It never is easy.

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To bed by 21:00, give or take, I woke just before 1:00. I woke hard this morning. Sometimes I can get back to sleep, other times like today I had no chance. I feel good. Getting up this early just doesn't work well when trying to be awake in the daytime. I can do it but I become so stretched that nothing gets done. I am hoping, in a few hours, I can lay back down, setting the alarm for 8:00 or some such. I have things I would like to do in town, things I have not gotten to yet that have been in my plans for weeks, perhaps months, now.

I dreamed of what is to come shortly. I am going to offer the leader of the KoC a chance to 'let me go'. If I am too hot to handle, he will be given an opportunity to simply say the word. Yes, I suppose I have a few emails to write as well. I have to set that meeting up, first. And I have business with another knight, specifically. Then I am going to put out a call to the other knights generally. Recruiting needs to begin occurring, which means I have to have a plan in place. A plan requires participants. I will be seeking those who attend a particular Sabbath Mass regularly, who might also be willing to set up a table, put out some literature and posters, and either sign men up or send them to me. I will act as backup if someone can't make it. As well, I hope to get a registry of men in the Church and begin cold calling from that list, minus those who are already knights. When we have a schedule of events for the KoC, I would like to have that printed as part of the drive. Knowing what knights do might induce others to join. All of it is social, some of it is more like work, some of it is more like play. As well, since father is a knight as well, and I need to speak to him anyway, I may ask for his participation in recruiting.

I keep having darker dreams. Until I manage some problems I believe they will remain dark. I know I am like handling a firecracker, or worse. I am a man of extreme action, if more so only in thought these days. Then again, there has been little use for anything beyond that in some long time. I avoid trouble now, always tried to before but I had little choice in where I went or was sent. And, to some degree, I chose to be sent where there was trouble. Who knows if I can still even defend myself. If I doubt if weaponized people can ever quite change, at least after they have become feral about it.

I figured I had lost some weight. I finally remember to weigh myself before eating or drinking anything this morning. Down to the low 270's. That has to be funny for some of you? I suppose if you lost 15 pounds, you would see it? And the notion of "down to the low 270's" has to be a gas? I don't see 15 pounds gone, not really. But my underwear slide down, what I consider my tight ones. And my blue jeans need my belt to be cinched, down to the last slot. Now is the time to hit swimming! Hit it while I am losing. I bought a watch specifically to monitor my heart rate while swimming, to try and keep my heart at the best pace for losing weight. I haven't decided, yet, what pace that is. I will need to do a bit more research. Then again, initially, my goal is simply to begin piecing together laps. When I get to being able to swim, say a mile, then I can honestly begin using the monitor. Until then I will simply be experimenting with it. It will be good, at first, to check about returning-to-rest heart rate normalization. That will tell me a great deal. Yes, I am taking this seriously. Those fighting dreams really grabbed me by my brass ornaments and shook my cookie tree something awful. I still tense up when the subject comes to mind.

Hmm, later.