Rough day.

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Not absolutely sure why.  Neck is out of kilter.  The bones, really.  As if gravel is in there.  A bit of a headache.  Fair enough.  I've not been suffering physically for a while.  In other ways, but I haven't hurt.  So, it's... good to get a little of that back.  Just... to remember?  Something.

I set the laundry in the dryer to a final spin.  And put a load in the wash.  As well, I have things ready to go upstairs, be sorted, and be put up.  I think I can.  I am trying to go slow enough to not be overwhelmed, yet fast enough to not fall behind, or completely off.

Meh.

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Down at 15:30, give or take.  Up at 23:30, give or take.  Eight hours down.  I almost feel like I want more sleep, but I don't need it, and really, can't even fight for it.  I get what I get, at this point.  And it is enough.  The best years, sleepwise, of my life since illness.  I am awake every day.  I sleep every night.  If there are... oddities, times when the day isn't daylight time, and night is in the broad day, that is probably as good as I will ever get.  Or I'd be working.  Doing something, anything.

Blood sugar is 166 fasting?  I have been so hungry.  Not eating anything that should cause this.  Actually, not eating.  This doesn't make sense.  I must assume, with my hunger, my body is gnawing on muscle, converting it to carbs, and in high doses.  I need to... feed the beast meaty things.  Steak, tomorrow.

Not as much sleep as hoped.

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I made it into the eighteen hundredth hour, five after or forty after, I can't say.  I thought it was at least twenty after, not so much from a memory as a sense.  But the sense can be wrong.  I was down until double ought forty, or so, forty after midnight if you don't get that.  I wanted to sleep more, but woke crisp, clear, without ambiguity.  Awake.  So be it.

I did some sorting up there.  Medical supplies.  Wound care.  I... would order, than... forget what I had.  As I'd run out of one box, I'd order another.  I... have... plenty.  Not all the fancy ones.  I mean, I do have some of those.  But can make do fairly well, with a sever wound, for probably six months.  I don't have stacks of good dressings, but of reasonable one.  And, I do have a box of several types and sizes of the betters ones, just in much reduced quantity.

Thirteen thirty four.

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Awake, comfortably, and for a while.  Famished while at it.  I had kippers earlier, a double dose.  Still... hungry, unreasonably.  The season, one suggests.  And... that feels to be a sure part of it.  Though, to, now that I think, I have been trying to cut cream intake.  No, I HAVE been cutting cream.  Going from a cup to two a day, to half a cup total, in a hurry, may have left me a bit shy.

So, I'm... having a bit more, in this round.  And, while I will cut, I will not cut quite so close to the quick, innit.  Blood sugar is already back down under a hundred, right at 95.  Nice.  I... like those types of numbers.  Day or night, good or bad else, those numbers will see me in better cheer.

I did em' booboo?

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I am still addicted to carbs.  I have applesauce in my larder.  Initially a placket.  Between myself and the neighbors who helped themselves, I'm down to half that.  I opened one last night.  Sometimes, I say sometimes, boy, I can just have a portion, now and again, through the week.  Not always, not this time.  I downed the hole thing, starting at around what might pass for my suppertime, and ending at when one might call my breakfast, right after the soup.

I knew blood sugar would be high.  How high was the question.  And, it was, 158 fasting.  That was before the final dose.  Soup, the rest of it, and a fatted coffee.  I was hoping blood sugar might drop, but not counting on it.  Since I had the final dose after that reading.  Dubious, but hopeful.

Up, and a shower.

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I set the timer to feed Sassy.  I like to do that an hour after waking.  Just... so she knows she won't get fed right away.  It... settles her jets.  Into the shower.  I had to do a few dishes, but that was good.  Before I jumped in, I brought down a pair of pants that should have gone in the last load of wash.  Put that in and restarted it.  I... forgot it for a day.  A little vinegar, fresh soap, and it wasn't smelling too off, so started it.

Then hopped in the shower!  Ugh.  I have to remember not to do that.  Though, this second time, it wasn't quite so bad.  I'm... almost getting used to water going cold.  Meh.  Okay.  Still, got cleaned up, partly dressed, and put the soup on.  It should be ready.  Is ready, save that I'm letting it cool just a bit.  One bowl of the stuff left.  Should be good.

I made it awake until 17:00.  Not through great effort, and I wasn't pushing all that hard.  Mostly just forgot.  Body tried to wake at 22:00.  I put that down.  Woke at midnight.  Tried to veto that.  Lost.  Midnight it was.  Seven hours is better than six which is better than four hours of sleep.  It's what I could do.

A little rough.

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The heart, it is just running rough.  No extra beats, or missing.  It's just tired.  It's gotten me through tough times, over some hilly terrain, up a mountain, down a flooded river, and on.  All well beyond it's warrantee.  The thing was broken so long ago, in many ways.  How it still works is an act of God.  No lie.

Still, it... hurts some days.  Today, and lately generally, that has been true.  I'd like to sleep, but that doesn't help.  Extra sleep might work, but I'm having to push to just get eight hours.  Still, will... try.

That wasn't bad.

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The faux rice, corn, carrots, tomatoes (no puree, but stewed whole), then the burger.  I added both patties.  Huge two patties, three quarter pounders?  More, maybe.  Oh, I added the last half of a beef broth carton I had opened for something else recently.  Good, good, hate to let things go.

Italian, garlic and onion powder, hot spice, salt and pepper.  Nothing fancy.  As well, parmesan on top.

So weird.

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Woke up, thinking it was the first.  But, of course, it wasn't.  I always forget, somehow, that half way through my current day... or part way through it... the day changes.  It IS the first, or was about to be.  NOW it's the first.  Gah!

Coffee went down.  Water too.  Sassy has been fed twice.  I set an alarm for three hours, and feed her then.  Plus, it reminds me to get up, shake things off, perhaps go to the bathroom, and breaks the spell of... whatever I am doing.  Seems an odd thing to need to do.  If I don't, she'll beg too much food.  And, if I don't, I'll just... sit... for many, too many, hours.  For now it works.

Finally, a right sleep.

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I have been sleeping from four to six hours for the last three weeks?  Or, mostly.  And, while that has been fine, mostly, it also hasn't been just dandy.  Something wrong.  Plus, wasn't able to push through the day into the full day.  Last night I finally got some good rest.  My heart is thanking me for it.  Some.  More, though, it requests.  I will if I can.

I did end up being awake until after 14:00.  Three, five, ten, thirty, after?  I don't know.  And I'm just... pretty sure it was after that, I know I saw 13:30 well before going to bed.  Pretty sure I was 14:03 on the clock before, too.  But, as I crash, sometimes I dream things.  I do know I didn't make it to 15:00.  I so wanted to.  Then again, I was crashing at around eleven.  So, staying up that long was not just a feat, a mean feat, and it hurt.

Not going to make it much longer.

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Not enough sleep.  Keeping the blade down here, for when I get to the boxes.  Hopefully tonight.  First this room, then the kitchen.  Dry goods out of the kitchen, too.  I'll begin just cleaning that place out.  I am hoping to have much cleared in this coming week, or two.  

Just emptying.  Cupboards, counters, shelves, else.  Here, there, this room, that.  If I can fill this room, I'll order a dumpster, and keep at it.  I have things still boxed, never opened really, from when I moved here.  I... thought... I'd get to things.  Didn't.  And... more.

Someone is out and about.

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Kicking around.  Remembering?  Thinking?  Chewing some fat?  Flirting?

Certainly saw some oldies, and in a strange mix.  Still, I... think I can work with it.  Well, and a few new?  No, not a single new.  Well to my playlist.  Not all that recent, but, certainly everything has been visited.

I would sure like to eat.

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And, I may, before too long.  But first, I want to warm up.  A coffee is being set up.  A shower after that?  I picked up a pocket knife, to begin tearing down boxes later.  Sometime after the shower, possibly after the first run of work in this room, or before that latter, a meal?  I don't know.  I have two larger beef patties.  I thought about beans, with that, but no.  Perhaps keto rice or noodles, and stewed tomatoes?  An odd meal.  Or... maybe just burger, rice/noodles, butter, and maybe sour cream?

Blood sugar finally dropped well, to 102.  Still not perfect, but... it's better.  And that... would do on any given day.  Not a fasting number, which is preferable.  But... good.

Up way too early.

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I made it to 17:00.  How much later?  Always little thing to do.  Not sure.  Probably no more than ten to twenty after.  And asleep immediately.  Up at 19:00?  Bah.  I'll try to get back for a nap before long.

Dreaming of working on the house.  Which... I am hoping to get busy doing.  Starting to bag stuff up?  Well, I best make room for that.  So, clearing this front room again.  Breaking down boxes, getting them out.  Then, begin tearing into the kitchen.  A lot of stuff will just go.  If it's new, unused, like some crock pots of various sizes?  I ordered some for cooking, but also to make soap.  I'll... hold those for now.  But a lot of things will just go.  From canning jars to old foods, to even newer, but keto, foods.  Almond and coconut flower were lower carb, but not low enough.  Things like that... just... go.

Wow!

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I've been tinkering, online, looking.  I didn't think there was a chance I'd even make it another hour.  It's almost 17:00.  Oh, I'm absolutely crushed with exhaustion.  But... I'm good with that.  Only an half hour later than yesterday, but yesterday was two hours more than the day before, and more like three hours later on average this last week.

Breakthroughs happen, but they cost.  And things could go really sideways.  But... like many things, take what you can get, do what you can do, and keep at it.

Crazy out there.

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I checked earlier.  It had gotten up to 88?  Not complaining, my body was already starting to whine about the cool.  Just not ready?  On the carnivore diet, the cold is a bit more difficult.  It's not even something I can dress for, completely, because it is a body, metabolism, internal issue.  I don't understand the mechanics completely.  Or if there is a way around it, through it, or such.

All I know is 70 is difficult.  But that 88?  That felt so nice.  If I wasn't so tired I'd go out and sit in it.  Hmm, may go out for a bit.  Though, at 15:30, it's down to 86.  There is a serious wind going out there.  Not terribly high, but... definitely out there and fairly strong.  A warm breeze, of course.  One sec... going to go warm my bones for just a few...

Days are confusing.

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Both because I am changing days and night around, and because I am awake in two days at once.  Is it Saturday?  It was, when I woke up.  Sunday now.  Ugh.  So, trying to check, each day.  Clarify which day it is, at a given time.  Remembering.    Sitting here, I had to check, think, put that into memory.

Good.  I do my best.

Such a strange mix.

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So strange I decided to put it up.  The pattern?  Make your own mind.

I have no idea.  Someone is trying to tease sense out of nonsense?  No, that isn't it.  They see something, here, or there, and put it together.  Then... paint it in various ways.  A woman, I should think.  But, an artistic one.  Sort of a rare bird.  But artistry is rare in most.  Few can even appreciate it.

Better?

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Mostly.  I was able to stay up until 16:30.  I had hoped to be awake to 18:30.  Had someone stopping by.  Wanted to talk.  couldn't make it.  Still, that's a good two hours later, and a start to getting more of the day added back to my schedule.  Then I slept until 23:00.  So, not much better on the sleeping front.  But better than the four hours some nights lately.

I did start laundry, going, again yesterday.  While I was showering even.  No, this house isn't built with that in mind.  I've never lived in a place that was though, so it's... not something I am missing.  And... I did laugh.  I'll get more going on that today.

Good and bad.

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The good first.  I was worried cabbage would be too high carb, somehow.  Or the wrong kind, or have a twist.  Blood sugar is 99, after two serious helpings... half a big head of cabbage.  With butter and salt of course, and pepper for the last one.  If that much won't trigger blood sugar, I doubt if I could eat enough to do it, for my system.  Nor would I wish to eat as much as it might take.

I think it was the carrots, from the veggie pack, if even then I war recovering from the tomatoes.  I don't think I had come back down completely from those.  I'm telling you, I'm ready for blood sugar to normalize just a bit.  It needs to stop having a fit any time I step just a touch out of line.  That... may not happen, in my lifetime?  Who knows, until... I, or we, know.