Not lazy.

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Simply not well.  Not at my worst, though it doesn't take that.  All it takes is 20% off my game and I'm pretty much in dirt nap territory.  Thing is, I don't die any better than I work or live.  I don't feel horrible, or good.  Better than even my "Better" post, for as little as that means.  I really have to get to things today.  Time is running out, tick-tock, and on this front, time is required to mean something.  So... In I go.  Urhm, if I can get up, if I can shower, if, if, if.

Yeah, I get it.  I have written and said that it doesn't matter how I feel.  And it doesn't.  But this isn't about feelings.  This is about not functioning.  My job, should I choose it and I do, is to force an animal the size of a black bear to do a bunch of stupid pet tricks while it is in pain, hungry, and trying to hibernate.  You may be more associated with your flesh.  I am a junior partner.  I pushed it beyond it's limits one... thousand... times too many.  Now it jumps when it wants, not when I say.  Heck, it can lock me away, for it's or what it thinks is my own good.  Yeah.  I had it on the cutting bleeding edge once.  And, really, it still is, given all.  It just isn't interested in playing the fool for other fools, knows it's limits given the new paradigm, and like a mule will stop when it must.  Though perhaps if it simply isn't sure.  So... I have to negotiate this.  I have had a treat day in a while.  I may... negotiate on that.  Perhaps even an up-front, and pay when the job is done treat.  Yeah.

It looks like a nice day.  I just need to shower, unload and reload the vehicle, and get in.  Get done, today, what I can.  Then back in tomorrow and so on until it is all done.  I think I can.  I do.  Plus I really do want it.  Even my body wants it.  Just stuck.  I think I can get out.  Later.