Memories.

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I was just thinking back to a discussion I had only a year or two ago. I had spoken with this woman on numerous occasions, covering topics from feminism to politics to environmentalism, and so on. We knew each other somewhat well if I would not have called us friends. I would say we had to my mind a mutually satisfying association. As is the case, I do not quibble. Right, wrong, or somewhere in there, I put it up like I see it. Sometimes whoever I am discussing things with can put a few holes in the idea, sometimes they cannot grasp what the thing is. Those latter usually are not included in future discussions. Of course, whoever I am speaking with gets their turn to float notions. And thus time is spent and familiarity gained.

On this particular occasion, after discussing some particularly contentious topic, we discussed the discussion, my opinions, and her nature. She had a strange look on her face, and looked at me a bit sideways as well, and asked if I knew who she was. I thought about saying yes, and asking if we were together on this, to check the logic baffles. Yet, with a simple affirmative word, acknowledged my understanding hoping it was truly a rhetorical question. Then she asked if I understood where she stood on issues. Well, again, but more weakly, the urge to be cautiously humorous or too literal flittered across my mindscape. And again I went with the simple expected, assuming the sanity of my fellow conversant, and acknowledged that I knew.

Why, she asked, if knowing who I am personally and professionally, what my opinions are, and in the naked light of day do you say what you say, she asked. The answer is quite simple. Because I believe what I am saying and because I doubt if you have ever heard what I am saying or thought about other possibilities other than what you have been taught to believe, or at least in a very long time. I think she finally realized that I believed in nothing she said and was not playing the devil's advocate or simply trying to woo her into cuddling, with all that that entails.

She honestly, up to that point, thought I agreed with her. Then, perhaps, realized the pattern in all that I said. And further realized she had no rational defenses. She could not believe that I would trespass on her tranquility, at least knowingly. At some point she probably thought everything I was saying was wrong, until she peeked behind the wizards curtain a time or two to great horror and surprise.

Yes, I knew who she was. Yes, I knew what she believed. None of that mattered a bit. Further, she was the one who would initiate the conversations and often direct the topics, if I would not necessarily let her sneak out of them when the debate was going down hill for her beliefs. She, honestly, needed to hear what I was saying more than most ever will. She had no real experience in life, business, construction, math, or... anything. And yet she held herself up to be an academic and wise woman.

I do not know what impact any of what I said had. But I do know her brain was becoming at odds with her whole belief system. Something woke up, something she had lulled to sleep with years of incessant indoctrination and social events. We spoke after that, as regularly and randomly as before. But there was something different in the relationship. If I had to guess, I would say her evaluation of me, oddly, went up... a great deal. And yet, in discussions, her views did not seem to change a bit. My guess is, as I, Vox, and many others have noted, what a woman says often has nothing to do with what she means. I even realize, had she been to my taste and within certain parameters of interest at the time, a woman like that could very possibly end up being my wife.

It is an ugly cruel world, there are dark clouds everywhere, the possibility of death and dismemberment abound. But, with a little care, patience, and diligence, one can happily scrape off the silver lining and make a wonderful peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Just saying...