More than sure.

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I am almost certain now, the medicine is once again playing havoc with my ability to function. The main difference here and now is that when I am able to function, I am much more able. However, the weakness caused by standing had been eroded until I was able to stand for hours recently. That has been set back to how I was when I first started. I think I will be able to regain my strength though, at least to some degree. My hole general physical strength issue has deteriorated back to pre-move times as well. Since I started the medicine, I can only stand for perhaps an half hour rather than a couple hours or more I had worked up to. Light-headedness and shaky legs once again plague me, whether standing or doing other activities. I am not sure if it is purely the medicines, the medicines combined with a lower blood pressure, or simply the lowering blood pressure. I probably never will know which.

I still have not done my laundry. However, I believe I will load up the SUV and look for an all-nighter tonight. My sleep has been deep, uncontrollable, and frequent. But I do wake refreshed and ready to go for the few hours I can stay awake at a time. Eating too much adds to my sleepiness, though I am beginning to suspect that eating almost anything more than 3 or 4 ounces of any food is now 'too much'. This part, actually, I do not mind. I have a tendency to like larger meals and this will act as a limiter. I am miserable when in another city or place, needing to drive, and yet very tired. This will make me think twice about even ordering a minor meal. I will want to eat just a taste of food. Drinking lots of water and other fluid does not seem to have the same impact, however. I suppose, then, that I can fill up on fluids if need be. That is not a bad plan anyway, out here in the desert.

I know my doctors have all just wanted me to trust them. The problem is, and any of them really, they do not deserve my trust. They said these medicines would have nearly no affect. Either, like Mom's often do, they lied or they simply do not know what they are talking about. Trust is earned, not given, and they certainly have failed on every single health issue I have and have had. From infections to high blood pressure to diabetes to my main complaint, they have simply been unable and at times unwilling to help. They completely ignore what I am telling them, and might as well say "If they are hungry, let them eat cake", though put to medical terms. I have to wonder how many people completely dismiss doctors after having dealt with dozens of them like that. They honestly do not know what they are doing. They read what they "know" in some book and think it is a one size fits all, especially in the socialized medical fields like the V.A. (since I or my family cannot sue if they cut off the wrong limb, remove the wrong organ, or even kill us due to gross negligence!).

I am honestly praying that the rest of you are not shoved into the type of medical practices where your death and lack of health is considered a personal problem, and you cannot even sue when you really should be able to do so. Where a doctor can and regularly does ignore everything you tell them. And where one medicine should be just fine for all of you, no matter if it works or not. I will give them that they tried many medicines, or one doctor there (who left the system did) most worse than the one I am on. But they know that adding Ritalin helped and did not cause adverse health affects for over a year and a half. I think their problem is that I am honest about them being dolts and rude. If the shoe fits, I always say.

Well, enough grumbling. I ought to get showered, dressed, and see if I can find a 24 hour laundromat. There is a chance I will have it to myself!

Later.