Back on medicine.

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It seemed one day off from carvedilol and then back on it helped me turn a minor corner.  Now I feel better.  I am not doing more.  If I feel better, the chances of getting back to work increase.  Sometimes I can do that right through misery, usually not.  Again, tonight, I will make an effort.  I did do some things yesterday, but very mild, couldn't stay at it for long, hoping for more.

Sleeping was a little off.  I think that might be because the world is warming.  I used to fan, which helped me rest, but it... just feels a bit warm, even so.  I told you, I am, in some ways, more closely related to a bear than to a man.  Though if I can get ahead of the warming curve, and work things out, I'll do just fine.  I have been doing better with the heat these last few years... mostly.

I've been getting into it a bit on gab.  Something about people thinking they should be able to be out, gay, and we should all be happy about it.  No.  Just... no.  They were, against my wishes, given don't ask, don't tell.  It wasn't enough.  Now not only will they not get that, I suspect they are going to have to go back in the closet.  We are sick and tired of having their weirdness handed out as if it was normal.  More so as we are finding out that pedophilia is a cause of much of it, and a further want from their community.  No more forward movement in that area.  Back, back and far back.  They would be lucky if they get the tolerance from the 1950's.  I think I've lost the followers who go that way, or the ones I will lose.  Not just gays, but those who believe such should be open and welcome in society.

There are other topics, as well.  Why can't people be openly anti-American?  Ask any nation that.  It is illegal to burn the flag in France (and many other nations).  It is illegal to form and run a group aimed to undermining the nation as it exists, in this very nation.  It just isn't acted upon, yet.  It isn't, per se, the government that people need to hold an allegiance, but to the nation, which is the people.  The problem is too many foreigners are being brought in so that who the people are is changing, and in a negative way.  Not everyone in America, citizen or no, is an actual American.  Besides some rights having to have very specific limits, some people shouldn't have the rights of a US citizen at all.  We are going to fix this, one way or the other, in very short order.  Right now it's looking a bit better for the survival of the US.  But it's a tight race.  So... those who display anti-Americanism will just have to be dealt with as such.

Fair?  Is it fair that I was born here, and not in Zimbabwe?  Is it fair that the water I drink is, mostly, survivable to drink?  Nothing is fair.  But nothing can be fixed along those lines.  Would it be fair for those who have to lose what they have so that no one has anything better?  And it isn't as if the haves, by nations, haven't tried to help the have-nots.  But you can't get a 70 IQ people to even learn not to shit in their water, let alone keep a well working.  At some point you simply have to understand that... fair isn't... quite the variable it seems.  Fairness cannot be meted out, it was set at birth.  If all men are created equal, than all two legs are not men.  But... we knew that, madame.  Right?  Right.

Oh... well...  On to... something.  Good morning, or night to you.

Better if still slow.

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I have been taking medicine well.  I took an half day off yesterday, not taking yesterday night pills.  Once in a while that's actually a good thing.  Best not to make it a habit is all.  I think I slept better for it.  But, back on track today and on.  That stuff is brutal, more when starting it up.  A break once in a while is good, allows me to catch my breath in some sense.  Like carrying a heavy load, and letting it off, almost literally.

I am hoping to do some work today.  I haven't yet this weekend.  But this little lapse in medicine and the ease it brought, might buy me a starting point.  Dishes, trash, and maybe some laundry.  Oh... definitely would like to clear and clean the linens, turn the mattress while letting it air out, then have it all ready to put back together for bedtime "tonight".  Yeah, maybe.

If I do get my cave up to speed, seriously, I'll keep it that way.  If I do that for a month, I'll send a ticket to my mother.  A lot of if's, but that's... just the way it goes.  We don't get along, for many reasons.  If I think I want to keep at it. Then again, that's life.  We have improved a great deal.  There was a time when I wouldn't speak to the woman.  Yeah, it has improved.  Not sure it'll ever be much better, but... this might be enough.

On to... something or other.  Waking first.  Good night, and day.

Sore, over sleeping, tired, but better.

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I think things are improving.  The extra sleep is my body figuring out medicine.  Today, when I woke, for the first time in a while, I feel really awake.  Not energetic but not with a permanent sense of dull sleepiness that haunts steps and thought.  I am hoping to do some work again.  It probably won't be a great deal of work, just enough to call it a start.  It is the weekend so the idea is to not even attempt too much work, as a general rule.

I am considering what to do with blogging and gab.  It may be time to begin thinking about it all.  After the first 90 days of Trump, what else he will or can do may be sliding.  After that, I think he will pretty much be out of steam.  They have been trying to shut him down since before he took office.  I don't know if he can get much else through after that.  Then again, who knows, maybe he already got what he really wanted and they are at loggerheads just for show.  Politics, business, family affairs, often kabuki theater is how things run.

The wall, pretty much, is all I expected.  Anything else was bonus, gravy.  Much of the else, while interesting, can be undone with a pen by the next president, and congress isn't interested in changing anything.  They seem to profit, what should be illegally, from fast major changes in the government.  They aren't going to cut off their access to insider trading.  Which means they want corrupt, overbearing, governance.  I don't think Trump can change that.

I'm not finding better news... anywhere.  Partisan is partisan.  As to the quality of news beyond that, it's not better or worse.  Siding with my notions using bias that is just as wrong is only interesting until I realize it is just as wrong.  The news simply isn't for information, but cheerleading.  I'm not interested, since neither team seems to be for America, Americans, the middle class, propriety, or such.  Yeah, a few more months and I may simply cut these cords too.

If I continue to blog, I may do it privately.  Perhaps going to a hand written form.  No one comments.  Cool, just... no reason to share, really.  I am surprised my blog hasn't been shut down anyway.  Access to music is pretty complicated and coming to an end.  Paying for access without advertisements is not worth it, since they can and do simply yank things, and seem to further be censoring ideas.  They've done it to themselves.  Their income model might be fine if they weren't censoring, or removing content that had been available for many years at some whim, or a new owner's demand.  Little need for the internet without blogging and music video access.

Well... on to... something.  Good evening.

Tired?

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I doubt if you have ever hit the depths of that.  Imagine being so tired that listening to music hurts.  Mild, rock, metal, alt, religious, doesn't matter.  Hurts.  I'm not even sure how it can hurt.  Some sort of overload.  I can listen today, mostly.  Short episodes, one song at a time really, milder tunes, lower volume.  Yeah.  I could still rip a bear in half, that's never a problem.  Actually, when I am that backed into a corner I am probably even more terrible.

Medicine.  What it does, what happens when it is missed, as it is being started again.  My life is a brutal thing sometimes.  Thankfully I generally don't take it out on anyone.  Then again, it's not like I could get to it.  Someone would have to start it.  Yeah, I could probably finish it, wouldn't even notice until I got better.

I'm nearing doing better.  But it might be touch and go for a few days to weeks.  And then I'll be upping the dose, so...  Still, I will be trying to get to more as I can.  I might or might not have the ability.  I love the testing.  I love trying the nearly impossible.  Even if I fail, the effort... it's wonderful.

Oh, you know... I have been hungry for oyster for a very long time, and good sea food, fish of some sort.  I may order just that, before long.  Though I want to make sure I can get to the store and have the extras I'll want.  Lemon, perhaps what I need to make various sauces, to see what I like with it.  I do have a shucking knife, but I'd like to have a second on, of a different sort, on hand.

They are sold by the 5 dozen, or more, in groups or additions of 5's.  I am absolutely certain I could eat 5 dozen, probably 10 dozen.  The latter would be a lot of shucking though?  Don't know.  I've eaten them by the multiple tray before but I have never prepared them.  Not this month, I want to store up.  Maybe next month.  I'd offer them out, but I'm not sure how much that really is.  While the shell might be 3" to 4" inches, the meats are small.  And I don't know anyone who likes them.  Next month?  Maybe.  I can order them so that they will arrive.  Though I may hold off, maybe for several months.  It's a fairly pricey meal.  Might look around for other price offerings.  Though if you mess with prices too much, you can end up getting bargained to death.  Seafood is crazy wicked when it goes bad, especially if that is somehow hidden.

Later.

Yes, medicine.

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I'm still going to be taking it slow for a while.  Hitting that heart juice straight up is tough.  I'm feeling a bit more awake, not any more active though.  Gabbing, watching the episodes... it's something.  Passing time.  My day is slipping further into the night.  At 7:15 or so, I will be taking my medicine and watching the last of an episode as I turn my thoughts to bed.

Good night and day.

So very tired.

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It does seem colder.  Some of it, most of it really, is probably medication.  Skipping it, missing it, when just starting, can really cause energy problems.  Then again, it's tough to start this stuff.  It slows the heart down, keeps it from beating so fast.  Which... has a use.  But has a heavy cost.  Amazing stuff, terribly potent, even for one of my kind.  Actually, when even at my level, missing a few days can, often does, kill.  Yeah, THAT nasty.

Why it doesn't kill this or that one?  Or even some of us seemingly at all?  Anyway, I am sure hoping that getting back on it will get me back, and that I can keep on it.  Sometimes I can do well off it, in the last half a decade.  But on it, if I can balance, I can really do much better.  Never will I be full speed again.  I can be, perhaps, quarter to half speed though.

I want to crash, and may.  More of a nap than a sleep, probably.  Taking "night" medicines when I wake.  Then, if I can, doing dishes and some laundry.  So tired.  Hmm... a bit more viewing, then on to a nap most likely.  Good day... night, for your part.

Oh, ouch, right. Right?

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I fell of medication.  And... I don't know.  Was that the whole problem?  Cold arrived, or returned, I think.  Or was that simply a sensation from falling off medication?  Nothing has been right, or even wrong.  Everything just went away for a bit.  I have been sleeping, and then awake, watching those series, gabbing, blogging(?).  Numb, though.  I remember little.  No pain, just... nothing, mostly.

Empty spaces be-

tween drops known as time.

I can know nothing.

I am not back, not fully.  I am merely aware of where I am, or when?  Or... a bit of what I am?  Something.  As well, I have decided to pick a direction, or destination, and make my way as I am able.  It might sound silly.  If so, you have simply never been to the void, to forever, to never, to tomorrow and yesterday at the same time.  In time I do believe you will learn of that which I speak.  Perhaps not until you, in repose, near death.  Women know this place more often, before that time, but not all women.  For them it is fear, fragility, uncertainty, and/or their part in the reproductive.  That part for them is of a pain near to death and is a place alone.  Other women may understand, literally bear sympathy, but each woman has to know it alone, in her time.  The men who see these places have know death or war or better both.  Why I know it I can't say, only that I know it better than most, far more deeply.  It is almost home.  God says I have things to do yet, and I have agreed to be his beggar servant.  And, so, I only visit home from time to time.

Medicine was restarted tonight.  I hope to use the weekend to get sorted back into place.  I reset medicines for the next month, while at it.  I will reset the first medicine dispenser as soon as it runs dry, and set it up for a full dose of carvedilol.  Yes, just being on that leads me to home.  If I can stay on it, for long enough, and don't let them talk me into taking more, I can return to this place, land my feet on the ground, and get back to things in shorter order.  Those medicines are messy.  I'll do what I can though.

Dishes, I hope, tonight.  Maybe a bit of laundry.  A shower.  If I can do this, the rest of the weekend will be finishing laundry.  If so, and if medicine doesn't blot me out as the lack of it has, perhaps I can begin in the kitchen, bathroom, and main bedroom this coming week.  Ugh...  UgH...  UGH!?!  I'll... keep at it.  Good evening.

Not as planned.

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I went shopping, yesterday, instead of cleaning.  All good.  I was out of a number of things.  More, I simply wanted a few things.  Milk is no longer a daily, but when I haven't had it in a while I get a serious thirst for it.  Cream is good, as well, and sorely missed.  A bit in cream, mixed with milk in oatmeal or other hot grain cereal, or for oyster stew or even tomato soup.  Little things.  Though some things of necessity, toilet paper, paper towels, cat food, were also on the list.  Getting out and just the act of shopping, too.

While at it, I ordered a meal from Wendy's.  That is nearly the last fast food joint I will visit.  The only thing, at the moment, I don't like, is their pickles.  But I ask for those not to be added and that is that.  I have learned, finally, to allow the cheese.  I was an odd kid, hated that kind of cheese as a kid.  It didn't, and still doesn't, taste... right.  Still, from time to time, I allow for it.  I suppose it matches the meat these days, at burger joints?  Anyway, just... something free, easy, and hot.

I have restarted Penny Dreadful from the start.  It is making a difference.  I think, when I jumped in, I didn't have background and that was necessary.  It is still more directed at the female mind, and so a bit dull for me.  Still, it's... a bit better and I will continue.  I also started watching Dexter.  That is... more along my lines.  While I am not, to my mind, such a sort as Dexter on a basic level, on a "professional" level, or survival level... within some constraints... we do have some... commonality.  For some, in certain conditions, I have absolutely no care.  Which, as I have pointed out, can make me a friend you'd rather not have.  But an absolute friend in deed.  The price of that friendship might be living with what has been done to allow for you to keep breathing.  I used to think it, or that potential, whole evil.  Then... I learned.  God does, sometimes, call for the destruction of cities, even whole peoples.  Men, or some men, are not capable.  Angles are not always able, either, due to... my kind.  So?  So he calls on those of my kind who can and will, in His name.  Sin eaters... or slayers along my lines.  Not sure I believe sin eaters as anything more than a doubled corruption, a false path that only leads two, and more, to hell.  A sin slayer, yes.  Though, unlike Dexter, I... must suffer those things or find no path, chance, to heaven.  Still, I do have some understanding of this character.  And, actually, they are portraying him well, so far, as I see.  I have known a few.  Oddly, they have feared me, in spite of mostly being fearless beings.  They know me like I know them, and they do fear me.  A terrible thing, especially for one who must know guilt.  Guilt is a great gift, honor, for one of my kind.  Only God could grant that, if I did have to accept it.  A price for a great potential gift.

Oh, right.  Just... saying.  I'll try to hit some of the projects today.  Dishes, maybe the bedding... Ugh.  It's a rough day.  Good day.

Wonderful.

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Headache.  Wouch.  Did I push it a bit yesterday?  Did I sleep wrong?  It is, actually, an unusual sort of headache.  Something is pinched on the left lower side of my neck.  All at one point.  Which causes muscles to bunch from there out, mostly up and down but a bit side to side.  Exquisite, really.  The headache isn't too bad.  And it is purely mechanical.  I may take some painkillers and then go back in, lie down, sleep if I can, and that should fix it.  Usually does anyway.

Quite a bit of work yesterday, given all.  I have no such plans for as much today.  The dishes once more, rinsed, and up.  And any remaining dishes collected by not started.  The bedding washed, dried, and put up.  When I am awake fully for the day I will strip the bed and turn the mattress, standing it perhaps to let it air dry.  Hmm... could powder it with baking soda/powder (one of them) as well, then vacuum that off when I go to make the bed.  Perhaps a bit more laundry.  That will be that, mostly.

Tomorrow?  Cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, or starting in on it.  As well, perhaps, beginning in on the main bedroom again should I have more energy for work.  The rest of the week will be devoted to various such projects.  The rest of the month will be to those projects, along with sorting things to toss.  Next month I hope to rent a dumpster and begin getting rid of things, many things.  If I can afford it.  I have no idea what sort of cost is involved.  It may be prohibitive.  In any case, I want much ready to go, and be in a shape to rip through all that remains.  I only want it for the minimum amount of time.  Two or three loads should easily do it, perhaps less.

Oh, looks like I did finally get the trash and recycling right.  Then again, sometimes everyone else just looks out, and if some fool (me in this case) got it wrong, well?  I definitely take my turn in that.  Though they didn't pick up last week, so... maybe?  :P  If not, sorry, neighbors!  I do my best but generally, on some things, know not.  :)

I'll work on Gab a bit, while I let the painpills begin, then I'll crash for another hour.  I was awake rather late, sleeping only seven to eight hours actually.  Yes, my 'days' are getting longer is the deal.  Spring.  Love it or hate it...  At least my sleep is more regulated these last years, mostly.  When they are both out of sync is when it gets messy.  Good day.

Not bad.

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I made the list but I didn't think I'd get to it, not all of it.  I did those things and more.  I am rather bushed.  Need to chill before going to bed.  More Penny Dreadful... which somehow I started on the 3rd season.  Back to the beginning.  And, if that is too dull as with the rest of it, I'll take breaks and work on re-following those who follow me.  I'm nearing 3k, which is less than half.  My button pressing mojo is about burned out.  Still, as I can.

Tomorrow?  Dishes, another shower, laundry, new sheets on the bed and all the old bedding washed as well.  Ugh.  I'd like to do shopping, not sure I'll have what it takes.  Though bringing the trash and recycling bins in would be good.  No one else has theirs out, but maybe it was because it was snowing earlier and there was some concern they might be struck by a plow.  Snowing has stopped and the plow has been through, so... should be good.  Though maybe pickup day has changed?  I'll check when I wake tomorrow.

Good night.

Yeah, getting there.

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I was able to do all of the dishes once, put a load of laundry through the wash while folding two older loads.  I also un-followed ~22k accounts on Gab, and have put about ~2k of my followers back as followed.  I have about ~4.8k left to follow again.  Well, actually, there were ~415 people/accounts I was following that Gab wouldn't let me remove.  They just didn't show up in the queue.  Not sure what is up with that, though electronic artifacts and glitches are realities with computers.

I am tired, too tired I think to do too much more.  The only things I really want to make sure to do before sleeping is to reset the dishes to a second soapy soak and to put he wash in the dryer and and hand dry the washer.  Actually I would like to eat something.  I just don't think there is anything easy enough to munch.  I have a chunk of gouda cheese, but nothing to go with it.  Crackers, at least, though salami or a pear would be perfect.  Yeah, I need to do some shopping.

Oh, I will get the trash and recycling to the curb as well.  It's all out, or enough of it.  Bleh.  Good night.

More.

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Small work orders, as some might call them.  Laundry is nearly ready to start.  I just want to check for any other stashes, find a few more laundry baskets, then sort what should be washed first.  I won't do the bedding tonight.  I will find new sheets for tomorrow or soon, and be ready to change that out.  I want to do that on a day when I can do all of the bedding and blankets at once.  I need some clothes sooner than later, so that is priority.

I have most of the remaining dishes soaking.  I hope to wash all of it at least once yet tonight.  There isn't all that much, just more than any two batches up to this point, maybe three.  It's... a bit more work than I have been able to do in this most recent start.  I set up medicine for the next few days and started it.  I missed yesterday, I think.  The goal, too, with that, is to reset a month of medicine tonight or tomorrow.  The only thing I might end up adding is the last doubling of carvedilol.  Though maybe not.  I am not quite ready to double, and don't think I will be for a bit.  It's tough stuff to dose.  Doubling is a bear.  If nothing else, I want to attempt to get the house back in some sort of shape, and enjoy some time doing better before diving into double dosage.  On the good side, that will be as high as I go.  This next titration is it... if I can maintain medicine.

I finished Sparicus and am starting on a new series, Penny Dreadful.  So far it's... mostly mush.  I hope it improves, the notion has promise.  Though, sometimes, when you have too many leads it is too difficult to do any of them justice.  The pacing is very slow.  Perhaps it will improve.  Though, if it is aimed at women, it... won't.  Watching television is difficult at best.  But when the target group is women, it is truly dreadful.  Between that and work, I am also resetting my followers/following list on Gab.  I was following 22k and only had 6.4k followers.  So... I am dumping all that I am following and will reselect those who are following me.  I seem to be losing some, along the way, even though they aren't supposed to be able to tell I am unfollowing.  Oh well.  Just had to scratch that itch.

Well... back to a bit of viewing.  Later.

A slow start.

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The dishes I had set up were finished last night.  Most of the trash was collected and the cat litter emptied and reset, that all taken out to the bin.  A few other odds and ends as well.  This "morning" a shower, much needed.  As well, I started reviewing laundry.  I am hoping to do some laundry yet today, and change the bedding and do that as well.  Further, more dishes will be set up.  The snow is off the drive.  I never did get to it.  God did it this time, vicariously through nature of course.  All good.

I didn't sleep until well after 5:00, perhaps after 6:00.  I think I was awake by 13:00, or very shortly after.  Sleep was good though.  Wake time is just slipping, might just be more sunlight, or longer hours of what there is, and a warming world.  I'm simply sensitive to... pretty much everything.  Probably just a medical thing.  I have learned, and have become better at, using time when it is available, as I can, rather that trying to push for days then work.  I'll do my best.

Ah... as weather improves, as soon as I think snow is gone for good, I will begin researching a large dumpster in order to clean out the cave.  As well, next time I am in town I will begin searching for a heavy duty paper shredder.  Those two things may quickly see my house to some much greater order.  If it gets cleaned down to the bone, having domestic help once in a while might be reasonably affordable.  I just have to get to that point.  Life is so much better when things are clean and neat.

Good day.

Definitely a late rise.

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My cycle is slowly shifting again.  It was a bit after 11:00, I think, when I finally woke.  I didn't go to bed until well after 3:00, so it makes sense.  Why the drift?  Dunno.  Just happens.  Not sure it is just illness.  I think anyone, left to their own devices, without demand put on them, would drift in their schedule.  Now, illness makes it so that putting demand on me isn't possible, but there are other things that might do such.

I sometimes question the modern life.  Time requirements are a very strange thing.  They haven't been a part of man's life, to some degree, for most of our history.  There were seasons of work... seeding and harvesting, moving livestock from grazing area to grazing area... and better times for hunting or gathering specific foods.  Though daylight was pretty much the limits.  Even with fire, taking a torch out was to leave people and go into an unknown for little purpose... only ever a risk taken for a reward known, and rarely.

Men didn't even have time pieces until in the hundreds of years ago. And I think those became a curse, binding men to a new sort of slavery.  And with lights to make the night useful, navigable, natural sleep was intruded upon as well.  Dawn to dusk, at the most, should be a mans effort and life.  Sleep outside of those boundaries, unencumbered sleep not subject to all sorts of noises.  Even here, a bit in the boonies, never an hour passes without a vehicle hurtling by at speeds unheard of until last century.  Yeah, even 40 mph is fast, and much noise is created to attain such speed... in historical comparisons.

Progress?  Really?  It might be the reality so that more can be born and live.  Certainly to make that as sustainable as it has been for centuries now.  I think they got to such levels many times.  But without continuous advances in many technologies, forms of government that could be tolerated by the people, and religions that were just or attempted that, all civilizations fell.  Before machines, slavery was required, a system that could never be just and was always one major war for slave acquisition away from collapse.  We are blessed, if all blessings come with the potential for curses.  Poisoning our world, machines still not being able to do enough, and yet people failing for the extra... and Elites who think they no longer need us at all.  Enemies of new sorts all around.

No, not a post offering hopelessness.  Just a comparison of the problems from the past with those we have today.  Never has life been easy.  Never has it been without great toils and tribulations, dangers hidden around every corner.  Elites have always hungered for the lash, power, dominion, and cruelty.  The masses always able to stampede if not outright revolt.  The costs and duties of life, top to bottom and between has always been dear.

Anyway...  I have things to do.  Dishes, laundry, a shower.  Maybe some cleaning.  Who knows what will happen.  I feel rested, mostly, and nearly ready to dig in.  I have been doing small bits and pieces.  I am hoping to do more, and maybe a lot more, sooner or later.  Good day.

Tomorrow.

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Brothers

King makers

Kinslayers

Timekillers

Yesterday, Today, Title

More, perhaps.  No less.

Coyote

You will always know

me, as you always have.  A

fall before last spring.

Raven

First of the four, lost

or finder.  None here may know.

Spring of last winter.

Fox

With me, winter white,

and hell.  The ridden and the 

follower.  Brother.

Anubis

In land of plenty, 

hunger to the bone.  Black horse,

the final winter.

Business.

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I set up a payment so as to be caught up with my home payment.  Then went through three different departments to attempt to have my insurance company brought up to date on the status of my home loan.  They aren't doing that until the 17th, even though they could fax it.  I contacted my insurance company and let them know that I have again made the request they have asked me to make, and given them the timeline I was given.  I can't do more.  That is that for that.  I will shortly be filling out an automatic payment form, of which I have five copies now.  I will probably have to make at least one more manual payment, next month, but without fees if online.  Then it should be back to autopay.  Should, no certainty with this company.  I'll know about insurance later this month.

Now I am trying to mess with the phone.  They say there isn't an outage in the area.  They tried a reset, but to point that has failed.  I think I will just call them back and cancel this phone.  I don't trust them, at all, for several reasons, at this point.  I need to find a real phone company that isn't as much of a problem as a solution, and isn't working against Americans and our rights with the government and big biz.  Yeah... out.  If I can get someone on the phone.  They will probably be trying to hide from direct contact for this very reason.  Might have to stop in at their shop on Monday.  It's hidden, but... there.

Next?  A few dishes, a shower, and... who knows.  It is very good to have enough money to do some grocery shopping.  I hope to do that soon.  And I'll need to make an appointment with my doctor, but next month.  I simply want to hold off on expenses until I have more money stored up.  I hate being at zero.  I still have a few other business processes, but it's too late in the week and day.  I'll... get there.

Good day.

Ah-ha!  I got the phone removed.  Since it was under 30 days there will be minimal costs.  The phone never did work, the reset never went through, and I don't... trust the company.  Well, and I never did get a clear answer as to whether the phone was unlisted or not.  Still, the operator was good to work with, clear, and knowledgeable.  One more thing off my list.

Up late again.

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I just didn't hit it until about 1:30.  Sam wasn't going to let me sleep in, for whatever reason.  She has been working to wake me since... 6:00ish?  I woke a bit before 8:00.  Not sure what will happen if I see my shadow, if it looks like six weeks of sleep isn't in the cards.

Sneezing the last few days.  Turning the heat up helps but isn't quite the full answer.  Just that time of year.  I don't really have allergies.  Perhaps it's just the volume of pollen or when the world is particularly dry?  No worries.  Sometimes the girls and I both have the problem at nearly the same time.  Sometimes not.  That might be due to height differences.  Yeah, there might be more or less pollen or dryness at our various levels.  It's the story I am going with.

No good or bad dreams the last few nights, none remembered.  All good.  Sometimes I get a hint that bad dreams are on the way.  I was all but certain.  I was dreading, fearing.  It's actually why I wasn't able to get to bed on time the last few nights.  So far so good.  Sometimes those serve a purpose, grinding gears to shift more fully back to life at a better pace.  Sometimes all it does is hurts.  Either way I have become terribly gunshy.

Hmm?  Oh, either back to bed for a bit or not.  I'll make up my mind shortly.  Good morning and day.

Internet taxation.

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It is now a reality in Utah.  And?  And it means I am going to stop buying things.  I had been using amazon.  But without the incentive, I will just save that money and put it elsewhere.  Probably a good thing anyway.  It was a convenient way to buy a few luxuries, wants, or even needs in larger quantities.  The added benefit was no (direct) tax.  All the business taxes paid were coming out of my pocket already.  When a company, like amazon, pays 39%, and the companies they do business with... the manufacturers... pay 39%, and... who knows who else... then I end up paying a lot in taxes.  Those company use my money to pay those taxes.  Get it yet?

Rather than buying other things, I'll find some more beneficial to me ways of burying cash.  It isn't much... a few hundred dollars a month... just spending money.  They can't blame me.  It was their choice.  Every greedy grab for money will be dealt with as I would with any thief.  I am tired of having them everywhere and always with a gun on their hip and a hand in my pocket.  Hell, I'm a ward of the state and they are still at it.  There are very simple consequences to some things.  I hope others join in just abandoning the markets and finding ways to store wealth more surely.  The state and fed obviously have no clue what they are doing with the filthy lucre they are stealing.  Drunken sailors have better plans, at least in serving their wants and needs on a personal level.

I hope, too, that amazon feels the sting as people simple back away from the method.  Let the state and big business war over dwindling returns and a disinterest by the population in being shorn as if sheep, when not out-right sacrificed.  I've done my part.  I've been betrayed at every step by those who were supposed to help.  I'm only alive because their failures ended up being a double or quad negative upon negative, and I had the will to move through suffering.  I won't let them take more, now.  A pox upon both their houses.  May they fall to plundering each other.  Done.

Awake again.

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It seems that six weeks of sleep is not in the cards.  I have been up for a while now, actually, hours... two, three perhaps.  That early wake has gotten me a bit off track though, as did the late night.  Fine, I'll work with it.

The goal today is to finish off the dishes set to soaks at various stages, get a shower, and figure out what I want to do with laundry and begin there.  Oh, I probably need to cancel my phone.  It hasn't worked since I ordered it.  I am holding off business with the mortgage until I am sure my ssa check is in this month.  I think I have paperwork with that to be fixed and remitted.  I can, I believe, handle the costs of mortgage no matter what, but what else I might have to negotiate beyond that is... another thing.  So, I wait to see so as to plan.

Still a bit stiff.  I think it's actually from the dream the other night.  Where I am sore is not from stooping to do dishes.  What a strange dream.  Oh, I should probably finish shoveling snow.  It has been melting a bit, day by day.  Even so, I should remove the last of it.

I'd better get meat thawed and create a minor list and a major list, so I'll be ready for grocery shopping whichever way my income is set this month.  What a bother lately.  Good day.

Woke early.

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Too early.  To bed at midnight, a bit of a glitch.  Woke at five.

Saw shadow.

Six more weeks of sleep!  Later.