Ah, to the lighter side.

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Women have been on my mind, for a hundred and one reasons. The obvious, of course. They are attractive to most of us, and that is as it should be. But there is more. The conversations about equality, thoughts on past relationships, and some time as I figure out how to sleep right again and being awake but still too tired to truly do anything useful other than thinking.

It seems that I either love or like women, both on an individual basis and as a group. I suspect that if I find a woman I both love and like at the same time and most of the time, I will have found Her. Why, I sometimes wonder, do I keep looking? Then again, it is not as if most of my womens cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me (mostly), or did other bad things. Most of my loves just went away or would not go with me in my travels. And yet, I have never found Her, or even thought I had. I found love. I found companionship. But I never found the right mix and more.

Today at the chiropractor, my doc suggests he knows a woman who might be right for me. He seems to know, though I am pretty sure I never mentioned it, that I am looking for a woman who has never been married and does not have children. He thinks he might know one. All I know about her so far is that she is not bus sized, she has never been married, and she is 36 years old. I asked if he knew if she wanted children. It was something he did not know. To be honest, I am a little excited. I hope she is interested in meeting with me and going to the park, meeting at a museum, or having coffee or tea somewhere.

I will not date, not in the traditional sense of the word (modern traditional). My idea is to, once we are on some kind of level of mutual trust, to do work with each other. If she needs some painting, a few (minor) repairs, or something, let us go do that. If I need some help raking the yard and picking up sticks, let us do that. If we do these things for a while and all goes well, then a dinner after might be nice once in a while. I simply refuse to wine and dine and court in a loud and obnoxious manner. Hmm, gardening... I wonder if I could help her replant some potters, plant some flowers, or help with her garden, and learn? Anyway, that is the plan going in. If, of course, she is even interested in meeting.

Anyway, that has added to my thoughts about women. My anger with women is not something simple. My distrust is deeply rooted and is based upon living in a feminized world which I reject outright. This, of course, is my baggage. It is something with which I must contend on my own. And yet, she will, as almost all women these days, exhibit some or all of the issues with which I must contend. I will not lie, I cannot lie, not for hamburgers today knowing I could skip paying tomorrow.

Women are, too, precious to me. Beautiful, talented in ways and crafts and designs I cannot and do not understand. If humble, they can wow me with the power of that. If kind, I can be a teddy bear. But what they are is not about me. What they are is as distant from me, in truth, as the moon is from the sun. They are their own entity. If they decide to be cooperative, they can make any task nearly infinitely lighter. Or, they can conversely destroy the prospects for success. Their need for attention and their want of it is a balancing act, that to be truthful, it takes a man to handle. Without that balance most women fall into a hypersensationalism where touch, smell, feel, scent, and such are all they crave, all they can understand, all they want.

Man, without woman, becomes craven in our own ways. We need attention, but in vastly different ways. Sex, of course, is more important to us, but affection on a regular basis is too. The feeding and handling of a man, by comparison, is a simple task. Does this bore women? Do they need drama and shouting and disagreement to... maintain sanity or balance or a proper fit in the world?

Anyway, women are beautiful. Even the homely and this and that... Most women have some nature about them which can be quite good. It is not merely a physical thing, or something for my or other men's interest. It is something special that is all their own. I want to be around that, and to some degree, share in a part of that. Much like smelling blossoms on a fine day. But what is beautiful, resplendent, charming, and all not only can but must, as the laws of physics seem to imply here somehow, have an equal and opposite. Can I deal with that?

I do think men have been missing some of their responsibility. Though too the state has annulled many of the rights and responsibilities, and disturbing the family balance with unbalanced law has made it difficult for men to know where that line is. Are women, essentially, married to the state through a man? Is the state the arbiter of home control, having an iron fist and a gun? Yes, to both. So, finding a woman who can be trusted means finding a woman with her own vested interest in the marriage, a fact which strips stay at homes moms of worth to a degree. And yet, that is all most family oriented men want. I do not want a working woman who is a part time wife. She then, beyond being married through me to the state, is also beholding to another (usually) man and job on top of that.

Anyway, just so you know, I do find women to be fascinating, funny, beautiful, sensuous, well designed creatures who can make absolutely world changing helpmates. I fail to understand a word out of their lips at times... for several and varied reasons. I do not always trust but could learn to have faith in a particular woman. And I am amazed at just who they are, what they are, and what they can accomplish. Equal to men? Again, no. Better than men, sometimes... sometimes... At one time, much more often.

Blathering... Again. I will... figure it all out later.