So much for mowing.

.
.
Thunderstorms are right about to shatter the morning's quiet, or so the weather warnings are suggesting. Looking out of my window lends some credence to those warnings. I will just continue packing instead, as soon as I wake up a bit more. Perhaps this afternoon will be better, cooled from the rain and wind, and perhaps partly cloudy so as to be cooler still. Maybe the early evening will be good if the afternoon is not. I am not holding my breath though. As soon as the midday sun comes out, of late, it becomes brutal here.

I am finally seeing some serious clearing of the forest that is my cave. A small area cleared here, a group of things packed up there. Piece by piece, the whole of it is being done. Even if everything is not immediately packed, the items are being collected by use to be packed all together rather than being packed with dissimilar items. All of my tools are coming together, for example. I have had little practice at moving, and less interest in that type of work. Think cat in water. Only vacuums scare me more. Oh well, even cats end up getting wet from time to time. :p

I keep thinking of my faith, lately. It seems to come, then I make small changes, and then I am good for a while. Then, as before, I find new concerns and begin tacking whatever needs sorted out. Being in the middle of my move, and since my bible and other sources are packed already, this is an awkward time for this. Still, when God calls, what else is there to do but to use what tools one has at hands and to go forward.

The second religious concern of mine of late is prayer. For me it is quite simple to pray, in an off-hand manner. I pray over every meal, or mean to do so. Perfection is not mine in this, if my will is there, and if I probably hit a 90% rating. Whether I eat at home or in a restaurant, even a fast food one, I pray. I do not spend a good deal of time with meal prayers, unless the situation warrants it. Eating with friends, visiting family, or in dire times, I tend to spend a bit more time being inclusive and thankful or asking for extra guidance. And, when from the email Church prayer list, here in the blog world, or in my little real life, when people let me know they or others have concerns, I pray for those, usually immediately (otherwise I forget! Ack!). And, I frequently pray during the day, often at night if only sometimes in the morning.

The prayers I say just to pray are often just jumbled words and thoughts. I try to ensure to offer thanks for God's greatness and gifts, sometimes to remember my humility in the relationship, and then proceed with thoughts, hopes, and concerns, finally ending with one last thanks. But I have no formalized method. And though sometimes this is fine, I think I would like to add a more regular and more formalized method for prayer on a more regular schedule. I am thinking about trying to develop, in the beginning, a normalized nightly prayer.

Sometimes I do not feel like prayer at night. Perhaps I am too tired, perhaps my mind is confused, or maybe I am just a little angry at God. I think I would like to surrender a bit more of my will, and find a way to have God be a part of my life over my flaws. I think He will help me here, if I let Him. As for morning, I would like to begin doing a full rosary each morning, even starting out every other morning would be good. I think these two things would begin and end my day much more successfully than is now the case.

In some ways, since I believe so strongly, that I do not pray is far worse than those who only have a marginal relationship and belief in God. I see this clearly, finally. If reality has nothing to do with me in it's own workings, if I have no power or grace of my own, and if I am truly a humble naked fool in an infinite world and hereafter, it is centered on me too, in God's eyes. How amazing. So, I need to begin showing God, as little as I know, that I do understand this one thing.

Who knows, perhaps in time I might find myself following the hours of the day to some degree, if on a somewhat more loose and irregular manner than the monks who live by them. I cannot be a priest, or even a monk. I am not called, and for reasons yet unrevealed, not acceptable. There is, however, no reason I cannot work toward holiness. By becoming holy, I do not mean that I would become holy, only that I would center more of my life concentrating on that which is, ultimately, holy. It is not for everyone, but I think I would like to go there more often than I do now.

Well, back to packing, or actually, back to waking up in order to begin packing. It's a slow day already. No worries, I will get a fair deal of work done. Good day!