Okay, yeah, sure.

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I asked a question.  I believe I got an answer.  Do I present that way?  Maybe not exactly, but very plausibly within what is real and among the reals themselves.  Both songs could easily be seen as who I really am or could be or have been... to some varying degrees.  In the first, yeah... it's there.  In the second, should I find a nubile wife, definitely.  And, at times, I can resemble some of the rougher states of those shown.  Resemblance, perhaps of kin like ways.  Perhaps just in certitude, though I think more.  I think, sometimes, when people read here, they think it's just... stuff, writings, stories.  When they meet me and... something clicks?  It can hurt.  The way many truths hurt.  Whether about me, or simply about reality, is for the... one whose eyes have been opened to know, or choose or understand.  In time it all becomes clear, to great suffering.  Just the way it is.  Disturbing.  Even if they don't agree, they do see that I do believe.  No story, or not so much.

And, I tried to explain this video to them, which is why they went to that post to explain their problem.  Well, and that I don't believe politics is the solution.  Huh?  Nope.  Unless God is your politics.  Politics is only, and ever, and at it's very best, a necessary evil.  It isn't, can't be, and won't be the solution.  But if men are well armed, there is a much reduced incidence of crime, both citizen on citizen and state on citizen.  Anyway, this is the video, and ideas, I expressed.  How to arm the other eleven.  Indeed.

Better.

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While I couldn't do much, the pain has been milder.  It still keeps me immobile.  Though as such I can find comfort.  Some days I feel like pushing it, or have to and can.  Some days, like today and yesterday, I simply did not have an interest or need in pushing through the pain.  Yesterday was more gritting and grinning.  Today was all about not moving.

It seems as if the female missionaries have moved on.  Too bad, but there are so few, it's probably good that they are shared around.  A couple of young men showed up today.  Being a mess, and not being able to describe why...  We had a bit of a discussion, but I think they wanted to just leave.  Not sure what I said.  No worries, if they are looking for work or souls to save, I understand.  They are welcome to visit, or not.  I do look a bit rough, can't blame them.

I don't know about tomorrow.  I'm not sure about the rest of today.  Gaming, mostly, today.  I called my mother.  Reception was poor.  She said she would call back but never did.  So, a bit ago, I called her and gave her some razzleberries.  Nothing too serious, just...  Some days, when it all goes wrong, one gets the sense of being pariah.  Not really, I mean I don't take that all too seriously.  And yet, it rubs.  It's funny being human, or close enough... such delicate egos, emotions, and weather/season can add to it, or perhaps even been mostly the whole of it.  No worries, just fussing today... can't do much else.

Oh, but I'm doing better in the game.  Amazingly better.  Not sure, it is as if a light switch came on and now I see.  I am beating bosses I had trouble with, and new bosses I thought might take me down... ones I had not fought before even, and winning on the first shot.  It sure eats time as I heal.  And while I was shoving my days back into daytime.

Later.

No go for today.

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What started out as a minor twinge in my lower back ended up being a bit more.  Nothing too terrible, just trying to skip through it was not going to work.  If I stayed still, it was easy.  If I moved, straight lines were best and less enjoyable.  If I did anything for any sort of time, my body vetoed the effort quickly and unforgivingly.  No worries, I thought that might be the case.  A day or three down may end up being necessary.  Though I am going to make an attempt at an end play and get some things done on the slow and sly.

I am about done for the day as well.  I can't remember when I woke.  Perhaps 3:00, maybe 6:00, I just don't know.  I am done now.  It was definitely worth being able to get the snow removed.  It really is good to work, when I can.  My friend suggested that many men with bad hearts end their lives shoveling.  I didn't say this then, but the notion is pretty much how I feel on the subject.  If I start closing down my life to tend something, I might as well just end my life.  Yeah, there are limits.  And there are things that are more, or less, advisable.  And, yet, if I can't live, I am already truly dead.  Which I am not.  Mostly.

Good night.

I did survive my youth.

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Oh, and yeah, it was... odder.  Where do you think these stories derive?  Anyway...  While I'm not quite on some beach, on some island, with some bimbos... I could be should I wish it.  I suspect that men to end up there, if they ever finally do come to even more of a spot of wisdom, will find something more like what I have.  Oh?  Yeah.

Dreams fade when they are painted on the world.

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Yes, dreams too.  Haunted by events of the near future.  Burning shadows with the fires of truth, repentance, righteousness.  Giving even of life, if necessary.  I am not alone if there are others much closer to the line, of flesh.

As I head into dreams...

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Just some thoughts.  Something out there.  Something... telling, warning, remembering... forgetting.

I did get out.

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It was more than I probably should have done.  Just shoveling was enough for the day, really.  Thirty five to forty feet, four inches deep at least.  Wait, actually I did a measure, with my index finger, let me measure... okay... three inches and small change, actually.  Still, that is a lot of work.  It did wear me out, no doubt.  And it took three different runs at it to get the last of it.  Plus I went out and salted (which really helped with the temps above freezing for the last few days).  My back is a bit sore, I know I will sleep well, but I didn't stop there.

I called my friend.  If he could help me get going on my vehicle, I would be in, and take him to a shop there in town.  We talked quite a bit, then took care of the Xterra, then headed to the bakery coffee shop.  He knew of the place, but thought it had closed.  It had closed, but opened recently under new management... or such.  Tea and sweets, for all the efforts.  But he paid.  I also picked up a loaf of bread.  True professional bakery stuff.  It's called the Crumb Brothers, I do believe.  A very good place to stop in, take a friend, for coffee or tea.  I'm not sure if they do meals, but I would like to try various offerings.  The bread, by the way, is fantastic.  The treats were very good.  I just like to have a number of places I can call home, of sorts.

After that we went shopping.  When one or both of us aren't too sick we might end up getting into all sorts of the right kind of trouble.  I need the same sort of help he needs, and I can help on some of the things he likes to do.  Both of us are considered, and are, too slow for many regular groups.  For hiking, or camping, we just don't fit.  However, we can both survive just fine.  Just don't push or prod.  I can drive, I just don't have the... gumption?... yeah... gumption to get out, on my own.  He may have the gumption, but can't really handle some of the rest of it.  Oh, and he had considered Burning Man.  I think that would be a bit much.  The heat alone.  But the crowding, getting around... nah.  However, there are local burns.  I'd like to see him visit one of those.  Just to see.  I think he would be surprised at how personable many of the people are.  Rude, sometimes, kindly sometimes, but fairly real people.  Not a bucket list thing, just... a thing.  Not a bad one.  And I messed up last time, if for the right reasons.  With someone else there I would have to learn to... deal with the situation.  I'm telling you, she had it all in the right places and ways.  And I think she had an eye game going on.  She wasn't sure, she wanted me to be, and I was becoming sure.  Anyway...  I'll have to figure it out more honestly next time.

Burned out.  I will sleep well.  A shower in the morning, and I may head back in, to get an oil change and a tire rotation.  Or Monday, if I can't.  I also need to get back to working on getting Sunday go to meeting clothing ready.  Bleh.  Later... Or, good night actually.  Sleep well, I will.

Today or not.

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I am finally well enough into the day schedule, that I considered escaping into town.  A bit of shopping.  Perhaps a meal.  Maybe a visit.  When I went to bed last night, or the night before?  I thought someone had been by.  I crashed so hard, it was the day I stayed up until 19:30 (I think).  Yes, that was several days ago.  Yesterday I only stayed awake until 15:00.  Anyway, I checked, and, yep, someone, two someones, had been by.  I only noticed one set of prints, but in my dream state of near-wakefulness, I heard two voices.  Don't know what they wanted, but it's all good.  There was no way I could have waken.  I had pushed, that day, like a mule.

So, today, getting out?  Ah, right, but what allowed me to know that someone had visited was tracks.  Which... aren't a problem.  It was what the tracks were in that was the problem.  Snow.  I saw some of it coming down, but it didn't seem to be all that much... deep.  I'll bet that was four to five inches.  Not extremely wet, but not pure fluff either.  Yeah...  So, I got on it.  My drive is clear, but that did bust me up just a bit.  I still like working, when I can.  After I finished, I salted a few nasty patches.

I then called my friend.  He has been calling me, and missing.  I don't know if I simply haven't heard the phone.  While I keep it near, it is still easy for me to miss.  Either that or I have been asleep when he calls.  I'd like to go visit.  Make a meal over there.  I may have to take a pot or pan, depending.  Like I said, if I am going to be there for a long time, I might as well make a decent meal.  Roast beef, potatoes, and rutabaga is my plan.  And an offer he can't refuse.  If he helps me get my vehicle ready for a professional cleaning, oil change, and tire rotation, I'll get him over to the steak house.  It's been a while since I have been there.  I can't quite see to getting all the work myself.  But with two cripples, and incentive, perhaps I can get the Xterra tended.  Plus get a meal out.  Either way, I will get the Xterra work done, soon.

Oh, and since I was feeling a bit fancy, I made it to the post office today.  Just... because.  I was awake, the drive was clear, and I felt like it.  I like to do the little, and big, things of life.  I do.  I love it when I can.  Annoying?  Sure, sometimes.  But, too, a part of life.  I have cheated death so harshly, but death has cheated me greatly too.  So I enjoy even the prices, costs, of life, when I can.  Later.

It's either a train or the sun.

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I seem to be approaching the light at good speed.  I was awake until 17:30(ish) last night, the latest I have been up in a long time.  Or was it 19:30(ish)?  Yeah, I think it was the last.  As I recall, I set the alarm for 5:00, after rounding up, adding eight hours for sleep, then tossing in another for good measure, using the alarm, it was hoped, as a backstop, not a primary means of waking.  Huh?  Yeah.  I ended up waking at 1:00 or 2:00?  Maybe 3:00?  To be expected when I make a huge jump in my schedule.  I think the latest I have stayed up, beside that, was 15:00 yesterday, but more like 13:00 the last few days before that.  My effort is the same, day to day.  The effects just happen.  I'm honestly not sure all of my effort actually means a damn.  That doesn't mean I'll quit, it's just being honest.  Hey, as the widow who offered her coin, and was praised for having given all she had... so it is with me and my will.  I might not change the world, or even myself.  I will die trying.  And, you know what, like my schedule coming around of late?  Sometimes it does work.

Now, pushing my schedule as I have has left me pretty much busted up.  I won't be doing much else.  I can't, really.  Gaming, to push the hours.  And for something simply to do.  I haven't even been blogging.  There simply hasn't been anything to say.  I haven't even been thinking.  Though I had a wonderful dream about some of my various "brothers".  Men and boys who at one time were kin of one sort or another.  Some of them ended far worse, some of them are far worse and not dead.  I have known some fine men.  Even those who have failed... where good in ways, to a point.  Even the ones who did wrong, start to stop, taught me.  I have lead, trained, learned, followed (to a degree), laughed, and even cried with my companions.  I pray for the living and the dead.  And that they might find forgiveness, as I surely do.

My friend has called, several times by the look of it.  A message has been sent.  I need to get in to town for other things, getting him out would be good too.  I would like to get him to the men's group.  Though I am having great troubles attending myself.  If nothing else, getting in a couple of times a month.  Oh, and perhaps, since he talks all day (not judging, definitely not judging), making a meal when I go in.  I will be ordering ducks to replace those I lost.  And I am going to plan on buying a whole beef this spring.  Then, three months after that, half an hog.  I'll be giving some of the beef out.  It would also be good to feed folk.  He said he owes a woman or two.  If not both at the same time, perhaps having a choice guest to eat with us from time to time might work as well.  Just some thoughts.  Oh, and food pictures... he might be able to help or tinker along with me on that.

I am back, well, on medicine.  I am trying to eat more regularly.  I do slip here, while doing well there, always something.  I'll keep at it.  I'd love to be out in the snow, even once in a while.  Taking pictures, snowshoeing, perhaps even winter camping.  I'll... I'll get there.  Later.  *wink*

Push and shove.

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My days are becoming real days.  It isn't too rough, either.  No great pains, I'm not even seeing minor sufferings.  Medicine is back on track.  I hope to add a bit more in.  Nothing fancy.  Though if I can hit the whole of the kitchen, top to bottom, then go even deeper, clearing even shelves, that would be good.  I may be to that point again, or not.  Of course, getting dress clothes ready to attempt a run at confession and Mass would be good.  Plus, if we get a fresh snow before too long, I would love to try out the snowshoes.  Those I can probably do one way or the other.  I'd like to practice with them, dry, here inside first.  But that isn't absolutely necessary.  I have taken a couple of heavy falls, on iced pavement (one was covered with snow, so easy to miss... the other was a time I was trying to get out and help those who came to help).  Yes, I can handle a full hard fall.  Neither even made me sore later.  *grins*

I do need to check my accounts, make sure everything is good there.  I need to do a bit of shopping, though that will have to wait until tomorrow.  After I finish the corned beef and cabbage, I'd like to make ham.  some to be added in with beans, some to be frozen for other uses.  I've never made scalloped ham... is that is how it is called?  Coin sliced potatoes with cheese sauce and ham.  Oh, well, and some simple ham, which I will probably eat first, splitting portions for those other meals as I go.  If I cook a few sides each week, then a whole large meal once or twice, I can keep in food, for the most part.  Having eggs on hand, and a few other items, makes it all easier... if I could keep up on dishes.

I have shifted my days around.  I am about half way there.  No fast moves, nothing drastic.  I can do that, but not without great pains.  Of course, I know it will slip back, in some amount of time.  I think, in the thirty years I have been mostly dead, the longest I was able to keep to schedule has been since they began treating my heart, and has been three months.  College was brutal.  If I made class, I had to either be on one "shift" or another, or break through my sleep cycle to make it to class while I should have been sleeping.  Those options, of course, and missing class.

Well, on to something.  Mostly gaming.  I has been keeping me awake without wearing me down to much in a physical way.  Sure, it's Dark Souls II, an sob of a game to be sure.  Just as soon as I figure something out, something else comes along that doesn't want to work... or the game just decides it's my turn for a dying streak.  Yes, the game cheats.  Yes, it has flaws.  It, really, is a lot like life.  Or, at least, my life.  And more literal than usual.  Very few people die, let alone multiple times.  Few have, in just about all ways, lived on either side of that line, and so closely, as I have.  Often in more than one way.  That game and much of the music here really is more my story than anything else.  If I had the ability, I would be in Oregon.  While I don't think they will win, not this one, if nothing is done we will all surely lose.  Some will have to be murdered, some will have to go to prison, and bureaucrats will have to be seen as the enemy that they are and then dealt with.  Too steeped on death's door, even in this minor way, to end up on another is all.

Every time...

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In this last month, every time things were looking up they faltered.  On the other hand, every time life was looking to crash, it didn't.  It has been a very slow, mild, middling, but low, roller coaster.  Nothing done but nothing broken.  No great function but no terrible pain(s).  It's 8 F out, and I'd love to be out in it.  I can handle it, if I am not sure I could do much.  And it might wear me down a bit over the line... or not.  I do like the cool, usually.

I still haven't arranged my clothing, or dug into the freezer or kitchen.  But, today, I am going to make a move on those things.  If I can get clothes together, and keep pushing my day further into the real day, I may attempt to make an special appointment for confession, as it might be a month or so before I can be awake during the regular time...  Then, if I can do that, figure out a weekday Mass.  Even just one a week, though with the hope of more.  And, as time rolls around, a high Mass, one on Saturday or Sunday.  Or both.  I also need to arrange some other things, with regards to church and charity.  I know, I know.  God forgive a forgetful lost fool.  The intent really is there, the mechanics and such are often lacking.  Perhaps I can be there on the next high holy, Easter.  And I would like to help out with lent meals.

Pushing?  Yes, but why I have been asked.  I have had many answers to that question, through time.  Now, though, I believe I have the real answer.  Even when it hurts, perhaps especially when it hurts... when it pains me in other ways, as an annoyance, even a grievance... when it would be easier to just quit, to give in, or up, or out... among other things...  That is when holding on, making all effort, continuing... even if those things are just in my mind... that is holding on to life, and the truth, perhaps Truth, of life.  When God chose me, and I chose Him back, I have come to realize, that was a very large part of the package.  Not as a generality, or theory, or even some certainty but without any real costs or price.  Life is holy.  Even mine.  And it must be sought, right through the shadow of death.

Rather than condemn me, join me.  Not for my sake, for yours.  Sad to see so many who have a full whole life who throw it away, abuse it, reject it.  I have every reason, of a worldly nature, to do just those things.  Not only do I not, I literally dance on my grave.  I know, in time, it will be proven false.  I know, even now, what I suffer is just as false... in the whole of Truth.  Yes, join in the rhythm of life.  Later.

I'll keep at it.

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Days and nights are completely topsy-turvey.  It is 8 degrees out there, F not C.  Though, while it snowed more as I returned the other day, and then while I slept, someone, again, hit the driveway.  Awesome!  I am trying to keep up.  It just isn't working well.  The cold isn't getting to me.  It's just... everything and all.

I have been figuring out food, give or take.  I keep forgetting medicine, but the will is there.  The memory, focus, isn't.  Just beat sudoku in 8 seconds though.  That is my new second fastest time.  I have done 5 seconds once, 8 seconds once, 9 seconds probably a score or two of times, then 12 seconds many times.  Though even a 12 second game isn't all that bad.  Even if I have done it a hundred times, I doubt if most people can, ever, play a game that fast.  I'm not sure what that speed puts me in, percentage wise.  Though I am guessing it is in the... nosebleed section.  I'm not sure it is IQ based, but there probably is some sort of neuro-intellect thing going on.  It is both physical and intellectual.

Anyway...  I had hoped to make corned beef and cabbage for my New Years meal.  I bought the meat several days ago, but then forgot what I was doing and froze it along with the other meats, though I did remember to keep a package of steaks out, which served well enough.  The day snuck up on me, I guess.  I have it thawed and will make some for tonight.  Yes, I remembered red potatoes as well.  All I could find was red cabbage.  Not sure if it will be much different.  Will find out soon enough.

I have been gaming, to try to stretch days, stay awake, all that.  I've been staying up on the girls.  Food, litter raking, and just extra attention.  When they can't get out, when it is too cold, extra attention to each eases their cabin fever.  I can tell, fewer fights.  I haven't gotten dress clothes set up yet.  I'm... thinking on it.  Bleh.  I'll keep trying to remember to focus, or some such.  With medicine, potentially, back on track...  That sure spooks me.  I'd hate to drop it all and walk.  But that is just as possible.  Should I be troubled with some things.  We will see next time, and should my doc decided to add a medicine, or change something.  Every time I get ready to deal with this I twitch just a bit.  It might work out.

Good day and good night.

Didn't want to go.

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My mother insisted.  My Christmas package should have been in, and she was 'distressing'.  I didn't make it in to check Monday, or Tuesday.  Finally, today.  Though I suspect that it had been in for a while.  Something about final notice.  But the problem is, I was in Thursday and/or Friday.  It might have been missed though.  Or... not, as a solution set of several types.

Now, to get out, I had to be awake.  Literal mornings are, generally speaking, my current prime sleeping hours.  If you run a normal day, my mornings would be, say, midnight to 4:00.  Imagine trying to focus in those hours.  I had to shower, dress, then today clear snow.  Further, now I can't quite get back to sleep.  I am dropping off now, but it's an ugly odd thing.  Sleep will be weird.  Oh, and everything I removed, snow wise, is back.  Bleh.

Ah, but I did call to set an appointment with my new doctor.  The middle of next month, or thereabouts.  I added it to my calendar right away, or it would be potentially forgotten.  I'll keep at things.  But first, sleep!  I need sleep so badly.  I set the appoint out a bit just to try to get my days and nights more properly ordered by the time the appointment arrives.  I'll be pushing days and nights in the hopes of making it on time.  It will be a push.  You have no idea how good it is to be able to keep a steady schedule.  If you can do it, enjoy it.

Good... night, I suppose.

Chilly.

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That isn't the only problem, just one of them.  The old motor grinds while I attempt to kick it over.  I had realized that this might be the last of my medicine, so had stumbled a bit, again, about taking it.  When I realized how low, and how much last time had taken to get a resupply... if it hadn't gone through I was just going to let that go.  I still had my eye on another path, but that was unlikely.  I realized, about a week ago, that... something was going to happen or a major failure was due.  Anyway, with a resupply on the way I can take what I have with some confidence, plan a doctor visit, and get back on track.

Well, that left no scars, or marks.

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I wasn't sure how that would go.  I reordered medicine.  No hitch, no argument, no phone tag.  It was a simple transaction.  Okay to send the insulin tomorrow?  Why, yes, I believed so.  I didn't make any fuss, tried not to cause any issues, didn't comment one way or the other.  I am simply in it for medication, my health as much as that is possible.  Ego, after as many times as I have torched even my own, is not a part of my program.  Anyway.  Medicine on the way.

I actually woke a little earlier because I heard the phone.  I was sure it had rung a number of times.  It indicates only two calls.  One from Iowa, the other for sure my mother.  My guess is both were from here, one was simply a landline.  She wanted me to check the mail.  But, when I finally called her back, it was 11:30 I believe.  The post closes at noon, so... yeah, no.  Some days I can pop, jump, and run.  That is rare and becoming rarer.  Today was not one of those days.  Tomorrow, though.  I will... figure it out.

Ah, with medicine seeming to be back on track I decided to call the doctor I had been seeing.  If he still has room, I will begin seeing him again.  While I was going through my phone, trying to remember his name, I finally did contact management.  It looks like, somehow, my phone synced with my email address in a weird fusion that simply didn't make sense.  Much nonsense was removed, and some old links that are gone.  I... didn't remove my recently dead friend's number... not quite yet.  In time.  Perhaps after a grave visit or two.  Too few of those I have cared for, who are gone, have gotten such a visit.  Not by choice, quite often, mind you.  Some know no place, others were lost to me in ways that wouldn't make sense to you.  Yes, perhaps visiting a grave will... help sort things.

On with the day.  I'll set some things back in play and do what I may.  Good day.

A bit.

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Not what I had hoped, not along my plans, just a few things on general lists of things to do.  As well, sleep is just off.  Eight to twelve up and down.  Not a regular day.  No worries, I'll keep at it.

One of the things I did was make a meal.  Fried chicken gizzards and hearts.  It just didn't work out well.  Still, a bite is a bite.  I'll try to figure something out for the week.  Hmm, ham and beans.  I really do love that, and it lasts a good long time.  There should be enough to freeze.  And it is easy enough to cook.  Even starting with dry beans.  It would be good to get to town for small grocery shopping.  Onions go very well in ham and beans.  Carrots would be good for peanut butter topped snacks.  I like celery but it goes bad so fast.  Not sure about shopping today.

I did get the trash out.  No recycling, not sure if this is the week.  I keep resetting the dishes.  I did get a shower in.  I've been showering often, and really hitting my feet with the pumice stone.  I haven't had feet this human feeling in years.  I'll keep at that.

I don't know.  It's a bit rough, just in that I can't quite seem to do proper days or keep on target.  Other than that, I think I'm doing much better than I had been since summer started.  I'll keep at it.  If you were supposed to, or thought you would, hear from me... and haven't?  Don't take it personally.  I'm just a bit off.  Later.

Push for more.

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I am still a bit laid up.  Two days out, and all-dayers, really put a pinch on my motivation.  At least it didn't end up doing anything truly foul.  As well, it didn't dampen my spirits or will to action.  Both are still in good stead, ready to be applied even over slight exhaustion.

I have decided, short term, my goal is to clean the kitchen, top to bottom, with as much speed as I may muster.  If I do that, to real satisfaction, say by Wednesday... then maintain that until I recover, I hope to head out snowshoeing.  Maybe just in the back yard, but plenty.  If that doesn't tucker me too much, I know of another place, Green Canyon.  That is where my former woman and myself went "cross-country" skiing.  They have a side path for snowshoes.  I may also seek other places, if that goes well.

After that the goal is to hit the living room.  Strip it nearly down to the bare, vacuum and steam vac, reset the place... all while keeping the kitchen in order.  If I can keep those things together, then I'd like to set up a camp in the back yard.  And, if that goes well, and I can arrange a camp well enough that an overnight in very cold temps is possible, then I might try to combine the snowshoeing and camping.  Part of what called me here was to have to cold winter wind kiss my cheeks high in the mountains.  And, if I can only get that to happen once, it would need to be soon.  Though, who knows... if I become a minor mountain man, perhaps that will extend things.  Not a part of the plan, just a possibility.

A shower, first thing.  Then I set the dishes to soak.  I may put laundry in later.  As I suggested, however, the only thing I plan to do this weekend, on the main, is to put together several dress outfits for church, church events, social events, and such.  I should have enough for four main whole outfits, if I need to work on shoes... having several that are too tight with occasional swelling and an pair of oxfords that don't actually go with true dress slacks.  As well, I might have enough else to varying those four mains.  But they may all need some to much care, perhaps replacements here and there, or repair.  I need ties, too.  What I have are quite shabby.  Not good enough for God, not right for men of good intent.  And, yes, that means something.  This isn't pride, this was requested by the church and God.  And, by heaven, if men of humbler means and meaner circumstances can show up in clean, neat, and right... I... I'll do it too.

Oh, and have a good day.  This isn't meant to be a bummer post.  I hope it to be... hrm... motivational.  If I seem too focused, with seeming too much intent, understand that for the dead to live, great care must be gathered and directed.  Yes, good day, and later.

Well, that works.

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I finally snuck out to the garage, to see if my phone was in the vehicle.  At first it didn't seem so.  Then, there it was, under this and that.  However it was dead.  I was able to get it to turn on, barely.  Alarms and warnings about cataclysm, plus when I plugged it in I was informed that the battery was too cold to charge, so I turned it off and gave it an half hour to warm up.  Charging, now, finally.  All good.  Saves me a trip to town, that would be the only other place it might have been.

I woke later in the morning, I think.  I thought I saw 10:02 or 10:20, but I'm not sure if that is when I woke or if that is when I went to the bathroom one time or another.  Here it is, at 16:00, and I am quite tired.  I am pushing to stay awake until... 20:00?  Somewhere in there.  That might help reset my days and nights.  It's shining out there, as much as it can in winter.  Which is quite nice.  All I need is that little touch of sun, from time to time, as a safety rope to grab onto.  It allows some opportunity, all else working, to straighten things out.

I finished the last of the ribeye roast.  It was the smallest one in the store, something I purchased to replace the ducks I lost.  Yes, the freezer came unplugged and I lost the ducks.  This time, though, I know what happened.  It was my fault.  Bleh.  When I first realized it, I was so angry I couldn't spit.  I just left it as was until I could regather my wits.  When I collected and tamed my emotions, I looked it over.  The cord had gotten caught on a lower back corner.  And I had moved the freezer out, in order to sweep behind it.  I never got to the sweeping, but one day decided to bump the freezer back against the wall.  But the cord that was around the corner pulled just barely enough to unplug the freezer from the extension cord, but without pulling the plug all of the way out.

The ribeye was good though.  I'll order more duck next month.  Just two.  Oh, but the ribeye roast was inexpensive, compared to the duck, by pound, though I'm not sure if by pound of actual meat?  The poor roast was not quite full.  It was the end cut, so of questionable appearance, size, and quality.  It ended up being quite good.  Half yesterday, plus.  The remnant today.  It made for quite a nice meal.

Hmm?  I'm not sure.  Another day of partial rest, then Sunday...  The only thing I hope to do today and/or tomorrow is to get several dress clothes sets prepped, polish my oxfords (once I find them... and my hiking boots too I suppose, as they work as winter dress, at least with corduroys), and look for another pair of dress shoes.  I want to prepare to go to official events, and keep that prep ready.  I've fallen down on that and I'd like to fix it.  Choir events, Mass, confession, whatever...  I need, want too but really need, to get back to work on these things.  Hmm, some slacks may go in to the dry cleaner.  Not my favorite way, simply required.

Later.

Belated.

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Sincere even so.  Merry Christmas.

Oh, I was in good cheer.  I did make a special Christmas meal.  I prayed through the day.  That will continue for the twelve days.  Only I was a bit limited from what I have been doing.  I overworked, just a bit, so was a bit lower level.  No fuss, worry, or pain, mind you.  Oh, and I seem to have misplaced my phone.  Perhaps when I visited my friend I left it at his place.  So odd, that is the first time I have left my phone elsewhere.  I have lost it here at home.  I have forgotten it in the vehicle.  Then again, I should check there first.  Oh, and when I find it, I best make some calls.

It was a good, if quiet, Christmas.  I hope your day was enjoyed.  If you have too much company and bother to enjoy it, I merely suggest that you divest yourself of the excess.  Oh, trust me, you can.  It is a choice.  It is a fine holy day to keep humble, simple, and right.

No pain, enjoying life, a little tired from overdoing.  And yet that was good too.  It is much better, in my estimation, to fall just a bit after overdoing than to fall for no reason whatsoever.  I love to work, visit, do, and go.  After I recover, I hope to get back to it.  We have good snow.  Snowshoes might be doable.

Just letting you know I haven't gotten into too much of a bind or anything.  Be well, again Merry Christmas, and I hope you have a fine New Years Eve celebration or solemnity and then begin the next year on a good foot.

Oh, right.

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I have been so busy I didn't blog.  Two days ago, I got in to visit my friend.  He had been ill, and down.  Harshly.  The flu, deathly ill.  I told him, if he is ever that ill, to call.  I won't overstay, but I can bring him flu medicine, I can find chicken soup and bring that... preferably from one of the shops that makes it fresh, I can bring groceries or other needs.  In senior living, someone that ill becomes a person non grata.  Fear runs high, death is always near.  I am... rather healthy for being mostly dead.  However, having been down for a month or more, and probably worse than me, plus with no company, well... We talked all night.

I returned late, but had promised my mother I would get out, had other business, and such.  I didn't go to bed until 8:30 yesterday, but needed to be up by noon.  I woke at about 11:00, but had to shower and push to make it to the post office by noon, they close then.  So I pushed.  As I was getting ready to go, I realized it had snowed, and enough that driving over it would... be problematic... packing snow into ice along the drive length.  Never good, can last all winter.  So... I grabbed the shovel and cleared a place for the wheels the length of the drive.  About killed me, but I really had things to do, I made promises, I was dedicated and directed.  And the clock was ticking.  I did make it to the post office, and in time.

Then I went on to town.  Bank business, this, that, an attempt to get in to have my tires rotated, if that failed... but I felt sorry for the lads, they were backed up and running hot, and so close to Christmas.  On and on, I did task after job after duty, knocking them down and out as fast as I could.  I couldn't do everything, but I showed up and made the effort.  Then I got my friend out again.  I needed a coffee reload.  Since I make such a good deal on it in bulk, I could afford to offer him some of it.  Plus, as much as I get, it gets a bit old by the time I am down to the last of it.  A good deal all around.  So to the shop.  Only, this time, they sorted the big bag into little ones for me!  Fantastic.  Now both my friend and I have, to my taste buds, the best coffee in the valley.  And, even so, because of the deal, I make off with 1/2 pound free, unless my math on that was wrong.  Though I don't think so.  But... that's why I'm not an accountant.  :p

Oh, but while I was away?  Someone came and stole all the rest of the snow off my drive!  Thank you, by the way.  Somethings are gladly found to be missing.

In any case, two long days out, much done, lots of conversations...  It took me away.  I hope, however, that I caused no concern.  And, maybe, that my ability to turn things around, get out, push, work, drive, visit, and such... inspires.  I am hoping it lifts the pall from the last months and offers a chance to get things going again.  Yes, yes I do.  If I can keep some things on tap, I would like to get to practicing with the snowshoes before long, and maybe set up my hammock.  While I don't, yet, have it set for winter, perhaps with my full winter/wet bivy kit, it might still work.  A nap, outside, to test, from time to time.  And experimentation with this and that if it isn't quite enough as is.  YES!

And a merry Christmas Eve to you all.  I'll sure attempt to post something for the morrow.  I'm a bit tuckered.  So a day or two to recover.  And, yet, I should be able to write, and in good cheer.  Oh, and maybe a post later as well.  Tired, but not busted up, for all my doings.  Later.