Acrophobic much?

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Oh, aye.  The world spins, nausea, sweats, some other things.  Just... looking over the edge a mere two stories down will cause symptoms.  Though, the higher the worse.  Good, then... just do this and shut up.

A bit better.

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Still, some fever behind the brow, aches and pains but milder, some strange hardness to my gut rather than nausea.  Better.  My foot is still killing me.  I forgot, somehow, while checking all the other symptoms while waking, and put my foot down to walk on it regularly.  Mistake.

Like putting my foot into a bear trap.  The pain was a massive wall of hurt, that shot up my leg and hit my brain, almost causing a scream of agony.  In spite of my attempts to be quiet when in even grave pain, I... almost slipped.  Catching myself at the last instant before a horrific cry burst forth.  Agony, oh how I know thee... bitch.  :p  Hey, I... deserve that grant.  You have no idea.

Bedtime.

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I wanted to be to bed already.  But the hunger kept gnawing at me.  Finally I got to something.  But, now I have to digest it, settle, let it settle.  Good enough.  A few cans of veggies and a lot of butter.  Butter, I have found, and lots of it, is the trick to not having a terrible reaction to the carbs in veggies.  Or... I think that is it.  Losing a hundred pounds makes a difference, though, too.

Oh, and yogurt with berries.  Just... hungry.  Very hungry.  Still hungry?  Yes.  I could eat a ribeye, if it were thawed, and I could stand well enough to somehow cook it.  Bah!  Hungry.  HUNGRY!

I do my best.

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While thinking on things, I decided to call my mother.  I sent her Christmas presents early, hoping one of them would be chosen.  She did like the wrist watch, not the pocket watch.  I was trying for something... she might like.  Difficult to know.  All good though, as long as she liked one of them.  Next, to figure out how to get the one she didn't like sent back.

I have asked a friend to print it for me.  Then will send the shipping label to her.  Why they can't just give me an email?  Well, she could.  Even right there at the home, most likely.  But she doesn't understand these things, so won't do them.  Hmm... if I don't hear from my friend soon, or such, I may call the home directly.  See if they could give me an email address, and maybe specific person to receive it?  Or... next time.

Right.

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The aches, the pains, add in nausea, toss in sniffles, slightly sore throat, potential for diarrhea, and... you got yourself the flu.  So... my plans for this evening have been set aside.  I teased that I have the flu, and I'm not sharing!  Mine!  :p  But, yeah.  Now it makes sense.  I was wondering, there for a bit.  But aches and pains do come and go.

Though, I must admit, with the toe still being pretty stubbed, swollen, and walking difficult... sometimes it is good to just throw in the towel... before something else comes up.

Headache, body ache, problems.

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Just a more difficult morning.  The toe knuckle has swollen more than it was.  And it... was pretty swollen.  I stopped wearing shoes for a few days, because that was... starting to hurt.  Back to it, pain and all, today.  Shortly.  Hey, pain... is sometimes the only way through.  Though, too, it is good to take a break from pain.  Not even I am an absolute pain loving monster.  I... will endure it, as needed, as possible.  But, as well, don't expect me not to complain.  It... will happen.  If not every time, or every day, or every way.

I've been a bit grumpy lately.  Which happens.  I'll try to set the dark mood aside, endure the pains and aches more subtly, and find a better way to live.  Politics is over, for a while.  No reason to chase a tail that has been managed, one way or another.  Either it will get better, it won't, or it will get worse.  Not much I can do about it.  I'll pray, for the leaders, doers, decision makers.  But I... have been, always do.  Nothing changes, no matter which "party" is "in charge".  Bleh.  See, but that is probably as nice as I get about such topics.  Take it or leave it.

Up at five thirty, again.

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I'll keep trying to pull the bedtime back to 19:00 even.  I think I was awake, as it turned out, until 21:00.  A bit after, no more than half after, more like just after?  I can't remember.  I checked my last post, but that wasn't it.  Couldn't remember how late that was.  But it turns out to have not been near bedtime.

A good warm sleep.  Forgot to turn the furnace down, so it was a warm wake too.  The heat doesn't get upstairs, even with the door open.  But it sure stayed nice and toasty down here.

Bumping into ghosts.

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Just strolling down memory lane.  Happy memories, serious, sad, funny.  Then I noticed people gone.  So many.  Oh, I didn't get upset.  I just... am surprised how many are gone.  Aunts and uncles, that sort of makes sense.  Parental aged ones too.  Glad my mother is still around.  Most of those who filled played that part aren't here.

But cousins, my age, younger.  Siblings, or sorts.  Though, only one of those I know about.  If I suspect others are slowing passing.  Friends, associates, enemies.  So very many.  The number of dead is climbing.  Two from this blog, since I have been blogging, who I have heard about?  Friends, I think, certainly for my part.

Hungry.

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Nothing really easy.  Nothing thawed.  There is fasting, if I'm honestly not interested in that.  Though, it looks like, by default of no real good choices, fasting it is.  Annoying, but... okay.  I'm easy.  I may have a fatted coffee, though.  It's a tea day, but... yeah.

I called to cancel my appointment with the wound clinic.  So that is done.  I also called to set up an appointment at my bank.  Too late, but okay.  I was put through to the loan officer's voice mail.  Leaving just name and number, and a brief message.  I suspect there was time to talk, but... end of the day, the interest is lacking.  Setting up an appointment to arrange the details, isn't that complicated, or time consuming.  But... so be it.

Good enough, for now.

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To bed at 21:00, up at five, give or take on each.  I'd like to push that back an hour.  I keep getting stuck on something, and end up staying up a bit later to try and solve something.  Always something else.  Though, if it's a small thing, I always think it will take minutes, not an hour or three.  I need to just go on to bed when... I know I should.  Still, not terrible, just not... as I would have it.

the last three nights, so it has gone.  Or thereabouts.  I'll keep aiming for a twenty hundred downtime, and a four wakeup.  Possible, still, I think.  The sun doesn't hurt or help, at this point.  I just doesn't show up until much later.

Just a bit.

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Some boxes broken down, trash and recycling gathered and taken out.  And dishes, spoons, serving service, and more, taken in to begin soaking.  Both barrels are full, so I checked if tomorrow is both, or just one.  It's both.  So... all good.

The place was starting to get rough, rougher than usual.  By a lot.  And... it is usually rough.  It is very good to have everything out.  I just need to wake in time to get it to the curb.  Nice, very nice.

Oyster stew.

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Nothing fancy, mostly.  I did use a keto half and half, rather than just cream (or cream and water).  Using almond milk as the milk portion.  Far fewer carbs, if it's... not... milk in any way.  I must admit, I was hoping for more.  It isn't anything like milk.  Maybe skim milk?  I mean, like... no fat in it at all.  By taste.  I think this does have fat, and protein, and some carbs.  But it tastes pretty flat and watery?  To me, or this brand, or such.

I was picky about what I bought.  No sugars, no chemicals, no nothing, other than salt (sea I think, whatever some lawyer and/or bureaucrat says that might even mean though too), and water.  Filter water?  Probably not.  Which also may mean fluoridated?  Never really can tell with these bastards.  Yes, I do despise the world we now live in.  Have to watch them ever second, then they just lie to you and the government backs them.

A early Christmas present!

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As I was going to bed, my ankle was itching something awful.  So, I started scratching it.  The swelling, and the scab over the nearing two year old open wound sitting on the border between ankle and lower leg was the lead causes.  As I got to the scab I was being delicate.  Still, some of it started to crumble off.

I was tired.  Hadn't planned on bandaging it.  Didn't want to.  I was tired.  Still, I went ahead and itched and scratched with abandon.  Then went to grab bandaging and... whatever else would be needed.  Odd, it wasn't wet.  So I bothered to take a close look.  Dry under?  No wound!  It has finally healed!  Gone, a two year wound, healed.

I was able to get one of the bosses.

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I kept looking for solutions.  Beating the more difficult bosses usually has some gimmick.  There is at least one that doesn't have a functional gimmick.  Or, not a gimmick I can do.  Consoles have too much lag to dodge well enough to win, against a specific boss, two now.  However, with one of the bosses, I am going to try the trick I used on the other.  Since both bosses are a problem for the same reason, or similar reason?

As well, the boss I beat allowed me a way to increase certain stats.  Which technically will make the game easier.  If I'm not sure I have actually seen an improvement through that.  Honestly, the only thing I have seen is that, with the increase in that state, certain bosses and mini bosses don't automatically one shot you.  From half the map away, in some cases.

Three bosses are unbeatable in the game.

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It looks like the game is at a standstill.  Leveling won't help, at this point.  Two of the bosses are in the way of the dlc, one is keeping me from obtaining the platinum in the main game.  So... pretty much it looks like the game is finished.  I have to say, I can't recommend buying Elden Ring.  Not if you are a completionist.

If you have a computer, and can import mods that make the bosses doable, or even easy, then sure.  But on consoles, the bosses can't be beat.  Not all of them.  It's just the way it goes.  Though, as I have said, they may single out some people who they don't allow to win.  Yes, they are that informed, and that petty.

Ugh.

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I saw that it had frosted, and started to snow.  Turning from a light drizzle to a pretty light snow shower.  Very pretty, with mountains in the background.  I try to take time to look, remember, see, sense... as often as I am able.

I decided to attempt to call my mother.  I was quite surprised when she picked up.  Just wanted to talk, and make sure she is warm, healthy, and such.  She is, was.  I let her know Christmas is on the way.  She knows what, she asked for it.  Two.  Two?  Aye.  If you don't like one, or the other, send it or them back.  If you like them both, keep them both.  It's not about the money, it is about getting her what she wants, and needs.

Then to the bathroom.  I had to struggle, again, this morning.  Perhaps I am eating too much chia?  Some is good, too much might be bad?  And I have been... overconsuming as I come back to it.  Yes, maybe to every third day.  Or even every other day.

Gaming.  Faced a boss I wasn't sure I could beat.  Did, but... after a few tries.  Sorted what worked, what didn't.  Still shouted at the tv, like a banshee.  Howled like a wolf.  And some other such.  Sometimes I have to laugh, afterward.  But... okay.  The bosses, though, are often choke points.  Sometimes you can ignore them, do other things, for a while.  Or even go around them, if that might destroy standard game progression (or not, depends on the path, method, boss).  Annoying.

I wish the game had a reset.  Or a means of shutting off progress if you have to go around, or want to to collect a few things that make your game easier.  Or, just don't allow us to go around.  Annoying.  Not sure what is next, but... something is coming up.

I do have to laugh, when someone presents a "method" to beat a boss.  You aren't methoding the boss, you are running, jumping, shooting... mashing buttons in some mad hope that you will survive longer than the thing(s) trying to kill you.  There is no method to it.  No logic.  That... doesn't go with this sort of game, save on the extreme periphery.  It's... not a real part of the game.

*laughs like a loon*

Anyway... glad to have gotten through the choke point, passed the next (hopefully last, if hope is for the hopeless?) more difficult bm, and having talked to mom.  I'll have to call my brother.  He's probably butthurt about Trump.  Don't talk to me about it.  I didn't vote for either.  One would have caused the reset much more quickly, the other will possibly allow us to linger, a bit longer, in this fantasy world we have been dying in since Regan.  Meh.  If, too, I... have some hope Trump and crew can actually get some things done.  I just don't really count on it.  It would require a lot of people repatriated, some of them already technically citizens.  And a lot of bureaucrats thrown out of jobs, and whole departments shuttered, and repurposed to work for the people, not cronies and foreign countries like China and Israel.  I don't see either of those honestly happening, but... we'll see.

Funny thing?  He laments what Trump "is", I lament that Trump isn't what my brother thinks he is.  *grins*  *laughing*  Oh, yes, true.  

The worst night in a long time.

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Have you ever had to go to the bathroom, number two, really bad.  But it's all up inside, and you can't go?  Right.  Then you got punched in the stomach so hard you think something may have ruptured?  Right.  Now combine those two.

No, I didn't have to go to the bathroom.  Probably just gas buildup, from something.  I wondered if it was the powdered shirataki mushrooms, or anchovies.  Didn't do it the first time, probably?  But I used far less of the mushroom powder the first time.  couldn't taste it.  So dipped in deeply on that, while cutting the anchovy powder.  But, yeah, I think I won't use either of those again.

Not sure.

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My internals, stomach, feels like it was hit by a two by four.  Not a tap, but a serious hit.  I'm not sure if I ate something wrong, or the last four bm's beat me up.  They have been difficult.  As I said, too much cheese, by far.  Along with a lot of salami.  I have had to work to go.  Harshly.  No choice, either.  When it has to go, the pipeline and body say so...

Though, even if it is supposed to go, has to go, should go, that doesn't mean it will be easy.  Some of them have taken two or three concentrated efforts.  Others just one, but a lot of work.

Got it!

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The last soup I made, a few days ago?  End up terrible!  I added way too much powdered anchovy.  Wow (wouch?).  Oh, it was so potent I couldn't handle smelling the stuff.  I almost threw the powder out.  I... just... wanted to give it another chance.  Today was that chance.

Last time I added, say, almost a teaspoon, 2/3rds, 3/4ers of a teaspoon I'd say.  I could smell how potent it was, and fishy.  Wouch.  This time?  Somewhere between an eighth and a sixteenth of a teaspoon.  Everything else was the same.  And?

Too much salt.

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That is a part of the water retention problem.  Between cheese and salami, and other dried meats, eaten to get back more toward carnivore, I over did it with the salt.  Still, it seems, sometimes, to get to where I need to be, there is a price.  Either with time, or other things.  I don't mind, this time.  Though am sure hoping the waterpills arrive.

Swelling has gone down some.  Drinking extra water, while at times a problem, when salt intake was too high extra water can be a boon.  Though, trying to use discretion even with this.  Stew will probably help too.  Even thickened, it is watery enough to help carry salt out.