Couldn't sleep.

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Still can't sleep.  Want to sleep.  I am hurting for sleep.  But... it just isn't happening.

My neighbor returned home from a trip.  Brought cream early.  They were out of milk, themselves.  So it works.  Sure was grateful.  It's been a while since I have had cream.  Love that stuff, though I may begin cutting back a bit.  Two quarts, though, still?  Add some to soups and stews, but only have a fatted coffee every other day, or two out of three days in a row?

Cool, out there.

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The first time?  The first time, this year, I have seen it well below freezing.  It may have been.  Sleep has been off, ability to check has been hampered... memory, to go check, fog... keeps me from considering, physical frailty... hampering what memory and psychic clarity don't deny.  It is 28 out there.  Rather brisk.  It has been cooling down so slowly, though, that it... seems... right, not frigid.

I had thought it strange, so little traffic.  Then traffic picked up.  It's never quite rush hour, around here, though at closing time, as folk are coming home, they arrive in packets of vehicles as someone like me either drives as if it were Sunday, or someone else like me gets behind the Sunday driver and drives like it was Friday, and he has a date with delight awaiting his return.  It's... good to be me?  :p

I think that was as good as beef burger stew gets.

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A bit thicker?  Check.  Hotter, right off the bat?  Check.  As well, and this is what put it over the top?  I added a teaspoon of fennel seed.  Oh my word, that and tarragon in with the beef itself?  Oh, that was snazzy.  Delicious.  Butter in with it, if I think I forgot that.  A bit of evoo as a base with the xanthan gum as a mixer, and for added calories.  Plus just a dollop of sour cream on top, in the bowl.  Cheddar would make a good topping, several cheeses would.  Didn't want to add too much though, for the basic testing.

Oh, that is absolutely delicious.  I wasn't really hungry?  Mostly.  As much, though too, I didn't... want the stew.  Burger stew has not been my best work.  I have had it two days before today.  And was burned out of it before the first bowl.  Though, a few adds, changes, enhancements, and... better.  But today?  I would eat that any day of any given week.  Though, not all of them.  Limits.

Drifting...

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Care to drift along, too, for a bit?

Uhm... love the... flow.

Caught up?

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On bills?  Mostly.  Utilities are still outstanding.  I'll be... clearing that this month, or as close to it as possible.  Two of my standard bills have been paid.  One needs to be managed, otherwise, and utilities.  Though I may be trying another way, with utilities, since auto pay doesn't work, and I just lose track.  Not leaving the house for months at a time doesn't help.  Or so rarely, timidly, and frailly, when I do go out.  I never have enough energy to hit it all, and food is a priority, for some stupid reason.  :p

I'll lose a lot.  I'll also keep at it.  I'll do my best, pray, and be humbled by my reality.  And... still... thank God for the opportunity.  You learn more from failure than you do from raw success.  Ask me how I know.  I am starting to like the humble attire in these realms, these days.  They killed me, for some time.  But the rags of humility become as the finest linens, silks, wools, and more.

More stew?

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It's what there is.  I forgot to pull meat to thaw, which is fine.  I'll say, after the last update, on spices and adds, even the burger stew wasn't too bad.  At it is warming.  I have been freezing, absolutely chilled, lately.  Stew helps with that.  Stew, hot tea, and coffee piping hot, all... help me feel a bit more alive, for a while in the day.

Can only imagine being truly cold blooded, but this gives me some sort of idea.  As it gets cold, at night, finding a rock to crawl under, that retained some heat, is a little slice of heaven.  For me, those "rocks" are warm food and drink.  Heaven.  Oh, and I have been refrigerating my water.  As it cools, I can probably stop that.  Just drink it at room temp.  Beer, unless German, absolutely forbidden.  Soda?  No way.  But fizzy water 'tis okay.

I thought it would improve.

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From eating some things, and drinking what I do, I expected blood sugar to get in line quickly.  The drop form 123 to 103 was okay.  I had hoped for a little more.  Ah, patience.  It is now 93.  Pickled foods often helps with blood sugar.  A little stout to consume, sometimes.  If you think sardines are difficult, and they are in their way, food processed by vinegar is more so.  But, too, it's healthy.

It goes great with beer, whisky, vodka, even toquilla.  I just don't have any of that, nor will I probably for the rest of my life.  Odd how things change.  It goes well enough with my carbonated water.  The help cleanse one another in an odd way.

Something old, something new, but nothing blue.

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Thankfully.  Women sneak up on guys, if they aren't careful.  Or... are?  I'm never quite sure.  Still, had to laugh.

No, it's food.  I had pickled meats, for a time.  I thought they would hold up well in the basement, which stays in the mid to lower 60's year round.  But, no.  After six months, while they were safe to eat, the meats were mush.  Bleh.  Pork hocks and gizzards... probably turkey, by their size.

I took a chance.

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Added, to the stew/soup a bit more heat.  Just a few sprinkles.  Too much isn't good.  It doesn't make it too hot, it cancels itself out, becomes chemically tasting rather than hot.  It was already spiced, but just not quite enough.  As well, I added a pat of butter, and then sour cream.  Hoping that wouldn't make it too rich, too hot, too... bleh?  Or such.

It did the trick.  That stew not only thickened a bit, not something necessarily intended, but a good thing.  As well, it added flavor, and life, to the now real stew.  Oh, my.  I love it when a plan works.  I'll go ahead and finish it off, I do believe.

13:30, I think.

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That is when I went down.  And hard.  I had to push to get to then, but made it as far as I could, and then som.  Up at around 19:00.  Not enough sleep, but my eyes flew open, and I found myself fully awake.  No recourse.  Okay.

I'll finish the stew tonight.  When I shop next, I will pick up a small chuck roast.  But a real one.  Not a hind, or left, or upper, or whatever else they add to it to get you to buy an inferior non-chuck chuck.  They eye will tell, look closely.  Don't let a low price and a false name sway you.  Or, I won't, again.

Still not my favorite.

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Better.  More passable.  Still not what I want, what I seek.  Still, it was warming.  I have been freezing through this waking day.  Pushed too hard and my body is paying a bit of a price.  I'll... sort things.

As well, I cut the thickener by half, and it is pretty much just soup.  Well, maybe slightly thicker soup.  I would add more, but I won't.  Next time I'll do closer to two thirds of the original amount.  Everything else was the same, save instead of chicken there were meatballs.

I haven't liked that.

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So, I will try this?  I have been making beef soup, with burger.  Larger patties or meatballs, to date.  It just hasn't been tasty, to me.  The soup was passing, the stew was okay.  So... something new.

I took the burger I have, added spices, and finely diced onion.  Mixed it well.  Then, started making meatballs.  Since I have found that burger doesn't do well a second heating, I just made enough for one meal, maybe a few for a second meal, to see if this idea works better.

A bowl here, a bowl there.

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Burned through the stew quickly.  There wasn't that much left.  I was having smaller bowls.  Sure enjoyed it.  That I don't mind eating in quantity.  Plus, this front room is cold.  Hot soup, with solid spice... stew to be honest.  And, yes, stew is more warming that soup, by a lot.  The thicker, the warmer.  Of course, now I really have to get more stews going.  Which means getting beef chuck, and dicing that to medium small.  

I want beef this time.  Peas, corn, green beans, mushrooms, cabbage, and some other things would really go well with it.  Root vegetables are doable, on carnivore too.  but they are a bit more work.  Peeling them is like peeling rocks, dicing them similar.  But I do quite enjoy turnips, rutabaga, fennel bulbs, onion and garlic of course.  Hmm... yes.  I'll look next time I am in.  There are many others too, but just one, diced and added, to canned veggies I'm trying to eat down, and whatever meat I can sort out, will do.  Though, I could see doing stews for the next few weeks.  So easy, even for me.  I might grab several different root veggies.  Check blood sugar with them, see if they will do.

I ended up crashing.

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An hour after that last post, or less, everything began shutting down.  Getting to bed before my body failed became the simple focus of everything I could muster.  Imagine being in a massive building, and the electricity is slowly going out, as fuses/whatnots, break, linearly, and all you can do is run for the doors before being plunged into utter darkness, in a maze you don't/can't know.

A place where even daylight would never reach, for there are no windows.  Opening the doors is a complicated endeavor, if simple.  Just not something that could be done in the dark.  Well, that is what it was like.  My body was failing, quickly.  I ended up crawling into bed, hoping I would make it to the mattresses.

I, uhrm, didn't go to bed?

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I don't know why.  I just never got tired?  Couldn't have slept, so it didn't matter.  I awoke at midnight, yesterday.  I'm... still not tired.

I made a burger, tuna, and vegetable soup much earlier.  With the little left over, just veggies and liquid, I added the chicken carcass and what meat remained, filled in more vegetables, added carolina reaper flecks, the fresh stuff, added a thickening slurry, and let it go for a while.

Good or bad?

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I ended up being awake until... 18:00?  At least, not much longer though.  My eyes hurt, sandpapered, or the imagination brought the notion to mind.  My body hurt, everywhere, in ways I can't explain.  But, I was pleased to have finally pushed through.

I woke at 20:00 sharp.  Wide awake.  Had to stomp that impulse down, and get back to sleep.  Which, luckily, I was able to do.  Finally waking at eight before midnight.  Not optimal, but... as good as I could do.  So, up.

I wanted to see something.

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Tired?  Eyes have been sandpapered from exhaustion.  The body hurts.  The heart is a bit sore.  Kidneys and other internals seem okay.  Feet are swollen by a quarter to half over their normal size, and ankles and lower legs.  Issues, I am saying.  The mind keeps trying to shut down, eyes close, as I nod into oblivion.  At least I am not driving this way.  No choice, at times in the past.

Still, I wanted to see if I could... take bosses, in the game.  I have been stuck at bosses, on both games.  Just in fear, mostly.  I doubted I could take them, so I scouted resting spots, easy loot, and such.  So... I wanted to test my abilities, when completely taxed, done, nodding off, at my worst.

I lost track?

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My body is absolutely freezing, even after turning the furnace up.  I remember my last woman type.  She would say turn it up, when she meant to lower the temp.  It must have been a colloquial thing?  Damned Iowegians.  :p  Wait!  Never mind.  Yes, it's almost 14:00.  As clumsy as my fingers are in writing, it may well be that time by the time I finish.

The chicken was put up.  Since the burger, new package, was thawed, it went into the fridge when I put the chicken into a bath.  I was thinking it was Wednesday.  But, no, Sunday.  Then I was thinking it was Saturday.  Again, no, Sunday.  Then I thought it was Monday.  *sigh*  No, Sunday.  So... no shopping.  I so wanted to shop, and am so very stretched, that my mind was grasping for straws.

More chicken.

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I was afraid it was going to be really dry, when it cooled.  I had some breast left, so tried that cold.  Not bad, to be honest.  Not too dry.  Quite good.  As well, once cool, the garlic I added to it's bath really shined through.  Quite nice.  Every once in a while, I go out on a stupid limb.  And it ends up not being so stupid after all.

Very happy with the chicken.  I best get the last half cut, and bagged.  I may save the carcass, for soup again.  It makes really good soup, or stew... working on thickening without it tasting odd.  A bit of a trick for keto/carnivore.  I'm sure it can be done.  I just have to find the right stuff.  This time I'll be trying unflavored metamucil.  Literally, no joke.  Just not enough to... cause that sort of action, at least by volume of stew?  I'll find out.  Psyllium, ground or full husk/shell/kernel... or such.  Not sure which I have, or which is open.  A tablespoon should be enough.  Maybe two, for a larger pot.

Rather good.

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Overdone.  Glad I was suspicious of the time suggested.  It took half that, or so.  Even then it was overdone a smidge.  Still, rather good.  I forgot to add spices to the stuffing.  And, really didn't taste the garlic brine.  But the bird tasted quite good.  And the sauerkraut stuffing was good too.

Would I want it every time?  Maybe not.  But I wouldn't mind it every other, or every third time.  So, yes, it is on the rotation.  If, though, even at this elevation, at 415 oven temp (in a convection oven, using the convection option), I am guessing about an hour will do.  I ended up doing probably and hour and fifteen, and that was too much.  But just a bit.