Up and at it.

.
.
I realized, last night, one of the things that wakes me up. I woke very early, perhaps 3:30 or 4:30. It was too early for me to be sure of anything. After dressing a bit, I stepped out to check out the morning. There was the returning helicopter. I am right on the flight path from Des Moines, for the medical flights. Helicopters have a deep impact on my psyche, and the thrum of the blades always brings me to places and times, some mostly forgotten, where life was more tenuous. I feel the beats like one might feel the wings of demons approaching, with dread, fear, and sometimes cold sweat. I would guess those flights wake me often, though since I do not usually venture outside I do not realize what woke me. I can feel them, it seems, even before I hear them, even in sleep.

I have not checked the weather. I am almost afraid to do so. I really want to get the mowing done. My landlord has offered $25 per mow, but I will reject his offer. I will do it merely as a favor. He has been a superior landlord. So what I worry about is disappointing him. I worry more disappointing people than money, any day. And, being a Saturday, I will probably not start mowing, if it is possible to mow, until a bit later. Though moving soon, there is no reason to upset the neighbors. I am hoping a 9:00 start would be good enough.

I have my clothes in, that I ordered. I have 3 new pair of jeans and 4 new shirts. I have started the wash, with the jeans first, then I will do the shirts. The first wash of jeans can put out a lot of dye, depending on the manufacturer. Since I am not sure about these, I did them with only other jeans and dark unders. Though not the best man at washing clothes, I have tried to learn from the women in my life. I am a bit of a perfectionist. If I fail miserably, I do not mind so long as I gave it my best shot. I suspect I can finish laundry today, along with the mowing, and maybe get some packing done as well. Tomorrow, like or not, I must put my hands to rest, using them for prayer.

The rental I had hoped for has fallen through, as I see it. I indicated I needed more than a phone call from him. I simply will not send 3 months rent and hope he sends the key and such. That simply will not work. I asked him for more, and all he kept doing was sending his phone number. So, I will need to find a place, and quickly, when I get there. I am a bit nervous, as hotel bills will add up very quickly. I am hoping, in person, I will have a much smoother time of finding a place. And it does not hurt a bit to actually be able to see what I will be getting and to make sure I am not in a bad area of town, or that the apartment is not falling down, and check on certain particulars. And the other good thing is I can look for a place with a shorter lease, perhaps even month to month, so I can begin finding an actual home quickly.

Actually, I should call the churches in the area and see if they have any means of helping. I do not like to become dependent, but perhaps that is what I have been reneging on, and something that must be changed. Actually, that is part of why I am moving there, to find just such a community and to begin just such activity. Doh! I can be so stubborn and thick headed sometimes! (No feedback from the peanut gallery, please and thank you! The Management. :P )

I am a fool, folks. And I am stubborn, I have ingrained bad habits, and I lack perfection. But I make up for it by being one of the oddest critters you will find in the woods, on the beaches, in the city, or around town. If I do not like you, I do love you, and I am trying if the difference is merely stylistic. Still, I do endeavor to be more, do more, and offer more. I only hope, at times, that is enough to at least allow me access so as to improve. Give or take, that is, and of course.

Have a great day!