Why not own such love, if it be true?

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I was asked, the last time these memories surfaced, why if such a terribly beautiful love existed for me, why I didn't claim it.  And, yes, I could.  It is there.  She remains.  I am.  I knew I could not, then, regardless of my toying with the notion.  I now know the answer.

She must have asked God if she could be loved.  Loved not for her flesh, or or works, or any perfections or social graces or innocences, which she may or may not have.  Whether sent or happenstance, we met.  I taught her, that to one man, one she desired and respected, if in her own catty, love-hate, way, she could be called to be owned.  And I did so.  Through the terrors and violence of notions she poured out to me, I never flinched, I saw her contrived horrors for what they were, and they were at most inconveniences but just as often play things for me.  I was able to love her beyond just her flesh.  She thought to test and found that I was true.  Truer than any man she had ever met.

But she could not be a wife.  Her passions for such had faded.  But she now knows she... is lovable.  Forgiven maybe.  I stole her rage and hate and returned to her the hope of life, love.  In her wisdom, she would not bind me to her, taking what she received, giving me her fire and what she thought was her hate, returning her to becoming almost a simple human woman again.  But not a wife, that was no longer her calling.  Wisdom in what they do, not in what they say, quite often, is how to learn from women.

She is now kin, but never to be a wife, to me or any other.  No, that love for her still lives, but it has been transformed.  The notion still irks at times, chafes, as does watching a flower lose it's bloom or the season pass from summer to fall to winter.  But I do not question these truths anymore than I question God Himself.  Harsh is this life we lead.  But knowing a powerful seed has been planted, and that the seed springs eternal, has allowed me some... bittersweet joy.  I merely hope she chooses to grasp what she has gained.

It is a beautiful thing.  Something I will... always have with me.  A gift few will know.  I became a champion to a lady. Perhaps neither of us deserved that grace. But I don't think evil can ever touch such things either. I just can't know more than what is written here about it all, though. The rest of it is God's alone.