Oh, ouch!

.

.

My next appointment, wound care.  The... improvements... on the roadrash?  Beyond... what they expected.  The... expressions, and looks, from one to the other.  They were... impressed.  Doc cut me loose on those.  Said whatever I am doing?  Keep doing it.  The... thing is... for the most part?  I... wasn't doing anything.  Couldn't even keep the bandages on.

That's the good part.  The old wound, though?  Well, it did improve.  They suggest a five percent improvement.  Which... from the sound of things?  Is... what they were optimistically hoping for?  Odd, but... okay.  So a 100% healing of one of my roadrash wounds probably was... impressive.  And a 54% improvement on another.  One of them only had some improvement, and a fourth had probably a 20% to 30% improvement.  Given the givens, they are doing well.

Rough night.

.

.

Well, part of it.  I woke up around two?  Every single thing that has been turned, twisted, cut, ripped, torn, or otherwise ill treated woke up and cried out, all at once.  I... wanted to cry.  I just... usually... can't.  Last night was no different.  I simply could not cry.  I could only ache, rock myself, and wait for it all to pass.

It did, after some time.  Mostly.  But I ached the rest of the night, sort of by groups.  Milder, but... some thing(s) hurt all through the rest of the night.  All good.  Healing process?  Who knows.

Better?

.

.

For some strange reason, it all got better.  All of it.  Not perfect.  But nothing noticeable hurts, unless I think about it or twist, bump, use something.  Even then, it was so mild that I had to think about it to notice... consciously check to see if there was still pain there.

Of course, that is... probably... about to change.  I have to change the bandages.  On the roadrash bites.  Oh, and I will be taking compression off.  Which... hurts and helps.  I won't be putting compression on for the night, this night.  Every other night?  Something like that, and based on needs/wants.  If the feet are swelling, or swell by the morning, then I will... more often than not.  Hmm, I ougth to see if there are compression bandages, like what the dock had.  Those are... better... for quick, short, usuage.  Socks are much more difficult to get on and off, especially through the night.  And are, or are usually, a lot hotter to wear.  I'd... like to have some of those bandages.  Plus, you can cut them to length.  A roll of those would last... a year?  More.  Maybe.  Especially if they are washable.

Anyway... it's about bedtime.  So... goodnight.

Better and worse.

.

.

Two showers in a row always feels good.  Stripping bandaging off twice in a row, and realizing it will be a twice daily thing?  Never going to feel good.  The wounds hurt.  Not as bad as the first time.  Still, enough.  Both the wounds, as open sores.  And the damage as sorts of bruises.

As well, the elbow, knee, and ankle all feel rough.  The shower was good, but that heat is gone.  It's a cool wetter type of day, at 42 to 44 out there, pretty much through the whole of the day I was aware to notice.  That sounds like it would be nice, but it feels... moistly cool to cold.

Terribly wonderful.

.

.

It's... getting from point A to point B that hurts.  In my current case.  Ripping the bandages off... it hurts.  Getting to the shower can be a grumbling process.

I got on the scale.  Nothing, of course, would be different.  It has been 233 the last two times I have weighed in, since the accident.  Why would that change?  But... it did.  I am 226.4.  While not by much, a pound, that is... still the least I have weighed since... about the time I joined the Navy.  So... that was good.

Bandages ordered.

.

.

Several sizes, to tinker with.  Various forms of padding, for under.  And plenty, with what was already ordered.  Should last for two to three months, at the current rate of wound care, if that... shouldn't continue for that long?  But... that leaves room for extra.  Plus, with the change in how I am paying for things, managing that new way.

As well, I looked over the type of socks that have helped me.  I have tried some number of knee high compression socks.  There is a brand that is the absolute best.  But it costs a fortune.  There is another sort, that is just as good, but doesn't last quite as long.  Two thirds the life at a third the price?  Okay... that is what I use as my daily drivers, when going knee high.  And, there was a brand which was similar.  But... for me... they were just a tad too small.  I... almost cried over that.  So very much cheaper, similar in quality to my daily drivers, a quarter of THEIR price.  Ugh.  Cheap will only go so far.  Sent those on.  Hope that helps.  Real world trials, from someone who spends, but tries... to save a buck when possible.

Want to find out if your brother is awake?

.

.

Especially if he lives half the nation away?

I did.  So... I texted him.  Let him know I'd be there in half an hour or so.  So to be ready.  "What!"  April fools day!  The old boy almost lost his health.  *grins*

Worse, better, odd.

.

.

I was so cold.  I put on four layers of bottoms, three layers on top, plus shoes and a wool beanie.  One of the tops was an electric vest.  And, it was turned on.  It took two hours, but I finally warmed up.  Too hot then.  But too hot, in the winter, or early spring, is an easy fix.  Cold... took some work.

Then I was getting a call.  My phone was two layers in, and a bear to get to.  Wasn't sure... where it was, or how to get to it.  Made it, in time.  My mother called.  I no longer call her.  She... may or may not answer.  Usually not.  If she wants to talk, she can try to call.  I... just... don't call that way.  Nothing personal.  It seems how she wants it.

Very strange.

.

.

My left arm is twisted, hard, from the wrist the elbow.  It is aching, thrumming with pain.  Not sure what I did, when, how.  Was it a from the motorcycle accident.  It wasn't noticeable until now.  Now it hurts like the dickens.

The rest of the pains are still there, but slightly milder.  A bit of nausea, from the pains.  I almost wish I could throw up, I think that would be better.  But nothing is coming.  Just... that feeling, like seasickness.  Fairly strong.  A headache too.  And my whole left leg feels rough.  I had hoped a shower would settle that a bit.  Not the wounds, those still hurt, but differently.  This is like the twist of the arm, if not quite as bad?

OUCH.

.

.

At least I wasn't fearing what turned out to be nothing.  Just pulling the bandages hurt.  A lot.  Then showering, and washing the wounds?  Yes, very much that hurt.  Then I got back upstairs, and was looking at the instructions.  Debriding the main, old, wound... with gauze and saline.

I... really didn't want to do that.  The little boy in me said we didn't have to, if we didn't want to.  The man agreed with me, but remembered that the wound has been open going on, or over, a year.  So... we got busy.

I finally...

.

.

Clipped my toenails.  No, it's not much.  No, I am not ready to pull the bandages, shower, debride the wounds, and replace the bandaging.  I know.  I'm... late, more late on some than others.  But... it's a start.

I realized, while clipping the toenails, that I had been even avoiding that.  There is something about working with tools that can rip and tear... even cut a toe off if it could get around it, while having wounds.  Some... transference, fear of more wounds, from the process... tools.  I didn't realize the fear until I pulled the tools out and started to work.

Brisket.

.

.

Slowly smoked all day.  Wow.  That was... is... good.  I haven't eaten all my portion.  No way I could.

And, while he was at it, he smoked the salt.  Has a nice color.  I'll store that, adding it to occasional special dishes.  Though, next time he smokes something long, I may see if he will put some of it back in.  Just... seeing how far it can go.  An experiment.  Not at all unhappy with what is there, just... curious at this point.

Everything is just sort of not doing well.

.

.

Not quite a fever, but a bit of discomfort in that area.  The wounds are all letting me know they are damaged, and want... something.  A few painpills... it's been a while since I've used them.  I... keep thinking about them.  Then I forget.  Which... is fine.  they don't always help.  Okay.

I'm sweating, in a different way, as I get ready for a shower.  And... all else that goes with that.  Stripping the bandages off, washing the wounds, some more raw than others.  Rebandaging.  Drying off.  Compression socks.  It won't be fun.  And... nausea has arrived.  Not sure if it is the anticipation... if I am usually not that way.  If never completely immune.  Or just from the licks and pokes of pains and hurts and aches here and there.  Meh.  Bleh.

Finally up at noon thirty.

.

.

Sassy was fed first thing.  Had to find a specific group of cat food types.  She has had pate for so long.  I purchased a few other options.  Yes, it... probably helps.  She does prefer pate, but I could tell that she was getting... bored... of it?  Something.  With help with boxes, I was able to find the varieties which I had bought but which had gone missing.  Thank you.

Still pretty rough.  A shower soon.  Something I dread.  Why?  Those wounds have to be cleaned.  And the bandages remaining have to come off.  Which is going to be the worst I don't know.  And... maybe they won't be all that bad.  Or... they will, and both of them.  Then I have to bandage them again.  None of that is painless.  And, when bandaged and set, they will all hurt again.  They just do.  But... it... has to be done.  Should have done some of the bandage changes much sooner.  And the main one was due yesterday.  I just... got lost on the way.

Ugh.

.

.

Rough.  Too rough.  Back to bed for a bit.  Sassy got fed.  I'll feed her again.  Set the alarm for a few hours.  Then just crash.  Feed Sassy then.  And, if more sleep is still needed, back into the covers.  It's... so dark, cold, wet.  I just can't push through.

But that isn't always bad.  For an old, mostly dead, guy, this... really isn't bad.  I've definitely had worse.  I'm just sleepy.  But... it's a wonderful day for sleep.  I... can't knock that.

A new month, start.

.

.

Smaller order(s), and going forward.  Including a few things for the house.  A few new pillows, it's time.  A few bandages, of various sizes, in the type they used.  I have some, but would like to find some smaller, more fitting sizes, for the various wound sites.  Things like that.  Under two hundred, a fifty spot under, before taxes or so.

Changing how things are paid.  Their card is paid, won't be used again.  Putting it all on once card, which can be watched.  After the items arrive, the card will be taken off the account.  Whether it is they, or myself, which can't be trusted?  Both, perhaps?  Then watching.  All accounts.  Whether plugged in, when plugged in, when not.

Oh?

.

.

Something brought something to mind.  A... while ago.  Yesterday, earlier today, a week ago?  Whatever.  It sort of came together.  I didn't have an ending to it, until I did.  So... here.

Yeah... If it's not about one thing, it's about another.  Or... for some of us?

Plans, ideas, things...

.

.

Still haven't taken a shower, but the shower is open for it.  Blood sugar has been staying high, in spite of, mostly, not eating.  So, last night, I... made beans and burger.  I needed something I was more sure I could eat, and something easy.  Burger just... doesn't taste good anymore.  But with beans, some sour cream, and cheese?

I'm changing cheese.  If I bother eating cheese, it will be European.  American cheese, 90%, uses a genetically modified rennet.  It is cheaper, not animal based, some sort of sludge.  And... get this... it's made by Pfizer.  So... yeah.  If it isn't bad for you, it is toxic.  Saying, if it isn't unhealthy, then it's made not to be?  Something.  If it's considered safe, it hasn't even been tested.  Something... to think about.  And... labeling?  Good luck with that.

You know you are making good plans?

.

.

Oh, a few things medical.  Leg, knee, ankle, and foot, the bad ones, are doing better.  As I went to check things, in prep for a shower, and then rebandaging, I realized what is helping.  Compression.  They put compression bandaging on the whole leg, similar to what I wear, when I use compression socks and such.

But... I realized, when taking that off, that is why things are better.  So, after showering and bandaging freshly the wounds, I will be... once fully dry, be putting compression socks on.  Though I have lost so much weight.  Yes, I have wrinkles even on my legs, from the hip into the inner thigh... elephant wrinkles.  But, that's... good... or whatever.

Just... stop being fat?

.

.

Right?  Just... stop.

I have lost ninety pounds this year, in eight months really, and as much as... at least? 288-227... ~60 pounds... since Thanksgiving day... actually I started about the week before, and I didn't maintain it for that meal.

So, I know people can lose weight.  A lot of it.  And... relatively quickly.