Tired.

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Yes, I did get up this morning. I did my routine and slowly worked on the main bathroom. Tile grout slowed me right the heck down. I thought I could whip through it but no such luck. I have done the ceiling, the floor, and the tiles from top down to about my knees or a bit lower. Mass was coming up on me fast, so I policed my gear, took a shower, dressed, and headed out. Just on time, I notice other cars in the lot and a couple was coming in behind me. The doors were locked? It looked like people were inside though. Could it be that a few minutes late means no entrance? I doubted that. Then I saw father. He disappeared for a short bit then came to the door. It seems I, and the couple behind me, misheard. Mass is on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday... I think. I will double check that. I was still pleased to have made the grand effort and been on time. Father suggested we could go on in, so I did. Crossing myself with holy water from the font, kneeling before entering the pew, I merely said a prayer, sat in silence a short bit, finally leaving the way I entered. Home. Indeed.

On to shopping, albeit dressed to the nines. Well, for me. I bought what I needed and a bit more, then headed for home. I keep thinking about stopping for food but I would just as well not. I have stuff at home and restaurants are becoming dearly expensive. So to home I hied.

I am getting really tired. I have been doing a great deal of work. I seem to be slowing and there is little I can do about it. Which, if absolutely necessary, I will simply have to deal with from time to time. I absolutely want to keep to my routine. After that, I will work as fast and hard as I can. The bathrooms and mopping are still on the schedule today. Being two thirds done, but only with the shower itself, I am not sure how much of that I will truly get done. All I know is I will keep on it for the breadth of today and pick up on it when next I see the chance. If I finish those two projects for tomorrow I will then use any spare energy to get what remains.

I have been doing little things along the way. Cleaning off this surface, sorting, storing, and tossing. Cleaning and organizing this drawer, putting what doesn't belong where it does belong, setting it aside, or tossing what is no longer needed or useful. Piece by piece, one place at a time, I am taking my home back from chaos. And, again, this morning, I made the bed. All little things, and more, happening an eyesore at a time. I hope, when I get this place straightened, to begin looking for art, setting up little nooks for my kind of curios, and considering plants finally. I need green growing things around me. I have simply been too busy with too much else, too broke, or too ill to date.

Something happened the other day. It is like I became alive again. And while I still suffer my illness, I now see a way into life. I can see beyond disasters, upsets, and such, and keep going. My body will still quit on me, but I think if I keep my eye on the ball and keep trying, doing what I can, my longsight into life has returned. Baby steps, if needed if that is all I can do. But a push toward more in the long run. I can do this.

Later.