No sleep.

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It just wasn't available.  Rest was available, and had.  Potentially that might be enough.

Supper, shortly.  A small meal.  But what?  Ah, perhaps a rectangle of the egg casserole.  That actually ended being a soufflé casserole, to be honest.  A very good one.  Not too many ingredients, not too much meat or even cheese... plus the cheese was in differently places, or some was inside, some was on top... much as the bacon was on top while the peperoni was diced and inside.

A bit of kefir to go with... I keep trying to call it breakfast.  It IS a traditional breakfast food.  And, really, at 05:00, in a minute, it IS breakfast time... as most would account it.  However, no fast will be broken with this meal, so... anyway... kefir with supper.  Anything else?  I am probably hungry enough for two, but I'd rather have something else with it.  I finally found my coconut flour.

I am thinking, maybe, a keto bread, made, then baked?  With cream cheese and butter on top, as well.  I think I have sugar free strawberry jam... unopened, in the fridge.  It might still be good.  Should toss anything that is opened though.  Ugh.  Oh... that jam, if actually unopened, would be good in a smoothie.  I won't use it this time, but maybe in the future.  I have a difficult time using jam fast enough, as bread, even keto bread, is a rarity.  Yes... a subplan is now in play.

A shower, after, and setting up dishes, plus starting laundry.  It's not a lot, but... it might help revive me for the day.  A bit after supper, that is.  Later.  Probably.

Oh, right.

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I'm not going to do anything, save go on to bed.  It is later than I had hoped to get to bed, but... I just... lost track.  Doubt if I could have slept, might not be able to now?  I'm not sure if I put the ducks in, either.  That is one thing I will check.  Oh, and I had about an ounce of mixed nuts... either raw or roasted without oils.  I don't even think any are salted.  That and tea.

I'm not sure if I needed more food, but it felt like it.  It would have been around "lunch", by time since I ate breakfast.  So, probably not a bad deal.  The kefir and such filled me well enough, earlier.  These just topped that back off.  I am trying to avoid so many nuts, and mixing which types I eat.  They are higher in omega six, while I need more omega three.  Sardines and such help with three... I think I have that right.  I need to find more foods with higher fat and higher omega three.  Bleh... always a trick, or imbalance, to sort.

Yea, I'll set the alarm and try to rise.  Getting a shower right off, then setting up dishes, and finally doing laundry.  If I can wake early enough, I will make a few calls.  Check on a few things.  And get the chicken started in the instapot.  It'll work out.  I hope.  If the temp is low, since I am going out anyway, I may pull the waterers, clean and fill them, so they are all clean and fresh for tomorrow.

Good night.

How to do food?

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My goal is to cut consumption, along with the control of certain aspects of that consumption.  The amount of macros, of which there are three, carbs, protein, and fat.  Consumption is a two edged thing, as it involves quantity and calories, perhaps even satiety... how full I feel.  It's a tricky game, and while heading into keto, it is a sliding scale sort of thing... meaning I can go from having no hunger to all of a sudden being hungry no matter how much I eat.

If feeding the right amount of macros, especially getting in fat initially, the body has to relearn, or just plain learn, how to consume fats for it's energy needs.  It doesn't want to do that.  So?  So, no matter how many fats you eat, your body will balk at being satisfied with it.  Sometimes you simply have to go a little hungry.  Other times, if you are leading up to failure, it is best to add more fats.  Eventually the body figures out that it won't get what it wants, so will make due.  On the good side, when it learns to make do, it actually is much easier to satisfy, the energy returns on less food is better, and a lack of appetite can, does, occur.

Though to, there are two types of hunger.  Perhaps others?  One is purely physical.  It means your body is hitting an energy issue, needs food to continue.  As well, there is a mental hunger.  The body doesn't need anything, but the mind wants it.  Or...  All of it's history leads it to believe that more food is or will shortly be needed... wanted.  It isn't as logical as the physical need category.  But it can be much more severe.  Further, there isn't a mechanical means of ending that sort of hunger.  It isn't satisfied by food... but by some emotional sensation which food might bring, often going well beyond satiation.

I am at some weird stage of keto.  Sometimes I am not hungry, until I drop into starvation mode (if I am not careful), sometimes I am terribly hungry... though as often physically and mentally hungry.  Mirages, in every direction.  The answer?  To a degree, I have to determine what I am facing.  Real, physical, hunger has to be fed.  As lightly as possible, but reasonably.  Mental hunger has to have it's emotional satiation found... often I used tea or other drinks.  Or filling but low calorie and low carb foods.  Or very high fat foods, and just splurge.   As to feeling no hunger?  I must eat, figure it out and eat several times a day... slightly blindly.  Aim for the macros if also try not to graze.  Tricky damned business, but it does pay off.  As well, sometimes I just have to go hungry.  Which to do at any given time?  It's a puzzle which needs figured out each time.

If I am hungry, as I was after dinner, my first objective is to figure out what sort of hunger I am dealing with.  If it is psychological, I attempt to use tea to pacify.  If it is physical, I still attempt to resist, for as long as possible.  If those methods don't work, I attempt to just allow for the hunger, offering it to God much as I do pain.  At some point, however, I act on it.

In this case, I waited between an half hour and hour, letting the hunger be, ignoring it as much as possible.  After a certain time, I realized tea and patience wouldn't cure the problem.  So, I had a kefir berry smoothie.  Nothing fancy, not too much, but slightly, mostly, satiating.  I am, oddly, still hungry.  I will not eat again for an hour or more like two.  Drinking tea in the interim.  Not sure what the problem is.

Even so, that is as good as I can do.  I have recently gone a bit on too little food.  Perhaps this is a price for that, or it is just my body not wanting to go into keto.  I will do my best to keep fat heavy, and if I must splurge, to keep extra fat heavy.  I am finally really beginning to try to nail keto.  I will have to fight for it.  But I think it might work extremely well this time.

Bone stock and kefir are the backbone of keto, currently.  Homecooked, from scratch mostly, though with room for a small potato a week, a small portion of carrots here or there, and a few other not absolute keto foods.  I don't believe in absolutes, just simple to vast majority and minority situations.  It may be a bit rough, sometimes.  But I think this is the way I will work things.  I think I can.

Still slightly hungry, but I can... wait.  Not sure what I will have later, though I think carbquik pancakes, a few fried eggs, and maybe one of the remaining sausages.  I cooked half the sausages, need to use the rest in the next week.  Or... if I get to cooking the chicken, that chicken cream dish, though I might add a sausage in with the carrots at the beginning.

Just offering how I am doing keto, trying to do it.  Each time I have done a run to it, it has gotten smoother.  I have more of the ingredients, more practice, experience, skills, tools...  I will always fall, from time to time, I know that.  But... when you get tight in it, a fall is... almost a boon.  And, sometimes, it doesn't even toss me out of keto or kill my diabetes.  Just not every day, again.  Good luck with your projects, plans, hobbies, and such.  Later.

Hitting the wall.

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Chores done, cats fed and water refreshed... litter managed earlier this evening.  My food, of course.  A shower in.  I am not starting laundry, or setting up dishes, that is that.  I did clean the prep area.  It is ready for a meal later.  I will take the hindquarters out, pressure cook them frozen.  I am just... curious... how well that works.  I want to see if the meat tastes funny... or not so.

A few other things done, if nothing fancy or much.  It has been a good night.  I probably ate a bit too much, but my body is doing weird things on keto again.  Fully keto?  I would guess so.  But just.  Going through the odd phases.  I ought to have some electrolytes.  Hmm, maybe pickle juice?  A bit of both.  I have a powder additive, for electrolytes.  Still, pickle juice or vinegar and water etc works well.  The problem with a vinegar concoction is that I don't have lemon or lime.  Really, that is quite needed for that, for me.

Not a bad go.  I still have some things I'd desperately like to do, but I just... I can't quite make it.  Soon, very soon.  Phone calls.  Business and family.  As well, I need to get to town.  Things to check, do, maybe.  Having some food at the ready, more with soup if I can get that going, and life is easier.  Then it's just snacks and small meals with which I need tarry.

I may have to try to sleep, nap longly, tonight, in an attempt to overwrite my current protocols.  I need to be up at this time, until about 14:00, but be clear of mind and awake enough of body.  Currently, I am crashing, hard.  Twitching.  Not that I have done too much, more that I have simply used my day, and well.  It is coming time to sleep.  Sleep isn't an option.  I am doing well to finish this up.

Good morning, day, and night.

Finally!

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It took forever for the potatoes to finish.  I put it in for 45 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 15 more, at 350 F, and it they still weren't done!  Hard.  I opened up the packing, added butter, hoping a bit more moisture might work?  I then gave it another 45 minutes, turning the heat to 415 as well.  It... was mostly done at that point.  There was enough made for two meals.  I kept it to half.  The rest will be for a soon meal.  I will just put it back in the oven, for an half hour, 45 minutes maybe.

Really?  Not at all bad.  One of the sausages was hot, but that was good.  The andouille, I think, were not as hot.  Perhaps it was comparatively less hot, spice wise?  Though some levels of heat I simply can't always taste anyway.  The onions, garlic, and carrots were very nicely done.  The sausages were definitely done.  But the potatoes were just this side of still being crisp.  They did seem done, if just barely.

Satisfied.  Almost too full.  Sleepy.

Even so, I want to get a shower, then put dishes in, get laundry going, and as soon as it is light... or at least day proper, let the ducks out and do else chores.  It has been a pretty good night.  Working in spits and spats, eating as needed, feeding and enjoying the girls... usually.  Can be such beggars!  Reading, thinking, and... just... enjoying the evening.  So very tired, but I so want to stay up... perhaps to early afternoon.  Or... sleep and wake early?  No, would never happen.

After I digest dinner a bit, I'll get that well needed and deserved shower.  Good morning, and day.

A wrapped baked meal.

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I had several forms of sausage.  In case I didn't care for the kielbasa.  With the sauerkraut gone, I decided to try the two types.  One is a Cajun type, the other didn't really have a name.  Unlike the kielbasa, these aren't cooked.  Anyway, I very coarsely chopped a potato, then chopped onion, garlic, a few carrots, and rolled it all into aluminum foil.  No spices, or fats.  I am hoping the sausages will tend the that, and the moisture released.

Nothing fancy, but different.  I wish I had more sauerkraut, though perhaps heated on a pot, then added at the table?  Still, a nice little meal.  Hungry now, though.  Strangely.  So, a few slices of munster and a sip of kefir.  So hungry, sometimes.  This time it seems to be bodily.  Oh, and a few smaller carrots, with peanut butter to dip in.  A decent snack.  A bit much, but I really am hungry, oddly.

The barrels were brought in.  It looks to be about 35 outside last I checked.  Sometimes, often, it gets cooler in the morning.  Though, often, just before sunrise.  The wind from the mountains, down then up, or some such.  Though, sometimes, it really does just get colder through the night.  Never can quite tell by any leads... necessarily.

After the meal, a shower, setting up more dishes, and perhaps getting the chicken going.  As well, I'll check the kefir which has been fermenting out of the fridge... probably topping that off with milk and putting it in to chill.  I think the jar of kefir I use now will need to be refilled and set out.  Everything requires something, and more, and just to keep dead even.

Not a bad little go at it.

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Dishes, done.  I forgot to clean the counter off, but got to it while I was rewashing the last of the dishes previously set up.  Then I washed and/or rinsed everything to warm, and dried it.  It went quickly.  Further, as I would dry in batches, about when I'd finish one batch, I considered the previous batches done and put them away.  I finished, and put up, all of the dishes proposed.  As well as the instapot lid.  It had gotten lost in the shuffle.  Done, now, too.

Then I reset waterers for tomorrow.  It was noticed, that having sanitized, then cleaned and well rinsed them, they stay much cleaner, needing little but specific effort.  Shake the old water, dump that.  Refill it.  Clean the spout, and shake it under water.  Put the spout on and set them in order, in the carry bags.  All done, easily and quickly.  I can tell they are clean by how good the spouts feel.  When they are even a bit gooey, it's time to sanitize again, or every other week or four?  I'll do my best.

Finally, I got fresh water for the girls.  Their litter was hit a bit earlier.  They are being fed a bit more.

Now?  Well, a shower remains.  Laundry after.  A meal of some sort.  Perhaps a nap, if the urgency of sleep seems to have passed for now.  Perhaps other little things as time passes, as I do other things and notice.  Oh, bagging bins.  And bringing back the barrels from the curb.  Lots still  to do, but I am making headway.  Always more, on top of more, so you have to do a lot more to get just a bit ahead.  Later.

A bit more.

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About 2 cups of a fruit kefir smoothie, with an ounce total of mixed nuts, my appetite was well handled.  I couldn't do much immediately.  Since, I have reset the rinsing dishes, set up supper dishes from last night, and sorted cat litter.  It's a start.  Not much of one.  Still so very exhausted, tired too.  

I may end up taking a nap after I finish dishes.  Most are rinsing, just need to cool a bit.  And dirty dishes from last night are few, so I will just push them through while finishing the rinse dishes.  Though I really need to clean off the freezer top, but that should be very easy.  I didn't make a mess, it is more just a courtesy thing.  Still, I like to wash before I put out dishes if I have prepped food on the surface.

A nap, yes.  Then, when I wake, trash.  Hmm, a shower... or take that before the nap?  I'll think on that part.  When I finish the shower, then to laundry.  A load through, another started, and I may nap again.  Trying to get back into days.  I keep hoping I can cheat my way through.  Sometimes, rarely, I can.  Sometimes I  can't.  I... need to do so.  Bleh.

The girls have been fed twice today, and given treats.  If they are that hungry, I won't mess with them.  Sassy will put on weight, while Sam, somehow, will get skinnier.  She is already bones.  If it were worms, Sassy would become skinny too, so... just Sam's style and nature.  I've been letting them sleep with me lately.  Not every night, but every other.  Sam doesn't seem to visit often, except when it's daytime.  Even then, only once or twice in my cycle.  Sassy is up there all the time, sleeps with me, sneaks out for a few hours, then returns almost every other two hour section of my sleep cycle.  Strange.

I really am thinking of a few pancakes tonight.  As well as a few eggs.  I am out of bacon, but I might have something else.  Either that or bratwursts or another type of sausage, some veggies, and else, cooked in a foil pack.  An easy dish.  I don't know, something.  I am, with food and drink, trying to stay as far from satisfied as is manageable.  An odd thing, but... it works better.  So long as I don't mess up and go too far beyond either.  It is not of the daemonic.  It's just a portion of my nature, believe as you must.

Anyway... I have the timer set.  Dishes then, a shower, and filling the waterers.  More food after?  I have to stay up a bit, in order for my hair to dry.  So I might as well eat if hunger, even if just psychological, has returned.  But a small meal.  Just... a few of this and that.  Hmm, carrots, a small potato, one of the types of sausages, and... some other meat?  Garlic and onion, as well.  I truly enjoy garlic and onion, or variances of those... chives, green onions, shallots... whatever is in season, or I can afford, is available, or might even be a hunger which is worth spending a little more for.  Smaller purchases, better quality, it can work.  As little waste as possible.

On to something, to pass time until the alarm and work.  Good evening.

Slow.

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Typical, for "mornings".  Brunch might help.  A portion of the egg casserole.  That really is pretty good.  Along with a dose of kalamata olives.  Too big a dose, I need to downsize that by half.  A learning curve.  No, they are wonderful.  Salty though.  Smaller bites, on some things.  And, half would be quite enough I think.  I am... dosing food with my old eyes, the eyes which didn't understand, and were always hungry... in too many ways.  Now I am almost to the point of eating merely for nutrition, sustenance, if enjoying playing with the food as well.

I found a recipe for pancakes, using carbquik.  I plan on make that for dinner, or supper.  And, if chicken gets going, perhaps a minor chicken meal even yet tonight.  Nothing fancy, not much, hopefully good.  The pancake recipe makes 20 cakes.  They say those can be frozen.  I could halve the recipe, but that would still be, at least, double what I would eat.  So, might as well make the twenty, freeze them, and try a few along with the casserole every other day to see if they do well frozen then thawed.

My body is not hungry, but my mind still is.  I don't want to eat too much, or the wrong things.  Leaving the mind to it's own devices, it will go astray.  Better, as mentioned, to eat a bit too much fat in an attempt to satiate more rightly toward keto, than else.  I'm thinking a small portion of a fruity kefir smoothie and a handful of nuts.  Not a lot, just enough to tip the balance.

Ducks are in.  I am leaving waterers out again... they were still flowing this "morning", and had been happily mostly used.  I need to refill waterers from two days, tonight.  I've been stumbling, if not too terribly.  As well, dishes, rebagging trash, a shower, and chicken set to cook.  I think that is pretty much all I will try to do... wait... laundry... one or two loads.

I've been dragging a bit.  Not quite falling behind, if not advancing.  Hmm, dishes from cooking yesterday need cleared, and the freezer top needs cleared and cleaned wholecloth as well.  It's all possible.  And it is a pleasant night.  I was up to... past 11:00, nearing noon.  I have reasons to try to be up in the day, so will push tomorrow, as well.  Maybe a nap tonight.  Airing the place out won't every quite do it, unless I can clear and clean the whole house, but it helps a bit.  Ugh.  

Well, on to... a bit more to eat, then what else is doable.  Good evening and day.

A very good sleep.

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Being warmer, and probably getting warmer still, I opened a few windows, downstairs and up, and turned a fan on.  It was 61 F upstairs, when I woke, and that pretty much every time I woke and might check.  the outside is up to 55.  While that doesn't make sense, wouldn't for most homes, mine is a stone home.  With roots going deep.  Now that the ground has thawed, and the lower soils are regulated by some thermal equation, temps stay a certain minimum inside.  It's sort of neat.  Plus, airing out the place is very good.

No pain, and I think the body is simply better.  I am trying to learn how to control... certain aspects of my life, so as to cut to one water pill.  I am getting used to being slightly thirsty... to drink less... and figuring out ways to pee more.  Sometimes I can get so tired, from my seemingly minor tasks, that I can't get up to go to the bathroom.  There... is a trick for that.  Yes there is.

As well, as I am beginning to eat keto again, and fairly well, I am beginning to watch not just carbs, or carbs and proteins, or carbs fats proteins calories and frequencies, but also watching things like salt.  Cutting every so slightly.  In part by making a masala of sorts.  Actually, two.  One with hot spices, one without, depending on my mood.  And, actually, with the egg casserole, I used a mix of the two.  The hot is... very hot.  I didn't quite want it that hot, but I didn't want it purely plain.  Picky!

But, yea, things are improving.  I still can't work all that much, for all that long, on any given day.  But I... am working, at least a little, every single day.  I sometimes hit things I fear, because I don't know if I can, or quite how to do it.  But I get through that quicker.  Sometimes I was not getting through it.  My current fear bottleneck is an excessively dripping faucet.  Hot water, in the tub.  I know... turn off the house water feed, plug the drain so I don't lose anything, disassemble that faucet, and probably just tighten something.  I am sure the gasket it good.  I know why it leaks, that was planned to a minor degree, but it has gotten a bit much.  Still... I... am stuck.  Just an example of what can freeze me.

But dishes, food, laundry, cleaning and filling waterers, chores, cats, my personal grooming, things that would go untended for extended periods, are being handled.  Not perfectly.  And sometimes I get a bit exhausted from just doing the basics, though certainly doing extra to a lot extra.  But, every day, beyond the basics of chores, cats, and usually myself, I find room to do a few dishes, clean a small area or three, find a few things I am seeking, and else.

I am slowing digging out.  I am sure medicine would help.  But that, too, is a thing that has me stymied.  If I take it, I could lose a month.  A month while I am trying to figure out legal representation and fighting the ssa.  A time when I need to figure things out for the rabbits.  A time when I have things started, and would hate to fall back.  Eventually it has to happen.  Perhaps, if I find legal representation, I will just take the plunge and hope all else works.  Doing well for being off medicines, that's for sure.  If I am positive that medicine, once acclimated to, will help a good deal more.  Ugh... the... difficulties of being partly to mostly dead.  Later.

One last report.

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It turns out, the waterers didn't freeze.  Further, the rabbits drank almost all of them dry, save for Hazel, the eldest matron.  Further, they hit the waterers as soon as I put them out even so.  It is warmer, but not that warm.  You just can't tell with critters.  Oh, and Henry had to work to get his hens out.  Ah... this is earlier than usual.  They were probably tucked in somewhere?  He raised a ruckus until they followed.  Though, for a bit, I was worried I had left them out and something had gotten them.  Nope, just sleeping in.

Food has helped.  Trash and recycling went out.  Chores are done, all of them, and feeding the girls.  They are as hungry as the rabbits are thirsty!  I have fed the girls four times.  The normal is twice, and they have as much hard food as they want, plus treats a few times a day.  Very strange.  Perhaps it is warm enough that they have chased the mice out?  Driven them out with their relentless pursuits, so having nothing on which to dine?  If Sam's bowl, the eldest, isn't very well emptied, I don't feed them more.  But it has been as clean as Sassy's.  As well, usually I give Sam less.  Lately I have been splitting it.  Strange.

Perhaps not perfect, but at least I can sleep knowing the critters are all fed and watered, out if allowed, inside or caged if need be.  It makes for a better sleep.  I have food, for when I wake.  Though, actually, kefir is my usual actual "breakfast".  But, when I am hungry for more, it is there.  And more beyond, after getting chicken going.

Not a perfect life.  But painfree, fed, and with happy little critters here and there.  It's not bad.  At this point, it's about as good as it will get.  Always hope for a good woman, but that's another story.

Good night.

Ran into a headwind.

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Supper was it.  Well, almost.  I did get the trash to the curb.  And recycling.  I didn't get the recycling, inside, collected to be put out.  Done, that way.  But I got what was out to the curb, as with trash.  No more dishes, no shower, no shave, no laundry.  No chicken set up.  Yet.  That might still happen, or not.  I am holding on to get the waterers heated, and out.

The waterers from yesterday are still out.  Wouldn't you know?  It got below freezing, so those are probably useless.  Heated, they should last until it warms.  And I'll let the ducks out.  So... really... I need to be awake another hour or so.  Bleh.  I may go ahead and feed the rabbits too.  Morning, earlier, is their preferred time.  I haven't been good for it lately.  Today.

That was a very good meal.  I really needed real food.  Nuts and kefir only go just so far.  Soup would really help out a bit as well.  New veggies are needed.  I had to toss things.  They could have slid by, but I hate using dated in fresh.  If it's all dated, yea, sure, whatever.  But not old veggies in new stew.  After one runs out, I'll either make more meat crumble, or do a roast of one sort or another... unless I have pork chops... that would be a good change.  Well, and liver... or kidneys this time?  Right.

I am feeling better, doing better.  I think it's just the cold, and seeming dark.  Even on nearly cloudless days, there is something that makes it dark.  Darker.  Well, and back to slightly cooler weather, that doesn't help.  Why do I say I am better then?  No pain.  An ache, once in a while.  But not constant, deep, even subconscious, pain.  It's just, mostly, gone, most of the time.  I don't feel great, but I don't hurt.  I sleep well, wake well, it's just my run time, speed, and torque are low.  Better than months, though, come to think of it.  It's just, when I improve a bit, I... try to own the mountains.  I'm not young, healthy, but waking I... try to jump to as if my real life was as short as my remembered life.  Like Rip Van Winkle, was it?  The man who slept twenty years?  My life was stolen by sleep I couldn't escape.  My odometer reads 30~40, my birth certificate disproves that.

Anyway... up a bit longer, chores, and probably just to bed.  I put the casserole away.  I don't think I'll mess with the chicken, especially since it can be cooked, frozen, in half an hour with the instapot.  Good night though.  I won't be back.  Barely keeping at it, but will make it to chores. 

The casserole was everything I had hoped.

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By eye, I was able to tell when it was done.  It took an hour, but there was a lot in there... sixteen eggs, an cup and more of heavy cream, half a large onion, a pound and more of cheese, and... say... four to six ounces of sliced and diced peperoni.  Oh, with bacon on top.  Actually I gave it a little extra, to melt the munster cheese slices I added when I considered it mostly done... so one hour ten minutes.

It was a soufflé.  It was puffed, the first portion.  Though it shrank quickly, as did the whole casserole.  Still, it... was a pleasure.  Spiced correctly, no need for added salt.  Sweetened by the red onion, that contrasted with the spice and peperoni.  It was almost a dessert somehow.  The house smells like I made sweet rolls or something.  

I cut the thing into fifths one way, then in half the other.  I ate a fifth, all told.  Though from now on, I think a tenth and a time will be plenty.  Letting it cool before putting it up.  Trash out first, after I digest.  Then whatever else is possible.  Ducks are in, if I didn't mention.  Bits at a time.  Food, though, was really needed.  Hopefully I'll get to chicken yet tonight.

Later or good night.  Yes, I need to chatter, once in a while, when trying to get things done.  Even if I am chattering to shadows, myself, the girls, or an invisible people who may or may not read when they visit.  It helps, to seem to share plans, ideas, successes, and failures.  Keeps me on better track.  Later, as mentioned.  Or good night.

Odd what shows up on my doorstep.

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From my viewing, potentially, to yours.  Enjoy.  Or go away.

That will be a dandy egg casserole.

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Eggs, cream, onion, garlic, diced peperoni, cheddar and parmesan inside, bacon slices on top, and, when it is nearly finished, munster cheese slices on top.  It should be quite good.  Not much else done.

I think I will get more done.  And I will probably get to bed early.  I think I will do the trash, and at least get recycling out.  Then a shower, which means dishes have to be done.  But they are pretty much ready.  Prep was needed for food, so that area wasn't open to dry and set out.  There aren't many, it... will get done.  As well, I would really like to get the chicken in the instapot, and let it cook, and cook, for the morning.  Or... whatever morning turns out to be.

I will put the ducks in... should have already... lost track.  The waterers I am leaving out.  As much because I think they will stay thawed as because I am wearing thin.  Getting things done, if doing so half sideways.  It's a trick, but it... some of it... is getting done.  This egg casserole, and more the soup if I can get that done too, will keep me in food, and away from major splurges.  Oh, I'll take a dietary spill, from time to time, but less frequently when well fed.  And less drastically.  That chicken soup really is good.  Even when food begins to lose it's draw.  Something about it, and beef stew too.  Oh, and now that I know how to do a keto roux?  Yes, I think menudo might end up perfected.  Tricks may be needed, but that is half of the job of the cook.

Ugh...  Best shut the ducks in and close that all down for the night.  Later, or good night.

A bit more, a bit closer.

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Dishes were given a first round.  Then eggs were checked.  I used the oldest I have.  One floater, the rest nestled at the bottom of the bowl of water.  An dozen and half, they are small eggs.  I won't complain, they are still fresh after... a while.  Might as well use them up.  I fed the girls, for the third time today.  They are both starving marvens!  Weather changes?  Just one of those days?  I... will feed them later, if still awake and they begin meow-begging again.  I... understand.  Not every day, but sometimes.

The cooking and processing area was set up.  Onions and garlic were set out to be chopped.  Cheese will stay in until time.  What else might there be?  Oh, peperonis, and... perhaps cauliflower and broccoli?  Parmesan as well as cheddar.  The trick is to add enough for variety and taste, but not so much that it's too busy.  I'm still learning on that score.

I plan to beat the eggs fairly well, adding cream, then just mixing the cheeses and sliced and diced bits of meat and veggies.  I love playing with my food.  I wish I could eat is as much as I loved working it?  I'll get it, and figure things out.  In the meantime, I have had another kefir, this time with berries, blended well.  I do love that stuff.  The jug I put in earlier was cool enough already... given the frozen state of the fruit.  I think one of the jugs which was out fermenting is ready to go into the fridge.  I add a touch of milk, to top it off and give the cultures just a bit to eat for a day or two.  It usually works.  Gotta keep the the cap loose though.

After I get the egg casserole in, and clear and clean from that, it will be time to finish dishes so as to begin on the chicken hindquarters, then stock from that.  Food will be quite good for a few days, probably the week.  So hungry, and so... not hungry.  All this work and I really am not feeling it.  No, it's as good as any other food, mostly.  It's, just... I wouldn't even be all that excited about a pizza, or beans and burger currently.  Just... not hungry.  Still, I'll keep at it.  Later.

 

A slow, pleasant, evening.

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I would like it to pick up.  We will see.  Pistachios, and tea.  Not enough.  but it will stall any wipeout.  I need something a bit more.  I have good eggs, and I have storebought.  I don't have enough good eggs for a larger casserole, but I do have enough storebought.  Not perfect, but they are cage-free.  I avoid "organic" if possible.

A portion of the remaining bacon, the cream cheese I had out for soufflés, cream to add a bit more fat... bring the macros up, onion because duh, as well as garlic, cheddar and parmesan.  Anything else?  Perhaps some peperoni chips, just because?  Diced and added.  Not a lot, just enough to add that unique flavor.  Actually, not much of anything will be added.  Just enough to so that each is in every other, or every third, bite.  Then mixed and baked.  Yes, I think that will do.  Well, pepper, less salt than needed but enough to begin getting some salt in it... can't salt from done and get good results... too one dimensional.

Yes.  And that would feed me for several days, maybe a week.  Fresh greens, tomorrow, to put it on.  As well, salsa to put on it... and guacamole.  Depending on the bank.  And, yet, if I can finish the dishes, I would like to cook frozen hindquarters in the instapot.  For just thighs, frozen, six, it takes 20 minutes.  For the whole hindquarter, frozen, I am betting 30~35 minutes.

Then I will let those cool, strip the meat, put the bones back in... with various this and that... and let it run for a few hours.  Just a bit more stock for soup.  I won't do a full eight quarts, more like five or six... six with the bones?  No, five quarts would be safer.  I still need to pull more stock out, then make soup later, as well.  That is so very filling.  And it is cool enough still to enjoy.

It was 45 F, outside, after a check.  I decided to close up the home and turn the furnace up to 66 F.  The house is 66, so it won't even run.  And, 66 is starting to feel rather... nice.  I am enjoying the last of the cool before spring or summer try hitting hard.  Bit by piece by part, I am trying to arrange for a soft landing into that.  Who knows, this year... an hundred fifty days of blistering heat or another single month summer.  It's... all good... better if it stays consistent.  Variations confuse my body.

Anyway... just thoughts.  I'll try to get going before too long.  Good evening.  Later, probably.

Eating has become... difficult.

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No, not chewing.  More being motivated enough to go cook.  I get hungry, sometimes, sort of.  I want food.  I love the idea of food.  I can taste food, more acutely than ever.  My taste buds have matured to a point where raw kefir tastes sweet, or has a sweetness to or in it.  Raw berries can be enjoyed, sometimes... though a little keto sweetener is good from time to time too.

The flavors and textures of food are better defined in my mind that ever in my life.  A pate, versus a mousse, versus a cooked liver are as plainly different to me as an ice cream to a sorbet, a mild lemon versus lime, an apple cider vinegar to a white or wine vinegar.  I am not a virtuoso in the kitchen.  But I can put a reasonable meal together.

Meats to fish, root vegetables to greens, sprouting grasses to grains, fermentation to dehydrating, and learning as I go.  Not just for taste, if that is part of the aim, I too have become a minor nutritionist.  I am learning to balance macros, calories, flavors, various foods, and products to tend as well as sustain my flesh.  I do passing well, at least in theory.  My body and it's limits provide limits.  As well, reality.  No one can do everything.  A woman to cover my weaknesses, or add to my strengths, would surely help.  Even then, limits... just fewer of them.

Still, after all the learning, practice, obtaining of tools, collecting of special foods, deciphering of recipes, experience with my own body and with the various concoctions, chemical reactions, solutions, and else... I... find myself rarely hungry!  I have to push to eat.  Oh, if I want to eat?  I can.  Certain foods will drive me to near... even into... gluttony.  Carbs are what alcohol used to be.  A rare delight which drove me deeper into itself, until I burned out.  Then a wait until next time.

If I go too long without eating enough, a switch turns on.  My body commands that I eat.  My will is broken, and I will make a pan of beans, if usually adding burger and cheese.  A loaf of bread, or two, to eat with it.  And, often, I will make enough for a day or two of eats.  Much as with spaghetti and meat sauce recently.  So?  So I do my damnedest to keep ahead of that killswitch.  Which... means... I need to get food.  I need to eat a lot of food, soon.  Nuts only go so far, but they help.  Soufflés will do well, but the little baking dishes are gone.  I used to have half a dozen to a score.  Gone.  I have one remaining.  Not happy about that.  I have glass ramekins, but they don't do so well, shaped like an ice cream cone, so they push up even more... too much more for a safe, easy, right rise.  Ugh.  Still... I better get on it before I dive into carbs.

A short notice.

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Some spammer has been putting up illuminati postings on dozens of my posts.  No real harm or foul, it's just I don't want that type of stuff here.  You can still post, it will be moderated is all.  If you are a real people, even if you hate me and write mean things... probably... if they are reasoned... I will let it go through.  It will just take a bit.  So, don't sweat it if your post doesn't go right through.  It will get there.

Finally awake.

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Strange dreams, lost in the fog of waking.  Nothing bad, but different, as dreams are want to be.  Sleep was good.  I just couldn't get to bed until later... wired from trying to do more work, from finding flour and other ingredients, from cooking new foods.  Yea, like a koala bear, hyped on it's first coca~cola, candy bar, or... girlfriend.  W  o  o  t.  ;p  It was a good night, and is a good morning.

It is 52! F out there!  Of course, it is midafternoon, so.  Still, that isn't bad.  It will mean, in time, I will be able to get work done out there.  Really, 40 was just to chill?  More to get started.  Once I get started, it... almost doesn't matter the temperature.  It's getting started that is the trick.  I really need to get to work out there!  Ugh.

I didn't do another thing.  I will hit dishes and get a shower this morning.  There is good news.  I thought it was Sunday night (again).  Being just Sunday now means I haven't missed trash or possibly recycling.  So the last of the dishes set up, trash and rebagging, soufflés, and bathroom cleaning.  Oh... and that last load of laundry... possibly a second load?  Plus anything else I can sort out.  Breaking down a bunch of boxes would be a good, easy, numb, mindless thing to do.  Sorting packing into boxes as I go.

This month or next, or eventually, I will get a small industrial bin in, like what they have at apartments, and get rid of a lot of stuff.  I have... a quarter to half of one already from upstairs, boxed and ready to go.  I have probably another similar downstairs, filled with dry waste and packing.  If I get everything together that is available, I might actually have one fill ready to go, pretty much immediately.  As well, I have a few static items, chairs and furniture that is rubbish, to go as soon as it is clear.  Though I am not sure they will fit in the bin... might have to go in the back of a truck.  Easy stuff, the bigger one.  A longer and shorter couch, an old mattress and springs (I'll keep the base).  Yes, I could get rid of a lot of clutter, very quickly.  But I want even more ready to go.  I'd like as close to two loads.  Some could be sorted for giving away, though... most is either dated, a bit rough, or just not worth offering.  Going through it for good items would be like finding hens' teeth.

Kefir, first thing.  But that will be it until tomorrow.  One jar is ready, but warm.  It will take at least a day to cool that down.  I have four other jars brewing on the counter.  I have the temp up, temporarily.  Just to warm the waterers... until it hits 60 F out there, I will warm them.  Then I will turn the furnace off, and open up.  It won't help the brewing, but... so be it.  I'll just have to wait.  Love that stuff though.  Later.