One last gig before I go.

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Popping like popcorn, adding simply, like it or not.  A few for the road.

Still frigid.

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I set the furnace to 74°.  Hot fatted coffee and four... actually six to eight hours later, and I am still freezing cold.  I keep almost falling asleep.  I checked several thermometers, all suggest it really is 74° in here.  I will take a hot shower, see if that will help.  I did push the furnace a few more degrees.  Miserably cold.  Another trick, winter setting on the ceiling fan... but how do you know?

It is just me.  If it was cold the girls would be heat vulturing me.

Yeah, a shower.  Then something to eat.  If I can get to it, more... a load of dishes set up?  Hmm, better open a place to sort them.  Then set them up.  I could also get one load of laundry through yet tonight?  Probably.  Ugh.  So cold, when by inside and out readings, it should be copacetic.

Later.  If not, goodbye.

The tub, again.

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The drain is working well.  Or better.  So I wanted to do another scrub in there.  The drill, a large brush fitting, and scrubbing bubbles.  As well, a small pool of hot water.  Then just let the machine fly, after giving the chemicals an half hour to do what they do.  Not perfect but better.

I have looked for ways to clean better.  The truth is that is probably as good as cleaning will do.  Anything else will strip the metal.  The only way to actually improve the tub would require a process, one possible to do at home... diy that is.  It isn't cheap, but is possible... in time.  Once I get caught up, a project in this price range every other month might be the way to go?  Anyway... a vid.

Tending the ducks, it seemed so very cold.  The thermometer read 26° to 28°, which simply didn't make sense.  That, to my mind, is what I consider warm.  I thought, by feel, it would read 10° to -10° F.  No wind, sort of, no gusts.  But it is as if the air is moving as a block... not what I would call wind, more like a current?  A very odd event.  Further, it is freezing in here, as if the heat is being stolen, and it probably is.

I'll turn up the heat.  The hope is to begin small batches of dishes, get another shower, start on boxes, shave, and hit the trash.  Perhaps a load of laundry?  It won't be all that.  Very small attacks on a very large list.  But with the bathroom set up, open, and clean, life can begin again.  If I can warm.  If it is 75° and I can't warm, it is health failing. Nothing I can do.

As I was closing up shop...

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I finally reviewed finances, if rather roughly, last night.  I forgot one bill, at least.  But was rather blocky when counting.  Money is, to say the least, tight.  Further, I am behind on several accounts.  It... will take a month, or three of great care and some luck, to catch everything up.  I will begin soon.

Even when caught up, it will be extremely tight.  I thought about trying for a job, but with my schedule shifting as much as twelve hours a week, especially when tiring myself as prep, travel, and the function of a job would exacerbate that... I might make a paycheck, perhaps two.  I've done this rodeo before.  Even college, with just a few classes four days a week, with showering most days first and travel, homework and test stress...  I couldn't keep up.  Even ritalin couldn't always push me over the line.

I don't think I could handle ritalin now.  It was like trying to use rocket fuel in a propeller plane, for me, back then.  Far from becoming an addiction, it was a horror to take.  I... never could take it daily, every day.  Every three day weekend I went without, every holiday I could go without, I did.  A few times a week when I absolutely couldn't get going, or knew I 'had to' do things, more if I could take them.  If I needed down time, I wouldn't touch the stuff for a week or however long needed.  Brutal.  My physical body is truly mostly dead.  Nothing will undo that.  Nothing can sneak me past it.

So, no other stream of income actually possible, it's... down to... very few options.  To be honest, selling the cave, then renting, wouldn't save all that much.  As little privacy and security as I have now, even that would decrease.  Finding a place, with two cats, is impossible.  So... just leaving them.  And, more, trying to sell the house as things are?  Only economic propagandists believe the economy is good, improving.  Anyone in what had been the middle class knows our spending power is closer to the working poor than anything like even the dregs of the former middle class we had been a party.  Gold isn't going up in value, the dollars which purchase it are drowning in their increased volume.  Even then, gold is being kept from actual market value by central planners, because if it were allowed to tell the real economic story about inflation WWIII would happen so fast people would get whiplash right before they became toast.

Yea.  So... my problems aren't... all that.  Still, double double toil and trouble.  It is what I have to my lot.  The world elite are too busy thieving and backstabbing for what will end as a pretty sparkle of space dust and lure for the hellbound than to deal with... anyone else's problems.  Cold, dark, dangerous, and treacherous.  I had missed one.

Did it, again.

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In spite of the realization that The world I knew is gone.  That the horde, through betrayal by every type of elite we have, has won.  It is just a, hopefully, slower end of all of the West.  I got some of my chores finished.  It is difficult realizing even doctors are foreign more than not.  Not as an equality thing, merely because they will do... especially to Americans, what actual Americans wouldn't.  Eliminations.

It isn't just Democrats at this point.  It isn't even just GOPe, or neocons.  The differences are fiction, at this point.  Just another circus.  Anyway.

No dishes.  But the tub was cleaned as well as possible.  Then the whiskers were trimmed.  Finally a shower was had.  Oh, I set up a nest area for Sam.  I used to have a chair in there.  She, with it, could get up to a fourth level drawer.  I removed the chair for various reasons.

She kept begging for... something.  I just, I couldn't focus!  Finally, today, I remembered, was in there, could sort of think.  So it got done.  I wondered if it was too high, at a third level, so got a small step-piece set up.  She actually seemed insulted.  She really needs it.  Bleh.  Women!  She will eventually go the easy way.

I am absolutely finished.  So tired and a bit sore that sleep might be difficult.  I had to turn the furnace to 74° to warm, which allowed me to get going.  Half way through I had to turn it down.  Still too hot, but it will settle shortly.  Oh, one more day and it will be time to shut it all down.  I think I can, will.

It seems so cold, dark, dangerous.

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I called to order medicine.  Then to schedule.  My former doc told me they would be calling to reschedule... Monday.  He had called to check on me?  Say goodbye?  No one called.  I had all but forgotten.  Calling about medicine reminded me.  I believe everything is arranged.

I received flak about missing appointments.  I cancelled one, but did miss the other.  The first time I called, I was transferred to a line that rang but was never picked up and didn't go to message.  Punishment, I assume.  When I called back it sounded like the same guy.  I suggested he not do that again.  Why would he care anyway?  He should be more concerned that a vet can't make an appointment due to illness than that an appointment was missed.  Bureaucrats!

After, I called my mom.  They are having an exceptional winter.  It's in the 50's!  I've never heard of that, at this date, in Iowa.  Not ever to my memory.  Unless she was joking?  I'll look it up after.  This year seems colder than usual, but maybe it isn't.  Last year seemed far nicer.  Can't trust the weather news, I've noticed they change past reports.  Not all, but some.

Other than that, she seems well.  Especially considering I woke her from a nap.  I told her I was freezing despite having the furnace up and being well dressed, at least for indoors.  The wind, she said.  We don't have much today, but more than usual?  She may be right.  It's 21° or 22°, but feels colder, outdoors and in.

Sore again this morning.

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This time it was earned.  Mostly snow removal.  I never did get to the tub.  Or anything else.  Still, not a bad run yesterday.  My back is rough, and organs are a bit ginger.  That is as it should be when pulling a ship out of extended mothballing.  I still plan to work and make calls today.  The tub, then a shower, and some dishes... in small manageable batches.  Perhaps a slow start on boxes.

It's a beautiful day, but frigid, especially after being above freezing yesterday.  It's a darned good thing I got the snow and slush off.  It was about 12° F this morning.  Oddly, the duck's water was not very thickly frozen.  So much so that they had easily opened it this morning.  It suggests the hard freeze didn't happen until recently.  Another possibility is that someone changed their water this morning, before I got to it?

The strange thing is that both last night and this morning their water was very clean.  I might even dare call it pristine.  A very strange thing for ducks, who drink, bath, and 'go' in the same water.  Perhaps, overnight, they sensed the hard cold so eshewed the water from instinct.  But yesterday was well above freezing even by the later water change.  Very odd.

Sleep was good.  Again.  I had to totally reset blankets after the spinning yesterday night.  Amazing how twisted, cocoon like, they were.  I also dreamed.  I was the daughter, of a middling wealthy merchant, somewhere coastal on the south of what is now Europe.  Odd that even our poor have easier lives than the rich back then. Even kings... the best they could do was move from greater to lessor misery, as possible.  Just having antibiotics is a miracle, for as long as they still work.  If it doesn't help that governments are weaponizing bio enemies on top of all else though.

An interesting dream.  Don't know how factually based it was, but... seemed... right.  Such dreams ensure my satisfaction with being a man.  The neurosis common to being female... or worse... has roots in the simple reals.  If they are properly protected, they are caged.  If they aren't, they become simple permanent victims.  The world isn't fair.  Less so for women, and it only gets less so with age, more so and more quickly, for them.  Yea, I definitely am glad I can stand to pee!

I best get fresh tea going.  I have a timer set to feed the girls.  Perhaps hit their litter after setting tea to go.  Then spend time waking before hitting the tub?  A shower after cleaning.  A whisker trim too, soon.  Getting better, mostly, if that is beating me up.  Something about returning to life really hurts.  I do wonder if Lazarus, when called from the tomb, suffered as well... at least in the waking portion.  Ugh, but quickening is brutal.

I did it!

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It busted me up a bit.  I used a shovel, the snowblower, and the plow, then salted a few areas.  I had to shovel to get the snowblower out, which allowed me to move the suv, which allowed me to get the plow out.  It could have been done differently but not as well or efficiently.

The snowblower really does handle slush, very well.  If it ices that is another thing... only heavy salting, perhaps a big people plow, and time will work ice sheets.  I had to get to it or have an iced driveway.  Shoveling is the most difficult.  The snowblower really takes it out of you.  Though with long passes it would be much better.  I was clearing a ten by fifteen yard area... a pain to have to turn almost as soon as I got going, or reverse.  The plow was the easiest, but still takes it out of a guy.

When finished I was done.  I still have to feed and water the ducks and cats again, hit the litter again, eat something, and maybe hit, as in clean, the tub.  I have hit it with scrubbing bubbles several times since last night, but forgot to do more... or ran out of energy.  I also tried heavy duty drain cleaner several days ago, but it doesn't seem to have done any better than anything else.  Nothing works well, or quickly.

I will be wiped by the end of the day.  Oh, I did two other things yesterday.  I cleaned the toilet well.  It was pretty good, just... a bit too bachelor.  I have found a trick to both stand to pee and not be too messy.  I don't do it every time, and nothing is perfect.  A pee pail/bottle, like at hospitals.  It stretches the time between cleaning.

As well, I got to my finger and toe nails.  They were hurting, the toe nails... they grow in wrong.  I've noticed for weeks, a month, probably longer.  I just couldn't figure what to do.  Seriously, it's been that bad.  Finally awake and aware, and with the time and energy yesterday!  My feet are so very happy.

A good two day run.  Oh!  Bills, pills, and maybe registration?  Tomorrow?  If I'm not in a coma.  Seriously.  Pushing too hard.

Good, bad, ugly.

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Sleep was fantastic.  I did have to wake and reset blankets.  Different problem this time.  Rather than removed and set in piles, it was as if a fish trying to twirl out of nets.  I didn't remember twisting and turning but... that happens.  It was hell to get out and reset, I could barely wake to do so.  Oofta.  Still, it was an excellent sleep.  I hadn't actually gotten cold yet.  So no suffering other than having to wake a bit.  Sometimes that isn't a problem, sometimes it really is.

I did wake really late, three to four hours later than usual.  I often slip an hour or two, when I  start slipping.  Or twelve or more.  This was an odd amount.  Whatever.  I woke with my organs feeling like redheaded step children... blue on black.  It has mostly faded, mostly.

I am doing enough better so as to feed, water, and else, for all, not just more regularly but better.  Cat litter is back to twice daily.  As well, I tore into the water fountain for the girls.  I had realized how bad that was recently, so started offering them a large bowl, changing it daily.  I finally cleared, cleaned, and reset their fountain today.  They really love that with the carbon filter and large supply, when it is kept up.

The ducks got hungry enough to break down and eat the new stuff.  They tore through three days of feed quickly.  I am holding of giving them more until later today.  Two much simply isn't wise.  I am hoping to try the snow blower today.  Slushy snow.  Above freezing.  Scary to leave out.  It would ice over terribly.  Not sure how I would chip that off, out.

Getting slightly better.

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I think the delay is due to being dazed and confused.  Though... who knows.  My mind might be changing?  It... can do that when coming out of such devastating psychic darkness.  Still, it is probably still planned, when I can think to do it.  Such a brutal existence lately.

Yesterday was a record day.  I reset medicine in time to take them without pushing.  That itself was something.  But, seeing... troubles... I texted for help.  I ran out of duck feed.  I had to beg, but...  Wouldn't for myself, but for the critters I will.  He also wanted to work on the lawn tractor, and see about the snow blower... put "paddles" on the impellers.

I mixed up when he would arrive.  I finally was able to realize that if I couldn't do the dishes, or right away, I could at least drain them so as to shower.  It is so difficult when even the mind is in fog and shadow.  Anyway, that didn't work either.  The drain decided, at that moment, to stop working!  Or go so slow as to be all the same.

Still, a sitz bath.  Right as I was into it, he arrived.  Had to talk-shout through the door, but it all worked.  I never ended up being much help, but made it out to help on the last of one and then the other task.  And got the bag of feed offloaded and in the feed bin, plus fed the quackles.

I was absolutely shot by the time we were done.  Getting dizzy just from standing that long and in the cold.  I am keeping medicines the same one more week, then putting an extra 3.125 mg in at night.  The next refill will include one of those added both medicine times.  It is what it takes, if it is nearly six times what my uncle used.  Yeah, it is harsh.  Anyway...

I did get that.  Oh, and cat litter.  By the way, where the compressed newspaper pellets absolutely failed, the wood pellets work perfectly.  The girls are learning to poop in the standard stuff but pee in the wood pellets.  I may keep using the crystal stuff, for one of the three pans.  It is both more affordable as a group and it isn't such a large purchase requirement per month.  And the girls seem happy.

Short but exceptional.

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Sleep that is.  You can't enjoy sleep until you get poor sleep with no rest from it, and for a while.  With as dysfunctional as I have been for so long, I am surprised I am able to find good rest.  Part of why is that I no longer judge or attempt to drive myself so harshly.  What did Cohen say in a later interview?  Something about no longer having an internal voice screaming at him that he is fucking up?  Right, right.  I gave that voice to the only one who has a right to it, and He doesn't need it or use it.

I must admit, I thought I would be dead by now, this time.  I have sat for months.  All attempts to get to work end up nought.  Or worse, as with dishes, blocking up my access to the shower.  I would die to have a shower, but there is a heretofore insurmountable mountain of effort in the way.

I look at it, I reset it, I...  today?  Always a hope.  I look around me.  I want it fixed.  With help, but not alone.  Stuck in my head, able to see but not do.  I went without games, hoping that would force the issue.  I just slept more.  So I found games.  Though for a while, I couldn't play games either... months?  They produce more drive, but not of body.  At least there is entertainment and vestiges of action, activity, function, when I can play.  It offers... something.

Perhaps as medicine normalizes, I can dig back in?  Will see soon.

Been without insulin for a while.  Blood sugar is 154 fasting?  Okay.  I will check it after a fatted tea.  Curious now.  That is nearly as good as it gets with long-acting insulin provided.  Fast acting alone too, sometimes.  Quite strange.  With that idea, I set a fresh pot of tea to brew.  Such a very strange world.  But in God's hands, even as a failure, it isn't a bad one.  Some people in it, but that isn't my problem even when it is.  Mostly.

You do terrify.

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Some of you don't know, but there is at least one among you who knows what I post as I write it.  I suspect several.  How?  Tech isn't my field, sight is.  Pattern recognition, the human, other two-legs, as well as a few other things are my areas.  Although I am pretty sure the watchers don't realize I know, or forgot I do have real sight.

Proof?  Someone just visited this post, a day before publishing this post.

But that isn't what terrifies.  A real or imagined beautiful body, mind, or soul will often find covetous eyes upon it.  Creepy as that is, it is no surprise.  It is your responses.  Some of you get far too much, or understand in ways which can undo me.  Even those with only kindness in your intent.  Those who hate, I... merely commiserate.  I... understand.  Save those who can and do harm.  You are wrong, and know it.  Even just in your hate, but to act on hate is... google.  For they no longer pretend to try not to be.

It is because of the harm those who hate are inflicting that I am going.  Mostly bureaucrats from what I can tell, at the federal level.  Still, they aren't the truly frightening.  I can see it in the pops... the music, humor, sadness, perhaps joy?  I... I think so.

The final public post approaches.

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Mostly the betrayal of a foggy mind or it would be done, or out there anyway.  I intended to write the notice, give it time, put out the first post, give it a few days, then put out the last post and give it several days.  Several things, actually, are proving problematic.  The timing is only slightly elongated due to confusion.  But my need to post, and some trepidation about whether to post, after creating the "last two" music posts at all... I just wasn't sure.  Pops, so many.  They were from y'all.  Still...

Once I pulled the trigger, the mind has become foggier as time has slipped my grasp.  The "last of the two music posts" should be popping soon.  Today or tomorrow.  Blogger has me on a foreign timestamp and server.  It is banished, with no way to get a correct timestamp.  Which probably means most people couldn't find it.  Anyway, that means no matter my input, I never know when something I post and queue will actually post.

A few days after, I will figure out how to cut the feed... to most of you.  The "last post" will explain that.

Another good sleep, if a bit shy.  Warm.  And I didn't keep waking to see if I was too cold.  Sam insisted I wake.  She never wakes me unfairly, so... rather than be a putz, I woke.  I probably fed them only once two days in a row?  I don't think so...  Hmm, litter?  Ah, that might be it.  I'll figure it soon.  I turned the furnace up and set an alarm.

Now for meds.  Perhaps eggs?  If they are good.  Oh, but dishes and the stove need hit first!  Ugh.  Later.

Perfect sleep.

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As close to perfection as I have had in some time.  So exceptional I slept longer than needed, something I don't like to do.  I often sleep many hours, or too few.  But when I wake, usually I not only want to get up, I have to rouse.  This was an exception, a rare one.

I reset blankets and the bedspread, settled in, then drifted swiftly to sleep.  Occasionally I would send feelers out, while maintaining sleep, to make sure my body wasn't too cold, or too hot.  It was always within tolerances.  With an inner smile, I would drift back to the unconscious nether.

I woke, officially, at 3:30 or so.  But wanted more, perhaps needed after having to fight for sleep the last few nights.  At least now, if needed or wanted, I can take a bit more time.  While the modern world demands a daily schedule, I don't... think that is natural.  When you drive men like animals, you do end up with bad behavior.  Well, and it leaves some behind.  Most.

Truth is, in almost any other time, if I hadn't been worked to death, I would have been left to die, one way or another.  Then, again, I actually should have failed, living on my own.  I often fall off medicine.  I rarely eat well.  It... even the cold could get me.  So many ways to die, and, yet, I remain.  Just enough food, medicine, heating or cooling, etc.  But just enough.  I wonder if getting as much as I seem to want would be lethal?  As if, to a degree, it matters.

Ducks and cats need fed.  Hopefully dishes and a shower soon.  Ugh.

Almost another cold night.

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This time I didn't let sleep or weariness keep me down.  Twice I woke to being down to one blanket.  Each time so very cold.  I shook myself awake and aware enough to set the blankets right.  The second time I checked more carefully, perhaps even using a flashlight to see... can't remember.  They definitely weren't just folded or kicked off.  Three were removed into separate piles.

I set the bed up correctly at bedtime.  I thought it right, from the start, but something was off so I redid my bed.  So... each blanket removed, set out in a true layering, then some tucked so as to make a partial sleeping bag.  That was somehow dismantled, twice, last night.  After the second time it remained whole.  I had to fight for it, but got a mostly toasty sleep for it.  My body feels a bit more rested, less sore... achy.

A struggle, but a good omen for the new year?  I didn't quite make it to midnight.  I definitely tried.  I was about fifteen minutes away.  I just couldn't even sit correctly, and my eyes were on fire.  My body and it's parts were in full revolt.  Absolutely no choice.  Oh, it was fun to try.

I felt awful most of yesterday.  I was wondering if blood pressure was horrible.  Nope, it was 135/95 with a pulse of 78.  Blood sugar?  At 158 without insulin, not bad.  So... no.  It must just be medicine.  Organs don't feel good, flu type symptoms... light.  But it isn't the flu.  Hmm, even the heart was uncomfortable, as if pumping was a struggle.  It was... tired?  Sore from that too.  Better this morning, so far.  And no problems beyond blanket stealing entities and occasional cold through the night.

Well... hopefully work today.  Dishes and laundry.  Uhrm, after waking and tea or coffee.  Much better to sleep warm, even a bit too warm, than otherwise.

Two final posts?

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Video posts, anyway.  Videos started popping.  Most new, a few old...  Why?  I decided to create two posts to break them up, as a gift, or bane, to my compatriots, sympathizers, and haters.  I suspect it was a bit from each of you... what created the froth.  Still, I am done.  I will not comment.  Every one of these popped since I retired.

Ducks, cats, and pork.

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To each their own.  To cats and ducks, from the pig.  A pork shoulder roast with buttered cabbage and raw whole milk.  It isn't bacon.  As my tastes are now, it is better.  Too much bacon is sugared, some is over smoked, some seems too thin or maybe rancid.  Price is no guarantee.  Actually spendy and cheap stuff have more in common than either with the middle.  I was enjoying odds and ends until rancidity became the norm.  The garbage bin has been pulled back while out.

Anyway.  Fed, all of us.  The furnace is going.  It was set to 72° as a starter.  If I take a nap shortly, begin working, or two hours slip by, I'll turn it down to 68°.  It is just good to warm, well, in the mornings.  Especially having been cold most of the night.  And it was strangely cold out there.  I believe it was eight, but frost was hanging off everything.  A bit of precip or humidity, whichever with wind heading westerly with a slightly northern tick.  A strange pattern.  That would have added to last night but not explained the blankets.

Never mind.  I am hoping to work, but food after extended accidental fasting is burning my dance card, and my love, doing dishes, is looking heavy in my arms.  Even sitting, but definitely gaming, are heavier still.  I'd still like to push to nine or ten.  It will help make it a nap, not a true failure to wake.  It increases the chance to gain and keep the day.  Legs hurt, from the cold last night.

Bleh.  Later.

A few more posts until I can figure.

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I will continue to blog.  Therapy, habit... addiction?  Perhaps with no visitors, it will fade.  Or it will become more... legitimate.  Without having to worry about the obvious sensitivities of others, prejudices even if correct, I can just write.  Oh, hey, I completely empathize.  As a crippled man knows better than to think he is normal, I know, and every flaw and blemish is plain before one called to God.  Good God, I refuse to accept broken, wrong, fallen, as acceptable.  I... just am.  Everyone is, most simply don't explore it.  Well, and volume and depth?

I will, as soon as fog lifts, figure out privacy settings.  There are people I would allow, if I knew how.  But that would take digging into the guts of the digital beast, plus trial and error.  I'm not doing well.  Just finding the privacy setting is proving a challenge.  I had created a few posts from the flood of vids that poured in since my announcement.  I cancelled them.  I may put them back in the queue?  Anyway...  Back to regularly scheduled programming, for now.
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Rough.  Meds are doing well, save insulin.  I am out.  Days are back in session, so I will call in.  I am low on everything but should have a week or two of the pill medicine.  I can't make sense of the automatic system... too many doctors, prescriptions, long numbers, dates.  They ask too much from at least this one.  One, three, hoops too many.

Blood sugar is sub 200, but just.  Haven't been eating much.  Doing so little it doesn't matter.  The body hurts, sometimes intensely, but the fog cuts the volume to less than numb horror.  I don't bother with aspirin, it wouldn't touch the pain but might gift a bloody nose.  Life is like a crisp winter day with a fresh foot of snow and a very overcast sky.  Beautiful, quiet, alone, but deceptively dangerous.  Death is here, and patient.  I would know, it is... my game.  Was.

I don't know when I was to bed.  No later than 20:00?  Probably several hours earlier?  I kept waking cold, but shouldn't have been.  I finally opened the vent to the main room.  That keeps it five to ten degrees warmer, well into my optimal sleeping range, easily, with my bedding setup.  Couldn't figure it out, in part because sleep was so needed.  Not until three was I able to wake enough to consciously take stock.

Blankets were off, the top two layers.  An unusual thing.  I don't kick off, usually just putting feet out if too hot.  I know it was set rightly at bedtime, because I was cold.  Never did warm through the night.  Ghost?  Seriously, I... have visitors.  Not all are ghosts.  Not all are kind.  Though the dark ones... seem to fear me, much as how the cats carefully consider being willful in my presence.  Dunno.

Up at 5:00 to thirty after.  A lot of sleep.  Too much.  Perhaps because I never got warm?  The cold can take it out of me.  Did.

I did get most of the trash collected and out.  I had hoped to get more, but took what I could, when I could, how I could.  I think I got a friend in trouble, kin as I see it, with my predicament.  It wasn't his fault.  A man just has to tend his matters and I just wasn't as able to do so.  It... isn't even my fault.  It just happens.

I'll grab the barrel back, feed and water critters, sort cat litter, then plot.  Call for medicine, hopefully hit the dishes, then shower.  And maybe start in on the kitchen and boxes?  Oh, and start the grill for a pork roast.  I have steamed cabbage to go with it.  It's been so long since I've had a real meal.

It is about time to retire.

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From blogging.

The world has changed.  People have moved on, or off, or died.  Those who remain don't make sense.  Perhaps they never did.  Maybe I just didn't get it.  I had thought I did.  Sure don't now.  It is such a dark world.  Some of that might be reflections of age and illness.  Most of it is the reality of what is happening.

It will get gradually darker still.  There isn't a way around it.  If your nation is looking less and less familiar, if you don't recognize, or understand your neighbor, or preacher, teacher, or the new cop?  When every news channel looks the same and reports the same fake news?  When even white male politicians of one party, sometimes both, think the death of white males is a good thing... and still get elected?

There is nothing more to say.  I just hope there is time to Yoda out rather than living long enough to have to war just to live.  It's coming.  It was easily foretold.  Few realized it would be... this way, or with "our own" leading the destruction.  Insanity, evil, it is here?  Tibet was a small nation.  But the United States?  I guess, family by family, city by city, and state by state, the destruction was small, slow, yet sure.  Look to Virginia as a most recent example, though not the worst.  Or, not yet.

Good luck folks.  And good bye.

A shorter sleep?

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I think so.  To bed by 18:00, but sleep was elusive.  A good night for prayers.  Some suggest meandering prayers are to be avoided.  For children and the dying, sometimes that is all that is available.  To be honest, I would rather pray openly, honestly, faithfully, simply, while stumbling through rather than do a directed strike, in and out, asking for what I or even someone else needs or worse wants, then be on my way.

Even when short on time, I spend a bit of extra time giving thanks and praise, first.  He already knows what is being requested.  So should I die before finishing asking, He already Has it.  What He enjoys is having His chosen spend a little time with Him.  Well, that is how I see it.

Anyway.  I woke, finally, around 1:30.  I woke several times through the night.  Ice slipping on the roof, some other odd sounds never quite identified, or just because.  Sleep was good, but shorter, more difficult to obtain and maintain, blocky.  I keep thinking about work, too.

Upon waking, I started on dishes.  The tub is slow to drain, but I have things set up for as soon as that happens.  Perhaps a load of laundry, two if they are small yet today.  Wools and whites, the rest is pretty much done.  After dishes, a shower and shave.  Ducks will get watered, fed if needed.  The girls have already been fed, but litter needs sorted.  Ugh.

If I can move on dishes and shower, I can get back to the list, kitchen and boxes.  Perhaps some business affairs I am sorely behind regarding, and... maybe some sort of winter outing.  Bundling as needed and a short walk?  I don't know, but I really want to go do something.  I love the winter, mountains, and getting out.  You would think me a hermit, a truth not a choice.  Later.