Been up for a bit.

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Rough, though.  Mostly just sleepy, tired, just a little sore.  Blood sugar was high, at 206 fasting.  The potato last night, and I forgot slow acting insulin.  I got that going, this morning, and 10 cc's of fast acting with kefir and a fatted coffee.  Sassy has been fed, her litter cleared.  Not great, but not terrible.  A start.  A couple hours ago?  Maybe.

Dark and weathery out there.  Raining?  Snow?  Sleet?  I can't say what is coming down.  It's on and off, and I have only seen it off, but it looked damp?  All good.  It 'tis the season.  I... love the seasons.  Spring and fall are my favored.  One, the former, cripples me.  The other, the latter, bounces me off the wall like a superball... do they still make those?  Hmm, if so, I ought to buy one.  I loved those.  Just couldn't keep em'.

Dreams of minor love and war last night.  Sex is so dirty, and I don't mean... nasty.  I mean, well, sweaty, gritty, with fluids, and else.  A dirty job, but someone really has to do it.  Lord knows, right or wrong, I have... done my share.  And, produced children.  Probably more than I know.  Most women, back then, knew who the father was.  At least there was that.  They like their giants.  Anyway...  I often, too, and did last night, dream of women I... never touched, but wanted to hold.  Far more of those, if plenty of women I was with.  Never enough, or long enough, had... places to go, people to do, things to fix or break.  Mechanics, it's the way.

I wouldn't even know where to meet up with women these days.  Or... women I would be interested in meeting up with.  I suppose there is the old and ill dinner place.  Or restaurants in town for coffee.  Bars, I suppose, if I would keep from drinking.  If you are there just for some lime and fizz water, you'll meet women who don't drink as well.  Drinkers and non-drinkers tend to find each other through simple tests.  The last few times I was at a bar, I... spied and was espied by enemy combatants, with boobs.  :p  Some enemies... are... different.  Different sorts of warfare.  All I'm saying.  *boobs*  Dreams can make me silly.  So can thinking about them, and what they contain.  Hmmm... pheromones'.

There was some dreams of fighting, but just simple ones.  The easy ones.  Hand to hand, even against two or three guys, was always easy for me.  Almost... pleasant?  Yes, pleasant.  Most men couldn't fight their way out of a paper bag.  Even if they go to the dojo twice a week.  If they haven't been on the streets, fighting whatever, and whoever, in whatever numbers?  No.  I've fought enough of those to pretty much realize that experience, if you survive it, is best.  Much more risky.  But, what is it they say?  The higher the risk, the higher the reward.  You learn to survive, in raw combat, something... changes.  No dojo can teach that.

Still, the dreams were pleasant.  Hit, miss, fight, live.  All... good.

Well, on to gaming.  Oh, I'll pull chicken out to thaw.  I'll probably have beans and beef tonight, or blood sugar will drop again.  I hate this up and down, and without candy or other to bring it up.  I have to use food.  But, really, don't even have much food that has any serious higher glycemic index.  Out of potatoes.  Ugh.  I'll... figure things out.  Later.

Dinner was good.

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Large, too.  Strangely, blood sugar dropped to 68.  I have had a glass of kefir, since, but I have to have something else.  That just isn't going to work.  I may even look for any possible remaining carb tabs.  I am out of candy, but that would work too.  I do have mints and a few other hard candies on the way, but... just not here yet.

The kefir has settled the drop, for a bit.  But I am right on an edge.  I just don't have anything to eat... hmm... potato.  I'd need to bake it.  The kefir might work until then.  It's spooky, being right on the edge, but without anything to fix it.  I only took around 16 cc's of fast acting insulin through the day, starting at 177 blood sugar.  I don't think I took but 6 cc's with supper.  Very odd.

Still gaming.  Enjoying.  Best get a potato going.  Later.

Still awake, and... whatever.

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Not in too much  pain.  A bit uncomfortable.  Since fall hit, temps dropped, and the sun has been in and out, but shining less often to boot, I have hurt most days.  Today is one of the better days.  My shoulder are tender, but not outright sore.

Not able to get to much.  So very tired.  Sleepy?  Weary.  Trying to find the right word.  There is a difference.  Blood sugar is 98.  Taking just the right amount of insulin, at the right times, is... a bit of a trick.  Can tell by the numbers, or feel if it starts falling, the floor becomes a tempting place to be.

More taco salad, but not beans this time.  It's not fancy, but it really isn't bad.  Heated, the adding cheese so it melts in, over a bed of lettuce.  Sometimes with creme fraiche over the top, and today, probably, an avocado with it.  They were four for $5, so I went for it.  The last one was technically ripe, but not very flavorful.  It was creamy, there is that.

Gaming, pretty much, is what I can do.  And it is what I am doing.  Most of what I ordered has been delivered.  Though I ordered cat food as well.  That should get me through... six months?  Give or take.  Most things have been put up.  And, I did get the canned pumpkin.  I like that stuff once in a while.  I'm thinking keto pumpkin cake, beside those pumpkin treats I included recently.  Though... I may make them, and if they turn out well?  Give most of it away.  It's... a bit much.  Though, I suppose, I could portion down the recipe.  To a degree.

Taco salad, and pulling some meat to thaw.  A roast, and chicken hind parts... drumsticks or thighs, haven't been able to find full hindquarters lately... which are my druthers.  Will be giving the new store a shot.  See if they have more things I prefer.  If prices seem reasonable, comparable or better... and the items I prefer are kept in stock more regularly, I'll... stop in more often.  

Difficult to change stores, but... if a store begins becoming politically correct in it's offerings, and prices?  I'll... leave them to it.  It's not all about money, if that plays a role.  It's also about what a store pushes.  Fat is good, not evil.  Anyone who pushes fat-free, after decades of that being pushed to some of the worst health and weight gain problems in the population, at some point you have to realize... it's neither ignorance, nor accident.  They mean to kill you.  Can't trust them, less so the more time that passes.  At best, stay neutral.  Go there and I'll kill our business interactions.  Check.

Well... on to lunch... or dinner.  Supper?  Sinner.  :p  Later.

War of a different sort.

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In the dream, I gathered with a few of my old friends.  We had all learned to play guitar, and were having a jam.  Literal friends, or at once.  Dave, I remember, the others?  The other Dave maybe?  And someone else.  In the group was a younger woman, I think just interested in the jam, heard about it, and wanted to listen.

Between songs, we would speak.  Most had gone through various faiths.  Most had ended up agnostic or self-declared atheists.  A few honest questions and answers explained why, for them.  Some had become mildly religious.  One had become REX catholic?  Not sure I knew what that was, looked it up when I woke.  I don't think... that is a thing, or currently, and wasn't ever a sect, so... not sure.

Anyway, it was more finding out about the others.  Disappointing, but not unexpected.  In a worldly world, expect... people, especially top performers, to confuse their success with worldliness.  It was... certainly an issue I had, at one time.  If you can live in the bubble of success, and never have health, or strengths, or other things tested, outside, and realize how weak you really are, you will never... want to give up the notion that you are success, yourself, alone.  And nothing else and no one else deserves any lauds for it.  Been there, done that, got over it.  Got thrown away like garbage when I broke.  Understand there were a lot of people supporting my success.  It... wasn't ever mine.  Can't... tell people this.  They have to find it on their own.

Anyway, we did have a really good time.  The pretty young thing there was... a bit unhappy.  She said she had always wished to play, but that... no one had taken the time to teach.  I told her no one ever would.  She would, as with much in life, have to follow that path on her own.  Perhaps, for moments, finding someone to spend time teaching.  But that it was a long, dreary, road.  Filled with failure, blisters, confusion, and occasional bliss.

However, I called her over, set her on a stool near me, gave her my guitar, and started a minor lesson.  Her fingers were stiff, and... mean.  Pulling and plucking, but clumsily, not commandingly.  I told her to caress the strings, as the pedals of a pretty flower, or the upturned face of a child, perhaps gently cleaning his face.  And, she loosened up, and began to play.  Doing it lovingly, without so much thought, but by touch.  I... saw she was on the way.

She thanked me greatly, and asked where I had learned this.  What guitar player had taught me.  I had to laugh.  Not sure she would understand.  But she insisted.  I told her it wasn't formally, a guitar player.  It was God.  When I had broken, and been cast aside, He had taken the time to tend me.  Pulling me out of the garbage heap into which I had been tossed, cleaning me, restoring forms of dignity.  Then, setting me on my long lonely path to... better things.  All I was doing is, as well as I may, emulating my Masters hands and actions.

I hadn't realized, but the whole room had gone quiet, and my friends had been listening intently.  I had thought we, myself and her, alone in our own little world.  Not sure it changed anything, but... I think it actually did.  Mustard seed, I am told.  And many were planted that day.

Only a dream, but what a dream.  Some of it, beyond any doubt, true.  No one to tell it to, mind you.  I'm not even sure what I write is actually read by more than one or two?  I don't know.  Mostly just... a log, not even really for me.  If, from time to time, there is something recalled.

Awake.  Blood sugar is a bit better this morning, at 177 fasting.  It is, slowly, eventually, coming down.  Beef and beans last not, if on salad, with some of the last of the buttermilk creme fraiche.  So hungry, needed more than just beef.  A kefir to start the morning, fatted coffee next.  Chops later?  maybe.

It snowed a bit yesterday, later day, but nothing is sticking.  It is back to a drizzle.  All good.  Sassy was fed, first thing.  I wasn't going to, but she... went away, meowling.  She was hungry, and I didn't... want to let her be so.  I love the little dear.  Losing some weight would be good, but it may not be possible, for her.  Fixing a girl changes... everything.  Kills their metabolism if nothing else.  Her litter is amazing.  It is being kept exceptionally clean.  She just doesn't use it much, and I have been staying on top of even that, almost obsessively.  After Sam, that's how it goes.  Later.

Enjoying the game.

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The only problem is... there is a bit too much to the game.  Learning things, finding things, making things, and of course doing things.  Remembering how to do things, while trying to fight?  Tapping, or holding, plus multi-key actions.  Pushing the wrong thing can get you killed.  I don't know.

This time around I have figured out a few more things, or more quickly.  But it is a brutal learning curve.  For example, and this is just in one area... combat.  Beside standard attacks, there are potions, and... betterer potions to be used right before a battle (some are enemy specific, some are general), plus oils (to put on weapons, but only against certain enemies), the other things for healing and to grant skills or abilities which help in combat or defense.  Way too much.  And, getting them to all work, with the limits of a console controller?  It's... a bit much.

I am thinking about making a cheat-sheet, for the controller.  You can look up tutorials, which require reading, and often a lot of it.  I just need a quick, concise, description, of how to do what.  I was running into the same problems with Batman.  Just too many requirements for such a small, limited, control device.

So far, playing it on easy mode, I am not getting slaughtered anyway.  Really, I have little interest in timing.  It's not a speed game.  I think the limits on the keypad, how fast it sends the command, and how fast (or slow really) the machine accepts the input and puts it into the game, is why they go with timing, not speed.  Your button mashing is usually off.  And, if you hit too many buttons, of a certain type, when you try to do something else, it just won't happen because the queue is stuffed.  Modern games are... a hassle.

Still, since I'm not dying as often, and can get through, I will.  Until I find a better game.  Bleh.

I'd best get insulin and medicine in.  I'd like to go to bed, but I don't think that will happen quite yet.  Should have showered, couldn't get to it.  Just... weary, too weary.  Not sleepy, just not able to get much going.  Anyway... another bit of kefir.  Some fast acting.  Pill medicine.  Then, as I go to bed, slow acting stuff.  Later, or goodnight.

Gaming.

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It's something.  And, currently, about as much as I can do.  Other than keeping up on water, food, medicine, and Sassy... what she could use and needs.

I have been looking over advice, for playing.  Kept getting told to do things that... weren't possible.  Then I found out why, after... realizing something was just not right.  Ah... the advice required dlc content.  Wasn't sure I wanted to buy it, but... went looking.

Free.  Free?  Sure!  I can do free!  Plus, there was a ton of other dlc content that was offered for free.  I took it all.  That makes up for the earlier problems, if they have fixed those early problems?  I won't know until later in the game.  Meh.  It's something.  But, I have the downloads, which allows me to follow the advice.

Witcher 3, if I hadn't said.  I am sure I did, just not sure how long ago.

I reset the kefir, but put it all in the fridge.  I will have a glass or two a day until Saturday, and fresh milk arrives.  And, then, I will begin resetting those again.  Now, I had a bunch of extra grains.  I didn't want to put them in the jars of kefir, but I didn't want to toss them.  So, I drained out as much as possible, of the liquid, into the jar.  Then put the remainder into a plastic cup.

I added salt, black pepper and white pepper.  I thought about other spices or herbs, but decided to just go with this, to see if I like it.  It was still warm, so I didn't want to eat it right away, tucking it into the fridge.  But I did lick off the spoon.  Hmm, yes, it tastes very much like drier cottage cheese.  Adding just a touch of cream to it wouldn't be bad.  Now I know how to make kefir cheese, and I think I like it.  Would do well with a cup of fruit or just plain.  Cream would just add a bit of moisture back... say a tablespoon per cup?  Something, and not every time, just an option.

I really do enjoy tinkering with my food.  I suspect, to get creme fraiche to be more solid?  I will need to add gelatin, or such.  My guess is, people who are showing things on y.t., or even cooking shows from the long past, they are using things they aren't telling us about.  To try to make themselves superior?  Or... because their systems don't actually work?  I don't know.  But I do know that much of what you see is a lie.  If something doesn't work, figure it out.  The world isn't fair, honest, nor upright.  Just... understand that.

Even so, I am enjoying playing with my food.  Not everything works as they say.  I am figuring things out, on my own, piece by bit.  I'll figure out how to solidify creme fraiche soon.  Oh, and the kefir in cream is the better option.  It tastes a bit tangier, and is just a bit more solid than the buttermilk and cream.  Then again, I'm not sure the buttermilk was actually cultured.  More the traditional?  Not a mark against the dairy, they do what they do.  Asking doesn't... they don't always know exactly what they are... talking about?  That's all I'm saying.  I may attempt to track down actual cultured buttermilk.  I know where it would be.  The thing is, it will be pasteurized, maybe homogenized, and... who knows what else.  But... if it is cultured, you can keep it going, much like kefir or sourdough.  Take, feed, reset.  And, in a fridge, the process is slow enough to keep up on, if you use it every week to every other week.

Playing with food.  Oh, and this stuff would be AWESOME for food-fights!  :)

Well.  Blood sugar finally broke below 118.  It was 108.  And that just shortly after a glass of kefir and fatted coffee.  I'm wanting burger and beans, tonight, maybe on a bed of lettuce again.  I have been avoiding beans, because they are so carby.  May tonight, if I can... talk myself out of it.  We'll see.  

Snowing, outside, last time I looked.  It has been mildly raining today?  Which is turning to snow.  Pretty, but a bit spooky.  Staying warm enough in here.  I need a shower though.  And to dress more warmly.  But it is a pleasant day.

I think my subconscious has a sense of humor?  While considering the combat dreams, this showed up.  If last night, or yesterday.  I... can't stop thinking of it.  Anyway... here.  Enjoy.  Later.

Down and up late.

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I believe it was 00:23 when I went down, 24:23 if you prefer, or nearly midnight thirty.  Up at about 10:45?  Or so.  It is 32 out there, and somewhere between snowing and raining.  But the house is staying warm without struggling.  Weather trimming on the doors really did a thing.  It is 61 upstairs this morning.  The downstairs stays between 68 and 74 (if warmer in this front room, now that the door doesn't leak like a sieve, and when I am stetting here most of the day, with the machines on).  

Hmm, it actually started out at 70 this morning.  I unplug everything, including the router.  So there is no heat from any of that, nor would there be residual heat.  Odd.

No dreams of fighting, war, or such, finally.  I did dream of driving on icy, snowy, slushy, and just wet roads.  But... I like to do that.  I like the challenge, especially if there aren't any real consequences.  I had a youngish, 25 to 35 year old nice looking woman along.  No, we didn't go there.  Had to shower together once, but did it... as politely as possible.  Not my druthers, but... the right way.  Though, I think, perhaps, we were headed toward something.  I just don't have sex, even in dreams, mostly.

There was someone else on the road.  Not sure if it was a contest, or he was somehow the boss, but... I had fun slightly competing with him, or going beyond his expectations.  But, not recklessly, just... skillfully.  He was more like an older father type figure, and a bit... nervous about both of us.  Just being careful.  I just knew we had places to go, things to do.  Actually, it was the dream which made me check outdoors first thing, for certain.  I... was almost sure the dream was, or was coming, a potential reality.  It might stop raining/sleeting/snowing now, dry up, and the sun come out, but my notions were already right.  What I was dreaming was happening.  Though I suspect we... will get some more, for a day or two?  Who knows though, ever, for sure.

Wednesday?  And my body doesn't hurt.  There is some mild internal pain.  But it is so small, distant seeming, almost more an echo than a direct thing.  

Blood sugar is 195 fasting.  It was maintained at 120 all through yesterday, giver or take a few points.  Not... sure why it is running hot.  I have been careful.  I am taking insulin, each meal, as little as 6 cc's, as high as 16 cc's.  Plus the slow acting stuff, nightly.  And, I am eating carefully.  I just don't get it.

Anyway... a good morning, with potential for a great day.  I did order one last thing, cat food.  I ordered some last month, and with what I ordered this month, I should be in pretty good shape for, say, five to seven months?  If I can keep the thieves out.  Which... is only going so-so.  What I realize is they are still getting in, but taking less.  Fewer items, less often.  But they are trimming things, here and there.  I have learned how to check.  Difficult to keep up on though.  Whole groups of things go missing, if I haven't used them in a while.  A placket of pineapple, for example, just gone.  I was specifically saving that for some food experiments.  Not sure when it went missing, hadn't been checking on it recently.  Though often it is just a few cans at a time.

Anyway... on to my day.  A coffee, a shower when I can do something...  As for gaming?  I moved on to an old game I played.  Witcher 3.  I did, sort of, finally, finish it.  But the game was literally falling apart by the time I got to the end.  Not sure if it was because I had too many items in storage, or played too long at a time and it's programing was limited that way, or what.  But whole parts of cities would no longer render, chunks of side quests were no longer able to be completed.  It was, pretty much, what Cyberpunk was when it first came out.  There was no chance to try to finish the game with the other potential endings.  I didn't even have a choice.  The ending I got was all that was allowed at about two thirds the way through the game.  The other options ended in game-killing bugs, or the options were available.  We'll see if they have corrected any of it.  Doubtful.

Most open world games fall victim to limits they don't tell us about.  And, some of us are collectors.  When you have a certain number of certain types of things, I think the game rips.  At that point, getting rid of the things is too late.  The trick is to pick a few specialty items, which are hard to find, and just keep those, in limited number, but just in one area.  If you want armor?  Do that,  Weapons, do that.  Potions or whatever?  Do that.  But don't even do two, though certainly not three, of those component areas with even rare collectibles.  Games are simply limited.

Well... on to some coffee.  Oh, and I may begin making kefir chia and occasionally oatmeal breakfasts, for curing overnight.  Now that kefir is back on the menu.  And, I think, I will cut to two jars of kefir curing per night, and put one of those into the fridge, as a backup.  Changing it out every other week or so.  Just put a couple tablespoons, or one, in, and fresh milk.  But I'll wash it out, first.  That really helps slow down the process.  And I want it to go slowly.  Later.

A few little last things.

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I checked blood sugar.  It was down to 119, from a 190 start.  A few things to eat, a smaller amount of kefir, a fatted coffee, and pork roast and veggies.  I can't be sure, but I think I took 16 cc's with the fatted coffee.  If in part because I thought I would be eating immediately thereafter.  But, no, not... for a while.  And, with that actual meal, I took 8 cc's.  Mostly good enough.

I just called my mother.  She was dining, so I didn't talk long at all.  Just... checking on her.  Nothing new or important.  Didn't reach her yesterday, so... today.  I quick hello, love you, and goodbye.  Keeping it brief is best.  But she does sound to be in better shape.  I don't bother her with my dreams or such, anymore.  She doesn't... take these things well.

Now, to get another meal.  I am thinking a taco salad.  I'll heat some of the burger, add some cheddar, put it over a bed of lettuce, and have water with it.  And, maybe, another cup of kefir.  I really do enjoy that stuff.  But, it looks like I have to put some limits on it.  One, maybe two, glasses a day.  No quarts, or even half quarts.  I mean, a cup, maybe just a bit more, once or twice a day.  

I'd love more of it.  And, perhaps, in time, I can have more.  Perhaps my body just has to adjust to it again.  Wonderful stuff... if... it's wonderful stuff.  I never would have thought I would like something even stouter than plain yogurt, but here I am.

We had some sort of something blow through, earlier.  Not sure anything came of it?  After a check, doesn't look like it rained or snowed, though... you can never tell if it was just a tiny amount.  The world, hereabouts, drinks any liquid it gets like a sailor at a port of call.

Yes, now on to supper.  Perhaps watching a show while dining.  Oh, and I best get another roast out, thawing.  This was a rather small roast, as it was bone-in.  Wondered why it was so cheap, thought it read boneless.  Makes sense now.  A beef roast, this time.

I am hoping to push on to bed earlier tonight.  Yea, I'm... a bit fearful.  But... who knows.  Staying up later isn't helping.  Not that going to bed early will, but perhaps I can wake earlier, as I prefer.  Later.

Most of them.

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Bills, that is.  Utilities.  I thought I was ahead, but somehow missed a month, so was behind.  Caught up.  A few little things, on minor cards, pain in full.  I used them from time to time.  This and that.  The only thing remaining is dairy.  Nearly a month behind.  I'll do that in cash.

I did order more than aspirin.  But just things I actually consume in the month.  Well, and some new things.  With my old liquid soap company having gone too, openly, and bigly, in the wrong direction, I am trying new different soaps.  To be honest, gooder and badder soap is no more expensive, one than the other.  I did like the soap, just not willing to support those who openly support blm and such.  A bunch of nearly dead old white hippies making soap and stupid moves.  Tough luck, Charlie.

Sometime this  week I need to get to the grocery store.  They no longer make in-store premade salads, but they still do veggie packs, and everything else.  Though I... have found a store where I may like the burger better.  And... I may check out their meats.  I'm...  having to rethink some things.  And, quite by accident and incident, found a store that might be more along my lines of buying.  My main store stopped offering 80% burger.  It's all 85% or 93%, and more expensive.

I had thought, perhaps, this was government interference.  Nope, store choice.  And, not a good one.  I have tried the 93%, and 85%.  And, while they are okay, the price isn't.  So... I will be looking around a bit more carefully.  I think 70% is a bit too much, same with 75%, really.  But 80% is pretty good, and more affordable.  I hate when a store, or bureaucrat, decides to what I should have access.  I can do that myself, thank you very much.

Always nice to get things paid.  One more bill, other than what comes out automatically.  The last of the bills will be taken around the 8th.  On the 10th, I'll see what I have, and what I can do otherwise.  If I do something else this month, it will be to pay off anything remaining.  Probably same with next month.  Perhaps putting a few dollars away, if possible, as well.

Someone puts two and two together?

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Lunch is  being warmed.  Broccoli, cauliflower, a few twigs of celery, a half dozen baby carrots, and some of the pork roast, steaming.  It heats rather quickly, really.  I have only started adding the celery recently.  I like the bit of flavor it adds, but, too, I enjoy eating it steamed.  Warmed, it's aromatic nature becomes much more pronounced.  Carrots are for color, flavor, and texture.  I drain and butter the veggies, with the meat on the side.

I did have a cup of kefir, and a fatted coffee.  I'll just have water with dinner.

Ah, but... yes.  Someone added links, or direct pops, to certain music.  And, yes, I... see it.  Believe or else, I only ever wanted to read, and write, and do maths...  well, science, until I learned that science is math based.  Of course, math... is pretty weaksauce without honest considerations, and observations.  I... wasn't allowed my druthers.  For... good, or ill?

The music.  Right.  Right you may well be.

Sometimes...

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I got a message, saying that plates I had ordered were not coming soon.  I had to go online, and approve a later delivery.  But, it didn't seem to do... anything.  I kept approving, and got no feedback suggesting that my approval had been accepted.  Ugh!

So, I called.  Patience, young one.  Patience was had.  I don't think I even had an edge in my voice.  Spoke with, probably, and Indian woman.  Could mostly understand her, mostly.  My real problem was that her voice was low... I had my speaker as loud as it got, but couldn't hear here very well.  Still, I... got through.

I let her know what the problem was, after having spoken through their automated system unsuccessfully.  Still, patient.  I let her know which order, and yes, she already had it.  So... there system is rather... well versed.  She let me know that my approval had gotten through.  But checked on delivery.  She said they probably wouldn't deliver this soon, and that I should reorder.  But the price had doubled.

I suggested they were ripping me off of the price they had promised.  She suggested I order, and she would get me that original price.  So... yes... they... can be worked with.  You will have to talk to somebody, maybe a bot and a human.  You will have to explain, and finagle.  But... they... will work with you.

Some items I use regularly I attempt to maintain two caches.  Two boxes of paper plates, two boxes of t.p., etc.  As I near the end, or break into the last box, I begin looking for replacement(s).  I wait until I find a good price, then I order.  Currently, a reorder, was almost exactly twice my usual.  So... I wasn't too happy.  Will keep this in mind.  Before, I just lost the product, because they wouldn't send it at the price I ordered, and I'd just have to wait longer or pay more.  Now?  Now I will push to get the promised price.  Ugh.

Oh, I should get to coffee.  Been so involved with this little project that I... lost sight of all else.  Later. 

Finally got down just before midnight?

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Or a bit after 23:00?  Somewhere in there.

Dreams, again.  Attacked by men, I think, using machetes.  No deeper cuts, though a few attacks got stuck in arm bones.  It... was a rough dream.  Yes, I won.  And, to be honest, that isn't the worst of my dreams.  This was just a short fight, no other combat during the night.  Still sore for it, and from the rest.  Thankfully they weren't very good with them.  Mostly.

Up around 09:48?  Something like it.  It is 42 outside, so not bad really.  Blood sugar is still high.  It doesn't make sense.  I'm about to have a fatted coffee.  Perhaps eggs and bacon afterwards, when I can get going.

It's payday.  The only thing I will definitely order is aspirin.  I want to have a bottle of that on hand.  I will get groceries, sometime this week?  Or early next.  Other than that, just bills this month.  Bills, bills, bills, always bills to pay.

On to waking.  Good morning and day.

I don't want to...

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Bedtime, however, will be delayed no longer.

I know what is coming.

It's about bedtime.

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I couldn't afford  Halloween this year.  No treats.  I feel bad about it, but... things just didn't work out.  Not much I can do, save hunker down and wait for it to be over.  Yes, they are ringing and knocking.  I looked over things, but just don't have money.  I couldn't do it.  Not sure... what is going on, with that, either.  I thought I had been careful.

I will be careful this month.  Candy bars would have cost around a hundred bucks.  I just didn't have it.  As mentioned, I will watch things much more carefully this month.  I won't even buy my usual cart at the first.  I will buy groceries, pay bills, and just wait.  If I get to the middle of the month, and there is money, I will order a few things.

If not, I will review my accounts, see where the money is going.  I may be being robbed, electronically.  It is possible.  People are hungry, and dangerous.

I did have some roast for dinner.  Almost had potato, but then remembered how bad that has been messing with blood sugar.  I did take some fast acting insulin, because I had seconds.  Just in case.  Now to get the slow acting stuff in, and get to bed.

Goodnight.

Not to bed yet.

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The pork roast!  I... got to it late.  About an half hour ago.  I'll... finish it, perhaps having a bit of it before going on to bed.

Kefir was ready, so I reset that.  No more kefir today.  Should be able to have some tomorrow.  Odd how I can go through it so fast?  I... am a bit lost, in pain and confusion.  Sleeping strange hours, dreaming hard dreams, and such.  

Nothing but water, since my last blood sugar check at 13:15.  It is nearly 18:00, so I thought to check.  Didn't expect much change.  I was wrong, it was 106?  Doesn't make sense.  But... whatever.  I will only have water, steamed cauliflower, and a smaller slice of the roast for supper.  No more fast acting insulin, but I will take the slow acting stuff.  Very strange how it... drops, sometimes, or goes up so high, and fast, at other times.

The nice thing about baking food, is it warms the kefir that is brewing up.  It makes it ferment much quicker.  I am usually getting the quarts finished in eight to fifteen hours, maybe eighteen if I just leave it.  I still have three quarts fermenting, and three half gallon jars storing, two full, on half full.  Not sure, perhaps I was drinking more than I thought, but it was sure disappearing fast.  And, yet, it filled up fast.

When I last went to fill, I had one jar completely full.  Those three quarts filled another, and halfway filled a second.  It honestly doesn't make sense.  Ah, but when I put it through the mesh, perhaps it expands, seems to make more?  Three quarts will fill one and an half, half gallon jars.  But, a fifth of the stuff goes back into the quarts, and they aren't full... just two thirds full.  So, that's a fairly significant discrepancy.  Hmm, fine.  Maybe it really does just expand as it is being filtered through the mesh.

All this talk makes me want another cup of the stuff.  I... suppose.  But, just a cup, not a quart!  I should see if Sassy will eat it.  Sam sure liked it, but I don't think Sassy does.  Later.

I really feel rough.

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Vision is blurry, internals feel bruised, ribs are rough, a headache, achy bones, wrists hurt all around, other things I just can't sort out feel so wrong.  I'd like to sleep, but trying to stay awake for a while.  A  few hours more, two, three if I can, until 16:30 to 17:30?

I took painpills, to no use.  Will check blood  sugar in a bit.  It did come down some, to 196.  Which is odd.  No, I took insulin, fast acting.  I think 30 cc's the first time, and 20 cc's after.  It should be dropping.  Is kefir not as good as I thought?  Or have several days of potatoes as a daily done more damage than anticipated?  I'm simply not sure what the problem is.  Though... not more potatoes for a goodly while, a slowing of kefir to no more than two cups a day, and a bit more care with what else I eat, and insulin.

Everything feels so wrong.  Today is one of those days which surprise me that I am not dead.  It makes me wonder if death is approaching.  But... I've been here too many times to actually thing so.  No, I just get to suffer, and severely, for a while.  Dreams, adrenalin overdose from anger not too long ago, and who knows what else.

I have been taking medicine fairly well.  I did miss a dose recently, but it has been reset, and made back up.  I am taking as much insulin as I dare.  I have been sleeping well, and long.  If... the dreams have been difficult.  I don't think I can hurt myself in dreams?  Or... can I?  Perhaps just stiffening up, as if punches were incoming, can cause issues?  But the wrists?  I don't understand that.  Not... unless I do.  More to dreams than one might think?  A spiritual aspect?  Ugh.

Well, on to gaming a bit?  I don't want to.  But I don't want to sleep quite yet, can't if I wanted to.  Too sore to just sit here, flipping through internet pages...  Hmm... a big glass of water, feeding Sassy, checking her litter, while the console warms up.  Then to gaming a bit.  Later.

Salad, instead.

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Not up to cooking.  So, I made a homemade ranch.  Cream, avocado mayo, and creme fraiche, with spices and herbs.  As well, an avocado mostly diced for on top, well, and of course a plate of romaine.  Not... super.  But the dressing hadn't had time to meld.  And, really, it wasn't horrible, just... not... fantastic.  Full enough, though, and it is mild on the stomach, which is still slightly upset.

Fatted coffee, too.  My wrists hurt, as I type.  Rather bruised.  I really have no explanation for why they are hurt.  All around, again, as if someone had handcuffs on, and I struggled to get them off.  Or someone powerful had ahold of my wrists, as I struggled mightily against the grip.  Very strange.

Monday?  Right.  Just hitting noon.  It is 45 out there, or was earlier.  Rather cool, to be honest, for this time of year?  Or... maybe not.  I just...  Then again, it might be around this time of year that I go under.  Stop remembering.  So, perhaps this is normal, I just don't remember much, normally, from this time of the year?  I just can't be sure.

While I am not doing much, I am more awake and aware, given the decline in sun and warmth.  The weather stripping on the doors really helped, though, too.  The other thing I might be able to do would be to put plastic on some of the windows.  Maybe even keep them up, on certain windows, year around?  Don't know, but that might help.

But... first... I have to sort out life.  I am really running into trouble getting anything done.  So tired, sore, aching, rough.  I'll see what I can do.  I think I am done with the Batman game.  I may go back to Cyberpunk.  I have never finished the actual game.  It... is... sort of dull.  Much like Outer Worlds.  Mostly run and find and seek and kill these, or knock those out, or... just... do... whatever, find whatever, etc.  Though closer to Fallout 3 or 4, with a bit more life to them.  A bit more.

But, right now, I am still so tired.  I am thinking of going on back to bed.  But I want to stay up long enough to check my blood sugar again, in a few hours.  Later.

A bit easier this morning.

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I couldn't go down until around 22:30.  I... had trepidation.  And, for the first, say, fifth of the night, those fears were realized.  But it wasn't the whole night.  Well, at least fighting my kind.  I did end up dreaming about... dealing with your kind.

It was after a major... problem.  We were on a sort of raft, but one built to be sea-worthy, or more so.  Part of an at-sea oil boom, used to bring in or store parts and supplies.  Well, so the dream went.  I know of no such things, or anything about any such things, should they exist.  Just... a dream, folks.

We, technically, weren't allowed to have a tent.  I had one, I set it up.  Because I had something else that wasn't allowed, a pet.  Sassy.  There were quite a few of us on this thing, it was, say, the size of a football field, only squared, not rectangular.  As well, there were stacks of supplies and parts.

The parts were being kept to help keep the platform level.  The supplies, of course, were... well... supplies.  They went to shore, and picked up some people to help, and to save them.  There were enough supplies for a thousand people, for a decade, assuming they would survive through time.  So the several dozen of us were not a problem.

It turns out, one of the fellows was suggesting my tent wasn't allowed, and suspected I had a cat.  I tried to stay close, and keep on eye on things, but this guy was something else.  Eventually he killed Sassy, by stomping on the tent.  Was he trying to get me/us thrown off?  Was he wanting my rations?  I never did sort out what his problem was.

Out of the dream, I revived Sassy, but let my in-dream self know what this guy was going to do.  So... I tied ropes to his ankles, while he was sleeping, before he could kill Sassy, tied those ropes to an anchor, tied his hands to other ropes which I tied to the boat, and tossed the anchor in.  It wasn't heavy or strong enough to hold the rafter for long, just long enough.  And, then, when the raft broke free, he was stuck under there.  But it made sure he couldn't cut the ropes, or otherwise escape.  Just... tying up loose ends.

Had no trouble after that.  And, actually, the barge manager let me know they knew I had a cat and she had one too.  So, I could let Sassy out, and to run and play with her cat and the other people.  Done.

The rest of the night was smoother sailing.  No fighting, no killing.  But, still, sore from that initial fighting.  Not as bad this morning.  Still not an easy day.  Up around 09:30.  A Small portion of kefir.  And it is already time to reset the kefir.  Then, maybe, some eggs and bacon?  Maybe.

Blood sugar is remaining higher.  No more potatoes, and going light on kefir today.  Hopefully that will help.  It is 224 fasting.  Not good.  I have had a potato for the last three or four days, and been eating a lot of kefir.  Too much, I should think.  A 30 cc dose of fast acting, with the kefir.  A fatted coffee shortly.  Then breakfast.  I won't take more insulin until after eggs and bacon, then a two hour wait with nothing but water.

I need to get that pork roast baked.  I'm going lower and slower with it... say 325 for three to four hours?  Should do.  Later.

Well, on to bed.

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I have been avoiding sleep.  I... know what awaits, or what may be there, again, tonight.  The first few nights are fine.  But... after a bit, it... gets tiring.  Problem is, I can't stay awake any longer.  So... I took some pain pills.  For what is, and for what may be.  Fear?  Yes, and... no.  I won't give up.  I may die in there, but that isn't the end.  It's the... drubbing... win, lose, or draw, that I am less interested in.

Dinner was very good.

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The last of the pork, broccoli, and potato.  I should have cooked the other pork roast, but I'm just not well awake and functioning.  Just... tired.  Tomorrow.

Not much else.  Sassy was fed.  A bit more kefir down.  It is... doing one of the things it is good at.  Clearing my innards.  Still sore, tired.  Strangely, even my wrists hurt, as if they had been grabbed by someone with my sort of strength.  They are, or feel anyway, bruised.  If actually bruised, it often takes days to weeks for those to surface to my skin.  I don't know if that is good, or poor health?  Just the way of it, always has been.  I would forget the pain, only to see spots much later.  Blogging helped me remember... some of the times, when I wrote about it.

I couldn't game more today.  Too tired, sore, stiff, sleepy, weary, etc.  We'll see if better, more rightly timed sleep, tonight, will help.  Plus, I remember insulin, both sorts, with the last meal and as I go to sleep.  Blood sugar is still high, but it came down twenty points after the meal.  Bleh.  Mostly, I think, because I forgot slow acting last night, and fast acting through the earlier part of the day.

Yea, well, it's... nearly bedtime.  When I keep the door open, it stays around 58/59 up there.  Really not bad, as it is getting below freezing outside.  I might start thinking of other ways to insulate the home, having figured this out and to that much success.  If nothing else, just to cut down as much on the furnace running as possible.  With the cunts in office, cutting our throats with everything from gasoline, to food, to natural gas, gotta cut back.  I hope we bankrupt the bastards.

On to bed.  Goodnight.  And... sweet dreams.  *smile*