What is it?

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After being on medicine for many months now, and other than a few weeks of not logging my stats, patterns emerge. When I am, or am beginning to do poorly, healthwise, my stats climb. The higher and the faster the climb, the worse I do. It, for me, is very much a human barometric pressure. The docs say they want to see my charts. And they always look. But either they can interpret bodily Swahili or they have no clue and just look because they feel that from me, doing something everyday while I die is important. I don't trust them to tell me of problems, or if my case is odd to them. Actually, I doubt if they would, or even could if they wanted to. That is, assuming they might even actually know. I see a new intern every time, and I think even the overseers rotate out, as I saw one I haven't seen in the six months I have been going. There is zero continuity of care. Just notes handed off, with no context.

You realize how flat emails and such can be. Something can sound absolutely cruel. Even a smiley face won't fix some things. Imagine if your health care is based on that? And worse, it makes it impossible for there to be any kind of real trust between patient and doctor. They just drone the same thing the last one droned about without considering whether that had already been tried and found to fail. Still, I know a bit more, on my own and for myself. What it means is that there is something else and they haven't caught it, and further, they have quit looking.

The other night, when I started using my CPAP again? The electricity went out. I have no idea when it went out. It seems to have been out for two to four hours. It, obviously, didn't kill me. But more, it didn't wake me. Even more interesting? I woke with my CPAP on. I doubt if I could have clumsily put it back on after stripping it off in the middle of the night. Darned odd, I'll tell you.

Well, things to do and little time to prepare. Have a good day. Work for your halos, get it done, and don't worry about the little things (or the big ones) that you simply can't change. Much of life we are merely dogs with a taste for bumpers. Even those of us "lucky" enough to fulfill our dreams... probably regret it. :p