Better?

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Mostly.  I was able to stay up until 16:30.  I had hoped to be awake to 18:30.  Had someone stopping by.  Wanted to talk.  couldn't make it.  Still, that's a good two hours later, and a start to getting more of the day added back to my schedule.  Then I slept until 23:00.  So, not much better on the sleeping front.  But better than the four hours some nights lately.

I did start laundry, going, again yesterday.  While I was showering even.  No, this house isn't built with that in mind.  I've never lived in a place that was though, so it's... not something I am missing.  And... I did laugh.  I'll get more going on that today.

Nearing the end of this game.  A few things remain.  I have finished the game?  Just cleaning up a few things.  Some of the clean up could take a very long time.  And, I may restart the game.  There were some early events I didn't understand.  Do I need to know?  No.  I want to know.  It... translates to real life.  Going back, sorting out confusing times, and... dealing with confusions as they occur as I live and breath.  Daily, some days.

My friend did deliver something needed.  I sent a thank you text, but he is probably in bed.  Even with a wife, gotta sleep too.  :p  A bit jealous, and a bit not.  But I keep thinking about finding a woman.  Just... not here.  What I want isn't available, at my price-points.  I'm too poor, too old.  There are places where that is different, maybe.  If... women are women, wherever you find yourself.  Trust me on that.

This last is... a good thing, and... a bad thing.  McWomen.  :p  Love me, hate me, both.  I enjoy the ride.  They did too, or they wouldn't have bothered.  What a larf, lark, and some other things.

Blood sugar was 120 fasting, is 113 now.  I won't do weight, until I start getting the water out.  Looks like I'll need compression hose, for days, plus to remember the waterpills regularly, twice a day even.  My feet and legs burn, from the water causing swelling, getting in there.  Getting better, doing better remembering, but... difficult.

I think someone is calling me a Jesus freak?

Do you know what it is to be a stones throw, as a crow flies, from God?  No, but I do.  And... do you know, what it is, to be wrong, before the next to proximity to God?  I don't know why He wants even us, but He sure seems to do so.  I am wrong, in so many ways.  And, yet, there was a place for me.  A broken, small, odd, thing.  All I did was surrender all my sins, forgive all I could remember, leave the rest in God's hands, to do as He thought, and... went.  Not expecting... good things.

I... truly wish.  I am a believer.  That I am.  Have seen.  Have no doubts.  Tried to disbelieve, before and after.  Was failing before, in my secular, pagan, else, ways.  Failed absolutely after.  We... spoke.  Not in the tongues, or ways, of man.  But... we spoke.  We fought, even.  How does one fight Truth?  Actual Justice?  Beauty?  Creativity Core?  I did well, I just didn't win.  I had two choices.  Deny the very Truth I encountered, or embrace it.  No other choices.

And, even so, I fail.  I still contemplate sin.  I still lie, fib, and stretch stories.  I yet live like I'm dying, in the wrong way... even if I am.  I am not perfect.  Perfected?  Even seeing, I still fail.  Even knowing, I still stumble.  Over my flesh, which has failed.  But over my will, which... knows better.  However, I do... know... there is a place if I keep going.

Whether I am a part of the final battles, or just one aware of what is coming, is of no interest, until it is time.  I dream, I see, myself?  My brothers.  My Lord.  We fly.  We do.  Timekillers, king makers, kin slayers, many things.  Servants, though.  Riders.  Four.  The keys, seals, and way.  Man will choose.  They won't do the actual war, or win that.  Nor will the riders.  The King will.

Anyway.  So, sure.  Call me that, as you wish.  Just... understand?  I was a better atheist than you, or pagan at once... of various sorts.  Secular to be certain.  Better than you.  And, now, I know better.  If you don't find your way there?  You may well find yourself alone.  For... hell won't be one of revelry, debauchery, or even torture.  Save that... you will know what you have always known, and in a perfected body and mind, but alone.  I'm more than certain of that.

I wish I could call my self a true zealot.  I am just a humble fool, fumbling in the dark, like everyone else.  The only difference is?  I saw the light.  And the light saw me, and knew me.  Curse me as you will, I will pray for you the more.  I... have hope.  Not for me, that is so 1990's.  I am beyond hope, for me, in the good way.  But... I do have hope for you.  Faith I don't need, but keep around as an attention to God's will, as with charity... love.  Be well.