Life is so very rich.

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I honestly cannot believe how well life is now. Not only is my physical condition becoming better, my mental and spiritual life is improving just as well. Never have I done this well, even in the best of times at college in Iowa. I would not have believed it if someone had told me. Not only am I juggling appointments, contacts, what work I do, and play, I am simply and purely enjoying life as it comes. This is more miraculous than in my dreams. Now, when I mean to do something, though it might take weeks, I hit the target. If it is time dependent, I still hit it. If there is some slack in timing, I may use that slack or not, though I make great efforts to simply do it quickly. Life really is good.

Oh, to be sure, I still have issues. I missed calling my Mom on her birthday. And, yes, I feel bad about that. She has been a great Mom as she has been capable, and we have grown quite close over our adult years. She has been there, and often, for me. And for my brother in his need, now. She is a grace. And, I still have days where I can do little, I do need rest. And I do not know fiscal kung-fu yet, and maybe never will. Some things will not change, not without a helper mate type. Even then, of course, perfection is not to be had. But this is as close to it as I get. School will test this.

I am coming about regarding the V.A. as well. I know I have been harsh with them. Some of that was emotional, some of it was frustration with the medicines and my past experiences with those and a seeming lack of concern, and some of it is real and will always exist. If one can simply do what their doctors say and it works, that person will not understand my anger and frustration. Simply put, I could not follow regimens and advice given by doctors because something was too wrong with me or my body rejected that, not because I was or am simply contrarian. Though too, some of my frustration came from a system which simply ignored my difficulties. Things are working out well here. So well, I may be able to tell my doctor I do not need Ritalin! I will not guarantee that, as dosing may need to go up and I am not taking the water pill yet as it has not arrived yet. But, from where I am sitting, things are looking good. Well, when I get in school, perhaps that extra med might help. I am talking from a time where I have no daily physical activity requirements, no classes and thus no homework or studies ongoing, and no actual timed schedule. We will see though.

Further more, I am beginning to trust the people at this V.A. I had a few I trusted at the last one, actually I trusted most of them except that one doctor and to some degree my therapist. They are taking a steady and helpful, rather than cynical, approach to me. If I see remnants of that old cynicism, I think honest work and my new found abilities will cure some of that. I do understand where some of the cynicism began at the V.A. in Iowa City though. I was simply unable to comply and that must have led them to believe I was being difficult, or may have led them to that conclusion. That could only occur, however, if they did not believe what I was telling them. What I was telling them was simply the truth as I knew it. Oh well.

My body is on the mend as well. I am becoming able to stand longer as I had hoped. My arms or solidifying. Shooting, driving, being awake full days, and taking care of business has been strengthening my body to a point I have only seen last summer on Ritalin. Perhaps I am not that strong yet, but I think I might find my way there as it cools and I can work out and hike. I suspect hiking this fall, camping, and cross country skiing will only add to that. Even the temporary set back from the medicine is loosening and I am rebounding well.

The one thing I need to get is earbuds or a headset for this computer. To begin studying on this machine (I have some helpful math and science CDs) and online materials as a prelude to taking courses again, I have to be able to hear. This little machine is not the loudest and is rather tinny sounding to boot. With a fan and sometimes air conditioning going as well, I simply cannot hear this machine. Simple solutions seem to work so well, if only I can remember when I go shopping.

I just wanted to write this. This, officially, is the turning point in a long life of crippling disability. I cannot tell you why it has happened. I only know that it has. Problems, yeah, sure, we all have them. But a serious hope and a real set of senses upon which to build a successful life, that I now have. Someday I hope to look back on these days and simply wonder about it, no longer having any connection to the disastrous life I had been living. I think that will happen sooner than later, maybe only a few years from now. I do hope, however, to hold on to my humility, kindness, and simple nature I have earned from being disabled. There are indeed graces to be found however you may find yourself. Then again, perhaps I still cannot get through school or become employed. Even then, I will most likely still have a longer, happier, healthier, and more vigorous life.

Life is very good and it just got a lot better.

Good day.