Crashing.

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Help arrived though.  I had an area, in the kitchen, I needed opened up.  I did help.  But didn't do more than a small portion.  Beside opening that up, he got the r.o. countertop device going.  I couldn't see the markings.  Eyes... as you get older.  Though, after a bit of fiddling, he figured it out.  Then showed me.  I can do that, from now on.

I was afraid of twisting the filters off, perhaps damaging the filters or the machine.  All good.  I ran one pot through, emptied.  Ran another through.  That is it for today.  Tomorrow I am hoping to run two more batches.  With the filters being new, they have charcoal running through them, and maybe other chemicals.

When did I go down?

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Sometime midafternoon.  After 16:00, not quite to 18:00?  Just guessing.  I was so absolutely exhausted that even getting to bed was a serious chore.  I kept nodding off as I sat here.  Surprised I haven't fall from my perch doing that.  At least I wasn't nodding off behind the wheel.  I started waking at midnight thirty.  Tried to keep down.  Made it a mere half hour before I simply couldn't stay down anymore.

Not that waking was easy, or smooth.  I kept.. nodding off on the way out and up.  Though, once on my feet, and dressed, life evened out a bit.  How do I keep on living?  I honestly can't say.  Assuming no one is trying to poison me, or otherwise interfere, and I don't make any such assumptions... but just for simplicity let us stay that.  Just how I feel, many, almost every day... since... what... early to mid fall?

Signed and sealed.

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The HELoC?  Is completed.  I have to wait, for payments, then for those to go through.  The first thing this does is pays all my debts.  Bringing the loan all under one roof and, generally, at a lower and singular interest rate.  Perfect?  Close enough.  Then life goes from there.

I need to work with my other bank.  With that debt, through them (the bike) paid off, I'll cut back on what they get.  But... that becomes Christmas fund.  Which means, this coming year, if weather holds, I could visit my mother.  I'll keep enough going that I can go, and stay, without dipping into my income.  Plus, arrive bearing gifts.

I am not the only one who can't seem to sleep.

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Digging.  With intent.

Too much to show all.  Some of my favored uncovered, and some... I think... that just go with the theme.  Tiptoe lightly, youngling.  Older than me?  After what you have uncovered, you... still think so?  *grins*

Mockery, commiseration, a nod, or else?

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The sense of things.  I... don't know if this is a reaction to my last post, or... something else.  I... don't see you, but I see what you suggest.

By which name do you suggest you know me?

I am pretty sure.

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Someone.

Needed more sleep.

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Went in for a nap.  Say, around 14:00, 14:30?  The latter or later.  A few hours, I thought.  Up at 19:00.  Does that still count?  Headache.  Mild.  Haven't napped in a very long time, and am trying to wrestle my schedule around.  So, there is that.  A mild headache.  I won't treat it.  Though, now, I have... three types of painkillers (otc), with one more type on it's way.  Not because I use a lot.  More because I would rather mix types on the rare times I use them, and try to use ones that work better with certain pains?  Since returning to carnivore, no need.  Mostly.

Someone keeps calling, offering $35k "emergency" loan, grant, or such.  I just laugh.  Can imagine what the interest rate on that would be... a leg, arm, and first and last born child.  Seriously.  Spammy spam spam and eggs.  Or eggs and spam.  Maybe spam, eggs, and spam?  At least they made it an English speaking woman, not a dot indian.  Still... Spammy, spam, spam.  No eggs.  Have to laugh, list as spam, block, and chuckle some more.

Awake before noon.

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Not moving with great speed or agility.  If not stumbling in pain and misery.  I slept well.  Went to bed just before six, waking at a bit before noon.  I almost want more sleep, but I... can't.  I need to reset things, even if just for a day or week, or so.  Or... try.

My toe is feeling much better since I went back more solidly to carnivore.  If it is gout, gout isn't caused by meat.  My (foster) father suffered with it for years, on the SAD (standard American diet).  They tried to break from it, but broke more toward vegetarianism.  My (adopting) mother suffers with it, and has for many years.  She believes it is meat, her doctors told her that too.  At this point, she doesn't have choices as to her diet.  But she did before.  Believed the doctors, and continued to suffer.

Potted beef, crackers, and coffee.

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Not the fanciest of dinners, breakfasts.  But it worked.  Keto crackers, still I am careful with their use.  I had been thinking of another steak, tonight.  Or some portion.  Was wanting food, but not wanting that much fuss.  So this.  Though, I think I'll have chicken brats and sauerkraut later, instead of steak.  Not fancy either, but a change.  And, still, carnivore enough for my tastes.

News.  The loan went through.  I have it set up to get my other debts paid off, so I only have to focus on this.  I will be changing a few things with how I bank.  Setting up automatic payments, as well, so that I will be paying off as I go along, on top of taking out.  During the summer, when work is less likely, I can spin more money into it.  Still have to sign, but it's coming up.

Awake a bit later than hoped.

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Wednesday?  Yep.  Up nearing 18:00.  Bleh.  Sassy was fed, bladder was let out for a walk.  Packages were collected from the stoop.

While finding a bread, or in the process, I wanted to find fruit spreads that would work with it.  Not for daily.  No keto friendly food, that is on the sweeter side, can generally be had too regularly.  Once, or twice, a week.  Same with the bread, most likely.  That bread really was seriously good.  I am hoping this orange marmalade is too.  The trick is limited amounts, rarity of use, and adding butter, and maybe drinking with a very high fat coffee.  It's all a trick, and yet not.  It is simply, at this point, how my body works in the healthiest way possible.

Still up, but shouldn't be.

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Finished the steak.  Had another coffee.  Kept Sassy in food as well.

Someone has been picking them.  I think a recent post or dozen have someone(s) picking through the scratch, looking for... indicators?  Or... just having a larf.

Steak and coffee.

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I thought I had forgotten to pull steak out of the freezer.  Nope.  It was raring and ready.  Thawed in the fridge, is all.  Attempting that, as I have heard it is better, safer?  I don't know.  I just didn't think it actually worked.  It... it works.  Baked, but this time at 350, not higher as I have been doing... and getting it too done.  Then pan fried for five on the first run, three minutes on a final run.  I... will probably bake it for more like ten minutes, once the oven is to temp, from now on.  Still... rather good.  Half, *cough* more like a third, went into a bag and into the fridge for tomorrow.  Or later.

Coffee is an absolute delight.  If you like the stuff.  I don't like it.  I love it.  With the sweetener that works for my diabetes issues, and a bucket of cream?  Which works pretty well with keto, for me carnivore, and definitely for diabetes?  What's not to like.  Like caramel coffee, only not diabetic spike or drop... and with weight loss?  Who knew.  Other than nutritionists, doctors, lawyers, politicians, bureaucrats and everyone else who tried to deny us access to such foods, especially of the raw sort.  But hey... nothing a few million tarring and featherings, hangings, and war crime type trials won't solve.  Sure, I'll forgive.  Right after the guilty hang.  And even forget.

Oh, right... youall.

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I... had phone calls to make, emails to read, this and that.

A doc called.  I meant to call them anyway.  Something about VA reimbursement lapsed, so they are working on it.  Okay.  I meant to delay our visit anyway.  So... all good.  Back to coffee.  Yeah!  Seriously, I miss the stuff when I take a long break from it.  Tea has been wonderful, but... I like coffee occasionally.  Today's the day, today's the day!

Awake for a while.

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I tried to wake earlier yet.  Made it awake, finally, at 14:30?  Perhaps as much as a quarter or score before?  Something in there.  More or less.  Fed Sassy.  Went looking for information my bank lady needs.  Found it, sent it.  It looks like the loan went through, they just need... more data, proof, whatnot.  I don't have all of it, sent what I have or can get.

Oh, my plan of being done with the house by March is... very unlikely.  Perhaps next March.  Not possible, this year.  Not sure I want to list it in the fall or winter, though... would look at the possibility.  Not sure what costs exist for listing.  Or else.  Will investigate several companies.  See what... schedule can be worked.

Slowly.

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I had hoped to do some gaming, feed Sassy, trim my whiskers, and to have been on to bed hours ago.  By four hours ago, or so?  I... just couldn't.  I kept Sassy fed, ate myself and had tea.  Gamed a bit.  Finally got a shower in.  It was all just taking so very long just to attempt to get things done.  Ugh.

Blood sugar, this 'morning', was 140.  Which is a very nice 38 point drop, from yesterday 'morning'.  And, after steak and veggies, then tea, and a few hours, blood sugar is... 119?  That is... 62 points better than my later reading yesterday.  Well, okay.  I guess I really do need to eat, and mostly carnivore.

So wanted coffee and cream.

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After a taste, after taking nearly a week off from that, my hunger for it became intense.  I had two, or maybe three.  Wanted one today so desperately.  But, no.  Tea it was.  Green, gunpowder... so called because they leaves are rolled in such a way that they roughly resemble gunpowder.  Very roughly.  Or so I heard.

This time I let the water cool, and got it to where green tea is supposed to be brewed.  Then only gave it three minutes to steep.  Reserving the tea for a second run.  They say you can do two, three, even up to five runs.  I have not found that so.  Two is, usually, as many as I will go.  Though, this time, I am trying to run this green tea through at shorter runs, and with the right temp of water.  So will try three on this.  If it's just water, on the third, I'll pour it out and get fresh.  I won't sip on hopium, or copium.  I want tea, Jim!

Steak and veggies.

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That was pretty good.  The steak I cooked yesterday was an end cut.  And even the thicker part ended up overcooked.  Not... all that good.  I only ended up eating half.  Just could not do the whole thing.

Tonight, the steak was evenly cut, or at least evenly thick.  I think there was a bit of an angle to it.  It happens, when cutting by hand.  I ate half of it, will put the rest up.  Probably finish the veggies, had half of those already.  Quite enjoyed the meal.

Oh, dreams.

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Strange dreams.

In the first one, I found my uncle, dying in a field.  He had been in an accident.

He had been thrown from his truck.  It has been raining, or snow had thawed, I don't remember all.  As he was going around a corner, his truck went off the road, onto the shoulder.  Which usually isn't a problem.  But, this time, it was muddy.  It caught the front tire, stopping the truck, catapulting him through the roof.

Tried to sleep longer.

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Got maybe another hour, hour and a half in?  Over my recent efforts.  Was able to stay awake just an hour or so longer.  Those don't always match, especially when my days and nights are circling the toilet.  Who... flushed!  Bah.  At least I wasn't in the shower?

Heating the oven, for another steak.  Best pull some out to thaw.  I seem to be eating well.  Two steaks out.  Then I'll fast a bit.  Steak must have helped?  Blood sugar is down to 140.  Yes, I needed food.  Right food.  I'll... keep at it.  Just tea and water?  No, I'll have corn and peas, with butter, along with the steak tonight.

Steaks.

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Finally got to the ribeye roast.  It has been in the fridge for... a while.  Vacuum sealed, refrigerated, seems to have lasted just fine?  I'll find out.  I kept one out to cook right now.  So hungry.  Probably won't be able to eat much, but... will eat.  Though, never can tell.  Sometimes after a longer fast, intended or in this case not, I can... eat a lot.  Will find out, now won't we.

I put one in the fridge, the rest in the freezer.  The one to be cooked is cooking.  I refused to wait around for that.  Cut them myself.  Somewhere between 1 1/2" and 2", should... be good meals.  It's been a while since I have eaten.  Well, good food, carnivore food.  Keto, maybe.  If that doesn't seem to cut it.