.
.
It was 14:00, almost exactly, before I realized I was still alive. I slept well, and very long. I don't remember alarms, cats, nothing. I do feel much better, so far. I am hoping the good feeling lasts. I need to get into town, shortly. It would be good to shop while the sun is still up and what warmth comes of it is still available. A quick shower and off to it.
As a Christmas approaches I remember my first non-traditional stories of Santa. I read stories about a man, probably a pagan priest and messenger for the king(s) of old who traveled the winter doing his task. Possibly in the summer too, but it was in the winter when he acted as a sort of Santa. On his way, knowing that people had little in the winter, he would bring gifts to the children of the villages he visited. He was called various things, but the one I first heard was Wōden.
In my mind, from all I have read, I suspect he was a real man, or men really. Wōden may have been the name of the first, or one of the first. And either later became a title so he was known, like the Dread Pirate Roberts, perhaps? If of course for different reasons. It may then have remained a title, entering into the mythic when he, or he and several others, joined to become Odin. Here is a piece that covers some of it, though my sources were stories and mythology and probably differ in various and many ways. It was an interesting myth for me, for a number of reasons. Understand, while I don't abide myth, or paganism, that is all gentiles had until Christ. There is some wisdom to be found in those tales. They weren't all just stories, or ways to understand the incomprehensible, but they too gathered wisdom and set social standards of the time. Another of my favorites was Zeus needing his head cracked open to release Athena. Oh what I can do with that one! Better to have one's head staved in then to have a woman trapped in one's noggin! And much, much more, given my nature. Never you mind.
Well, have a great day. I hope you have gotten to it better and faster than I have?
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Ischial tuberosity?
.
.
So that is what I sit, and fall, on. I went looking for a little dirt about issues dealing with falling on it. Most things simply connect pain and the bone. Problem is I don't have pain. I did see something in there associating stroke with falls, caused by falls. That did catch my attention. While speaking with my lady friend I told her about it. She just said that I am weird in some ways. That's here answer for anything regarding Doom, for her. Bah, women! No help there. While I have been tired all week I haven't been ill nor did I get dizzy when rising quickly until after the fall. It's probably nothing. Still, it would be worth getting checked out. I might have them look at my ankle too. It is still a bit off from pushing that car out of the ditch. The boots I was wearing were warm, they just didn't provide any support or traction. Along with the ear wax clinic and a general checkup, I will be bringing them some business if they might just send me on to a bone doc for some of it, the ear clinic for a part of it, and just scribble something like "The bastard visited, ignored us, told us to relax, said he would follow some instructions (if we have doubts), and flirted with the ladies on the way in and out." Ha! I like being me sometimes.
I will try to get that package together and sent. I am guessing I can send it for less than $20. She is such a beggar. Then again, I really am not using those things I am sending. I know she will use the cd player, and the weaker hand/wrist exerciser more often than I do. I pretty much only use the big one, once I realized I still could use it easily enough. For me it just means less stuff gathering dust. Still, she reminds me of my cats. *meow?* Yeah, sure.
My mind is sort of funky. I was reading the delivery email regarding the Christmas present for my friend, while looking at the calender. Why it didn't make sense right off I can't say. But finally I got it. They were saying it should be outside near my front door... today? Yes, at 17:00 and change, while I was out, it was supposed to have been delivered. I back into my driveway as traffic can be heavy out front and I hate backing into heavy traffic to leave, often half asleep, so I wouldn't have seen it. I just checked, it is indeed here so of course I brought it in. Good thing I am visiting my friend tomorrow. Funny how those things work out just right sometimes, isn't it?
While checking the mail I received a larger than usual letter from the V.A. They want me to join a DNA based health research program. Huh? I can't trust the fuckers with my most intimate notions, without having them squeal like pigs in a way that is illegal in any other system, and they want me to trust them with my DNA profile? Hehehehehellno. God knows what they will do with that for any suckers who offer it up. It wouldn't surprise me if they do it behind my back, but they will NOT get my consent. I may have to check into medicare/medicaid again. Just check how much it would cost. I couldn't believe the gall. Well, okay, I could and did. Still sputtering about it anyway.
Good night.
.
So that is what I sit, and fall, on. I went looking for a little dirt about issues dealing with falling on it. Most things simply connect pain and the bone. Problem is I don't have pain. I did see something in there associating stroke with falls, caused by falls. That did catch my attention. While speaking with my lady friend I told her about it. She just said that I am weird in some ways. That's here answer for anything regarding Doom, for her. Bah, women! No help there. While I have been tired all week I haven't been ill nor did I get dizzy when rising quickly until after the fall. It's probably nothing. Still, it would be worth getting checked out. I might have them look at my ankle too. It is still a bit off from pushing that car out of the ditch. The boots I was wearing were warm, they just didn't provide any support or traction. Along with the ear wax clinic and a general checkup, I will be bringing them some business if they might just send me on to a bone doc for some of it, the ear clinic for a part of it, and just scribble something like "The bastard visited, ignored us, told us to relax, said he would follow some instructions (if we have doubts), and flirted with the ladies on the way in and out." Ha! I like being me sometimes.
I will try to get that package together and sent. I am guessing I can send it for less than $20. She is such a beggar. Then again, I really am not using those things I am sending. I know she will use the cd player, and the weaker hand/wrist exerciser more often than I do. I pretty much only use the big one, once I realized I still could use it easily enough. For me it just means less stuff gathering dust. Still, she reminds me of my cats. *meow?* Yeah, sure.
My mind is sort of funky. I was reading the delivery email regarding the Christmas present for my friend, while looking at the calender. Why it didn't make sense right off I can't say. But finally I got it. They were saying it should be outside near my front door... today? Yes, at 17:00 and change, while I was out, it was supposed to have been delivered. I back into my driveway as traffic can be heavy out front and I hate backing into heavy traffic to leave, often half asleep, so I wouldn't have seen it. I just checked, it is indeed here so of course I brought it in. Good thing I am visiting my friend tomorrow. Funny how those things work out just right sometimes, isn't it?
While checking the mail I received a larger than usual letter from the V.A. They want me to join a DNA based health research program. Huh? I can't trust the fuckers with my most intimate notions, without having them squeal like pigs in a way that is illegal in any other system, and they want me to trust them with my DNA profile? Hehehehehellno. God knows what they will do with that for any suckers who offer it up. It wouldn't surprise me if they do it behind my back, but they will NOT get my consent. I may have to check into medicare/medicaid again. Just check how much it would cost. I couldn't believe the gall. Well, okay, I could and did. Still sputtering about it anyway.
Good night.
Ah, that worked.
.
.
While I have not been able to get going for my own purposes, when someone calls, even when I don't really feel like it, I can get up and go. Maybe it has to do with Christ living in all of us? Tonight it was my friend. He wanted a hand drill. Fair enough. So I slowly pulled my s t into one sock and headed out, in a reasonably short time too. We went to a hardware store, which as most of you know, I am allergic to. Much like I am allergic to women, cats, computers, and beer. Bahahahaha
He also gave me my Christmas present. He didn't need to. It was appreciated. I have been thinking about doing what I finally asked and did tonight to top it off. Oh, a little thing to be sure. But from now on, when I visit, I will see if he needs his trash taken out. I have to imagine that is quite a chore, still in a wheel chair, and through ice and snow. It is simply good to be useful. Oh, he would do the same if the situation was switched. He doesn't think so but he would.
Just getting off my butt has helped. I am still teetering on passing out from time to time. Something is just a wee off. D.C. thinks maybe I displaced my giblets when I fell. He could be right. It still doesn't hurt. It is just that some aspects of my health have become weirdly off-balance. I will call Monday, and set up an appointment with my gp. She doesn't like me. I don't follow orders, or urhm, play doctor like a good little patient. *mme meep* I don't have much trust in coyotes though. *mmee meeeeeep* *boom* *sniggers* Never... mind. Yeah, that might add to grumpiness and hair trigger loose cannon stuff too. No, I don't start fights, mind you. And words wouldn't do it. Say what? Sure she is, but my mom is not THAT old. Oh? I'm that? Yeah, but if it was true, you wouldn't be my type. Size DOES matter. hehe I'm almost as fast with my tongue as I am with my fists and twice as bullet proof.
Well, a bit of mail to read, some blogs to view, and... I don't know after that. Probably good night, if I can get to sleep. Oh, he has asked me to go shopping with him tomorrow. Sounds good, since he has something Monday so I won't be around until Tuesday. And spaghetti dinner sometime next week, later in the week. Friday? Maybe. Friends can be good when one gets stuck.
Good night.
.
While I have not been able to get going for my own purposes, when someone calls, even when I don't really feel like it, I can get up and go. Maybe it has to do with Christ living in all of us? Tonight it was my friend. He wanted a hand drill. Fair enough. So I slowly pulled my s t into one sock and headed out, in a reasonably short time too. We went to a hardware store, which as most of you know, I am allergic to. Much like I am allergic to women, cats, computers, and beer. Bahahahaha
He also gave me my Christmas present. He didn't need to. It was appreciated. I have been thinking about doing what I finally asked and did tonight to top it off. Oh, a little thing to be sure. But from now on, when I visit, I will see if he needs his trash taken out. I have to imagine that is quite a chore, still in a wheel chair, and through ice and snow. It is simply good to be useful. Oh, he would do the same if the situation was switched. He doesn't think so but he would.
Just getting off my butt has helped. I am still teetering on passing out from time to time. Something is just a wee off. D.C. thinks maybe I displaced my giblets when I fell. He could be right. It still doesn't hurt. It is just that some aspects of my health have become weirdly off-balance. I will call Monday, and set up an appointment with my gp. She doesn't like me. I don't follow orders, or urhm, play doctor like a good little patient. *mme meep* I don't have much trust in coyotes though. *mmee meeeeeep* *boom* *sniggers* Never... mind. Yeah, that might add to grumpiness and hair trigger loose cannon stuff too. No, I don't start fights, mind you. And words wouldn't do it. Say what? Sure she is, but my mom is not THAT old. Oh? I'm that? Yeah, but if it was true, you wouldn't be my type. Size DOES matter. hehe I'm almost as fast with my tongue as I am with my fists and twice as bullet proof.
Well, a bit of mail to read, some blogs to view, and... I don't know after that. Probably good night, if I can get to sleep. Oh, he has asked me to go shopping with him tomorrow. Sounds good, since he has something Monday so I won't be around until Tuesday. And spaghetti dinner sometime next week, later in the week. Friday? Maybe. Friends can be good when one gets stuck.
Good night.
Up but not at it.
.
.
Did I get run over by a bus and just forget the incident? I am grumpy too. Oh, and probably a wee paranoid (if I think I am correct about it). Never mind. I set my alarm for 10:30 and woke shortly thereafter. Good thing too, my lady friend called. She wanted to know if I have a spare cd player. Her cd player broke. I asked what was wrong with it, then realized there really, often, isn't a way to fix them anymore, not cost effectively. And, well, even if it was fixable she would not be the woman for the job. As feminist as she is, she has zero manability. Maps, to a degree, she can do (if she isn't looking at it upside down). Most other things... not so much. If my money comes in soon, and I figure everything out financially before long, I may send her mine. I almost never use it. Well, just lets say I really never use it.
We had a good talk otherwise. It was good to hear her, today, for the first time I remember, indicate that as hard as life, money, and whatever can be... that her little life is good. That she likes being alive and enjoys her life. I do pray for her. I have often worried about her becoming suicidal. No, I won't mess with that. I will pray for her, I will tell her I still love her, I will even offer a place here should she retire and have nothing but SS. I won't go into suicide with her. I just track it on the fringes. She would be a great help with the garden. She loves to do that. If she would help with that, and nag me a bit to help, we could grow and store enough food for the year. I could then afford the meats and sundry other food items. She would merely be a housemate too. No funny stuff, I have gone straight as an arrow and she... well, she is she.
I received a call while I was speaking with her. I don't know how to put people on hold, and wouldn't do it anyway (it's rude unless one is in a business setting, as I see things). Yeah, my mother does it all the time, but with her I see it AS business. She does a hundred and one things for a dozen different people. Ugh. I did a reverse look up and came up shy. So I did a area code check. It comes from a place one of the few people I remember from the Navy, a very good friend, originated from. I doubt if he would try to call me, might not even remember me anymore. I was the only guy, when we graduated from boot, who he allowed to dance with his fiancee. And I lent him nearly two months worth of pay so he could fly out and visit her. I even offered advice so they might avoid actual intercourse before they wed (they really wanted to avoid it but weren't sure how). Now my advice was a bit racy, but did the trick. They were married last I heard, say at least 12 to 15 years. With some carpet munchers besides. I doubt it was him. Probably some robo-dialing business wanting money they don't or didn't earn. Then again, no message. I ought to call back and find out who called.
I am feeling a bit better. I am deep to the bone tired though still. Meh, gives me something else to grump about.
Have a good day.
.
Did I get run over by a bus and just forget the incident? I am grumpy too. Oh, and probably a wee paranoid (if I think I am correct about it). Never mind. I set my alarm for 10:30 and woke shortly thereafter. Good thing too, my lady friend called. She wanted to know if I have a spare cd player. Her cd player broke. I asked what was wrong with it, then realized there really, often, isn't a way to fix them anymore, not cost effectively. And, well, even if it was fixable she would not be the woman for the job. As feminist as she is, she has zero manability. Maps, to a degree, she can do (if she isn't looking at it upside down). Most other things... not so much. If my money comes in soon, and I figure everything out financially before long, I may send her mine. I almost never use it. Well, just lets say I really never use it.
We had a good talk otherwise. It was good to hear her, today, for the first time I remember, indicate that as hard as life, money, and whatever can be... that her little life is good. That she likes being alive and enjoys her life. I do pray for her. I have often worried about her becoming suicidal. No, I won't mess with that. I will pray for her, I will tell her I still love her, I will even offer a place here should she retire and have nothing but SS. I won't go into suicide with her. I just track it on the fringes. She would be a great help with the garden. She loves to do that. If she would help with that, and nag me a bit to help, we could grow and store enough food for the year. I could then afford the meats and sundry other food items. She would merely be a housemate too. No funny stuff, I have gone straight as an arrow and she... well, she is she.
I received a call while I was speaking with her. I don't know how to put people on hold, and wouldn't do it anyway (it's rude unless one is in a business setting, as I see things). Yeah, my mother does it all the time, but with her I see it AS business. She does a hundred and one things for a dozen different people. Ugh. I did a reverse look up and came up shy. So I did a area code check. It comes from a place one of the few people I remember from the Navy, a very good friend, originated from. I doubt if he would try to call me, might not even remember me anymore. I was the only guy, when we graduated from boot, who he allowed to dance with his fiancee. And I lent him nearly two months worth of pay so he could fly out and visit her. I even offered advice so they might avoid actual intercourse before they wed (they really wanted to avoid it but weren't sure how). Now my advice was a bit racy, but did the trick. They were married last I heard, say at least 12 to 15 years. With some carpet munchers besides. I doubt it was him. Probably some robo-dialing business wanting money they don't or didn't earn. Then again, no message. I ought to call back and find out who called.
I am feeling a bit better. I am deep to the bone tired though still. Meh, gives me something else to grump about.
Have a good day.
Can't sleep.
.
.
Very tired. My heart hurts a bit. I have a headache. Occasionally I have a fever. I can't eat much and it cause me... lower g.i. problems when I do. I am weak, lack concentration, and feel ill. When I eat I end up needing to use the facilities shortly thereafter. I don't know if I am dying, going through the flu or something (though it seems too mild at the moment for the flu), or have something else going on. I doubt much will be done for a few days. The cats are even treating my oddly. For the first time since they have become 'mine' they are almost avoiding me. Hmph.
I have been taking my medicines, just filled the med-set again tonight. I have been eating and drinking up to specs until today, mostly. I have continued to void well and often. I have been losing traction lately. I simply don't know. At almost 3:40 I am, again, for the third time tonight, going to try and sleep. Bad juju-bees. It is at times like these where I notice how close to death I can get. While I do have things I really want to do it would be a blessing of sorts. I definitely hope I die before they decide to recycle me... or worse.
Never mind. I'll grump through until I can get back to work. At least I can do some things via email. Good night, I hope.
.
Very tired. My heart hurts a bit. I have a headache. Occasionally I have a fever. I can't eat much and it cause me... lower g.i. problems when I do. I am weak, lack concentration, and feel ill. When I eat I end up needing to use the facilities shortly thereafter. I don't know if I am dying, going through the flu or something (though it seems too mild at the moment for the flu), or have something else going on. I doubt much will be done for a few days. The cats are even treating my oddly. For the first time since they have become 'mine' they are almost avoiding me. Hmph.
I have been taking my medicines, just filled the med-set again tonight. I have been eating and drinking up to specs until today, mostly. I have continued to void well and often. I have been losing traction lately. I simply don't know. At almost 3:40 I am, again, for the third time tonight, going to try and sleep. Bad juju-bees. It is at times like these where I notice how close to death I can get. While I do have things I really want to do it would be a blessing of sorts. I definitely hope I die before they decide to recycle me... or worse.
Never mind. I'll grump through until I can get back to work. At least I can do some things via email. Good night, I hope.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
It's not a matter of will.
.
.
I've been hoping something would happen today. I slept well, and long. I took a goodly nap. I had visitors to boost my moral. One of the neighbor ladies even brought over some Christmas cheer in the form of cookies! And yet nothing was happening. I have been able to stay awake, read bits and pieces (reading a book is much different from reading even a twenty paragraph piece if even some of those are beyond me often). Other than that nothing was happening.
I thought would play with my cats. So I got down on all fours, as close to eye level as possible. I enjoyed the goofing but they weren't in the mood. As I was getting up I nearly passed out. Just the simple effort. I then panted like a dog for five minutes. No, my body is in trouble. Something is missing, gone, temporarily lacking. I helped shovel snow the other night, and that was fine. Though I have had some trouble this week doing much. But it really is a simple biomechanical problem. I have to get over the fact that it isn't about will, always.
I hope to stay up another hour or two, get a good night of sleep, and try again tomorrow. I would like to say I understand Job. The problem is I was never a good man. I can't even say I am a good man now. I can only say I try to be. Not a nice man, not a friendly man, not an easy man, just that I try to do God's will as I understand it and as I may. So, at least I deserve this, as much as any man can. And it does bring humility, if more mechanical than otherwise. How can you be too prideful when getting up wears you out? *grins* Odd, but I would still be able to fight. God works in mysterious ways to be sure. Though I hope that is done for me. How can you hate what you love to do? That is fighting for me. I've kept all my teeth through literal scores of fights. I hope to die with all of them (save wisdom teeth which submarine duty required to be removed). Bah!
Good night.
.
I've been hoping something would happen today. I slept well, and long. I took a goodly nap. I had visitors to boost my moral. One of the neighbor ladies even brought over some Christmas cheer in the form of cookies! And yet nothing was happening. I have been able to stay awake, read bits and pieces (reading a book is much different from reading even a twenty paragraph piece if even some of those are beyond me often). Other than that nothing was happening.
I thought would play with my cats. So I got down on all fours, as close to eye level as possible. I enjoyed the goofing but they weren't in the mood. As I was getting up I nearly passed out. Just the simple effort. I then panted like a dog for five minutes. No, my body is in trouble. Something is missing, gone, temporarily lacking. I helped shovel snow the other night, and that was fine. Though I have had some trouble this week doing much. But it really is a simple biomechanical problem. I have to get over the fact that it isn't about will, always.
I hope to stay up another hour or two, get a good night of sleep, and try again tomorrow. I would like to say I understand Job. The problem is I was never a good man. I can't even say I am a good man now. I can only say I try to be. Not a nice man, not a friendly man, not an easy man, just that I try to do God's will as I understand it and as I may. So, at least I deserve this, as much as any man can. And it does bring humility, if more mechanical than otherwise. How can you be too prideful when getting up wears you out? *grins* Odd, but I would still be able to fight. God works in mysterious ways to be sure. Though I hope that is done for me. How can you hate what you love to do? That is fighting for me. I've kept all my teeth through literal scores of fights. I hope to die with all of them (save wisdom teeth which submarine duty required to be removed). Bah!
Good night.
I am sure of it.
.
.
I am not well liked. I don't know what is known about me but there is plenty to not like. My Papist notions, my disregard for certain "political stances" (which are contrary to my first stance), my disregard for academia, my belief in tradition, my past life from fighting to more personal matters. I think, even saying that my heart is in the final stages of failure is considered a brag. Or that I have been dead several times, that is considered a brag. Further, I just state what is on my mind. I don't think first. And if questioned I will answer. Usually painfully truthfully. Sure, I have lied. And, sometimes I remember what I am about and refrain or redirect or suggest the topic is not appropriate.
This is part of why I preferred to stay separate for a long time. I am giving things a chance. If it doesn't work out I will return to being a solo act. Who knows where people get their information, what information they get, or how accurate it is. I just know that some things are running through the group like firewater. I will continue to do the best I can. I am not sure how much I am being set up for failure though. I've been here many times before. I have been hated often. For all I know it is deserved. If I think otherwise. Beyond, hate shouldn't be a part of men of God. It is not the way. It means there is a severe failure. I guess all a guy can do is pray and leave it in God's hands?
It is interesting to see a presidential candidate come out for the troops. Santorum is the only one so far, if that might change? In this article, the problems for returning vets is discussed. What is not discussed is that for veterans who do seek help there is a very strong chance that they will gain a negative FBI case file, precluding them from ever buying firearms, and possibly having other implications (such as losing their children should their spouse die?). When you have been filed as incompetent everything is possible toward taking away your rights. And there is no clear way to fight that. With 18 veterans taking their own lives daily, a system that will remove their rights should they seek assistance (they did that to me), and the 18 number being below the real number since only 16 states track the veteran suicide rates, I hope he can move someone to do something?
I sometimes wonder why God keeps me here. Statistically I almost can't still be alive. All He would have to do is let go. I guess He likes annoying other people. For my part, at this time... I'm sort of enjoying it. *grins* And don't go thinking just because I am old and broken that you might have a chance. Don't throw that punch, don't backbite me, don't do it. God has a way, even when it isn't me. He... likes me... in a very odd way. *snap* He has broken more of my enemies than I have. *crackle* Brag? Just the facts.
Just... some things lingering on my mind.
.
I am not well liked. I don't know what is known about me but there is plenty to not like. My Papist notions, my disregard for certain "political stances" (which are contrary to my first stance), my disregard for academia, my belief in tradition, my past life from fighting to more personal matters. I think, even saying that my heart is in the final stages of failure is considered a brag. Or that I have been dead several times, that is considered a brag. Further, I just state what is on my mind. I don't think first. And if questioned I will answer. Usually painfully truthfully. Sure, I have lied. And, sometimes I remember what I am about and refrain or redirect or suggest the topic is not appropriate.
This is part of why I preferred to stay separate for a long time. I am giving things a chance. If it doesn't work out I will return to being a solo act. Who knows where people get their information, what information they get, or how accurate it is. I just know that some things are running through the group like firewater. I will continue to do the best I can. I am not sure how much I am being set up for failure though. I've been here many times before. I have been hated often. For all I know it is deserved. If I think otherwise. Beyond, hate shouldn't be a part of men of God. It is not the way. It means there is a severe failure. I guess all a guy can do is pray and leave it in God's hands?
It is interesting to see a presidential candidate come out for the troops. Santorum is the only one so far, if that might change? In this article, the problems for returning vets is discussed. What is not discussed is that for veterans who do seek help there is a very strong chance that they will gain a negative FBI case file, precluding them from ever buying firearms, and possibly having other implications (such as losing their children should their spouse die?). When you have been filed as incompetent everything is possible toward taking away your rights. And there is no clear way to fight that. With 18 veterans taking their own lives daily, a system that will remove their rights should they seek assistance (they did that to me), and the 18 number being below the real number since only 16 states track the veteran suicide rates, I hope he can move someone to do something?
I sometimes wonder why God keeps me here. Statistically I almost can't still be alive. All He would have to do is let go. I guess He likes annoying other people. For my part, at this time... I'm sort of enjoying it. *grins* And don't go thinking just because I am old and broken that you might have a chance. Don't throw that punch, don't backbite me, don't do it. God has a way, even when it isn't me. He... likes me... in a very odd way. *snap* He has broken more of my enemies than I have. *crackle* Brag? Just the facts.
Just... some things lingering on my mind.
Strange days.
.
.
I made it until noon then crashed like a wingless airplane. The missionaries woke me, but all a good thing. We discussed some things. My problem, for them, is that I am suspicious of the BoM. Further, there is no external history. I have many books to read in prep for a study of their book and I am doing good to pump out a book every few months. If I could do it, I would read a couple books a day. I simply can't. I have to wait for a window of opportunity to open before I can begin digging in. If I don't, and forge on ahead, I simply forget what I just read so that the book is mush as to understanding. Too tired to concentrate on characters, plots, sub-plots, angles, and such. Mush.
I sent off a number of emails regarding work coming up. I received one email back already, letting me off the hook. I had offered to give a three minute speech for recruiting purposes. It seems most of the audience will be women, therefore not as rich for recruiting as I had hoped. The other email involves several things. I need to get a recruiting schtick down, find and print posters, and such. There is a district meeting coming up, and I would like to go. I simply need to know how much that would cost before deciding whether I can finagle my way to it. And finally, I need thought and mechanical resources for setting up a group meal. Everything I had thought were parameters have been shot down, leaving me with a blank slate together with a new hugely widened open book. I am having to learn on the fly.
On the good side, having the missionaries over woke me. I seem to be ready to get to work, after a little more consciousness building. My body seems ready. I still have dishes from the meal yesterday. Sweeping and mopping are on the list. And finally the bathrooms need cleaned, more by calender than anything though. I might, if I decide to do dishes, toss in some laundry while I am at it.
Tomorrow I plan to make it to Mass. Perhaps after that a visit to the city clerk to do court case research. After that, whatever I didn't finish today here at home. I also, sometime, today or tomorrow, should get to clearing off the bit of snow that seems to be lingering. It is light and fluffy, that which hasn't been crushed under boot or wheel. I can probably use the big broom to clear most of it. With most of it gone the sun might just cook off the frozen bits with the tar road under acting as an intensifier.
I hope your day is going well.
.
I made it until noon then crashed like a wingless airplane. The missionaries woke me, but all a good thing. We discussed some things. My problem, for them, is that I am suspicious of the BoM. Further, there is no external history. I have many books to read in prep for a study of their book and I am doing good to pump out a book every few months. If I could do it, I would read a couple books a day. I simply can't. I have to wait for a window of opportunity to open before I can begin digging in. If I don't, and forge on ahead, I simply forget what I just read so that the book is mush as to understanding. Too tired to concentrate on characters, plots, sub-plots, angles, and such. Mush.
I sent off a number of emails regarding work coming up. I received one email back already, letting me off the hook. I had offered to give a three minute speech for recruiting purposes. It seems most of the audience will be women, therefore not as rich for recruiting as I had hoped. The other email involves several things. I need to get a recruiting schtick down, find and print posters, and such. There is a district meeting coming up, and I would like to go. I simply need to know how much that would cost before deciding whether I can finagle my way to it. And finally, I need thought and mechanical resources for setting up a group meal. Everything I had thought were parameters have been shot down, leaving me with a blank slate together with a new hugely widened open book. I am having to learn on the fly.
On the good side, having the missionaries over woke me. I seem to be ready to get to work, after a little more consciousness building. My body seems ready. I still have dishes from the meal yesterday. Sweeping and mopping are on the list. And finally the bathrooms need cleaned, more by calender than anything though. I might, if I decide to do dishes, toss in some laundry while I am at it.
Tomorrow I plan to make it to Mass. Perhaps after that a visit to the city clerk to do court case research. After that, whatever I didn't finish today here at home. I also, sometime, today or tomorrow, should get to clearing off the bit of snow that seems to be lingering. It is light and fluffy, that which hasn't been crushed under boot or wheel. I can probably use the big broom to clear most of it. With most of it gone the sun might just cook off the frozen bits with the tar road under acting as an intensifier.
I hope your day is going well.
Nothing truly special.
.
.
Getting up at (or near) 9:30 this morning was a good sign. I always worry when I go through a few days of not being able to rise at a reasonable hour, or even within reason. When I go dark, and lose all real controls over sleep, I then begin losing control over everything else. I end up in a psychic no-man's-land. What I do I cannot remember, what happens around me I cannot see, my actions become more like reactions, it is a horrible place. It is, in part, why I don't remember so very much of my life I think. It wasn't all about my heart, though that has some play in my adult life. How can you remember if your brain doesn't receive enough oxygen? But some of it was due to the extreme nature of things that made me who I am. After remembering some of it though, I really don't have much interest in learning more.
I am just barely awake though. All good, when I fall into a funk, getting out of it is something like getting out of a tar pit. With my feet back on solid ground, I am still surrounded by goo. I will have to slowly and painfully get back to the shore, hoping no threat to my exit appears. Just getting out of the muck will take much of my energy.
Never mind all that. I am indeed awake, my mind is almost working to minimal levels, and I have things to do. After waking I will begin taking care of the cat litter, then sweeping, and if I still have something left I will mop. Perhaps, if I can get that all done and there remains even more time, I may begin cleaning the bathrooms. It isn't much but what else is there? The work would be almost monumental at this stage. And I can do it at home, for free, and remain in my pajamas if I must. I definitely need to wake more though, first.
Oh, for those who thought China was going to replace the US, Europe, or anyone else at the top of the heap? Yeah, not so much. Their economy is tanking and their own property bubble is bursting. Proof, or more proof, that the US or Europe or whoever is still empire based? Nah, just that this fight is far from over. What used to be land wars have become economic wars, to my mind anyway.
Get to it! Good day.
.
Getting up at (or near) 9:30 this morning was a good sign. I always worry when I go through a few days of not being able to rise at a reasonable hour, or even within reason. When I go dark, and lose all real controls over sleep, I then begin losing control over everything else. I end up in a psychic no-man's-land. What I do I cannot remember, what happens around me I cannot see, my actions become more like reactions, it is a horrible place. It is, in part, why I don't remember so very much of my life I think. It wasn't all about my heart, though that has some play in my adult life. How can you remember if your brain doesn't receive enough oxygen? But some of it was due to the extreme nature of things that made me who I am. After remembering some of it though, I really don't have much interest in learning more.
I am just barely awake though. All good, when I fall into a funk, getting out of it is something like getting out of a tar pit. With my feet back on solid ground, I am still surrounded by goo. I will have to slowly and painfully get back to the shore, hoping no threat to my exit appears. Just getting out of the muck will take much of my energy.
Never mind all that. I am indeed awake, my mind is almost working to minimal levels, and I have things to do. After waking I will begin taking care of the cat litter, then sweeping, and if I still have something left I will mop. Perhaps, if I can get that all done and there remains even more time, I may begin cleaning the bathrooms. It isn't much but what else is there? The work would be almost monumental at this stage. And I can do it at home, for free, and remain in my pajamas if I must. I definitely need to wake more though, first.
Oh, for those who thought China was going to replace the US, Europe, or anyone else at the top of the heap? Yeah, not so much. Their economy is tanking and their own property bubble is bursting. Proof, or more proof, that the US or Europe or whoever is still empire based? Nah, just that this fight is far from over. What used to be land wars have become economic wars, to my mind anyway.
Get to it! Good day.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
A very tough day.
.
.
I finally did do the few dishes and moved everything to vacuum then vacuumed. I have been dragging today. It has all been a heck of a strain. I haven't checked my blood pressure but it feels like it has been high. I went ahead with dinner though. Next week I am going to make spaghetti and meat sauce with a side of cottage cheese. That is a much easier meal to make. I am not sure which day to have it. I suppose that will depend on my schedule and when my friend would like to visit.
With the vacuuming done, dinner kicked out, the laundry and bedding finished, I just have sweeping and mopping where applicable and the bathrooms to kick out. Tomorrow is a all home all day deal. But if tomorrow is like today I will be lucky to get much done. I pressed it because I had promised someone a meal.
I filled the tank and bought a few more groceries. From what is left in that account I paid my local utility bill. That leaves just enough for another tank of gas until the other utility returns the overpay. That will give me about $400 for the month. Something is still off. As I said, I intend to shave a few bills back to get a bit more money in savings. I hate living on the edge like this. Hopefully, as other bills come in, I will make better sense of things.
Tired, ill, and just cranky around the edges. That is the way of things from time to time, in good and bad health. At least I had a decent meal.
Good night.
.
I finally did do the few dishes and moved everything to vacuum then vacuumed. I have been dragging today. It has all been a heck of a strain. I haven't checked my blood pressure but it feels like it has been high. I went ahead with dinner though. Next week I am going to make spaghetti and meat sauce with a side of cottage cheese. That is a much easier meal to make. I am not sure which day to have it. I suppose that will depend on my schedule and when my friend would like to visit.
With the vacuuming done, dinner kicked out, the laundry and bedding finished, I just have sweeping and mopping where applicable and the bathrooms to kick out. Tomorrow is a all home all day deal. But if tomorrow is like today I will be lucky to get much done. I pressed it because I had promised someone a meal.
I filled the tank and bought a few more groceries. From what is left in that account I paid my local utility bill. That leaves just enough for another tank of gas until the other utility returns the overpay. That will give me about $400 for the month. Something is still off. As I said, I intend to shave a few bills back to get a bit more money in savings. I hate living on the edge like this. Hopefully, as other bills come in, I will make better sense of things.
Tired, ill, and just cranky around the edges. That is the way of things from time to time, in good and bad health. At least I had a decent meal.
Good night.
Oh wouch.
.
.
I was to bed before midnight. That usually allows me to wake and get off to at least a decent start. I simply could not rise today. I set the alarm, initially, for 8:00. I reset it for 10:00, then noon. I finally just turned the damned thing off, waking a bit before 13:00. Still tired, a bit cranky mood-wise, I sit here trying to wake up. I've been through the blogs. I hope my comments haven't been too stupid, have too many misspellings, or been too off-track or off-key. I never know.
I have dinner planned for this evening. I have a few dishes I would like to do up, but I do mean just a few. I had hoped to clean up more of my home this morning but there isn't time and I am not making it to wakefulness fast enough to get to much. I have been doing much work, comparative to the very recent days, but far less than the month before my recent fall. Perhaps I just did too much too fast as I came back into the game. I will keep on it though, if and when I can.
Bother! I'll get a shower shortly. Perhaps that will help. If I can do a few things so be it. Vacuuming would be nice, sweeping (at least, maybe mopping) would be good. I just can't focus, wake up, think. I think, at least for me, my heart function is variable. Either that or it passes function around to various parts. Without the right set of parts getting the little bit of oxygen/energy production needed, I simply can't do as much? Yeah, possibly. I wish I could at least know and plan, or even have some input into the scheduling. As is I just have to hope I can do what I need to do when I need to do it and live with the consequences should it all fail. Unless my heart improves up to 50% to 70% of function I doubt if much will change. A minor improvement would probably only extend my life a bit. Then again I have been living with a heart that absolutely should have failed by now. Life isn't in our, or the world's, hands. Life is a God thing. One of the things I know about God is that we cannot understand. Thus goes life.
One last thing. I had quit weighing myself daily because it had become very frustrating. I had already consumed a half gallon of fluids, something which usually makes me not want to weigh in. I decided to forgo my usual method and stepped on the scale. I am down to 274, twenty pounds off my recent high, dressed save for shoes, and with an half gallon of Gatorade down my gullet. My goal is 265, plus or hopefully minus a few pounds. At that point I would like to more seriously begin to exercise. Since I build muscle very quickly I will do measurements, along with weight, to check my progress. My weight goes haywire when I begin working out, even just a bit. Three months of working out, the last time I did it seriously, saw me gain 50 pounds. I lost some fat (around my middle where it all seems to go) too. I could tell by pants and underwear fit. But it is difficult to track what is coming off and what is going on, at least by weight alone. Ten pounds and I am going to try and hit it again, and hit it as hard as I can. I might see if there is a pool in Logan which would allow a dying man a chance to redeem himself.
Have a good one. Later.
.
I was to bed before midnight. That usually allows me to wake and get off to at least a decent start. I simply could not rise today. I set the alarm, initially, for 8:00. I reset it for 10:00, then noon. I finally just turned the damned thing off, waking a bit before 13:00. Still tired, a bit cranky mood-wise, I sit here trying to wake up. I've been through the blogs. I hope my comments haven't been too stupid, have too many misspellings, or been too off-track or off-key. I never know.
I have dinner planned for this evening. I have a few dishes I would like to do up, but I do mean just a few. I had hoped to clean up more of my home this morning but there isn't time and I am not making it to wakefulness fast enough to get to much. I have been doing much work, comparative to the very recent days, but far less than the month before my recent fall. Perhaps I just did too much too fast as I came back into the game. I will keep on it though, if and when I can.
Bother! I'll get a shower shortly. Perhaps that will help. If I can do a few things so be it. Vacuuming would be nice, sweeping (at least, maybe mopping) would be good. I just can't focus, wake up, think. I think, at least for me, my heart function is variable. Either that or it passes function around to various parts. Without the right set of parts getting the little bit of oxygen/energy production needed, I simply can't do as much? Yeah, possibly. I wish I could at least know and plan, or even have some input into the scheduling. As is I just have to hope I can do what I need to do when I need to do it and live with the consequences should it all fail. Unless my heart improves up to 50% to 70% of function I doubt if much will change. A minor improvement would probably only extend my life a bit. Then again I have been living with a heart that absolutely should have failed by now. Life isn't in our, or the world's, hands. Life is a God thing. One of the things I know about God is that we cannot understand. Thus goes life.
One last thing. I had quit weighing myself daily because it had become very frustrating. I had already consumed a half gallon of fluids, something which usually makes me not want to weigh in. I decided to forgo my usual method and stepped on the scale. I am down to 274, twenty pounds off my recent high, dressed save for shoes, and with an half gallon of Gatorade down my gullet. My goal is 265, plus or hopefully minus a few pounds. At that point I would like to more seriously begin to exercise. Since I build muscle very quickly I will do measurements, along with weight, to check my progress. My weight goes haywire when I begin working out, even just a bit. Three months of working out, the last time I did it seriously, saw me gain 50 pounds. I lost some fat (around my middle where it all seems to go) too. I could tell by pants and underwear fit. But it is difficult to track what is coming off and what is going on, at least by weight alone. Ten pounds and I am going to try and hit it again, and hit it as hard as I can. I might see if there is a pool in Logan which would allow a dying man a chance to redeem himself.
Have a good one. Later.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Made it on time this time.
.
.
To the KoC meeting. The meetings are pretty much business oriented, but with some food. It was my first meeting, of course. I have not, to this point, been a joiner. So the whole dynamic was new to me. Several officers for the club were there, and many of the new members plus a few long time members. We passed several resolutions regarding this or that. I volunteered to take point on recruiting. I also set forth what I had gained from my visit with Father regarding a KoC meal once a month. I had a few ideas but the group had even more that what I had. My simple version was shot down in flames, I took down three more notions regarding the concept, and I was sent back to the drawing board. I will need to speak with Father, again. I sort of feel like a pinball in the machines of old. This won't be a fast process. No worries, you have to learn to do these things. Getting knocked down is the first part of getting back up. There are several gentlemen I will need to contact for a number of things, from recruiting, to several meal projects, to a upcoming state level meeting.
I checked my mail on the way home. It seems I have been overpaying my cellphone to the tune of a month's costs. That doesn't help me a great deal but it does mean next month I get a vacation from paying that. It is a nice little chunk of change too. I will be checking my bills as they come in. I know I could cut some bills a bit, as I seriously overpay (usually somewhere in the range of 400% to 500% over required credit requirements). I might back those off long enough to get a minor nestegg going again.
If I get the home credit back, before long, I will pay off two of the bigger bills and put the rest in savings until I get ready to do something, definitively. I do need to do the research required to know if I should do a small claim court lawsuit or not. Yeah, yeah, I know. But with so many things coming down on my head right now, and pulling lame from time to time, it becomes difficult to stay focused.
I did much of what I wanted, save the cleaning. Tomorrow is free for cleaning until supper, probably around 16:00 to 17:00. Beef chuck roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, and... something else tomorrow. You know, I haven't had "fresh" spinach in some time. My friend won't eat it. His loss. Of course that means a bottle of apple vinegar. I just can't quite do spinach without it. Butter, salt, and pepper doesn't quite cut it. That works for brussels sprouts and cabbage, but not for leafy greens, not for me anyway. Kale would be okay, but I think I need to work back up to that. So, fresh steamed spinach will do nicely. We don't do desserts, either. No room by that time. And I have some beer. Both of us enjoy a bottle or two with dinner or before. If nothing else at least I have enough food for the month, mostly. If I just eat... a... little... slower. Ha!
I still don't hurt from that fall. Every bit of my 280 pounds came right down on the edge of that left butt bone blade. I was absolutely sure that was going to hurt. Bah, I can't beg for sympathy, more so since I must have just looked silly. Flying through the air with the greatest of ease. It's good to know my bones, and even meat, are still in good stead though. Crazy.
Good night.
.
To the KoC meeting. The meetings are pretty much business oriented, but with some food. It was my first meeting, of course. I have not, to this point, been a joiner. So the whole dynamic was new to me. Several officers for the club were there, and many of the new members plus a few long time members. We passed several resolutions regarding this or that. I volunteered to take point on recruiting. I also set forth what I had gained from my visit with Father regarding a KoC meal once a month. I had a few ideas but the group had even more that what I had. My simple version was shot down in flames, I took down three more notions regarding the concept, and I was sent back to the drawing board. I will need to speak with Father, again. I sort of feel like a pinball in the machines of old. This won't be a fast process. No worries, you have to learn to do these things. Getting knocked down is the first part of getting back up. There are several gentlemen I will need to contact for a number of things, from recruiting, to several meal projects, to a upcoming state level meeting.
I checked my mail on the way home. It seems I have been overpaying my cellphone to the tune of a month's costs. That doesn't help me a great deal but it does mean next month I get a vacation from paying that. It is a nice little chunk of change too. I will be checking my bills as they come in. I know I could cut some bills a bit, as I seriously overpay (usually somewhere in the range of 400% to 500% over required credit requirements). I might back those off long enough to get a minor nestegg going again.
If I get the home credit back, before long, I will pay off two of the bigger bills and put the rest in savings until I get ready to do something, definitively. I do need to do the research required to know if I should do a small claim court lawsuit or not. Yeah, yeah, I know. But with so many things coming down on my head right now, and pulling lame from time to time, it becomes difficult to stay focused.
I did much of what I wanted, save the cleaning. Tomorrow is free for cleaning until supper, probably around 16:00 to 17:00. Beef chuck roast, mashed potatoes, gravy, and... something else tomorrow. You know, I haven't had "fresh" spinach in some time. My friend won't eat it. His loss. Of course that means a bottle of apple vinegar. I just can't quite do spinach without it. Butter, salt, and pepper doesn't quite cut it. That works for brussels sprouts and cabbage, but not for leafy greens, not for me anyway. Kale would be okay, but I think I need to work back up to that. So, fresh steamed spinach will do nicely. We don't do desserts, either. No room by that time. And I have some beer. Both of us enjoy a bottle or two with dinner or before. If nothing else at least I have enough food for the month, mostly. If I just eat... a... little... slower. Ha!
I still don't hurt from that fall. Every bit of my 280 pounds came right down on the edge of that left butt bone blade. I was absolutely sure that was going to hurt. Bah, I can't beg for sympathy, more so since I must have just looked silly. Flying through the air with the greatest of ease. It's good to know my bones, and even meat, are still in good stead though. Crazy.
Good night.
A bit of checking.
.
.
I only went through a few utilities and checked my accounts. For some reason I had to pay $250 to Comcast. Whatever else, I have dumped all but the internet from them. I do not know how, paying $180 a month after catching up that last time, I am still behind, even after paying them $250 this month. I will have to call them. One of my utilities had about $500 in overpayment, the other is simply on track I believe. The overpaid utility will be sending me a large return but keeping a chunk for the bill next month and sending me a form which will make payments more automatic, and on a yearly average. There are other payments I need to check, but for now that is good. Something is seriously wrong, somehow.
I did get my internet access to my local bank going. It seems when they asked me to change my password it didn't take. And since I kept trying to use what I had thought was my new password (actually, I am sure I got through on the seemingly rejected password shortly after changing to it, anyway) my access was terminated. They had to reset it and I had to go back to my old password.
I am going to need to go through every bill I am paying. I usually like to pay very heavily on some things. That is part of it, but? Comcast has been a disaster for me. It will take a bit to fix them. But in the mean time, from vender and bank, I now have $70 in overdraft/returned check fees. I have put enough over to pay for the water/local utility fees, and will pay a bill that is being rejected as soon as money arrives from the utility I was overpaying. This is going to be a mess until I get it all straightened out. Thankfully though I am getting to it. Just a little too late to not have a mess on my hands.
I am dressed and read for the meeting tonight. I will check though, in an hour, to see if I need to shower again. I won't go through a possible embarrassment like with the dinner. It sucks to be living in a failing body sometimes, but that is where it is at. Now, it is rare that I have that, and usually after some serious physical exertion. Perhaps it is even normal, come to think of it. Still... Bah!
Later and good day.
.
I only went through a few utilities and checked my accounts. For some reason I had to pay $250 to Comcast. Whatever else, I have dumped all but the internet from them. I do not know how, paying $180 a month after catching up that last time, I am still behind, even after paying them $250 this month. I will have to call them. One of my utilities had about $500 in overpayment, the other is simply on track I believe. The overpaid utility will be sending me a large return but keeping a chunk for the bill next month and sending me a form which will make payments more automatic, and on a yearly average. There are other payments I need to check, but for now that is good. Something is seriously wrong, somehow.
I did get my internet access to my local bank going. It seems when they asked me to change my password it didn't take. And since I kept trying to use what I had thought was my new password (actually, I am sure I got through on the seemingly rejected password shortly after changing to it, anyway) my access was terminated. They had to reset it and I had to go back to my old password.
I am going to need to go through every bill I am paying. I usually like to pay very heavily on some things. That is part of it, but? Comcast has been a disaster for me. It will take a bit to fix them. But in the mean time, from vender and bank, I now have $70 in overdraft/returned check fees. I have put enough over to pay for the water/local utility fees, and will pay a bill that is being rejected as soon as money arrives from the utility I was overpaying. This is going to be a mess until I get it all straightened out. Thankfully though I am getting to it. Just a little too late to not have a mess on my hands.
I am dressed and read for the meeting tonight. I will check though, in an hour, to see if I need to shower again. I won't go through a possible embarrassment like with the dinner. It sucks to be living in a failing body sometimes, but that is where it is at. Now, it is rare that I have that, and usually after some serious physical exertion. Perhaps it is even normal, come to think of it. Still... Bah!
Later and good day.
Ouch? Not so much.
.
.
I couldn't get going to take care of business this morning. But I thought I left in time to make it to Mass. And, generally, that would have been true. It has been and still is snowing. Traffic is moving much more slowly. Add to that I got behind a bus, which was driving even slower than general traffic, and then decided to stop and transfer staff from another bus to the one I was following in the middle of the highway, and I simply wasn't going to make it on time. So I just went into town, picked up the milk my friend had requested, and took it up to him.
I am still having trouble waking enough to get to business. I have some time left to try and do that though. Oh, I slipped and fell getting into my vehicle today. It wasn't a light or easy or well controlled fall. I landed, full weight, on my left pelvis bone. I knew, just knew, something would break. *Wham!* Nothing. It didn't even hurt. I still don't hurt from it. As you age you always worry about that next fall. I guess I am... not as old as I thought? I simply got back up, slowly, brushed off the snow, got in the X, and drove on out. What do you know?
Oh, reading the local news I hit on something that is way too funny. As I have always suggested, I believe men and women can't really be friends. Some college kids, I believe, delved into the notion. Was it purely scientific, is it absolutely true? I don't know, but I think they, for me, buttoned the thing up. The only reason the thing, to my mind, is even considered a mystery is that women, on some things, absolutely refuse to face reality. Well, and they like to have as many men interested in them as possible.
I should get to making some calls. Have a great day.
.
I couldn't get going to take care of business this morning. But I thought I left in time to make it to Mass. And, generally, that would have been true. It has been and still is snowing. Traffic is moving much more slowly. Add to that I got behind a bus, which was driving even slower than general traffic, and then decided to stop and transfer staff from another bus to the one I was following in the middle of the highway, and I simply wasn't going to make it on time. So I just went into town, picked up the milk my friend had requested, and took it up to him.
I am still having trouble waking enough to get to business. I have some time left to try and do that though. Oh, I slipped and fell getting into my vehicle today. It wasn't a light or easy or well controlled fall. I landed, full weight, on my left pelvis bone. I knew, just knew, something would break. *Wham!* Nothing. It didn't even hurt. I still don't hurt from it. As you age you always worry about that next fall. I guess I am... not as old as I thought? I simply got back up, slowly, brushed off the snow, got in the X, and drove on out. What do you know?
Oh, reading the local news I hit on something that is way too funny. As I have always suggested, I believe men and women can't really be friends. Some college kids, I believe, delved into the notion. Was it purely scientific, is it absolutely true? I don't know, but I think they, for me, buttoned the thing up. The only reason the thing, to my mind, is even considered a mystery is that women, on some things, absolutely refuse to face reality. Well, and they like to have as many men interested in them as possible.
I should get to making some calls. Have a great day.
Very good.
.
.
Waking is sort of like coming in for a landing. Lately landings have been off course, on rough terrain, with little good cause save I was out of the 'fuel' of being able to stay 'aloft', or had to force myself down for a number of reasons. Today was no different in some regards. When the alarm went off at 8:00 I reset it for 9:00 then headed back to bed. But with everything I need or want to do today I simply got back up after a few moments of thought, even after getting snuggled back in. The waking ended up as not such a bad thing. A bowl of cereal for breakfast, the furnace being pushed up a bit to break the morning chill, blogging rounds to begin shortly, after blogging myself. I left the alarm reset for 9:00 as a reminder that I have things to do. I may reset it to 10:00 if I am not quite ready to tackle things yet. Hey, I'm a gimp. This really is as good as it gets. This IS my Olympian effort.
I know I dreamed last night. Just normal seeming stuff from what I could remember. Even what little I could remember through the night and waking is disappearing faster than a morning fog under the rays of a bright sunny day. I worry about thinking of dreams too much, like the ouija board or horoscope readings, dream readings (even, or especially from the pseudo-science that is "therapy" often) is just another crank thing too often. Regardless of what they say about Lincoln, all you need to know is that some significant part of him was ruled by his wife and his wife was ruled by charlatans. She had clearly gone insane, probably before he became president. That... never bodes well or ends well. While I have no power as most think of it, I have the power of one. Let no man tell you that is insignificant. Tend that power rightly.
Oh, today? Right. Lots of calls to businesses I have on auto-pay. I need to see who I have been overpaying, by how much, and if I can get some of that back. Then to reset my online banking, again, again, again, then change those payments. Life has become a brutal thing recently. It seems while I rise to tend this thing here, that thing over there becomes a problem. Never am I to find peace. Then again Moses didn't get to see the promised land but from afar after all his work. I suppose I really shouldn't complain. Then again, I am ready for peace. I would gladly trade Moses his rest so that he could have gone on. But such seems not to be God's will, and that is all I am about these days. Some will be sent to walk through fire, others will be kept from seeing peace. Then again the children of Israel knew no peace. Perhaps Moses was less cursed than he may have known? Never mind, I have things to do until my time of peace is finally granted.
Yes, business, then on to Mass, then to taking my friend a gallon of milk, and perhaps having him take some pictures... hmm, maybe I could run those by Jean... SIZED DOWN perhaps? lols Oh yes, I read you loud and clear, even if I wasn't the culprit. Then a bit of cleaning if I have a bit of time, or resting if needed, then on to the KoC meeting tonight. It sure makes for a busy day, at least in my world. And yet I want to push for more. Sometimes I wonder if I even have the ability to push hard enough for it to be fatal. My body simply betrays me when I push to far. It seems to have built in limits I can't touch.
On to reading. Have a great day.
.
Waking is sort of like coming in for a landing. Lately landings have been off course, on rough terrain, with little good cause save I was out of the 'fuel' of being able to stay 'aloft', or had to force myself down for a number of reasons. Today was no different in some regards. When the alarm went off at 8:00 I reset it for 9:00 then headed back to bed. But with everything I need or want to do today I simply got back up after a few moments of thought, even after getting snuggled back in. The waking ended up as not such a bad thing. A bowl of cereal for breakfast, the furnace being pushed up a bit to break the morning chill, blogging rounds to begin shortly, after blogging myself. I left the alarm reset for 9:00 as a reminder that I have things to do. I may reset it to 10:00 if I am not quite ready to tackle things yet. Hey, I'm a gimp. This really is as good as it gets. This IS my Olympian effort.
I know I dreamed last night. Just normal seeming stuff from what I could remember. Even what little I could remember through the night and waking is disappearing faster than a morning fog under the rays of a bright sunny day. I worry about thinking of dreams too much, like the ouija board or horoscope readings, dream readings (even, or especially from the pseudo-science that is "therapy" often) is just another crank thing too often. Regardless of what they say about Lincoln, all you need to know is that some significant part of him was ruled by his wife and his wife was ruled by charlatans. She had clearly gone insane, probably before he became president. That... never bodes well or ends well. While I have no power as most think of it, I have the power of one. Let no man tell you that is insignificant. Tend that power rightly.
Oh, today? Right. Lots of calls to businesses I have on auto-pay. I need to see who I have been overpaying, by how much, and if I can get some of that back. Then to reset my online banking, again, again, again, then change those payments. Life has become a brutal thing recently. It seems while I rise to tend this thing here, that thing over there becomes a problem. Never am I to find peace. Then again Moses didn't get to see the promised land but from afar after all his work. I suppose I really shouldn't complain. Then again, I am ready for peace. I would gladly trade Moses his rest so that he could have gone on. But such seems not to be God's will, and that is all I am about these days. Some will be sent to walk through fire, others will be kept from seeing peace. Then again the children of Israel knew no peace. Perhaps Moses was less cursed than he may have known? Never mind, I have things to do until my time of peace is finally granted.
Yes, business, then on to Mass, then to taking my friend a gallon of milk, and perhaps having him take some pictures... hmm, maybe I could run those by Jean... SIZED DOWN perhaps? lols Oh yes, I read you loud and clear, even if I wasn't the culprit. Then a bit of cleaning if I have a bit of time, or resting if needed, then on to the KoC meeting tonight. It sure makes for a busy day, at least in my world. And yet I want to push for more. Sometimes I wonder if I even have the ability to push hard enough for it to be fatal. My body simply betrays me when I push to far. It seems to have built in limits I can't touch.
On to reading. Have a great day.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Straightened out then not.
.
.
My friend called. His new leg will be in tomorrow. He has gained weight and the original one no longer fits. A good thing though, as he had dropped to 130 pounds at roughly 6'. Even with his leg and foot removed, that was far too thin. Further, his leg has finally healed, a definite worry as that was probably the same type of infection that took his leg and half of his foot before that. So they recast his leg last week now that his leg is healed and he can begin learning to walk again, and the finished product is in. So no dinner tonight for my reasons and no dinner tomorrow for his reasons. Wednesday will be the dinner night. It worked out well too, tomorrow will evening is the first Knights of Columbus meeting, in the early evening. I had forgotten about it, so when I figured everything out and the group email arrived I simply smiled. Sometimes it all just works out.
However, my money problems are really becoming serious. I should have several (three and change) hundred left over in my local account and even more in my out-of-state account. For whatever reason I am seriously out of money. I keep having my accounts become blocked when I try to access them online, for no good reason that I can tell. Yes, it does make me suspicious. I have changed nothing in the last several months so nothing should be different. I know one of my utility accounts has been overpaid, by now well over $500. It might not be the only one. There for a while I had been having difficulties with auto-pay through my bank, so I lifted my minimums to cover, catch up, and then some, perhaps too much. But that still doesn't account for the local account being so low. I did spend about $100 this month from that account, but that shouldn't be a problem. Now I am in trouble with the local water board because of a bounced check. Further, and before that, I am being told that I don't have enough to pay one of my normal bills. Huh? I will have to dig into this, it is totally wrong somewhere. Embarrassing too. No, I'll fix it.
Perhaps even before Mass I will start making calls to the utilities. I must make a great effort to get up and then become awake enough to do this work. I am going to have to ask for the excess back, then find out what my payments should be, then reset those. Then, when I figure out what I need to pay, I will have to call my bank and reset my internet access, then set those payments up correctly. I also need to see where that money is going. There is no way I should only have a few hundred per month to live on. Something is really off.
I am going to finish the laundry this evening and do the dishes from today. Tomorrow, after doing business and going to Mass, if there is time, I will get to vacuuming and sweeping. And my friend wants me to buy a gallon of milk for him after Mass. Wednesday, since I should have nothing in the day, I will clean the bathrooms. Not top-notch work, but it suffices for a bachelor. My friend thinks my cleaning is good, so there.
Oh, I best figure out how to get someone to take some pictures. What is, so I have heard, holding up interest in me on the Catholic dating site is the want of pictures. They want to make sure I am... human. Or something. So be it, but who could I get to take pictures? Perhaps I could have some of the Knights take some photos. And maybe the woman who cuts my hair. With four or five from each, perhaps I can find a few to put up. And, yeah, there are some women who are otherwise interested.
Every time I think I have things going just right something else comes up. Oh, I'll figure it out. For now, tonight, I must just stew about it. That might put some umph in my work tomorrow. I'll get on it, right on it. Good night.
.
My friend called. His new leg will be in tomorrow. He has gained weight and the original one no longer fits. A good thing though, as he had dropped to 130 pounds at roughly 6'. Even with his leg and foot removed, that was far too thin. Further, his leg has finally healed, a definite worry as that was probably the same type of infection that took his leg and half of his foot before that. So they recast his leg last week now that his leg is healed and he can begin learning to walk again, and the finished product is in. So no dinner tonight for my reasons and no dinner tomorrow for his reasons. Wednesday will be the dinner night. It worked out well too, tomorrow will evening is the first Knights of Columbus meeting, in the early evening. I had forgotten about it, so when I figured everything out and the group email arrived I simply smiled. Sometimes it all just works out.
However, my money problems are really becoming serious. I should have several (three and change) hundred left over in my local account and even more in my out-of-state account. For whatever reason I am seriously out of money. I keep having my accounts become blocked when I try to access them online, for no good reason that I can tell. Yes, it does make me suspicious. I have changed nothing in the last several months so nothing should be different. I know one of my utility accounts has been overpaid, by now well over $500. It might not be the only one. There for a while I had been having difficulties with auto-pay through my bank, so I lifted my minimums to cover, catch up, and then some, perhaps too much. But that still doesn't account for the local account being so low. I did spend about $100 this month from that account, but that shouldn't be a problem. Now I am in trouble with the local water board because of a bounced check. Further, and before that, I am being told that I don't have enough to pay one of my normal bills. Huh? I will have to dig into this, it is totally wrong somewhere. Embarrassing too. No, I'll fix it.
Perhaps even before Mass I will start making calls to the utilities. I must make a great effort to get up and then become awake enough to do this work. I am going to have to ask for the excess back, then find out what my payments should be, then reset those. Then, when I figure out what I need to pay, I will have to call my bank and reset my internet access, then set those payments up correctly. I also need to see where that money is going. There is no way I should only have a few hundred per month to live on. Something is really off.
I am going to finish the laundry this evening and do the dishes from today. Tomorrow, after doing business and going to Mass, if there is time, I will get to vacuuming and sweeping. And my friend wants me to buy a gallon of milk for him after Mass. Wednesday, since I should have nothing in the day, I will clean the bathrooms. Not top-notch work, but it suffices for a bachelor. My friend thinks my cleaning is good, so there.
Oh, I best figure out how to get someone to take some pictures. What is, so I have heard, holding up interest in me on the Catholic dating site is the want of pictures. They want to make sure I am... human. Or something. So be it, but who could I get to take pictures? Perhaps I could have some of the Knights take some photos. And maybe the woman who cuts my hair. With four or five from each, perhaps I can find a few to put up. And, yeah, there are some women who are otherwise interested.
Every time I think I have things going just right something else comes up. Oh, I'll figure it out. For now, tonight, I must just stew about it. That might put some umph in my work tomorrow. I'll get on it, right on it. Good night.
Knock knock.
.
.
Who is there? Oh, right, the missionaries! In spite of my thinking, they arrived to go to Mass with me today. I had forgotten about that. After having worked all night to get those last bits in order, and in spite of hoping to make it to Mass, I must have, finally, at some point, turned off the alarm. At 11:20, right through some dream, I started hearing the doorbell and knocking.
Up as fast as I could, wearing pajamas still, I let them in. I knew, after I woke enough to get up, what it was about. I had them wait in my living room while I ripped through brushing my teeth, showering, then dressing. I haven't moved that fast in... a very long time. We just made it to Mass. From waking through all the process to be ready took all of ten minutes, max. *zoom* All good.
Afterward I had promised a meal. But my finances being in disarray I asked if they minded if I simply fixed a meal. That was fine with them. So I made them what I made myself the other day, beef with gravy, heated hard rolls, and whatever they wanted to drink from what I had. I even asked if they minded if I spiced it just a touch. That was fine too. And, again, the meal satisfied. My bet is that they will be full for a bit.
During the drive back and the meal prep we discussed various things. Some questions about the Church, some things I knew some things I don't know or have forgotten. I really need to find my catechism. While not complete, it offers specific points more in depth than what I can usually recall off-hand. There are some other resources I have been meaning to get as well, for them but for me as well.
Oh, and I came clean with them. They want me to read the book of Mormon. But along with my issues including not knowing the source and being a bit skiddish that way, the other thing is I have a dozen other religious and another dozen political and economic books on my list. I have a difficult time settling down or gearing up to read. Chesterton, Aquinas, and a dozen other Catholic writers are pulling me to read them, I just... It is slow going. Once I get to those, and after several books on general Christian then Catholic specific apologetic tomes, I have a number of other books on my list, to include the book of Mormon. I am not sure I have that much life in me, considering how long it takes me to get through what I have. I don't just read a book. I read it with the intent to fully understand. I argue with the book, I try to see what the author sees and understand what he means, even if I disagree with him. Not so much the bible. I try to read that openly, when I read it whole. I then come back with questions in a second reading or in actual study. The thing is I lied and got caught. I hate lying, and getting caught is what should remind me not to lie.
What else today? Not sure. I have been running on pure adrenaline. Perhaps a nap to allow for a regular waking? Yeah, maybe. Good day.
.
Who is there? Oh, right, the missionaries! In spite of my thinking, they arrived to go to Mass with me today. I had forgotten about that. After having worked all night to get those last bits in order, and in spite of hoping to make it to Mass, I must have, finally, at some point, turned off the alarm. At 11:20, right through some dream, I started hearing the doorbell and knocking.
Up as fast as I could, wearing pajamas still, I let them in. I knew, after I woke enough to get up, what it was about. I had them wait in my living room while I ripped through brushing my teeth, showering, then dressing. I haven't moved that fast in... a very long time. We just made it to Mass. From waking through all the process to be ready took all of ten minutes, max. *zoom* All good.
Afterward I had promised a meal. But my finances being in disarray I asked if they minded if I simply fixed a meal. That was fine with them. So I made them what I made myself the other day, beef with gravy, heated hard rolls, and whatever they wanted to drink from what I had. I even asked if they minded if I spiced it just a touch. That was fine too. And, again, the meal satisfied. My bet is that they will be full for a bit.
During the drive back and the meal prep we discussed various things. Some questions about the Church, some things I knew some things I don't know or have forgotten. I really need to find my catechism. While not complete, it offers specific points more in depth than what I can usually recall off-hand. There are some other resources I have been meaning to get as well, for them but for me as well.
Oh, and I came clean with them. They want me to read the book of Mormon. But along with my issues including not knowing the source and being a bit skiddish that way, the other thing is I have a dozen other religious and another dozen political and economic books on my list. I have a difficult time settling down or gearing up to read. Chesterton, Aquinas, and a dozen other Catholic writers are pulling me to read them, I just... It is slow going. Once I get to those, and after several books on general Christian then Catholic specific apologetic tomes, I have a number of other books on my list, to include the book of Mormon. I am not sure I have that much life in me, considering how long it takes me to get through what I have. I don't just read a book. I read it with the intent to fully understand. I argue with the book, I try to see what the author sees and understand what he means, even if I disagree with him. Not so much the bible. I try to read that openly, when I read it whole. I then come back with questions in a second reading or in actual study. The thing is I lied and got caught. I hate lying, and getting caught is what should remind me not to lie.
What else today? Not sure. I have been running on pure adrenaline. Perhaps a nap to allow for a regular waking? Yeah, maybe. Good day.
So close.
.
.
I have two loads left, one is in the washer. I do not believe I will finish the last load. No worries, with all save bleach worthy whites I have done all my other clothes, bedding, and blankets. When that second to the last load is done it will go into the dryer overnight. The dishes are done, counters and stove top washed, and pretty much everything put away. It takes some serious time to do these things. Thankfully it isn't too intense otherwise. There is plenty of room for breaks.
I don't know about you, but I like to put pillow coverlets under the pillow case. It is just one more layer of clean, or... at least it seems like it. It takes a lot more time though. More so with seven pillows of various size. The various sizes came from experimentation and finding the ones of the ten or twelve I have that I like the best. The number comes from the fact that with fewer pillows I might end up having to look for them at night. Sometimes I lose everything save one pillow and a blanket by the time the alarm goes off. No worries about a woman, for whatever reason a woman in bed with me calms me. Mostly.
I do know that getting into a warm, clean, made bed, knowing my dishes are clean and my clothes are clean and put up makes for wonderful sleeping. It is so very late though. Hopefully I can do a few things tomorrow, a bit earlier, and then get to bed earlier. I saw the opportunity to get on these things and took it. The opportunity might vanish with nothing done leaving only regrets. Not this time around!
I didn't get the trash out, or the cat littler changed. Perhaps I will wake early enough to get on that if I have serious doubts. I can only just do so much. Good night.
.
I have two loads left, one is in the washer. I do not believe I will finish the last load. No worries, with all save bleach worthy whites I have done all my other clothes, bedding, and blankets. When that second to the last load is done it will go into the dryer overnight. The dishes are done, counters and stove top washed, and pretty much everything put away. It takes some serious time to do these things. Thankfully it isn't too intense otherwise. There is plenty of room for breaks.
I don't know about you, but I like to put pillow coverlets under the pillow case. It is just one more layer of clean, or... at least it seems like it. It takes a lot more time though. More so with seven pillows of various size. The various sizes came from experimentation and finding the ones of the ten or twelve I have that I like the best. The number comes from the fact that with fewer pillows I might end up having to look for them at night. Sometimes I lose everything save one pillow and a blanket by the time the alarm goes off. No worries about a woman, for whatever reason a woman in bed with me calms me. Mostly.
I do know that getting into a warm, clean, made bed, knowing my dishes are clean and my clothes are clean and put up makes for wonderful sleeping. It is so very late though. Hopefully I can do a few things tomorrow, a bit earlier, and then get to bed earlier. I saw the opportunity to get on these things and took it. The opportunity might vanish with nothing done leaving only regrets. Not this time around!
I didn't get the trash out, or the cat littler changed. Perhaps I will wake early enough to get on that if I have serious doubts. I can only just do so much. Good night.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Oh sure, there are complaints.
.
.
Ignore them, to some degree. I enjoy some aspects of my little life beyond how I could possibly express. Yes, finishing my education and landing that perfect job would be a wonderful thing. The realities, intricacies, and complications in that are daunting, dubious, and potentially disastrous, even should I actually have the health to bear it out. Of course, I would love to have a family. But there are terrible things there. What would I do with a house half filled with children and a fallen queen? Could I handle one more rendering of my mortal coil? Oh, sure, I will keep an eye out, seriously. I will try for these things if I leave off at, if it be His will, not mine but His, truly.
I put a load through the laundry. While doing so my stomach was pulling a Sassy. Indeed, my belly was begging for a treat. While shopping the other day I snagged a number of steaks. I separated and froze all save one. Hmm, hadn't I purchased potatoes too? Why, yes I had. And remaining from my last dinner were hard rolls. Splendid. With the potatoes done, two rolls heating in the still warm oven, and the skillet heated to a right fine searing temperature, several pats of butter go down. As they sizzle into a thin veneer I add the steak. *Szzzz* Four minutes on each side. Done. At 22:30, I eat my prime meal alone, without bother or protestation at the hour.
The laundry should be about ready to be dried. Another load in and dishes set to a hot soak, a bit of a break, then to the dishes. Then another break until laundry is finished. I will continue with the laundry, going on to bedding and blankets, until Monday sees me free and clear.
Still, I dream of having a woman here. It isn't even the sex, or just the sex. It is having someone who knows about what I don't, or who I can teach. Someone to talk to, perhaps begin to walk with. I have always feared women because they are so fragile in so many ways. If I know they can be pretty strong sometimes. I know there are times were I truly will not like her, if I will sell myself to loving her always. She will intrude on my nice little life, though, too. To some extent she will take over my life as we become us. But to have the touch of a woman of grace? Yeah. I would even have to repurpose my beast inside. It could no longer be offensively defensive. It would have to become purely defensive... unless the worst of all cases should happen and my den, save for me, be destroyed. Darkness, and an understanding of what it means to me, is always there.
Never worry. Tonight is a pleasant thing. A reminder of a good little life. While I will always have problems, always be a touch shy of money, always want to do more than I can afford of money or energy to do, I am blessed. God has somehow seen to my life and living in ways I would never have thought possible. I am humbled by how my nation and God have seen fit to see me to a home and a life any honest man would have to be thankful for, one tailored to my needs and abilities. That is more than most men can ever hope to receive. Ignore my grumblings, doubts, and shadowy paranoia as nothing more than the squeaks and creaks as I try to do more, to prove worthy of what I have, and to seek love.
Live well, and always remember to be grateful for what you do have. Perfection is not to be had here. So if you see little glimmers of it, know you are blessed.
.
Ignore them, to some degree. I enjoy some aspects of my little life beyond how I could possibly express. Yes, finishing my education and landing that perfect job would be a wonderful thing. The realities, intricacies, and complications in that are daunting, dubious, and potentially disastrous, even should I actually have the health to bear it out. Of course, I would love to have a family. But there are terrible things there. What would I do with a house half filled with children and a fallen queen? Could I handle one more rendering of my mortal coil? Oh, sure, I will keep an eye out, seriously. I will try for these things if I leave off at, if it be His will, not mine but His, truly.
I put a load through the laundry. While doing so my stomach was pulling a Sassy. Indeed, my belly was begging for a treat. While shopping the other day I snagged a number of steaks. I separated and froze all save one. Hmm, hadn't I purchased potatoes too? Why, yes I had. And remaining from my last dinner were hard rolls. Splendid. With the potatoes done, two rolls heating in the still warm oven, and the skillet heated to a right fine searing temperature, several pats of butter go down. As they sizzle into a thin veneer I add the steak. *Szzzz* Four minutes on each side. Done. At 22:30, I eat my prime meal alone, without bother or protestation at the hour.
The laundry should be about ready to be dried. Another load in and dishes set to a hot soak, a bit of a break, then to the dishes. Then another break until laundry is finished. I will continue with the laundry, going on to bedding and blankets, until Monday sees me free and clear.
Still, I dream of having a woman here. It isn't even the sex, or just the sex. It is having someone who knows about what I don't, or who I can teach. Someone to talk to, perhaps begin to walk with. I have always feared women because they are so fragile in so many ways. If I know they can be pretty strong sometimes. I know there are times were I truly will not like her, if I will sell myself to loving her always. She will intrude on my nice little life, though, too. To some extent she will take over my life as we become us. But to have the touch of a woman of grace? Yeah. I would even have to repurpose my beast inside. It could no longer be offensively defensive. It would have to become purely defensive... unless the worst of all cases should happen and my den, save for me, be destroyed. Darkness, and an understanding of what it means to me, is always there.
Never worry. Tonight is a pleasant thing. A reminder of a good little life. While I will always have problems, always be a touch shy of money, always want to do more than I can afford of money or energy to do, I am blessed. God has somehow seen to my life and living in ways I would never have thought possible. I am humbled by how my nation and God have seen fit to see me to a home and a life any honest man would have to be thankful for, one tailored to my needs and abilities. That is more than most men can ever hope to receive. Ignore my grumblings, doubts, and shadowy paranoia as nothing more than the squeaks and creaks as I try to do more, to prove worthy of what I have, and to seek love.
Live well, and always remember to be grateful for what you do have. Perfection is not to be had here. So if you see little glimmers of it, know you are blessed.
Skidding to consciousness, sideways.
.
.
Considering I didn't crash until nearly 5:00 and couldn't get to sleep quickly I am not about to complain. I think I actually woke around 10:30. At a quarter after 16:00 I am just becoming aware. I'm not actually sure what I did in those intervening hours. Nothing useful but at least I wasn't in bed. I think?
I still have the last of the dishes to wash and the last few loads of laundry. I had hoped that if I missed early Mass I would make late Mass but that simply isn't possible. It will be an hour or two before I can get to the work at hand. I won't be leaving home today.
No dreams, again, last night. I rolled a bit at least. That helps to not wake to bodily crankiness. Do dreams bring back memories for anyone else? If it weren't for dreams I sometimes wonder if my past would be a blank slate to me. Not that all dreams are considered memories, but while thinking about my dreams I often hit something that takes me to my memories, once I am awake. Faces, places, actions, women. Remember polyester? I truly despised the clothing of the 70's. That is when my mother dressed me. And while mothers are the best with children, since they have fashion sense they shouldn't even be allowed to dress dogs. Fashion is a crime. That's all I am saying. And color schemes, where do women get these? Stick with solid, non-pastel, and somewhat darker, colors. At least for me. Stripes, other than pinstripes on impeccable suits? Dots of any kind? Ugh. A woman might need to push to get me to choose but I will never leave my clothes to a woman's 'fashion sense' again.
I am not sure, however, if I would rather not remember. Over the years of confession, and more recently with better function and the ability to deal with the dreams and the past a bit more, I have been collecting more for confession. My guess is there will be nuggets from the past forever. Then again, that first confession did take care of all of my past to that point. I did it as honestly and openly as I could at the time. I will have to do some research to see if I should let those go as confessed and forgiven or if they should be brought forward. I know, it seems like one should bring those up, but if they actually have been forgiven it may be a sin through doubt to bring them up now. It isn't just my past sins, but what I saw that bothers me the most. The tics of the past, I suppose.
Tomorrow? If I can finish what is on my list for today, tomorrow is a clean slate. Mass, talking to tech help to get the wifi functioning for my phone, digging into my recent credit rejection letter, but I think I will skip dinner over to Tuesday. I may see if my friend wants to do some shopping though. He is beginning to drink milk like I do, though dosed to his size. I need to do some cleaning tomorrow. Vacuuming, sweeping, mopping. It will go well with having the dishes clean and bed refitted with clean everything.
Hmm, better get the trash and cat litter out today too. Tuesday perhaps I can get the bathrooms cleaned again, maybe not until Wednesday though. A week and a half off, but back to it. Don't mind me, my mind is rolling around as it wakes up.
Later.
.
Considering I didn't crash until nearly 5:00 and couldn't get to sleep quickly I am not about to complain. I think I actually woke around 10:30. At a quarter after 16:00 I am just becoming aware. I'm not actually sure what I did in those intervening hours. Nothing useful but at least I wasn't in bed. I think?
I still have the last of the dishes to wash and the last few loads of laundry. I had hoped that if I missed early Mass I would make late Mass but that simply isn't possible. It will be an hour or two before I can get to the work at hand. I won't be leaving home today.
No dreams, again, last night. I rolled a bit at least. That helps to not wake to bodily crankiness. Do dreams bring back memories for anyone else? If it weren't for dreams I sometimes wonder if my past would be a blank slate to me. Not that all dreams are considered memories, but while thinking about my dreams I often hit something that takes me to my memories, once I am awake. Faces, places, actions, women. Remember polyester? I truly despised the clothing of the 70's. That is when my mother dressed me. And while mothers are the best with children, since they have fashion sense they shouldn't even be allowed to dress dogs. Fashion is a crime. That's all I am saying. And color schemes, where do women get these? Stick with solid, non-pastel, and somewhat darker, colors. At least for me. Stripes, other than pinstripes on impeccable suits? Dots of any kind? Ugh. A woman might need to push to get me to choose but I will never leave my clothes to a woman's 'fashion sense' again.
I am not sure, however, if I would rather not remember. Over the years of confession, and more recently with better function and the ability to deal with the dreams and the past a bit more, I have been collecting more for confession. My guess is there will be nuggets from the past forever. Then again, that first confession did take care of all of my past to that point. I did it as honestly and openly as I could at the time. I will have to do some research to see if I should let those go as confessed and forgiven or if they should be brought forward. I know, it seems like one should bring those up, but if they actually have been forgiven it may be a sin through doubt to bring them up now. It isn't just my past sins, but what I saw that bothers me the most. The tics of the past, I suppose.
Tomorrow? If I can finish what is on my list for today, tomorrow is a clean slate. Mass, talking to tech help to get the wifi functioning for my phone, digging into my recent credit rejection letter, but I think I will skip dinner over to Tuesday. I may see if my friend wants to do some shopping though. He is beginning to drink milk like I do, though dosed to his size. I need to do some cleaning tomorrow. Vacuuming, sweeping, mopping. It will go well with having the dishes clean and bed refitted with clean everything.
Hmm, better get the trash and cat litter out today too. Tuesday perhaps I can get the bathrooms cleaned again, maybe not until Wednesday though. A week and a half off, but back to it. Don't mind me, my mind is rolling around as it wakes up.
Later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)