One of those nights.

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Awake to quarter past midnight, so far.  Oh, I think I'll make it to bed right after posting.  Nothing fancy, through the night.  I have kept Sassy fed, tended her littler boxes, given her some attention here and there.  I just can't focus to get to the other things.

It must have thawed.  It is sprinkling out there again.  It makes a wonderful pitter-patter on the steel roof.  I like it anyway.  Something about the gentle, mostly irregular, beats of raindrops that soothe some part of my mind.

A strange mix of foods.

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I just haven't been up to cooking, or checking the steak.  Pecans, fatted coffees, tea, plenty of water, and summer sausage slices.  Nothing fancy, mostly carnivore, or potently keto.  Mostly.  *sigh*  I am just so tired.

I fed Sassy, then forgot to check the folding drying rack.  I'll... get out there, before bedtime.  And... if I have the kit, I'll put it up.  I thought I had two, but only found the one.  Wouldn't mind having two.  Will find out before long, if I can even get one up.

A bit cold?

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It's not that cold, by temperature.  When I checked earlier, anyway, it showed to be 31.  It sprinkled through the night, not all of it.  At some point it become too cold to rain?  It didn't switch over to snow, it just stopped with precipitation.  Okay.  Then, as it got just below freezing, it frosted what had been wet.  Nothing fancy, if a bit pretty... at least for such a drab day.

Cream arrived.  Grateful for it.  Some visitors, but I can't really have folk in.  The house is still messy.  But... improving.  There may yet come a day when I can have people in, without any fuss.  Just... not yet.

Oh!!!

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Oh yeah.

My drivers license, it seems, was out of date.  By a lot.  Ugh.  I found this out Friday afternoon, too late to do anything about it.  I wasn't driving, so... okay.

Up and at it a bit after seven.

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A shower, teeth brushed, as well last night before going to bed.  The goal is, no matter what else, to brush my teeth first thing, or nearly (if I forget and go for the walk, then make coffee, it'll... be a half hour after), feeding Sassy her first of six meals (yes, she is a Hobbit!), then clear her litter boxes.

After the shower, this morning, I put dishes, pots, and pans to soak.  As well, I reset laundry and got that going.  Currently, I am bout to get medicines, vitamins, and minerals in.  I honestly wish they did more.  Though... I do think they help.  Just... I wish they helped more.

A few other tasks done.  Quite a lot for the morning.  Wanted to see what I could do.  More than I thought, it turns out.  Well, on with the day.

Nearly bedtime.

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It was up to about 36 F out there, by midafternoon.  It was rather pleasant.  Felt more like a colder spring day than a warmer winter day, if you catch my drift.

I was out to set up the grill.  That is working fairly well.  This time I grilled two lamb loin chops and two pieces of wild caught salmon.  A bit tricky.  That is really hot.  Paying attention, watching the time very closely, and in five minutes the meat and fish were done.

On hold.

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Medicine in.  But no coffee.  Why?  Haven't walked.  Why?  Because I have a gusher of a bloody nose.  I have been trying to stop the flow since shortly after waking.  Before the last post.  It might be finished.  Just... letting it alone for a short bit to see if it has actually stopped.  If so, I am ready for the walk.

Every day?  Well, walking Monday through Friday.  If possible, perhaps even on the weekends though I won't promise those.  Just the ten minute walk for now.  For the first week or two, just that much.  If I can add another block to the distance, super.  If not, if not I'll just stay where it is at.  The real goal is walking to the reservoir to the north of town, and back, in time.  I'll have to drive out that way, to get a rough mileage.  I thought I had.  Three miles out, or out and back?  The goal is three miles.  More won't matter by the time I can walk that far?  My pace, when doing well is anywhere from five to eight miles an hour.  I doubt that, currently, with the limp.

Up... late and early.

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Not the four or six I am working on, but not the nine or ten of the last few mornings.  Up at seven thirty, then to tend morning chores, duties, needs.  The furnace turned up, and the heat in this front room on.  Down sometime between 20:30 and 19:15, I think.  No, I didn't get to much yesterday.  But I did arrange for something that is... vexing.  I'll... tell you more, when it is managed.  AFTER it has been tended.

Blood sugar is being booger sticky.  Not dropping hardly at all.  Two days of complete carnivore?  Hmm, maybe those beef sticks aren't what they pretend.  Or maybe the pickled pork hocks have unlisted sugars added?  You can't trust big business, or even little.  They will tell and print untruths without beating an eye.  It is 164 fasting, and was 173 yesterday and 183 the day before.  As high as 194 about a week ago, the rest between that and 183.  Working on it.  If that was as high as it has gotten.

Still limping.

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Oh, I am hoping walking will help with the limping.  I have been limping, mostly because of that right foot that went bad for a goodly bit.  Though, then too, now, sometimes, the left foot from being pressed into more service to cover for it's brother foot.  I limped the whole ten minutes.

No, ten minutes isn't the goal.  It is the start.  I was a bit surprised that it didn't exhaust me?  Okay, whatever.  Though, why stop then?  Because my foot hurts.  Pulling along on a foot that stings with every step, the right one today, I did what I could do.  I live on a larger 'block', which is more like a block, block and a half, by two blocks?  Or... so it seems.  I don't mind.  I just wish I felt comfortable enough to go further.  If I am pleased that exhaustion wasn't the limiting factor.

Back to it.

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Blood sugar is 173 this morning.  It is time to begin bringing that back down.  I don't mind trying various foods, seeing what I can bring back into my diet.  Finding out what absolutely won't work.  What I have found is if it has just a bit too many carbs, or sweetness?  I can't do it.  Keto "chocolate" is just as addictive as full sugar chocolate.  I have absolutely no control when I begin eating it.  I will eat it until it is gone, and then jones for more.  Which... is why my blood sugar is so high.

Not only can't I control my appetite, and the stuff not actually taste very good (textural problems and flavor is off), but even when I eat it correctly... which I did several times, my blood sugar spikes on it anyway.  It's a lose, lose, lose I will live without.

Be careful out there.

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Some of you are thinking "cute winter boots", or such, is a joke.  If you have heard about it at all.  It is the organized lefts' idea of bringing violence (terrorism) to play against (basically white men) Trump supporters.  I am seeing some of this in action.  It hasn't gotten to violence, but it is out there.

No, I don't wear a maga hat, or else.  I am simply a certain (looking) man of a certain age.  I dress rather plain.  Though, it might be another sort of thing.  My name may, now, be considered wrong, in some circles.

A knuckle headache.

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Going from doing almost nothing to being out and about will do that.  The I couldn't sleep until a bit after 22:00.  A quarter to half after?  Too tired to sleep, if you have ever caught that groove?  When I got to bed I sleep very well.  I heard the four alarm.  Just turned it off.  Knew that wasn't going to happen.  I ran the six alarm through... what I thought were four snoozes, but the last time I messed with it was at 6:24, so... I only dreamed of hitting the snooze four times.... a fourth snooze would have made it 6:40.

I was sure I was awake, or would make it awake momentarily.  Not so much.  Just waking here a bit before eight.  I know.  The timestamp seems accurate, but I had a few things to do... feeding Sassy, going to the bathroom, setting coffee up, always a few little things to do first thing.  Wish I could do more.

Another shower, then more.

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Dental.  I called earlier, to make sure the appointment was covered.  The kidney and heart doctor have both billed me outside of allowances.  A mess I will have to figure out.  Teeth are looking good, gums, all of it.  In spite of... some lack of care on my side *cough* they were happy with my teeth.  Though... I am hoping to improve.

I haven't been brushing very regularly.  When fasting, it probably doesn't matter.  But I haven't been fasting much.  Nor have on been well on carnivore.  Which... for one it usually takes the other.  Or... mostly.  So... back to carnivore.

Sorting out life.

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Attempting to make sure an appointment is covered.  It seems like this one is set up.  Others I have to figure out.  Ugh.

I keep being surprised at what is happening regarding the government.  I really didn't think much would be done.  More just another kick of the can down the road.  With repatriations not just going forward, but nations breaking under the weight of demands... even to offering planes to help with repatriation after getting really smarmy.

Okay.

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Up. after six.  Though the alarms were reset to four and six since I was going to bed at 22:00.  Not sure why I was awake so late, but knew that two and four wouldn't do.  I got up and going after the first snooze, before it went off again.  Hate alarms.  But need them, when they can work.

Trash and recycling out. and to the roadside.  Looks like I may have missed recycling.  Two others don't have them out.  Though... they don't always put them out.  Just as I don't always put them out.  Still, two for two makes it look like I most likely missed that pickup.  Next week, if so.

To bed, but...

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No, I wanted to brush my teeth and take a shower.  So... back down and to it.  Awake now only to allow myself to dry off a bit.  Though it is about that time.  

I have the alarms set.  Though my change those to a bit later.

Dreams, thoughts.

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I still remember this.  Never watched the movie.  Didn't need to?  Or... did I?

Does it matter?

I really hurt.

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My chest.  It has been hurting for days.  A bit more than usual.  Currently, it feels like a stab, from outside to inside of my rib cage.  A bit to the left and down from my heart.  Not searing, not ripping, if sharp.  And rather constant.  Who knows what it is.  As mentioned, the pain has been there for days.  Getting slightly worse, though sometimes going away.  No, I don't think it is a heart attack or such.  Not sure what it is, but not that.

So extra tired too.  But that has been the case for weeks... months really.  Medicine, on or off, doesn't help or hurt that part.  Just the winter weather... dark and cold.  Though some of it might have to do with the stress of the loan, the house, getting things set up, cleaned, and else.  It's... a stressful set of events.

Just a bit rough.

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Mild aches, a bit sleepy and weary... two different things if related?  Possibly with similar root cause(s)?  I just don't quite know why I can't get to work.  All I know is I have been trying to figure out how to do things.  Dishes, laundry, showering, picking up in the house, this, that, the other things.

My will is there.  Every day I make a list of things to do.  Sometimes I make a huge one, or the list just gets longer over time.  Or... after I realized nothing is being done, and give even the though of it a day off, I'll begin on another day, with a very short list.

So very tired?

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Not a question.  My question is why so tired?  I can barely stand.  Something was in, and thankfully was delivered.  It's... more like Mayberry here.  Gratitude can be offered, but... I just wish I could have gotten out, and managed things myself.  So tired.

I forgot to turn the heat off in this front room until perhaps a half hour ago.  I'll turn the furnace off, shortly, as well.  I seem almost too warm.  And, yet, not?