Blood sugar.

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A reasonable dose with dinner.  Actually excessive.  A snack since.  Half an ounce of pumpkin seeds.  No sweetener in my tea.  A thirty six point drop, to 216.  It just isn't working with me.  In time.

Not as bad a day as it started.  But a lot of things hurt.  As well, hungry.  All I did with the light snack was keep the fiercest portion of hunger slightly fed.  Not much of a supper either.  If more because I was, am, too tired to cook more.  With such high blood sugar, I don't care.  Call it unintentional intermittent fasting.

I tried to place an online order at my grocery store.  It wouldn't take my phone number correctly.  If I typed, as an example, 854, as I was inputting 4, everything would shift to, say, 548 or 458.  I tried this and that, but there wasn't a way.  So I signed off the phone and tried my other system.  Now it isn't, again, accepting my password.  China's social credit system is active in America, if with complete deniability.

I was able to comparison shop.  I was able to find same brand at mostly the same prices.  I came out ahead on the bulk but same brand bigger paper plates.  Those were so much cheaper that it made the extra dollars and cents higher on else get lost.  Plus, no curbside pickup.  It will take half a week to get here though.

I meant to sleep earlier.  Tried to get it cooler, so as to shut it all down.  Nope.  It is stuck at 73°, with everything open and two fans spinning.  It is 52° outside.  Oh well.  Might as well stay up to let the ducks out.  Oh, I texted about hens... not for a long while.  Oh well.  Later.

It is medicine that does that.

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Not the sleep, or any more than being off medicine, large fast weather changes, extreme weather, other larger (or a large collection of) stress(es), general health failure, or simple powerful (or smaller muliple complex) pain.  Other things?  Combos, boss!  Yea.  Though, currently, restarting medication is part of it, as are 90° plus days.

What pills do is hurt my innards.  It feels like a mule clipped my belly and a lower rib.  Bruised, some bloat, gassy, and angry in there.  It hurts in varied, intense ways.  I would go back to sleep, but I can't.  I've spent that painkiller, if without choice.  I kept crashing, due to heat and diabetes.

I have been eating lightly and more rightly, plus dosing insulin, but that doesn't seem to be helping.  A true fasting, after a very good light keto meal and dose, has blood sugar at 219.  That was after five hours of not eating beforehand.  I do think going on or off medicine causes diabetes problems as well.  It might explain the stomach, organ, pains.  Perhaps medicine messes things up in the short run, by denying blood flow.  I really think so.

I am avoiding even keto sweetener.  As much as possible.  It can exacerbate diabetes when it is being difficult.  But I need it, to get enough fluid in with the heat, and to balance the water pills.  It's complicated.  I will eat the last of the taco meat shortly, as a salad, then make a new batch.  Maybe food will help.  Aspirin too.  Later.

Someone reminded me...

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I doubt I could find, or afford, this filler.  But... a super good choice.  I have had it a number of times.  If I can't afford the meat, I really couldn't afford dining out with that as an entree or side.  First, everything is more expensive out, then these dishes are only served at mid to high tier restaurants, and that assumes such a restaurant could be found open.  I wouldn't trust that as pickup.

The keto bread replacement of choice?

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I keep looking.  But mostly just looking.  I need to start making decisions, trying the recipes, as well as adding things that might help.  Xantham gum and psyllium husk... the latter whole, ground, or powdered, as well as other ingredients or ratios.  No spice or cheese, unless that is a base component... usually mozzarella and or cream cheese.  At least, keep it plain until after a good bread, bun, or such, has been created.  Then cheese breads, corn breads, and such, can be developed.

Sleep won.

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I was fighting it.  Another hour up, I was so sure.  I feared I wouldn't be able to wake in time to shut everything down.  I... can't remember what I was thinking when I went to bed, only that I somehow thought I wouldn't fall asleep.  Yea, that... I must have been way out of it.

I crashed so hard!  But, I did resist for an hour.  I woke about an half hour ago.  Down around... before 02:00, up a bit before 05:00.  Strange.  I thought I was done for a long time.  I don't know what woke me.  It is 70° both upstairs and in the main downstairs.  It is about 54° outside.  I adjusted fans in an attempt to accelerate cooling, but am beginning to believe the new way was a mistake?

It has warmed a few degrees since the change.  But myself and the machines add extra heat to the place.  Perhaps this is maximum cooling under the conditions?  I'll check everything, give it to six, reset if it remains warmer.  I almost suspect this is, pretty much, as cool as it gets for the night.

A nap, after letting the ducks out, hopefully.  Then perhaps a shower and some clearing and cleaning.  Sleeping when the heat gets rough, or gets to me.  Sometimes 70° is fine, sometimes it seems like a furnace.  Food shortly.  Fasting blood sugar is 144.  Though, by time, is it actually fasting?  I thought I tested before my last meal, that was around 11:30, and the device matches the clock.  But... wasn't I awake later?  Yes.  But, what time was my last meal?

Morning meds, breakfast, and insulin.  Then I will see about anything else.  A strange life.  Later.

A late keto taco themed meal.

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Yes, very much keto.  Keto isn't bad.  It is labor and time intensive.  The only real way to eat keto is to cook pretty much from scratch, being very cautious about ingredients, and the mass of ingredients by total comparative to the other ingredients volume and in total.  Plus, figuring out which items really are ketogenic, which forms of whichever food are more and less ketogenic.  As an example, dried onion granules are more keto friendly, but don't work in tacos... unless you remember to add them when frying the meat.

But, everything is a tradeoff.  Money, time, cost efficacy, flavor, texture, and many more, all vying for a spot.  Add in flawed preferences tastes that have been developed through life.  And simple preferences.  Trying to beat that into keto shape will take time.  One of my greatest difficulties is my hunger for different.  I need to focus on very simple templates, recipes.  When those are nailed, THEN figure out keto additives or other changes so as to satisfy my wants.  Needs first.

Oh, I am finding that processed, premade, keto foods really aren't good.  Lies or something lost in translation matters not.  That they don't work to help diabetes, or maintain ketosis is the real issue.  You can't really buy your way to ketosis unless you can afford a cook or chef with good intentions and at least half a brain.

Tonight, I started with two cheese shelled tacos.  Quite good but very high in fat and calories.  So, when still hungry, I settled for a taco salad.  No cheese, just meat, lettuce, onions, etc.  Just as delicious, probably half the calories, if not as easy or typically mannered to eat.  I want to get the shells down, but will mostly being just doing taco salads.

I took insuin.  Blood sugar has been oddly high today.  I am hoping food logging will help make more sense of that, as I begin.  We will see.  Anyway.  Everything is back on course.  Three days of taking all medicine, for sure, and on time.  It'll get there.  Dinner was delicious.  And felt right.  I am relearning ho to eat.

At 01:17, it is up to 74° indoors, downstairs.  I forgot to open the cave up.  As I was getting the chilling started, I checked outdoors.  It was down to 62°.  It will cool a lot more.  Hot days are much more tolerable with cool nights.  I ought to open the upstairs as well.  I'll give it all an hour before shutting some or all down, then sleeping.

I would get back to bed now.  I want to get it cooler, so as to shut things down... as much as possible.  If I can get it all to 66° or less, I can shut it all down, so not need to go downstairs until I am definitely waking.  It is so much better to not have to wake twice, or suffer the extreme heat if I miss.  It is worth the small sacrifice risk.

Ah, tomorrow... I need to ask about more duck hens.  If available, perhaps go pick them up.  I won't return the extra drakes.  They will be my first culls.  And I am excited for their sacrifice.  Oh, yes, more hens.  They put out a lot of chicks.  But, hen or drake, all can be eaten.

Good night.

Meds ordered, doc appointment made.

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Fried, pseudo napping for a few hours.  Remembered meds, so ordered those.  Then back to near-napping.  I didn't dare let go.  I would have fallen.  I may have to go in anyway.  Subdermal?  Subcutaneous?  An infection below the skin, actually above both ankles... I had thought just one before today and looking more closely.

Wasn't happy about having gone off medicine.  I should explain why.  If I doubt they will understand.  Or, the additional part.  Meds are doing nothing but barely keeping me alive, at great cost and pain.  If it weren't for some additional hope for keto, with the addition of the food logger, I... wouldn't have started back up.

After those things, I crashed so hard I... actually had to fight through the heat exhaustion to get back to a place in which I could sleep.  But when I did, I slept as absolutely as I can.  I woke just in time to let the ducks in.  Sometimes the penguin girl isn't with them.  One night both of the new hens were gone.  I found them in the post hole...  thankfully.  I look around well if one is missing.

My hearing is what allowed me to find them that time.  I had thought my directional hearing was shot.  Apparently not.

Tacos tonight.  Cheese shells, sour cream, spiced burger, some onion and tomato, maybe avocado or guacamole... if the avocado is ready.  No extra cheese needed.  Work tonight?  Not really possible, probably.  I burned out today.  No loud pains, but no energy.  Tomorrow, I hope.  Digging in where possible.  I want the kitchen and bathroom back to a better trim.

Amazingly, it is 72° downstairs.  It was 71° to 68° upstairs.  It, at 22:16, is just hitting 70° outside.  I'll bet it got a bit hotter out there.  I went looking for today's high but it wasn't listed on the sites which got the current temperature correct.  I didn't bother with sites which padded the readings by eight to ten degrees.  Those are only in business because of corrupt bureaucracy and academia... but I repeat myself at this point.

Some of that is pro-Chines versus pro-Russian versus Pro-American propaganda, though because of their varied goals, which is lying or truthing on any specific topic or data set is difficult to know.  "Our" intelligence is often anti-American, perhaps so as to outsource labor so the ultra rich can get richer, etc.  It gets... much more convoluted from there.  But most of "our" government is strongly anti-American.

Yea.  But it was a successful day.  I may get the preferred food blogger up and running tonight.  And begin figuring it out for use soon.  I don't know if that will work.  But being forced to see choices and consequences... to understand through knowledge?  I think that could be a powerful tool.  Whether I can manage lower carbs and lower chalories?  I will know soon.

I will try beyond failure.  I will push and shove.  I will give it even a year of even perpetual failure, if need be.  The goal isn't failure, merely that might be the result.  Absolute and honest food tracking is the goal.  THEN working on controls and limits.  That is the phase where weight loss may happen.  It may take a lot of time and much failure.  I believe it is worth ego hits and else.

That is the suffering and endurance phase.  My goal, initial goal, is 240.  After that?  Perhaps maintenance.  Perhaps on to 220.  Or maintenance and back to swimming... which would be weight loss, as muscle weighs more than fat, so as muscle was gained, to maintain weight fat would have to be lost.  Thoughts, considerations, goals, hopes, plans.  Later.

A lot done.

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Faxes sent, for disabled parking and drivers license, a new phone sought.  Verizon doesn't carry phones which allow battery removal.  Amazon suggested they did.  It would have been easier through the store, but the store gets government gimmies worth enough to lose sales to clients.  They work for the governments... Chinese, US, European, but no government wants it's people getting what we want.  For now there are other sellers.

The bank had my new card.  A quick and easy task.  It started out about 70°.  After a few side runs, it was 74° as we hit Logan.  A stop at stores that were next door neighbors.  Me for spices.  It hit 81° about then.  Then here and there.  Probably as we were leaving, definitely by our return, it was 92°.  It was early afternoon.  It may get hotter yet.

I am absolutely spent.  I do have a telephone doctor appointment soon.  But I'll be upstairs in the ac until then.  And will nap after.  It was 70°, inside, downstairs when I returned.  It's almost to 73° because of the heat I dragged in.  If I turn everything off, and cool in ac upstairs, it will improve down here.

Absolutely fried.  Later.

A better morning.

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A real morning.  I was up at 07:00, perhaps half after.  Initially only to close the cave and switch to ac.  Then I decided it would be possible and prudent to let the ducks out.  Finally, the morning felt right, so I decided to stay awake.  Medicine, for going on the third day.  I'll get a bite and isulin shortly.  A shower last night, so... good for today if events make that too complicated.

I did fry burger, and season it for tacos.  As well, I diced onion and tomato, plus tried several cheeses for taco shells.  Everything was rightly stored and reefered.  That'll... the shells... take practice.  They are vastly better than the first batches, but aren't quite crunchy, or not all of them.  I'll get there.  As well, I found the paperwork to be faxed, and the number to which it needs to be sent.  I had almost thought the latter lost... if that would have been an easy fix.  Still...

Yes.  A good start.  A fasting blood sugar at 173, two days back on insulin, and shortly after going so far off the keto and diabetes reservation I was thinking I was almost to Vegas.  It was nearly 300 fasting recently.  I'd best be very light with dosing, and keep carb tabs with... which is part of my e d carry items.

Today?  Tacos, sometime.  A call for a resupply of medicine.  A fax sent.  Perhaps a wee bit of shopping.  Maybe a new phone.  And...  oh, a tele appointment with the doc later.  Perhaps the last pole, for the clothes line, and then that finished?  Always more to do than I have time, energy, and or focus.  But... it's... going.  Later.

Blue to the bone?

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Believe as you wish.  You always have.

Horrible.

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I can't call it the worst in recent history.  It equals the worst of days.  But the feeling persists.  I am guessing one of four problems, possibly a bitof all.

I have been able to slightly, probably temporarily, shift my schedule.  That allowed me to contact the driver license extension office, which offered an extra month to get paperwork in.  Well, and the ducks were let out today.  That wouldn't have happened otherwise.  So brutal.

The continuing heat, mild as it is, plus pushing to be awake in it, and all the extra light, is definitely killing me.  Yea, light sensitive, especially with the heat and so many hours of it.  I am drowning in it.  Even in my shaded, thick-walled, relatively cool fortress, my eyes are slitted as if I was on the brightest desert plain.  It's only 73° inside.  Being 90° outside, this home really is an oasis, especially since all I am using downstairs is night cooling and two fans.  Still it was getting to me sleeping nights.  Doing days is tripling the effect.

The final probable issue is restarting medication.  Blood  sugar was 140 this "morning", but that morning has been my 'sleeping midnight' until today, so it's off.  It was up to 278 after a very keto, if large and without insulin, breakfast of tacos.  I had a glass of milk and insulin just now, after a 'nap'.

Oh, keto tacos?  Go light on onions and tomatos, and use cheese taco shells.  As to the cheese taco shells?  I just wasn't getting it right.  So, I went back to youtube and sought a more detailed video.  And I found one... if my eyes kept... dogging south.  I'm tired.  Can't always focus, not even both of them.  Whought?  N.Mind.

Oddly, it's women who don't flash their bling who catch my attention?  Yea, but... why?  Oh, who cares.  As long as I can be civil, or escape.  Telling you, I'm a sucker for demure.

May need another nap.  First a call.  If I can't cook, I'll offer an option.  I might not be good for much, but I refuse to be good for nothing.  I'll leave that for the dindus.

Later.

Fighting to wake.

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Calls to make.  Important.  Time sensitive.

I didn't sleep until 07:30.  I kept waking, but being unable to shake real sleep, calls weren't placed until late.  Successful calls, at least.  Not all of them, timed out.  An appointment with my doctor... just over the phone... set up.  A fax to send the driver license doctor sheet.  And that a disability parking permit is issued by doctors, so to bring that up in the appointment.

Two more calls tomorrow.  One to reorder meds, one to let the mvd, or whomsoever, know I have an upcoming appointment, so ask for an extension.  Had to have an appointment so as to know how much time to request.  As well, I need to start looking for a lawyer... for the ssd claim.  I am having a very difficult time waking early, or sleeping earlier.  Stuck.  Will keep at it.

Tacos, tomorrow.  Will try getting much of it done tonight.  While dicing onions and tomatos, frying burger, and anything else, I also plan to make keto shells, and try them, with the fixings.  Two use various cheeses, one uses a mix of keto flour, cream cheese, and cauliflower.  I have given up on cauliflower... it's too much fuss, one way or the other.

The kitchen and bathroom really need hit.  I just can't wake and get going.  I'll... keep trying.  Bleh.  I may need a nap.  Funny thing?  I am losing a lot of size.  I am back down to the second to the last notch on my belt again.  Usually.  Water can bloat quickly, once in a while.  So tired already, again.  I'll wait until the ducks go in, then crash... if still able.  Later.

A few more.

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Difficult.

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Then it got better.

Waking up was brutal.  I attempted to wake several times.  Not sure when I went to bed, around sunup.  I couldn't wake until 16:00, give or take an half hour.  I had shopping, and banking, and more to do.  The "more" was impossible, too late.  The banking and shopping were possible.  One required the other, potentially.  I wasn't sure if the store would accept a check.

A shower, then a call to the bank.  Yes, if I rushed it would be open.  So tired.  I made it. Then to the grocery store.  I spent time looking for a mask, in case they were required.  Not required.  Too confining.  But if required for needs...  Everything wanted except aluminum free baking soda and... cucumbers.  The cucumbers offered were rough.  Oh, and I went with shredded lettuce, as romaine heads were rough and expensive by mass.  Summer can complicate produce procurement.

Then to get home in time.  I returned by 19:00, but so tired I couldn't cook.  Dinner was, eventually, sorted.  So tired.  Not much done, but too warm and running, as fast as possible, since my morning.  As the night went on, improvement.  Hoping to chill well, then be to bed much earlier.

I have rather important things to do tomorrow, and they have to be completed earlier, preferably before noon thirty.  Four calls, as well, perhaps, faxes sent.  As well, the ducks weren't let out today.  I don't mind that rarely, but prefer that not be too frequent.  They were fed and water was checked, just... I was up to late, moving too slowly, and I wasn't sure about getting them in later.

It was hitting 55° an hour or two ago.  Last night it got down to 45°!  Quite cool for a high summer low.  And the highest I saw it today was 82°.  Though it could have cooled off before I saw it later in the afternoon.  Even so, this is a very cool high summer so far.

Good night, I hope.  Godspeed and His blessings.

Well, maybe.

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The songs filtering through... it is amazing.  Songs not seen for... years?  Aye.

An okay day.

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Oh, the lost duckling did return.  Must be a she, so tiny.  And she "dresses" as a penguin!  Anyway, that is the good news.

Oh, I found electrolyte powder.  Four doses the first day, a dose a day for a while.

I will set medicine back up tonight.  Including potassium replacement.  The V.A. was down for a while.  I was saving the meds until I felt a pressing need.  I will call tomorrow, see if refills are available, and attempt an appointment for primary and the dentist... hopefully before the next shutdown.

Later.

Such odd notions.

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Awake and doing well!

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I don't remember when I went to bed.  It was enough after sunup to let the quackles out.  No sign of the little one.  I checked through the night as well.  Hopefully she holed up somewhere and could stay warm enough.  I will know tonight, when they go in.  If alive and well, she will almost certainly be with the others.  Losses will happen.

I think excess fluid removal, mostly, helped.  I do need to sort electrolyte replacement, mineral replacement, and salt replacement.  Though salt may act as a temporary electrolyte and mineral replacement?  Still, do need salt too.  Everything and the kitchen sink went with the flood.  But the water was killing me.  I do notice, being low on salt, minerals, and probably more electrolytes, I am much more susceptible to the heat and even mild exercise.  As well, muscle cramps can be murder.

Good night, and morning.

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A few... thoughts.  Haunts.

Food thoughts.

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I wanted to try a smash burger tonight.  I also wanted to try a keto bun.  So I did.  I had to do some washing, and a bit of cast iron conditioning.  The skillet and the placket.  The water draining from last night, and having a duckling stuck out, refusing to go in, with both myself and a mothering hen trying to get her in, many times, left me... well... drained, in every way.  So, just the two pieces and a steel spatula were cleaned.

I did season the cast, several times.  Not a fresh seasoning, merely a refreshening, if twice.  Trying to build a better base.  Either the burgers... sliders is what we used to call what I made... were too large, or the skillet was too small.  I can easily make smaller burgers, as this was large even for my thinking.

Smashed very thin, allowed to crust, flipped and allowed to crust, cheese put on one, the other flipped on top, then both flipped again.  Onion slices, condiments, and that keto bun.  I bet the patties could be half cooked in advance... say a few days.  Then heated to cook the raw side, cheesed, flipped after the cheese is melted, and quickly set out on whatever, a bun, keto bun, or lettuce wrap.

The keto bun I tried... I had to revise the recipe on the fly.  Even I know when something is far too thin.  It might have set, eventually, but as an egg loaf, not an almond flour bread.  I had to quadruple the almond flour.  But... that worked.  The bun was too crumbly, if that was a monster double slider with a giant's fistful of cheese smack in the middle.  I am not certain any bun would have done well, perhaps a kaiser?

As well, it tasted more like cornbread?  Okay, not tasted, but the texture was definitely that of cornbread... rather soft cornbread.  No complaint, just notes.  With a few tricks, this will easily be fashioned into a keto cornbread.  Hamburger bun?  I have my doubts.  It may require coconut flour, and or oat fiber (or some such), maybe phylum husk... something somethings.

I then tried a grilled cheese with the last two slices.  It... missed.  Not a terrible thing.  Just... not there, not right, yet easily edible.  It filled the hunger inoffensively, if just.  Everything I did tonight has promise.  Everything will need tweaked, changed as to ingredients, size, and or purpose, but it is a start.

Further, after a bit more research, against my paranoia, I decided to obtain a food logger app.  Actually I grabbed two.  I then decided to activate a specific one, but remembered...  Oh, I didn't tell you.  My bank overcharged a check, thankfully not to overdraft status... this time... but still... AND cancelled my debit card.  They, when I called, they had not informed me in any way before cancelling, told me why.  It seems they suddenly found my card number up for sale on the black market.  Anyway, so no activation until that works.

I really can't be sure if that is an employee at the bank, or the upper echelon at the bank stomping on peons.  Some of it is certainly bank level.  I am more suspicious of the upper echelon, as an employee would eventually... quickly... be caught... unless it's private policy and that employee had cover from above.  Think Romney.  Too many incidents, too often, over four or five months now.  But the credit card might be youtube.  I signed up for a free month...

I was dubious.  They are monstrously woke.  Still...  Things seemed okay.  But then I noted they weren't allowing refresh.  No new songs.  So I searched for an older song I liked, by a white European group.  The search turned up nothing but darkies, having nothing to do with the search.  It took a bit, deciding what to do, figuring out how to do it, then doing it.  That, if I had to bet, was the debit card problem.

I quit.  No reason telling them why, they know.  I guess they neither need nor want paying customers.  I doubt if their bosses care.  Paid to spit out propaganda by state level actors, even if the little antifas and bl(don't)m thugs aren't told.  Useful idiots of the deepstate US government.  All, actually, are on the same side, mind you.  It's just that none of them like it.