I am not going to just quit.

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Something is wrong.  I could just crawl into my shell.  And sometimes I probably will, from time to time, without thought.  If your hand has slipped into fire, withdrawing it from the heat is NOT a choice.  Only a true psychopath or other variant, or a powerful man who has a call above his own safe keeping and a need, could keep his hand in the fire.  So, I will sleep, by needs, from time to time.  This is not one of those times where I am quite in the fire.  Or, maybe it is.  But I have things to do, I have a few goals I want to accomplish, before I... slip.

To that end I called my mother last night.  A few final gifts needed to be reviewed, an address needed to be found.  She was asleep, so she said this morning when she called back.  All good, I have the information.  Plus I got a little chat time with the mom-type.  All good.  She called as I was crawling into bed, but before I had really even gotten to the doze zone, so it worked.  After my sleep, I woke, and in typical scattered fashion, went through a chaotic run time but ended up getting my weight, bp, and such.  But before taking medicine I decided to call the heart clinic, to let them know that my bp still isn't lowering much and about that spike.  They were happy to hear from me, and reminded me that I have an echo cardiogram tomorrow.  Yep, I knew and plan to be there, making the P.A. happier still.  She suggested they will wait for the results of the echo, then reassess my medicine.  I will call them Monday if I haven't heard from them before that.  Yes, I am going to try to work with these people much more closely, if I have to do it over the phone at times.

Next I called Midas.  They can't see the X'ter until tomorrow or Friday.  Fine, but I can't do it tomorrow, not knowing how long it might take, having an appointment in SLC midday.  So I set up for a Friday visit.  It's the best I can do.  I do suspect the gas cap, a locking one but one which has been jacked too often.  I am not sure it is locking down as it should now.  So, I need to look for the old cap, I kept it (at the time, kept for sentimental reasons... I'm a stock preferring kind of guy).  I will place that on before going to town.  Finally, I plan to get a shower and hit the stores soon.  I have hardware and grocery needs, I could probably also get some coffee.  I have been avoiding, mostly, soda.  A small thing, perhaps, but tending coffee is less... automatic?  It is a task and a chore, requiring grinding coffee by hand, making the coffee, then mixing my slurry just right.  It keeps me more involved with my and the world.

So, while I may be slipping, while things seem to be getting away from me in dark little ways, I am not just going to lay down and take it.  I am going to be fighting for my life.  I got a bit of a quickening through the visit my mother paid.  I then added kindling to that fire with starting up medicine and opening up the heart clinic and my gp visits.  And now my home is much more homey and still rather serviceably kempt.  I don't want to lose track of this.  So, for my part, I will... dig in.  Like I tried to dig in, and did at times, in engineering school.  My stock life is as hard as engineering school would be for most.  Everything is either a test, or material to be learned for some mid-term and certainly the finals.  It is impossible, but...  I can, and have many times, done the impossible.  Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?  Maybe not, in secular terms, but... it's often the road, not the end, that justifies effort in the mortal realm.  So, here I go.

Hmm, a shower, shave, and a Skip to My Lou to town (no pun intended).  Good day!