Like an old dog, napping by the stove...

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Chasing rabbits, or fighting, is a thing only to remember.  I am too old to be messing in that anymore.  Oh, I could do it.  Even in my poor shape, it isn't so much the body, if there is that.  It isn't even a matter of will.  It is more that the will has changed.  Fighting for preservation of self or others is mandated, if a certain set of conditions has been met.  Fighting for glory, or fun, or such?  That is what is gone, mostly.  The old dog doesn't have to chase the rabbit, which it only rarely catches anyway.  But it isn't all gone.  The good thing about becoming more active and exercising is, even when the bloodlust returns, being physically tired keeps the thing as a quaint notion rather than having it as a craven hunger.  I suppose it would be the difference between getting shocked while grounded versus being ungrounded?  Something like that.

Sleep has been pretty good, if things still seem a bit off.  When I can sleep, and sometimes how well I can sleep, and if I can wake well, are all taking little tolls on things.  As spring rolls around I realize weather is playing a large part of things.  When the sun is up and out shining, and longer and longer, I am having to figure out how to shut down.  Today is a bit gloomy out there, which makes getting going a bit tough if it might help me settle down later.  Restless natives and all, and I are one.

Swimming, today.  I didn't end up speaking with the people at the front desk about the rules, if there are any, regarding the pool.  It needs to be, definitively, first come first served.  I will find out today.  My instructor emailed and we discussed the next lesson.  It looks to be not this coming week but the week after that.  All good.  It will give me time to get practice in.  I did order the exercise ball last night, shortly after midnight, so as to not strain my budget further.  I am excited to try that out.

As to finances?  I think I simply spent way too much last month.  A pig, it's processing anyway, a bunch of music and videos (adds up fast, I have to really watch that), an order from Amazon, and this and that and those.  Swimming does cut into spending, and a LOT, on top of that.  I will simply have to pay attention in these next months.  I simply don't have money, extra spending money, while I swim, over say a hundred or two in 'spare change'.

Ugh...  My shoes are too tight, but it's okay, I don't remember how to dance anyway.

Later.