More looking.

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I went with Batman Arkham Knight, and a lot of free dlc content.  I like that.  Enough that I bought a few, precursory, for pay content.  Look, tit for tat.  Not sure... I will like the game.  I had started it before.  But was not up to the immediate fast pace and steep learning curve.

In the game, to start, combat is easy enough.  But you have to learn to glide, use devices for travel and combat, learn to drive, and more.  It's... a bit much.  Especially since I hate driving games and driving aspects of games (when they are made artificially difficult... which this game is, at the start).  Usually, as you gain skills, earn points to spend on those, and experience, it can get easier.  As well, I think the game... simplifies over time.

The first time I tried to play it, I just wasn't in shape to learn, didn't have the patience for the challenge, and else.  I'm playing on easy, and... well... that doesn't really affect driving, or other aspects of the game.

This time?  Maybe.  After learning a bit in Spiderman, while it doesn't carry over, the capacity to learn does, to a degree.  So... I have a game to play.  I just couldn't tinker along at a snails pace on the other game.  That was just so dry!  This might be too much.  Will see.  May tinker with the dlc.  Though I am finding that dlc is often made insanely difficult, and terribly annoying, of late.  We'll see about this game.

Ah, and the chicken.  I dried it.  Set it for a bit, then forgot it.  I just got it spiced, herbed, and wrapped.  I never did turn on the oven, so that is now on.  I'll give it an half hour, then put the package in.  Give the whole an half hour.  Then, pull it.  Let most of it cool, and go from there.  Though I may pull one out, and put it back in, to finish.  Having a chicken meal as well today.  Loverly.

The order for dairy has been confirmed.  I'm excited to see what can be done tomorrow.  Whole raw mild kefir is for a few days out, but will be happening soon enough.  But with an half gallon of kefir, one gallon of milk, a quart of cream, and a quart of cultured buttermilk?  I'm going to make a wonderful mess this next week.  Creme fraiche of several sorts.  I'll be grading them, as they cure.  See which really turns out the best, which lasts the longest.  Which is better on, or in, what.

Why creme fraiche?  It holds up in stews and soups, and other heated applications.  Plus, it has a slightly higher fat content.  More, when fermented, the low lactose becomes even lower, down to nothing really.  Now, it isn't quite as tangy as sour cream.  But... that I can, mostly, handle.  And, I might, over time, be able to age it to a stronger sour taste?  That is why.  Well, and the sheer joy of turning real food into other real, and haute cuisine elements.  It's... not being fancy, more artistic, and scientific.  Or... that's my story.

Oh... I think the oven just let me know it is up to heat.  No reason to wait longer.  I'll get the chicken in, and go from there.  It's... not a bad day.  Later.

Some seriously tasty roast.

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The onion offered most of the flavor.  Two small onions, halved, and put on top as it roast.  As they cook, they water the roast.  I had two small slices, but am absolutely stuffed.  And satisfied.

Next, I need to drain, then dry, the chicken.  Then get it in there. As mentioned, just an half hour, at 350.  It won't be done, so I won't (and won't be tempted to) have a piece.

Oh, and it was time... so I called my mother.  She sounds good.  Went through a rough one, mid week.  It happens.  Slept it off.  It's... what we can do.  Sometimes it's all we can do.

Not bad.  I'll drain the chicken, pat it dry.  Let it air dry for an hour, then get it going.  I may turn the oven on, and just enjoy a little extra warmth.  Otherwise I would forget to turn it on, anyway.

Oh, I promised a little prayer.  That it be dry enough that they can finish getting crop in this year.  It's been too wet.  Just one field, they have, yet to harvest.  A prayer can't hurt.

Oh, and... I want to compare making creme fraiche using buttermilk and whole milk versus kefir and whole milk.  So, I'm ordering a bit extra tomorrow.  As well, I want to try making it with cream, instead of whole milk.  So... a lot of trial balloons will be floated this weekend.  We'll see.  Yes, it'll set me back, a bit, on kefir.  But I do have to jars full, and another being worked on.  Though the quarts won't be ready until this evening or tomorrow.  Still...

I'm telling you, I am having more fun with fermented dairy than I thought possible!  I would like to try cottage cheese, but that is really expensive to make it from raw milk.  If I had a cow, and she was outproducing my usage, I'd consider it.  But I just don't have the extra.  Still, maybe next month, I may try it.  I remember mother discussing doing that as a girl, and... I've... always been fascinated.  Back then they had all the food they could possibly eat, to some degree.  But not a dime to their name, almost collectively.  The good ol' bad good times?  :)

Then, maybe, a bit more gaming, between this and that.  Good morning and day.

Gaming along.

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The game is slightly better, with fast travel sorted.  But it is still... dull.  To be honest, if I had kids?  I would keep them to the dull games, like this.  Where they have to think their way through, choose to use combat or conversational skills, or being sneaky even, to get around a problem.  You can't fight your way through everything.  And, while there are options, sometimes those cost too much morally to allow.  Life is like that.  Though, sometimes, if the option is there, perhaps skipping certain encounters altogether might be the wisest.

The thing is, I have a moral code, ethical system, religious affiliation, and such.  And... a game of this sort is not going to offer me choices I have not only encountered, but had to negotiate in realer terms.  Besides, my systems are... barely able to stay awake.  I need adrenalin and such, action, to help me stay awake, in real time.  But... for now, it will do.

The pork roast is... roasting.  It'll need much longer.  So, I turned the heat up.  At 350, it would take another couple hours.  No!  So, I turned it to 450, opened the foil, and set the timer.  I'll put the potato in for the last fifteen minutes.  Plenty of onion on the roast, and a few other herbs and spices.  I can make a truly pleasant, mild, meat roast... with just a touch of herbs, aromatics, and such, right in the meat.  Not too strong, just... an addition of a little something... like the scent of flowers, or else, just... off to the side, in the ether around one, not so direct or potent as to even be sure it is in the slice of meat.  Just... there.  I have worked on that, and still do.  Adding more variety, or just one stronger near flavor, taste, scent.

As for the chicken?  It is brining, with a bit of sage as well.  I will probably just cook that for half an hour, then refrigerate it.  Drying it very well, then just open cooking it to dry it further.  But, not cooking it fully.  These are hanks of chicken, not pieces.  These hindquarters must have been off those fifteen pound lesbian KFC chickens.  :p  I'm telling you.  I am hoping, doing them this way, will allow the skin to dry this first time, then crisp when being warmed in the oven for a meal.

I just don't have the energy to make a custard.  But it is on my mind.  And, the next chance I can stand, and work, and think, I will make a custard.

When the roast is finished, I'll get the chicken in.  But it will cook at 350, and as mentioned for just half an hour.  Then allowed to cool, get bagged, and put up.  I'd best keep an eye on the roast.  While I have it set to an alarm, I will probably check it every ten minutes or so.  At that temp.  There is the alarm?  Time flies.  Anyway... on to check it.

I am hoping to call my mom today?  No, I just called her?  That was Sunday.  I suppose I can call her again.  I try to avoid her meals.  So... in an hour or two.  Later.

Just some gaming.

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Feeling cold.  But it's not cold.  Tired, sleepy.  Joints are achy.  I don't know.

I would like to figure some things out.  I'd really like to have a meal.  Nothing fancy, just... something to eat.  To that end, I think I'll set the chicken and roast up, to be baked.  The pork roast can go in, right now.  The chicken, I do believe, I want to brine.  It's not good for the skin, but sure makes the meat better.  Salt, and a touch of sage?  Something like that, for the brine.  For the pork, just salt, pepper, and an onion, halved, or two, on top.

I want to do the custard, I just don't have it going.  It isn't... difficult.  It's... just... new?  Until I have done something a number of times, regulated the process, it takes a lot more effort to do.  I am out of the gooder eggs, but have some of the storebought.  As well as milk.  Plus, the kefir is not turning over very quickly.  The quart jars are taking much longer, even if only two thirds full.  Which... is a good thing.  I want the quarts to take two, even three days... in the cooler kitchen.

It is staying 68/69 in here, even in the front room, for now.  But this room will be chilling soon.  I need to figure out how to get the computer, and desk, and all, into the other room, set up, and ready.  It is just too cold in here.  I could handle it, of body, but not of digits.  My fingers become painful to use, and clumsier than even usually.

Hmm...  Well?  I don't know.  I will try to get those things going.  And really might try to get a smaller dose of custard going.  Eating some warmed, with a side of pork roast, would be... quite nice.  So tired though.  So sleepy.  I'm... going to try.  And, when I get the pork in, and the chicken brining, I will try to hit the dishes too.

Maybe a fatted coffee, to get things going?  Yes, that might help.  A little caffeine, some heat, some fat.  All good, maybe.  Later.

Hmm, troubles.

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I made it to 16:00.  And a bit?  I know I made it over that hour, else I can't remember.  I wasn't trying to make it that late, I just... couldn't get to bed until I did get to bed.  Sleep was so very tight, but good.  What is odd is, sleeping on the floor?  Beside my back almost never hurting (unless I use if while working), I also don't end up with parts going to sleep.  I don't sleep on an arm or leg or else wrong.

I think it is because the arrangement isn't comfortable.  Or so comfortable that laying in the same spot, for very long, is possible.  Odd how that works out.  Now, the price is that shoulder joints get a bit abused, always seem to have a crick in them.  But... a minor one, definitely compared to even having limbs be asleep a few times a week.

As for the cramps I was so used to?  Legs, usually.  Keeping my legs warmer has fixed that.  If my body is cold, putting on heavier pj bottoms while I sleep works.  Though, usually, just setting the blankets correctly works most of the time.

Now, getting used to sleeping on the floor, this time, took many months of agony.  I was just about to give up, after six to eight months of suffering through, when it finally clicked.  I think what helped was when I was able to work again, and I worked hard for a few weeks or month.  Going to bed tired, so that my body just sorted it out.

Anyway... up.  For what good that is doing me lately.  Not very able.  Tired to the point of crashing most nights as I go to bed.  And, yet, not sleeping all that long?  I am only sleeping around six hours a night.  And, crashing into bed when I do finally get there.  Irritating, annoying, bothersome.  But... I have had worse.

Today?  The last of the dishes...  A shower sometime or other...  Roasting the pork butt roast and chicken?  I hope.  Oh, though I may make a custard for breakfast.  I have enough milk and eggs, I think.  And I have enough artificial sweetener.  I think I even have nutmeg, whole, with a scraper.  I am hoping to get to the wood pile today.  If it is warm enough, I may water the lawn one last time, if I can get the wood pile out of the way, clean up that area, and mow it with the rider.  Today, or tomorrow.  Then put the sprinkler and hoses up.

Sassy has been fed.  Her litter box was empty from clearing it at bedtime.  I should get her some water, fresh.  But, other than that, the old girl is having a good life.  I sure enjoy her company.  Am still thinking about getting another cat.  For... both of us.  I had thought about a dog, but that just won't work.  Too needy.  Later.

No, nothing extra.

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I have been hanging on.  Barely.  It is 14:34, and bedtime.  I have pushed as far, hard, and well as I may.  No extra meal, no more gaming, very little of anything.  All good.  I don't hurt, I am just so very tired.  I have been since... eight or nine this morning.  A good haul, if you look at it right.

You know you are tired when your mind is numb.  When writing is a conscious effort, in the mind as well as of flesh.  I have to think it all through, it isn't just happening, as it mostly does.  A very strange phenomena.  Imagine if everything you went to ponder, in your mind, you had to work out.  There is no flow.  The imagination isn't working.  So, if you want to imagine, closing a door, it is more like reading about it.  The mind just doesn't create pictures, moving or otherwise.  That is how it is.

Of course, being that tired is... not a bad thing.  I suspect rest will be... indulgent, deep, quiet.  Not that I am dying, but it will be a bit like death.  Ah, but you probably don't know what that means.  You have never had it so quiet, so dark, that nothing touches you?  At least it isn't cold, that is the difference.  I am sleeping well, comfortably, lately.  If deeply, darkly.

Something is off, but that is okay.  Something has been off for the last thirty... it started in '87... so... thirty five years now, is it?  Wow.  I was 21, when that happened.  That's a lot of time in a shadow, of sorts.  Anyway, I've had worse.

I keep thinking about custard.

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Not for daily consumption.  But, from time to time, just... a different, softer, meal.

My mother used to make it for my father, fosters.  When he would get ill, or down, this was the thing.  I got a sample of it a few rare times.  Something about it.  Maybe it was because it was a special, or rare thing?  Perhaps because it was reserved almost exclusively for my father?  All I know, is... I would like it.

Cleared the freezertop.

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Now to clean it.  But why?  Well, actually, just to try to keep it open, for when I have more dishes to do... to get some bread out... to get it, then, cleaned off... and maybe to do a bit of prep work on it.  Sometime today, in order to do a bit more cooking, of something good.  I still have to wash it, but with two pans of dishes going, that won't be a problem.

Though, next, I am going to make breakfast.  I have heard that potatoes, cooked, then allowed to cool, then heated or eaten cool, will provide carbs that aren't as bad.  I am going to test this.  I have three bigger baking potatoes.  I washed them, and stuck them into the oven.  I will eat one, without letting it cool.  Then, in a few days, test one of the others.  Reheated.  And, another, a few days after that.  Checking how much blood sugar jumps with each... in with a full keto meal elsewise.  As well, keeping the keto meals balanced.  I mean, eating about the same portions.  Curious.  It would be good, if second baked potatoes were more allowable on the diet.  Even if it's a small advantage, take it where you can get it.

Sleepy, in odd ways.  I suppose I could take a nap now, though I'm not sure it would end up being an actual nap.  It might well end up being another night down, so I don't want to do it.  Odd though.  It's only 02:51 and I feel like I really could go back to bed for a day, or day and night.   

I have only been awake since 23:30, give or take?  It feels like I have been awake for many hours.  Odd.  It is dark, but... it's... fall.  It's dark much of the day, these days.  I almost suspect that a larger breakfast will send me to bed.  It has been eating that has seen me to sleeping in the chair.  Though, larger meals, and higher carb meals.  So... yeah.  That's not all of it, the fall dark and cool, of course, are adding up as well.  Even in the mornings, with the sun up and out, it feels cool, and dark.  The angle of the sun, and how much heat it puts out, and light?

No worries.  I would like to do a few more things today.  Probably change out the kefir, wash the freezertop, do a those few dishes, have breakfast, brunch, or... whatever, and do a few more things.  A shower, brush my teeth, clean and clear another area or two?  Who knows.

Mostly just writing in the hopes of creating plans, and carrying through with them.  I sure hope to get to a few things.  But may not.  Later.

The funny things?

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Funny?  Fresh?  Generously.

Awake.

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Sometimes getting up off the floor is tough.  Sometimes it just flows.  Sleeping on the floor is... good, if a bit tight, especially for an old, ill, one.  But, that is half the reason I do it.  As a challenge.  The other half is because my back feels a thousand times better, all the time.  When I slept on a bed, no matter how hard or soft, my back hurt.  It hurt every day.  Why?  I have no idea.  All I know is, sleeping on the floor has made life about a third as painful as it had been, in that department.

That was the start of edging pain out of my life.  The right medicine has tended another third to half of the remaining pains.  The other portions have... eased for no reason I can say.  Now, there is still pain in there.  But it is what I call quiet pain.  My body is so used to terrible pains, that is quiets them with internal chems.  To a degree, at times, I am biologically bombed.  Can't feel much.  If I feel pain over that, I know it's... gotta be bad that day.  Though, even that is becoming a bit less common.  Not exactly rare, just not every day, of every week, of every month.  Half?  Maybe.  Between a third and two thirds of the time, depending on the month.

Well, save for minor aches.  Joints, muscles, especially if I do almost anything.  Which I still try to do.  I'm more talking about pains that don't have a connection with activity.  If I work an hour, I will hurt.  My body isn't in good shape, and can't seem to be gotten in shape.  Even when I was swimming, regularly, and got to a plateau amount and stayed there for a while, I always hurt.  I never got... used to it.

Hmm, by the way, I might have to think about getting in to swim again.  The problem is, they steal gas from bigger vehicles, or such.  I may see if I can figure something safer out.  Though it might be vet tags, too.  Violence has become organized, these days.  Even if you don't know who they are, they know who you are, and pass it around.  Evil pretty much owns the campuses.  They are being might, even backstabbing might, makes right.  And anything that disagrees, should be stabbed.  It doesn't matter if it's a public or private pool, either.  Especially, it seems, when you reject a woman for being too old.  Ha!  Still, I'll... think about it.  Getting there is expensive, though, too.  A couple of runs to town a week is pricy.

Well?  I don't know.  A bit of waking, then gaming, as I have meat sticks and fatted coffee.  Then some gaming.  Hoping to get to the wood pile, and cleaning that area up, then maybe mowing... if just in that zone.  Then, maybe, some cooking today.  I did put chicken hindquarters, pork chops, and a pork roast out.  The chops are thawed, the rest is on the way.  Could roast the other two, and fry the chops... a few for breakfast later on.

I'll... try to get to work today.  As fall hits, and it gets darker, cooler, staying on top of things becomes very difficult.  Just staying awake is a trick.  Well, and staying awake in the day hours, is seemingly impossible.  I'll... keep at it.  Later.

A bit later into the day.

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To 12:22, so far.  I might make it a little longer, or not.

I did get the dishes finished.  Well, out to dry.  I checked the litter, but she hasn't used those.  I have been keeping her fed, small bites.

A lot of views.  Someone must... be having a nostalgic attack.  The things they are reviewing are... both the more beautiful, to my eyes, and the more terrible.  All good.  It is interesting, to look back, through the eyes of another.  Or, maybe, they are just randomly viewing?  No, the hits are... specific.  One person?  A few?  I can't be certain.  Though I suspect several.  Hard to ever know.  Even the accounting, from blogger, and other reporting sites, are... very poor.

People have learned how to hide who they are, what they are looking at, where they are coming from, or going.  Good.  I am sure some people, out there, could spend time to track some down.  But not all.  For good or ill, some of the people who look here are more invisible than one would imagine.  Well, there is the government too, but that isn't who I am speaking of.  You know who you are.

I would like to shower, but probably won't.  I will get my teeth cleaned.  Maybe have something more to eat?  No... not... interested.  A bit hungry, for something.  Just not really interested in digging in too far.  I will finish the fatted coffee.  Maybe have some water.  Then, game a bit more?  Maybe.  Then go on to bed.  Well, more water, then to bed, actually.  I just... can't game more.

The game?  Dull.  Simply not engaging.  Distant, slow paced, difficult to navigate.  More like real life, which... isn't... a good thing.  To go to the store, you have to know where it is, transport to there, have the right amount to buy, have something to sell, and it all takes a lot of time.  Even "bad guys" are... rare occasional finds.  As are "good guys", and neutrals.  Fallout 4 is a bit better, but can also suffer from similar problems, though I think it has fast travel, at some point.  Which helps, to a degree.  Still, it is something, for now.

Ugh.  Good afternoon and goodnight.

A few small tasks.

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And breakfast.  Eggs and corned beef hash.  Not sure what I did, this time, but it was... tasty.  Tastier.  Ah, fresh onions added to the hash, while it cooked.  Fresh onions, and garlic, and else, elevates flavor.

I did get the kefir out of the pint jars and into the quarts.  Finished the half gallon jars, and those are air drying with what remains of the quart jars and lids.  Then I put the pint jars into the wash, with a few last items needing washed.  I clean the stovetop a few times a week.  Not daily, that's a bit much.  But have started keeping up on it, better.  Or... since the serious cleaning.

I should add the flatware I used for breakfast.  With disposable plates, dishes are a bit easier to maintain too.  Not always perfectly easy, but easier.

On to a bit of gaming.  Not sure I will be able to stay awake much longer.  I... thought I'd be up all day.  Not sure that is possible.  I will try to stay awake a bit longer though.

I may do a pumpkin pie, with special homemade ingredients, for a possible Halloween write up, sooner or later.  I was looking for some things, then found another.  And, there was a connection that seemed interesting.  It might be beyond me, but... if I used a can of pumpkin mix, and went from there, it might be possible.  I keep those spices, on hand, in slight bulk.  I use them heavily.  I keep most of that on hand, save for the pumpkin.  Though... I ought to... consider adding a few cans to my pantry.  Pumpkin, and the typical spice, is fine.  Just... don't... add it to weird things?  Something like that.  Anyway... I'll... try to get that all together.

Not sure, but pumpkin might be a bit high carb, even without a crust.  But... once or twice a year?  Sure, especially with sugar alts which are keto okay.  As well, pumpkin doesn't always have to be sweet.  I have had it as a side, just like any other squash type food, with butter, salt, and pepper.  It's... quite nice.  So, if I look for canned pumpkin, I will look for just the plain stuff.

Well, on to some gaming.  To try to stay awake.  Maybe some coffee, too.  Fatted is delicious.  And solidly keto.  Good morning, day, or else.  Be well.

A start to a new day?

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Mostly.  I found jars, with old kefir in them, which needed cleaning.  Two half gallons and two quart, plus two other quart jars which had been used, abused, set aside, and needed washed desperately.  Wasn't sure if they would clean up.  But, yes, they have cleaned up wonderfully.

I need the quarts, for curing the kefir, as I call it.  The pint jars, at this point in the kefir grain processes, is finished in a day, at 68... quicker if I cook a few things during the day.  Nothing major, frying eggs, or baking this or that, works well as to providing enough of a heat bump to help the kefir right along, without cooking it, killing it.

I have two half gallon jars, in the fridge, with it.  One is full, the other is about a third full?  But filling quickly.  As soon as I have a third jar half full, and two quarts producing fresh kefir... and turning over every two to three days, I can begin consumption.  I am very much looking forward to consumption.  It is tricky to keep up on production, rotation, and such.

Though, I have to admit.  I don't think I need to restart every time I lapse.  The kefir seems about the same, even if it sits for a month, even without feeding.  And, it... seems to come back, even after several months, with just some fresh milk.  Of course, keeping the right amount of milk, and kefir production, is always a bit of a trick.  But I enjoy the proceeds.  Who can imagine that from me?  I used to hate yogurt, and things like it.  This, really, is yogurt on steroids?  Not... literally, but you know what I mean, if you know what I mean.

Sassy is being fed and kept up.  I am falling a bit behind on eating myself, but... will... sort that out.  I am thinking the gooder eggs and corned beef hash, today.  Or... shortly.  Maybe something else?  A fatted coffee, already.  Maybe another, later in the day.  Do what I can.

It is 6:36, about 35 out there, and dark still.  Fall is falling, winter is coming.  But, it is rather pleasant.  Even this front room, currently, is staying around 70.  Comfortable.  Pleasant.  The upstairs was 66 this morning.  Very good.  Most of the house is right between 68 and 70.  I can't believe how comfortable that is.  Is it the beard?  The way I am dressing?  Acclimation?  All of it?  I don't know, but I sure am enjoying this fall, and the cool weather, truly and deeply.

Well, we will see.  A bite to eat.  Some work when it warms a bit out there.  Some gaming between.  A shower and teeth before long, after breakfast and a bit, I think.

Oh, about the game.  While it is terribly Babylonian, it looks like I did finish the game.  Last time I played it.  Sure, it has 'em.  But I can, mostly, exclude them.  Still annoying, but...  not to the point of having to not play, or... we will see.  It's not my favorite game.  I would rather find the Fallout 4 disk.  Would like to buy it, for download.  But they are charging too much for it still, at ~$40.  No.  I do have all the dlc for it.  I suppose, if I find the cd/dvd, and get it going, I could go after trophies?  Same with this game?  If the trophies can be had offline, and I like the game, I might, may, could.  Bleh.

Yes, eggs and corned beef hash.  Spiced a goodly bit.  Yes, I think so.  I might have bread, in the freezer.  A few slices, toasted, for a rare add.  I'll have to open the frozen loaf, pull a few out, and thaw them a bit.  I suppose I can do that while playing, and letting the last jars finish rinsing.  I have the quarts washed, rinsed, and dried.  The bigger ones took a lot more work, but are rinsing.

And, I may put the pint jar contents into the quarts, and just go from there.  Washing the pints out.  If I can find more pints, and find a sale on butter, I may attempt to make ghee, and jar them in the pint jars.  I'd like a dozen or so of those.  Might have more of those downstairs.  Yea.  It's coming.  I want to be more ready.  Same with burger, this coming month, if possible.  Later.

I was so certain...

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While I was planning a short sleep, I had only been awake a while?  Or, something.  I went in right at 14:00, and it was pretty much lights out, instantly.  I set the alarms for 16:00 and 17:00.  I was... pretty sure they would work, the first was a kill alarm, just setting me up.  And the 17:00 alarm, I could work with, through snooze bar hits.  I really didn't think there would be an issue.

I was planning on getting to the Knights of Columbus meeting.  I had taken a shower, so if it got too late, I could dress and scramble.  Perhaps a bit unkempt, but not too unfashionably out of sorts.  And I have been brushing my teeth, and using my functional mouth wash to kill the nasties.  Though I was hoping to do a quick body wash and brush my teeth before going.

I don't remember hearing the 16:00, or 17:00 alarms.  I did hear one at 17:10, but then didn't hear another thing until I woke at... 23:38, or so.  And, I wouldn't say I heard anything, that is just when I next woke... for whatever reason.  I couldn't even get out of bed then.  And I hurt.  Was cold.  Blankets were a mess.  I didn't redo blankets, recently, or turn the mattresses.  I will do that today.  Ugh.

So, yes, I missed the meeting.  I do my best, my best just isn't good enough.  I have missed two meetings... one was canceled, one... I was just there on the wrong night in every way.  Bleh.  This one was planned, but missed.  I'll... keep at it.  This... is... part of why I am not a joiner.  I will disappoint, little I can do about it.

I woke around 01:30.  Fed Sassy right away.  Smaller bites.  She wants more, but, this works... better.  Much less left to waste.  I cleared her litter box.  Coffee water is heating.  I'll brush my teeth shortly, or after coffee.  Hair is brushed and in a tail.

I would like to get a shower going, see what food is available, probably pull a roast and some burger out... I think I have used the thawed food.  Can't cook today, no food.  Or properly cook.  Maybe a can of soup?  And perhaps sardines?  Sure.  That and fatted coffee.

I ought to see about getting the last of the wood worked up and piled, clean up that area, try to rake, in hopes of mowing this week, or next, as a last run.  Perhaps watering the lawn, a bit earlier, if just in parts, here and there, through the week, as a last watering.  But, before it gets to freezing by far.  Ugh.  Oh, and then putting the hoses and sprinklers up.

What a month.  Started on a push, ended on a sit-down.  Trying to... get a few last things finished before winter closes in.  And, maybe, figuring out how to get that work ethic redeployed, and aimed at the inside of my home.  Ugh.  Later.

A shower!

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Oh, I do love those.  Sometimes I am simply too tired.  Not today.  Too tired to do any cooking, but... a shower was gotten.

Medicine in.  A fatted coffee.  More water.  Keeping up on water production.

It isn't much.  It is something.  Hitting noon.  Hoping for a nap, just... a nap.  Then, another shower.  Clean.  I enjoy being clean.

Dreamed of a woman, while I was sleeping in my chair, again.  I do like them.  Mostly.  Except when they talk, or don't, agree, disagree, agree to disagree, or not.  They are people, but they aren't men.  Thank God.  But... it can be difficult.  Just working through to understand the misunderstanding is a mess.  It... can be worth the effort, though even if both parties are legitimately trying, and pouring our hearts into it, it doesn't always work.

Still, it... is a good thing.  Whether we deserve, in either way, one another, we are gifts from God to each other.  Heck of a deal.

Yes, I dreamed.  It was one I knew.  Enjoyed her company for many years.  We were often alone, together.  But... that wasn't a terrible thing.  And it wasn't all the time.  I like the little critters, unless... as mentioned above.  :p  It was a pleasant disaster.

Oh, I may have found a game I'll play?  I already purchased it, some time ago.  All I had to do was download it.  I quit it, if I'm not sure why.  Boring, politics?  I just can't remember.  I'll find out soon enough.  It is along the lines of Fallout series games, made by one of the guys (?) who made that series.  Not sure I really cared for it, but... will see.  Willing to give it a second look.

I had heard that there was free dlc content.  Nope.  It's all priced.  I won't be buying that, most likely.  I don't mind some pay dlc, but when it is all pay, nah.  It is downloading as I write.  I may get in, see if my games are still saved.  Either start over, or... might start over in either case, but may check out my last few saves, if there were some... see if I can sort out why I quit it.

The funny thing?  The sjw's who are creating this crap aren't making anybody happy.  Whites don't like it, blacks don't like it, and the others who are completely ignored don't like it.  Make white games, make black games, or else.  Or allow us to choose what race we are playing, and playing with.  Don't shove stupid shit at us, at any of us.  Would work for me.  

Anyway... on to other things.

Getting ready.

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I did pull the barrels in.  And, nope, it wasn't recycling.  No worries, there is room.  A little extra work, for my... good deeds.  Still, all good.  Sassy is being kept fed and her litter cleared.  So easy, with just one, healthy, cat.  And, yet, I miss Sam.  She kept me on my toes, and loved me dearly.  Both my girls love me, just in different ways.  And I love them to death, and beyond.

I got things ready, for after the shower.  I keep looking for games.  Some are still way too expensive, for their age.  Such as Fallout 4.  I have the game, somewhere.  Haven't been able to find it for a while, though, now.  Might have been clipped, pinched, borrowed, stolen?  Maybe.  I could look at what else I have.

There are a few I might be able, willing, to play now.  Though, political correctness has been diseasing games for a long time now.  Just because I might now play the type, doesn't mean I would sit through glamorizing stupid thugs, either directly or through wigger emulations of their lifestyles.  Bleh.

I brushed my teeth, again.  Not sure it will work, but am hoping so.  I cleaned out the pee jugs, which were lining up again.  A bite to eat, say eggs and... something... would be good.  Without toast, or usually potatoes, eggs are a hard sell.  Have to have something with them.  Well, I do have corned beef hash, but that... has potato in it.  And I have been hitting carbs hard this month.  Just... I... well... it happened.  I needed carbs.  I needed food, really.  I went a bit long and low, on any food, but definitely good food.  And, when I do that, my body craves carbs.  Plus, I wasn't in shape to deny it, or cook better foods, even when I first got them.  Or even now.  I am doing some cooking, but not much.

A bit more time, then a shower, some more game reviewing... including maybe searching hereabouts.  Ugh.  Later.  Or goodnight?  Or... a bit of a nap.  But after I dry, which can only happen after I get showered.  Ugh!  Later.

New games?

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Looking.  Aeterna Noctus?  Carrion?  One is extremely long, and quite difficult... like sixty to seventy hours, the former.  The other is, or becomes, challenging.  But is short, and finding your way is quite difficult, if you step off the path.  They both cost a bit much, for as old as they are.  Not sure I will go with them.  If the price comes down, in time, I may try them.

I do have games I didn't finish, though not for political correct reasons.  But, I didn't finish them for a reason.  Boring?  Too difficult?  Too easy?  Just not my style.  And, I do have games I never started.  Being a part of certain clubs allows access to free games.  I do get them, but some of them, for one reason or another, I never try.  I'm not into racing games, 2-d platformers (which is another problem with A.N., above).  Actually both of those are 2-d, if only one is a platformer.  Platforming, in some adventure games, is more of a challenge for me.  If too, I believe the platforming is made artificially difficult.  Which... annoys to no end.

I just can't see paying ~$30 for either of those games.  While sixty to seventy hours is a lot of gameplay, as a 2-d platformer, it's just not my gig.  The other is six to eight hours, if even much of that is getting lost and trying to find your way back to the path.  The guy suggested six hours his first play through.  But only two hours on a next playthrough.  Not much for a lot of money.

I like the idea of horror games, just usually not the execution.  When controls are dumbed down, to make the experience more psychological (think running from a monster, in your dreams, through sand).  Oh, I get it, I just don't like that sort of play.  Nor do I like hiding games.  Or anything multicultural.  Not... interested.  I guess I'll keep looking.

I did get my teeth brushed.  And would like to shower, and get some more sleep in.  But, I would like to find a game before I sleep.  Not much chance it will keep me up, playing.  But it will help me wake in a bit.  Though it... might eat my day and world for a bit, if it is any good.  Bleh.

Or... maybe... I could look through my old ps3 or even ps4 games I have, but haven't played for a long time.  Oh... there... was someone who was suggesting games, ranking them.  The few games I recognized, she rated very highly.  Perhaps the other games she ranked highly might be worth a review?  A girl gamer, who knew.  There are so few of those, in real life.  But, okay.

Hmm... forgot I was writing this, thought I'd be able to find a game quickly.  The problem with the game ranker?  The games she ranks highly, beside the one I knew, were either not for ps4, or not even available.  Oh well.  I did look at Final Fantasy 7 Remake, but they did the Spider-Man thing.  Not interested.  Requiring me to play with blacks, let alone requiring me to play one, or making them the hero?  No.  Just... no.  That is dead in the water.  Spider-Man was free.  I see why now.  Worse, they gave a black a Mexican name.  I'm surprised Mexicans, and others, didn't burn down that game.  Then again, it is free now, so... yea.

Oh well.  A shower, looking on the console itself, then on to bed for a bit.  

So much for Spider-Man.

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I thought I could enjoy the dlc content.  But it is pretty much over-done trash.  All the same thing.  While they have others listed as the main battles, they require, in the game, that I compete for challenges I don't like to play.  So, not only am I not finishing the main game, I am dumping the dlc content.  I just purged the machine of the game.  Not worth my time.

I'll see what other games might be back there.  This wouldn't have been a bad game, but they were shoveling multicultural worship, and other crap.  Plus, making the gameplay too fast-paced and uninteresting.  It's how they do, when they want you to eat up whatever they are selling.  They do it in college too, or try.

I did have breakfast, earlier.  But went with beans and beef, again.  It hit me.  I ended up sleeping, right in my computer chair.  I have never done that before.  Seriously, I never sleep while sitting.  Didn't even know I could do it.

I'm thinking of taking a shower, tinkering just long enough to let my hair dry, then going on to sleep for a while again.  I may pull the trash and recycling bins back, too.  Or... later.  Not sure.  It was down to 35 a while ago, so, yes, it is cooling a lot at night these days.  All good, I suppose.  It is that time of year.

I missed medicine yesterday, somehow, or the day before?  Somewhere, in there, I... missed medicine.  I was sure I was taking it rightly.  Guess not.  Later, or goodnight, again, for a while.

Yes, right, up.

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I was starting to wake around midnight.  I made it awake until 16:00, or very nearly.  I called it that, for easy of remembering.  Again, though, a shorter sleep.  Not sure why.  I feel good.  I didn't dream.  I didn't even wake to pee.  If I had hoped to sleep later, longer.  Okay, though.  This will work.

I fed Sassy first thing.  Smaller meals.  A third of a can at a time, every three to four hours.  Trying to add to her meals, while cutting her portions.  If I feed her half a can, she won't eat it all.  I don't feed her the first time she begs, but the second, or third.  Or... when she stops and I realize enough time has passed.  It's as good as I can do.

I pulled the ac out of the window, last night.  Won't be needed.  And, yes, it warmed up up there for it.  By three to five degrees.  Though it is warmer outside, at 45 F rather than 35.  Though it may well chill much deeper through the night.  Will try to remember to check from time to time.

A few gherkin pickles to start off the day.  Not from the new order, from some I did find in the pantry.  Two jars.  This one had been in the fridge, unopened, for... a rather longish time.  But they were quite good, refreshing really.  I just have to look on every ingredients list, for even with dill pickles, now, they are adding sugar.  They mean to give people diabetes.  It's profitable, now that they are making pseudo insulin from a chemi-soup, in China, with slave labor, the profits are out the roof.

Plus, with sick people, there is a measure of control.  I think the vax thing blew their medical industrial complex control mechanism though.  I don't think they will ever get that back, and as the sheep realize the doctor is worse than the butcher, that won't come back.  Not sure the sheep will go that far, might just be a temporary disturbance in the force, though.  We'll see.  Then again, a flood of woke "doctors", more concerned with skin color and else, won't help their lot.  It looks like they are purposefully destroying the medical field, and all the good it once brought... on purpose.  Then again, they are destroying the military, police, even corporate.  I guess it fits.

Today?  A  shower shortly.  Brushing teeth.  Maybe an egg casserole.  A nap later, and another shower after.  Not praying as much as I would like, that comes and goes.  But, still, I pray between an half an hour and an hour on most days.  It's more remember to do so.  Hmm...  I have found my bible.  I should read, say, the readings of the day, and study or contemplate them as well?  Yes, that would be a good thing.  Take notes, check things... say quotes listed in the various verses.  I... never go back and read notes, but writing them does... put something in mind.  And, for a while, my mind pings other things off it, connects things to it, and such.  Actually, just like when I was in college.  Though, there were times, when I would read them, if I thought there might be help on a solution issue.

But, first, to wake.  Later.

It's finally about bedtime.

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I made it a bit longer.  To 15:07, so far.  Nothing fancy, a bit more gaming.  I had hoped to get something else ready to eat, and eaten.  But first, I couldn't.  This is when kefir would be really nice.  It fills in those blank spots, where I can't cook, am a bit hunger (either of the mind as today, or of the belly as some other days, or a mix), and even can't handle heavier food.

I did check the kefir.  It is purring right along.  It will be ready to transfer out when I wake.  I just love that smell.  It'll be another few weeks before I am running back on that rocket fuel.  But I am enjoying the slow build.  I have one more gallon of better storebought, which should last well, as I think I have another pint to quart left even in the original bottle.  I started, I think, with just one pint?  No, I started with two.  But was doing partial jars, at first.