Swimming, I hope.

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I went to bed at about 5:30, setting the alarm for 14:00, but woke closer to 13:00.  I wanted to check my bp, it was 140/90 or so, and weight remained right at 277.  I realize I missed a day of medication in there, the day before the drink, so this isn't all bad.  I still find it a bit funny that I am seeing 140/90 as a bad reading.  Why the medicines didn't do this well before, on the same dose, I can't tell.  And why, after being sure I wouldn't, that I am considering tinkering just a bit more to bring even that down (or let them decide if that is fine to have as an outlier, usually no more than once or twice a week).

Sleep has been quite good, again.  My back, upper and lower, is back to normal.  The stress is gone from it and the lower backache from the tension release was a one-day thing.  I'm almost feeling human again.  No more is my mind troubled with visions or flashes of this or that.  Though, even when I am troubled, I will probably not use this method for this use.  I do need, however, to find something that helps.  Time always helps, eventually, as with prayer.  If I think there has to be something else I could do.

I don't even know what to think of these things.  Visions?  Extreme daydreams?  Dreams that stick around subconsciously and infect my waking hours?  Real possibilities?  Fantasies?  Guilt?  I simply don't know and won't say too much beyond that because I don't know.  I have seen minor things that come to pass.  I have also been totally wrong.  I have had a troubling life, that haunts my steps from time to time as well.  Psychiatry can't be trusted.  And is of no good use, on most things, from what I have seen.  Further, this would be a huge burden to lay at someone's feet.  And while I understand that it may be fictional of sorts, simply by attempting to 'hush' or 'poo-poo' these things won't work either, and that is more aggravating than not, by far.  I sometimes simply have to work through the notions, like a knot or series of knots, until the rope is undone, back to full strength, and useful again.  Any other method simply doesn't help.  I can see why, as a much younger man, I found heavy drinking three to six times a month was a viable alternative.  I just don't think that is... the best of choices at this point.  Plus, it's... pretty pricey.

The weather has been warmer.  My driveway has mostly thawed.  The sun is out and shining, smiling on the world.  I am pleased with what is given me, if I do whine like a baby about it from time to time.  I fried rockfish last night (which was absolutely delicious, by the way... had never heard of that fish before).  I have beans cooked and hamburger thawed, so may make rice, cook some beans and rice with the hamburger, and have burritos for a week.  While I don't care for white rice in the mix, I actually do really like brown rice in it.  I just love that stuff.  Life is returning to normal, finally, again.

Good day.