Alright, fine, medicine.

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I will be starting this today, in smaller doses, save for the insulin.  Blood sugars run from 120-150 ranges, so not a major issue, currently.  Three days of testing is about all I can do unless I can figure out where more puncture needles are though.  I don't know how fast, or even if, I will go down.  I suspect it though, as per my history with this stuff.  It won't be a slight down, as with the notion of a gentle first snow.  No, this will be a hard dark long freeze, more akin to moving to the arctic circle.  I never know what all will go in there, thoughts, memories, and such collide.  Out here, now, even in this gentle down, I have more than a memory or two.  I can filter the poison of some of it with what else has happened, is happening, and future notions.  But in there, the darkness of a memory or dream is all I have, at times.  And I have lead such a dark life.  That is what you see when you see some of my posts.  Darkness of flesh, concentrated into it's purest forms and fed to a man with nothing to cut it.

Then again, as I said, I lived with just those dark moments filling all of my psychic screen at times, and for decades, before medicine opened a window to more, more often.  I will go there, knowing this time that there is a window for more, again, on the other side... somewhere.  To remember that, though, always, is difficult.  As well, the physical affects of the medicines themselves makes taking them difficult all on their own.  It is no small testament to my faith in their efficacy for me to even ponder taking this step.  Could you put your hand in a lit kiln, even knowing that the leprosy would be burned off and your hand made whole again?  It may depend on how long you have suffered with the leprosy, and how much you had lost so would hope to gain.  Ugh.

I dreamed, last night, about giving a talk to a group of youth.  They were mixed, mostly faithful of one sort or other.  Catholics, Mormons, and a Protestant mix.  *shudders*  Talking to youngen's, of any sort... a spooky thing.  Still, I went on about it.  I asked who all had faith.  Most, if not all, raised their hands.  I asked about their faiths, generally speaking, so I figured out what I initially wrote in this paragraph.  I saw some snuffling, pride about being in this group or that, and such.  I suggested that the faithful were the majority, to some small cheering.  I asked if they realized, in the world population, that they were the minority, as Christians.  Hmm?  Yes, a small minority.  With, what, seven and an half billion people, only, maybe, one and an half to two billion are Christian of nature.  Further, I suggested, many, perhaps most, of them would lose their faith in their education systems.  An education system originally set up, at the lower levels, to break Catholicism, has been turned into a system, at all levels, to break Christianity.  I spoke a bit more, but the gist of it was to, while holding on to their faith by learning it well and deeply, and testing it, to look about and see who, exactly, their friends and kin are.  There is, after all, no matter how separated, only one Church.  The faithful are people, not institutions.  For no institution can save you, only your personal living faith can do that.  And only through the teaching and sacrifice of one Man.  An institution can preserve those teachings, present them, and offer outlets for observing serving and learning, but that institution will not take your place should you fail to do what you know and presumably it teaches.  Catholics, I have been assured, can easily go to hell, if we so choose.  No brand or life choice can generically save you.

Speaking to children.  *shudders*  Arghhhhhh!  Never mind, it didn't end up being the nightmare it could have been.  And, from the dream and my approach, I know it would never be allowed, so there is that.  My own children, you ask?  Sure, not a problem, if I had them, mostly.  But then I have authority with my own children.  It would be more about getting past the wife to be allowed to speak to them.  *grins*  Not so with other people's children, I have no certain authority to manage them.  I'll have to think about what I said in the dream.  I am neither endorsing or rejecting, just reciting, in this post.  It's a dream to chew on, for sure.  As a general idea, though, it seems sound.

Well, I should... get to something.  Good day.