Clarifications.

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I know I left off fairly starkly with that last post.  Yeah, well, okay, everything hurt.

I do my Father's will, I do.  And, sometime in the past, long ago now, that was all of it.  At this point?  I love my life.  I don't simply humbly oblige God and dredge through life.  No, not a bit!  I embrace my life, with it's warts, hurts, burns.  Those things aren't the whole of my life, either.  They aren't even the majority.  My life is even sensuous, pleasing, fun, too.  And I love to work when I can.  I have a fantastic life!

No, that last post was just... when I so plainly see the difference through my senses, when I compare here with there, when I face it, am forced to face it?  Of course I cry.  You will too, when you see.  You cannot imagine the difference.  You are probably not even as disabled as I am, but you can't know how painful life itself is, at least in this disordered versions of things, until you see the other side.

It reminds that when I died that time, when they brought me back, I cried every waking hour for three days.  I was so angry with the doctors that if I had been a sociopath or psychopath I would have done them grievous harm.  Then again, if I was either of those I probably wouldn't have gone where I went.  Further, coming back to the pain of the attempted suicide, hunger, and even simply needing to breath...  It was disorienting and painful in ways words simply fail to be able to express.  Perhaps nail your hand to a plank of wood, rip it off, then put it in burning oil?  Yeah, maybe.  That would get you to the point where we could discuss it apples to crab-apples anyway.

I do abide Father, but I don't do it miserably or as a duty.  And I do believe this pleases Him.  It's a circular thing.  The more you do to please God, the easier life becomes, no matter your circumstances.  If I can enjoy life anyone can.  Yes, you and you and you.  Yes, you can.  Of all the things created, only one matters.  All other things were made so that one thing could simply be...  Life.  The love of a God to make all things for this...  You will see, sooner than you may suspect.  But no matter, time flies.  Be ready, be good, love, and love living. 

By the way, if you think the Catholic Church holds secrets, has hidden wealth, and all sorts of such?  You are right.  The song "Miserere mei, Deus" (Have mercy on me, O God) was a Vatican state secret for centuries.  Some of the other settings may still be held in reserve.  I have to guess She holds many other secrets and wealth as such.  Though, if a state decides to steal Her wealth, they will find they have merely 'rolled' a nun for all they get.  For without faith, even the art, but literature and music too, are... hollow, empty, valueless of coin.