Better.

.
.
It still feels as if my innards were removed and put back in, but sideways, if at least by someone competent at the task.  I have slept enough to feel better about that part of the problem if getting much beyond that might be a bit of a trick.  I did get the trash collected and out.  Just two bags, perhaps I should have just waited until next week.  Still, it was together, and I got it out to the bin with intent, so I just carried on.  Whether I got it out in time is to be known soon enough.

A shower, shortly.  Dishes are completed, mostly.  Dishes are almost only ever mostly done.  Even when they are all done, if I plan to used a particular pot, pan, device, or object such as a gravy boat, I may need to wash it, or them.  Never ever are dishes completely done.  However, at this point, they are merely dirty in place if they are needing a wash.  A shower, a trip to town.  Once I unload then reload the vehicle.  First task will be to drop off the recycling, then get a cleaning, and then check on an oil change and inspection, or get that lined up.  Whichever way that goes, then on to tire rotation... or shopping.  Too much to do to plan beyond a certain point.  I can't do taxes until I get the inspection, so... today, tomorrow, whenever, but best be soon.

I get the feeling that some suggest that I am addicted to pain.  I have to say I am far from that.  Driven?  Perhaps, at this point only within and sometimes beyond my limits, but within some very tight limits.  I can tolerate pain.  Megs of pain.  It was my ability to take such which made me a ferocious warrior.  Giving it comes next.  I noticed those who relied upon giving it fast were very limited.  They could easily be broken.  Their self-perceived righteousness, from being favored sons, even while they sinned greatly, while it meant things to others meant nothing to me.  Worldly station, rank, wealth, favor, and other such held no sway with me.  If, even so, I did not seek to destroy.  Destruction only came to those who could not or would not learn.  Even now, and if my dreams and visions hold truth, it is not I who am the destroyer.  God has asked that I not, if possible, destroy through my means and I mean to satisfy that request when possible.  However, those who will be called, if they are already destroyers, will do destruction... but to their own.  Using evil upon itself to buy time.  It is how it goes.  How to guide it away from the meek and such though?  A trick.  One which will bring judgment at the success or failure of it's application.  No more than any other, I suppose?

I most certainly am not addicted to pain.  My life simply is filled with it, for reasons I can't know, save to bolster me for a time of true or greater pain?  To strengthen for other reasons?  As a blessed thing of some sort?  Suffering is not evil, or a bad.  Resisting it, humbly, in an attempt to don grace, publicly at times...  I hope it offers something to others.  Hope, a strength to resist spiritual surrender, who knows.  I would hand over the pain in a moment if I thought I could.  While it exists, I will resist it in faith.  There is nothing more in it or to it.

Ah.  I best get going.  I am feeling good... better...  I have much to do and little time.  Be well and blessings.  Amen.