for sure. Humility, not certainty.
Why this book. I don't know. I was very powerfully called to it, right over my sometimes bored indifference, ill health, and my want to do other things... real things. I have, to a degree, given up on most books. Bleh. Just... scribblings of mad men. I can do that with the best of them. Perhaps not poetry, if I think very little of poetry. An art for the lazy and indolent... and giants. I'll keep going, see if there are any peanuts ahead.
No real sense to the post. Just... couldn't sleep, read a bit, was pondering why this and that... trying to make sense of things that may have no rhyme or reason. Later or good night.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Sleep is fantastic.
.
.
I simply had to stop fighting it. No real choice, though I could have maintained a miserable wakefulness and even then, when I inevitably would have crashed, had a sense of defeat, shame, and guilt. I decided not to go that way. If for no other reason, there is nothing I haven't tried and there is nothing that worked. In essence, I had no choice.
As soon as I woke I turned the furnace up, set the thawed steak out and salted it for frying in an hour, and then reset the dishes. I figure an hour after dinner and the dishes should be cool enough to finish. For now, I am enjoying sunflower seed hors d'oeuvres. I would have coleslaw but that never quite made it to production. Actually... sunflower seeds on/in coleslaw would be quite good. Why? Potassium, at least in sunflower seeds. If they were right about how much, these things are heavy duty potassium sources.
I am not sure what else might happen. The sun seems to be out. The mountains are snow-capped. Though perhaps they have been for a while? The curtains are open, with the sheers in place. Nice. It's been a while. It got so warm at the end of summer that opening, even with sheers, was, to me, unthinkable. The cooling has been so off and on that I simply haven't gotten into a pattern. But as the season ends, and it cools, but before it becomes too cold, I hope to enjoy the sheers and some access. Ah, everything starts today, now, isn't it so? And so it has.
A fistfight, in my dreams. I did not start it. My eldest foster brother was having a fit. Pampered? I don't think he was pampered. But he was favored. And he was used to bullying his way to what he wanted, and getting it. I... don't do that. Especially when the matter was not of my choosing and I don't have control beyond. Gosh I miss fighting. I may have learned to hate it. But that was having to fight from no choice. To be honest, fighting sucks. But there is something about it, a draw, especially as you become truly good at it. The last time I fought, a man attacked me from behind, hitting me three times to the back of the head. Even then I pulled my punches... and hospitalized him in three shots. I am still glad, to this day, I realized my might. Deadly force has to be in play for me to take the safety's off. Though I won't necessarily punch. I have other ways if it isn't a "gentleman's" gig. I may not hit at all, not in the traditional methods. I won't be fighting, I will be killing... two different dances. I can kill two men at a time, at least, one with each hand. Thankfully, that isn't something I need consider mostly. Then again, maybe I have gotten too old and weak to flippantly destroy? I wouldn't bet on it.
Oh, right. Anyway. If I can eat, wake, or wake then eat, then digest, and get going, I am hoping to set up the vehicle, do the dishes, and hit some more laundry. After that, or on breaks, I may do more organizing of boxes of stuff. I am, even if I have fallen, staying up on things. I am a bit amazed. Yes, much work to do, but it isn't caving in as I go comatose. And the sleep has been amazing. I am not even getting too sore from it, at least not yet. Which probably means I am rolling as needed. Which means it is merely, truly, a need for sleep from pushing the body, and not so much of a health failure. While the need for extra sleep is due to health, it, I don't think, is from deteriorating health, I guess is what I mean. Though some of it is because I have only been sleeping five to seven hours a night for... a while. I often write eight hours... I fib. Sue me. Whistling past things, or such.
Steak? T-bone today. Loverly. To be honest, I might start ordering more ribeyes. Those have the perfect keto fat to protein ratio. One per meal day puts me pretty much on track. One might be all that is needed if I go with inch and an half cuts. When you are the size of a bear you really can't cut foods. Imagine having a work horse and feeding it what you feed a donkey. While I may not do all that much work, I still have the size. Teasing such a body leads to failure of control. I like t-bones, I just like ribeyes even more. I have finally learned how to pan fry. There is some trick in there, if to be honest I think experience is the only real way to learn it. I could not teach another how to do it. Perhaps they could watch and learn to replicate. I don't know the trick, I just know how to do it. For years I flopped at it every time I tried. Then I didn't have a grill I liked for a long time, so had to pan fry. I ate many failures until it just... worked. I still prefer to grill, but that is a bit of a production.
I found more information on confit, so thought I'd share. More so because it offered a notion I hadn't considered... serving sized portions, put up in the fat, deboned after cooking. Yes, I think I may do just that. Besides, I have a bunch of smaller containers that have no other truly good use. Would be perfect for this. I really am enjoying playing with my food. PBS? Yeah, well, it offered good info, and you already paid for it.
[The early part is hunting, if you want to get to the cooking process part, skip to 5:30. Oh, and as well? I sometimes do, sometimes don't, spice the meat while it is cooking or in prelude with a marinade overnight. You don't have to salt and spice (cure overnight), especially for shorter term use. The cure will simply increase it's longevity... perhaps... probably. I think refrigeration, like... increases longevity multi-fold over a great increase from fat storage, so...]
Oh, right. Later.
.
I simply had to stop fighting it. No real choice, though I could have maintained a miserable wakefulness and even then, when I inevitably would have crashed, had a sense of defeat, shame, and guilt. I decided not to go that way. If for no other reason, there is nothing I haven't tried and there is nothing that worked. In essence, I had no choice.
As soon as I woke I turned the furnace up, set the thawed steak out and salted it for frying in an hour, and then reset the dishes. I figure an hour after dinner and the dishes should be cool enough to finish. For now, I am enjoying sunflower seed hors d'oeuvres. I would have coleslaw but that never quite made it to production. Actually... sunflower seeds on/in coleslaw would be quite good. Why? Potassium, at least in sunflower seeds. If they were right about how much, these things are heavy duty potassium sources.
I am not sure what else might happen. The sun seems to be out. The mountains are snow-capped. Though perhaps they have been for a while? The curtains are open, with the sheers in place. Nice. It's been a while. It got so warm at the end of summer that opening, even with sheers, was, to me, unthinkable. The cooling has been so off and on that I simply haven't gotten into a pattern. But as the season ends, and it cools, but before it becomes too cold, I hope to enjoy the sheers and some access. Ah, everything starts today, now, isn't it so? And so it has.
A fistfight, in my dreams. I did not start it. My eldest foster brother was having a fit. Pampered? I don't think he was pampered. But he was favored. And he was used to bullying his way to what he wanted, and getting it. I... don't do that. Especially when the matter was not of my choosing and I don't have control beyond. Gosh I miss fighting. I may have learned to hate it. But that was having to fight from no choice. To be honest, fighting sucks. But there is something about it, a draw, especially as you become truly good at it. The last time I fought, a man attacked me from behind, hitting me three times to the back of the head. Even then I pulled my punches... and hospitalized him in three shots. I am still glad, to this day, I realized my might. Deadly force has to be in play for me to take the safety's off. Though I won't necessarily punch. I have other ways if it isn't a "gentleman's" gig. I may not hit at all, not in the traditional methods. I won't be fighting, I will be killing... two different dances. I can kill two men at a time, at least, one with each hand. Thankfully, that isn't something I need consider mostly. Then again, maybe I have gotten too old and weak to flippantly destroy? I wouldn't bet on it.
Oh, right. Anyway. If I can eat, wake, or wake then eat, then digest, and get going, I am hoping to set up the vehicle, do the dishes, and hit some more laundry. After that, or on breaks, I may do more organizing of boxes of stuff. I am, even if I have fallen, staying up on things. I am a bit amazed. Yes, much work to do, but it isn't caving in as I go comatose. And the sleep has been amazing. I am not even getting too sore from it, at least not yet. Which probably means I am rolling as needed. Which means it is merely, truly, a need for sleep from pushing the body, and not so much of a health failure. While the need for extra sleep is due to health, it, I don't think, is from deteriorating health, I guess is what I mean. Though some of it is because I have only been sleeping five to seven hours a night for... a while. I often write eight hours... I fib. Sue me. Whistling past things, or such.
Steak? T-bone today. Loverly. To be honest, I might start ordering more ribeyes. Those have the perfect keto fat to protein ratio. One per meal day puts me pretty much on track. One might be all that is needed if I go with inch and an half cuts. When you are the size of a bear you really can't cut foods. Imagine having a work horse and feeding it what you feed a donkey. While I may not do all that much work, I still have the size. Teasing such a body leads to failure of control. I like t-bones, I just like ribeyes even more. I have finally learned how to pan fry. There is some trick in there, if to be honest I think experience is the only real way to learn it. I could not teach another how to do it. Perhaps they could watch and learn to replicate. I don't know the trick, I just know how to do it. For years I flopped at it every time I tried. Then I didn't have a grill I liked for a long time, so had to pan fry. I ate many failures until it just... worked. I still prefer to grill, but that is a bit of a production.
I found more information on confit, so thought I'd share. More so because it offered a notion I hadn't considered... serving sized portions, put up in the fat, deboned after cooking. Yes, I think I may do just that. Besides, I have a bunch of smaller containers that have no other truly good use. Would be perfect for this. I really am enjoying playing with my food. PBS? Yeah, well, it offered good info, and you already paid for it.
[The early part is hunting, if you want to get to the cooking process part, skip to 5:30. Oh, and as well? I sometimes do, sometimes don't, spice the meat while it is cooking or in prelude with a marinade overnight. You don't have to salt and spice (cure overnight), especially for shorter term use. The cure will simply increase it's longevity... perhaps... probably. I think refrigeration, like... increases longevity multi-fold over a great increase from fat storage, so...]
Oh, right. Later.
Up, but I saw my shadow.
.
.
Well, and I am only awake because my mom called back. I phoned last night. She is sounding good. Apple butter, more pickles of various sorts, I think she had tomato canning finished for the year. I was lamenting housecleaning and she suggested that if I thought one was bad I ought to try two. I should have just told her that an allergy to dirt doesn't count and friends with benefits doesn't count. :p Now I remember why I am always in trouble with her. Wise guy.
A long sleep in spite of napping long yesterday. And I still can't quite dig out. It is raining, cool, and dark. I can't quite kick out. Ribs are becoming sore from sleep, but I can't pull up and out. Oh, well, and I did see my shadow. Or was it one of the cats? Though perhaps that counts anyway, if that is what they are doing. Which is why I am glad I am my size and they theirs. They hunt, even so. Even so the sneaky little rolling furballs can't usually sneak up on me. Mostly dead and I am still a terrible hunter... predator. Sometimes I even sneak up on them. But then I love watching cats leap. Yeah, wise guy.
Well, back to bed. I am hoping to rest up well enough to do some work this afternoon. The emptying and refilling the auto is the first thing, then dishes, then a shower and something edible. Mother said ham and cabbage was a good mix too, I may try it. Something very simple for tonight. Though if you want something with just a bit more snap, make a white gravy while at it. Either flour and milk, or cream and milk. I do the latter for obvious reasons. Though if you like it thinner, a bit of cornstarch and milk would do as well. Lots of ways to skin a cat, wise guy.
Later.
.
Well, and I am only awake because my mom called back. I phoned last night. She is sounding good. Apple butter, more pickles of various sorts, I think she had tomato canning finished for the year. I was lamenting housecleaning and she suggested that if I thought one was bad I ought to try two. I should have just told her that an allergy to dirt doesn't count and friends with benefits doesn't count. :p Now I remember why I am always in trouble with her. Wise guy.
A long sleep in spite of napping long yesterday. And I still can't quite dig out. It is raining, cool, and dark. I can't quite kick out. Ribs are becoming sore from sleep, but I can't pull up and out. Oh, well, and I did see my shadow. Or was it one of the cats? Though perhaps that counts anyway, if that is what they are doing. Which is why I am glad I am my size and they theirs. They hunt, even so. Even so the sneaky little rolling furballs can't usually sneak up on me. Mostly dead and I am still a terrible hunter... predator. Sometimes I even sneak up on them. But then I love watching cats leap. Yeah, wise guy.
Well, back to bed. I am hoping to rest up well enough to do some work this afternoon. The emptying and refilling the auto is the first thing, then dishes, then a shower and something edible. Mother said ham and cabbage was a good mix too, I may try it. Something very simple for tonight. Though if you want something with just a bit more snap, make a white gravy while at it. Either flour and milk, or cream and milk. I do the latter for obvious reasons. Though if you like it thinner, a bit of cornstarch and milk would do as well. Lots of ways to skin a cat, wise guy.
Later.
Friday, September 23, 2016
When all else fails?
.
.
Do.
In my case, on this day, I cook. I had heard about something called crackslaw, which went by various names and recipes. To be honest I thought most of them were overdone. Simplicity, for the most part, is my friend. Once an occasional is it good to construct something elaborate. That simply doesn't work on a daily basis and for many reasons. Although, if work is done ahead of time, layers of flavor can be built and stored for an allowance of minor luxury within simplicity, give or take.
Instead of two or three hours of fussing, and a ingredient list a mile long, I... thought about the main ingredients... that being hamburger and cabbage... and I considered what would add simple easy flavor. As it turns out, frying hamburger (better to fry in cast iron, in my opinion, and a cast dutch oven better than others... or at least cast with a lid), get it half through, then add chopped cabbage. Season the hamburger initially as you like. I prefer a bit of salt, pepper, a small dose of typical italian spices, plus a teaspoon of hot pepper flakes. After the hamburger is half done, add the cabbage, put the lid over it, and let it finish. Easy. Very good.
I have a ton of dishes, again, from this and that. They have been washed twice and merely need to be rinsed, dried, and put up. That probably won't happen today. Not much else was done. I could barely stay awake. Then I realized it has cooled enough that I really did need the furnace. The cave was holding right at 66, where I turn the furnace down to for the summer. And, while that is fine for night, sleeping, it is simply too cold for daily running... at least as the high. I've turned it up enough to be awake. Hopefully turning it up first thing tomorrow might allow me to get on some things.
Later.
.
Do.
In my case, on this day, I cook. I had heard about something called crackslaw, which went by various names and recipes. To be honest I thought most of them were overdone. Simplicity, for the most part, is my friend. Once an occasional is it good to construct something elaborate. That simply doesn't work on a daily basis and for many reasons. Although, if work is done ahead of time, layers of flavor can be built and stored for an allowance of minor luxury within simplicity, give or take.
Instead of two or three hours of fussing, and a ingredient list a mile long, I... thought about the main ingredients... that being hamburger and cabbage... and I considered what would add simple easy flavor. As it turns out, frying hamburger (better to fry in cast iron, in my opinion, and a cast dutch oven better than others... or at least cast with a lid), get it half through, then add chopped cabbage. Season the hamburger initially as you like. I prefer a bit of salt, pepper, a small dose of typical italian spices, plus a teaspoon of hot pepper flakes. After the hamburger is half done, add the cabbage, put the lid over it, and let it finish. Easy. Very good.
I have a ton of dishes, again, from this and that. They have been washed twice and merely need to be rinsed, dried, and put up. That probably won't happen today. Not much else was done. I could barely stay awake. Then I realized it has cooled enough that I really did need the furnace. The cave was holding right at 66, where I turn the furnace down to for the summer. And, while that is fine for night, sleeping, it is simply too cold for daily running... at least as the high. I've turned it up enough to be awake. Hopefully turning it up first thing tomorrow might allow me to get on some things.
Later.
Why?
.
.
Dreamers never know and dreams never say, or prove. Either they are true or not. If true, look for love, and the greatest of worms, perhaps wurms to some of you who understand more, to begin their cycles. I know not, nor care, in this moment of time between here, then, never, and always.
.
Dreamers never know and dreams never say, or prove. Either they are true or not. If true, look for love, and the greatest of worms, perhaps wurms to some of you who understand more, to begin their cycles. I know not, nor care, in this moment of time between here, then, never, and always.
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