Good sleep, good God, good coffee.

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Oh yes, I've been on a roll with prayers, big and little.  I try to take a good chunk of time before sleeping to pray.  I spend time filling God in on what, who, where, when, and being thankful about the day and what I do have.  As my mind and world begin to come together into some kind of a plan for whatever future I have, yeah... I'm making some other plans too.  I pray on the road, often, because I am a road warrior.  GET IN, GET OUT, THEN HOME!  My mind keeps telling me when driving.  I don't want to be on the roads with you any more than you want me riding your bumper looking for a place to pass when you are driving 55, or 45 to 53, or whatever, on a posted 60 road.  Really!  I want to pass you and be going 65.  And, really, I would much rather be going 85 and just GET HOME, if I don't even when I can.  HOME.  Still, patience and such is sometimes all there is when ten vehicles between you and me decide you are driving fast enough for them.

I really had to consider coffee today.  I have the old, of course.  And, it was... okay.  But I had fresh!  I hate wasting money, product, etc.  I'm not so much a spendthrift or an earth first guy, at all.  I am an efficiency buff.  Efficiency of economy, of action, of electrical power, and anything else.  My whole life has been reduced to getting the very most out of the very least, simply because most frequently that is all I have.  With trembling fingers, as they dropped the old coffee into the garbage, I sniffed a little and got to work grinding the new coffee for a fresh pot.  Oh heaven!  Yeah, okay, I can do it.  And it was worth it.  If I composted I would have felt better.  As is, it just had to be done.  The smell, the taste, yeah...

I had a dream last night.  My friends, guy friends, and myself were having a "guy" party.  Well, that is what we told our wives.  There were a lot of hot women there, of course.  Every once in a while though, we got all the (single hot) women to step out for just a bit, and used our smart phones to talk to our wives, walking around with the vid feed going, letting our wives talk to the other guys.  Telling them how much fun guy bonding we were having.  No wives really wanted to break that up, or show up.  Then we would let the hot babes back in.  Oh, yeah, I could see that back in the day, had I been married.  The truth is I never lied to the women I was with.  I didn't have to.  They knew.  The thing was no promises.  Well, until I hit... what... the 30's, in practice, the mid 20's in principle?  Yeah, something like that.  Even then it was more to do with me than the woman.  Having three or four women, on top of your main, call and harass you whenever they got a stick up there butt was a pain.  Talk about slavery.  Still, it was a... funny dream.  The management doesn't approve, but it 'do know'.  Still, I recommend not making promises you don't intend to keep, or can't keep.  It's... the better part of foul valor, to my mind.  Don't even think about telling me your conscience wouldn't allow it or even that your woman wouldn't.  Don't.  It's not that you are trying to use the wrong key, your using the wrong key at the wrong house.  Go figure it out before you end up married, cheating, then angry at your wife for your failed promises, then divorced or in a horrible marriage.

Today is the day to decide whether to raise my dose of carvedilol or stick with the plan.  I do believe I am going to up the dose.  With my bp still running in the 194-215/124-133 range after two weeks of everything maxed save carvedilol, I simply don't think I have a choice.  My bp has been running that hot for at least two months, since I started monitoring again.  If I don't bring that down something is going to pop.  All I need is another hole in the head, innit?

Today I am going to get out and try to pick and shovel.  Just an half hour or so, if I can keep on it.  I'll take a timer.  Anything else I can manage to do will be good.  A load or two of dishes, a load or two of laundry, and some picking up are on the agenda.  Nothing fancy, nothing fast, and only the picking and shoveling as real work.  Something I noticed recently...  I truly despise 'little work', work that doesn't use my engines at something like full capacity.  It takes more energy for me to do dishes, in a way, because I never work up to breaking a sweat, and can't.  Same with laundry.  My system just wasn't made for that kind of work.  It is essential work.  It makes the rest of what I do possible.  But it is more annoying than a small swarm of gnats.  If that were tended I would see myself to a lot more physical work.  While that didn't happen in the past, the opportunity for physical work was not always available.  Here, in my own home, it is.  And I like to do it.  But to do physical work I need food.  And to get food, I need to shop and do cook.  In order to cook and shop I need clean clothes and clean dishes, pots, pans, utensils, and the rest.  That is the weak link in the chain.  Yes, when my mother is here, for example, she takes care of the house so I can simply focus on stuff she can't do, or can't do well.  A wife sure is seeming better and better.

Of course, there is a face that keeps coming to mind when I think about marriage.  Oh, yes there is.  I do believe what I wrote above has a lot to do with the problem some men have with marriage.  But I can't quite think that is all of it.  Women can be just as smart, crafty, object oriented, and fruitful in their efforts as any men, sometimes twice over within their limits.  It's the insane side that I keep obsessing with.  The piss tests ("Do these pants (skirt, dress, whatever) make my ass look big"...  "Why yes, but I love big targets!"), the questions ("What are you thinking?"... "I'm trying not to think, please leave me to that ma'dear."), the paranoia, want for more than I am, horrendous mood changes, odd sex drives, and such that...  Well, and that face.  Oh, the face?  Hmm, this man knows the face.  If I think he... he has a goodly part in the making of that face.  Then again, he probably just bought into the whole 'pretty face is good to marry, so whatever' thing.  And he... obviously has some issues beyond that.  Still... Heh.  Now, I've never really had a broken heart but the other problems he discusses?  I've never been married either.

Yep, another day another chance.  All good.  I have a goodly little bit of time to wake up, read the blogs, check on real news, and just tinker for a bit.  I will probably need a nap by noon.  Hopefully just a nap.  And I should be able to get a number of bigger and smaller things done.  Or... not.  Time will tell.  Hmm, oh, and there is my part of the mowing.  Yes indeed.  Sometime.

Have a good morning!  Go to work with a smile, if you have to fake it so be it.  It's worth the returns.